#its abt recovery

[spacedouterri]

.

#okay tumblr user whos post om not replying to bc i would just end up being me in the e d #anti self deprication is not about forcing happiness and self love on you #that shit is hard the thing you and i and others are struggling with is hard #anti self deprecation is about realizing that it is nothing but emotional and mental swlf harm and that you are worth more #its abt recovery #it hurts you and everyone around you #but sit in your angry shallow hole at ppl trying to get better and continue talking all kinds of shit abt yourswlf that you do not deserve #but do it where no one can hear you bc you hurt other too when they have to hear your *ha ha i wanna die* jokes #anti self deprecation is like saying anti sh or anti suicide - its hard but youre worth more than that #no one is forcing positivity and saying just stop being mentally ill #we just want everyone to get better

[rbtlvr]

(text from this post, fic is little kid with a big death wish by @remedyturtles)

i'm genuinely not sure where to start here - ig first of all this fic is absolutely incredible and if you somehow haven't read it yet you absolutely should!

okay. man. rem, this fic means so so much to me and i'm so glad i got to be here for it. i think this is one of those fics that'll stick with me years down the line even if one day i'm not into tmnt anymore, one i'll come back to over and over again

your writing has touched so so many people myself very much included, and i just. want to thank you so much for writing this fic and thank you for sharing it. you're an amazing writer and an amazing person and i'm lucky to know you. i can't wait to see what you do next

#rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rise of the tmnt #tmnt #little kid with a big death wish #my art #forgor all my tags its ok ill come back later <3 anyway #god theres legit so so so much more i wanted to say but i cant get. the words right augh #i kinda tried to put some of it in the comic though so. yeah. the emotions anyway #idk idk i just have a Lot of feelings abt this fic and how real it feels and just . man. it hits so so hard /pos #just... the fact that dw leo has been through everything he has and is capable of recovery and living. even if he doesnt want to live just #yet. hes getting there. makes me feel like i can too as cheesy as that sounds lajfd;lajlfkl #anyway ive rambled enough i spent ten (10) full days on this comic i am setting it loose into the world. be free #suicide attempt cw #dissociation cw #<- just to be safe. ask to tag if theres anything else lafj;dljsafkl

[feline-evil]

Aoetic desecration and S.O.S both having this rising section of guitar, but in AD it ends after just a few rounds whereas in S.O.S it just keeps climbing and climbing and climbing higher and higher; and the way that section version of that guitar section puts me in mind of the visuals of Nathan climbing that hill during Knubbler's training, making it feel as if S.O.S is triumphant not effortlessly but with great effort and exertion to keep rising and not falling- because failing or giving up is easier sometimes but that doesn't make it the right thing to do, same as sometimes persevering and succeeding and doing the right thing is sometimes hard fucking work but that doesn't make it worthless or not something you should do.

This isn't a hidden theme, its just textual it's literally what Nathan's arc entails, i'm not saying anything big nor smart lol- but i do just like how narratively the instrumentals of the movies music drive the movies themes home too in this way! It adds so much more to feel and sink your teeth into when it comes to this plotline about him having to put the effort in to be a better person and to grow and do the right thing instead of just resorting to giving up or falling back on old habits and what he knows and does best!!

#jay talkin #metalocalypse #army of the doomstar #aotd spoilers #i care him so fucking much i do i cant deny it and this movie is my fuckin everything #im so tired i got no idea if im making sense rn im rlly just saying shit. anyway. aotd fucking good #n also hey w the themes around nathans wellbeing in this movie i also fuckin connect to like #IDK. IN A METAPHORICAL SENSE BEING A GUY IN A SIMILAR POSITION B4. LESS APOCALYPTIC BUT YKNOW #yyouuuu can see some of this to be abt recovery to and doing better and it makes it feel like. acknowleged that YEAH ITS FUCKING HARD #and i like that triumphant feeling of 'we have to keep fighting. its fucking hard and youll want to give up but we have to' IDK ITS GOOD #DUNNO. s'not intentional probably but i can see smth thats meaningful to me personally in there #not coherent enough to figure this personal feeling out rn maybe ill ruminate and type it out another time. im tired.

[daz4i]

yknow i noticed the small steps method doesn't help me and only stresses me out more. and like i just get stuck on the first step anyway and never move on to the next one, i'll probably even go back to the start eventually really. i'm apparently an all or nothing guy i can't think of an action as multiple actions bc it stresses me out i just need to either do it or not. the problem is i usually end up not

#i talked to my social worker abt this today #bc like he said that in order to have an easier time going outside i need to do it often enough to get used to it #but for me it's like. i go outside when i need to. yknow? #(days where my anxiety is painfully debilitating don't count lol) #i'm gonna be uncomfortable anyway. bc being outside is inherently unpleasant for me. it's not smth i can get used to #i compared this to going to the dentist. you do it bc you have to but you won't go just to get used to it yknow? #so my thought process is. i'm gonna have to start going outside every day soon for the art program. so i'm just gonna do it #i took a bus one time with my mentor/guide(??) to see that i can do it and i did. so i broke the barrier kinda #but it's not like i'm just gonna take the bus for fun?? i'll get used to it as i do it. i think. like i was before. hopefully #idk it feels pretty obvious to me but it baffled him i think 😭 #both of them offered to just go downstairs with me. sit at the lobby of my building or smth #but it feels silly to me like. if i'm getting dressed i may as well go do smth yknow?? #idk. again it makes a lot of sense to me but i don't think they get it #i think i'm generally very odd when it comes to other ppl in this recovery program 😭😭 just like i was in that social anxiety support group #(aka everyone went there for stage fright which isn't an issue for me i like being on a stage. hate one on one conversations tho - #- which was comfortable for them. so this was. well. the first step!!! in a lot of its sessions. and it just made me feel bad) #anyway that was my ramble. sorry. my brain is weird

[definitelynotshouting]

grian just, wedged partially curled into somewhere not long enough for his true form body, with no range of motion cause his skin is multiple sizes too small now he's been actually eating, probably REALLY regretting his recent life choices such as "going into this tiny space" and "putting off dealing with shedding by staying in his humanoid form"

I havent committed to whether or not Grian actually sheds, but gods this is so 😭😭😭😭😭 THIS POOR GUY..... if i do decide to go with Watchers shedding their true form skins, he absolutely would put it off as much as possible. I imagine it would make him extra vulnerable, when Watchers are already pretty fragile to begin with, and that would be a fairly frightening situation to be in while surrounded by people you're convinced would absolutely take the chance to hurt you bc of the things youve done to them

#shouting speaks #asks #grian #watcher grian #hunger au #hermitcraft #hunger!grian does not... have the healthiest mindset abt anything tbh #but especially not his friends #something something recovery is not linear something intense self hatred colouring your view of the world something #he's a mess #he'll get there eventually. but i want to explore that long and painful road for him first #hmmm i migjt tag this as #body horror #just in case #tho i know its probs not intended to be that #txt

[inkmaze]

shaking lawrence gordon round like a bug in a jar

#txt #rewatching saw. again #oghh hes so. hes so. #tightly wound n controlled n losing that control is. mwah #n esp w the details we get from the script like oh man. #i dont like to armchair diagnose esp as a neurotypical but theres smth going on w that man. #isnt there a bit in the script abt his routine (PRINTED) saying shit like. 6am gym. 7am smoothie. etc #n apprentice lawrence adds another layer like oughhhh u lost everything (incl assuming ur marriage bc lack of wedding ring etc) so like #he got out of the bathroom for them but lost them anyway. so turned to apprenticehood (partially bc well. pried over to that thinking) #(during his. recovery) #n like. oughhh lawrence. #hes so. hes soooo. #the movie + the script u rlly do get a sense of how much he values his sense of control. even if its not. what he wants? #eg the cheating stuff ohhh my god #anyway. lawrence im tapping the screen i wanna study u like a bug #n the bit james wan said in the commentary about him n adam switching roles (calming vs stressed etc) throughout the movie oughh #<- extremely simplified but waghh

[constantvariations]

So either Wilt turned into a giant phillips head screwdriver offscreen, they’re trying to imply that Beacon wasn’t the first time Adam stabbed Blake, or the writers forgot their character’s canonical injuries. Again

#rwde #a good portion of my current essay is dedicated to talking abt the abuse the show tried to push so currently rewatching/researching #granted ive never experienced anything like this so im merely speculating w the info ive gathered thus far #but #i find it so hard to believe that adam prior to the separation was abusive bc blake doesnt show any signs of it while at beacon #if adam was violent enough to stab her before then shouldnt she be terrified for her life even while safe inside beacons walls? #shouldnt she be jumping at every sound or constantly having a death grip on gambol shroud like she does in v4? #the contrast between the two is genuinely startling #blake after the trailer is reclusive and aloof but shes got zero problems getting in peoples faces when needed #shes full of life and confidence which is a total contrast to her post beacon where shes paranoid and confused #and not once does she ever talk abt adams treatment of her. every issue she talks abt in 4 is abt her participating in the wfs violence #i cant tell if the writers didnt know how to write an abuse recovery arc or if they forgot #actually its probs along the lines of they cant write multiple things at once #thats why every time they talk blake is all 'peace not war' and adams like 'this is my yandere phase' #their dialogue doesnt match its hilarious and infuriating

[princemick]

also, can I get a dub in the chat, I ate my normal binge food without it being a binge or feeling shit abt it

#some of the small steps where im still in recovery n it makes me so happy that these r small and beraly daily at this point #like its been 13 years of this shit n abt 7 yrs of recovery n im really really getting there yk #kyle.txt #ed mention #ed tw #tell me if I need to tag it anything else

[lanshappycorner]

.

#little ramble but today i visited my friend who just got out of the hospital <3 she was in critical care #its been like that for abt 3 weeks now and like it was bad to the point where her dying was a very real possibility #anyways shes better now although shes still in the recovery process but my other friends and i decided to visit her #and we all wrote her letters and compiled it into a book for her to read #and my friend group consists of like 8 ppl excluding her and we all have very distinct personalities so #the book of letters was a whole roller coaster😭 one of my friends was all poetic and she was talking and heaven and earth or whatever #and the next page is mine and its like hey man im so glad ur not pregnant bc i thought u were when u told me u were in the hospital #and theres also the last pg where the letter was so long we couldnt fit it into a pg so we just shoved a whole separate envelope in there💀 #the personalities really show 😭 i hope she has a fun time reading those #shes going to have a Time reading it but at least she knows shes loved!!💖💖 #delete later

[faithisland]

its extremely frustrating that I'm very happy with the size of my pumped dick, and very unhappy with the size of it normally. it means I can't decide whether to go through w metoidioplasty or not

Id rather get meta, in every way. but I just don't know if my dick is gonna grow any further, and at this size, it won't be long enough to stp, which is a big part of it for me (well,, the whole thing is. actually)

so I'm just in this limbo state of pumping every day for dysphoria and growth, and just hoping against hope I'll get another growth spurt

when do I just bite the bullet and book a phallo consult?

#i think i should wait longer #its been almost 3 years but #not on this level of T so #maybe ill do another round of dht #i dont wanna lose more hair but im getting desperate #i NEED to piss through my cock like it is a constant source of dysphoria #i hate everything abt my parts in this arrangement except my cock #im fond of it and would rather keep it and not have the recovery of phallo #why cant it just get like 3cm longer😭😭😭 #(or ideally an inch longer like pumped) #i pump multiple times a day for a couple min at a time #bc i cant stand my dick not feeling substantial in my boxers

[kadekuro]

reaching that point again where im thinking about dropping everything and go into art full time

#my ass needs a full YEAR of recovery/undoing the damage that working has done to me before i could actually get back into art- esp as a job #someone pointed out ive been burnt out for awhile and i didnt have the heart to tell them ive been burnt out for at least 3 years #previously it was 2 years #i havent had a fucking break #i was chillin with a friend and just walking through how every year of my life since moving out except 1 year was hell #(does not change my mind abt leaving home i was SUFFERING before i moved out- its just a separate part of my life now) #vent in tags #rant in tags

[canismajors]

the problem w hoyos storywriting is that whatever themes they try to establish will never be actually followed through with or explored properly making it feel just really shallow & weak

#idk how to explain properly. many such cases though #one im thinking of rn is collei for sure but also the ipc in hsr. maybe will elaborate but also 11:30 so maybe not #like the thing about the ipc is that they cannot criticise the societal parallel in its entirety because they are in the societal parallel #& so they just feel weak as villains. idk #even in the topaz quest 😭😭 as a viewer i was like well obviously the ipc swooping in & reposessing an EMTIRE PLANET #is bad & it is deeply predatory for them to do so whilst they are in the middle of a change in leadership disaster recovery & planetary #reconstruction. & then in game they want you to consider both sides as though the financial benefit is worth mass loss of freedom?????? it #was so bizarre. the ipc within hsr just fails because there's no material criticism of the system tht allows it to thrive (capitalism & #imperialism) & instead just criticism of it as an individual entity #which quite frankly is the basis of similar organisations & megacorps within scifi like its always a metaphor for capitalism 😭😭 & obvs they #wanted that but as a company survive on it so cannot fully explore that concept without criticising themselves #anyway. that is why i felt sooo weird seeing spoilers for the new quest LOL its like. this does not succeed in what it wants to say #+ why is no one else talking abt it

[mothslimes]

ok this isn't said a lot for some reason but i just want everyone with selfharm scars to know that you're awesome. your scars do NOT make you ugly or ruined!!!! absolutely not! and don't let ANYONE tell you what to do with them. wear t-shirts and display them proudly like epic battle scars. turn them into swag tattoos. make jokes about them. you're allowed to like how they look. it's YOUR body and it doesn't need a trigger warning

#mik talks #scars #self harm #sh #mental health #sh recovery #hope this doesnt get lost in reblogs but for the record: its just as okay to HATE or dislike your scars okay??? #i know many people do and thats a valid way to feel its normal to feel a lot of regret and selfhatred abt having selfharmed #but i just want people to know that liking your scars=/=wanting more or not being 'truly recovered' or whatever bullshit #its ur body! ur allowed to like it the way it looks rn!

[rskbunny]

whiny bitches who think a community with an addiction helpin each other do things in the safest way are gross can go fuck themselves as if people aren't gonna try anyways in probably more dangerous ways if no one tells them how

#shblr #sh blog #baby cvts #selfharn #self mutilation #text #sh #mine #get out of the fuckin sh tags if yer just gonna whine straight to out face #and no I don't care how you personally feel abt what others are doin to their own body that doesn't fuckin effect you #you aren't that important #ppl who cut themselves are not the enemy nor are they poor lost little lambs. they're people. #let people make their own fuckin decisions with their own fuckin body #and I'm tired of ppl postin in the tags abt ohhhh look how recovered I am. no one here cares. go to recovery places #if you want someone to care. yer not showin us some holy light yer just annoyin and gonna get blocked #I don't plan to stop cuttin and I'm tired of ppl shovin it down my throat that they think it's wrong #it makes me happy and its my goddamn body leave me alone and stop yer propaganda #if I wasn't in sh communties I'd probably not do all the safety practices I do now. leave us alone. #and if any1 looks at me with pity I'm gonna maul them. I can't stand it.

[definitelynotshouting]

To counter some of the meaningful messages (that you deserve <3) I read because I’m a lil fucked up and have a constant craving for angst soup. *having great day, smile on my face* “wow! Could really use a reason to cry right now tee-hee”

WODJWKDNWKDEJDNDE UR JUST LIKE ME FR ANON

#shouting speaks #asks #hunger au #compliments #LISTEN ITS NOT MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE I MAY BE WRITING THIS FOR RECOVERY FIC REASONS BUT I AM *ALSO* A LIL FUCKED UP #SOMETIMES U JUST WANNA CRY MAN #shout out to the friend who was telling me and another friend abt an au interlude and i piped up with a comment and suddenly. angst #im so sorry. it will happen again #txt

[cervideity]

Hi. I love how you depict Blue and Vio's dynamic so much. I think every single day about the art where Blue is holding Vio's corpse and also the art where Vio calls Blue "Death Mountain" to mock him. You understand them so well! Thank you for sharing your ideas. (P.S. I LOVE HOW YOU DRAW THE LINKS' NOSES. I CAN'T EXPLAIN IT. IT FITS THEM REALLY WELL. I like them better than the typical flat anime noses.)

RAGRRGGGRGGGGGG IM SUCH A HUGE FAN OF TGEM YOU DONT UNDERSTAND ... i imagine them arguing a ton even after the links all come to an understanding with each other? because i feel like these two specifically have Ideas of what they should do and how to go about it. and theyre stubborn. instant conflict. and blues more outright about insults bc thats the character but vios more about implication and blue doesnt catch it All the time. or he catches it but doesnt get it fully, like this bit

also. i love when characters fight. so . smile

AND YA THANK YOU!!! i have a hard time. with noses and i just kinda settled on giving everyone little snouts all the time. bc then u can show 3d space better. and its also so cutes. ( i mean unless i decide to draw them the four other ways. they call me the Nondecider)

#ALSO VIO IS NOT A CORPSE IN THAT DRAWIGN ! HE WILL BE FINE DID I NEVER MENTION THAT!?blue has to drag him outta the dungeon unconcious tho #ok i didnt give like a signle piece of context for that art i think i was tired of it. oops #vios fine hes just incredibly injured. the scenario is a chill dungeon crawl gone wrong. they like banter and #easy dispatch of monsters the whole way thru until they get to the boss . and vio catches some spikes to the side and the tone flips #i had an animatic idea of that scenario pre-boss where theyre both lookin at monsters from a balcony and making fun of them. #god i miss them #extended recovery sequence where blue calls vio an idiot ten thousand times #--ya vio was callin him a fool there but it was abt All the others n blue grabs that and makes it incredibly personal yknow? its VERY funny