#joel miller x reader angst

[nyrasproblm]

Ignorance

part 1/?

Joel Miller x fem!reader

Summary: You confess to Joel and are rejected.

Word Count: 2K

Warning: angst, rejection, mention of the Apocalypse (don't tell me), mention of deaths.

Ignoring the bad part of things was your favorite thing to do. It made you less sad and gave a false sense of normality in the destroyed and rotten reality you lived in. Not that Jackson was destroyed and rotten, but the world outside the gates was. So that's why you ignored everything, the spores, the cordyceps, the clickers, runners, lurkers, all of them. You did everything to escape being put on patrol, you wouldn't leave Jackson unless it was a matter of life and death. Your tasks in the community were taking care of the gardens, the stables and cleaning the community cafeteria.

It seems like a lot, but it's good for not looking idle and useless, it takes up your entire day and gives you a feeling of work accomplished and satisfaction at the end of the day, when you climb the few old wooden steps to the porch of your house. Those steps really need replacing, actually. If you stood still for more than a few minutes on top of them you ran the risk of falling. But you left that aside, you had something else in mind. In fact, you had one person in mind.

That almost completely gray-haired man, with a grey beard, robust, deep and serious voice, strong Texan accent. Joel Miller. You couldn't stand being around him for more than a few minutes, your heart was beating very quickly and you felt butterflies in your stomach. The man was Ellie's father, a girl a few years younger than you, she was a bit foul-mouthed but nice, you had already spoken to her a few times.

You held your breath from the first time you saw him in the community a year ago, and it's never been the same since. Whenever you passed him on the streets you held an idiotic sigh, you felt like a teenager for acting like that, but you couldn't help it. The man had your heart in his hands and you couldn't do anything to get it back.

Some people in Jackson spoke badly about Joel behind his back, saying he was a surly, violent man who had a lot of mood swings. One of your few friends, Emily, said the same thing when you mentioned Joel to her, but you ignored it. It wasn't like he was that bad, it should just be that the hard years he lived outside the gates were taking a toll on him, but you were sure he was a good person.

You said this to Emily, but she reiterated that Joel was an extremely violent and bad-tempered man who had done terrible things in the outside world. You chuckled and said 'and who hasn't done terrible things out there?'. Emily sighed and the conversation ended there

Holidays in Jackson were celebrated without fail, especially the most famous ones, like Christmas and New Year, but Maria began to innovate and encourage other things, like spring food festivals, Mother's Day, and Valentine's Day. It seemed strange to celebrate Valentine's Day at the end of the world, but the young people in the community seemed to get excited, you included, so hearts and pink things were hung on the doors of the houses and some lights were painted pink too, in the community bar.

Oh, one thing that wasn't mentioned: your house was almost opposite Joel's house. A coincidence. You took advantage of the Valentine's Day arrangements and picked up some decorations to hang in your house, a medium pink paper heart was glued, and next to it two small red hearts. You pulled away and smiled widely as you looked at the minimal decorations that gave some life to the almost colorless landscape.

You heard heavy footsteps trampling the snow and turned to see the man himself, shotgun slung over his shoulders, backpack on his back and a tired expression on his face. Joel looked directly at your door, then looked at you and shook his head and turned to enter his own without saying anything.

You let out an excited squeal along with other women whenever someone confessed to their loved one or handed over a hastily made card. The number of these events had been increasing since the community was dressed up for the holiday. You couldn't wait to do the same, you had already planned everything, you had handmade a card for Joel, it wasn't pink or red, he didn't seem to like those things very much. It was a nice card that could be used to decorate his room, or something like that, if he didn't actually have a room.

You wouldn't do that in front of everyone, you knew Joel was an older and reserved man, he didn't seem to like attention. You didn't know his schedule, you only saw him occasionally passing home at dusk, so that's what you did: you sat on your sofa below the window and waited until Joel passed by. As soon as he appeared in your field of vision with the same thick beige jacket, the same shotgun slung over his shoulder, the same worn brown backpack and the same heavy boots you stood up and took a deep breath. She watched until he entered the house and closed the door, then took the card from the coffee table and put on his coat, opened the door and took the few steps it took until he arrived at Joel's house.

The card you had prepared was made of yellow paper, folded in half, it had a bee drawn with your best artistic gifts and right below it there was the phrase 'Bee mine?' in large black letters. You let out a giggle through your nose and walked up the few steps to Joel's house, knocked on the door softly and waited.

You didn't notice, but the window curtain moved to open a tiny crack, where Joel peeked out. A few seconds later the door opened and you caught your breath. There he was, he looked tired and you felt bad for going to talk to him at this time. Shaking your head slightly, you were about to start speaking, but before you could open your mouth, Joel spoke:

"May I help you?" the hoarse voice spoke.

"Oh, good night." you said shyly after a few minutes. "I... I wanted to, uhm–"

"Listen, young lady, I don't mean to be rude, but I just got here and I'm tired." he continued.

You swallowed hard and took the card from behind your back, holding it towards him.

"I-I was hoping to talk, but you're tired, so... here it is, I made it for you." you waved the card but he didn't move to take it. "It's for Valentine's Day."

Your stomach was churning, his expression didn't look very good, he looked very seriously at you, then looked at the card.

"You can take it, it’s for you–” you tried to extend the card to him again.

"I'm sorry, but, did you really think this was a good idea, girl?" the tone of voice was rude now. "Coming over to my house like that and handing me a piece of paper?"

"I– uhm, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bother you." you swallowed, feeling a lump form in your throat. "I just wanted to give the card I made."

"And why do you want to give me this bullshit so much?"

You had your face lowered but you looked up, slightly wide-eyed at his aggressive sentence, consumed by a wave of angry courage you blurted out:

"I really like you."

"What?" he said mockingly after a few seconds. "Do you really like me?"

"Yes." you answered bravely, still feeling the lump in your throat. "I– I really like you, I mean… I mean I'm in love with you."

Joel stared at your face for a few seconds, as if studying you, then let out a light nasal laugh and said:

"I'm old enough to be your father, girl. Go home and don't bother me again, you seem like the pushy type."

"Listen, please, I've loved you for a long time–"

"What are you talking about, stupid girl?" he looked very angry now, his brow was furrowed and his nostrils were flared. "Love? You don't know what you're talking about."

"If you give me a chance to–"

"Go home, I told you." he said. "There's no chance of that, or anything else, I don't want anything to do with someone like you, understand? Don't bother me anymore."

Then he went back inside and slammed the door in your face.

You knew very early and came home very late to avoid laying eyes on Joel. Maybe she shouldn't have ignored the warnings about him after all, but he was still present in your heart. You shoved the card deep into your dresser, you were embarrassed to look at it now.

Ironically, now that you wanted to be more busy you had less work, winter had arrived and the ground was frozen, so the garden was at a standstill. So you dedicated yourself to the horses and cleaning the mess hall, returning home at almost the same time as always.

You hadn't told Emily what you were going to do and you hadn't told her about the rejection either, she was going to throw it in your face that she had warned you. You felt so stupid now, how could you have thought you had a chance? So much self-esteem.

The days passed quickly and you were thankful for that, but it wasn't like you forgot what happened. Your first interaction with Joel since the incident was when you were cleaning the cafeteria to close, it was already dark and it was practically empty. Mopping the floor repeatedly and sighing every now and then, you didn't see him walk through the large doors.

"Are you guys finishing early?" the thick Texan accent spoke from behind you and you froze momentarily, then turned to him with an effort of blank expression.

"This week, yes, we are down one person." you replied and went back to mopping the floor.

"Okay, thanks." he seemed to hesitate for a moment before walking outside again, and you let out a sharp breath.

The universe seemed to make fun of you and a few days later you had your next interaction with Joel.

Someone covered you in cleaning the cafeteria, so you used the free time to try to fix the rotten steps on your porch. As you repeatedly hammered the nails into place, you felt a poke on your shoulder and stopped your movements, feeling your stomach turn in knots when you saw Joel behind you.

"Can I help you?" you asked, standing up and brushing the snow and dirt off your knees.

"Do you realize it's already night? I need to go out on patrol tomorrow and you're making too much noise." he said rudely.

"Right. I'm sorry." you turned around and started picking up the tools you used, holding them against your chest and seeing the best way to climb without falling.

You had only fixed one of the steps, the one closest to the ground, so you climbed up on it and stretched your leg to try to climb over the others, but the new step wasn't securely fastened and you slipped, letting out a pathetic little scream.

You heard footsteps approaching and his arms lifting you off the ground quickly.

"Are you okay? Are you hurt?" Joel's deep voice asked and you glanced at him sideways.

"I'm fine, thank you." you replied and saw him come closer to rest his hand on the small of your back. "Don't touch me." you exclaimed.

"I just wanted to see if you were hurt." he took a few steps back, looking embarrassed.

"I am well, thank you." you responded quickly and walked away from him, picking up the materials you used earlier again.

You balanced yourself and took a little jump to the porch, entered and closed the door.

#writing #writers on tumblr #fem reader #joel tlou #joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel miller x reader angst #joel x reader #tlou2 #the last of us #tlou fanfiction #tlou fic #rejection #rejection fic

[me-and-your-husband]

yours truly and forever || j. miller

summary: you find ellie and joel in need of help, desperately. you take care of the two, when affection for joel creeps up on you and you can’t shake it. he can’t stay, but maybe, if you don’t think too hard about it, that won’t matter. 

an extension from the end of episode six, “kin”. 

warnings: female reader, kinda reference to the events of the game, so potential spoilers for the season i guess?, angst, smut, smut with feels, fingering, dirty talk, unprotected sex, creampie, size kink (?), half proofread, not as feral as what i usually write? kinda soft sex. let me know if i missed anything.

word count: 5.6k (i think this is officially my longest fic???)

A/N: episode six destroyed me on a different level. didn’t stop my thirst tho. also, i am NOT a medical professional so the terminology and stuff is probably not correct. tried my best.

here’s my masterlist if you’d like to read more of my work!

“I think we’re safe.” Joel’s weak body slumped off the horse, falling into the snow. “Joel, no, no, no! Shit,” Ellie cursed as she dismounted the horse and scrambled to him. She called his name to no avail, using his hands to cover the festering wound on his abdomen. “Joel, open your eyes. Open your eyes. Joel, you gotta get up,” she pleaded. Her voice dropped to a whisper, “I can’t fucking do this without you. I don’t know where the fuck I’m going, or what the fuck I’m gonna do. Joel! Please. Joel, please.”

She sat fisting his collar, pleading for him to open his eyes, when she heard the sound of hooves shuffling through the snow. She first thought Shimmer had run off. Whipping around, the horse was right where she left it. The panic that was already coursing through her became more potent. She reached for her gun, ducking in the snow next to Joel. She could almost taste her fear on her tongue as a figure on a black horse trotted over to Shimmer. Reaching out a hand to stroke Shimmer’s muzzle, the figure said, “Hey, girl. Where’d you come from?” It was a woman’s voice. Ellie clutched her gun, just the way Joel had taught her. The woman dismounted her horse, boots crunching in the snow as she walked around Shimmer. When her gaze trailed down to the young girl with a gun pointing at her, she brought her hands up slowly, non-threateningly. 

“Stay back!” Ellie shouted. She couldn’t see much of the woman, a bandana covering her neck, reaching under her eyes. She had a hat on, one of the ones Maria had worn in Jackson. She was well bundled for the weather, Ellie noted. Must live around here. 

“I’m not here to hurt you. Just saw a stray horse. Thought someone might need help, is all,” you said, hands still in the air. “And it looks like I was right.”

Ellie glanced towards Joel. “How do I know you’re not gonna kill us? Fucking eat us, or something?” She spat. 

You laughed, “I’m not going to eat you. That’s what my cattle and crops are for.” You told her your name. “I’ve got a house just a few miles up. I was doing a perimeter check before I found you, actually. It’s secure. I can help your dad there.”

Ellie didn’t bother correcting you. Instead, she contemplated taking you up on your offer. Well, if she didn’t go with you, Joel was dead. If Joel died, she might as well be dead too. “Fine.”

“Will you lower your gun so I can help him?”

She put her gun down, watching as you calmly moved towards Joel, hiking him up over your shoulder and situating him on top of your horse. You sat behind him, his weight fully leaning against you, as Ellie mounted her horse. “This way,” you said, pressing your calf into your horse’s ribcage to get her to go. Ellie followed close behind as you led her to your home. 

“Why’re you helping us?” Ellie asked when you were about halfway there.

You took a few seconds to answer. “There was a time when I needed someone to help me, but nobody would. This way, come on.”

You put the passcode into the keypad, opening the gate, gesturing for Ellie and Shimmer to go in first. You followed her, instructing her towards the large white house that sat in the middle of the property. When you got to the porch, you dismounted the horse and placed the man back over your shoulder, climbing up the steps. Ellie dismounted too, looking for some place to tie the lead. 

“Don’t worry about that. Fence goes all around the place. Come help me open this door,” you said, occupied with trying not to let him fall from your shoulders. His frame was much bigger than yours, making it difficult to balance. Ellie twisted the nob and pushed the door open. You found your couch immediately, laying him down as gently as you could, shoving a pillow under his head. “Stay here with him. I’m gonna go grab my kit.”

She waited there with Joel until you returned, squeezing his hand, praying for him to wake up. Praying that they were safe here. 

When you returned, you were carrying a giant leather bag. She had expected a simple first aid kit. At her puzzled expression, you said, “Normally, I’m doing surgery on the horses or cows, not men.” She nodded in understanding.

As you set up with bedpans, scalpels, scissors, gauze, anything you might need, Ellie took a moment to look around. Hung on your walls were portraits of anything and everything. She’d always loved art, never having the time to really explore it herself. This place didn’t look like it was home to someone who was gonna slaughter them. “I’m Ellie,” she said, making you turn from your stool by the couch. “That’s Joel.”

You gave a reassuring smile. “Nice to meet you, Ellie.” Now, you pulled down the fabric from your mouth and threw your hat down on the floor, shucking your jacket off too, hoping it would make you less intimidating to the young girl. “Might wanna get comfortable. This’ll take awhile. 

Ellie made herself a home on the loveseat adjacent to the couch Joel was on, taking her jacket off and laying it next to her backpack. “How did this even happen?” you asked as you sanitized your tools.

“He got stabbed,” she said, looking down at her hands. “He didn’t even notice at first. He…” she trailed off. You gave her a look of understanding.

You cleaned the area and got to work. You were happy that he was unconscious. All you had was horse tranquillizer, and you were almost positive that it would kill him. Joel twitched and squirmed a little, but you were calm as you worked.

Ellie’s eyelids were drooping and her head was falling when she heard you say, “All done,” as you wiped your bloody hands on a rag. She got up to get a look at Joel. His bloodied shirt and jacket were off, showing the wound on his abdomen, all stitched up. “See that area around the wound?” You said, fingers gently grazing over the skin. “It’s pink. Means there’s probably an infection. I’ll see what I have, but I don’t think I have enough antibiotics,” you said as you cleaned the blood from your tools. You saw a look of disappointment in her eyes. 

“But,” you started, “there’s an old pharmacy a mile or two from here. I can go tomorrow. See what they have.” She nodded, a hopeful look in her eyes. “Come on, help me get him upstairs.”

The two of you took him to one of the guest bedrooms, laying him down on the bed. You slid his thick jacket back on, but left it unzipped so you could easily redress his wound. “I can show you to the other guest room. Mind, I don’t usually have visitors, so it’s-”

“No,” Ellie cut you off. She flushed. “Thanks, but I’m staying with him.” You nodded. She didn’t want him to wake up alone. 

“Alright, then. There are blankets in the closet over there,” you pointed. “My room is across the hall, at the end. If he wakes up or something is wrong, come get me. I’m leaving for the pharmacy at dawn, so help yourself to anything in the kitchen. You can shower if you want, too. If he wakes when I’m gone tomorrow, don’t leave. I’ll need to give him those antibiotics as soon as I get back.” She nodded. You began to walk out of the room, but she stopped you by calling your name. You turned.

“Earlier, you said that there was a time when you needed help, and nobody would give it to you…?”

You sighed. “A while back, about ten years ago, before I settled here, I was travelling with some people and my little brother. He ended up getting shot. His leg. I couldn’t stop the bleeding and…they just left us there. Left him there to die,” you swallowed, looking down at your feet. She looked at you, offering a sad smile. “Night, Ellie. Get some sleep.”

You returned around noon the next day with the antibiotics for Joel. Announcing yourself when you walked in, Ellie came stumbling down the stairs. You took in her wet hair and changed clothes. There was hope in her eyes, but also urgency. “He woke up! Just for a little while. He was pretty out of it, but he asked where we were,” she said.

“And what’d you tell him?” You said as you took your outerwear off and grabbed your bag with the antibiotics. 

“I told him we were safe. He wasn’t awake long enough to give him the full story, but now he’s all sweaty, and mumbling and shit and-”

“Shit,” you cursed, rushing up the stairs past the girl.

“Wait, what is it?” she called after you.

“Sounds like he’s got a fever. Could have delirium, too,” you said as you entered the room Joel was in. He was clammy, sweating, chest heaving, body radiating an ungodly heat, mumbling incoherencies. You moved his jacket to the side. “Looks like the infection is spreading,” you mumbled. Grabbing the syringe and bottle from your bag, you filled the syringe, sticking it into the pink flesh of Joel’s stomach. 

“He’ll need another dose in a few hours. It probably won’t kick in until the second or third dose,” you said, wiping the sweat from his head and neck with a rag. You turned to Ellie, who’s eyes were fixed on Joel, yet distant. “Hey, did you eat yet?” She shook her head. “Let’s get you something to eat, then,” you said as you led her to the kitchen.

Four days passed before Joel woke up. Four days spent mostly at his bedside, reading some book in between administering his doses. Making sure Ellie was fed. On the second day, Joel woke briefly again, panicking. However, Ellie was able to calm him down, reassuring him that they were safe. On the third day, you got through to Ellie a bit more.

“So, what brought you two this far out?” you asked innocently, closing your book and resting it on your lap. She seemed to freeze.

“We, uh…we were looking for Joel’s brother. We ended up near the university and got ambushed,” she said. She was lying. That was fine. You couldn’t really blame her. You hummed in response. 

It was silent for a few minutes before she spoke again, “He’s not my dad, you know.”

You offered her a soft smile. “Okay.” You went back to reading your book.

On the fourth day, when Joel woke up, you were in the kitchen doing the dishes left from your lunch with Ellie. A few hours ago you had re-dressed his wound and given him another round of antibiotics. The angry pink of his skin was subsiding and he was no longer feverish, resting peacefully on the bed. You hummed to yourself as you scrubbed the plates in the soapy water. 

Hearing two voices from upstairs, you dried your hands on a dish rag and made your way upstairs. The deep, gruff voice halted as your footsteps sounded out against the hallway floor.

“It’s safe, I promise. I trust her.” Ellie’s voice, pleading. A grunt.

You turned the corner with a polite smile, resting against the doorframe. You took the man in, greying hair dishevelled, sat up, staring daggers at you. 

“Good to see you awake,” you said, telling him your name. 

“How long was I out for?” he asked, his voice a gruff southern accent, but still laced with distrust. He was on edge.

“Five days.”

He looked at Ellie, who nodded. He groaned, eyes training back to you. “Where’s my stuff?” 

“Ellie has it all in the other room. Your horse is in my stable.”

“Then we’ll be on our way,” he said, attempting to get himself up, a groan of pain ripping through his chest as you walked forward, pushing him back down by the chest.

“Hold on, cowboy. You were stabbed. You have an infection. You’re in no shape to go back out there. Besides, there’s a storm rolling in soon.” You reached to the nightstand, grabbing the bottle of antibiotics and the syringe. 

He looked at Ellie. “She’s telling the truth. She found us when you fell off the horse. She brought us back here. Stitched you up and shit. She even went out to get you those antibiotics. She’s the reason the both of us aren’t dead. She’s been feeding me and everything,” Ellie said, then quieter, “I trust her.”

Joel looked you up and down. You held up the syringe, asking silent permission to give him another dose. “Fine,” he grunted.

It took a few weeks for Joel’s infection to heal and for the winter blizzard to pass. After about a week of bedrest, as prescribed by you, Joel was walking around with Ellie, going to the dining room for meals rather than you bringing them to the bed, and even helping you with small tasks. The truth is, Joel felt indebted to you for saving his life. For taking care of Ellie. For going so far out of your way to bring them safety. After a while, he was able to trust you. 

But there was more. As he helped you put away the dishes, your fingers would brush as he passed you a plate, the air between you two going still. You’d be silent for a few moments, continuing your task, before picking conversation back up as though nothing happened. You’d be out in the stable together, brushing the horses. One of them would whinny and you’d genty laugh. He found your laugh infectious, finding a smile spreading across his face and a chuckle falling from his lips. When you caught his eye, he’d flush, looking back at Shimmer. She’d nudge him with her muzzle, as if to prompt him to say something more to you. He never would. Or maybe it was the time you were eating dinner with him and Ellie, pouring yourself and Joel wine. You had reached over to give him his glass, knocking yours onto yourself in the process. You had cursed, lifting your shirt over your head, white undershirt untouched by the stain. You didn’t miss the way Joel looked away, warmth rising up his neck. Ellie didn’t miss it either, as she held in a laugh and nudged him suggestively, lifting her eyebrows. You didn’t say anything. 

Between the lingering touches, the fleeting glances, and the burning moments, you knew that there was something unspoken that hung thick in the air between you and Joel.

After three months, Joel was fully healed. The storm lasted about a month, the last winds finally subsiding. Ellie had slept in. It was just you and Joel having coffee. You leaned against the counter. He sat at the table, facing you. You were making light and easy conversation, as it usually was between you two.

He cleared his throat and looked into the liquid in his mug. “We’ll be outta your hair in about a week, if that’s okay. Don’t wanna overstay our welcome,” he said, avoiding eye contact. You began to protest, but he cut you off, “You’ve already done so much for us,” his voice was like honey, thick and smooth. There was some kind of resistance mixed in with it. “Don’t worry about us, darlin’.” The name rolled easily off his tongue. It was a recent development, always something endearing. You figured it was just his way of showing he trusted you.

You huffed. There was no arguing with him when his mind was set on something. “Alright, then. Take any supplies you need. We’ll load up your horse the night before you leave,” you said, pouring the rest of your coffee down the drain and leaving the kitchen. Joel caught the hint of…something, in your voice. Sadness? Anger? Loneliness? He recalled a conversation he heard you having with Ellie about two weeks back.

“Doesn’t it get lonely out here? All by yourself all the time?”

A brief silence. “Yeah. Yeah, it does.”

Joel thought he was doing what was best by ignoring the searing touches and stolen glances, ignoring the feelings in the pit of his stomach. He thought that growing attached to you would only hurt the both of you. He knew he was right, but he began to wonder if you might be worth the pain.

That night, after you had bid Joel goodnight and Ellie was already asleep, you sat on your bed, in your thoughts, when soft knocking came from your door. “Come in,” you called out. The door opened and you looked up to see Joel. There was something behind his eyes that wasn’t there before. Guilt?

He approached you slowly, “May I?” You nodded. He took a seat next to you at the edge of your bed. 

How was he supposed to start?

“I, uh,” he sighed. “I’m not very good at this. And I know we aren’t leavin’ just yet. But I wanted to, uh, thank you. For helpin’ me. Us. We’d both be dead if it weren’t for you. And for your hospitality.” He looked at his hands resting on his lap. “You’re a real good person for that.”

You just shrugged and offered him a tight-lipped smile. Silence hung thick in the air between you two.

He cleared his throat, getting up from the bed. “Well, I guess I’ll get-”

“Why won’t you stay?” Your eyes met his, brows furrowed, something anxious brewing behind them. 

“I’ve gotta get the girl to her people,” was the only thing he could offer. He felt at a loss. You just nodded, standing in front of him. 

“Am I ever gonna see you again?” It was more of a plea than a question. 

Joel swallowed. “I don’t know.”

Your gaze drifted down to the floor. “What happens if you get hurt again, and there’s nobody like me there to help you?”

In an unexpected move, both by you and him, he grabbed your face with his hands. “I’ll be just fine, darlin’.” Your hands slid atop his.

“You don’t know that.”

He began to lean in. “I don’t know,” he said, his breath warm across your lips. “All I know is that now I’ve got somethin’ to come back for, someone I-”

“Don’t tell me you want me,” you cut him off. “Don’t tell me you want me now, when you’re about to leave.” He closed his eyes. Your hands fell from his. You moved out of his hold. “I can’t do this.”

The loss of his hands on your skin felt sore, wrong, but you knew that if you let him touch you, he’d hook you in, and it would hurt all the more to say goodbye in one week’s time. 

“Please,” you whispered, eyes closed, a single tear streaming down your cheek. You could feel the warmth of his body leave, hear him close the door gently behind him.

You didn’t rest much that night. 

Every day for a week, you rose early, making breakfast for Ellie and settling back in your room to sit with yourself. Peering out of the window every day, you couldn’t help but stare out at the snowy planes of Colorado, taking in the austere, frozen environment you’d settled in. The desolate feel of the earth around you only made you realize how lonely you had been before Joel and Ellie had showed up, longing for something, anything, but always left unfulfilled. In Ellie’s bright smile and Joel’s unspoken touches, you thought that you might’ve landed a few companions who could keep your soul warm in the winter. It felt like you had lost something when you realized that wasn’t the case. 

When you ventured throughout the house to shower, cook, or do household work, you found yourself tiptoeing, almost like you didn’t want to get caught. You savoured your conversations with Ellie, but you kept your words to Joel down to necessity. Short responses to his questions, shorter replies to yours. Never touching, in fear that the friction, like electricity, would spark something that neither of you could stop. Holding your breath when he was close to you. Avoiding eye contact. Never giving more than you had to. You both thought it would be easier to part this way, the fire growing in your insides unsatiated. 

The night before he was set to leave, you found Joel in the kitchen, rough fingers silently brushing over a map laid out on the table. 

He jumped at the sound of your voice, “I’m gonna go get your horse set with the things you’ll need.” He turned to you.

“I’ll come give you a hand,” he said, downing the last of his coffee and grabbing his coat. 

The walk to the stable was thick with tension, the dense silence lingering between the two of you. The sun was out, casting the image of your shadows on the crunchy snow. When you reached the large door, you slid it open, letting him go first. You still couldn’t look at him. 

You trailed behind him as he moved towards Shimmer, grabbing her saddle and slinging it over her back, fastening it. You knew Joel carried all of his guns on his person, so you began filling the saddlebags with medical supplies, ammo, water, cord, tape, anything you had stockpiled that might help him and Ellie get to where they needed to. 

“All set,” you said, fingers running over Shimmer’s mane. 

“Thank you,” Joel breathed. He was looking at you, searching for your eyes. You could feel it.

You nodded. “Don’t worry about it.” A few moments of rigid silence. “Leaving at dawn?” The question fell past your lips before you could think about it.

You saw him nod out of your peripherals. “Yeah.”

You give a nod, lips pursed. Still looking at Shimmer. Still avoiding his gaze. 

“Will you look at me?” He said suddenly, voice demanding, but ultimately soft.

You didn’t obey, looking at your feet instead. “Why?”

“It’s been a week. I know you’re givin’ me the cold shoulder, but at least look at me. Don’t act like you hate me. You’re killin’ me, darlin’.”

You blew out a puff of warm air. “If I look at you…” you started, nearly losing your gall. “If I look at you, I’ll forget that I’m trying to let you go.”

The words were thick, heavy. They hung between you two as if they were forbidden.

“Then don’t let me go,” he said, taking a step towards you. 

You said his name in a warning, taking a few steps towards the door. 

“You don’t have to let me go. I know I’m never gonna stop thinkin’ ‘bout you, honey. And I can’t promise that you’ll see me again, but I’m damn well goin’ to try to make it back to you.” 

You sniffled, “You don’t mean that.” You crossed your arms over your chest.

“I do. I mean it with all of myself,” he said, moving forward to press his forehead against yours. “Let me show you.”

Once again, you could feel his breath on your lips. His were just inches from yours, almost touching, but never quite close enough. You finally looked at him, tears brimming your eyes.

“I can’t give you much, but let me give you what I can,” he whispered, squeezing his eyes shut and pressing his forehead into yours harder, more desperately.

At that, you broke. “Okay,” you breathed.

He took that as permission to lean himself into you, the skin of his lips grazing yours, breath mixing with his. When he finally connected his lips to yours, it was like he breathed a warmth into your body, lighting every nerve. Your hands tangled in his hair, his cupping your face. The kiss started chaste, but became breathy and passionate. It ended with your lips red and swollen, both of you needy and desperate for something more. Always more.

The rush through the snow, through the front door and up the stairs to your bedroom was needy, your hand in his, dragging you behind him, nearly sprinting with anticipation. 

As Joel was locking your bedroom door behind him, you were fisting the collar of his shirt and kissing him. Your mouth opened wider for his tongue to explore, whines muffled by his mouth. The kiss was all the things you couldn’t say, I want you, I love you, stay.

He walked you backwards into your bed, falling on top of you when your legs hit the edge. Your hands found solace in his hair, tugging just right, making him groan into your mouth. He parted from you to grab the hem of his shirt and tug it over his head. Now, your fingertips explored the expanse of his chest and soft stomach, soft pads tracing the scar that brought you to him. Kissing into your mouth, across your neck, sucking at your pulse point, his fingers grazed the hem of your shirt.

“Can I?” He asked between kisses to your collarbone. You nodded, lifting so he could pull it off.

“Take it off,” you said, left just in your bra. His fingers reached behind you to unclasp it, pulling it off and revealing your tits. He barely hesitated, taking one in his warm mouth and palming the other. Your hands fixed back in his hair, moaning. “Joel. Fuck, I need you. Please,” you whimpered. After weeks of building up the tension, of his fingers tracing your skin just for them to stop, staring at his lips and yearning, you needed him. More than anything.

Joel groaned. “Beggin’ so pretty already for me, honey,” he said as he moved down your body, undoing your belt, sliding it off with your pants and chucking them to the ground. His fingers smoothed over your panties, noticing the wet spot growing in the centre. He grinned, “Let’s see how wet you are, hmm?” Pushing the fabric to the side, he could almost moan at the sight of your drooling cunt. “Fuck,” he said, running his fingers through your slick folds, brushing your clit gently, sending a shiver shooting through your spine. “This wet already? All for me?” 

When you didn’t answer, he pinched the inside of your thigh gently, “Answer, honey.”

“All for you. Only for you, Joel.” You were breathless, nearly delirious. You’d give anything for him to touch you, to put you out of your misery. 

Joel eased one finger inside of you, then two, and began pumping them in and out of your slick folds. You moaned wantonly, all shame abandoned. “That’s it, pretty girl. Takin’ my fingers so well. Squeezin’ them so good. Can just imagine how you’re gonna feel wrapped ‘round my cock.”

You could feel the knot in your core get tighter and tighter every time his fingers hit that spot inside you, obscene noises coming from your cunt. He could feel you sucking his fingers in, growing tighter around him. He eased a third finger in and used his other hand, previously squeezing into your thigh, to rub circles on your clit. “Fuckfuckfuck,” you sputtered, getting closer and closer. 

“That’s it, honey. Cum on my fingers. There it is,” he said as you clenched around his digits, moaning his name like it was the only word you knew. He rubbed the flesh of your thighs as you came down, kissing the supple flesh of your thighs. When you caught your breath, you pulled him back up into you. 

You began to notice the firm tent pressing against you. Surely, he was begging for release, too. Who were you to deprive him of that? 

“Your turn,” you said.

Flipping him over, you began to undo his belt and slide his pants off, laying your head on his thigh, when he stopped you, resting a hand on your jaw.

“Honey, if you put me in your mouth, ‘m not gonna last,” he says, slightly flushed, chest heaving just as bad as yours. If you didn’t know better, you’d say he looked similarly to how he did when he was feverish. Delirious. “Just wanna be inside you. That okay?”

“Fuck, yes,” you breathed, crawling back onto him. This time, he flipped you over, caging you between his arms. He shuffled his boxers off, his hard length springing out and hitting his lower stomach, tip weeping precum. You couldn’t help but whimper. “Fuck, you’re big.” He chuckled, flushing a little. “How’re you gonna fit inside me?”

“Relax, honey. I worked you open. Shouldn’t be too much of a stretch,” he assured you, pressing a sloppy kiss to your lips. “Ready?”

“Yes,” you breathed. “Need to feel you. For so long.”

He lined himself up with your entrance. You held your breath, letting it out in a moan as he sunk into your waiting cunt. He groaned when he was fully sheathed inside you, the sound coming deep from his chest.

He kissed you as you took him in, your body accommodating his length. “Move. Please,” you moaned into his mouth. He pulled out, sliding back in with the help from your slick. He set a slow but hard pace, clutching your body to his as he speared in and out of you. His lips barely left yours, sucking in each other’s moans and converting them to breath. 

“So tight, fuck,” he moaned. “Already clenching around me. Feels so good around me, pretty thing.”

You moaned his name, a needy, desperate call for him to go faster. He picked up his pace, breath becoming erratic, a slight sheen of sweat breaking out across his skin.

“Not gonna last long, honey,” he groaned. 

“Neither am I. Cum inside of me, please. I want all of you,” you begged, too out of it to think of the consequences. He let out an obscene moan at the request.

“Want me to fill you up, yeah?” He said as he roughly fucked into you. “Fill you up so good that it’ll still be leakin’ outta ya tomorrow?” He was delirious, almost pussy drunk. You were both chasing your release, clinging to each other like there was no tomorrow. Because there wasn’t. Not for the two of you.

“Joel, I’m…oh, fuck!” you moaned as your orgasm hit you, knocking you into hysteria. 

“Right behind you, pretty girl,” he said, grunting. “You’re squeezin’ me so good,” he moaned, finally spilling into your cunt. He pulled you back into him as you both finished, moans muffled by each other’s tongues, sucking, biting, licking, kissing.

When the ecstasy ended and he could feel you squirming underneath him, he pulled out gently, taking care not to brush your clit too roughly. He watched as his cum leaked from your puffy hole, taking two fingers and shoving it back in. You whimpered a little at the contact. “I know, honey. Just makin’ sure I’m gonna stay inside of you.”

He finally laid down next to you, bringing you into his chest. You shoved your head in the crook of his neck, taking all of him in. 

You didn’t have to talk about tomorrow, or think about it. You just needed to be here, in this moment with him, face nuzzled into his neck, his seed still leaking out of you.

Tomorrow could wait.

You woke like you normally do, to the rays of splendid sunlight shining in through your thin curtains. Stretching, you remembered last night. Your hand reached for the spot you left him in, finding the bed cold. The cold of the sheet travelled through your fingertips, up your arm, through your shoulder, into your chest, and hit your heart. You scrambled out of bed, throwing on whatever you could find, and scrambled downstairs. 

There was no evidence that he had ever been there, except for the two pieces of paper that sat on the kitchen table. 

Your breath hitched as you picked the first one up, tears threatening to spill. It was a drawing done in simple graphite. A drawing of you sitting next to Joel, who was laying in bed. She had done it when he was still feverish. In the bottom right corner, she signed:

“Thank you for everything. I know it will work out. -Ellie”

You clutched it to your heart as you picked up the second one. A letter. It read:

My girl,

I hope you can forgive me for leaving you no room for a goodbye. Part of me thought it would be easier this way, not having to think about what you were going to say, or what you should have said. The other part of me wanted to stay in that bed with you, cozied up in your arms, until the two of us were too old to get up. I want you forever. 

But I made Ellie a promise a long time ago. She’s got nobody left. She’s just a girl, and I can’t leave her on her own. The guilt would eat me alive a lot quicker than any infection could. I have to get her to her people. When I’m done, I promise you that I’ll come back. I’ve marked your little farm on my map, there’s no chance of me missing it. Before you, I would’ve laughed at the idea of forever. Forever seemed like too long living in this world. Now, all I want is forever if I can spend it with you in my arms.

Thank you. For more than you know. I’ll see you soon.

Until we meet again.

Yours truly and forever, 

Joel Miller

part 2

permanent taglist:

@idkwhattonamethisblogs​

@winters-fairy​​

​

#joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel miller smut #joel miller x reader smut #joel miller fluff #joel miller x reader fanfiction #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller x reader fluff #joel miller angst #joel miller x reader angst #hbo's the last of us #tlou #the last of us #pedro pascal #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal x reader smut #pedro pascal x reader angst #pedro pascal x reader fluff

[outoftheseine]

- JOEL MILLER FIC RECS -

(most of these fics are age-gap romance. some fics have mature content (+18) so minors please respect the authors and do not interact). also please beware of the canon trigger warnings (violence, language, guns, death, blood etc.))

part 2 | main masterlist

SERIES - MULTI-CHAPTERS

one thing i am missing • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @joelscruff (fluff, smut)

to do the right thing • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @pedgeitopascal (very angsty, tw: abortion and ppd, childbirth)

if the door wasn't shut • joel miller x platonic!reader

↳ by @heartpascal (very angsty)

joel miller x feral!fem!reader

↳ by @ohraicodoll (angst, lots of blood, sometimes gore, reader has a given nickname, smut)

if he wanted to • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @sl-ut (angsty, tw: mentions of suicide and sa, drug use)

twenty years later • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @yelena-bellova (angst)

weakness • joel miller x fem!reader part two

↳ by @pedgeitopascal (fluff, little angst, smut)

the stable girl • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @guess-my-next-obsession (mature, angst, fluff)

friendly fire • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @the-ginger-hedge-witch (angst, smut)

uneven odds • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @theetherealbloom (angst, fluff, smut, anxiety)

burning in a hopeless dream • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @tightjeansjavi (angst, implied smut)

ONE-SHOTS/BLURBS

from love and life • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @bubbles-for-all-of-us (child birth, fluff)

adjustments • joel miller x fem!teacher!reader

by @softlyspector (fluff, smut, mentions of dead loved ones, tw: mentions of suicide)

kiss it better • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @morningbluebell (mostly fluff)

why can't i breathe? • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @oliviajdjarin (fluff, flustered joel)

no time to die • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @davosmymaster (very angsty, hurt/comfort, chef's kiss, so good)

she's a gun • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @cowgurrrl (fluff)

darlin' • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @charnelhouse (angst, tw: sexual assault and mentions of suicide, smut, hurt/comfort)

alone and foresaken • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @chelseasdagger (smut, very good smut actually)

once again in your arms • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @foli-vora (angst, tw: loss of a child, fluff)

too late • joel miller x reader

↳ by @alloftheimagines (angst, injuries, hurt/comfort)

don't let me drown • joel miller x reader

↳ by @alloftheimagines (angst, hurt/comfort, tw: drowning, some nudity but nothing explicit)

nightmares • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @youlightmeupfinn (tw: panic attacks, nightmare, hurt/comfort)

saving • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @youlightmeupfinn (angst, hurt/comfort, joel being an asshole)

a house in nebraska • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @highdramas (angsty, heavy feeling of nostalgia, mentions of sexual interactions)

spring breeze • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @thedgeoftheuniverse (fluff, hurt/comfort)

for you, anything • joel miller x reader

↳ by @mellowsaturns (fluff, sick!reader, domesticty)

perfectly wrong • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @psychedelic-ink (enemies to lovers, smut)

domesticty looks good on you • joel miller x reader

↳ by @girlscull (sooo fluffy)

ghosts of his past • joel miller x reader

↳ by @lol-im-done (very angsty, made me cry)

soft touches • joel miller x reader

↳ by @theeoriginals (fluff, hurt/comfort)

close call • joel miller x reader

↳ by @rogueonestan (hurt/comfort, angst)

first kill • joel miller x reader

↳ by @alloftheimagines (angst, hurt/comfort)

illusory light • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @lavendertales (angst, injuries, fluff)

playing house • joel miller x reader

↳ by @me-and-your-husband (some angst, smut)

try to love me, honey please • joel miller x reader

↳ by @peterhollandkait (hurt/comfort, angst, sad and soft joel, mentions of blood and death)

confused warmth • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @rise-my-angel (angst, hurt/comfort, fluff, smut)

soft spot • joel miller x gn!reader

↳ by @orangevtae (very fluffy, some hurt/comfort, sunshine x grumpy)

love in the time of cordyceps • joel millet x fem! reader

↳ by @sameheart-sameblood (angst, fluff, mentions of blood)

one bed • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @frannyzooey (good old one bed trope, explicit)

sleeping bag • joel miller x reader

↳ by @quin-ns (very fluffy)

lavender haze • joel miller x pregnant!fem!reader

↳ by @forever-rogue (soo fluffy, made my heart flutter)

intent • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @forever-rogue (angst, joel is an asshole, fluff)

#joel miller #the last of us #joel miller x platonic!reader #joel miller x oc #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x y/n #joel miller x female reader #pedro pascal #the last of us hbo #fanfiction recommendation #fic recommendation #masterlist #joel miller x reader fluff #joel miller x reader angst #joel miller x reader smut #the last of us fanfiction #tlou hbo #tlou fluff #tlou spoilers

[luveline]

hello!! your writing is so lovey !! i’d love to read about some hurt/comfort with Joel if you’re up for it!!

thank you for your request, hope this is ok! tw for attempted sexual assault and implied physical assault/ bruises/ traumatic event | fem!reader 1.1k

Joel's probably worried, you think. 

The skin of your arms and torso is rippled with goosebumps as another cold breeze whips past. Your fingertips are numb. Every new gale stings the welts across your stomach, shallow cuts from untrimmed fingernails. You'll need to wash them out when you get home, only home is a long ways away, and you're still shirtless. 

Joel's apartment is much closer. You know where you'll end up, even as you beg yourself to stick out the cold and the vulnerability. You don't want to burden him with this, but you don't want to carry it by yourself, either. 

The steps up to his apartment are cracked and filthy. Glass crushes under your ratty converse as you bump up each step, uncrossing your arms to hold on to the bannister inside. You pretty much sprint to his floor. You're not stupid, you know walking around half naked makes you a target for creeps. 

You stand in front of his door, shaking from the cold. You bruised knuckles ache as you knock. 

"Joel?" you say, crossing your arms over your bare chest again. "It's me." 

Please be home. 

"Joel? Are you–" 

The door opens suddenly, wisps of your hair dancing forward. You tighten your arms across your chest and can't make yourself smile at the man in front of you. Joel is rumpled, his clothes marred with dark mud, and he looks pissed. He must've just gotten in. 

He steps toward you and you step back. You're still in flight mode, but Joel's not gonna hurt you. He grabs your shoulder and shepherd's you behind him, looking down the hallway. 

"They didn't follow me." 

"They?" he asks stonily. His rage is quick to boil. 

You don't have any answers for him. You don't know who it was. 

Joel walks you inside of the apartment. His hand burns your chilled skin. Any heat feels like a relief to you, your body thrumming with an emotion you can't place as you press your back to his arm. 

He gets you on the couch, drapes a blanket over your shoulders. You're freezing up and not sure why, your grip on the present loosening as he crouches in front of you. The tip of his ring finger brushes against the gouges in your arm. 

"Is this it?" he asks. 

You press your lips together tightly and lift your arm so he can see the long welts over your stomach, beginning just under your chest and stopping before your navel. 

"Nothing else?" 

You look over his shoulder. "No," you say softly. "Nothing else." 

"Look at me." 

You look at him. You've known Joel for long enough to understand his expressions, but when you'd first met they felt like a puzzle. You'd thought him disdainfully detached, especially when his impassive lowbrow was accompanied by his silences. His glaring isn't at you, it's for you. 

A single tear races down your cheek. You try very hard to mirror his steadiness. 

"They pushed me up against a wall," you whisper, afraid that any sudden movements will spill another welled tear, "and they took off my shirt, and I– I think I hit him in the throat, and I pulled away even though he," —you gesture to your stomach— "tried to pull me back in. I tripped the other one." 

"You're sure they didn't do anything else?" he asks. 

"It's all surface wounds, Joel. My arm hurts, and I'm cold, but it's not as bad as it looks." 

He takes your cold hand like he doesn't mean to. He squeezes your fingers together, the bones aching for a millisecond, and lets you go. You curl in on yourself as he stands and leaves the room, his footsteps moving through the bedroom and the bathroom, where the tap runs. 

He returns with a shirt that won't fit you right and a first aid kit. He turns though he's seen it all now, letting you slip the shirt over your head and tug it over your stomach with a semblance of privacy. 

"I'm sorry for coming here," you say. 

He turns and shakes his head. "Don't say that shit. This is exactly where you're supposed to come. Do you want to stand up, let me disinfect scrapes?" 

You stand and reluctantly leave the blanket on the couch. He takes your arm into a much gentler hand than the one that left your scratches, disinfecting your cuts with a small piece of gauze and a splash of alcohol. You wonder if he thinks about the loss. Any sip is precious. 

He starts to pull up your shirt. You hold very still, let him pin it just under your breasts without so much as a wrong breath, and still he checks your face. 

"Alright?" 

You nod emphatically. Joel takes care to be gentle but he's still thorough — you wince at the feeling of wet cotton dragging down your broken skin. 

"I'm sorry," he says. 

Joel doesn't say sorry often. You know he wouldn't apologise for something so small as the biting ache of disinfectant.  

"It's not your fault. It's mine, I didn't have my jacket, I was only–" putting out the trash. Trying to do something normal, but nothing's normal anymore. "I'm fucking stupid. I've seen one of them with Ronnie before, I should've known they were bad news." 

You really aren't expecting his hug. Any affection beyond a quick hand hold or pat on the shoulder is scarce.

"You're not stupid." Joel's hand moves up to your hair, cupping the back of your head. "You're not."

His touch brings an instant wave of heat behind your eyes. You screw them closed tight to stop from sobbing into his shoulder, your hands vying desperately for his waist, his back, pulling him as close as he'll let you be. He doesn't push you away, not for a second. 

"You're okay," he says firmly.

Joel is all encompassing. His presence numbs the last remains of your panic. His arms are tight behind you, his chest solid under your own. 

"My hands are so cold, they're hurting," you mumble. 

If he feels the tears seeping into his t-shirt, he doesn't mention it. "Yeah?" he asks, reaching back to pull one from his back. He wedges it between you, your fingertips aligned over his heart. 

You'd never know how angry he was at that moment. You won't realise how deeply it runs until night's fallen, and you wake alone in his bed to the sound of the door closing. When he climbs in beside you, his knuckles are an angry red.

#joel miller x fem!reader #joel miller fic #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller the last of us #joel miller x reader #joel miller fanfic #joel miller hurt/comfort #the last of us x reader #the last of us fic #the last of us fanfiction #the last of us tv show #the last of us hbo #joel miller #joel miller x reader angst #joel miller x you #the last of us

[blissfulbarbie]

I Hope You're Happy / Joel Miller x Reader

Description: Joel breaks up with you, thinking that he's setting you free to chase your dreams. And you do. And he gets another girl pregnant. And you meet each other in the cereal aisle of the grocery store. And you hope the other is happy. But you're not. You're both not.

Word count: 2.6k

A/N: Angst angst angst. No outbreak AU.

Deep down, you knew this day would come. What did you expect, dating someone 10 years older than you? You just didn’t think it would come this soon. Or that it would hurt this much. 

As you sat there in the dimly lit living room, the weight of Joel's words hung heavily in the air. It had been a typical evening, sharing a meal and telling each other about your day, but something felt different tonight. The air seemed heavy with tension and Joel’s smiles didn’t really reach his eyes, betraying an inner turmoil that you hadn't seen before.

"Listen," he began, his voice tinged with regret, "I’ve been thinking a lot about something."

You felt a knot tightening in your stomach as you nodded, prompting him to continue.

Joel stared at the floor, avoiding your gaze. "I love you. So much. More than I ever thought I could love someone. But, I can't keep pretending that I can give you everything you deserve. I'm 35, and I've lived a life that's... complicated. I don't want to tie you down, especially when you have so much of the world left to explore."

You tried to understand his perspective. Tried to see where he was coming from but all you could think was, Why now? Why now when I’ve already fallen in love with you?

"I don't want you to look back one day and regret being with me," he continued, his voice gentle as he clasps both of your hands in his. "I couldn’t live with myself if one day you look at me and all I’d see is regret in your eyes. I want you to experience the world, to find your own path. I know you'll go on to do amazing things, and I don't want to be the reason you didn't." His eyes glimmered with tears. 

“And what about what I want?” You stared back at him, defiant. “What if I want to be here with you?”

He smiled softly and shook his head. “You know, I could be selfish and keep you here with me. But what can you achieve in this town, really? You had such big dreams when we met, remember? Don’t think I forgot.” 

He was right. You passed on a few big job opportunities in New York when you settled down with Joel, and you kept telling yourself you’d apply next week, which became next month, next year, until it never happened. Suddenly a fancy job and new apartment in the Big Apple didn’t seem appealing anymore. Not when you had Joel. 

“Dreams change.” was all you managed to get out before your throat started to tighten and you felt the prickling of tears in your eyes.

Joel pulled you in for a hug and buried his face in your shoulder. “Don’t change them for me. Never for me.” 

Deep down, you knew you had to go. Not because you wanted to, but because you knew Joel would never forgive himself if you didn’t. It was ironic and so painfully stupid that it hurt - he thought this breakup would help you and you went through with it to help him. 

So there you went. You packed your bags and you were out of there in less than a week. You moved in with a friend in New York for a couple of months until you secured a stable job and an apartment. You followed Joel's advice, exploring the world, pursuing your dreams, and building a life that was uniquely your own. You missed him more than you cared to admit, but you knew that his intentions had been pure, and in a way, it did benefit you. 

You have proper savings now, and you are a fully independent adult, carving your way painfully through a year of hard work, job searches, apartment hunting - all while navigating a broken heart. And while you love your new life, late at night in the dark of your fancy new apartment overlooking the city skyline, you often found yourself thinking, was it all worth it? 

But you shake your head out of the daze eventually. Because if it isn’t worth it then all the pain and all the tears were for nothing. So you had to love this life. Forced yourself to love it because that’s what Joel wanted for you. Joel. Even now, you still live for Joel. 

Until you didn’t. Your fingers freeze on your phone as you read the caption on Cassie’s new instagram post with a man who looks all too familiar. 

Excited to welcome a new chapter into our lives. 👶❤️

Your stomach sinks. Your phone drops to the bed. And tears sting your eyes. No. It can’t be. You pick up the phone again and there he is. Your Joel, messy hair as if he just rolled out of bed and his scruffy beard. Smiling at Cassie who’s holding a picture of an ultrasound. CASSIE? And JOEL?

You try to think back to every interaction they had during the course of your relationship but it had never been more than polite small talk at neighbourhood gatherings or run-ins at the grocery store. Wasn’t she married? Fuck this. You double tap the picture, giving it a “like”. This will give them something to talk about, you think spitefully. He wanted me to move on with my life? Well this is me, moved on. As you throw your phone to the other side of the bed, the pain finally sinks in and you cry into your pillow, wondering if you truly, will ever move on. 

In the years that pass, you try to distract yourself with work and your new friendships. On paper, your life in New York was going swimmingly well and you had even dated a couple of nice guys. Dating still gives you a little twinge in the heart but you ignore it for the most part. People would kill for the life you have and you will NOT be ungrateful about it. 

But of course, life is never that simple. Just when you think you’re able to find happiness, you get thrown a curveball. And this curveball came in the form of Joel Miller, standing in the cereal aisle of your local grocery store. He’s older, grayer, but damn him, he still looks so fucking good. You stand there staring for a moment, while he examines the box of Cap’n Crunch. As he puts the box back down and glances up, he meets your eyes and you hate this cliche, but you swear to God, time stands still. 

He whispers your name, almost in disbelief as his brows furrow. “Hey. Wow.” 

“Hey.” 

“You… How are you?” 

“I’m good. Yourself?” 

“Yeah great.”

Somehow this exchange cuts you deeper than the day he broke up with you. When did you become people who could barely speak 3 words to each other? 

Trying to alleviate the clenching of your heart, you speak up. “What are you doing here? This is the last place I thought I’d ever run into you.” 

He chuckles softly. “Yeah, I uh.. Tommy’s up here meeting a couple of friends and asked me to tag along. I’m sorry I didn’t reach out by the way, I should have texted when I knew we were heading –” 

You cut him off, not wanting to hear lies. “No, that’s okay. I wouldn’t expect you to. You must be busy now anyways with the kid.” 

His eyes soften at that, guilt and pain flashing through them but you push on. “It’s fine, really. You’re not obligated to tell me these things. I just saw on Cassie’s instagram. Is she here too?” 

At that, he visibly stiffens and clears his throat as he replies, “Oh, Cassie and I aren’t together anymore. Well we were never.. But we kind of.. Yeah she’s not in the picture. It’s just me and Sarah.” 

Sarah. He had a girl. A little girl. Your stomach twists and you kind of feel like throwing up so you try to find an exit. “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. Well, Sarah is lucky to have you. I always knew you’d make a good dad.” 

He smiles for the first time in this conversation. “Truthfully, I have no idea what I’m doing half the time but she’s a good kid.” 

Enough. Enough. Enough. “Well, it was nice meeting you again Joel, and I’m glad you’re doing well–” 

“No, wait. Can we talk, please? I.. I’ve missed you. I want to talk.” Joel steps towards you as if to stop you from leaving but then holds himself back. 

“I don’t think we have anything much to say to each other anymore, Joel, don’t you think?” You chuckle a little to mask the overwhelming urge to cry. 

“I just want to know how you’re doing.” He looks at the ground, like a puppy scolded by his owner and you know you can’t resist the floodgates that pour out. You take a deep breath and let it all out in one exhale.

“Fine. You want to know? I’m doing great, just as you said I would. I make a ridiculous amount of money every year, I have a fancy apartment that overlooks the city, I have nice friends and a good life. It’s everything you wanted for me.” 

“You deserve it. I knew you would.” He says, nodding with a sad smile.

“So why don’t I feel happy yet?” You can’t believe it but you actually start to cry. Here in the middle of the damn cereal aisle in front of your ex-boyfriend. 

He stands stunned for a moment, his eyes concerned and brows furrowed. He eventually steps fully in front of you this time. His hands hesitate, as if he doesn't know where to put them, until he settles for your shoulders. “I’m sorry. I thought.. I thought you would be–” 

You bat his hands off your shoulders. “Yeah, you did. But it doesn’t matter because what’s done is done and we’ll never get it back. Any of it.” 

He says your name, pleadingly. 

“No, I don’t blame you. I left, didn't I? It was my decision too. I guess deep down some part of me thought I would be better off. And in a way I am. I really am. But I cannot lie to you and say that I’m happy Joel, because I’m not. And nothing will change that. Because this is my life now.” 

A moment of silence passes between the two of you as the weight of the years of separation hangs there. “I’m not either,” he whispers. 

“What?” 

“I’m not.. happy. Cassie and I had a fling when I was heartbroken and dealing with our breakup. She had just gotten divorced and I was.. I was planning to ask for you back. I was prepared to get on a fucking airplane and beg on my knees until you took me back. Whether that meant moving you back home or me moving here, it didn’t matter to me. We’d make it work. I just wanted you to know that I made a mistake and I shouldn’t have decided for you.” He places his hands on your shoulders again, and you let them stay this time. 

He continues, speaking quickly as if a dam has burst. “But then Cassie got pregnant. And I knew I had to make a choice. We said we’d try to raise the kid together and be a family but.. A few months after Sarah was born she just left. Literally, took off and left, and I have no idea where she went. Frankly, I don’t even care. And then I got so busy with the kid and then years passed, and I just lost the timing. What, am I just supposed to call you up 10 years after breaking up with you, telling you what a joke my life has become? How I’ve regretted every moment since you packed your bags?” 

You let all of his words sink in for a while before choking out, “And what do I do with all this information now? What do you expect me to do?” 

He’s tearing up and his voice rises a little as he replies, “Nothing. I don’t expect nothing. I just needed you to know that I never spent a day without thinking of you or loving you. And that I’m sorry. And that I wish you were happy, because if you were, then at least all of this bullshit would be worth it. But you’re not.” 

You nod, your brain not fully able to come up with words at this point, so he continues. “If you’d told me you were happy, I would have swallowed my pride, wished you well, and walked out of this store with the knowledge that at least all this pain has finally brought you joy. But we’re both hurting now, so what does that make us?” 

“Two idiots crying in the cereal aisle?” You offer with a small chuckle through your tears. 

He breathes out a small laugh. “Yeah. That it does.” 

A woman passing through the aisle snaps you both back to reality as you wipe your tears and gather yourselves. “It is really good to see you, Joel. And.. thank you for telling me all of it. It doesn’t change anything but I think I needed to hear it.” 

He shakes his head before looking into your eyes. “You know what the sick part is? 10 years ago I told you I never wanted you to look at me with regret in your eyes. Yet here you are.” 

You nod and smile sadly. There’s nothing left to say. 

His gaze turns soft. “I hope you’ll be happy someday. Maybe not now, but someday.” 

“Maybe. And yourself?” 

“Maybe.” He replies cheekily, smiling softly. With that, he pulls you in for a hug and the familiar waft of his cologne transports you back to 10 years ago when you hugged in his living room before saying goodbye, when you used to cuddle together so close at night, when he used to hug you before leaving for work. Your memories together flash before your eyes like a sick Hallmark movie except this time you know the ending. 

You feel the press of his lips against your head and you swear you hear him whisper the words “I love you” but you can’t be sure because your heart is pounding and you can feel it in your ears. Your life from this point on will always be divided into before and after. The point where you know, you just know, the choice you made is irreversible. You will never have Joel Miller ever again.

As you pull away, you both tearfully smile and look at each other for the last time. You spend a good minute just looking, memorizing the other’s face. You both don’t bother with the polite pleasantries of promising to keep in touch because you know that would be a lie. It would be too painful. This is your fate now. 

You walk past each other, leaving your memories and feelings behind in the dust of your footprints. To passersby, you look like strangers. Passing each other in the cereal aisle, meeting for a moment and then never again. And maybe that’s what you are now. Strangers, destined to be in each other’s lives for a moment, and then never again. 

Joel eventually goes back home to Austin, and you stay in your beautiful apartment which seems to be mocking you with how big and yet empty it feels. 

Joel looks at his daughter and wonders what it would be like if this kid was yours, and you stare at your phone, a message from your new date asking you to confirm a meeting time flashing on your screen.

Joel wonders what life would be like if you’d stayed. You wonder the same thing.

Tag list: @just-some-random-blogger @joeldjarin @pattwtf

#joel miller #joel miller fanfic #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller fic #joel miller imagine #joel miller oneshot #joel miller x reader #joel miller x y/n #joel miller x you #the last of us #joel miller angst #joel miller x reader angst #the last of us fanfiction #the last of us fic #tlou fanfiction #tlou fic #pedro pascal characters #pedro pascal character fanfic

[violentdelightsandviolentends]

Pretty When You Cry.

Joel realises his morals are fucked. You realise you like it.

Pairing - Joel Miller x female reader

Age Rating - 18+

Warnings - Lots of cursing, sexual content, mentions of prostitution

Word Count - 1750

Author's Note - oh boy. buckle in. i love when a character has a messed up moral compass and is a little rough and jagged around the edges. i also love lana del rey. hence, this joel fic was born. please enjoy.

Masterlist. Requests.

“Stupid fuckin’ girl,” Joel spits at you.

You flinch and step backwards, trying to escape what is inevitably going to be a brutal verbal assault. The older man watches your every move and chuckles darkly.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

Nowhere, is the answer. You’re down a dark alleyway in the QZ, a barely lit back street. Even if you run, you’ll just end up circling back around. You’re walled in – both literally and figuratively.

Joel moves towards you, his large frame making you want to shrink away instinctively. He towers over you, broad shoulders blocking your view.

“What the fuck were you thinking?”

You weren’t, is the issue.

✵  ✵    ·　 ✵ 　　 *  · ✵

Joel has been desperate for a car battery for weeks. A few days ago, you’d overheard a guy talking about smuggling spare parts. You’d set up a covert meeting, and asked if he could get you what you needed. He’d told you he could – for a price. It didn’t matter that the currency was you. You’d do what you needed to do. For Joel.

You’d made your way to meet him tonight. His name was Pete, you were pretty sure. He was a sleaze, a real piece of work - but he had connections. He had people working for him, could practically get you anything if you asked nicely and promised to pay.

You had nothing to your name. No one did, these days. You knew you couldn’t pay Pete with alcohol, or cigarettes, or drugs. No, you’d give him something else. You’d give him you. An offer which he eagerly accepted.

He wanted you to pay before he’d give you the battery. You’d argued, but it was no use. You didn’t want to make him angry – it’d only make it worse.

So there you were. He had backed you against the wall of this very alleyway, demanding you take off your shirt. Just as you were lifting the hem over your head, Pete hit the ground.

You looked up to see Joel, more furious than you’d ever seen him before. He’d punched Pete in the head and knocked him out cold.

“What the actual fuck are you doing?” he hissed.

“Well I was doing you a favour. Not anymore, apparently,” you hissed back.

“A favour? You’re whoring yourself out as a favour?”

“Fuck you, Joel,” you spat, turning on your heel to leave.

Joel grabbed your wrist and pulled you backwards with force, taking no care whatsoever. You were worried he was going to snap your arm, the way he was clutching it.

“Stupid fuckin’ girl.”

✵  ✵    ·　 ✵ 　　 *  · ✵

“Are you even listenin’ to me? What the fuck were you thinking?”

He’s looking at you pointedly, clearly expecting some sort of explanation. You’re not really sure what to say. When you don’t answer, he takes another few steps forward, intimidating you until your back is pressed against the rough brick of the wall.

Joel grabs your chin between his fingers and forces you to look at him. His fury hasn’t subsided – you can still feel it rolling off of him in waves. He’s buzzing with adrenaline, the electricity of it infectious, seeping into your pores.

“You better have a damn good reason as to why I just watched you take your shirt off for Pete fuckin’ Davis.”

He spits the man’s name like it tastes disgusting in his mouth. It makes you smirk slightly.

“You think this is funny? Huh?” Joel asks, squeezing your face tighter. You shake your head, not once breaking eye contact with him. He stares you down for a minute before releasing his grip.

“He has a battery,” you explain quietly. “He’s been selling spare parts. Said he could get me what you need if we cut a deal. It’s a small price to pay, Joel.”

“That is not a small price.”

The genuineness of it makes you wince.

The thing is, Joel doesn’t usually care about this kind of stuff. He’s not exactly an upstanding citizen, having made his fair share of dumb deals and below the belt exchanges. He’s usually the one encouraging you to break the rules a little, if it means you both benefit.

Above all, you are convinced that Joel doesn’t care about you. He doesn’t care about anyone, not really. You know that he and Tess have this ambiguous sort of partnership - friendship at a complete stretch. But that’s it. Joel doesn’t care.

So why is he so furious?

His rage has infected you now. You’re exasperated, sick of the mixed signals. You and Joel were partners in crime, acquaintances at most. It didn’t matter that when he looked at you, the whole world fell away. It didn’t matter than when you heard his voice, time stopped temporarily. It didn’t matter that he was the last thing you thought about at night and the first thing you thought about in the morning. None of it mattered.

“Why do you fucking care, Joel?” you spit, shoving at his chest. His scent is suffocating you, making it hard to think. You need to put some distance between you before you do something reckless.

“Why do I care? Why do I fuckin’ care?” he practically yells at your face. “Are you that stupid?”

“Stop calling me stupid!” you retaliate. “I’m smarter than every damn person in this place!”

“Smart enough to turn to prostitution?”

That word makes you scoff.

“It wasn’t like that. It would have been a one time thing. A quick payment.”

“That’s not a fuckin’ payment! That’s the one thing you shouldn’t fuck around with!”

You can tell he’s genuinely upset, but you’re not sure why. It’s none of his business what you choose to do with your body.

“I was doing this for you, asshole! He would have given me the battery, and you could have gone and found Tommy. I did this for you,” you yell, shoving him as hard as you can. He doesn’t move.

“Keep your fuckin’ voice down,” he hisses.

“Don’t tell me what to do!”

“God damn it! You never fuckin’ listen, do you? How stupid are you, huh?”

Joel takes a heavy step forward, one hand reaching out to wrap around your throat. He doesn’t squeeze, just keeps it there, holding you in place. Right where he wants you.

His eyes darken, still alight with fury. He smells like smoke and musk and sweat and spearmint toothpaste. You want to lick the exposed skin of his neck to see if he’d taste the same.

He leans in, almost bumping your nose with his.

“We don’t fuck around with that stuff, alright?” he murmurs. “I’ve seen pretty girls like you get hurt real bad for a lot less. You can’t let them treat you as any less than human.”

You’ve never heard him this sincere. It sends a shiver down your spine.

“Why do you care, Joel?” you whisper. “I’m just as disposable to you as I am to the rest of them.”

He pauses, and you can see the cogs turning in his head. He’s still holding you by the neck, his other hand coming around to tangle in the back of your hair. He’s looking at you so intently that you feel your bravado start to waiver. Your bottom lip quivers, and your eyes begin to well up. A drop runs down your cheek, and the dam breaks.

He’s never seen you get upset like this. You’re trying to stay stoic, but the tears are falling freely, dripping down your face.

This is the moment Joel realises that he’s a changed man. He’s known for years that his morals aren’t what they used to be. They can’t be, not in this world. He’s murdered, robbed, tortured, kidnapped. His moral compass was broken a long time ago. But the change has never dawned on him, until now. He’s holding you roughly, watching you try not to sob, and he doesn’t feel sad. He doesn’t feel sympathy, or regret, or remorse. No. He feels a sick sense of arousal. He’s turned on.

“Fuck,” he murmurs, looking at you carefully. Your lip quivers again, and his resolve breaks completely. He’s surprised he doesn’t hear it shatter.

“You’re so fuckin’ pretty when you cry.”

With that, he’s surging forward, dipping his head to lick at your tear stained cheeks. Your sadness is salty and sweet and real. He’s hooked.

Joel presses forward and kisses you harshly. His hand tightens in your hair, yanking you closer to him. He presses your bodies together, and the warmth of him makes your head spin.

You’re still crying as you moan into his mouth. He’s rough and careless and you want more. He groans, and presses you backwards into the wall, the brick scratching up your back. Everything is blurry for the both of you. He’s grabbing at you, groping anything he can find. He’s searching for skin, hands making their way up and under your shirt. You know how risky it is, making out with Joel in a back alley in the middle of the QZ. You don’t care. Neither of you do. You’re drunk on each other and it’s clouding your judgment.

“You like it when I’m mean to you, honey?” he murmurs, voice jagged and low. He’s kissing at your neck, nipping the skin and leaving purple bruises in his wake. 

“Yeah, Joel, fuck. I love it,” you whine. “I love you.”

The both of you freeze at your confession. You’re honestly not sure if you mean it, or if it’s just the heat of the moment. It doesn’t matter now. You’ve said it, and you can’t take it back.

“You think you do,” he mutters against your throat. “But love doesn’t exist in this world. Not anymore.”

You both pause, heavy breaths filling the air. After a while, you break the silence.

“I’m sorry, Joel,” you whisper. “I’m sorry. So fucking sorry.”

You’re not sure whether you’re apologising for loving him, or admitting it, or for the events of the evening. You’re just sorry.

“Don’t be sorry, sweetheart,” he murmurs gently against your mouth as he kisses you again. “Don’t be sorry.”

He takes you up against the red brick wall, legs wrapped around his waist and arms tangled around his neck. Your back is cut and bleeding, throat sore and pulsing where he’s bitten you. He makes you come twice before he finishes himself, teeth sinking into your shoulder, hands leaving prints on your hips.

Joel says that love doesn’t exist anymore. You think he’s wrong.

#joel miller x reader #joel miller #joel tlou #joel x reader #female reader #reader insert #fanfic #the last of us #tlou #tlou fanfic #tlou smut #the last of us fanfiction #the last of us smut #the last of us angst #tlou angst #joel miller smut #joel miller x reader smut #joel miller angst #joel miller x reader angst #joel miller x you #joel miller fic #pedro pascal #smut #angst #joel miller x oc #joel miller x female reader #joel miller x female!reader #joel miller x y/n #joel miller imagine #joel miller drabble

[mads-weasley]

Everything

Joel Miller x Wife!Reader

Masterlist

A/N: I absolutely LOVE the Last of Us and had to write something for Joel! I do not own any of the rights to these characters except (y/n). Enjoy!

Summary: After a rough day, (y/n) shares a soft moment with her husband.

Warnings: mentions of road rage attack? total fluff central

September 25th, 2003: 24 Hours Before Outbreak

The bright Texan sun was shining down on (Y/n) Miller as she was on her way to the grocery store with Sarah in the passenger seat. With the windows down, they blasted their favorite new hit song, Red Dirt Road by Brooks & Dunn.

"Oh, I've come to know, there's life at both ends," the (y/h/c) woman sang, pretending to hold a mic to her lips.

Sarah stuck her hand out the window, her curls flying in the wind as she finished the lyric. "Of that red dirt road."

The pair were pulled from their jam session when the car in front of them slammed on brakes, causing (y/n) to do so as well, shooting an arm out in front of Sarah.

"You okay?" She asked breathlessly, holding back a curse at the driver. "And that's why you're not gonna tailgate people when you start driving, right?"

The teen rolled her eyes with a smile and put her hand over her heart. "Scout's honor."

Playfully scoffing, (y/n) looked around the car, only to see nothing in the way. Beeping the horn quickly, she groaned. "Seriously. What's the hold up here?"

Her question was answered when the driver quickly got out of the car and angrily stalked toward the pair. (Y/n) checked around her, looking for a way to get away quickly.

"Sarah," she whispered. "Roll up your window, now."

When the man was halfway to their car when he stopped and turned around. Her heart began to beat again.

She looked at Sarah with a shaky smile. "Okay, maybe he's over it."

The young girl's eyes widened as she frantically pointed in front of them. "(Y/n)!"

Snapping her eyes forward, she cursed at the sight of the man with a baseball bat.

"Hold on," (y/n) yelled, jerking into oncoming traffic to get away. Once they passed the man, she got back in their lane, hearts pounding. Had just a simple beep set the man off?

"What just happened?" Sarah asked, still gripping the handle above her car door.

Shaking away her fear, (y/n) reached over and took her hand gently

"I don't know, but we're okay. How about we just go home. I all of a sudden don't feel like going to the store."

A silent nod was all the response she needed to head back home. After the girls' scary ordeal, she just wanted to be in the safe presence of her husband.

At the familiar rumble of a truck engine, (y/n)'s heart jumped. She and Sarah were on the couch watching 10 Things I Hate About You when Joel opened the door.

"Girls?" He called, taking off his filthy work boots.

Sarah perked up, and yelled back, "In the living room!"

A few seconds later, he walked into the room with a tired smile, plopping down in the small space between them.

"And how are my girls doing today?" he asked, pulling them closer to him.

Sarah's eyes widened. "(Y/n) and I were on th-"

Not wanting to worry Joel, (y/n) shook her head quickly from behind him. The girl's brows furrowed slightly but caught on.

"-the way home and guess what song came on?" She asked.

"Hmm," he hummed, scrunching his face overdramatically. "Was it Red Dirt Road?"

"How did you know that!?" (Y/n) laughed, slapping his arm playfully.

"I don't know. Probably because it was the one you were humming when I first got over here, honey."

The trio broke into a fit of giggles that ended when Joel got up.

"Don't move. I'll be back in a minute."

As soon as Joel was out of the room, Sarah turned to (y/n). "Why can't we tell dad about earlier?"

"You know how worked up he gets, Sar," she sighed. "I just don't want to worry him."

"Okay. I won't tell him, but I think you should."

"I'll tell him la-"

She was cut off by Joel's voice calling from the hallway. "Who's ready for some supper?"

After they ate supper, Sarah went off to finish homework while (y/n) cleaned up. As she was reaching for dishes to put the leftovers in, a pair of hands snaked around her waist, pulling her back into a warm embrace.

"I missed you today," Joel murmured, his face buried in her neck.

"I missed you too, babe..."

A few seconds passed and she knew she needed to tell him what happened. Turning around in his arms, (y/n) placed her hands on his chest.

"So, something happened today. I don't want you to stress out or worry, bu-"

"Well, now I'm definitely gonna," he interrupted.

"Sar' and I were on the way to the grocery store when the guy in front of us stopped out of nowhere. I couldn't go around him because there was traffic, so I hit the horn. And then he got out of the car."

(Y/n) could feel his body tense up, and she was reminded why she wanted to spare him the details of the encounter.

"We thought he was going to get back into his car, but he pulled out a baseball bat, Joel. I didn't even think, I just got us out of there as soon as I could. Sarah was my number one priority and," she faltered, her throat closing up. "-and I was so scared."

He pulled her into his chest fully, resting his chin on the top of her head. "I'm so sorry, (y/n/n). You should have called me."

Joel was shaking with anger, but contained it, knowing it would only make his wife more upset. "I know. I just didn't want to worry you."

"Worry me? Sweetheart, I am your husband, and you can tell me anything, no matter what."

(Y/n) sighed, pulling back with tears in her eyes. "I love you so much."

A single tear trickled down her face, and Joel wiped it away with his thumb as he cupped her cheek softly. "I love you, too. You and Sarah are everything to me."

Feeling his rough hands caress her face so gently, she placed hers over them. "Sarah's getting too big. I can't believe it's been almost two years since we tied the knot."

"Don't remind me," he whispered, rolling his eyes. "The sass gets worse every day."

His expression suddenly became serious. "You know, I don't think I've ever seen her this happy. Heck, I've never been this happy. You complete our family, (y/n)."

"I've never been this happy either."

She leaned in and rested her forehead against his before connecting their lips. Joel's hands on her waist pulled her closer as he deepened the kiss. At the sound of feet padding down the hallway, he pulled away with a groan.

"Don't stop on account of me," Sarah chimed with a smirk, grabbing a yogurt from the fridge." She started to turn back towards her room but stopped and pulled the couple into a tight hug.

"I am happier, dad. I love you both."

The man laughed, patting his daughter's hair affectionately. "We love you, too. Now, how long have you been listening, baby girl?"

Sarah held up her pointer finger, smiling sheepishly. "I'm gonna have to plead the fifth."

Pulling away, she glanced at the clock on the stove as she walked away. "You enjoy your last few hours as a 35-year-old, you old geezer."

Joel glanced at his wife with an amused smile. "Can you believe her?"

"I mean you are pretty old, Mr. Miller," (y/n) teased, shrugging her shoulders.

Before she could move, he threw her over his shoulder, running toward their room.

"Old, huh?"

The woman squealed, smacking playfully against his back. "Joel! Put me down!"

"No can do, Mrs. Miller."

#joel and ellie #ellie and joel #joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel miller imagine #joel miller x wife!reader #the last of us #the last of us hbo #hbo #hbo the last of us #joel miller x y/n #joel miller x you #joel miller x reader angst #joel miller fluff #joel miller angst #sarah miller #joel and sarah #the last of us x reader #the last of us imagine #the last of us imagines #tlou x reader #tlou series #tlou imagines #pedro pascal #joel miller imagines #Spotify

[cxrsed-angel]

Similar Worries

Word count: 3k

Warnings: angst, age gap (reader in her 20s, joel in his 50s).

A/N: I wrote this immediately after ep 6. There are spoilers for the episode. gif credits: @joel-miller

You had been walking in the woods for few hours after you left the couple’s cabin. You were in the back talking to Ellie, telling her how she cant go around tell people they’re like a thousand, especially when they didn't kill you and had given you soup.

When you see Joel stop walking, you walk up closer and see him breathing heavier. You put your hand on his shoulder, watching in fear as he grabbed his chest; you didn't know what to do if he had a heart attack in the middle of the fucking woods in the snow. 

“Joel, what's wrong, are you okay.” you watch in a panic as he nods his head, but he's still breathing heavily. You look around, trying to find somewhere for him to sit but there’s nothing. You try to calm yourself because the last thing you need is to freak out, making Ellie even more scared. You turned to look at Ellie but she was frozen in fear staring as Joel continue struggling to breathe behind you. Your attention is back on him when you heard his voice. 

“Im fine, just the cold air.” he said slowly, still trying to catch his breath; Ellie nods and walks closer.  But you stay silent, frozen in fear trying to rake your brain for any information on heart attacks but you come up blank. You realized didn't know what you would do if he had a heart attack; you're more mad at yourself at the fact that this situation hadn’t even crossed your mind. 

“Good because I don't know what we would do if you had a fucking heart attack right there.” You hear Joel let out a small laugh at Ellie’s joke as she lightly slapping his back as the two of them continued to walk ahead. But you didn't believe him. Ellie was right; what do you do if he has fucking heart attack in the middle of the goddamn forest in the snow. You knew it was something more than the cold air but decided not to press on it. But you kept an eye on him the rest of the way. 

The whole time you were walking, you were quiet. You tried not to show it but, it really scared you, it made you realize how old Joel was compared to; you always knew of course. When he complained about his knees when going upstairs, he talked about his back pain from sleeping on the ground countless nights. But it was always light-hearted, not life or death. You knew he had bad hearing from shooting, but this scared the shit out of you. 

When you were surrounded by the group, you saw Joel was different again, he was off, but you didn't have time to focus on it. You were just relieved they didn't shoot anyone. As you rode on the back of Joel’s horse, all that replayed in your head was how Joel seemed off. Something in his eyes that you couldn't quite figure out. You think back and remember he seemed off ever since you guys had left Kanas; you just never noticed until now, and with the troubled breathing, you were starting to get concerned. 

After Maria and Tommy gave you guys food and told you what house you would be in you immediately needed to show, you also thought it was best to let Joel talk to his brother alone. You went into what you assumed was the main bedroom to shower. After the shower and changing into some clothes, you sit on the bed, and you could hear Maria come and talk to Ellie, you knew you should see what they were talking about, but you figured Maria wouldn't do anything. As you sit on the bed, you couldn't stop seeing Joel struggling to breathe, and how helpless you were, you didn't know what to do, you couldn't save him you just watched. You had gotten lucky today, but one day you're not gonna be lucky; what if you can't save him, just freeze there like you did today? Tears fall down your face as you realize how little you could do.

You hear boots come in the room and assume it was Joel; you look up and see him looking at you. You could tell had been crying, you expect him to sit down next to you, but he stays standing, staring at you. “Have you been crying,” you asked quietly, looking at him, You could see in his eyes something wasn't right, and you wondered if it was something had happened. You waited for him to say something, but he remained silent, staring at you. You try not to sniffle but couldn't help it. 

“Have you been crying.” he repeats as he steps closer to the bed, but you weren't gonna let him change the topic off of him. 

“You first.” you said through snuffles. 

“It was just emotionally seeing Tommy, that's all.” you stare back at him, you knew it wasn't that, and you were a little offended that he thought that would work on you. You knew him better than that. But two could play that game. 

You took your shoes off and climb up into bed and lie down. Joel watches you, confused with frown eyebrows. You let out a fake cry, “it's my period, my emotions and hormones and everything.” You tell him with exaggerated sadness laced in your voice. You knew you were being childish, but you didn't care; you weren't gonna let him get away with that shitty lie. 

He rolls his eyes at your sarcasm as he gives you a deadpan stare. “Really?” was all he said, which made you even more upset. You sit up on the bed and stand up, glaring at him as he remained on the bed. You had been worried all day about him, and he wanted to be closed off to you; you weren't gonna take it. 

“No Joel don't “really” me you know  it's bullshit either tell me or dont tell me, but dont lie to me, god forbid I ask you what's wrong.” you couldn't stand him right now you turn to leave the room, but he voice stopped you making you turn around. 

“We’re staying here,” he mumbled quietly as he stares at the ground, adverting your eyes. You frown at him, not understanding what he meant. You hated when he talked in half sentences leaving out details. Who was we, why are we staying here, and also, why had he been crying? 

“What” you asked sternly, pissed at him for not being clear and deflecting the topic yet again. You walk closer to him, narrowing your eyes at him, waiting for Joel to answer. Joel sighs before looking up into your eyes, “You and I are staying in Jackson, it's safe they have food and shelter it's better for you.” he explains, but his voice is still shaky you could tell he was leaving something out and considering the fact he didn't mention Ellie you knew there was more than what he was saying. Also, he didn't talk to you about it; if you wanted to stay or not, you weren't gonna let him dictate where you go and make important choices without. 

You nod, “okay, well me and Ellie will go to the fireflies to make a cure, you can stay here and live out your suburban fantasy okay.” you replay, full of sarcasm; you watch as Joel's face frowns in frustration. He shakes his head and puts his face in his hands for a few minutes before looking back at the ground. 

“You and I are staying, Tommy is taking Ellie, he’s made the trip before, and he can handle it.”. You were getting tired and annoyed with this whole conversation going in circles and getting nowhere. You didn't understand why he wanted to leave Ellie; why didn't he want to continue? You’ve already gotten this far. But you stopped and remembered earlier when he couldn't breathe, and it clicked. You saw it in his eyes when Sam attacked Ellie when the dog started sniffing Ellie. It wasn't a heart attack. It was a panic attack. He was scared. 

Your eyes softened when you realized and came and sit down next to him. You place your hand on his face, slowly turning it, so he's looking at you. “Joel it wasn't the cold air wasn't it,” you stare full of concern into his brown eyes. You knew you were right when you see a tear fall down his cheek. You grab his hand in yours, rubbing it slowly; you didn't say anything, just waiting until he was ready. 

It was quiet for a moment as he cried silently before speaking again. “I get these dreams it’s a different situation, but they all end the same you or Ellie, or hell sometimes the both of you, dead while I just stand there frozen not doing anything, just like I did with-” you watch, choke back a sob before continuing. “Im just failing, I failed Tess, and Sarah, and in my dreams, I fail you and Ellie that’s all I do is fail.” his voice breaks at the end of the sentence as he continues to cry. 

You feel your heart break at how much pain he has been in and how this had been hurting him for so long. You reach up to his face wiping the tears as they continue to fail. You stay silent, waiting for him to finish. You feel him lean into your hand as you gently caressed his face. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath before continuing. 

“I don't know what I’ll do if something happened to you or Ellie, I froze when that kid came up behind me, too damn old to hear them and too slow to do something. I couldn't hear when Henry and Sam snuck up on us. It's only a matter of time before I fuck up and put someone in danger, until I freeze at the wrong time again. Lately I've been so godman scared that my heart feels like it stopping and-” 

“and you can't breath and you get dizzy like you're gonna pass out.” you interrupt him, knowing how it feels. You see his eyes widen a little when you describe what happens. You’ve had panic attacks before you knew they were scary as shit. You remember the first time you felt one you thought you were dying. 

You wipe another tear that falls from his eyes. “They happen to me too sometimes, not as bad when I was on my own after my parents died. I used to get them almost every day then, I got one the first time I saw a clicker all,  I did was crouch down to the floor into ball and cried until it went away then I ran. You’re not failing Joel, you arent gonna fail, You didnt fail when you got us out of Kansas with all those infected and a whole town chasing after us.” you looked into his eyes, but you could tell he was still uncertain, they were still full of worry and disbelief 

“Joel its okay to be afraid I’m fucking terrified almost all the time, Im scared that one of us is gonna catch a cold in the middle of the winter and die, Im scared Im gonna sneeze at the wrong time a room full of clickers and get ripped apart, Im scared-” you paused as you felt your tears coming again, “Im scared Im not gonna be able to protect you, that something gonna happen and I won't be able to do anything to help you.” you smile faintly “I guess we have similar fears huh Texas” you tried to lighten the mood as you continue to cry. 

You see him start to smile too through the tears; his hand came up and wiped your tears. You feel his hand wrap around your waist, pulling you into a hug as your cries came out harder. You thought back on how you thought he was having a heart attack and how helpless you were. 

“You fucking scared me back there, thought you were having a heart attack or something.” you pull away looking into his eyes as yours were filled with tears. “I cant fucking save you from a heart attack Joel, you get shot I know what to do, you get stabbed I know what to but-” You feel yourself choke on your sobs, unable to speak for a second. “I always thought a bite was the worst I had to worry about, you cant come back from a bite, I cant do anything about that, I made peace with that, but what about heart attack, or heart failure, what the fuck do I do then?” You cry out as he pulled back into a hug, rubbing your back as you try to steady your breath. 

You close your eyes as you relax against his chest, and you stay there, in each other embrace, as your comfort each other through your similar worries. Joel pulls away first gazing into your teary eyes. He wants to comfort you, reassure you, but nothing comes out of his mouth. He wants to tell you that nothing gonna happen to him, but he can't. He understands where you're coming from, he's nearing his 60s while you're still in your 20s. He hates himself for allowing you to get this close; he knew you were younger, that you deserved someone better than an old man. But you convinced him, told him over and over that you only wanted him. 

“How about we cross that bridge when we get there okay honey.” he attempted to reassure you but you looked into his eyes, seeing the wrinkles around the outside of his eyes, across his forehead, and lining the rest of his face, the grey in his facial hair and you couldn't you, couldn't do that because you’ll be unprepared when you got to that bridge there’s no crossing it. 

You shake you head as you feel your eyes filling with tears again, “I cant Joel, I cant fucking wait because we wont cross it I will, just me and Ellie watching as you fall to the ground unable to do shit.” Your lips trembling thinking about him being in pain and dying while you stand there frozen with Ellie in horror helplessly. “I dont want to lose you Joel not like that.” you whispered before leaning back into his arms. 

Joel thought about it and knew you were right; he knew you were gonna worry yourself to death about his health, and there want much else he could do to change that at the moment. So he just continued holding you in his arms, racking his brain for a solution but there wasn't an easy fix. He thinks about your words earlier, and how you were so good and quick to guarantee that he hasn't failed and that he wasn't going to, he wanted to do the same for you. But he couldn't find the right then to say, so he let you sob into his shoulder until he hears you stop.

“My brother gonna be a dad.” you widen your eyes at the sentence he just blurted out; you pull away, wiping the tears and snot off your face; you stare into his eyes, confused, until you realized what's happening. “You dont know what to say do you.” you watched as he nodded his head, disappointed at himself for not being able to get his words out, but you didn't blame him; you knew he said more through actions. You remember the first time he tried to say you’re more than a friend to him and watched as he continuously rambled about how much you mean to him and getting so far off topic he started using construction terms as a metaphor for your relationship. You knew what he meant. But you let him continue fumbling over his words before saying you felt the same. Since then, you’ve got used to him showing how he cares about you through his action and not getting too mad at his lack of communication. 

“Do you wanna talk about that or were you just trying to lighten the mood.” You asked him. You knew talking about babies, and parenting was hard for him, but you were unsure if he was ready to talk about how that information was affecting him. You watched as he shook his head and knew he was trying to lighten the mood; at least that was his intention, not quite sure it worked. 

“Trying to lighten the mood but I think I did the opposite.” he replied with an unsure smile; you let out a small laugh at his awkwardness, finding it cute. You nod and leaned forward, kissing his cheek. Before laying in the bed, you watch as he took his shoes off and joined you, laying in front of you pressing his back against you chest. Your arms wrap around his waist as you relaxed against him. You knew that both you and him had a lot of things that you’ll probably never gonna heal from or not worry about. You knew there's always gonna be a wound and hole in him from his daughter, and you were always gonna worry about him and his health, But at least you had each other at this moment; that was all you focused on. 

“I love you Joel, I know its hard but well figure it out, well get through this together, you arent alone.” you spoke softly as your head lay on his shoulder. You feel his hand come on top of yours as it rested on his stomach, rubbing them. 

“I know baby, I-uh I love you too.” he whispers back; you smile against his shoulder as he verbally said it back for the first time. You didn't want to make too big a deal of it; you always knew he loved you. He showed it in multiple ways, but you will admit it sounded nice. you snuggled up, pulling him closer into your chest as you closed your eyes and let this awful day end.

#angel writes #joel <3 #the last of us #tlou spoilers #tlou hbo #joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel miller x female reader #Joel miller x reader angst #joel miller angst

[aangelichaos]

I'll Be Home For Christmas

Pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader

Rating: G

Summary: Your husband Joel is on a work trip, and he's not sure if he'll be home in time for Christmas.

Word Count: 1.6K

Warnings: No outbreak AU, angst with a happy ending, hurt/comfort, suggestive beginning

A/N: Help sorry if this is bad I forgot about it until Christmas Eve and then rushed to finish it lol, so if you see typos no you didn't. Happy holidays guys

“Oh, honey…” Joel groaned, gazing down at you reverently as his hands ran along your sides. “You’re gorgeous.”

“Mm, so are you,” you sighed, playing with the hair on the back of his neck. “My handsome man.”

“I love you, sweetheart,” he whispered, leaning down to press a searing kiss to your lips. His hand captured your cheek as he gently tilted his head, deepening the kiss.

“I love you too,” you panted out as your broke the kiss.

“Gonna let me show you how much I love ya?” Joel purred as his mouth latched onto your neck, sucking on that spot that made your knees weak.

“Yes,” you sighed, your fingers digging into his back. “Please, Joel.”

“Don’t gotta beg, honey,” Joel assured you as his kisses trailed down to your shoulder. One of his hands had found its way into your hair while the other gently rubbed circles into your lower back, holding you close. “I know what ya need.”

He kissed his way back up to your mouth and took your lips with his once again, kissing you deep and thorough. You let out a breathless moan into his mouth and he groaned, nipping at your lip in response.

“Joel,” you whined, pressing yourself closer to him as he slid his knee between your thighs, giving you the friction you so desperately needed-

BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.

You groaned, rolling over in your empty bed to turn off your alarm. ‘Why do I always wake up right before the good part,’ you thought as you sat up, rubbing your bleary eyes. You turned to check the time. 8:16. Shit, you overslept.

You sighed and got up, sliding your slippers onto your feet before padding down the stairs. You walked into the kitchen to see Sarah at the stove, making breakfast. God, you loved that kid. You smiled softly, leaning against the doorway. "Hey, kiddo. Whatcha making?"

Sarah turned to you with a bright smile. "Scrambled eggs."

You hummed, nodding your head. "There better not be shell in them this time."

"It's calcium, Mom!"

Your heart nearly melted at that. Mom. You were never going to get used to that. "Alright, sure. Thank you for making breakfast, honey."

"It's nothing," she said, waving her hand dismissively.

"You hear anything from your dad?" you asked, sitting down at the kitchen table.

She nodded, turning to you as she took the eggs off the stove. "I texted him, like, thirty minutes ago. He said that he's gonna try to get a flight home overnight so he can be here by Christmas mornin'."

You sighed, nodding. "Okay. I just... wish that he didn't have to go on that trip."

"Me too," she mumbled, handing you a plate of eggs, which you gratefully took with a thank you. "I bet he'll make it work. He always does."

You nodded, taking a bite. "Yeah, he does."

After breakfast, you washed the dishes while Sarah told you about how she was 'pretty sure' Jason was going to ask her to the dance. You loved the way she opened up to you, confided in you in a way you doubt she ever would with Joel. Maybe it was because you were a woman, maybe it was because she felt like you wouldn't tease her (which you wouldn't). But whatever it was, you were so grateful to be able to bond with your adoptive daughter like this.

Once the dishes were done, you made hot chocolate and watched Home Alone together.

"What would you do if you accidentally left me home alone?" Sarah asked.

"Well, that would never happen," you assured her, kissing the top of her head. "But if we did, I think I wouldn't be much different than her," you said, gesturing towards the frantic mother on the screen. "And I bet your dad would be even worse."

She giggled. "Yeah, he totally would. I broke my leg when I was six, and I think that's the only time I've ever seen him cry."

You couldn't help the giggle that escaped your lips. "He just loves you, kiddo."

She smiled softly, taking a sip of her hot chocolate. "Yeah, I know."

As the hours passed without any word from Joel, you started to lose hope of him making it home. Christmas Eve didn't feel the same without him there, and you were sure Christmas without him would just be depressing. You had just about given up hope when Joel called during dinner. You frantically picked up your phone. "Joel?"

"Hi, honey..." he sighed.

Oh. Oh no. You could tell from just his tone that he didn't have good news. "What's going on, baby?" you asked, bracing yourself.

"Every flight is packed full. Earliest I could be home is tomorrow night." he explained. You could hear the frustration and sadness in his voice, and it just about broke your heart.

You sighed heavily, your shoulders slumping. You wanted to cry. You missed him so badly, and he wouldn't even be home for Christmas. Christmas! "Alright, honey."

"I'm so sorry, darlin'. I want to be home with you two so bad," he apologized. You looked over to Sarah, who was watching you with a worried look. You looked up, trying to blink back the tears threatening to fall.

"No, it's not your fault, Joel. I know you do." you said, barely keeping your voice from wavering.

"I'll keep tryin', baby. Okay?" he murmured comfortingly into the phone.

"Okay," you whispered. "I love you."

"Love you too. I'll talk to ya later, alright?"

"Yep," you sighed, ending the call. You put your phone down on the table and groaned.

"...What did he say?" Sarah asked tentatively.

"He won't be home until tomorrow night," you muttered.

"Seriously?!" she shouted. "What the hell?! This is so unfair, it's Christmas! Everyone deserves to be with their family. You're telling me there isn't a single plane with one open seat?!"

"I don't know, Sarah. I guess not," you sighed, tears welling in your eyes. "Sorry," you whispered, wiping them away.

Sarah sighed, sadness evident on her face. "There's always next Christmas, I guess..." she mumbled dejectedly.

The rest of Christmas Eve passed miserably. The excitement and hope were gone, replaced by a sadness that you knew you wouldn't stop feeling until your husband came home to you. You couldn't imagine how it was for Sarah. Christmas was so magical for kids, and her dad not being there to celebrate with her was probably sucking all the fun right out of it.

You and Joel talked again that night after Sarah was in bed. He told you there was nothing he could do, that he'd done everything he could. You'd been expecting it, but it still hurt.

"I'm so sorry, honey," he apologized again.

"We'll be alright. We miss you lots, but there's nothing we can do. We'll just have to deal with it," you sighed, resigning yourself to accepting that you would have to celebrate Christmas without your husband.

"I'll make it up to you two," he promised.

"Just come home as soon as you can, that's all you need to do," you assured him.

"Will do, baby. I love you so much," he cooed.

"I love you too, hun," you echoed.

"I'll see you tomorrow night, okay? I promise."

"Okay, Joel. See you tomorrow night."

With that you ended the call, letting out a quiet, frustrated sob as you tossed your phone onto your nightstand. You wrapped presents alone that night, and you were sure you'd never felt more lonely in your life.

You were rudely awoken by your alarm the next morning. You groaned, getting up to go wake Sarah up.

"Merry Christmas, baby girl," you whispered, gently shaking her.

Sarah peeked her eyes open, turning to look up at you. She smiled softly. "Hi, Mom. Merry Christmas," she mumbled, getting up. You walked into the living room together, and you smiled when she gasped at the sight of the presents under the tree.

She raced over to grab one for you and one for her. "Here, let's open them together," she said.

You smiled sadly at the "To the love of my life, from Joel" scrawled on the gift tag. "Okay, honey."

Before you could do anything else, though, you were interrupted by a knock on the door. You sighed and got up, walking to the door. Who the hell was even at the door at 8:30 on Christmas morning?

Joel. Joel was at the door at 8:30 on Christmas morning. "Honey-" you gasped as he tugged you into a tight hug. "Wha- how did-"

"Got someone to sell me their ticket," he sighed into the crook of your neck. "Two in the goddamn morning, said he didn't have anyone to get home to anyways. Sad, but... he told me I could have his. That I needed it more than him. Twenty-five dollars for this ticket. Got on board ten minutes later."

You pulled away to give him a kiss before Sarah ran in to hug him. "Dad! I thought you weren't comin' home!"

"So did I," he chuckled. "But I'm here now. I missed you both," he said, placing a kiss on Sarah's forehead. "Did I miss anything?"

"Nope, we just woke up," Sarah exclaimed. "Come on, we gotta open these presents!"

You and Joel laughed and walked over to the tree, hand in hand.

You didn't spend a moment apart for the rest of the day. And after Sarah went to bed at the end of the day, he made your dream from the night before come true. Call it a Christmas miracle.

#joel miller #joel miller x reader #the last of us #tlou #tlou fanfiction #joel miller x reader angst #joel tlou #the last of us x reader #tlou x reader #christmas fic

[and-claudia]

Against All Odds (Joel Miller x Fem! Reader) Prologue pt.1

Warnings: Cannon Typical graphicness, no Joel in this part, this one is also in 3rd person (that will change in later parts)

Word Count: 1143

General Warnings for later on: The main story will have an age gap between Joel and the reader (Reader will be 25 once we get to the main storyline), this will also be your warning that it will eventually be an x pregnant reader (if that's not your jam, I'm sorry) there is also going to be more graphic/trigger parts later on so please always to be sure to read the warnings BEFORE reading. This story will also be 18+ and TO BE ON THE TAGLIST YOU CAN NOT BE AN AGELESS BLOG (i do actually check that) also there first hand full of parts are all prologue so Joel won't actually be in it for a bit

(Once I have my TLOU masterlist i will link it here)

Taglist sign-up form

September 26th 2003

Giggles filled the air as Yn ran around the backyard with her older brothers. There were six plus her ranging from 18 to 5 with little Yn being the youngest. Scott was the oldest. He was supposed to be in his first year of college down in Austin at the University of Texas, but he decided to take a gap year to help out with his younger siblings. Their parents tried to insist that he go, that this wasn’t his responsibility but he chose to stay. Roy was a grade A student, a Junior at their local high school. His twin, Zeak, was the quarterback of their high school football team. Everyone was excited to go to the Friday night games this fall, even little Yn. She may not understand the game, or why she gets drug all over North Texas every other Friday night, but she knew she was cheering on her brother and that was all she cared about. Chris was a sophomore, he found his passion in the automotive shop at school. He could take apart just about any car and put it right back together again. Marc was a freshman, he was still trying to decide what he wanted to do with his life, which was reasonable for someone his age. He had a knack for math though and could be found most weeknights helping his two younger siblings with their homework, even if one of them was just beginning addition. Alan was the youngest of the boys, and was originally thought to be the youngest of the family. He had a wild imagination and loved to tell stories to his younger sister. Which brings us to the youngest of the bunch, Yn. She was a wild little girl. Her mother had always wanted a baby girl, but was so grateful and completely over the moon with her boys. After Alan she wasn’t expecting any more babies, so when she fell pregnant again and they found it was a girl she was excited. She tried to get Yn to be a girly girl but with six older brothers, it was tough. 

All seven of them were outside today. It was a beautiful day on September 26th, 2003. The feelings of Autumn were finally just starting to inch their way into North Texas with a light breeze that tickled Yn’s arms when she chased after her brothers. 

“Let’s go grab the fishin’ poles and go down the creek! I bet there will be tons of fish!” Roy hollered getting everyone to stop. 

All the boys agreed and so he and Scott went off to find all the poles. 

“Alan! That’s not fair!” Yn whined. 

“Why not bug?” He asked, using her nickname. 

“Pa said I can’t go down there! Says the water gonna swipe me away!” She pouted, crossing her arms. 

“Hey, let's go ask him. Maybe since we’re all going, and the waters lower he’ll let you go. Come on, let's go ask.” He suggested. 

Yn thought for a moment and nodded before dashing towards the house. She threw open the back screen door and almost smack dab into her father who was just about to start making supper. 

“Whoa, killer where’s the fire?” He asked, grabbing her by her shoulders to stop her. 

“Can- I- go to- creek- with them?” She asked between deep breaths. 

Her father thought for a moment and looked to Alan for more information. 

“We’re getting the fishing poles to head down there for a bit. Figured since we’re all going, and the water is low, maybe she can go this time. She’s never been down there before.” He explained. 

“The drought did dry up that creek some… I guess. You mind your brothers though. And you better not get a speck of mud on the dress, or Ma is going to be mad at you.” He said. 

The little girl nodded vigorously. Then she and her brother ran back out and they all began the trek down to the creek. The seven of them spent the afternoon and early evening playing hide and seek, splashing in the water, climbing trees, fishing and just having fun. 

As the sun set they headed back for the house. Once they got there they all washed up and then ate dinner. Yn took her bath and was off to sleep not too soon after. 

Not even 2 hours later, Yn was jolted awake. 

“Come on, I got you shoes already, some clothes. Grab Teddy come on, we gotta go now!” Her oldest brother Scott was yelling at her. 

Yn was drowsy from just waking up and couldn’t understand what was being said. Scott saw this and just opted to scoop her up, grab her teddy bear, and ran out of the house with her as fast as he could. When he got to the stairs he slowed down and peered around the corner. She was occupied for the moment so he took that as his chance to run. He ran down the stairs and out the door, straight to the minivan his dad was already waiting for him in. He got in the backseat with Yn, who was now crying in fear in his arms. The streets were chaos, even in their small town of Canton, Texas. 

Yn was in shock. What had she just seen in their living room? It looked like Ma. But surely it wasn’t right? Ma was in the front seat where she always is. 

Yn looked to the front seat and was confused to see Chris there instead and Zeak in the seat beside them. 

“Where’s Ma?” She asked. 

“She’ll meet up with us later. Her and the rest of your brothers, don’t worry.” Pa said, though his voice sounded sad. 

‘Maybe he’s just sleepy?’ Yn thought to herself, it was the middle of the night after all. 

Her mind drifted back to the figure in the living room. It was hovering over something… no not something… someone. She would recognize  Alan’s bleached hair anywhere… and beside him… she knew that it was Roy and Marc. She wasn’t sure how but she just knew. And despite what her father had said, despite her age, she knew that Ma and her brothers wouldn’t be meeting back up with them. 

Deep down she knew that what she had seen was her Ma, well what used to be her Ma biting Alan, killing him. And she knew that she had already done the same to Roy and Marc. If it wasn’t for Scott she probably would’ve been one of the next ones to meet that same fate. 

Yn knew that something had happened and it would change a lot, but no one was prepared for the hell that had just been unleashed on the world, nor if they would even survive it. 

Joel Fic Taglist:

@sexyvixen7@joelmillerslays@elliaze@strawbab

@little-lovely-darling

@swimmjacket@watercolorskyy@mserynlarsen@sebby-staan@beelanie@jellybeanxc

@fan-g0rl

#joel tlou #joel miller x pregnant reader #joel miller x reader #joel miller #joel miller x reader angst #the last of us #joel the last of us #hbo the last of us #hbo tlou #joel miller hbo #joel miller fanfiction

[inkbyajm]

of unspoken words

masterlist: part 1 part 2 part 3 part 4 part 5 part 6

pairing: joel miller x f!reader

tropes: fluff, angst, hurt-comfort, slow-burn

warnings: 11 year age-gap (reader is 24-25, joel is 35-36), clothing description, arguing

word count: ~6300

author’s note: this took forever to put out because life got in the way, but i did have fun writing angst. this chapter takes course in a span of a year. goodbye, 2003.

————-　❈　————-

Five

He found her in the crowd of the Auditorium shores.

Four

Her back facing him, she stood in front of Tommy as he looked down at her.

Three

Grasping her shoulders, Tommy flashed her a smile.

Two

He leaned down, his face disappearing behind her head.

One

Joel didn't have to see in the darkness to know what was happening.

Happy New Year!

"Hey!" Joel snapped out of his daze, frowning at Tommy who was behind the wheel. "You sleepin'?"

"No, just...thinkin' of stuff."

"Good, 'cause we're here." 

Tommy had begged Joel to go out drinking with him for some time, the latter never feeling up to it: he was either tired, busy, hanging out with Sarah, or whatever other excuses he came up with. The only reason they were walking up the steps to 'Lucky Luke's' was because he had lost the bet on how long their project was going to take. They finished much earlier than Joel had confidently anticipated. He had a suspicion his brother set him up for failure, but he didn't bother to bring it up, wanting to enjoy his evening after a successful job. They entered the establishment which turned out to be bigger than it appeared from the outside. The interior was old and rustic, everything from the chairs to the panels on the walls was made of hardwood. There were all kinds of lights strung up about the ceiling, the walls were decorated with pictures of patrons, sports-related posters, number plates, flags, and so on. The music, thankfully, was quiet enough for people to hear each other. The brothers sat down at the far end of the L-shaped counter, waiting for someone to take their order.

"Remind me why we didn't go to Buddy's?" Joel asked somewhat annoyedly. He wasn't the biggest fan of changing environments.

"Because fuck Luiz and his overpriced beer. Besides, I have a feeling you'll find this place a lot more interesting."

Rubbing his face, Joel scrunched his nose. "Christ, Tommy, we've never been here. How do you know their shit don't taste like flavored tap water?"

"I trust the person who works here." Tommy replied, looking ahead.

The eldest Miller followed his gaze and saw her there, rapidly getting two glasses from under the bar and serving a young couple their cocktails. Fumbling with her notepad, she made her way across to the pair, pen in hand.

"Hi, how can I help you?" and it was only then that she looked up to see Tommy and Joel with their arms folded in front of them, the former giving her a childish smile along with a wave. "What- how'd you find out I work here? Did you stalk me? Should I get the FBI involved?"

"Good to see you too, (Y/N/N). Heard some of the guys talk about a pretty lady workin' at Lucky Luke's. Description matched so I thought it was finally time to check it out and see your impressive skills for myself," he said, clapping Joel on his shoulder. "Brought this one along with me. You don't mind, do you?"

She looked at her employer, who only gave her a brow raise. They hadn't seen much of each other since the year started, since the countdown at the Auditorium shores, since she and Tommy shared a moment much more intimate than the one they'd had on Christmas Eve. He knew he shouldn't have involved himself, especially not with the babysitter out of all people; but she gave him a scarf, a scarf she took time to knit and embroider his initials on. It sparked something in him he hadn't felt in a long time, thinking she'd felt it too. Who are you kidding? She was young, she was ambitious, and he had no business involving himself with her unless he wanted to come off as a creep. So he stopped, and boy did it eat him up inside.

They watched as she looked at the clock and disappeared behind the door near the other end of the counter. They sat in confusion for a couple of minutes until the door opened again and she walked out without her apron.

“What are you boys having?”

Tommy squinted at the board next to them, “I’ll have a pint of Blood & Honey, pretty please. Joel?”

The other brother sat with his brows furrowed, having a difficult time making a choice. Possibly running out of patience, (Y/N) took three-pint glasses from the hanging shelf above her head and poured yellow liquids into two of them, the last one appearing brown. She slid the latter to Joel, then hopped up and over the wooden counter to take a seat next to Tommy.

“You have great timing, I happen to have finished my shift,” she said and raised her glass to clink it against his. “So, what’s new?”

While Tommy talked restlessly about the day they’ve had, the bet they made, and exciting events coming up, Joel quietly nodded along every now and then, but mostly he observed her. She seemed different in an environment made for adults than she did at home with his 12-year-old kid. Ripped dark-blue jeans, sturdy boots, a military-green tank top, and a plaid shirt – she seemed like she belonged. Looking was fair game, as long as he didn’t interact too much, everything was going to be fine.

One pint down, Tommy excused himself to the bathroom, leaving his brother in a situation he didn’t want to be in. The two sat in silence for a bit, looking at their folded hands on the countertop.

“We got married pretty young, me and my ex-wife,” he suddenly spoke, keeping his eyes low. “She was my high-school sweetheart, my world. Then we got married and it all went downhill. To be honest, I’m not sure what happened even to this day. Maybe she felt suffocated, overwhelmed; I remember how hard the pregnancy was for her. In the end, a short time after Sarah was born, we had…an explosive argument. She loved her, she did, but it wasn’t enough to commit to that life. So she left, and I never saw or heard from her again.”

(Y/N) sat unmoving, then took the last sip from her glass. “Why are you telling me this, Mr. Miller?”

The formal address stung more than it should have. “Thought you deserved to know.”

“Is this what you’ve been contemplating for the past three months you’ve been freezing me out?” she laughed bitterly, looking at him for the first time since she sat down. “’ Should I or should I not provide additional lore on the mystery that is Joel Miller’?”

“(Y/N/N)-”

“Respectfully, sir, you don’t get to move the boundary lines whenever and however you want. You don’t want to be friends? That’s perfectly fine, I’ll remain respectful from now on-”

“No, just- I’m sorry, alright? I didn’t mean to freeze you out, I-” he stared at the empty glass in his hand before she took it and hopped back over the bar to refill both of their drinks. “I don’t really have friends, and I certainly wouldn’t want our relationship to affect yours with Sarah-”

“You don’t trust me to do a good enough job despite my feelings?” she looked less angry then, more dejected.

“I do. I trust you to look after Sarah more than I do that meathead over there,” both of them looked at the far end of the room to find Tommy, with an already half-empty glass, talking with some townsfolk. “It’s myself I don’t trust.”

(Y/N) looked at him then, at the hint of sorrow displayed on his face, and leaned against the counter, their faces merely inches away from one another, “You were doing just fine, Joel. Just talk to me, okay? I promise I’m as reasonable and as patient as they come.”

He could beat himself up over having his heart squeeze at the sight of her smile later. At that moment, all he wanted to do was get to know another side of the woman he could proudly call a friend.

————-　❈　————-

Summer came much quicker than any of them had anticipated. And while (Y/N) had already made plans to stay with her family until September, her schedule for the first half of June was empty. And thankfully it was because if there's one thing she did not have in her 2002 bingo card, it's a cruise trip in the Caribbean.

"What's this?" she said as she stared at the envelope given to her by Joel. Sarah sat in the living room, whatever she was watching on the television long forgotten as she tried to concentrate on the conversation going on in the kitchen. 

"Open it."

"Are you paying me early this month?" she chuckled as she began to carefully tear it open. Her hands froze when she pulled out the printed tickets.

"An all-expenses-paid trip to cruise around with us in June," he pointed at the black-and-white printing, noting her silence. "Shit, I didn't think of- You're not busy, are you?"

"N-no, I'm leaving on the 17th but," she looked up at him. "Joel, I can't take this."

"What do you mean?"

"I- this is crazy. It probably cost you hundreds of dollars, I mean it's too generous-"

"I bought the tickets at a cheaper price months ago. Think of it as the other half of your Christmas present," he explained, his body filled with dread at the idea of making such a bold gesture. "Look, I don't want to make you feel like we're forcing you into anything. If you don't want to go, it's fine. I can get a full refund-"

She jumped on him then, with her arms tightly wrapped around him, she was almost hanging off his neck. He gladly caught her, chuckling in relief. "Of course, I'll come, I'd be more than happy to."

Rapid steps were heard coming from the living room and just as (Y/N) had detached herself from the man in front of her, a smaller body crashed into hers. "You're coming! We're gonna have so much fun!" said Sarah, jumping up and down excitedly.

The young woman wasn't exactly sure of what there was to do on a gigantic boat in the middle of the Gulf of Mexico. However, she soon found out they had programs for the entirety of their 4-night stay, which included karaoke, dancing, games, and trivia nights. 

On the first day, (Y/N) found out the Miller brothers had pipes on them, singing and jamming to songs from Radiohead and the like. She’d never seen Joel that relaxed, carefree, or joyful; he moved as if nothing else in the world mattered but that moment they were living in. She and Sarah performed ABBA and Hallican Drops songs, riding on the confidence boost given by the crowd cheering them on enthusiastically.

Another day passed, and while Sarah went to join kids her age for ‘Youth Night’, the adults hit the bar for ‘Trivia Night’. The following things were facts: Joel and (Y/N) are equally competitive, Joel is a sore loser, (Y/N) gets loud when she’s passionate, and Tommy is there to have a drink and a laugh. Despite the small disputes and a few I-told-you-so’s, team ‘Lucky Jackasses’ managed to secure second place and win $120 worth of beverages as well as a three-course meal dinner for all the team members.

After the event, once everyone was settled with drinks in their hands, Tommy walked towards the railing to find (Y/N) leaning against it, gazing at the vast ocean.

“Whatcha doin’?”

Her head turned, the startled expression replaced by a smile as he put his jacket around her shoulders. “Just lookin’, admiring.”

“For such a nice lady, I didn’t think you could turn so intense so quick.”

She laughed, feeling a bit embarrassed at the amount of times she’d slammed the table or wildly gestured with her hands. “Yeah, I can get really competitive when it comes to games and such. I can take a loss, though, not like a certain someone.”

“Now imagine how I felt growing up. Thank the lord I was never like that, or else we woulda killed each other a long time ago.” he reminisced.

“Where is he anyway?”

“Went to put Sarah to bed. Think he might have hit the hay himself, the old man.”

There was a minute of silence where both of them just stared at the daunting darkness ahead of them.

“He ain’t the slickest when it comes to things like this. You gotta be more obvious with him, or else you’ll torture yourself for a long time until he finally makes a decision.”

She felt pressure in her chest. Of course, Tommy would find out. “What are you referring to?”

“Come on, (Y/N/N),” he chuckled, looking at her with sympathy. “You’re not exactly hiding it. Look, Joel’s a great guy, and I’m his brother, I’d take any occasion to shit on him.”

“Tom-“

“It takes a lot to get through to him. His fear from past experiences and the need to protect Sarah hold him back, he might not even know that you’re feeling what you’re feeling. You do what you want to do, but my advice is: show him what it is you need him to see and make no room for ambiguity.”

She wanted to share her thoughts, express her doubts to the man she considered a close friend. But she couldn’t, not at that moment. So she spoke the very next thought aloud instead:

“It is so crazy to think we’re floating on a piece of metal in the middle of a large mass of water. So many creatures underneath us, so many people on board. Have you seen Titanic?”

“We are not talkin’, let alone thinkin’, about the Titanic right now.” Tommy said as he began physically retracting himself from the conversation.

“I can’t help-”

“Don’t,” he said firmly, pointing at her like one would at a misbehaving dog. “I am not letting anything or anyone fuck up my relaxation time.”

The two walked back to their adjacent rooms, slightly tipsy. They noted the darkness as soon as Tommy opened the door to his shared cabin - Joel was asleep until he wasn’t. Woken up by the faintest noise, he noticed the jacket she wore and the tired smile her face carried, indicating they had been out there for a long time. His hands clenched under the blanket at the sight of her hugging his brother goodnight as she whispered in his ear before departing.

—

The next day, as the ship docked at Cozumel, an island just off the coast of Mexico, the family decided to go out and explore what it had to offer. The activities mainly consisted of scuba diving, which Joel had reserved in advance due to Sarah’s insistence, swimming in crystal clear water, and exploring ruins. The eldest Miller seemed content and at peace, or at least he did at the beginning of their little expedition. (Y/N) couldn’t help but notice the cold emanating from him, the way he’d be quick to glue himself to Sarah even when he didn’t need to, those moments he’d be more interested in studying the bushes than interacting with her. Tommy was right, she needed to be more forward. The trip was an opportunity she didn’t want to waste. Realistically, the worst thing he could do is reject you and/or fire you, she thought, then you can go back to living your life without this anxiety. Or you could curl up in your cabin and cry. 

It started with small gestures: offering him water from her bottle, asking to take pictures of him and Sarah on her film camera, and pointing at pretty things during their diving session. Then, once she felt there was less resistance, she moved on to bumping shoulders with him, exchanging facts about the ancient Maya civilization, and splashing him with water as they all played in the sea. Just before they went out to swim, Sarah asked her babysitter if she could help with her sunscreen application. When she turned back to her towel, her eyes landed on a shirtless Joel. Her soon-to-be-35-year-old employer was exactly the kind of fit she imagined a father who works in construction to look like. He caught her staring, and to avoid drowning in embarrassment, she offered to apply sunscreen on his face. The entire process seemed way more intimate than it was. He stood very still, watching her work with such focus, gently gliding over the skin on his chin, his cheeks, under his eyes, his forehead, and his nose. Upon making accidental eye contact, he saw her get visibly flustered, causing her to take a step back.

“Could you get my back too?” he asked tentatively. “‘Afraid I’m not as flexible as I used to be.”

Whispering a quick ‘sure’, she began rubbing the cream on his shoulders first. She believed she had the green light to ease the tension in his muscles while they were at it. Unbelievably stiff at first, Joel relaxed under her touch with every circular movement of her thumbs. Feeling like she’d been at it for far too long, the young woman pulled away, earning a genuine ‘thank you’ accompanied by a smile. She had made great progress that day, showing just the right amount of affection to not spook him away. He wasn’t put off by any of it, however, which gave her a great sense of relief, an indication she’d been going in the right direction so far. 

Once the evening came, the group split into two pairs: Joel and (Y/N) went on a stroll on the beach not far away from the pier while Sarah and Tommy went to quench their thirst at the bar further away. Though they shared a few jokes and remarks about the beauty of their surroundings, their walk was mostly filled with comfortable silence. At some point, Joel’s phone went off, prompting him to walk further away from the waves.

Something smacked itself against her leg and looking down, (Y/N) realized it was a straw-coloured boater hat.

“Sorry! That’s mine.” she heard someone exclaim above the waves crashing onto the sand. A young man, seemingly her age, jogged up to her with a warm smile. “Wind’s picking up, blew it right off my big head.”

His comment made her giggle, handing over the headwear, “No problem, it happens.”

“Are you from the Voyager?”

“I am.”

“Where’s your family? You didn’t go on a cruise all by yourself, did you?”

“No, that would be kind of sad,” she chuckled. “I’m here with the family I babysit for.”

“Wow, you must be a damn good nanny,” his brows raised in astonishment. “Do they need a cleaner by any chance? A driver, maybe? I don’t ask for much, I can live in the basement. Hell, a closet would do!”

This made her burst out laughing, triggering him to do the same. “I also do all of those things, not sure I want to compete with someone over a job I like.”

“Alright, so if we look at the CV of a successful nanny, we have,” he said, putting on imaginary glasses and comically squinting at the equally nonexistent paper in his hand. “Intelligent, talented, able to grow arms to flip pancakes and iron a t-shirt at the same time, strikingly beautiful obviously, excellent cook because of course you are, am I missing anything?”

“I happen to have a natural talent for board games,” she smiled, proudly. “You can actually ask my boss, he has yet to beat me.” 

But as she turned her head, she saw Joel rapidly making his way further away from them.

“Sorry, it seems I’ve got to go,” she muttered, giving him an apologetic look as she walked backward. “It was nice to meet you, take care of that hat!”

(Y/N) was forced to jog up almost 30 feet to catch up to the brooding man.

“Hey, why didn’t you call me? Is it Sarah? Is Tommy alright?” The latter’s name seemed to deepen his scowl.

“No, just thought I’d leave you and Harold Lloyd to yourselves.” he grumbled, looking strictly ahead.

“I’m sorry for getting caught up in the conversation. He was being nice, you know, friendly tourist banter?”

“He was hitting on you, (Y/N), and if you can’t see that then you’re more naive than I thought.”

He had never treated her like anything but his equal, so naturally being called childish not only hurt her but woke something up inside her as well, all of the pent-up frustration suddenly coming to the surface.

“Fine, so he was flirting. Is that a problem?”

“No problem at all,” he said unconvincingly. “Just doing my job as a wingman.”

It took her a second to realize what, or rather who, he was referring to. “What the fuck does this have to do with Tommy?” He didn’t answer her immediately, taking long and quick strides along the sand. “Joel!”

He only stopped when she abruptly tugged at his arm, finally meeting his eyes. “You like him, don’t you?”

The question almost came as a slap. Where was this coming from? “What? Since when?!”

“Since you first laid eyes on each other last Christmas. Or since your kiss on New Year’s Eve. I don’t know, I’m not exactly keeping track.”

Instead of tugging at her hair, a need she strongly wanted to give into, the young woman rubbed her face with frustration instead. "I know you aren't stupid, and Tommy did warn me about how oblivious you can be, but good God, to this extent?"

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"I care about you, okay?" she shouted, sounding somewhat desperate.

Heavy silence passed, the only sounds being the relentless lapping of the waves accompanied by her heavy breathing. The two of them stared at each other as if truly seeing one another for the first time.

"I don't understand-"

"I like you, Joel. And I'm tired of tiptoeing around it." She sensed him battling with himself, his own emotions, his thoughts.

"You can't, you-" something resembling despair crossed his expression. "(Y/N/N), you're young-"

"Jesus, Joel, stop acting like you're decrepit!" she approached him then, noticing the way he took a couple of steps back. "You're just a guy in his thirties, raising a daughter, looking for...companionship in this messed-up world."

They were much closer now, chests almost touching, neither of them breaking eye contact. She caught him glancing at her lips for a millisecond, afraid to move even the slightest muscle. Her name didn't fully leave his mouth when she crashed her mouth onto his, shutting him up for good. She felt lightheaded yet more alive than ever, relishing in the feeling of his hands gently taking hold of her waist. They parted then to bring air back into their lungs as she pressed her forehead against his.

"You don't want to do this." he spoke in an almost pained whisper.

(Y/N) caressed his cheeks, maintaining eye contact. "Don't tell me what to do, Miller."

————-　❈　————-

Was the concept of love complicated in and of itself, or was it the people involved that made it unnecessarily difficult? The question floated around in his mind for months, like a ghost that needed to be laid to rest. Jane Eyre had fallen in love with the ever-brooding Mr Rochester. Elizabeth Bennett, too, succumbed to her feelings for the stubborn and slightly awkward Mr Darcy. And while it was common for young women to see older men in that period of history, an age gap as large as theirs was harder to deal with in modern days.

The months that followed their shared moment at the beach felt like torture. Joel tried to balance out his life, spending as much time with his daughter as he did working to make it a fun break for her. If there was one thing he didn’t want to be remembered for it’s being a negligent parent, someone who put their work before their own child. He also spent those long suffocating summer days thinking about her and wondering what she was getting up to. She had only sent one letter to the Millers for the entire duration of the season - it was a beautiful postcard along with a picture of herself and her friends surrounded by greenery. The back of the card read:

Dear Joel,

I hope your summer is going well. Mine certainly is! I sent you a picture of me and my friends in the middle of a hike, which was very difficult but oh so worth it! The views are spectacular here, I wish you could see it for yourself. Many kisses to you, to Tommy, and especially to Saz.

With love,

She seemed so happy, her face beaming despite her sore limbs and sweaty skin. She deserved that kind of life, the kind where she would smile and laugh more often than she cried or frowned, the kind where she could rely on her partner at all times to have her needs met and her concerns heard, the kind she would feel supported even for the smallest things. Joel wanted to give her that life, but he wasn’t sure if he could. What she didn’t deserve was unanswered calls, postponed dates, tired exchanges, weird glances, constant worry, concerned comments, or countless excuses. It wasn’t a certainty that life with him would be like that, but it was a possibility, which was already too much of a risk. She might have reconsidered her feelings already, using her time away to really think about what she was getting into. He didn’t know when she’d be back, either, so instead of obsessing over it, he decided to occupy his mind with other things.

When his 35th birthday came around, it started just about how he expected it to. He woke up, feeling just as old as ever, got dressed, and went downstairs to be welcomed by the sight of Sarah setting up his birthday breakfast with Tommy’s very generous help. Afterward, they packed Tommy’s truck for the day, drove the child to school, and went to work. In the evening, on their way home, Joel noticed how weirdly non-talkative his brother was, letting the radio fill the silence instead.

“What’s going on?”

Tommy looked at him confusedly, “What do you mean?”

“You’re awfully silent.”

“What, am I not allowed to be?” he chuckled in response. “Do you want me to talk? ‘Cause I can. In fact, I was thinking about how Johnny-”

“Never mind, just- just forget I said anything.” Joel sighed, dismissing the conversation with a wave of his hand.

Once they parked in front of the garage, the absence of light in the house didn’t go unnoticed by the owner.

“Did Sarah tell you about goin’ to a friend’s?” he asked, suddenly anxious.

“I don’t recall. Maybe she went to bed.” his brother shrugged, prompting his brother to check his watch. It was only half past eight.

Carefully, he walked up to the door, its unlocked state rendering him vigilant, and cautiously walked into the pitch-black living room.

“Sarah?” he called out into what seemed to be an empty room.

Before he could take another step, all of the smaller lights turned on simultaneously as a group of people yelled ‘Surprise!’, each of them wearing some kind of silly party accessories such as a hat, oversized colorful glasses, or a boa. He also noted the sudden presence of confetti on himself, turning his head to see Tommy grinning with a party popper in his hand. The individuals standing in his home were all the closest he had to ‘friends’: people he had worked and gotten along with, a couple of dads he befriended through Sarah’s soccer games and the Adlers. Everyone took turns to hug the birthday boy before engaging in conversations in separate parts of the room. Sarah was the last and he gladly swept her into the biggest and warmest hug, immensely proud of his little girl.

“Did you plan this?”

“Yeah, Uncle Tommy helped. Do you like it?”

It was only then that he really looked at the way the space was decorated with streamers, balloons, cut-outs, and a big banner that read ‘Happy 35th, Joel’.

“I love it, baby girl, thank you.” he squeezed her one more time before letting go and walking over to catch up with every guest. 

Everyone served themselves to the food put out on the coffee table, something the guests contributed to: deviled eggs, cheese pretzels, small cups of hummus and veggie sticks, fried shrimp, and a very well-assembled charcuterie board. After about an hour of chatting, Sarah announced it was time for his gift. His eyes were covered with a bandana then he heard her scurrying away towards the kitchen, turning the lights off on the way. He sat there for a few seconds and then heard it. He wasn’t sure if his ears were deceiving him, making him think (Y/N) was singing happy birthday to him. The pit in his stomach grew. She isn’t here, you’re making it up, you are losing it. But she sounded so vivid. When the song was over, he lowered the bandana with shaking hands and saw her standing in front of him, her face illuminated by the soft glow of the candles on the cake held by his daughter. Without thinking, he took a couple of steps and crashed his lips on hers rougher than he intended to. The deafening applause and cheering were drowned out by his emotions as he felt her flesh under his palms, desperately clinging onto her waist with one hand and her head with the other. Once they parted to catch their breath, he pressed his forehead against hers, wanting to keep her as close as possible.

“I missed you,” he whispered, the most vulnerable he’d ever been in front of others. “So damn much.”

“I missed you too,” she gently ran her thumbs across his cheeks, feeling many butterflies at the sight of his smile. “I meant what I said on the beach. I want to do this and a million more things with you.”

Their moment had to be interrupted by Tommy shoving a camcorder in their faces, asking to ‘say hello to the future’. Joel’s only response was to try and get the camera back (to no avail). The candles, long blown out by Sarah, were lit once more so he could properly make a wish. And all he could hope for as he stood there, surrounded by the people closest to him, was more moments just like it.

————-　❈　————-

Things only looked up for the pair from then on. They celebrated every single holiday together, dressed up for Halloween (after much pleading from (Y/N), who did not spare Joel’s little brother from her shenanigans) to enjoy the festivities with Sarah, organized countless movie nights and board-game sessions, and even frequented Sarah’s soccer games together more often than not. Everything was going smoothly until after her graduation when both of them realized what it meant for their future.

The weeks that followed were nothing but tense. It started with Joel distancing himself for no apparent reason, which naturally caused his lover to start asking questions. She was frustrated she had to pry him back open after they’d spent so much time together. He was avoidant, he was cold, and he made excuses, leading to the biggest argument they’d ever had after she barged into his house one evening when Sarah was away. It was a lot of yelling, many accusations, and even more words neither of them really meant.

“I can’t do this if you don’t talk to me, Joel.”

“Then don’t. Go,” he was heaving. She’d never seen him so angry. “I warned you. At the very beginning. I warned you and you didn’t listen, so this is all on you.”

She stepped out into the summer night with her face stained with endless tears, her eyes puffy, and her throat raw, hiccupping all the way to her car. As soon as the door closed, she broke down again, pouring her grief onto her steering wheel. That night was the last time she would visit the Miller residence. She said goodbye to Sarah alone a few weeks later, just before hitting the road. She would, however, see Joel again months later.

————-　❈　————-

September 26th, 2003.

09:06 pm

She walked down the street in downtown Austin, heading towards the bus that would take her on an hour-and-a-half trip to San Antonio. Vehicle in sight, she was only a few feet away from leaving the city behind before a voice called her name. She didn’t need to turn around to identify it. She wanted to be dramatic and petty and just get on the bus and not dwell on the past, but the past caught up to her. The past stood behind her as she stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, cursing her treacherous heart, her stupid heart, her naive heart that got her into this mess in the first place. Love and hatred pulled her in opposite directions, and she realized then that despite seemingly having made her mind up at the start of summer, she was to decide her future right then and there: standing at the border of two lives with little to no time. 

He called out for her again, and she gave in, owing herself a proper resolution to that affair.

“Hi, Joel.” she said, her tone flat as if talking to a stranger.

“I thought you left months ago.”

“I went on a trip around the country with some friends. They canceled my flight in San Antonio last week, and rescheduled it to 5 am tomorrow.” 

The rescheduling was a pain in the ass. It meant she had to either book a cheap hotel near the airport and pray she wouldn’t miss her flight, or worse, sleep directly at the terminal. She had a strange sensation the universe was trying to stop her from going anywhere.

“Oh, well,” he mumbled, his hands in his jean pockets, finding sudden interest in his shoes. “I’m sorry.”

Feeling like this interaction was going nowhere, (Y/N) bid him a good night and resumed her walk towards the bus. 

“For everything. I’m sorry for all of it.” his voice came closer. The feeling of deep-rooted sadness battled with the sensation of pent-up anger for control of her mind and body.

She scoffed, revealing a bit of that irritation, “And you call me difficult.”

“Look, I know, alright? I know I’m a stubborn asshole. I know that I can be cold and distant, I know I’m not very good at communicating. I wish-” he paused to catch his breath, or maybe think about his words before they slipped out. “I wish you hadn’t seen that side of me. God knows I haven’t felt so…at peace until I met you. I like who I am when you’re around, you balance me out. It’s selfish, very selfish, I mean you’ve got a whole future ahead of you, so many promising opportunities. And I guess I wanted to spare you from crashing and burning down the line, chained down to some guy going through a midlife crisis in Austin. I can’t tell you how sorry I am. I shouldn’t have treated you the way I did that night and I won’t ever forgive myself for it, but I couldn’t bear the thought of you believing those words, so here I am.”

By the end of his monologue, small salty drops stained the ground beneath (Y/N)’s feet. Her heart ached for two reasons: the reassurance that he didn’t grow tired of her after all, and the grief of having to lose her love once again. She turned back to face him, noting his pleading eyes, and silently went up to wrap her arms around his neck, feeling his warmth, taking in his cologne, for the last time.

“I forgive you.”

“You don’t have to-”

“I forgive you, Joel. Happy birthday.” Her hands stroked the back of his head soothingly. She realized he was crying too, her jacket bunched up in his fists, his heart audibly breaking.

This wasn’t a fairytale, like the ones she used to read to Sarah. It wasn’t one of her period romance novels. Their story came to a bittersweet end; she felt thankful, however, that it had an end at all.

“Please be happy, okay? I don’t want you sulking around just because I’m not here to act as your personal cheerleader.” she spoke quietly, holding his face, her world, in her hands.

Joel chuckled through tears, “Don’t worry, Sarah can cover for you.”

The mention of her name caused another round of tears to pool in her eyes. “Tell Saz I’m sorry, and that I love her greatly. Tell Tommy I’ll miss him too; his snoring, not so much.”

After another beat of laughter and silence, the two reluctantly parted, acknowledging that her bus was to leave at any minute. Before he lost her for good, Joel pulled her in for one last kiss, sharing her pain and heartache.

“Be good.” she whispered into his lips before forcing herself to board the bus with a heavy heart.

She saw him outside her window, putting up a palm against the glass for her to mimic. As the bus drove away from its station, she watched as her lover became smaller and smaller before receding from her view. With the family she cared for behind her, the young woman observed the disappearing scenery of the city she called her second home with a fresh set of tears.

————-　❈　————-

masterlist: part 1 part 2 part 3 part 4 part 5 part 6

tags: @elliaze @joeldjarin

#joel miller fanfic #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller one shot #joel miller x reader #joel miller fluff #joel miller x fem!reader #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x you #joel miller angst #joel miller x reader angst

[me-and-your-husband]

mine truly and forever || j. miller

summary: joel comes back to you in whatever way he can. part two of “yours truly and forever”. 

warnings: smut, creampie, oral (male and female receiving), overstimulation, multiple orgasms, dirty talk, unprotected sex, language, dirty talk

word count: 4k

A/N: this took me awhile to get out, sorry everybody! also, i really didn’t plan on writing a part 2 to this, but the demand was really high. not my best work, so i just fed you all with smut instead lmao

here’s my masterlist if you’d like to read more of my work!

You had long since given up hope that Joel was coming back for you. 

Every morning, you woke and swallowed down the tightening in your throat, the knot in your stomach. You believed he had moved on. Maybe he found his brother and settled down with Ellie.

Anything was better than what was most likely. Anything was better than him being dead.

You rose with the sun and fell with it too, wondering every day if you’d ever see him again. If you’d ever get to laugh with him, or cry with him, or touch him. Some part of you thought that, maybe, your night spent together was just his desperation for some human touch. All you were to him was a way to satiate his desire. Maybe.

You tried not to think about it, but the thought of him him him seeped into everything you did. Feeding the cows? You thought about Joel. Harvesting? You thought about Joel. Cooking? You thought about Joel. Laying awake at night, eyes flitting across the darkness, searching for something? You thought about Joel. 

So, yeah, you’d given up on the idea of him awhile ago. 

It had been two years since that night. The night you gave yourself wholly to him. The night you let him into the most intimate parts of your body and soul. Since you let him crawl through you, seeing into your depths. 

The first few months after him were honeyed in hope. When your alarm went off, signaling something was trying to breach your perimeter, you rushed to the camera and prayed it was Joel. It was always just some stray infected or moose or something that wasn’t him. As the snow melted, your heart was loyal. You breathed in the belief of his words every morning. The slush on the ground a reminder that he’d be safer in the warm weather, that he’d come back to you sooner. The summer was warm. Your garden thrived, preparing for his return. You ate strawberries on your porch and basked in the golden sun, soaking in the heat. Your skin dripped in sweat, heart dripping in steadfast hope. 

In the winter, you faltered. You still hoped for his return, you still believed in his promise, but you started thinking about other possibilities. Though, you rarely entertained them. Another spring passed. And another summer. Another fall, winter, and spring. It was summer now, but the heat was more suffocating, the sunshine more of a nuisance.

Over the last winter, you grit your teeth and weathered your bones. You felt betrayal, deep in your gut. Had he lied? Just to keep you solitary? To keep you from chasing after him? To keep you away?

You didn’t know. You didn’t care. Did you?

You didn’t know.

You had given him everything, but he couldn’t keep a promise.

You forced yourself to separate the idea of him from who he really was. He was a man before he was yours. He craved the life that would offer him something to do. He craved you, but didn’t he crave others? Did he crave you, or did he crave someone to take care of him? 

Who was Joel Miller? Who was he, and who was he to you?

Was he even the type to come back to you? No. Probably not. Not when he’s lived through this for 22 years. Not when he’s seen his friends die. Not when he’s killed. He wasn’t the type to lay down and become a farmhand.

Besides, you saw the way he looked at Ellie. Part of you was sure that he’d never leave that girl. She meant more to him than he’d ever say. He was never just yours. He never would be. 

So you shoved the thought of him to the corners of your mind, rejecting it endlessly. You’d never let yourself think too hard about him, only ever letting his image flit about your mind like a lost butterfly. You shut him out and never sought him out again.

Another morning fell into your lap. The sun barely peeked over the horizon when the sound of alarms ringing out through the property jolted you awake. You rolled your head to the side to stretch a sore muscle, hand reaching under your bed for your rifle. No reason for alarm. Whatever it was, a stray infected or an animal, no doubt, would fall into one of your traps, or you’d pick it off without wasting a single bullet. All in a day’s work.

You slid on the first pair of shoes you could find, slipping out the door and making your way towards where the camera had signalled the breach. You groaned as you realized just how early it was, the sun barely illuminating the ground you stepped on. 

You held your rifle out as your eyes scanned the fence line. Nothing. It must have been one of the traps that set off the alarm. Sighing, you push the buttons on the padlock and it opens the gate. 

Moving to the nearest trap, you peek the muzzle of the rifle into the hole. It was still dark, but you made out a figure standing at the bottom of the pit.

“Move and I’ll fucking shoot you,” you yelled. No response, just the sound of heavy breathing. “You infected?”

Your name was whispered into the air like a breath of something you never thought you’d hear again. That beautiful, rugged, rich voice. The voice that you loved, so dearly. The voice that you hated.

“Joel?” 

“It’s me, honey,” he was breathless. It was almost as if it was his first moment of rest in twenty years. 

Your heart skipped a beat, breath faltering for a moment. You didn’t let the tears threatening to pool in your eyes spill. Instead, you threw your rifle to the side and got on your knees, reaching into the dark pit. “Take my hand.” 

Extending your hand, you almost immediately felt his large, rough one envelop yours. You used most of your strength to pull him up, him hoisting himself up once he got a good grip. He falls on top of you with the momentum, catching himself before his figure crushes yours. You could feel his heavy breath on your face, painting invisible lines of what you both want. A sea in his eyes, pooling with everything that’s happened since he left you, with everything he wanted to say, everything he wants to say. You lean into him a little, breath hitching and brows furrowing when he finally attaches his lips to yours. 

It was like an oxygen mask, breathing you to life. It was more desperate than any kiss you had shared. He was here, in your hands. He was alive. He was heart and flesh and blood and he was with you again.

Your arms pulled him in close until he groaned into your mouth. You pulled away to study his face. He didn’t meet your eyes, instead, absorbing every feature of your face that he had missed for so long.

You began to lift his shirt to see why he had groaned, but his hand on your wrist stopped you. 

“Joel,” you warned. “Lift up your shirt.”

“Take me to dinner first, hey?” He chuckled. He was stalling. He didn’t want you to see whatever was under his shirt.

You gave him a warning look before he gave in. Sitting up, you gently lifted his shirt. There wasn’t a concerning amount of blood for once, just small lacerations here and there that might need a few stitches. However, the skin underneath the marks was full of vibrant purples and blues and yellows, painted across the flesh of his abdomen like some sick piece of art. A small gasp left your lips at the sight, but Joel tilted your chin up to look at him, pulling his shirt down with his other hand. 

“Just fell, darlin’. I’d do it all again to get to you.” 

Heat spread across your face, tinting your cheeks. All the resentment you had for him fizzled away (but was it really resentment if you could forgive him with just one kiss? Or maybe that was just the power Joel had over you). 

“Let me patch you up, cowboy,” you said as you stood up, grabbing your rifle and pulling him up with you. “Come on.”

“Yes Ma’am.”

Leading him through the house by his hand, the silence settled nicely. Something unspoken lingered between you two, remnants of what happened still drifting. Ideas of what might happen were tempting.

You led him to the bathroom, instructing him to sit on the counter. You opened the cabinet and grabbed everything you’d need. 

“It’s like every time we meet, you’re on the verge of death, Miller,” you said as you laid your supplies out.

He grunted. “Not on the verge of death right now, honey. Just a little banged up, is all.” You told him to take off his shirt. He did so without a word of protest. “I’m just lucky I’ve always got my favourite girl to patch me up.” His hands reached for you, wanting you to be close to him. He grabbed your hips and positioned you in front of him, between his legs. You didn’t look away from the cuts and bruises on his chest and stomach. 

“Not always, apparently,” you muttered under your breath as you began to dab his chest with a damp rag, washing away the brutality of what he went through to get to you. His brows furrowed, his hand moving to your wrist. 

“Don’t be like that, honey.”

“Fuck you,” you whispered, pulling your wrist from his grasp and going back to your task. You were both silent as you cleaned his chest, both avoiding eye contact.

You grabbed the dated peroxide. “Might hurt.”

He nodded in acknowledgement. He made no noise when you applied it to the areas of concern, but the cords in his neck tightened nonetheless. 

“Sorry,” you whispered, the desire to sooth him and shut him up with your mouth still clawing at you. He grunts in acknowledgement. You continued to clean him up, till all his wounds were stitched and his skin was clean of blood. 

“Done,” you finally spoke, throwing out the dirty rags and cleaning up. You went to move past him to get out of the bathroom, but he slid off the counter and blocked your exit. Your face was only a few inches from his chest. “Joel,” you warned, “let me out.”

“Not 'till you tell me why you’re so mad at me, darlin’,” he said, his voice gruff yet soft. His hands slid up and down your arms, which were on your hips. 

You tried to push past him again, but he didn't budge. 

You huffed, and his eyes softened, large hands moving to cup your face. “You don't know how much I missed you,” he said, brows furrowed. 

You closed your eyes. “I do know.” You felt him press his forehead to yours, and you reciprocated, hands moving to hold his wrists. You didn't have the energy to be mad at him anymore. You just wanted him. 

“Then let me show you,” he whispered, breath fanning over your lips, driving you wild. Everything about him was intoxicating. 

His lips found yours again, still needy and fervent, but there was something more. Something hungry. Something growing, something left over. 

He pushed you against the bathroom counter, hands moving across your body, touching you everywhere, anywhere he could. His hands ghosted over your breasts, across your thighs, rubbing your hips, caging you in. You whined, “Touch me.”

“Where?”

“Anywhere. I just need more,” you said, breathless. 

At that, he placed you on top of the counter before he lifted your shirt from your body, “Nothin’ underneath? Knew I was comin’,” he said with a smirk. You were breathless as he kissed you again, sliding your pants off your body. He broke from your mouth to lay wet kisses on your neck and chest, biting and sucking his mark into your flesh. 

You whimpered when he gently ran a finger over your clothed core, bucking into his hand, desperate for anything more. He groaned when he felt how wet you were, your slick already pooling in your panties. He didn't have it in him to tease you. Not today. 

He slid your panties down your legs. You felt the heat of your core come in contact with the air, your slick beginning to drip down your thighs. He dropped to his knees, looking up at you with nothing but pure desire, want, need, and, dare you say, love? 

He kisses the soft inside of both thighs, your hands tangling in his hair, before his face hovers over your soaked core. He pressed his head into the inside of your thigh, running a finger through your folds. You moaned at the seating contact, watching as he brought his finger to his lips and captured your slick on his tongue. He moaned, “Missed this pussy.”

He played with your clit experimentally, just to see how wet you could get without his saliva, before the tempting sight of your pussy collapsed him. He dove in like a man starved, licking and sucking, spreading your folds apart to get further inside. Your hands still fisted in his hair as you moaned. He draped one hand across your abdomen to keep you still, hips bucking up into his mouth. 

His mouth was a magic ailment, drawing that familiar sensation from you in a matter of no time. The coil in your belly grew, hot and heavy, until his work on your cunt sent you over the edge, gripping his hair and moaning his name. 

“That's it, pretty girl. Give it to me,” he said as he worked you through your high. When he noticed you squirming, whispering “s’too much”, he moved from your core and up to your mouth. Your hands spread across his chest, still bare, as you tasted yourself on his tongue. Your juices were smeared across his face, glistening in the hair there. 

“Take me to bed, cowboy,” you said against his lips.

“Yes Ma’am,” he breathed. He picked you up, wrapping your legs around his body, and carried you to your bedroom. You pressed kisses across his neck and chest as he moved. 

When he laid you down on the bed, he caged you underneath him. You reached to his belt, unbuckling it and throwing it to the side. He removed his pants, and you began palming him over his boxers. He was rock hard, eating you out almost getting him there in itself. 

“Please,” you said, nearly inaudible. “Will you let me taste you?” You stroked his bulge. 

“Fuck, honey. How could I say no to that?” 

You rolled so you were on top of him, freeing his thick cock from its constraint. He sat up on the edge of the bed, you sinking between his legs. 

You stroked his cock, smearing the precum around the tip. He was sensitive. You could tell he hadn't had anyone since you, and he definitely didn't have the time to take care of himself. He groaned as you began giving kitten licks to his tip, hand fisting in your locks, not guiding you, just needing a place to find solace. 

“Gonna be the end of me,” he groaned when you put him fully in your mouth. He threw his head back, tears pricking your eyes when you tried to take him all. He was desperate for his release, but he was desperate to release inside of you even more. 

“Baby, m’ not gonna last. Wanna finish inside of you,” he groaned. You lifted your head from his cock, wiping the saliva from the corners of your mouth, eyes wet. 

“So pretty. C’mere,” he said, gesturing to his lap. 

You climbed atop him. “Wanna ride you,” you said, sucking into his neck. 

“Fuck, okay. Okay, you can ride me honey,” he said. You were absolutely ruining him. 

You kissed him silly, straddling his lap. He was so enamoured with you, everything you did. The way you tasted, smelled, sounded. He was pussy drunk. 

You parted from him to run his tip through your entrance, still soaked with your cum and his saliva, collecting your wetness. Lining him up with your entrance, you moaned into each other’s mouths when you sunk down onto him. Allowing yourself a moment to feel him sheathed fully inside you, stretching you out, filling you up, letting your body remember the way you blended together, you kissed him with a renewed passion, something you thought had died. 

You held onto his shoulders as support, his large hands gripping your hips, gritting his teeth. When you lifted yourself off of him and back down, you set a desperate pace, grinding yourself down on his cock. 

“Not gonna last long, pretty thing,” Joel groaned, eyes fixed on where you were connected. You were too set on your release to care, you just knew you wanted him inside you forever. 

“Don’t care,” you gritted out, panting and out of breath. The noises filling the air were downright unholy, but neither of you had it in yourself to care. “Want you to fill me up.”

Joel growled, “Fuck, honey. Fill you up so good, you’ll be dripping out of me. That what you want?” He asked, landing a smack to your ass as you bounced on his cock. You moaned. Your release was right around the corner, your cunt clenching hard on his cock, thighs beginning to tremble. Joel moved a hand to circle your clit, hell-bent on getting you there. “So pretty,” Joel said, almost whimpering. “So good for me. Squeezin’ me so good.”

His words went straight to the fire growing in your core, your slick pooling at the base of his cock. Finally, the coil snapped, your orgasm dancing down your legs and up your body. Your thighs and frame trembled as you tried, you really tried, to keep bouncing on his cock, but your thighs were too weak at this point to keep going. Fixed on release, Joel flipped you so you were caged underneath him, barely missing a beat before spearing his cock into you. He swallowed your overstimulated whimpers. 

“Gonna make a mess out of you. Fuck, almost there,” he groaned. 

“Inside, inside, please,” you choked out, still delirious from your previous orgasm. However, you felt another one building inside of you, the friction of his body as it rubbed against yours added to your previous stimulation was enough to get you there again. You lazily toyed with your swollen clit, not having enough energy to focus, yet you knew it wouldn’t take much.

Joel barely noticed your state as his hips faltered in their pace, hitting that sweet spot so good. You had barely any control left over your body, but as he groaned and the muscles in his front tightened, the feeling of his hot seed filling you up was enough to send you into a frenzy. He groaned into your neck, your loud, wanton moans filling the air. As he filled you to the brim, you shook underneath him, your third orgasm overtaking you. 

When he had recovered, Joel looked down to where you both met, taking note of the creamy ring formed around the base of his cock. He grinned, still breathless, as he gently unsheathed himself from your core, watching you squirm and wrinkle your nose at the overstimulation. He laid down next to you, and you naturally curled into him. 

It was still morning, the rest of the day still ahead of you, but as Joel pulled the blanket over the two of you and watched your chest heave, he had the feeling that time didn’t matter anymore.

Your eyes fluttered open and met his. You noted how sore your body was, but the pull at your heart was no match. He had been watching you sleep, watching as you cuddled into his warmth and trusted him enough to hold you as you slept. The bright daylight filled the room, lighting up all his features, shining on the pretty grey in his hair and beard. 

“How’d you sleep, honey?” he asked, his voice gravelly. You could feel his heart beating as you laid against his chest. 

You hummed, “Better than I have in a long time.”

He smiled. There was a soft silence for a while as you just looked at each other, his hand stroking the skin of your face, kissing your cheeks and forehead, down the bridge of your nose, and ending at your lips. Finally, he said, “I’m sorry I didn’t come sooner.”

Your easy grin faltered for a moment. “It’s okay. I just…” you breathed in, “I thought you were dead.” 

He pulled you into his chest. “I’m okay. ‘M right here, darlin’.”

You leaned into his touch, basking in the knowledge that you weren’t going to lose him again. 

“Come back to Jackson with me.” 

“Jackson? In Wyoming?”

He nodded.

“Joel, that’s far…” 

“I’ve made the trip twice now.”

You were silent for a few moments, thinking. He spoke again. “I know this is your home, and it’s been your home for years. And I-”

“Joel,” you cut him off. “Anywhere you go is my home. I’ll come to Jackson with you.”

Joel Miller’s smile was something rarer than diamonds or gold, but it appeared on his face as real as ever. 

Joel kissed you like the world had never ended, like you were his world. That’s because you were. 

A week of bliss later, you had packed everything you’d possibly think you’d need on one horse and two backpacks. You’d set all your cattle free to roam and disarmed your alarm system. You had made Joel map out your route to Jackson, ever the planner, going through every minute detail. Nights were spent wrapped around each other, and mornings were spent wrapped around the blankets. You spoke of the life you would have together in Jackson, spoke about Ellie, spoke about everything. 

Often, you’d look up at Joel and be met with a punch to the gut. The idea that the man you spent two years of your life praying for, standing right in front of you? It hit you out of nowhere sometimes. It was hard to be thankful in a world like this, in a world that did nothing but take and take and take from you. It was hard to believe that he was really here, that the world gave you something good for once. Sometimes, you’d have to touch him, really touch him, just to make sure he was really here. Just to make sure you hadn’t finally gone crazy and started to imagine him. 

You began to fear that the world was going to whisk him away from you. Maybe a clicker would get him, or maybe a stalker. Maybe you’d react too slow, too quick, too late, too poorly, and he’d try to save you. Maybe he’d get another infection. God knows that man does not take care of himself. 

These fears plagued your mind day and night, awake and asleep. They brushed your thoughts when he touched you, fingers working you into a puddle, you melting into him. These thoughts were unspoken, never would they be said aloud, or they just might seize you in your sleep and become real.

When you got to Jackson, the fear of losing him never ceased, but you did come to realize something. 

You realized that what you were feeling, this utter, disgusting dread and fear of losing the one you love the most, was completely natural.

You loved Joel with all of yourself, and you knew that if anything happened to him, you’d lose all of yourself too. 

After so long, your hearts were molded to one another, holding on for dear life. And you’d spend that life together. Truly and forever.

series taglist: @winters-fairy @charlyrmv @gvfslayallday @cloudroomblog @lol-im-done @freyafriggafrey @jasminedragoon @daddy-din @dealswiththedevilsblog @coolchick333 @rizzetteee @m3laniehearts @fuglyputa24 @daixylie @mi0o @kissykris @c0wb0ym3nace @snixx2088 @randomstory56 @mmeerraa @doublevirgogirl @daydreamerblues @onlyrealjoy @happinessinthebeing @leathargic @violenttsoho @gingerdarkroast @intoxicatedapple @callsign-athena @cherriebat @sofiparallel @textsfromeponinet​ 

tlou taglist: @jordie-gvf @sunxflowerxx @themusingkitten @anxiety-made @mmerraa 

permanent taglist: @winters-fairy @idkwhattonamethisblogs 

#joel miller #joel miller fluff #joel miller smut #joel miller angst #joel miller x reader #joel miller x reader smut #joel miller x reader fluff #joel miller x reader angst #the last of us #tlou #hbo's tlou #pedro pascal #pedro pascal smut #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal x reader smut

[outoftheseine]

- JOEL MILLER FIC RECS PART 2 -

forever in love with this grumpy old man <3 | note: please be aware of the authors’ warnings before reading. fics include canon tw’s like: violence, death, grief. most of these fics are age-gap relationship and some have 18+ content so minors please DNI.

part 1 | main masterlist

SERIES - MULTI-CHAPTERS

love in the middle of a fireflight | part 2 | part 3 • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @babydin

your bear | part 2 • joel miller x daughter!reader

↳ by @rrickgrrimes8 (very angsty, hurt/comfort)

a helping hand • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @teacupcollector

a lover's pinch • prof!joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @hier--soir (smut, au, angst, secret relationship)

i will be home for christmas • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @punkshort (no outbreak, fluff, smut, angst but happy ending, hurt/comfort)

lavender • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @justagalwhowrites

seeing you, seeing me • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @amywritesthings (slow burn, smut)

fate, after all • joel miller x f!oc!reader

↳ by @honeyedmiller (fluff, smut, no-outbreak)

ambush | part 2 • joel miller x reader

↳ by @huntergarrity (angst, violence, hurt/comfort)

seams • joel miller x reader

↳ by @fuckyeahdindjarin (self-conscious!joel, shy!reader, fluff, slow burn, explicit)

soft!joel collection • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @cavillscurls (smut, fluff, angst, soft and domestic!joel)

ONE-SHOTS - BLURBS - HC’S

daisy, give me an answer • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @dilf-din (fluff)

take this moment • joel miller x reader

↳ by @mylostloversbookmarks (post-outbreak, fluff)

ground me • joel miller x reader

↳ by @huntergarrity (fluff, comfort)

clouded judgement/clear mind • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @bluebeary-jay (violence, angst, hurt/comfort)

keep your eyes on me • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @mgparker (angst, violence, protective!joel)

daydreams • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @morning-star-joy (grumpy x sunshine, fluff)

i hope you are happy • joel miller x reader

↳ by @blissfulbarbie (very angsty, no outbreak)

grays • joel miller x reader

↳ by @softlyspector (domestic fluff, insecure!joel)

sweet creature • dad!joel miller x reader

↳ by @rocketrhap3000 (so fluffy)

lacy • joel miller x reader

↳ by @toxic-seduction (angst but happy ending)

bloodshed, crimson clover • joel miller x fem!doctor!reader

↳ by @morning-star-joy (slow burn, angst, violence)

arms tonite • joel miller x reader

↳ by @motherjoel (angst, reader gets hurt, happy ending)

skater • joel miller x platonic!gn!reader

↳ by @rrickgrrimes8 (angst, hurt/comfort, father figure!joel, tw: drowning)

be my daddy • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @bastardmandennis (no outbreak, smut, fluff, slightly angsty)

how the cookie crumbles • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @egcdeath (no outbreak, fake dating, slow burn, slight angst, fluff, idiots in love)

day after tomorrow • joel miller x reader

↳ by @familyvideostevie (no outbreak, fluff)

it’s your turn for choosing • joel miller x reader

↳ by @familyvideostevie (modern au, fluff)

i’m a feminist obviously • joel miller x reader

↳ by @toxic-seduction (protective!joel, violence)

softness • post outbreak!joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @joelsgreys (fluff, joel is a dad, tw: premature birth)

as long as i have you • jackson era!joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @beskarandblasters (very fluffy, slight angst)

sweetheart • post-outbreak!joel millet x fem!reader

↳ by @joels-shitty-puns (fluff, light angst)

are you mine? • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @eupheme (protective and soft!joel, fluff, light angst)

a forever thing • husband!joel miller x pregnant!wife!reader

↳ by @honeyedmiller (fluff)

the revenant wife • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @pettyprocrastination

butterfly • joel miller x black!latina!reader

↳ by @stargirlfics (angst, hurt/comfort, fluff, slow burn)

unlikely friends • joel miller x reader

↳ by @sweetercalypso (fluff)

mischief nights • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @jupiter-soups (fluff, slight angst)

all my casualties of love • joel miller x reader/oc

↳ by @agentmarcuspike (smut, grief)

a matter of timing • joel miller x baker!fem!reader

↳ by @lavenderursa (angst, smut, comfort, neighbours to lovers)

#joel miller x reader #joel miller x female reader #joel miller x reader fluff #joel miller x reader angst #joel miller x reader smut #joel miller x platonic!reader #joel miller x y/n #joel miller x you #joel miller x oc #joel miller x original character #joel miller x pregnant reader #joel miller x wife!reader #joel miller #joel miller fic #the last of us hbo #the last of us fanfiction #the last of us #tlou #tlou fluff #joel miller x fem!reader #joel miller x gn!reader

[kib-ble]

forgive and forget

(joel miller x reader)

reader watches joel come into jackson after thinking she would never see him again.

tw: a lot of TLOU spoilers, sarah’s death

20 years had past since you’ve seen joel. 20 years had past since you’ve seen sarah’s contagious smile. everything hurt when you realized you may not ever see joel again.

you followed tommy west after meeting tess and joel agreed to follow her to boston. you wanted to go with joel but he insisted that he wanted to go alone with tess, that you should follow tommy. after that, you both went your separate ways. you followed tommy and found a group of people who wanted to settle down and create town, and that’s what you all did.

after about ten years, joel was still on your mind. you had missed him dearly. you’re life before the apocalypse was perfect, waking up to joel every morning, spending the morning making breakfast for your small family you had been brought into, and going to your small, comfortable workplace. you were happy and you were comfortable. the day of joel’s birthday was the day the outbreak became known. you were home, making dinner for everyone, joel was picking up tommy from the police station and sarah was at the neighbors. the two brothers came rushing home, tommy getting you out of the house and joel protecting his daughter from the now phsyco old neighbor. they forced you two into the truck and drove off. the night was a blur. the car accident, following tommy to get to joel and sarah, tommy shooting the soldier, trying to save sarah, and dragging joel off her limp body.

jackson was almost an escape from the reality you had been living in for those 20 years. you were protected and happy. you had a simple job, to feed the animals. two a day, everyday. so easy you got bored quickly but found your joy by playing with them. it was like a second family.

news spread quickly that when the patrol groups didn’t come back right away, they were all killed. it wasn’t something you believed. maybe they found some animals, found a town and looted it, found more people to add to the town. the possibilities were endless, but they haven’t died.

you watched from were tommy and few others were working to see the patrol group come back, with an older man and a younger girl. he got off the horse quickly and looked around, before landing his eyes on one of the guys above you.

“tommy!!” his deeper voice yelled, earning the attention from your was soon-to-be brother-in-law. his arm that was raised to show were he was, lowered to his side before the two met in the middle in a big bear hug. you’re eyes widened when you realized who it was.

joel fucking miller.

when they released each other from the hug, tommy looked over at you, waving you over. a small amount of hesitation came from you before you rushed over to him, hugging joel tightly.

“you dick, joel.” you whispered in his ear, head digging into his neck. his arms wrapped tightly around your waist, holding you off the ground when he realized who you were.

“darlin’” his hushed voice spoke into your hair, holding you so close to him. one hand held the back of our head when you two pulled away and looked into your crying eyes before kissing you softly. something he hasn’t done in 20 years, to anyone. “fuck, darlin. you have no idea how happy i am youre alive.”

you smiled softly, holding the side of his face to admire him. the scar he had gotten from “the guy that had a terrible aim” now very visible in the day light, aswell as his gray, longer hair. oh, how you missed seeing him, holding him this close.

“i never thought i’d see you again..” more tears fell as you spoke.

“i came for you, baby girl”

#joel miller #tlou fanfiction #the last of us #joel miller x reader #joel miller x reader angst #joel miller angst #joel miller fanfiction

[xoxoavenger]

Dreams and Premonitions

pairing: Joel Miller x Fem!Reader

summary: Y/N has a reoccurring dream, one that tears her relationships apart and her heart in half.

word count: 1763

warnings: angst, mentions of death

notes: yes I know the teen wolf movie sucked and yes I got this idea from it okay // also my din djarin fic got a lot of love so I'm throwing my hat into the ring with Joel (my beloved) I have a longer fic if this goes well

masterlist

When does a dream become a premonition?

Y/N wasn't sure. Ever since the outbreak, she hadn't dreamed much. The few she remembered always caused her to wake up sweating, and one time when Joel had shaken her awake because she was screaming so loud he was afraid FEDRA would think something was happening.

This was different.

It always started out the same. Joel and her were going on a supply run, a normal one that they had gone on many times. They were walking in the main tunnel, an empty one, when her foot snaps on a fungus branch. She doesn't have time to scream because all the sudden there were clickers. Hundreds of them. More than they had ever seen, more than should be possible.

It happened it flashes. Never enough to be a coherent plot but enough for her to feel the pain of everything. Y/N screams, she hears Joel's shouts, the sound of gunshots going off, the clickers filling her ears. It's too much for a couple seconds, her chest hurting with the way her heart races. Then they're gone, and Y/N is left unscathed - not a scrape on her. She turns to see Joel, who is laying lifeless on the concrete, blood everywhere. She's up immediately, trying to figure out where to put her hands to help him.

"Joel," She starts, hands shaking over all the blood. She didn't know where to put them - it seemed like the blood was coming from everywhere all at once. "What should I do? Joel, wake up!" She could feel the tears in her eyes, and the flashes speed up, everything happening too quickly. Her hands covered in blood, Joel's pale face, his hand grabbing her wrist to dye her sleeve a dark red. His eyes are only open for a moment.

"Y/N," He whispers out, his hand falling away and his face going slack.

After that, it's all blurry. Sometimes, if she's lucky, she wakes up right after Joel dies. Once, she woke up before Joel died, right as he opened his eyes, but that hadn't happened since and had only occurred because Joel had grabbed her to pull close, waking her up in the middle of the night. He usually doesn't notice that she's having a nightmare, so sometimes she gets stuck, screaming and crying at Joel to just wake up. He never does.

Today, Y/N wakes up feeling exhausted, tears wetting her face, her neck, the neckline of her shirt. This time, she had been screaming for what felt like hours, bloody hands clutching Joel's corpse. She turns in the bed, relieved to see Joel still asleep. She doesn't usually scream out while she's dreaming, but the few times she has, Joel wakes her up. She's glad he didn't wake up, glad to see the peaceful expression. She sees he's not wearing a shirt, which means he probably didn't stumble into bed drunk and/or high.

She knew Joel was sampling his supply, that he spent a bit too much of their ration cards on the shitty homemade alcohol, but she also knew Joel was haunted by things that happened - pre and post outbreak. She knew he probably needed those to keep him sane, so she didn't say anything.

She gently rubs a finger over his brow, watching his face relax even more. She isn't sure if he's awake or asleep when he reaches out and pulls her toward him, letting her tangle their legs together and push herself against his chest. She's not going to sleep again, but holding Joel close and listening to his heart steadily beating makes her own heart slow.

Joel is fine.

~

"Why is it always the same dream?" Y/N asked Tess. The two of them were going on a run together, Y/N insisting she couldn't go with Joel this time, much to his utter dismay and annoyance. She needed to talk to Tess, to finally tell someone about the dream. She needed someone like Tess, who would set her straight.

"Begs the question," Tess says, carefully looking around the dark field. "When does a dream stop becoming a dream," She started, and Y/N stops in her tracks, heart speeding up as she realizes what Tess is saying.

"And start becoming a premonition." She finishes, bloody hands and Joel's lifeless face flashing behind her eyelids. "Oh my God," Y/N whispers, turning to see Tess, who stopped a couple feet in front of her.

"It's probably nothing." Tess tells her, sounding slightly annoyed. Y/N shakes her head as she starts walking again, moving the flashlight around.

"What if it's not nothing?" Y/N asks softly, unable to get her heart to stop beating so fast.

"Do you seriously think you're physic?" Tess asked, and Y/N took a deep breath. "Because it's not like it would surprise me during this apocalyptic hell, but," Tess trails off, and Y/N shakes her head.

"But it's the same! Every time!" Y/N says, probably a lot louder than she should. "That has to mean something." She whispers, practically shaking.

"Maybe it does. Maybe it doesn't." Tess says as she leans down to the entrance of the tunnels. "But if Joel is going to die, you can't stop that. You can't change the future, even if you could somehow predict it." Tess started to go down the ladder, leaving Y/N standing outside.

"What if I can?" She said softly to herself, thoughts running through her head as she hops into the tunnels after Tess.

It’s stupid, she knows. No one can predict the future. But seeing it happen, being the reason - she couldn’t live like that.

~

Y/N hadn't seen Joel in a week. She'd been avoiding him, hoping that maybe if she one day up and left he'd forget about her. But there was only so far she could run in the QZ, and only so many things she could grab from their apartment to live in the abandoned shed beside it. Besides, it was only a matter of time before she was either put on the same job or the same run.

"Y/N!" Her body goes rigid at the sound of Joel's voice across the road from her. She had been on litter duty, sure that Joel would want something that paid more. Maybe he was trying to find her. "Hey!"

She walks away quickly, not looking at anyone as she slides into an alleyway before taking off sprinting, dropping the trash-grabber and bag.

"Stop running from me!" Joel yells out, but Y/N doesn't slow. She knows without looking behind her that Joel is definitely gaining on her. "You know I'm faster!" He calls out angrily, and Y/N chances a glimpse backwards as she turns a corner, and Joel is right there. She only has a couple more seconds of running before Joel grabbed her, their momentum sending them tumbling to the ground. Y/N feels her knee crack against the concrete, Joel groaning out as he falls hard. His hand is under her head, which she is reluctantly thankful for.

She wouldn't have to be thankful for his hand if he hadn't tackled her.

"What the hell?" Y/N groaned, putting her arms under herself and pushing up to stand, only putting light pressure on her busted knee.

"You don't have the right to say that!" Joel explodes, angrier than she had ever seen him. "You disappeared for a week! Do you know what that did to me? Jesus," He puts his hands to his head, and Y/N tries not to feel guilty, tries to stay strong.

"Please, Joel, don't act like you care that much." She needed to push him away, needed to say hurtful things to get him to leave. She looked at her hands, her brain tricking her into seeing them stained with blood. She squeezes her eyes shut so she doesn't have to look anywhere, but now all she can see is Joel being attacked by the clickers, being eaten alive, his dead body in his arms.

"You're joking, right?" He asks annoyed, and Y/N shakes her head, eyes still closed. "So all time together, all the talk of getting us through the hard times with one another, that was all just made up?" It's clear Joel doesn't believe her.

"Stop." She says, tears falling down her cheeks.

"This has something to do with the nightmares, doesn't it?" She'd never explicitly told Joel that she had nightmares, but she knew he'd woken her up quite a few times, his worried face looming over her as she heaved in breaths.

"Joel," She opens her eyes to see him looking concerned instead of angry.

"You can tell me." He tries, but she knows she can't. "If you just talk to me, I can help you."

"No, you can't." She whispers, wiping her face as the tears start to slip down her neck.

"They're just dreams, baby. They aren't real." He reaches out for her arm, and shockingly she lets him comfort her.

"When does a dream stop becoming a dream?" She asks, looking up at him. His confusion fights back his own tears.

"What?" He doesn't know what she's saying, just happy that she's standing closer now.

"I don't just have nightmares," She's speaking softly, her breaths light as she forces back the sobs. "I have the same nightmare. Over, and over, and over again. It's always the same. Every single time. It always starts the same. It always ends the same." She's hiccuping now, and Joel reaches to pull her into a hug. She backs away from him, forcing him to let go of her arm.

"It's just a dream." He tells her softly, wanting to comfort her somehow. She licks her lips as she tilts her head, sniffling slightly.

"It's not." She tells him, voice sharp. "It can't be." She turns away from Joel, not able to look at his pitying face.

"Baby," He starts, making her heart race. "What happens in the dream?"

"What do you think?" She barks out a corse laugh, choking on her tears. "You die in the tunnels. I can't save you." She can't look at his face. She can't move as the flashes plague her mind.

"That won't happen." He tries to reassure her, but she's already made up her mind.

"You're right. Because if I'm never with you, the clickers never come after us. And you don't die." She leaves Joel speechless, not looking back as she sprints away. She ducks behind cars, in and out of buildings until she's past the fence, out in the field near the city.

Then she falls on her knees and screams.

//

tags: @avada-kedavra-bitch-187 @roxaya

#joel miller #joel miller x reader #the last of us #the last of us fanfiction #the last of us x reader #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller angst #joel miller x reader angst

[remuskinniesblog]

can someone help me find a fic pls I can’t find it ANYWHERE and it’s really annoying

basically it’s a Joel Miller x reader au where he was formally an assassin but he left the game for her. she has no idea about it until, one night, members of the old mob who used to be his enemies attack him and his wife in their house and now he has to return to his life as an assassin in order to finish everything once and for all. Thank you!!!!!

#joel miller #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller fic #joel miller x reader smut #joel miller x reader #Joel miller x reader angst #joel miller tlou #assassin!Joel miller