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back2bluesidex · 2 years

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Not a Dream

Summary: She thinks she is not good enough for him. She thinks she has nothing to offer. But she doesn't know she is all he wants. But why?

Pairing: idol!Hoseok x Staff!Reader

Genre: Angst, Fluff, a very very little bit of smut, Hoseok is a bit obsessed.

Wordcount: 4.8k

a/n: This is my very first ff and I do not know anything. Forgive me for the mistakes and tell me how to be better.

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"what?" I exclaimed for the second time in 2 minutes, obviously because whatever I was hearing wasn't making sense at all. "But what's the need for me there?" I asked the manager again clearly not understanding why I was being escorted to the party that wasn't my place to be.

Jhope, Jung Hoseok, was throwing his grand glam party for his second solo album "Jack out of the box''s release and it was huge to say the least. Almost the entire Kpop industry was there. The top floor of the hybe building was then holding more wealth than some of the small countries. As expected, staff not having any direct connection with the album production weren't allowed to go even near the top floor today. I was certainly one of the uninvited ones. That was at least what I knew until Hoseok's manager came to escort me to the party.

"Why is she being invited there when we're not even allowed to step near the floor? Just because she's an army?" Sooah, one of my teammates almost cried with pure jealousy laced in her voice. Well, it's not that I don't know the answer. I do, just don't wanna admit cause it all feels like a dream. There were some sort of things going on between hobi and Me. No, we weren't in a relationship. It was somewhat complicated.

I was in the army and all of the seven adored me because of that. They never had a dedicated army among their staff ever before. After having me they literally started to treat me as if I represent the entire fandom. It's quite understandable because they were always so curious to know why the armys are more interested in their thighs than their faces (just joking).

However, for me it was quite different. Getting to know them was a blessing. I got to know that they were even better personally but they live a very different life. I realized quickly that my love for Jung Hoseok was better to be cherished as a normal Fan-idol thing because my intensity would only make my heart break. And it did, it broke more and more every time I realized I am not perfect for Hoseok, I can never be. Obviously, he was the global star, BTS's Jung Hoseok and I was Y/N, a normal and very very ordinary girl with nothing to rock people off of their socks.

But apparently Hoseok thought differently. Ever since I got drunk after a late night emergency meeting and blabbered the shit out to him about loving him so fucking much, he decided I am the one for him. God knows why. Whenever I try to tell him that he and I can't work, he seems to get more and more determined. This has been going on for some months. I have tried to tell him that this job is my dream and it's precious. I can't get fired and if I do, there's no way I'm getting another job in this kpop industry because by then I'll be known as the staff that "seduces the idols". I love him but I have to live, I have parents to support.

But it seems like he is adamant to make things work between him and me. As much as it flutters my heart, it scares me as well. What if the higher ups catch it all? What if they rule me out of my dream project of Weverse magazine? What if they ask me to quit? What if I end up returning home! No no! Not a chance. I have to stay professional. Only if I wasn't a hybe staff, I would gladly accept his offer and would be already deciding upon our children's names. But no. I can't. Moreover, one thing I have understood, this glam life, fame, and attention aren't for me. It's all too complicated for me. I am better with my simple life. Now that I am done seeing Bangtan up close, and telling Hobi how much I love him, I can look forward and find a man to love and to be loved and settle down.

However, Jung Hoseok won't let me.

He had a different plan all along. He had a different plan when he dragged me into the empty copy room after seeing me giggling with one of male colleagues at the company cafeteria. He slammed me on the wall, whispered "You're mine" in my ears and pressed his lips on mine with such passion. Kinda possessive right? The only thing that his action did was make me fall for him even more. Making my strong-girl-pretense harder than ever.

Only if my higher ups knew that I have been locking my lips with one of their biggest assets behind their backs then I'm sure, I was nowhere to be found in the company or maybe in the country, who knows.

Back to the present, I still can't believe Hobi really wants me to be there in the party, when he clearly knows that I can't socialize, not even with people of my stature, and guests of his party were everything beyond my league.

"It is his order Y/N and you know he can be really stubborn at times" his manager said. Well, who knows it better than me at this point. I knew there was no benefit of revolting to the manager. I need to call the mastermind. Excusing myself from them I went away to call Hobi. He received the third ring. "Hey, when are you coming? Why aren't you here yet? It has been almost 10 minutes since manager hyung left." Hoseok was very excited, I didn't even know why!" I started to put down my words carefully. "Hobi, you know I am not a great fan of parties and more specifically a party like yours. I am just a very big misfit there. I am sorry but I don't think I should..." "You're coming Y/N, if you don't want manager hyung to escort you then I myself will go and I am serious about it." His voice was demanding, authoritative even. I knew he was capable of leaving the party to take me with him and that would cause unnecessary drama, so I had to give in.

I stepped into the party and it was a world itself. A world that knows nothing other than Gucci, Prada, Louis Vuitton, Chanel, Balenciaga and I couldn't feel more self-conscious in my $20 zip up hoodie and a pair of loose fit ripped jeans. At this point I was sure, people would not hesitate to think that I am in charge of cleaning services. I spotted the man immediately. He is called sunshine for nothing. So glamorous and beautiful with the aura that he wears, everyone buzzed around him like bees buzz around the most aromatic flowers. I felt so small there that I wanted to run away. And I decided that I would after meeting him, telling him that I kept his request, oh well, his order.

My reverie was broken with a honey dripping voice that I can recognise even in my unconscious mind. "Hey, Y/N" Jin said, walking up to me and my smile reached my eyes. "Oppa!" I was about to jump on him. "Why do you look like you wanna run away?" He asked. "Because that's exactly what I wanna do, Oppa. You know that I am nothing but a misfit here. I really did not want to be here but Hobi won't listen to anything." He smiled, and I melted. "Y/N you know that you're special to him and on his special day he just wants to keep his special person by his side. But I understand your point too. Why don't you talk to him? Tell him how you're feeling here?" Jin completed. I sighed, "I want to talk to him but he is busy, which is natural."

"What's the tea?" The man of the night was now standing just behind me, "what are you two talking about without me?" "We were just talking about you Hoba." Jin said, "Now I'll leave the two of you alone and meet some people. Enjoy the night Y/N" with that he left with a wink. And within an instant, I felt myself being dragged by my arm to a room, which seemed to be the storage for the drinks and food for the night.

And here I am again, pressed against another wall, the man towering over me looking at me as if he will devour me then and there. "I know Jin hyung is your bias wrecker or whatever you say. But you should remember that I am the main character. I am your main character." His tone was kinda sultry but I wasn't the one to show that he intimated me easily, so I threw my counter attack. Teasing him a bit I said, "So you're now jealous of your hyung? That's a shame". I didn't expect him to agree but he did and said, "oh, hell I am. And you know what? I should mark you as mine. Everyone should know you belong to me or at least belong to someone already. What do you say baby?" I didn't get what he was saying, "what do yo---" and I was cut off since my lips were attacked by his ever waiting one. I obviously didn't waste my time in kissing him back but in the midway I felt my arms being pinned over my head as he attacked my neck in the purpose of sucking a bruise. I understood his assignment now. As if I wasn't already ashamed of showing up here wearing E-mark Sunday market clothes that he had to increase it more by giving me hickies. "Hobi please no!" I protested but it was of no use. He kept on sucking my sweet spot while I wiggled as much as I could. His lips left my skin once he was satisfied enough. He pulled his head up and looked deep into my eyes, while I did the same. His low voice ringed, "now you're marked and anyone that approaches you here should be shown that. Understood?" I gulped and before I could reply anything his phone vibrated signaling that he was gone for a bit too longer than he should.

We both left the storage room one by one interval by interval to dodge suspicion. Once I was out, he was nowhere to be seen. More like, he was at his own place, dancing and mingling with some of the goddess looking ladies. I couldn't help feeling a bitter feeling inside of me. And I stood there alone, like the low-class introvert that I was, watching others like I'm watching a TV, close to my eyes but far from touch. The more I watched him that night, the more I realized, he and I are from two different worlds, and these worlds can't collide. They should remain at their places for the peace of the universe.

I was deep in my thoughts and my eyes were almost glassy with the impact, when another known voice approached me. "Y/N!! Did not expect to see you here! What's up?``said Lee Sung hoon, one of the graphics designers, hybe always works with. We have worked with him during some of our Weverse magazine projects. He is also in the team that worked for Hobi's album this time, so even if he didn't expect to meet me there, I expected. And now I was embarrassed by his question. I parted my lips to reply but didn't know what to say, "I -uh". He cut me off, "oh well, it's dumb of me to ask you the question, since we all know you're close with the boys. So, I am sure you're here as part of the guest list." "Well, yeah, kinda" I replied. It was both fortunate and unfortunate that I found him there. Fortune because I stopped feeling way too out of place and lonely. Unfortunate because I then had to reply to all of his flirtatious remarks that he has been throwing to me since the day we met.

We were talking about something which gradually landed in Hoseok. Sung Hoon said, "He is the life of the party. Isn't he? I mean, Man look at him, all the ladies are going crazy even the older ones too. " I smiled and nodded. "You too have a crush on him, I know," he added. "Is it news? The entire company knows he is the reason why I am still single." I replied. Sung hoon was quick this time, "yeah, I know I know but don't you think you're wasting your time and your youth?". I questioned him, "What do you mean?" He continued, "Look at him Y/N, he is the Jung Hoseok! The richest member of the biggest boy band of this world. One of the major shareholders of the company itself. There are female idols dying to get into his pants. No, I am not saying that he is out of your league but at the same time I am saying it, you will only get yourself hurt. He is like a dream to people like us. They can only be polite to us but they can never love us back. That's the reality." All of it hit me hard and he continued, "I have seen you looking at him as If he has star casted in his body. So I am worried for you. As a senior in this industry, I would suggest you refrain yourself from falling for an idol. They will entertain your idea but they won't return your feelings. They will just use you as a thrill, the thrill of having the forbidden fruit but nothing more." Was it all I was to hobi? A forbidden fruit?

Thinking about it then I realized that Hoseok has never said that he liked me or he felt anything for me. His weird affection suddenly started and then I found him saying I belong to him and nothing else. Never did he say that he liked me but he claimed my lips with every chance he got. Now that I could think about it, all the clouds seemed to be in a silver lining. To him I was just a thrill, which was just a purpose of free entertainment. He could never love to be back or at least like me cause I don't reach upto his standard. Finally it felt like I understood the deal and I couldn't take it anymore. I was just staring at the ground, desperately blinking my tears away. I couldn't hear a word sung hoon said. I finally pulled my head up and looked at sung hoon. "I will leave now Mr. Lee, it's getting late and I may miss the bus. Enjoy the party." Saying that I turned my heels to walk away but he called me back, "Y/N wait! Let me drive you home. It's pretty late anyway." "No, no! The buses are still available I can manage." I smiled at him but he looked at me being determined. "Have you even eaten anything yet? I don't think you did. Let's get outta here. I am quite bored as well. Let's grab dinner at the snack bar and then I'll drive you home. What do you say?" He offered. I wanted to be alone but at the same time I didn't want loneliness to devour me. So I accepted his offer and left the party with him.

Hoseok's side:

The man was very busy today, after all it's his listening party and he had high profile guests to attend. But his heart was with that one person. His heart left his body in the store room. One song played after another to let the guests hear those exclusively. But all he was waiting for was that one song. The one that he wrote for her and added to the album at the very last minute. It was the night when she let out her drunken confession, he found himself looking at the stars from his balcony. The lyrics came into his mind when he thought of her face, her lips, her eyes, which held so much love for him. The love he never found in anyone else ever before. And finally today he was going to play The song. He planned it all. He planned to be in front of her when the song would play, he planned to look deep into her eyes and tell all the things he couldn't. He will do it tonight. Just two more songs before the party ends, before that one song played, he had to find her.

Hoseok looked for her but there wasn't any sign of her. He was clearly stressed and angry when he couldn't find her. He proceeded towards the exit and enquired the guard, "Have you seen Y/N? Did she leave?" The guard replied in positive and his anger now reached to the peak. "Did she leave alone?" He enquired again. "No sir, Mr. Lee was with her. They left 8 minutes ago approximately." Okay! So she left with the guy who just finds the opportunity of getting her in the bed? He was so mad, so mad! He would punish her well this time. Without thinking much he exited the party. He went out of the back entrance as fast as he could, he wanted to catch her on the way and pull her back to the party. He went to the parking area but he saw sung hoon's car still parked, knowing it was his car from the name plate attached to the car for emergency contact purposes. He rushed out of the parking lot and got in the street and he could already see his beloved giggling with sung hoon sitting in the coffee shop just across the street through the glass walls. He wanted to punish her, he promised himself he would punish her but right now he needed to be at the party. He returned and asked the dj to skip the last song, he said it should be kept as a surprise track.

They say acceptance is the key to happiness. But to me it was the key to the dam of my tears, they kept on flowing. It was past 1 am and I kept on crying since I arrived at home. No, I didn't expect him to make me his girlfriend or anything then why did it hurt so bad? Why did the idea of Hobi just playing with my feelings tear my heart like a paper? I stared at the patterns that my mood lamp drew at my ceiling and my silent tears made their way to my pillow. It was about 10 past 1 when the doorbell rang, making me startled. There was no way I could have a visitor this late at night. Then who could it be? I was so afraid. What if it's a robber or a sick rapist? A lot of people know that I live alone! What if it's a stalker? Another round of impatient boor bells rang. I gained some courage to finally open up the door. Turning on the lights of the drawing room I held the door knob of my 1bhk apartment. My senses left me making me dumb enough not to take a look through the peeping hole. A grasp left my lips upon opening the door, seeing Hoseok standing there with dark eyes.

"Hobi? What are you doing here at this hour?" I asked him in confusion. Well truth to be told, I knew why he was here probably but I was confused why didn't he call me first to know why I left the party. To be honest, it hurt me more when I didn't receive a single call from him which led me towards strengthening the ground of my assumptions. "Why? Did you expect someone else at this hour?" His voice was low but he almost growled and I knew he was super mad at me. "No, I mean, come in '' I asked him to enter my embarrassing home.

Within what feels like a fraction of a second, I felt myself yet again being pinned at the nearest wall. Did this man have some fetish for pinning me? I thought to myself. His eyes were dark and those were measuring me from up to down as if I was naked, when the truth is I was clad in my comfy shorts and an oversized shirt with no bra on.

His grip on my wrists tightened when he further pushed me to the wall and said, "how dare you leave the party? Without informing me? That too with another man?" He hissed. "So what would I do when I feel like a misfit at your glam party? That was not my place to be in Hoseok! Why don't you understand? You have seen me at parties before! I am the one who always stays in the corner! Even in the company parties where I know most of the people, I stay aside and you know it all very well. So you should understand how out of place I would feel in a party full of celebrities! I was so fucking embarrassed with the way I looked today among all of them! I can not even name the brands they were wearing! Their shoes were worth more than my entire apartment! Yet I was there! Just because you forced Me. Just because you wanted to make a fool out of me. I was fucking embarrassed and anxious Hoseok! Why the hell did you want me there? Why?" I burst out being unable to contain it anymore. My tears rolled down my cheeks and Hoseok's eyes softened. He let my hands free and wiped my tears away with his thumb. He gently said, "do you really think I would force you to the party just because... Just because.. I wanted to make you look like a fool? I wouldn't do that Y/N. I wouldn't even think of doing anything like this even in my wildest dreams. There was a reason, baby. There was a reason why I needed you there." And I was still angry with everything. I burst out again, "and need me for what?? For what exactly Jung Hoseok? To show me how different your and my worlds are? To show me that I can't even love you? To show me that I am nothing but a cheap thrill to you? To make me believe that I can never be the one for you?". "Shut the fuck up!" His eyes were ablaze. He was clearly infuriated at this point. He held my shoulders and pushed me to the wall again. "You don't get to say anything! You just don't get to put your words in my mouth! I fucking wrote a damn song for you to tell you how I feel for you and forced you to the party so that I could let the World know that you're mine and I'm yours. To let all the guests of the party know that they are only listeners but the girl right beside me was the muse. But what did you do? You left! You left with that nutjob who desperately wants you in his bed! And when I went to look for you, I found you giggling with him!! Tell me is that fair? Tell me is it fair that you choose to stay away even when you love me? Tell me is it fair that I had to chase you when you could easily run into my arms? Tell me Y/N is it fair that you choose to stay oblivious when I..." His voice shook a bit but he continued anyway "when I am desperate for you? When I am in fucking love with you?" My eyes widen with the sudden confession. Was it really not a dream? The man of my dreams was in love with me? Is it even possible?

Before I could say something Hoseok continued, "but now, I have had enough. Enough of this push and pull game of yours. You never reciprocate to me properly but you also never hesitate to kiss me back when I kiss you! What do you want Y/N? Stop giving me mixed signals! Stop being so afraid! Tonight either let me claim you completely or push me away. If you decide to push me away I promise I will never disturb you again." With that he left my hands and just stood in front of me. I wanted to push him away so badly but just the thought of him stopping "disturbing me" knocked me off my breath. He was right. I was being a coward, I was being afraid of the future and I declined to enjoy the present. That's it. Yeah! Carpe diem! Let's live in the present. Hoseok loves me. The man of my dreams loves me. I needed to claim him. And I pressed my lips on his. He didn't even take a second to kiss me back. But he pulled back immediately and said, "So should I take this as an answer?" I looked deep into his eyes and said, "Claim me, Jung Hoseok." "Are you sure? Cause once I claim you, there's no going back." He breathed out. I pressed my lips on his as the response and he devoured me without wasting a second.

And that night he claimed all of me. He claimed me by sealing his lips with mine. He claimed me by touching me everywhere he could. He claimed me by painting bruises all over my body. He claimed me by stuffing me with his fingers and his dick. He claimed me my fucking me raw and shooting his cum in me. He claimed me by naming my v-card in his name. I was sore the next morning and the pain shot through me, the moment I opened my eyes. I actually didn't expect him to stay over. I thought he would leave early when the streets would still be deserted. But there he was laying beside me, looking at me with his sleepy eyes. oh! Was I really waking up beside the man of my dreams? It isn't a dream right? It couldn't be, I was still sore with his claim all over me. "You didn't leave? I thought you would leave." I said. He smiled at me and replied, "I didn't come here to leave Y/N. And I am not leaving till the album releases. I need you to listen to the song, with me beside you." I smiled at his response, I was still in a daze. It was All hard for me to believe. "Can I ask you something?" I asked, staring into his dark brown orbs. "Sure, go ahead." He replied. "Why do you love me, Hoseok? I don't have anything to be loved by a man like you." I finally let out my biggest question ever. He smiled at me, pulling me closer with his one arm draped around my waist. "I love you because you love Jung Hoseok more than you love Jhope. Jhope is loved by millions but Jung Hoseok still craves to be loved. The love that I found in your eyes for the first time when we were introduced. But I didn't think much of it until you decided to confess after being drunk that night. Your love is precious to me Y/N and I don't know if I can find a love like yours if I let you go. And this is what made me adamant to make you mine. And when you didn't reciprocate just because you thought you're not good enough for me, it made me angry. And I burst out seeing you with someone else. Now, remember you are mine and I am yours. So don't you dare ignore me. I'll teach you tough lessons if you do." He completed it. I giggled, shoving my head in his bare chest and we stayed like this until it was time to listen to his song. The song that was written solely for me, oh what a feeling to be a muse. Sitting on my couch being wrapped around in his arms, we kissed and listened to, "Not a dream"

"Oh I am standing before you

It's not a dream

I am reaching out for you

It's not a dream

Don't be so afraid

A love like this is hard to find

Tell me you love me too

Cause you are all there in my mind."

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