#it's like. lesser of two evils yeah. but I'm still fucked.

[nexus-nebulae]

do my sleep meds make my fucking time blindness worse

#i swap between different sleep aids just to make sure my tolerance levels to the meds don't rise too quickly #but the past two days ive been taking one that i haven't used in a Bit #and for the past two days the entire night and day has passed in about 2 minutes #and my memory is worse than usual #and I'm way more fatigued #and i think it's the meds fault #but here's the thing: do i continue to put up with these symptoms and risk them getting Worse #or do i not take it and then just stop being able to sleep ever #like i think the sleep is more important considering if i don't take a sleep aid i will be awake for 48 hours straight #and then be unable to sleep more than three hours #and then my psychosis goes fucking hogwild because that Happens when you're severely sleep deprived #so i kind of HAVE to keep taking it #but then i just end up a useless tired blob in bed all day because my muscles won't move and my brain keeps shutting down #it's like. lesser of two evils yeah. but I'm still fucked. #and considering i went to a sleep doctor and she looked at my meds and said 'yea sorry this is the best we got' #and then sent me out the door with a 'sorry but we can't do anything for u :(' #i can't even switch to anything else #so. great. #and i can't even use just over the counter melatonin bc my tolerance to that rises so fast I'd risk poisoning myself within a month #taking 4 or 5 melatonin each night isn't safe but any less and it just doesn't affect me at all

[polichinelle]

yeah fuck it i'm making this its own post. basically very long winded (but still not as extensively detailed as i'd like) thoughts on adam & ronan (sort of) & whelk & noah

i remember reading the raven boys back in 2014 (ten years of rot in my brain!) and being sooo disappointed that there was basically zero fandom interest in whelk & noah beyond "omg whelk is evil and awful and terrible, poor baby noah!" when that is not the narrative surrounding them, not really. i feel it's a disservice to both of their characters to do that, especially noah's:

there is nuance there. there are implications. like... it's ALL about the implications!!! we basically see nothing of whelk and noah beyond what's left after the carnage. and it's a theme in trc for characters to have irreparably changed before we ever meet them (gansey, ronan, whelk, noah). we don't know what they were actually like when noah was alive, when they were best friends. when they were tight as ticks.

what we do know is this: whelk was noah's gansey. whelk was cheating on his own girlfriend with noah's, which is a shitty thing to do for sure, but something we also have zero context for. we also don't know how true it is, because whelk has such a self-inflicted warped view of his past. he keeps rewriting his own memories to think lesser of noah, because his absence hurts that much! we know they were best friends, the same way adam & ronan are best friends with gansey. we know they did everything together

okay, changing gears a little.

i'll paste the part where adam is possessed, sorry for the amount of screenshots:

and this line from a bit further along the chapter:

then, from noah's possession scene:

compare this to whelk's recollection of killing noah, and the effects it had on him:

"red lines streaked in the corners of his vision" "in whelk's head, unearthly voices hissed and whispered, words blurred and stretched together" "dictated by something larger and more powerful than himself" "somehow invited into his body through czerny's death" yes i am going there, yes i am making that point. i think, to some extent, barrington was possessed when he murdered his best friend. neither noah nor adam get their own pov while possessed, so...

i mean, time is a circle. noah needed to die so that gansey would live. noah had already died, gansey had already lived. it needed to happen, and so it would.

where the difference lies, i think, is in barrington's reaction to being possessed, versus adam/noah. for all that i'm arguing possession, i don't think barry's a stand up guy, he's a kid who's never had good role models (need i pull out the quotes about his shit parents) and who was raised by money and objects and reputation, which is why i think the possession worked. the idea to kill noah might've seemed like his own in the moment, an escalation of the situation he was already in, but unlike adam/noah there was no one to hold him back (not to mention barrington isn't as familiar with magic things(?) as they are). in that moment, whelk did truly lost it. he did the unforgivable. but there is no universe in which he doesn't.

for every time we see noah reenacting his death, we also need to imagine barrington whelk, seventeen and shivering. realizing as he's committing the act that he can't go back. perhaps realizing too that he couldn't stop his hands from gripping onto that skateboard, no matter how much he wanted to after that first hit. ("But instead, he remembered the sound Czerny made the first time he hit him.")

there's also adam in this. both him as a parallel to barrington, and as a strange sort of part of noah in a way. adam and noah interact the least out of the main group, arguably, but they too are a two-headed creature; they started out as one singular character and you can sort of tell. something something hands and eyes, something something sacrifice. ronan sort of parallels noah, in that he is not the same lively person we hear about, and he never will be that person again. both are cabeswater personified (although in different ways).

some more things:

"he once had been tight as ticks with his roommate czerny" "only whelk and czerny, treasure hunters and troublemakers" "it was possible that czerny's death wasn't for nothing after all" "[...] his days a ribbon floating aimlessly in water" (in relation to: "he had been a swimmer himself, once") "czerny, you're in a better place than me, i think" "whelk, standing in the wreckage of his life, didn't laugh this time" "the dry, half-eaten burger on the passenger seat / the first fast-food burger he'd had in seven years" "these days, when whelk was trying to comfort himself, he told himself that czerny was a sheep, but sometimes he slipped and remembered him as loyal instead" "[...] took him back to that moment, the skateboard in his hands, the sad question gasped in czerny's dying sounds "we were friends like —"

also, whelk dying in the same place noah did. these lines:

both noah and barrington look the same in the end. broken, rumpled, forgotten. noah's family will never know his bones were reburied outside of their family plot. whelk's mother, however distant she is, will never be notified that her son has died. i think in a way barrington died at the exact same time noah did; something something invited into his body through czerny's death.

basically what i'm getting at is, noah and barry could've been ronan and adam i think, had the circumstances been different. they never will be, but i think about it sometimes.

and there's so many more things i'm not even gonna TRY going into, like noah and whelk both being parallels to gansey (the three of them kings in their own right), or the disparity between whelk talking about czerny vs adele talking about noah, or whatever the fuck is going on with whelk's backstory in general (what's the deal with his mother? how the hell did he get the aglionby job? a random headcanon of mine is that his and noah's search for the ley line lead them to fox way, seven years before the events of the book, and that's partly why whelk refuses to give out his name to maura, because barrington is hard to forget, and easy to trace back)

there is so much to talk about here and i'm so peeved no one is doing it properly... why are we still talking about declan bringing his weekly girlfriend over to monmouth for no reason when we could be talking about whatever the fuck kinda soul-fate-destiny bullshit noah and whelk have!

#i know trc has its villain of the book thing but i am sooo disappointed whelk is never really talked about beyond #the first novel. like he's one of the only tangible links we have to noah's life... he was RIGHT THERE #he's so interesting to me. i rotate him and noah over and over in my head like they're in a microwave #trc #the raven cycle #the raven boys #noah czerny #adam parrish #barrington whelk #ronan lynch

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

A Strange Sort of Family

hi, resident evil fandom, i'd like to throw my hat in the ring

look, i don't even really go here, the fandom mold just got into my brain and would not fucking leave. this is my first time writing any of these characters so if they feel a bit rocky, please forgive me. my media analysis brain has been spinning nonstop since we started the resident evil brain rot and ho boy would I love to sink my teeth into a proper horror fic but! i don't know if i'm there yet so i figured i'd start a bit easier for me :)

also--we all know there's no way ethan's just gone from the franchise now, right? like, sure, he's dead, but he died like 30 minutes into re7 and that didn't fucking stop him

ALSO also big shoutout to @dragonsareaqueerthing and @greenninjagal-blog for the encouragement to actaully make the words go :) hopefully i'll be spending more time in this fandom now that I've got that ball rolling

Read on Ao3

Warnings: talk about events of shadows of rose dlc, nothing explicit, bullying

Pairings: implied ethan/mia/chris, but Ethan & Rose is the focus

Word Count: 10,919

You'd think after about 16 years of being treated like a child and the most powerful bioweapon the world has ever seen, you might get used to it.

Nope!

Not even slightly.

Sometimes a family is a molded bioweapon, a traumatized agent, a former bioterrorist, and a series of golden, sparkly words. Sometimes family is decorating your room with your mother, sometimes family is hugging a pillow because your dad isn't here anymore. Sometimes family is training too hard and going out for ice cream, sometimes family is a dinner where your parents won't stop teasing you.

Or, five times Ethan Winters was there for his daughter, and one time Rosemary Winters was there for her father.

1.

You'd think after about 16 years of being treated like a child and the most powerful bioweapon the world has ever seen, you might get used to it.

Nope!

Not even slightly.

Okay, well, maybe slightly, but only in the way she's able to shake off some of the lesser things that would've made her really upset before. She's no longer threatening the lives of the agents that call her Eveline, to her face or behind her back when they think she can't hear them. Even when she really, really wants to. Small victories.

But despite her best efforts, she still returns to the cell block of a room—Chris had been so insistent that it wasn't a cell, but it was all concrete walls and a tiny window and a camera that she knows is in the corner—and curls up on her bed, jamming her headphones in and refusing to engage with the outside world until she could summon up the resolve to impersonate a normal person again.

Today had been no exception.

Rose throws her backpack onto her desk chair and slings her hat over the hook, kicking her shoes off and collapsing face-first onto the bed with a groan. More tests today, always more fucking tests. Didn't they have every inch of her shitty, moldy body cataloged by now? She has half a mind to start making shit up when they ask her the same stupid questions. 'How are you feeling today, Rose?' Oh, you know, just getting stuck with more needles than a fucking porcupine, how do you fucking think I'm feeling? Yeah, no, no homicidal instincts yet, just had one murderous thought the other day when I was imagining mold eating the bitch who called me a charity case. Although I did go to the park after I snuck away from that asshole you have tailing me on Tuesdays to see if I could amass a mushroom army, how was your day?

A small laugh leaves her throat at the thought of the doctor's face if she actually did say that, but then she'd probably have two assholes tailing her until they deemed her 'no longer a risk.' God, they were supposed to be these super highly trained agents, then why the fuck do they suck ass at being subtle?

Turns out, even having mold superpowers means she still has to breathe like a normal person, so she drags her face up from the bed and doesn't even bother to fully get up to inchworm up to the pillows. She mashes her face against the slightly cold surface—honestly, the best part about this prison-cell-ass room was that the air conditioning was always on Arctic, so her pillows were always cold—and grabs her phone, squinting at the notifications.

One from school saying her group project deadline was coming up…something from some shopping website she'd logged onto out of pure boredom three weeks ago…and a text from Chris.

Rose sits up a little more and opens the text. "Overseas this week…sorry I'll miss the—you fucking dick!"

Of course Chris is working this weekend, of course he's not gonna be fucking here to take her to the cemetery—great, that means another two hours of bus rides until she can actually go see her dad. She swears he does this on purpose sometimes, how often does he actually need to go overseas for 'work?' And it's not like anyone else here would be able to take her, she's learned her fucking lesson about asking them for anything more than more fucking food. Not bothering to stifle her groan, she flops back onto the bed, only for her phone to clatter out of her hand and onto the floor.

Great. Now she has to move again to pick it up.

She decides that moving is actually not what she's going to do right now, letting one arm hang over the edge of the bed, her cheek scrunched awkwardly against the lip of the mattress. She tucks her face against the collar of her jacket and rubs her thumb against the ring on her finger.

"Sorry it's gonna take me longer," she mumbles, "I really wanted to spend longer with you this time."

Her eyes widen when gold sparkling words appear on the floor next to her phone.

it's okay

"What the—" she whips around to look at the door, closed tightly, and jerks back— "how—"

The words are still there. The words are still etched into the floor, right next to her phone. She should check if they're on the camera—no, they can fucking hack into her phone whenever they want, and she doesn't—she can't—if this really is—

Rose swallows the lump in her throat as the words shift and change.

you ok?

"I—what—how are—" she swallows again, camera in the corner of the room, "uh, M-Michael?"

A pause as the words reform: sure

"I mean, I—I know," she says quickly, "I know what—I know what this is, I…I remember, it's just…"

camera, I know

"How is this possible?" she whispers, not daring to move from her haphazard scramble up the bed, "I thought you were—I mean, at the end, when we, uh, did the thing, it seemed like you were…that you were going again."

The words sparkle again as she grips the sleeve of her jacket—his jacket.

apparently i'm bad at it

"Bad at what?"

staying dead

Another laugh chokes its way out of her throat and she reaches out without thinking about it, just to touch the words. They glow a little bit brighter as she touches them and the tips of her fingers glow. Almost as an afterthought, she grabs her phone and shoves it behind her, hopefully muffling the microphone and at the very least, getting its cameras away from her dad.

Her dad. Those are her dad's words, that's her dad, he's here, he's here.

"Are you—is this…are you really here?"

sort of, as the golden words swirl around, part of you

"What do you mean, 'part of me?'"

not a scientist

"You're the only other m—person like me I know, I'm sure it'll be fine." She can almost hear the little huff of laughter as the golden sparkles swirl again. It seems like it's the same as it was when she was in there, with her dad only able to say a few words at a time.

i'm part of the mold, just like you, we're sharing a part right now

"Are you always sharing a part with me?"

i wish i could, and she feels her chest hurt a little bit, takes energy

"I guess that makes sense." Her arm begins to ache from being so stretched out. "I really miss you."

i miss you too sweetie

Fuck, she's 16, she should not be getting this choked up over her dad calling her 'sweetie,' but fuck it, she's a mold person and her dad's dead, she's allowed to sniffle a little when those words glow warmly under her fingers. Some hysterical part of her wonders if he'd be able to give her a tissue or a hanky the way he gave her guns and chem fluid in there, but she scrubs at her nose with her sleeve and decides that it's enough right now that he's here, in her room, still calling her sweetie.

***

2.

She almost recognizes it the second time, a tug in her gut. Given that she's got her hands over her face and is currently doing a fabulous impression of an angry seal, it'd be harder for her to see it. Still, she can't help the dumb smile on her face when she rolls over.

bad day?

"Oh, you know," she mumbles, "just your average day of being a human guinea pig."

ew

She snorts, clapping a hand over her mouth to muffle it. "You know I get a look at their notes sometimes? That's what they call you, just your initials."

surprised they're still talking about me

"What do you mean? Of course they're still talking about you, you're the—" she cuts herself off. The golden sparkles swirl.

i'm the what?

"Never mind."

The floorboards wait expectantly, but she twists the ring around her finger, chewing on her lip. After another moment, new words appear.

can i help?

"With what? With the tests?"

with you

Another tug in her gut, this time at the fact that she can't actually remember the last time someone asked after her, not their biggest liability or their most dangerous weapon. She props herself up on the cold pillows—thank you, government AC—and sighs. "I'm just really tired."

i bet

"Like—are they bored? What do they get out of sticking me with the same needle fifty different times? And it's not like they talk to me about anything, they just look at each other and then fake-smile at me and they tell me 'you're doing great,' like I'm supposed to know what that means. And the other people aren't any better! They keep trying to train me how to do a thing but they're not—it's not like they tell me why we're doing something or what I'm supposed to be doing instead, they just tell me I'm wrong and that's it."

that sucks

She huffs. "You have no idea."

After a moment, though, she realizes that might not actually be true. From what little she's actually managed to get Chris to tell her, and what she can learn from Mom, they were both held in BSAA's quarantine for ages before they moved over to Romania. And if Mom knew about Dad's…not-aliveness way before he did, then they must've done some sort of tests on him too.

"Can I ask you something?"

anything

"Did they, um, did they test you too?"

The floorboards stay empty for a minute, but it feels more like he's thinking than it does him avoiding the question. Sure enough, after another moment, words start appearing again.

they did, they didn't tell me anything either, just that i was lucky

"Lucky how?"

to have made it, even when i didn't

"You did, though," she mumbles, fiddling with the ring again, "you—this part of you made it. Chris told me, Mom told me. You…even after you were…gone the first time, you…you came back. The important parts of you, they came back."

and i'm grateful for it, for you

"You're gonna make me cry," she mutters, scrunching up a little tighter.

i love you Rosie

"Shut up." It's empty and they both know it. A few extra sparkles swirl around and she could swear he's laughing. "I love you too."

Sunlight streams in through her tiny window and she finds herself looking at the way the leaves on the tree dapple the shadow across the floor. Part of her dad's words are still glowing. She looks at the nightstand, bare except for her charger and alarm clock, then over at the desk where her school stuff is, then at the dresser. She reaches out and touches the metal bedframe. It's cold underneath her fingers.

what's wrong?

"Nothing." The words remain and she sighs. "I'm just being mopey."

you're allowed to mope

"Someone at school said something today," she says before she can think better of it, and she winces at how young she sounds.

bullies?

"Not really, it wasn't even really about me, I just—it's stupid."

if you're upset it's not stupid

"They were just talking about this thing they got for their room, okay?" Embarrassment makes her curl her fingers into the loose fabric of her jacket. "It's this mirror thing that hooks up to your phone and lets you play music and stuff from there. They were just talking about it and I thought—see, I told you it was stupid."

There's another pause. The breeze rustles the leaves outside. The shadows dance over the walls.

do you want it?

"Not really…I don't like mirrors that much anyway. And it's not like they'd let me just have another thing that connects to the Internet in here." She glances at the alarm clock. "I barely got them to let me get a laptop for school stuff. I don't think they've got a 'Mold Bioweapon Allowance' in their budget."

The silence grows thoughtful. She turns her head to look at the floorboards again, watching the few sparkles there swirl around.

it's your room, they say finally, it should feel like it

Rose scoffs. "What am I supposed to do, walk up and ask them to sponsor a shopping trip?"

why not?

"They're not gonna do that. They're just gonna brush me off again or tell me they're busy."

you've tried?

"I told you, I barely managed to get a laptop, which is something I need to be able to do schoolwork or anything, even have a taste of what being normal is like. And even then I had to argue for like, ages, and I had to get one of my teachers to write an email saying that it's necessary." She swats the white pillowcase, bitterness seeping into her words. "Everything else isn't necessary. They're all about practicality, like I'm just some other expense they have to deal with."

what about Chris? or Mom?

"Chris isn't here. He's always off somewhere doing something or he's here glaring at me like I'm some stupid new recruit that he doesn't want to have to train. And Mom's…I don't want to bother her, you know? She's got her own life now."

she's your mom, come the words almost before she's done speaking, she'd want to know

Rose sighs, sitting up to lean against the headboard. She twists the ring around and around her finger, chewing on her lip. "I don't know. Sometimes it feels like she's…like she doesn't want to know."

Another pause. What her dad had said before, about them sharing a part of the mold—she can feel something in her chest. An emotion that isn't quite hers, something like a deep and exasperated sadness. It's faint, not quite enough to put words there, but she can tell when she needs to look back down at the floor.

she does love you, let her

"Okay. I'll try."

thank you

"Would you come shopping with me?" she asks, even when she knows the answer. "If you could?"

The room gets a little happier as the sparkles swirl around.

i'd spend all day with you

"What did you want to have in your room? When you were my age?"

telescope

"A telescope?" She laughs. "Did you want to be an astronaut?"

astronaut ew

She laughs again and the sunlight seems a little brighter.

***

3.

She meets Mom at a coffee shop near the big bookstore downtown. She's not wearing Dad's jacket—it still feels weird to do, even after Mom's said it's fine—but she has his ring on a necklace under her shirt. Mom waves her over to a table in the corner, nodding to the smoothie already waiting.

"Pineapple mango," she says as Rose sits down, "your favorite."

"Thanks, Mom." She takes a big drink, savoring the weird feeling the pineapple leaves on her tongue. "How're you?"

"I'm okay. Work's been getting busy again recently with the month's end rush." Mom swirls her straw around her coffee. "Did I tell you about this new thing our boss is trying to make us do?"

"No, what?"

"Apparently some young CEO in the area made it big on corporate social media about 'team building exercises,'" and Rose is already groaning in sympathy, "so he sent out this survey this past week about what activity we'd rather do."

"What were the options?"

"This group painting class thing, where we all paint the same picture—"

"Like in kindergarten?"

"Like in kindergarten," Mom agrees, "there's a bar-arcade place that's just opened up on the West Side that does private events, and then there's a good old-fashioned work dinner."

Rose makes a face. "That's it? No, like, crazy obstacle courses, or escape rooms, or anything?"

"We barely had the budget for the normal year-end stuff."

"So what did you vote for?"

"I ended up voting for the painting, actually—"

"What? Mom, that's so lame."

"Hey!" She jokingly flicks a napkin at Rose. "Lamer than the most awkward dinner you can imagine or sitting and drinking for a whole evening?"

"Isn't that what adults do? You sit and drink and talk?"

Mom sighs, shaking her head as they both laugh. "Yeah, well, I figured it might be better if we tried to do something that wasn't just sitting and drinking."

"I guess."

"Besides, I'm still missing something for the bathroom upstairs. Maybe I'll hang up whatever I manage to make there," she adds, winking at Rose.

It's supposed to be a joke at how bad at art she is—really, even Chris looked at her stick figures and struggled to find something nice to say, and Mom just laughed it off—but Rose's smile fades and she shuffles a little in the chair. She drinks more of her smoothie. Dad's words turn over and over in her head.

"Hey, Mom?"

"Mm?"

"Would you…" She fights the urge to reach for the ring. "Would you help me decorate my room?"

Mom's brow furrows. "At my house?"

"N-no, my…my room at the compound. It's stupid, never mind."

"It's not stupid, Rose," Mom says, picking up her coffee, "I'm just—I guess I'm just surprised. Most teens don't really want their parents anywhere near their rooms."

"Yeah, well, forget it."

A car drives by. Despite herself, she reaches for the ring anyway. Something warm pulses in her chest.

"It's just," she manages, "I don't really have anything in there. It's just the military stuff."

Mom's coffee cup hits the table with a thud. "What do you mean you don't have anything in there?"

"I mean, there's just a dresser, a desk, and a bed. And my little side table thing. They didn't really give me any—"

"How much time do you have?"

Rose blinks. "Huh?"

"How much time before you have to get back?" Mom's already getting up and putting the lid back on her coffee. "We're not that far from the big stores and I have my car."

"I, uh, I think I have a few hours, so—" she scrambles up too, reaching to grab Mom's arm— "wait, you're really okay with doing this?"

Mom pauses for a moment, then reaches out and covers Rose's hand with hers. "You're my daughter, Rosie, I'd love to help you decorate your room."

A lump appears in her throat and she swallows it down. "Thank you."

"Come on," Mom grins, "what are you thinking you want?"

"Uh, I was thinking maybe like a whiteboard? That way I could write down stuff that I might forget? Or like—a magnetic one so I could stick stuff to it?" She gets into Mom's car and they start driving. "Or a corkboard—I've seen a lot of people pin like, pictures and stuff to a corkboard on their walls."

"What if you get both? A corkboard to put pictures and cute stuff and then a whiteboard to write on?"

"I also want a lamp. The normal lights just make my head hurt. And they buzz, you know?"

"Oh, I know exactly what you're talking about. It's like the world's most annoying crickets, isn't it?"

"And there's no, like, in between! It's either no light at all or—"

"Or my eyes are being scorched out, that's right."

They pull into the parking lot of the store and get out, still bouncing ideas back and forth. Mom grabs a cart and they head straight for the stationary section and they spend about five minutes talking about the different corkboards and whiteboards. Then Rose decides she wants magnets so she can stick stuff to the whiteboard, then Mom spots a cute set of push pins, and then another mom and daughter walk by with one of those fancy photo printers that print out pictures from your phone like Polaroids, and they just have to get Rose one of those.

As they pick out lamps and wall decor and sheets that actually have some color, she's struck by how normal this is. She's with her mom. They're shopping for stuff for her room. They're freaking out over the pillows that have little penguins on them. She's actually smiling and laughing and she's excited. She can't wait to get back and put all this stuff in her room.

She just…wishes Dad could be here too.

"I think I'd prefer the yellow lampshade, but it's up to you." Mom looks up from the shelf to notice she's gone quiet. "Hey, what's going on?"

"Nothing, nothing," she says quickly, wiping surreptitiously at her face, "…just…I kinda wish Dad was here too."

Mom's fingers stutter on the box and for a moment, she thinks she's going to see those walls go up again, the ones that always go up when she tries to talk about Dad, but then Mom puts the box down and rubs at her wedding ring. She still wears it sometimes. Rose reaches for Dad's, under her shirt.

"I wish he was here too, Rosie," Mom says quietly, "he'd be so proud of you."

Rose swallows, and her eyes catch on a tiny monkey LED lamp further down the shelf. She picks it up. "I think he'd vote for this one, don't you?"

A hint of fond exasperation comes to Mom's face. "God, did I ever tell you what happened when he found out that you loved that little monkey you got when you were still a baby? He tried to buy everything monkey-themed he could find because he thought you might like it."

"Wait, really?"

"I had to get Chris to help me talk him out of buying an entire monkey crib for you."

Rose puts the monkey lamp in the cart. Mom smiles and they keep walking. They end up spending way more than she thought they'd be and sheepishly tries to put some stuff back, but Mom won't hear a word of it and bags everything up.

"Chris can help cover the cost if he's so worried about it," she declares as they pull back up to the meeting spot where the car is supposed to take Rose back to the compound, "anyway, all of this should have been done years ago."

"Thanks, Mom," Rose says, "I had fun."

"We should definitely do it again. I'll help you decorate your college dorm too."

Rose smiles and gets out of the car. It fades a bit when she sees Paul again, leaning against the side of the van with his arms crossed. She turns her back deliberately on him and goes to help Mom get all the bags out of the trunk.

"You're late," Paul says, like he has any right to sound like a smug, condescending asshole.

"By like five minutes. Open the trunk."

"What's all that?"

"Stuff. For my room."

"Well, I—hey!" Paul finally moves when Mom just opens the trunk and starts putting the bags inside.

"You must be the agent Rose told me about," Mom says, her voice saccharine as she dusts off her hands, "is that right, honey?"

"Yeah," she mumbles, "that's him."

"Paul," he says, "Ms. Winters."

"Mia." Mom holds out her hand and he takes it, Rose peering at them from under the brim of her hat. Her eyes widen when Mom yanks Paul closer to her, her smile fading as she hisses in his ear. "Call my daughter Eveline again and I'll break your nose, are we clear?"

Paul jerks in surprise, before turning his head slightly. "Stand down, it's fine, I can handle it."

"You can't afford to make a scene in such a public place," Mom says, her voice still perfectly even, "and Chris won't risk harming me or Rose. So you can start treating my daughter like a person or I can break your nose right now and Chris can clean up your mess."

Rose can't stop her snort as Paul sheepishly walks back to the front of the car and gets in. Mom watches him go before she turns around and says, loud enough for him to hear, "Make sure you send me pictures when you get it the way you want it, okay?"

"I will."

"And if you decide you want anything else, we'll get it next time."

"Thanks, Mom. I love you."

"I love you too, Rosie." She glares once more in Paul's direction before she walks back to her car.

Rose doesn't stop smirking as Paul drives them back to the compound. He slinks off with his tail between his legs after helping her get all her stuff into her room. She can't cover up the camera—and let them know she knows about it—but she can play her music out loud as she decorates, hanging up the little plants they found and pinning a few photos to her new corkboard. It still strikes her how normal all of this is, dancing to her music and putting up all of her new things, finally collapsing onto her now-colorful blankets with a laugh.

She texts a few photos to Mom, who responds with gushing reviews and excited emojis, before she rolls onto her side to look at the floor.

"What do you think?"

The words only take a second to appear.

it's beautiful, sweetie

"You were right," she murmurs, "it was really nice to let Mom take care of me a bit."

i'm glad

"Oh! I forgot to show you the best part!" Rose jumps off the bed and goes over to the far wall, switching on the fairy lights she hung from the ceiling amidst a bunch of fake vines. "Now the camera will just think the glowing is from the lights!"

Golden sparkles swirl beneath the soft glow.

you're so smart

"I mean," she blusters, trying not to show how pleased she is, "I was just tired of lying down to talk to you all the time."

i see, still clever

"Thanks." After a moment, she reaches over and picks up the little monkey lamp and her stuffed monkey, safely hidden beneath her pillows. "Mom told me you wanted to buy a monkey crib for me."

it would go with the onesie

"You got me a monkey onesie?"

mom has pictures

"I'll have to ask her next time." She chews on her lip, running her fingers over the seams of the monkey's ear. "I wish you could've been there."

me too

"Mom threatened to break Paul's nose if he was rude to me again." The light swirls as Dad laughs and she laughs too. "I'd kick him in the nuts too."

that's my girl

***

4.

"Stupid fucking dickhead," she spits as she slams the door, throwing her backpack onto the chair so hard it scrapes across the floor. "Fucking asshole! I'll fucking rip his head off, the fucking bastard!"

Out of the corner of her eye, she sees a tiny sparkle from the floorboards, and she stomps over to the lights, turning them on. Almost immediately, golden words swirl up.

what happened?

"Your buddy Chris fucking happened!" Rose throws herself onto the bed and punches the pillow. "He keeps treating me like I'm some—some fucking gun that only he knows how to fire and I'm fucking sick of it!"

It had been especially bad today, too. Chris apparently woke up and decided yeah, today's the day I'm gonna be a total fucking asshole for no goddamn reason. He started them out sparring, which he never does, he always has them warm up first because it's important not to strain yourself, except apparently not today when she was thrown against the fucking ground three times before she could even open her mouth long enough to say hi.

Or maybe ask what the hell crawled up his ass that morning.

And then he kept fucking looking at her like he was disappointed! Like it was her fault she wasn't expecting to be slammed up against the wall or pinned to the ground by a man fucking three times her size and then grunted at when she winced in pain because that fucking hurt, you asshole! And he kept on saying these stupid little comments that just made her angrier and angrier and then he had the gall to be like hey, you need to get a handle on your emotions like he wasn't pushing every single fucking button he knew she had!

You need to be sharper, he'd said like he had any right to try and be reasonable as he almost dislocated her fucking shoulder, emotions make you sloppy.

Yeah, well, he could try being sharper when he was being bullied for no fucking reason.

And when she'd finally screamed at him that she was done, that she didn't want to fucking do this anymore, he had the fucking audacity, the nerve to scoff and cross his arms and tell her that no, she wasn't done, she was only done when he said she was done. And yeah, she hadn't really made the decision to rush at him after that, her body did that on its own, but he literally just tossed her aside like a fucking doll and then said she wasn't leaving until she could do the fucking stupid thing he wanted her to.

She tried. She really fucking did.

But she couldn't do it.

And Chris kept refusing to help, saying he'd been training her for so long already, that he'd wash her out if she were any other recruit—to which she'd screamed that she wasn't, so why the fuck was he being like this? And he didn't fucking answer! He just told her to try it again and he kept making her angrier and angrier and she could tell Chris was getting angry too which just made hers worse because what fucking right did he have to be mad at her? What the fuck did she do to him?

It ended really badly. She'd gotten so mad she'd thrown herself at him again, not caring about proper technique or what was smart or anything, she just went for him. He grappled her, obviously, and that was supposed to be their tap-out, fight's-over thing, but she hadn't stopped. She'd scratched him and punched him and kicked him even when he growled at her to yield, and when that didn't work, she'd bit him.

Chris fucking wrenched her off of him and threw her across the room and she heard three guns click.

They'd glared at each other, Chris holding his arm like it was a fucking biohazard, and then he'd stalked off without a word while agents forcibly shoved her back to her room.

She's panting by the time she finishes, glaring a hole in the wall right below where the words normally appear. Her hands still tingle from where she'd hit the walls and the pillows. She looks up when she sees the familiar swirl.

you shouldn't have bitten him

The anger surges up her arms and she clenches her fists. "That's all you have to say? No 'I'm sorry he was such a dick, Rose?' 'You didn't deserve that?' You're fucking defending him?"

i didn't say that

"I just told you that your friend, the person you told to watch over me and keep me safe was fucking bullying me for no goddamn reason and the only thing you can say is that I shouldn't have defended myself?" Betrayal steeps vehemence into her words. Her nails bite into her palms. "I'm fucking glad I bit him!"

he's trying to help

"How in the fuck is he trying to help," she cries, "by being as bad as the bullies in school? By treating me like a freak that needs to be kept muzzled and on a leash?"

you did bite him

She picks up one of the pillows and hurls it at the wall. It hits with a pathetic thwap and falls limply to the floor. It only makes her angrier when she sees the words calm down when the lights stop shaking.

"Don't fucking tell me to calm down! You're supposed to be on my side!"

i am

She barks out a humorless laugh and picks up the pillow, throwing it back on the bed. "You're not on my side, you're on his. I don't need you lecturing me too. Just leave me alone."

More golden words swirl as she turns away, throwing herself onto the bed and curling up tightly around her stuffed monkey. She chokes around the lump in her throat and wills herself not to cry. She'd almost cried in front of Chris today already, she won't give either of them the satisfaction of seeing her cry now. She won't, she won't, she won't! It's not fucking fair that Chris did that. It's not fucking fair that he gets to act however the fuck he wants and then she's the only one punished for it. He gets to go all over the fucking world and only see her when it's convenient to him and he gets to be an asshole about it.

Dad's not even alive.

A sob chokes out before she can stop it, and then it's too late. She's blubbering like she's a stupid fucking baby again and she can hear the echoes of their voices in her ears. All alone, poor freak Rose, crying like a baby who doesn't get her way. She's so weird, she's so stupid, she can't do it. She's useless, she's not strong enough. Just go away. No one wants you here. No one wants you. No matter how hard she presses her hands to her ears, they won't fucking shut up!

Maybe she should've fucking kept the purifying crystal. Maybe she should've left with no powers and had a normal fucking life. Maybe she should've just left her dad to—

As soon as the thought threatens to cross her mind, she recoils from it. Guilt and anger war in her gut as she nearly grows sick. How could she fucking think that? After all he'd done to save her, protect her, how could she think about something like that, even if it was in a fit of rage?

A strangled noise escapes her throat and the bruises and injuries from her humiliating 'sparring session' abruptly make themselves known. Her body screams in pain; her shoulders ache, the bruise on her ribs throbs, and her jaw feels like it's about to explode. She has the hysterical impulse to bite herself and she wonders if it would hurt more than everything else. Out of the corner of her eye, she glimpses a glow coming from the floorboards now and she curls up tighter, burying her face in the monkey's tummy. Fuck it, she's been called overly emotional and childish enough times already, she may as well throw her tantrum properly.

It's like falling into the Megamycete again; she has no idea how long she lies there, wallowing in her own emotional turmoil. Flashes of the bullies, of Chris's stupid fucking face, of watching herself get tossed around and left behind…even stranger things like massive castles filled with screams and horror, creepy old houses that just feel like tombs, deep water and clanking metal, all filled with whispers of freak, dangerous, stupid child, not good enough. Everything is too loud and too quiet and she just wants it to be over.

When she finally manages to rouse herself from whatever malaise she'd fallen into, the sun has long set. Her clock shows that it's close to 10—that would explain why her stomach is trying to dig a hole in her intestines. The anger fled unknown hours ago, leaving her weary and wrung out. In its absence, she no longer feels like the bioweapon that she's supposed to be, only the scared and lonely child. It's cold. She's hungry.

There's still a soft golden glow coming from over the side of the bed.

Her lip wobbles. She doesn't want to face the consequences of yelling at her dad and throwing a pillow at him, but she can't stop the blooming warmth that he didn't leave. She crawls to the edge of the bed and peeks over.

i'm sorry Rose

She sniffles and rubs her cheek on the sheets. "'M sorry too."

you were right, i should've been on your side

"You're always on my side," she mumbles, "I know you are."

still

She sniffles again and tucks the monkey under her chin. "Why was Chris so mean today? Did I do something wrong?"

i don't think so, sometimes he's just like that

"Why?" She's ignoring how much she sounds like a baby, thank you. "It's not fair."

no it's not sweetie

Rose closes her eyes, basking in the soft glow of her dad's comfort. "Was he ever mean to you when you were training?"

yeah

"What did you do?"

broke his nose once

It startles a laugh out of her. "You what? Wait, what happened?"

he was being an asshole, so i punched him

She giggles again, both at the image of Chris's surprised face with a broken nose and at the fact that her dad got so angry with Chris that he punched him hard enough. A few more golden sparkles surround the words before they change again.

you shouldn't try it though

"Aw," she complains, mostly for show, "but you did it."

do as i say not as i do

She's quiet. After a moment, she lets her arm hang down to touch the words again. They glow gently. "I don't like fighting with you."

me neither

"I'm sorry. I was being a brat."

The words swirl up quicker than she's ever seen.

you were upset at something unfair, not a being a brat

She sniffles again, reaching over to grab a hanky and blow her nose with a sharp honk. She throws it over to the laundry basket and lies back down. The words have changed.

if you need to hear it, i forgive you

"I forgive you too."

rest

She nestles up against the pillows. "Will you stay until I go to sleep?"

of course sweetie, i love you

***

5.

Mostly Rose doesn't dream. She'll close her eyes and open them again and it will be hours later and it's time to get up. Most of the time when she does dream, it's weird half-memories that aren't hers mixed with something she does actually remember. She has dreams of a house with a red chimney being taken apart by little robotic goats, or of a crocodile swimming through a swamp filled with dead crows, or of bugs crawling over test tubes and dirty flasks. Some of them make sense when she digs into the files she's not really supposed to have access to, some of them don't.

On rare, awful occasions, she has nightmares.

She's been curled up and unmoving for who knows how long, desperately trying to feign sleep. The mold in her keeps prickling like there's something else in the room, watching her, just waiting for a sign that she's awake to pounce. Her white-knuckled grip hasn't wavered either. She dares hardly breathe; even though her rational brain knows there's nothing there, there can't be anything there, her entire body is screaming. She can feel the milky sweat beginning to ooze from her palms.

Something creaks.

She goes stiff as a board.

A creak, a groan, a rumble as the air conditioning turns on and she forces herself to relax, cracking open one eye to see that yes, this is just her room, there's nothing to be afraid of here, she's fine.

Her eyes land on the switch to the fairy lights.

The small and whimpering part of her lunges for them, for the warm glow of the light, her dad's words, in lieu of running to her parents' bed to be comforted. The other part hisses that the second she moves, whatever's lurking in the dark will strike. The monkey wheezes as she tightens her grip, staring at the innocuous plastic box hanging against the wall.

With a sudden burst, she launches herself from the bed, slapping the button, and curling back up beneath the safety of the blankets.

Immediately, the soft warm light chases away the worst of the shadows and she can peek over her shoulder to assure herself that yes, nothing is there, she's safe in her room, everything's okay. Golden sparkles are already swirling, a quiet inquisitiveness filling that one empty part in her chest as she lies back down. He's rotated his words so she can read them easily.

what's the matter, sweetie?

"Nightmare," she whispers, more into her pillow than anything else.

i'm sorry

She curls up tighter, trying to pull the blankets up almost over her head. The sweat's almost ruined her monkey—she's going to have to wash it again—and she wipes her hands on the sheet. The absence of it hits the cold air and she shivers, hunching tighter in the covers and sniffling. A sudden and sharp ache sears through her chest and she shudders, harder this time, only the top of her nose peeking out over the comforter. She's so cold. Not in the way where she can pile more blankets on and it'll go away—she could put the whole world on top of her and she would still be cold. This horrible, achy, exhausting cold that seeps into her bones and makes her want to cry.

what can i do?

"You said in your—in your letter," she hiccups, "that you'd hold me when I had nightmares, and—and sing to me until I went back to sleep."

But the words on her wall are just words and words can't hold anybody.

She wants a fucking hug, goddamnit. No one touches her anymore, not unless they're running some stupid test, or sparring, or escorting her roughly down the hallway like some—some prisoner. The last time someone touched her and it wasn't that it was Mom, telling her she'd help decorate her room and that was so long ago, everyone else just—just—

"I want to go home," she sobs and it lands like a dead weight in the still room.

what do you mean?

"I want to go home, I want to go back to that house you showed—showed me when I was in there, where you—where your memories are and I can actually h-hear you and it's warm an'—an' safe, and you love me," she cries, not caring that it's the middle of the night and she's talking to a wall, "no one here loves me. No one loves me, the doctors think I'm some—some experiment that's run too—too long and the agents all think I'm a l-liability and Mom's not here because she gave me up and Chris h-hates me."

he doesn't hate you sweetie

"He does! He does, he does, I can feel it." She hugs her monkey tightly to her chest. "He h-hates me for being the reason you're not—you're not here anymore and he hates me for reminding him that you're dead and he hates me for—for being like this and—and—and—!"

shh…shh…shh…

But he's not here and she can't hear him shushing her and she's all alone in her cold, dark room and she wants to go home.

don't cry, Rosie, it's gonna be okay sweetie

"It's not. 'S not okay."

The wall doesn't move for a moment, then it swirls again.

scoot back, i'm going to try something

Frowning, she does, shuffling awkwardly back until she's on the far side of the bed. The golden light swirls around for another second, before it writes itself on one of the pillows.

hug me

"D—Michael?"

i'm right here sweetie, i love you so much

With trembling fingers, she reaches for the pillow, touching the words with a soft gasp as they glow warmly against her still-slick palms. A sob of disbelief leaves her throat and she bundles it to her chest, burying her face in it. A soft scratching and buzzing fills her ears as more words write themselves across the pillow, but she doesn't pull her face away to read them. Not when this is the closest thing to hugging her dad she's been since she was in the deepest stratum of the Megamycete, crying over his dying body. Not when she's still so cold and the words are so, so warm. She tucks her face into the crook of the pillow's embrace and she cries.

The words don't stop writing themselves over and over and if she focuses hard enough, it almost sounds like her dad is humming.

She falls into a light sleep, not willing to miss a moment of actually being so close to her dad, soothed by his presence. Soon, light has begun to break through the window, the auto timer on the lights long since activated to switch them off. The pillow is all gross from a mixture of drool, snot, and tears, and she sheepishly tries to wipe it away when a small glow comes from underneath.

it's okay

"It's kinda gross."

my privilege, i'm your dad

"Still."

ew, remember?

A watery smile. "Thanks."

i love you so much, i'm so proud of you

"I love you too," she mumbles back, curling her arms around the pillow. Another set of words writes itself and she leans back.

do you really think Chris hates you?

"I don't know. He…he looks at me like he can't sometimes. Or like he's waiting for me to…I don't know, turn crazy or bad or like he's waiting for me to turn into you, almost." She rubs her fingers over the pillowcase. "He used to be nicer."

have you spoken since?

She doesn't need to ask what he's talking about. "No. He's been out of town again. He's supposed to be back, um…"

She leans over to check her phone, eyes widening when she sees the date.

"Uh, today. Shit, I actually think we're supposed to have a training thing today."

Before more words can write themselves, there's a knock on her door. She freezes, phone still in her hand, pillow clutched close.

"Rose?" Fuck. "It's Chris. Can I come in?"

be brave, says the last flutter of words before her dad vanishes, i love you

"…yeah."

Chris opens the door. Rose tugs on her dad's jacket over her pajamas and clutches the pillow in her lap. She doesn't look at him. He moves around a little in the doorway before he shuts it with a click. After a moment, the bed dips and groans under his weight and she sneaks a glance at his arm. Her bite mark is still there.

"Surprised they let you walk around before that healed."

"You didn't even break the skin."

It's probably meant to come off in a way that means she doesn't have to worry about it, but it stings anyway. She turns away again.

A car drives by outside.

"I owe you an apology," Chris says finally, his voice low and gruff, "I shouldn't have been so harsh. I'm sorry."

She doesn't reply, but she shifts to face the window instead of the wall.

"There's been talk of getting you moved to another squad," he continues, and her stomach drops—is Chris leaving too?— "and I thought…if I could prove that you were good with us, that we had it all under control, then they'd drop it. Leave you alone."

At the rustle as he shifts, she glances over at him. His jaw works and his hand twitches on his knee.

"I thought…" He trails off, then scoffs at himself, shaking his head. "I don't know what I thought."

He turns to meet her gaze and her gut clenches at the obvious guilt and remorse she can see there. She swallows.

"You were mean." Her voice comes out a lot smaller than she'd hoped. She swallows and tries again. "I thought you hated me."

"I don't hate you, Rose," he says in a rush, turning to face her, "please don't think that."

"So you're not trying to get rid of me?"

"Shit, Rose, no, I'm not trying to get rid of you. You're—I think Mia'd kill me if I tried, no, I'm just—" he takes a breath— "I'm just trying to keep you safe, okay?"

"Then you should've said something! I would've trained harder if I knew—we could've—I would've done something else, did I do something wrong?"

"No," he insists, shaking his head, "no, you didn't do anything wrong."

Relief begins to pool warily in her chest. Her grip on the pillow loosens and she scoots a little closer. "I'm sorry I bit you."

He shakes his head again. "It's fine. You, uh, you have good bite strength."

"Good bite strength?"

"Yeah. Your contact's really good." He gestures to the bite mark on his arm. "Got all of them in there too."

"Thanks," she says, laughing a little. Chris smiles and it's a bit easier to breathe. She gives herself a shake. "So, what's today? Weapons, sparring, how to punch boulders?"

"Actually, I, uh, thought we'd go get ice cream."

Rose pauses, looking up at him, blinking as if she'd heard wrong. "Ice cream?"

"Weather's gonna get cold soon, the good place around the corner's gonna close." He shrugs. "Been craving it."

"Yeah…yeah, ice cream sounds good."

"Great."

And before she can think too much of it, she throws herself at him and hugs him for all she's worth. She feels him stutter, not quite sure what to do, and then his arms slowly wrap around her, holding her just as tightly. And oh, she's on fire, Chris is big and warm and solid and he's holding her like she's something special and she's gonna fucking cry her eyes out if she stays here a moment longer and she's gonna die if she lets go. Chris lets out a noise of dismay when she sniffles and scoops her up, like she's a little kid again, holding her in his lap and now she's making a mess of his shoulder too.

She could swear she feels Dad smile.

***

+1.

"I'm telling you," Rose says as she lounges on her bed, "you're wrong about the cover. It's actually pretty good."

i like the classics

"Yeah, well, you're old and boring, so that makes sense."

:(

The sight of the old-fashioned emoticon frowny face makes her burst out laughing. "Oh my god, that's so lame. I don't think I've seen someone use that in years."

it's a classic!

"You gotta get with the times!"

totes dope fam

Rose winces at the immense amount of psychic damage those three words dealt, her neck protesting as she almost cringes it out of alignment. "No, D—Michael, just no."

lol

She tosses the pillow playfully at the wall again, laughing when another frowny face appears on both it and the wall. "Aww, okay, I'm sorry, here."

She picks it up and cuddles it and the frowny face turns to a smiley face. Lying back down, grin still on her face, she toys with his ring. It's gotten shinier from all the rubbing, except where she ties the cord around it so she can wear it as a necklace. She turns it this way and that, watching the sunlight glint off of it. As she does, she catches sight of the engraving on the inside.

Always and forever.

"Do you want me to tell Mom and Chris about you?"

The words swirl for a moment.

up to you

She pushes herself to sit up, propped on one elbow. The ring glistens as she slides it back onto her finger, turning it to and fro. "I don't know. It feels bad keeping something like this from them, but I want to be selfish about it too, you know? I kind of like having you all to myself."

it's not selfish

"And what if Chris thinks it's bad?" She twists the ring harder. "What if he tries to take you away from me?"

i won't let that happen

Her shoulders drop a little and she picks up the pillow again, cuddling into it. A few words write themselves across it just so she can feel their warmth and she rubs her cheek against it. "Don't you miss them?"

all the time

A melancholy that isn't hers hangs in her chest and she squeezes the pillow again. "Then should I? They miss you too, you know. I think they'd be happy to, you know, hear from you again."

The words fade and the wall glows again as he thinks. She lets him have his time, rubbing the ring back and forth, listening to the slight rattle it makes as it spins around her too-small finger. When she hears the familiar soft scratch again, she looks up.

they're happy now, i don't want to ruin that

"They're not happy," she can't help but say, "they still miss you."

content, then

"You wouldn't be ruining anything," she argues, "I thought—I thought I'd never get to see you again after I got out of there. The day I heard you again? That was the happiest moment of my life."

mine too sweetie, or my un-life i guess

The words glow brighter as her fingertips glow too. She gets up and lays her hand against the wall, smiling as their powers dance together. "I really think they'd be happy."

A pulse of warmth runs up her arm to her chest as the words shift once more.

when you think the time is right

"I'll tell you, I promise."

i'm so proud of you, Rose, i love you so much

"I love you too."

That time doesn't come on their terms, though, because that would be easy. No, instead it's when she and Chris are over at Mom's house for dinner and Chris asks a question out of nowhere that almost makes her spit all over the table.

"What?" Mom asks as Rose glares a hole in Chris's stupid forehead.

"I said," Chris says like an unrepentant asshole, "who's Michael?"

"Michael?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Rose mutters, staring down at her lap.

"I was coming to get you for training last week and you were talking to someone called Michael." Chris takes a bite of steak and talks with his mouth full, like an asshole. "So who is he?"

Mom elbows her, winking. "Someone you like?"

"What? Ew, gross, no!"

Chris and Mom just laugh and Mom elbows her again. "Don't worry, I was your age once too. That's how I reacted when my mom asked me about my crush."

"Michael isn't my crush!"

"Boyfriend, then?"

"No, he's not my—" she covers her face and sighs. "He's not my boyfriend, he's not my crush, he's not someone from school, happy?"

"So who is he?"

Well, fuck it, no time like the present. She pushes back from the table, muttering about using the bathroom. They wait until she's halfway up the stairs to start talking again, their voices low in that way where she knows they're still talking about her, but she pays them no mind as she goes into the bathroom and shuts the door. She braces her hands on either side of the sink and takes a deep breath.

"I'm guessing you heard all that."

The words swirl up right below the mirror.

yeah

"I mean, it's not like we'll get a better opportunity."

probably not

"Are you ready?"

are you?

She rubs at the chip in the linoleum and turns on the cold water, just to make sure there's no milky sweat on her hands. "I'm nervous."

me too

"No matter what happens," she says firmly, "no matter what they do or say, I'm here for you, okay? I've got your back. I love you."

i'm so proud of you, sweetie, i love you too

The words glow cheerfully against the weird tile pattern and she reaches out to touch them. They share a moment before the words fade and she takes a deep breath, squaring her shoulders in the mirror and nodding to herself. "Right. Let's do this."

She marches back downstairs and Mom and Chris do a horrible job of pretending not to be nosy and expectant. She sits back down and folds her hands in her lap.

"I'll tell you who Michael is," she begins, "but you have to promise not to tell anyone else."

"I promise, honey," Mom says, miming zipping her lips shut.

"Chris, you promise too."

Chris looks at her for a moment like he's going to disagree, then he winces as Mom kicks him under the table. "I promise too."

"Good." She takes another breath and reaches for the ring around her neck. The second she brings it out from under her shirt, Chris's silverware clatters against the plate and Mom inhales sharply.

"Rose," she says shakily, "where did you get that?"

"Before I said yes to joining you," Rose says, "I met K outside the lab. He told me there might be a way to get rid of my powers for good."

Chris frowns. "K never said anything like that to me, what do you—"

"I'm getting there. He took me to the lab where there was a piece of the Megamycete, and said that—"

"He what?"

"Will you both just listen to me?" The two of them quiet down. "Thank you. So, like I was saying, he took me to see the piece of it and said that there was a purifying crystal that Miranda discovered that could take the mold out of someone. All I had to do was look through the Megamycete's index of consciousness to see if I could find it."

"That's incredibly dangerous, Rose," Mom says quietly, and Chris looks like he's trying to strangle his fork. "Please tell me you didn't—"

"I wanted them gone," she interrupts, looking at her Mom, "they were—I was just a freak with no friends. Someone offered me the chance to be normal, are you telling me you wouldn't have done the same thing if you were a teenager?"

Mom looks at her for a long moment, but she doesn't disagree. Rose squeezes the ring and keeps going.

"It wasn't that easy, obviously. It was…really hard. And really scary. I had to fight my way through these, like, twisted versions of the places in Miranda's village, like that big castle and the creepy doll house, and there were all these versions of me that kept getting killed and tortured, I fought a version of Eveline too—"

"Rose," Chris tries to say but she doesn't let him.

"—but I had help," she continues. "There was something helping me. It helped me figure out where to go, what to do, gave me a gun and taught me how to use it. There were these glowing words that would appear when I needed them most and it…it was like having a guardian angel."

"Michael," Chris says, and she nods.

"Yeah, I called him Michael. He—he kept trying to get me to leave, said that it wasn't safe, but I wanted to find the crystal and so he helped me. And then we found out K wasn't actually K and it was all a trap set by Miranda—"

"It was what?"

Chris is already getting up. "Is she still in there? Do we need to—"

"Sit down, Chris, it's fine, we beat her. She's dead now, like, really, actually dead. She crystalized and turned to dust, I saw it."

His face still looks like he ate a lemon, but Chris sits slowly back down. He exchanges a worried look with Mom and she puts her hand on Rose's shoulder. "You said 'we?'"

"Me and Michael." She looks down at the ring and turns it over in her hand. "Until I found out who he really was."

Mom gasps, a small and shuddery thing. She holds her hand over her mouth and stares at Rose. "Ethan."

Chris makes a noise too as Rose nods. "Yeah. It was him the whole time. He…he protected me. From Miranda, from Eveline, from everything."

"He loved you so much, honey," Mom whispers, her eyes growing wet, "he never stopped loving you."

"He showed me our house in Romania," and to her horror, she can feel her voice growing thick too, "with all his memories. I heard his voice, Mom, he—he wrote me a letter, did you know?"

"Yes," Mom says, trying not to sob, clutching her shoulder, "yeah, honey, I know. He cried so much while he was writing it, he wanted you to get old enough to read it with him, oh, Rose…"

She swipes a hand under her nose and turns to Chris, who's doing that big, tough, I'm-too-manly-for-my-emotions-right-now thing and reaches for him too. After a moment, his hand turns and covers hers. He's trembling. "He taught me how to fight, Chris. We—we fought together. He shot the monsters in the face with a shotgun and gave me his power so I could kill Miranda, once and for all."

Chris swallows heavily. "Your dad was…he was one of the best men I've ever known, Rosie. He would be so proud of you." He sniffs. "You said he shot them in the face with a shotgun?"

"Mhm."

"Yeah, that sounds like Ethan, alright." Mom laughs and it sort of sounds like a sob but she and Chris are smiling now, so it's okay. Chris looks back at her and nods a few times. "So you were talking to him, then?"

"Yeah. When you walked by on Tuesday, I think it was…yeah, we were arguing about whether the original Blade Runner was better than 2049." She wrinkles her nose. "He said the original was better but I like the remake."

Chris frowns. "What do you mean, he said—"

The words scrawl over Mom's dining table, illuminating their faces.

i like the classics, that's all

Rose would laugh at the way Chris almost falls out of his chair if his hand and Mom's weren't trembling. She looks at Mom, who stares at the glowing words, and at Chris, who looks like he's about to be sick.

Mom breaks the silence first. "…Ethan?"

The words move, now right next to her forgotten plate.

hi honey

"You're—you're—"

bad at staying dead?

Mom's breath leaves her like she's been punched in the gut. "Oh, Ethan, I—I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry—"

breathe, it's okay

She squeezes Mom's hand as she takes a few shaky breaths. "What—how is this possible?"

rose

"We're both part of the mold," Rose says when Mom looks to her, "he's…he's using my part right now, we're sort of sharing it."

told her i'm not a scientist, figured you'd get it :)

"No one uses those anymore," Mom mumbles and Rose whispers a quiet told you so! as the smiley turns to a frowny for a moment, before the words change again.

i know it's been hard, i'll always love you

"Oh, Ethan," Mom whispers, reaching out to touch the words. She gasps as a flicker of warmth pulses through them and Rose squeezes her hand again. "I miss you."

i miss you too

Another glow flickers up next to Chris, who startles and stares down at the words in shock.

you too

"E-Ethan, I—" he cuts himself off as the words swirl again.

thank you for taking care of my daughter

Chris swallows heavily. "She's incredible, Ethan. You should be proud of her."

always am

"I'm sorry," Chris whispers, and something in Rose's gut clenches at how close to tears he looks too, "if I'd been faster, we could've gotten you out of there, we could've…"

it's okay, Chris, we're all okay

"You're dead."

i died in 2017, doing pretty well considering

"He is really bad at staying dead," Rose adds, "Miranda said so too. You should've seen her, she was so mad at us."

Chris looks like he's having a hard time deciding whether he wants to laugh or cry. The sparkles swirl again.

she's a fighter, she gets that from you too

His free hand jerks and Rose squeezes the one in hers. "You can touch, Chris, he won't bite. That's my thing."

it won't hurt, promise

Chris takes a deep breath and slowly touches the words. His breath leaves him in a rush as they glow warmly under his fingers. Rose smiles as she feels the mold connect all of them there, in that moment, through her and Ethan. Some part of her clicks into place. As if he can feel it too, which he probably can, another set of words appears in front of her.

we're so proud of you, Rosie

"Yeah, yeah," she mumbles as she feels heat rush to her cheeks, "shut up."

no :)

Mom laughs. "We finally have all three of us together again and you want us to not tell you how proud we are of you?"

"They've got a point, Rosie."

"I'll break your nose!"

"No, no," Mom says as Chris squawks, even though she's still smiling, "no breaking Chris's nose."

even if he deserves it

"Hey!"

As they all laugh together, Ethan's words still glowing in the warm, quiet house, Rose sits back in her chair and twists her dad's ring around her finger. Sure, being a mold bioweapon teenager was weird, but if this is the family she gets to have because of it, it can't be all bad.

#dragonbabbles #fic #resident evil #resident evil 7 #resident evil 8 #resident evil biohazard #resident evil village #resident evil shadows of rose #rosemary winters #ethan winters #mia winters #chris redfield

[aprillikesthings]

can I finish this before I gotta get ready and leave for the Maundy Thursday service let's find out lol

(Edit: Nope.)

THREE MORE EPISODES LEFT

*cries*

s5 ep11 Failsafe

someone hold me

I have to actively suppress the urge to read the synopses of the episodes at this point

oh also lol this is just funny to me, I saw a post Elsewhere Online where someone watched all of spop the first time and they HATED the dumb names everyone has, and I think they mentioned Castaspella specifically.

And like FIFTY PEOPLE responded with "dude they had to use the original names from the 1980's series" and I was the only one there old enough to have watched the original series and I had to point out: the original series was made to sell toys. The vast majority of cartoons in 1985 were only made to sell toys. They gave everyone those dumbass names because it was easy for kids to remember and beg for the toys."

That's also why all the female characters in the original series have the exact same body type. Yeah the body shape itself was due to 1980's-era sexism, but also? It was so much cheaper to animate the show AND make the toys that way!

But also, it's hella ironic to me that the 2018 show has so little official merch!

And now, back to crying over cartoon lesbians:

good question

ugh I hate her

Shadow Weaver: "While you were traipsing around in space,"

OH MY GOD they were saving a few people's LIVES and it was kind of IMPORTANT but WHATEVER

"--some of us have been working to stop the Heart of Etheria from falling into Prime's hands. And we discovered the same thing you did. Rumors of a Failsafe that will break the restraints the First Ones built and set the stolen magic free." Glimmer: "Are you kidding? After everything that happened last time, you're still going after the Heart of Etheria? And you're helping her?" Castaspella: "We're trying to free the magic for all of Etheria so we can be strong enough to fight Prime. I'm doing this for your father and for you. Shadow Weaver is the lesser of two evils."

I love that she says this right in front of Shadow Weaver. Like "girl I hate her too"

nice

okay ngl I have mixed feelings about this one because unfortunately she's not entirely wrong here but also, shut the fuck up

(something something people are responsible for their own actions but also she wouldn't have done all that godawful shit if Shadow Weaver hadn't been such a shitty parent)

but yeah Catra gets up like she's about to fucking throw some hands and Adora's like It's okay bb

;_;

but also they do need the information Shadow Weaver and Castaspella have

so it turns out Mystacor was built on top of a First Ones' citadel? huh

Castaspella: "Beneath Mystacor, there are many secret tunnels and rooms, forgotten and sealed off. No one has been able to access them in centuries, but there are whispers of what they contain." Shadow Weaver: "An artifact known as the Crystal of Arxia, hidden there by a group of traitorous First Ones." Castaspella: "You said I could do it!"

lol they bicker like old marrieds

Adora: "If you figured it out on your own, why come back here? Why do you need us at all?" Shadow Weaver: "Because Mystacor is controlled by Micah, who, you may recall, is controlled by Horde Prime."

they've been TRYING

"If he seizes the Heart, it will all be over."

Stop toUCHING HER

oh god Adora turns around to ask Catra to help out--and she's gone

YOU'RE THE REASON SHE'S FUCKING "SULKING" and you fucking know it, why are abusers always so god damned surprised to find out their kids don't want to be anywhere near them

(I mean I know why, they think they should be able to control you forever)

aaahahaha Adora's just like Nah I'mma go look for her tho

anyway roll intro!

omg look at Netossa and Spinny on the bottom left awwwww

she looks so sad

well okay sad and angry

their conversation here is so good, because Catra's fully aware of why Adora's doing this, but is really struggling to push past how much she (justifiably!) hates Shadow Weaver and hates being around her

I actually do kinda wish I'd kept a list of all the times Adora does the self-sacrificial thing, separated into "someone asked her to do it" vs "nobody asked her to do it" lol

BUT ADORA EXPRESSES A NEED oh nice that's progress

Adora: "Hey, she can't do anything to us anymore. Please, come. We--I-could really use your help."

two things I really love about this: One, she doesn't say that she doesn't like Adora, just that it's not the reason she's going. Two, I feel like Adora knows damn well Catra's not being 100% honest here.

Like, to some extent Catra's saying this as a way of attempting to protect herself a little. She's taking baby steps towards vulnerability, and it's terrifying! And I think Adora can see that and is fine with it--not JUST because she's like "any crumbs are better than nothing" but ALSO because she doesn't want to push Catra.

Because yeah, if there was any actual doubt that Catra does like Adora--

WELL.

Entrapta was able to get Spinerella's chip out but says it had started fusing with her nervous system and they're running out of time to safely un-chip everyone.

But she's been digging around the network that connects all the chips to Prime, hoping to figure out how to disconnect everyone at once, and Bow gives her a little encouragement, it's really sweet.

OKAY so everyone who can, teleports to Mystacor with Melog making them invisible. (Apparently Catra doesn't get motion sick from it anymore which is nice lol)

I love the way they animated them being invisible

oh GOD okay

Catra turns around and says "looks like there's no sorcerers here" while, unfortunately, a sorcerer walks into the room. Shadow Weaver grabs Catra and puts her hand over her mouth to keep her quiet, and Catra (understandably!! but unfortunately!!) jerks away in fury and yells

And her fury causes Melog to drop the invisibility

And now the chipped sorcerer knows they're all there

they manage to duck the attack but Adora goes to transform into She-Ra--and can't do it

she had this issue last episode aaaugh it's not from being near Shadow Weaver she wasn't there

okay but also Adora runs behind a pillar to hide from an attack with Catra and it's cute

girl help why is this giving me so many emotions

y'know it's funny how often I've bumped into posts of people who are confused as to why Adora starts trusting Catra again so quickly, and I frequently wonder if they forget all the childhood flashback scenes of these two. To varying extents they both spent their entire childhoods seeing the other as their only consistent source of comfort and (something resembling) safety, and with some notable exceptions Adora's spent the last four seasons (which was like three or four years) visibly holding out hope that one day she could trust Catra again. This despite the fact that she now has other sources of safety and comfort and love!!! Being with Glimmer and Bow and everyone else was healing, sure; but it never erased her grief over losing Catra. She always, always held out the tiniest flame of hope that Catra would change sides.

And Catra basically tried lighting her own grief on fire (metaphorically and kinda literally) over and over and it just didn't go away, and I feel like when she saved Glimmer and apologized to Adora she had sort of come to terms with the fact that her grief over losing Adora couldn't be burned away, but of course by then she figured she'd fucked up so bad Adora would never forgive her or trust her again. And rather than take it out on other people or suffer any longer she was willing to just die, instead. She really did think that sending Glimmer to Adora was going to be her last act, and she wanted Adora to know she was sorry before she fucking DIED. And I don't think her saving Glimmer was consciously meant to be proof that she meant her apology, but it was. And that's part of why Adora trusts her again.

The fact is, even after everything that happened, both of them had a hole in their hearts shaped like the other. ;_;

And that's why Adora runs and hides behind the same pillar as Catra. (I mean yes, it was also closer, but that's not tHE POINT)

Anyway, this is all why, as I previously noted, Adora's not being pushy. That failed on her, spectacularly; the couple of times she tried it. Asking Catra to come along on this mission is the closest she's come. And even then, it wasn't "you're a good person deep down and you should change sides because I think I know you better than you know yourself," It was "please do this for me, because I need your help." And Catra is fully aware of how hard that is for Adora.

And these two still have a lot to work out post-canon (like, Catra has still got to deal with her need to not just be seen as Adora's sidekick/shadow, and lbh right now some of the rebellion is like "we're only putting up with you for Adora's sake" as if Catra was Yoko Ono) but that's part of why I'm writing a fic lolol

I have so many feelingssss on a related note I spent like fifteen solid minutes last night in bed having taken an edible and listening to my playlist and staring at this gifset lolol

ANYWAY Castaspella knocks out the chipped dude and they run for it

AAAND lol I gotta get ready to go to church. There's still 17:30 left on this episode. Pfft.

BACK FROM CHURCH I washed someone's feet, they washed mine, they stripped the altar, I go back at one or two in the morning for the overnight vigil

In the meantime: gonna finish this episode

(what is my life sometimes)

Entrapta plans to find a bunch of clones so she can figure out how their signals to Horde Prime work. Swift Wind is like Ugh, fine, I'll go with you, someone's gotta save your ass

Entrapta: "Thanks, bird horse!"

lol how many times have they had that convo

A family can be a sorcerer and her evil ex, a girl and a boy, two traumatized lesbians, and a cat

But also it looks like something out of an episode of Scooby Doo

Shadow Weaver opens a magic door

ngl that's PRETTY. like it's obviously about the Heart of Etheria but wow!

(and there's a dinosaur???)

Adora notices how stressed out Catra is and says "It'll be okay...Trust me." ;_;

Shadow Weaver: "There's no time to waste!"

"...disturbance."

The disturbance was your fault, dumbass. I am reminded of all the times my dad got angry at us for being afraid of him. And would hit us. For being. Afraid of him. Because y'know. That's how you stop a kid from being afraid of you. By hitting them.

In any case Shadow Weaver is still trying to get between them and separate them and I just really need this bitch to stop.

(Yes yes I remember she dies later)

Castaspella: "We're on the right path. The Crystal of Arxia was rumored to be the key to reaching deep magic within Etheria."

"But those who hungered for more power have long sought other ways to obtain the deep magic...with disastrous results."

HIT THE IMAGE LIMIT lemme reblog

#april rewatches spop #failsafe

[wwolflesbian]

hey we all know that biden is a chickenshit fuckhead but you know you still gotta vote in every election and vote blue right? like focus on researching local candidates, don't just vote for whatever democrat is at the top of the list do your research and talk to your neighbors but if there are only two options you gotta vote blue and we all know this right? for the love of fuck don't abstain just cause the system sucks. like I'm an anarchist I want to abolish the party system and federal government entirely (and more!) but I still show up to every election cause while yeah biden is being a chickenshit loser now if the next trump gets elected the shit biden is passive on will become an active priority to make even worse. voting for the lesser of two evils isn't a compromise, it's a survival tactic. we all know we'd be better with a different system entitely but for now we gotta at least stop the accelerationists.

besides if you show up to every election you get to decide who's on the school and environmental boards in your area and that shit matters way more to the quality of your life than anyone in the white house.

[woozihaes]

pairing: wonwoo x reader warning: mentions of drug use and self-harm as well as related paraphernalia (like blades, etc.). based off of a reddit short i saw on youtube so i can't verify anything. kinda fluffy, in a weird way. not proofread.

-

permutation

-

rock bottom is willingly injecting liquid delirium in your veins that keeps you both sane and miserable. rock bottom is shiny blades and nicks on your skin. rock bottom is looking in the mirror and hating what you see.

wonwoo dumps the contents of your bag onto his coffee table, meticulous eyes flitting across its contents. he bends over to pick up a small, thin package wrapped in paper, slipping his finger over one fold. he sighs, softly, "seriously?"

your weak attempt to make a grab at it is thwarted easily. "it's for emergencies."

"like what?" he asks.

you sniff. "stuff."

he rolls is eyes, glasses shining in the light. "sure."

"shut up," you mumble, "just give me what i paid for." you make a grab for it again, with more vigor this time, but he's too tall and his limbs are too long and it's hard to reach.

"i'll make you a deal," he says, pocketing the wrapped blade. "i decide how much i give you—"

you're slack-jawed. "what?"

"in exchange for your... tools," he finishes. "blades, cutters, swiss army knives—hell, even razors for your legs. i'll take those as payment."

"for what? my orders?"

"yeah. i won't even charge you for what you take."

"i'd rather pay you—"

his eyes are as sharp as the blades you run against your skin. "that's my offer."

-

this is fucking hell on earth.

your head hurts, your skin is burning and sweating bullets, your brain is running a mile a minute. wonwoo did not give you enough, but he wouldn't take your fucking money, no matter how many times you begged.

"i won't take your money," he said with a roll of his eyes. "stop asking."

you want to scream, or run, or break his glasses while they're still on his face. but your body is too weak to do anything except lie on your bed and brace itself in the face of yearning.

"fuck you, wonwoo," you whisper angrily into your sheets, curling around on yourself.

-

it's a standard practice now. he rifles through your things and keeps anything sharp away (the one time he saw a heavily-laden pin cushion, he simply sighed as he put it away). you sit on his (surprisingly nice) couch and watch him collect less and less each visit.

one wednesday, he finds nothing in your purse.

"nothing for me?" wonwoo asks curiously. the contents of your bag are laid bare on the coffee table in front of you. "are you hiding anything?"

you shake your head, and it's probably too feeble for wonwoo's liking, because he sighs and asks you to stand and empty your pockets.

you blink stupidly and he sighs again, long legs bringing him closer to you in only two strides.

"i said," he says, voice low, "empty them." his fingers drift over your jeans, gently patting around your hips. when he finds nothing, his hands climb up to the pockets of your hoodie, and he fishes out your wallet.

it doesn't take him more than five seconds to find the blade you hid between your bills.

"these aren't good for you, you know," he says lightly, pocketing it.

the irony of your heroin dealer lecturing you about lesser evils isn't lost on you.

-

"you look..." wonwoo observes, head tilted and eyes curious. "better."

the comment takes you aback; the gradual improvement of your situation isn't an unwelcome realization, but the face that it's noticeable is a surprise. you feel better, and you know you've gotten better, but you hardly felt like it manifested on the outside. "thank you...?" you say tentatively, sniffing as you sit on his couch. "um—"

"i have to apologize," he says, sitting on his usual spot on his armchair. "i'm actually out."

that makes you scowl. "why didn't you tell me?"

he rolls his eyes. "you don't pay, remember?"

oh. the invoice, complete with an inventory report, comes before the pick up, because wonwoo's the type to be type-a when it comes to drug dealing, but since you've been paying with the security of wonwoo seeing you another day, it hadn't been an obvious issue. "right. sorry." you awkwardly rub your hands on your thighs before standing up. "well, i should—"

"show me your stuff," he says, like he always does when he wants to be paid in your special sort of currency.

you blink, bemused. "why? i'm not buying anything."

"come on." his smile is a wry curve of his lips. "you're here already. just humor me."

you press your lips together.

-

it gets easier.

the withdrawal isn't so bad now, especially since you told wonwoo about it. he looked very distressed (which was absolutely deserved), but after that, it got... easier. he must've done something, but you honestly don't care. whatever he did helped.

your head didn't hurt as much. your stomach felt better. and while the first few days forced yourself to sleep for twelve hours a day, you found yourself in the routine of walking to the convenience store a block away and buying some salad mix every day for lunch because they were on a two-for-one special some weeks ago and it was surprisingly really good.

you suspect wonwoo tampered with your supply, because he always asks you how you're feeling each visit, before sending you off with your order and a bottle of water.

there are some habits that are hard to break, though, you think, twirling the new blade you bought together with your salad.

-

the dark circles beneath your eyes have lightened, and the trembling in your hands have subsided. your hair looks, dare you say it, shinier? and you feel... whole.

more whole than you've ever felt in your life.

"you look good," wonwoo compliments sincerely as stands by the door to his apartment. he normally lets you in as soon as you arrive, but today, he decides to stare. "did you cut your hair?"

you tug at the ends. "um. yeah."

he nods. "looks good."

"thank you." you sniff. "um, my—"

"your order, right," he says, a little uneasily. "i'll—"

"i don't want it," you say, and he freezes. you fish out the blade from your pocket, slightly hovering in the air before handing it over to him. "i don't... i'm okay now. i want to stay okay."

he takes it gently and looks at you, eyes carrying an expression you've never seen from him before. "you bought this? when?"

"last week," you say, eyes dropping. "i... i got scared."

he doesn't speak, and you take it as a sign to continue.

"i got scared of... of getting better. weird, right? i was kinda doing okay, and then all of a sudden, i missed... i don't know. the feeling you get. the misery? i don't know what you call it. because i realized that everyday from now on, it's... it's gonna be hard." you take a slow breath. "getting better is hard. working towards being okay is hard. if you're so used to being at the bottom, making your way up is hard. climbing is hard.

"but," you say, meeting his eyes, "i can't... stay there. like, it's hard, yeah, but i can't stay in that place anymore. not when things have gotten better for me. it'll be—it's harder to go back." you shake your head. "sorry. i don't think i'm making sense."

wonwoo shakes his head. "you are. it... yeah. i get it."

you nod. "so i—i don't know. i just want to stop. i want to feel like... i don't know. i think i got so lost i forgot what it was like to be myself. so i just wanted to... let you know. i don't want to go back."

"i... then when are you here?" he asks, not unkindly.

"i felt like i needed to tell you. because i—i owe you," you say softly. "i know you—for some reason—decided to help me. and even if you didn't, i just... wanted to let you know. because i think you—" your voice breaks, "i owe you so much, because i think you saved my life."

relief pours out of you in waves, making you tear up and cry. wonwoo's arms surround you and you fall against his chest. "thank you for saving my life," you sob, and his warm hand rubs circles against your back.

"you're okay," he murmurs softly.

you nod. you are.

-

the next time you see wonwoo is almost a year later.

your friend squeezes your elbow, and you can tell she's freaking out as he walks closer. "who is that?!" she whispers frantically into your hear, and the buzzing of the cafe drowns out the words for any prying ear to hear.

"hey," wonwoo greets. you're still a little surprised, but your friend introduces herself before stepping away, citing "stuff to do" after grabbing her order (together with a "text me!" whisper-yelled into your ear).

it takes you a minute to realize you haven't responded yet. "hey," you say, a little lamely.

"it's good to see you," he says sincerely. "you look... really good."

you smile, warmth spreading in your chest at the compliment. "thank you. you do, too. new glasses?"

he adjusts his spectacles. "ah, well, no, but i guess you haven't seen me in these yet. so yeah."

you smile. "how's business?"

he rubs the back of his neck. "oh, uh. i closed up shop."

your eyebrows shoot up. "really? wasn't it good money?"

"yeah, but it... lost its appeal, if i'm being honest," he says, walking with you to grab your coffee order from the counter. "you won't be surprised to learn i work in finance now."

that makes you laugh. "you're absolutely right, because of course you do."

he grins. "anyway, how about you? how have you been doing?"

"i'm..." you think for a second, before meeting his eyes and smiling. "you know what? i'm okay."

#seventeen fic #svt fic #seventeen imagines #seventeen scenarios #seventeen fanfic #wonwoo x reader #wonwoo fanfic #svt fanfic #svt x reader #seventeen x reader #seventeen x y/n #seventeen x you #svt x y/n #wonwoo x you #wonwoo x y/n #jeon wonwoo x reader

[einsteinsugly]

You're one of my very favorite blogs and we're very often on the same page so please don't take offense, but I really have to disagree with the implication that the "establishment" dems are as bad or even almost as bad as Trump. Trump is a narcissistic sociopath who appeals to our very worst natures and poses dangers far beyond what we've ever seen from a president of either party. And in this particular election a vote for a third party 'wild card' who has no realistic chance of winning is just helping to ensure that that evil, amoral sociopath will have the power to destroy democracy. I don't usually speak out, but I know you understand having to voice your opinion sometimes and your post worried me that there was a "both are about equally bad options" false equivalency going on. Thanks for reading!

Oh, I live in NY, so my vote essentially doesn't matter. I can literally vote any way I want, and the state will be blue regardless. It's ridiculous that one's vote only matters in swing states, but alas.

A previous post classified Jackie/Kelso and Clinton as the lesser of two evils. It's like getting a 20 on a test (Trump) and a 62 on a test (Clinton). They're both still failures. For example, Clinton...

*Called African American kids "superpredators" in the 90s.

*Supported DOMA in the 90s.

*Voted for the Iraq War and the Patriot Act.

*The DNC was on her side in the 2016 primary, when they were supposed to be neutral.

*She got heaps of corporate money during her campaigns, and during a speech, she said she was going to get "dark money" out of politics. Not money.

*She literally responded (I'm paraphrasing) with "I'm a woman" in regards to a question about how she was anti-establishment.

*****

In essence, the main branch of the current Democratic Party is literally akin to the Republican Party in the 60s/70s, economically and systemically. And current Republicans are off the fucking spectrum. I call them the pirate party. In Europe, the Clintons, Nancy Pelosi, etc, would be establishment right wing. And Bernie would be slightly left of center. Yeah, most of the Republicans are fucking terrible, and they're the bigger evil. They will stand in the way of progress five out of five times. Establishment democrats are still a hindrance to progress, though, and will stand in the way four out of five times. That's so much better, isn't it? *Groans*

#non t7s #i answer a thing #politics #hillary clinton

[imperatorrrrr]

mayhaps, you're wondering, "hey T, who are you rooting for in the 'yoffs anyhow?"

well...

Carolina Hurricanes v. New York Islanders - New York Islanders. They are an acceptable Metro team, and we can all agree the Rags suck, which is a massive plus point in my eyes. And I mean, why in the world would I ever root for the Canes. I'm a Devils fan, let's be serious for a moment.

Boston Bruins v. Toronto Maple Leafs - Boston Bruins. Look, the Bruins are in my top three most hated teams, and the Leafs are in the following tier. To me the Leafs are just Canada's Yankees. AM34 is just another Derek Jeter variant. If it wasn't made clear, I am a Mets fan, and I've been a Mets fan longer than I've been a Devils fan and I've been a Devils fan for over two decades. You'd think given that logic, I'd choose the team I hated less, which would be the Leafs, but nope. I mean, I want to pick neither. I would rather pick neither. Don't ask me to explain my brain. It is what it is.

Florida Panthers v. Tampa Bay Lightning - Florida Panthers. This is almost purely because I've been Catspilled by the Discord. Do you understand how much I viscerally disliked the Panthers up until mere months ago. I still don't actually like them, but I wouldn't be upset if they won, so there. Sigh. Thanks, I hate it. Another match up where I'd rather have neither. Another matchup of hated teams.

New York Rangers v. Washington Capitals - Washington Capitals. For one series only, I am a Caps believer. When I tell you, I dislike the Caps so heavily, so so so deeply. Its so historic. But you know what team I hate the most ever because they're cops...the Rags. So this is actually so incredibly straightforward. Anyone but the Rags is the policy here on imperatorrrrr dot tumblr dot com. The East is mostly just unwatchable for me and mostly just filled with matchups of teams I hate.

Winnipeg Jets v. Colorado Avalanche - Colorado Avalanche. This is easy. Fuck the Jets. I like the Avs.

Vancouver Canucks v. Nashville Predators - Vancouver Canucks. This is the team I am rooting for to go all the way. This is the team I have transferred all of my Devils emotions onto. This is the team that I have chosen. Fun fact tho! I actually wouldn't be entirely mad about the Preds making it either, but the Nuckies are my playoff team. They're also like my third favorite team, so.

Dallas Stars v. Vegas Golden Knights - Dallas Stars. Like I think I'm in the pipeline to become a full fledged Stars fan, but I'm not completely there yet, ya feel? In the meantime tho, definitely rooting for them against Vegas. Here's the thing, fuck Vegas right. Like fuck 'em. Here's policy numero dos here on imperatorrrrr dot tumblr dot come: anyone but the Knights.

Edmonton Oilers v. Los Angeles Kings - Los Angeles Kings. Another lesser of two evils situation here. Kings dislike is historic as in 2012 Stanley Cup Playoffs historic right. Oilers hatred is more visceral? More of the moment? I'm softening on my Kings historic dislike. I mean look at me, I'm rooting for the Avs. Do you understand that any Devils fan worth their salt in the early 2000s absolutely did not like the Avs? And look at me now! So yeah, this is mostly I don't want the Oils to win, so the Kings it is! Oh, here's a west coast matchup of hated teams. Some variety in the mix!

there you have it folks! a rooting summary for Round One for those interested!

#Text #Stanley Cup Playoffs #NHL Playoffs 2024 #you gotta understand that I've been a Devils fan since like 1999 #and that means I have almost twenty five years of rivalries stored in me #there was even a time when I disliked the Ducks #THE DUCKS! #so like rooting for teams is actually very hard for me #cause I have a story about each one of them #at this point honestly besides actually rooting for the Avs and the Nuckies #its a battle of who I don't want to win the Cup the least #I feel like Round Two is gonna be a lot more hard choices #if anyone can guess my color coded system they'll get a fic #see! I give points for reading all my tags

[atlanticbones]

WARNING:

SPOILERS FOR SAW X

Welp, time to embarrass myself...

Okay, so, two things to bare in mind:

1. This isn't really a legitimate review, just my initial thoughts right after seeing the film.

2. I've never seen a Saw movie in my life up until this point, so my opinion may have been different had I seen the previous movies. All I knew were the premise of the series and a decent idea of who John Kramer is supposed to be.

This movie was fucking great. Up until this point, I've never had much of an incentive to watch a Saw film, I only went to see this one because my friend invited me and I thought why the hell not. Turns out going to see it was the best thing that could have happened. Not only did it drastically improve my mood, but it also gave me an incentive to check out the other films in the series.

First of all, I've always have a soft spot for Red & Blue Oni dynamics, more specifically, when the two of them are allies. Seeing two opposite personalities interact in a friendly manner is always fun to watch. While it's not as pronounced as the likes of Ronnie & Bull (friendly) from NFSMW 2005 or Kaito & Kokichi (unfriendly) from NDRV3, there's definitely a hint of this with Kramer (Blue Oni) and Amanda (Red Oni), with Amanda being more emotional and vengeful and Kramer being more calm and focused on his, shall we say, questionable form of redemption.

5D Chess anime moments are a guilty pleasure of mine. They're ridiculous, but always fun to watch and genuinely exciting when done well. I think you already know where I'm going with this one, so let's just move on.

Again, I haven't seen any of the other Saw movies, so I could've had a different opinion had I seen them, but I found Kramer to be a genuinely lovable guy in this movie. I am well aware that he isn't a good person, after all, removing someone's eyes and snapping their fingers is way too extreme of a punishment for thievery, but most other things he does in this movie is shit that I can support. Him being a father figures to that kid and attempting to save said kid at the cost of his own life was fucking heartwarming.

John Kramer is definitely still a villain, there's no two ways about it, but I like this movie's bad vs bad, lesser of two evils (sort of) dynamic. John Kramer, as an anti-villain extremist who thinks what he's doing is for the greater good, up against Dr Pederson, a genuinely fucked up scumbag. Again, I haven't watched the other Saw movies, so idk if this happened in any of them, but I loved it here. It's a good way of making a fucked up villain like Kramer, more genuinely heroic while keeping him in character.

I also love the (I swear there's a word for it, I just don't know what it is) of the final girl. This trope often involves the killer being a pure evil monster who only wants to kill and hurt people and the final girl being a heroic ultimate good guy. At first it seems like the movie is going with this, with Kramer being unflinching towards the brutality of his traps and being in complete control of a nightmare scenario, whereas Pederson has a friendly demeanour and is usually seen with a sweet smile and when her and her associates are put in the traps, she appears to be encouraging them to beat each trap. But near the end, John Kramer, the murderer with a brutal history, attempts to sacrifice himself to save a random child's life and is a sweetheart towards him, whereas Dr Pederson, turns out to be a selfish prick who's willing to let those close to her die for her own sake (also, let's not even forget her scamming sick and diseased people). As a franchise that revolves around the trope of "who you are in the dark" this is a great way to do its tenth installment.

So yeah, overall, nice film. Sorry if I sounded like a fucking idiot, my media literacy (if that's even the right term) skills aren't that good. I am definitely going to check out the other movies in this franchise cause goddamn!

#saw 10 #saw x (2023) #saw franchise #saw #saw x

[popculturebuffet]

Watchemen Retrospective Finale: Zack Snyder's Watchmen (Comission for WeirdKev27)

Hello all you happy capes.. and welcome to my final review of 2022 and my grand finale to my look at Watchmen. I've looked at all 12 issues with a brief April Fools detour to look at the unmade Sam Hamm version, but there's still one last piece of Watchmen media I want to look at as the Clock strikes 12. Yes folks we're talking about the divisive, loyal as it could possibly be, greatly soundtracked, 2009 film Watchmen.

Filming the Unfimable

As the fact I had a full script to review should show, attempts had been made to adapt the Watchmen for decades. The Hamm script was pitched with Terry Gilliam of all people who considered the project unfilmable as a movie, and better as a mini series.

The biggest attempt was made with David Hayter, voice actor and writer, aka Metal Gear's Solid Snake, Zangetsu in Blodostained, and Captain America in Spider-Man TAS. He also was a writer on the first two x-men films, the scorpian king, and an executive producer on of all the things i've reviewed, A Christmas Horror Story> I knew NONE of this when looking him up and i'm incredibly impressed. This is one hell of a career the man's gotten. His draft really impressed executives, but attempts at paramount, rogue pictures and others stalled until eventually Warner Bros scooped up the rights.

Hayter's script had a few diffrences from the final product as Alex Tse, who'd go on to make wu tang an american story, would do some touch ups. His was set in modern day, at one point Nite Owl straight up killed Adrian, and at one point Adrian's plan ivnolved a MASSIVE SOLAR DEATH RAY

Yeah I mean I get why Christ Almighty it's the goddman watchmen gets mentioned more, it's objectively funny.. but the fact Adrian used a solar death beam at one point still should come up more. Don't get me wrong, the idea of using the power of the sun is awesome: Jonathan Hickman's run had Iron Man build a dyson sphere to potentially smash planets. But there's a difference between taking a real world floated concept and making it high concept sci fi.. and having your morally complex if ultimately evil despite his claims villain have a fucking death ray powered by the sun. The other ideas.. are also not my forte. The 80s setting and the 50s start to mystery men are integral to things, as the films eventually director agreed, and having Dan kill adrian just feels a step too far. What the film goes with is still cathartic and we'll get to it, but Adrian should live not to reap the benefits of his actions.. but to live with both the guilt of what he's done and any consequences should the truth come out.

As for who would direct this, with the recent success of 300… Warner Bros tapped Zack Snyder to direct. We'll get into Zack Snyder himself in a second, but to his credit, he was a huge fan of the graphic novel and most tweaks to Hayter's script were out of reverence to it, though he did keep that ending which again we'll get to.

The resulting film was.. divisive. Some critics loved it, some hated it and fans were split on everything from the performacnes to.. that ending. It's part of why I wanted to dive into it. See when the Younger Me saw it over a decade ago.. he dug it. He liked it a lot and thought it was a great adaptation. So I wanted to see if it held up: if it was still good a decade, a through yearlong re-read of the source material, and Zack Snyders lesser adaptations after it later. So let's answer that question shall we as I watch the Watchmen one final time.. at least for this year.

Watchmenmaker So yeah.. before we can even get into the film we have to unpack it's director. And I'm not one to take the side door, I'll come right up front and knock: Zack Snyder is a kind generous man who uses his massive fanbase to help charities, seems to really love his fans and his work, and who generally seems to be an upright guy. He's hard to hate on his own. That said while as a person I have nothing but respect for the guy, his other superhero works i've seen Man of Steel and Batman V Superman are not great films, especially the latter. If you like them great, your allowed to disagree with me but their just not the best superhero films and I for the life of me can't understand why some people are so ride or die on them.

Man of Steel is.. fine. It's a flawed film with a palette that can best be described as "Hope you like grey!", and easily the worst Jonathan Kent in the characters history, a selfish dumbass who has the sheer gall to berate his son for saving lives and who stupidly throws himself into a tornado for reasons that make entirely no sense and who clearly fucked his son up to the point he's traveling the world and the seven seas instead of living a normal life because SOMEBODY felt he never could. It's not a film I really fondly remember, but it's one I felt okay about coming out of the theater. It's alright. It's not the best take on superman, but I can see why some may like it.

Batman V Superman on the other hand.. is giant mess. I liked it a bit out of the theater, but the more i've thought abotu it the less it's become. Part of it isn't entirely his fault: it's clear DC wanted to FastTrack the justice league and shoved as many heroes in as they could. Wonder Woman, while a great part of the film, feels just kinda there, and while Ben Affleck gives it his best, his version of batman just doesn't work. It's clear Zack Snyder has the same reverence for the Dark Knight Returns as Watchmen.. but fails to get that that's not necessarily how to approach batman, nor that even THAT batman does not kill and will not.

His lex luthor is also just baffling, with it being hard for me to figure out just what he was going for. The idea of a younger luthor whose a tech bro was brilliant.. but the resulting writing has a luthor who sounds and acts like he did a literal, not figurative, mountain of cocaine before every scene, whose plans are needlessly convoluted , and who thanks to said cocaine thinks a jar of piss is a good statement. Seriously I did not realize he pissed in a jar the first time around, probably because Lex Luthor pissing in a jar and leaving that jar wired with explosives is not the kind of thing that usually makes it past first draft. There's a reason we never got Superman fighting a giant spider-man while Braniac wrestled a polar bear after all. Trying to jam Death of Superman in there without having properly built up to it doesn't remotely hep and the film that results is just an overly long, overly dour mess that is more concerned about tlaking about superman being a god for 40 minutes than actually telling a good story. It's overly long, overly self indulgent and ultimately just.. just bad. It's bad.

And look I don't begrudge Snyder himself for wanting his cut of Justice League. He only left the film due to the worst tragedy that could befall a parent, and had it cut to shit behind his back. What I begrude is the cultlike beahvior that's formed out of it. While there are likely fans of Zack Snyder's dc work who are nice, kind, and don't mind if someone has a difference of opinion and if your reading this, I value your existence, there has been a foaming, loud, asshollish horde of fans that has not shut the fuck up since getting said cut. Wanting more of something you love is fine. Right now as an Owl House Fan we're hoping desperately Disney gives us more of the series in some form and actually listens. Sometimes you have to scream to be heard.

The problem is instead of accepting the snyder cut as the cool what could've bene it is and being happy with what they got.. they gnash their teeth at ANYTHING they percive outside it. They've taken the screws to Shazam for not being as edgelord as the films they like, and lately have been just outright insufferable. They have gotten RABID since James Gunn was made one of the heads of DC and made the decision to get rid of Henry Cavill… a decision I udnerstand as the snyder verison of superman has a LOT of baggage and while Cavill did his best, I can understand James wanting to start fresh and using a new actor as a way to do that. It's an understandable decision from a guy who was given the hard task of coming in and steering a ship that has no direction in a company that's on fire thanks to David Zaslav's escalating selfish, terrible and downright baffling decisions. He did not come in guns a-blazin to gut everything: Gal Godot and The Rock are still on board, with his black adam announcment merely being that their going to hold off on using him again at first, rather than "your fired get out" as many are intepreting. And while I get it's weird to fire cavill after the stinger to black adam, it was included more because Dwayne Johnson wants to fight superman than being a coherent plan for a sequel, and I say that with all the love I can to the rock whose an awesome dude. I just don't care about seeing Black Adam fight superman. That's not who he has a connection to.

It's just been so draining. I get liking a film but I doubt Snyder wants .. any of this. He's fine. He's moved on from his superhero work. You are NEVER going to get what you wanted back> Let someone genuinely talented who will likely pull out some weird, wonderful cuts do what he wants and give him some room to do it. Zack Snyder is not a bad filmmaker but like superman. .he's not a fucking god. He doesn't want a fucking cult in his name. He just wants you to enjoy his films and support them. Just.. do that. Love his dceu work if you like but accept it's over, move on and for god's sake stop harassing people for it. I shouldn't' have to say this but it's gotten bad, and I felt it couldn't' be ignored. When Snyder fans are, no joke, going up to a tweet Gunn made trying to get support for charities and saying "DON'T CARE WANT CAVILL", I have to say.. SOMETHING, when I have the chance to speak to said fanbase. To those of you not doing this shit.. thank you. Thank you for being good people like Zack likely actually wants. Your awesome.

Now you may be asking yourself "Well how did I get here?"… or more likely "Okay nice speech and all Jake but what does this have to do with the film your actually reviewing" or

If your a tad deranged. My reason is that while I can see bit sof the DCEU in here, particularly Zack Snyder preferring to deconstruct superheroes than actually play it straight, Watchmen.. zigs a lot of places he'd later Zag. It's shockingly colorful while still being grounded, still having the gaudy outfits, but keeping them because he knows their important. The only change he made to them was to make them more like something you'd see in a superhero film of the past, to help evoke these costumes come from the past: Nite Owl and Ozymandis in particular have outfits that come out of a Burton Batman and Schumacher Batman film respectively. Laurie's is more shiny latex, and the Comedian thankfully keeps his domino mask during his full career and either wears your standard Sterling Archer spy turtleneck on missions or his costume rather than bringing out the gimp. I do think it clashes a LITTLE with the 60's and 70's these costumes are supposed to come from but I get that putting them in say, a 60's batman style outfit would be a bridge too far given the tone of the work, and that the original outfits, while neat, were also intentionally goofy in a way that just dosen't work on flim. It's why you only saw The Scarlet Witch, Vision and Quicksilvers full silver age costumes as halloween costume easter eggs in wandavision or Steve Roger's classic cap outfit as his uso outfit. These are iconic looks.. but they just don't work on screen. You can still hav ecolor and flair as the MCU has shown us, but you have to rework it to fit the present.

This way Snyder gets to both have pops of color.. while also having the costumes still get the slightly dated look in a way people who haven't read the comic will get. It's honestly a stroke of brillance and while his works aren't my forte and he slapped a palette of grey over them, his later works do have neat costumes.

His watchmen shows a respect for these characters and world his DCEU work dosen't quite have. He replicates panels, only didn't replicate the costumes beyond rorshachs for the reasons mentioned, and really tries to get as much of the story in as he can. Which brings us to

The Times they Are A Changing

The film is for the most part a fairly straight adaptation of the Graphic Novel. There's a big change to the ending I keep ominously hinting at and we're almost there just hold on, but there are changes either stylistically or just for compressions sake. It's why I tilt my head at reviews that said he was overly reverent to the graphic novel. I agree he could've used a touch more of his own take.. but Snyder still put his own spin on it and his own style. There's some bits of his trademark slowmo and some quick pans and he does brilliantly find ways to incorporate scenes into motion. The opening scene of the comic is a great example of this, as he somehow manage to pan up in the exact same way David Gibbons does while accounting for having to show EVERY frame going from the street to the Comedian's penthouse.

There are some goofy touches, for some reason he thought adding whipcrack sound effects to some fight scenes was neat, likely to parody it being used in 80's and 90's superhero films, which Watchmen takes some style cues from, but it jus tdosen't mesh when said scenes are played dead serious. This is a deconstruction, not a parody and there's a fine line between the two.

Out of his personal style touches my faviorite is easily his use of music. While there are only a handful of sequences, Snyder picked his soundtrack masterfully. It's nothing but the hits but often used in ways that help play off the scene beautifully or create just the right dissonance.

The first and best example of this is the Times They are a Changin scene. Even people who don't like the film admit this scene slaps and for good reason. It's easily one of the best openings in any superhero film ever if not THE best. In just a few minutes of montage, nicely set to one of the iconic songs of the 60's (not a huge Dylan fan myself but I can't deny this song rocks), it takes you through both ages of superheroes easily, gives you all the exposition the film couldn't thanks to Under the Hood being something they couldn't fit in easily (Maybe a tv movie or something but it would've come off obvious to me), and just looks gorgeous: it breaks down the triumphant rise and tragic fall of the minutemen, the hope of the new era of supermen and it's sad fall beautifully. The imagery just does not leave your brain and it's easily a beautiful little mini movie in it's own right. While the film is still good after this, it's easily the best part of it, kind of like how Up's intro is easily it's best part too for similar reasons but the rest is still fantastic.

That said, the next sequence with this.. is no slouch. The Vietnam flashback with ride of the valyrkyes, as Dr. Manhattan looms over the Vietcong and explodes anyone in his path, is masterful, taking an already great one panel image from the comic and IMPROVING on it. Seeing him in motion really sets in the dread of this giant, looming all powerful godlike figure coming towards you and you can do nothing to stop him and really helps set in the scope of manhattan. I also noticed when writing this section that Manhattan has a nice motif of classical music, to establish a timeless feel, using Phillip Glass' music to really set things in motion.

Dan's sequence is no slouch though, as it amazingly uses the funk classic "i'm your boogie man", and is part of why I love that song so much. It both nicely contrasts with the protest going on.. and nicely matches to Comedian horribly responding to it by violently beating up the protestors. Granted said protestors are pro police, which is especially odd given some are POC.. but I write this off as Snyder, like many of us white dumbasses, not fully grasping the history of police violence on people of color at the time. It's not great in hindsight but I can't say many knew much better and he still shows off that someone with undue power and no checks and balances, i.e. the Comedian, going into a crowd and wailing on them is as horrible as it should be seen.

Then we get a long break, just one sequence with Manhattan i'll talk a bit more about later, before we get the next one.. which stuck out in my mind for the wrong reasons and I was ready to give Zack Snyder all the shit for.. till I learned out why he did it. If you've seen the film you know and if not.. the film takes Dan and Laurie's sex scene.. and make sit into… an over the top, in tense and gratuitous as fuck sex scene.

It's just so ludicrious, so unecessary, so out of nowhere it's parody.. and that… was ex-zactly the point. Yeah turns out Zack Snyder did not ask for this scene, the crew did not ask for this scene and i'm pretty sure Dan Steven and Malin Akerman did not ask for this scene. No one wanted to do this except the executives, who demanded

So Zack pulled a Sean Micheals and decided to give it to them in the goofiest, dumbest, most over the top way possible. It's likely why EVERY movement dan makes seems to make laurie orgasm. Akerman was likely in on the joke, and I salute her for it. Like if your forced to do a gross fanservice sex scene, you might as well make it hilarious and honestly the sequence is: you've got Hallujeah blaring over it, Malin going 80 times over the top, dan stevens just .. rolling with it and the gloriously stupid finish when Laurie climaxes as she hits the flamethrower button. The Silk Spectre has a FLAMING orgasm that is seen by ongoers in the night sky. I.. I can't even add to that. I didn't know Zack Snyder could make a funny but here we are. Good on him.

The last music sequence is a classic and a pretty obvious drop… like while all the songs are pretty well known in a song called the watchmen that pulls heavily from the 70's and 60's to evoke a sense of nostalgia a lot of the characters clearly have… All Along The Watchtower was a perfect pick. It's how I first heard the song and it is fucking dynamite and setting it to Dan and Rorschach's descent into the artic.. fucking perfect.

We get two more songs in the credits. The first is an awesome cover of Desolation Row by My Chemical Romance. I loved them since hearing Danger Day and love Gerard Way's awesome comics work after MCR, so I do like the song.. but it's also a touch too modern to really fit with the film. It was clearly made because the studio wanted a soundtrack tie in.. but it's also very hard to hate because it's so awesome and the first issue's title directly references this song.

The other is We'll Take Manhattan, which I feel was likely Snyder's first choice and is a nice cheeky nod to the horrors that just happened.

Okay so now we've cued the music , let's talk about another change.. one i've been omniously hinting at all film and one where I can't help quoting a certain critic I admire's theme song

They Made Watchmen Without the Slimy Squid

Yeah out of all the changes, one bit of casting, and other various things… this is the single most divisive part of the film. See most of the plot and even the ending is the same: Nite Owl and Rorshach find out Adrian was behind it, confront him at his arctic fortress, and while him kicking their asses is mostly omitted, it's for a good reason we'll get to, and while they plan to not let him do it but..

And thus his plan goes off and while Dr. Manhattan also confronts him, ultimately our heroes are forced to back down for the sake of the world. The big diffrence is WHAT the plan was. See when the Hayter script was made .. it was intended for 2003, complete with a screen test. This was two years after 9/11 so showing what was likely minutes of bloody bodies lying in the streets of new york after an attack.. was something they really coudln't do. They coudln't drop NYC either as it's grimy 80's exterior is as much a character as our heroes. So he came up with something else that made it all the way here.

So instead of Dr. Manhattan having harnessed his power to change the world, he's just getting to it as the film is in progress and is working with Adrian, who goes from a psychic alien attack.. the much simpler plan of using his energy to simulate Dr. Manhattan attacking the world, still giving humanity a common enemy.

Now while I like the squid sequence.. I get why a change had to happen. Even in 2009 9/11 was still fresh in minds. It was likely hard enough getting just dr. manhattan exploding people through. And besides just being sensitive to a reall life tragedy by making things more fantastical… the Squid thing is convoluted as fuck. Like Adrian does lay it out… but it requires a psychic's brain, kidnapping scientists and artists, and genetically cloning it into a squid. It's a BRILLIANT scheme, as it was made to be as believable as possible, and I love it dearly.. but when your trying to streamline an already beefy narrative to fit three hours, it's a LOT to unpack and something not everyone might get and understandably so. I even missed the whole psychic part till adrian brought it up. It has that many moving pieces.

You also have to remember this was pre-guardians of the galaxy. Studios were very gunshy about weird shit and they'd already let the naked blue man hanging dong pass inspection. Zack and Hayter likely didn't want to push it too far. So changing it from the slimy squid while sad.. was necessary.

That said the replacement.. just dosen't work for me. I get using Dr. Manhattan.. but how he pulled it off just raises a LOT of questions and leaves a hell of a lot more holes that could be traced back to him than in the original verison. For one thing the project wasn't some secret project on a remote island and then the arctic but a HIGHLY public clean energy project. I'm not sure they knew manhattan was powering it, but a bunch of scinetests going mising from that suddenly.. isn't going to go away forever. I mean sure Adrian can probbaly bury it with his money, but iwth the journal, there's every chance someone might look into it. Now i'm sure Nixon and later Regan after him would likely gladly shoot anyone who questioned this for world peace.. but i'm also sure someone could leak it eventually.

In the comic.. part of why Adrian won besides assuring world peace.. is he covered his tracks emacuatley: Everyone went missing long before he killed them, he could always fake bodies if needed given his genetic engineering and the squid was so convincingly alien, no one would really THINK to investigate something else. I do get Dr. Manhattan is so throughly. .not human it's supposed to be the same principal, but i'm also not convinced someone wouldn't buy the continence of it.

Not only that is trips away the ambigiutiy of Adrian getting caught as if he does.. Jon could just show up, go ooga booga and confirm the plan. It wipes away any chance of him blowing this away. Unless Jon intentionally lets Vedit hang out to dry, which dosen't seem likely, he gets away completely. It just.. dosen't work for me. I get what they were trying to do but it just dosen't add up.

There's one other adjustment to the ending, but this one I like: LIke the comic everyone but Rorshach agrees to keep quiet but for one thing it's even clearer Dan and Laurie aren't on board with this. We also get a nice adjustment to Rorshach's death as Dan follows.. and sees it happen… crying for his death. Even if Rorshach wasn't a great perosn.. he was still his friend and didn't deserve to die like this. While I like dhis lonely death in the comics.. this still works.

The part I like the most though.. is Dan storming in afterword's and beating the shit out of Adrian. Adrian dosen't fight back and it's left ambiguous: Does he feel guilty or is he just patronizing him like a father whose child is having a tantrum. It's what Dan says though that I really love

"You haven't idealized mankind, but you've deformed it, mutilated it.. that's your legacy.. that's the real practical joke".

Just Dan, tears down his face, knowing he can't get the justice that's required.. but not being content to just.. let Adrian smugly step away. He's given humanity utopia but before marred it with it's cost and will forever carry that burden as he damn well should. It's not QUITE as satisfying as "nothing ever ends".. but it still works with Vedit left just as stunned wondering if he really won. Which nicely brings us to

Under the Hood:

While snyder brought the core of the story well enough to screen, his character work was a bit more.. mixed. Some actors soared, others fell, and some were just let down by the script

We'll start with the character both most prominently used in marketing and whose often see as the franchises mascot, Rorshach. Jackie Earle Haley's performance.. is stunning, it's absolutely perfect to screen, having a nice gruff batman-esque tone that still sounds coarser more tired, and perfectly growly. It fits his uncomoromising mindset, blunt nature and perfectly captures that Rorshach needs help more than he needs to be murdering people. Haley PERFECTLY captures the character, and while he spends most of the film under a mask, he emotes greatly. He also BEAUTIFULLY excutes one of the best scenes of a comic, Rorshach's death. His response is growly.. but when taking off the mask.. he looks utterly destroyed at first, nicely replicating the crying and the fact that despite being so resolute.. even rorshach is sad not only is he passing.. but that a horrible man has gotten away with everything and his scream of "Do it!" is just.. perfect.

Writing wise however.. it's a mixed bag. Hayley does a lot of the heavy lifting.. but a lot of Rorshach's character and backstory was cut. We see flecks of it in his psychological examination but the darkness of mere being itself.. is largely cut out of the film. Malcom Long gets nothing of an arc, a huge shame given he was the only POC character of note in the piece (something Snyder could've rectified and didn't), while the context for Rorshach's fall is mostly gone. The change to what he does to the villain works, having been switched from the saw like handcuffs for understandable reasons ot him savagely meat cleaving the guy, but the slow slide from a man with a tragic past being a vigilante to a man who badly needs a therapist but is so far gone he can't accept the help he needs. .is gone and it takes weight for the character. A lot of what makes Rorshach so neat is gone.

Also gone.. are his right wing leanings. While his opening monologue his kept his homophobia, sexism and general other unpleasantness. This is a double edge sword.. on one hand it makes him more likeable.. but on the other hand it robs the ending of some of it's punch as even if Rorschach sucks.. the fact he's throughly RIGHT hit hit harder coming from someone so often wrong and his right wing fanaticism makes it less obvious if his words will carry weight givfen his various prejudices. The character only still works so well.. because Haley does such a phenomenal job in the roll that the various sanded off edges don't come off as bad as they should. He's just so good and so perfectly cast it helps. It's still not the strongest version of Rorschach, but damn if it isn't memorable.

Less well translated is Dr. Manhattan, who I feel gets the shaft despite his sticking out. I mean at least he probablyg ot some nice resduals form his condoms

Yeah while I feel bad people often overly focus on the character hanging dong, as the whole poitn of that is that he is so far beyond human concerns he dosen't evne care he's hanging dong anymore, I can't knock dc for having a perfect tie in with that.

Look dick jokes aside Dr. Manhattan's representation is really spotty. Some moments are translated perfectly: the aforementioned ride of the valyrkye scene, his spotlight with Watchmaker which shockingly shows off his sense of time despite being portrayed in a fraction of it, and his ending return as a giant blue man.

But a good chunk of his scenes are muted. Part of this is on Billy Crudup. He tries his best.. but ultimately just HOW good he is at portraying a detached godlike being.. varies on the scene. Sometimes he sounds perfectly alien and emotionless.. and other times he sounds like he's just.. bored. The latter just dosen't really work.. I mean sure he's lived through all of this but part of the characters mistique is he's often very hard to read. He also stumbles on the time he is, still coming off emotionless during his ephinany about Laurie or , most damingly when shouting for everyone to leave. Crudup just coudln't figure out the righ totne to match the scnee sand the character dosen't come off well.

Writing wise he's mostly fine.. but the Mars bit is completely botched. Like out of all the stuff the film adapts it's easily the issue that is done the absolute worst. See in the comics it looks like this

Nice crystaline but still pink and otherworldly. Easy enough toa dapt for some reason…. Zack Snyder went with..t his

yeah not only does mars look crappier as while ti's more realistic it's also all brown and muted, taking away a lot of the planets haunting majesty from the comic, but the palace for some reason is entirely made of glass, and cgi.. and as a result it looks REALLY bad. LIke I get using CG, I do, and Manhattan himself is an amazing effect. They got him to screen beauituflly, hanging dong and all. But this is just.. I can't tell if it was just the tightly stretched budget or terrible design choices but it just looks ugly and the scene is so cut down in the theatrical cut it just drains the whole phislocpiacal argument between Manhattan and Laurie. It's just..awful and when you cut a characters best scene down to ribbons he's bound to not come off great. Manhattan looks great but just.. feels souless

So speaking of laurie, stop me if you've heard this one: They cut out most of her backstory. Yeah that's a problem with the film as a whole: I get having to streamline things but not finding some way to intergrate the backstories as well damaged most of the cast. With Laurie it's especially bad as the pressure form her mother, the strained relationship and her painful history are all either underplayed or in the latter case gone entirely. Most of what character she did have is gone.

There is a TINY bit of good as she no longer breaks out into hysterics over most thing, an unfortunate trait I noticed that I don't think Moore or Gibbons thought through for you know, one of only two major female characters in the piece, and the other.. is defined ENTIRELY by nearly being raped then having sex with her rapist so not too good on either account.

That said they replace it with

Malin Ackerman tries her best, but even she admitted that she regretted taking the role, citing it was out of her comfort zone and being the only none shakesphere experinced one in the group and the work's importance, got a bad case of imposter syndrome. I just feel bad for her and her feeling out of her depth shows in her performace. it feels stilted like she dosen't know what to do.. and it's one of the times I blame the acting on Snyder himself. Sometimes acting can be bad direction but not helping an actor whose clearly struggling and not having the good sense to give her way more to work with and an actual character.. that's on him. He had no probelm adjusting the script when needed, so laurie coming out this underbaked is inexcusable. The fact she comes off more as a sex object thanks to her outfit and sex scene without having any AGENCY in said sexuality does not help.

WE then have Dan.. and he may be the only one tha'ts a full on improvement. Patcik Wilson is perfect in the part, not only looking exactly like dan but playing him well: he comes off just a touch more confident.. but not so much he isn't still the insecure, withdrawn nerd the story needs him to be. HE's still a painfully shy man, but he not only has a closer friendship with adrian that helps give him more to do in the plot, and more reason why he's more doubtful he's behind it at first, it also makes Adrian's actions hit harder. IN the comic it wasnt' clear if Adrian was all that close to any of his collegeues. Here the betryal feels personal. He also has great chemistry with ackerman. Wilson is the mvp of the film. And like I said he dosen't just sorta.. collapse and go along with the plan at the end, but is actively spiteful about having to and leaves Adrian devistated. This is easily the better version of dan, and it's likely because unlike the others we didn't get a ton of his backstory, so we only gain more of him instead of loosing a lot.

We then have our mastermind Ozymandis and he's done.. fine. Goode dosen't look the most like him, but did put a lot of effort into the roll. Granted he also infamously told people against his casting "Suck my dick because I don't give a fuck"

But he still did his best and I support his casting: he dosen't look like the superman of the books but more gaunt.. yet he does in the past, giving the feeling the weight of his actions and what has happened has worn on him. While he puts on the cold vener of detachment he dosen't have the smug ego. It makes the character diffrent.. but not in ab ad way, coming off as someone who is doing the grim work necesary to save the world instead of a smug egotist who thinks he's the only one who can. Neither is a good person, but both versions ar eintresting. Admitely Goode slips in an out of an accent but it came from the good idea of having Adrian be german and hide his accent in public to blend in more, as well as distance himself from his nazi parents. I wish this was more texual than just something he thought of but poitns for effort

Finally for the main cast we have our boogie man himself, The COmedian. Along with Stevens and Haley, Dean Morgan not only perfectly matches the role in apperance.. but just ooze sinto it. And since we get his full backstory bit, he's one of the few not as badly marred. The only issue I have is changing his attempted rape to have him be older: him being young and still trying to do something his awful signified that he'd ALWAYS been this cynical, selfish asshat and age only made him worse. The roll was a departure for Morgan who was best known for Grey's Anatomy at the time, but nicely blended into the roll and I wouldn't be shocked if, while not having seen him in wlaking dead, this roll landed him negan as I have read the comic version and the two characters are just similar enough for it to be perfect casting. Ther'es not a lot to say about the comedian I havne't in the comics reviews, Morgan is just perfec tin the roll and desreves more love as an actor.

Finally we have the only two minute men of consequences. Stephen McHattie does a great job as hollis mason though sadly his best scene was cut out of the film, as his death was done BETTER in the extended cut, which I almost reviewed but decided for KEv's wallet and times skae not to. It shows Hollis going down swining, imagining the top knot's as his foes. IT's a great death and I wish it'd been kept in.

Carl Gugino does great as Sally and while she dosen't get many scenes, she is great and I like adding a line about Sally having not regretted her one night stand with Eddie because of wha tit gave her, making her reconcilation with her daughter feel way more plausable.

So with that we just have a few odds and end to

The Cutting Room Floor

As you can probably guess the film exercised a lot. in addition to the various backstories, under the hood and tons of other stuff, pretty much every subplot is excised; The Newspaper Man, the kid with him, Malcom Long, the Lesbians, everyone is gone. The newspaperman and malcom long are unfortunate and it's asd to see them go.. the lesbians not so much as their subplot came off untiotnally homophobic. They also removed mustache cop and you can just imagine my reactoin

Most cuts are understandable. And with that

The Clock Strikes one

So overall Watchmen is a decent film: It has visual flair, some decent aditions, and cast that mostly tries their best even when some aren't given a lot. Is it a GREAT superhero film? Honestly.. no. The cut portions mute the story a bit and Gilliam was likely right that a mini series was a better fit, not to mention there's some tarnish of the time with the executive mandated sex scene and general poor writing for laurie as well as that freaking mars cgi. It's far from a perfect film.. but I still maintain it's pretty good and I still enjoyed it. It's not the best adaptation of the work.. but it's the best it could be within the time, budget and paramenters given and it's a clear labor of love. It's clear Snyder loved watchmen and while he amde some changes, he did his best to get the spirit of it down on film. THe result is a real treat if your a fan of the graphic novel or just a superhero fan in general and if your a fan of snyders, you'll likely enjoy this even more than his justice league works. Doubly if your not a fan. So check it out, it's on HBO max and.. thanks for reading all this way. This has been a decent retrospective and one of th ebiggest and most ambitious project si've done.. But it's time to put away the doomsday clock, let it chime to one in storage.. and stop watching the watchmen. It's been a long road but now.. I rest. See you in the new year.

#watchmen #warner bros #zack snyder #david hayter #david gibbons #jackie earle haley #malin ackerman #dan stevens #matthew goode

[coylesboytoy-moved]

i really want to hear your opinions on all of your outlast trials questions 👀

Hell yeah! Thank you!! 🥰 All my answers are below.

Have you played OLT yourself, or have you only seen Let's Plays? // I've played excessively. I bought it the day it was released.

Is/are your reagent(s) a self-insert of yourself, or are they OCs? // He was a self-insert and kind of still is, but I have given him his own name.

What is/are your reagent(s) names? // Alex / Alexander. He looks like an Alex. I make the same one every time.

What's a brief backstory of your reagent(s)? // I don't have one yet besides he's somewhere between 25-35 and was kidnapped off the streets by Murkoff.

What is your favourite trial/program? // It started off as Kill The Snitch, and I do still love it, but after playing so much and the devs making things too easy... I kiiinda like Program 3/Orphanage more now 'cause there's more to do and it's a bit harder to evade enemies.

What is your favourite challenge overall, or favourite one from each Program? // I really like Feed The Children / the one where you go collect 5 bottles of bleach for yummy bleach-and-body-parts soup, and both of the Kill The Snitch challenges.

How many reagents have you released? // 4, I think. On the way to releasing a fifth later tonight.

Who is your favourite lesser ex-pop? // I like the girl that walks around mostly because her VA did such an incredible job.

Who is your favourite main ex-pop/prime asset? // [giggles] Coyle...

Who is your least favourite lesser ex-pop? // That goddamn screamer. Or maybe the woman hiding in lockers and under desks that never shuts the fuck up.

Who is your least favourite main ex-pop/prime asset? // Well since there's only two, I guess Gooseberry is my 'least favourite'.

Do you play solo or in a group? Which do you prefer? Would you be willing to try one or other if you haven't yet? // Solo. Never played with anybody else. :/ I never planned on playing w/ anyone else bc I really don't think I'd enjoy it, I think horror games should stay solo, but I've had a few people ask. I don't think I'll play though, one unfollowed me lmao and the others have people to play with, so.

Regardless of the trial and their objective, which map and/or map section is your favourite? // I love how Fun Park looks, it makes me a bit nostalgic for a fair/carnival I used to go to annually growing up.

Do the sound jumpscares ever get you? // Yes. I'm super desensitized to horror and don't usually react to anything, but the fucking noise jumpscares in Trials are SO loud and so unexpected, they make me jump almost every time.

Do you like the music (ambient music, chase music, end-trial music)? // Yes. I love the menu music, and the music that plays at the very end of the Program 2 trials/challenges.

Do you like the release protocol? If not, what would you change about it? // I like it. I like that we get to put all that we've learned in the 3 programs to use (the reel, the tuners, the keys, etc). Idk, I think it's fine as is. It's overwhelming the first time you go in, but after that, it's smooth sailing.

What kind of new trial or new enemy would you like to see? // I would like to see an evil corrupt priest prime asset, maybe pay an homage to the Father from OL1 or the whole cult nonsense from OL2. Bigger maps would be cool.

What would you like to see changed or implemented into the game in the future? Get creative! // Definitely stop making it easier and easier. More passive voicelines from everyone, especially Coyle, and fix them so they stop overlapping/interrupting each other. I want to see more cosmetics and room decor options. I also want to see simple emotes (sit down, lay down, maybe a silly little dance) and more comms wheel options. Text chat that's only set to groups would be nice as well, but it would need to be heavily monitored and regulated to limit toxicity. Not everyone has- nor wants to use a mic.

How many hours do you have in the game? 100hrs.

Have you played the other Outlast games (DLCs included), or is this your first time~? Do you like other horror games? // Yes, I've played and re-played all OL games and dlcs many times. I replayed everything months ago after playing the OLT beta.

Are you easily frightened by the game, or do you consider it a joyride? (AKA, are you as desensitized as OP)? // Joyride. I've been looking for something to make me feel something or make me genuinely uncomfortable, but nothing has, not since Amnesia The Dark Descent first came out in 2010 (minus the brief, mild discomfort OL2 gave me). I feel OLT is their most watered down game yet, and it's really disappointing to see them censoring and limiting themselves... because Outlast is the no.1 series I have praised for years for being the ONLY horror series/developer that has the balls to put out really extreme, uncensored content. And now they've made it kinda boring and less extreme. :/ I am completely desensitized to horror and don't experience fear.

Any funny moments you'd like to share? // I have some funny videos I never posted of shoving Coyle back out of the way with a door, and of him spinning in place lol.

Any bullshit kills you'd like to share (glitches included)? // I think it was the second or third hardest difficulty of Fun Park in Program 2. Two different instances. First time, I was in a pitch black room and wasn't moving, but Gooseberry--who had no idea I was there and was just patrolling--suddenly bolts straight for me out of nowhere?? And another time, I was hiding in a bin, and she did not see me go in, I wasn't peeking, but all of a sudden she bolts straight for me again, pulls me out, and kills me in one-shot when I had 5 full bars of health.

Any funny glitches you've encountered? // I guess the aforementioned stuff might be glitches.

Would you recommend the game to others in its current state (early access)? // Yes. For early access, there's a decent amount of content with high replayability.

Have you played Project Omega? // No. I don't plan on it. Don't have a group of trustworthy people to play with and I hear it's near impossible.

If you've ever played DBD, would you like to see one of the prime assets as a killer in DBD (in theory)? // Gooseberry would be really cool to see as a DBD killer.

Do you think the prime assets need to be more present in the trials/challenges or no? Why? // Answered this the other day. Yes, I think they need to be more aggressive and present and have their AI improved.

On a scale from 1-10, 1 being 'so easy a baby could do it' and 10 being 'surpassed Dark Souls' level of Difficult', where would you rank the game in difficulty, scare factor, and fun factor from when you first started playing compared to now? // Excluding my beta experience... First time: 6-7 | 5 | 8. Now: 3 | 1 | 5.

What's your opinion on adding voice recognition so the killers can hear you speak via mic (like Phasmophobia)? // I would love to see it. I'd have a blast talking shit or flirting with the antags. I did that all the time when I still played Phasmo. Would be really cool if they respond to certain things you say as well.

What is the shortest and longest amount of time you've spent in a trial/challenge? // Longest, a little over two hours... Shortest, 6 minutes.

If given the option, would you like to become a prime asset yourself post-release-protocol and given the option to hunt other players or AI? // YES OMG. I would LOVE to hunt down some poor fucker who's just starting out. A lot more fun than playing killer in DBD, I'd bet.

#luvisia #answered #/ outlast trials

[sakura-fraust]

I've been struggling with severe brain rot and suicidal thoughts again lately, this time around being made worse by the fact that I've been out of work since mid June and will be until early August due to my back injury, meaning I have absolutely no income at the moment and my account is already empty after paying rent for this month...

I have dr apps every other day for the next few weeks, but I have no money and I'm almost out of gas which means I won't even be able to drive to my apps...

And so naturally my brain says "Its fine, don't go, your job probably won't keep you for much longer after an incident like this anyway and you're only worth anything if you're able to work, which you can't, so just lie down, close your eyes, and let yourself rot and decay. A slow, miserable death is all you're good for now, you have no more use, you're easily replaceable, everyone will move on. Its okay, just perish and worry about your miserable life no longer."

Of course my brain is quick to agree with itself, nothing said appears to be incorrect. There's no proof to dispute it but plenty of proof to aid its conclusion. It sounds quite nice, to just close my eyes, fall asleep, and never wake up again.

However, there's another part of my brain... a very chaotic and irrational (and honestly kinda toxic in its own way) part that screams out against this... the part that's crippled by FOMO

"Yeah sure, you might be worthless and miserable and have absolutely no future that doesn't involve becoming crippled from work injuries, but if you're DEAD then you'll never know where the story in FFXIV is going! You won't be able to play D&D with the people who tolerate you ever again! You won't be able to play the games your ex is working on or enjoy your roommate's art anymore! AND WHAT ABOUT EVELYNN? HUH? Sure you'll never get the fucking funds to make her a new enclosure, but you're still stupidly excited to craft it if some miracle does happen. You have PLANS for it and you know people would think it's cool as shit, if it ever got funded. Big if. But still. You'll miss out of ALL of this and MORE if you're dead. So maybe don't do that."

I know that FOMO is bad (and esp that a LOT of companies, esp game companies, will exploit FOMO to make people buy stuff, it works on me and this is a big reason why I avoid games like Lost Ark, ESO, Destiny 2, and gacha games) but its almost comedic how the lesser of two evils is shouting the loudest for my survival, for the wrong reason.

I guess when you're suicidal, you take what you can get, even if it is coming from a part of your fucked up brain that has screwed you over countless times in the past. :/

So I guess tl;dr- Dying sounds nice, but the Fear of Missing Out is worse than the misery of living. So I guess I'll continue to be a burden upon everyone...

#Venting #tw: sucidal thoughts #Don't mind me #I'm just having a Time Of It

[baezdylan]

So what are your thoughts on Jo's letter to Laurie in the 2019 film?

FUCK. (what a way to start an essay woah) THIS IS MY!!!!! FAVOURITE ACT OF ALTERING THE SOURCE MATERIAL AND IT SUCKS THAT PEOPLE JUST.... do not get it lol. it's an excellent addition and it says sooooo much if you read the text properly... let's look at it shall we:

the worst fate is to be a wife -> the worst fate is to live my life without you in it. she never confesses love!!!! she would... if they were still children. back when i love you only meant i love you ... when it could be something that was solely theirs!!!! she's not saying that she wants to marry him... she's just picking the lesser of what she considers to be two evils... and YEAH, it is a love story, her best friend is absolutely essential to her (which she knows now. that he's gone.) and she is lonely. and man the lifespan of this letter (it is alive to me ok) is simply devastating... it is kept alive in the mailbox laurie introduced, it is locked away thanks to the key laurie's gifted jo and her sisters (her sisters. the only force capable of overpowering jo's ambition). and that, to me, is the perfect metaphor for jo and laurie themselves... keeping each other alive, but at what cost... does the world you created protect you or cut you off from everything else (they are physically separated from everyone during the dance sequence... on the porch while life goes on) their friendship ridicules social norms and jo LOVES that, she loves seeing herself in laurie... and then. and then the person you thought shared your worldview is perfectly happy living the life both of you were supposed to be running away from... she literally tries to embody him here. (WEARING HIS CLOTHES IN THAT SCENE WITH BETH TOO!!!!!)

look at this progression:

they're practically sharing a face in the scene above vs the camera barely even lets them be in the same shot in the scene below and when it does there's a clear drift between them (excellent work with filters too. mwah), like they're not supposed to be in a room together (OBSESSED with how damn physical it all is and it's a FRIENDSHIP!!!! so punk, punk rock equivalent I AM RIGHT)... they embrace, but the focus is on each of their faces separately while the twin boys hug (jo sells her hair moment) from their youth does little to accent their individual features... their faces are mostly hidden...

she's not in love with him!!!!! the person who was supposed to be her equal in everything is just... not the same as her... what if she's the only one dreaming of far away places and pirate ships? well, for one... that would mean she's all alone. I'M NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU!!!! WE ARE JUST THE SAME!!!!! because of you i can love all the crooked parts of me. it's so fucked up actually lmaooo. back to the letter... THE DEATH SCENE (letters can die) look at the script, this fucking haunts me:

once it left the mailbox, the letter has to die... "she might end her suffering in the most tragic way - she leans towards the river"... just... the loss of friendship synchronized with physical impairment. it's all about the idealized world you've created in your head blending with the harsh version of reality you've also created in your head and resulting in The Unknown (the truth is always in the in-between) and jo wants the world to just ... stop altogether because of this... she can't get the bookish culmination of events, neither the fairytale nor the tragedy... she can't love laurie differently so no Happy Ending from her romance novels (she reads them!!!! we always forget it, but she loves romance novels!!!) and everything is so mind-numbingly passive so no Shakespearean Death... (i'd even argue that she doesn't end her suffering in the most tragic way because she finds her reality lacking in events that would support that sort of final act... also ties in to my thoughts on the movie's particular manner of storytelling! nothing Important ever happens, but lives keep on changing... amy march gets it!!!!) idk man... just. the letter. it's all about the letter.

#little women 2019 #💌restless wind inside a letter box💌 #mal the writer wizard 💜💫📝 #platonic romance: he's no boy he's laurie! #GAH. i can't i am going to cry now

[sucuretcannelle]

BUSTS DOWN THE DOOR.

Star, Moon, and Sun for Aibre, Atlas, and Azzy.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOW-

I'm a little late but you'll see why

I'll do Azzy tomorrow but I want this OUT

Ai's whole life revolves around her relationships. Without them, she feels like nothing. Feeling like nothing would help her so much but we all know she's constantly on the wrong path. One thing that wouldn't change at all is where she gets her inspiration from, which would be her mind and past life experiences. Half of her ideas and choices come from that, or whatever someone told her that she should do.

The Sin of Wrath? Being generous? You'd be surprised. She's forced to clean up after Nash's hellish rule, there's only two options she could've gone with. Be worse than he was (that would be very difficult to do naturally) or deal with it in peace. She didn't choose violence, she knows that her life has only just started and any mistakes and cruelness she shows people will just put even more mental chains on her, and she doesn't want to be weighed down this quickly, she knows how it's affected Nash already and that's the type of shit you watch from a distance. That doesn't mean she's a great person though. But between her and Nash, one of them is the lesser evil.

Serenity isn't a term that sits in her head. Her life is a constant balancing act. No highs and lows, just a plateau with gentle bumps that would eventually turn into deep lows or lofty highs if she took a step back from her control, and she chooses not to risk it.

She shouldn't have hope. We've all seen that hope has continuously left her empty handed, but it's still something she yearns for. Hope brings a sense of comfort that she's never had. If hope was in the sky, she'd have her face glued to the ground out of pure stubbornness and her mental exhaustion and then she'd complain when it leaves without her.

Ai has a very small ideas for the future. She cares about the future in only certain aspects of her life, and throws the rest away only to pick up the same ideas later, decide how she feels about them, just to throw them away again. "Oh what're her ideas for the future," you don't get the right to know that yet...you know that right?

(I somehow already addressed the moon with her, I'm just too good)

Okay I'm done with being negative. The sun is a great card! Enlightenment from the Sun card is great, but it focuses on one person and not everyone else around them.

The thing is, Ai has no idea what her version of enlightenment is or how she would get to it. Silence would give her guidance, but not enlightenment. Fuck, I'm her creator and I wouldn't know. That's all up to fate and she chooses to just leave that alone.

For her, I would rewrite finding truth as finding clarity. She knows enough now to be able to address things as soon as they come up. Her relationships don't need to be unnecessarily mudded up for any unknown reasons.

A moment of glory that first came to her head was her Investiture in her home world. Yeah she was bothered that Al didn't go (honestly she's still mad about it to this day but who wouldn't be) but that wasn't about him anyway. It was the first time she has ever been truly rewarded for her efforts. It was almost bittersweet because Ai knew that her fate was no longer in Orion's hands and her safety net was basically gone for her, but she knew that she had to move forward. It was sink or swim and she still had enough energy in her to keep going without a second thought.

Let's be honest, Ai trusts her abilities. Not as much as Nash does, but not too little to the point where it makes her seem too hesitant. If you asked two years ago, you wouldn't be able to get an answer from her because she'd be so terrified; I say that's character development.

Atlas is strange. I think we already know that by now but I can barely figure him out sometimes and I made him. Most of his inspiration comes from fights he's had at some point in his life. Mostly in a debate manner, but he's been in his fair share of physical fights here and there. That feeds his wisdom and he always feels the urge to learn, but mostly the hard way, so he knows every step of a situation he comes out of.

Atlas is generous to those who are generous to him. He doesn't really have to think it through either; if someone's nice to him, he'll treat him with respect. Those who defy him in any way are getting run over with the force of 10 trucks. What are they gonna do? Fight back?

Atlas' mind is always a little empty. He chooses not to think too much, all his focus is on keeping balance between the thinking and working side of his brain and the empty, slow moving side of his brain. He gets extremely overwhelmed and even ill when that balance is unstable. So in all truth, he usually lives in some sort of state of serenity. But it's also why he's so forgetful...

Atlas is a very practical, grounded individual. Hope isn't a thing that he takes into account in his life. Luck, yes, but hope? Hope is something that can constantly change, therefore he feels like he has no reason to trust it. He'd rather just let things unfold in front of him before hoping for something just for it to be the opposite of what he expected.

Speaking of hope, Atlas has nothing to look forward to. Not in a depressing manner, but he's seen just about everything so nothing could really affect him, good or bad at this time. If one would look into a traditional version of The Star in the deck, his mindset would be the water being poured. There's an endless supply of it and water can withhold a bunch of shit, and even destroy sturdy structures. And just like water, his reactions to situations are in a constant cycle. No changes can stop that, as long as his mind, the water, is still in existence.

Atlas has been through so much, he has nothing to fear. At least nothing that would be surprised by. The roleplay takes place during the flattest, least important part of his life. He has nothing to stress out about so he's not going to go out of his way to find things that stress him out. He doesn't enjoy anything that would contribute to any mental stimulation that could be sparked in his brain, making it extremely hard for him to think outside the box and use his imagination. This could cause him to slightly lose sight of his goals (if he has any important ones at this point) just because he chooses not to think harder.

In all truth, Atlas has already reached personal enlightenment a few times. Despite him being known to be sluggish, he's accomplished more than many other gods ever could. He understands how to find truth and clarity, and he's so talented at it that it makes him seem like a lie detector. Everyone thinks it's some sort of magic, and it is, but only because of the things he's done in what he calls the "physical realm."

If you were to ever ask Atlas for a moment of glory, he would pick when he was finally able to beat Siran in a fight. That would be easy for him now, but that was the first time his father ever rewarded him for something that was super energy draining. That would've also been the day he was crowned the God of Stars.

Atlas trusts his abilities too much. Not as cocky as Nash, but way cockier than Ai. He thinks that everything he does is going to work, but when he sees something that's practically impossible, he won't step in and try to intervene.

[llsilvertail]

Okay. I've been on Reddit recently (dangerous I know), and I've made like, two separate comments about why voting is important but not enough, and I don't want to lose them, so I'm putting them both here.

Context: the comment is about how Dems and GOP are basically the same in the long run and the system needs to be overthrown

Specific sentence I'm responding to: "I’m glad you are privileged enough to feel safe with the democrats in charge but some of us are not safe with either party in control."

As someone who agrees with you on just about all of that, it's not about feeling safe with the Democrats, it's about feeling more unsafe with the Republicans. No one's saying voting is the be all end all. Fuck no. All that's gonna do is keep things the way they are right now (it's "the end of history!", as it were), and nothing's gonna get better. Voting isn't a step in the right direction, it's the bare fucking minimum.

If there's flooding, you have to work on keeping the water level from increasing before you start searching for the source of the leak. No one said figuring out how to fix the leak won't do anything (bc it would definitely help), just that ignoring the rising water level will only serve to make things worse because, at this point, if we don't try to bail ourselves out even a little bit, we're all gonna drown.

Voting for them isn't gonna make things better. The water level isn't gonna go down. You're just trying to keep it from rising as much as you can.

Note: I kinda wish I had made it more clear that you have to do other stuff outside of voting, but the comment was about voting specifically so that's what I talked about here

Context: they were basically saying even though leftists will criticize Dems, they continue to vote for them and it's all "us vs. them...when it comes to politics regardless of their actual ideology or beliefs"

Quote for some more context: "no meaningful change will ever occur in this country as long as ["lesser of two evils"] is how the people think about politics"

I mean yeah? Voting isn't about changes. If it does? That's great! Congrats! Take the wins where you get them!

But that's still not why leftists should vote. You vote because you can have a kid and if something goes wrong, the GOP would rather see you dead and the Democrats won't.

You vote because you're barely afloat paying rent and buying food, and the Democrats won't just shoot you on a street corner when you can no longer swim.

You vote because you love your mom and when the Democrats are in power at least you're a bit less terrified that all someone's gonna see when they look at her an easy target and she's gonna become just another statistic.

You vote Democrat because the GOP actively fucks you over and the Democrats just do it passively. I'm sure you can tell which isn't worse.

It isn't about having no ideological backbone. It's about surviving.

(also, voting in your primaries can help put at least marginally better candidates in the final election)

Note: once again, kinda wish I had made it more clear that you have to do more than just vote. Like, if you just vote nothing's gonna get better, and it makes it far too easy for things to get worse.

Anyway, yeah. Voting is important, though far from the only thing you have to do

#voting #it's important #activism #community organizing #idk #don't be a fucking dipshit #I have more thoughts but they're definitely not even mildly coherent #so I'm not gonna put them here #my thoughts

[eveningdawn222]

Hey,

You're nineteen. The same age I was during the first Trump election. I supported Bernie and, still to this day, hate Hillary and what the DNC did at the time.

I hated picking the lesser of two evils. I remember when Obama was elected and I still remember some of the Bush years. I still think it's absurd we're having to choose the lesser of two evils.

When it came down to Clinton and Trump in 2016, I chose not to vote. I couldn't bring myself to.

Since then, I've regretted that choice and learned a lot lot more about political theory. I've kept up with legislation at the local and state level and learned to decipher politician speech.

As someone who clearly remembers 2016 and is starting to see history repeat, please reconsider a refusal to vote for Biden if it comes down to him and Trump.

This is about harm reduction and protecting democracy. I'm pissed about our country supporting Israel as well. But withholding a vote will do nothing when the whole of DC is deadset on supporting Israel. Or when the Republicans have clearly stated with Protect 2025 that they intend to end democracy if elected - Which means you and I will be completely blocked more than we are now from getting a true progressive in.

I can't force you to vote for anybody. But some things I learned in 2016 election?

Primaries matter. Dems were forced to change their positions on some issues after seeing that Bernie nearly got elected.

Politicians don't care if you don't vote. Only if you do. Not voting won't send the signal you think it will. All it will get you is ridicule from Democrats and nothing from Republicans.

Harm reduction is incredibly important. Yes, Trump and Biden may share some issues. But I know Biden will support unions much better, is not looking to actively kill queer people like me, and can be pushed on issues like student loan debt (I didn't think he'd do anything for it - still not great but so much better than Trump would have been).

Presidents don't have all the power, but they have enough to make a difference. Democrats should have done more with the Supreme Court and Ginsberg should have resigned while Obama was in office. However, we wouldn't have the complete shit court we have today if Clinton had won the electoral college and the presidency. Jan 6 probably wouldn't have happened.

At the very least, I ask that you take time to consider what I've said. I'm terrified for my country. We can't break the ratchet until we stop it. (If you don't know what the ratchet effect is, take a sec to look it up.)

Best of luck to you. May what you need always be within reach.

yeah anon i get that. it is really scary and i am still on the fence about voting 3rd party. i want so deeply to not have to vote for fucking biden. i want a better world, a better leader. genocide joe shouldn't fucking be president but neither should fucking trump. please know that i'm not completely set in voting 3rd party, im constantly trying to figure out the best option, to the point that i'm getting literally physically sick from fighting internally with myself. thank you for reaching out, im just so conflicted between thinking "it's the lesser of two evils" and "no change will ever happen if we don't take a risk."