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eureka-its-zico · 1 year

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Winterfall

Synopsis: When you thought of your life, Glenview Psychiatric Hospital was the last place you thought you’d end up. What could be weirder than calling a place like this home? Finding people who remind you that, sometimes, the messiest parts of who we are can be the best parts of us too.

Pairings: Christian Yu x Reader x Jay B x Reader (It’s a love triangle, y’all)

Series: ongoing

Word Count: 5186

Warnings: mentions of self-harm, mental health issues, mental disorders, slight violence, sexual themes

A/N: This is a hard one to post. I’ve had this in my WIPs for over seven years. I’ve rewritten it multiple times. Consider if this was a series, I was willing to share. As someone who suffers from BPD II and PTSD, it felt strange to dive into mental health. In a way, I felt like I needed a safe place to get it out. To share. This fic isn’t meant to be sad. It’s meant to be about growth. The journey of mental health can be a messy one, but it doesn’t have to hinder our own growth. Our sadness does not define us. If I ever miss anything in the warnings for chapters, please let me know and I’ll fix it ASAP! This fic is loosely based off of one of my favorite films, Girl, Interrupted. And remember, if you you ever need to talk: Im here.

Shout out to my bestie @deadneverlander for always being the better half in our clownery. I wouldn't be able to do half of this without you.

There was something about the bleakness of winter that seemed to make countless people’s bones ache for the warmth of summer. Their loneliness is somehow made more apparent by rain clouds and negative degrees, turning thoughts into reminiscent scenes of a doomsday film.

You’d always claimed that fall was your favorite season because the vast spectrum of your sadness didn't match the heat of summer. Sure, you loved the possibilities of hot cocoa, warm fires, ridiculous horror, Christmas films, and the first sight of snow. Somewhere along the way, however, came the anxiety of holiday dinners. Where the comfort you’d found in overcast skies turned sinister with repeated looks that reminded you that you were the black sheep; the odd man out with another year of nothing to show.

Fall no longer meant binges on shows and breaks from the endless routine that was work and school. It meant laying in the snow until your body heat forced it to melt underneath you, seeping into the fabric of your clothes to leave your nerves numb and transparent like ice. Your mind silently hoped it would be enough to extinguish the agony that blossomed in your chest.

Jackets were no longer marked for warmth, but strictly to hide your struggle to feel anything past the chasm that’d grown in the past couple of months: to bleed out the parts of you that didn't belong. It wasn't a surprise it's what landed you a one-way ticket to the cozy room inside a psychiatric hospital. Maybe that's just what happens when you're found unresponsive with a belly housing a fifth of rum. The marks on your skin lay like a map to follow on how you got there; only being found like a frantic afterthought.

Glenview Psychiatric Hospital, or GSH that was strategically labeled in bright crimson above the pocket of your prison-inspired sweatshirt, had been home for three months now. It was meant to be a place of healing, among the basic mood stabilizing and therapy sessions everyone held in a day. You felt further away from that concept with every group activity the doctors forced you to take part in. Your social anxiety becoming apparent each time it lands on you to speak, either to close the circle, or to be a part of the ridiculous game activities. The last time you played volleyball your face saw more action with the pleather ball than your arms ever did.

It was currently 12:47 p.m. The clock giving you a false sense of hope that the time wouldn’t just creep by to leave you stranded the last thirteen minutes until you’d earned your freedom. There was, however, the off chance if Dr. Thompson wasn't hearing what he wanted; the hour-long group activity would be extended.

You scanned the other six faces that made up your group: the huddled mess of piled sweaters and huddled blanket of Soomi a fleeting moment of comfort. It only took your eyes adjusting on her figure to know she didn’t have one. Her tiny body composed of thick layers of clothes to portray a false sense of shape. Her anorexia becoming so severe her family had no other option but to put her here, or watch her die. Jason’s endless finger taps on every surface he could touch the only giveaway to his OCD until he removed himself from his chair. Sejun with his alcoholism and Yuna with her acidic imagination that the wind whispered her deepest secrets out into the world.

All this ending with your gaze narrowed on the statuesque figure of Jaebum who comically sat opposite of your current position. The two suicidal inmates that shared in the anxiousness of sadness but little else, and the usual reason why your group never seemed to end on time.

You couldn't say it was a shame to be stuck sitting dead center of someone so attractive; as shallow of an observation as it was there was no denying how ungodly true that statement was. He held a silent attractiveness that resonated in the solitude he kept around himself, and Jaebum was indeed a solitary creature.

He preferred books over people. Usually moving away from anyone who got close to his latest reading perch without ever glancing up from his current book. Jaebum’s favorite place he’d reserved to get lost inside his fiction the seal of the window that looked out the expanse of the institute’s backyard. The entire estate currently covered in the dead burgundy and gold of a forest of oak tree leaves.

It wasn't like you were laying avid amounts of your attention on him or anything. You didn't pay attention to how broad his shoulders looked in his old man sweaters that you could've bet money smells like mothballs. How his features seemed sharpened to match the fierceness that lived inside his eyes. The only thing that exposed his softness was the speck of a mole that dusted itself on his left eyelid.

Jaebum just held a presence that demanded to be noticed. Whether he himself liked it or not.

“Jaebum: do you have anything you’d like to add to the session?”

Dr. Thompson’s question made the both of you jolt in your seats. Youwere too busy staring down at your nails while you plucked away at the cuticles. Jaebum's head turned, unbeknownst to you, from looking at you to the good doctor. It was enough to make your cheeks flush hot.

His crossed arms gave a soft shrug, and you hated how your eyes stayed captivated by the movement. You were willing to blame it on the charcoal-worn cable knit sweater he favored. It really did smell like moth balls and age making you willing to bet it wasn't his to begin with.

“We talked about this guys. Shrugging is not an adequate substitute for an answer.”

His tone showing his frustration more than anger at his need to repeatedly inform the group. Dr. Thompson looked at each of you individually until he stopped on Jaebum, who didn’t seem the least bit moved.

“I have nothing to say.”

A sigh escaped from Dr. Thompson’s lips as his head shook softly. His eyes averted down to the tin clipboard momentarily before they resumed their previous position.

“And what is it exactly you would like me to add, huh?” You felt your body tense against the chair. Your hands grasping at its edges like it would be the only thing to keep you stable against the oncoming rage that was Jaebum’s agitation. “We do these pointless sessions over and over: again and again. For what? Do you think it “saves” anyone?”

Your eyes diverted from the safety of your knees; counting every frayed piece of cloth on your jeans that hung loose from torn holes. No part of you needed to acknowledge that he was standing. The room did that well enough with the tension his power caused. The room itself swelling with anxiety that made fidgety Sera begin to rock violently against the back of her chair. Her head shaking hair into her face, like a curtain to hide what she feared was coming her way like the abusive hands of her father.

The orderlies were already beginning to circle his chair, but Dr. Thompson held up a hand of warding. He reminded you too much of an irresponsible ring handler at a circus. Unwilling to recognize his own tiger was about to maim him.

“No, no that’s fair enough. I see you have an issue with the way we try and help our patients.”

“Help?!” Jaebum snarled. “Is that what you call it? Like you helped Simon remember all the things he wanted to forget! Is that what you call endless therapies until he killed himself! You consider being helpful with the way you handled Ian?”

Dr. Thompson regarded Jaebum quietly, but his eyes were focused and searching the young man’s face. You watched in helpless awe as one stood like a calm in a blazing storm, while the other raged so furiously you thought the walls would come down. No longer was his voice a strong current, but now thunderous words that hurled like lightning bolts were being directed at the man before him.

Jaebum was right. Sometimes, the doctors picked and picked a part at you until you were left bare and raw. And if their words didn’t do it their physical methods picked up where they lacked. His anger was justified, because deep down so were you. But you didn’t have the towering strength like he did to stand up to anyone. Your fear of the seclusion rooms kept you prisoner: locked in your chair as a simple flick of Dr. Thompson’s hand sent the orderlies rushing to Jaebum’s side.

“I think that’s enough for today’s session.”

In the back of your mind you knew that Jaebum was right. In part. Who were counselors and psychologists to tell the broken mirrors of people how to put their pieces back together? Only to end up with more blood on their hands from struggling to put sharp pieces in place. They studied people like you, Jaebum...people like Ian who were features in their college books. They themselves barely ever one to experience it themselves.

Healing, even if unconventional, was still healing in the end. There was no right or wrong way to get there, but here, with people like Dr. Thompson, their textbook solutions were the only solutions. Maybe that’s why it backfired so terribly with Ian.

So for once, you wanted to stand up with Jaebum. To call out the injustices of treatments forced on patients, like Ian. Treatments they’d placed on patients that only wanted to forget, because no one wants to remember traumas and everything that makes them feel like failures.

You knew, however, if you took that chance to be brave for once you would end up like Jaebum. Uselessly struggling against orderlies who came prepared with syringes to make you complacent and an endless day being locked for god knew how long inside seclusion.

It was cowardice that kept your mouth shut. All of you stayed quiet as an orderly you aptly nicknamed, “The Bull,” grabbed at the neck of Jaebum’s sweater. That was all it took for him to react violently. Jaebum’s elbow flew back with such force it dislodged The Bull’s grip, which only seemed to make it worse.

“Jaebum, please do not struggle.” Dr. Thompson’s voice didn’t sound as soothing as he probably imagined. Obvious agitation outlined every word; the struggle forcing all of you up from your chairs and away from the fighting. “Everyone out. Now.”

A part of you hated listening. For not firmly digging your feet in to stand for something you agreed wasn’t right. It was an odd thought. Since Ian was the usual instigator of the chaos of how these ended. Never Jaebum. Maybe he just felt like in Ian’s absence he needed to take over for him.

“You play god with everyone’s emotions and leave them to drown alone in the aftermath. You are the reason Christian keeps escaping and Hyujin is gone! It’s you! It’s all of you!”

Jaebum’s rage became more apparent with each sentence and broke as his throat formed the words of his former friend. Former because he’d found himself as one of Dr. Thompson’s experimental new treatments. A treatment that brought back too much Hyujin couldn’t cope with - was forced to confront - before he was ready.

The ward still felt hollow - missing in the sound of Hyujin’s laugh.

You would’ve been impressed with the way Jaebum was laying into the doctor. He was holding his own against the orderly at his arms until the Bull snuck behind him and brought him falling down to the cold concrete floor.

That was the last you saw of Jaebum as you were ushered outside the doors. You faced them for a long time. No one questioned why you stood at the entrance as Jaebum’s yelling dulled to nothing. It was too late for you to run back and play the role of knight in shining armor and standing in front of the door would only make the staff assume you were waiting to cause a scene.

Turning on your heel you headed towards the living area. Your mind racing heavily with indecision and not paying attention to the overcrowded chairs and couches. You bypassed them all to head to your favorite window seat. It was opposite to the one everyone knew as Jaebum’s; reading a new book every week during free time. It was so engrained to the fabric of the facility that no one tried to take it from him. Not even Ian.

You folded into yourself as soon as you sat down on the window seat. Your chin pressed into your shoulder so you could get a better look outside. The vibrant colors of changing leaves reminding you that fall was coming. Maybe they would let you work outside if you were good? You were tired of doing bathroom and kitchen duties, but because of Ian’s latest stunt no one was allowed outside. Not until the fences were made higher with wire curled along the top.

If thoughts could be breathed into existence, you were positive you alone would be deemed responsible for Ian walking, right then and there, through the facility's double doors. Of course, Ian could never simply enter a room quietly.

Christian entered every room like a force. Wild and unpredictable. Mother Nature couldn’t compete with his massive hurricane personality. No one could come close, because underneath all that unhinged nature was a magmatism that far outreached just good looks.

Was Christian good looking? Devilishly so. It was his way with words, however, that left many people reeling. Not just fellow patients, but staff as well. He was painfully charming and, if you weren’t prepared for his wide-set smile directed in your direction, you were going to find yourself in trouble. Deep, deep Christian-flavored trouble. The staff had even labeled him with a warning of “verbal jujitsu” - you had to stay miles ahead of the conversation or you’d find yourself like the recently fired psych tech who’d handed over the ward keys without a second thought.

Seriously. That’s how Christian escaped this time. All the other times, well, the man could be considered the second coming of Houdini.

“How have you been, Bob? Are your feet still giving you grief, Margo?”

It was impressive how he acted like it wasn’t a big deal he’d magically reappeared. The guard and orderlies awkwardly keep watch over the double doors he’d come through like he’d disappear back into thin air.

You hated how happy you became hearing the richness of his voice. The way his accent reminded you of the battle of wills on what was the proper way to say, “water,” and the teasing you gave him about constantly saying, “Naurr”.

“It’s Margaret, jackass,” the older psych tech mumbled in reply. She didn’t even bother to look up from putting a new bandage on Bob’s hands.

“Missed you too, babe.”

You watched his reflection in the safety of the glass of the window. You didn’t want to show how eager you were to see him - or to find out that every time he left the ward became almost too much to bear alone.

In the safety of the window, you could pretend the call to freedom was what kept your eyes hypnotized. Not the sleeveless tee he’d tucked inside the waist of skinny jeans that hugged to the muscles like paint or the layers of tattoos that covered honey skin. He wasn’t tan when he’d left. Where had Ian’s adventures taken him this time?

You would get the chance to ask him yourself.

When his eyes caught sight of your huddled frame curled in the window seat his trajectory changed completely. He didn’t think you’d noticed him yet, but it didn’t stop his infamous megawatt smile from brightening up his features and the butterflies he’d left trapped in your gut instantly springing back to life.

The only downside? You were more than positive Ian saw you only as a sister. If he’d thought of you in the past as anything else you would’ve definitely known by now. As much as Ian was known for his charisma and whirlwind energy, he was also known for slipping into the janitor’s closet with more than a few now-fired staff members.

In a matter of seconds, he left the mirage of the window to become real beside you. The smell of cigarettes and his preferred cologne enveloped you, instantly turning the space intimate. You tried your best to ignore him. Ian would receive nothing but the side eye from you after the latest shit he’d pulled.

He let out a heavy sigh as a finger playfully poked into your side. He wiggled the digit in a weak attempt to tickle you thinking it would be enough for you to finally look at him. Fat chance. Using your elbow, you pushed down with just enough force to dislodge him from your side. The act forced a heavy sigh to flare his nostrils as he leaned back against the window.

“Come on, ‘Roo. You can’t be that mad at me?”

Of course, he would use your nickname. The nickname you earned one night when he’d tried to tickle you until you couldn’t breathe. To be honest, he thinks you’d kicked him accidentally in the chest because you might wet yourself. The truth? Ian had gotten dangerously close. A few times it felt like his lips were just a few sharp breaths away from landing on yours, and that night you’d felt hollow. So hollow. All you wanted was to burn and Ian…he was so full of fire and life and for once you wanted to know what it felt like to be filled with something other than emptiness.

You wanted to catch fire too.

So you’d kicked out at him in panic. Hence how you became his Kangaroo. His ‘Roo.

“Actually,” you began, biting out the world with each syllable. “I can be upset with you and I most definitely am.”

“Don’t be like that, ‘Roo. I know you missed me.”

“No, I didn’t. It was rather peaceful while you were off on whatever antics you decided to get into.”

A tsk sent his bottom lip into a pout as he crossed his arms. His shoulders lean further down the window and slightly into your view.

God, why did he have to be so heartbreakingly handsome?

You refused to make eye contact with him. Don’t do it. It’s a trick. You knew it was a trick. A sneaky ploy and yet…you looked. One look was all it took and Ian knew he had you.

“I missed you.” His voice caressed your skin like velvet causing it to erupt in goosebumps. “So, I know if I missed you that can only mean that you missed me.”

A snort of disbelief left you as you finally gave him what he’d been asking: your full and undivided attention.

“Is that how it works, Ian?”

“Ah!” He beamed. “She finally looks at me.”

You couldn’t keep your eyes from rolling as you tried to face away from him, but Ian wasn’t having it.

“I shouldn’t even do that.”

“Where is all this hostility coming from?” He pouted. “Did you experience another one of Dr. Thompson’s riveting group circles?”

“It’s not funny, Ian. You always leave.” You hated how your voice betrayed you. The way it cracked before you could glue it back together. “You go and leave me here, without you, all the time. One of these days you may not come back.”

All the playfulness slowly drained from his features. The sly smile wilted to a grimace as deep brown eyes scanned over your face. Calculating your words with the body language of guarded arms and saddened eyes. His hands gently grabbed at your elbows to loosen your arms before turning you to him. His head dipped down just a bit to make sure he had you at eye level.

“Hey, ‘Roo. I’m sorry. I come back for you, you know that right?” You knew he was lying, but try telling that to the butterflies fluttering around like crazy in your gut. “These assholes could never catch me if I didn’t turn myself in, and I only turned myself in to get back to you.”

You didn’t know what you would’ve said at that moment. Maybe something he wanted to hear or maybe - finally - you’d have the guts to call him out on his bullshit. Luckily for you, the muffled sound of Jaebum’s screaming slowly grew louder until his struggling body was brought through the double doors from therapy.

“Let me go, you assholes!”

You’d never seen Jaebum fight so fiercely before. The way he flailed his arms to find a way to get them released along with his legs kicking out like a madman. They practically dragged him down the hall towards seclusion. For a split second, in his struggle, his eyes landed on you. His gaze held yours for what felt like a lifetime until the spell was broken. It felt like slow motion as his face turned to see Ian on your right and all the fight drained from his body.

Did he think he was fighting for Ian? Himself? Jaebum was never much for acting out. That was usually Ian who created trouble. Maybe that was why he looked so shocked seeing Jaebum being dragged down to seclusion.

“Oi! What the fuck is this?”

Ian was up off the window seat in seconds. A couple of orderlies were already coming out from behind the nursing station to meet him halfway. Whatever they were saying, you weren’t all too sure. Ian was doing his usual of screaming and shoving causing the orderlies to prepare for a fight. The patients closest to all the commotion desperately trying to get out of the way.

It was all chaos. All classic Ian. The only non-classic thing was Jaebum looking at you in a way you’d never noticed before. It created a row of questions that sat heavily on your tongue and ones you weren’t sure he would ever be willing to answer.

It wasn’t until everything had settled down again that you snuck inside the room that held group therapy. Your eyes instantly homing in on Jaebum’s chair and underneath it one of his grandfather’s books.

Before you dared to push all the way through into the room you gave one last cautious glance to the recreation room and slipped inside. You made sure to hold the door so it didn’t click into place. There was no denying if you were caught sneaking in somewhere you weren’t meant to be you’d be joining Jaebum in your own seclusion room.

The sterile room with its egg-white walls was most definitely not your favorite. The only way to add your own source of color to its walls was to display your thoughts - projecting them out like a fucked up home movie that you’d rather forget.

You made sure to cut across the room silently. Your legs bending at the knee to swoop down to grab the worn-down cover and secure it to your chest.

You couldn’t explain why as you made your way out of the room towards the upper floor that held the seclusion rooms what made you want to do this for him. It’s not like he would thank you, but you weren’t looking for that.

It wasn’t hard to notice the way Jaebum cared for his late grandfather's things. From the sweater he wore daily that was meticulously cleaned and laundered to the few books Jaebum was able to keep from his collection. He coveted them the way others valued trophies but it wasn’t praise that Jaebum found secluded inside their pages: it was peace.

You didn’t know much about him. Jaebum wasn’t much of a sharer. He was reserved. The only way to know him was by the pages you held close to your chest. So, you weren’t terribly sure why you were doing this for him except for the fact you believed no one should go without something that they loved.

Just as you were about to round the last corner to the hallway that held seclusion rooms 1 through 3, you caught a flash of an orderly speaking to a nurse. From the brief moment you’d caught before you found the safety of the opposite wall, they were more than likely flirting.

Ted. That was the name written on his uniform. He’d called Ian a “Psycho,” a handful of times. You wondered if Ted knew the nurse he worshiped spent the same handful of nights sneaking inside Ian’s dorm.

“Do you maybe want to go get breakfast in the morning?”

Breakfast?! You mouthed to yourself before you snuck another peek around the corner.

“Oh, I don’t know, Ted. I might have plans later.”

If your eyes could roll back any harder you would’ve seen brain cells. You knew exactly what her supposed plans were. You could already hear the moans that echoed down the halls like a haunting. The only thing haunted here would be you.

You didn’t have to see Ted’s expression to know he was defeated. He was probably wondering how someone could refuse breakfast or maybe he was finally growing tired of being told no. The mystery of the unknown in this love triangle would sadly (not really) remain a mystery. You didn’t really care if they had breakfast together or hunted Easter eggs. You just wanted them to finish their awkward conversation and leave the damn hallway.

A few more strangled pieces of conversation later and you could hear the shuffling of feet. Quickly, you moved inside a linen closet and quietly shut the door. Your ears straining - waiting - to hear a pair of feet move past your location so you could finish what you came to do.

Every second you were out here and not inside your own dorm waiting for the nurses to come in and check you were there was one second too many in a chance at punishment. After a few more minutes went by and the coast sounded relatively clear, you creeped out from the linen closet and dashed towards the seclusion rooms.

“Jaebum!?” You half whispered half yelled. “Jay!”

“What the hell are you doing over here?”

Ah, there was that condescending voice you’d grown accustomed to. Following the sound of his voice, and with the help of his fingers hanging out of the small seclusion window, you darted towards the back of the hall. Your arms still securely held onto his grandfather’s book and only began to loosen as you got closer to the door.

“I wanted to bring you something before they placed it in lost and found.”

With another cautious glance down the hall, your fingers wrapped around the edges of the book's spine. You offered it up to him and gently started to push it through the small window. Jaebum hadn’t spoken since he noticed what you held in your hands. His fingers overlapped yours as he took it from you. His arms immediately brought it inside with him with the sound of pages flipping while he made sure each page was still accounted for.

“How did you-“ he began, but his words quickly died out.

“Can you believe it ladies and gentlemen? For once, he was too stunned to speak,” you teased.

Jaebum’s eyes narrowed in on your face. His hands wagged the book as if he was going to hit you over the head with it. Who knows, he might have if there wasn’t a 30-pound door stationed between you.

“I’m serious. You came all this way to give me this?”

You shrugged his words off like what you’d done wasn’t a big deal. Both of you knew it was. So many factors that could lead you to where he was, or worse, if they believed you were trying to steal someone else’s property. Which, they one hundred percent would even though kleptomania wasn’t part of your conga line list of disorders.

“I remember how much his things matter to you. I didn’t want Bull or Kojak The Great Dick to get a hold of it. I know they wouldn’t have respected it after today.”

You’d expected a lot of things to come out of this exchange. The main one? At least a thank you. All you were getting now felt like the cold shoulder that featured a very unnerving stare. With every second you were feeling more self-conscious and it took everything in you not to shout, “Boo!” in an attempt to get him to blink.

You couldn’t take the awkwardness of the exchange any longer. Your feet were already backpedaling as your arms swung, thumb extended out, to indicate your exit before you spoke.

“Great well, this was a fun chat-“

“He lies to you, you know.”

Jaebum’s words took you by surprise. You were sure that was the point. His face was set in deep lines of determination as if what he needed to say was something you needed to adhere to like the gospel from the Bible.

“Okay, Jay I’ll bite: who is he?”

“You know who I’m talking about. Ian. It’s who he is. He doesn’t know how to tell the truth, and you always set yourself up for failure with him.”

Maybe Jaebum thought he was being helpful - calling to light all things you were aware of but couldn’t bring yourself to say out loud. You must have seemed too weak - gullible - in his eyes for him to believe he needed to say these things.

You eyed him coolly through the window. Your tongue rolled around inside your cheek trying to decide what exactly you should say at this moment. Did he want recognition that you knew you were an idiot? What did it matter to him if you knew Ian didn’t give two fucks about you.

So, the only thing you could settle on was the beginning of a long sigh before you spoke: “I know I might look like a love-sick puppy to you, Jay, but I know my place.”

He tried saying your name to stop you. You just ignored him as you shook your head and allowed yourself to begin to move back down the hall towards the safety of your own dorm.

“It’s alright, Jay I get it. Take care of your grandfather’s things better, okay?”

You didn’t wait to finish your sentence before you were already turning to head down the hallway. The bottom of your feet itching for you to sprint in the opposite direction. Your mind raced over Jaebum’s words and matched them with the growing chasm in your chest.

So lost in your head, you barely caught the sound of his parting, “Thank you,” as you bolted around the corner.

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yiensaintlaurent · 1 year

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00 | the other side - mark tuan

pairing: mark tuan x reader

genre: angst, smut, idol! got7, idol! reader

warnings: cursing, explicit sex, takes place in present time with minor flashbacks

summary: mark knew it was game over the minute he saw you. despite being apart from each other for so long, no amount of practice in front of the mirror would've prepared him for the way his heart dropped the moment he saw you walk in. he'd forgotten about the hold you had on him, you; the love of his life, the one that got away.

character preface

mark tuan :

male

age: 29

birthday: september 4, 1993

currently living in arcadia, la county, california, u.s.a

y/n:

female

age: 25

birthday: september 15, 1997

currently living in seoul, south korea

originally from new york city; part time in los angeles

all got7 member info is in present time.

let me know if i should post ch. 01 :)

______________________________________________________________

disclaimer:

slight or recurring mentions of other idols, groups, familiar names.

despite it taking place in present time, with real time events, this story the plot and scenarios are 100% made up

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babecoups · 2 years

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dream on || lim jaebeom (18+)

➹ title: dream on ➹ pairing: rockstar!jaebeom x demon!female reader ➹ genre: angst | smut | supernatural | slight forbidden romance | pwp/drabble ➹ summary: On stage the crowd screams his name, backstage he’s moaning yours. This is strictly business...or maybe it isn’t. ➹ word count: 1.6k ➹ warnings: alcohol consumption | smoking | supernatural & demonic elements | explicit & implied sexual content | implied spanking | multiple orgasms | pleasure dom!jaebeom | sub!reader | daddy kink | unprotected sex | restraints(wrist pinning} | creampie | dirty talk | forced orgasm | power play dynamics | pet names | praising | crying | clothed sex | public sex(if you squint) | biting/marking | rough & soft sex | unrequited love | pining | mentions contracts | pov switch | no happy ending ➹ rating: R/18+ ➹ a/n: this is unedited and written on a whim. it’s sad and i cried so, i’m sorry.

Thousands of people were just at his feet, singing his lyrics, allowing the strings of his guitar to take control of their bodies—they worship each and every thrust of his hips, every roll of his body. He’s their king, but to you—he’s only a peasant.

“What are you doing here?” he asks, closing the door to his dressing room. He waits for the lock to click before he ventures any further.

“Is it a crime for a girl to want to play with her favorite toy?”

You look up from your black manicured nails with a small smirk. He’s changed his appearance many times over the years, but this look he may just have to keep. There’s something about men with long hair that drives you mad, and you’ve always wanted to get your fingers tangled in some dark wavy locks. It must be your lucky night.

He removes his jacket and tosses it on the black leather couch before making his way to grab a drink. “You’re not a girl and I’m not a toy; now I’m tired so let’s make this quick.”

“You weren’t saying that last time,” you remind him, but he isn’t trying to hear your teasing. He doesn’t even spare you a glance when he passes you.

You follow him to the mini bar giggling; he’s the first human you’ve ever followed—and the only. He’s lucky, and he doesn’t even know it. He pours a drink and you roll your eyes when he gulps it down instead of passing the glass to you. Grabbing the bottle from his hand, you take your shot straight from the source, exhaling as if alcohol could ever have an effect on a being as powerful as you.

“What do you want tonight? Honestly, I’m tired…just wanna get some sleep.”

“You weren’t too tired for them,” you tell him, setting the bottle down and turning to him. You place your palms flat on his pecs and purr when he flexes them playfully. He can’t resist your innocent doe eyes looking up at him and within seconds a smile forms on his face. “...but you’re too tired for me?”

“Has anyone ever told you that you’re a fucking brat?” he chuckles. The sound erupts from his chest and sends vibrations through your hands. You bite your lip to prevent the feral noises you want to make in response.

“Yeah, my father.”

“Do you even have a father?” he asks.

“No, but I always wanted to say that.”

You both share a bit of laughter, just standing there enjoying each other’s presence until the moment slowly fades away. Then, it’s back to business. You call his name, and he hums in response.

“Can I kiss you?”

Instead of answering, his hands cup your face and he leans in. Your eyes close when his delicate lips are gently placed on yours. The pathetic world you stand on disappears and the only thing that surrounds you is the comfort you secretly desire.

You notice a change in his expression when you part; he seems surprised for a split second but recovers quickly. You can see the glow of your blood red irises reflecting in his dark brown orbs. For the first time your human-like mask falters, and he’s met with one of hell’s greatest creations. It must be unsettling so you avert your gaze until you regain control over your powers.

“Sorry,” you whisper, but he rejects your apology.

“Don’t be.”

“It gets worse,” you jest, but it’s the truth.

“You mean better?”

“I’m flattered,” you respond, sliding your hands up to his broad shoulders. “So I guess tonight’s a no?...I’ll get going then.”

He grabs your waist. “I never said that.”

“But you’re tired?”

“My dick isn’t,” he counters, then he pulls you closer. “I’ll fuck you right here, actually.”

Your wrap legs around him when he scoops you up and lies you to the couch. His hands travel under your dress to remove your panties, but he discovers that you aren’t wearing any. “I’ve missed you…didn’t want anything to get in the way.”

“Good girl.”

His leather pants are undone in record speed. His sighs of relief once his cock is free from its confinements are pleasant to your ears. You feed off of his attention; he’s so willing to please you in every way possible, and you can’t get enough of his touch, no—you can’t get enough of him.

“So wet already,” he comments as he enters your opening. Slowly, he slides in and stills, waiting for the sensitivity to ebb away so he can slam into you with no mercy. He knows exactly what you want, and how to give it to you. All you have to do is lie back and enjoy the ride. “And warm too…feels so good.”

“The best you’ll ever have.”

He scoffs. “You aren’t lying.”

Your walls snuggle around him, bringing him comfort and security—something you’re certain you alone could never provide him. He spends minutes relishing in your heat before he delivers the first harsh thrust inside of you. Whimpers leave your lips when he nestles himself deep within you, selfishly claiming every inch for himself, as if you’d even allow another to touch you like he does.

They’ve shamed you for stooping so low with a human, but this feels too good for you to care.

“Fuck, I can feel you squeezing me. Come on my cock, baby.”

“It’s too soon. I can hold it,” you pant, shaking your head in denial.

He grabs your wrists one by one and pins them above your head then he buries his face in the crook of your neck. Your back arches when you feel the sting of his teeth sinking into your skin; you try to fight the urge to release, but he’s making it difficult. “No you can’t, and you won’t. Now be a good girl and make a mess for Daddy.”

“Jaebeom!”

“Don’t say my fucking name until you give me what I want,” he growls in your ear. His dominance makes you shudder beneath him. The pleasure has you giving up quickly and obeying his orders. “I’ll clean it up, don’t worry.”

“Fuck you–ahh!..I-I need to—”

“You want to come…so you should. While I’m allowing you to,” he chuckles.

Your eyes are screwed shut when your release comes with no warning. You cling onto him, listening to him moan your name and praise you for gifting him with the best pussy on earth. But you are no blessing, and you aren’t of this world; you’re just a businesswoman—who mixes business with pleasure. You owned his soul first, and now his mind and his body. He’s yours; regardless of whether you can say it out loud or not. Deep down, you both know who you belong to—you hope.

You can see your fucked out expression through his eyes, flaring red eyes and snarling fangs, but still he looks at you like you’re the most beautiful sight he’s laid eyes on. He worships you, gives you every bit of himself until he succumbs to his fatigue. He will literally let you suck him dry and still try to offer you more.

“One more for me,” he grunts in your ear, and you give him another and another…until you’re bent over, ass red and sore with tears rolling down your cheeks. He fucks you for hours and releases his load deep inside your womb.

You stay in his arms for a little bit longer tonight, running your fingers through his beautiful strands. His hands massages your thighs and ass as you sit straddling his lap. You sigh when you feel his soft kisses on your cheek, daydreaming of a life where you could stay this way.

“Jaebeom?”

He blows out a puff of smoke before he answers. “Yeah, babe?”

“How do you humans know when you’re in love?” The question has been lingering on your mind for too long; it really just slipped out, but it’s too late to take it back now.

“I dunno,” he sighs, tapping your leg so he can get up and take a shower. “I’ve never been in love…don’t really believe in it, honestly.”

Oh.

Whatever type of heart you possess in your soulless body drops to the pit of your stomach. For the first time outside of sex, you shed tears. Painful tears, mourning over something you’ve never had. Silly, foolish—you repeat those words a million times to yourself. Because you are, and it’s better you realize it sooner or later.

When he re-enters the dark, quiet room again, you’ve vanished, leaving his heart heavy with loneliness again. He often feels the regret of being too afraid to admit his feelings; he has to remember that your relationship is only business. You gave him his fame and he gave you his soul…the pleasure came much later. And somewhere along the way, he fell—and he fell hard. He just wishes he wasn’t the only one of the two who’s fallen so deeply.

Jaebeom frowns when he looks at the coffee table. An envelope, sealed with a kiss of your devilish red stained lipstick and a little message on the front.

“Here’s your second chance to find love, Jaebeom. Take advantage of it because some of us will never get to experience it.”

A pain forms in his chest as his worst fears are confirmed. The demon that holds the contract to his soul no longer wants it; he no longer has ties with hell, and is not permitted to see her ever again. He may keep his fame and fortune, and live on to seek what his heart desires until he perishes.

But unfortunately, what his heart truly wanted just slipped right through the cracks.

#jaebeom x reader #jaebeom smut #jaebeom angst #got7 x reader #got7 smut #got7 angst #jay b smut #jay b x reader #got7 imagines #kvanity #ksmutclub #jay b angst #fromthebabe

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hwangyeonjun · 1 year

Text

January 6th

pairing: lim jaebeom x gn!reader

genre: fluff

birthday party masterlist

you were pacing around the room like crazy, hand on your chin as you stared at the ground. you were actually going insane.

“y/n, relax” jinyoung mumbled and you turned to look at him, only to see all six boys looking at you with so much concern in their eyes.

“i can’t” you whined. “what if he doesn’t like it?” you asked, hands flying everywhere around you out of frustration.

jinyoung rolled his eyes and elbowed jackson, signaling for him to continue the conversation.

“he will like it. jaebeom likes everything that includes you” he reassured. “plus, you did amazing. look around, the place is beautiful and you got him something that he’s been wanting for a very long time”

you did as told and looked around the room that you’ve been standing in. you have to agree, your living room does look amazing with all the balloons and confetti. the table was full of jaebeom’s favourite food that you’ve made yourself.

the birthday boy himself is on his way home, having no clue what is waiting for him, thinking that you’re not home since you told him beforehand that you’ll be working until late.

the boys also helped you prepare but most importantly, they came which will be a huge surprise for jaebeom since he haven’t seen them in a while, especially jackson, who has been in china for most of the time.

you were content, knowing that your boyfriend is surrounded by good people who genuinely love him and even though you are panicking right now, deep down you know that no matter how this is going to turn out, he will be happy.

your eyes widened when you heard the key jiggling on the other side of the door. you quickly hurried everyone to go in their spots and turned off the lights, threatening the people around you to stay quiet.

jaebeom walked in, humming a familiar song and walked into the living room. it took him a few seconds to find the light switch and when he turned on the light, all of you started screaming “surprise” while yugyeom and bambam threw confetti at jaebeom.

he was stunned, eyes wide, mouth open with a peace of confetti stuck to his lip. his eyes locked with yours and then the biggest grin spread on his face.

“baby” he whispered and immediately pulled you into a hug.

you didn’t even notice the tears of joy on his face until he started hugging his members and it made your heart burst. he was happy, and that’s all you wanted.

#lim jaebeom #lim jaebeom x reader #lim jaebeom fluff #jay b #jay b x reader #jay b fluff #got7 #got7 fluff #got7 x reader #got7 imagine

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spacequokka · 1 year

Text

JB.one

Prompt: “Come over here and make me.”

Being a brat was kind of your job. You were supposed to resist his orders and disobey, right? And you’d be damned if you didn’t do it well. Because right now, Jaebeom was staring at you with his tongue tucked in his cheek, eyebrows pinched together as you rubbed BamBam’s thigh.

BamBam wasn’t even paying attention. Something on his phone was more important. But it didn’t matter. Jaebeom saw you, and that’s all that mattered.

Jaebeom crossed his arms and slouched a little more. “Hey, _____. You’re being a bad girl.”

“Oh, am I?” You licked your lips and leaned closer to BamBam, finally getting his attention.

“You must want me to punish you. Hands off,” Jaebeom sat up, “or I’ll put you over my knee.”

BamBam stiffened. “Uh, should I leave?”

“No, no.” You patted his thigh before giving it a squeeze. “You’re fine.” You pecked his cheek, then looked at Jaebeom. “Come over here and make me.”

Jaebeom didn’t bat an eye, rising from his chair. “Gladly.”

#got7 drabble #got7 scenarios #got7 imagines #jay b x reader #jay b x you #jaebeom x reader #jaebeom x you #jay b drabbles #jay b scenarios #jay b imagines

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sweetestofchaos · 7 months

Text

"I have seen the temptress of this nation and like a moth to the flame, I seek your warmth. Warm my bed, stand by my side, and never fear the night again. Although the heart within my own chest has long since ceased beating; I feel nothing for anything or anyone. It pains me deeply to call you any other name than mine." Knelt before the Princess, Jaebeom bowed his head as he admitted his true feelings. He knew very well that the Princess could turn him away in disgust and he would hold no grudge towards her. The warmth that seeped from her palm against his cheek, sent a long forgotten shiver down his spin. Slowly, the Princess raised his face and she offered her wrist bare of any coverings or jewelry. "Claim me as the day claims the sun and the night the moon. Always share with me your thoughts and do not keep me in the darkness for fear of my own heart. I am here of my own free will and I grant you my heart, for as long as you shall desire it."

❖ KBCS Of Blood and Bane Event: Hosted by @kpopsblackcreatorsociety

↠ Categories: Vampires ft. Lim Jaebeom ↠ Themes: Royal AU

a/n: Text from Phenomenal Woman by Maya Angelou and Dracula by Bram Stoker are used in the banners.

#kbcshallo2023 #lim jaebeom #jay b moodboard #vampire au #royal au #jay b x reader

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marvelous-llama · 9 months

Text

GOT7 recs

most of the mentioned works is 18+ NSFW, MINORS DNI

tumblr is based on reblogs not likes, so please reblog and comment under works you like. Show love to the authors and appreciate their hard work

<<next chapters

pls don´t hesitate to hmu, if any of mentioned links doesn´t work or you have suggestions for more fics... thank you so much for all the love and comments

OT7

The Mafia by @inyournightmares97

The Inevitability of You by @yehet-me-up

Soulmate series by @fantastic-bby (Mark, Jaebeom, Jackson, Jinyoung, Youngjae, Bambam, Yugyeom)

Firework by @inyournightmares97

one shots

Trust Issues by @jeonronwoo

Mark x gn!reader (wc - 1.7k) established relationship - angst, hurt/comfort

series

one shots

series

Suits by @bambikisss

Jaebeom x fem!reader (wc - 2.1k + 5.7k) strangers to lovers, CEO!reader, CEO!Jaebeom - fluff, smut, romance Being a CEO of a big company has its perks, except for meeting the one. After you sign up for a dating app for the elite 1 percent, you match with someone who is just as rich as you. Is love truly in the cards for you both? part 1, part 2

Through His Eyes by @prettywordsyouleft

Jaebeom x fem!reader - angst, romance, fluff, smut Losing your sight after your accident was traumatic, and Jaebum’s guilt of knowing it should have been him instead creates an intricate bond between you both, as you overcome adversity and try to find your way in life again.

Reconciliation by @prettywordsyouleft

Jaebeom x fem!reader exes to lovers, business AU - angst, fluff, smut, romance You had allowed yourself to be undervalued for too long, as a business partner and lover of Im Jaebum and so you left him for good. When you crossed paths again, not all was how you imagined it to be. Could you reconcile after all the pain?

one shots

nights like this by @babecoups

Jackson x fem!reader (wc - 2.8k) brother´s best friend, idiots to lovers - angst, smut, fluff You have the worst luck when it comes to relationships, but sometimes the right guy for you is the one you shouldn’t have feelings for in the first place.

Light On by @cas-skz

Jackson x fem!reader (wc - 1.8k) established relationship - fluff, smut Jackson returns home after traveling. To his surprise, you're waiting for him

series

one shots

Plot Twist by @kpopchangedme

Jinyoung x fem!reader (wc - 5.5k) enemies to lovers - angst, smut, fluff? Being locked up until tomorrow morning with your biggest rival in the Archery team might not be all bad after all...

Royal Flush by @bambikisss

Jinyoung x fem!reader (wc - 3.6k) friends to lovers, knight!Jinyoung, princess!reader - fluff, smut, angst Your best friend sneaks into your castle and keeps you company before he goes off to war, leading to feelings being revealed.

Making a Move by @milfgyuu

Jinyoung x fem!reader (wc - 2.7k) roommates, friends to lovers - humour, smut, fluff

series

Destined by @prettywordsyouleft

Jinyoung x fem!reader soulmates - angst, fluff, smut You craved meeting your soulmate, but you wished more than anything he could be your best friend, Mark. When Mark finally meets his soulmate, you get the chance to find yours and he’s not at all what you expected.

enough by @ahgaseda

Jinyoung x fem!reader mafia, exes to lovers - angst, smut to survive as a single woman in the big city, you resort to letting rich men pay for your company, but never anticipated that your first client would be the boy you once loved, Jinyoung.

The Trial Period by @prettywordsyouleft

Jinyoung x fem!reader enemies to lovers - angst, fluff, romance, suggestive When the perfect studio space comes up, you leap at the chance to take it. Except, so has Park Jinyoung, someone you have hated for the past three years. Given three months to share the space before deciding who will claim it, can you push Jinyoung out by the end of your trial period, or will you find that the tactics you both use leads to something unexpected?

one shots

Open Tab by @milfgyuu

Youngjae x fem!reader (wc - 5.1k) strangers to lovers - angst, fluff, smut, hurt/comfort A connection is made with a handsome bartender who offers you comfort, a slice of cheesecake, and so much more on your ruined evening.

The Seventh Wedding by @inyournightmares97

Youngjae x fem!reader (wc - 15k) strangers to lovers, mutual pining - fluff It took Choi Youngjae seven weddings to fall in love with you.

series

one shots

I Think I Love You by @milfgyuu

Bambam x fem!reader (wc - 2.1k) coworkers/friends to lovers - fluff, crack Bambam rescues you from the company party and makes a rooftop confession to you under the stars. It’s kind of magical.

series

one shots

oh my god, they were roommates by @babybirdgyeom

Yugyeom x reader (wc - 2.5k) roommates to lovers, mutual pining - fluff One night you couldn’t resist your roommate Yugyeom anymore and finally gave in.

series

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strwbrrykss · 2 years

Text

𝕶𝖎𝖓𝖐𝖙𝖔𝖇𝖊𝖗 𝕸𝖆𝖘𝖙𝖊𝖗𝖑𝖎𝖘𝖙

Happy Spooky Month! Below the cut are the 31 prompts I’ll be using for my very first Kinktober! Thank you to everyone that has requested a character for these prompts to fill out the list, I hope you all enjoy this smutty buffet!!

All works are 1000-2000 words, with little to no plot - just straight up smut [by default these pieces will be f!reader but if there’s any that you want to see as afab! or gn!reader, let me know!]

all kinks + pairings were chosen by me; based entirely off what I felt comfortable writing. If anything from the below list makes you uncomfortable, I strongly advise you not to read it

ageless blogs // minors interacting with this post, or any of the linked posts, will be blocked

As and when each piece is posted, the title on this post will be pink to indicate the link has been added!

ALL CONTENT BELOW THE CUT IS 18+/NSFW. MINORS DNI. BY OPENING THE “READ MORE” YOU AGREE THAT YOU’RE OF AGE

Dry Humping - Eddie Munson

Sometimes you’re both just too tired to get completely down and dirty, but Eddie has a new approach to an old problem

Hide N Seek - Dean Winchester

It started as a stupid game, something to keep you entertained whilst exploring an abandoned mall with Dean. And transpired into much more.

Begging - Benedict Bridgerton

You both knew it was frowned upon to leave a party early, but sometimes, you just want to hear your husband beg for your attention behind closed doors.

Masturbation - JJ Maybank

After a day spent out on the water in your new swimwear, JJ just can’t help himself and takes matters into his own hands... Literally.

Daddy Kink - Kevin Atwater

It came about by pure chance in conversation, what he wanted you to call him, and now you say it almost as much as his real name.

Overstimulation - Bucky Barnes

There is nothing Bucky loves more than to push you over and over to the edge of release... Except for watching you fall apart when he finally lets you finish.

Praise Kink - Anthony Bridgerton

Despite thinking you knew Anthony better than most, there’s still one more thing you’re yet to learn about him and it’s... Surprising results.

Dacryphilia - Robert “BOB” Floyd

Sweet as he may be, Bob loves nothing more than to see your makeup streaked down your face and he has plenty of methods to make it happen.

Mirror Sex - Eddie Munson

Eddie wants to show you just how pretty you really are, especially when he’s rocking your shit for the fifth time that week.

Cockwarming - Jake “Hangman” Seresin

Sometimes, all he needs is to be as physically close to you as possible, and you’re all too willing to help him out.

Facesitting - Bradley “Rooster” Bradshaw

There’s very little you haven’t tried with Bradley, even with your status currently undefined, there’s one thing he can’t stop thinking about.

Lingerie - Matt Casey

At the end of a stressful week for you both, you decide to surprise Matt with some new additions to your wardrobe.

Breeding - Nomad!Steve Rogers

You thought you’d seen the last of him after the fiasco with the Accords. Steve has other plans now that he’s no longer America’s Golden Boy

Threesome - Pornstar!Jay Halstead + Pornstar!Adam Ruzek

After you revealed that you’d always been interested - or at the very least curious - to try a threesome, Jay brings home the perfect solution; a costar.

Food Play - Derek Morgan

Trying to cook a nice meal for yours and Derek’s anniversary doesn’t exactly go as planned... And leaves more of a mess than either of you want to admit.

Car Sex - Adam Ruzek

Adam always looked forward to seeing you on his lunch break, but when you proposition him, he isn’t going to refuse.

Toys - Pornstar!Jay Halstead

Jay confesses he wants to try something new - something that he might be able to add to his - not exhaustive - resume, you’re all too happy to oblige.

Uniform Kink - Jake “Hangman” Seresin

There’s just something about seeing a man in uniform that makes your blood run hot. Jake is no exception to that rule, despite your rocky relationship.

Morning Sex - JJ Maybank

In the Summer following graduation, you and JJ spend your time one of three ways; surfing, smoking and fucking.

Phone Sex - Steve Harrington

A town-wide curfew puts a damper on your date plans with Steve, so you find other ways to spend some quality time together.

Unprotected Sex - Will Halstead

After a lengthy discussion over the course of several weeks, you and Will decide that it’s time to ditch the condoms.

Clothed Sex - Dean Winchester

The last thing you expected whilst Sam was out on a solo hunt was for tensions to break between you and Dean after all the pining, teasing and flirting.

Sensation Play - Connor Rhodes

Candles and ice cubes seemed like mundane things in your relationship with Connor, until he has an interesting suggestion one night.

Quickies - Lip Gallagher

A surprise visit from your boyfriend at work, prompts you to take your lunch break a little sooner.

Pegging - Connor Rhodes

When your “present” for Connor arrives earlier than expected, he’s more than eager to put it to use as soon as possible.

Thigh Riding - Sierra Six

You’re feeling particularly needy and Six knows exactly how you can get your fix and it’s no longer just a quiet night in.

Anywhere But The Bed - S1!Sam Winchester

A long weekend with Sam on a hunt turns out to be just the push you needed for the levee to break and hormones to run rampant.

Semi-Public Sex - Billy Hargrove

Billy just can’t wait to get his hands on you, regardless of the fact that you’re in no suitable place to meet his demands, he’s quick to find a way around it.

Hair Pulling - Dean Winchester

Who knew that just a playful tug on Dean’s hair could change the mood so drastically? You certainly didn’t and you wish you’d done it sooner.

Accidental Stimulation - Roommate!Luke Hemmings

Movie night was a Friday ritual for you and Luke, until one too many chance touches alters the dynamic between the two of you.

Pool Sex - John B Routledge

A sure-fire way to get petty, self-indulgent revenge on your Kook ex-boyfriend? Fuck John B in his pool when he’s not around.

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bambikisss · 1 year

Text

Suits: 2

-> Being a CEO of a big company has its perks, except for meeting the one. After you sign up for a dating app for the elite 1 percent, you match with someone who is just as rich as you. Is love truly in the cards for you both?

CEO!JAYB X CEO!READER

Smut warnings: Spit, bitting, slight bondage, slight breeding kink, marking, etc. Rough to Passionate.

"You joined a dating site to not match with anyone?" He asked, taking a sip of his champagne as he listened to you try to explain why you joined, cutting you off as he leaned closer to you, his mint breath gracing your cheek as he made his way to your ear. "So, you don't want me then, Y/N?"

A/N: She's a long one.

You always found the saying "Cat and Mouse game" to be so confusing.

Who was the cat and who was the mouse? Why didn't the cat just move on?

"Ah, nice to see you again, Ms. L/N." You gripped the doorknob as you turned to face Jaebeom, who was leaning against your desk with some wine you had on your desk now in his hand, a smirk on his lips.

"Do you have a moment?"

Now you understood why.

"I do have a moment, Mr. Lim. What can I do for you?" You felt his eyes melt into your body as you made your way to the alcohol table that you had placed next to the window. He said no words as the dark red wine filled the glass that soon met your lips. His mind flashed back to the dinner that had happened a few days prior; how your lips molded around moaning, how your lips felt in the kiss, how your perfect lipstick smudged all over his neck and your face.

You were the mouse that he so desperately wanted to catch.

"I just wanted to talk some more. I tried to get your number from Mrs. Kim, but she said it was better to come and ask you myself, and judging by how hard it was to get an appointment with you, I assume you're a very busy girl, Ms. L/N." You noted how his voice had dropped and had gotten slightly louder, turning around to now face Jaebeom, who was leaning against your couch, his hand out to take the second wine glass that you were pouring. You handed it to him, letting your fingers glaze his before reaching back for your own to sit at your desk. You both kept your gazes locked onto one another as you both drank the wine, a soft glimmer coming from an eyebrow piercing that Jae had, which gathered your attention.

"So, the CEO of a popular fashion, music, and art brand has a piercing?''

"Ah, so you did some research on me," Jaebeom placed the wine glass down, licking his lips as he made his way over to your desk. You also noticed now that he had a tongue piercing and a nose stud, both looking new. "What's 'next, grills?" You held back a smile as he nodded, mentioning how he was actually going to get some on Friday.

He made you feel comfortable, the lust that was in the air during your first meeting was not there as it was now comfortable and friendly. Jaebeom picked up your nameplate, humming as he read your name. "Beautiful name, Ms. L/N." you thanked him for his compliment before leaning back in your chair, downing the rest of the wine as you had. "So, did you make an appointment to just flirt with me and get my number or do you want to talk business?"

"Do you not want to mix business with pleasure, Ms. L/N?" Jae asked, sitting down before swirling the wine that was left in his glass. "Your company is thinking about dipping into fashion soon, right? I noticed that one of your competitors was complaining about it during a dinner party we had."

"So you all meet up to talk shit about me and my complaining expanding our horizons?" You asked, Jae, chuckling as he leaned back in his chair. "I do not participate in the complaining about you and your team's goal of manifesting destiny. I, however, want to talk about you partnering with me."

You raised an eyebrow as he stood up, sliding over an invitation. "I am hosting a party on Thursday to discuss the future of the company. You should come: you can get a raw, inside look at what my company can offer, along with connecting with many other people as my partners from oversees are also coming."

He let his hand move from the invite to gently hold your chin, moving you to look up at him. He seemed so much farther than your face when he was describing the event to you, it almost shocked you when you noticed how close you two were. He leaned down so that his lips were next to your ear, his thumb now moving to play with your bottom lip. "If you aren't satisfied by the end of the night by the event, I can surely be of service." Your eyes moved up to his, biting your bottom lip as he moved away from you, his lingering cologne around you as he left.

You were trying to figure out what cologne he used when your secretary knocked on the door, making you jump from your daydream.

"Ms. L/N, your next appointment is here." You nodded, getting up to follow her, stopping her when you reached the meeting room. "Clear out my schedule past 4pm on Thursday. I have a party with Jaebeom and his associates to attend." R/N nodded, hiding their smile as you entered the room. They had "passed by" a few times when you and Jaebeom were in the room, giggling at your dreamy expression when he leaned close to you. They walked away as the meeting began, holding in their excited giggle.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You arrived at the large gala hall around 8pm, an hour after the party began. You didn't know the traffic would be so bad that night and to be honest, it rattled you a bit and made you nervous.

It made you wonder if he would still be happy to see you. In the back of your mind, you of course thought he did this to every woman he tried to work with, but a part of you held onto the idea that he didn't do it to anyone else.

You sighed as you made your way inside, being greeted by a large ballroom decorated in gold and red, the table covers being black. There was an open bar along with Jaebeom's company name being projected onto the center of the tables and also on the stage. It was beautiful to you. You checked your dress once more before deciding to look for Jaebeom, your heels clicking as you made your way to join the many other people who were conversing with each other. You recognized a few, talking to them as the lights dimmed and you were told to direct your attention to the stage, Jae in a white suit soon coming on. His piercings and rings glimmered under the stage lights as he spoke to everyone, thanking everyone for coming and for being part of his growing company.

You wouldn't admit it, but you spent more time admiring him than listening to what he was saying. You caught a glimpse of his chain necklace, biting your lip as you wondered how it would feel to tug on it. Your mind wandered deeper and deeper until he met your eyes as he scanned the crowd, a small smirk coming to his face as he noticed how dark your eyes had gotten. "I'm so glad that everyone came. I hope we can make new relationships and support the ones we already have. Thank you." You clapped with everyone as the jazz music picked back up as he left the stage. You smiled as your colleagues turned back to you to pick up where the conversation left off, the conversation halting once more when Jaebeom approached you all.

You watched as he conversed with them, waving goodbye as they walked away to give you too some space. "I'm glad you came, Y/N. Not gonna lie, at first I thought you weren't." He smiled, his hand coming to rest on the bottom of your back. You apologized, mentioning how bad traffic was coming from your penthouse to here. Jae frowned, mentioning how he would keep that in mind. "What did you think of the company and what I said?" He asked, smirking when you tensed up from being caught. "Don't tell me you didn't pay attention. I did that whole thing so that you knew what our company was capable if we end up working together."

"Well, you spoke well and got your points across." you countered, Jae, chuckling as he raised his pierced eyebrow, waiting for you to continue on and to pinpoint something he had said, your conversation being halted when a man came up, a younger woman in tow. Jae moved his hand from your back to shake the man's hands, the old man motioning to the woman he had. "This is my daughter, Heejin. She has been a fan of your company for a while and I thought bringing her tonight to meet with one of my partners was a great opportunity, I hope you don't mind."

You hoped your jealousy wasn't radiating off of you as he gave the woman attention, your eyes not missing her hands moving up his arms to grip his biceps and touch his chest. It was as if you weren't there, you deciding to head to the bar while he entertained the two.

As you sat at the bar, you were joined by one of the colleagues you were talking to earlier. He rested his head on his hand, making small talk with you, which didn't go unnoticed by Jaebeom, who could slowly feel his own jealousy bubble. He watched as your colleague touched your shoulder, his fingers moving to touch your back which was the last straw for him.

He cut the conversation short with his partner and his daughter, letting him know that he would catch them later before making his way over to you, leaning against the bar to the left of you to order a drink. He made eye contact with the other man over your head, smiling as he introduced himself to him. You turned to face Jae, noticing how he winked at you as he held his hand out, his lips forming a smirk as he asked you to talk with him in private to discuss some things. You held back your own smirk, placing your hand gently into his as he grabbed his drink, leading you away from your now confused colleague. He led you to a separate room from the main ballroom, leading you outside to the terrance, still holding your hand. "Do you always whisk away women that you try to partner with from talking with their friends to talk on a random Terrance during their own company party?" you asked, Jae humming as he took a sip of his whisky. "Only the ones I wanna talk to in private without other people interrupting."

You raised an eyebrow at him as he smiled at you, his hand returning to rest on the bottom of your back, pulling you against his chest. "This doesn't seem very professional to me, Mr. Lim." Jae smirked at the tone of your voice, putting his glass down so he can wrap both of his arms around you so you were chest to chest. "I have many female staff; are you going to do this to them as well?" Your eyes were trained on his lip as he leaned down closer to you, his fingers dipping below the opening in your back. "I'll only do this to you, Y/N."

Right before your lips could touch, the doors swung open to show a staff member, you and Jae quickly moving away from one another. Jae cleared his throat as his ears began to heat up, asking what was wrong. His secretary hid his smirk as he mentioned how the party was now dwindling and everyone was making their way home and his car was on the way to take him home. Jae thanked him, shooing him away as he looked at you, hiding his embarrassment. His secretary chuckled, leaving you two alone on the terrace.

You two spoke no words as the cold wind hit you, reminding you that you were outside and had no coat on. You were so wrapped up in Jae and in his arms that you didn't get to feel it. Jae noticed you shiver, moving to remove his coat only to remember he had no shirt on underneath and still had to walk by the many guests to get to his car. He cleared his throat before running a hand through his hair, chuckling awkwardly. "I remembered you mentioning how long it took you to get here from your penthouse." you turned to face him, wrapping your arms around yourself as he stepped closer to you, wrapping his arms back around you. "I can, of course, take you home, but my place is closer. You seem so cold, Y/N." He whispered, his hand moving to cup your face, his thumb rubbing your cheek.

You mulled over the options, thinking about it as he stared at you. He wasn't forcing you to stay over at his place, but it would take longer to get home than just going to his. A part of you also wasn't keen on leaving him yet.

"As long as you can keep me warm, I'll come back with you." He nodded, a small smile on his lips, as he hurried to lead you down back to the ballroom where everyone was slowly filing out, everyone still keen on talking with Jae before leaving. You peeled yourself from Jae's side, talking to some staff and colleagues as he talked to some people, occasionally looking back at you to make sure you didn't leave or that anyone wasn't bothering you. You left with him as he made his way outside, helping you get into the backseat of his car before being stopped by the old man with his daughter from earlier. "Tonight was amazing, Mr.Lim, even though at some points you were hard to find." You looked up as the man spoke, making eye contact as his voice hid his annoyance with you taking Jae's attention from him and the daughter he was trying to pin Jae with. Jae noticed the man's tone and his gaze, telling him that he can meet with him later, not saying anything to the daughter as he got in next to you, slamming the door shut.

As you both left the two behind, you felt your noticed how blown up your phone was. You scrolled through and answered emails, Jae raising an eyebrow as he watched you before scoffing. "It's damn near midnight and you're still working?" You raised an eyebrow at his words, showing him the many emails, to which he takes your phone from you. "You can get this back tomorrow. You need a night to just relax"

"Relax? What do you have planned for tonight, Mr. Lim?" you asked, Jae chuckling as he put your phone into his pocket before leaning over, his lips pressed against your ear as his hand rested on your thigh. "I don't think you were satisfied at the party. So, it's my job to satisfy you tonight" You raised an eyebrow at his words, deciding to play along and make him work for it.

You placed your hand over his, moving up your leg to go under the dress to rest on your bare upper thigh, Jae's breath hitching when his fingers touched your underwear, his finger looping underneath the band as he moaned softly. "I still have the pair of panties you left in my jacket from last time, baby. Am I going to start a collection with all the panties you're offering?" he played with the band as he began to kiss your neck and jaw. The drive felt like it was going on forever, Jae removing himself from you when he felt the car slow down.

He pulled back from you, biting his lip as he reached over your lap as he opened the door for you, his hands slowly moving back across your lap as he moved back to open his own door. He helped you out, walking with you up to the elevators, holding your hand as you both went up to the top floor, which was where his penthouse was. It was very minimalistic, the simple colors shocking you. There were pops of color coming from the paintings that were on the walls, along with the cat towers that held four cats. He looked like an everyday man, who just really liked simple art and cats. You laughed softly as a cat tried to jump to a different tower and almost fell, Jae looking up from pouring you water, chuckling. "Enjoying my cats?" He asked, clearly amused as he watched you play with one of them. You nodded, Jae, handing you a glass of water as you both watched the cats. It was a calm moment, despite the teasing in the car just a few moments before.

After a bit, Jae ushered you to the bathroom, letting you know that you could do and use anything you needed. You nodded, turning on the bathtub, putting some bubble solution in and a bath bomb that had some sparkles in it. It was obviously a brand deal gift basket that you had taken the bath items from, laughing internally at the face he probably made when he was given it.

Jae came back in with a towel and a change of clothes for it, noticing you struggling to unite your dress. He softly said "allow me", his fingers moving your hands away as he effortlessly untied the back, his hand moving to touch the open back area, his other hand gently pushing down the dress from your shoulder.

It felt like his fingers were fire; every touch he left on your skin made you feel so alive. You didn't realize you were holding your breath until the dress hit the floor, Jae asking you to step out of it so he could hang it up for you. You nodded, moving out of the dress so he could pick it up, watching as he walked out with the dress, leaving you hot in the bathroom. You sighed, removing your underwear before getting into the bathtub, enjoying the feeling of the warm water soothing your muscles that had become tense from work.

As you laid your head back against the tub, closing your eyes, Jae came back as he leaned against the doorway. He admired how you looked: the bubbles covering your breasts, your eyes closed- you look so relaxed.

"Enjoying the bathtub?" he asked, your eyes opening to meet his before sitting up. "Wanna join me?" Jae smiled at the playfulness in your voice, stripping down before getting into the bathtub so he was right next to you. He sighed as his own muscles relaxed, your hands moving to touch his chest, making him chuckle darkly. "Feeling touchy, baby?"

You didn't bother to say anything, kissing him softly as your hand moved all over his chest. He pulled you closer, pulling you so you were now straddling him, the kiss becoming more intense. Jae chuckled as you ground down onto him, biting your bottom lip as his hips moved to meet yours. You pulled him back into a messy and now needy kiss, Jae now moaning into the kiss as his own hips moved to meet yours.

In a way, it reminded you of two people who were desperate for one another. Like they were at a club and dancing with one another and ended up grinding against one another as they craved the touch of one another but didn't want to leave the loud club. In reality, you were now grinding against Jaebeom in the bathtub, moaning and whining for him like crazy.

Jae listened to you whine and beg for him for a bit longer before he halted your hips, his hands coming down to roughly grip your ass as he pressed himself against you. He looked up at you, his lips hovering over yours as he tried to calm down. He had been thinking of how he wanted to have sex with you since the first time at the restaurant. He wanted to do it a specific way and yet, he was blanking. He let you kiss down his cheek to his jaw and neck, leaving behind many bite marks that he knew he was going to have to get hide tomorrow. He whispered your name until you moved back so he could see your face, Jae now rolling his own hips to meet yours. "Get your ass up here and ride this dick because I can't fucking take it anymore."

You nodded, not hesitating to sink down onto him as he quickly reconnected your lips, moving his hips fast to meet yours as he kept you in the kiss, Jae moaning loudly as his hands gripped your ass to help you move, the water around you splashing around and some spilling over the edge. You whined as he moved down your neck to mark it, your moans now echoing around the bathroom as the water around you both began to spill over and cover you two. "Jaebeom, fuck, goddam you're so big"

"Yeah, can you handle this big cock?" Jae grunted, tossing his head back as you clenched around him before he kisses you again, moaning once more when you tug on his hair. "Gotta stretch you out so you can handle my goddam cock."

You dug your nails into his shoulder, trying to bounce back against his own movements, halting when his rolled to the back of his head. His nails dug into your hips, his chest rising and falling as his head rested on the side of the tub.

He looked so beautiful to you. His wet and now messy hair covered his eyes, his pierced tongue licking his lips as his face showed how in bliss he was. His neck was marked with hickies left by you, adorning his neck and upper chest, along with crescents from your nails digging into his shoulders.

You loved how he said your name as he sat up, his tongue moving to lick your jaw, his hips moving once more as he now went deeper and harder. You wanted to know more about him, you wanted to know him more than just the CEO who was obsessed with you.

"What are your cats names?" You moaned out, Jae pausing momentarily before he chuckled, looking at you as he moved faster, biting and kissing along your collarbone. "My cats? Cake, Pudding, Nora, Pringle, and Kimchi"

Jae was slightly amused by your sudden question about his cats, finding it cute. He picked up the pace as he felt you tighten around him, Jae looking at you as you leaned back. "Are you gonna cum, baby? Are you going to make a mess on me?" He asked, moaning louder as you nodded, his fingers moving down to play with your clit before watching you cum, holding you down onto him as he came with you. He let out a breath he hadn't realized he had been holding, resting his head on your chest as you both tried to calm down.

You ran your hands through his hair as you kissed his forehead, your skin tingling as you both hold one another. It felt oddly romantic.

As your tried to move away so you could sit next to him, his grip on you tightened, making you look down at him. He looked up at you, his cheeks dusted with a slight blush as he kissed your skin. "Stay with me..like this. Let me hold you baby." You felt your heart skip a beat as Jae kissed around your body, the now lukewarm water not bothering you both as you both held each other in the bathtub.

After a while, Jae let you escape his grasp to dry off and put on the T-shirt Jae had brought for you, Jae putting on boxers before kissing your shoulder, rubbing your back. He seemed so loving at that moment, which made you smile and blush softly. "Do you want something to eat, baby?"

"It depends on what you have. And why do you call me baby so often?'' Jae paused looking through his fridge, turning to look back at you. "Do you want me to stop?"

The atmosphere of the whole place shifted at his question. The once lust-filled atmosphere is now comfortable. It felt like how your own home felt: like you had gotten home after a long hard day and you fell back against your plush sheets.

It felt like home.

Jae felt like home.

You stared more at the man who was holding ramen and some mandu in the other hand. The man with a simple black t-shirt on and plaid pants. The man who wanted to hold you after sex.

The man you wanted.

"No, you can keep calling me baby."

------------------------------------------------------------------_>

Sleeping in other places has always been a struggle for you.

When you traveled for events, you always stayed in the same hotel because of the familiarity. You barely ever slept in other people's homes because you could never sleep well.

This was time was, of course, not an exception.

You stayed on your side facing the large window that showed the city all lit up by the moon, Jaebeom's chest against your back as his arm was draped over your waist. While you thought it was cute he wanted to hold you and keep you close, he ran hot.

You tried to move away from him, but Jaebeom either moved closer to you or pulled you back against him. You couldn't move any farther away because you both were now near the edge of the bed. You sighed, trying to carefully remove his arm from you, listening to Jaebeom's soft snores to make sure you didn't wake him.

"Am I smothering you?" You paused mid-holding his arm over your waist, turning back to face Jaebeom who was now slowly opening his eyes. You put his hand down, Jae wrapping it back around you before pulling you close, his breath now hitting your ear as his fingers gently drummed against your stomach. "Can't sleep?'' You nodded, noticing his tired voice as he spoke. He hummed, thinking before saying "Want some water? You feel hot."

"I'm hot because you run hot" you murmured, Jae, chuckling deeply before getting up, going to get you wanted from the kitchen, leaving you in the suddenly cold sheets. You sat up slightly, running your hand threw your hair as he returned with a glass for you. You thanked him, Jaebeom crawling in behind you to rest his hands on your thighs as you drank, his thumbs rubbing your skin gently as he waited for you to finish. When you were done, he took the glass from you, placing it on his nightstand before kissing your cheek. "Better?" you nodded, laying your head back on his shoulder as Jaebeom slowly pulled his hands up your body, slowly massaging your body as he kissed your neck. You glanced at the time, the numbers making you sigh. Jae sighed as well, mumbling softly "it's late, and we both have work tomorrow." He continued kissing your neck though, despite his words.

You sighed dreamily, your hands resting over his as you slowly moved with him so your shirt was slowly pulled up, Jae looking down at the newly exposed skin. He leaned down to kiss your waist and your lower back, fully tossing off your shirt to rest on the floor before kissing up your spine. "For someone who was just complaining about being too hot, you seem eager to get all hot and sweaty," Jae kissed your bare shoulder before tossing off his own shirt, turning your head to now face him, kissing you softly as his hand slowly made his way down into your pants, rubbing you over your underwear. Jae smiled as you moaned into the kiss, Jae pulling back to see your face as he slipped his hand into your underwear, his finger drawing shaped on your clit as he cupped your breast, squeezing it as he moved his fingers faster. You looked so beautiful in the moonlight to him, so pretty like a picture. He rolled his hips into your ass, kissing you again as his fingers moved faster before slipping a finger in.

"So warm, so wet." He murmured, your own hand slipping into his own pants to stroke him slowly, making it his turn to moan into the kiss, his hips moving to meet your hand. He whined as your thumb went over the tip, Jae inserting another finger into you as his thumb played with your clip. He took his time driving you crazy, whispering how beautiful you looked and how good you felt on his fingers before slowly driving you to the edge, kissing you as you both came, sighing into the kiss. Jae slowly removed his fingers from you, licking them clean as you did the same on your hand, staring at one another. Jae took a minute to watch you before kissing you passionately, moving so you were on your back as he continued to kiss you, tearing off his pants along with yours before wrapping your arms around his neck and legs around him.

"Ready for round 2?" he asked through his heavy breaths, you nodding as he slowly pushed in before smirking at you. When you asked him what he was smiling at, he shrugged. "You said you were having trouble sleeping. So, I'm going to fuck you to sleep." He placed a quick kiss on your lips before picking you up, kissing you again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next morning, you woke up to Jaebeom kissing your shoulder, the shower on, and a sweet smell filling your senses.

"The shower is ready for you and I'm making breakfast." he murmured, helping you sit up before returning to the kitchen to finish cooking, leaving you to go shower and get ready for the day. You took a quick shower, noticing a pair of belted pants and a simple white shirt sitting on the bathroom counter. You put them on before going to join Jaebeom, who was wearing an outfit similar to you (a black t-shirt and white pants).

"Ah, I know you have to go to the office so I made you some breakfast and some lunch to go with it," Jae didn't look at you as he slid over the packaged containers, his ears heating up as he bit cleared his throat. You found it cute how he was acting, thanking him before you noticed your phone charged on the counter, filled with messages from your staff asking where you were and if they needed to send a car to come and get you. You assured them that you were ok and were on your way, clearing your throat as Jae grabbed his own work items and car keys. "I'll drop you off at work if you want. I have to go to that side of town for a meeting anyways." You thanked him, following him to his car before getting into the passenger seat, Jae reaching over to put your seatbelt on for you before heading off to your office.

He rested his hand on your thigh, drumming along to the music on the radio as he drove. You noticed the marks from last night were covered, asking him about it, which made him chuckle. "I got some concealer delivered this morning and figured out how to cover it. Did I do a good job?"

You jokingly said no, Jae chuckling as he squeezed your thigh. You smiled at his laugh, your mind going back to last night. He seemed so gentle with you and so loving with you.

It wasn't hard for you to realize that you had caught some feelings for the man who was driving right now, which made you wonder if he felt the same way.

When he pulled into the office, you both didn't move at first. The drive had felt so fast compared to the drive to his apartment. You cleared your throat before reaching down to pick up the food, Jae turning off the car before picking up the food before you could.

When you asked him what he was doing, he shrugged as he exited the car. "I'm going to be a gentleman and help you take these into your office as you already have to carry your purse."

He said it in a way that let you know that if you told him not to, he would listen. You didn't want to let go of him though, agreeing before closing the car door behind him. He walked with you to your office, ignoring the looks of your many staff members at seeing you two together. You were happy to reach the seclusion of your office, Jae placing the containers down onto the desk before checking his watch. "Alright, I gotta go. I have a meeting with a stylist." You thanked him, hugging him before walking him to the door, only for Jae to stop you from opening the door, leaning over to poke his cheek. When you raised an eyebrow, he chuckled. "Cheek kiss?" You chuckled at his roundabout way of asking for a goodbye kiss, kissing his cheek softly before telling him to hurry to his meet, Jae nodding before leaving. You bit your bottom lip before going back to your desk, opening one of the breakfast containers to see rice, eggs, and sausage. You smiled, sitting down to eat as your secretary came in, an obvious smile on their face.

"You have a meeting at 11 with our skin care team. I'll leave you alone to enjoy your breakfast from Mr. Lim." You didn't say anything as they walked out, only smiling at the taste of the food, before glancing at a text from your phone.

CEO Lim Jaebeom: Enjoy the food, beautiful. If you want, I can cook dinner for you too.

CEO Lim Jaebeom: Swing by my place tonight. You know where it is ;)

Y/N: You do know that I'll be expecting something delicious for taking me from going straight home, right?

CEO Lim Jaebeom: I'm a pretty good chef if I do say so, myself.

CEO Lim Jaebeom: I'll let you judge that tonight over steaks and wine. If it's not up to par, you know I'll go the distance to satisfy you.

169 notes · View notes

onewmin · 10 months

Text

snow on the beach | jaebeom | knj | 18+

Parings: Lim Jaebeom x fem!reader x Kim Namjoon

Summary: You reminisce on the memories about the most important men in your life after being caught in between them, your feelings put at stake.

Warnings: AU, SMUT (do not engage in my works if you’re a minor), non-graphic description of sex, mentions of oral (f receiving), friends to friends with benefits to friends to lovers (?), mentions of cheating, profanity, the reader doesn’t know what she feels (very elena gilbert of hers), a very cheesy thing in the end (pls I’m a sucker for such stupid clichés) and a cliffhanger of course; typos, a slight of angst

Author’s note: hope you enjoy this… whatever this is lmao. Let me know what you think!!

Pics are taken from Pinterest, if you know their owners, pls let me know!!

Disclaimer: My works are not for minors to read. All the appearances of real people are taken for inspiration purposes only. I do not own anything, except for my writing.

Masterlist

A summer breeze blew through your hair, hugging your shoulders with its warmth. There’s something about beaches, something that has always drawn you to this place. Is it the ocean, the small waves of which washed over your feet in the early hours of the days; is it the sand, that was always collected in your shoes after you walked around? You don��t really know, to be honest. You just know that you love being on the beach, whether it’s winter or summer, whether you’re alone of with someone else.

Five years ago, Jaebeom took you to the beach to teach you how to swim. Back then, you’d been friends for over a year, and shared the benefits for several months. The beach was secluded, isolated almost; so after his successful lessons, the two of you ended up making out on the sand. You remember sitting on his lap, arms wrapped around him, hands in his hair, tugging. You remember his grips on your waist, fingers putting hair behind your ears, slow kisses with sweet nothings whispered in between them. None of you had ever opened up to the other party of the mess, coming clear with the mutual feelings the two of you had developed. He never spoke of, and neither did you. You two just continued making love and acting like a couple until some months later you met Namjoon.

“Joon asked me to be his girlfriend”, you said to Jaebeom, when the two of you were smoking outside the bar.

“What did you answer?”

You shrugged your shoulders and threw the cigarette in the bin. “Figured I’d talk to you first”.

Jaebeom peered right through you, and then took the second cigarette from the pack. “No need to. He’s a great guy. You should go for it”.

Deep inside your head, you were hoping he’d snap, take your hand and pull you in his arms, whispering about you being his girl, like he did when you’d have sex. But he never did. And so the two of you were only friends again.

You grew to love Kim Namjoon quite quickly; he was always tender with you, gentle touches left on your cheeks whenever the two of you kissed. He fell for you first, having spent months dancing around you, trying to approach you the best way possible. He’d bring you flowers, take you on long bike rides and meet you after work. You’d go on simple dates, like movies or walks, but you were mesmerized by every little thing he did for you. However, Jaebeom wasn’t the bad guy in the story either: he was still you close friend. And prior to Namjoon, he had also done everything to make you fall for him.

But Jaebeom never acknowledged that. Namjoon did.

For your first anniversary the two of you rode your bikes to the beach to have a picnic, while watching the sunset. There were plenty of people there too, but you only saw Joon, and his ever glowing love reflected in him holding your hand and smiling brightly at everything you said.

And while the time was passing, Jaebeom had gotten in and out multiple relationships, you and Namjoon stood strong, facing every challenge together. Him and Jaebeom grew to be friends too, and you never touched upon you and him being an item before Joon. Because, no matter how friendly they’d been to each other, Kim Namjoon was overly possessive whenever he saw you and Jaebeom together.

Something seems off, he’d think to himself, judging you male best friend silently, but I can’t grasp what. You had to reassure him a thousand times that there was nothing between the two of you, — at least, not anymore — and he’d cool down, coming back to that sweet persona of his.

And the time has passed almost invisibly, marking your fifth anniversary as lovers and second one as an engaged couple. Things were going pretty great, horrendously sweet the two of you are, your friends would say.

Jaebeom, on the other hand, four months prior to your anniversary, had broken up with his long-term girlfriend — probably, the first one in years that he had very serious intentions about. He called you in the middle of the night, his speech slurring, for you to find him in the alley, drunkenly unconscious. Having carried him to your car, you heard him mumbling to himself, lying in the backseat, while you were driving him home.

“Jaebeom, you’re heavy son of a bitch”, you huffed, after putting him in his bed, and taking his clothes off. You didn’t feel the wave of embarrassment seeing him in his boxers only; you only felt a tsunami of irritation growing inside of you.

“Stay”, he grabbed your wrist when you had put the blanket over his body.

“Jaebeom, you know I can’t stay”, your annoyance turned into softness the moment you heard his weak voice.

“I can’t sleep without you”, he looked you right in the eyes, “I think… I think about you a-all the time”, he stuttered.

“Oh god, you’re too drunk”, you replied and released yourself from his grip. He was obviously imagining his ex-girlfriend brought him home. That’s what you kept on telling yourself even when you heard him murmur your name when leaving.

The two of you never spoke of that. Not until two months ago.

Your friends would tell you about the most bizarre experiences of them finding out their partners were cheating: catching them red-handed was the most outdated one. Nevertheless, no matter how ‘boring’ it was, that what happened to you. Namjoon and the girl from his work, in your bed, in the bed the two of you have shared for the past three years.

“It’s not what you think!” Followed you as you flew out of the apartment, only to jump in your car and drive, drive, drive until you couldn’t feel your hands, which were gripping the wheel tightly. You stopped near the beach.

Sitting on the sand, you shivered from the cold spring wind as a harbinger of the heavy rain that followed shortly after you arrived. The raindrops fell on the water, creating ripples on its surface; and you didn’t know what really soaked the sand — the rain or your tears.

Soaked to the core, you tried to warm yourself in the car, bone-shaking sobs ripping your heart apart with every breath you took. You stayed in the car, in the parking lot of the supermarket outside the city, and fell asleep in the driver’s seat, head resting on your hands on the steering wheel.

You drove to Jaebeom’s house in the morning, just to cry more, being safe in his arms. He made you stay in his house even for longer, as you felt sick the next day, your beach experience being the fault. Namjoon was banned from visiting.

“She doesn’t want to see you”, you woke up to hear the words coming from the hall of Jaebeom’s house.

“Is that what she said?” You knew Namjoon’s voice all too well not to recognize him. “Or this are your words?”

“Both”.

“She’s my fiancée, not yours, Jaebeom”.

“Is she still?” Jaebeom chuckled. “Don’t remember her being ecstatic about your wedding since she caught you fucking someone else”.

1:0, Jaebeom won that round. Namjoon left but kept on bombarding your phone, texting and calling all the time. What could he possibly tell you? That it was a mistake? That him sleeping with his colleague was… What? What possible excuse could he ever given to make you forgive what he had done?

The anger has turned into resentment; you could no longer think of Namjoon without feeling sick to your stomach. Your engagement ring was in your bag, a lingering memory of the moments you were the happiest.

“Have you ever thought about it?” You and Jaebeom were sitting on the couch, watching TV in his house. You’ve just gotten better, but he insisted you stayed a little bit longer. You didn’t mind.

“About what?”

“About…” He hummed. “About us”.

“Us?”

He took a deep breath. “Like, if we… If you and me… Shit”. He ran his hand through the hair. “If I, uh…”. Jaebeom stopped for a moment again. “If I asked you to be my girlfriend back then, would you be mine?”

Gawking at him, you opened and closed your mouth, being unable to produce a sound or a thought. Just like that? Five years have passed!

“What are you… What are you talking about?” Your words came out as a whisper.

He moved closer to you, having taken your hands in his. “I-I just… I just want to know”. His brown eyes scanned you, pupils dilating every time his gaze stopped at your lips.

“It’s been too long for me to even remember-“

“I couldn’t forget”. His words firm, unlike the soft caressing of your hands by his fingers. “Because no matter how much time passed, I find myself still… Still drawn to you”. Your chest suddenly was heavy and the heartbeat was the only sound you could hear. “Don’t you ever think of… us?”

Your verbal answer came out as silence, but you quickly found yourself pulling him in for a kiss. Starting slowly, it escalated into a heavy one, tongues sloppily meeting in between moans. You never dreamt to be in his arms ever again, nevertheless, you were.

The couch was no longer enough as the two of you crawled to his bed, entangled in the sheets. His touches were the same, same as you remembered them: simply perfect for you. His head buried between your thighs, exploring your most sensitive spot once again, even more skillfully and satisfyingly this time.

And as you were riding him, head thrown back, both of you lost in pleasure, your personal Edem inside his bedroom. The way he tugged on your hair, gently and tenderly, when talking you from behind, open-mouthed kisses left on your back and shoulders. Every year spent suppressing your desire for each other turned into an erupting volcano; and there was no possibility to stop the disaster from happening.

You regretted it in the morning. You regretted it until Jaebeom woke up and grinned at you, lips touching your forehead in a soothing kiss, as if he’d felt the pain you were feeling. The said pain was relieved by the kiss, and then by another, turned into making out, turned into him slowly thrusting into you. For several hours you couldn’t even remember Namjoon’s name — as if the mere touch of Jaebeom’s erased your fiancé from your head.

However, not from your heart. No matter how good it was, no matter the suppressed feelings for Jaebeom coming back, you still had feelings for Namjoon as well. Torn apart, you were unable to leave Jaebeom, ‘cause doing it felt like leaving him forever. It seemed if you stepped out of his house, you’d lose him forever. But if you stayed? If you stayed, wouldn’t you lose Namjoon?

Did he think about that when cheating on you?

So you drove to the beach instead. Summer is in its full bloom, people walking around, swimming, laughing. Not many of them, but enough for you not to feel lonely. And as the weather seems perfect, you close your eyes to trust your faith to the only place you ever felt safe at.

“If it snows today, now, on the beach”, you speak to the ocean through your thoughts, eyes squeezed, “I’ll drive home to the man I love”. As if you knew. As if you had a clear vision of your future. As if you one whom to love.

And as you stand there, eyes still closed, several minutes pass. When you hear people’s voices suddenly getting louder, you lift your head to look at the sky. Opal colored just five minutes ago, now it was grey, clouds covering the sun.

Could it really snow on the beach in the middle of the summer?

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