#jokes on him

[nerdpoe]

There was a slight miscommunication.

Danny says "Get souped!" or variations of it when he soups a rogue.

In a different dimension, the few recordings that the Justice League was able to get their hands on of the High King of the Infinite Realms didn't really have a lot of sound coming through, just static.

They need to summon him to wrangle a threat from his home dimension, but they can't hear what he wants.

But Batman can read lips.

Clearly, the best offering to summon the Ghost King is soup.

"I'll have Agent A make soup," he says, completely neutrally.

"I think we'll need the best soup, though. How about I go get my Ma to make some?" Says Superman, side eyeing Batman.

"I believe my mother knows of a fantastic recipe only found in Themyscira," says Wonder Woman, checking her nails.

"My dad left me a recipe for the best fish stew I've ever had," says Aquaman, already halfway out the door to get groceries.

"My pop makes a real good chicken noodle; you can't beat the classics," says Static, already texting his father.

"I have managed to make the most accurate approximation that I can to a very widely enjoyed Martian stew," says Martian Manhunter, staring Superman down.

All of the Heroes assembled glare at each other.

"...How about we let the King decide?" Asks Constantine, shrinking in on himself when the attention gets turned on him.

The High King get's summoned to a row of Superheroes glaring at him, with different soups laid before him.

They're all encouraging him to eat the best one, but he knows a trap when he sees it. He's a Midwesterner, and they fight their social battles with recipes.

Daniel Fenton forces himself to eat it all.

When asked which was the best?

"Oh, they were all so good I just can't bring myself to choose one over the other."

@simplestoryteller

#dpxdc #dcxdp #dp x dc #dc x dp #story prompt #phanfic #bruce tries to psychoanalyze all of dannys movements from when he was eating #jokes on him #danny was so stressed by the pressure he didn't actually taste anything beyond #“this is good yes devour and move on” #Danny needs a day after eating to digest before he can fight the other ghost #just laying on a couch in the breakroom and staring at the ceiling #“how did i get here. how did it come to this.” #his phone blowing up from tucker's indignant raging #HE wanted to be invited to a random summoning cookout too!

[lukas-dusk]

Barry texting Iris

Barry : Bad news—Cisco locked himself outside of his own house.

Barry : Good news—we didn’t have to wait around for a locksmith.

Barry : Bad news—Cisco finds it very concerning that I know how to pick locks, and tried to unlock my Tragic Backstory(TM). I was too embarrassed to admit that the reason I learned it was because, at thirteen, I figured that was the kind of skill that would impress cute guys/girls/enbies.

Barry : Good news—a cute guy/girl/enby saw me do it.

Barry : Bad news—it was Snart, and since he's already seen me fall out of several trees, cry because I saw a fawn that was just too damn small, and knows I can ride a unicycle, he'll never think I’m cool no matter what I do. It’s too late. He know.

#Jokes on him #he still thinks it's sexy #And the other stuff are cute #Iris is done #incorrect quotes #leonard x barry #barry allen #leonard snart #incorrect quotes coldflash #coldflash incorrect quotes #coldflash #captain cold #cw the flash #team flash #the flash #iris west

[khayalli]

@turtlecleric

the image of him softly glowing in the dark as the realisation of what you may mean to him is going to send me into orbit.

like why is he warm he's coldblooded!!! what the fuck!!! why is it your voice he hears when he's going about his day. why is he so pleased when you drift towards hims before anyone else??

I'm going to project here but I am SO bad at handling emotions that are outside of my usual base. So the image of him lighting up like a glowstick, at random times throughout the day because he gets you kind of live rent free inside his head (and he doesn't even realise he's pining, he just knows you're a trigger)

I wonder if he'd end up avoiding you for a while because "if they're the trigger, and I distance myself from the trigger, maybe it'll stop???"

oh my god it's getting worse what the fuck

#so basically #tsundere behaviour but his actual feelings are being displayed for everyone else #jokes on him #everyone knows they're all just waiting for him to clock on #khayas ramblings

[pooks]

Sirius: Say something rebellious. Percy: Um...okay, I think the working class should uprise against the rich people. Sirius: I said rebellious, not revolutionary.

#incorrect hp quotes #source: red vs blue #sirius black #percy weasley #he's trying to teach this young grasshopper how to be a rebel #jokes on him #percy led a revolution instead #the Black Family Madness™ strikes again #sirius: ...well you know. not what i had in mind but it works #poor arthur is so stressed over this #the twins and ginny can't stop laughing about this #pooks rambles

[c-e-d-dreamer]

Happy WIP Wednesday, lovelies! I've been really bad about remembering to post snippets, but hopefully you'll forgive me.... Please enjoy a fun little snippet of hockey Cassian! He's cocky, he plays defense, and the prologue will be dropping for Nesta Week 😉

“Looking for me, sweetheart?”

The deep voice has a shiver skittering up Nesta’s spine, warm breath fanning across her ear. She spins around and comes face to face with a pair of hazel eyes, a cocksure smirk she’s only seen in photo-form before. Cassian Valdarez, in the flesh. He doesn’t even bother for subtly as his gaze rakes over her, and Nesta has to swallow hard as she tracks the way he licks his lips.

“And what if I wasn’t?” Nesta dares to ask, raising her chin.

Cassian chuckles, stepping closer into her space. “I think we both know you were looking for me. Why wouldn’t you be?”

Cassian’s hand reaches up in the space between them, snagging one of the stray strands of Nesta’s hair and twisting it around his fingers. Those same fingers skate down her neck, across her collarbones, leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake. His touch traces over her shoulder and down her arm before finally closing around her wrist, Nesta’s breath hitching at the warm of his hand, the size of it, and she can do nothing but follow along as he tugs her toward one of the booths by the windows.

He lets go long enough for them both to get settled, but then his hands are right back on her. This time, his palm slides against the skin above her knee, fingers teasing along the hem of her dress. His other arm stretches along the back of the booth, all but curling around her shoulders as he leans into her.

“You look gorgeous in this dress, you know.”

“But let me guess, it would look better on your bedroom floor?”

“You said it, not me, but I don’t disagree.”

#jokes on him #it all goes down hill after this #nessian #nesta archeron #cassian #acotar #acosf #nessian fanfiction #nessian fic #nesta x cassian #hockey Cassian #my fic

[incorrectcultofthelambquotes]

Lamb: You’re the only one who understands me.

Narinder Yeah, but it doesn’t mean that I care.

#jokes on him #hes absolutely does #cotl lamb #cotl narinder #incorrect quotes #Source: Sabrina the Teenage Witch #narilamb #but doesnt have to be

[teecupangel]

Catboy nonny yet again with another idea: cucumbers.

Since cucumbers come originally from like India or China I think, it wouldn’t be a stretch that Altaïr or someone in the Levant could get his hands on one and….cat instincts react…

For those unfamiliar with the whole ‘cats are scared of cucumbers’ thing (like me), here’s a compilation of it.

If you guys want more catboy!Desmond, just click the catboy Desmond tag. I think that gets most of them lol.

.

Malik did not know where Altaïr bought that thing.

Merchants knew that their mentor liked seeing new and strange things so they would peddle their wares here in Masyaf. It was helping with the development of the village beneath the castle but…

It also meant that Altaïr bought a lot of strange things.

Including these… dark green elongated… things.

“They’re for Desmond.” Altaïr said and frowned when he saw Malik’s expression. Altaïr sighed as he clarified, “It’s not for… pleasure.”

Malik continued to judge him quietly, making Altaïr’s right eye twitch as he stated, “It really isn’t for pleasure.”

Malik lowered his head to stare at the shape of these dark green things then look back at Altaïr, making it clear how he felt about the obvious lies leaving Altaïr’s lips.

Altaïr rubbed his face before saying, “Not everything is about sex, Malik. It says something about you that you would think that something as innocent as vegetables would be some kind of device for pleasure.”

“I believe it says more about how you have been acting with Desmond that our minds immediately assume this is related to something sexual because it’s for Desmond.” Malik countered.

“It’s not.” Altaïr stressed.

“Meow?”

Both men turned towards the door where Desmond peeked his head, ears flickering a bit. His face was full of curiosity and Altaïr covered the plate of whatever the hell it was with a piece of cloth.

So it was a surprised sex thing.

Malik really needed to get out of here before they started acting like they usually did.

Desmond’s feline eyes zero’ed in on the piece of cloth, having seen Altaïr’s fast movements.

His tails began to swish from side to side.

“Desmond, no-”

Malik stepped to the side, more to not be part of whatever was about to happen than to actually evade Desmond’s attack.

The cloth was pulled back and thrown, Malik calmly catching it in midair before it smack him on the face. He started to fold it while Desmond stared at the dark green things. Altaïr was by his side, staring at Desmond’s face.

The anticipation rolling in waves all over him.

Malik slowly made his way towards the door, placing the neatly folded cloth on the nearby desk when he passed by it.

Desmond made a weird sound that was half a meow and half a squeal and grabbed one of the dark green things and-

… ate it.

Malik could see the happy expression on Desmond’s face as he ate the thing enthusiastically.

And the disappointment in Altaïr’s expression.

#if it wasn’t clear #altaïr wanted to see desmond freak out and jump really high #jokes on him #desmond liked eating cucumbers back when he was a human #so he ain’t scared of any cucumber #he actually though altaïr bought them because he’s such a good cat owner #no usual tags because #altdes #catboy desmond

[dice-n-antlers]

I’m fuckin’ WHEEZING It’s already funny when Astarion looks down his nose at the taller races, but the animation is so exaggerated when he’s looking at a shortstack

(looking at Zephyr the halfling druid here)

THIS is the look of a thirsty man eying down his next capri sun

#astarion ancunin #bg3 posting #Baldur’s gate 3 #halfling #zephyr is NOT his first choice of companions to try biting #I mean she’s a halfling how much blood could she have in that tiny body #but he rules out the others for various reasons #she’s small so she can’t fight back too hard if things go sideways right? #and she’s so nice (ugh) he could probably talk his way out of a staking if she wakes and catches him right? #jokes on him #*pats Zephyr’s head* this little halfling can fit so much love and acceptance (and puns) in her #y’know with all those dark urges #durge!zephyr #zephyr bg3 screenshots

[deadendtracks]

cillian and his uninteresting facts

#that guy is dedicated to his theory of becoming as boring as possible so people will leave him alone #but even the uninteresting facts are actually interesting lol #JOKES ON HIM

[thestrengthofevil]

is... is this yen sid teaching weird science in dragon hall?

#the money he is burning has the beast's face on it #carlos is watching from the back of the class with a grin #he will go home and tell diego about it #jokes on him #yen sid did this when diego was around too #it is a tradition #i have no idea where he got the money tho #jay is cheering loudly #mal is also very pleased #yen sid #descendants #disney #dragon hall #weird science #anti heroes #disneys descendants

[causticcontemplation]

Bestie cancelled on me tonight 😢

#guess I'll take an edible #jokes on him #we had a deal #and now I will not be upholding my part #can't wait to see him without a beard Monday

[nefja]

she had a great time, rolled around in snow a lot and took in all the sniffs

#at one point there was a frenchie #and it just stood there trying to stare into Nefja's soul #jokes on him #she's ginger and doesn't have one #but yeah she COMPLETELY ignored him #not even a condescending glance

[canineluvz]

ahhh thinking about me and cove when we were younger just being pining idiots. me being so oblivious and saying the most flirty things and cove getting so embarrassed because he would NEVER and he just doesn’t understand how i could say that even as a joke

#jokes on him #i wasn’t joking #;3 #🌊 #♡ yapping

[missboston]

I am going to make a Lee out of this man I s2g

#I started introducing a new friend of mine to tickling #and he is so so hard to break #but I’m more than certain he’s ticklish #he just refuses to laugh #jokes on him #I have so much more in my arsenal to try #even if it gets my shit wrecked after

[fuckingstrange]

Me in the morning every time my teacher walks up to me to ask when I went to bed:

#jokes on him #I went to bed at 10pm #and woke up at 1am #bwahahahhaaa #(help me I'm so tired) #also #bro always asks when I'm literally LAYING DOWN #taking a NAP #on the fucking blacktop I have to wait on till school starts #strange speaks (stutters) !

[shouldprobablybereading]

Lowkey trying to convince my father to read the cosmere by just leaving books lying everywhere in his house for the last 6 months has really led to some fun conversations

*while watching the wheel of time*

Him: the book series is actually really long so the author died before finishing it, most books are about that long *points toward oathbringer*

Him: they had to hire some dude to finish it, can’t remember who tho

#cosmere #stormlight archive #brandon sanderson #wheel of time #jokes on him #I’m playing the long game by putting in his adress for the secret projects #mostly because I’m a student and have no idea where I will live in a year’s time #might have to explain that a little more before they start getting packages every few months