#jolex au

[jobrookekarev]

Jolex Instagram AU

#this is what I do after job applcations #what could have been #jolex #alex karev #jo karev #jo wilson #grey's anatomy #luna wilson #otp: home and heart #queue tea #my edits #my photos #jolex instagram au

[tamlinfairchild]

I miss Alex and Jolex. I hear Jo is happy now, that’s great, my girl deserves it. But I can’t accept how Jolex ended because it made zero sense, so Jolink is kinda so AU to me. Idek if that makes sense lol.

#mila rambles #Jolex #greys anatomy

[doc-pickles]

I would never fall unless it's you I fall into

hey y'all... nina wrote a thing... and I am soRRY but it's been sitting in my drafts for months and I finally resurrected it and @cicinicole-14 helped me work out some of the details and I am In love with it. so there will be a second part. and a third part. but for now enjoy this.

this is my jolex single parents AU and it is my new pride and joy so... enjoy. or don't. idc.

xoxo nina

The on call room she’d found is quiet, exactly what she needs after the past 48 hours of her life. Jo takes a deep breath as she leans against the wall, willing her tears to stay back. The door opens and she attempts to put on a brave face but her facade falls when she sees Alex in front of her. Relief courses through him as he shuts the door behind him, eyes locked on Jo as he steps ever closer.

“Hey.”

Jo smiles, but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes. Alex wants to reach out and touch her, but her demeanor clearly tells him she’s not open to the idea. She sighs, turning to look out the window that’s streaked with rain, “This place looks so different in the dark.”

“Yeah,” Alex lets a sigh of his own out, one hand rubbing against his neck as he tries to choose what he wants to say to her. It’s not that he doesn’t know what he wants to say but more so he’s deciding what isn’t going to make Jo run for the hills. “You think the tree ruined my couch?”

Jo can’t help the laugh that slips through her lips at the words. Surely Alex knows the answer to that, “I think it ruined your entire living room. You’re lucky the twins weren’t home.”

Alex grins, but just like Jo it’s not convincing enough. His mind now swirls with thoughts of Alexis and Eli and if they’re still sleeping down in the daycare. He thinks back to when he first found out about their existence, how one unassuming day in July had changed his whole entire life. 

They had been trying for months with no results. He wanted to stop, Alex couldn’t stand the disappointed look on Izzie’s face everytime she took a pregnancy test that ended up only showing one line. He loved Izzie more than anything, he hated seeing her hurt. But she wanted a baby, she wanted everything with him and who was he to deny her. So he let her continue to torture herself month after month until finally she became fed up and declared she was going in for fertility testing.

That’s when it had all gone wrong.

Her doctor had run a few blood panels and then called both of them into her office. The day was still fresh in Alex’s mind even almost five years on. How the older woman had told them that Izzie was finally pregnant, but that her labs had revealed something else besides just a baby.

Izzie had cancer. And it was spreading quickly. 

Refusing to give up the child that she wanted so badly Izzie decided right then in the doctors office to forego treatment to continue her pregnancy. When they went home that night Alex begged her to take the treatment and assured her that they could try again or adopt or anything else. But Izzie was adamant that the baby they’d been given was a blessing and that she didn’t want the treatment. 

Alex let her make the decision, despite how his brain told him to keep fighting with her. That night they crawled into bed and as he held his wife Alex prayed that things would turn out okay for them.

One week later at Izzie’s first appointment, they were both shocked to find out that they were having twins. 

Immediately Alex began charting out worst-case scenarios, knowing that twins would take an even larger toll on Izzie’s already fragile body. He was a doctor for god’s sake, he knew the risks of both pregnancy and cancer. But he never said anything, he simply supported Izzie and helped her the best that he could. As her pregnancy progressed and her cancer worsened it became evident that everything Alex had ever held dear was holding on by a thin thread. 

Izzie was admitted to the hospital when she was almost 19 weeks. She was on strict bedrest orders until the twins were delivered, her body barely supporting her let alone the two babies sucking all of her energy. Alex spent every waking moment of his life at the hospital for ten weeks, barely seeing the sun for more than a few moments a day. When he wasn’t working or operating he was sitting at his wifes bedside, only leaving to get the nursery ready at Izzie’s insistence. 

They day that Izzie hit 28 weeks Alex went up to visit her after he finished rounds like he’d made a habit of doing. Her room was empty, the bed was gone and there were medical supplies littering the floor. His heart had dropped out of his chest as he raced to the OR. He stood in the gallery motionless, Meredith on one side and Cristina on the other as he watched his wife flatline. 

The only thing that kept Alex upright and on his feet was that the twins hadn’t been delivered yet. He watched in slow motion as one then two impossibly tiny babies were held up high, tiny high-pitched screams echoing from them as they were placed into incubators and rolled out of the OR. As soon as his children were out of sight Alex collapsed to the floor, sobs wracking his body not only for his wife but for their son and daughter who she had sacrificed so much for but would never get to meet.

From the moment he first held his children in his arms his whole life had been about them. Every day from the moment he woke to the moment he fell asleep all he thought about was Alexis and Eli and if they were okay, if they were happy, if they felt loved. He tried to be as present as he could, always playing Legos with them or reading them as many stories as he possibly could before they fell asleep at night. That’s the only life Alexis and Eli have known over the past five years, one with their dad there for every single minute of their lives and stories of their mom coming from him and the many aunts and uncles they have around the hospital. 

But now, now Alex thought of other things. When he woke up he would wonder if he and Jo would have a case together, if she would scrunch up her nose when he told a bad joke. He fell asleep sometimes thinking of her laugh and the way she would always tease him. When his kids ran through the house screaming he would fight off the urge to tell them to quiet down in case they woke Luna up, even when her and Jo weren’t visiting. He couldn’t help the way his mind always drifted to Jo.

And so now he stood across from her, eyes wide and heart open ready to tell her that he wanted her. He wanted everything with her and even though it scared the shit out of him he knew he had to tell her.

“Listen, I have to tell you something,” as soon as the words leave Alex’s mouth he knows they’re wrong. Jo looks at him and blinks up silently and she’s scared. She’s terrified of what he’s going to say and it’s clear as day on her face. 

“No, you don't,” Jo shakes her head, taking a step back from Alex. Her heart is pounding and she can’t help the way she settles her hand above it as if to slow the beats.

“You don't even know what I'm gonna say,” Alex huffs, as if he’s right. But he isn’t because Jo knows what three words he’s going to say. Three words that will ruin their friendship, that will have her running out the door before he can finish the phrase. 

“I think I do, and you shouldn't.”

“Jo…,” Alex wants to scream it from the rooftops, his feelings for her. But he also wants to make sure he doesn’t scare Jo because she happens to be the most important thing in his life besides his kids. “Please?”

“No way, I'll mess it up, Alex. I mess everything good in my life up, and... and we have kids. Both of us. We have three kids and they’re already messy enough without whatever this is between us. Okay? Things are already messy and we work as friends really well and our kids get along, well as much as an infant and some really adorable five year olds can. But I… I don't wanna mess that up. I can’t mess something else up for Luna, I can’t do that to her.”

Jo's journey to motherhood was full of hardships and started with a turbulent marriage. Fresh out of med school Jo had married Paul, her former professor who had gotten her a job at Mass Gen. She was riding a high of graduation, a new job at a prestigious hospital, and a brand new marriage that she missed all the signs. The passive-aggressive behavior, the need to check her phone, the constant control over every aspect of her life. She had pushed her worries aside at first, hoping that she was overreacting. She loved Paul, she wanted everything with him and she wouldn’t let her stupid worries ruing that. By the time Jo had finally taken notice of how bad things had gotten it had been almost a year and she had added ‘get kicked around before bed’ to her daily routine.

She’d finally had enough, ten months into their tumultuous marriage to Paul Jo had made a plan to leave him. And then she’d gotten sick. By the fourth morning of being hunched over the toilet, she’d known that there was no leaving now. Or maybe it was more important than ever to leave, but Jo couldn’t be certain. Not when she could barely keep enough food down to support her already frail body.

Paul had been… Confusing. When she’d first told him he’d cried and promised to take care of her and their child. And he had, really. He’d taken her to her appointments and made sure she ate well. If he was in a particularly good mood he would hold her hair back while she puked or bring her a water bottle. Jo was sure that whatever version of Paul she was dealing with would be gone in a flash.

And he was.

She was almost seven months along and they’d just found out that they were having a girl. Jo had wanted to be surprised, but Paul had convinced the ultrasound tech to tell them at her appointment much to her dismay. The thought kept Jo up at night, sleep evading her as she turned the idea of a little girl with her bright hazel eyes falling to the same fate as her at the hands of her father over and over again in her head. 

She couldn’t sleep, she had stopped attempting to after the first three nights. Instead, she sat in the living room, the TV droning on as background noise to the intrusive thoughts about her daughter that plagued her.

Daughter.

The word evoked so much feeling in Jo. She’d never had anyone call her their daughter. How could Jo care for her daughter when she never had a mom? How could she love her daughter when no one had ever shown her the love a daughter should receive? These thoughts kept her up too, the fact that she still had yet to form an emotional bond with the baby that was beginning to roll around in her womb. Despite the fact that she still felt indifferent about her child, she knew that she couldn’t let her go through what she had.

She needed to leave.

She needed to but she couldn’t. 

It was nine days after the news had come to Jo that Paul’s attitude flipped. She’d been up all night sitting with her thoughts and was just coming upstairs to slip into bed so that Paul wouldn’t assume that anything was wrong. As soon as she’d stepped onto the second-floor landing he’d been in front of her, yelling and screaming about how he knew she was cheating on him and that’s why she wasn’t in bed. How the baby she was carrying wasn’t his and that he should’ve ‘taken care of the problem’ when he had the chance. 

As soon as his voice raised Jo knew she was screwed. Whatever white picket fence life Paul had tried to convince her she wanted disappeared in a flash. 

Jo prayed. She never had before but she found herself praying and begging whatever God was out there to watch over her daughter, to keep her safe and not let any harm come to her.

In a single instant and three distinct moves, Jo’s life changed forever.

One. Her daughter kicked against her palm, the movement reminding Jo she wasn’t alone. 

Two. Jo’s heart burst wide open and a rush of love for the baby growing inside of her filled her chest.

Three. Paul’s hands found her shoulders and Jo went tumbling down the stairs.

She doesn’t remember much after that, blurry scenes from the next few days clouding her memory. 

Jo knew Paul called 911, had cried and begged them for help.

Jo knew that she’d pleaded with the EMTs to save her daughter, to not let her get hurt like she had.

Jo knew Paul was walked out of the house in handcuffs, his volatile words flying through the air.

Jo knew that her daughter was ripped from her body as soon as she made it to Mass Gen, the too small infant being whisked away from her before she even had a chance to ask if she was okay or not.

Jo knew that her body was broken and bruised, hurt beyond anything that Paul had put her through before. 

Jo knew without a shadow of a doubt that her life would never be the same.

When she woke two days later, mind foggy and body aching, all Jo could feel was fear. The nurse at her side assured her that she was okay, that her daughter was in the NICU and she was doing fine. 

(She’d also whispered under her breath that Paul was in prison and that multiple women had come forward when Jo’s story had been plastered over every media outlet in Boston)

Before she could process what the nurse had told her, Atticus Lincoln was standing in the doorway of her hospital room, sheepishly explaining that while Paul was her emergency contact he was still her next of kin. Jo hadn’t seen him in almost two years, not since Paul had unceremoniously kicked Link and all of her friends out of her life. 

The sight of her best friend, of her brother, brought fresh tears to her eyes and her heart leapt as Link moved forward to hug her. Jo was bruised and broken but doing well considering what had happened.

“Have you seen her?”

Jo didn’t need to specify who she was talking about as Link immediately got his phone out and pulled up a photo for her.

“She looks just like you.”

The moment she saw the tiny baby in the incubator for herself Jo knew that she could never not love the little girl in front of her. Her tiny hand had curled around Jo’s finger and the tears had come instantly. She proudly declared to Link that she felt as if her daughter had hung the moon and stars for her.  

“So what, you’re gonna name her Moony?”

As Link laughed in the background a small smile lit her face up.

“No. Link, I’d like to introduce you to Luna Grace.”

The next few months weren’t easy on Jo. Link took a sabbatical from his new ortho fellowship to help her get on her feet. Her physical recovery was long and gruesome, her body almost unrecognizable as she looked in the mirror every day. Her mental battle was even harder, the horrors and atrocities of her marriage and her past quickly coming to light as she truly tried to better herself for her daughter.

Luna quickly became the best part of her days. After physical therapy and regular therapy, Jo would make her way down to the NICU to visit Luna. For being born at 28 weeks the little girl quickly proved to her mom and Link that she was a fighter. Every day there was more and more progress and all of the nurses continued to compliment Jo on her daughter’s growth.

After Jo was released from the hospital but before Luna was, their case went to trial. The day had been nerve-wracking, Paul’s ice-cold stare had followed her across the courtroom and she could almost hear his venomous words hurled at her. 

In the end, Paul had gone to prison for two counts of attempted murder, not including the dozens of women who were waiting to testify against him now. As he was walked out of the courtroom Jo took her first deep breath in what felt like decades. 

“You know, Luna is going to be discharged soon.”

Jo turned to Link, the two of them sat across from each other next to Luna’s incubator. She was cooing and making a variety of noises, clearly an attempt to redirect the conversation back toward her. 

“Yeah, her doctor said by the end of the month. Why?”

“You both deserve a fresh start, Jo. Boston can’t give you that.”

Link leaned forward as Jo’s expression mirrored one of confusion.

“Come back with me to Seattle. You’re brilliant, you’ll be able to land a job with me at Seattle Grace in no time.”

The decision really made itself. Jo knew that Link was right, that Boston would not be a welcoming home for her or for Luna. And so, five weeks later Jo found herself seated on a plane with Luna squeezed between her and Link headed for a fresh start in Seattle.

“You won't mess anything up. And our kids already love each other, you know that. Alexis can’t stop talking about Luna and Eli is determined to get her walking before the end of the year,” Alex takes a step forward and when Jo doesn’t step back he reaches out, taking her hand in his. “Last night, before the tree, you asked me a question. You wanted to hear me say the words and honestly, that scared me.”

“Alex…”

“I haven’t said… that to anyone since Izzie and it scared me but,” Alex takes a deep breath and meets Jo’s gaze, both of them filled with an odd mix of fear and excitement. “The longer I thought about it the more it felt real, felt right. And you’re right, we work well as friends and we have kids but I know there’s something there.  So I'm... Saying the words right now.”

And Alex was right, he and Jo were the perfect team. From the moment they met they’d worked in perfect tandem, always anticipating the others next move in and out of the OR. The first day they’d met Jo had been in the middle of what was supposed to be a routine c-section, Alex waiting to take the baby who was five weeks early. Things had been going fine, Alex was checking over the infant and Jo was closing up when the monitors began to ring out around them. 

“Shit… can someone page general? I need another set of hands here,” Jo was working frantically, knowing she had done everything by the book but hoping against hope that she hadn’t accidentally ruined her first solo c-section. 

Alex, who had already confirmed that the infant in his care would be fine to go to the NICU without any complications, hopped up, immediately coming to Jo’s aide, “I’m here, what do you need?”

Truthfully Alex was expecting a fight, he hadn’t worked with Jo yet but he’d heard stories already of how she was a firecracker who didn’t take shit from anyone. He was pleasantly surprised when she pointed out where the hemmorage was and they both worked to control it. The issue solved itself quickly and once he was sure that she’d be okay on her own again Alex left to check on his own patient who was already heading to the NICU.

“You’re good, not that I doubted it but it’s nice to see the evidence for myself,” Jo’s voice had shocked him later that night when she’d sidled up next to him as he finished a chart. Looking back now he’s sure that he looked like an idiot when he turned to her. They’d only met in the OR where Jo had been gowned up with her surgical mask and cap on. In the hallway though she stood in her dark blue scrubs with her hair in two identical braids, wide hazel eyes staring up at him and pert pink lips curving into an amused smile. “Jo Wilson, I know we worked together earlier but I figured a formal introduction was needed.”

“Alex Karev, nice to meet you,” while Jo had indeed noticed Alex staring at her, she couldn’t help but reciprocate the action herself. Out of his surgical gear he was downright gorgeous with his chiseled jawline and the scruff along his cheeks. “You came from Mass Gen?”

Jo nodded, but before she could respond one of the nurses in front of her interrupted, “Doctor Wilson, the daycare is paging you. Sounds like your daughter might have been injured.”

Jo was off and running before the nurse had finished talking. Alex, who had nothing better to do at almost 8 PM, had followed her into the elevator. It wasn’t until the metal doors shut that she’d turned to him, “Where are you going?”“The nurse said your daughter is hurt, I’m a pediatric surgeon,” Alex shrugged, sticking his hands in his pockets. He suddenly felt nervous, like maybe he shouldn’t have followed Jo. “Figured I might be of some help.”

Nothing else was said on their elevator ride, both doctors standing in silence until the doors slid open on the ground floor. Alex kept up with Jo’s quick pace, even sprinting after her when loud wails began to echo through the halls as they got closer to the daycare. When they arrived, one of the daycare workers was holding an infant who’s face was bright red as she continued to cry.

“Luna’s been fussy all day but she just spiked a fever about half an hour ago,” the worker’s words were hurried as Jo brought Luna into her arms. “I don’t know what happened.”“What happened is you should’ve called me hours ago,” Jo’s voice was biting as she checked over her daughter was was still crying. Alex understood Jo’s frustration, had been there many times himself, but he felt compelled to comfort her. 

“Can I look her over? I promise I know what I’m doing,” Alex’s kept his voice calm and low as he placed a hand on Jo’s back. She looked up at him with teary eyes and he could feel the fear radiating off of her. “Jo, she’s gonna be okay.”

Jo followed him without question as he headed toward the ER just around the corner from the daycare. Alex commandeered a triage room and began to look over Luna, who was whimpering in Jo’s arms as her mother attempted to calm her down.

“She’s six months old but she was born at 28 weeks. So it’s been really hard for me to trust anyone with her, let alone try and get through a work day,” Alex realizes that Jo is sniffling too now. “I just… if something is wrong, after everything we’ve been through, I don’t think I’d be able to live with myself.”

“My twins were born at 28 weeks too, so I understand where you’re coming from,” Alex grabbed an otoscope from the counter, checking both of Luna’s ears quickly. “That would be it, double ear infection. Should clear up with antibiotics and some TLC.”

Jo let out a heavy sigh before breaking into a round of cries herself, shoulders shaking as she held Luna to her chest. Alex set his tools down, unsure of whether to comfort Jo or give her some space. Jo chose for him, her entire history with her ex husband and Luna’s birth and how they came to Seattle spilling out before she could stop it. She still doesn’t know why she chose to share the most traumatic events of her life with Alex so easily but she did. 

Alex in turn shared the story of Alexis and Eli’s birth and by the time they’ve both opened up Luna was fast asleep in Jo’s arms and there were tears on both of their cheeks. Despite only meeting hours earlier, Jo and Alex had quickly formed a bond that wouldn’t soon be broken.

“Alex,” Jo’s voice is barely above a whisper as they stand across from each other in the on call room. “I don't hear anything.”

“Shut up,” Alex grumbles, a deep breath leaving him as he fixes Jo with a gaze that has her heart beating faster. 

“Okay, but I-”

“I'm serious Jo.”

“Fine.”

There’s silence around them as Jo and Alex stare at each other, Alex steeling his nerves and Jo smirking up at him. Finally, his lips part and the words Jo had so desperately been telling herself weren’t coming hang in the air. 

“I love you. I love you and Luna and the dynamic we all have together and I want… I want you, I want us and our family, I was everything with you Jo. I love you.”

And it’s true, Alex loves Jo. It hit him weeks ago, and almost knocked the wind out of him with such a monumental feeling for a moment so mundane. 

Jo had brought Luna over and they hadn’t even been there for five minutes before Alexis and Eli had dragged her off to the playroom and insisted that she play dressup with them. The day was burned into his mind, the way he peaked in down the hall to find Jo in a tiara and a feather boa while Alexis served her ‘tea’ and Eli asked her about her life as a princess. Jo was speaking in a fake British accent while she let Alexis put more sparkly clips into her hair and it hit him then.

He loved her.

Alex loved Jo in the way he loved Izzie once upon a time, in a way he didn’t think he would ever love anyone again. 

At first it had scared him but ultimately it ignited a fire inside his chest that he couldn't wait to watch grow ablaze. The love he felt for Jo had consumed him in all of a second and he let the feeling overtake him.

And then Luna had crawled across the floor to him, tugging on the leg of his pants. He’d hoisted the almost one year old onto his hip and Luna had cuddled into him immediately, her blonde curls splaying against his shoulder as she hugged him tightly and he realized with a start that Jo wasn’t the only person that he loved. 

Because he loved her daughter too, who fit so easily into his life and his heart, who slipped in alongside her mother. 

The air in the on call room changes and both of them let out a deep breath, Jo not hesitating even a second as she throws herself into Alex’s arms and lets her lips brush against his. His hands find purchase on her hips and their bodies are pushed so closely together that they can feel the other breathing. Jo finally pulls back, her forehead resting against Alex’s.

#jolex #alex karev #jo wilson #jo karev #greys anatomy #jo x alex #jolex fanfic #jolex fic #greys anatomy fanfic #nina writes

[cherryb]

Jolex

#wallpapers #serie wallpaper #lockscreen #greysanatomyedit #grey's anatomy wallpapers #greys anatomy #grey's anatomy lockscreen #alex x jo #alex karev #jo wilson #jolex #jolex au #meredith grey

[pagingevilspawn]

you gave me your word (but that didn't matter)

t.s x jolex week 21

day seven: sour- traitor

wc: 1.1k

pairing: Jo Wilson/Alex Karev (past). Alex Karev/Izzie Stevens

summary: jo writes a letter (spoiler alert; it's a shame she's the only one who ever sees it.)

rating: general audiences

warnings: angst, heartbreak, no happy ending

A/N: this is my favorite thing i've ever written for jolex. for once i can say i'm actually proud of a fic i put out. i hope you guys like it too! this is actually part of another series i'm working on that i'll probably never finish, but hey... it's worth a shot. again, enjoy!

____

The pen felt heavy in her hand, but she knew that if she truly wanted to let him go, she would let her hands write the words her lips so desperately wanted to say.

And with that, she began to write.

Alex,

The truth is that I could play dumb. I could say that you acted perfectly normal in the weeks leading up to your trip to what I thought was Iowa. I could say that your eyes didn’t look guilty every time they said they loved me, that your little white lies went unnoticed. But then I’d be lying, and that makes me just as bad as you.

I brushed it off then, thinking that you were just stressed about your mom, worrying that it would take a strain on our life together if you needed to spend more time out there than you originally had planned for. I made excuses for you. I shouldn’t have.

Because I know now that you talked to her —Izzie, who knows, maybe you even did worse; whispered through the phone that you couldn’t wait to see her the same way you had once for me. But I said nothing, because I thought that at the end of the day, when the calls to your ‘mom’ were over, you would crawl back into bed with me. And you did. For a while.

It’s almost humorous, the way that the second that you came back into contact with her you had already left me. There’s no point in denying it. You weren’t mine anymore. And not just because she had your kids, you said it yourself, how it was like no time had passed. Funny, last time you saw each other she had left you in a letter, only to come back later and for you to end things. Quite a different situation that the one you’re currently in.

You betrayed me, Alex. You can say that you’re sorry all you want, but I don't think that you are. I think that you're so caught up in this picture perfect life with your new blonde girl and what I’m assuming are little blonde children that you haven’t realized how much your actions have hurt me. Because I like to think that the man I know, the man I married, would never have done something that he knew would hurt me so greatly.

I loved you Alex, through everything. Every crappy thing you’d ever said in a fit of anger, any hurtful word you might’ve muttered without thinking, I loved you through it all. I was there for you. But it seems like in the end, none of that matters, because I’m here, and you’re not.

How long did it take you Alex? How long did it take you to wrap her in your arms and whisper that you love her? Two weeks? Did it take you two weeks to go off and date her? To whisk her off to some nice restaurant that you would never take me to because you knew how much I hated places like those. (You’d told me once that me and Izzie were nothing alike, almost polar opposites personality wise.)

I’m choosing to believe that you didn’t cheat. That you didn’t sleep with her or kiss her until you had been told that our divorce papers had been filed. I’m choosing to believe that you weren't a cheater. But you’re still a traitor.

You’ve made me question everything Alex. I never doubted that you loved me. I know that you did. I’m just wondering if you ever loved me as much as you loved her. If you ever stop being in love with her.

Because, let’s be real here for a second, if you were being honest with me for all these years, and that you were in love with me, then that means that you also never fell out of love with her. Because there’s no way you can fall in love with someone that quickly.

Looking back on it now, I feel a bit foolish. You never answered my questions about her, giving me short answers that I associated with memories that you would rather not bring to the surface. But what was it really Alex? Were you scared that talking about her would show me that you weren’t really over her? That you were still in love with her, like you were with me?

I brought up the embryos once, remember that? You’d told me that I was paranoid, that you didn’t have babies with Izzie. (But would you look at that? You did)

I had said that even if you didn’t have babies with Izzie, you wanted them. You'd assured me that you wanted everything with me, but was that just because you didn’t think you could have it with her? Was I just second place?

Because if you wanted everything with me Alex, truly wanted everything, you would’ve told me. You would’ve told me about Izzie, you would’ve told me about your twins, and not through a letter. If you truly wanted everything with me Alex, the dog, the kids, and the stupid house with a white picket fence in a good school district, you would’ve told me everything. Because you know me better than I know myself Alex, and you know damn well that I would’ve easily become a step-mom to your kids. I would’ve moved to Kansas if you wanted to. I would’ve gotten us a house out here if you preferred that. I would’ve done anything without hesitation Alex, and it wouldn’t have been much of a sacrifice, because I would’ve had you.

And that’s all I ever really wanted.

I want you to promise me something. It’s the least you owe me, after all.

When you and Izzie are sleeping in the bed we made (the way the comforter is folded back the way I showed you so that you can have both on leg under and on leg on top when you sleep) don’t you dare forget about the way you betrayed me.

—Jo.

She signs off her name, and she can finally feel the hot tears on her cheeks, multiple drops splatter across the pages, blotting the ink. She folds the papers, placing them into the envelope she had set off to the side for this.

To: The Traitor the envelope reads, and she takes a match to the object that had once caused her so much pain—

And she lets it burn.

God I wish that you had thought this through before I went and fell in love with you.

____

@thejolexgroupchat

#jolex #jolex fanfiction #jolex fic #jolex fanfic #jo wilson #alex karev #jo karev #jo wilson karev #grey's anatomy #grey's anatomy fic #grey's anatomy fanfic #grey's anatomy fanfiction #grey's anatomy au #jolex au #jo x alex #alex x jo #grey's abc #camilla luddington #justin chambers #angst #heartbreak #no happy ending #tsjolexweek21

[greys-for-days]

Best Christmas Yet

“Alex and I both came from broken homes, but we somehow managed to overcome all of that mess and find each other. And together we created a home for ourselves. This one is good… in fact, it’s even better than good. It’s kind, and it’s pure, and it’s safe, and it’s happy. And the thought of sharing a home like that with our kids? It’s all we’ve ever wanted. You know, it’s our own version of a happily-ever-after.”

Here’s my first ever fanfic! It’s a Jolex fix-it fic, so basically me ignoring the fact that 16x16 exists. If you like the sound of some Christmas fluff, then you’d probably enjoy this fic! You can find it on ao3 here.

Please let me know what you think :)

#greys anatomy #jolex #jolex babies #jolex fanfic #jolex au #alex karev #jo wilson #i refuse to accept that 16x16 is real

[thejolexgroupchat]

the one where they met in med school - part twenty-six

bacon and babies

(June 2009)

“You’ve got to eat more bacon.”

Both Jo and Mark looked down at Alex’s quiet comment, “What?”

“You stop yourself from doing a lot of crap that you want to do in life. I’m probably dying right now, and I’m telling you, you’ve got to eat more bacon. Have more sex. Tell the people you love that you love them,” Alex gasped softly for breath.

“Okay, I’ll eat more bacon,” Mark replied. “But you’ve got to hang in there because Lexie is gonna be back any minute. She had to go to the blood bank and back. And you’re supposed to be getting married soon. You’re having a baby, Alex. Jo is pregnant and scared and lost, so you can’t leave her alone.”

“Alex, you’re not dying. Not yet. It’s too early, okay?” Jo attempted to get his attention. "You're going to become a kickass peds surgeon, remember? We have plans. So many plans for a life and a home together. It's not your time yet. We're gonna die when we're ninety years old, lying together in bed, passing in our sleep. That's what we agreed on. You can't go before I do. I won't make it. You're all I've got, Alex. You're my only family."

"That's not true," Alex mustered enough strength to place his hand on Jo's still flat stomach. "We have this baby now, too. We did it, Jo."

"Yeah, we did. We made a baby," Jo let out a watery laugh. "Just like we talked about."

"I'm gonna fight, Jo. I'm gonna fight because I don't want to miss a thing. I told you. I want it all with you. I’ve wanted it all with you since that day in the bar almost six years ago when we got drunk and swapped stories about our crappy childhoods.”

“Me too,” Jo wiped some straying tears from her eyes. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Alex leaned into her and slowly closed his eyes.

***

“What the hell is taking her so long?” Mark huffed in frustration as he watched the minutes go by. “She should’ve been back by now.”

“She’s coming. She said she was going to get it and be safe and quick,” Jo took a deep breath.

“I’m going to go look for her. She shouldn’t be taking this long,” Mark began to stand up.

“No! Sloan, please. Just give her a few more minutes. I’m sure she’s fine and she’s trying to be careful and quiet, which is why she isn’t back yet,” Jo tried reasoning with Mark. “She’s smart and resourceful. Give her a chance. Besides, the closest blood bank isn’t even on this floor.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” Mark nodded. He looked around the room anxiously. “I’m sorry. I should be taking care of Alex, not worrying about Lexie.”

“Hey. There’s no need to apologize. There’s a shooter loose in the hospital. I’d be more concerned if you weren’t worried,” Jo took a second to truly observe the worry lines etched onto Mark’s face and his tense body language. “You love her.”

“Huh?”

“You love her, Lexie. You actually love her,” Jo repeated.

“Of course I do,” Mark looked at her strangely. “I’ve loved her for the better part of a year now.”

“I know, I just… I’m not sure why it just hit me but it did,” Jo shrugged. “I knew you cared but I guess I never realized how deep it was from your part.”

“You know how you feel about Karev? Well, that’s how I feel about Lexie,” Mark looked down at Alex’s unconscious frame. “I don’t know how you’re still standing after today. If it were me standing over Lexie’s body, I would’ve lost the will to live right along with her.”

“Oh, don’t get me wrong. I’m a wreck. The only reason I’m still standing is because I’m trying to keep this baby safe and make sure Alex lives to see tomorrow,” Jo attempted a laugh. “If not, I’d be lying on the conference table too.”

“God, that’s right, you’re pregnant. Are you okay? Is the baby okay?” Mark asked. “I saw you leaning over with your hand over your stomach a few minutes ago.”

“Yeah, I’m fine. It was just morning sickness,” Jo waved it off. “I haven’t thrown up yet, but the nausea is killer.”

“I can imagine,” Mark cracked a smile. “Kids are good things. Sloan is one of the best things to happen to me and even though I don’t see her often, she knows she’s got me. I want to have more kids one day. Kids that hopefully, I’d get to raise. I want those with Lexie. But she’s still really hurt that I chose my daughter over her.”

“She’ll come around eventually. She loves you. Truly,” Jo placed a hand on Mark’s shoulder. “She’s never loved anyone this much. But, she just needs a chance to understand why you made that choice. Sure, it sucked that you never spoke to her about it, but in that moment you became Sloan’s dad… being someone’s parent changes things. Your loyalties, your priorities. Everything shifts after that. I’m feeling all of those feelings and I’ve only known about my kid for a few hours.”

Mark chuckled softly, “I can’t believe you and Alex are going to be the first to become parents. I never would’ve seen that coming.”

“We’ve been talking about it for a while now,” Jo smiled sadly. “We both want it so badly. And I’m just terrified that I’m going to be the only one who lives long enough to see it.” She held back some tears. “I can’t do this without him. I know everyone says that but for me, it’s different. I never pictured this until he came into my life. I always thought that I was too broken. But then he said this thing that completely changed my perspective on my past. It was back in med school during my third year when I was interviewing for residency programs. I was having some serious imposter syndrome because of my childhood and past trauma, and I was ready to drop out completely. That’s when he told me, ‘Jo. Did you ever think that maybe we have to get a little messed up before we can step up? You don’t get anywhere in life without struggle. This is your story. Own it. Overcome it.’  That’s when I knew that I was going to spend the rest of my life with him.  Because I knew I could overcome anything as long as I had him by my side to remind me that I don’t have to apologize for my story. He made me brave. He makes me brave. That’s why I can’t do this on my own; why I don’t want to do this on my own. That’s why I need him to live. I love him and he’s gotta live to raise this kid and make him or her brave too.”

“You know, for what it’s worth, I think you’re pretty brave all on your own,” Mark squeezed one of Jo’s hands gently.

“Thanks.”

we were robbed by a Mark / Jo friendship and we will stand by that. 

Let us know what you think in the comments!

#jolex #jolex fanfic #jo wilson #alex karev #mark sloan #lexie grey #slexie #grey's anatomy #grey's anatomy fanfic #grey's anatomy fanfiction #grey's anatomy au #the one where they met in med school #jolex au #jolex babies #bacon #babies #hospital shooting

[iamtrebleclefstories]

maybe it’s wrong to say I love you - part three Part Three: This Love

this love is good, this love is bad, this love is alive back from the dead

In honor of Nina’s ( @doc-pickles​ ) birthday, enjoy Part 3 of this fic that has taken my whole heart. It’s a super long, monstrosity of an update, but I hope it’s everything you never knew you needed. It might be my favorite thing I’ve ever written. Let me know what you think in the comments!

Find parts one and two on my Master List

-This love is good-

-This love is bad-

Since deciding to stay in Seattle two days ago, Alex hadn’t had a chance to apologize to Jo for what he’d said. He hadn’t seen her around the hospital and was beginning to worry that maybe he’d caused her to run. Tired of acting like a wuss, Alex finally made his way over to L&D where he knew she spent most of her time. It wasn’t that far or out of the way for him since the NICU was on the same floor, but he didn’t venture to that side more than a couple times a week.

As Alex was nearing the L&D doors, he heard a couple whimpers coming from a supply closet on his left. He paused and pressed his ear to the door, trying to figure out what was going. Realizing that there was definitely someone inside the room crying, Alex knocked quietly and let himself in.

“Hey, I just heard some crying outside and I wanted to make sure everything was okay,” Alex scanned the room for the source of the cries. He locked eyes with teary-faced Jo. “Jo.”

“What are you doing here?” Jo’s eyes red from crying. “I thought you left for Baltimore.”

“I decided to stay,” Alex stepped closer and crouched down to where she was seated in the corner. Jo looked at him expectantly so he responded. “I couldn’t leave things the way they were. I didn’t mean what I said the other night. I’m sorry. We matter. You matter. Our friendship matters. And I don’t know about you, but I’d really love to have my best friend back.”

“I’m sorry too,” Jo sniffled. “I was just… I’m going through something and everything just kind of came crumbling all at once. Part of it was me being pissed as hell at you, but the other part was me just projecting my own issues.”

“Are you okay? Is it Paul?” Alex sat down next to her on the floor. “Because I swear if he got out early and tries to come find you, I’ll—”

“No it’s not Paul,” Jo let out a watery laugh. “It has nothing to do with him.”

Alex watched as Jo began crying again, her chest heaving slightly as she fought with whatever was plaguing her thoughts. Unable to resist this time, Alex placed his arm around her shoulders and brought Jo into a hug for the first time in over three years. He waited patiently as Jo broke down in his arms, rubbing her back and shoulders comfortingly.

There was something about being in Alex’s embrace after so long that made her finally give into the emotions she was feeling. Maybe it was because despite their rocky history, Jo knew she was completely and utterly safe to be one hundred percent herself around him. She felt secure enough to truly process all of the changes she’d experienced in the last seventy-two hours.

“I’m pregnant,” Jo shared quietly after minutes of silence. She felt Alex’s body tense slightly and hesitate in his movements before nodding, a signal for her to continue. “I found out four days ago. I’m about eight weeks.” Jo paused and let her eyes flit over to Alex’s face. His eyebrows were raised in surprise, but he nodded at her to keep going. “I—uh, I’ve been suspecting it for a couple weeks now. I’m a fetal surgeon. I’m surrounded by pregnant women every day.” Jo huffed a laugh. “But, I think I was so far in denial that I didn’t want to recognize it. Anyway, I took a blood test four days ago and it confirmed my suspicion. That’s why I was a mess when we spoke two days ago. I’d been holding onto this secret all by myself and didn’t know how to handle it, so I just yelled at you, because I knew I couldn’t talk to you about what was going on in my life without breaking down exactly like I did a few minutes ago.”

“Are you feeling okay?” Alex asked, concerned. “Does the father know?”

“You remember that douche-bag ex-boyfriend I mentioned?” Jo laughed ironically. “Well, after the argument you and I had, I called him. I thought you were leaving and never wanted to see me again, so I might as well call Jason and see if I could fix things. We were gonna have a baby.” Jo took a deep breath and wiped a couple straggling tears. “When I told him that I wanted to keep the baby, he wasn’t happy. He said that he wasn’t going to put his career on hold and neither should I over a mistake. So, I suggested getting him in the OB program here. We could work together again and raise the baby together… That's when he yelled at me. He wanted me to have an abortion and I said no. Then he said, ‘yeah go ahead and have the baby. You’ll be having it alone in Seattle. Don’t call me again, or try to contact me for help.’ And he hung up.”

“I’m gonna be a single mom,” Jo bit her lip as she tried to hold back some tears. “And I’m okay with that. I’ve come to terms with that. I’m ready for this. I’m ready to be a mom. Sure, the timing could’ve been better and I never pictured it happening this way, but I want this baby. I want to do this. I’m just… I’m scared. What if I’m not good at it?”

“Jo, you’ve never not been good at something,” Alex looked at Jo for a moment in awe. She really was the strongest person he had ever met. “For what it’s worth, I think you’ll be a great mom.”

“I have my first appointment tomorrow,” Jo sighed. “That’s why I was in here, crying. I couldn’t stop thinking about how I never pictured myself going to my first prenatal appointment alone. I could ask Mer or Bailey, but they both have a lot on their plates right now. They don’t need something else to worry about.”

“Why don’t I go with you?” Alex suggested.

“I’m sorry, what did you say?” Jo made a face and pulled away slightly from his embrace in order to get a good look at him.

“I can go with you,” Alex repeated. “Just tell me what time and exam room you’ll be in and I’ll be there.”

“I don’t know, Alex,” Jo shook her head. “Just because I cried in front of you doesn’t mean you have to feel like you have to go. I can handle it by myself. I’m good at being alone. I’ve gotten used to it.”

“But that’s the thing. You don’t have to be alone. Not anymore,” Alex took her hand in his own. “You’ve got people now. So many people who give so many craps about whether or not you’re okay. You’ve got me and I mean it this time. I know I haven’t given you much reason to trust me, but I want to be your friend again.”

“Alex…”

“Listen, you told me once that you pictured doing this with me, so let me go with you. Not as your boyfriend or whatever, but as your friend. You shouldn’t be alone. You were there for me when I got shot. I didn’t know that back then, but I know that now. I want to be there for you,” Alex’s mouth curved into a crooked grin. “Besides, if I don’t go with you the nurse is gonna give you that stupid pitying look and ask if ‘you wanna discuss your options.’ I’m doing you a favor.”

“You know, I really hate that you know me so well that you knew exactly what to say,” Jo let out a short laugh, “Fine. You can come. My appointment is tomorrow morning at 8am. Meet me here. Don’t be late.”

—————

-This love is alive back from the dead, oh, oh, oh-

8 Weeks

“You came,” Jo stared at Alex in slight disbelief as he walked up to her outside the OB/GYN wing.

“Of course I came. I told you I’d be here,” Alex gave her a shy smile. “You okay?”

“Nervous,” Jo shoved her hand into her pockets. “Just because I want this doesn’t make it any less nerve wracking or scary. I’m just glad I’m not alone.”

“I’m glad you told me and I get to be here with you,” Alex grabbed her hand and squeezed it lightly. “Did you already sign-in?”

“No not yet,” Jo shook her head. “I haven’t walked in yet. I was waiting.”

“Well, I’m here so, let go,” Alex held the door open and walked closely behind Jo as she went up to the front desk to check in for her appointment. Once she was done, he placed his hand on the small of her back and guided her over to a set of chairs in the corner.

After a few minutes, a nurse stepped out and called her name, “Josephine Wilson.”

Jo stood up and looked back at Alex expectantly. He stood up and gripped her hand in his own, walking back towards the exam room with her. The nurse gave her the same instructions that Jo herself had listed off to patients countless times.

“Alright, just remove your pants and get settled onto the exam table, legs in the stirrups. If you want, I’ve left a gown on the table for you to change into. Dr. Hopewell will be in shortly.”

Jo nodded and began removing her scrubs, handing them to Alex who folded them and placed them on the chair next to him. She donned the gown and slipped her panties off swiftly, tucking them in between her pants. She took a shaky breath as Alex helped her up onto the table, “Thank you. For coming. It means a lot. It’s nice to not be alone.”

“There’s no place I’d rather be,” Alex pressed a kiss on the hand that was being held firmly in his own. “You are and always have been my best friend. You were there for me in my darkest moments and you celebrated with me during some of my happiest ones. There’s no way I’d want to be anywhere else rather than here with you, right now. And if you let me, I plan on being here for you for the long run.”

They were interrupted by a knock on the door. A young woman in her thirties walked in, a surprised look on her face, “Dr. Wilson. And Dr. Karev. It’s a surprise seeing you here.”

“Dr. Hopewell,” Jo smiled shyly. “Call me Jo. We work together and you’re about to see all my lady-bits so might as well drop the formalities.”

Dr. Hopewell chuckled, “Well, Jo, call me Amanda.” She got into position and fired up the ultrasound machine as Jo placed her legs up in the stirrups. “I have to say, I didn’t expect to see you on this side of the table.”

“Neither did I,” Jo mumbled. “But life happens and you roll with the punches.”

“So I take it this was not a planned pregnancy,” Amanda asked.

“Definitely not,” Jo huffed a short laugh. “But it is wanted.”

“Okay,” Amanda smiled and looked over at Alex. “How are you feeling?”

“Oh, I—uh, I’m not the dad,” Alex stuttered. “I’m just here to support Jo.”

“Alex is my best friend,” Jo looked up at Alex to see his face of surprise at her admitting that she still saw him that way after so many years. “He didn’t want me to be alone for my first appointment.”

“That’s really kind of you Karev. If only there were more friends like you,” Amanda gave him a small smile before turning her attention back to Jo. “I don’t mean to pry, but I just want to have all the facts straight so that way I can best support you during this pregnancy. Is the father out of the picture?”

“Yes,” Jo answered, biting her lip. “It’s just me.”

“Alright,” Amanda nodded. “You know that means that I will be available to you should you ever need my help. You also need to surround yourself with a great support system. You need people that will help you when you need help, even when you’re too stubborn to ask for it. Single moms are notorious for believing that they are not allowed to ask for help. Don’t fall into that trap. Find your people, your tribe. Although, I see you are off to a very good start considering that Dr. Karev is here with you today.”

“She’s got people,” Alex gave Jo a crooked smile and turned back to Dr. Hopewell. “So, are we gonna see this baby or what?”

“Yes! Alright, Jo, we’re doing a vaginal ultrasound today. I’m going to stick the transducer inside you now. It’s going to be cold and you might feel some pressure or discomfort, but never pain. If it hurts let me know and I’ll stop,” Amanda smiled encouragingly. “Okay, I’m starting now.”

Jo winced slightly at the intrusion of the transducer and tried her best to stay relaxed. She felt Alex run his free hand through her hair, providing a welcome distraction as Hopewell looked on the screen for the fetus. Amanda moved and adjusted her position a few times before an image finally came up on screen, “Aha, there it is. There’s your baby.”

Jo watched in wonder as she saw the tiny blob on the screen. She felt Alex squeeze her hand again as he laughed, “Hey, would you look at that. There’s a baby in there. A tiny Baby Wilson.”

“Woah,” Jo let out and smiled. She looked over to Amanda who’d been taking some measurements. “Can we hear the heartbeat?”

“Of course,” Amanda reached over on the machine and punched some buttons before a steady, quick sound exited the speakers.

“Oh,” Jo gasped and lifted a hand to cover her mouth as she listened to her baby’s heartbeat flutter through the speakers. Tears collected in her eyes at the sound. “Hey, baby.”

“Jo, you’re gonna be a mom,” Alex grinned down at her and wiped a couple tears that had trickled down her face. He felt his own eyes grow watery at the sight and sound of the little life currently developing in Jo’s womb.

Fifteen minutes later, Jo and Alex were walking out of the exam room, each with an ultrasound photo in their hands. Alex beamed as he looked down proudly at the picture he was holding, “I’m gonna put this on my fridge.”

“You are way too excited about this,” Jo rolled her eyes.

“Of course I’m excited,” Alex wrapped his arm around Jo’s shoulder. “I’m going to be an uncle!”

“An uncle?” Jo raised her eyebrows. “Who said that you’re going to be an uncle?”

“I did,” Alex replied simply. “I better be an uncle. Actually, I better be the godfather.”

Jo’s eyes shined in amusement, “We’ll see.”

“We’ll see?” Alex made a face. “Oh, hell no. You want to continue having an appointment buddy, I want to at least be Uncle Alex.”

“Fine. You can be Uncle Alex,” Jo laughed.

“Thank you.”

—————

-These hands had to let it go free, and-

-This love came back to me, oh, oh, oh-

11 Weeks

“You okay?” Alex lingered in the doorway of the bathroom of the frat house as he heard Jo puking into the toilet.

“No,” Jo groaned and lifted her head to see Alex’s look of concern. “I’m sorry. I know I came over to help you furnish this place since obviously neither you or Cristina are capable of doing it on your own and now I’m here monopolizing your bathroom.”

“Jo, it’s fine. You don’t have to apologize for having morning sickness,” Alex walked into the bathroom and crouched down by Jo, pulling her hair back. “I thought you’d gotten past the morning sickness already, though.”

“So did I,” Jo retched.

“Ew, morning sickness Jo?” Cristina entered the bathroom.

“Uh huh,” Jo nodded weakly, leaning her head against Alex’s chest. “I think I’m okay. You guys can go. I’m just going to rinse my mouth out.”

“Okay,” Alex motioned for Cristina to follow him out of the bathroom.

Cristina and Alex wandered into the kitchen and waited for Jo to come out of the bathroom. Cristina stared at the eight week ultrasound photo on the fridge that had given away the news of Jo’s pregnancy when she saw it hanging after showing up unannounced. She eyed Alex suspiciously, “You’re really invested in this.”

“Of course I am. She’s my best friend,” Alex scrunched his face in confusion.

“Are you sure the kid isn’t yours?” Cristina raised an eyebrow.

“Already told you it isn’t,” Alex shot Cristina an unimpressed look. “She’s eleven weeks pregnant. She’s been back for seven. I think you know how to add. Besides, it’s not like that between us. We’re just friends.”

“Just friends my ass,” Cristina scoffed. “I’ve been back for two days and I can tell you are still as in love with her as you were the first time.”

"Okay, yeah i love her. So, what?" Alex shrugged. "I think I always will, but that doesn't mean that I'm gonna do anything about it. She's pregnant and she's moved on and she doesn't need me complicating her life with feelings. Maybe one day it will be different, but right now, this is the way things are. So, I'm just gonna be a good friend to her and I'm gonna be there for whatever she and this baby need."

"Who are you and what have you done with Evil Spawn?" Cristina mused.

"Shut up," Alex rolled his eyes.

Cristina was about to open her mouth to speak again when Jo walked out of the bathroom. Cristina shut her mouth quickly, gaining a strange look from Jo. Jo narrowed her eyes at her two friends,  "What?"

"Nothing." Cristina and Alex answered in tandem.

"Well, I'm going to Mer's house. I probably won't come back tonight, so try not to burn the house down while I'm gone," Cristina nodded at the pair and made her way out the house.  

“Don’t tell Mer!” Jo yelled after her.

“I won’t,” Cristina yelled back.

"She should've just moved in with Mer and Derek," Jo commented as she watched Cristina walk out the door. “Doesn’t she have a room over there?”

“Yup,” Alex chuckled. “I don’t pretend to understand them.”

Jo forced a smile as she felt some dizziness. She closed her eyes for a second, hoping that Alex wouldn’t notice the shift in her demeanor. Of course, she should’ve known that Alex was overly attentive of her every change in mood.

“What’s going on?” Alex asked as he led Jo to take a seat on the staircase since there wasn’t any furniture in the house yet.

Jo took a couple deep breaths, “Somethings wrong. Alex, something is really wrong.”

“Are you in pain? Are you bleeding?” Alex searched frantically for any sight of blood or tenderness in her abdomen.

“I need to go to the hospital. I need an ultrasound. I need to see my baby,” Jo’s breaths grew shallower.

“Okay, Jo. Calm down. Think rationally. You’re a fetal surgeon. You know what things to look for in case something is wrong. You’re probably just dehydrated,” Alex tried to soothe her.

“That’s my point, Alex. I am a fetal surgeon. I know exactly what can go wrong. I have every worst case scenario running through my head right now and that scares the crap out of me because I didn’t know you could love someone so much. If something goes wrong, I can’t help this baby. I can’t operate on myself,” Jo placed a hand on her still flat stomach and wiped a couple straying tears with the other. “So please, don’t look at me like I’m crazy when I ask you to take me to the hospital. Something doesn’t feel right. Please, I just want an ultrasound. I need to make sure my baby is okay.”

Alex saw her distress and conceded, "Okay. We'll go right now."

By the time they’d arrived at the hospital, Jo had begun bleeding. She was shaking with fear as Alex helped her out of the car and carried her into the ER. He bypassed the front desk and placed her on an empty bed, ignoring the confused stares from the likes of Owen and Bailey.

Alex flagged down an intern and barked orders, fear evident in his voice, “You! Drop whatever you’re doing. Get me a portable ultrasound right now!”

The terrified intern scurried over to do as Alex had instructed. Alex leaned down to press a light kiss on Jo’s forehead as she clutched his hand tightly, “Hey. You’re okay. Whatever happens, you’ll be okay. Do you want me to page Hopewell or Herman?”

“No, we don’t call the big guns until there’s something to worry about,” Jo shook her head. “You do it. I trust you.”

“What’s going on here?” Owen asked as he walked up to Jo’s bed.

“Is everything alright, Wilson?” Bailey rushed over to Jo’s bedside.

“I think I might be having a miscarriage,” Jo trembled.

Bailey’s eyes opened wide, “Oh sweetheart.”

“Where the hell is that damn ultrasound?” Alex growled in annoyance.

“Right here!” The intern Alex had tasked with retrieving the ultrasound machine finally came back with the device in hand. “Do you want me to—”

“Just give it to me,” Alex grabbed the machine and got it ready. He had Jo pull up her shirt and he squirted the gel on her abdomen, placing the probe on her stomach. The doctors let out a collective sigh of relief when they heard the heartbeat flutter through the speakers. “It’s okay, Jo. You see? The baby is okay. He or she is in there having a party.”

“Oh thank God,” Jo let out a quiet sob, feeling Bailey smooth her hair down in a comforting manner. She placed her hand on the screen. “Hi baby. You scared the crap out of me. Don’t do that ever again, please. I already love you so much.”

Alex felt all his worries dissipate as he spoke to Jo’s stomach, “God, you really enjoy freaking us out, don’t you?”

“You’re having a baby? My baby is having a baby?” Bailey asked, a smile on her face.

“Yeah,” Jo nodded and wiped a few tears away. “I’m having a baby.”

“Congratulations,” Owen smiled sincerely. He turned to look between Alex and Jo. “So are you two back together or..?”

“Oh, no. I’m not the dad,” Alex laughed awkwardly. “I’m just here as a friend. She was at my house to help me pick out furniture when she asked me to take her to the hospital.”

“Hmm,” Bailey raised an eyebrow, partly unconvinced, partly sure that those two would be together again eventually. “Well, I’m going to call OB down to give you a full work-up. They’ll take blood work and everything.”

“Yes, I’ll make sure that we figure out what’s going on. The baby looks fine though, so I’m not sure why you’re bleeding,” Owen spoke to Jo. “I’m also going to set you up in a room overnight. I know that’s not common but I also know that if I release you, you’re going to want to come in tomorrow morning to work and that’s not going to happen. So, you’re staying here.”

“Fine,” Jo huffed. “But only because I know I need to take it easy if I want to keep cooking this baby for six more months.”

“I’ll stay with you,” Alex said as he wiped the gel off of her stomach and put the machine away.

“Alex, you don’t have to. I’ll be okay on my own,” Jo placed a hand on his arm.

“I know you will. But you don’t have to be. I want to stay with you,” Alex insisted, covering her hand with his own. “Let me stay with you.”

“Okay,” Jo‘s lips twitched slightly.

Bailey and Owen watched from the side as Alex fretted over Jo and yelled at interns to do their jobs right. The two exchanged a look and Owen spoke, “For someone who isn’t the father, he sure is acting like it.”

“He’s in love with her,” Bailey shrugged. “He’s been in love with her practically since day one. He hasn’t said it, but he could care less if that baby was his or not. She’s his person. He’s still going to love her. He’s still going to be there for her and protect her. That’s who he is.”

——————

-Lantern, burning-

-Flickered in the night, only you-

13 Weeks

“Guess what!” Jo grinned as she walked into the attendings’ lounge.

“What?” Cristina asked as she looked up from the medical journal she’d been reading.

“Look!” Jo lifted up her shirt to reveal the tiniest beginnings of the curve of her stomach. “I’m starting to get a bump!”

“Hey baby Wilson,” Alex beamed and walked up to place a hand on Jo’s abdomen. “It’s good to see you.”

“You’re such a dork,” Jo rolled her eyes. “Anyway, that’s not the only reason I came in here this morning. I also have the results back from the prenatal screening. Baby seems to be completely healthy.”

“That’s great,” April said from her spot by the coffee machine.

After Jo’s scare that had her in the hospital a two weeks ago, everyone found out about her pregnancy rather quickly. After all, gossip made its way around the hospital like wildfire. It wasn’t a surprise when Jo woke up the morning after the ordeal to find Meredith glaring at her from the doorway of her hospital room. Once the initial shock and round of questions wore off, everyone had gotten excited and supportive rather quickly.

“Okay, so what’s the verdict?” Meredith asked. “Am I getting fifty dollars from Avery or not?”

“I’m the one getting the fifty dollars. It’s definitely a girl,” Jackson crossed his arms over his chest in confidence.

“Nope,” Meredith shook her head. “It’s definitely a boy. Jo is such a boy mom. She gives off boy mom energy.”

“Okay everyone say your last minute predictions before I open up the envelope,” Jo chuckled.

“I say boy,” Callie took a sip of her coffee.

“Girl,” Bailey narrowed her eyes. “Yes. A girl.”

“It’s gonna be a girl,” Cristina flipped through the pages of her medical journal. “Alex is the godfather. There’s no way this kid isn’t going to end up being Evil Spawn’s worst nightmare. It has to be a girl.”

“I second that,” Derek laughed.

“No, I think it’s a boy,” Richard placed a hand on his chin.

“A boy,” April pitched. “No, a girl. No… yes… a girl. Final answer.”

“I say a boy,” Arizona smiled.

“I’m gonna go with a boy as well,” Owen nodded with Arizona.

“What about you Evil Spawn?” Cristina asked. “What do you think the baby is gonna be?”

“I don’t really care to be honest,” Alex shrugged. “As long as my godchild is happy and healthy, I could care less… but I kind of hope it’s a girl.”

“Alright, stop messing around and open the envelope,” Meredith urged.

“Okay,” Jo took a deep breath and tore the envelope open, carefully removing the paper from inside. She unfolded it and gasped. “It’s a girl!”

“Pay up Grey!” Jackson held his hand out as Meredith grumbled and retrieved fifty bucks from her purse.

“It’s a girl!” Alex grinned brightly and wrapped Jo in a tight hug. “You’re having a Baby Girl Wilson.”

“You should name her Cristina,” Yang shouted across the room. “Cristina Wilson has a nice ring to it.”

“No way,” Jackson shook his head. “Her name is gonna be Avery Wilson. I’m the one who said she was gonna be a girl first.”

“You could always go with Robbin,” Arizona smiled. “It’s a sweet nature-y name.”

“If she names the baby after anyone, it’s going to be me,” Meredith rolled her eyes. “I’m the one who kept in contact with her and helped her all those years. Besides, she has so many options if she names the baby after me. There’s Meredith, Mary, Merella, Greyson, Greysie, Mere, and I could come up with a lot of really obscure ones if given the time.”

“Love the suggestions, but not happening,” Jo laughed at her friends. "I'm not going to name her after one of you and have the rest of you hate me for it later."

“Exactly. Jo’s not going to choose between one of you guys to name her child after,” Alex smirked. “Not when we all know that the baby is going to be named Alexandra after me, her Uncle Alex.”

“Shut up,” Jo shoved him playfully. “You’re lucky I’m even letting her call you Uncle Alex. I could revoke that privilege.”

“No you can’t. Because if you did, then I wouldn’t show you the stash of chocolate pudding you’ve been craving in the lounge fridge that no one else is allowed to touch.”

“You got me the pudding I’ve been craving?” Jo gasped.

“Sure did,” Alex opened the fridge to show her the stocked shelves full of multiple boxes of chocolate pudding. “There’s a sticky note with your name on the boxes so that no one takes them. Make sure you ration it wisely.”

Jo stared at the open fridge in joy. She threw her arms around Alex’s neck and hugged him tightly, “You are the best!”

“God, he’s whipped,” Cristina commented to the rest of the doctors quietly observing the pair. “He’s so whipped he doesn’t even realize it.”

“I mean, are you really that surprised?” Meredith shrugged one shoulder. “It’s Jo we’re talking about.”

“I always liked those two together,” Richard leaned against the wall. “I never understood why he married Stevens. Not that she wasn’t a great girl—because she was—but Karev and Wilson were always different.”

“Sometimes it takes you awhile to find your way back home,” Derek wrapped his arm around Meredith. “They’ll figure out eventually.”

“A hundred bucks says they’ll cave and get together after the baby is born,” Jackson placed a bet.

“One-fifty says they get together before the baby is born,” Callie pitched in.

“Two-hundred says they get together before she hits the thirty-week mark,” Arizona grinned.

“Oh please,” Cristina rolled her eyes. “It’s Karev and Wilson. Knowing them, they’re gonna end up having crazy monkey sex for a couple months until someone cracks and word-vomits all their feelings.”

“Two-fifty says they’re going to do it first and have feelings later,” Meredith stuck her hand out in a challenge.

“You’re on,” Jackson shook Meredith’s hand.

Oblivious to the conversation going on around them, Jo and Alex continued lost in their own little world as Jo opened one of the pudding packs. Jo let out a moan, “Hell yes. This is exactly what I’ve been craving.”

“Glad you and the baby are enjoying it,” Alex smiled at her proudly.

“Ooh! I almost forgot to ask, are you going to come with me to look at more houses today after work?”

“Yeah, I’ll go with you,” Alex reached over to take a spoonful of her pudding, gaining a glare from Jo. “I don’t know why you’re so focused on trying to buy a house. Your apartment is really nice. It’s twenty minutes away from the hospital and five minutes away from me.”

“It’s a fifth floor studio apartment that has no elevator,” Jo scoffed. “I don’t exactly love the idea of having to carry my baby as well as groceries up five flights of stairs.”

“Good point,” Alex nodded. “Well, I’ve got surgery in twenty minutes, but I will see you later.”

“Sounds good,” Jo stuffed her face with another serving of chocolate pudding.

By the time the end of their shifts rolled around, Jo was utterly exhausted. Being in her second trimester, Jo was hoping that she’d gain some of her energy back soon. She’d seen plenty of moms that bounced back from various states of exhaustion once they made it past the twelve to fourteen week mark.

Jo was slumped against one of the benches outside the hospital when she heard Alex’s voice behind her, “Someone looks like they need a nap.”

“What I need is a foot rub. I just got out of a TTTS procedure and I don’t know why but my feet are burning,” Jo cast a sideways glance to Alex. “I just got off the phone with my real estate agent and guess what?

“What?” Alex asked as he sat down beside her.

“The house that I was considering has been sold.”

“Crap. Really?” Alex frowned. “What are you going to do now?”

“I don’t know,” Jo shrugged. “All of the other houses in my budget are an hour and a half away from the hospital so that’s not going to work. I guess I’m just going to have to stay in my studio apartment.”

“Why don’t you just officially move into the house with me and Cristina? You’re there all the time anyway,” Alex suggested.

Jo looked at Alex strangely, “You do know I’m having a baby right?”

“I’m not stupid,” Alex rolled his eyes. “I’m serious. Don’t worry. I’ll help you with the crib.”

He obviously was not understanding what Jo was trying to say. Jo stared at him dumbfoundedly, “That's not what—Are you sure? I don’t think Cristina is gonna like having to live across the hall from a screaming baby in a few months. I don’t think you’re going to want to sleep across the hall from a screaming baby either.”

“Jo, I’m serious,” a genuine expression on Alex’s face. “Move in with us. Cristina is barely home, she’s not gonna care. If anything, she’ll be happy because now her rent is gonna go down.”

“I don’t know… it feels weird,” Jo wrinkled her brow in thought.

“Why would it be weird?” Alex asked honestly. “Jo, it’s a frat house. Mer always left that house open for whoever needed it and as long as I own it, I’m gonna do the same. It’s your home, and you’ll always have a place there if you need it.”

“You’re absolutely positive about this?”

“Yes, Jo. I’m positive,” Alex held her hand gently. “Move into the house. I want you there.”

Jo looked down at their interlocked hands shyly and sighed, “Okay.”

——————

- Your kiss, my cheek -

- I watched you leave-

16 Weeks

“Ugh,” Jo groaned in frustration as she threw another failed attempt at knitting a pair of baby booties at the wall of her bedroom, feeling hot tears running down her face.

“You okay?” Alex popped his head into the room only to see Jo laying there on the bed with tear-stained cheeks.

“No!” Jo cried. “I can’t get this stupid thing right. I am a maternal fetal surgeon who can perform complicated procedures on tiny babies in the womb but I can’t even knit a damn pair of booties for my baby.” Jo covered her face with her hands and let out a muffled shout. “I’m sorry. It’s the hormones… so many damn hormones.”

Alex cautiously took a seat on the bed. He placed a hand on her knee causing her to flinch, “Okay… but you’re not in pain or anything right?”

“No,” Jo shook her head, face still covered.

“Then what is it really? Because you can blame it all on the fact that you can’t knit to save your life, but that’s not really gonna help anyone,” Alex’s face twitched up into a grin. “Are you upset about something else? Are you craving something? Because I can run down to the store and get it for you.”

“I’m horny!” Jo shot up into a sitting position, more tears leaking from her eyes. “I’m really freaking horny but I can’t have sex because no one is gonna sleep with a pregnant lady and I just want to have sex Alex, but my baby’s father is a son of a bitch and he’s living across the country and wants nothing to do with us.”

Alex gingerly placed a hand on her back, patting it lightly as she let another frustrated cry into his shirt. With wide eyes and an unsure expression on his face, he decided to make a suggestion, “We can get you a vibrator?”

Jo whipped her head around to look at Alex who shrugged like a dumbass. She let out a huff and flopped back onto the bed, staring at the ceiling. He really was an idiot , Jo thought. She attempted to keep her focus on her breathing and the marks on the ceiling when she felt Alex’s hand make its way to her slightly curved belly. He rubbed small circles on it for some moments when she spoke up again.

“Alex.”

“Hmm?”

“I need you to leave.”

“What? Why?” Alex paused his movements to look at her strangely.

Jo groaned, “I need you to leave because I’m very horny and you’re still… very, very sexy and you just—you have to go before I jump your bones.”

Alex raised his eyebrows in amusement, looking as though he wanted to laugh. He really was trying his hardest to be a good friend, but he couldn’t help how funny he found the situation. Thinking of possible ways to help Jo out, Alex slowly moved his hand up from her small bump to her sensitive breasts, pinching her nipples slightly. He leaned down and whispered in her ear, “You sure you want me to leave?”

“I changed my mind. Please stay.”

Alex smirked smugly and placed a pillow behind Jo’s back, making sure she was in a comfortable position.

His hand reached underneath her oversized tshirt and brushed against her heat, eliciting a quiet gasp. His fingers found the waistband of her underwear, and he tugged them down as she lifted her ass, letting him pull them over her butt and down past her thighs. Then, lifting one leg at a time and tossing it somewhere on the floor behind him.

He took a moment to collect himself and stare down at her—because God, it had been years since he’d seen her this way and he wanted to savor this moment—before pushing her legs further apart, giving him much better access.

Alex could tell just by looking at Jo that she was already wet. She squirmed impatiently, giving him the perfect view of her glistening skin. Alex held back a groan. Everything within him was crying out to relive those old stolen moments in on-call rooms, the back of his car, and the occasional (but very few) times they were in this very house alone.

He decided to start with his finger, placing it against her and rubbing it up and down and side to side, feeling the dampness beneath his fingers and taking in the feel of her soft, warm folds. He made sure to stroke every inch of her, over and over, concentrating on making sure it was pleasing to her. He could tell by the slight hitches in her breathing that it was.

Jo had almost forgotten what it was like to be touched by Alex. She’d almost forgotten the feel of his thick fingers inside of her. She’d almost forgotten the way he could reduce her to a puddle of incoherent mumbles with just his hands. She was reminded of the stark power and dexterity of his hands as his finger explored her most intimate region.

Alex added a second finger and began to rub her faster and harder, this time going up to her clit and drawing his finger over it. At his touch, Jo made a kind of muffled sound. He went back to rubbing her, alternating his strokes between hard and soft, between slow and quick, repeating the process over and over, never staying with a rhythm for long enough that she would get used to it, listening carefully as her breathing became more shallow and her body quickly grew wetter until he was having trouble staying on her because of the slick.

Finally, he decided, it was time. Alex stroked his fingers downward, but instead of going back up as he had been doing, he slipped a finger inside her, pushing through the wet heat and taking in how amazing she felt around him. God, he had missed this. She was always so tight and hot, and he wanted to stay inside her forever.

His dick ached in his pants at the sound of her soft moans, but this was not about him or what he wanted. This was about Jo. Alex concentrated just on her, moving his finger in and out, pushing in as deeply as he could, slowly at first and then speeding up as he went on.

Jo groaned as he fucked her. “Yes,” she gasped, and closed her eyes. Her hands were fisting the comforter on either side of her. “Yes, Alex. Don’t stop.”

She didn’t need to tell him; he wouldn’t have stopped if his life depended on it. Not with the noises she was making.

He added a second finger, plunging both of them in and out of her, as deep as he could get them. She moaned again, her hips starting to grind against his hand, head tilted back in pleasure.

A feeling of pride spread through his whole body. Watching her starting to come undone and knowing he was the reason, was something else he didn’t think he could explain if anyone asked.

Alex thrust into her harder, curling his fingers up to reach the parts of her body that made her burn with desire. With his other hand, he let go of her leg and reached over and placed his palm firmly on her pelvis, positioning his hand in such a way that he could stroke her clit with this thumb.

Jo moaned, a strangled sort of sound, her hips jerking harder, and Alex did it again — stroking over her clit and curling his fingers deep inside her at the same time. He marveled at the obscene sounds from her mouth and her pussy. They were everything, but he wanted more.

Finally, he added a third finger inside of her and pressed down harder on her clit, and there it was. Jo moaned, and then she cried out, her back arching as her muscles clamped around Alex’s fingers inside her, “Oh my God… Alex...Alex! Ah!”

Alex continued thrusting his fingers in and out of Jo as she rode her climax. He watched as her body shuddered and as she was reduced to a series of whimpers. When Jo finally came back down from her high, Alex removed his fingers. He waited as her chest heaved up and down in an attempt to restore her breathing to normal.

Jo looked up and locked eyes with Alex. He stared at her intensely as he reached his hand back down to collect the wetness between her thighs. Jo let out a few soft whimpers at his touch. Jo felt her heart rate pick up as she watched him bring his hand out from between her legs and toy with the slick juices coating his fingers.

A mischievous smirk made its way onto Alex’s face. Alex brought his hand to his lips. He groaned as he sucked every drop of Jo’s release off his fingers slowly, trying to savor the taste of her. It took everything within him not to lean forward, bury his face between her thighs, and fuck her with his tongue so that he could taste her from the source.

Instead, Alex bent down and pressed a light kiss on her mound—causing her hips to buck up—before standing up. He looked at Jo with a shit-eating grin, “Feel better?”

Jo was struggling to come up with words as her body still trembled with the remnants of her climax. She nodded lamely and breathed out shakily, “Yeah.”

“Great,” Alex’s grin increased as he walked towards the door. “Well, glad I could be of service. I’d stick around but I’ve got a surgery scheduled for 7am tomorrow. Goodnight.”

Jo’s jaw dropped in shock at Alex’s casual exit. She took a moment to process what had just occurred and found herself growing aroused at the thought of it. She’d forgotten just how well Alex knew her body. She’d forgotten how good it could feel with him. She’d forgotten what it was like to crave him so badly that she felt she might combust. She didn’t know what this meant, but the one thing Jo knew for sure though, was that she was completely and utterly screwed.

——————

-When you're young, you just run-

-But you come back to what you need-

17 Weeks  

It had been a week since Alex had… assisted Jo. And ever since that day, Alex or more specifically, Alex’s fingers were just about the only thing Jo could think about. Her body thrummed with desire and frustration whenever the thought popped into her mind—which was often.

She’d blame it on the pregnancy hormones; making her crave sex, not sex with Alex. But after days of trying to satisfy her own needs and being unable to excite herself at the thought of another man, Jo realized that it wasn’t sex she wanted. What she wanted was sex with Alex. Lots of hot, dirty, delicious sex.

She wished the ground would swallow her whole to be completely honest. Not because she was embarrassed. No, Jo had never once felt embarrassed about desiring Alex. There was no need to be embarrassed, especially when she knew the desire was reciprocated. The reason she wished the ground would swallow her whole was because the little piece of shit—Alex—knew full well exactly the effect he had on her and he was doing absolutely nothing about it.

Well, absolutely nothing wasn’t entirely true. Alex had noticed Jo’s desire practically seeping out of her pores and had started taking every opportunity he could to be a damn tease. He’d brush his fingers against her at home, he’d flex the muscles in his arms and hands. He knew what the hell he was doing to her and would follow each display of teasing with a proud glint in his eye.

Today though, the situation seemed more charged than before. Today, Jo was stuck in an OR with Alex. One of her placenta previa patients had been experiencing some concerning pain for the past week. After various testing, Jo decided that delivering the fetus as soon as possible was the best course of action for everyone’s safety. Being that the mother was only thirty weeks into her pregnancy and the baby had been diagnosed with a heart defect in-utero, Jo knew that she had to have a peds surgeon ready to treat the child as soon as possible. She’d hoped for Arizona, but well, you don’t always get what you hope for.

That’s how she found herself standing over Alex’s shoulder in the NICU as he worked on the premature child. The mother had fared well and all but demanded that Jo go up to the NICU to personally evaluate the baby. So there she was, watching Alex’s large hands practically engulf the preemie as he held the little boy closely and adjusted some of the wiring.

I'm going to hell. Jo thought to herself. There is a sick baby and all I can think about is how big Alex’s hands are. Jo gulped quietly as Alex’s fingers twitched slightly. Yup, definitely going to hell.

After seeing that the baby was fine and taking a few pictures, Jo hurried back to her patient’s hospital room, “Hi Brenda. Little Gideon is doing great. Doctor Karev is there monitoring him, but it seems as though he is stable. I took you some pictures if you’d like to see.”

“Yes! Thank you,” Brenda answered teary-eyed. “I wish I could hold him.”

“You’ll be able to soon,” Jo comforted. “And trust me when I tell you, he’s in the best hands.”

“You understand, my worry, I mean? On top of it all, I’m doing this all alone,” Brenda motioned to Jo’s stomach. “How far along are you?”

“Seventeen weeks,” Jo replied. “And yes, I do understand. I’m also doing this alone. Just a little over a month and a half ago I had a scare myself. I started bleeding more than normal. But do you know who I was with when it happened and who helped me? Doctor Karev. And if my baby or I  were ever in any danger, he’s the first person I’d ask for. He’s the first person I’d trust to take care of us.”

“He’s good right? And I don’t just mean a good doctor. He’d obviously have to be a good doctor to work here. I guess what I want to know is, is he a good person?” Brenda leaned forward.

Jo chuckled at the woman’s question, “Yes. Alex is one of the best people I know.”

“Okay, okay, I think I feel a little better now,” Brenda nodded her head. Brenda looked lost in thought before she blushed lightly. “He’s really hot isn’t he? Dr. Karev? And this whole gig with the babies doesn't hurt him either. Please tell me you’ve hit that.”

“Brenda!” Jo laughed along with her patient.

“Sorry, you don’t have to answer that,” Brenda smiled bashfully. “I just… Well, if I worked with that every day, I would’ve jumped him a long time ago.”

“No, it’s okay,” Jo shook her head in amusement. “I know this is unprofessional since I’m your doctor, but for your information, I have hit that before.”

Brenda gasped in excitement, “Really? When? How was it? Did it happen more than once?”

“It was fantastic,” Jo sighed as her mind became distracted with thoughts of she and Alex’s past hookups in this very hospital. “It was years ago. And yes, it happened more than once. It happened quite a few times.”

“I'm sorry. You are my doctor and I’m asking you about your sex life and you’re four months pregnant which I know means that you are really… frustrated right now and I am definitely not helping you,” Brenda winced apologetically.

“Definitely not helping me,” Jo huffed and shook her head, trying to get the horribly obscene thoughts out of her brain. “Anyway, Gideon is okay and Dr. Karev is taking great care of him. If we’re lucky, he won’t need to go into surgery to correct his heart until he gets a little stronger.”

“Thank you, Dr. Wilson,” Brenda called out as Jo walked over to the door. “Oh and Dr. Wilson!” Jo turned to face Brenda who had a bright smile on her face. “You should hit that again.”

Jo rolled her eyes, “I’ll think about it.”

The rest of the day, Jo was practically itching to get home. She checked the schedule on the board and saw that Alex would be home an hour after her and Cristina was on call tonight. As soon as her shift was over, she rushed to her car and drove quickly to the house. Immediately upon arriving, Jo went upstairs to the bathroom to shower and shave. On the drive home, Jo had resolved her decision to finally ask Alex for the one thing she’d been craving more than anything. So now, she was sitting on the side of the tub attempting to shave—a task she had been severely neglecting ever since her bump appeared.

Hearing Alex’s car pull up in the driveway, Jo toweled off quickly, throwing on an oversized t-shirt and hurrying down the stairs. She sat on a chair beside the staircase waiting for Alex to walk inside. Jo had been fidgeting and bouncing her leg anxiously when the door opened to reveal a confused Alex.

Jo jumped up from the chair, “We have the house to ourselves.”

“What?” Alex’s face scrunched up in question.

“We have the house to ourselves,” Jo repeated. “But I want you to know, that just because I’m about to jump into bed with you does not mean I’m some pregnant slut who has no morals. Because I do have morals. I have lots of them. But I’m also very, very—”

“No more talking,” Alex shushed her.

“Huh?”

Alex ran his hands down her body’s curves to grab her thighs, wrapping her legs around his waist and picking her up effortlessly, gaining a startled gasp from the woman in his arms.

“Yes! Oh, thank God!”

He carried her up the stairs and into her room. The delicious rub of her body against he drew a groan from the back of his throat. In retaliation, he grazed a hand back up her body, slipping under her shirt and over the curve of her waist, groaning as he realized that she was completely bare underneath.

Impatient as ever, Jo pulled back from the kiss and yanked her shirt over her head. Alex pressed her against the nearest wall and reverently ran a hand over the newly exposed skin. Her breathing was labored. While he was distracted, Jo moved on to his shirt. Her hands lingered on his muscles as she slowly exposed each one. Her thighs clenched tighter to hold herself up as Alex raised his arms and he pressed his pelvis into hers. The movement earned him a stuttered gasp so he did it again.

Jo tossed his shirt carelessly to some lost corner of the room. Their lips met again in a desperate kiss, skin pressed to skin. Alex’s hand slid up her back, holding her to him. As he pulled them from the wall and moved to the bed, his other hand found its way to her breast and got his first handful of cleavage.

He thumbed her nipple. Jo whined and Alex repeated the motion as he lowered her to the bed. His mouth left hers and pressed more kisses across her jaw, down her neck, and paused at the juncture with her shoulder when she moaned and thrusted against him in response. Her fingers speared into his hair to hold him in place. The other hand guided his back to her breast to squeeze.

Her hand then returned to run down his chest. Her nails trailed over his nipples and she nipped his neck as her fingers reached the button of his jeans. With one motion, she opened his pants and slipped her hand inside his pants to cup him without anything in between them.

Alex sifted down the bed, pressing kisses down her body. He dragged his lips across her skin, kissing every inch of skin until he reached the juncture between her legs.  

“Alex,” Jo whined when he paused.

Alex chuckled and pressed a conciliatory kiss to her hip bone. He settled back between her legs, kissing along the soft, exposed skin of her thighs. Jo’s hands curled into his hair and tried to direct him to her center faster. He laughed against her skin and bit her thigh in retaliation.

“God,” Alex breathed out, dangerously close to her hot center. “I’ve been thinking about this all damn week.”

“So have I,” Jo replied shakily.

Alex’s hands ran up and down her thighs as he pressed kisses along her bump and pelvis, “You’re so beautiful.”

“Alex, I swear to God, if you don’t—” She never got to finish her threat, cut off when his mouth found her pussy. “Oh, fuck, Alex!”

He used his fingers to spread her open as he lapped at her entrance, pressed into her, taking his cues from the way her hands in his hair, the sounds she made, and the movement of her hips. His tongue swirled up to her clit, varying speed and strength. He started with a single finger, slipping it into her wet warmth with ease. At her encouragement, he added a second. After a few sample thrusts, he crooked his fingers to find the spongy flesh that made her keen.

Alex groaned against her, adding a third finger. Jo tensed under him as he built her right up to the ledge and then stopped. Jo whined as he distanced himself, watching in fascination as her pussy clenched around nothing. His thumb grazed her labia and Jo jerked at the sensation.

“Alex,” Her plea conveyed in a single word.

He let his thumb strum her labia again, “What do you want, Jo?” He rubbed his cock against the bed, hoping the friction will relieve some of the building tension. He lightly stroked her again. “You’re going to have to be specific.”

“Make me come.”

“More specific,” Alex teased as he leaned forward and let his breath exhale across her skin.

Emboldened by Alex’s urging, Jo huffed at him, “Make me come with your mouth. Use your fingers until I gush around you, and then fuck me until I come again.”

Alex’s attention flew directly on her clit, teasing it with his tongue as he thrust three fingers in and out, pressing against that spot that made her see stars. Jo dragged his other hand up to clench around her breast as she chanted, “Yes, yes, oh, God, Alex, there, there, fuck, Alex, I’m coming!”

She shuddered under him, coming with a spasm around his fingers. He pulled his fingers out and sat up. He yanked her by the thighs toward him. He lifted her legs up, wrapped them around his waist, and thrust himself deep into her, groaning as he felt her still clenching around him.

The moment he was inside her, it was like a once black and white world exploding with color. It was electrifying and consuming, to the point that neither Jo or Alex really dared to move out of fear of ruining this perfectly good moment. This feeling that neither one of them had experienced since the last time they were joined this way over three and a half years ago.

Jo’s thighs clenched to hold her in place and Alex leaned forward. Her insides fluttered as Alex slid both hands under her and lifted Jo so she hovered over him, gravity forcing her down on his cock. With each thrust, she rocked against him, rubbing against all of him. She whimpered and wrapped her arms around his shoulders.

Alex turned so he could sit on the edge of the bed as Jo rode him, desperate and needy. His hand slipped between them to rub against her clit as he got close to orgasm. Jo grabbed his face and sealed her lips to his in a messy kiss that tasted like her, as she climaxed again and he fell over the edge with her.

They both collapsed back against the bed, sweaty and breathless. Alex ran a hand up over her back in soothing strokes as Jo tried to catch her breath. He wasn’t not doing so hot on the breathing himself, but the softness of her skin was soothing, as is the scent of her that surrounds them along with the musty aroma of sex.

They were silent as they came back down from their highs. Neither one brave enough to voice their thoughts even though they both had the same exact thing running through their brains: holy crap.

Not because it was bad. Definitely not because it was bad. It was because it was good. Really good. Too good. It was too good, too much, too overwhelming, too intimate. It wasn’t the kind of sex you had with a one night stand or even a friend. No, this was the kind of sex you had with the person who knew you better than anyone. This was the kind of sex you had with a lover.

But Jo and Alex wouldn’t admit that. No, admitting something as cataclysmic as that would complicate things. It would put a strain on the friendship that they were still trying to carefully rebuild. So, Jo filed the feelings she was feeling away in her brain as a result of the pregnancy hormones, while Alex blamed their history and unfinished business on the sudden onset of his desire for more than this.

There wasn’t any room for feelings. Especially when neither one of them wanted to give this up. They could do it. They could separate the emotion from the action. They could be sex friends. Yes, that’s exactly what they would be: sex friends.

——————

-This love is good-

-This love is bad-

-This love is alive back from the dead, oh, oh, oh-

21 Weeks

“Hey, you okay?”

Jo looked up from her spot on her bed to see Alex standing in the doorway, arms crossed and a concerned expression on his face. She shook her head slightly, “Not really. I’m sad.”

“Well, you know I wouldn’t mind cheering you up,” Alex wiggled his eyebrows suggestively as he walked closer to the bed. “Take your mind off things for a while. I could do that thing with my tongue that you really like.”

Jo chuckled, “No, but thanks for the offer. I could really use a friend, though.”

Alex removed his shoes and laid down beside her, propping himself up on his elbow as she turned on her side to face him. Alex reached to hold her hand, “What’s going on?”

“I felt the baby kick for the first time today,” Jo’s lips twitched into a small smile. “I’ve felt her flutter before but today was the first time I actually felt her kick. She’s kicking right now if you want to feel.”

Jo positioned Alex’s hand over her belly and waited for her daughter to kick again. Seconds later, Alex was  met with a strong kick against his hand. Alex gasped excitedly and leaned down towards Jo’s stomach, “Hey baby girl Wilson. You’ve got a strong set of legs right there.”

Jo’s eyes widened as she felt another series of strong kicks, “She likes you.”

“She does, doesn’t she?” Alex turned his attention back to the spot where the kicks were coming from. “Like mother, like daughter I guess.” Alex felt a slap on his head. “Hey! It’s the truth. Anyway, be good for your momma okay? No more scares like the ones you gave us a couple months ago. And try not press on her bladder too much. Just focus on growing and getting strong. Uncle Alex can’t wait to meet you.”

Jo felt a couple tears slip down her cheeks. She was still getting used to seeing Alex like this. Sure, even before he’d always been sweet and kind to her, but this softness was definitely something she felt privileged to see. Before, he’d been more cocky and callous, arrogant and closed-off. However, peds had changed him. He lived and breathed for the children he took care of. Jo could see that clear as day. And there wasn’t one moment that went by where she didn’t feel immensely grateful for the opportunity to know this side of him as well.

Alex straightened and laid back down on the bed next to Jo, bringing her close. He ran his hand along her back and spoke, “You gonna tell me why you’re sad?”

“I just…” Jo sighed. “Feeling her kick today just made everything real. I’m having a baby and I’m going to be raising her alone.” She paused and her eyes watered. “I felt her kick today and my first instinct was to call Jason. I don’t even know why. I kind of hate him if I’m being honest. He’s one of the worst guys I’ve ever been with and that’s saying something because I have been known to have... questionable taste in men. But I felt her kick and I just—I couldn’t stop thinking about how she will never know her father. She’ll never have a father to take her to daddy-daughter dances, or protect her from the monsters under her bed, or intimidate all of her boyfriends. She’ll never have a father that shows her an example of how she should expect to be treated and respected and cared for and loved. All she’ll have is me.” Jo sniffled and wiped a straying tear. “I think back to my own childhood and think of the rejection I felt. The rejection I still feel. I never want her to feel that. But sometimes, I’m afraid I won’t be enough. That even with all my love and support, she’ll still feel like something—or someone is missing and that she’ll blame herself for that.”

“When I was a kid, all I wanted was for someone to care. It didn't matter who, just that they cared," Alex started. "My mom was sick, so most of the time, l was taking care of her and my siblings. And my dad, well let's just say that even when he was around, he might as well not have been. For a lot of time I resented him, still do if I'm being honest. But that's because even though my mom was supposed to be the one in charge, I was the single parent." Alex placed his hand on Jo's stomach again and was rewarded with another set of kicks. "This little girl is never going to know anything but love and care. She already has it so different than you or I ever had it. She’s got people in her corner and she hasn’t even been born. You may be a single mom, but that doesn't mean your family is any less whole. You can't control now she'll feel, but don't ever think that you aren't already a good enough mother."

“How the hell do you always know exactly what to say?” Jo wiped a few tears off her cheeks.

“Guess I’m just fluent in Jo Wilson,” Alex shrugged, a smile on his face.

“I missed this,” Jo whispered after a few more minutes. “All those years I was gone? I missed just talking to you and hugging you and laying down next to you. And now that I’m here and you’re here, I don’t ever want to leave again. I know I’d be okay if I moved, but I would never truly be happy. I know that now more than ever. I’d miss you too much.”

“I’d miss you too,” Alex pressed a kiss on her forehead. “But it’s a good thing I don’t plan on going anywhere anytime soon, because I plan on seeing this little girl grow up. Which reminds me of something actually.”

Alex reached to grab a bag he’d set down on the foot of the bed when he’d laid down next to Jo. He opened it and took out a green onesie that said, “ My uncle is the coolest.” He showed it Jo with a big smile on his face, “Ta da. Figured I’d buy this for her now, since I already know she’s going to prefer me to everyone else.”

“Oh my god, Alex,” Jo’s hand flew up to her mouth and she let out a laugh. “I love it. This is her first onesie.”

“Really?” Alex raised his eyebrows. “Huh, well, everything else is just going to have to try to measure up to the awesomeness of this one.”

“Shut up,” Jo grinned and rolled her eyes. “I really do love it. But why do I have a feeling that she’s actually going to like you more than she likes me?”

“What can I say? The Wilson ladies love me,” Alex smirked.

“We sure do.”

——————

-This love left a permanent mark-

-This love is glowing in the dark, oh, oh, oh-

24 Weeks

“What’s up with you?” Meredith asked as she peered through the doorway of the nursery Alex was currently painting. “Are you surprising Jo with a nursery? Is this why you called me?”

“She’s been stressed and I wanted to do something nice for her and the baby,” Alex explained as he continued to coat the walls with the light gray paint. “I read in one of those baby books that the parents left lying around in the NICU that light gray walls are supposed to calm babies and help them sleep through the night so I decided on this with teal, white, and light pink accents.”

Meredith’s jaw dropped in shock, “You decided on a paint scheme?”

“Well, I asked Kepner and Robbins for help,” Alex looked over his shoulder at his friend. “They picked out the colors and gave me pictures to go off of. I can’t paint it all by myself though, so I called you. I would’ve asked Cristina, but you know Yang isn’t going to spend her day off painting a nursery. Plus, she decided to go to that conference in Portland this weekend. Besides, you’ve got a daughter so I figured you’d know what little girls like better.”

“Alex,” Meredith sighed. “Why are you doing this? Are you trying to win her back? Because it doesn’t really work like that.”

“No, no, this has nothing to do with winning her back,” Alex waved his hand in protest. “Well, I mean it would be nice if I could win her back, but that’s not why I’m doing this.” Alex paused as he figured out what he was trying to say. “I’m just trying to be a good friend… all I can think about every time I see her, glowing and smiling as she holds her belly, is how much I screwed up. I screwed up so bad all those years ago and now she’s having another man’s baby.” Alex looked down at his hands. “All I’ve ever wanted is to be that man. To be beside her throughout the whole process, to get excited and plan for what’s to come, to cry as I hold our child in my arms for the first time. But I was stupid and I practically ripped her heart out, and now she’s too afraid to go any further with me. Because it’s not just her anymore. She’s got a daughter to think about now. Her daughter will always come first. And that’s how it should be. I just… I wish Jo was having our daughter.”

Meredith placed a hand on Alex’s shoulder, “You really never stopped loving her.”

“Nope,” Alex let out a breath. “And this… arrangement or whatever we have going on is great. Really. It’s fun and it feels like us. But I want so much more, Mer. I want everything with her and I can’t have everything because I was a dumbass.”

“Give her time,” Meredith ran a comforting hand between his shoulder blades. “She loves you. I know that much. Don’t try too hard. Just keep being Alex, and one day hopefully she’ll want more. Now, give me a paint brush so I can get started on the accent wall. We don't need you messing up the lines and smudging the paint."

Alex rolled his eyes and handed Meredith a brush, "Shut up and get to work."

Five hours and a few arguments later, Alex and Meredith were putting the finishing touches on the new nursery as they waited for Jo's arrival.

"Do you think she'll like it?" Alex fidgeted nervously as he stared at the completed space. "You don't think it's too much right?"

"Alex, calm down," Meredith chuckled. "She's going to love it."

"You think? You don't think she'll be upset that I did it all without her?"

"Are you kidding?" Meredith laughed. "Jo loves surprises. She's also six months pregnant and is a blubbering emotional, hormonal mess half the time. She's going to cry happy tears when she realizes there is one less thing on her plate. As a fellow pregnant, hormonal lady, I think this just might get you laid."

“Shut up,” Alex finally let out a laugh that settled his nerves. “Okay, get out of here. She’s gonna be here in a few minutes and see your car in the driveway.”

“Okay, okay, I’m leaving,” Meredith grabbed her things and headed towards the front door. She was about to step outside when she turned to look at her friend. “Alex.”

Alex looked at Meredith expectantly, “What is it?”

“I’m proud of you,” Meredith said, a playful smile on her face. “You’re acting very grown up.”

Alex could feel the blush make its way on his face as his lips curled into a bashful grin, “Stop it.”

“Let me know how it goes!”

Alex watched Meredith leave and moved to sit on the couch. He waited anxiously for Jo to arrive home. He jumped up when he saw her car finally make its way up the driveway. Alex was waiting by the door when she walked in, “Hey.”

“Hi,” Jo looked at him strangely. “What’s going on with you?”

“I have something to show you. A surprise,” Alex breathed out.

“A surprise?” Jo raised an eyebrow. “Ooh! Is it that ice cream that I’ve been craving all week?”

“No, it’s not ice cream,” Alex shook his head in amusement. “It’s upstairs.”

“Okay…” Jo observed him for a moment. “Well then, lead the way.”

Jo followed Alex closely as he guided her up the stairs to the bedroom that had been sitting empty for the past few months. Alex placed his hand on the doorknob, “So, I did something and I don’t know… maybe you’ll love it, maybe you’ll hate it. Anyway, I worked hard on it and I hope that it’s everything you could’ve dreamed of.”

Jo gasped as Alex opened the door to the guest room—now nursery. She stepped in and spent the next few minutes taking it all in. Tears collected in her eyes as she walked around the room and traced her hands along the edge of the walls, the crib, the rocking chair, the changing table, the twin bed in the corner for her to use during the first weeks after the baby was born, and the various other pieces that Alex had purchased in an effort to prepare the room.

“You did this all by yourself?” Jo asked after a few minutes of just staring at all his hard work in awe.

“It was my idea, but I had some help,” Alex shuffled his feet awkwardly. “Kepner and Robbins helped me pick the color scheme, Cristina bought the rocking chair, Hunt gave me the day off, Meredith helped me paint and put the furniture together. It was a team effort.”

Jo lurched forward and wrapped her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly, “Thank you.” Jo whispered tenderly and wiped a couple tears. “I can’t believe you do this for me. For us.” Jo placed a hand on her swollen stomach. “No one has ever done anything like this for me before.”

“I want you guys to have everything,” Alex’s flit back and forth between Jo’s mouth and eyes. “You deserve all this and more. Both of you do. I swear, as long as I’m around, my goddaughter is never going to want for anything. Because between you and me, she’s gonna be spoiled rotten.”

Jo was about to say something when they were interrupted by the doorbell. Alex straightened and walked downstairs, “I’ll get it. Why don’t you take a shower and relax? I’ll order takeout from that restaurant down the street while you get comfortable.”

Jo nodded quietly and made her way to the bathroom to get showered. For weeks now, Jo had been fighting with herself and her feelings towards Alex. Her resolve was slowly wearing down and in truth, it had been since the moment she’d arrived back in Seattle. Everything within her burned for Alex. And the sex arrangement they’d had going on for the past two months certainly did not help matters. Because as much as Jo tried to convince herself that it had to be the hormones making her feel this way, it was never just sex with Alex.

It had always been so much more—at least on her part. Every time she kissed him, every time she touched him, every time she laid in bed beside him, waiting until he fell asleep so she could leave, Jo found herself getting lost in the daydreams, thinking about what life would be life if she were just a little braver and gave into what her heart wanted more than anything.

Because it was true. She wanted Alex and a life with Alex more than anything. But Jo was afraid to allow herself to fall for him completely again because she knew how hard it was the last time when it ended. The last time hurt like hell. The last time, she ended up leaving Seattle. The last time, she lost a part of herself. The fear of things ending like they did the last time was almost always enough to reel her back in and sway her to decide against going any further with the man she was sure was the love of her life. This time though, she wasn’t so sure it would be enough.

Finishing her shower and burying those thoughts in the back of her mind, Jo toweled off and put on a pair of sweatpants and one of the old tshirts she’d stolen from Alex when her belly outgrew hers. She threw her damp hair into a half-hazard braid and made her way down the hall. Pausing in the doorway of the new nursery, Jo smiled again. Not seeing Alex inside, she walked out into the hallway and called out his name.

“Alex?”

“In here.”

Jo turned down the hall toward his bedroom, hearing the shuffling of a couple items as she neared the door, “Hey, who was that at the door earlier?”

Alex looked over his shoulder, “Oh it was the delivery truck. This came in a little late, so I’m setting it up now.”

Finally setting her gaze on what he was working on, Jo sucked in a surprised gasp. There in front of her very eyes, Alex was setting up the bassinet in his room.

Unsure of the meaning of his actions, Jo spoke, “What’s this?”

“Oh, I—uh, I bought it so I could help you when the baby is here. You know, in case you ever want to take a break or just need a goodnight’s sleep, I can help with the baby too,” Alex shrugged, looking up at her as if the words that he’d just spoken so nonchalantly were of little importance. “It’s a pretty cool bassinet too. One of the nurses in peds recommended it to me. You know Marissa? The one with five kids? She told me that—”

Alex’s voice faded into the background as Jo became lost in thought. This can’t be real. Guys don’t just do these things for their friends. Jo felt herself become increasingly emotional as she processed the significance of Alex’s actions. He’s all in with me. He’s all in with this baby that’s not even his. He’s here and he hasn’t left and he’s not going to leave because he loves me. That may have been the most startling realization. It really shouldn’t have been that surprising that Alex had never stopped loving her, not for one moment. But for some reason, Jo felt her heart swell at the knowledge that all this time, he’d just been waiting patiently for her to let him know when she was ready for more.

Realizing that Alex was still speaking, Jo looked back up at his stupid, perfect, beautiful face and opened her mouth to try express the rush of emotions that had just hit her like a thousand bricks. Rendered speechless, Jo did what she knew best. She showed him.

Jo interrupted Alex’s nervous rambling by placing both hands on his face and pressing her head against his own. She took a deep breath and stared deeply into Alex’s confused eyes. Mustering up what little courage she had left, Jo leaned forward and kissed him.

Despite his initial surprise, Alex reciprocated quickly. His arms wrapped around her body quickly, pulling her to him as closely as he could possibly get. Sure, they’d kissed before, but this was different. This kiss wasn’t just a result of built up sexual tension or lust. This kiss was pure love, passion, devotion, and emotion all rolled up into one. He was practically thrumming with awe at the sensation and demonstrated every ounce of his love for her in that kiss as he could.

When they finally pulled away, Alex looked at her with a puzzled expression on his face. He watched as Jo opened and closed her mouth dumbly a few times before interjecting, “You okay there? You look a little speechless. I mean, I know I'm a great kisser but it’s nice to get that validation every once in a while.” Alex smirked as his little quip eased the tension between them, immediately making Jo feel more comfortable.

“Alex,” Jo breathed out a laugh and felt tears prickle at her eyes. “Why would you do all of this for me?”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

Jo looked at the sincerity in his eyes and left her own pool with water, “You didn’t have to.”

“I know,” Alex nodded. “I wanted to. Because… I love you, Jo. You know that.”

“I don’t deserve it,” Jo wiped a tear that had made its way down her cheek.

“Of course you do,” Alex’s hands found her stomach and rested comfortably on her bump. “You and this baby deserve all the love in the world. There isn’t anything you could do that would make me want to stop loving you.”

Jo let out a sob, “There’s something I need to tell you. Something that I’ve been wanting to say for months now, but I was never brave enough to say it. I want to be brave now.”

“You know that you can tell me anything,” Alex’s eyes bored into hers intensely.

“Okay… I’m, uh… I𑁋” Jo stuttered awkwardly.

“I don’t hear anything,” Alex chuckled as Jo struggled to find the words.

“Shut up!” Jo looked at him exasperatedly. “I’m freaking out enough as it is.”

“Okay, but𑁋”

“I’m serious,” Jo pouted, prompting Alex to laugh.

“Fine,” Alex schooled his expression and waited until she found her voice again.

“I love you,” Jo confessed, heart racing wildly inside her chest. “I’m in love with you, Alex. I’ve been in love with you ever since that first night when you kissed me in the rain outside Joe’s bar after we passed our intern exams. I’ve loved you since then and I haven’t stopped loving you. Yes, you hurt me more than anyone ever has, but you’ve also loved me more than anyone I’ve ever known. And it's not just a fleeting love, it's pure love. It’s a true love. It’s all the things I had always dreamed of as a little girl. I won’t pretend it’s been easy loving you, because loving you isn’t something I just fell into. It was a choice I made, a choice I continue to make every single day because loving you comes to me as natural as breathing. I can’t seem to let go of our past promises and dreams, so I want the chance to realize our forever. And I want to try, but I mean, actually try this time. No more messing around or pretending like we're content with just being friends. I want more with you Alex. All I know is I want you just because you’re you and we’re us. I want everything with you.”

Alex’s face soon mirrored Jo’s as tears began to fall from his eyes. He pressed their foreheads together, noses brushing against each other. He closed his eyes, “I love you. I love you. I love you.” Alex laughed joyfully. “I love you so much that sometimes I have to remind myself to breathe. Throughout my life I’ve been with a lot of nobodies, but you’re not a nobody. You’re my person. You’re the love of my life. And yeah, I probably sound like the stupidest, cheesiest, guy on the face of the earth right now, but I don’t care. I don’t care if I look like a fool. I’ll look like the biggest idiot on the planet if it meant that you’d finally understand how much I love you. How much I want you. How much I need you. I need you, Jo and I don’t ever want to be without you.”

Despite the tears currently running down her face, Jo smiled shyly, “So, is this what I think it is? Does this mean we’re trying?”

“Hell yes,” Alex kissed her soundly. “It’s you and me against the world from now on.”

They were interrupted by a round of kicks against their palms, causing the two of them to laugh. Alex knelt down in front of Jo’s bump, “I’m sorry, Baby Wilson. What I meant was me, your mom and you against the world.”

Alex’s response to Jo’s belly garnered another kick. Jo rolled her eyes, “Oh gosh. She really does like you better than she likes me.”

“She’s just jealous,” Alex smirked. “I have that effect on the ladies.”

Jo laughed, “Shut up.”

“Make me,” Alex challenged, a mischievous glint in his eye.

“You’re gonna regret having said that,” Jo warned as she pushed him over to the bed.

“You know, I don’t think I will.”

-These hands had to let it go free, and-

-This love came back to me, oh, oh, oh-

Were you expecting any of what just happened? Lol let me know what you thought and anything you like to see. Also, send me baby name suggestions!

#jolex #jolex fanfiction #jolex fanfic #jolex au #alex karev #jo wilson #jo wilson x alex karev #alex karev and jo wilson #jo x alex #grey's anatomy #grey's anatomy fanfiction #grey's anatomy fanfic #cristina yang #meredith grey #miranda bailey #jackson avery #owen hunt #april kepner #derek shepherd #callie torres #arizona robbins #maybe it's wrong to say i love you #this love #i wrote this instead of sleeping #happy birthday nina

[luddstan]

Angel 🌸 follow in Instagram for more posts : luddtans and royalzpoet

#camilla luddington #camilla luddington icons #jo wilson #jo wilson icon #grey's anatomy #greys icons #alex karev #jolex #jolex fanfic #jolex forever #jolex babies #jolex au #ellen pompeo #sarah drew #jessica capshaw #arizona robbins #callie #calzona #bellamy blake #bellarke #bellarkeedit #the 100 #series

[drmarc]

one last dance

a jolex au oneshot inspired by one last dance by us the duo

so i am currently obsessed with us the duo’s song ‘one last dance’ and i had this idea that i wanted to write and i hurt myself again by writing this

 it’s a really beautiful and painful song, and i suggest that you listen to it while you read this, God knows how much i cried (on the inside and the outside) while writing this

this is a small playlist i made with the songs i listened to while writing this and some of the songs that are mentioned in it

anyways, i hope you guys like it!

Hundreds of eyes in the room but yours found mine

I asked you to dance and by chance our hands intertwined

“Alex, just go ask her out please. It’s physically hurting me to see you pine over her like this, just go please.” Meredith pleads to her friend, sitting beside her. They’re at the reception for Miranda Bailey and Ben Warren’s wedding and the group of newly transferred residents are sitting two tables down from them, and one particular resident caught Alex’s eye the minute she walked in the hospital. 

“I can’t, Mer! I told you, I’ve tried but I just, I don’t know what to say or do when I’m actually in front of her.” Alex sighs in frustration. It’s true, he gets all tongue-tied whenever he tries to ask her out and he just doesn’t know why. Cristina and Meredith share a look before turning their attention back to their sulking friend.

“Wow, Evil Spawn is having actual normal girl problems.” Cristina says, and Meredith laughs at her comment while Alex just glares at her before taking a swig of his beer. The two continue to tease Alex for a while before he gets up to order another beer.

“Another round for me.” He says and leans against the bar next to Richard Webber and Catherine Avery, who were also leaning against the bar. They stand up and start to go and mingle with others when Richard turns back around to face Alex and says,

“Just ask her to dance, Karev. You might just sweep her off her feet with that.” Richard nods at him with a smile on his face and turns back around to follow his wife. Alex stares at his back for a second before turning back around to sit on the stool next to him while his eyes immediately go to the brunette who’s currently laughing her ass off at something her friend said. He sighs and nods a thank you to the bartender after he places a glass of beer in front of him.

He tunes everything out and just stares off to nothing as he drinks his beer, he almost didn’t hear her ask the bartender for another round of whatever she and her friends are having. He turns his head to the side to look at her and stares for a minute. He thanks God she doesn’t notice him staring that close. He looks at his drink and chugs it all down before wiping his mouth and hands on a napkin, and turning around to face Jo Wilson.

Jo notices him standing next to her and turns her head to smile at him. Alex attempts what looks like a smile as holds his hand out and asks, “Would you like to dance?”

Jo looks at him, her eyes gleaming as she glances down at his outstretched palm. She looks back up at him with a soft and somewhat teasing smile on her face as she says, “I would love to.”

What lasted for minutes seemed like eternity

I had no clue this one dance would lead you to me

“Alex, where are we?” Jo giggles as she tries not to stumble with Alex leading her up some steps. It’s their first anniversary and Alex said he had a surprise for her, one that he said he’s been wanting to do ever since we danced at Ben and Bailey’s wedding, which is why she’s currently trying not to fall over after he blindfolded her before he brought her to the car and to wherever they are at the moment. She also has a surprise for him, one she’s not sure of what his reaction will be.

“We’re almost there, baby, just two more steps and… Ha! We’re here!” Alex exclaims enthusiastically. Jo puts her arms out and tries to feel out for anything that could give her a clue on where she is but she doesn’t come into contact with anything.

“Okay, so I’m going to take your blindfold off, okay?” Jo nods, and Alex continues, ”I’m gonna take it off, BUT you can’t open your eyes just yet. You can open them when the song ends.” Jo furrows her eyebrows in confusion but agrees to it anyway. Alex slowly undoes the blindfold on her head and as promised, Jo keeps her eyes closed. Alex steps away from her for a moment before music fills the silence around them and Jo smiles at the familiar tune.

She feels Alex slip his hands around her waist and Jo wraps hers around his neck. They start to sway comfortably as Jo tucks her head in the crook of his neck, softly singing along to the song.

“Mmm, so this is love, so this is what makes life divine.” Alex takes her hand and spins her. He takes her back in his arms and softly hums along. They stay in that position, swaying, for the remaining minutes of the song before Jo slowly opens her eyes. She’s in the middle of a living room of a house, a newly built and furnished one at that, and in a picture frame in front of her is a picture that the couple took as a joke for their friends. 

In the photo, Alex is down on his knee with a faux ring in hand and Jo’s hands are on her mouth, feigning shock and surprise. Jo feels Alex’s arm slip around her figure and looks down to see Alex’s hand holding open a small, velvet box with a princess shaped diamond on a ring shining at her. She stares at it in awe, with tears in her eyes, as Alex whispers in her ear, “Will you marry me, Jo?”

Jo grabs the hand that’s holding the small box and spins around to face Alex. She leans in to kiss him and right before their lips touch, she whispers a soft “yes” before closing the gap between them.

They kiss softly before Jo pulls back and rests her forehead against his as her hands hold his face. “I also have a surprise.” Jo says, smiling softly with her eyes closed. She takes one of his hands that was resting on her waist, and slowly slides it to her stomach which was carrying the tiniest bump. It was tiny, very tiny, but it was there, and it makes Alex suck in a breath.

Hundreds of friends in the room and you’re dressed in white

You walk down the aisle and I smile to know that you’re mine

Alex stares at the woman walking down the aisle towards him and he feels like he can’t breathe. He can’t breathe and when Jo grins at him, he can breathe. It’s cheesy he knows, but it was like the girl was his oxygen. Her and the little life she was carrying inside her.

Link, who asked Jo personally if he could give her away, pats Alex’s shoulder and gives him a manly hug once they reach the end of the aisle to where Alex was standing. Jo gives Link a kiss on the cheek after he gives her away to Alex before he goes to his seat.

“We are here today to…” Alex drowns Meredith out and stares at Jo, who feels him staring at her and turns to look at him lovingly. He sees that she’s teary-eyed and he chuckles lightly at that. Jo seems to realize what he’s laughing about and wipes a tear that escapes from the corner of her eyes as she mouths, “Hormones.”

Their stares and actions go unnoticed for a while as they forget where they are before Meredith catches their attention by clearing her throat. “I think this is the part where you guys say I do.” She says quietly to the two in front of her.

“I do? Oh yes, I do!”

“Yeah, I do.”

Jo and Alex stumble over their answers simultaneously and make their small crowd of friends and family laugh. Meredith smiles at the two who join hands and look at each other lovingly, Alex putting his hand on Jo’s 5-month bump, caressing it softly, before holding Jo’s hands again.

We cheers our champagne and wait for our song to begin

The band starts to play and you ask me to dance once again

Jo is sitting and chatting with Helen and Bailey while Alex does the same with their other guests. Helen and Bailey smile at her while Helen puts her hand on top of Jo’s, which was softly caressing her bump. “How are you feeling?” She asks her.

Jo smiles softly as her eyes scan the room, looking for his husband, seeing him laughing and talking with Meredith, Cristina, and Jackson. She looks back at Helen and answers, “I feel wonderful.” 

They continue talking for a while before she feels someone caress her arm. She turns her head around and sees her gorgeous husband standing in front of her, with his hand stretched out to her. She’s taken back to the first time they danced and she smiles giddily at her husband. Her husband, it still feels surreal to her that he is her husband. 

“Would you like to dance?” Alex repeats the words he said to her the night they fell in love and Jo swears she felt like she was falling all over again.

Jo puts her hand in his and stands up as she says, “I would love to.” They head to the middle of the dance floor and they vaguely see the crowd that was dancing in the middle slowly disperse for the couple’s first dance as husband and wife.

Fifty-nine years have gone by since you said yes

Even now in your hospital bed you still look your best

“Hey, ma, you feeling okay?” Caroline, Alex and Jo’s oldest grandchild, says as she walks into Jo’s hospital room and sits by the foot of her bed. Alex is sitting in a recliner chair that their kids brought for him from the house next to Jo’s bed.

Jo smiles at her granddaughter before answering, “As comfortable as I can be, honey.” Jo had a mild stroke the day before and it caused her to also have a mild heart attack which resulted in her ending up in the hospital. Alex almost had a heart attack because of it but their kids, who are also doctors, were able to calm him down.

“What about you, pa? Your blood pressure down?” Alex rolls his eyes after her question and Jo slaps his arm for it. Caroline just laughs at their actions and raises her eyebrow at his grandfather.

“Yes, yes, it’s down.” He smiles softly at her, laughing lightly. They hear a knock on the door and see Jo’s doctor with a look on his face that both Jo and Alex know too well, and Alex wishes he doesn’t know it at all.

“You’re discharged, Mrs. Karev. You can go home and rest now.” Her words are soft and warm, but the meaning behind it is not. Alex and Jo share a look and Jo takes Alex’s hand in hers, softly caressing it with her thumb, as Alex leans forward on her bed and brings their joined hands to his mouth, kissing it softly as a tear makes its way down his face. Jo puts her hand on his cheek and wipes the tear with her thumb as she softly whispers, “Take me home.” Alex nods at her, a few more tears escaping from his eyes as he places a few more kisses on her hand and leans forward to kiss her on the lips before he stands up.

We might be old but there’s still one thing we can do

Put on a song, let’s pretend to dance ‘round the room

“Ly, can you help us with something?” Alex calls down the stairs for his youngest daughter. He hears her say something and soon sees her figure walking up the stairs.

“What do you need, dad?” Elizabeth says whilst she pats her hands dry on her pants. Alex leads her to him and his mother’s bedroom and points to the mini speaker he placed on the bedside table.

“Could you set that up and play your father and I’s song?” Jo says from the bed, grinning slightly at her daughter. Elizabeth agrees with a smile and sets it up while Alex helps Jo up from their bed and sturdies her by hugging her figure to his. Jo puts her arms around his neck as Alex puts his around her waist and Elizabeth plays the song from her father’s phone on the speaker.

They start swaying slightly and slowly to the music as Elizabeth makes a move to leave. She stays by the doorway for a moment, staring at her parents who were still as in love as they were when they were younger. She’s tired and emotional, having spent the day with everyone in their family and eating dinner with her mother while she was still here. She decides to retire for the night and quietly closes the door to her parents’ room. The sound of the song playing loudly in the quiet house, loud enough for everyone in the house to hear.

“You’d think their songs were made for us.” Jo says, laughing lightly as they sway to the song of their favorite duo. Alex chuckles at her comment and holds her tighter, burying his face in her hair. “Maybe they are.” He says, which makes her giggle.

“It’s their wedding vows, and it’s our life.” Jo says quietly. 

Alex wants to cry, but he doesn’t. He wants to, but he doesn’t feel like he has to. His wife is dying. She could die now, in his arms, or she could die later, beside him, and he knows in himself that he will go wherever she does.

They sway lightly, basking in the music and silence, as they whisper the song in each other’s ears. “No matter where you are, I’ll be there.”

Thirty-five hours have gone by since your last breath

Memories of dancing with you are all I have left

“Dad, will you be alright here?” Mason, his eldest, asks him. They just got home from the funeral home, where a wake for Jo will be held in a few days. 

She died just the night before, after their last dance, they went to sleep, only Jo never woke up. Alex did, and once he saw her, he knew immediately. He held her for a while, but he didn’t cry, he quietly sang to her and whispered his vows to the silent air. Their kids found them less than an hour later. They cried, their father comforted them, and they pulled themselves together to do what needed to be done.

“I’ll be okay, bee.” He tells him. His eyes wander the room for a while before it settles on the picture frame sitting on their bedside table. Alex sits down and takes the frame in his hands while Mason stays by the door. “I’ll be alright, I just wanna lay down for a while. I’m tired.” He gives his son a crooked smile, to which he mirrors. Mason nods at his father and makes a move to leave, but before he could close the door, Alex calls out to him. “Mason,” He says,

“Take care of our family. I love you.” Mason feels a wave of dread and realization wash over him. He stays in his place for a while before he decides to walk over to his father and give him a hug. Alex rubs his back as he takes a few breaths. Mason gulps, trying to push down the feeling of wanting to cry, “I love you, too.” He walks out and closes the door. 

Alex sighs and lies down on his side of the bed. He turns to his side and stares at the picture framed in his hands, tracing the outline of Jo’s face. He smiles as he sighs and closes his eyes, picturing Jo waiting for him with her hand outstretched, asking him for a dance.

Just a few seconds 

before it’s my time to go

Hello my God and my love, 

at last I am home

#jolex #jolex oneshot #jolex au #jolex fanfic #jolex fic #jolex fanfiction #i want jolex back #jo karev #alex karev #us the duo #one last dance #oneshot

[allysa-citted]

Realmente, conquistaram mais radiação que o território de chernobyl.

#jo wilson #jackson avery #chernobyl #grey's anatomy #jolex #jolex fanfic #jolex babies #jolex au #jolex forever #japril #april kepner #station 19 #private practice

[jobrookekarev]

Let’s Make a Baby

Words: 6,495

Summary: 12x24 AU where Jo proposes they make a baby and this time Alex takes her up on her offer, but he still leaves and when he comes back he ruins everything. As Jo’s pregnancy progresses Alex learns his lesson and they rebuild their relationship. 

Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy.

Relationship: Alex Karev/Jo Wilson.

Characters: Alex Karev, Jo Wilson, and Arizona Robbins.

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences.

Additional Tags: Angst, A whole lota Angst, Happy Ending thought! Pregnancy, Relationship, AU, 12x24.

Read at AO3

Read at FFN

AN: I’ve been working on this forever! It’s finally done and I’m really happy to share it with you all!

……………………………………………………………………

“Let’s make a baby.” 

The moment she spoke, Alex's heart jumped in his chest. He's wanted to have a kid with Jo since the night he pulled down his pants and asked her to make a baby with him. He has spent the past year imagining what it would be like to have a baby with her, but Jo wasn't ready. She said she wanted to wait and finish her residency, yet here she was.

Jo was standing there before him, telling him she was ready. That she wants a baby now too. She was dressing in that low-cut tank top with ample cleavage and loose pants. She was offering herself up to him, offering her womb, and he would be lying if he said he didn't want to take her up on her offer. 

“Are you going to tell me why you won't marry me?” 

“I told you that I love you and that I'm not going anywhere. So isn't that enough? Can't that be enough for you?” 

She's begging him to stay. He can see it in her eyes. Alex hates to be just another man that walks away from her and the truth is that he doesn't want to be.

He looks down at the white lace that outlined her breasts again. They both fall silent as he stares at her body. A baby is everything he's ever wanted with her, and maybe, for right now, that can be enough.

“When I proposed to you, I did it because I want to be committed to you. You said you needed someone in your corner and I want to be that person and I want the same from you.”

“I am committed to you, Alex. I love you. I want to be tied to you too.” 

“So marry me. A baby isn't going to fix this.”

“I'm not trying to fix it with a baby, I'm trying to show you that I'm committed to you by telling you that I want what you want. I love you and I want to be with you for the rest of our lives.”

“But you won't marry me.”

“Alex, I can't,” Jo begs him in a whisper. 

Alex stares into her eyes. He can see the way that she pleads with him and the hint of fear in her eyes. He doesn't know what was holding her back. He knows that she's always been afraid of legal commitment. She loves him, he knows that. She wants to be with him, he knows that too. Yet, she never wants anything to prove it. It took a week to convince her to sign the declaration of their relationship for the hospital. He knows there's more to this, that it wasn't just the fact that Jo's afraid of marriage. 

To be honest, he was a little afraid to marry her too. He saw the way that his parents treated each other. He saw the way his foster parents treated each other. He knows how marriage can change a couple, but he also knows how it can make them stronger. He remembers how it changed him when he was with Izzie. He pledged himself to her and she was his responsibility to take care of. He wants to be that for Jo. To be someone who looks after her and takes care of her and for her to do the same for him in return. Being her husband is important to him. Still, he loves her enough to keep the ring in his drawer. To keep waiting for her. 

“I love you, Jo, and I want to be your husband someday. I want to commit myself to you and only you for the rest of our lives and do everything that comes with it.”

“I know,” Jo said, letting out a breath as she looks down before she looks back up at him through her eyelashes. “And what about having a baby?”

Alex just smiles, he can't help it. A large happy smirk spreads across his face as he walks up to her. He reaches out to put his hands on her waist, trailing up to brush the lace at the side of her breast before pulling the tank top down to reveal her breasts. His fingers ghost over her breasts and leave goosebumps across her skin. 

“Are you sure you're ready?” Alex says as he pulls his eyes away from her skin to look up at her.

She's been so hesitant before, he wants to have her permission for this. He wants to know that she wants this. Because she wants a baby, a family with him, and not just for him to stay.

“Yes,” Jo says and he knows she's sure.

His lips crash into hers and her arms wrap around his neck. It's desperate and needy and fast and a little rough, so he slows it down. He pulls her over to the bed and tries to be delicate with her. He loves her and he doesn't want the night they make their baby to be anything but filled with love. 

Loving Jo is so easy. She's his best friend and she knows him like the back of her hand. She's been through what he's been through and she knows what he wants because of it. She knows how his childhood shaped him because she's cut from the same cloth. 

He slips the black pants off her body to reveal the white lace underneath. He smiles as he leans down to gently kiss her body from the peaks of her breasts down to the valley of her thighs. He makes love to her, he makes it sweet and soft as he pulls her body into his. He kisses her with all the love he has for her as he pours himself into her in the hopes that it will create a new life between them. 

Afterwards Jo falls asleep in his arms. She clings to him in a way she only does on dark nights and he knows it’s because he didn't sleep next to her the night before. She tosses and turns on those nights more than any others. So he lets her sleep, but as he does, the reality of the situation sinks in.

He knows a baby isn't going to change anything. It isn't going to fix their relationship. He knows she has a secret. He doesn't know what it is or how big it is. Still, he can sense that it's the reason she's holding back. It has something to do with the reason why she won't marry him. That worries him. It worries him that her secret is something so big and so dark that it will tear them apart. So he gets that itch. The urge to run before things get too hard, before things get too crazy.

He loves Jo and he wants to stay with her. He does. He wants a baby, a family, to continue building a life with her. Yet, the heaviness of it all weighs upon him. He decides to go to the one person he's always been able to talk to. He slips out of her arms and calls Meredith. She is, of course, busy with Amelia and the wedding, but she still has time for him, so he grabs his keys and leaves. 

After talking with Meredith and hearing Owen react to his own runaway bride. Alex realizes he loves Jo enough to bear this secret and wait for her to be ready.

When he comes back, he hears Jo’s laughter and he smiles. He can't wait to hear that laughter from their child's lips and he can see it in his mind. Then he comes around the corner and finds her on the bed with DeLuca above her. He sees her drunk and only in the lingerie she wore for him. He also sees how DeLuca holds her wrist and how he lays on top of her.

He doesn't think, he just acts as his fist connects with DeLuca’s face.

……………………………………………………………………

It's always in the aftermath that he seems to realize what he's done. As he looks at the blood on his hands. Jo’s screaming and crying rings in his ear. DeLuca’s bloody and broken face lingers behind his eyes. He realizes he's made the worst mistake of his life and there's no going back. 

……………………………………………………………………

A few weeks later, after the dust settles, he's working in the clinic, and Arizona approaches him. 

“Jo came to see me today,” Arizona says as she looks at him. She doesn't have that angry look on her face that she's had all week. Instead, she looks at him with an expression he can't read. “Alex, she's pregnant.”

He drops the supplies that are in his hand and they crash to the floor. He's not sure why he's so surprised. He didn't forget how they tried for a baby. How could he? It’s etched into his mind as the last good thing he did. If he could go back, he would go back to that moment. He never would have left their bed, he never would have left her, and they would have this conversation together. 

Yet, instead of Jo, Arizona is telling him this. He should be sharing this moment with her. It should have been a happy one. Instead, the mother of his child looks at him with fear in her eyes as she remembers the night that he broke everything with his fists. He knows that she'll never look at him the same way. He knows that she worries that what he did to DeLuca, he could do to her and their baby. Despite how Alex knows he could never lay a finger on them. Jo doesn't know that. She doesn't trust that. Why should she? 

His entire world has gone to shit and this time, he doesn't know how to fix it. 

……………………………………………………………………

A few days later, Alex gets a chance to talk to Jo for the first time since he found out she was pregnant. In the storage room of the ER, she's tucked away. He finds her hiding out between the storage shelves. She sits on the floor with her little note cards, studying for her boards. He used to quiz her and he knows Callie gave her, her note cards to study. If his math is right, her due date is in June, just after the boards. He hopes this doesn't throw off her chances of taking them. 

He watches her for a moment. She holds her stomach with one hand and munches on a few crackers as she reads the note cards in front of her. He also notes the changes in her body. Her cheeks are fuller, as are her breasts. Her hair shines and her skin glows. Yet, her eyes look weary. She takes a moment to lean her head back against the wall, closing her eyes.

As he leans forward to get a better look at her, he brushes against the box of gauze pads and topples a few of them over. Jo looks up to see him and quickly gets up. She avoids eye contact with him as she goes to walk past him, but he reaches out for her arm.

“Jo.”

She pauses and slowly turns around as her eyes glance up to catch him. His lips part, he doesn't know what to say next. He knows what he wants to say, what he wants to do. He wants to take it all back, to pull her into his arms and kiss her. He wants to celebrate their baby, but he knows she won't let him do that now.

His eyes go down to her waist. He doesn't see a bump under her blue scrub shirt. She's not that far along, but she has her hand protectively over their baby.

“Arizona told me, about, about the baby and, and everything,” Alex says, tripping over his words like he tripped over his feet. “Are you doing okay?”

“No, Alex, I'm,” Jo just shakes her head as she looks up to the ceiling, her eyes sparkling with tears before she lets out a sigh. “Look, I'm fine, okay. The baby is healthy. You don't have to worry about us.”

She rushes to go past him and he reaches out to grab her arm. It's something they've done before and usually, Jo will let him pull her in. He'll kiss her cheek and a smile will spread across her lips, but not now, not today. Instead, Jo reacts with shock. She pulls back in surprise and takes a step away from him.

“I'm sorry,” Alex says, immediately letting her go as he doesn't want to push her boundaries. “Just, if you need anything, crackers, or that boxed mac and cheese you like, or if you need anything in the middle of the night….”

“What, you're going to drive all the way down from Meredith's to hold my hair back while I puke at 4 am?” Jo said with a roll of her eyes, hiding the longing in them.

“Yeah, why wouldn't I?” Alex says because he would. “I know you have an ultrasound next week and I'd like to be there.”

“No, I don't want you there!” Jo says defensively, and her words hurt worse than anything else he's done in the past week. “You left Alex. Then you hurt DeLuca, and you called me trash. I don't want you there. I don't need you right now. That's why I asked Arizona to tell you instead of telling you myself. I know this baby is half yours and I won't keep you from them. But for now, this pregnancy is mine alone and I can handle my pregnancy on my own.”

“But you don't have to, Jo. I can be there for you and I want to be.” 

“I don't want you there, Alex. I don't want you.”

With that, she left him alone and Alex knew now there was no coming back from this. 

……………………………………………………………………

Alex is closing down the clinic again. He hates the 12-hour days when he opens and closes as they are filled with mindless work. He had already made sure that all the laundry was sent out and the new beds were ready. He had put away all the old files and put out new ones for tomorrow’s charts. He also did other little things that he shouldn't be doing as a surgeon, like tidying up after everyone else. Yet, he messed up, so here he is. As he's making sure that the supplies are stocked up, Alex hears the bells on the door jingle as it opens. 

Although he doesn't look up from where he is putting away the packets of gauze and curses himself for forgetting to lock up. “We're closed.”

“I know,” Jo says in a little voice that startles him. 

Alex quickly put all the gauze down on the floor and stood up. He turns around to see her standing in front of him. Her hands are in her pocket and she looks hesitant to be there. 

“Oh hi,” Alex says, not really sure what to say. He figures that since Jo is the one who sought him out, she should do the talking. 

Arizona had told him to wait and let Jo come to him. Although Meredith said that he should talk to her. Alex was inclined to listen to Arizona more. Although Meredith only wants the best for him. He knows that if he pushes Jo, she would retreat further. Meredith mostly worries Jo will keep the baby from him. Alex worries about that too, but Jo said she wouldn't and he trusts her. So he waits for her to come to him and now she has.

Jo looks at him, studying him as if she is looking for something in him. Then she looks down at her bump, rubbing her hand up and down. Alex studies her bump as well. He can't see it as well with her dark t-shirt and green jacket. She hasn't let him see it fully see it as he hasn’t been to one of her appointments. 

“I just wanted you to know that the baby and I are okay, Alex,” Jo says looking down at her bump. “They're growing well and they're in the 80th percentile or something. And we're healthy, both of us are healthy.”

“I know, Arizona gives me an update on them after every appointment,” Alex says with a nod.

“Right, Jo says with a nod as well, looking down at her bump. “I forgot that I asked her to do that. I just thought that after today, you'd want to know.”

“Yeah, thank you. I appreciate it,” Alex nods again, especially after everything from that day. 

They talked a little bit more throughout this case, but this is the first time they're talking about their baby. After hearing Amelia's revelation about her baby and Veronica’s cancer and pregnancy, Alex couldn't help but worry about Jo and their baby. Although he knows they are both fine, hearing it from Jo herself was comforting.

He looks down to where she's cradling her bump and she follows his eyes. She doesn't say anything, just steps up to him and holds out her hand. Alex reaches out and grabs her hand. She takes his hand and guides it to her bump, as she leads his hands over the curve of her belly. 

“It's not much more than a little curve of my stomach. I just noticed it a few days ago. I'm not sure if you can feel it?”

“Yeah, I can,” Alex says with a little smile. “It's nice.”

His eyes glance up at Jo and for a moment, they just stare at each other. There's that familiar tension in the air. He used to feel that tension between them before the first time he kissed her. Tonight reminds him of that night. He wants so badly to lean in and kiss her lips, but they aren't there yet.

“Do you have a recent ultrasound photo?” Alex asks as he looks down at her bump and holds their baby. 

“No, but, why don't we go get one for ourselves?” Jo says as she reaches out to grasp the hand on her bump. Giving it a squeeze, she holds his hand and leads him away. 

Alex immediately smiles, Jo hadn't let him into any of her ultrasounds just yet. He locks up the clinic, although he isn't done closing. This is more important. Jo grasps his hand like a lifeline as she leads the way. He easily follows her through the hospital as they make their way to Arizona on the maternity ward. 

They paused in the doorway to Arizona's office as Jo timidly glanced back at him with a smile. “I want to show Alex our baby.”

This is the first time she's smiled at him since all of this began. 

Arizona excitedly obliged them. Soon enough he's holding Jo's hand and her shoulder as he helps her lay back on the bed. Jo pulls up her shirt and undoes the buttons on her jeans. He realizes she's already in maternity jeans. Arizona gives her a cloth to tuck into her jeans and as she does, he realizes that he's staring at the fullness of her bump. Alex reaches out and puts a hand on her belly. He notes that her little belly button has turned out and his fingers ghost over it. He can't help the smile that seems stuck on his face. He’s been smiling so much that his cheeks hurt. 

However, he soon has to move his hand so they can start up the ultrasound. Arizona starts it in the middle moving around until eventually, she pulls up a side profile of their baby. The sight of his child looking so real on the screen takes his breath away. There's their little nose and head, their little heart fluttering in their chest, their little arms waving around. He barely hears Arizona's words as Alex just stares at the little slope of their little nose. 

He didn't look at the ultrasound like he normally would as a doctor. Sometimes he took care of the babies before they were born on a consult for Arizona. Instead, he looks at them like a father. Alex looks at their heart beating, not counting the beats or looking for defects. He looks at their arms and legs moving and kicking, not measuring their size. He looks at his child. This is his child, his baby, and watching them on the ultrasound was so much more magical than he thought it would be. He couldn't help but tear up. Although he fights to hold them back with everything inside of him, the tears refuse to stop from falling. 

“Oh Alex, don't cry,” Jo says looking up at him with a painful expression. She's holding back tears of her own as his streams down his cheeks and he reaches up to brush them away.

“I'm okay, it's just…” Alex trails off, unable to find the words to describe what he’s feeling. 

“It's okay if this is overwhelming,” Arizona reassures him with a comforting smile.

“Yeah, but if you cry, I'm going to cry,” Jo says, already brushing away the tears that had spilled over onto her cheeks. 

“I'm sorry,” Alex says as he smiles a little. 

“No, don't be, you don't have to apologize for this,” Jo says with a smile of her own as she squeezes his hand and he squeezes it back.

“You're going to be a good father,” Jo whispers, looking up at him as he whips his head up. 

As he looks at her, she just smiles. She meant what she said. Alex wasn't yet sure of that. He didn’t know if he would be a good father. He had the worst role model with his own father and he thought about how angry he got. He still reacted fists first. But he was trying not to. If this whole thing taught him anything, it was that he can't do that anymore. Jo and their baby don't deserve his anger. 

Still, he knew he could let go of his anger and frustration for them. Alex thought about the preemie that pulled out their ET tube for the 20th time that day. How he just shook his head and put another one in. He did give them a little bit of a talking to. He told them how they needed it and it would come out soon enough.

Alex thought about the toddler that bit him last week. He reacted in surprise as he jumped back. The kid just looked up at him with a glare. They didn't like the shots he had to give them. He just cleaned his arm and assured the parents that it was developmentally appropriate. Then he smiled at the kid and gave them a pacifier before he continued with the exam.

Alex thought about how he talked to the teenagers like they were adults. They liked to understand what was happening to them. He told them how it was, but he still gave them stickers. Because they were still kids and they still deserve stickers. 

Alex so desperately wants to be a good father. As he stares at their baby on the screen, he knows they hold his entire heart. He would do anything, become anything for them. He looks over at Jo too, her eyes fixed on the screen and her hand tightly grasping his. He would do anything for her too. Even if she wouldn't marry him and wouldn't tell him why. 

……………………………………………………………………

“I'm married to a man who almost beat me to death.”

That is the second phrase Jo says that changes his life. Although he can't see her face, he knows she's fighting back tears. He can hear it in her voice. They stand together in the elevator as Jo cradles her now prominent baby bump. She's still trying to hide it from everyone, except him. 

“And I can't divorce him, because I ran away from him. And I'm not,” Jo pauses, looking down at her bump. She holds their baby before she shakes her head and continues. “Jo Wilson isn't my real name, it's Brooke Stadler. That's why I couldn't marry you.”

Alex takes a second to take in this revelation. His whole mind swirls around the fact that Jo is married. But she's married to someone who abused her, and she ran away from him. Her real name, Brooke Stadler echoes in his mind. He can't even fathom the thought that she was anyone other than the woman he's known for four years now. 

“You're married,” Alex finally manages to say. 

Jo slowly turned around, facing him. “Yes.”

“And you didn't tell me?”

“I was scared. I…” 

“Scared of what? Did you think I'd get mad? You thought I'd get mad at you for trying to get yourself out…”

“No, not at me, at him. I thought you'd want to kill him and that you'd try something stupid and you'd get hurt or killed or you'd get in trouble and you... you would…”

Jo trails off and he finishes the sentence for her. “Wind up in jail.”

“It might all come out in court tomorrow. I wanted you to hear it from me.”

Alex nods a silent thanks. Then he lets out a deep sigh, letting the weight of what she said settle on his shoulders. They don’t say anything else to each other. Jo turns around to start the elevator again. When the elevator doors open, she gets off. But before the doors close, her hand appears and forces them back open. 

“If I just take off after the trial, if I leave, it's not because of you. It's because my testimony will be a matter of record or whatever. But I don't want you to think that it's you... ever. And I promise it's not because I want to keep you from the baby. We’ll figure out a way for you to see her. I'll call and text you just please keep your number the same.”

As Jo speaks she looks down at her belly and cradles it again. Alex reaches out to put his hand on her belly to cradle their baby girl as well. Jo had let him attend her appointments now and he loved to see their baby grow. She was so big now. At first, neither of them wanted to know the gender, but then at the last minute, they decided to find out. When they found out it was a girl, Jo instantly smiled. While Alex wonders if it's karma coming back around to give him a daughter. 

Jo is so happy to have a daughter and she talks about buying princess dresses, a doll house, a tea set, and getting their baby everything that she didn’t have, but wanted as a little girl. Jo is excited, but Alex is terrified. He knows what it means to be a girl, what she would face in the world from the type of guy he used to be. But then he thinks of having a little girl with pig tales and little pink blankets. He thinks of carrying her on his shoulders and her being a daddy’s girl. He falls even more in love with his daughter and she becomes his whole world. He loves her as much as he loves Jo. It makes him want his family back, his girls. He didn't want to lose them forever.

“I'll find a way that you can see her and she can stay with you sometimes. It'd probably be safer anyway,” Jo said, refusing to meet his eyes as they glistened with tears. “I'll let you know when I go into labor so you can be there, but you’ll have to be careful.”

“Jo please don't go,” Alex begs her, staring into her eyes.

“If he finds me….” Jo whispers, unable to finish her sentence.

“He won't, Jo. I can protect you,” Alex pleads with her.

“You can't,” Jo said, heartbreak in her eyes as she shook her head. “I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier. It’s what got us all into this mess.”

Jo's look was so painful, but Alex didn’t blame her for any of this. Sure she kept this secret from him, but it was his actions that created this. He was the reason she slept alone at the loft while he slept at Meredith's. 

“I can't risk him hurting her,” Jo says, as the tears escape the corners of her eyes. “I can't.”

“You won't have to, I'll help you, Jo, I'll protect you both,” Alex pleads with her again, but Jo just shakes her head and steps back. She lets the doors close but he steps forward and opens them. “This is your life. You're Jo Wilson. You belong here.”

Brook Stadler, the name is so foreign to him. As he looks at the woman standing before him, that's not her name. It can't be her name, he knows it. Memories and images of her filter through his mind. He can't attach that name to her. She is Jo Wilson. Who else would she be?

But Jo just shakes her head and leaves.

Despite how he hopes his words and support can convince her to stay, it’s not enough. Alex knows that he can do something else to protect her. This is his last chance to do something to save his family, to save Jo and their daughter. For the sake of Jo and their baby. His life has always been Jo’s but now he’ll do whatever he has to for their daughter too. 

That night he walks into the judge’s office. He has to own up to this mess. He has to face up to the worst mistake he's ever made. He has to make things right and he'll do it now without trying to avoid his guilt. 

To his surprise, however, DeLuca lies to protect Jo from the same thing that he is. Alex isn’t sure how he knows, but he does. DeLuca renounces his statement and vows to do so in court as all of the charges are dropped. 

Afterwards, Alex talks to Andrew and he realizes he should have just talked to him first. If he wants to be a better man for Jo and their daughter, he can't be quick to anger. Especially for his daughter, he doesn't want her to grow up around that, he doesn't want to be that kind of man anymore, so he starts the work to be a better man. 

……………………………………………………………………

Alex walks into the resident’s lounge and looks around to be sure that it was just Jo. She was half dressed in a pair of jeans and a tank top. He let his eyes linger on her, from behind he can’t see her round belly. At six months pregnant she was carrying high and big. She was no longer able to hide it and hadn't for a while now. He loves to see her belly grow each day. 

He knows that what he’s about to say might ruin all of that, but she deserves to know. He's also desperate to tell her that she doesn't have to be afraid of him, she shouldn't be.

Alex closes the door, to give them a bit of privacy. “You have a minute?”

Jo whips around in surprise, but relaxes when she sees him. “Did you come to laugh at me again? And just because I'm pregnant with your baby, doesn't mean I can't sleep with someone else!” 

“I know,” Alex nods, cutting her off. “You don't have to make excuses to me.”

Jo nods, as she relaxes her stance and sits back down on the bench, waiting for him to continue.

“You know, I-I found your husband. I hired a guy. I found his name. I looked him up and, and then I went and found him.”

“Oh, my God, Alex,” Jo said, her hands instantly cradling their baby as she takes in his revelation before he continues.

“Look. You didn't ask me to do that, and you, you didn't give me permission to do that, and it was wrong, and I-I'm sorry,” Alex said, fumbling over his words a little too much as his nerves got the better of him.

He had to make things right between them if they were going to raise their baby together. He wants her to trust him again and revealing the truth to her was his first step. 

“And, Jo, I-I swear to God, I could never, ever hurt you or our daughter. My dad, he, he was like your ex. I'm not like that. I'm not like my dad. I mean, I do things that are wrong. I do things that are stupid. But I swear to you I would never hurt you or our baby girl.”

Alex hopes that his words and his actions in the past few months have proven that to her. Jo still cradles her belly, holding their baby safely inside her. Then her hand starts to move up and down in a soothing gesture and he knew she was calming herself as well as their daughter inside her. 

As he stares down at her, he wants to reach his hand out and put a hand on her belly to see if he could feel the baby's kick. He hadn't been able to feel it yet. although Jo had felt it for a few weeks now and even said she kept her up at night. 

“You saw Paul?” Jo asks, standing but not looking at him as she instead stares off to the side. 

“Yes.”

“And you didn't kill him?”

“No, I mean, I thought about it,” Alex said, thinking of all the ways he had imagined killing Paul so that Jo and their daughter would be safe. “but I-I came home instead.”

Because that’s what Jo and their daughter need. They need him to be there for them, to protect them, and care for them. He couldn't do that if he was locked up. And if Paul ever came for Jo, he wants to be right there next to her.

“Okay,” Jo said, taking his word with a simple nod as she got up.

He looks down and resigns to the fact that she’s leaving. He told Jo the truth and she would do with it what she wished, but then to his surprise, she came back to him. She locks the door to the lounge and comes back to stand in front of him. She puts her hands on his neck before she leans in and kisses him. 

It was like their first kiss all over again, full of passion and love. Alex relishes the warmth and the love that came with her lips on his. He melts into her, giving himself to her again and forever. 

Then Jo pulls back and stares at him just for a second. Before she dives back in lips first. It’s then that he knows she has truly forgiven him, that she truly trusts him, and that she loves him. He always knew that she loved him, but he resigned himself to the fact that she was moving on. She had slept with someone else. Yet, now he knows she is as deeply in love with him as he is with her. 

Although he still wants to marry her, he wants to be her husband and to call her his wife, for now, this was enough. This is the life he always wants with her and he was willing to give up a pair of rings and some legal papers if it meant he would always have this.

His hands trail over her waist to her belly as he holds the product of their love in his hand. Then, he feels something, a light flutter, and then something presses against his hand. 

Alex brakes away from Jo's lips just for a second as he looks down at her belly in his hands. “I think I felt her kick.”

“I'm not surprised,” Jo said with a wide smile as she put her hands over his. “She's been kicking up a storm since I kissed you.”

Alex's eyes soften as he pulls down the straps of Jo's tank top until the fabric is around her waist. Once her belly is exposed to him, he leans down and places a light feather kiss on her bump, their baby girl. Jo hums and they both feel their daughter kick his hand again. 

Then Jo runs her fingers through his hair before cupping the back of his neck and pulling him up to her lip. She claims him again and pulls him into her. As they resume their passion, Alex's hands move to her waist holding her hips against him. 

Her lips tell him exactly what she wants as he reads her body like he used to. It feels like the first time in a long time, but he doesn't need to relearn her body, despite the changes. She pushes him down onto the couch, climbing on top of him. His hand moves up her back, going back up to her bra as Jo's hands continue to cradle his face and deeply kiss him. It didn't take long for them to tear off each other's clothes as their bodies met again. 

……………………………………………………………………

In the Afterglow, they lay together on the couch. Jo curls into his side with her head on his shoulder. While Alex traces his fingers across her belly, feeling their baby move under his hand as he smiles. 

“Is Daddy tickling you?” Jo says with a giggle as she puts a hand on her belly and their baby girl kicks and wiggles around inside of her. 

“No, we're playing. You're the one who's ticklish,” Alex says as his fingers trace across her skin, causing her to giggle again. 

Finally, he moves his hand over her belly, caressing it up and down before he settles on the spot where their daughter was kicking. Jo lets out a sigh of contentment as she snuggles closer to him, closing her eyes for a second. Alex squeezes the arm that was around her shoulders, giving her a quick hug. She happily smiles but keeps her eyes closed. Alex could never get tired of how wonderful it felt to hold her as she rests peacefully in his arms.

He realizes then that he knows her now more deeply than he ever had before and she knows him better too. He knows all her secrets and he still loves her. She too had seen the worst of him and she still loves him. Despite everything that has happened between them, they’re here again. The two of them, in each other arms and their baby in between them.

#jo wilson #alex karev #grey's anatomy #jolex #otp: home and heart #grey's anatomy fanfic #my work #my writing #my fanfiction #au #12x24 #angst

[odd-birds-and-booksellers]

“illicit affairs”

This story takes place in season six, Jo is one of residents joining from Mercy West. This OneShot is tiny snapshots from a 10 part series.

Tell yourself you can always stop

It’s all a mess, he’s not sure how he got here, he was better than this, he was a better man or at least he was trying to be a better man. He knew it was wrong, deep down he knew it all along but he couldn’t seem to stop himself, it all had seemed so easy with her, easier to be a good man with her by his side because she never looked at him like he was anything else but that, even when he’d stabbed her heart and thrown her away like trash.

And now he‘s lost her.

The shiny wedding band, still new and barely worn, mocking him as he fiddled with it in between his fingers.

“Messy divorce?” The bartender nods down towards the ring, as he wipes the bar down in front of Alex.

“Something like that...” He grumbled, dropping the cold metal band on the the bar.

“That sucks man I’m sorry...”

“Don’t be...” Alex mutters, tipping his head back to down the rest of his beer, hoping the bottom of the bottle will numb the pain if nothing else.

It’s not his divorce that’s got Alex Karev drinking his life away and it’s not losing his wife either.

He had told himself it didn’t mean anything, it was a fling, it was fun, it was nothing he hadn’t done before yet this time something was different, he couldn’t stop, she wasn’t someone he could walk away from.

What started in beautiful rooms

The NICU is often considered the worst room in the hospital but not for Josephine Wilson, she’s always found the beauty in the tiny lives that were stronger than most grown adults, the tiny little fighters a daily reminder of the miracles that could happen.

And when she’s watching Alex Karev hold that newborn against his chest, exhausted from the hours spent on shift, yet never moving a muscle, she’s reminded just how beautiful the NICU can be.

She tries to ignore the way her heart begins to beat faster when he looks up at her, he’s trouble, trouble she can’t afford to get herself into.

“What are you staring at?” He croaks, rubbing his eyes gently, careful to not disturb the baby cradled against his chest.

“Nothing...brought you a hot chocolate.“ Jo mumbles, shaking off her trance, a small smile still playing on her lips as she extends the cup out to him.

“Well bring it over here then...” Alex grins, his tired smile making her feel immediately more comfortable as she takes a seat beside him.

Ends with meetings in parking lots

“You were right...” He catches up to her just before she reaches her car, the cold Seattle rain pounding down on them as she turns around, she looks deflated as her eyes meet his.

“Alex...it’s been a long day and I’m tired.” Jo sighs, running a hand through her hair, trying to keep the tears from falling again, the pain from earlier today hitting her full force now the distraction of work was over.

Alex nods, shoving his hands into his pockets so he could resist the urge to reach out and hold her, knowing it wasn’t fair to anyone to do so. “I know...I just need to say something.”

“Well say it then.” Jo grumbles, raising her eyebrows at him, she really didn’t wanna get into it with him now, she really wants to go home, drink a beer and forget she’d ever met Alex Karev.

“I just wanted to say I’m sorry for all of it, I never meant to hurt you Jo.”

“I know that Alex, you said that earlier.” She sighs again, annoyed at herself for wanting to fix the sadness in his eyes as he speaks, he has a wife to do that for him she reminds herself.

“You were right, you deserve better, you deserved better than me Jo.” Alex mutters, cutting Jo off as she tries to interrupt him. He’s not looking for pity here, he just needs her to hear him. “I’m not a good man and I’m not saying this to make you feel bad I just...I’m sorry.”

It's born from just one single glance

“What the hell is that?” Alex mumbles in between bites of his burrito as the consistent banging against the wall gets louder.

“Mhmm think it’s Percy and some nurse with clearly no standards” Jo shrugs leaning over to steal some of the chips from his plate as she flips through her magazine “...you probably know her actually,” she jokes smirking at Alex who give her sarcastic smile back, grunting as the moans from the room next door increase, ruining his lunch as he throws the half eaten burrito down on the table.

In a flash Jo’s up opening the door she leans against the wall, her ear pressed against it for a moment before she throws her head back.

“Arwoooo.”

She continues to howl like a wolf much to the amusement of Alex who just watches her curiously, laughing as she switches it up to dog barks, drowning out the moans from next door.

“What the hell?” He chuckles, standing up to join her outside the door.

Suddenly Jo stops, switching to monkey noises now, not caring about the curious stares from the passersby in the hallway.

“You are nuts” Alex grins, watching her dance around imitating a monkey, her eyes sparkling with happiness as she does.

Before he knows it he’s joining in, a deep growl coming from the back of his throat as he shakes his head around like a madman without a care in the world.

“What is that?” Jo giggles, leaning against the wall to watch him.

Alex shrugs. “I dunno giraffe...dinosaur.”

They’re both laughing, when the door swings open, a nurse rushing out still smoothing down her hair as she pushes past them.

Percy emerges in the doorway fixing his scrub ties as he narrows his eyes at them. “Yep...thanks a lot guys.”

Neither one of them seemed to care though as they carry on growling at each other.

Alex was surprised to find that for a moment all the pain and craziness of the last few weeks faded into a blur, all he could see was her, her smiling face, lighting up the room as she laughed along with him, it scared him that in that moment he honestly thought he wouldn’t mind seeing that smiling face for the rest of his life.

And clandestine meetings and stolen stares

“What are we doing in here?” He grumbles ignoring the tingles coming from their joint hands as he allows her to drag him into the supply closet. He’s exhausted, he’s not slept for at least 36 hours and he didn’t have the energy to mess around tonight.

“Just wait…” Jo grins ignoring his grumpy mood as she comes to stop, bending down slowly she reveals a pink box that Alex recognises from the bakery downtown.

“I stole them from the nurses on derm, they won’t eat them anyway they’re all no sugar and gluten free.” Jo mimics the nurses turning her nose up as she opens the box to reveal a fresh batch of doughnuts, handing Alex one as she pulls one out for herself.

“It’s powdered sugar, it’s your favourite.” She nods, as she stares up at a confused Alex who seems to have frozen.

Alex couldn’t quite place the feeling that was taking over him as he watched Jo grin up at him with a half eaten doughnut in her mouth and powdered sugar all over her face. “Yeah...no...this is great thanks.” He stutters, he’s about to ask her what’s going on? Why would she do this for him? but before he can the door swings open and Yang and Grey are standing there.

“Sorry to interrupt it’s just Izzie is here..” Meredith snaps looking between the two of them. “You know your wife Izzie?” She makes a point of looking at Jo as she mentions his wife.

They show their truth one single time

“You don’t get to talk to me like that. I didn’t force you to be friends with me.” Jo yells, slamming the door behind her as she follows him into the empty on call room.

“Look I was mad and I was scared.” Alex grits his teeth, he’s sick of this shit, sick of being yelled at by every other person who has an opinion on his life.

“Why?” Jo snaps, smacking her hands against his chest. “Why...what’s so awful about what Shepherd said that meant-”

“Because he’s not wrong is he?” Alex snaps, gripping her wrists, stopping her mid hit, as he pulls her closer so they’re eye to eye. “I am falling in love with you, which is something I can’t do because I’m a married man.”

Jo pulls herself out his grip, turning away like his words had burnt her, reaching for the door when he speaks again, each word hurting more than the last

“I’m a married man with a wife who I want to come home... everyday I’m sitting by the phone waiting for her to call, or at least I’m meant to be but lately I’ve been hoping she doesn't call…”

“And that’s my fault how?” Jo whispers, her back still to Alex, knuckles turning white from her grip on the door handle.

“Because you made me love you.” He whispers, hanging his head low as he hears the door click shut behind her.

Don't call me "kid," don't call me "baby"

Look at this godforsaken mess that you made me

She does this every time. Every damn time she lets herself fall for the bad guy, the wrong guy, the guy that hurts her. But this time it’s worse because he’s never laid a hand on her, no he took something much worse, he took a piece of her heart and she’d let him. She knew he was married and still she’d let herself get caught up in him.

And you know damn well, for you, I would ruin myself a million little times.

Alex really wasn’t in the mood for a visitor as he heard a knock on the trailer door, hoping if he just stayed quiet whoever the hell it was would go away, he didn’t need anymore unsolicited opinions, but whoever it is doesn’t seem to be giving up any time soon.

Sighing, he puts down his beer, he opens the door, surprised to find Jo looking back at him.

“Hey” she mutters, she looks deflated today’s case had really hit her hard and she hadn’t seemed to be able to shift her mood, Alex had been her last resort.

“Hey” Alex nods like he’s waiting for her to say something, perhaps an explanation as to why she’s at his door in the middle of the night.

“Am I interrupting anything?” Jo asks peering past him to check for herself.

“No...you wanna come in…” Alex shakes his head, stepping aside letting her pass him.

“So, this is how you’re spending your evenings, can’t believe you got pizza without me…” Jo mumbles picking up his half finished beer and taking a swig.

Alex sighs, he can tell by the tone of her voice she isn’t in a good place and out of all the people she could’ve gone to she’s here with him, he never really thought he’d get this chance again, he didn’t wanna screw it up by hurting her again. “I’m sorry...about the kid, I know this one hit home for you.”

Jo nods, a sad smile playing on her lips as she leans against the counter tops. “It’s all part of the job right?”

“You wanna talk about it?”

“Not really…” Jo mumbles, placing the bottle down slowly, moving to stand in front of him, her eyes never leaving his, they don’t need to say anything the other already knows.

And just like that Alex is lifting her up, her legs automatically wrapping around his waist as his lips find hers, promising to take all her pain away if she’ll do the same for him.

And that's the thing about illicit affairs...

Better late then never you know...this a sneak peek OneShot of new multific coming next week on AO3 and fanfiction.net so make sure you are following me on there.

@doc-pickles stop threatening me now

#tsjolexweek #jolex #alex karev #jo karev #jo wilson #greys anatomy #greys abc #greys #greysanatony #justin chambers #camilla luddington #jolex au #jolex fanficiton #jolex fic #jolex fanfic

[doc-pickles]

what is it with @cicinicole-14 and somehow roping me into writing jolex AUs? todays AU is a parent trap one set post 16x16. no there’s not really twins but my jolex baby and alexis get a kick out of getting Jo and Alex back together. and even though coco talked me into it this is dedicated to @mac-andcheeses who I told I would write this during my maternity leave (said child is almost a year old now) cheers to the annie to my hallie! ❤️

Our story starts with Izzie Stevens dropping her twins, 13-year-old Eli and Alexis Stevens-Karev, off at summer camp. It’s her own beloved childhood summer camp at the base of Mount Rainier that she had many treasured memories of. Alexis and Eli are both rolling their eyes at the story but Izzie just kisses them and reminds them that their dad will be there in two weeks to bring them home.

Meanwhile, across the camp we have Link dropping off Scout Shepherd-Lincoln and Audrey Wilson-Karev, his son and Jo’s daughter who are both eight years old and absolutely inseparable. Scout is nervous to leave his dad but Audrey is bursting at the seams to get some freedom from her mom and her Uncle Link for two weeks. Scout, Link, Jo, and Audrey had all lived together since Audrey and Scout were infants, the best friends deciding to raise their children together after experiencing their own heartbreaks. Audrey finally pulls Scout away from Link and they go to their respective cabins.

Later that night at dinner Audrey ends up accidentally knocking someone’s dinner over and they get into a fight. The camp director breaks them up and the girls end up calling a truce between themselves. They sit together and Audrey finds that she and Alexis are easy friends. Alexis brings her twin brother over and Scout looks curiously between Eli and Audrey as the two have matching crooked smiles and both scrunch their noses in contemplation as they think.

Eli, Alexis, Audrey, and Scout quickly become an inseparable quartet. A few days after their first meeting they’re all in line to do an activity together. When their names are called Alexis and Audrey realize they have the same last name. Alexis explains that she and Eli hyphenated their last names when their dad moved to Kansas to help raise them when their mom got sick. Audrey says that hers is from her dad, that her mom wanted her to have some piece of him, but that she’d never met the man. She did however have a picture of him, one that she happily showed Alexis and Eli later that day. It was her parents' wedding photo, Alexis had said. She knows because her dad carries the same one in his wallet to this day.

Alexis and Audrey are over the moon to realize that they’re sisters. Eli is a little confused still and Scout the poor nervous wreck that he usually is worried that somehow they’ll get in trouble for this. The girls brush him off and quickly begin to plot how they’re going to get Jo and Alex back together so they can see each other all the time.

The last day of camp rolls around and Alex and Jo are both coming to camp to get their kids. Alexis and Audrey told them they’d meet up at the mess hall, all four kids hiding in the bushes outside of the building eagerly waiting. Jo shows up first, Alex not far behind her. Alexis doesn’t miss the look of awe on her dad's face as he realizes who the woman in front of him is. Jo is shocked, nervous even, as she takes Alex in for the first time in almost a decade.

Things are silent between them before he finally asks what she’s doing at a kid's summer camp. There’s a pause, Jo opening and closing her mouth before uttering the only thing she could.

“Alex, I’m so sorry.”

It clicks for him then, why she’s there. He starts to say something, then stops. His hands are on his knees as Jo watches with tears in her eyes. Eli and Scout both try to pull Alexis and Audrey away but the girls are watching intently, hands clasped in the others.

“Jo, you had no right.”

“Me? You left me! You mailed me divorce papers because you wanted to be with your ex wife!”

“Izzie was sick! She was dying and I had to help her.”

“I could’ve helped too! I would’ve come with you and helped raise Eli and Alexis!”

“You remember their names?”

“I’ve memorized every word of that stupid letter. I-“

Audrey snaps a branch and suddenly she’s face to face with a man she’d only seen in photos. Alexis squeezes her hand as silence envelopes them. Alex stares at Audrey standing next to Alexis, both of them equal parts him and the two women he’s loved.

Alex and Audrey are both frozen, Jo speaking up when it’s clear that neither of them is going to say anything more.

“Alex, this is Audrey. Audrey, this is… your dad.”

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

Alex can pick out the features of Audrey’s face that are his, the same way he can also see Jo’s. She’s truly a perfect mix of the two of them both.

“Jo, can I talk to you? In private?”

Jo eyes Audrey for a moment before nodding, following Alex’s lead and disappearing around a corner out of sight.

“Oh my god, they’re still in love! You can tell by the look on dad's face.”

“They’re not in love, dad was just shocked.”

“Auntie Jo seems calm about the whole thing which is pretty shocking.”

“Do you think that they’ll get back together?”

“No dads still with Jenna so I doubt-“

“Who’s Jenna?”

Audrey turns to Eli and Alexis who both look slightly guilty. Eli nudges his sister who finally speaks up.

“Dad’s girlfriend. But she’s the worst, don’t worry about her. I doubt she’ll stick around much longer.”

Eli and Alexis banter back and forth about Jenna but Audrey tunes them out. She eventually wanders away from Scout and the twins, lost in her thoughts.

“I just want a chance to get to know my daughter, Jo!”

“I’m not shipping her halfway across the country just for-“

“If you’d just told me when you found out you were pregnant then we wouldn’t be-“

“What so you could leave me all over again and disappoint our daughter in the process? That’s not what I wanted for her.”

“I never would have left if I’d known! I told you I only stayed for the kids to make sure that they-“

“I heard you but that doesn’t explain why you wrote me that stupid letter, Alex!”

“I just-“

“Mom?”

Both adults freeze as they turn to look at Audrey. Alex is flushed and Jo is crying but quickly wipes her cheeks as she walks over and wraps an arm around Audrey’s shoulders.

“Hey sunshine, I was just… How about we get out of here? Okay? Uncle Link is ordering pizza for dinner.”

Audrey looks from Jo to Alex and then back to her mom, “I don’t want to leave Alexis or Eli. Can’t they come with us?”

Jo pauses, tears welling in her eyes again as she looks behind her to Scout, Eli, and Alexis who are still bantering. She looks back to Alex who’s staring at her with a look that’s both familiar and altogether new.

“Audrey, maybe we can meet up when you get back home if it’s okay with your mom. Alexis and Eli and I will be in Seattle for another week.”

Audrey looks to Jo who nods silently before turning back to Alex. She looks at him for a moment before launching herself into his arms, Alex wrapping them around her easily. Jo turns away, the moment too much for her to handle. Instead, she goes over to Scout and the twins and lets Alex and Audrey have a moment to themselves.

When Audrey and Alex return to the group the kids all say goodbye, knowing it’s not going to be a long separation but still discontent with the fact that they all have to separate. Eventually, Alex and Jo pull the four kids apart, meeting each other’s eyes again. Alex lets a shocked gasp out as Jo launches forward just like Audrey had and wraps her arms around his waist. He hugs her back for what seems like only a second before she’s pulling back and wrapping her arms around Scout and Audrey.

“My number is the same, you can text or call me when you get back to town.”

There’s a silence between the two as their eyes meet, but Jo quickly shakes her head and leads Scout and Audrey away. Eli and Alexis hug Alex, and he focuses on his kids and asking them about their time at camp.

Three days later Jo and Audrey are getting ready to meet up with Alex and the twins. Audrey is excited but Jo is worried about the situation, lamenting to Link about truly seeing Alex for the first time in so long. Jo knows Izzie will be there since they’re all visiting Seattle and she’s not eager to meet the new-ish woman in Alex’s life. Audrey and Scout are quick to correct Jo that Izzie and Alex are not together. Despite this new information Jo still spends an exorbitant amount of time freaking out.

Jo, Audrey, Link, and Scout arrive at Pike Place and meet up with Izzie, Eli, Alexis, and Alex. The kids run off almost immediately and Link and Izzie hit it off, leaving Alex and Jo to fend for themselves. It’s awkward at first but they fall into an easy and familiar rhythm together. Their day is going well and Alex is about to ask Jo more about Audrey when the kids find them again and beg to go on a ferry boat ride. Although Jo is hesitant at first Alex agrees and they all hop on a ferry. The trip brings around memories for both Jo and Alex but all hope of anything fruitful happening is dashed when Jenna, Alex’s girlfriend, unexpectedly shows up.

The next few days are pleasant but awkward. Alex and Audrey try to spend as much time together as possible, bonding quickly much to Jo’s exasperation. The situation bothers no one more than Jenna who’s upset that she had to find out about Alex’s other child from a Facebook post by Izzie. Jo attempts to befriend the woman but is quickly pushed aside, Jenna informing Jo that she has no place in Alex’s new life.

The night before everyone leaves back to Kansas Audrey is reluctant to leave her siblings and Alex. Alex suggests she comes to visit for a week which Jo agrees to after much convincing from Audrey, Alexis, and Eli. While the kids are basking in their excitement Alex pulls Jo out of the room, wanting to speak privately. At first Jo thinks that he’s going to pick a fight with her but he quickly pulls her into a hug, thanking her for giving him the opportunity to connect with their daughter.

“It’s really… I’m sorry that I never said anything. I know that, I mean I know…”

Jo heaves a sigh, turning her gaze from her hands up to meet Alex’s eyes. She thought the action would make her nervous, instead she feels at peace and her words come out with a renewed ease.

“I should’ve told you, I’m sorry about that. More sorry than I’ve ever been about anything. I was so angry, I was so hurt by you leaving me. I was in pain for weeks on end, it took me months before I realized that Audrey was on board and as soon as I did I hated you even more for leaving me with this perfect little girl. I wanted you by my side through every doctor's appointment and every kick. I wanted you there holding my hand while Audrey came into the world, I wanted you by her side in the NICU instead of Link. I wanted… So much for us but you left me.”

Jo’s cheeks are soaked as she continues to look at Alex, her heart beating wildly in her chest as they both step closer to each other. She’s not entirely sure why she suddenly feels the need to be so vulnerable with Alex, but Jo feels as if her whole heart could spill out of her chest right now. Her hand reaches up to cup his cheek, blinking up at him as if no time had passed between them.

“Alex, I-”

“There you are, I was looking for you.”

Alex and Jo leap apart as Jenna comes into the room, all fake smiles and passive aggressive tone. A quick excuse has Jo leaving the room just as quickly as Jenna had shown up. The moment comes and goes in a flash, Alex trying to decide if it actually happened or not as Jenna begins to talk about something he couldn’t quite interpret over the vision of Jo playing over and over in his head.

The next day Jo brings Audrey to the airport and tearfully says goodbye to her. Alex is quick to reassure her that he’s going to take good care of Audrey and have her call everyday.

“At least you know I’m actually going to Kansas this time,” Alex smirks as he comes to stand in front of Jo. “I’ll even call you when we land.”

“You’re a jerk, you know that,” Jo rolls her eyes, looking up at Alex with a smile. “Take care of our girl, okay?”

Alex nods and seems like he’s about to say something more. Jo waits with bated breath, a heavy sigh coming from her as Jenna comes up and drags Alex away. Jo stands in the airport long after everyone is out of sight, her heart beating slightly out of time as she lets the last few days truly sink in.

Back in Kansas the twins and Audrey have fully hatched their plan to break up Alex and Jenna. They’d been tagging along with Alex to the hospital and sneaking off to the dermatology floor to play harmless pranks on Jenna that annoyed her to no end. Alex knows that something is up, but no one will fess up and Izzie refuses to get involved. Finally Alex is fed up with the tension between his kids and his girlfriend and insists that they all spend the weekend at the lake.

As soon as they arrive it’s a shit show.

Alexis has added green food dye to Jenna’s suntan oil, Eli has switched her salad in the picnic basket with a container of baked beans, and Audrey makes a big show of doing a cannonball directly in front of her beach towel. Jenna keeps her displeasure to herself until she exits the shower in the cabin with blue hair. Her anger overflows then, shrill yelps echoing through the small space as she comes out to find Alex.

“Your little brats have gone too far! My hair is blue Alex! I can’t do this anymore.”

“I mean it’s not that bad, they could’ve gone with green to match the suntan oil,” Alex struggles to hold back his laughter as he looks at Jenna. At her piercing look he schools his features. “I’m sorry, I’ll talk to them later.”

“No! I am not doing this, I’m not enduring a stupid rivalry with a bunch of pre teens. Alex I-”

“Mom!”

All three kids are darting across the living room to the front door of the cabin where Izzie and Jo stand. The sight of the two women infuriates Jenna, her high pitched voice ringing in Alex’s ears.

“Nope! I can’t, not with them here too. You need to choose Alex, me or them.”

“What?”

“Either we leave right now or you can stay here with them.”

There’s a pause as Alex begins to chuckle, thinking Jenna’s question was a joke but as she stares him down he realizes that she’s serious.

“So? Who’s it gonna be?”

“Them. Always them.”

Jenna leaves the room in a huff, going to pack her things up as Alex greets Jo and Izzie with an apology. They both waste no time in teasing him over the situation as he brushes them off, rolling his eyes.

That night after the kids and Izzie have gone in for the night Alex and Jo find themselves sitting next to each other on the deck, the firepit between them slowly burning out. They’d grabbed a bottle of wine from inside and were sitting in a comfortable silence.

“You said Audrey was in the NICU?”

Jo heaves a sigh as she concentrates on her fingers, “She was five weeks early, I had preeclampsia and nearly bled out after she was delivered. I made Link promise me that he’d go sit with her while Carina rolled me into surgery. I told him he could only call you if I… If I died.”

“Jo-”

“You broke my heart Alex. I didn’t want you there because it would’ve made everything more painful. I know that I kept our daughter from you but I figured one parent here full time would be better than her getting her heart broken again and again every time you came and left.”

“I’m sorry too. For how I left, for how much I hurt you. If I’d known…”

“You should’ve known, you’re not stupid. You should’ve known that I would be miserable without you. I love Audrey more than life itself but everyday since you left me has been empty. You took a piece of me when you left.”

Jo and Alex are staring at each other in the dying firelight, nine years of heartache between them. Alex brushes Jo’s hair back from her face and it feels like there’s no air around them. Suddenly they’re both leaning forward, lips brushing so softly that Jo barely would’ve registered it had it not been for Alex’s hands in her hair. They pull back a moment later and Jo’s shocked by the tears welling in her eyes.

“I can’t Alex… I can’t get hurt again.”

Jo rushes inside after that, Alex left with his thoughts as he sits in the quiet of the night.

Two days later Jo and Audrey are set to go home. The dynamic between all three kids and their parents is something that makes Jo sad for the future they all could have had together. She gets misty eyed saying goodbye to Izzie, promising that they’ll come and visit for the holidays. Alexis asks them to stay, Eli offering up his room so they don’t have to leave but Izzie reminds the twins that Jo and Audrey have their own life in Seattle and they can’t drop everything to move to Kansas. The twins begrudgingly say goodbye to Audrey, making sure that she sends them a text from Jo’s phone once they land in Seattle.

Audrey and Alex share a long goodbye as he promises to come and visit before they come to Kansas. He does his best to keep a smile on his face as Audrey lets a few tears leak onto her cheeks. She goes to say one last goodbye to Eli and Alexis, leaving Jo and Alex face to face.

“I really hate this feeling. It feels like you leaving Seattle all over again.”

Jo’s voice is barely above a whisper as she meets Alex’s eyes. Her fingers just barely brush against his hand and the contact sends sparks through his whole body.

“I’ll see you soon. Two months at the latest. Okay?”

Jo nods, but the tears welling in her eyes say otherwise.

“This one hurts more than last time because I know what exactly I’m giving up by saying goodbye.”

Alex can’t find it in himself to say anything else, instead he wraps his arms around Jo and keeps her there for a few minutes. The two of them keep their tight holds on each other until Audrey tugs at Jo’s sleeves and informs her they’re going to miss their flight. Jo pulls back from him and he can almost feel his heart breaking in his chest as his daughter and the love of his life walk away.

Link and Scout pick Jo and Audrey up from the airport, the Seattle rain welcoming them home. Scout excitedly talks with Audrey about the science camp they’re attending the following week and Link tries to engage Jo in a conversation about one of his surgeries he’d done while she was gone. He notices Jo’s silence and asks if she’s alright, a lackluster nod of assurance coming from her. They get back to the penthouse and Audrey and Scout are off in a flash. Link orders pizza and Jo tries to focus on anything besides the gaping hole in her chest.

“Hey Jo?”

Link’s voice sounds from the doorway, Jo rolling her eyes as she grabs cash from her purse, assuming that he forgot to tip the pizza guy. When she walks over however, her heart leaps for just a second as she takes in the twins and Izzie at their front door.

“You, I just… What are you doing here?”

“It took us about 30 seconds after you guys left for us to realize we didn't want to lose you two again,” Alexis smirks and the simple words make Jo’s knees weak.

“We?”

Alex appears behind Izzie and the twins, hair soaked from the Seattle rain and that same stupid crooked grin on his face.

“We. I made the mistake of leaving you once, Jo. I'm not going to do that again no matter how brave you are.”

Jo lets out a wet laugh as Audrey and Scout appear in the hallway. Audrey’s eyes are wide as she realizes who’s at the door.

“You can’t just show up here! You have a life in Kansas! All of you!”

“It’s not fun without you and Audrey,” Eli wears a frown that makes Jo stifle a chuckle.

“None of that matters if you’re not with me Jo. With us.”

“And I suppose you just expect me to go weak at the knees, and fall into your arms, and cry hysterically. And say we'll just figure this whole thing out. A cross coutnry relationship with our daughter being raised here and there,” Jo can’t help the tears streaking her cheeks as she takes in Alex’s stupid smirk that she wishes she could wipe off his face. “And you and I just picking up where we left off and growing old together? C'mon, Alex, what do you expect? To live happily ever after?”

“Yes. To all of the above. Except you don't have to cry hysterically.”

“Oh yes I do.”

Jo is in Alex’s arms before he can blink, their lips melting together as he holds her tightly. Their kids cheer triumphantly and Izzie and Link share a knowing look, as if to say they could’ve called their best friends getting back together.

The next summer Eli, Alexis, Audrey, and Scout are getting dropped off at summer camp. Alex reminds them that Link and Izzie will pick them up in two weeks when they’re back from their honeymoon. Alexis makes sure to remind Jo to call them if she goes into labor because they’re anxiously waiting to see who wins the bet for boy or girl. Jo laughs and rests a hand on her stomach, insisting that the camp will be their first call as soon as the baby is born.

“Have fun!”

Audrey rolls her eyes as she looks between Alex and Jo, “Mom please. You know that nothing this summer could ever be as fun as getting you and dad back together. Nothing beats a good parent trap.”

#jolex #alex karev #jo wilson #jo karev #greys anatomy #jo x alex #jolex fanfic #nina writes #jolex fic #greys anatomy fanfic #nina rambles #AU by nina

[cicinicole-14]

@doc-pickles and i wrote a fic again and by that i mean i had started one and nina got tired of waiting around for me to finish it that she finished it herself and i finally read and edited it today and boom here we are.

enjoy the jolex amnesia fic!!

#cici writes #jolex #jolex fic #the jolex gc #jolex gc things #amnesia #amnesia au

[pagingevilspawn]

Loving You Is A Losing Game - chapter ten

wc: 3k

pairing: Alex Karev/Jo Wilson, Alex Karev/Izzie Stevens (mentioned), Jo Wilson/Paul Stadler (mentioned)

chapter summary: alex and jo have an argument.

rating: teen audiences and up.

chapter category: angst. hurt/comfort.

warnings: implied sex, cheating on spouse/adultery, guilt, crying, yelling, implied/referenced domestic abuse, language.

A/N: this is terrible. majority of it was written six months ago, but i don't have the effort to re-write 2000 words. i'm going to be wrapping this up in a few chapters. my personal life is very hectic right now, so i don't know when that will be, but this series is going to be coming to an end in about four or so chapters. hope you enjoy!

____

~*~

"giving us up didn't take a lot, i saw the end 'fore it began"

~*~

six months. six months since that conference in boston.

five months. five months since they saw each other again.

in the six months they'd known each other, they'd spent three weekends together. the current one being the fourth. alex and jo lay in bed together as they’d done so many times before, his fingers running up and down his arm while she drew circles on his chest. this had become normal; a habit. being with each other was so completely and utterly normal.

how wrong was that? the fact that they felt more normal with each other than they ever had with anyone else in their life. how wrong was it that they were cheating, but yet it managed to feel normal. being with each other somehow managed to feel so right.

except now things weren't the same as it had been four months ago. four months ago, they craved the touch of each other, the ability to make one another feel something.

now they didn't just crave the touch.

it was torture to be away from her. he longed for her; her skin, her scent, her lips. he longed for her touch, her words, her slender fingers, her mind. he wanted it, every second of every day he wanted it. but no matter how much he wanted it, she wasn’t his to have.

she missed him. she missed him while lying on the sofa, while sitting in class. his hands, his secure hold, his witty brain, his skillful lips, the movements of his fingers as they twirled with her hair. she missed him. it was such a messed up situation that they had put themselves in, but no matter how much space he took up in her mind, he wasn’t her’s to have.

the saturday afternoon sun trickled in through the sheer white curtains, the orange glow gleaming against their skin. it was so sound, so serene, as if nothing could go wrong if they stayed like this. in all honesty, they wished they could.

the sound of a text tone going off momentarily pops their bubble, jo letting out a groan of protest as she recognizes the beep as her's. she begrudgingly untangles herself from alex's hold, immediately missing the warmth it provided. she fishes her phone out of the bottom of her bag, small smile on her face as she can feel his eyes on her backside. the smile leaves her face once she sees his name on the screen.

Paul: Going to be a day late. I'll be back on Monday.

Brooke: okay. hope everything is good up there

whatever bubble they had preserved was now destroyed; the guilt of everything they were doing finally catching up to her in one swift motion, like a tidal wave unexpectedly crashing on shore. alex notices the change of atmosphere in the room as jo stands at the foot of the bed, a look he can't recognize splayed across her delicate features. he sends her a questioning glance, which she only responds by setting her eyes downcast, focusing on the floor as if it were the only thing in the room.

the silence in the air is heavy, the usual comfort that it usually held was gone. it hadn't been like this for them in months, not since waking up next to each other for the first time and not knowing who the person they spent the night with was.

jo sighs, shaking her head as she begins to pace the room, stopping in front of the window and looking back at him. "we can't keep doing this." she whispers, her voice breaking halfway through.

alex throws his head back onto the pillow, closing his eyes and running a hand down his face as he lets out a breath slowly. "i know." he speaks softly.

jo feels anger rise up inside of her, not sure if it was directed at herself or the man on the bed. "really?!" she shouts, "do you know alex? do you know!" she throws her hands around , nearly knocking the glass off the small table in the process.

the man sits up from his position on the bed, thankful that he still had his boxers on. "you think i don't know jo?" he asks, dumbfounded at her words, brow furrowing in confusion.

"i'm cheating on my husband!" she yells, trying to stop her eyes from watering, to no avail. she knows he knew how wrong this was. how wrong all of it was. why hadn't they stopped? why had they even started to begin with?

"and i'm cheating on my wife!" he argues back, studying her as she looks down at her feet, avoiding eye contact as she turns the curtain fabric beneath her fingers, biting her bottom lip in a worthless attempt to prevent it from wobbling.

she lets a few beats pass, a lone tear sliding down her cheek. "i know." she whispers dejectedly, watching as the people below carried on with their days. she stared as couples held each other's hands while walking across the street, mothers pushed small children in bulky strollers down crowded sidewalks. dads carried their sons on their shoulders, providing them a sense of security along with feeling like they were on top of the world. elderly couples gave each other adoring looks, ones that hadn't faded no matter how many years they had spent together. all of them were oblivious to the turmoil occurring a few stories above them in room four twenty six. everyone on the concrete streets was happy. they were okay.

why couldn't they be like that? why couldn't they be normal? why couldn't they have simply avoided their desires that night?

why, why, why.

alex appears behind her, pushing back the other curtain to look at the view she was seeing.  they were all so carefree. they didn't know what it was like to have this boulder of guilt hanging over them every second of every day, one subtle movement threatening to tip it over the edge and crush everything beneath it.

he sighs. "i know exactly what it's like jo." she takes her hand in his, her thumb beginning to rub back and forth over his knuckles, something she had learned calmed her down. his touch always seemed to relax her. it was something she could melt into, like the safety of falling backwards, knowing that she'd be caught before she hit the ground.

she looks at him, tearing her eyes away from the calming scene underneath them. "why can't we just stop?" she asks him, her eyes staring at him like he held all the answers she wished to receive.

"i don't know." he answers honestly, not having the heart to look at her, focusing his attention on the business man shuffling through the crowd, talking on his cell phone while simultaneously trying to keep his briefcase from hitting the others around him.

but they both did know. they couldn't stop because of their feelings. it had stopped being just sex a long time ago. stupid, god damn feelings.

they knew it was there. the flutters in their stomach when the other person laughed, the constant need to have their hands on each other, not to mention, how much it pained them to be away from one another. that wasn't how it was supposed to be. you weren't supposed to have these feelings for someone you were sleeping with. it was supposed to be just sex. simple, goddamn amazing sex and nothing more.

they were falling, falling into dangerous territory. they were falling where there should be a safe place for them to land, but rather instead, waiting for them was a pit of roses with jagged thorns that would cut their skin and tear them apart, ripping them and bleeding until scars covered their bodies to the point they could no longer tell who they were. they were playing with fire, it was only a matter of time before they got burned.

"we need to stop this." she whispers again, making him finally meet her gaze before he turns away again.

alex flutters his eyes shut, leaning his forehead against the cool glass window. "we do." he sighs, angling his head so he could look at her. "but do we really want to?" his eyes bore into hers so intensely she couldn't look away, no matter how hard she tried. they weren't sure who the question was directed to more, him or her.

she knew she needed to stop. she needed to stop betraying her vows. she needed to stop being unfaithful to her husband; she needed to. but when she was with alex, she was free. she could talk about whatever she wanted, she didn't need to try to impress him. she was able to be herself. she was able to feel good about herself around him.

her bottom lip wobbles as she shakes her head from side to side, shutting her eyes tightly, a desperate attempt to not let the tears escape. "no." she lets out a sob, slapping a hand over her mouth to stop her cries from becoming too loud. tears streamed down her face, a mix of anger, guilt, and sorrow made up the salty liquid. but underneath it was relief, relief that she had finally admitted to herself and to alex that she wanted this. "goddamn it, i don't wanna stop."  she lets the words tumble out of her mouth as she gnaws on her bottom lip. she looks up at him, pleading that he felt that same way, hoping that she wasn't making something up in her head.

alex pulls her in by the side, not noticing how she ever so slightly winces, placing a soft kiss on the top of her head, an act so tender he hardly ever did it for anyone but her. "i don't wanna stop either jo," he whispers softly into her locks of brown keeping his chin rested on her head as he moves behind her, holding her from the back, securing his arms around her waist and clasping her fidgety hands in his. he rubs soothing patterns over her knuckles, causing her to lean back into him, her figure molding into his perfectly. she breathed out a sigh of relief, relaxing at his gentle, safe touch. she missed a lot of things about alex when they were away from each other, but his touch was always the thing she longed for the most, and not just his touch under the covers. she missed what he was doing right now; how he would draw patterns on her hips, or wrap an arm around him as she leaned into his side as they lay in bed, laughing at whatever played on the TV. she missed how he would rub soothing circles over the tight spots on her neck, just harshly enough to soothe the dull ache that sat there, but not hard enough to hurt. she missed the simple acts of tenderness that he would do without even realizing it.

what he always missed about jo was her eyes. they were what drew him in the first time he saw her, the thing that made him unable to break his stare, no matter how hard he tried. he couldn't figure out what color they were, even after a countless number of hours staring directly into them. were they golden or hazel? green or brown? he didn't know, because in the dark they looked hazel with flecks of gold, but in the light they looked like pools of honey that sparkled as if they were under the stars. her eyes always gave her thoughts away. fear, worry, happiness; her eyes told him it all. he practically felt dizzy every time she would look up at him through hooded eyelids, messy hair framing her face in a way that just seemed to make her even more beautiful. he could never say no to her eyes.

"we'll be okay," he reassures her.

she lets out a long breath, sinking even more into him, comforted by the familiar smell that she couldn't get enough of.  "we'll be okay."

____

water cascaded down her body, washing off the suds and circling down the drain, makeup stained water collecting at the bottom and disappearing down the pipes. she felt disgusted by herself, a myriad of careful covered, faded bruises littering her abdomen and sides. makeup was the only way alex hadn’t been able to discover her secret, since he never held a tight hold on her, his touches always soft and gentle.

she’d had to cancel their meetings three times, coming up with different excuses on every occasion he asked. i have the stomach bug. paul’s dad cancelled their get together, he’s staying home this week. too big of a test coming up to not spend every second studying. he never batted an eyelash, because why would he? they were trying—trying so hard to keep what they were doing under wraps, in order to continue. so if that meant cancelling, he wasn’t going to complain, as long as he knew that he was going to get to see her again.

she didn’t want to know what would happen if he knew the real reason she was calling off his visits, nor did she ever want to ever find out. he was a protective guy, and learning about what his dad had done to him and his siblings when he was younger was sure to bring up buried memories that he had worked so hard to overcome.

with a sigh she scrubs the shampoo out of her hair, closing her eyes and resting her head against the cool tile of the shower’s walls .  she traces the bruises with her fingers, relieved when they don’t make her cry out in pain. it had been a few days after all, giving her time to heal.

it was getting better. she knew now what made him mad, and how to avoid the contact of his fists. she knew not to overcook the chicken, she knew not to ever start eating before him, and she knew that he liked to have the house spotless by the time he got home. he worked on his feet so long every day that all he really wanted once he got home was to see his wife and arrive to a clean house and a good dinner. it was getting better.

(it wasn’t really, because it seemed as if every time she learned not to do something that set him off, another thing seemed to pop in that angered him. a never ending cycle is what is was, but she still believed that someday it was all going to be okay)

she rinses the last of the conditioner out of her hair, turning off the water and listening to the soft hums of the TV play through from the other room.

she takes her time, a ritual alex hasn’t questioned by now. she uses the blow dryer as an excuse, when she’s really using foundation to carefully cover the discolorations on her skin. alex’s laugh causes her to lift her head up, worried that he would come into the room, but she relaxes when she doesn’t hear footsteps padding towards the door.

letting herself smile, she revels in it; the moments of peace brought by these hotel rooms. at home she had to worry about the time she left for school, the appearance of the house, and what sort of mood her husband would be in when he got home. here, her biggest worries were whether or not alex forgot to order food for them.

when she's fully covered (hair done to not raise any suspicions) she enters the room once more, watching from the doorway as alex laughs at another thing on the screen.

she casts a glance to the table that sat to the right of their bed, she feels her heart drop, another wave of guilt washing over her.

their opposing rings sat there, off of their fingers and discarded safely onto the side table; a way to distance themselves from the true reality of what they were doing. her ring was silver. his was gold.

they only had another hour or so before they would have to leave, back to their homes and the people they truly belonged to. she lays next to him, leaning her head on his chest when he pulls her in.

“remember,” he starts, his voice muffled thanks to his lips being in her hair. “whenever you want to stop, we’ll stop.”

she nods. “and whenever you want to stop, we’ll stop.”

he places another kiss on the crown of her head, turning his attention back to the sitcom playing on the TV. they had discussed a while back, that once what they were doing got to be too much, all they needed to do was say so and it would be over with, no questions asked.

he had it bad for her. he lo— needed her. but if she ever chose to end this, go back to being the faithful wife she was while a ring still sat on her finger, he wouldn’t hold her back, he would never wish to cause her pain.

she had it bad for him. she lo—needed him. but if he ever chose to end this, go back to being the faithful husband he was while a ring still sat on his finger, she wouldn’t hold him back, she would never wish to cause him pain.

they had each other, but at the same time they didn’t; they couldn’t. because once the weekend was over they would go back to the lives they actually lived, no longer in a fantasy bubble they had created to pull themselves away from the outside world; the real world.

in the hotel rooms, they could live in a world where they were the only two that existed, nothing in the way of being with each other the way they wanted to.

their holds on each other tighten, and only one thing is going through the both of their minds, a silent mantra that helps get them through.

they'll be okay.

(but will they?)

#jo wilson #alex karev #jo karev #jo wilson karev #jo wilson-karev #jolex fic #jolex fanfic #jolex fanfiction #grey's anatomy #grey's anatomy fanfiction #grey's abc #greys anatomy #grey's anatomy fic #grey's anatomy fanfic #jolex au #alex karev and jo wilson #jo wilson and alex karev #alex x jo #jo x alex #jolex #camilla luddington #justin chambers #jolex is endgame #brooke stadler #paul stadler #izzie stevens #angst #hurt/comfort #payton writes