#it's hard to be in a nebulous 'how the fuck do i WORD this shit' space

[corvigae]

The problem with having gender thoughts and questions is that it’s followed very closely by its cousin, sexuality thoughts and questions

#i really need to internalize the 'fuck it we ball' mindset to all this #but the problem is when i've had such descriptive labels for myself that've felt accurate for such a long time #it's hard to be in a nebulous 'how the fuck do i WORD this shit' space #i imagine if i tried explaining all the current facets for my gender and sexuality to a cishet without a queer studies degree #it'd be like i was trying to explain 7-dimensional chess to a hamster #thank fucking god for asexuality tho that's the only thing that hasn't changed in nearly a decade i can always count on you bud #gender and romantic attraction tho? get your shit together. #personal grumblings

[hoothootmotherf-ckers]

the hardest thing about chronic pain to me is how it makes me doubt my own brain.

I have chronic pain. specifically chronic migraines. and the hard thing about that, or neurological pain in general, or really just so fucking many different chronic pain conditions, is there is no proof.

there's no scan a doctor can do to show my pain level or symptoms. you can't look at my head and go "huh, looks fucked up, probably a 8/10 pain." absolutely everything I experience, in order to be understood by a medical professional or even just anyone really, has to be self-recognized and self reported.

and that requires so many steps and levels of trust. like just to fucking start, I have to be aware that the invisible thing I am experiencing is not a thing everyone feels! which again, fucking invisible! Then I have to be aware it's happening at all, which sounds basic but with chronic shit is not. I had to explain to a doctor this week that I do not know if I ever experience "normal" or low-level headaches, because I'm so used to severe migraines that anything below that doesn't register. Sometimes it even takes hours for me to notice I'm having a migraine!

and then I have to be able to assess my own pain, judge how bad it really is, when after nine fucking years my scale is goddamn broken. and the longer I've had a migraine, the further out of whack it goes. I have to recognize and categorize my symptoms, one of which is fucking brain fog, and I have to communicate these very nebulous and abstract concepts to other people.

And then. And then they have to actually believe me. I have to convince them I'm not lying, I'm not looking for attention or drugs or pity or excuses. with zero hard proof, just my words. and then it cycles, because if people doubt my pain, I start to doubt my own experiences. I start to think I'm being a wimp, I'm faking it, I can try harder. so then I downplay it, so then I think it's fine, so I push through it, and this works great until I am fully fucking incapacitated.

and then people are shocked and surprised because I "look healthy."

it has taken fucking years for me to accept that what I am experiencing is real and people who doubt me can go fuck themselves. and it's still very much a work in progress. every single day.

but my pain is real. and so is yours. and people who doubt us can, to reiterate, go fuck themselves.

#chronic pain #chronic illness #chronic migraine #migraine #chronically ill #spoonie #invisible illness

[musashi]

very sorry if youre getting this twice my wifi lost connection the first time i hit send so im asking again in case didnt get through. its a relief to see you say writers block is just a state of mind issue! do you have any advice for people who are still stuck in it to stop being that way? what part of my thinking has to change to get better? and this has nothing to do with the topic but thank you for being one of the few mayomei sickfic writers in western fandom! finally some good fucking food

honestly its a hard thing to advise because i quite literally just brute force 90% of things in my life out of spite. but i think just internalizing it is a good first step?

like. writer's block is. how do i phrase this. it's just a term we have invented for feeling "stuck." which can be useful, except... it has now kind of taken on a life of its own, where people kind of talk about it as if it is... a condition? something that you can "come down with" so to speak. but in reality all it means is that you are stuck. something isn't working.

why are you stuck?

that's the thing to figure out. some people get stuck by many things. some people are only ever stuck via one thing. but when you chalk it up to "writer's block" what you are basically doing is giving yourself an excuse to not examine it further. you are saying to yourself, well, it's writer's block, hopefully it passes soon. and you are taking away the agency from yourself to help it pass, giving yourself over to the whim of it. you are relenting.

i am bad at relenting.

this goes hand in hand with the other thing that annoys me to hear people talk about--"inspiration." a lot of writers consider this to be an opposite of writer's block, so to speak. sometimes its inspiration, sometimes its motivation, but much like with writer's block, they consider it this kinda nebulous cloud that settles over them and oh! suddenly they can create!

this, again, takes away the writer's agency. they are simply at the behest of writer's block and its opposite, motivation. internalizing this mindset pretty much guarantees that your output will stagger. that terrifies me. the idea that i must go long swaths of time waiting to feel "inspired" or "motivated" sounds like hell. writing, creating, making something is what keeps me alive, and i think if i stopped i'd die.

so, once again i reiterate: what writer's block is, is a writer being stuck. the writer needs to unpack why they are stuck. instead of just saying 'oh lol its writer's block' and leaving it at that.

for me, what i thought was "writer's block" was actually perfectionism and a dissatisfaction with how the story looked in my head vs how it came across on paper. i felt the words i was putting on the page did not match the story i wanted to tell, and i would lock up and feel foggy and uninspired. but when i did that, i was angry, because it felt like giving up, and i fucking hate giving up. i hate failing even more than i hate being stumbling and imperfect.

more than that, i was writing nothing. i came to a conclusion: as i grew as a writer, my standards would shift and change. therefore, there will never exist a timeline where i am 100% satisfied and proud of everything i've ever written. furthermore, this paralytic fear of not telling the story i wanted to tell meant i wasn't telling a story at all. i was setting myself up to fail regardless, so i may as well tell a story while i do it.

the choice came down to, write hundreds of shitty words that were not up to my own (impossible) standard, or write nothing and hope and pray that one day i feel "inspired" enough to get the story in my head out. from a purely logistical standpoint, i think anyone can see which outcome is favourable.

and then i wrote stuff. and, uh, it turns out literally no one feels the same about my writing as i do. i think it sucks shit but everyone else LOVES it and thinks its top tier. which, again, just logically that tells me that my opinion is biased--i'm sitting with the story all day, so it looks predictable and uninspired to me. but no one else has that viewpoint. everyone else is just eating that shit like candy. again, just logistically, this makes it a lot easier to talk down the voice in my head that says i'm not making good enough art. i can just give it a chocolate candy and be like, calm down, little thing. clearly i am.

so to loop it back around: writer's block is just a term people use as a crutch to avoid examining why they feel unable to write. i personally found that saying instead what i am actually struggling with literally instead of chalking it up to some nebulous affliction made me a much more productive writer. i have a general word count i want to make every day and regardless of how i'm feeling i try my best to hit it. and thats why i can just write 45645645 fics all the time like it's nothing.

anyways THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i will write mayomei forever if people keep talking to me abt it. they are so precious to me

#wendy rambles #wendy answers

[eldritch-spouse]

Clergy death speedrun, lessgo

Grimbly, you're a grown ass man, quit acting like a toddler. No wonders your mother left you

Morell, dog shit taste better than you junk you calling food

Nebul, ooh, look who's acting so dominant and mysterious. Bet you just projecting, you insecure pissy manchild

Patches, you're so bad at sex, people who executed you just wanted to put you out of misery. But you probably already cum from my words alone

Gallon, i fucked your dad, i fucked him real hard. And he fucks much better than you

Vinnel, oh my god, just do world a favour, and just end yourself, you biohazard. I get why your parents abandoned you, no one would stand such insufferable brat

Fank-E, don't care+didn't ask+ratio+L+you fell off+your mom+you break faster than Iphone

Sybastian, your kids are annoying and not cute. Also brush you teeth, you breath is horrible

Krulu, you're the most pathetic god. You hide in mortal world like a coward. You can brag how you'll kill me all you want, but i know you are nothing without me, you God of Incels

Listen, if you kept Krulu out of this you could just die normally.

But nah, you had to go the whole nine yards, and now you can't even have that mercy.

All in all, a great suicide manual!

#unrelated⭐️

[fereldanwench]

WIP Whenever (Actually on a Wednesday!)

@chevvy-yates had tagged me in a WIP Whenever thingy last week (I think? What is time) and @breezypunk sharing their WIPs reminded me I meant to do this. So, stuff I'm working on!

Over my Christmas break, I just started barely scratching the surface of working on my own custom poses. Because I'm me, I desperately need some battle couple poses--Fighting side-by-side, holding the other one while they're wounded, maybe fighting each other, etc. I compiled a Pinterest inspo board here to get an idea of what I'm going for.

This pose isn't anywhere close to being finished, but it's a start:

A small confession: while I actually like working in Blender quite a bit, I kind of hate everything else about modding, lmao. I've probably said it before, but my day job requires me to use so many shitty apps and software that always require 37 workarounds just to perform normally--I really don't have a lot of patience for troubleshooting shit during my leisure hours. Hopefully, the project won't become too much of a headache when I get into importing and working with props. 🤞

Virtual photography is always a constant for me these days--I was actually thinking yesterday how it feels like the absolute perfect creative medium for me. I like drawing and writing and 'real' photography, and I very much need to make sure I have more analog and tactile creative projects to keep me sane, but VP just hits in a way nothing else really has.

I am still working on the photostory I shared last time, but I don't want to give away too much there. It's also on a bit of a pause while I figure out some tech issues (read: I regret updating my game, lmao). However, I already have a ton of shots/mini-stories I need to queue up:

Other than that, it's kind of personal reflection shit and contemplating goals/resolutions for 2024. Getting long-winded and a little blunt under the cut:

I've always really struggled with making goals--I don't think I've ever had a situation in which I explicitly stated "I have a goal of XYZ" and then I achieved XYZ. I've had plenty of nebulous "Hey, I think I'd like to do XYZ" thoughts and then lo and behold, I do actually make XYZ a reality, but as soon as the word "goal" is attached to something, I just check tf out.

It was actually something I was trying to talk to my therapist about last summer, and then we kind of hit a dead end on that specific topic and decided I had other problems that were more pressing to deal with, lmao. But all the best goal advice in the world--following the SMART method, sharing it with someone for extra accountability, etc.--Just does not work with my brain.

(The accountability thing in particular always hugely backfires for me because just telling someone I want to do a thing tricks my brain into thinking I did that thing and now I don't need to anymore. Also, I don't like people telling me what to do, so if someone was like "hey, shouldn't you do this thing so you can meet your goal" I will say no just on principle of being a brat, lmao. I really hate that piece of advice.)

I know some of it, probably a lot of it, is fear of failure if I don't meet the goal. I'm very hard on myself--That's a no-brainer.

But I also think some of it, maybe just as much, is fear of success. Which I used to think was the stupidest fucking thing anyone could say about this shit, but success can mean big change. Success can mean increased feelings of imposter syndrome. Success can mean attention and responsibility I don't want. Success can mean bigger consequences if I do fuck up later.

I've come to realize that success is honestly as equally scary to me as failing.

I think this is a big reason I've always been content (or convinced myself to be content) with being good and not great, even if that means I'm not reaching my ~*full potential*~. (There are other external/macro reasons for that too, like my loathing of people trying to push me to monetize my passions, but I don't feel like getting into systemic gripes, lmao.)

Goals that require me to step outside of my usual routine also give me a lot of anxiety, which is something I've working towards managing (you could say that it's a goal of mine to get that under control dfgjhfjgdf), but that's still a very real hurdle for me.

Like I've been trying to go back to a minimum of 20 minutes of dedicated exercise (versus just walking a lot) a 3 times a week, and I get stressed if I miss it, or even just feel like I'm going to miss it (like if 7 PM starts creeping up and I haven't started it yet), but I also get all bent out shape spending 20 minutes on exercising while I'm doing it as if there's a better use of that time and THERE'S NOT. Like, what am I really missing? 20 minutes of scrolling Tumblr? Shut the fuck up, lmao.

All this to say that I don't really feel like I'm ready to set goals in a traditional sense, and that might not be something that ever works for me, but there are things I think would just be... kinda nice for me to do for myself that I want to do this year:

I need to actually be nicer to myself. As a matter of fact, @ren3gade--I hope you don't mind the tag, but I've been meaning to thank you for the "forgive yourself" advice you shared a couple of months back. I started making it a point to use that in my self-talk when I start spiraling, and it has been one of the best means of mitigating certain aspects of my social anxiety. I felt goofy as hell when I first started doing it, but that shit works. Positive self-talk makes you feel better, wow, who knew certainly not me

In a similar spirit, I want to stop being so judgemental about my limitations, and I need to mitigate feelings of guilt when I set boundaries for my mental health and energy. This is something I want to achieve in all areas of my life, but I think the easiest place for me to start flexing these muscles is with fandom. Because, damn, I let myself get into some really bad habits with the CP77 fandom (and I forgive myself for that 🙌). One of the big ones has been putting pressure on myself to keep up with what all my CP77 mutuals are doing at all times, and I'm not doing that to myself anymore. I've spent so much time in the past two years methodically going through tags and blogs to catch up on stuff I missed, and I'm just... relieving myself of this obligation. I know a lot of folks have tried to mitigate that for themselves by encouraging everyone to use their username-tracked tag--I'm not doing that. I'm not giving y'all more tagging work, and I'm not going to give myself the same obligation just in a different way. If I miss a post, I miss a post. Of course y'all are always more than welcome to @ me or send me things you think I'd enjoy (I love that, actually!!), but I'm just one person--I'm incapable of being an omnipresent fandom cheerleader and I don't know why I was pushing myself to be that. Well, that's not entirely true--I have some idea of why, but that's also a mentality I'm leaving in the dust. 😘 Also, for a long time, I did not use the like button for anything other than personal posts purely out of spite because I got tired of people complaining when they'd get likes but not reblogs--My asshole mentality was "Fine, now you get nothing." And that worked for me for several years and several fandoms, but I'm frankly tired of the "like" slander on Tumblr. It's a valid form of interaction and letting someone know you liked their stuff. I don't say this with malice, but other people's mentality of being unhappy with likes instead of reblogs is not my burden to bear. Anyway, I don't want to turn this into a rant about fandom stuff, lmao, but the point is I need more boundaries in my life, and I'm starting here.

I'm happier when I spend more time than I have been on traditional art and creative things that get me off my PC. Like I said above, I love VP so much, but it does unfortunately tether me to my computer desk longer than is probably good for me in the long run, mentally and physically. I stocked up on some new traditional art supplies, and I need to put those to use now that I'm settled into my new place. (And I've been itching to do a charcoal portrait of my bb girl.)

Reading books (gotta be physical, no screens) also makes me feel better. I've got about 7 books on my nightstand that I could totally finish this year--Doing that might be the one stereotypical goal I make for myself.

I want to reevaluate how I "multitask;" in particular, I want to break the habit of always having to have a background show/movie on OR always feeling the need to do something on my computer/phone while I watch a show/movie. Even as a kid (way before I lost my attention span to my smartphone lmao), I've always been inclined to doing something else while I watch shows and movies, but that used to be limited to drawing or painting my nails, which I think is fine. Now I just always feel like I need a screen nearby to do something else, even if there's really not something else worth doing. And listening to music or podcasts while I work on a thing is also fine, but it's gotten to the point where I almost can't have complete silence, and I don't like that. I miss being comfortable with silence while I pour all of my focus into a project. I just need to find some equilibrium here.

I know this isn't exactly a standard WIP Whenever, but me is what I'm working on, and I think it's all essential stuff to nurturing my creativity. 😊

#mine: wip #t: wench.txt

[aro-culture-is]

Can you explain loveless aro? It sounds so weird to me since I love my friends and family (can completely understand if someone doesn’t love their family since a lot of them suck) so much even though I probably won’t have a QPR. Most people already look at me as heartless since I don’t want a pet, but I can’t imagine not looking at a friend who just help you through something and thinking how happy you are that you know them

there's a few things to consider here:

can you define love? what shapes your understanding of it? when do you call something love rather than enjoyment or liking or anything like that?

the above questions are often hard to answer. but, for me as a loveless aro:

fuck if i know how to define love, but people seem to justify an awful lot of terrible things in the name of it, and the only people who ask me to call things love seem to do so with an agenda rather than allowing me to feel things naturally.

trauma, neurodivergence, abuse, amatonormativity make it both hard for me to feel that "love" is something meant to feel good or that i even see a point to "healing" that. why should I care about my word choice around it? i want to just be allowed to like, adore, enjoy - not to be asked to use a word that is nebulous and full of pain for me. (if ppl reading this send me another goddamn round of "get therapy", "that's depression", all that shit...)

when do i call something love? honestly? maybe when i talk about what i believe are special interests, probably pets. nothing else really. loveless is a loose collection of experiences - not feeling "love" in any circumstance, feeling it rarely, feeling disconnected to the concept, and many related things.

so... contextually: (reminder that mods are all headmates). we're aro. we've never experienced romantic attraction, "love". we have shitty family. friends are a little more complex, since the system is broadly apl-spec, and both protectors are apl (myself and phoenix). for us, friends are cool, but in a way that being social is a need, and it's nice to see our headmates happy. by the time ppl start asking us about our "love" for objects, pets, etc - there's almost always an accusation of inhumanity, disgust at us, and overall things that are unpleasant.

so we said: huh. fuck that. we're loveless. what are you gonna do now?

#Anonymous #not aro culture #aro #aromantic #actually aro #actually aromantic #ask #mod axel #and yes we've received some 'fun' asks #interestingly: almost all of the blogs that suddenly interact with us around that are openly of the belief that all aros are mentally ill #who would have thought! water is fucking wet. #(and shortly after they interact... the transphobes appear. you know the ones.) #loveless aro

[sardonic-sprite]

I'm Back!

Wow, so Lent is over now, so my tumblr fast is also over and I'm still a little in shock, lol. I had hoped the past six weeks? I don't know, Time is weird, would be more productive but at least I got SOME stuff written/posted. Anyway, I have one more month of school and then fucking FINALS so expect sporadic updates at idiot-o-clock hours of the night, and maybe yell at me to sleep, eat, study, or drink water whenever i do post 😅

I am up to SO EFFING MANY wips rn on so many different fronts you guys have no freaking idea 😭 so here's a status report for EVERYTHING on or going on sardonic_sprite. (Its gonna be a monster post, y'all, bear with me)

in absolutely no particular order:

Wayne4Ham: We have a LONG way to go with this one, so just be patient and I'll slowly but steadily plug on through. Aaron Burr, Sir, should theoretically take me no longer than end of april

Wayne-Crazy: there's like 4 specific requests on it, plus a few 'series' i started, but after those, say 6-7, i'll probably mark as complete and only re-open if someone offers me an idea

Batman Beginners: i'll tell y'all up front, this one will take me forever. i don't even know what all I intend to cover, but know that i'm halfway done with the DITF arc, and it'll probably come out in the next two months

Just A Kid: this was my shits-and-giggles fic that got like 3000 notes in a weekend lmao. it's something i do intend to continue bc its so fun and i enjoy the concepts in it, but i don't have plans to actively write more of it in the immediate future.

Rev Wayne: just gave y'all Jason's fic, so the next probably won't come until late in summer, extrapolating from my few data points. if anyone has ideas for timmy's intro, let me know, i'd love some inspiration

Celeb Batwaynes: reported separate from wayne-crazy for reasons. i think theres like 12 specific requests plus 2 ideas of my own. i may put out a poll for the next one to write, but not until after school's out, because these fics are HUGE time-eaters for me. speaking of, are non-tumblr-users able to vote on polls?

Welcome to Gotham U: this was again, me doing shit bc why not. will probably add more in the style that i first posted, but i doubt i will write any prose for it. if you would like to give it a try, please reach out, i'd love to see what you write!

One Diamond: every time i touch this i make the cliffhanger worse lmao. i finally do have a direction, but execution is gonna have to wait a while.

The Young, Innocent, and Righteous: this is mostly just for me anyway, but i'm just gonna say that i'm waiting until i finish watching miraculous season 5 before i go any further

AS you wish: i have 5 more requests to do and i am so sorry to everyone waiting you do not deserve this lmao. i promise im trying, i love your ideas, it just takes me a really long time to fill in the rest and then actually write it. the next one on my list is particularly hard to pin down and so it's halting the ones behind it to. if not before, then after finals i will sit and bang my head on the keyboard until something good comes out

Light Isn't Fadin': soooooo many people have asked me about this one oof. SOMEDAY, i swear. right now its a huge, nebulous, hulking monster and im sorry it's just not happening yet.

A christmas carol: wait until december. please

Father's Day: june.

A Little Problem: over the summer, i will watch marvel movies until they once again hijack my brain and fuel this to completion. maybe.

easter eggs: how the fuck did i forget this lmao. i'm doing as much as i can in april, but when the month is done, i'm sorry, we'll all be waiting until next lenten season. hopefully it won't come to that.

aaaaand i THINK that's finally it. there's also a bunch of random paragraphs in word and google docs that may appear, not to mention ideas that kidnap me in dark alleys. but i also have like a good half dozen other wips for other places that im trying to attend to, so please be forgiving if it seems like its taking a while to post something as sprite.

as always, i love questions, comments, concerns, even some complaints, so feel free to interact.

See ya when I see ya!

sprite

#sprite said #sprite's plan #wip update #status report

[drbased]

Pulling myself out of a symbolic state of mind has been a bittersweet journey, but in doing so I found true awe and reverance for my place in reality - in a way that's very hard to put into words.

For years my actions were 'meaningful' because they were part of a narrative - I would do something I was 'supposed' to do and thus be 'rewarded' by the 'universe' (in a way very much inspired by the mode of thinking popularised by the book 'The Secret' - either my mum has read this book or something inspired by it, because I grew up surrounded by this new-age thinking). This understanding of what life was made life exciting and mysterious, but also fundamentally safe, and was like emotional/mental crack for an ex 'gifted student' such as myself. I could, in essence, keep making 'correct' decisions my entire life and be continuously rewarded, as if life were a school and everything were a test. When things went wrong, instead of confronting the true nature of reality I would simply decide I was on the wrong path and had to get myself back on the right track. The 'right track' was simply governed by how much I was enjoying myself being there.

Under this reality, my understanding of cause and effect was, a you would imagine, ultimately shot to shit. I was never forced to face the burden of true responsibility for my actions. I treated luck as a reward for good behaviour. I treated bad luck as a sign that I needed to learn a lesson about 'life'. I was, in effect, emotionally stunted in a way that I felt 'above' reality itself - but also, I felt deeply, deeply vulnerable to the whims of the universe. You see, not a single one of my decisions was ever actually for the benefit of me, the actor in this story. I did things to receive a reward, and therefore I never understood the true value of why humans make decisions. I looked down on people who take stupid chances, knowing full well I lacked the bravery to ever risk anything for myself. Risk was out of the question, so knowing my true potential was out of the question; why push myself when all I need to do is look out for the next sign from the universe as to where I should go and what I should do?

I was, in essence, acting as sheep to the universe's shepherd; a perpetual child with no father god; held in line by the whims of a universe with an understanding of reality as fundamentally secondary to the true reality of the 'grand plan'.

This is the symbolic state of mind; there becomes a reality more important than you, than the people you love, than the birds singing in the trees. It is not good that you, as a person, personally choose to experience anything and then enjoy the fruits of your labour. You're blessed with good things when you do good things, which means you may as well be replaced by a robot programmed to make the right decisions. And in many ways I tried to do that; I tried to play 4D chess with the world, martyring myself and tearing myself asunder. My head is in shambles and I couldn't understand why for years.

I have begun the process of re-acquainting myself with the concept of want. I am allowed to 'want' things regardless of whether or not they result in 'bad' consequences, and consequently I feel infinitely more human (in my worst period, I used to regularly state I felt subhuman). I understand how I demonstrate love and value of myself not of getting things right in a a nebulous way unknown to me - but rather in taking action and risk; watching as my hands create real things in the real world in which I live. And... fuck, man. I'm starting to feel alive. I don't need things as as a 'sign' that I've been rewarded; I simply enjoy and experience them for myself alone. The meaning in my life now comes from what I CHOOSE. The whole timbre of my existence has changed.

I am here!!!

#wisdom posting #about living a symbolic life #symbolic states

[scorchedhearth]

Day. 30 NOTE TO SELF: DON'T GET KIDNAPPED

Manhandled | Hair Grabbing | “Please don’t touch me.”

set early in the nebulous lost days era

“He’s in here.” Jason sags in his bounds when he hears those words spoken beyond the heavy door that closes the room. He has no idea what it looks like, only that it stinks of mold and rot, that’s it cold and humid and empty enough that some echo answers him when he tried to speak. He’s been here for about three hours now, not counting the hour and a half in the car to get there, an hour on the dirt roads before reaching highways taking him to the city. Roughly five hours since he’s left the facilities, not enough to worry anyone, not yet anyway.

He listens as the door is pushed open, hinges whining either from age or the weight of the door. He hopes it’s the former and not the latter, if he wants a chance to get out this way. There are three footsteps, coming straight to him and he tries to control his breathing under the heavy bag they slipped over his head, keeping it calm and steady despite his pulse picking up.

“Where d’you find him?” A rough voice asks, answered by the man who caught him. Well. The one he let himself be caught by, there’s only so much one can do without getting information straight from the source, and there aren’t many ways to get inside a drug operation, even if it’s a small one.

“He was lurking through a window, I caught him before he could run off.” The first voice hums, then clicks his tongue.

“Think he saw anything important?” Whatever answers he gets is not verbal, and he doesn’t think it’s one he likes because seconds later the bag is tugged off his head and thrown at his feet, sudden lights blinding him.

“Jesus, that’s a fucking child,” a third vice grits out and it takes all of Jason’s focus to not tell him off.

“I didn’t see nothing!” He babbles out, gets a few tears in his eyes and in the tone of his voice, looks around frantically, at the old wooden door behind the three, the lack of windows in what looks like a basement, the guns slipped in their waste bands and their faces in great details.

“Sure you didn’t,” the one in the middle, the big boss’s right arm from Jason’s investigation, scoffs. He’s wearing an expensive white suit, stark contrast to the jeans and hoodie of the two flanking him

“I swear! On my mama’s head I swear,” he quickens his cadence and shakes where he’s kneeling. “I was jus’ hungry, wanted to find somethin’ to eat.”

“Cute story,” white suit continues. “But I find it hard to believe, given the lack of roads near this place and your real nice, real clean clothes. Who sent you?” And shit.

Shit, it wasn’t supposed to go like this. He was supposed to play them, at least long enough so that he could slip into the main building unsuspected, but now it’s gonna be harder to disappear in the shadows if they’re watching him.

“Eh,” Jason smirks and shifts his posture, relaxes his shoulders and stops the pointless crying. He may be in trouble but he’s not one to simply take it, and certainly not take it quietly. “How does it feel to get busted by a fucking child?” He smirks and watches as white suit gets pissed at him. He doesn’t show it, but he sees it in the twist of his mouth.

“Don’t get ahead of yourself, brat,” he grabs Jason’s hair in his fist and tugs, harshly, snaps his head back so that he can stare down at him. “You’re not getting anywhere ‘til I find you sent you here.”

And all Jason can think of, stuck here in this extremely shitty situation he put himself in, struggling to even get out of his bounds, is Dick. Confident Dick who always keeps his cool and knows how to get out of any situation, even the worse.

It’s not that he’s scared, but it’s the second time he’s in this situation, completely alone, no one to back him up or come help him and his track record with that isn’t great, given it took him over a year to walk off being dead.

So he thinks of Dick, his quick thinking and complete control of himself even in the worse places and runs with it, embraces his big brother in the only way he can.

“You’re quite an optimist, aren’t you?” He grins again, all pretend but it works because the hand in his hair falters.

“What?” He asks, confusion and anger in the same word.

“You don’t have a great track record with the minors that are brought into your little business.” The words roll off his tongue almost too easily, they taste strange, and foreign, but addictive. Something he likes, dangerous and exhilarating. “They get killed easily, don’t they? Think you can hold off your trigger long enough to get an answer out of me?”

“What do you think,” white suit spits lowly and tugs harshly once before releasing Jason and pulling away one side of his jacket to reveal a knife tucked in his belt.

Shit.

“I think you lack creativity, asshole.” The grin he pulls doesn’t last long when he’s iht by the flat of a hand.

#wt22 #dc #jason todd

[silly-plush-corner]

I know it’s past 9pm and all (you know the image) but it’s so hard to not listen to these feelings when they are just chilling there!!! Like what the fuck am I supposed to do? My brain keeps forcing the same dish in my face, saying “you can’t play mario until you eat your broccoli” but instead of broccoli it’s the fear that everyone knows about the weird stuff I do or is wary or some shit like that and I have no idea what I’m doing in almost any conversation or social situation like I know it’s the autism but I still haven’t figured out how to reconcile the sheer discomfort I feel with the thought that I’m just choosing not to try to figure it out because I fucking freeze up and shit and I get too scared of making mistakes because I have no idea how lenient other people are on things and I have no idea how bad (to them) whatever stupid stuff I’ve done is, it’s like fuckin evangelion, you never truly know what’s going on inside someone else’s head, there is always some separation, fuck I need to watch evangelion again and fuck I need therapy. Fuck, I need therapy. I need to take the time to go get therapy because these thoughts are so fucking sharp and painful and I have no idea how brains are supposed to work, - is it normal that I struggle to remember a lot about my childhood? It could just be that I’m rarely in situations that click the right hyperlink in my brain to land on the right wikipedia page - fuck I need to get therapy because they’d know what brains normally do and how people normally act and yeah I know that nobody’s truly “normal” but I wanna know how I can fit in a little bit. Yeah I’m still gonna be myself but I want the overall artstyle to be cohesive, even if my character looks out of place. I don’t want to look like I was just shittily green-screened in from a different movie I want to be a little more normal I’m so tired I’m so tired of this ok I’m being a little overdramatic about this but I am so tired of it and I am tired of being overdramatic but it takes so much energy to dial it back especially because it’s late and I’m not rerouting this post, this is direct stream of consciousness fuck now it’s getting meta (I fucking hate that word sometimes) and self-conscious fuck why do I have to get so self-conscious I’m even getting fucking self-conscious about getting self-conscious right now I don’t even remember the events that made me this way I don’t know exactly why I’m so self-conscious I just have this vague concept, this abstract fucking anxiety cloud of “people will think you’re weird in a bad way” and “I don’t want to fuck anything up” and “you have no idea how to interact with people” I’m just remembering that time in early high school when my leading philosophy was “don’t be a burden” and my mom was like “oh that’s so sweet” and I was thinking “yeah this makes sense I’m just some fuckin guy I’m not that important” and while yeah that’s true I’m not like super important, that is such a degrading mindset to have, even if I didn’t realize it at the time. Change and conflict is scary and I’m still fucking terrified of it. I was about to say “I should change that [end of post]” like “haha yeah such a deep and cool ending” but like I realize that being afraid of things isn’t necessarily going to change but how I handle that fear can change but I don’t know how to do that and fuck I’m getting self-conscious again and ok I’m getting off topic I think a lot of my current intense yet nebulous insecurities come from 1) that period of “I don’t want to be a burden on anyone” and the conflict avoidance, emotion bottling, complacency, etc. that came with it; and 2) the constant felt need to hide what I was doing because I feared the consequences or didn’t want my parents to get upset at or about me, I would always be like “yeah mom I did my homework” when 10 seconds ago I was thinking to myself “yeah I can get that done soon” and I would have but then mom popped in and if I said “I haven’t done it yet” she’d get stressed out - even if I’d had it under control - and then that would fuck me up because -

[wolfeyedwitch]

Celeste and Kane: Malicious Misunderstandings

This is part of a crossover between my own series The Heart and the Hunger and @whumpsday's Kane & Jim. Set during a nebulous time between the end of Part 10 and when Celeste's owner comes back to pick her up.

CW for female conditioned vampire whumpee, violence, blood, burns, implied past non-con, heavily suggestive themes. Let me know if I missed anything to tag.

Masterlist

---

Kane woke up to the sound of the cell opening. 

That sound, the squeal of hinges desperately in need of oil, was something he knew to pay attention to. Regular punishments were bad enough without the hunters adding on for him being “disrespectful” and “ignoring them”. 

This time, it wasn’t his cell that was opening, though. It was the girl’s. 

The hunter walked into her cell. She was sitting up, which was unusual for her. She was usually kneeling submissively, eyes trained on the floor as she waited for whatever they would do to her. So the fact that she was looking up at the hunter from under her eyelashes was… strange. 

So was how she was playing with her skirt, drawing it up inch by inch. She looked down and away, then back up at the hunter. 

What was she trying to do?

The hunter grabbed her by the hair, forcing her to face him. She arched into the pull, mouth opening in…

That wasn’t a look of pain. 

That wasn’t a look of pain at all. 

“You think that shit’s going to fly here, leech?” The hunter shook her head violently, and the probably-fake look of pleasure fell off her face. “Huh? You think you can bat your eyelashes and get us wrapped around your finger?”

The girl looked scared now as he shook her again. Kane could hear a small whimper of pain. 

“You think any of us here would fuck you?” the hunter snarled. 

Kane felt the ground sway under him. That was… no, but… why? 

“That’s disgusting. You make me sick.” He spat first the word, and then a glob of phlegm that landed directly on the girl’s cheek. “It’d be like fucking a corpse. Worse than!”

No. No, no, no. 

Oh hell. Her actions made a horrific sort of sense, now. Kane didn’t know what had started the exchange, what had made her think that they would- would violate her; he had still been asleep. But if she was expecting… that, from the hunters, then her coy flirtation was like his begging: an attempt to lessen the pain to come. 

It made Kane’s stomach twist, just thinking about it. And how the girl was so practiced at it, too. Just what all had she gone through? He found himself wishing that she had been a—he didn’t know a term for it other than the derogatory one—blood whore, before she became a pet. At least that way she would have learned to flirt and seduce as a person rather than a pet, even if she had worked at one of the turned vampires’ brothels.

The hunter pulled out a muzzle. “Since you still need to learn some fucking restraint, and I don’t want to take any chances,” he said as he fastened it on her head. 

She didn’t resist. She didn’t flinch or beg. She just sat there. The only signs of her distress were the small whimpers she let out and the one pink-tinged tear that soaked into the straps of the muzzle. 

“Take your clothes off,” the hunter ordered after he finished. When she didn’t immediately move, he kicked her hard in the ribs. Kane could hear something crunch. “What? You were practically begging to strip for me earlier.” 

Kane sucked in a breath as he saw the girl start undressing. It wasn’t at seeing so much skin—well, not all of it anyway—but at seeing what covered that skin. He hadn’t seen the girl’s back before, when they’d been tied together to one of the silver cell bars. He’d known she’d been injured, but he didn’t know how much.

And oh, how much there was. She looked like he did after the hunters were particularly vicious, except for how she had scars, as well. He didn’t know how turned vampires healed compared to born vampires, but he doubted just any kind of injury left a scar. This was an entire history of violence written plainly on her skin.

“Hands and knees, bloodsucker,” the hunter said. He pulled out a silver knife and stood behind her.

Kane didn’t watch. He didn’t know if it was an attempt to spare the girl the humiliation of him seeing her torment, or because he just couldn’t stomach it. He did know why he kept silent: a shameful hope that the hunter wouldn’t turn his attention onto Kane, next.

Kane dared to look up again once the noises had changed from muffled screams and the sizzle of silver against vampire flesh to quiet whimpers and sobs. The girl’s back was burned, and… lower, too. Blood ran down her thighs, trickling over the dark patches of burned flesh left by the silver. 

The hunter wiped his knife on her shoulder, smearing blood over the fresh burns the silver created. “We were only supposed to work on your training a bit more today. But since you’re such a whore that you can’t go without something in your cunt, I guess that’ll have to wait.”

---

Turned vampires have brothels where they not only function as, you know, normal brothels, but they also sell their venom to humans looking for a hit. "Blood whore" is the slang term for a vampire who works at such a place.

Thank you @whumpsday for letting me continue this series even though you no longer wish to write it yourself.

Taglist:

@cupcakes-and-pain @lilac-and-lemon-whumps @whump-for-all-and-all-for-whump

#the heart and the hunger #kane and jim #crossover #au #celeste and kane #implied past non con #past noncon #offering oneself for sex #burns #blood #implied object insertion #suggestive #nsfwhump #tw noncon #female whumpee #lady whump #lady whumpee #vampire whumpee #nonhuman whumpee

[caparrucia]

🎯🥰📈

🎯 Have any of your readers accurately guessed major plot points? Care to share which?

Yes! A couple times! Notable ones were:

People 100% clocked in the fact Cor was going to propose to Nyx, in the sun is out, the day is new.

People were also immediately suspicious of the role Giratina was going to play, as soon as I introduced her in i've battled hard with the face in the mirror, though I do think the Spectrier red herring threw most of them off the scent until Cynthia showed up the second to last chapter.

Bonus round, though, for the pseudoanon (I guess? They signed their anon comments, but they didn't seem to have an AO3 account) person who reached the first half of the Crown Tundra shenanigans and was very happy to see that Leon had not done "anything reckless or stupid", and I had to sit on my hands and very politely word around that because... well. See the chapter that comes immediately AFTER that. I consider that a good guess!

🥰 How do you feel about reader interaction? Are you open to receiving questions about your fics?

I love reader interactions! I love comments and questions and I make a point to try and answer comments in AO3. I don't mind chatting with people in good faith about stuff, though I'm very self-conscious about my older fic and have trouble talking about because I don't want to dismiss people who like it, but also I want to curl up into a little ball and die a little when I remember it exists.

That's 100% a me problem, btw, because my brain is a dick and there's a nebulous, can't quite pin down the logic for it, boundary past which all my old fic is profoundly embarrassing and bad and awful, and if I look at it too long I'll get the urge to delete it and rewrite it because it's so BAD, can't you see this is so old I didn't know how to punctuate shit properly? It's awful, bad, no good and it shouldn't exist!

I recognize this is 100% my problem and I try my best to not make it someone else's problem. I will not be rude if people want to talk about my older work, because I understand that I've been doing this for 24 whole years now, and a story can be meaningful to you, if it's the right words at the right time, the "quality" of the writing is irrelevant. And I'm forever humbled when people tell me they liked my stories and they found value in them. I would feel like a monster if I ever make someone feel bad for liking them, just because my brain is a dipshit about things.

So yeah, 100% hit me up if you like my work and want to talk about it or have questions or want me to go spelunking in depth about worldbuilding or the writing choices or the more technical aspect of writing. I'm here for it.

Just bear in mind if it's about something older than a toddler, I'm going to take a lot of breaks and flush and hide under my shirt because I'm flattered genuinely, but also dying because I've gotten so much better, I promise, I swear I learned how to punctuate quotation marks now!

📈 How many fics do you have?

A lot of them! I mean, I have to. I have an 8.3M word count as of December 2021. That's M as in Millions, yes. That's the number of words I've written since 1998. Fiction only, no one needs to word count every dipshit thought in my head I insist on writing a fucking essay about. But yeah, that's a lot of words! And that's a lot of stories.

I used to keep a scrupulous record of my writing, at least from 2003 onwards, in my different LJs, but then LJ did... y'know, that, and while I migrated everything into DW, I chose to keep it private. A personal record, if you will.

English is not my first language, and a lot of my early writing is genuinely an attempt to learn the language better. Most of the first ten years of my writing presence online revolved around me writing off prompts, where the prompts were worlds picked at random from a dictionary, and my attempts to use them in a story to make sense of them. That's how I learned to write English, honestly. Just, every day a random word and then a tiny ficbit of whatever my favorite piece of media was at the time. Favorites I remember to this day are "phalange" which I will always prefer to "phalanx" and I wrote a small Alien inspired ficlet about, and "concussive" that I wrote a Beyblade fic about.

I have a lot of fic. I've been writing a ficlet a day since 1998. Some of it is just a couple sentences, some of it is thousands of words long. Back in 2006, before the enormous depressive spiral, I used to write a solid 15K a day. Then I became a blob and went down to maybe 40 words a day. But I still kept writing. And then I got out of the depression hole enough to be a person again, back in 2018-ish, in great part to the cowriting I did with a friend and all the editing and socializing she bullied me into until I sort of became a person again. These days I do anywhere between 2000 and 5000 words a day, on a good day. I have a job and five pets to look after, so I can't just write.

Today you can find 121 fics I've written, in AO3. The rest of the archive is either in my backups or on DW, made private. Actual fics, that I'd cared to share with others, were about 500, on top of the AO3 ones. My daily writing exercises are far, far more numerous and distinct from the actual fic I write to post/share with people. I'm currently on entry 8134, on that. I was curious and went looking and while I've missed some days, I'm still pretty on track! (The earliest date of my writing journal/exercises is June 10th, 1998.)

#rie answers #nualie

[messengerhermes]

Your Partners Shouldn't Hurt You

Look, I recognize that may sound like an incredibly obvious statement, but as someone who's currently disentangling themselves from a very unhealthy situation that I missed the red flags for until someone outside my relationship got hurt, I feel like it needs to be said. When we talk about unhealthy relationship dynamics, we often focus on the stuff that is explicitly abuse, that feels crystal clear as "not okay." But the problem is, there's a lot of shit that can happen in a relationship that hits in a nebulous space where, when you love someone, it can be easy to interpret it as "accidental harm" that can be forgiven, particularly if the person says they're sorry. Harm not being intentional does not make it excusable. Also, sometimes the people who hurt us will lie and insist they aren't trying to hurt us. And they will lie so well, even they believe that shit. Some examples of what I mean about the "nebulous hurt" zone: If you tell your partner they're hurting you with some of the ways they play (their teasing words damage your confidence, their physical playfulness is uncomfortable and overstimulating) they should apologize and stop. They should not insist that they're just joking and reframe the problem to be that you don't understand their sense of humor. If you're going through a hard time that makes you cry often, your partner should not shame you for displaying emotion. If they insist that hanging up the phone on you or leaving the room whenever you're sad or crying is them setting boundaries for their emotional capacity, they cannot be upset with you if you stop leaning on them for that kind of emotional support. Your vulnerable parts are not material to make jokes about. If you feel self conscious about some aspect of your appearance, a skill you are learning, a tic in your speech, your partner should not make jokes about that thing and then act surprised when that hurts your feelings. You should not fear that certain subjects will escalate into an argument, to the point where bringing them up requires you to gear up for them hours in advance. If you ask them to change something during sex, they should acknowledge what you have asked and make the adjustment. They should not snap at you if you ask them twice when they do not listen to you the first time. You should not have to reassure your partner that they are not a bad person, or are not bad for you, every time they hurt your feelings. If every time you bring up a way their words or actions have harmed you, the subject turns around to how they feel terrible about themselves and you comfort them, that's not them being accountable that's them throwing a shame vortex pity party to get out of trouble. Your partner should not compare you to their past/other partners, but they also shouldn't compare themselves to your past/other partners. If your partner keeps comparing themselves to other people in your life and making that insecurity a problem you need to address by changing your behavior with others--that's not fucking fair to you or the other people. Your partner should not use your past trauma to excuse their behavior. If you bring up that something they have said or done has hurt you, they should not attribute your pain to a past trauma and insist you're projecting onto them. Yeah, our past experiences can influence our current ones, but that does not mean someone gets a pass for being mean/hurtful in the present because that behavior hurts more due to past experiences. You should not be scared to tell your friends about how your partner treats you or talks to you, out of fear of "poisoning that relationship." Your partner should not be angry with you or tell you you're hurting them for doing behaviors they themselves do. I don't give a damn what it is, if it's okay when they do it, but awful when you do it, that's a double standard. This is not a complete list, but I'm running long here. Essentially:

Your partner feeling bad about ways they have hurt you is not the same thing as them being accountable for the harm they've caused and changing the behavior. If you name a hurt and that shit keeps happening, then they aren't actually sorry.

Also, I hate to say this, but the longer you go on either missing the red flags or making excuses for them, the more likely your relationship is to cause collateral damage by alienating and hurting other people you're close to. This sucks, phenomenally. Just trust me on that one. If, like me, you are more urgently motivated by the prospect of someone else being hurt by your actions than your own hurt, I suggest considering the following: Who stands to be hurt if I continue to tolerate this behavior? How is this behavior taking my energy away from other relationships and responsibilities I have? You deserve to be happy, cared for, loved and supported in your relationships. And if that's not happening even after you do the work of communicating with the other person, you're not giving up if you choose to hit the bricks.

#I am speaking from Very Unfortunate Experience #Abuse #Relationships #emotional abuse #verbal abuse #please listen to me your thrice divorced exhausted auncle (hyperbole) #This also applies to friends siblings parents etc #any relationship you have should not be causing you daily distress and sadness

[devilisln-moved]

MattEl F K L T

Honestly darling, I love that this looks like a key smash.

🍎 ｡:*•─SEXYABC.› // accepting

E ─ Experimenting. Are they willing to experiment new things ?  Is there something they’d like to try with their partner, but haven’t had the chance yet ?Any experiments gone wrong?

Matt is willing to experiment, to a certain degree. His disposition and sensory sensitivities limits some of things, however. He's not big into sadomasochism, and bondage (on himself, the other person is another story) holds little interest for him. I feel like anything else is open for negotiation. I don't think he dwells much on the sex he could be having and is more focused on the sex he is having. It's weird, Matt is absolutely a very sexual person, but I don't think he has a broad fantasy life aside from thinking about things he's experienced or being with certain past or current lovers. I feel like any experiments gone wrong could also be related to having sex in unfamiliar places which are very important to him for a number of reasons, especially when a simple thing like cotton bed sheets could ruin a vanilla scene.

I ─ Infidelity. Have they ever cheated on their partner ?  Whom have they cheated with ?  If not, is it something they could do ?  If yes, have they told them or has the other found out ?  Could they forgive and forget ? 

Boy this is hard because the examples I can bring up off the top of my head are really difficult to put a pin in. Like okay, I don't really know the full context of the relationship but there was that whole thing with the sad Irish girl Matt was dating but you know. She didn't know the full cope of him, so he came off as a neglectful and flaky boyfriend because he was getting too absorbed in his vigilante lifestyle blah blah blah (honestly, I hate this trope so much). Anyway, she started cozying up to Foggy not long before breaking up with Matt (over an answering machine, not less), but Matt never seemed to process any of that. Frankly, regarding the Born Again storyline, he had other matters taking up his attention. In the Daredevil TV show, it could be argued that there was borderline shit going on with Elektra in season 2 despite the fact that Matt had started to date Karen. Like, even if it wasn't directly addressed as incident of cheating, it was implied as part of the "Matt being shitty" theme of the second season (which is have a lot of feelings about but whatever). Then in the latest comic series, Matt has a lot of casual sex and like, I think the issue I have is there's never any discussed about the status of the relationships. Not to say I thought that anything was truly serious in that "don't cheat on me" way, like he was the other man to a married mob wife for fuck's sake, which wow. Okay. I have a lot of feelings about that too, but I'm so off topic and rambling and I think when it comes to Matt, there have been way too many cooks in the kitchen, and a whole lot of male fantasy as well, so let me just lay out my opinion. I think Matt is a thoroughly modern man that dates casually, including engaging in casual sex, so I'm sure it not unusual for him to date several women at the same time, or be dating someone and have a one night stand with another person. I think for him it might not be serious until it's mutually agreed upon. Then he'll be more concerned about infidelity, either way. I think there have probably been miscommunications, especially when he was younger, about where a relationship stood. Like, I can imagine him getting in trouble running into someone he's been seeing with someone new (or a rekindled old flame) on his arm and it turning into a whole big scene, all because sometimes Matt internalizes something but doesn't always frankly make it clear. Whew, all of this is word salad. tl;dr: Infidelity seems to be a real nebulous concept among DD writers, and I'm a degenerate flailing in this muck.

F ─ First time. How was their first time together ?  Was any of them nervous ?Did it live up to their expectations ?

Honestly? It's not really something I think about much for any character. i think there's a lot put on the concept of losing one's virginity that's a little ridiculous. Like, I'm sure it was awkward, I'm sure it was kind of bad, no matter who it was with. I'm sure doubly so given the fact of his blindness and experiencing it with his hypersenses. That being said, I'm sure it was enjoyable. Somehow if he didn't at least get something out of it, he wouldn't have become....the sensualist that he became later in life. I'm torn on if he lost it to a peer when he was a teen or a more experienced partner a little later. For the sake of it being a less awkward experience, I'd like to think he lost it to someone who knew their bodies and desires to ease him into the situation.

K ─ Kissing. How important are kisses in their relationship ?  Any favourite kind of kisses ?  Do they have any rituals involving kissing ( never leaving for work without kissing the other, always sharing a kiss goodnight, etc… ) ?

Kissing good, all kissing is good, very important, no notes. I'm sorry, I know I've been a prattling mess on everything else, but it really doesn't go any deeper than that.

L ─ Lingerie. Do they enjoy wearing it and/or seeing their partner in lingerie ?What kind of lingerie do they find the sexiest ? Any other clothing they love seeing their partner in  ( like grey sweater pants, wearing nothing but an apron, really short shorts, etc… ) ?Do they often wear what the other likes, just to please them?

Um, well, we'll take this as a tactile consideration, and I think that's a fun thing for him. The contrast between fabric and skin. He's a bit picky with fabrics on a partner though. He doesn't like lace, it's too rough, he prefers natural fabrics, as opposed to rayon, nylon, or any kind of microfibre. It's too staticy and just feels bad to him. Now I'm going to make it very clear that he rarely voices his preferences as any kind of demand. Partially due to the fact that not every partner knows the extent of his senses. I do think he would have to eventually mention it to a frequent sexual partner simply due to the fact that he has extreme skin sensitivity and I think a person could really hurt him by accident if they didn't know.

T ─ Turn ons & offs. What do they do to turn each other on ?  Is there something the other does that turns them off ?Have they told them about it ?

I don't know, I tend to think Matt is pretty easy when it comes to being turned on. Between his erogenous zones being massive and super charged when it comes to sensitivity, I think there's a problem in that department. As for non sexual attractants, I think it boils a lot down to smell and hearing. Namely, he likes someone with good voice game that smells nice, and he seems to like pains in the ass when it comes to personality. Someone with a good sense of humour, playful, and not above giving him shit from time to time. Like, never forget that he described Kirsten McDuffie relentlessly teasing and bantering with him over whether or not he was Daredevil as "really hot". I think it a lot ways, you have to stand out in some way to Matt, which can be a little bit difficult without his initial interest relying on vision.

#✝ | are you or have you a problem? (ask answered) #decthbringer #oh no I took these as generalities and tbh I haven't thought a lot about Matt/Elektra as a couple #when i rp a character that has canon ships I try not to build up any expectations aside from yes they happened with an amenable partner #so um sorry if this is inadequate???? #i was done by the time I realized I fucked up and I'd written so much that I didn't want a fresh struggle sesh with more specified answers #which would frankly stress me out too much because then I'm doing 4D chess worrying about offending you by accident or not giving enough

[eldritch-spouse]

Gallon scores so many points on my favorite traits list- tentacles, one eye, smiley AND yandere? Dude, that's some GOOD SHIT you have there 😳 Can I please request some more info on him,, like What does he find attractive? What's his general vibe with humans? How far does his yandere side go? Any kinks?

[Of course!]

(Minors dni)

What does he find attractive?

Put simply, Gallon likes mysterious people. Someone who look composed and proper but have an air of mischief to them, almost like himself. He wants to meet someone who can keep up with him, who has stories under their belt, a touch of humor. People who dress extravagantly are also much more likely to catch his attention.

You may think this is superficial of the slime, and it is, but he's also a bit of a gold-digging manwhore. Point being, if Gallon notices you seem to be a very wealthy client, he might twirl his head tendrils at you, bat his eye, offer more drinks, the works. Catch his attention fast enough and the slime may just wrangle Santi away before the incubus can get a word in with the rich client.

General thoughts on humans

The best way to put it is he's curious.

The slime is one of the least aggressive monsters around The Clergy. Or rather, small correction here, least physically aggressive monsters. He won't go out of his way to chase a human around the establishment like Morell or Vinnel. And he won't cling to one like honey such as Santi- But he definitely makes an effort to catch their attention, have a chat with them. Quite like Nebul, Gallon is even capable of lulling others into a false sense of safety. All in an effort to learn more about said human, amuse himself. At the same time that he's not very likely to want to hurt you, he also probably won't intervene when another staff member gets their claws on you. A job is a job, after all. The only exception to this is if he enjoys your company enough to want you alive, in which case you'll probably be hidden behind his bar counter.

How far does his yandere side go?

Gallon is a perfectionist, neat-freak of a monster. He hates having to get messy and he would rather never have to break bones to ensure compliance- Even if the concept of skeletal structures fascinates the slime. As such, he's not likely to hurt you much, if at all.

But he will heavily intoxicate you. Who cares if you get a little ditzy, babbling nonsensically? It makes you look so cute! He knows how to dose things just well enough that your tiny human body won't perish from monster drinks or drugs, but you'll definitely get some lasting damage in your mental faculties if this repeats itself a lot. Gallon doesn't mind, as long as you're still his cute little human at the end of the day, all is fine.

It's hard to read Gallon. He's always grinning, but unlike with Breg, that smile is much more sinister. He's very observant and quite good at masking his real emotions. You'll never know he's upset until it's much too late to do anything about it. You'll have nightmares of that glowing red eye piercing into your very soul, caging you. Instead of delivering punishment to you himself, the slime is likely to just let you wander around The Clergy and inevitably get fucked with by whoever finds you. By then, people know not to kill you, but Gallon allows them to hurt you in various ways, patiently waiting for you to come crawling back to the only monster who will fix you- Why him, of course!

Kinks

Psychostimulant use during sex, going both ways;

Very light touch of sadism;

Dressing his partner in adorable or degrading outfits. As someone who cannot wear clothes properly, the slime enjoys dressing others to his tastes instead;

Restraints, via tendrils of course. He's also likely to cover you like a second skin, this is quite an intimate act for slimes;

Sloppy sex (arguably the one time he can stand being messy);

Sex in bodies of water;

He's a relentless teasing bastard and religiously performs orgams denial;

Mild exhibitionism.

#Gallon oc

[ithisatanytime]

Scooter - Rebel Yell (Official Video)

 a woman recently killed a couple while drunk driving and on the dashcam video she “laughs and sings” which is the clickbait element of this story, this highlights a phenomenon ive ALWAYS took issue with, people pretending they dont understand how alcohol works. im not saying this lady isnt responsible for drunk driving and killing a couple but her laughing and singing is irrelevant after the “drunk driving part” i know this might be hard to understand but its literally the same idea as saying “drunk driver kills couple, slurs her words from the sheer pleasure of murder” no these are all well recognized and accepted side effects of the worst drug ever manufactured. its important to note, im not absolving anyone of responsibility, but people click on youtube videos of drunk people getting arrested and make all kinds of aspersions about their home life and psychology based on a snippet of drunk behavior. do you know why? because they are whores, they are gay, they are greedy eaters of their own children who DONT FOLLOW THE BIBLE so their “morality” is nebulous and diffuse, they’ll do anything to feel superior for another person including pretending alchohol dont real so they can jump on every little thing they do to feel superior, religion wasnt replaced by reason, it was replaced by satan.

  Hard liquor was ALWAYS the primary jewish racket, always. they ruined entire towns in eastern europe with alchohol and any drug prohibition that doesnt start with alcohol is retarded. alcohol can, will, and frequently does make normal good people do fucking AWFUL shit in a way no other drug does, but other drugs get a far worse reputation. some small percentage of heroine addicts will steal to support their habit, but EVERY regular drinker has made at least one god awful soul marring mistake while fucking drunk, i actually hate alcoholics more than anyone, because there are FAR better drugs, cheaper and better drugs that do the same thing, but they over indulge in the worst drug ever created because they are automatons. alcoholism is the most obvious NPC behavior.

#youtube