#jaal: would you like to stay for dinner?

[katlakitty]

N7Month Challenge - Day 6: Meal + Day 26: Foliage

Jaal had consumed all his meals in the tech lab on his own so far, but he knew he wouldn't learn a lot about the aliens if he kept to himself. Sharing a meal among family and friends was a vital part of angaran culture and it didn't feel right to consume his nutrient paste like this, locked away in a dark corner on his own. He wasn't going to eat with the crew, but he was curious if their habits would be similar.

He knew the schedule of the crew well enough to know that most of them would be in the kitchen right now. Either preparing or already eating their food. He was nervous as he left the tech lap and headed to the kitchen.

He was met by a wall of noise as the doors swooshed open. This was familiar to him. Everyone was talking over each other, one Louder than the other while occasional laughter broke through the noise.

Liam was the first to notice him entering the kitchen. Apart from the Pathfinder, Liam was the one Jaal had spent most of his time talking to. He wouldn't say he was comfortable around Liam yet, but they shared the same attitude when it came to social interactions with other species.

He tried to initiate a conversation, but Jaal was just there to observe the others for the time being.

The conversation topics weren't different from the ones he had with his family at dinner. Vetra and Peebe were bickering about a matter regarding Kadara, Drack was eyeing the leftover food on Vetras plate as if he was waiting for a chance to steal it.

Suvi was involved in a discussion with Lexi about the foliage and the botanical life on Havarl and the other planets they had visited so far.

The pilot, Kallo, was silently eating his food and Liam had given up on trying to pull both him and Kallo into a conversation.

Jaal had only intended to make a quick visit to the kitchen and stay passive while simply observing. He soon found himself pulled into the conversation however when the Pathfinder joined them and sat down next to him. He answered his questions and asked some of his own, turning their conversation into a lively discussion when others of the crew joined in.

When Jaal returned to his secluded bunk in the tech lab he had a feeling that he would be able to enjoy his time on the Tempest. The crew had been no different with each other with him being around. There were no fake smiles or wrongful politeness, they had all acted genuine towards him. Jaal was far from trusting any of them yet, but he was optimistic about working with them. The Resistance could use an ally like them.

You can find a collection of all my N7 Month drabbles on AO3.

#n7month #mass effect #drabble #oneshot #mass effect andromeda #mass effect jaal #jaal ama darav #my writing

[lec743]

Drack Learns

Drack, the old krogan, was in the kitchen of the Tempest, making dinner for the day, when he heard singing from the the crew’s quarters. It’s not unusual to hear singing in general, he’ll always hear Sara humming a tune to herself or strumming on her ukulele, but this time it wasn’t soft.

Drack heard loud, boisterous and laughter-like singing.

The old krogan turned the oven off and moved the soup he was making to a cold burner. Then he followed the sound out of the kitchen. It wasn’t hard to see who else was following the singing. Jaal, Peebee, and Vetra had gathered around outside the crew’s quarters.

As he walked over, he could see Peebee was recording the singing on her omni-tool. The singing started to sound like it was reaching a kind of crescendo. Then he looked over everyone’s shoulders as he looked into the crew’s quarters.

Oh, I wanna dance with somebody I wanna feel the heat with somebody Yeah, I wanna dance with somebody With somebody who loves me

Sara was smiling and spinning and showing off to them as she let Peebee film her.

Drack smirked, “What’s all this then?”

“I was filming Sara dancing by the laundry machines and she caught me but she hasn’t stopped me,” Peebee said, her smile a mile wide on her face.

“I was walking by when Peebee was filming her before she got caught,” Vetra stated as she was bobbing her head to the beat of Sara’s singing.

“I just got here,” Jaal added. He looked ready to join Sara in her silly dancing.

When Sara laid eyes on Drack she flashed him a wide grin and made her way over to the group. She reached through them to grab Drack’s clawed, three fingered hand. She jumped and wiggled backwards as she pulled him into the crew’s quarters, still singing that up beat human song.

“Ah, Kid, I’m not one for dancing.”

“Bet I can change that,” Sara said with glee as she took out her hearing aids turned wireless headphones.

As she pocked her headphones she got into a wide stance and started vocalizing in a deep voice. Drack gave the human an uncertain smile, but as he continued to hear her sing in a deep voice and how she would stomp her feet after every inhale, the old krogan realized the she was singing a Clan Drau war song.

“Who taught you that?”

“Oh, good, you recognize it,” Sara said as she wrapped her arms around herself, “I was a little worried I wasn’t vocalizing it right.”

Peebee turned off her omni-tool, “What is it Drack. I just thought she was being goofy.”

Drack told them what he knew.

“Why do you know a clan specific war song,” Vetra asked Sara.

“The Drau Shaman taught it to me.”

“Why would a Shaman take the time to teach a human anything,” Drack asked Sara.

“Because I was her student and because I asked nicely.”

This only confused Drack more.

“What is the purpose of the war song,” Jaal asked Drack and Sara.

Drack was too focused on the idea that a simple human managed to gain the trust of a Shaman to notice Jaal’s question. Sara then told Jaal the history and use of the war song.

When Drack refocused on his surroundings and listened to what Sara was saying, what he knew about his own history lined up with what the human woman was saying.

As Jaal asked more and more questions about Krogan history from Sara, Peebee had dipped out of the history lesson while Vetra stayed to listen in. Jaal started to spread off to music and art and languages and even Drack was starting to learn things about his people that even he didn’t know.

“The Drau Shaman taught you all of this,” Drack asked interrupting Sara’s lecture on architecture.

“Oh, uh, no. Not all of it. I learned from The Talyth Shaman, The Kariss Shaman, The Graken Shamen, and The Bragus Shamen. They were all really nice and were happy to teach me things. My Shaman was my primary teacher on Tuchanka.

“Why did you want to know all of this,” Drack asked. He was glad that people outside of his species was interested in his culture and history, but he couldn’t help but feel a bit suspicious. People have a history of using his people for unsavory reasons.

“I relate to the krogan a lot and I had business on Tuchanka so why not,” Sara said.

Drack was going to ask more questions, but then S.A.M.’s voice came on over the ship’s speakers, “Sara, Dr. Lexi requests that you not be late for your appointment.”

Drack saw Sara tense up, then she said, “Bye.” And she ran off, pushing past Jaal and Vetra in her hurry to hide from the doctor.

Drack sighed, then went back to the kitchen.

#mass effect andromeda #fanfiction #nakmor drack

[incorrect-masseffect]

Sahuna, to Ryder: Will you do me the honor of marrying my son?

Jaal: Mother, did you just propose to Ryder...for me?

Sahuna: Well, somebody had to.

#mass effect #pathfinder ryder #jaal ama darav #sahuna ama darav #jaal x ryder #mea #mass effect andromeda #submission #submitter: anonymous #source: unknown #jaal: would you like to stay for dinner? #sahuna: would you like to stay forever????

[wickedwitchofthewilds]

Valentine’s Prompts 2019

Disastrous Date

Requested by @natsora

Pairing: Emma and Jaal

Rating: T

Fandom: Mass Effect Andromeda-Project Olympus

Read on AO3

Emma propped her foot up on a crate to lace her boots. Jaal was waiting for her at the shuttle docks at the science station. As it were, she was already running late. It wasn’t technically her fault. The entire day had been strange. First, she had slept through her alarm. Which never happened. Then the shower on the Tempest wouldn’t turn on, some sort of malfunction Gil had told her, and then when it finally did, the water was ice cold. Drack had burned breakfast, so she was stuck with a ration bar. Then she was finally ready to get out the door, she found out the Pyjack had stolen the laces to her boots. Why? Hell if she knew. But she had to track down the little shit to get them back.

Checking the time on her omnitool, Emma jogged down the ramp. Good thing they weren’t staying in the wilds, so Emma didn’t have to worry about armor or a weapon. But she had no idea where Jaal was taking her. She just hoped being late wouldn’t throw off his plans too much. And she hoped he wouldn’t be mad at her. Not that he ever really got mad at her. Frustrated? Yes. Upset? Absolutely. But mad? No.

She saw him, leaning against the shuttle with his [Angaran omnitool]’s interface open. Maybe he was going to try and contact her to see what was keeping her. Emma hurried along, calling out to him so he would know she was on her way. When he looked up to see her, he didn’t seem angry in the slightest.

“Darling one!” He raised his hand in greeting.

Emma took the steps two at a time, only slightly out of breath. “Sorry I’m late,” she said, coming to a stop in front of him.

“It’s alright,” he reassured her. “Is everything okay?”

She nodded. “Just been a weird day so far.”

“Ah. Well, hopefully, what I have planned will make it better.”

Emma placed her hands on his upper arms and lifted up on the balls of her feet to press a kiss to his cheek. “If you’ve planned it, then I’m sure it will.”

He buzzed happily, pleased at her confidence in whatever he had planned. But Jaal knew her so well. And she knew that if he had planned something it was special for her, for the both of them, and she knew she would love it. He was always trying to do things for her. Little things for her to experience, to make her happy, to make her laugh. Jaal was kind and sweet. Sometimes it worried her. Sometimes she didn’t feel worthy of it. But over time, she felt that way less and less.

Jaal reached for her hand, and they boarded the shuttle. It didn’t take very long to get to their destination. Emma could see The Forge in the distance, but the shuttle dropped them off right before they reached it. She doubted that’s where they were going.

Jaal had a bag slung over his shoulder, and with her hand firmly in his, he led her through the thick foliage. Bioluminescent mushrooms lit the way. As always, Emma had to fight the urge to touch one even though she knew the slime was toxic. She kept her hand in Jaal’s and ignored the urge.

They walked past the mushrooms, and towards the ravine. The last time they had been here, they had been racing against the clock to disarm Akksul and his bombs. She wondered if he was finally bringing her back to The Forge. To see the beauty and importance of it, without it being tainted by the Roekkar. But after they dropped down to the ledge, he stopped while looking down at the water down below.

“This is good,” he murmured to himself. He turned back to her. “Will you close your eyes for me?” he asked.

Emma raised an eyebrow but didn’t tease him. She squeezed her eyes shut and placed her hands over them for good measure. This was his surprise and she didn’t want to ruin it. Emma heard him unzipping the bag, and then the rustling of fabric. She was curious. Just what had Jaal brought with him? She resisted the urge to peek.

Jaal cleared his throat. “Before you open your eyes,” he said. “We haven’t been able to go on a proper date and I wanted to change that. It may not be what you would have experienced in the Milky Way, but I hope you like this.” He paused. “You can open your eyes.”

Emma dropped her hands, her eyes opening and automatically going to Jaal. He was standing in front of a blanket that had been placed a few feet from the ledge. Presumably, so they could look over the edge at the water below and be close enough to marvel at The Forge. The bag was open, and she could see containers of food inside. It mostly looked like fruit, which is what was largely available right now, and some nutrient paste as well. He exuded anxious energy, waiting for her reaction.

It was perfect. Emma didn’t care about anything fancy. She just wanted Jaal and this was him. Thoughtful. Determined to make something work even if there was very little to work with. A lot of thought had gone into doing this for her and she loved it. She loved him.

Emma stepped forward, wrapping her arms around his waist. “It’s perfect,” she mumbled into his rofjinn.

“Do you really think so?” he asked, sounding pleased with himself because he already knew what her answer was going to be. Emma couldn’t lie to him. Her bioelectricity would give her away if she tried.

Emma nodded and looked up at him. “I love it.”

This time Jaal leaned down to press a kiss to her cheek. He guided her with a hand on her lower back to the blanket and they sat down together facing towards the ravine. With her shoulder against his, she looked towards The Forge. It was never lost on her just how beautiful Havarl was. It really was one of her favorite places in Andromeda. If she had to choose a place to settle down, this would be it. Especially if Jaal was involved.

Jaal reached into the bag to pull out a container. There was a portion of Paripo, just enough for the two of them. He must have already shared the rest with the crew and then saved the rest for this. Emma leaned into him as she chewed, just basking in the peaceful silence.

After weeks of dealing with the Archon, and the fallout after the fact, this quiet was well-earned. They had all been working hard since waking up in Andromeda, and they took their peace wherever they could find it. Emma was glad that Jaal and the moments they shared were her peace.

“While we are here, Sahuna wanted us to come by and have dinner with the family,” Jaal finally broke the silence.

Emma nodded. “Sounds great. I think I have some gifts on the Tempest anyway. Might as well get them off the Tempest before Kallo has a fit about weight.”

He chuckled. “Yes, a fit he has with Peebee often.”

“If he wouldn’t get in massive trouble for it, I’m sure he would jettison her escape pod.”

They both laughed. Mostly because it was true.

A rustling sound drew Emma’s attention. It sounded like it was coming from behind them. Jaal fell silent as well, noticing her change in demeanor. Emma stayed still listening but didn’t hear anything else. Maybe she was hearing things. Or maybe it was just someone walking by. After a minute or two of just listening, she shrugged and turned back to Jaal. There was a flash, and she was alert again, but there was nothing beside him. Yet…something didn’t feel right.

A low growl was the only warning Emma had before the air beside Jaal shimmered and she knew. Her fingers tangled in the fabric of his rofjinn and she pulled him towards her right as a Wraith uncloaked itself and lunged at him. A barrier slammed down around them, slicing the Wraith in half. But Emma could see others lurking in the foliage above them. Damn. How did she miss them before?

Out of habit, she reached for her sidepiece and then cursed. Of course, she hadn’t brought it. She didn’t think it would be a problem since they wouldn’t technically be in the wilds. A dumb decision really. She should know to be prepared in Andromeda no matter what. But she didn’t feel too bad. Jaal hadn’t brought his rifle either. Looks like it was another time to test her power.

Another Wraith lunged at them, but it hit the barrier head-on. Shaking its head, it backed away still growling. Emma couldn’t hold the barrier up forever, and they were too scattered for her to slam them into anything. Her eyes strayed to the ledge. But maybe she could get them to go over. There was no way they would survive the fall into the ravine.

She was more prepared when the next one lunged. Jaal stayed with her as she moved them and the barrier closer to the ledge. The Wraiths followed, believing they had Emma and Jaal cornered between a rock and a hard place. They all jumped down from the ledge. There were five altogether.

“When I say duck, I need you to duck,” she said. “I’m going to drop the barrier and throw them over the edge. Hopefully, my powers won’t fritz,” she mumbled the last part.

“You can do it,” Jaal encouraged.

She could see their haunches tense and she knew they were all going to try and lunge again. Her barrier wouldn’t withstand too many attacks, so she needed to work fast. There wouldn’t be another chance to pull up another one. The Wraith lunged as a group and Emma yelled out. Jaal ducked down beside her and she followed him, dropping that barrier. A few of the Wraith jumped right over their heads and right over the ledge. That left two. Two Emma was able to reach for with her power.

With a hold on them, she pushed, sending them flying over the edge. Jaal gripped her waist to keep her upright and steady. They stilled, waiting to see if there were any more, but it was quiet again.

“They never come this close,” Jaal said.

Emma let out a shaky breath. “I guess there’s a first time for everything.” She turned to look at him “Are you—”

She followed his gaze to the rumpled blanket and the spilled food. So much for a picnic. Emma wanted to laugh at their luck, but it died in her throat when she saw the look on his face. He looked so crestfallen. She knelt down beside him.

“I’m sorry darling one,” he said. “I perhaps didn’t plan this we—"

Emma leaned forward, his face cupped in her hands, and quieted his apology with a small kiss. “It was perfect, Jaal. I certainly won’t forget it.”

#valentines prompts 2019 #emma ryder #jaal ama darav #Miles to go before I sleep #project olympus #wickedwitchofthewilds

[do-i-love-jaal-today]

Got on your blog as I'm starting to get back into Andromeda. Actually felt tears in my eyes as I gazed on Jaal's sweet face. How dare I neglect my husband? If you're still doing headcanons/imagines, is it alright to ask Jaal with a fem s/o going through a rough spot? Missing/Mourning family, depression making it hard to do stuff, the Fun Stuff. As always, love you and the blog

   And I still look upon your stuff with great joy~! I don’t think I’ve ever told you my main and, at this point, I think I’ll let it remain a mystery. :P      But I know EXACTLY how you feel… I miss Jaal so much! Sunshine of my life!!! ….But fighting that piece of shit Architect on Voeld again… I don’t want to. (And my dad’s XBOX has my file, sldkfgjfkd.)

   Anywho! I’d love to fulfill this request! Let’s get a nice fic going in this house tonight…

   At first, it wasn’t too bad. New place, new stars, a new race to meet… It all blew the Milky Way out of the water. The drell and quarians felt so far away now, Earth even farther as you got inducted into the new life that Andromeda provided. Still felt shaky, still felt uncertain at times…but the future truly was now.

   Then again, that was before the shock wore off. Before you sat down, realized your situation, and spiraled.

   Holy shit, your family is gone. The Milky Way was hundreds- no, billions- of light years away and with it, so many familiar things you might not ever see again…especially not in the same way. You knew it was bad when you burst into tears over never having your favorite chips or fast food place or favorite dessert… Yet it was still just the tip of the iceburg that was the mounting panic and depression that had begun to overtake you.

   No, that relentless panic didn’t stop until your eyes burned from tears you could no longer shed, chest aching, muscles aching in your hands where you clenched your fists, and the ever-present ache of feeling so, so alone despite being surrounded by people you’ve known. People you could know, with a little more bravery.

   You ended up falling asleep that way, napping off the exhaustion.

   It was a few hours later when you awoke, unsure why and rather dazed until you heard a muffled “I’m coming in,” and your door sliding open. The voice should’ve alerted you, but fresh from sleep, it took not the near-silent padding of his feet, but the view of Jaal Ama Darav stepping into your room for your heart to jolt into a panic, suddenly wide awake and very aware you’d passed out from a crying fit. Stars, please ensure you look decent enough for company…!

   “Jaal…?”

   “Taoshay, Darling One,” he hums gently, hesitating a moment- likely out of politeness from learned human customs (odd as they are, he’s admitted before)- before going right back to what he knows best: walking over to your bed, taking a seat near your legs, and studying your face. “Are you alright? Lunch and dinner were called, but you didn’t show.”

   “O-Oh… Has it been that long?” Not surprising, but all the same… Your stomach did kinda hurt. “Sorry. I guess time got awa-”

   “You missed breakfast, too,” he pointed out, eyes narrowing suspiciously. Instantly, you faltered in your attempts for flimsy excuses. “And dinner the night before, as well. I heard reports that you’ve been having…snacks instead of your meals. Darling one… If something is the matter, you can tell me.”

   He says it with no hesitation, staring intently at you a moment before reaching his hands out, taking one of your hands in his and cupping it. Once again, you’re reminded of how big he is… It’s somehow so easy to forget, around lanky salarians and human-esque drell, that angara are…rather big.

   You’re at a loss. Jaal’s patiently waiting. For a moment, you consider trying to dodge the topic- Jaal wouldn’t like it, but he’d accept that you don’t wish to talk about what troubles you, if it’s that bad- but remembering what’s been getting at you just a few hours earlier gets your face hot and newfound tears bubbling up in your eyes.

   “…Darling One?” He sounds so lost for once and you don’t resist; moving forward to slump into his chest. When he lets go of your hand, you hold onto him like he’s your anchor…and he seems to understand. The weight of his arms around you, heavy, and yet as soft and warm as ever, breaks down more of the ache you didn’t know you had, crying even harder than before.

   He hums a song you’ve never heard before- an angaran lullaby, maybe- and strokes your head as you cry.

   “…I see,” he hums later, having told him everything that had been on your mind. Jaal takes it as easily as anyone would expect from him, quiet and thoughtful, listening until the end. “Darling One… You are so strong, you know that?”

   “Huh?” You look up as he laughs, stroking your cheek with his thumb. A delightful sound with a pleasant look on his face… Your heart aches with affection and it’s almost hard to remember what you were upset about.

   “It’s not easy to part from family… Yet you did. Though in parting them, you realize you have a new family?”

   “I…wouldn’t really consider the other people on the Nexus my-” Your voice gets cut off by his laughter and despite your initial indignation for him laughing, it’s such a boisterous, happy sound that…you suppose you don’t mind it any.

   “The Nexus, yes… No, my dear, I mean my family. One does not have to be a mother to be one of the mothers, you understand?” …oh. It’s awkward and your cheeks heat up a little in embarrassment, but at least Jaal’s still getting a kick out of it, chest shaking gently with laughter. “But yes, there’s that…and despite your depression, you do so much. You fight against yourself every day and you win. Even if it’s just because you made it out of bed or as bold as saying hi to someone new… That’s the greatest fight of all, Darling One.”

   Jaal shifted, sitting up more and dragging up his hands to cup your cheeks, tilting your head back a little as he smiled. “There’s no greater fight than ones with ourselves. I heard that, recently. We angara are very open… You humans? Not so much. You fight so much already, physically, emotionally, and mentally… To have more to deal with is no….how do you say it?” He paused, tilting his head a moment, eyes flicking away a moment… “Ah, walk in the park. It’s no walk in the park to fight with your own mind like that…and win.

   “Darling One, if things ever become too much for you… If you need help, I am here.” Now he was gently tugging you up, pressing foreheads together before tilting his head into a gentle, loving kiss. “Remember what I say, Darling One…

   “Stay strong and clear.” You said it with him, perhaps not as strongly or as confidently as he did, but enough for that smile to brighten.

   “Very good.” With that, he readjusted his grip and stood up with his arms holding onto you, gently setting you to the floor…and hands hovering in case you weren’t ready to stand yet. (You quickly grabbed onto them, head reeling from the hours-long-nap and the lack of food.) “Now, where shall we begin? Food? Do you need to wash up?”

   “Food…and plenty of drinks,” you whined, stepping forward to rest your head on his chest. “I don’t feel so good.”

   “Not enough liquids or food,” he sighed, shaking his head. “If only you lot were adjusted to nutrient paste… Easier to have on hand, you know. Come along then, Darling One. Let’s get you a meal.”

#itsthesinbin #Imagine Jaal Ama Darav #Jaal Ama Darav #mass effect andromeda #angara #me andromeda #mass effect #AkiMod answers #Fanfic #[I wrote this RIGHT AWAY for you] #[I hope you like it~]

[starlightwrites]

Sleepover

It is Leather and Lace Romance Week 2018! Thank you @vorchagirl and @blueteaparty for hosting! <3

Day 1: Two people/One Bed, Featuring Cressida Ryder, Liam Kosta, and just so much awkwardness!

They could have all crammed back onto the Tempest and slept the night there like usual, but no one wanted to get back onto the ship now that there was a real, true-blue colony up and running. There were only a handful of settlers so far—maybe twenty or so—and only a few buildings had been set up inside the safe zone, but it was better than breathing recycled air on a ship again. Even Kallo left the deck and paced around Podromos, stretching his limbs and kicking up sand.

That was how they ended up fitting the whole crew—everyone from Lexi to Jaal—into the prefab on the lake. Everyone was bunking up like this. There had only been five buildings established so far, and everyone was taking turns in sleeping bags and cots. It was only fair that the Tempest crew bunk together.

There were only a few cots, though.

Vetra staked her claim first, setting a datapad down on the pillow of a cot against the wall. No one dared move it. Drak caught wind of that and holed up in the corner of the second floor room, which was half full of boxes and to-be-assembled furniture. Lexi snagged the side room that overlooked the water and set up against the window. Kallo and Suvi followed, and when Cora noticed them snagging spaces, she grabbed for one of the fold-up cots and dragged it over to join them. The four had set the room up like an Alliance dormitory—a bed in each corner with sheets tucked so tight you could bounce a credit chit off them. Jaal made camp in the middle of the room. When Cress asked about it, he shrugged and told her that most Angaran families shared big common spaces together. Fair enough. Peebeee stumbled in late and saw that all the cots were taken, so she called dibs on the bathtub. That just left her and Liam, who had been too busy struggling to assemble the brand-new coffee maker and turned back around to find that everyone had already situated themselves.

Looks like they’d have to share a couch, then.

They ate dinner outside with the rest of the settlers, like one big picnic. It didn’t get dark on Eos, but everyone disbanded at around the same time. Body clocks and all that. Settling was hard work, and everyone had spent the day pitching in and getting lab equipment set up. Lexi seemed to be the deciding factor on bedtime for the Tempest crew, but if anyone disagreed, they didn’t argue. She activated the window dimmers as they entered the prefab and bid everyone goodnight. Peebee said she was going to a walk for a bit, but most everyone else decided to change out of the day’s dusty clothes and hunker down. Like one big pajama party. Cressida changed into her sweats and climbed the stairs to the second floor. She must have beat Liam up, because it was just her and a snoring Drak. Out light a light, the poor old man. She stifled a giggle. Grandpa Drak watching over the two youngins. Make sure no one gets into any mischief.

Not that they would, of course.

Liam? Her? No.

Not that she didn’t think Liam was attractive. Not that she did find him attractive, necessarily. Well, he was very attractive, but that didn’t—

She tamped down the thought and stretched out on the couch. Enough of that. She was the Pathfinder for the human Ark, not a middle-schooler at a dance. The door across the room slid open and she nearly jumped out of her skin.

Just Liam. Take a deep breath.

Oh.

Wait.

Just shirtless Liam. She forgot. Liam slept without a shirt.

I mean, if she looked like that, she’d probably walk around everywhere without a shirt, so she really couldn’t blame him. The windows had been tinted to darken the room, but she was probably blushing so hard her face looked like a nightlight.

Liam’s eyes were still adjusting. He half-tripped over Drak’s duffle, and then dropped onto the couch, sitting on her shins.

“Shit! Ryder!”

Cress curled up right as Liam jumped back to his feet, and at the same time, they both whispered “sorry!”

Liam pat the couch before sitting back down, and even in the dark she could make out his grin.

“Looks like we’re sharing, eh Pathfinder?”

“Yeah, I should have known no one would want to stay on the ship.” She tugged at the blanket she’d pulled around her and offered Liam a corner. His fingers brushed hers when he accepted. She shivered. “First night on Podromos is one big sleepover.”

“Makes me think of being at a really intense summer camp. Like in a movie,” he whispered.

“Camp Deadly Radiation?” She wrapped her arms around her knees and leaned forward.

“Something like that.” He pulled the blanket up and tucked it in around his hips, feet stuffed under the couch cushions. The air was sill. The prefab had clean plastic smell about it—everything was fresh out of the box. At least the couch wasn’t half bad. Her bed was better, but it was nice to spend some time groundside without dodging bullets. Building instead of shooting. She started to get comfy, but accidentally kicked Liam in the shins. He shifted a little.

“We should head to—”

“Probably bedtime—”

They both stopped and Liam laughed quietly.

“Right,” Cress whispered. “So we can sleep like this?”

“Yeah! Sure.”

She stretched her legs out so they could sleep head-to-foot, but accidentally kicked Liam another two times in the process. When they were finally settled, they were both trying so hard not to touch each other that he was half on the floor, and she was sinking into the crack between the seat cushions and the back of the couch. She rolled a little as she started to fall asleep, but woke herself up kicking Liam yet again. Fourth time? He was going to wake up with bruises and everyone would think she’d clobbered him. She heard a quiet chuckle in the dark.

“Comfortable?”

“Yup! Yeah, totally comfortable.” Her arm had disappeared into the couch, probably never to be seen again. “Just like home.”

“Really?”

“No. Sorry, no not at all. You?”

“I mean, it could be worse.”

She sat back up at around the same time he did.

“Ryder, I’m not being fresh, but it might be easier to...ah.”

“Snuggle up?” She really hoped that was where he was going with this, because otherwise she was the one being fresh. She shot a glance over at Drak, but their whispered conversation didn’t even make him twitch.

“Yeah. Just for tonight, I mean. Since there’s not a lot of space.”

“Okay. Yeah.” She got up on her knees and tried to climb over as best she could without planting her hand somewhere she shouldn’t. She finally got herself comfortable, tucked into Liam’s side. For a bit, they tried sleeping back-to-back, but she kept pushing him off when she started to doze. It wasn’t her fault she was kinda a selfish sleeper. In her defense, she wasn’t used to sharing, and her room aboard the Tempest had a queen-sized bed. Pretty luxurious for space. She had gotten used to spreading out.

Liam rolled over and she could feel the heat of his chest against her back. He slipped one arm under her head, and let one drape over her side. Nested together like that, they fit perfectly. Better than perfectly. She was more comfortable than she’d be back on the ship. Maybe it was just that she had gone a while on her own, without anyone to snuggle up to (but, if she was being honest, it wasn’t really that). His knees curled behind hers. When she stretched out her toes, she could brush the tops of his feet.

Oh no.

This was perfect.

She liked this a lot more than she should. There were probably logical, non-crush, non-awkward reasons why. There had to be. She was definitely just a little touch-starved. She was a huggy person, and most of her crew was not, and she was under a lot of stress. That must have been it. Just needed a hug. A nice, platonic hug. But then he shifted, and his hand was on her side, and she wanted to lace her fingers with his and turn back around and plant a kiss on his lips. Did she kiss people platonically? No. Had she ever, in her life? No. Nope. Never had the urge to kiss Kallo or Drak. Not platonic. Definitely not platonic. Oh no.

This was bad.

Liam had worked in crisis response, right? Maybe he was just used to sleeping in make-shift camps and wouldn’t notice how she was practically melting. People probably melted all over him all the time. Ugh, that thought went somewhere gross. She pushed that down before realizing that shit was she getting a little jealous thinking that someone else might have had a crush on him too? Why even think about that?! Stupid brain!

“Ryder?” His breath traced across the back of her neck and wow. She shivered head to foot and had to take a deep breath to regain control of herself.

“Mmhm?”

“Is this alright? You seem really tense.” Still whispering, of course, because people were sleeping, and it would be rude to talk at full volume. But he was whispering right in her ear, and her mind went a thousand places it definitely should not have gone.

“I’m fine. Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m good.” He paused for a second, and she could feel his arm twitch under her head. “You sure you’re alright? I can move if you want.”

She should definitely tell him that they should move.

“That’s okay, Liam. I’m comfy.” Shit.

“Right. Night then, Ryder.”

“Night.”

If he could see her now, Scott would be laughing so hard he’d probably bust a rib. He’d always been more of a Casanova; he’d pat her on the back and say he didn’t know she had it in her. Then he’d probably wink and say something gross about how if he’d managed to get Liam into bed, he wouldn’t have wasted time panicking. She blushed to her hairline and resolved to never ever tell Scott about this ever. She’d never live it down. They talked about everything, but he would never hear about this.

Well, she hadn’t done this on purpose. But she also hadn’t suggested setting up another one of the couches, and not just because it would be a massive pain in the ass.

Liam’s breathing leveled out. He was probably really asleep now, but oh no that was worse. Asleep, he was completely relaxed. She could feel the soft whoosh of his breath against her skin, and his hand slipped down onto her stomach, palm flat and fingers stretched out. He had big hands, with warm palms. She could practically feel those fingers pressing into her hips, pulling her in close, tracing down her skin…

No. Stop that.

Professional. Be a professional.

She shifted and her hips brushed his, and she felt something move against the back of her thigh. Oh. Cress bit down on her lip. Sweatpants, not armor. Right. Was it getting hot in here? She was feeling really warm all of the sudden. She started to move again, but Liam’s arm locked around her waist, and he buried his face in her shoulder.

What would he do if she kissed him? Not while he was asleep, of course. She wasn’t a creep. But when they woke up? If she rolled over and kissed his cheek?

Stop that.

In the morning, they’d get up, brush their teeth, and get dressed. No kissing. Besides, she’d have morning breath, and no one liked to kiss with morning breath. And in the morning, she would go back to being his Pathfinder. Was that harassment? Was a Pathfinder like a Boss? She still hadn’t figured out the rules on that. Oh no, did that mean that she could only date other Pathfinders? They hadn’t found any other Pathfinders. No, that was silly. She pushed the thought back down and noticed that her hand had twined with his over her stomach. How had that happened?! She slid her fingers from his and jammed her hand under her side. There. Safe.

Liam slept pretty soundly, wrapped around her. Her thoughts buzzed like a kicked hornets nest trapped in her skull, but eventually, the stress and heavy-lifting from the day finally settled over her. After a while, she started to drift to sleep.

She was very comfortable when she woke up. Rested, cozy, soft and safe. This was the life. She burrowed down into the warm, giving herself a few more minutes in bed before Button woke her up for breakfast. Pyjaks woke up early; she was surprised he hadn’t crawled over onto her before now.

Then she remembered. No pyjack. She wasn’t aboard the Tempest.

“Morning, sunshine.”

Liam.

She opened her eyes to see Liam, hands behind his head, lounging with his shoulders propped up on a pillow. She was plastered to his chest, completely on top of him with her legs on either side of his hips and her arms around his waist. Her cheek had been rested on his sternum.

Shit. Shit.

She scrambled to get up, but just ended up sitting on his lap which was worse. He shot up and grunted when she tried to disentangle herself; she must have kneed him. She tried to get her leg clear so she wasn’t straddling him (oh god she’d been straddling Liam), but overcorrected and threw herself right off the couch and onto the floor. She blinked a couple of times. Floor. Ow.

She glanced over at the corner, but Drak was already gone for the day. Which meant that he’d probably seen her all over Liam. At least he hadn’t just seen her make a complete fool out of herself, but this was bad.

Liam laughed quietly, stretching out a hand to help her up. She accepted, pulled herself onto her feet, and sat back down on the opposite end of the couch, knees curled up to her chest. Taking up no more than one cushion, so that there was no chance of them touching.

“You alright, Pathfinder?”

“Fine.”

She thought she would die. This was it. This was what killed the second human Pathfinder. On her tombstone, it would just say “Liam Kosta’s Smile.” Or maybe “Liam Kosta’s Dumb Face.” She pulled the blanket up to her chin and fidgeted with the strap of her Blasto tank top. Oh even worse; she’d forgotten she’d worn the Blasto tank top of all things. Like a ten-year-old. Great. Icing on the cake.

She glanced back over at Drak’s abandoned cot. “So where did he—?”

“Gone before I woke up, I think.” Liam stretched and grabbed for the window remote on the coffee table. The dimmer faded, letting bright sunlight stream into the room. “Woke up early. You know how old people are about sleeping in.”

“Yeah.”

She should just say it. So about last night…? But Liam looked so relaxed, arms folded over his stomach, yawning. She still wanted to kiss him. Yup, lean right over and plant a kiss on his cheek, and maybe then his lips, and maybe also his shoulder. Maybe everywhere. Part of her thought she’d be back to normal in the morning, but nope. It was too late now; she wanted Liam Kosta. A lot.

“Sorry,” she blurted out. “For. Uhm. You know.”

“What?” He blinked for a second, but then grinned. “Aw, that? That’s alright. Hard to share without getting a little close, right?”

“Right.”

“Besides, the old man didn’t wake me up to give me any shit, so I think we’re alright. We’ll know we’re in trouble if he starts giving us the birds and the bees talk.”

“He wouldn’t.” Her cheeks burned up.

“I don’t know, Ryder. Seems a little like he’s adopted you.” Liam yawned again through a chuckle. “Wouldn’t be surprised if he corners me in the cargo bay and asks my intentions.”

She buried her face in her hands and groaned.

“Don’t worry. I’ll tell him I’ll have you home by ten.”

Yup. She was dying. She was probably blushing so hard the heat would incinerate her. She’d burn right up. She felt the couch cushions shift and when she dropped her hands, Liam was right there in her space, warm brown eyes staring into hers.

“Ryder, it’s alright. I don’t think he noticed. Besides, we’re adults.” He pulled himself up off the couch and when the sun touched his skin, she thought she was dying all over again. “You’re not uncomfortable, right?”

“No.” She should be.

“Then we’re good!” He ruffled her hair as he crossed the room to grab his overnight bag and head down stairs. Warmth bloomed over her skin, eking down her scalp and over her shoulders, pooling in her gut. There was a giddy bubble in her chest, growing out until she thought she’d pop like a balloon. That was when she realized she was in more trouble than she’d thought. She didn’t just like Liam Kosta. Oh no. 

The door slid shut behind him. She pulled the blanket up over her head, sank down into the couch, and decided to never speak of this to anyone ever.

#leather&lace2018 #fanfic #mass effect andromeda #Liam Kosta #Sis!Ryder x Liam #sis!ryder #just some run-of-the-mill trope-y fluff here folks #Liam is a ray of sunshine and Cress is a mess #Thank you for reading--much love!!! <3

[allyndrixx]

Christmas in Andromeda

In the Resistance headquarters on Aya, Evfra scowled at the strange email in his inbox. It was an invitation of some sort, clearly, but the regular format had been changed to show snowflakes and some strange plants around the text. More perplexing than the images was the note that word of the party could not spread to Ryder.

He dismissed the others in the room before heading to the vidcom and punching in Jaal’s direct line. When the image appeared, it was obvious the other angara was in the tech bay on the Tempest, where he spent most of his time.

“Greetings, Evfra. To what do I owe this unexpected pleasure?”

“Are you alone?”

Jaal paused, “Yes, is something wrong? Is it the Moshae?”

“No, it is about this email you sent me,” Evfra growled.

“Oh! The invitation. I hear those flowers are called poinsettias. Deadly, but beautiful.”

“What is this email about, Jaal?”

He cocked his head, “It is an invitation for a party. The human holiday called ‘Christmas’ is coming up, and we are going to surprise Ryder with a party.”

“What is this…Christmas?”

“It is a holiday of giving and family. Liam told me all about it. Apparently, humans buy each other gifts, wrap them up, and put them under a special kind of tree, decorated with lights and shiny ornaments. Some also set out socks to be filled with presents by a ‘Father Christmas’ who comes the night before Christmas so no one can see him.”

Evfra could feel a headache starting, “And why is this so important that you are asking me to leave my post on Aya for a holiday?”

Jaal’s eyes grew big and filled with emotion, “Ryder is the last of her family. Her mother and father are dead. She has no one else in Andromeda. The others say she was left alone on human holidays because her parents were dedicated to their research. We want to make this a good holiday in Andromeda.”

“And why must I be there?”

“When was the last time you celebrated a holiday with loved ones, Evfra?”

“The kett do not take holidays,” he muttered.

“And if you agree to go with us, we will drop you off at Voeld. We are heading there to check on the outpost and bring more supplies before we head to Kadara to deal with Sloane.”

He could feel his resolve weakening. Not only would they save resources, but it was a chance to be close to Ryder. Evfra would have been lying if he said the human Pathfinder didn’t intrigue him.

Since her crash landing on Aya, Ryder had gone out of her way to help the angara, endearing herself to the people, and proving herself to be a steadfast ally. Whenever they encountered issues on the Nexus, Ryder was there to smooth the way. She took on dangerous missions to save his people, learned more about the kett in a few months than they had in years, and even saved worlds they thought were lost to the Scourge. She was bold and fascinating. Evfra found himself intrigued by her in a way he’d never felt for any woman before.

“I...suppose I could attend. If you promise to drop me off on Voeld when the celebration is over. I need to see how things are progressing, and we need to conserve resources when we can. When will you arrive?”

Jaal beamed, “We will be there in sixteen days. This will be the day called ‘Christmas Eve.’ We will stop on Aya at dawn and leave shortly after midday. Some of the crew wishes to do their shopping on Aya, and we will need to refuel.”

“Very well,” he nodded, “Is there anything else?”

“Will you need help selecting gifts? I could put your name on what I am giving.”

“I am to give gifts as well?” Evfra spluttered. What was he supposed to buy these aliens? The only crew members he knew anything about were Jaal, Ryder, and Vetra. How was he supposed to buy them all gifts?

“It is a tradition. If you like, I can send you a list of things the crew likes. For example, Cora likes plants. Suvi is a scientist, and Drack likes hitting things, and a kind of drink called ‘ryncol.’ I am told some of our merchants have a similar drink. If you like, I can purchase gifts for you and you can give them out,” he offered.

“Fine. Whatever you think they will like, but don’t spend all my money.”

“And Ryder?” Jaal asked, a knowing smirk on his face.

Evfra ignored the strange feeling in his chest, “What about her?”

“Did you want me to purchase something in particular for her?” he pressed, “Or should I just get her something small as well?”

He knew what his friend was implying, but he didn’t take the bait. Instead, he glanced at the hair tie Ryder had once left on his desk by accident, a small smile creeping across his face, “I think I have something in mind actually. Stay strong and clear.”

“Strong and clear, my friend.”

*******

It had been worth it just to see Ryder’s reaction. Evfra had marveled at how much the Tempest crew had been able to do over night. Apparently, not many humans had brought decorations from the Milky Way. Those who had, had been reluctant to share. In the end, most of the decorations were circles of branches from back on Aya that Suvi and Cora had crafted into wreaths and tied off with red ribbons. They’d also managed to find instant packets of a drink called ‘hot chocolate’ with dehydrated white things called ‘marshmallows.’

Liam had been able to find music suitable for the holiday, tunes from Earth that seemed to sing of the cold weather and the warmth of loved ones. Gil and Vetra had somehow managed to find strands of twinkling, white lights to decorate the conference room. Peebee had been responsible for finding several, large candles to light up the room and provide a soothing scent. A scent that somehow reminded him of Ryder.

Drack and Kallo had not been involved much in acquiring items, but they’d done what they could to help decorate. Even Evfra had been persuaded to hang strings of lights.

The look on Ryder’s face when she entered the conference room had been worth all of the tangled lights, and the hours of work. Evfra couldn’t help but smile when he saw her face light up with joy. None of them could. She’d even shed a few tears, though whether they were tears of joy or tears of sadness, he couldn’t be sure. Jaal had mentioned this was a holiday of family, and she had none. Unless one counted her crew, which Ryder seemed to.

It wasn’t long before Evfra realized most of the gifts under the tree were for Ryder. There was an upgrade for her jump jets from Cora. A HUSTL patch from Liam. Drack had managed to find a bound copy of a book called “The Art of War,” though he refused to answer how he found it. Gil and Vetra produced a red piece of clothing called a dress and a strange looking pair of shoes called high heels, while Kallo and Suvi had produced a meal as close to a traditional human feast as they could manage. Lexi had brought several bottles of alcohol, two per member of the crew.

Peebee had forgone a gift, but Jaal had outdone himself. He’d made a map of the stars and collected as many stories about the constellations he could to teach her their own myths and legends. Apparently, it had been one of her hobbies back on Earth.

Watching Ryder’s excitement over each gift made Evfra both pleased and anxious. There were all thoughtful gifts from people who obviously knew Ryder better than he did. What if she didn’t like his gift?

After the gift giving, Suvi and Vetra had lead Ryder back to her quarters, insisting she change out of her Initiative-issued clothes and into her new gifts.

Evfra was in the middle of a conversation with Gil and Jaal discussing creating more vehicles like the Nomad to trade with the angara when Ryder returned, and his heart stopped. He had been in the middle of saying something when he suddenly found his mind blank. He couldn’t think, couldn’t speak. All he could do was watch her.

The red dress was fitted, and stopped several inches above her knees to show her long, shapely legs, further accentuated by the strange shoes she was wearing. The top barely covered her chest, held up by slender straps that crossed in the back. She was stunning, though she seemed uncomfortable with the eyes of everyone on her.

Liam moved to offer her an arm and a compliment, but Gil swept in, taking Ryder by the waist and leading her to her seat at the head of the table. The others gathered around, grabbing seats at the table. Liam reached for a seat next to Ryder, but was nudged out of the way again by Jaal, who pushed Evfra toward the empty seat. Across from him, Suvi was already settling in between Ryder and Vetra.

After dinner, Evfra spotted Ryder standing off to the side by the Tech Lab, a strange look on her face as she watched her crew. He moved to stand next to her, “It is an interesting holiday.”

She laughed, “Interesting is the word humans use when they can’t say anything nice.”

“No, no, it is nice. The poisonous plants as decoration are strange, but angaran holidays are also about time with family.”

“So, what does that mean for those of us who have none?” Ryder took a deep breathe, then forced a brief smile, “Forgive me. I think the wine is getting to me.”

“Jaal told me that this is your first holiday without your family. You must miss them.”

“I do. My family never really did holidays together, but...now I’m here. Alone.”

“I, too, lost my family. But...the Resistance offered me the chance to be part of a family again. We fight together, laugh together, and cry together. Is it not the same with your crew?”

She smiled again, this time for real, “You’re right. Sometimes, you have to make your own family. I got pretty lucky with this one.”

His mind made up, Evra reached into his pocket, and pulled out a small cloth sack, “Here. I did not have a chance to give it to you earlier.”

“Evfra, you didn’t have to get me anything.”

“Jaal mentioned it was customary to give gifts,” he said quickly, forcing it into her hands, “Since I am your guest, I wanted to show my gratitude for this. And for...all you have done in Andromeda.”

Ryder reached into the bag, her eyes lighting up as she pulled out the necklace. It was a stone streaked with reds and oranges, polished and wrapped in wire and attached to a golden chain. He’d spent several hours working the small metal around the stone, and several more deciding whether he should use leather or gold to hang the necklace.

“Evfra, it’s beautiful,” she beamed, and held it out to him, “Can you help me?”

He froze, “Help you?”

She turned her back to him and lifted her hair to show her bare neck, “Can you do the clasp? I haven’t seen that kind before, and I’m not sure I can manage it myself.”

His heart pounded in his chest as he took the necklace. Carefully, he drew it around her neck, shivering as his hands just barely brushed across her warm skin. It only took a moment to attach it, but his hands lingered there on her neck for just a moment before he pulled away.

Ryder turned back around, beaming at him as she touched the pendant, “What do you think?”

Evfra started, but not at the necklace, at her. At the woman who had somehow captivated him. He held her gaze, “Beautiful.”

She blushed, glancing down at the floor, “Where did you find the stone? Does it have meaning?”

“Stones have meaning?”

“Well, some human stones do. I don’t know about other cultures. I didn’t really know about the meanings for stones on Earth until I started hanging out with Suvi.”

“Ah, no. It is a stone from your first outpost, Prodromos. I am not aware of any special meaning, but I thought you might like it, as a reminder of how much you have done for your people, and for mine.”

Ryder looked up at him through her lashes, a move that set his pulse racing, “Sounds like a pretty good meaning to me.”

He started to reply, but Gil shouted, “Hey, look! Someone got caught under the mistletoe. You know what that means.”

Ryder looked up and rolled her eyes, “If you can call that sad shrub mistletoe.”

“Come on, Ryder. You know the rules.”

Evfra looked to Ryder, “What rules?”

She sighed, “The rule is that if two people are caught under the mistletoe, they have to kiss. It’s a silly, old human tradition.”

He glanced around at the rest of the crew. They were all staring at the two of them, impish smiles on their faces. Except Liam. He had turned red in the face and stormed out of the party, though Evfra thought he might have been the only one who noticed.

“You gotta set a good example, Pathfinder,” Cora teased, her face flushed from the excitement, “Don’t break the rules.”

“Well, Evfra, it looks like we’re facing a mutiny,” Ryder growled at her crew, though there was no malice in her tone, “Guess we have no choice.”

He didn’t answer. Couldn’t. His face flushed as Ryder reached her hand up to his face, lightly brushing a kiss across his cheek, then pulling away, as though that simple touch hadn’t undone him. As though that kiss hadn’t set every nerve in his body on fire.

“Oh, come on!” Gil whined, “You call that a kiss?”

“Just because you can’t get anyone to kiss you, doesn’t mean you can live vicariously through me,” Ryder retorted. The others laughed, and turned back to their merry-making. They shot several more glances to the pair under the mistletoe, but Evfra didn’t notice.

“Sorry if I made you uncomfortable,” Ryder said so softly he could barely hear her, “They can be over the top sometimes.”

“I-I was not uncomfortable,” Evfra managed. His heart was still pounding in his chest, “It is a strange holiday rule to make people kiss under a plant.”

“Sometimes lovers would put it up on purpose so they could get caught and they would kiss under the mistletoe. Or someone might try to catch someone they have feelings for and see if a kiss could start a spark. It’s a silly tradition.”

He hesitated a moment, “I did not mind.”

This time, Ryder’s face flushed as she stood on tiptoe again, and planted another kiss on Evfra’s cheek, “Happy Christmas, Evfra.”

Not noticing the eyes of the crew on them, Evfra ran a hand through the silky strands of her hair and placed a kiss on the top of her head, “Happy Christmas, Sara.”

#mass effect andromeda #mass effect #sara ryder #Ryder/Evfra #RyderEvfra #Christmas

[warlock-enthusiast]

a talk

day 13 of fictober 

Juniper Ryder has a talk with her mom (warning: angst)

“Hey, mom.” Juniper’s mouth found glass. It felt cold beneath her lips. The steady hum of thousand cryo pods calmed her.

“How are you?” She sat on the ground and hugged her knees close to her chest. No one would dare to disturb her. No one even asked any more. Her weekly absences from the Tempest became a regularity. First, there had been questions, friendly concern from Liam and Peebee, a hug from Cora, a pat on the shoulder from Drack and some imported chocolate from Vetra. Not to mention a two hour star gazing session with Jaal, who talked about his own mothers and the importance of family.

“I know that you can’t hear me, but I like to pretend that you’re alright.” Juniper closed her eyes and remembered the voice of her mother. Throughout the years, fantasy and reality had merged.

“The asari are working on a cure, you know? Got help from the turians and salarians. It’s looking pretty good and you’ll be up in no time.”

Juniper licked her hips, regretting not having a drink before this. “It’ll be strange, I guess. You’re father’s last secret.” He’d never trusted his children enough. Kept his secrets to himself, seldom spoke of his wife. And Juniper hated him for that. Even his death didn’t make her whole again. She still carried a hole in her heart and a childish dream of his approval and love.

“Everything has changed so much. We’re not even in the same galaxy any more. Wait until you hear the story about the Archon and how I totally kicked his ass.” Juniper shook her head, remembering their last encounter. “I’m such a powerful biotic now. Finally able to control my powers and all. You’ve always scolded me for being irresponsible with them. We need to find other things to talk about now.” Would she believe her? It sounded strange. At least, there were vids of her heroics and the tales of her crew and allies.

“”And … I’m in love. For the first time.” Juniper chuckled. “Elon is a bit nervous, though, because Scott told him some stories about you.” Juniper would spare her the details of her twin punching him. 

“Remember when I brought that cute asari home? She seemed so impressed with you that she never spoke about dating me again and sent you flowers for about a month?” Some things just weren’t meant to be.

“But he’s nice. A bit gruff on the outside, but he’s a good one.” And he’d stayed at her side through everything. An engineer turned teacher, then lover and best friend. Sometimes his scarred hands had been the only thing keeping her together.

“We’ll have some dinner, wine, and a talk about the future. You’ll fit in just fine. So many bright minds have gathered here and it’ll be fun to show you all of our settlements. Humans have come such a long way.” Juniper hung her head. Ignoring her own tears and the lump in her throat.

“I hope, you’ll be proud of me.”

#mass effect andromeda #juniper ryder #fictober #mass effect #hmmm #headcanons

[fanfoolishness]

Asystole (Vetra x Ryder)

Spoilers for Mass Effect: Andromeda up unto the Archon’s ship.  5,200 words.  Angst, fluff, romance - the holy trifecta.  Zelda Ryder has a difficult time coping after a harrowing experience.  Vetra Nyx is there to lend a shoulder.  Or an ear.  Or whatever.

Zelda Ryder leaned back against her seat in the shuttle, closing her eyes, the breath burning in her chest.  Dammit, she was tired.  Unconsciously she rubbed at her chestpiece with a trembling hand, trying to massage away the burn.  

She’d died.  Again.  

Two Pathfinders had met their death on that ship.  How come she was the one walking away?

Liam made a joke, something with a thin veneer of normalcy that rang in her ears.  She could tell he felt lost underneath the glibness; so did she.  Jaal’s cool huff of acknowledgement weighed the joke down, killing it quickly.  

She didn’t blame him.  She didn’t feel much like laughing either.

***

Lexi’s face was a study.  If Ryder hadn’t been so tired she almost might have found it funny.  

“SAM killed you,” she spat, her normally composed features a mess of horror and dismay.  Her hands were cool against Ryder’s cheeks, as she checked the whites of her eyes, the lymph nodes along her jawline.  Her omnitool flashed, recording her findings.

Ryder had thought about being a doctor, once; it had been that or xenoarchaeology, and she’d taken the initial courses for both.  She’d been in her first year of medical school when she heard the Alliance was establishing archeology units, and she’d never looked back.  But every once in a while things would trickle in, bits of memory that reminded her of the fresh-faced biology nerd she’d been at nineteen.  Lymph nodes.  She remembered humans had tons of the things.

Lexi’s stern look of disapproval snapped her out of her wandering thoughts.  She felt oddly defensive.  “He brought me back,” Ryder pointed out   “And he asked first.”

“Pathfinder Ryder is correct,” SAM concurred, using their public channel.  “It was the only way to disable the Archon’s biological shackles.  We both agreed.”

“That is entirely too much power to hand over to an AI,” said Lexi, eyes narrowed.  Ryder had never seen her so angry, her mouth a thin tight line.  “And look at the state of you!”

“I’m fine,” said Ryder, even though she felt she’d been hit with a krogan war hammer.  She tried to muster up a winning smile.  It came out something like a grimace.

“You’re experiencing profound adrenal fatigue,” said Lexi.  “It’s a miracle your cardiac rhythms reestablished as well as they did.  Even with SAM’s adjustments of your system -- which admittedly have left you in a far better state than anyone who has experienced a natural heart attack -- you’re still quite fragile right now.  You were utterly without oxygen for more than sixty seconds, and it’s showing.  I want you to rest up strictly for the next three days, and we can reassess then.  We can discuss SAM then, too.”  

She sat down next to Ryder, and put a hand on her shoulder.  The worried wrinkles in her forehead shifted subtly into sadness.  “You scared me, Ryder.”

“Yeah,” said Ryder after a moment.  “Scared me too.”

***

Ryder stared at her bed.  It looked stark, somehow.  Usually she charged into her room and flopped down, grateful to have somewhere soft to sleep that wasn’t a cryo pod.  Tonight the bed seemed somehow ominous.

I could go to sleep, and not wake up.

The realization made her heart stutter, and she hissed out a breath, willing herself to settle down.  She’d tried to take Lexi’s advice to take it easy.  There was so much more she wanted, needed to do, but she’d restrained herself to a few conversations.  She’d done the minimum in communicating with Drack and the Nexus about his scouts.  She’d taken Kallo aside and told him, hollow-voiced, that she was sorry about Raeka.  She’d eaten a dinner of protein pastes mechanically, sticking to something easy to digest.

But her heart still felt like a stranger in her own body, and she sat down on the edge of the bed, staring balefully at the pillows.

“SAM,” Ryder said, subvocalizing; SAM could pick up the half-words she could form under her breath.  It felt strange to talk to him more loudly when it was only the two of them.  “Is there anything… am I okay?”

Zelda, I understand you must be concerned, said SAM, as soothingly as he could.  I remember how I became disoriented when I encountered that virus in SAM node.  I felt as if I could not trust my own code.  It took some time to reassure myself that I was, in fact, myself.  Is that an adequate analogy?

“It’s something like that,” said Ryder.  “My heart… you’re sure it’s all right?”  She bit her lip.  “Argh, I feel stupid even asking.  Even worrying about it.”

Between my own readings, and Dr. T’Perro’s, I judge you have suffered no permanent injury.  However, I agree with her assessment that rest would be ideal.

“I’ll try, SAM.”  She tried to believe his assessment, telling herself it would make her feel better.

But it wasn’t easy to believe when she remembered that pressure, crushing, all-consuming, all-encompassing, bearing on her chest; nor the way black particles danced in at the edges of her vision; nor the sudden air hunger  that had roared, if only for a few seconds, in every cell of her body.

She thought of being a little kid, up on the top bunk back when she and Scotty had still shared a room.  They’d been tiny then, five or six, and usually she’d tried to lord it over him as the oldest, pretending nothing ever scared her.  But when it had, there was nothing better than crawling down into the lower bunk and hiding under the covers with him.  He’d try to make fun of her about it sometimes, but sometimes he crawled up to the top bunk with her, too; fair was only fair.

Tears pricked her eyes.  Scotty was still in the cryo-bay, no more responsive than the bed he lay on.  She hadn’t even had the courage to tell him about Dad yet, even though he couldn’t hear her.  She didn’t know which of them could use the biggest hug.

Great.  Now she was thinking about Dad again, too.  She pressed the heels of her hands against her closed eyes, and hoped that she could rest.

***

She gave sleep a chance, she really did.

She tried a number of positions.  On her side, the classic fetal position.  Normally a beloved go-to.  Failed after thirty minutes of wondering if she might choke on her own saliva laying like that.

Lying on her back wasn’t any better.  She remembered that old movie, one her mom had liked.  The Elephant Man.  The man had choked to death because of his profound deformities and suffocated in his sleep.  It was enough to make her roll over to her stomach, but then she wondered if she would have trouble expanding her lungs while laying on her chest, and she was back at square one.

She wondered about asking Lexi for something to help her sleep.  Yet what if a sedative suppressed her respiratory reflex to a point it was dangerous -- no, she figured, she’d better not.

Someone telling her she was fine sounded nice in theory, but was not working in practice.  SAM had tried, but SAM had also made her not-fine, and while she trusted him, cared for him, it was still more complicated than she liked.  Lexi had tried too, but Lexi was probably sleeping comfortably by now, and Ryder didn’t want to wake her when part of her knew she was simply being anxious.

What she wanted was for someone to stay with her and really make sure she would be fine.

She sat up in bed, resting her arms on her knees and her chin on her forearms.  After a few minutes she rolled out from the covers and pulled on her pants and sweatshirt, working her toes into the comfy shoes she wore around the ship.  Maybe a walk would help.

She thought vaguely of the bio lab.  Plants, Andromedan, Terran, heck, there was even a spindly little metallic succulent from Palaven.  The air did feel fresher there, despite the fact it was recycled throughout the ship, and maybe the greenery would help anchor her in a way the stars did not tonight.

Deep in thought she scarcely noticed Vetra coming around the bend, and ran straight into her, bouncing off the light armor Vetra wore on the ship.  “Shit!” Ryder spat, rubbing her aching nose.  She didn’t usually mind having a larger than average nose, but hitting it on a turian breastplate was simply embarrassing.  Especially this turian’s.  Her cheeks felt hot.

“Uh, hey, Ryder,” said Vetra, clearly trying not to laugh.  Ryder supposed she ought to be grateful for that, at least.

“What are you still doing up?” she asked, letting her hand drop back to her side.  Her nose didn’t seem to be broken, at least.

“Winding down for the night,” said Vetra.  “Had a few calls to take.  Trying to get things sorted for Drack’s scouts; I told him I’d pull some favors.  Some of them are going back to the Nexus, but a few want to get to Kadara, or Elaaden.”  She tilted her head to one side, studying Ryder’s face.  “Look.  About what happened back there… you made a hard choice.”

Ryder swallowed past the lump in her throat.  “I couldn’t…”  She tried to sort out the words in her head, figure out how to say it.  “-- the idea of exaltation -- I didn’t want them to go through that.”  She twisted her hands together.  “I knew I was going to lose Raeka, too.  There wasn’t enough time.”

“Hey,” said Vetra.  She reached out, touching Ryder’s shoulder for a moment.  Her hand was solid there, even though the shape was different, new.  Ryder wished she could lean into it, could take that hand in her own, but she tried to shake the feeling away.  

“You did the best you could,” said Vetra.  “I know you’re gonna blame yourself.  I would too.  But that doesn’t change that you had a hard choice, and you did what you could with it.”  She folded her arms against her chest.  “Is that why you’re still up?”

“Partly,” admitted Ryder.  Vetra’s words settled on her, a bit of balm against her anxious, jittering mind.  She tried to fix them in memory.  She suspected she might need to hear them again in the coming days.

“You look worried,” said Vetra.  “I can tell.”  A faint smile stole over her face, but it was kind.  That was one thing Ryder liked so much about her.  She talked straight, and she didn’t pull punches.  A human might have been tempted not to say anything at all.  Vetra said it plainly, and she meant it, every time.

“So,” she said.  “You’re an expert on humans now?”  She’d been… noticing Vetra for some time now.  She’d made some comments, here and there, and Vetra hadn’t refuted them.  But she was still unsure of where she stood.

“Didn’t say I was,” said Vetra smoothly.  “But I like to think I’ve gotten to know you pretty well.”

If Ryder hadn’t been blushing earlier from the nose debacle, she was now.  “Yeah, I guess you have.”  She rubbed at the back of her neck, suddenly self-conscious.  “You promise you won’t  think I’m overreacting?”

“I don’t know.  Depends on what you tell me,” Vetra answered, leaning against the wall as if settling in.

Ryder hesitated.  It was going to sound so damn childish out loud.  But it was the middle of the night, and nobody else was around, and she trusted Vetra.  

“I’m scared,” she said simply.  Her hand clutched at the front of her shirt, over her chest.  “There’s a part of me that worries if I go to sleep tonight, I won’t wake up.”

Vetra was quiet for a moment.  “Shit, Ryder.”  

“I know.  It’s stupid --”

“No, it isn’t.”  She stepped forward, the distance between them narrowing.  This close Ryder could see the fine texture of her skin on her throat, like supple leather; she wondered what it would feel like beneath her fingertips.  Her eyes behind her ever-present visor were keen, and Ryder gazed into them, unable to look away.

“You died?  That’s what it sounded like over the comms,” said Vetra quietly.  “And Jaal and Liam said that’s what happened.  But I didn’t want to believe it.”

Ryder nodded.  “SAM stopped my heart.  It was the only way.  I’m not upset with him.  SAM did what he had to, and it worked, but I’m scared it could happen on its own.  I’ve already died twice now in Andromeda.  I’m scared the third time will be the charm.”  She shivered.  “I know I”m worrying over nothing --”

“You aren’t.”  Her voice was rich, subharmonics thrumming beneath her words.  “I won’t tell you not to worry.  That never worked for me.  I still worry way too damn much no matter how much I tell myself it doesn’t help.  But I didn’t have any other plans tonight besides sleeping, so if talking might help… well… I’m here.”  Vetra spread her hands in front of her, the three fingers on each long palm splayed wide.  “If you need a shoulder.  Or an ear.  Or whatever.”

“I’d like that.”  She grinned suddenly.  Flirting… now, there was a distraction she could work with.  “If I could even reach your shoulder, that is.”

Vetra let out a sharp peal of laughter.  “Hey, it’s not my fault you’re so short.  It’s kind of cute, though.”

Ryder’s smile hitched to one side, and she swallowed.  Oh, what the hell.  “So you think I’m cute?”

Vetra’s mandibles flared outward, as if she was lost for words.  Her eyes widened slightly.  “I -- uh -- sure.”

“That’s it?  Sure?”  She hoped desperately that SAM was sitting back, twiddling his virtual thumbs and whistling to himself instead of hearing her strike out so miserably.

Vetra, normally so unflappable, so calm, so her-shit-together, shifted uneasily from side to side, averting her gaze.  “What do you want me to say?”

You’ve already died today, you aren’t allowed to die of embarrassment now.  “I was hoping that you might be interested,” said Ryder, steeling herself.  “Because I sure as hell am.”  She shrugged helplessly, fully aware that her cheeks blazed a radioactive red.  “I like you, Vetra, and I care about you, more than a friend or a crewmate.  If you still want to lend me a spiky shoulder to lean on, I’d really like that.”  She faltered.  “But if you aren’t interested in that --”

“No -- I mean, yes.  I am.”  Were Vetra’s cheeks darker than before?  They held a pretty bluish hue that Ryder couldn’t remember seeing on her in the past.  “I have been for… a while.  I just didn’t want to be wrong.”

Ryder closed the distance between them.  She could feel the heat of the other woman against her bare arms.  She tilted her head back.  “Um.  Could you bend down a little?”

Vetra laughed.  “For you, yes.”  Her breath was soft on Ryder’s cheeks, and before Ryder could worry about how exactly one was supposed to kiss a turian, Vetra’s mouth was on hers, firm smooth edges surprisingly muscular and dynamic against Ryder’s lips.  Ah.  This was different: Vetra’s tongue rougher and shorter than she’d expected, the way the flexible plates of her cheeks and nose and forehead pressed against Ryder’s face.  

Vetra pulled back, nearly as violet as the tattoos on her cheeks.  “Was that okay?  I’ve never tried kissing a human before.”  She looked sheepish, somehow, but pleased.  “I liked it.”

Ryder ran a trembling hand through her hair.  “That was awesome.”  She sank against Vetra, giggling madly.  “Vetra, this has been one hell of a day.”

Vetra squeezed her shoulder.  “My original offer still stands, you know.  This wasn’t a ploy to seduce you.”  

“Not even a little?”

“That would be wrong,” said Vetra, quite nobly.

Ryder sighed, slipping her arms around the turian’s narrow waist.  “All right.  If it still stands, I would owe you one heck of a favor if you kept me company for a little bit.  At least until my head’s back on straight again.  We could chat in my quarters?”

“Of course.  And it’d probably be best to keep it to chatting instead of… other activities.  I think I overheard Lexi telling you you needed to take it easy the next few days.”

“As intriguing as other activities sound, I think I’d pass out in the middle from sheer exhaustion,” said Ryder, letting her arms fall from Vetra’s waist as they walked towards her quarters.  “But let’s keep that in mind for another day, yeah?”

“We’ll see how it goes, then,” said Vetra.  Ryder had never realized before a turian could look so sly.

Vetra whistled when Ryder opened the door into her quarters.  She’d not had occasion to invite anyone in before, usually preferring to find her crewmates in the common areas to talk.  “I saw these quarters back when the Tempest was drydocked, but it looks a hell of a lot better with the view.”

“Well… you want to come check it out sometimes, all you have to do is ask.”  The doors slid closed behind them and Ryder kicked her boots off.  “Do you want to make yourself, er, comfortable?  Come to think of it, I’ve never seen you in civilian clothes, just your armor.”  She clapped a hand over her mouth.  “Wait, are you wearing anything under there?”

Vetra laughed.  “Are you crazy?  Turians aren’t nearly as squishy as you humans, but we still wear underclothes under our armor.  We aren’t barbarians, Ryder.”

“It was an honest question,” she protested.  

Vetra grinned.  “Don’t worry, I know.”  She stretched, raising her arms above her, extending her already considerable height until her knuckles brushed the ceiling.  “Actually, it’s been a long day.  Maybe I’ll take you up on that offer.  I am decent under here.”  She reached up and dismantled part of her armor around her neck, unclicking it.  A few more quick, efficient movements and she was pulling off her arm pieces, laying them in a neat stack by the door.  Her chestplate and boots followed.  Underneath the armor she indeed wore a thin cloth garment with long sleeves, similar to what Sid always wore but plainer.  The skin of her cowl peeked out around the edge of her overshirt, with a faint silvery sheen beneath the overhead lights.  

She padded over to the couch on long, slightly curved toes and narrow feet, then plopped down as if she was perfectly comfortable.  “That does feel better.”

Ryder pulled off her sweatshirt, exposing the thin camisole she wore underneath.  She took the other end of the couch, sitting curled up with her feet on the cushions.  “It’s like a slumber party.”  

“Is that what I think it is?” Vetra asked with a tilted head and a grin.

Ryder chuckled.  “Well, it can be.  But it’s also something we used to do as kids.  Scotty and I didn’t have a lot of friends on the Citadel, since we traveled a lot, but we still sometimes had friends spend the night.  I always hated it when it was his turn to have friends over.  The boys would always try to play tricks on me… at least until I punched one of them in the nose.  After that they thought I could do no wrong.”

Vetra looked skeptical.  “That’s a thing?  Kids staying at each other’s houses?  Did they have parents?”

“Of course.  Usually the parents would be glad to get the kids out of their hair.  Figuratively speaking, I guess.  I had a few asari friends.  Scott was friends with a salarian boy for a while.  Not a lot of hair going on there.”

“It is strange how you humans have so much of it.  And all of you do something different with it,” said Vetra.  “Always thought that was kind of weird.”  She gave Ryder a long, appraising look.  “I like yours.  It’s shiny, and it always looks soft, even when you’ve stuffed it into a helmet.  It’s kind of impressive.”

“Helmet hair is no laughing matter,” said Ryder, pleased at the compliment.  “But I do miss having slumber parties sometimes; they really were fun.  The conversations were the best.”

“In my experience, kids aren’t the best conversationalists.  With Sid it was a lot of asking for food, throwing tantrums, making butt jokes...”

“Good to know those are universal,” Ryder giggled.  “Well, I was a kid too at the time.”  She ruffled her hair with one hand.  She supposed it was soft.  “But you’ve had that feeling before, right?  Night does funny things to most people.  You get sillier.  You talk about scarier stuff.  You share things.”  Ryder leaned back, tilting her head back so she could see the stars swirling past the window.  “I always loved that.”

Vetra stretched out her long legs, curling and uncurling her toes in the thin rug under the couch.  “There’s a little truth in that, I think.”  She reached out, taking Ryder’s hand, and sighed.  It took them a second to figure out the best configuration of three and five.  “Feels good.  I’ve wondered what that would feel like for a while now.”

“Likewise,” Ryder said, squeezing her hand.  She edged closer to Vetra on the couch until her toes nudged Vetra’s thigh.  “Something about you being impossibly tall and willowy and asskicking appealed to me right from the start.”

“Willowy?” Vetra snorted.  “Isn’t that a tree?”

“Well, yes.  It’s a compliment.  And you are super tall, if you haven’t noticed.  Which I like.”

“I’m not tall,” said Vetra dismissively.  “Everyone else is ridiculously short.  Anyway, I think the first time you flirted with me I thought you were joking.  And the second.  And the third.”

“Oh god.”  Ryder hung her head.  “That is embarrassing.  For both of us.”  They laughed, and for a moment, she let herself luxuriate in butterflies and silliness, in that heady feeling of electricity in their grip.  Maybe there was a lot of scary shit out there, but here, with Vetra, she felt a little safer.

She squeezed Vetra’s hand.  “Glad you’re here, Vetra.  Heleus is a crazy place, but you help me make sense out of it.”

“I just show up and shoot things,” said Vetra mildly.  But she squeezed back, and impulsively leaned forward, brushing a kiss against Ryder’s cheek.  “Glad you’re here, too.”  She settled herself back against the couch.  “Especially on days like today.  When the weight of everything that’s out there makes itself known again.”

“I keep wondering,” Ryder said slowly.

“Keep wondering what?”

“Why the kett want what they want.  Why they’re so convinced of their superiority.  Trying to exalt krogan… I thought learning about the angara was bad.  But the krogan… the salarians… those were our people they were experimenting on.”  Ryder felt ill, remembering the bodies, the tanks.

“It’s bullshit.  I can’t imagine what they’d do with a turian.  If a kett ever even so much as looked at Sid….”  Her grip on Ryder’s hand tightened.

“I’m not gonna let that happen.  I’m not.”  She leaned her head back against the couch, closing her eyes.  “But I don’t know everything, either.  Maybe there was another way I could’ve helped Raeka.  And the Archon had us, Vetra.  Until SAM --”  Her other hand scrabbled, reflexively, against the front of her shirt.  

“Hey, hey.”  Vetra’s voice was a soft, layered murmur.  “Lexi said you were okay.”

Zelda, said SAM into her private channel.  Your heartbeat is still regular.  I detect no arrhythmias or lasting damage from my actions.  I apologize for the distress you now feel.

“SAM says I’m okay, too,” Ryder said, her eyes still closed.  She slowly lowered her hand from her chest.  “But it’s disquieting.  To remember, again, that I could be only a minute away from death.”

“I only heard rumors about before,” said Vetra, looking concerned.  “Habitat seven.  That was where they lost the human Pa-- your dad, right?”

“It was him or me,” she said simply.  “I’d damaged my helmet too badly in a fall.  Atmo was toxic.  Dad gave me his helmet instead, and told SAM to start the upload.  He picked me.”  Her mouth twisted.

“You never talk about him.”

“He was a hard man to get along with,” said Ryder.  “A hard man in general.  He didn’t really have a grip on the whole emotions thing.  He didn’t understand why I’d get so upset about things.  Being a teenager with him around was fun.”  She laughed, but it wasn’t really funny.

“Why did you come to Andromeda?  You ask everyone else, but you keep your own reasons close to the chest.  Don’t think I haven’t noticed.”

“You notice a lot of things, Vetra.”  

“I’m sneaky like that.”

“He wanted to explore, I knew that much.  And there was a lot that went wrong in the Milky Way.  His work on SAM got him blacklisted from everything humanity was doing in Citadel space, and some of that backlash hit Scotty and me, too.”  The way her fieldwork dried up; the transfers; the steady, persistent, faceless pressure brought on her to move on.  Scotty had dealt with the same.  “And after Mom died, there was something powerful about looking forward to getting away, as far as we possibly could.  It didn’t feel like we could move forward back home,” she said, faltering.

“I didn’t know about your mom,” said Vetra.  “You look sad, talking about her.  You were close, weren’t you?”

“Much more than with Dad.  But she got sick a few years ago.”  Ryder let out a long breath.  “She would have liked a lot of this place.  She would have loved meeting the angara.  She was passionate, like Jaal.”

“I’m always impressed by people who were close with their mothers,” said Vetra quietly  “I know ours didn’t want us.  She put up with us for a while, but even so, I barely remember her.”

“You want to know something funny?”

“Shoot.”

“Every now and then, I catch myself thinking, Dad would love this,” said Ryder.  Her face scrunched, nose wrinkling.  “And then it catches up to me.  I realize, I don’t really know what he would have liked.  You know?”  She shrugged, inching closer to Vetra.  “I can guess.  Part of me can extrapolate the things he would probably like from the things I know he cared about.  Exploration.  SAM.  Family.  In that order.”  She sighed.  “But when I think of what he would like, I realize I’m thinking of my projection of him; the man I used to wish he would be, the man nostalgia makes him out to be.  It’s like that with everyone we’ve lost, isn’t it?  The best parts of them -- or the worst -- they’re all our biology lets us remember eventually, and we build up these visions of them as a way to comfort ourselves.  It’s like we still have a relationship with them, just a little, if we can imagine who they’d be now and what they’d do.  Love, but at a remove.”

“I think I know what you mean,” said Vetra after a moment.  “I never wasted time worrying about my mother, after she left.  But I like to tell myself my dad died a hero, a good man, back in the Milky Way.  That he would have come back for Sid and me if he could have.”  Her mandibles flared open in a long, trembling pause before folding against her cheeks again.

“Do you think that really happened?” Ryder asked quietly.  “A hero’s death?”

“No,” Vetra said flatly.  “I think --”  She bowed her head.  “I think he was good enough that he might have wanted to come back to us.  But I don’t think he was good enough to do it, in the end.”  

“I think Dad would have wanted to love Andromeda,” said Ryder.  “And yet, each new outpost, each new secret… it’d never be enough.  He could never be happy with what he had.  He was only ever happy in the striving for it, I think.”

A wise, if painful, observation, said SAM into her private channel.  His voice was especially reserved.  I miss your father.  My experience of him was different than your own, but you did understand him, Zelda.

“Thank you, SAM,” she subvocalized.  She leaned back against the pillows, digging her shoulders into them, her heart steady in her chest.  Not dead yet.  Not again.

“Do we ever leave the old shit behind?” mused Vetra.  She gazed up at the stars drifting on the other side of the window, gold and silver pinpricks against the black.  “Or does it always come back like this to punch you in the gut?”

“Sometimes it hits hard, like it all happened yesterday.  Sometimes I almost forget for a day or two that Dad died.  I can never tell which it’s going to be until it comes.  That’s life all over, isn’t it?  You can guess and worry and wonder all you want about it, but it still does what it’s going to do, and you can’t always change that.”  The stars blurred.

“We can change some things,” said Vetra.  She reached out, pulling Ryder against her, draping an arm around her shoulders.  “The two of us against the world?  I don’t know.  I kinda like those odds, personally.”

Ryder curled up beside her, laying her head against Vetra’s chest.  She could hear a steady beat, a slightly different rhythm than she was used to, but familiar all the same.  She listened to the sound, closing her eyes.  Funny, but it made her think of a safe port in the storm.  An anchor.

“You do know how to play the odds,” she laughed.  She could feel Vetra’s chuckle through her chest, and that was an anchor too.

***

“Morning, you,” said Vetra, and Ryder yawned.

The first thing she noticed was how stiff she was.  The second thing she noticed was that she was sprawled on the couch, her head and shoulders in Vetra’s lap.

“Morning,” she said, acutely aware that Vetra’s lap was surprisingly comfortable.  “How long was I asleep?”

“Long enough,” said Vetra, leaning down to meet her in a kiss.  It was an extraordinarily better way to wake up than the alarm tone SAM usually played.  “You made it through the night, you know.”

Ryder sat up, stretching, and let out a shaky laugh.  “You’re right.”  She nudged Vetra hard in the shoulder.  “Thanks to you.”

“Nah,” said Vetra.  “You had it under control.”  But something in her face softened.  “Glad you’re feeling better.”

Ryder pulled her into a clumsy hug, showering her in a flurry of kisses.  When she pulled back Vetra looked flabbergasted.  She also looked intensely pleased.

“So it wasn’t bad for our first slumber party?” Ryder asked.

“Well,” Vetra said, regaining her ability to speak, “I can’t really compare it to any others.  So we’ll obviously have to do this again.”

Ryder laughed.  It might have been a hell of a day yesterday.  But there was another one today, and hopefully another tomorrow, and one after that.  Moving forward was all any of them could do.  Moving forward with Vetra was even better.

Good morning, Zelda.  Your heart rate and rhythm remain normal.  

“Thanks, SAM.”  A deep breath.  “I know.”

#ryder x vetra #f!ryder x vetra #vetra nyx #mass effect: andromeda #me:a #me:a spoilers #spoilers #mass effect spoilers #zelda ryder #SAM

[thievinghippo]

Fic Update: Courtship (5/7)

Fandom: Mass Effect: Andromeda

Chapter Title: Mentally (read on Ao3!)

Pairing: Jaal Ama Darav/Skylar Ryder

Rating: Teen

Summary: Jaal’s family comes to Meridian, ready to ask questions and get some answers about the relationship between Ryder and Jaal.

Notes: Endgame spoilers here.

chapter one | chapter two | chapter three | chapter four

#

“I missed you,” Ryder says as she pulls Jaal down for a kiss. He makes no resistance as she wraps her arms around his neck, bringing him in close.

They kiss, long enough that he wonders if there might not be time to quickly make love, before he must meet his family again. But then the door to her quarters on the Hyperion chimes, and they break apart.

“Hold that thought for later,” Ryder says, walking to the door. It opens, and an older human male that Jaal doesn’t recognize stands before them. “Harry! What are you doing here? Everything okay with Scott?”

The name clicks. Harry Carlyle, the doctor taking care of Scott. Also a close friend to the Ryder family, if Jaal is remembering things right. He wonders if he should introduce himself when Ryder says, “Harry, have you met Jaal?” She takes his arm and Jaal tries to remember which hand is the one to use for a human handshake. “Harry, this is Jaal Ama Darav. Jaal, this is Doctor Harry Carlyle.”

Jaal sticks out his left hand just as Harry puts out his right. One day he will get this right, he thinks as he quickly switches hands. Firm but not too firm, is what Ryder told him about handshakes. He doesn’t like this nearly as much as an angaran greeting, with those, there is more contact, more connection. A handshake seems almost impersonal compared to that.

They shake hands, and Jaal’s almost confident that he got the greeting right. “Good to know you,” he says.

“Thanks,” Harry says. “So SAM told me to come over here. I’m not exactly sure how this works…”

Ryder reaches out and puts her hand on Harry���s arm. That alone is unusual. Ryder hardly touches anyone other than him. A unworthy flash of jealousy courses through him. Harry is a family friend, nothing more.  It’s ridiculous, Jaal knows it is. But it is there.

“Thanks, Harry,” Ryder says. “This means a lot.” She takes her hand away. “I’m not supposed to be here for this. I’ll stop by the medbay later. I want to know when Scott will be cleared for field work.”

“It’ll be a while,” Harry says. “But stop on by. Maybe visit Elizabeth in statis. You haven’t done that for a bit.”

So Harry knows the truth about Ryder’s mother. Jaal wonders why he hasn’t been introduced to someone obviously so important to the Ryder family. But that will be a question for another day. Or perhaps tonight.

“We’ve got a plan.” Ryder turns and stands on tiptoe to kiss Jaal on the cheek. The gesture moves him more than he can express. A month ago she would have never kissed him in public. And look at her now. “I’ll see you tonight.”

“Until later, darling one,” Jaal says.

Ryder nods and stands up straighter. As she walks to the door, Jaal sees the transformation from Ryder to the Pathfinder. It’s subtle, but it’s there. A hint of tension and stress settle on her shoulders. He will have to help ease that tension for her tonight.

“You know, I’ve know Skylar and Scott since they were babies,” Harry says, crossing his arms over his chest. A smile settles on his lips. “Sometimes it’s hard to believe they’re both adults, making their own way through life now.”

“How did you know the family?” Jaal asks, curious to know more about anyone involved in Ryder’s life.

“Alec and I were roommates in college,” Harry says. “After we graduated, I went off to medical school and Alec joined the army. We stayed in touch, though. Feels like a lifetime ago.”

Jaal thinks about the differences in angaran and human culture. If the Ryders were angara, Harry would be considered family, any children of his own would be cousins to the Ryder twins. The disconnect between family and friends for humans saddens him sometimes. Perhaps he can discuss the matter with Ryder. Kesh will be having children. If some day, he and Ryder decide to raise children together, it will be good to consider Kesh’s children cousins of their own.

“It’s good for her to have someone who knows her not just as the Pathfinder,” Jaal says quietly.

Harry nods. “Agreed. She’s handling this all brilliantly, but I’m starting to see some cracks on the surface. My guess is, though, that you’re helping her handle everything. Suppose I should thank you for that.”

It’s not possible to keep the smile off of his face. “I would do anything for her,” Jaal admits, his heart clenching. What he says is true. The love he feels for Ryder is almost overwhelming sometimes, in the best sort of way.

“That’s what I gathered with this whole ritual thing,” Harry says. His brow furrows and Jaal wonders what that can possibly mean. “Now, this isn’t marriage, right? What you’re doing?”

Jaal holds out his hands, to show that no deception is within his reach. “This is a step before marriage,” he says. “But not a marriage ceremony. I think we are both too young for that.” Which is the truth. There is so much to do and learn before they should settle down and start a family of their own. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t think about it, though. “Perhaps one day…”

“I’m not sure how it works for angara, but Skylar just turned twenty-three. That’s pretty damn young for a human to get married,” Harry says. The furrow disappears and the doctor seems much more relaxed. “But a step before marriage ritual I can get behind.”

“Thank you, Harry,” Jaal says quietly. Another approval, more fuel for the ever burning fire in his heart.

“Apologies if I’m doing this wrong,” Harry says, and to Jaal’s surprise, he looks nervous. “SAM didn’t go into much detail. Does Skylar satisfy you mentally?”

“She does,” Jaal answers at once. “She is bright and knows so much. I’ve learned a great deal about the universe and even myself since we’ve met. More than that, I’m proud of her.”

Harry’s face relaxes. “You and me both. Had to admit, I wasn’t sure she’d be up for the whole Pathfinder thing. But she’s done her father proud.”

Jaal would have liked to have met Alec Ryder. Ryder’s tried to explain her relationship to him; she always thought she disappointed him, no matter what she tried to do. But Jaal is certain that cannot be the case. Who wouldn’t be proud to have a woman such as Ryder as a daughter?

“Maybe someday I will be able to meet her mother,” Jaal says in a quiet voice. He’s gone to Ellen Ryder’s stasis pod several times since the Hyperion made it to Meridian. There’s not much to do except pay his respects, but he would like to tell Ellen Ryder that he cared, even before she came out of stasis.

He hopes Ryder’s mother will be pleased her daughter found love in Andromeda.

“Wouldn’t that be something?” Harry asks. “It’ll be a while. We don’t have the manpower to research her disease yet. Someday. Hope I’m still around to see it.” He slaps his thigh with the palm of his hand. “I need to get back to cryo-bay; we’re bringing another twenty out of stasis today. Talk to you later, Jaal.”

“You as well,” Jaal says, holding out his right hand, in the proper way to say goodbye. He thinks. “It was good to meet you, Harry.”

They shake hands and Jaal can’t help but be proud of himself. He’s learning. One day, he’ll figure out the rest of the species greetings as well.

“Good to meet you, too, Jaal. You keep taking care of Skylar,” Harry says with a nod.

Skylar. It’s strange to think of her as Skylar. She is Ryder in his head, since that’s what she prefers to be called. But Jaal supposes that Harry’s known Ryder long enough that he can call her whatever he wants.

“I will,” Jaal says. He will take care of her for as long as she lets him, just like she will take care of him.

Harry exits the room, leaving Jaal to his thoughts. Only one more day to go, and then the tavoan will be complete. Then he will discover what his family thinks of their relationship.

#

She decides not to worry until dinner.

Ryder’s made sure she’s been available all day, waiting for whoever’s supposed to ask the last question for the tavoan. She’s kept herself busy in some storage rooms on the Hyperion, the door wide open, trying to find any last minute inventory that the Tempest might need. But no one ever showed up.

Anxiety starts to swell a bit as she enters the cafeteria. Jaal’s family is nowhere to be seen. What does this mean? Could they have already decided she’s failed?

It can’t be that. It can’t be. Sahuna loves her, Ryder knows this. Maybe they’ve just been busy today. His family leaves in two days, and Jaal wants to spend as much as time as possible with them, understandably so. They can always visit when they go to Havarl, but it’s not the same.

Ryder gets in line for dinner. She miscalculated her timing, putting her in the cafeteria during the busiest time. Hopefully the food she gets for dinner will be worth it.

To pass the time as she waits, Ryder decides to people watch. Her gaze goes to one corner and stops as her eyes meets Teviint.

The sister who shot Lathoul in the back. Her stomach clenches at the memory of that night, of watching Akksul point a gun at Jaal’s face, and how close she came to putting pressure on the trigger of her own pistol. If Ryder killed Akksul that night, would she and Jaal have ever gotten together? Knowing how important trust is to Jaal, somehow she doubts it.

She meets Teviint’s gaze with a level look of her own, ignoring how the angara tenses up a bit. What was Sahuna thinking? While Teviint no longer ran with the Roekaar, Ryder still isn’t sure how she feels about aliens. Especially aliens sleeping with her brother.

As quickly as she can, Ryder debates staying in line or walking over to Teviint to speak to her. Getting this over with wins out. She walks over to the corner where Jaal’s sister stands and takes a breath.

“Hi,” Ryder says, She wants to be anywhere but here right now, but she thinks of Jaal, thinks of how happy this whole process is making him, and stands her ground.

“Hi,” Teviint says.

The silence stretches out between them and Ryder isn’t sure what to do. They stand in front of a big picture window, so she turns to look outside. From here, she can see the the closest landing pad. And the Tempest.

The view of the Tempest is gorgeous from here. More and more Ryder thinks of the ship as her home. Jaal speaks of finding a home of their own some day, and it’s a beautiful thought. But right now, the Tempest and Jaal is all the home she needs 

“I am not good at this,” Teviint says, her voice on the verge of cracking. “When Mother asked this of me, I should have refused.”

“But you didn’t,” Ryder says quietly. That’s a start, right? Something to hold on to. Something to build on. “I’m glad you didn’t.”

Teviint kicks at the ground with her shoe. “There is lingering hatred in my heart,” she says. “I wish there wasn’t, not when you bring Jaal so much joy, but it is there.”

Ryder says nothing, knowing anything she says will seem like platitudes. One day, she will simply have to hope that Teviint accepts her and her place in Jaal’s life. She can’t ask for more than that. Even so, the disappointment leaves a bitter aftertaste in Ryder’s mouth. Familiar, almost. Her last relationship had been with a volus and her parents didn’t even try to understand.

What would Alec and Ellen Ryder think of Jaal? She’s not sure, and that uncertainty upsets her more than she cares to admit.

“I will not disappoint my family, not when they’ve asked me to be a part of this,” Teviint says. “So I ask you this,” she turns so that they’re looking right at each other, “does Jaal satisfy you spiritually?”

It’s a question Ryder would never have considered before the tavoan. She’s not a spiritual person, she never has been. Alec and Ellen Ryder raised their children to be logical and to question everything. The gaping holes left in Ryder’s questions about religion were too much to overcome.

Sometimes, though, she’s jealous of Suvi’s faith. Even Jaal is embracing the angaran belief of reincarnation since their brush with the concept on Havarl. But Ryder’s engineering mind refuses to think there’s anything over than a scientific explanation of what happened with that relic.

But religion doesn’t necessarily need to be spiritual. Perhaps it can be more like the turian’s spirits, to encompass a place or a thing. Or maybe it’s something that Ryder can’t even explain. She thinks of her soul, of her sense of self, of her spirit.

Any way she looks at it, she’s better off because of Jaal. And she can gladly tell his sister that. “Yes,” Ryder says, keeping her voice light. “He does. Jaal does satisfy me spiritually.”

Teviint stares at her and Ryder doesn’t look away. Let Jaal’s sister know that she’s here for the long haul. There will be no driving her away, even if there’s hatred in the woman’s heart.

“Best I speak to my mother and let her know we spoke,” Teviint says. She starts to walk away, then stops. Turning back towards Ryder, she adds, “Thank you.”

Ryder isn’t sure what exactly she’s being thanked for. But she’ll gladly take the thanks. “You’re welcome,” she says. Teviint turns again and quickly leaves the cafeteria.

Turning, Ryder sees that the line for food has gotten even longer than before. She debates if the line is worth it when she has a protein bar in her father’s quarters. But there’s a truth she can’t deny. If there’s real food to be had, Ryder wants to eat it.

With that in mind, she heads back in line.

#

Ryder stares at her email terminal in her father’s quarters, wondering which one to answer first. Messages from Tann, Addison, Christmas Tate, and August Bradley, all marked with high importance, wait for her.

She opens Bradley’s first. He’s not truly forgiven her for naming him ambassador, she thinks. But considering the other options, he made the most sense. The Moshae seems content to study the vaults, Hayjer’s needed as Pathfinder for the salarians, and Morda? No. Just… no.

Prodomus is doing well and Bradley was smart enough to train a successor as they built up the outpost. He’ll do the job and do it well. And in the end, Ryder can’t ask for more than that.

His message involves the forming of a true militia, one that would eventually act as a peacekeeper force for all of the Heleus Cluster, even for the angara, should they wish it. Somehow they doubt they will, probably preferring to protect their own.

The request would involve waking up thousands of more people in cryo, across all four species. It’s not a decision she can make on her own. The leadership for the Initiative needs to be involved with this one.

Just as she finishes her response, telling him that, the door opens, and Jaal walks inside. Since her back is to the room, Ryder turns in her chair, rolling her shoulders as she does. She’s been hunched over her desk since she finished dinner at the cafeteria, and her muscles are protesting because of it.

“Good day?” she asks as he sits in one of the overstuffed chairs.

Jaal nods as he starts taking off his rofjinn. “It’s hard to believe their visit is almost over,” he says, leaning back in the chair. “I will miss having them here.”

“We’ll be able to visit,” Ryder says, sitting on her hands. Jaal’s not quite at ease, not as he usually is this time of night, when it’s just the two of them. Something to do with the tavoan, she’s sure of it.

Harry could have asked one of two questions. With Harry, she doubts it was spiritual, so mental is the only other options. Her stomach sinks. Jaal talks about how uneven his education was. But hers was, too. She should have finished college, she knows this. It would have helped her in so many different ways, but she didn’t. And somehow, since she thinks it will be years before there’s any sort of higher education foundation in place here in Andromeda, she probably never will.

A wave of self-doubt crashes over her, memories from when she and her father argued over college. Ryder was happy as a peacekeeper, then. She was in a relationship with someone she cared about, doing a job she thought worthwhile. At the time, college didn’t seem important compared to that. But now, as Pathfinder, it does.

She thinks of the other Pathfinders. Avitus with his fifteen years of being a Spectre. Hayjer being the captain of his ark. Even Vederia’s hundreds of years old with plenty of training as an asari commando.

Then there’s Ryder. A twenty-three year old human who never even finished college. Some days it simply didn’t feel like enough.

Pushing those thoughts away, she concentrates on Jaal. It’s not his fault she doesn’t feel like enough some days, not with everything he does to try to show her that she is.

“You okay?” Ryder asks, not able to help herself. If something is wrong, she wants to know, sooner rather than later.

Jaal looks up at the ceiling and takes a breath. “Why have you not introduced me to Harry until today? If he is close enough to you to partake in the tavoan, I would have liked to have met him earlier.”

There’s hurt in his voice, which makes Ryder want to curl in on herself. It didn’t occur to her that she should have. It’s Harry, dad’s college roommate, who’s just always been there on the edges, for as long as she can remember.

But he’s basically family, or at least the closest thing she and Scott have to family these days. And family is everything to Jaal. Of course he’ll be hurt if he thinks she’s keeping family from him.

“I hadn’t thought about it,” Ryder says as she stands up. So this isn’t about the tavoan but about family. That she can deal with, she thinks, as she walks to the chair across from Jaal. She settles in, bringing her knees up to her chest. “I just don’t see family everywhere like you do.”

Jaal looks almost imposing, the way he sits back in his chair, arms up on the arm rests. But she knows he’s ticklish on the back of his lower set of knees and has seen his face when he tasted ice cream for the first time. She doesn’t think he could intimidate her even if she wanted him to.

“You said that the Tempest crew was becoming family,” Jaal says, tilting his head. “How is that not seeing family everywhere?”

“Point taken,” Ryder says. It’s true. Thanks to the Tempest, it does feel like she has a family of her own. She racks her brain, trying to think of anyone else who she should introduce to Jaal. Captain Dunn? She and Mom were friends back in the Milky Way, but Dunn wasn’t around nearly as much as Harry.

She should ask Dunn about her mom one of these days. Maybe it will help with the pain.

There are days she misses her mother so much it hurts. Scott was always closer to Dad; they seemed to be talking guns and combat scenarios and other war games that Ryder only had a passing interest. Mom was always there, ready to talk science or engineering or whatever was on Ryder’s mind.

And for six months before they left for Andromeda, Ryder lost that. She lost her sounding board, lost the one person who she knew would always be not just willing to listen, but wanted to listen. At least, she lost that until she found Jaal.

“Ryder?”

She looks up, shaking off the sudden melancholy draped over her shoulders like a cloak. “Lost my thoughts there for a moment,” she says, running her hands down her thighs. “I’m back.”

“It’s alright,” Jaal says and she sees the concern on his face.

“It’s not alright,” Ryder says, standing up. She walks over his chair and squats down. “I’ve hurt you. I’m sorry I didn’t introduce you to Harry earlier.”

His fingers trace her jawline, causing Ryder to bite her lower lip. He’s not wearing gloves, and she can feel the callouses on his fingertips and the bumpy texture of the his fused fingers. She takes his hand and bring it up to her lips, a kiss, another quiet apology.

“Apology accepted,” Jaal says and Ryder breathes out in relief. When Jaal accepts an apology, it’s over and done. A good quality to have, one Ryder would like herself.

Ryder stands up and sits down on his lap. In the chair, it’s not very comfortable, but her comfort isn’t the point. The point is to be close to Jaal, and with this, she succeeds.

“So it’s been SAM, Scott, Drack, and now Harry, right?” she asks. She can’t think of anyone else she’s close enough with who might be willing to ask a question. The thought saddens her a bit. Now that Meridian is safe, maybe it’s time to try to expand her social sphere, or work on becoming closer with the rest of the Tempest crew. Maybe even another movie night.

“Yes,” Jaal says. “And you should have answered your five questions, which means my true mother will speak to me tomorrow to tell me what she thinks.”

“Yep, all five,” Ryder says. Her voice becomes wistful. “I spoke to Teviint today. She’s still not happy with aliens.”

Jaal looks away, giving Ryder the chance to rest her cheek against his own. “She fought with the resistance during the battle for Meridian,” he says, sounding sad. “That is a very good start.”

“Agreed,” Ryder says. “I’ll keep trying to bridge that gap. Not much else I can do, right?”

Without any warning, Jaal kisses her. She kisses back, how can she not when he kisses like that, like their kiss can outshine the sun if they try hard enough. “Thank you,” he says, his voice rough. “For trying. It means so much to me.”

Ryder’s not usually one for poetry or sappy love letters, but she can’t help herself in this case. “And you mean so much to me,” she says, her cheeks reddening as the words come out of her mouth.

Jaal leans in for another kiss, but not before whispering, “Agreed.”

#mass effect #jaal ama darav #skylar ryder #otp: favorite place in the universe #hippo writes fanfiction #mass effect: andromeda spoilers

[lafaiette]

Little Star

Jaal is already a beautiful, handsome, marvelous man, but with a baby in his arms? He is absolutely perfect.

In which Ryder and Jaal finally meet little David, the first human baby born in Heleus.

Spoilers for “The Little Things That Matter” mission.

Podromos is precious to her, one of her successes that she allows herself to be proud of. It’s a symbol, the proof that the Initiative – and the humans – are strong and stubborn enough to live in Heleus.

After the two previous failed outposts, this one is more than a victory and she wants to enjoy every part of it.

So it doesn’t really surprise anyone when she asks Kallo to bring them to Eos and see how Bradley and his people are doing.

There are still some things they have to prepare before disobeying Tann’s direct orders and reach what appears to be Meridian and since this is probably going to be one of their most dangerous missions, Chloe wants to make sure things are okay in all the places they know.

They have already gone to Aya, Voeld, and Havarl, even finding the time to say hi to Jaal’s mother, then to Kadara and New Tuchanka. Their last stop was at the Nexus and now they are on Eos, its air clear, its sand finally not so scorching anymore.

To be completely honest, she has another reason to be on Podromos. Bradley and the colonists are her first priority, of course, just like the kett still lurking on this side of the planet, despite the destruction of their base.

But there is another person she really wants to meet here. The circumstances weren’t favorable enough before, but now they are and her curiosity, her desire to see the first human baby born in Heleus is too strong.

Now that she thinks about it, little David is a sort of pathfinder, just like her: a pioneer who will have to make the first steps in the unknown, unsure of what to expect.

He won’t carry the emotional baggage most colonists have on their shoulders, though: he never knew the Milky Way Galaxy and will never do. He will grow up considering Heleus his only home, with no old memories and old landscapes to keep him awake at night.

Not that Chloe feels that way: she misses the Milky Way, yes, she misses the Citadel and Earth, but she grew accustomed to this new home faster than she expected and she found out that others did the same.

And not just people who had good reasons to leave their old home behind: young, elderly, middle-aged people on the Nexus revealed to her that the memory of Earth or their old homeworlds doesn’t stop them from enjoying this new life and believing in it.

She agrees, even though she feels sorry for those like Liam, Suvi, and Kallo, who still cry in bed at night despite their new friends, new discoveries, new wonders this galaxy gave them.

She often wonders how things will be in a few years: she dreams of a future without kett and the pang in her heart every time she does that tells her how painful the angara’s lives have been until now; she likes to picture human and angara children playing together, then her minds add other alien kids too, a paradise of joy and understanding.

She likes to picture Heleus as a welcoming, comfortable, safe place, its planets finally viable again, the Scourge kept in check, the Initiative working as it should.

‘Someday.’ she thinks wishfully. If everything goes well on Meridian, then that dream might actually come true sooner than she hoped.

Jaal and Liam are coming with her today: they are both as interested in Podromos’ progress as her, although the latter shares that enthusiastic “we did it!” feeling with her, a personal sense of human pride for their accomplishment.

What Jaal feels is admiration and pride directed at her: he sees and acknowledges the colonists’ hard work, but he can’t stop repeating how she made this possible, as if he wants her to never forget it.

Perhaps that’s his intention: he wants to reassure her she is a great Pathfinder and leader, that she is making her dad proud too, that she’s got this.

It means everything to her and now there is something else she wants to share with him, an accomplishment perhaps even greater than the outpost.

“You never saw a human newborn, right?” she asks him as they walk out the Tempest, hand in hand. Everyone on Podromos knows they are together and it’s not like they ever hide it.

“Right. I…” Jaal blushes, giving her a shy smile. “I haven’t gotten to that part yet, while studying your species at the Cultural Center.”

“Remember Dr. Kennedy? She is here on Podromos.” She grins at him when he nods at her. “I contacted her before leaving the Nexus and she said she would be happy to show us the baby.”

Jaal’s face lightens up like the console of the Galaxy Map. Liam swears something under his breath and moves in front of them, while walking backwards.

“Shit, really?” His grin is even wider than Chloe’s. “First human baby of Heleus! That’s huge, Ryder, I gotta see him too!”

“I think the others will join us soon, so…” She smiles at the two men, squeezing Jaal’s hand. “Let’s hurry before it gets too crowded! I want to make all the funny faces at him without worrying about my reputation.”

“Do you…” Jaal stops, opens and closes his mouth to find the right words, then blurts out, faster than she expected: “Do you like children?”

She blushes too and nods. She knows why he’s asking her that and her answer clearly pleases him a lot.

“I used to babysit my neighbors’ child, when I was in highschool.” she says, smiling at the memories.

She isn’t really the greatest babysitter in the world, in her opinion – she tends to spoil the kids or panic when things go wrong and she always makes a mess in the house -, but she gets along with them well and she can understand them pretty fast. That always earned her praises, gratefulness, and a lot of personal satisfaction.

Maybe she is so good with kids in general – not including how much she spoils them and her alternative teachings, like “yeah, we can have a dessert-only dinner today” or “if a kid punch you, punch him back” -, because she is still a child too… sort of. She is definitely young, though, and not really as mature and adult as a real mom, so that probably helps.

“Babysit?” Jaal repeats, frowning in that adorable way that means he’s confused. “You used to… sit babies down?”

Liam does his best to hold himself back, but it’s too much for him and he bursts into laughter, while Chloe giggles and shakes her head, explaining:

“No, it means taking care of children for a short amount of time when their parents can’t. They pay you to do it.”

Jaal looks even more confused and even a bit flabbergasted.

“But… what about their relatives?”

“Sometimes they have none or they can’t take care of them either. Babysitting was sort of a necessary trend, back in the Milky Way.”

“Yeah, young people could earn something while just keeping an eye on some kids.” Liam shrugs. “And the parents could do whatever they needed to do without worrying about their children’s wellbeing.”

“I see.” Jaal stays quiet for a moment, then adds slowly: “It is a strange concept, though. Paying a stranger to make sure your children are safe. Angara families are so large you would never need to do something like that. The children are always taken care of, either by their siblings or other members of the family.”

“I know.” Ryder chuckles, patting his hand.

“And even if an angara was asked, under incredible circumstances, to protect the children of another family, they would do so out of the goodness of their heart, not greed.” Jaal grumbles, shaking his head. It seems this topic is particularly delicate and important for him.

“I know, Jaal.” she repeats, her voice softer, gentler. “Babysitters didn’t always do it to earn money, though. Most were happy to watch over the kids for free, especially if they knew them well.”

“Were you?” he asks, new curiosity shining in his eyes, and she chuckles, nodding.

“Yeah. The kid I used to babysit was pretty awesome, it was like having a little brother. Much younger than Scott, anyway.” She kicks a small pebble on the ground, blushing a little because Jaal’s gaze has become intense and sweet. “I often refused to take the money, especially if his parents had had a bad time at work.”

“Wow.” Liam whistles, hands in his pockets. “I’m sure I never did that. Needed that allowance too much.”

“You are a greedy person, Kosta.”

“I am.” he confirms, playing along, his tone as solemn as hers. “Can’t upgrade your omnitool without money.”

“I… I didn’t mean to offend.” Jaal suddenly says, panicking. “I wasn’t implying you were greedy or wicked for taking that money. It was a job, after all.” He swallows, turning to Chloe with big, sad, eyes. “Darling One…”

“Oh, Jaal!” she laughs, pulling him into a hug. “I know what you were trying to say. And I understand, it must be a really weird idea of a job for an angara.”

He tightens his arms around her, humming affirmatively, and he brushes his mouth against her temple, mumbling sheepishly: “Maybe, but I can see why your people needed to do it.”

“Don’t worry, big guy.” Liam says. “Also, we won’t be needing babysitters for a long time…” His grin turns smartass and smug, causing Chloe and Jaal to blush. “Unless we start procreating or adopting, of course.”

Jaal’s bioelectricity increases at those words, causing Chloe’s hair to stand up, and he lets out a timid sound. Her face is so flushed red she looks like she’s having a stroke, but she manages to keep her face somewhat blank.

“Right.” she croaks out, before grimacing. Of course her voice would betray her first.

Liam snickers without shame, proceeding forward to give them time to recover.

It will take them a while, though: Chloe is sure scientists would find a new shade of red on her face and Jaal’s static is going wild, sending pleasant vibrations all through her body. She feels tingly, like a bubbly drink.

“Well…” she chuckles nervously, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear before sliding her arm around Jaal’s waist again. She finally overcomes her shyness and embarrassment and looks up at him, wondering what she will see on his face.

Love. Tenderness. And something else too that she can’t quite recognize, something like… longing? Desire?

It makes her heart race faster and she thinks they absolutely have to return from Meridian in one piece.

“Adoption sounds pretty awesome.” she quietly says, moving her eyes down to Jaal’s Rofjinn. She smooths a wrinkle on the collar, clearing her throat. “Conception might be a little harder. Between humans and angara, I mean.”

Jaal’s bioelectricity is soaring to so high levels, he could fuel a power station with it. Her arms are a little numb and her hair must be quite the spectacle from afar, but she doesn’t care.

The look he’s giving her now is the most beautiful, intense thing she ever saw. It’s like he’s looking right into her soul, her inner core, and she is lost in the galaxies swirling in his irises.

“But…” she adds, voice even softer, almost dreamy. “I met an angara woman on Aya and she was scanning me and she said humans and angara are pretty similar and she wondered…” She stops, because Jaal’s hand is now cupping her cheek and he rested his forehead against hers, never breaking eye contact.

“She wondered… how her grand-grandchildren will look like and I…”

Now Jaal’s current is steady, less explosive, although she can still sense how excited he is. She has learned to read it pretty well and can now recognize what the little differences and sudden changes mean.

He is thrilled, happy, probably even surprised, and a smile is forming on his lips. She smiles too, sharing his same feelings, his same hopes.

Their relationship is proceeding steadfastly well and even though they still haven’t done that, the signs are all there and she knows it’s only a matter of time before they will become one with their bodies too.

Well. She is starting to sound like him.

Sahuna promised her she would introduce her to the other mothers and their children during her next visit and she is looking forward to that. She wants to meet Jaal’s nephews and nieces and see how cute angara kids are.

It would also be… educational. Useful for the future. Because if their future really is going to be much better than the present, full of promises and safety, then there might be good probabilities of settling down with Jaal and…

And she wants it. She wants to form a family with him. And even though she has no idea whether the Ama Darav family would accept her – an alien - as a new mother, hell, she is more than willing to become one and pamper all the kids and teenagers of the house.

She pictures Jaal and herself as the relatives of other kids and her heart sings. Then she imagines Jaal and herself as parents – adoptive, biological, it doesn’t matter – and her heart starts a full musical number.

Oh, she is so deep into it.

She knows it’s still too soon – Heleus is still a dangerous place, she still has many things to start and finish as Pathfinder, and both she and Jaal are pretty young. However, she can see how serious their relationship is and there is no doubt in her mind that the future has a lot of beautiful things in store for them.

It’s refreshing to have such a great, positive certainty, for once.

He’s thinking the same thing, she can see it and feel it through his bioelectricity, and their feelings for each other are strong and clear, just like he is, just like the Resistance and the angara in general are.

His smile widens and he rubs his nose against hers, an affectionate gesture he learned from one of the vids Liam sent him.

He opens his mouth to say something – and Chloe is sure the whole outpost, the whole planet, the entire universe stop for a second to hear him -, when Bradley, the only one who clearly didn’t stop, interrupts them.

“Pathfinder! Good to see you again!”

She yelps and turns to where the mayor is standing: on the stairs, right next to the open door leading into the building they need to visit. He’s grinning, hands on his hips.

“Nice to see you too, Jaal.”

“Hello.” Jaal says, nodding at the man. He is polite as always, but she can see the slight annoyance in his eyes for having been interrupted. He was going to tell her something really important, then.

“Here for the baby?” Bradley continues, pointing at the door with his thumb. “That little bundle of joy has caught more attention from the Nexus than our discoveries here on Eos.”

“Really?” she chuckles, before clearing her throat. She and Jaal are still hugging each other and even though it would better to pull away and talk normally to Bradley, she really can’t bring herself to move away from Jaal.

He clearly has no intention of letting her go, either. At least Bradley doesn’t seem to care about it, even though she can hear some of the colonists giggle and snort.

“I told Kennedy she should start selling tickets. With the kid and Liam’s soccer tournament, Podromos would become one hell of a tourist trap.”

Right then, a loud cry echoes in the outpost, coming straight from the house. It’s the unmistakable, distressed wailing of a newborn and someone swears, before being scolded for doing so.

“Not in front of the baby!”

“Shit, sorry, ma’am! Oh, damn…”

“Kosta!” Bradley roars, glaring into the room. “Stop teaching the kid bad words!”

“I’m not, I swear it!”

The wailing gets louder, probably because everyone is shouting, and Jaal snorts, shaking his head, while Chloe lets out a heavy, long sigh.

“We should get in.” she says, kissing her boyfriend’s cheek, the one where the scar is, and he agrees with a nod of his head and a sweet smile.

They pull away, but the first thing they do before entering the building with Bradley is taking each other’s hand again.

- - - -

Dr. Kennedy is lulling the child, showing Liam how to correctly hold him; the ex-cop stands there, looking at the child with an ashamed, guilty expression on his face, which breaks into another grin when little David finally calms down and starts gurgling.

“Oh, Pathfinder!” Kennedy exclaims softly as she sees Ryder and Jaal enter. She glances at their hands for a second, before looking back at Chloe with a proud smile. “Here is my little champion.”

Chloe hears Jaal hold his breath as they approach and she would be lying if she said she didn’t do the same.

The first human baby of Heleus, safe and sound thanks to her team and Dr. Kennedy’s courage, which Addison would rather call stubbornness, but who cares.

He is beautiful. Wrapped in a white cloth, he has fallen asleep. One of his tiny hands, closed into a fist, is peeking out from the blanket and Chloe coos softly, poking it with a finger.

“Oh my God, he is so cute!” Warmth spreads in her chest and her cheeks start hurting, because she is smiling a lot. “Really, Dr. Kennedy, he is the most beautiful baby I’ve ever seen.”

“Damn right, he is.” the woman laughs, leaning in to press a light kiss on his forehead, and the little one makes a tiny, funny sound, but doesn’t wake up.

Chloe glances at Jaal, wishing to ask him what she thinks about the child: he’s staring at him and his look is almost as intense as the one he gave her before.

His eyes are so big they seem to take all the space on his face and they follow every movement, every twitch of the baby.

There is a deep rumbling sound coming from his chest, one she recognizes as the one he usually makes when he’s deep in thought, tinkering with something he’s trying to understand.

“Isn’t he adorable?” she asks him, rubbing her thumb on his hand, and he nods quickly. When he smiles – an awed smile that illuminates his face, even the whole room –, her heart skips a bit.

She imagines him making that face while watching their children and she nearly combusts on the spot.

“Want to hold him?” Kennedy asks her and before she can prepare herself, there is a mewling baby in her arms, warm and soft like a petal.

She adjusts her arms to hold his delicate neck better and the mother chuckles appreciatively at that.

“Either you are a natural or you handled your fair share of babies in the past.” She glares at Liam, whose shoulders slump. “Kosta here almost dropped him on the ground.”

“Oh, come on, now!”

“You are so cute.” Chloe coos, brushing a fingertip against David’s cheek, a feather-light touch that makes him gurgle again. He’s still sleeping, though, and she lulls him a bit.

“Yes, you are.” she continues. “The cutest human in the galaxy. Welcome to Heleus, little David.”

She taps his nose, gently, and it seems to her that the baby is smiling, although it could just be an effect of the light in the room.

“Uh, Ryder?” Liam chuckles. “I think you broke Jaal.”

She looks at her boyfriend and sees that he’s staring again: he looks enthralled and the awe on his face is so strong, so much, she blushes and laughs, looking back at the baby.

She feels… flattered. Jaal is looking at her like she is the most gorgeous sight in the world and she doesn’t know how to react to that.

“Would you like to hold him, too?” Kennedy asks him, a knowing smile on her lips. Jaal gasps and straightens his back, tense like the strings of a violin.

“May I?” he whispers, incredulous, and the woman laughs and motions him to take the baby.

“Here.” Chloe smiles, handing him David and showing him how to hold him. “Raise his head like this… Good. Now put your other hand here.”

Jaal’s hands are big and large and the small bundle of joy looks even smaller in them. But he is holding David with the utmost delicateness and care and his smile is the kindest smile she has ever seen.

“So light.” he murmurs, before tracing the baby’s brow with his gloved index finger. “And soft.”

David gurgles and wraps his minuscule hand around Jaal’s finger. Chloe’s heart stops: Jaal is already a beautiful, handsome, marvelous man, but with a baby in his arms? He is absolutely perfect.

There are people who look good only with a gun or sniper rifle in their hands, others who would never be able to even lift one without looking funny.

Then there are those special people who can kill, plan attacks on enemy bases, and plunge a knife deep into someone’s chest, but also hold children with all the love and care in the world without looking ridiculous or awkward.

Jaal is one of those special people, just like all angara, and she feels so lucky to be in his presence right now, so lucky to be able to witness this. It’s a gift the world is giving her, like a painting, a masterpiece meticulously crafted by a talented artist.

She nearly starts recording this, but her eyes just don’t want to move: she can’t stop looking at his smile, at the tender look in his eyes, at the way he completely surrenders his finger to little David.

“You are a little star. Soon you will illuminate the sky for your people. You are a very special gift.” he says, swaying a little, and David seems to agree with a high-pitched noise.

It means he’s awake; in fact, after a few moments, he opens his eyes and sets them on Jaal, who beams at him.

“Here you are!” He taps his nose like Chloe did. “I’m Jaal Ama Darav. My taoshay and I saved you and your mother on Voeld.”

“Jaal, he can’t understand that.” Liam chuckles, still not daring to approach the baby again, but at least he’s looking at him from the wall he’s leaning on.

“His soul can! It’s important to talk to babies.” Jaal fixes the blanket around David’s head, adding: “That was Liam Kosta. A wonderful, strange friend. He is a human just like you.”

“Aw, thanks, bro!”

He turns to Chloe, who is watching the scene with her mouth hanging open.

Jaal would be a fantastic father.

“Darling One!” he laughs, taking her hand and pulling her into a one-sided hug; he doesn’t even need two arms to hold David correctly and when he rests his hand on her waist, she can feel how happy he is.

His internal current is running fast, but she realizes he’s keeping it under control to avoid hurting or bothering the baby. He immediately remembered he’s not an angara and acted accordingly, mindful of the little one’s different biology.

Her heart sings and she slides an arm around his waist too.

“You are…” she murmurs, before smiling at him and concluding: “You are really good at this.”

“I have many nieces and nephews. I grew up with babies all around me.” he chuckles, kissing her head. Then he turns to David again: “This is Chloe Ryder, my taoshay! That means ‘Darling One’ or ‘girlfriend’ or ‘beloved’ in your language, little star.” His chest swells with pride. “She is the human Pathfinder. She can heal worlds, you know?”

David stars slobbering on a corner of his blanket, but that only makes Jaal smile more.

“She is the most perfect creature in the universe.” he continues and she giggles, hiding her face against his Rofjinn. “Incredibly brave, kind, and brilliant! She brings joy and life wherever she goes, a deity of renewal and joy covering the ground with flowers.”

“Wow.” Bradley smiles, raising an eyebrow. “I should take romance advice from you, boy.”

“And the funny thing is that he’s not joking. He literally talks to Ryder like this all the time and he means it all.” Liam adds, shaking his head with a grin. “It’s both embarrassing and adorable at the same time.”

“Ignore them.” Jaal grumbles, still talking with the child. “Liam thinks he’s funny, but he rarely is.”

“Oi, rude!”

“Look at her, little star. Look how beautiful she is.” He slightly raises David’s head by moving his arm and the kid’s eyes seem to focus on Chloe’s smile, although his sight isn’t much strong yet.

“Hi again!” she says, tickling his belly with a finger, making him gurgle happily. “Isn’t my Jaal awesome?”

Jaal laughs and rubs her waist and the small of her back with his broad, warm hand.

They keep talking to the baby like that, holding each other, until Kennedy makes a funny sound and says, a hand on her cheek and an incredulous smile on her face:

“Damn, Pathfinder. You would be pretty good parents, you know? Seeing you two like this, it almost looks like David is your son, not mine.”

That makes them blush so much everyone notices and starts laughing. Jaal mumbles something shyly, on his face the same expression he had while his mother complimented his qualities to Chloe.

She is going to die again and she even asks SAM on their private channel if her heart is still beating or about to stop soon.

“Your heart is working perfectly fine, although the speed of your heartbeat has increased alarmingly. Do you want me to do something about it?”

“No.” she tells him, grateful that her mental voice won’t break like her physical one. “It’s okay. Thanks, SAM.”

“I agree with Dr. Kennedy. According to my calculations and estimated data, you and Jaal would prove to be affectionate, loving parents.” A pause, during which Chloe is sure she is dying. “No matter the number of children.”

Despite her heart threatening to explode, a huge smile spreads on her face and she watches Jaal give the child back to Kennedy with a surge of love thundering in her soul.

She smiles at him when he looks at her and he smiles back, face still flushed, and their hands look for each other.

They observe in silence as Liam tries to take the baby again, helped by Kennedy and Bradley, and together they dream of the future where they will hold their little stars together.

#mass effect #me:a #jaal ama darav #jaal #rydaal #chloe ryder #lafaiette's fic #JAAL WITH A BABY THIS IS EVERYTHING I NEED #also bioware trolled us hard with this mission ;_; #I WANTED TO SEE THE NEWBORN BIOWARE #IT'S NOT THAT HARD TO MODEL BABIES THEY ARE JUST POTATOS WRAPPED IN A BLANKET

[charyzard]

I wrote another Jaal x Ryder, 2800 words. Should be spoiler free. Prompt-fill for ‘First kiss.’  read it on ao3: http://archiveofourown.org/works/10720971

Fresh Water

The firefight was almost over- Hell, Fiona was reluctant to even call it that. She’d pulled a few gas canisters together (and one sniper) and thrown them around the corner into the mass of idiots hiding behind a rock, blowing them to bits if their necks weren’t already broken. It was almost pitiful. Only the smart ones were left, keeping to cover and bolstering their shields to avoid Fiona’s biotics. It was one of those pains in her side that threw a grenade behind Jaal’s cover, snapping her focus sharply to the explosive sailing through the air towards her friend. An image flashed through her brain, losing him, losing what they’d begun to have. No- not happening.

“Jaal! Get down!” Fiona shouted, her voice piercing over the comms. She was already dashing over to tackle him, biotics boosting her speed, and the impact was enough to knock them a few feet away- still, Jaal waited for the impact of the grenade. Even at a distance, it was going to rip through his shields. He squeezed his eyes shut, wrapping his arms around Fiona’s waist as they hit the ground- he’d at least try to take some of the blast for her.

The explosion never came. In fact, there was nothing registering in his senses; no noise, no pain, not even a ringing in his ears. Was he dead? Jaal cracked his eyes open, half expecting nothingness. Instead, he was greeted with Fiona leaning over him, one hand by his head, the other splayed out towards the sky. The purple, shimmering sky. That wasn’t normal. The shimmer extended in a bubble around them, Fiona herself laced with the shifting light. It was her biotics, he realized, isolating them from the surrounding carnage. She looked down as he shifted, the barrier dissipating, and fixated her blue eyes on him with concern.

“Are you okay? Let me check you for injuries-“ Fiona began, her omni-tool flaring to life, ready to apply medigel. Jaal stared at her quietly as she tended to a slash on his leg, an earlier injury he’d been ignoring.

“Fiona.” He attempted to get her attention, listening passively to Drack destroying people in the distance. She wasn’t responding, and Jaal sat up, reaching out to put a hand on her arm. “Fi.”

“Huh? What, am I missing something? Are you hurt?” She put a hand on top of his, concern heavy in her voice. She couldn’t lose him, not to something like this.

Jaal wasn’t sure how to convey his gratefulness, nor the warmth that was welling in his heart at the sight of her. She was more beautiful in that moment than he’d ever thought possible, the last of her biotics shimmering across her skin and sweat on her brow, brown hair disheveled, a smudge of dirt across her red cheeks. “Not in the slightest. You saved my life. Come here.”

Jaal pulled on Fiona’s arm, shifting her into his lap as he pulled her into an embrace. Fiona squeaked, surprised, but not entirely protesting. It was awkward in their armor, but nothing mattered to Ryder as Jaal cradled her head, his pupils wide and holding steady with hers.

“Um?” Was all Fiona managed, her eyes flitting between his lips and his eyes. God, his eyes, they were looking at her like she was a star, and it made her heart fill with an almost terrifying mix of wanting and pure, unadulterated joy.

“May I kiss you?” Jaal asked, unsure. Fiona was visibly scared, but she hadn’t left, and she was starting to put her arms around his neck-

“Please,” she breathed, and that was all Jaal needed.

Their first kiss was gentle, gentler than Fiona was expecting. Jaal took time to brush his lips against hers, the tingling current of his bioelectric field flickering across the sensitive skin. It left Fiona breathless, and she gasped when he kissed her harder. This was what she was expecting, want and tension and curiosity bundled tightly behind their lips, his large hands holding her close, her deft fingers running across the ridges on the back of his head. The current was stronger now, nerves in her body firing off in ways she didn’t know they could. He was sweet to taste, something indescribably him, and when his tongue pressed against the seam of her lips, Fiona almost whimpered.

”Fiona,” Jaal murmured into their kiss, his rumbling voice sending a shudder down her spine. God, he sounded almost predatory, and it made heat pool in her stomach.

“Hey, you kids done with your nonsense yet?” Drack’s voice cut through the comms, gravelly and wholly cranky, “Because I’m bored.”

Fiona and Jaal pulled apart, embarrassed. The dark blue flush of Jaal’s cowl mirrored the redness of Fiona’s face, her cheeks burning under the bright sun.

“Uh, yeah, we’re good,” Fiona sputtered, rolling off of Jaal and standing. She noticed her knees shaking- shit, she had it bad. The angara stood, eyeing Fiona carefully, unsure of her reaction. She seemed concerned more than anything, which bothered him. “Let’s- um, let’s go back to the Tempest, since these raiders aren’t a threat to Prodromos anymore, okay?” Fiona ordered, her voice wavering. She needed some time to think about what just happened.

“Fiona, was that… not alright?” Jaal asked as they walked back to the Nomad, and Fiona snorted in surprise.

“That was fantastic. I just need to think about this for a little bit, okay? I promise, I’m more than pleased with what that-“ she waved her hands towards the battlefield in emphasis- “was.”

“I- alright. I believe time to think is a wise idea. I will find you later?” Jaal asked, and Fiona nodded. Their hands brushed together, and Jaal was reassured by the contact. He wasn’t sure if he’d be able to think of anything else for the next few days.

Drack watched their exchange from a distance, amused. Love was a good, pure thing, and if it was making Fiona happy, it was good enough for him. Jaal was a good kid, the Krogan mused, and they were more than crazy about each other. Fuckin’ kids.

The roast in the oven smelled fantastic- enough so that Fiona had taken up shop in the galley. She was gently picking her guitar strings to pass the time, cradling the instrument gently in her lap. Music had been the one thing that kept their family together, Alec actually taking the time to teach both of his children how to play guitar for the first few months after their mother died. Then he became engrossed in himself, in his obsession with the Initiative, with SAM… They lost a parent all over again, no matter how many times Alec had insisted he was there if they needed.

‘Hollow words mean nothing,’ Fiona thought bitterly, but she shook herself out of the rut, strumming a heavy C chord and returning to thoughts of the food in the oven. Even if Drack had said no peeking, Fiona still couldn’t stay away from the mouthwatering scent of it; she’d even kept Peebee from stealing a bite, reluctantly.

“Pathfinder, Jaal is looking for you,” SAM pinged into her head, “And Mr. Vidal has located the sheet music you requested, on the condition that you come back to Kadara soon and play it over a bottle of scotch. He says he found a new rooftop you would like, as well. Shall I download the music onto your omni-tool?”

“Please do. And let Jaal know where I am, would you?” Fiona replied, left grinning by Reyes’ demands. She didn’t think she’d find so good a friend in Kadara of all places. And then there was Jaal- a small sprout of joy started in her heart. She always liked her conversations with Jaal, and since they started flirting… With the dearest one and the emails… and that kiss! They still hadn’t talked about it, and she’d been wanting more since they’d left Eos. His presence in her life was filling a need she didn’t know she had. It wasn’t long before the man in question meandered into the galley, his nose twitching as he focused on the oven.

“What is cooking?” The angara asked, leaning down to peer through the glass. Fiona took a generous stare at his behind as he bent over, idly plucking strings.

“You mean, like, the act of cooking itself or what’s in the oven?” Fiona teased, reaching one foot out to poke his rear end. Jaal jerked in surprise, turning around to shoot her a flat, unamused look.

“You know the answer to that,” he replied, humor tinging voice. Fiona giggled, drawing a smile onto Jaal’s face. “But I still do not know what’s in the oven.”

“Drack is cooking us a roast for dinner, and it’s got to be one of the best things I’ve smelled in weeks,” Fiona explained, and Jaal nodded, satisfied with her explanation. His attention then turned to the musical instrument in her arms, his interest piqued. The angara placed high value on music, and he had no idea Ryder was musically inclined.

“That is an interesting instrument. It looks similar to some of ours. Why are there so many strings?” Jaal asked as he pulled a chair opposite to Fiona, settling in comfortable. He gently rested his foot against hers and quirked a small smile, earning a grin from her.

“Well,” Fiona began, “Each string has a different tension, which is managed by tightening or loosening the tuners. Then when you strum the strings, the different harmonics produce different pitches. The body of the guitar is hollow, which amplifies the sound. This is an acoustic, but I have an electric guitar from my dad, and Scott has our bass guitars. But they’re in storage right now. We used to joke that we’d go around as a family and play for any new species we found in Heleus, but obvisouly…” She trailed off, lost in thought for a moment as she ran her hands along the polished maple-wood surface. “I suppose I could still do the same. Mind being my first audience?”

Jaal didn’t know how to respond; in angaran culture, live performances of music were very important affairs, and private demonstrations were considered almost intimate. Still, he could tell it meant a great deal to her, so he nodded. “I would be honored.”

Fiona shifted slightly- what to play? It was significant, the first song she performed in Heleus, at least for someone else. A peppy song wouldn’t do it, not given their situation, but maybe, maybe a classic. “Alright, sit still for a moment. I have to tune this.” She fiddled with her tuners, strumming with frustration for a few minutes as she tried to find the right sound. When she struck the right chord, though, she knew. With a soft sigh, she relaxed into her seat, and began to strum. When it came time for lyrics, Fiona didn’t know if she should sing- but the words were in her throat, welling up and bubbling to escape her lips.

“Come up to meet you, tell you I’m sorry, you don’t know how lovely you are,” she sang softly, the words coming naturally. It was one of her favorite songs, one she associated with her mother- It was the song that comforted her and Scott when Ellen died.

Jaal listened closely, the lyrics giving away more sadness than Fiona ever expressed. He knew she was hiding her feelings, but this… He saw tears in her eyes, but she didn’t waver; if anything, her voice grew stronger as the song went on. And by Zorai, her voice was something magical. It was soft and almost breathy, but clear and refreshing. Like a soft spring, he thought, and water after a parching day. And as she grew more confident, it rang through the small galley like a hymn. He was well and truly fascinated.

“Nobody said it was easy, nobody said it would be so hard,” Fiona breathed, the last of the lyrics trailing after she had finished playing. “I’m going back to the start.” She stilled, silence settling into the void left behind by her words.  She wouldn’t look up from her guitar, a white knuckled grip on the fretboard, not trusting herself to meet Jaal’s gaze. She knew he was staring at her, trying to discern the flood of emotion she’d just poured at his feet.

“Fiona?”

“Yes?”

“Look at me, please.”

She raised her head, blinking away the tears in her eyes, swallowing the knot in her throat. Where she was expecting pity, Fiona only saw admiration. Jaal was watching her with gently reverent eyes and a smile, and as Fiona turned her head to the side in confusion, he bowed his head gently.

“Your voice has the grace of the yevara. I have never heard a vocal range that spreads so, it is wonderful. You are wonderful, darling one. Thank you for sharing that with me.” He reached out for Fiona’s hands, and she placed her guitar on the table to hold his. His fingers were larger than hers, firm but soft, and cool to the touch. She could feel a light current raising the hair on her skin, a soft shiver going up her arms as he ran his thumbs over the tops of her hands.

“Thank you for listening,” she replied softly, watching curiously as he took one of her hands and spread the fingers apart.

“Your fingers are small, but they are so deft. I was watching you play, it was intriguing. They all move so independently, and yet, there is no lack of purpose. And how eagerly they grab onto things,” he chuckled, recalling how her hands danced over his cowl when they kissed, and how even now she wrapped her hand around his. The skin to skin contact enticed Fiona, her emotions a jumbled mess, and she was struck by a desire to kiss him.

“It’s pretty useful,” she mused, her lips pursing into a smirk. She was planning something. “Good for getting a nice grip.” With those words she pulled herself forward, shifting into Jaal’s lap. He snorted in surprise, his chromatophores flushing blue in a blush, and stared at Fiona. She was looking up at him with a sly grin.

“What are you doing, dearest?” He asked, knowing full well that teasing her would elicit a rebuke.

Fiona whacked his arm softly- there’s the rebuke- and leaned in. “I’m gonna kiss you, silly. Unless, you don’t want to?” She was asking for more than just a kiss, he could see it in her eyes.  She was asking for a yes or a no, a go ahead for their relationship, a culmination of their thoughts since Eos. Jaal wanted nothing more.

“Why would I ever say no?” Jaal rumbled, and they kissed again. There was no sweat on her lips, no salt to tinge the taste of her. To Jaal, she tasted almost like water in its purest form. Even better, there were no chest plates, no awkward poking armor to keep them apart. Fiona clung tightly to him, her hands smoothing over the back of his rofjinn- it was softer than she expected it to be, almost plush. Jaal splayed his hands over her lower back, pulling her closer as they kissed. His tongue pushed against hers and drew little sighs from Fiona’s chest, stress falling from her shoulders the more they moved with each other. They were so engrossed in each other that neither of them noticed Drack and Vetra walking into the galley, stopping dead in their tracks.

“What the fuck?” Vetra sputtered, and Drack started cackling. Fiona froze, turning to look at her friends guiltily.

“Hi,” Fiona giggled, the hilarity of the situation masking her embarrassment.

“Hi, yourself. Spirits, get a room, would you?” Vetra countered, but she couldn’t hide the smile on her face, mandible flared. It warmed her heart to see her friend happy.

“Ah, relax. Their just having fun, yeah?” Drack joked, smacking Vetra on the back. The turian elbowed him, and Jaal finally found his words.

“Drack, you’re here. I would like to know what exactly you’re roasting!” He still had Fiona on his lap, but that wasn’t a problem, as far as he was concerned.

“I’ll tell you if you get our boss off of you. Shouldn’t you be pathfinding, kid?” Drack chuckled, and Fiona sighed. He had a point.

“Alright, alright, I’m going to the bridge. You guys have fun in here, cooking and hopefully not slandering my name. You know how important professionalism in the work environment is!” Fiona piped up, standing. Jaal pulled her in for a last peck before she left, earning a disgusted sigh from Vetra. She grabbed her guitar and booked it out of the galley, leaving her crew mates to tease Jaal and prep dinner.

#mass effect andromeda #jaal x ryder #jaal ama darav #MEA #femryder #rydaal #avery writes

[dearophelia]

ringing joyful and triumphant (victoria/liam/jaal)

Jaal’s always amazed at how much the AI sounds like a real individual. There’s a smirk to SAM’s words, an undertone of you do not have time for sex this morning, Pathfinder.

Or, the one with sleepy morning kisses, SAM cockblocking, far too many parenthetical asides (I’m sorry), and a kleptomaniac pyjak, all from Jaal’s POV. Spoilers for the Tempest side quest “The Visitor,” but nothing else.

~2200 words, rated PG-13/T. Also on AO3.

Jaal wakes to a presence at his back and a slight weight on his hip. He tenses, and his fingers twitch toward where he would keep his gun beside him, but just before he can reach for what isn’t there, he takes a breath.  

Apple. With a hint of lemon. 

(Or, what the humans have told him is apple and lemon. He’s yet to see or smell either for himself. It smells nice. She smells nice.) 

Ryder.  

(Victoria, she told him many nights ago. You can call me by my first name, she said with a smile.  

He wants to, but there’s something about it - something at once ethereal and powerful - that sounds almost like a prayer. Ryder feels better for most circumstances.)

He opens his eyes, and Ryder’s quarters come into view. The stars outside, the desk covered in tablets - angaran medical textbooks, she’s trying to absorb years’ worth of study in mere days, all for him -  the couches. The hamster squeaks at him. 

He looks down, and sees her bare leg hooked over his hip, blue paint on her toes. Her delicate fingers brush across his shoulder and, with a content, sleepy noise, she slides her arm over his chest. Smiling to himself, he laces his fingers through hers - such soft hands for someone whose weapons are scalpels and guns. He feels her press her lips to his shoulder, and his smile widens.

She’s small, hardly comes up to his shoulder, but she’s wrapped herself around him so thoroughly, holding him just as well as he holds her. He sighs happily; she’s warm, and stretched out almost naked beside him.

Another hand slides over his waist, darker than hers, more calloused. With his other hand, Jaal links his fingers with Liam’s, and gives both of them a gentle squeeze.

Liam, still half-asleep, manages a noise that sounds something like good morning, and squeezes his hand in return.

“Morning,” Ryder murmurs, rubbing her foot lightly against Jaal’s leg. Her fingertips dance over his collarbone and she draws him a little closer.

Jaal turns over in their arms and kisses her softly - a quiet morning greeting. She returns the kiss with a smile against his lips, and presses her forehead to his for a small moment; she then twists over her shoulder to greet Liam good morning. Jaal leans over her - and smiles to himself at the way she settles between them with a happy, calm, peaceful expression on her face - and kisses Liam. He brushes the back of his fingers across the other man’s cheek; Liam sleepily nuzzles his hand, and Jaal traces a finger down the slope of Liam’s nose.

They’re dating. Of a sort. Ryder and Liam explained human dating to him, and it seems to him that they both are, and aren’t, dating.

(“Schrödinger’s dinner and a movie,” Ryder said with a laugh. And then had to explain her limited knowledge of quantum theory to the both of them.)

They’re spending time together, learning about each other, learning how to be around each other, learning how to be together. But they aren’t going out to dinner on the Nexus, or for a walk along Aya’s markets, or even sitting atop a Prodromos building at night, when all the lights have dimmed, watching the stars.   

She’s the Pathfinder. It’s hard - impossible - for her to walk five steps without someone wanting her time or calling out to her. However true it may be, Pathfinder Ryder is sleeping with two of her crew, and one of them is the angaran isn’t a rumor they want: she’s already under so much scrutiny, already has a tense enough relationship with Tann and Addison, and darkly derisive comments about diplomacy will not help matters.  

So instead they spend time like this, tangled together in her bed, or on the couch - hers, or the old, heavy one Liam brought all the way from another galaxy - even planetside, watching each other’s backs as they all charge into a kett stronghold.

(And perhaps they’re learning the most afterward - when Ryder patches them up in the Nomad, or when they camp for the night. Her gentle, confident hands have saved his life more than once, and he fondly recalls Ryder teaching him to drive by shouting “No, your other left!” at him while she stabilized Liam’s shattered leg on the way back to the Tempest.

Jaal thinks he fell in love with them when Ryder sat down on the sand, laughing so hard she was crying, completely tangled in the tent canvas, as Liam - barely able to stand upright for his own laughter - tried to untwist the fabric, and somehow made it worse.

“How do you not know how to pitch a tent?” Liam asked later, the tent finally erected, while he poked at their ration packets heating up in the fire.

“I’m a doctor,” she said, emptying her boot of the day’s sand. “Tents aren’t an occupational requirement.”

“Given your current career path,” Jaal observed, “perhaps they should be.”

She stuck her tongue out at him.)

Ryder turns onto her stomach, rests her chin on her folded hands, and looks to the stars outside. She’s not one to fall asleep again once awake - unlike Liam, who requires two alarms and a good shove to stay awake, and who is already dozing again - though she enjoys hovering in the hazy area between sleep and wakefulness.

Jaal draws his fingers down her spine, tracing the clean, tattooed lines of the snake as it curls around its rod. His fingers catch against Liam’s, his arm slung around Ryder’s waist even in sleep, and Jaal briefly curls his hand around his before curving around the snake’s tail above her underwear. His path ends just below Liam’s hand - no more tattoo, no more bare skin - and he rests his hand half atop Liam’s, letting his smallest finger lie on the strip of skin above her blue Initiative-issued underwear. Ryder settles into the mattress with a quiet sigh and turns her head, resting her cheek on her hands. She blinks lazily at him and smiles.

Her hair falls forward, bright sunny orange covering deep, brilliant green eyes. Jaal pushes it out of the way, brushing the backs of his fingers across her cheekbone. She catches his hand and holds him to her, turning into their touch to kiss his palm.

Jaal leans in and gently captures her lips. She returns the kiss, slow and languid, and turns over - slowly, carefully, so that she hardly moves Liam at all. She breaks the kiss with a soft smile, and the adoration in her eyes makes him a little weak. Jaal lightly presses his forehead against hers, and then shifts down the bed to rest his head on her flat stomach. With soft, feather-light touches, she trails her fingers down his neck to his shoulder, to his collarbone, and then lets her hand drop by her side.

Jaal presses a kiss to her stomach, earning him a giggle. He smiles, and does it again, eliciting another giggle.

“Some of us are trying to sleep,” Liam says, muffled.

Jaal’s on the verge of apologizing when Ryder turns, intertwining her legs with Liam’s. “Some of us should stop that,” she whispers, and kisses his cheek as she slides her palm over the muscular expanse of his back.

Lightning fast, Liam flips them. Ryder squeaks in surprise as Liam rolls her under him and braces himself above her.

“You,” Liam says, dipping down to kiss her nose, “are impossible.”

She smiles up at him, and then at Jaal. “A girl’s just trying to get some attention in the morning.” She drops the smile, and tries to school her features into innocence.

She fails. Utterly.

Jaal smooths out her hair and trails his fingers down to her hip. “If attention is what you want,” he promises, voice far lower than usual. He strokes his fingertips across her bare skin, and Ryder’s breath hitches as he brushes his thumb across her hip bone.

“Yeah,” Liam says, pressing tiny kisses to her neck. “We can do that.”

Jaal dips his thumb below the band of her panties. She gasps, pushing her hips into his hands.

“Pathfinder.”

Dropping flat to her back, Ryder groans loudly and pulls the pillow out from under her head. Jaal ducks just in time to avoid the pillow as she throws it toward the SAM console on her desk. She misses the console by a significant distance, and instead knocks over a plastic Blasto figurine. Liam buries his face in her shoulder, laughing.

After a moment of silence - which sounds to Jaal like the slightly-irritated patience of a parent whose child will not get out of bed - SAM tries again. “Pathfinder, we will arrive at Kadara in one hour. I would recommend rising now, so that you have ample time for yoga and breakfast.”

Jaal’s always amazed at how much the AI sounds like a real individual. There’s a smirk to SAM’s words, an undertone of you do not have time for sex this morning, Pathfinder.

“No,” she mutters to herself. But she takes a deep breath and he watches her visibly count to ten before she opens her eyes, resigned to the fact that the morning - and anything she may have hoped for it - is over.

“Thanks, SAM,” she says, though her voice is more full of frustration and mild contempt than gratitude. She sits up, letting their hands fall away from her, and tucks her feet underneath her. “On hold until tonight?” she asks them as they sit up beside her.

Jaal looks at Liam with a smile, and then nods.

“On hold until tonight,” he agrees.

“Tonight,” Liam says.

At least she’s scheduled Drack and Vetra to accompany her to Kadara Port. Though Jaal would never let his thoughts distract him from a mission, and though he never seems to find anything to suitably occupy his mind and hands while he’s on the ship and she’s planetside, he’s discovered that staring at her backside - especially after interrupted mornings like this - does…things to him. Things that very much make him want to kiss her, whether they’re walking through the Nexus or standing atop a glacier on Voeld. And while the crew knows - it’s a small ship - they are attempting to keep this private.

From the hot, intense look on Liam’s face - he’s thinking the same thing.

Ryder blinks, tucks her hair behind her ear, and looks at them with a raised eyebrow. “You guys are thinking about how my ass looks in armor, aren’t you?”

“It is a fantastic ass,” Liam says with a smirk.

She playfully whacks him with one of her remaining pillows.

“I was specifically thinking of how your ass looks out of armor,” Jaal says. Honesty is the best policy, a human idiom.

Her cheeks flush pink, and she swallows. She tilts her head in the curious half-focused way she does when SAM’s said something on their private channel.

(Jaal often wishes he could hear their private channel: it’s unnerving how Ryder seems to disappear when the channel is active. But perhaps it’s for the better that SAM keeps some things private; the AI is learning boundaries and tact, albeit slowly.

Pathfinder, you now have fifty minutes before our arrival at Kadara. If you wish to have sexual relations with your partners, I would recommend utilizing your shower to maximize your remaining available time.

Yes. Definitely for the better that he can’t hear SAM. The slightly-mortified expression on Ryder’s face is enough.)

She straightens, and returns her full attention to the two of them. “While I’m sure the look on his face would be priceless, I’m not sure I want to explain to Tann that I’m late for our vidcall because I was late for my meeting with Sloane because my boyfriends complimented my ass and I jumped them. So, I love you - but please leave,” she smiles.

“You got it.” Liam rises up on his knees and kisses her once more. “Good luck with Sloane.”

“Thanks.” She kisses his cheek before he stands up out of bed to find his shirt.  

“Until tonight,” Jaal promises. He cups her cheek and kisses her softly.

Jaal finds his shirt and pants before Liam finds his own shirt hidden behind the plants. Jaal furrows his brow - there was no frenzied removal of clothing last night, both of them neatly folded their clothes and left them on the couch - but then there’s a quiet, happy chirrup noise from the hallway, and he understands. The pyjak has a talent for circumventing closed doors, and enjoys moving everyone’s belongings around.

“Hey,” she says.

In unison, they both turn to her. She’s pulled on leggings and a tank top, but they’re both tight enough that Jaal can - and does - run his eyes over every curve and muscle. She steps onto her yoga mat in the middle of the room, smirking.

Ryder turns around and, looking over her shoulder, wiggles her ass.

And then bends over, pressing her palms to the floor.

Jaal swallows.

“A preview,” she teases, stepping her legs back into a deeper stretch.

Liam lets out a strangled groan. “I’m leaving before you actually kill me.”

Jaal follows him, thanking the stars that he can stay in the tech lab all day, and not have to pretend that he isn’t thinking about tonight.

#jaal ama darav #liam kosta #i don't know how we're tagging fic yet? quick someone make a portmanteau for this ot3 for me please #swaps55 #tagging swaps for Reasons #also i have been staring at this in various incarnations for like a week and a half i don't even know what words are anymore yikes #ot3:the most stable shape #victoria ryder: don't threaten me with a good time #torific #s:mea #s:words #s:2017 #also i didn't spellcheck this and i do apologize for that but word's grammar check and i are super not getting along these days #and it takes like half an hour to run through the checker because nothing is a sentence and everything is colloquial/informal #(i realize i could turn it off but i need it on for other things so HERE WE ARE)

[rederiswrites]

Whiskey Shared

Fandom: Mass Effect: Andromeda Rating: Teen Wordcount: 1526 Tags: Ryder/Reyes Vidal, breakups

Note: Major spoilers for Kadara and the Reyes romance.  Also, this is not about who is better, or what the right choice is.  This is just about Trick Ryder’s reaction to what ended up happening to him.  

Trick held the stolen whiskey bottle in his hands, rotating it slowly.  There were still maybe four shots sloshing gently in the bottom, burning with the distant memory of Sol and Earth.  

They'd sat on the roof sharing it, him and Reyes, and for maybe the first time, Heleus had felt a little like home, really home.  They'd talked and dreamed and kissed, kissed like he'd known they would, and he'd been-- comfortable.  Free.  It had felt good.  Like a beginning.

The room Reyes had brought him to had been devoid of personal effects, and maybe that should have been a warning, but he'd had other things on his mind.

“Your place?” he'd asked at the door, eager to know more, to see what kind of things Reyes chose to surround himself with.

“For the moment.”

He knew there'd be no sign of Reyes there if he returned.

It had been--well.  It had been fantastic.  Reyes had been skillful, passionate, considerate, responsive…  It had also been Trick’s first time in not 600 years, but 604.  Maybe 606 since it had really meant something.

In the morning, they'd made love again, lazy and comfortable, and then gone out for breakfast.  Then one last kiss.  Reyes had given him the whiskey, and Trick had said he'd hold it 'til next time.

The memory had warmed him many times since, but now it made a cold knot in the pit of his stomach.

He'd known as soon as Reyes had stepped out of the shadows of the cave in Draullir.  He really wasn't stupid, only distracted and desperately lonely.  Of course the Charlatan wasn't going to just ignore a Pathfinder in his territory.  Of course it'd be someone he’d met.  But Reyes…

He hadn't been conscious of making a choice when his headlamp caught the flash of the scope.  He'd still been reeling, trying desperately to process what was happening, trying to decide how to intervene. He'd just moved on instinct, responding to danger instantly to shove Sloane out of the path of the bullet.  

But he supposed, looking back, that it counted as a decision after all.  He hadn't jumped to save Reyes, only Sloane.  If he'd had time to spell the thought out, his obvious conclusion was that if someone was doing something underhanded here, it was Reyes.  Sloane was a blunt instrument.

What he wouldn't have given for time.  Time to ask questions.  Time to make considered decisions.  Time, please, just a minute here…

But there hadn't been time.  

He'd stopped Reyes--stopped the Charlatan-- and then let him go, and he'd been cold and sick and lost ever since.

The worst of it was that no one knew how much he hurt.  There’d be no comforting words, no sounding board.  Well, SAM knew, and had offered his condolences quite properly.  But it wasn't the same.   Not the same as Vick telling him he was a stupid ass and holding him while he cried, like she had after his last relationship tanked.  Not that going to her would be the same, her sleeping body still on the cot.  It’d just make it worse.  SAM was...a friend?  Of sorts.  But he certainly didn't understand this, and had said as much.  No one here knew what he kept inside.  It'd been nothing but congratulations all round on finally getting an Outpost, on opening up the last of their Golden Worlds. A celebration.  Brave words for Addison to broadcast.  A bright, frozen smile.

And nothing but an email from Reyes.  Three lines.  SAM had traced all of the messages he'd sent without being asked, but they all lead to public kiosks.  He knew he wouldn't see the Charlatan again unless the Charlatan decided to see him.

A knock on the door startled him.  People rarely disturbed him in his room, and he hadn't really invited them in, to be honest.

“Who is it?”

“Vetra.  Can I come in?”

“Door's always open for you,” he chirped, scrambling to stuff the whiskey bottle back in a cabinet.  He hadn't been actually crying, hadn't managed to digest enough for crying, so he should look alright.

Vetra came in hesitantly, looking around the edge of the door.

“What can I do you for?”. He smiled warmly and gestured to a chair.

Vetra glanced at the chair but held her place.  “Well I--actually, I thought maybe you might need someone.  If...that’s okay.  That was a pretty bad scene back there in Draullir.  Not the way I'd want to end a relationship.”

“I--”. Trick froze.

“You can be honest, you know.  I won't break if the Pathfinder turns out not to be an invulnerable god.”

Trick stood still, grasping at the frayed threads of his composure.

“I-- fucked up.  Bad.”

“Yeah?  Because from here, everyone made it out alive and now we have an Outpost.  Anything else is on Reyes.”

“He used me.”  Trick slumped back onto his bed.

“Yup.”

“I knew-- I mean--I knew he was a criminal, and a smuggler, but I thought-- I thought, he’s a good man, underneath.  Just trying to get by.  I mean, you were a criminal too, but...you know?”

“I do,” said Vetra, turning the chair and leaning over the back.  “But I try not to lie to people I care about.  I try to keep them out of my dealings, not deliberately involve them.”

“Did he?  Care about me?  I don’t know.  I thought we had something, maybe, something good.  But maybe it was all just so I’d choose him, in that moment.”

“I think he cared.  For what that’s worth.  I don’t think he could’ve counted on you being there.”

“But then, what if I saved Sloane because of that?  Was that the right choice, or was I just blindsided and hurting?  He’s...I don’t know.  Maybe he would have been better for Kadara, if he’d taken over.  I think he wanted the outpost.  I think--I still think he’s a good man, maybe.”

“Maybe.  Hard to know.  They both did some pretty nasty things to get and hold power.  They both might’ve been making the best choices they could see.  I think they both care about Kadara and the exiles.  But now, neither of them is dead, and things go on, and things change.  It’s not like you married Sloane, either.  She’s got her chance now, to play nice and show what she can do with proper resources and competition.  It’s just a chance.”

“I just...I wish...there was no time to talk about anything.  I had--have--so many questions.  It was over before I had any idea what was going on, and now I’ve got nothing but an email.”

“An email?”

He had it memorized already.  “‘For what it’s worth,’” he intoned, “‘I’ve never known a man like you.  Goodbye, Ryder.’  That’s the whole thing.”

“Shit.”

“Yeah pretty much.”

“Listen, uh...the crew’s got a little dinner coming together.  For you.  I’ll understand if you want to stay in, I’ll go tell them, but…”

“No I’m--I’m fine.  Gotta eat anyway, right?”

Vetra’s mandibles flexed in her equivalent of a smile as she got up.  “Guess so.”

“Hey Vetra?  Thanks.  A lot.”

“Anytime, Trick.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The team was all there already when he got to the cramped dining compartment.  Gil spotted him first.

“Heeey, the man of the hour has arrived!”

A small cheer went up from the rest, and Trick mustered a genuine enough smile.  They were great people, and he was happy for them.  He took the indicated seat, and the bowl someone plunked in front of him, letting himself fade into in the banter and laughter.

A small hand touched his arm, and he turned to see Suvi, eyes big with worry.

“I wanted to say, I heard what happened, and I’m sorry about your boyfriend.  Are you alright?”

Trick blinked.  “He’s not my--wait.”  He looked around the room, where all eyes were suddenly on him.  The levity had been abruptly put on pause.  “Wait, you all knew?  About me and Reyes?”

“You silly fuck,” Gil laughed.  “You were moony!”

“You thought it was a secret?”  Peebee’s eyebrows arched over her black masking.  “Well, you’re not cut out to be a criminal mastermind, anyhow.”

“So I guess it’s over?” said Liam.

“Yeah.  I guess so.  Sent me an email to say goodbye.”

“An email?  Damn, that’s cold.  Could’ve at least recorded something.”  Liam stretched over the table to thump him on the shoulder.  “I’m sorry, man.  It’s rough.  Let me know if you need to talk.”

Trick opened his mouth, and then closed it.  Finally, “Thanks.  Thanks, I appreciate that.”

“I never liked him,” Jaal rumbled.  “He was a criminal.  Not a trustworthy individual.  But he made you smile.  I am sorry also.”

“Twisty bastard,” Drack added.  “Kinda respect that.  He almost won.  Sorry you got hurt though.  I’ll beat him up for you if you want.”

“No that’s...that’s okay.  Thanks.  To everyone.  Thank you.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Later, as he sat on the edge of his bed slipping out of his shoes, his eyes were inevitably drawn back to the whiskey bottle.  It still hurt.  A lot.  But a little of the cold sickness had gone out of it.

#reyes vidal #trick ryder #andromeda #me: a #me: a spoilers #shit what was my writing tag again? #stuff that Red wrote

[maythedreadwolftakeyou]

I finished!!! game time was like something like 138 hours but I spent a good dozen or so hours pausing the game to check my phone or wandering off to make dinner. 

I this said last night in a sleepy 4am haze, but I really enjoyed the ending. It was fun to play. The only time I died was when I accidentally fell into a chasm bc I didn’t realize a goddamn fiend was gonna come barreling out of the hall and ruin my “melee everything” scheme and I scooted myself right off a dang platform and respawned directly in its mouth. Whoops. When the Archon called up the Architect I was very Oh god not another one but then I didn’t have to actually try to kill it ever just avoid it, so that was fine. I LOVED how everyone came out to help at the end. It always seems unbelievable to me that your pals are content to hang back for the boss fight (ME2 I thought did well with having everyone else away on different tasks, and the ME3 citadel mission where everyone goes together is one of my favorite parts of the trilogy). And getting to run around with Kandros (who i love but duty calls and we can never be together) and Reyes (im still Very Sad i had to break up with him) and the Salarians!! and then your team coming in at the end :333 ah. It was a very feel-good, exciting culmination, and I think it fit the tone of the rest of the story well. Part of me was half-expecting disaster like you have to sacrifice Scott or a bunch of citizens or something, and while I eat that sort of tragedy up, I’m glad there wasn’t any for this game. 

Incidentally, all of my screenshots of Scott somehow turned out like this, and so I’ve decided this is a chronic problem his whole life and he has 0 good photos ever even when the rest of the fam comes out lookin great:

ah, Scott. someday i’ll play as him with this Ryder as his sister and it’s gonna have to be a wild ride.

Romance: I romanced Vetra!! I love her a lot as a character but I just kept wishing for more content. And I know I always crave more romancey content but I did feel like her romance arc had a lot less than what I knew people were getting from Jaal’s, especially because it takes you over halfway into the game before you get anything from it. Four flirt opportunities where she doesn’t really flirt back, my Ryder was dying and convinced her crush would never be reciprocated (hence the brief fling with Reyes). But I did LOVE the scenes you do finally get with her, the climbing date was soooo sweet, and I could not stop laughing when she tries to make you dinner. I’m never telling my beautiful girlfriend she doesn’t know how to cook steak. NEVER. she did it perfectly, i love cow. But I just wish there was a scene where YOU could do something for HER. Lexi even tells you that you should show her she’s appreciated and doesn’t have to take care of everyone all the time to be worthy of being liked but then you... never get a chance in game to really do that. Sigh. I definitely have a lot of inner-headcanoning going on for thier relationship. Though Vetra wants to eventually settle down and have a home and i’m... not so sure that’s in the cards for this Ryder. I may tweak the characterization of my Vetra-romance-ryder in some ways and redo this Ryder with Reyes for real next time. I think next up is gonna be a Jaal playthough though.

But, OVERWHELMINGLY, the relationship I was absolutely most fascinated by the whole game and spent way more time thinking about than romance, was the relationship between Ryder and SAM. I went into endgame thinking that the game really hadn’t gotten into that aspect nearly as much as I wanted, AND THEN!!! SAM GETS DISCONNECTED! And it’s revealed they took over WAY more control of the Pathfinder’s physiology than anyone had even guessed!! it’s not just “SAM can take access of enough systems to stop and then restart your heart” it was “SAM is so intertwined with you that they are integrated into these systems already and their absence makes it almost impossible for the Pathfinder to cope without.” I LOVED IT. I was so ready to address that, like, did Ryder know? Did SAM do it by choice or was it just an effect of Alec’s modifications? 

And then... nothing. You’re linked back up with SAM. No one questions it. You don’t get to talk to Scott about how SAM is different for you than him now. Or at least, not that I’ve found??? to be fair I can’t seem to find Scott post-endgame yet (where is he hiding???? i’ve been all over Meridian after leaving/going back), and I still need to go check out the colonies and see what people there have to say. But it really seems like everyone sort of was like “whew, glad that’s sorted out, SAM’s back and htis could never possibly be an issue again so we will all forget about it and never bring it up again.” There was one colonist before (Fawkes) who was one of the only non-main characters to ask a really detailed question about SAM/what the future of AI is gonna look like in Heleus and I was so psyched for that convo. There’s a couple dialogue responses you can take, I went with:

becuase I really like the idea that Ryder starts to think of themselves as not just Ryder, but a Ryder-And-SAM partnership. There’s a lot of sacrifice in that. You’re admitting that your body is not just You anymore, but a team where both sides are valued.

I’ve spent a lot of the game thinking about Ryder’s internal dialogues with SAM, and the dynamic it would add to their relationship. You don’t have a voice that lives inside your head (and gives you its 100% undivided attention while you’re in the field) and not end up talking to it all the time. SAM asks you questions back on the Tempest when you talk to them and I bet they would when out and about as well, just privately. There’s a line in one of the Vaults where Ryder starts talking to herself and then catches it--

--because she gets more and more accustomed to not being the only one in her head. SAM is always there. More than that, they always have your back, and are ready to feed you whatever you need to get the mission done. They’re not just a voice, they’re a tool; and they’re not just a tool, they’re a support system. Maybe Ryder knows just how intertwined SAM is becoming with theer body, and isn’t just aware, but welcomes it. The Ryders are a fucked up family who aren’t good at talking to each other, but SAM means you never have to be alone again. Someone is always there for you, protecting and watching out for you. 

So in the final mission, when SAM is ripped away from Ryder--it’s not just a physical effect. It’s like losing a part of your soul and a best friend and a, in some ways, a parent--because SAM learned through Alec Ryder before anyone else--and in other ways, a child--because Ryder is responsible for teaching SAM what it means to be a person and how to navigate the world. And I wish you could convey that emotional distress (even if less complex) in the game, and that Ryder was as worried for SAM’s well being as they are for Scott’s when they race to stop the Archon. Becuase in a lot of ways, I think my Ryder would have grown closer to same than she ever did with her brother.

Anyway, I wish the game hadaddressed these things more, but I also accept that like--this is a trope that I just am REALLY into and have been for ages. It’s not gonna be what everyone wants as the main focus, and it just wasn’t the big story they were trying to tell. At the beginning of the game the descriptions of SAM hyped me up so hard because they reminded me very strongly of my favorite short story, Silently And Very Fast by Catherynne Valente (which, if you haven’t read it, it’s really amazing and you can read the first part here (the other 3 parts are linked at the bottom of each chapter), or I can send a pdf of it if you want, it’s really good people read it please and then tell me about your Emotions). The story veered off not long into the plot of the game (I, along with many others, suspected for a while that SAM would turn out to be like the mother’s consciousness integrated into the AI or something) but I stayed pretty invested in it as a major part of my Ryder’s experience in Heleus. 

And like, I guess this would be something I’ll probably end up doing fic about now since the game didn’t give me as much as I wanted (and I only meant to write a short paragraph about it here and now i have like 9 whoops), so I’ll probably keep thinking about it with the rest of my Ryders. There’s so much potential there. Jade Ryder really grew attached to SAM, but there’s also potential for resentment there--SAM is always watching, Ryder essentially gives up any aspect of privacy in their life, even if SAM is polite enough not to comment on it.

wow this got away from me. anyway. that’s the game!!!!! i’m running around making sure i’ve talked to everyone still. I need to go check up on the colonies and stuff, but I did pretty much everything else before the last mission, so there’s not much to play. Just some assignments that don’t have navpoints. and then start thinking about my next Ryder!!! I played Jade Ryder as pretty logical and professional, with a tendency to open up more with people as she grew to know them better, though she struggled to be open/heartfelt when talking to Angara when her natural conversation style with them flopped hard at first. I think my next Ryder who I still need to name is gonna be way more casual/joke-y (tho i think Ryder is HILARIOUS no matter what, it’s so fun to have such a lighthearted protag) and probably more reckless and prone to following their whims. Gonna have to re-battle the CC though which I’m not so much looking forward to. 

oh also re: the second picture: i FUCKING LOVE that you beat the architect on Elaaden so hard it shoots itself into orbit and slowly decays and you can just sit there and watch it slowly fizzle in the cold vacuum of space

#jade ryder #mass effect: andromeda #SAM #mass effect: andromeda spoilers #this got long SORRY #im just having Many Thoughts #ramblings #long post

[blackjackluka--archive]

ryder: thanks for letting me meet your family, jaal

jaal: would you like to stay for dinner?

sahuna: WOULD YOU LIKE TO STAY FOREVER?

#i love my new mom #rebekah rambles