#just need myself and surely i'll be fine. regardless of whatever problem comes my way. surely i can handle this as always

[instarsandcrime]

Feathers On a Hearth

Did I just write a 2,000+ word Huskerdust snz fic because I have no impulse control? The answer may not surprise you. Hope you enjoy!

Edit: Someone asked for a follow-up and well. Part 2 I guess!

--

“A day off?” Angel Dust slapped his upper hands on the counter, lower firm on his hips. “Whaddya mean a day off?!”

“My, my! Such a reaction!” The Radio Demon hummed from behind the bar, “I thought you’d be pleased that Husk asked for some relaxation time.”

“Of course I’m happy! That’s the problem!” The other fumed, picking nervously at the hem of a glove. “The bastard never takes his fifteen, let alone twenty four hours to himself. Even after the whole extermination shit went down and the hotel’s name was back up in lights, he opened up shop the next day like nothin’ happened!”

“Hm.” The Overlord’s fingers stilled above a wine glass, drifting into a trance. From a distant white fuzz of radio that traveled with the hotelier, Angel Dust heard bits and pieces of unknown voices, clipped nonsense like jagged edges of glass against a chalkboard.

Unknown help NEEDED uSefuL For meat.

“Alastor?” Angel Dust finally piped up, and his host seemed finished ruminating on the world’s most ominously displayed conclusion.

“I would love to uphold Husker's wishes for privacy. However, if it satiates your curiosity in any way, feel free to convince him otherwise.” Alastor snapped his fingers, and a door somewhere above unlocked with a sharp click, "The poor thing hasn’t come out of his room all day, and I admit it’s a bit disquieting to not have our bartender at the ready. Always waiting with a refreshing drink and a silver tongue...”

Pencil thin brows furrowed. Okay. Okay, fine. Either fuck over Husk’s boundaries– not a fan of goin’ down that road again– or risk it and make sure he’s okay. Regardless.

“Is this some kinda sick way of showin’ that you care about him?” Angel Dust squinted suspiciously.

A howling laughter cut the air like a knife. “O-oh! Ohohoh my! Th-that– ahaha– H-heavens, no!” Alastor wheezed out. “I want to see how badly this trainwreck goes! It's been quite a show to watch such a beloved actor even think about rubbing elbows with a washed up, wrung out has-been like Husker!”

Angel's face twisted, blushing scarlet with anger at a cackling studio audience that filled the bar. He couldn't help it-- whatever cadence, whatever tone, he'd heard the same exact laugh plenty of times with every tug of a chain. “I don’t get what Charlie sees in a creepy, sadistic fucker like you. But y’know what? I hope you get to the top. I hope you get everythin’ you want. Because when you look down from your sad, dinky little radio tower, no one is gonna be there to watch.”

Flashing his last two arms just to flip Alastor off with his entire being, Angel Dust spun on his heel to storm up the steps. And all too faintly, he heard one last little hiccup of a broadcast. He stopped at the haunting swell of violins, nearly tugged backwards by the sobbing of a woman reaching out to embrace her savior.

Thank you. 

The tapping of Alastor’s staff and his hushed string of curses were nothing compared to the smug smirk that nearly split Angel’s face.

“Hey Whiskers, it’s me!” A knock echoed on Husk’s freshly crafted door, pentacle etchings still bonded to the knotted wood. 

His calls were only met with silence.

“C’mon, I ain’t gonna try anything. We’re past all that and you know it.”

The silence persisted. A louder knock. Shit. Alastor was definitely not the type to play a prank, and Husk definitely wasn’t the type to stay quiet forever.

“You okay? You ain’t bleedin’ out on the carpet, right?” He worried his bottom lip, running a thumb against sore knuckles. “...Husker?”

“I heard you the first time.” A gruff voice answered. Oh thank fuck.

“Then what're ya waitin' for? Let a gal in, would ya?”

“Can't.”

“Alright, fine. Then I'll do it myself.”

“No!” A tornado warning seemed to go off the second the doorknob was even slightly turned. All sorts of bits and bobs were haphazardly knocked about in a cacophony of noise. Somewhere along the way the chaos settled for a brief moment, ragged breaths building and building until--

"Ht'shhuh! Hut'CHNX! HHHT'CHNXT'uh!" The sound of shattered glass pierced the air, and Angel Dust nearly jumped in place at the sharp yelp that followed.

"Hey, what the Hell!?"

“I'm okay, don’t-- kaff kaff! don't move. I’ll come to you.” Husk croaked. The door finally crept open and– oh.

“Oh. Oh, wow.” The spider whistled at the sad sight before him. “Ya look like shit.” 

 Or at least, the little bits that poked out. The bartender’s bedsheets were wrapped around him like a patchwork cocoon, making every second standing a heavy, tangled effort for the shivering bundle. Underneath the makeshift hood that covered his head, the fur on his face was matted with sweat, a single claw pressed just below a flushed nose. His eyes were squinting through a bleary fog, as if it took his entire being just to concentrate.

“Nice t’ see you too. Listen. I’m obviously sick, so if you need somethin’ from me just grab it and go.”

Okay, rude. This was not the kind of hot mess Husk usually was-- at least, not six months into their trauma bond. And strange enough, his room was no different. Card collections, casino chips, beer bottles, all the little things were flung every which way. But the most bizarre was a trash can haphazardly stuffed to the brim with red and black feathers, peppered by wads of clawed-through tissues.

“Uhhhh.” Angel Dust's brow furrowed at the sea of half-broken junk, “I don’t need nothin’, but I’m pretty sure if I did then I'd need to ask a gravedigger first.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake– then what do you want?!” Husk snapped. Angel stilled, surging through ten different emotions at once. But the sickly  demon only landed on one, eyes wide with overflowing guilt. He hunched low, retreating towards his bed with wobbling steps. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to– I. I’m just not feelin’ right. Snf! But I'll be better by t-tuhh-tomorrow. Jus’…just forget thihhh-this ever…ever ha-happened.”

Angel Dust watched on in disbelief, mouth slightly agape. Maybe Charlie, Princess of Friendship, could have calmly negotiated with the bartender. Maybe she could have sung a song to magically solve a lesson of the day. Maybe she could have shown love and kindness and all the redemption bullshit that he'd come to respect. But Angel Dust was not Charlie. Angel Dust was Angel Dust. So, with all the love and kindness in his heart, the spider stepped a foot on the blankets and yanked his friend backwards. And caught off guard, Husk released the claw that kept a worrying tickle at bay. 

"Hhhuhh...huh! Hup'shhhoo! Hup'SSHHHUH! Sh-shihhh-shihht nohhh-not agaaaiihhhh…Heh! HETCHHH'HOO!" A pair of wings involuntarily flapped at the small fit, sending a small firework of feathers into the air. Patchy, bare spots that once balanced the owlcat sent him stumbling on the ever-tilting floorboards. And suddenly, body moving before his mind could, Angel Dust hurriedly caught the other in a low dip. Tangled under his partner's shadow, Husk’s red-tipped ears folded until they practically pressed against his skull.

“Snff! Uh. Thanks.” He swallowed.

“No problem.” Angel echoed, stopping to blow a feather from his mussed bangs.

“...You can let go now.”

“If I do, are ya goin' to fall before you even touch the bed?”

Husk's pause lasted a second too long.

“That's what I thought. Now, I’m gonna lead with your shoulder and your waist. And it'll just be touch and nothin' else, cross my heart.”

“Hey, you– kaff! offered to help me out. If there’s an issue that you’re lookin’ for, I couldn’t see one if I tried.” The other mumbled, unsure if he could get any redder.  “But thanks for the heads up, Ange. I mean it.”

Gently the spider guided him with four sturdy arms, the third pair growing to snatch up his shed blankets along the way. Looking down, Angel’s heart suddenly squeezed as the cat in his hold immediately fought sleep at the touch, head lolling against his chest.

“Soooo. You can molt?” Angel squeezed his shoulder playfully.

“...Mm. Sucks, but I always push– snff! Ugh, push through it.” Husk grumbled, scrubbing his eye with a paw to force himself awake. Looking anywhere but at his helper.

“Oh, please! You know I ain’t stoppin’ here, right? I’ve fucked a lotta demons with wings and I gotta say, those bad boys ain't gonna pity ya anytime soon. 'Specially paired with that cold've yours.” He pushed Husk onto the mattress, ignoring the soft grunt that followed. “Now lay down.”

Finally relenting, his patient rolled onto his stomach, pressing a pillow over his head to muffle his thoughts for two entire seconds– or at least while his back and nose had stopped itching something awful. Because without realizing it a warm smolder had filled his chest, sparked at the onslaught of attention. It was the cold. It was just the cold. It was not the sheer audacity of being needy for once in his miserable life. Goddamnit, when had he suddenly become so needy?

“Good boy.” A voice whispered gently, breath hot against his bare back. Yep, that's nausea. Definitely nausea and nothing else. Husk quickly stomped out the growing flame before it could spread any further. Unfortunately, a different sensation crawled up his nose, and he pressed the feather-stuffed fabric against his muzzle. Desperate to not deal any more damage. He was supposed to be the hotel’s bartender. He was supposed to be Angel Dust's bartender. It was his job to look out for the struggling souls around him, not the other way arou-- 

"Huh! Hhhhuuhhh...F-fuck."

"Need help?"

“Wh-whuhh— Snff! What?” Craning his head, the tip of a discarded feather tickled the rim of his nostrils, and whatever pained torture Husk would have had to grin and bear was swapped with another.

"HUP'CHOO! HUT'CHHHOO! Hhhuhhh...hhhuh!...hah hhahhhhHTCH'HUH! Hhhhhuuhhh.......hhhuhh.....hguhh...snff! Ow." Between ragged gulps for air, he heard the thump of books and bottles fall from the high shelves above. He didn't even want to look at the state of his room right now. Instead he blindly grabbed for a tissue, sharp trumpeting blows intertwined with flustered apologies. 

He regretted even thinking about opening his eyes. He would have rather sneezed himself into a second death than deal with the disaster that regularly re-disorganized itself. But vision clearing, he blinked back shock as Angel Dust already had a mop in hand, cleaning supplies at the ready. Steam curled against the cat demon’s cheek, and he turned to see a rag was already soaking on the nightstand. Mystified, the bartender watched as his patron stop mid-task to slide it forward, a welcoming smile on his face. The bowl seemed to move in an oddly nostalgic way. Like the film strip of a memory that didn’t quite catch the light.

Or the offer of a refreshing drink and a silver tongue.

"...This is stupid." Husk finally broke the silence.

"Ugh, I know right? The books are no big deal, but whisky's gonna be a bitch to get outta the carpet. I'll have to grab Niffty before it stains--"

"No. I mean, you don't need t’ clean up after me. I...I-I can do it myself." Husk mumbled, pushing himself upright– or rather, made a daring attempt before collapsing back on the mattress.

Angel Dust stared. Really stared. Throwing aside the handle in his palm, he rested two right hands on his hip. “Husk. Sugar. Sweetheart. Babydoll. You dragged me kickin’ and screamin’ outta bad days plenty of times. What's wrong with me doin’ the same for you?”

“Oh c’mon, we both know that I can do all this bullshit myself. Cleanin’ my room. Washin’ my wings. Why do you need t’ be my personal assistant for the day when you're so busy dealin’ with the studio! 'Specially with Him bitchin’ and moanin’ and runnin' you ragged! I see you stumble through the door at three in the morning, clutching your stomach like it got whittled to nothin’! He orders you around like a goddamn dog on a leash, and then you come home to what? Take care of another asshole like me? Why should some shitty ex-overlord get the same kinda treatment?”

--rubbing elbows with a washed up, wrung out has-been--

Oh.

Oh that motherfucker.

"You--" Angel Dust felt his blood boil, chasing away the ghost of radio static that crawled under his skin. “Are you fuckin' kidding me?!”

Husk jolted, fur puffing in surprise as Anthony pulled him onto his lap. “Stop bein' a dumbass! You deserve this. You deserve to be pampered. If ya think I’m here because I feel pressured and not because you’re actually– oh I dunno, worth bein’ cared for– then let me make things crystal fuckin’ clear for you.”

“Kid–” Overgrown pleas were cut at the stem, body going limp as a steaming cloth trailed down bone dry wings. And as dark thoughts began to drift, the spider rested his chin on the crook of Husk’s neck. One by one he plucked every warped thought with every warped feather.

"You ain't forcin' me to do nothin'. You ain't payin' me as a client. You ain't no toxic ex. And you definitely ain't like Valentino. So get it through your thick skull-- I don't hang around ya 'cause I need to." Cupping a flushed cheek for good measure, Anthony ever so slightly tilted a hypnotized gaze his way. "I do it because I want to."

Faces flushed and heavy-lidded with bliss, the actor forgot himself, bathing in the silence. The peace. The safe haven he called Husk.

The other, very predictably, pulled back to sneeze.

Husk buried his muzzle in a tissue before he could give his drinking buddy-- friend-- partner-- whoever the fuck was in front of him at this point in time an impromptu shower.

"'CHNX! CHNXT'hhhooo...hhhuh! HUH'ASHHHOO!" He cautiously peeked open an eye, blinking back shock when his wings didn't snap open. Instead they continued to lay there, well-washed and preened to perfection. So with a shaky breath he lit the spark in his chest, allowing it to burn gently through his ribcage like it was a small, rusty hearth. Swallowing down a soft purr before it could escape.

"Wait, wait, wait." Yanked back to reality Angel Dust grabbed the cat demon’s shoulder to spin him around, looking him dead in the eye. "Am I crazy, or do you sneeze in triples every time? That’s. Adorable."

"Oh shuuhhh…hhuh!" A blur of a black and red feather swept under his prickling nostrils, fanged smirk kissing the base of downy barbs between lithe fingers.

"Hhhhuh! You s-suhhnofa-a-aahh!...hhhah…” Husk held his breath like his afterlife depended on it, desperately scrubbing at his muzzle to quell the angry itch. Startling when Angel’s lips pecked the tip of his raw nose.

Shit.

“F-fuhhhcking ch-ch-chhheater– Hhhept'choo!" Husk doubled over into the nearly-shredded tissue.

"Oh my goodness, bless you!" The spider demon cooed teasingly. "One."

"Sh-shuhhht…sh-shu-shut the fuck uhhp-- HUP'CHHH’hhoo!"

"Yeesh! That was a big one. Two."

"Guuuuhhh...g-gonna kihh-kill youhhhuuhhh-hhuh-huh-hah! HATCH'HHHOO!"

"Hah! I knew it! Holy shit, that’s so cute!" Angel Dust gushed through bouts of uncontrollable laughter-- rudely interrupted when a pillow smacked him square in the face.

#snz #snz fic #ha//zb//in//ho//tel// #hu//sker//dust #an/gel/du/st #hu/sk

[itsclydebitches]

Hey there! Admittedly I'm a little bit nervous since this is my first ask, but I'll try to not be too rambly.

So, recently the main subreddit, r/RWBY, made a ban on active users of the r/RWBYcritics subreddit. As a result there's been discussion around bad-faith criticism in the latter subreddit. What are your takes on bad-faith criticism?

For me personally, I think a bunch of people are misusing the term "bad-faith" and using it as a way to shut down criticism, but I'm curious to hear your thoughts on it.

Hey there, everyone! We woke up to some drama this morning, huh? And hello to you too, Tortoise! I'm so glad you decided to send in an ask, even if it's following some pretty tumultuous events...

Right, I'd like to start with a story. The story of how I personally don't spend time on Reddit, but I have plenty of friends who will occasionally cross-post something for me to see. Yesterday (or the day before? Idk time is meaningless) a friend told me about a post — which, significantly, I'm now having trouble finding — that covers RWBY's inconsistent writing and the fandom's tendency to try and explain away those missteps. They'd thought I'd be interested because I'd just had a conversation here on tumblr where I made that exact point to someone who, also significantly, vehemently disagreed with me, but in a very civil fashion. Given everything going on, I feel like this side point needs emphasis: we debated, we did so in a sometimes heated, but nevertheless respectful manner, it was clear neither of us was going to sway the other, and the conversation ended. The two "sides" of the community interacted without Armageddon coming about.

But back to the purpose of this tale. I went to take a look at this point and found that it no longer exists. There's just some vague message about it not obeying the subreddit's rules. "What happened?" I asked. "Why'd they take the post down?" "People were getting too heated in the comments," my friend replies. So, given that the comments were still visible, I proceeded to read through them, expecting personal attacks, slurs, harassment, etc. Any number of things that would justify deleting the post itself to put an end to such behavior. Instead, I found a thread of people having a conversation. Was the conversation heated at times? Sure. Did one or two individual posters edge into the realm of petulant, "No. You're wrong and stupid" responses? Yes. Was any of this remotely what I was expecting given the post's removal? NOPE.

"This isn't allowed?" I said. "Well then what is? People were being civil! Or at least as civil as hundreds of strangers ever get when discussing a series they're passionate about online."

Then, this morning, I hear that the entire critic subreddit has been banned.

So to answer your question, Tortoise, I don't actually think that "good faith" criticism exists. Meaning, it's not just that fans are misusing the term "bad faith criticism," but rather that there is no unified, agreed up method of writing criticism that will meet their standards. It's not possible and we know it's not possible because fans have been trying to meet those elusive standards for years:

A fan posts nothing but praise for RWBY until changes make them criticize the show as it is now. Their entire body of work is dismissed as the product of a "hater," despite the overwhelming gap between positive and negative reviews.

A fan posts a review that's a pretty balanced mix between praise and criticism. They're dismissed because it's still too much criticism.

A fan posts a review that's 99% praise with 1% criticism. That's still too much, with fans focusing on the single problem they had with the work and using it as an excuse to dismiss the entire review out of hand.

(As an aside, the argument that critics are "obsessed" with only saying negative things and that the only problem here is that they're "too" negative ignores the argument that... RWBY has a lot of flaws nowadays. Few are willing to acknowledge the possibility that it's not fans insisting on making things up to be mad about/ignoring the good parts of the show, it's the that show is, as of now, legitimately more of a mess than it is a praise-worthy product. If I'd been writing recaps in the Volumes 1-4 days, my work would have been skewed far more towards the positive. The critics' stance is that RWBY has gotten worse, which yes, results a higher volume of critical posts. To say nothing of how criticism takes far longer to explain, likewise resulting in posts focused primarily on that side of the divide. I really enjoyed the image of a crying Jaune reflected in his sword. I did not enjoy that moment's context. Saying that you liked an animation choice is a one sentence thing. Explaining the complexities of Jaune securing emotional moments, the problems with Penny's second death, the hurt many fans experienced watching an assisted suicide, etc. takes a whooole lot longer. Hence, you get massive, multiple posts about these nuanced topics and fewer, smaller posts about the details that are working well.)

A fan talks about a topic that has been metaphorically banned by the fandom as a whole. They have something good to say about Ironwood. They dislike something about Blake/Yang. They enjoyed Adam as a character. They have a problem with Ruby's leadership, etc. There's a whole list of topics nowadays that will result in an automatic dismissal, regardless of the point the fan is trying to make or how well they make it.

A fan talks about the minority representation of RWBY — its black characters, its queer characters, its disabled characters, etc. — and as a result has something to say about the biases and missteps of those writing these characters. This is considered an attack on the writers and, therefore, automatically bad.

A fan talks about how they enjoyed RWBY as it was years ago and is having trouble reconciling the dark, complicated story with the simple, hopeful one we started out with. This is seen as an attack on Monty's vision and an unwillingness to accept that "everything is planned."

A fan does as asked and ensures that their post is meeting all the requirements of "real" criticism. They have an argument to make. They have a point. They provide evidence. They recommend a solution. They keep their tone respectful. They don't attack the creators. They provide disclaimers in every single paragraph about how they do not hate RWBY. It doesn't matter. They're considered too negative.

I have, quite literally, seen every one of the above examples on multiple occasions. I have had many of the above accusations leveled at my own work. When fans say that they're fine with criticism provided it's not "bad faith" criticism, they don't actually have a specific post-type in mind; a checklist of behaviors another fan can emulate and, provided they do that, no hate will come their way. Or, if an individual fan does actually go, "Yeah. That criticism I'm fine with" that response is in no way universal. One person's "They make a good, civil point" is another person's, "Omg stop bashing the show!" Because "bashing" has come to mean everything from curse-laden insults towards everything RWBY has ever done, to posts that just happen to say something other fans don't agree with.

It's a rigged game. There is no way to post criticism about RWBY in an agreed-upon, appropriate manner. This recent ban is proof of that. I think it's incredibly telling that almost immediately after I was going, "Wow. A pretty calm debate about the flaws of RWBY in the main sub. That's great to see," all posters from the criticism subreddit were banned. The main sub literally just had the sort of criticism that they claim to accept — people respectfully posting analysis-based arguments resulting in calm debate — and yet they implemented the ban anyway. I'm not going to pretend that I've never gotten too heated on my own posts, never made snarky comments when I'm frustrated, never used exaggerated reaction GIFs that can come across as insulting... but I'd say on the whole my RWBY work is precisely the sort of "good faith" criticism that other fans are supposedly looking for. I never make an argument I don't think I can back up with evidence. I try to allow for the nuance and differing opinions of complicated topics. I try — even if I don't always succeed — to write in a clear, respectful manner. Yet none of that work has stopped people from telling me I'm a "bitter... raging asshole," a "deranged, delusional psychopath," telling me to set myself on fire, threatening to smash my head in, or just messages to straight up kill myself. If someone like me who legitimately works hard to create fair, defendable criticism and who only ever posts on a personal blog that people can easily block, who never engages in debate until someone else starts it first, never seeks out other fans I disagree with to harass them about what they like... if someone like me is still a "bad faith" critic who "deserves" that kind of hate mail... then what kind of criticism do people want?

Nothing. That's the answer. No criticism whatsoever, of any kind, no matter if it's delivered respectfully, is making a good point, whatever. That's why "RWDE" was created. That's why the critic subreddit was created. The community at large has demanded a complete separation between Praise and Anything That's Not 100% Praise, which has now resulted in this ban. Any other explanations we see are excuses, which becomes glaringly obvious when you look at the mods' supposed reasons for implementing the ban:

"Constant arguments with r/RWBY users" - As opposed to the arguments surrounding things like shipping that never, ever happen?

"Vote manipulation and comment brigades" - The subreddit with 3,000 participants, with around 200 on at a time, is manipulating the votes of a subreddit with 155,000 participants, with over 1,000 on at a time? Those numbers just do not check out. If a positive post is downvoted, or a critical post upvoted, maybe that's because large swaths of the community actually agree/disagree with that assessment, not because the incredibly smaller group is somehow manipulating things.

"Attacking and harassing those they disagree with" — Again, as opposed to those non-critics that never, ever harass people? This is an individual problem, not a community problem. Both critics and non-critics have their sub-groups acting in ways they shouldn't. If anything, the main sub will have more individuals harassing other fans, simply by virtue of being so much larger. As the above examples attest, it's not other critics who have told me to light myself on fire and, just to be clear, the asks I've responded to are a miniscule number compared to the amount I've received. I delete the lion's share for my own sanity and to save my followers from reading the really graphic threats.

"Months-long NSFL spam brigades" — I am, admittedly, not sure what this is referring to. Spamming of NSFW content? If so, that's also an individual problem.

"Homophobic, transphobic, and racist attacks towards our users" — See the above points. Again. If someone is being homophobic, transphobic, or racist, then yes please, ban them. Don't ban an entire community for the actions of a few. It's like walking into a store and banning a customer for causing a scene... but then also banning everyone else who happened to be shopping at the same time. It's guilt by association.

The silver lining to all this? The community as a whole isn't pleased. At least according to the main subreddit comments and a few individual voices like MurderofBirds. Despite the increase (from my perspective anyway) of critical voices post-Volume 8, criticism of RWBY is still very much seen as taboo. As this ban showcases. But it's really reassuring to see so many fans, critics and non-critics alike, going, "This was a mistake." A community is meant to include all aspects of engagement: praise, criticism, and the gray area between. If anything, fans like the mods of the main subreddit should be creating a separate subreddit that is specifically for praise. In the same way that there should have been a tag for RWBY praise, rather than trying to eliminate any and all criticism from the main "RWBY" tag. The majority of fans, even those who claim to hate critics and all they (presumably) stand for, recognize that a blanket ban of all criticism is not the way to go, especially when "criticism" has come to have such a staggeringly broad definition. If you want your RWBY experience to be nothing but sunshine and roses (ha), then cultivate your own internet experience to reflect that. Create your own pockets with rules about how this is the space for praise and if you're not up for praising RWBY right now, don't interact with us in this particular space. Don't try to make the entire community — the main tools used to discuss the show online — conform to your preferences. As established, there is no "good" criticism that everyone in the fandom will accept, which just leaves a fandom with no criticism at all. I'm glad to see I'm far from the only one who, when presented with that extreme, is going, "Nope. No thank you."

#rwby #mymetas #suicide tw #rwde

[fitzs-trained-monkey]

Chapter Three: If We Have Each Other.

~When the world's not perfect When the world's not kind If we have each other then we'll both be fine. I will be your brother and I'll hold your hand. You should know I'll be there for you. I will always be there for you~

"Dude, we are in some serious jelly," I proclaimed as I paced around the small perimeter of the tree house.

"And that jam!" Isaac added from where he remained sitting at the table.

"Tight spot."

"Indeed!"

"Up a tree!" I supplied.

"Lost in the grass!" He offered. I swung around, shaking my finger at him.

"I'll tell ya what's grass, our- AAH FRACKLES!"  I had stepped on a stray nail in one of the floorboards. Hobbling my way back into my chair, I thunked my head against the table.

"But look at the bright side." Isaac leaned back in his chair. "Seeing as how our grand-theft-hairbrush is going viral and all, there is still a chance that me flipping the camera off could become a meme!" He pointed out. Slowly, I raised my head to stare at him.

"Are you kidding me right now?" I asked, narrowing my eyes.

"Consider it, Marty! All it took was five years being dead and now I'm finally fulfilling my life-long dream! If I'd known it was this easy, I would have killed myself a long time ago and spared me all that drama and emotional damage," Isaac smirked. I shook my head, my gaze drifted back to the Vader figure and snow globe sitting side-by-side on the shelf.

"Please don't talk like that Isaac," I sighed. Isaac's face fell.

"Sorry, I-I wasn't thinking," He apologized. I nodded.

"It's okay." It wasn't, but what more could be said when you didn't want to speak?

"Hey," Isaac spoke softly, ducking his head to get me to look at him, "Even if things go sour, I'm gonna be here for you. Just like I promised. Through thick and thin, remember?"

"Through thick and thin."

Smiling weakly, I repeated our life long mantra. I took a deep breath and focused back in on the problem.

"Alright, man. We gotta figure out a game plan. That video is gonna bring every hunter and their mom up here to ice our, or my, gluteus maximus. And if they know about the minimart then they know about the hospital. So, what's our play?"

"Well, I say you use your Sweet-Talkin' thing and talk any o'those alcoholic weirdos out of it," Isaac suggested. I shook my head.

"Isaac, you know how much I hate doing that."

Although it was a tempting idea, that wasn't something I wanted to mess with. If you start playing with the dark things, the dark things start playing with you. That wasn't a concept I liked, but Isaac would never understand that.

"I'm just saying it’s an option! And an easy one at that," Isaac pushed. I glared at him.

"I'm not doing that."

"It might come to it, Marty. I'm just saying as a plan C it-"

"The answer is no! Moving on." My tone killed and buried the subject. Isaac raised his hands in surrender.

"Fine. But misinformation is still our strongest tool. We should use it. Tell anybody who asks that it was all done on a computer," He conceded.

"Alright, that's plan A. What's plan B?"  Isaac's face twisted in thought. I let him do any and all planning when it came to telling a lie because he was so much better at making it convincing than I was. Isaac was the king of spouting believable bull crap. In fact, he would have made and excellent demon. That guy could probably get an angel to sell its soul for a box of holy doughnuts. When the idea hit Isaac's brain, I could almost see a light bulb light up above his head. He leaned forward, exited.

"Okay, I got it. We make up some BS story about a gay black dude who got chopped up by the ferry or something and the hospital wouldn't help him because all the doctors were racist homophobes, and it was the 50's." He nodded at me very seriously. Like I said, Isaac was king.

"That's is the worst, most ridiculous and stupid story I have ever heard," I told him. Isaac's nodding grew more excited. "It's perfect. They'll buy every word. Just one thing though, what about the mini-mart?" I pointed out.

Isaac opened his mouth before closing it again. Then he opened it. Then he closed it. Open. Closed. Open. Closed. This happened several more times before he finally came up with something good.

"So, our gay black guy was also a nice hobo dude and after he died he started stealing crap to give to his hobo buddies." Isaac gave me a thumbs up. I nodded.

"Okay, sounds good, sounds good. How do we explain me?" I splayed my hands. Isaac huffed and rolled his eyes, leaning back again and tucking his hands behind his head.

"Well, that’s easy. The camera never even caught a glimpse of your face, so you're his anonymous theft buddy slash item distributer!" He explained. I grinned at my fantastic phantasmal co-conspirator.

"Excellent, and of course nobody knows who the thief is. Especially not, innocent little me!" I chuckled at his brilliance.

"Exactly!" Isaac smirked.

"It's perfect! Except one last thing. We're gonna need some eyes and ears in on this. Someone to alert us when someone fishy comes lurking about," I said. Isaac nodded seriously.

"You're right. But who can we trust around here?" He asked. I could feel the smile split across my face.

"I can think of only one man for this job. A man as trustworthy as he is slimy. A man scrubbed clean by his own filth. A man so wonderful, words do him no justice!" I declared dramatically. Isaac was confused for a moment before realization dawned. His face fell.

"Please tell me you're not thinking what I think you're thinking."

"I think I am." I grinned. Isaac just sighed.

"Marty, no."

"Marty, yes!"

- 45 minutes later-

"Yo! Danny, my man! How's life?" I called out. Dan-the-Dope-Man looked up from...whatever it was he was doing outside Copper Harbor's one and only pharmacy. The pharmacy which he, in fact, owned. Honestly, I didn't want to know exactly what he had been doing behind the pile of cardboard boxes that were stacked up against the moldy brick. I figured it was better if I didn't. Dan smiled a grin that was missing two teeth.

"Marty! My worst customer and only friend! Life's good!" He greeted me, kicking a few of the boxes over to hide whatever suspicious activity it was that he had been up to. He winked and walked over to me, pushing his absolutely disgusting blond hair out of his face. "But, you know, business is betta'," He concluded.

I could never tell how tall Dan was, in this form especially. See, Dan-the-Dope-Man was a shapeshifter, though of course, no one else in the town knew that. That's how he was the owner of the pharmacy as well as a drug dealer. His other form, Jonathan De’ Santos, was the tall, 40-year-old, honest-looking Hawaiian man that ran the pharmacy. In this form, however, Dan was a somewhere-in-the-upper-five-foot-range Caucasian guy from Brooklyn with a thing against bathing. He said that the grungy, sewer-rat look was better for his side business. I wasn't sure how much of that I bought, but then again, who's gonna buy drugs from the guy who's supposed to make sure you don't destroy yourself with them.

"I bet it is!" I said, taking a step back when he reached me because, like I said, the guy had a thing against hygiene.

"This is a terrible, terrible idea," Isaac muttered, leaning on the wall to my left. I couldn't reply to him because although Dan knew what I was he didn't know about Isaac. So all I could do was give him a rude gesture behind my back. He saw it and stuck his tongue out at me.

"What can I do fo' ya, Marty?" Dan always pronounced my name as 'Mawty' at least in this form as it had a Brooklyn accent.

"Well, o' Danny boy, I have some rather bad news to deliver," I continued, "There might be some hunters coming to town soon."

Dan frowned; his eyes narrowed at me as he folded his arms over his chest.

"Well, that ain't good. Whatt'id ya do, Marty?" He asked. Sometimes Dan could be like my older brother, even if he didn't realize it.

"Woah, woah, woah! Who said I did anything?!" I defended. Dan just raised an eyebrow.

"You're always showin' off and ya know it," He said simply.

"He's right, you know," Isaac interjected. I wished I could tell him to shut his eidolic cake hole. It wouldn't have made much of a difference if I could, as he would still have continued talking, but the principle remained the same. Isaac was annoying. He needed to shut his mouth now and again. But I couldn't say that right now because he was a flipping ghost and ghosts are invisible. Mostly.

Ignoring Isaac, I opened my mouth to try to argue with Dan but quickly closed it again when found that I couldn't, because he was absolutely right. Now, I couldn’t admit that to him because Isaac was right here and that would be saying that he was right about something, and that was a thing I would never hear the end of.

"In regards," I started again.

"You'd just say 'regardless'," Isaac chimed in. I had to physically bite my tongue to keep from screaming at him to shut up.

"Regardless," I corrected. Isaac chuckled. I really needed to get myself some iron gauntlets or something so I could give his apparitional arse an involuntary appendectomy. Or just an iron ring so I could punch him in the face.

"Regardless, it wasn't me. This time. It was some attention seeking moron with a computer. That combined with my little hospital trips and you get something fishy looking." I finally managed to finish my sentence without Isaac chiming in.

"Well then ya betta' keep ya head down, Marty. I don' wan' ya gettin hurt." A dark look crossed over Dan's usually upbeat face. "Or worse," He finished.

"I know Danny, which is why I need you to do something for me," I said. Isaac sighed and face palmed but I ignored it.

"What?" Dan asked.

"I need you to watch out for any newcomers asking weird questions. I've got a plan if any hunters get too close to us, I just need to know who and where they are," I told him.

See, the pharmacy, the mini-mart, the bar, and the barber shop all sat across from each other at a four way intersection. Thus, Dan would have an excellent view of any hunter's first two targets. The origin of the supernatural activity, in this case the mini-mart, and the bar. He would be the perfect spy. Dan looked at me strangely.

"Say, Marty, you ain't plannin' on gankin' any a' dose' suckas' now are ya?" He asked, caution evident in his voice. I sighed, shaking my head internally. This was just another downside of being what I was. Everybody thinks you're a murderer. Though I knew I was far from innocent, I had never killed anyone. At least, anyone who didn't deserve it.

"Come on, Danny. In all the time you've known me, have I ever, er, ganked anyone?" I asked him, spreading my hands as if to catch the obvious answer.

"Well, no. But people can change," Dan pointed out. I rolled my eyes.

"Dan, I'm not gonna kill anyone. There, ya happy?" I said, only mildly aggravated. Isaac decided it was time to speak up again.

"You may not. But I will. If it comes to that. I won't let anybody hurt you, Marty. Not again. Not when I can do something about it."

I knew he was saying this now so I wouldn't be able to argue with him. Then I would forget and if he did kill someone Isaac would say he'd said he would. I ground my teeth together and reminded myself that it wasn't going to come to that. I wouldn't let it.

Meanwhile, Dan thought about what I'd spoken aloud.

"Yeah okay, but if anybody comes sniffin' I'm skippin', kay?" He agreed. I nodded.

"Okay, take care of yourself, Danny."

"You too, Marty." I smiled at him and began to walk away. Isaac pushed himself off the wall and trudged behind me, complaining loudly.

"Make sure you take care of yourself too, Issac! I'd hate myself if anything happened to you, Isaac! I wouldn't be able to survive without you, Isaac! Thanks Marty, your friendship means everything to me!" He said, sarcasm dripping from his voice. "Ugh! Why do I even bother?"

I smirked giving him the sign for 'I love you' behind my back.

"Aw shut up!"

But I knew he was smiling.

~So, I'm thankful for my sister even though sometimes we fight When high school wasn't easy, she's the reason I survived. I know she'd never leave me and I hate to see her cry. I just wanna tell her that I'm always by her side. I just wanna tell her that...

The worlds not perfect, but it’s not that bad. If we've got each other and that’s all we have I will be your brother and I'll hold your hand You should know I'll be there for you When the world's not perfect When the world's not kind If we have each other then we'll both be fine I will be your brother and I'll hold your hand You should know I'll be there for you.

I will always be there for you.~

Lyrics from: If We Have Each Other by Alec Benjamin

#jack kline x oc #jack kline #jack kline fanfiction #jack kline x reader #spn #spn fanfiction #superntural #supernatural fanfiction #dean winchester #sam winchester #castiel #alexander calvert #alex calvert #jensen ackles #jared padalecki #jack is baby #the writing gets better #jack kline humor #jack kline fluff #fluff #my name is cas and i write stuff #fanfic #thanks for reading #have a nice day

[blackrosesfanfic]

Chapter 238

Alex

I stop walking suddenly when a car rolls pass me creeping. They were looking hard as fuck. I shouldn't have walked so far away from the house in this white ass private neighborhood. They might call the cops on me.

"Alex?"

I turn around. April was like two normal houses down from me. With these big houses she was half of a house away. I walk towards her hugging myself. What lady? Like. I don't even know right now. I just don't feel like talking my business to another stranger.

"You didn't have to come after me." I say.

"I can tell that you and Cammie are related. Maybe even raised by the same grandma."

I roll my eyes. "Yeah maybe."

She chuckles. "Yeah. So you all defensive cause you don't want to talk about it. No problem. I just didn't feel like you really wanted to be alone."

"I don't but I am."

"You can't go through life like you the only one with your current problem. I don't even know what it is but it's not worth all of this dramatic shit."

I chuckle. "You so blunt."

"Baby, I'm real."

"If you say so." I sigh. "Everybody always so wrapped up in themselves and so quick to judge. Bitches act like they innocent and all fucking their first. They don't fucking get it."

"Hmm?" April says. "Don't we all point the finger at everybody else?"

I sigh. "I'm being so weak."

"For having feelings?"

"For letting people get to me." I say remembering what Jamaal said. "Okay, April, you tell me what to do. Since you all in my business. I fucked one too many people in the last... well."

April makes a face. "Well?"

"Maybe I didn't have sex with nobody recently. But..." I exhale. "I wanted to be... I'm all screwed up."

"Chil..." April says shaking her head. "You pregnant? Cause if not you need to get some help. What are you talking about?"

I drop my shoulders. "I just got to face it."

"You minus well, Baby." April says rubbing my back. "You don't know who the father is?"

"I know."

April makes me start walking. "You don't want him to be the father?"

"I don't want a baby." I say wanting to cry.

"Whatever. If you didn't want it you would get rid of it. If you not getting rid of it you want it. Somewhere you want this baby. Some bone in your body is happy. Is it not the person you want it to be? Is it not... what his name? Jamaal?"

I sigh. "It's Jamaal. He has been blocking every attempt by any man that tries to talk to me lately. I just don't know."

"You are a lot like Cammie." April chuckles.

"Our father's were twins." I sigh.

"You and Cammie's fathers were twins? I never knew that."

I blow. "We were close growing up then her father died and she changed. Thought I was always trying to act like I was better than her. I lost my father for a long time when she lost her father. He started drinking and shit. It wasn't a fucking walk in the park. I don't want to be a parent on drugs or alcohol like my parents. I'm scared to be a parent. Both of my parents failed."

April cuts her eyes at me. "Failed? Are you not a successful black educated woman? You have a hella lot more than I did at your age. Didn't fucking stop me from being a mother. Hell my son takes care of me. I'm not a fucking failure so you sure won't be. You in a position where you can be there for your child way more than I ever was. I wouldn't change nothing about my boys. Their fathers or nothing. Cause they are more than I could ask for."

"So... I am the shit." I sigh.

"Alex?" She starts laughing shaking her head. "If that helps you calm your ass down. Tell yourself that."

I cross my arms. "Shit."

"Oh look here comes Jamaal. How convenient?"

"Shut up." I say spinning around.

Jamaal was seriously jogging towards us. He stops completely staring at us. He crosses the street. I really don't feel like having this conversation. He takes his headphones out of his ears looking at us strange.

"What's wrong?" He asks coming straight to me.

"What are you talking about? Why does something have to be wrong with me?"

He looks at April. "I don't know much about April but I know you not this far away from the house helping her with her problems. And you would never go for a walk."

April chuckles and walks away. "Done went and found a... there's nothing wrong with me. What are you doing?"

"Me?" Jamaal asks. "Going to meet a friend I know that lives around here."

"Why you lying? Are you good, Alex?" April asks turning like she was going to walk away.

You encouraging me to have this talk with him? Damn April don't be so damn forward with your demands. I exhale and nod my head slowly. She gives me a face as if she was saying go ahead and talk. I never really talked to Cammie about April but something about her reminds me of my grandma. My grandma would say you laid your ass down there and took that dick then you carry that baby then lay your ass down and have that baby. I hate life. I don't want this.

"Dick wore off? You were okay a while ago." Jamaal says rubbing on my waist.

"Was I, Jamaal? Or did we fuck and ignore whatever was wrong with me?"

He frowns thinking hard. "That's what you wanted."

"It was?" I snap pushing his hands off me.

"Tell me what it is then?"

"I'm pregnant."

He laughs. "You so damn coldhearted. What's wrong with you?"

I shrug. "If that ain't it then I don't fucking know. You tell me since you know so well."

"I mean you have been a bitch from birth." He stares at me. "How pregnant are you?"

"Didn't look."

He chuckles nervously. "Let me look. Whatever you talking bout."

I give him my phone after taking the case off. He takes it like he scared. His confidence is just disappearing with every movement of his body. He looks in the case at the folded up ultrasound picture. I didn't want to look at it so I didn't. All this drama with me and Jamaal has put me in a place where I wasn't fucking with anyone. I've been more focused on me and clearly my head of him. Not telling his ass that.

"I thought... Shit." He says staring at the ultrasound. "Damn."

"You not going to ask if it's yours?"

He smirks. "Who else you fucked? 10 weeks? What's that? 2 months. That's all me, Sunshine."

"Great now you can get my inheritance for sure."

"Inheritance?" He chuckles. "I get you forever."

"Me?" I snap.

He so damn arrogant. "Fuck your money. I'm bout to be the baby daddy. Only motherfucker higher is a husband. And you ain't gonna be happy long enough to marry a bitch."

"You think this shit funny." I snap walking away.

"Bae." He says grabbing me. "I'm making a joke because I know how fucked up it is for me to be excited and you feel like shit. But it's a baby. I know about your mama's past. I know the last thing you would do is get rid of it. It's a baby."

I suck my teeth. I wasn't even thinking about my mother. He grabs my waist, which he loves to do. This man loves to touch me regardless of what he touching. I cross my arms staring at him. Say something good or get told off.

"We can have an expensive announcement party that tops that damn Disney party. Maybe an announcement dinner on your yacht."

I chuckle. "My yacht?"

"That your daddy bought? Yeah?"

I walk away without saying anything. Don't know why I was expecting anything different from Mr. Family Man. Never thought about how he would feel about the baby. Hell I was so scared they would say 3 months or more and have me looking stupid trying to figure out who I fucked. Life man.

Amber

"Cammie so stupid sometimes." I snap slamming the phone down on the floor then sitting down on the soft rug.

Chris says something but I don't know what it was. "Amber?"

"What?"

"You find out you pregnant today and you start going off?"

I suck my teeth. "This has nothing to do with being pregnant."

He blows. "Anything I can do?"

"No." I spat.

"Okay. I'll be here if there is."

Trey walks into the room. "We going to head to the house."

Chris stands up. "Well damn."

Trey shrugs. "I don't know. We will probably leave in the morning. It's too late to travel with the boys. Thanks for trying to... I mean thanks for being there, Chris."

"Whatever, man. I don't see how it helped anybody."

"It did." Trey nods walking towards the door. "Shit just heavy. It takes more than a few minutes in paradise to see things change."

"Yeah. Okay." Chris sighs.

Trey closes the door to the room behind him. That stupid short conversation between them pissed me off. My problems aren't irrelevant and they shouldn't have to be put aside all the time for other people's bullshit. Yes I have things I got to deal with and to me they are fucking important. I understand their shit is important.

"Wanna talk about it?" Chris says from across the room. "Amber?"

"I don't."

"Cause it's about me?" He says sadly. "I feel like it's about me. I mean I know it's about me."

I glance in the direction I thought he was. "Why would it be about you?"

"I know it is." He blows.

"It's about the situation. Cammie thinks her problems are supposed to be everyone else's but when it comes to other people she just wants to judge."

He was now standing near me. "Who, Cammie?"

"Yes."

"Bae, maybe you just mad at something else. Cammie would rather not have anyone in her business." He kneels down. "You not really excited about being pregnant are you? Mad cause I am and you don't know how to be real with me."

I suck my teeth. "Sounds rehearsed."

He rubs my leg. "Joyce said it."

"Your mama said that?"

He shrugs. "She asked how you felt. I said fine. She said no then lectured me on being selfish. I didn't purposely get you pregnant. Last thing I heard the doctor said you not ready."

I sigh. He is being so positive. I shouldn't be being so negative. He is right. It is about him. I don't really want to tell him that or deal with his response. I don't know if I want to deal with anything right now. I don't feel like being bothered. And what does Joyce even have to do with this? Why does it take her to give him a view of me?

"That's why you care?"

"No." He snaps. "What you on? I'm not trying to argue with you?"

"Then leave me alone."

He stands up shrugging his shoulders. "Aight then."

I roll my eyes. "Yeah."

"I want this baby and I don't think it's fair for you not to want it. Like I'm never gonna be okay with you getting rid of it. And if that is what you thinking then ain't no need acting like we can make it."

"What?" I snap.

He was back across the room. "I'm just saying that's not an option."

"It wasn't a fucking question!" I yell.

"Damn, don't wake my baby." Chris whispers.

I look at him. That's what he was doing across the room? Royalty is in here.

"I never fucking said nothing even remotely close to getting rid of my baby. Fuck you for thinking that."

"It ain't about what you saying. It's what you not saying. It's you only talking long term with this relationship after finding out you pregnant. It's you having to have private conversations about the shit we should be able to talk about. What a great friendship this has become."

I just roll my eyes cause ain't shit to say to that. Plus I don't feel like fucking arguing. With Cammie then with him. Why couldn't he just leave the shit alone and talk shit about Cammie with me. Fuck what any of the conversations were even about. I don't feel like dealing with his shit and I don't feel like Cammie.

"Just so you know what's really going on. Cammie and her mother had a talk about her… what happened in college. So her shit pretty difficult right now. She just ready to go home and act like nothing happened. So yeah."

I turn around looking at Trey. He walks back out of the room when nobody comments for a few seconds. Chris stands up from the bed once again. He just walks out of the bedroom door. I sigh.

[lancetuckershairgel]

Summary: Chris parts ways with his job, Lucy meets the new resource officer.

Word count: 1,515

Warnings: language, mention of pre meditated self harm, angst

Tag List: @southernbell91 @book-dragon-13 @marvelgirl7 @jobean12-blog @anxiousamandapanda @jamesbarnesappreciationsociety (if you would like to be added or removed from the tag list let me know)

It was Friday, the day of the goodbye rally the school had insisted on holding for Chris. He understood their reasoning, but it wasn't his thing. He gave his speech, thanking the schools staff and students for a wonderful four years, his eyes scanning the gymnasium for any sign of Lucy and frowning when he couldn't find her. He made his way back to his office to begin packing up and his eyes trailed over the shelves of the bookcase. It was filled with gifts from students, drawings some of the more artistic kids had given him, and a few knick knacks hed purchased to make his office a little less drab. He placed the items one by one into a box, the last thing he reached for being the completed Rubix cube. He picked it up and held it in his hand, thinking about all of the times Lucy had spent in his office. A knock on the door pulled him from his thoughts and he turned to see Erin, the new resource officer, standing there.

"Come in, I was just finishing up. Make yourself comfortable and I'll give you the run down."

Erin smiled and took a seat behind the desk, looking it over. Chris told her about her new duties: attending the ROTC meetings on Wednesdays, the yearly safety course, and the typical day to day handling the problem kids. 

"Any particular ones I should know about?" 

"They're all good kids, really, but there's a few you'll probably see more than others. Jason's  abit of a bully. Spoiled quarterback, thinks everyone owes him something, you just gotta watch out for how he treats the smaller kids, tends to push them around. Neveah has an attitude, she tends to mouth off a lot to the teachers and skips class. We caught her vaping in the bathroom earlier this year." He paused, realizing that he was still holding the Rubix cube "Then there's Lucy…you'll see her the most, I hope."

"You hope?" Erin's eyebrows rose

"She's..different. Incredibly smart, but stubborn as hell. She wants something she's gonna make sure she gets it and same with if she doesn't. She's going to do what she wants regardless, and there's a definite disregard for authority. The kids got a hard life, I think she's just watching out for herself until she can get out of here."

"Sounds like someone else I know." Erin chuckled with a wink to Chris 

"Yeah" Chris laughed, rubbing the back of his neck "She spent a lot of time in here and I hope she continues to come when she needs to. If you don't mind, I want to leave the chair for her. She's pretty pissed at me right now." 

Chris pointed to the white saucer chair that Lucy preferred. 

"I don't mind at all, whatever helps." 

Chris and Erin talked for a bit more, a little more about Lucy and mostly about the technical aspects of the job. Lockdown drills, bag checks, when to use force on a student. Most things Erin knew from her training, but Chris had some tips anyway. 

"I should get going. I need to get set up at the elementary school and have a meeting with the staff. Good luck, Erin."

Erin stood and gave Chris a hug before closing the door behind him as he left with his box. She looked around the bare office, already planning what to add to it to brighten it up. 

Chris placed his box down on the bench in the front office and asked the secretary to page Lucy to the front. She didn't come to the rally, which didn't surprise him, but he couldn't leave without a proper goodbye. Lucy appeared in the office doorway and rolled her eyes when she saw Chris waiting for her. She turned to leave but Chris followed her, calling after her to stop. 

"Lucy, wait. Don't do this." 

"What do you want, Officer." 

Chris sighed. She called him "Officer" when she was mad. Not just mad at the world, but mad at him, personally. 

"I wanted to check on you. You ok?"

"I'm fine." Lucy crossed her arms. Looking at him sternly 

"You sure?"

"Aren't you leaving? Why do you care if I'm okay or not?" 

"I care, you kn-"

"If you cared you wouldn't leave."

"You know it isn't that easy" 

"Right, because you have yourself to look after, yeah? Being here doesn't work for you anymore so fuck everyone who needs you.".

Chris frowned, guilt rising. 

"The new officer, she knows what to do. Shes good, funny. The kids are going to love her. You'll love her."

"I don't want to."

"Give her a chance, Luce."

"Why? So she can leave me too?" 

Chris went to reply but Lucy flipped him off and stormed back to class. He sighed, turning back to the office and was greeted with a look from the secretary.  He shrugged before he grabbed the box and left, getting in his car and making his way to his new job. 

--

Erin made her way around the building, becoming familiar with the layout and introducing herself to anyone she came across. Some of the kids seemed a bit intimidated by the presence of a new cop but Erin's warm smile and the few jokes she cracked eased their minds a little. She was making her way up the tenth grade hallway when she heard a commotion coming from the girls bathroom. 

"Oh my god!"

"Should we get a teacher?"

"GET THE FUCK OUT"

Erin stepped into the bathroom and surveyed the scene. A group of girls were surrounding the handicap stall, whispering quietly. 

"I swear to God get the fuck out or I'll stab you all."

"Okay girls, let's go, back to class." 

The girls jumped and hurried out of the room, leaving Erin to peer into the stall. Sitting  against the wall was another girl dressed in ripped jeans and an oversized hoodie, the hood pulled over her face. In her hand was a pair of scissors and Erin froze, quickly assessing the situation. 

"What's going on here?"

"Go the hell away."

Erin knelt down and took a closer look at the girl. She could see streaks of tears on her cheeks and bloodshot eyes. 

"Here, let me have those and let's talk. What's your name?" Erin asked softly, reaching for the scissors 

The girl jerked away from Erin and glared up at her with anger filled eyes. 

"Leave."

"I can't do that."

"Sure you can. That's what everyone always does. They leave."

"I'm not going anywhere." Erin sat next to the girl to prove her point, waving away another student who had come in "We can do this the easy way, or the hard way. The hard way is for me to take this as a threat either to yourself or others and forceably remove the scissors and you from the property, or you could just hand them over and we can talk about what's going on." 

Erin waited to see what choice she'd make and let out a sigh of relief when the scissors were dropped. 

"What's your name?" Erin asked as she pushed the scissors out of reach

"Lucy." 

"I'm Erin. I've heard a lot about you, Lucy."

"Yeah I'm sure you have."

"What are you doing in here?"

"Nothing."

"You had scissors. Why?"

"Why do you care?"

"Because I do. I'm curious, what were you planning on doing with them?"

"Nothing." 

Chris had said that Lucy wasn't a talker. It took him a long time to get her to say more than a word to him. Erin didn't give up though. 

"Were you going to hurt yourself?" 

"Maybe."

"Why?"

Lucy shrugged. 

"Would you feel more comfortable talking to the counselor?"

"Hell no." 

"Another adult, then? A favorite teacher maybe?"

"Don't have a favorite teacher. They hate me."

"I'm sure that isn't true."

"Everyone hates me." 

"There has to be someone.."

"Chris."

Erin blinked, surprised. 

"Lucy, Chris isn't here. He's go-"

"Gone.  He left. I know."

"Is..is that why you're upset? Were you two close?"

"What? No! I couldn't stand him."

"Uhhuh...I see." Erin smiled softly, knowing what was going on "He thought very fondly of you, though."

Lucy looked over at Erin, a bit taken aback. 

"He did?" 

"He went on about how smart you are, how you had opinions and creative thoughts."

Lucy just shrugged and looked away, more tears forming. 

"You miss him, don't you?"

"No." Lucy grumbled, wiping the tears away angrily 

"It's okay to feel sad, Lucy."

"I'm not sad. I don't get sad. Im angry."

"Angry about what?"

"Everything.  Myself. He left because of me, I know he did. It's my fault all these kids lost him, and maybe...maybe if I was gone, he'd come back."

"Lucy, honey, Chris didn't leave because of you. He needed a better schedule, the elementary school gets out an hour and a half earlier than the high school. Ge has classes to attend at night. This has nothing to do with you."

"Wait"  Lucy's eyes widened "He went to the elementary school?"

"Yes...he-"

"My sister goes there." 

#destroyer!chris #sebastian stan #fan fiction #safe haven

[punkscowardschampions]

Ava & James

Ava: [some cute non-scary halloween decor when she's out in town] Ava: these could work for Mattie's party? [whatever shop they are in] Ava: wouldn't make any of the guests 💩 themselves, beyond what is standard James: you don't have to worry about decorating Ava: just if you needed extra stuff 😊 Ava: you managed to book someone? James: not yet but I wasn't dissuaded by the busy tone when I had to search for your lost bracelet if you recall Ava: you're very dedicated Ava: and resourceful Ava: I just happen to be both myself too James: I have happened to notice that about you James: alongside many other desirable traits Ava: how many are we talking? 😄 James: countless, of course James: you know numbers aren't my forte Ava: words are prettier Ava: especially yours Ava: asking for help isn't either, is all I'm trying to say Ava: I wouldn't go so far as to call it undesirable but worrisome, sometimes James: there isn't anything for you to worry about, that's all I'm saying James: I'll have all the help I could possibly want, or pay for, as soon as I manage to procure it Ava: Okay Ava: but you can't tell me not to worry about you, or I'll have to refuse and I don't like to refuse you James: I wouldn't dream of telling you what you can or can't do James: I may hold the pen but the way it moves across the page is entirely down to you Ava: then I'd like to help you Ava: even if you just give me the list of party planners and I try to call them instead of you adding that to your never-ending to-do list James: Ava Ava: It's not a problem Ava: I'm doing less than nothing right now James: refusing you isn't on my to-do list or something I take any pleasure in whatsoever myself but that doesn't mean it wouldn't be a problem James: right now you may have less than nothing scheduled but it could become a big ask if you're the point of contact for one of these over the top party planners James: I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy Ava: So what you're saying is, a job half done is no help at all, I see that Ava: over the top party planner could describe half the people I know, I can handle that James: it isn't a question of if you can, but rather why you should have to Ava: I don't have to, obviously Ava: the question should be why wouldn't I want to make your life even a fraction easier James: how often you already do isn't remotely in question either though Ava: I'm not keeping score, I can assure you Ava: it's no hardship for me, like I said Ava: it's worse to see you struggle, definitely James: the only assurance I have in such a case being that I would lose, unless we were playing scrabble potentially James: it simply isn't fair of me to ask you & so, I will not Ava: Okay, then I'll ask you if you'll be mad at me if I help you regardless James: I don't think I'm even hypothetically capable of being mad at you for an act of kindness Ava: I'm not going to step on your toes unnecessarily, at least I hope I'm not that type Ava: but if say no more about it works for both of us, then I can work with that James: I hope I haven't given you the impression that's what I think Ava: not at all Ava: but I live in equal hope that you don't think I'm that extra I'd takeover a baby's birthday for my own decorating whims James: It's just that it's the first time that I've had to take over doing anything like this James: I hoped, should I dare to, that I'd be better at it Ava: There's a reason you can hire people to do it for you, and I'm sure Chloe had plenty of help, even if her vision had to be followed to the letter Ava: it's a lot of work for one person, never mind the day to day stuff that doesn't just disappear in the meantime James: you're right, which for the record, is the type you are Ava: I'll take right for you any day James: well, I'll give you that any day, without any hint of a struggle Ava: sounds good to me 😋 Ava: what were you doing, before I so rudely waylaid you? James: discussing figures which my father refuses to admit he cannot make sense of, therefore you're immediately forgiven Ava: can't admit numbers aren't his speciality either Ava: I won't even pretend I'm going to just leave you to it then, as that sounds equal parts dull and frustrating James: I'm aware that now isn't the time to comment on his stubbornness since my own won't let you help me, but yes Ava: I'm not about to compare you to your father, especially when I find it equally as hard and baffling a concept to be mad at you when you're just being you James: it isn't a comparison that would stand for very long, hard & baffling as he finds that to accept Ava: there's a lot of problems with the heir and a spare method, they don't tell you that James: or indeed what to do when your first born & favourite child is female in spite of your old fashioned ideals James: now there's a fitting comparison you'll undeniably make upon seeing them in a room together, as everyone does Ava: Who's your mum's favourite? Ava: and I look forward to judging a family that isn't my own for once James: Teddy, of course Ava: I could have guessed that James: I'm surprised you didn't Ava: I'll tell him he has mummy's boy energy to his face, no need to waste a perfectly good burn James: he does & you should Ava: 😏 that I can add to my to-do list no problem Ava: you're my favourite, you know James: see if you can also get him to come to the party for a while, assuming there is one James: you'll still be my favourite even if you can't Ava: Of course he'll come Ava: he's her uncle, and where else does he have to be James: as far as he's concerned anywhere else is preferable because he's her uncle James: & a teenager Ava: I'll talk him 'round Ava: he's 17, not 12 Ava: older than you were when you had Jay, he can manage James: he's managed not to babysit her once since she was born, but I have faith in you, darling Ava: I wish I was totally surprised Ava: he might be more receptive now Ava: you know, without Chloe also around James: if she decides to make an appearance he won't be the only one less than thrilled to see her Ava: Do you think she will? James: I think it's unlikely but that doesn't make it a definite no however much I would like it to be James: there's a part of me expecting to see her around every corner at any given moment of the day James: & it's not just any day so Ava: Yeah Ava: it seems hard to believe she'd miss her daughter's first birthday but then a lot of her actions and reasonings are so Ava: if she comes, you'll be fine, she's been at every other event, in lots of ways it's less unknown than if she doesn't James: fine might be an overstatement of how I'll be but that can stay between us Ava: It can Ava: even if it ends up that I can't be there Ava: I'll still only be a call away James: I refuse to write an ending like that Ava: I want to be there, but I doubt she'll accept that if she does make an appearance James: the threat of her appearance doesn't dictate the guestlist, gone are the days when she controls what I or the girls do James: we all want you to be there Ava: You're right Ava: not purely agreeing for my own benefit Ava: but it isn't the time to start reverting back to old ways, no need to give a mile to her inch Ava: and it's all hypothetical as yet, and the need for a party planner isn't so I'll focus James: there are plenty of family members I would hypothetically uninvite regardless of whether or not she chooses to RSVP, purely for my own benefit James: maybe when it's my birthday Ava: you can be as exclusive as you like then Ava: and you can't even be hypothetically mad when I organize it all for you James: I promise to be genuinely grateful Ava: you don't need to be, it's your birthday Ava: you deserve to be thoroughly spoilt James: we should go away somewhere, to recover from the lingering stress of Christmas and the new year at the very least Ava: and all the awful gotta be on the slopes at Christmas crowd will be gone by then too Ava: can we? 😃 James: yes Ava: I love you James: I love you too Ava: [do you wanna post this bit and then I can find some socials or something to show she's organizing shit 'cos obviously we're not gonna get a party planner now] James: [that's a good idea boo]

[kidmachinate]

Sometimes, You Need Help Standing Back Up

Before I get into what this post now is, let me explain what it was. Similar to posts I’ve made, this was gonna be either a tragedy or thought masked in imagery/gaming/song references. I don’t think this is a shock to anyone, especially to a anyone that knows me. It was gonna be a quote that led into being a “gray rock” with some but not all context provided. This would be looped back around into using a pebble in Bloodborne to kill an enemy. Going through the long grueling process of doing that so I can be like, hey, I did it. Here’s the problem. It stems from an issue I have, an issue that some kind of outside validation is needed. Like hey, I did the thing. Crazy, given I try so hard to be a pillar of hope and inspiring to others. People don’t see what I deal with though inside and I’m tired. Very, very tired. So, this post will go in a different direction. To point at the only person there is to blame for all this. Me.

I have an addiction to toxic relationships. It’s true. Or maybe to fixing others. Is there a term for this? Call me crazy if you will but it is the truth. It’s not drinking, it’s not drugs, it’s not whatever else we commonly speak of…but I promise it is as real as it gets. I read this before making this post. Somehow...it doesn't make me feel better. This is without therapy. These are my thoughts of where it all stems from and why I cling to it whether it be in regard to friends, family, or partners. I will be bringing this up next session and seeing what I can do about it because I need help. Badly. More than Red Warrior needing food. Because my thought is always, I can see that in me. I too am not perfect. I can fix it! No…I fucking can’t.

When I entered a certain period in high school, I was slipping in both the relationship I had at the time by taking on a damaged partner and really dropping the ball on my grades. Said partner was always picked on. I get that since I too was mostly an outcast at school and not one of the "cool kids" as I say to this day. Before someone gets the wrong idea, let’s drop a hint. I got with this unnamed person which apparently held me back from many others I could have pursued, or so I was told. Oops. It wasn’t a crucial relationship in my life by any means, but I wish you peace…wherever you are. I knew I COULD do good and get the grades. My mind just needed to be right. I asked my parents for help. I specifically said the following and I verified this to make sure I didn't remember this incorrectly:

“I think I need help”

They only saw the report card and were like, hey, let’s get him a math tutor. That isn’t the help I was seeking. I asked a few more times, providing more and more context each time. It wasn’t long before I realized I wasn’t being taken seriously. I folded. These are patterns that continued on and on. Over and over again. I would see a math tutor for months. Bless her heart, I wouldn’t have passed math without her. I was slipping in other subjects as well. I worked hard senior year just to graduate. To prove I could. That I was “good enough” to my parents. Looking back, did school really matter? That’s a whole other conversation. Always having to look good for someone. That is technically what school teaches you. To be a good employee. Not an entrepreneur. To take orders.

Is this why it all occurs as it does and I carried it over to every aspect of my life? I don't know. It is my theory. I'll be talking about this with my therapist. In the later years, before Dad's passing, he started to understand why I was defiant at times. Did things differently. Still got jobs done even if not the way he said for the family business. Got zero complaints running the business in his absence. Told you I could do it. He understood. Miss the hell out of you Dad.

The thing is all of this led to me never at any point in time opening up enough to lay out boundaries. This was my mistake time and time again. Any attempt at showing emotion I would shut myself down. My Dad never caved and I'm in a spanish family. Gotta be a MAN! Can't go showing emotion and shit. What an old concept. I'm glad we're starting to change the narrative on that in the world. At times when I would try to make my feelings and/or attempts at boundaries in relationships that lasted long enough for this to matter, it would be shut down in favor or what was going on in their lives. That's fair. Let's ride this wave together. But then my scenario got overlooked. Constantly. Before the no contact suggestion comes, while I get it, it still doesn't solve the me mystery. I seek answers.

This all was my fault. If someone gets mad upon setting a boundary or opening up about feelings, that is probably a sign they were benefitting from you not having one. But how is one to know if it was never stated? I tried more than once but eventually caved, like I did back in high school. I'd brush it off and be like this is fine because I believed in the potential (another mistake) of insert any relationship here. Some didn't last long enough for this to matter but the ones that did took their toll. I could have done better. I'm trying to in the last few months and results have been quite telling. Regardless of what I discover with others, I still need to fix me.

What else is there to say? Not much. So how do we cope? We laugh. We acknowledge. We even make fun our ourselves. I used this before. I found my kirby.

I might lose some people after making this public. The thing of all this is the details don't matter and there is so much that will likely forever go unsaid. I've got a support group for that. The signs were there in each scenario and I stayed. The hard part is still wanting to care and also not letting the scenarios convert to hate and being jaded...and it is really...fucking...hard. I felt myself shifting towards hate so I needed to pull back. I'm scheduling my next appointment soon because I can focus on me without outside scenarios. If I haven't lost you, thanks. This is the most vulnerable post I've made on here. Possibly ever. We shall see. Intent matters, sure. But sometimes, you too, can be the toxic one.

If the healer dies, the raid goes to shit. Time to heal myself and get my shit together. Again.

[irepookie]

Wake up Call, Infinity Ch.3

Summary: QUEEN AU WHERE ROGER (ROWAN)IS A19 YEAR OLD SINGLE DAD TRYING TO FIND A PLACE IN THE WORLD OF MUSIC

WARNINGS: iNTENSE FLUFF AND SOME SWEARING

Chapter 3: Row has to start stepping out of the bubble him and his daughter have been living in while in the safety of the hospital, and break the news to his best friends. 

John- Rick

Fred-Len

Bri- Terry

Rog- Rowan

When Row had hung up on Len mid sentence, the boys had been confused. Then again, he was at his mom's house and they had heard her infamous shout of <<ROWAN EUGENE QUEEN>> that always preceded an argument, so they let it go. But then he didn't turn up to rehearsal, or called back for the rest of the afternoon. Or the following afternoon. Or for rest of the week. And that was unlike him. He always called back. (Well, most of his former one night stands would disagree with this). Let's just say he always called his band mates back. Sometimes drunk, at 4 AM, Thus leaving  a wakeful Terry with 2 hours to spare nothing to do but to start revising for whatever exam he had ahead.

So, when they didn't know of him, they went directly to the village's police station, to see if he was locked up, and if not, to report him missing.

"What if we ask Gina?" Rick suggested

"I'd rather check the morgue first, thanks" Len said.

"Well, what else can we do? Huh?"

"Audition new drummers"

"Seriously boys. Let's go."

They knocked on Row's childhood home. Gina opened, with messy hair, a dressing gown and slippers

"Oh, hello boys. He ain't here" she took a drag of the 4th cigarette she had smoked that day despite it only being 8:30 AM.

"Where is he?"

"He isn't at home?"

"We've checked and there's no track of him. We haven't seen him in 7 days"

She sighed "in the hospital, I think. If he hasn't left already"

"Hospital?" All three said simultaneously

"What happened?!" Len added

"You don't know?"

"Know what?"

She smiled, mockingly "Wow, father of the year isn't so sure after all"

"What?"

She laughed bitterly. If he hadn't told his best friends yet, it maybe meant he was reconsidering the whole thing. Maybe common sense had hit him after the first stinky nappy.

"You know what? Come in."

"Oh we were actually in a rush..."

"You wanna find him or not? Come in, I don't bite

"Alright" all three musicians entered somewhat awkwardly in the house where so many sleep overs had taken place, back in the day.

She led them to the kitchen, where the phone was, and dialed.

Callie was the closest to the phone "Row? Yes, I'll get him"

She made her way to the room where the Prune had been moved in the previous evening, due to her favourable evolution and the need of free incubators.

She grinned at the scene: the 6 day old infant was dozing against her dad's bare chest, supported by his hands -which seemed huge in comparison to her small figure-. His eyes were closed, but Callie could tell he was awake as his left hand was stroking her head. It was adorable, and they seemed at such peace -poor Row had spent his first whole night on night watch and was exhausted-.

"Row" she called softly

He opened his big blue eyes in acknowledgement.

"You have a call"

"A call? From who?" He whispered back, before looking down at the baby to make sure she was asleep

"Didn't say. But she was kind of irritated"

"Oh, that's mom then" he smiled sarcastically, but didn't move a bit.

"You aren't gonna get on the phone?"

"I don't know. She doesn't deserve our attention does she?" He cooed

"How bad can it be?"

"You don't wanna see my bad side. And I don't ever want her to see it either"

Callie smiled "Go. I'll stay with her"

He groaned in annoyance. He was so comfortable, and he didn't want to get up.

"C'mere darling" he mumbled, detaching his daughter from his lap and carefully lying her on the cot

He exited the room and walked to the phone "What?"

"Row! Where are you?" The three voices of his best friends greeted him from the other side

"Oh, hi guys I... How did you get this number?"

"We're calling you from your mum's. She says you're in hospital" Terry's soft voice said worriedly

"You've gone fucking AWOL! Where are you man? We're worried as hell" Len scolded

"Oh yeah, hehe been..."he scratched the back of his head "been pretty busy" He glanced in the direction of his daughter's room, where he saw Callie readjusting the yellow teddy bear he had bought her the second day.

"Busy? With what?" Rick inquired

"It's... It's a long story."

"Well we've got time"

"Shouldn't you be in uni?" Row said in hopes they'd have to run into class

"It's Sunday, Row!"

"Oh is it?" He had lost track of time, honestly

"C'mon! Spit it"

He sighed "Alright, huh..." He tried to think of where to start. He couldn't really think much tho; his brain was pudge at that moment. "I met a girl in..." He counted nine months back from February "June?" No wait Piper was premature so it could be July or... Then it hit him. "No, remember that afternoon when we set up that Live Aid session in your parents backyard, Len?"

The boys nodded. July 13th. How could they forget? It had been dubbed the best Summer Party of 1985 in town. The four of them had tried to get tickets, but they couldn't even afford a ticket to London in the first place. And so, They watched the whole show with four TV screens around the yard instead, and the whole village had joined them, arguing on which performance had been the best.

Of course, all four members of Symbols agreed that it had been Queen.

"But they signed up late" someone said 

 "Yea, they came late to the party" another agreed. 

"So what? They rocked the party! You just say that because you like U2 better"

 "Like you prefer Queen!" 

 "But we've got a point! Regardless of how much we like them, they were, objectively, the best performance" /

"Objectively? Bullshit!" Anne Williams snapped "They played the same shit they always play! And Bono was a true gentleman, helping that girl who was getting crashed by the crowd."

 "Yea, I'm sure Freddie wouldn't have given a shit, so full of himself and his teeth up his~" /

Dennis Phelps couldn't finish his sentence as a  someone tossed him a Converse, which hit his head. A young woman, with Bowie-like orange dyed haircut approached, with  a bare left foot and the matching shoe on the other 

 "You know nothing about putting up a good show then. Also, you mess with Freddie Mercury again and next time the shoe will be stuck up your ass" she told Dennis, retrieving the item "I mean, it's clear who I'm rooting for but Queen really did what had to be done. Geldof told them all to play the hits, because that's precisely why they're hits: they work. Other artists, like your boyfriend Bono and his band played new material, as if this was their concert. And it's not. Even though they signed up on time and whatever. They took a risk, crowd didn't know the song, they lost interest. But Queen had common sense: they played the hits, the anthems, and people connected with them. And it's not about Freddie or him hypnotizing Wembley. It's having some common sense. And not even you two knew the lyrics of U2s new song. So shut the hell up"

Row had liked her instantly. That's a girl who knows the stuff.

They exchanged a smile, a wink and a complicit nod

"We must join our forces to help out our friends under pressure, don't we?" She said

"Oh yes, Bowie girl." Terry remembered

"Yep."

"So what's with her?" Rick said

"Well, that.. she..." He cut himself off when a cry echoed in Pip's room "Gotta go, guys. I'll call you back"

"No! Row!" Len said, but the line went dead

"Shit"

"What happened?" Gina, who had watched the scene from the door frame, -and was about to finish her 6th cigar in a row,- asked

"He rambled about that Live Aid day, and a girl he met there"

"Did he say her name?"

"No. He had to go suddenly. It's all weird"

"Yea, well... Life is weird, boys"

"I don't understand. What's going on? Can't you tell us, Mrs. Queen?"

"Oh no. No. It's not my story to tell. Nor my business. I tried my best, but that stubborn bastard didn't listen. I'm sorry" she said

"But is he okay?" Len asked, concerned

Gina grinned, at how despite it all, the four boys would stick up with each other to the end of the world "Yes. He's fine."

"Row, are you okay?" Callie said, as the drummer wordlessly took the bundle from her

"Yes, yes. Why wouldn't I be?" He said, sitting with the fussy baby

"You're a bit pale"

"Oh I... Nothing. Just... I'm nervous honestly. Because we're about get discharged and I'm gonna be alone with her and I'll have to dad around all by myself and... And everyone will know..."

"Know what?"

"About her"

"And is that a problem?" Callie crossed her arms

"No, I mean... No, of course not. But everyone will ask questions and judge me and... I'm worried I will end up believing them more and fuck it all up"

"Believing what?"

"They'll start telling me it's a mistake, that I'm gonna screw everything up and that I won't be able to be a good dad and I'm afraid it will become true"

"So you're saying that how people think of you is gonna affect the way you... How you called it? Dad around?"

He nodded "Well, answer me these, will you? Have you, in this moment or at any point during these seven days, thought you are making a mistake?"

He looked at the tiny bundle and shook his head.

"Are you willing to always do your best for the shake of Piper?"

He nodded, noticing he was unconsciously rocking her back and forth.

"Then what's the problem?"

"Look I haven't exactly been a role model in... Well anything. One thing my mom's proud of is that I'm not into drugs. Everyone who has a daughter in the block hates me. So how am I supposed to raise one?"

"Exactly how you've been doing the last six days"

"Yes but I have you guys. And the medics, and the equipment. But there I'll be all alone"

"You will never be alone. You have the friends you've told me about. And your mum...Maybe the little darling is gassy"

"Oh stop about my mum" he carefully changed the Prune to an upright position and began to rub circles on her back without even hesitation. Wow he was actually getting a hold on the burping stuff.

"Yes. Your mum will eventually come to terms with the lil'raisin. I'm sure." She said, whist handing him a muslin to place on the baby's range of accuracy

"Oh you don't know her"

"I know she's a mum. Your mum and mother's rarely ever turn their backs on their children for good"

Row looked at the baby, then raised an eyebrow at Callie

"I said it's rare. There are obviously exceptions" she said "And believe me you're better off. Also, she did call. That's gotta Mean  something"

"I didn't speak with her. Just the band. They were at her place, yeah but... I don't know. I'm not gonna beg on my fucking knees..." He was interrupted by a burp I his ear. Damn, that was a big one. He'd need 2 beers to produce such a loud one.

"Easy, tiger." He laughed "Goddamn it, where did that come from, huh? You're unbelievable" he praised, while getting the muslin out his shoulder and handing it to Callie

"And a neat one too. 10/10." She chuckled

"Atta girl. That's my lil'raisin. Yeah, good girl" he cooed, bringing her to face him, before she started fussing and he nested her again on his chest "Aw, don't cry honey. Please. You're alright. C'mon" he begged. She settled down quickly, and he sighed in relief.

"The point is, that here is like... I feel safe, you know? It's like another world. Another life. And now I have to fit her in my every day, and be in charge and stuff, and... I'm not sure I'm ready"

"Parents are never ready to take them home. Not even those who had 9 months of preparation, and parenting classes, and a nicely decorated and supplied nursery. No one feels ready. But nerves are good. Nerves mean that you care. Worrying and doubting about your ability to be the dad your child needs is precisely what's gonna make you raise your game. Just one last question: are you 100% that you love that lil one with all your heart?"

He looked at his daughter, who had gone back to sleep with the rambling of his voice, as his hand still caressed head and grinned "Hell yeah" Otherwise, how could he explain the way his chest seemed to be holding two hearts whenever she was in his arms? Or how, when he had to leave for the night it felt as though both those hearts were ripped away from him? Or how else could he have turned this goddamn sappy? Yep. That was the proof.

"Then that's all the two of you will ever need. She won't care if you two are rich or live in a cardboard box, or if she wasn't in your initial plans, or that she doesn't have a mom. As long as you love her and make her feel like it."

He nodded, and rested his lips on her soft scalp.

"Right, I Gotta get to another patient. Call'em back."

He stood up, this time taking his Prune along, and went to the corridor where the phone was. Making sure her head was safely cradled along with the rest of her small body on his left arm, he tucked the phone between the right shoulder and neck and dialed their shared place's number

Rick picked up "Yes?"

"I'm a dad" he said simply, and waited for his reaction. 

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I��ll post the picture separately in order to preserve my goddamn sanity cause Tumblr is being a pain in the arse!!!!!

How do you guys do it? Am I the only one who needs 5 bloody tries to post this things?

#roger taylor #dad!roger taylor #queen band #queen fluff #bohemian rhapsody

[punkscowardschampions]

Venus & Leilani

Venus: Hey girl! 😘😘👋 Leilani: hiya Venus: Awh 🥺😔 how you holding up? Leilani: as expected maybe Leilani: thanks Venus: Of course, so sad! 😥😥😥 Venus: I'm totally here for you, btw Leilani: that's really nice of you Venus: Gurl, of course Venus: I'm a pretty nice person Venus: only to people who deserve it, obviously 💁 Leilani: I'm honoured 😅 Venus: You totally are 🤭 Leilani: 1st exclusive club I've been a part of, for sure Venus: That's honestly even more tragic Venus: oops 🙊 you know what I mean Leilani: 😅 Leilani: yikes Leilani: the tragedies are piling up Venus: What school did you go to before? Leilani: [the name of a school, obvs not a catholic one just standard, are we saying the ruster kids go to a fancy one cos rich and now so does she or are we keeping them #humble?] Venus: [I think you in particular need to go to a standard one to humble yourself, also you aren't smart enough to get in on your own merit so] Venus: I dated a guy who went there Leilani: oh maybe I know him Venus: He was super hot but like, so uncultured Venus: he'd never left Ireland like 🥱🥱 Leilani: I wonder if it's a coincidence that all the uncultured kids go there becos me either yet Venus: WHAT 😱😱😱 Venus: aren't you like, properly African Leilani: I've never been, I was born here Venus: oh my God that's WILD Venus: bless you Leilani: bless my parents for wanting me to have a different life, I suppose Venus: I'm in Paris as often as I can because of my daddy but we go somewhere sunny practically monthly, when the school isn't being extra 🙄 Venus: it's the only reason I stick around, honestly 😂 Leilani: he's french or he just lives there? Venus: He's American, he teaches at this AMAZING college there Venus: he's lived loads of UHMAZING places but Paris is his base now and definitely the best Leilani: what kind of accent does he have? Venus: he was from some middle of nowhere town like this, but in the US Venus: so he had to get out to live his best life Leilani: sounds like he is Venus: Totally 😘😘 Venus: he's the smartest person in his field, like EVERYONE has to go to him to know what to do Venus: hence I can't live with him because he's ALWAYS working 😩 Venus: I told him I was cool with it but he's SUPER protective of me so I have to stay here 🤷 Leilani: I know what that's like, my mum was the same Leilani: protective workaholic Venus: Poor you getting thrown into this mess Venus: ugh Leilani: Grace isn't that bad 😅 Leilani: more of a workaholic maybe but less OTT protective Venus: I guess not Venus: did you know she got stood up at the altar though Venus: would you not just lay down and DIE Leilani: me & my mum were there Leilani: so yeah Venus: 🙈 cringe Venus: we were all there honey, I can't Leilani: your bridesmaids dress was gorgeous though Venus: she can enjoy those photos 💁 Leilani: I think it'll be a long time before she's looking back at the album Leilani: longer than it's been atm Venus: DUH 😂 Venus: they'll be in the 🔥 if she's got any sense Leilani: she did re-sell her dress so maybe Venus: LOL I hope she advertised it as cursed or that woman gonna be 😤 Leilani: I'm sure she worked out why it was listed once she picked it up & saw that Grace's weight hadn't dramatically gone up or down Venus: getting dumped at the altar is next-level bad juju though it's not like she just got too excited Venus: I'd be so pissed Venus: have to sage that SO HARD Leilani: I'd be happy I got a bargain Venus: yeah, nothing says happiest day of your life like that Leilani: getting into debt for it would personally ruin the mood but you know Venus: Don't have a wedding you can't afford, obvs Leilani: yeah ideally Venus: like you can't live above your station that's just basic rules of life Venus: in all areas, tbh, not just funds Venus: like look what happened Leilani: you think he was out of her league? Venus: I can't even remember what he looked like tbh Venus: but clearly the baggage was too much regardless of how fine or not fine he was Leilani: clearly he has his own issues to do something like that Venus: Doubt it Venus: he could've bounced sooner but he still did the right thing 😂 Leilani: he should've said or done what he needed to do before it got to the altar Leilani: he had time, she was planning the wedding for like a year Leilani: maybe longer Venus: whatever, he clearly felt SO trapped by the psychoness Venus: we all know what was up Leilani: what was up was that he didn't have enough balls for the convo Venus: the defence squad is so real, chill out babes Venus: it happened, she took that L, end of story Leilani: It's unfair to blame her for him wanting out & doing it in the most cowardly way is all Leilani: she didn't deserve to be treated like that Venus: that's life, babe Venus: it's not fair Venus: if she couldn't see that coming that's on her Venus: what kind of unobservant head ass person you gotta be Venus: like I'd KNOW if my man was not feeling me 🥴🥴 Leilani: I didn't know him, I can't judge it Leilani: but I didn't foresee my dad walking out & neither did my mum Venus: big YIKES 😬 Leilani: & your dad didn't think your mum would end up keeping you Leilani: some things you can't see coming or don't want to Venus: You mean her breaking a contract? Venus: yeah, it should be illegal Venus: and you don't know what my dad knew or didn't know actually Venus: she literally took advantage of the fact he wasn't legally protected and desperately wanted me Venus: like, your point? 🤷 Leilani: my point is, dragging Grace is pretty rude Venus: She's had worse happen, as you've mentioned 🥺💔 Venus: I think she'll get over it Venus: that's if you even bothered to tell her which would be so petty, honestly Leilani: you don't know what he told her or didn't or how it affected her Leilani: maybe she won't get over it Venus: 🥱 Venus: your mom literally just died, like Venus: people have real problems, you should be the one preaching that Leilani: thanks for bringing it back up, it had slipped my mind Venus: do you like, not want to talk about her ??? Leilani: atm I don't want you to talk about Grace how you are Leilani: she's the person who's in my corner, looking after me Leilani: so yeah, I've got her back & I don't care if you think it's extra Venus: I'll talk about her however I want Venus: you're grieving and I'm trying to be nice and let you talk about it, but like, catch me letting you police me and my opinion Venus: not today, not ever, honey Leilani: say whatever you like once you've gotten away from me Leilani: I'm not trying to hear it & if I do I'm not letting it pass through unchecked Venus: As if I want to be having this conversation with you right now Venus: 😬 bigger yikes Venus: catch me trying to make you welcome at school, seriously Leilani: I can settle myself in without your help Venus: yeah, your personality is like, A++ Venus: 👏 good luck with the amount of invites you'll HAVE to turn down, damn, sis Leilani: maybe it's the grief, maybe I just don't like your personality Leilani: make up your own mind Venus: I truly do not have the time to worry about you or what you're doing Venus: you continue to think up all those what-ifs though, that's cool Venus: can be your thing Leilani: next time that it slips my mind that my mother is dead, I'm sure your opinion of me will be right there at the front Venus: okay, word of advice, milking the whole sympathy thing is not going to get you far in the long run Venus: it'll get old faster than he was running the opposite way down that altar Leilani: I don't need advice from someone who's never been here Venus: 🙄 sure babes Venus: that's some USP Leilani: it's really not Leilani: there's a really big group of us Venus: So like, get over it Venus: the levels you can't get away with being a rude ass hoe just because something bad happened to you Venus: toxicity off the charts Leilani: when I do it won't be to make you feel more comfortable Leilani: the levels it's not your place to tell me how to be when we've just met Venus: I'm not the one telling you what to say though, sis, soooooo 💁 Venus: clearly not the one who's uncomfortable am I Leilani: I said I'm not going to listen to you badmouth Grace, you can take it anywhere else & I can't stop you Venus: why are you so pressed 😂 Venus: is she checking your messages to make sure you're #grateful enough Venus: damn, ok, Angelina Jolie Leilani: I like her Leilani: that's enough reason to not want to hear it Venus: Awh Venus: big love Leilani: sure thing Leilani: I'm a big joke to you, okay then Venus: if you feel you've acted a fool, that's on you Venus: I'm unphased by this mess Leilani: no, you're trying to treat me like one, it's a very different thing Leilani: I'm not entertained or entertaining it Venus: Hoe, where??? Venus: Honestly, I'm SO curious 🤔 Venus: I offered you support and a space to talk about your mom and you've just been nothing but combative, honestly Leilani: telling me to get over it isn't supportive Venus: I'm not gonna not keep it 💯 Venus: and don't twist my words or the situation Venus: I said that was how other people would feel if you came at it all with this attitude Leilani: you have no idea where my attitude is coming from becos we don't know each other like that Venus: Why would I put my time and energy on you when you treat me like that? Venus: using your past as an excuse for bad behaviours now, no ma'am Venus: not in this house Leilani: you said I'm milking the sympathy thing when you're the one assuming everything I said here is a grief reaction Leilani: maybe I'm serving you attitude becos it's deserved Venus: so you're just like this Venus: weird flex then, babe 🤷 Venus: the luck I put out there is even more warranted Venus: cuss me out for giving you the benefit of the doubt about your foolishness, chile... Leilani: the disrespect towards your own family & entitlement you have towards being that way is what's getting you cussed out Venus: and I'm the one making assumptions Venus: 😂 Venus: Grace told you some tea and you think you're in the know now Venus: 👌👌👌 keep on that hype, waste your energy Leilani: it's all been expressed in your own words, barely sentences into this convo Leilani: your assumption was that I'd be eager to join in Venus: No, honey Venus: your assumption is that I consider them to be my family Venus: and your tone policing is literally not welcome anywhere near me Leilani: they consider you to be theirs, it should be enough of a reason not to treat them how you are Leilani: hell, human decency is that Venus: Like I said, hilarious you think you are educated on it Venus: let alone enough to lecture ME Venus: I literally got kidnapped by my father's surrogate and his partner, her brother was too cowardly to do anything about it? Venus: miss me with this nonsense, you're the one stressing on this family Venus: they love a stray, they'll accept you sis, it's all blessed Leilani: I know Grace loves you & she would never use any of your misfortunes as a way to amuse herself or anyone else, so that's what I'm speaking on Leilani: the rest is your business Venus: that's her choice? Venus: the levels I don't concern myself with what people say on me Venus: you sound mad paranoid, that's no way to live, girl Leilani: again, your advice on how I should live is unwelcome Venus: THE HYPOCRISY Venus: are you being satirical now, oh my GOD Venus: I am creased 😷😷😷😷💀 Venus: I will say whatever I want about any sad case in that family, and I can laugh at their tragic life choices, and there's 0 to be said or done about it by anyone, least of all you Venus: if they were living better lives, they'd be unphased, if they ain't, who's fault is that really, look inside not @ me Leilani: don't bring it to my door & think it won't get closed in your face, that's what has been said already Venus: 💔💔 dying to be BFFs, obviously Venus: as has been said, my kindness has been thrown in my face, that's your karma Venus: I'm good Leilani: if you think that's kindness you have your own coming Venus: SIS, focus 👏 on 👏 your 👏 own Venus: your life is super sad Venus: it won't get any better wishing ill on me Venus: 🙏 on your own karma and demons, I don't have everything but I am GRATEFUL for what I do have Venus: I'm still out here trying to help you, even though you've literally cussed me out and put lies on my name ??? Venus: point fingers at your own evils Leilani: thanks for pointing out all the necessary work I need to do Leilani: but you have your own Venus: 😂😂😂 and you get to tell me because? Venus: I've evidenced all the work I DO do Venus: you're still sat here being petty Venus: couldn't be me, God bless though Leilani: I'm grateful for what I have too & part of that is gratitude I'm not you or needing to be around you if this is how it is Venus: 😬 that's so dark-sided I feel really terrible for you Venus: you can be grateful for your good without pointing out other people's bad Venus: lowkey that's kinda the point Venus: go do some charity work ASAP, work out those thoughts and all the negative they attract in your life Leilani: I'm already the charity case as you see it but okay Venus: oof Venus: the self-pity Venus: you really think you're so, so down-trodden you can't do ANYTHING to help your fellow man? Leilani: you think I am, I can't voice what I think unless I speak directly over you atm Venus: I don't allow words to be put into my mouth Venus: not by you, not by the devil Venus: offering friendship does not imply anything about you, but a lot about my character Venus: it's actually very sad you can't see that and have to take it so negatively Venus: no wonder your life is where it is Leilani: the only thing I took negatively is what you said about Grace, how quickly you withdrew your offer of friendship becos I disagreed with you about her is what says things about you Venus: Okay, so my offer is withdrawn because SEVERAL times in this short conversation, you've attempted to tell me what I THINK, what I SAY and what I DO Venus: and no, I can't have that kind of negativity around me, my protection of myself is more important than making myself a conduit for whatever ill you're trying to spread by tone policing so violently Venus: charity has to have limits or it can get twisted by people who seek to abuse it Venus: I have to go on my instincts with this one, I am not one to ignore red flags Leilani: I'm not a charity case & you're not better than me, there's my limit Leilani: I don't want your pity dressed up as friendship & I definitely don't have room for your smugness & condescension Venus: You have to ask yourself, where this inferiority complex really comes from Venus: I've not said or implied I'm better than you, so why do you feel that so strongly you have to attack my personality to convince yourself of the fact I'm actually, much, much worse than you Venus: I'm really sad for you 😥 I wish there was something I could do but that's inner work 🙏 Leilani: you literally called me a stray, so maybe that's where I got it Leilani: not to mention how ready you are to bring up every perceived flaw in my character but also call them evils as if that's a word to be casually thrown around Venus: It's truly not about you Venus: self-obsession is a sign that you're not putting in the work Venus: a happy person does not think about themselves constantly, or think EVERYONE else is too 🙄 Venus: your behaviour towards me has been flawed and it DOES signal troubling thought patterns Venus: I'm well within my right to comment on them Venus: if you think I'm wrong, you'll have no issue continuing as you are Leilani: I'm not a happy person & I am having troubling thought patterns but that's not about you Leilani: you came into this convo knowing that & what it was about Venus: I really don't think it's cool to blame your problems on your mom's passing Leilani: I'm not feeling very cool about anything atm sorry Venus: I hope you get there 🙏🙏😘 Leilani: thanks Venus: I'll see you at school then 💓 Leilani: yeah

[punkscowardschampions]

Saint & Leilani

Saint: So, how many people with my surname have found their way into your inbox today? Leilani: few Saint: I hope those few have behaved and not been too taxing on your typing fingers or your patience Leilani: you're making it sound more fun & scandalous than it came close to Saint: That would be an odd but not unentirely precedented way to welcome you for us Saint: I'm just more than aware how...much, shall we be polite and say, some of them can be, even at the best of times Leilani: 😅 Leilani: are you forgetting which one of you I live with? Saint: 😅 Saint: I am in no way doubting your ability to cope with it, or previous experience doing so, just apologizing for the times you don't feel like being so gracious about their...persistence Leilani: thanks, I think? Leilani: the sentence was a mouthful to digest but I detected some sweetness in it Saint: I'm happy to apologize for my taste as well Saint: and will try to be more palatable Leilani: coming thick & fast but still smooth with it, that's impressive Saint: I'll accept that I'm potentially being much of a muchness with some of the more well-meaning but over-the-top members of my family, if that's what you're saying Saint: but admittedly, I'll struggle to hear I'm on par with certain ones who best remain nameless until I get more of a gage for your tolerance of their particular brand of care 😅 Leilani: I'm not saying much, personally, until I work out how much of this welcome wagon is genuinely what you'd like to say vs what you feel like you must Leilani: to make up for the rest or walk on eggshells in case I crack up Saint: Well, I haven't been instructed to talk to you, if that's what you mean Saint: and without a doubt, I have no idea how I would ideally like to broach this subject, because I have literally no firsthand experience Saint: I imagine that must be frustrating, is it? Leilani: it can be coming from you but not coming from you, if you know what I mean Leilani: deep in there, maybe you've got a whole other convo you'd love to be having Saint: I'm receptive to any conversation you'd like to have Saint: well, almost any, I'm sure Leilani: you & everybody else Leilani: the talk about me is non-stop Saint: We wouldn't have to talk about you Saint: I don't have any particular bias towards the subject of you, though it would be bad manners to ask you no questions about yourself, I can refrain if you have, like I said and assumed, had enough for a while Leilani: it's good manners if I'm in no mood to answer questions about me Leilani: but it'd be my bad to tell you to shush & end this convo just like that Saint: As you've saved me from the mortal sin of impoliteness with your rhetoric there, I'll save you from having to do so and can leave it there Leilani: take a turn in the hot seat, see how you feel about it Leilani: prep if I haven't saved you from 👿🔥 Saint: I'm not inclined to believe the creator would be that unforgiving, but that's what Catholicism will do for your morals, I suppose Saint: Fire away, as it were 🔥 Leilani: you're a catholic? Saint: Culturally, definitely Saint: I'm not sure my commitment to the church is such I can claim myself as fully saved, yet Leilani: mine goes as far as loving the 1st Eid for its treats & ignoring the sacrifices of the 2nd, can't call it commitment Saint: I don't think you're alone in that philosophy and approach Saint: but I don't necessarily think that's terrible at all, as long as you're finding some joy and fulfilment from religion- that is certainly a huge tenant of all the ones I've heard of, so it can only be a positive Leilani: how my friends celebrate 🎄🎁🎅 shows me I'm not Leilani: party > church Saint: Precisely, commercialism argument aside Saint: any promotion of togetherness, community and goodwill, what could be the issue? Leilani: the issue is in the confusion Leilani: people thinking it's something its not Saint: There's plenty issue around 🎄🎁🎅 but no more than most anything in our society today Leilani: if you're trying to take issue with something on any level, you'll find a way Saint: Don't you think problems should be solved? Leilani: if it can Leilani: big if Saint: Of course Saint: I think the if only makes the pursuit of more vital, I don't find it to be invalidating Leilani: sure but some questions aren't if or but ones Saint: Such as? Leilani: if I said, you're the fittest member of this family, let's go out, your answer would be no, becos you are a member of this family, it doesn't matter if you add I would if I wasn't Leilani: the answer's still no Saint: No, my answer would be that there's truly only one absolute in this life Saint: that I know of Saint: there are laws, ethics, morality and codes of conduct in all societies, sure Saint: but nothing is certain Leilani: birth & death are certain Leilani: one brought you here, the other me Saint: I was thinking about death Saint: birth is luck, usually, it's a little different Leilani: 🤔 Leilani: accepted Saint: We can differ on perspectives there, it's fine 😃 Saint: in fact, the father would probably want to put forth an argument for the opposite, now I think about it Saint: worse Catholic than I thought Leilani: I was thinking that 🤰 = birth, the certainty part being you don't get to stay in but you know Saint: I see what you mean Saint: anyone that is here is a certainty Saint: think we're going into Schroedinger territory there, I respect it Leilani: 🙀📦 Saint: 👍 Saint: who am I to say that whatever people are before and after they're people here can't debate philosophy Leilani: these are bigger questions than I expected Saint: And I wasn't meant to even ask how you were Saint: 🤐 Saint: go on Leilani: I've got a headache now 😅 Saint: Oh dear Saint: That's the first time that's happened, I would assure you but that sounds like a losing battle and another knock for my ego Leilani: your ego wants to take it as brush off, retro as hell Leilani: but I don't get questions that deep posed around me is all Saint: Retro...God, just don't take my 'deep' questions as a sign of pretension or I'm getting more tragic by the second! Leilani: it's okay I'm not a downtrodden wifey from back in the day, we're in an era where I can just tell you no Saint: and we're all the better for it Saint: though I don't think I've asked you any question where you'd be directly answerable to me 🤔 Saint: giving me a little too much credit for the universe and it's many questions there Leilani: I don't want your ego to end this convo black & blue Saint: That's very kind of you Saint: but my ability to take criticism could be compared to your ability to cope with Grace, just so we're clear Leilani: Grace isn't hard to cope with Leilani: I like her Saint: I'm glad to hear that, it would be really hard if you didn't Saint: harder, than it is, of course Saint: don't think I'm bashing her really, as I said, they all mean well, I can just imagine that relentless good intentions and meaningful conversations to be had would get very exhausting very fast Leilani: everything's happened fast Leilani: they're all playing catch up to the unexpected Saint: But you're the important one here Saint: most, although I was adding that to try and take the pressure off but clearly that's easier said than done Leilani: this is where I add something about pressure creating 💎 Saint: I don't loathe the sentiment but does it make you feel any better? Leilani: no Saint: then I wouldn't worry Saint: and I doubt there's anything hugely meaningful I can do to make you feel better in an impactful, big way Saint: but if you think of anything on a smaller scale that you would like Saint: don't hesistate to ask Leilani: will you introduce me to everyone in a retro way? Leilani: 🗨  & 🤝 Saint: That I can do Saint: The upsides to this family being as large as it is is that you're never short of functions to hijack for whatever purpose you may need Saint: and you won't have to worry about being centre of attention unless it's your birth, wedding or death Saint: even then, people have their own agendas Leilani: no pressure or as close as Leilani: when's the next? Saint: Exactly Saint: [literally whatever and whenever we want, offer a selection to show your point lol] Leilani: [picks the one where she can serve the best lewk because gotta make an impression regardless especially when you're nervous] Leilani: it's a date Saint: That it is Saint: if you'd rather show up with another kid, I'm happy to come pick you up from Grace's Saint: up to you, of course Leilani: pick me up 🚗 Leilani: I have no idea how Grace is allowed on the road Saint: 😅 Saint: I suppose they reckon the amount of potholes, we're all playing a dangerous game at the mercy of the council Leilani: 🙏 by god's grace like Saint: Seems that's all that's left in the budget 🙄 Leilani: 😅😅 Saint: I think you're in my sister's year Saint: Venus, that is Leilani: what should I think about it? Saint: You know you hypothesized that I was the fittest member of this family? Leilani: it's too late to drop the bomb that I should've asked her to pick me up Saint: She'll need a lift as much as you Saint: but meaning, she'd have taken DEEP offence to that assertion Saint: the headache would be realer Leilani: oops Leilani: & yikes Saint: again, not here on a smear campaign Saint: but I'd be doing you a disservice if I pretended she's universally easy to get on with Saint: perhaps you'll take to each other though Leilani: I'm not easy to get on with atm Leilani: but I do get a free pass Saint: You're doing fine Saint: unless this is your attempt at belligerence, in which case, sorry 😬 Leilani: attempting nothing but no pressure face to face intros Leilani: how could you forget already? Saint: 🤦 forgive me? Leilani: 💅 Leilani: hold on, I'll ask myself what my god would do Leilani: ... Leilani: yeah sure Saint: 😅 Saint: I was hoping distraction only fell under bad manners, not sin Leilani: it depends how you're distracting me Saint: What I offered would depend on how 😇/😈 you preferred your distractions Leilani: if I don't have both on offer how can I possibly choose? Saint: That's completely fair, actually Leilani: I know Leilani: so don't be unfair Saint: Wouldn't dream of it Leilani: is there anyone else you'd like to warn me about, while you're being fair? Leilani: or anyone I should run into the arms of like 🤗🤗? Saint: Warn would be extreme Saint: I don't think anyone is that bad Saint: I would have to know you better personally to say who I think you'd really click with, but there's plenty of us, I'm sure you will with someone Leilani: indulge me in the drama of it, St Leilani: 🤦😅 Saint: Oh, right Saint: you want the gossip of it all so you also have prior information on them coming into the conversations Saint: let me think then Leilani: I miss when my friends wanted to talk about that stuff Leilani: instead of me & my feelings Saint: That makes sense Saint: maybe you and Vee will get on then Saint: there's just a lot of drama to get into Saint: your head and inbox would be rocked Leilani: I've got time Leilani: & my head's already a mess Saint: Okay then Saint: bear with me if my typing speed gets retro Leilani: 😄 Saint: [just methodically go through all that is messed up with the fam nbd] Leilani: holy hell Leilani: I know I asked for that but did I though? Leilani: where have I come to live Leilani: 👋🚕 Saint: Yes Saint: sorry Leilani: hold on I need to just ✈️ Leilani: I thought my mum's relationship history was crazy Saint: It is what it is Saint: we all still manage fine Leilani: by the grace of god again, or whatever other means necessary Saint: Maybe Saint: I don't think it's all that dire now Leilani: maybe when I've come though all the stages of grief I'll be able to let you know what I think Saint: Look forward to it Leilani: I did make it sound really hot Saint: 😏 Saint: we're not all messed up, thank you Leilani: I'm used to being that half of the convo Leilani: you do you Saint: How are you messed up then? Leilani: other than having no parents now? Saint: Yeah Leilani: I'm not doing this right Leilani: any of it Saint: What aren't you doing right? Leilani: I miss her but like she's gone on holiday or a work course Leilani: not like she's never coming back Saint: Well, what's the first stage of grieving Saint: you feel like you aren't missing her hard enough, but if you were out of denial already, you'd actually be taking it way too fast Saint: be rude, right? Saint: Think of it like that Leilani: my rudeness is worse, wanting to hang out with my friends how I did before Leilani: care about 👗👠💄 Saint: Your entire world has been turned upside down Saint: of course you're craving normality Saint: I'm not just saying all this to appease you Saint: you're a kid that just lost her mum Saint: I literally do not believe there's any way you could get through this that would be wrong, or would reflect poorly on you Leilani: she needs to walk back in & badmouth all her worst clients Leilani: she can't be lost Saint: I'm so sorry Saint: that it's so unfair Leilani: unfair was when my dad stopped sending money & letters after going back home for what he said would be a few months Leilani: this is Leilani: I don't even know Saint: How old were you? Leilani: does it make a difference? Saint: Did it? Leilani: I'd just started school, so financially, yeah Saint: Do you know what he's doing now, like, where he is? Leilani: no Leilani: my mum said he had another family there Leilani: someone he was actually married to Saint: Right Saint: that was a cowardly thing for him to do Saint: the minimum would've been financial support Leilani: sadly I can't get it backdated Leilani: imagine Leilani: 👗👠💄 Saint: I'd have to look into it Saint: but probably not Saint: very hard to enforce at any rate Leilani: & taking food out of his other children's mouths, assuming he has some others Saint: Yeah Saint: but you can't be held responsible for his life choices Leilani: neither can they then Saint: I meant it'd be his problem to worry about and solve Saint: but I can understand not wanting to literally steal candy from a baby, as it were Leilani: I haven't been his problem for years, I'm Grace's now Leilani: this family's with all their existing crazy Saint: Okay, getting in contact with your dad for reparations isn't the first step Leilani: it's a mis-step Leilani: he fell off the earth, I'm not following him Saint: Okay Saint: so, what would you be doing with your friends today, if things were normal? Leilani: 🛍 Saint: So, I'll give you both options Saint: I can drive you to your friends, or whatever 🛍 you go to with them Saint: or you can come 🛍 with me Leilani: you can take me Leilani: they don't know how to act now that I'm 💣💥 Saint: they probably think they're giving you time Saint: but really, they're asking for it Saint: at least, that's how I see it Saint: maybe next weekend, or the next Saint: but we can go for now Leilani: it's okay, I wouldn't deal any better if the roles were reversed Leilani: it's not their bad that there's nothing to say or do Saint: You're very fair Saint: not to detract from how much of a 💣💥 you feel Leilani: you're flattering me like I'm not a 💣💥 Leilani: I don't know what that says about you Saint: It's honesty, not flattery Saint: The situation is a 💣💥 Saint: I've seen people handle significantly worse, that's all Leilani: it feels nice, honesty doesn't usually Saint: that's a resounding endorsement Saint: probably a bit too smug to put on a poster or LinkedIn but still, I appreciate it Leilani: you know what I mean, honesty is usually like that 💅 isn't the one or you need braces, child Saint: I think people purposefully conflate being honest with being rude Saint: but you can weaponize anything if you're that sort of person Leilani: yeah ☕ Saint: There's plenty of that sort at church Leilani: & the salon Saint: I've spent less time there myself but I imagine they're much of a muchness Saint: 👵 they all love me, obviously but father is a perfect case study for diplomacy Leilani: it's a type of church for some people Leilani: they take it as serious as a religion Saint: Hair and beauty has always been important Leilani: they just like being able to see results, there's no guarantee when you pray Saint: I'd argue there's no guarantee you get the result you wanted Saint: perhaps even less than 🙏 Saint: maybe you get what you need, not what you want Leilani: 😅😅 Leilani: maybe not for 👵 if they're trying to look 👩 Saint: it highlights the limitations of communication Saint: you think you've asked concisely for one thing, and you end up with something that's nothing like that at all Leilani: I swear I did see my mum work some genuine miracles, that said Saint: It is without a doubt impressive what can be achieved Leilani: what do you want to be? Saint: I want to work for the government Leilani: we haven't been talking that long but that has come through Saint: Is there any particular way you'd like me to take that honesty? Leilani: as a compliment? Leilani: I think Saint: 😅 I think I can manage that then Leilani: I'll tell you what I used to want to be when I was a child, that's weirder Saint: Not admitting it's weird, but go on Saint: I'm intrigued Leilani: clues: Leilani: 🦷💉🥛😁 Leilani: 🚫🍬🍭🍫 Saint: Okay, question, just the one Saint: did you want to be rich or did you just really care about oral hygiene? Leilani: I wanted to make people pretty like my mum, I suppose was the thought process Leilani: & 😁 = happy Saint: So it's even more adorable than I first thought Saint: you don't want to be a dentist anymore? Leilani: the reality is way more gory than I knew then Saint: That's enough to give me a headache Leilani: I need a job with no blood or pus Leilani: even typing that made me feel weird Saint: 😖 Saint: Subject change Saint: are you going to buy anything today? Leilani: do I need to dress to impress your family or just myself? Saint: do you want me to invite my family out shopping with us? Leilani: you do have a lot of sisters Leilani: but you know I meant do I need a new outfit for this meet & greet you're taking me to of the entire extended clan Saint: Oh, gotcha Saint: dress for yourself, of course Saint: unless dressing to impress makes you feel more at ease, in which case, go for that and you won't be alone Leilani: it can't hurt Saint: No, there we go then 😊 Saint: though you can still do the aimless browsing I know 🛍 trips are really about, of course Leilani: are you looking to dress up too? Saint: I like to look presentable Leilani: oh good becos if it was just me, Grace & your sister that'd be a statement Saint: 😅 Saint: don't worry, it won't be Leilani: I'll do my happy dentist 😁 then Leilani: as I'm thrilled Saint: I'm just as 😁 to hear that Leilani: I'll try not to turn it into a frown with excessive browsing Leilani: no promises Saint: I've got a lot of sisters, as you said Saint: I'm sure I'll cope Leilani: which one's your favourite? Saint: which sister? 😂 Saint: I'm not sure there's a diplomatic way to answer that Leilani: answer it honestly, I can promise not to slide in to share the news Saint: Well, Jay is older and we didn't meet her until she was a kid so that combined with her personality makes her the most chilled out now Saint: Vee is younger but still close enough that we were kids together, so that makes her prime annoying younger sister category Saint: then the twins are that much younger that they get to be removed from that, and I have more of that protective older brother in me Leilani: Okay so Jay's your fave Leilani: what's your brother like? Saint: No, I didn't say that Saint: but she wasn't here in the beginning and she's grown up and gone now, it's easy to have less negatives to say about her Leilani: how old were you when you met? Saint: I was about 3 when we found out about her Saint: but the process took a while because she had a dad that raised her and still wanted to even though she wasn't his like he thought Saint: I think I was about 8 when she moved in and spent most of her time with us Leilani: that must have been such a weird time Saint: it was Saint: Vee was born around the time we found out about her so Saint: that was a trial too Leilani: your parents have had a LOT going on Saint: Yes, it seems to be their forte Leilani: your brother then Saint: he's younger too, so again, protective Saint: probably because we're outnumbered too Leilani: an if question Leilani: if you had to give me one of them, as an only child, which one would you give me? Saint: 😂 an odd request but okay, let me 🤔 Saint: Probably Sekh Saint: from the short conversation we've had, you have things in common, that would work well 🛍👠💄👗 Leilani: you're gonna separate the twins? very disney channel Saint: It was either lump them in together there and offend them, or separate and acknowledge that they're separate people Saint: they'll understand 😅 Leilani: 😅 Leilani: safer if I ask Grace for a pet instead Saint: Sure that she'd be down for that Saint: 🐰🐹🐱🐶🐠? Leilani: 🤔 Saint: That is a big decision Saint: best to take your time, decide how much effort you wanna put in to day to day care Leilani: 🐱 or 🏠🐰 Saint: Cute Saint: got any names or do you need to see it before assigning one Leilani: it feels fairer to meet them 1st Saint: 👍 Saint: we can go to the nearest pet shop/shelter if you'd like Leilani: adopt don't shop, St Leilani: or else 👿🔥 Saint: Indeed 😏 Saint: but you know most shops rescue their animals now anyway Saint: except fish...but I don't know how we're morally meant to feel about breeding fish? Leilani: we won't buy any, be on the safe & 😇 side Saint: It's your day Saint: I wouldn't try to bring you down to 👿🔥 levels Leilani: thanks, I have only just moved in Saint: Definitely not my intention with this conversation, or any going forward Leilani: that comes through too Saint: Is that a compliment? Leilani: I don't know if you're 😁 or not to be a good & polite boy Saint: Why would I want to be anything less 😇? Leilani: becos of your name maybe Saint: Subverting expectations Saint: I'd argue people expect the opposite from me though, regardless of my first name Leilani: in your case pressure makes 😇 Saint: 🤞 I hope so Leilani: I'll subvert expectations for us both Saint: Is that your new plan? Leilani: I don't really have one Leilani: other than the 🛍 Saint: Well, you have time Leilani: yeah, it's the keyword that's getting thrown around most atm Saint: It's not provably true but it's most likely the case Leilani: & it'll fill an awkward silence Saint: I can clearly talk enough for the both of us Saint: it doesn't need to be awkward Leilani: this isn't, but remember how we ref-ed that you weren't the only McKenna in my 💬📱 Saint: Right Saint: is there anything you'd like me to do, beyond the formal introductions Saint: politely suggest some people give it some time, perhaps? Leilani: use the time thing against them, I like it 😅 Saint: Only fair 🙂 Saint: consider it done Leilani: we're back into retro hubby & wifey territory Saint: You think? Leilani: it's very defence squad but I'm not 😤 Saint: I'm not helping you because you're a girl and I'm a boy Saint: just because I have the ability to Leilani: I know, you're coming across capable Saint: I'd like to think so Saint: but bragging about it would not be 😇 nor helpful Leilani: I've got your back in hyping you up a 😇 amount Saint: That's sweet Saint: I promise my ego is not that fragile that I need you to but it's still nice Leilani: I'd like to think I am Leilani: that it's not all doom & gloom in me, but maybe time will have to tell, annoyingly Saint: It shows Saint: honestly Saint: you aren't what's happened to you, even if that is all you can think about right now, or feel it's all you're meant to, or are allowed to, whatever Leilani: whether or not I'm her death, I was her life Leilani: there's credit for how she raised me, I mean Saint: Definitely Saint: I don't know you yet, but I would like to get to know you, from what I've seen Saint: I won't throw out proud for her but, you know Saint: I would be in her position Leilani: I don't know what to say Leilani: that feels above nice to hear Saint: I'm almost certain she would want you to know that, at the very least Leilani: yeah, she would Leilani: she wasn't too humble for a brag Saint: 😅 Saint: you should continue that tradition then Leilani: you'll regret saying that when I make you take 10000000000000s of pictures of me posing in different 👗 Saint: 😏 I'll have to buy myself something expensive to cope, I'm sure Leilani: ⌚️ so you can keep an eye on the time Saint: I have an uncharacteristically free day today Saint: my time is yours Leilani: what are we waiting for? come get me Saint: That's what I was waiting for Saint: I'll be with you shortly Leilani: consent given Saint: 👍

[punkscowardschampions]

Chloé & James

Chloé: You were SO unreceptive at dinner Chloé: more than usual Chloé: your sister is now talking to ME, asking what's wrong James: tell her to forward it to me Chloé: It isn't a business email Chloé: I'm your WIFE Chloé: I should know what's going on in your life but you never tell me anything James: & yet it'll end up in my father's hands regardless Chloé: Oh how dreadful that your loved ones are concerned about you James: they aren't concerned, Chloé James: simply in need of dinner entertainment James: it's as good an icebreaker as anything else, that's all Chloé: How dare you Chloé: I'm very concerned that you won't tell me Chloé: That always been great things, yeah? James: Matilda's crying can you go and be concerned about her, please? Chloé: Trying to change the subject and call me a bad Mum Chloé: Thanks so much, James James: I'm just asking you to check the baby is okay Chloé: She's a baby, they cry Chloé: and you don't know what I'm doing as well as trying to communicate with you James: I know you're not brushing Jay's hair because I am Chloé: Good Chloé: that doesn't change the fact we need to talk Chloé: or you need to talk to your sister and CONVINCE her you're fine Chloé: you make me look bad too when you do this James: I'll call her as soon as I get the chance Chloé: Yes, thank you Chloé: Can you plait her hair, please Chloé: I want it in ringlets for school James: you know she prefers to wear it loose, your punishments are getting more creative Chloé: IT IS NOT A PUNISHMENT Chloé: Don't be morbid Chloé: it looks scruffy loose James: well, if you'd agree to letting her have it cut, that wouldn't be a problem Chloé: So she can look like a little boy Chloé: I'm saving her the future embarrassment of looking back on awful photos James: okay James: I'm sure she'll thank you then if not me right now for these plaits James: would you like them french? Chloé: I'm looking after the baby, I can't be in two places at once Chloé: and no, lots of little ones James: but if I do them as two neat ones they can stay in Chloé: I don't WANT them to stay in Chloé: when you take it out in the morning she'll have lots of curls Chloé: [sends reference pics like he's an idiot] James: fine Chloé: Thank you James: do you know where all her school socks have gone? Chloé: Ugh, no idea Chloé: My Mother needs to bring some laundry back I think Chloé: she'll have to wear tights James: she'll be upset enough about the curls Chloé: I can't magic socks out of thin air! James: no, but you could call your mother while I call my sister Chloé: Please get a grip, James Chloé: I'm not chasing up socks at this o'clock the night before School Chloé: she'll have to deal, you spoil her James: she'll make herself sick, Chloé, you know the state she gets herself worked up into James: & it's me who'll have to deal with that Chloé: She's not a baby Chloé: she needs to learn Chloé: She's jealous of Tilly James: I'm well aware of her age, she's only 6 Chloé: Old enough to put tights on and suck it up James: I'm not having this fight with you again Chloé: Then you do something about it James: I will Chloé: 👏 James: I'm going to your mother's, do you need anything else? Chloé: She'll tell you James: please put Matty in her car seat for me Chloé: Why? James: because the drive will put her to sleep James: I can't be up with her all night Chloé: Okay Chloé: hang on Chloé: [is ages] James: Chloé James: I don't have time for this Chloé: Excuse me Chloé: You think you're the only person doing things? James: my thoughts are currently taken up with asking myself why it is you're incapable of doing one simple thing that I ask you to James: are you that mad at me for my supposed behaviour at dinner? Chloé: Well now I'm mad at you for the way you're speaking to me Chloé: [throws child at him] James: however you feel, don't take it out on our children Chloé: You upset me and then I'm the bad guy Chloé: Sounds about right James: I'm sorry if you're upset but I fail to see what I've actually done wrong James: at any point this evening Chloé: You could barely hold a conversation Chloé: with YOUR family Chloé: it was mortifying James: because I've been working for them non-stop James: & because I can't have so much as a single glass of anything alcoholic without my sister believing that I need to go back to rehab Chloé: Exactly Chloé: You've already proven yourself as weak in that capacity Chloé: Of course they're going to think that whenever you're behaving odd Chloé: I know better but that's not a happier picture to paint James: you'd rather they think I've relapsed than tell them the truth? Chloé: You tell me, James Chloé: Because I don't think I know the truth right now, do I James: what gory details are you hoping I'll divulge exactly? Chloé: Your actual addiction Chloé: Don't play dumb James: I'm a recovering drug addict, that's all James: if that disappoints you, I'm really sorry Chloé: If you were sorry you'd be a faithful, loving husband to me Chloé: I'm sorry you aren't having a spa retreat because you can't keep it in your pants James: like you were so apologetic when you had sex with that guy last time you were at the spa? Chloé: You make me feel terrible about myself Chloé: you don't pay me any attention Chloé: of course I have to go somewhere else Chloé: I'm a woman, I need to feel loved James: sometimes you deserve to feel terrible about yourself Chloé: How could you say that? Chloé: I gave you your kids James: & they'll always be the best thing that ever happened to me James: this isn't Chloé: Then act like it Chloé: it's a package deal, a family Chloé: treat me with the respect I deserve James: I do act like it James: there's no more I can physically or emotionally do Chloé: Well it's not good enough Chloé: I need you Chloé: When's the last time you came near me James: you know when Chloé: Yeah, when you want another kid, I'll get a look-in, okay Chloé: I'm a person too, you know James: it wasn't me who wanted another child Chloé: So now it's my fault Chloé: and Tilly's a mistake Chloé: Wow James: if it makes you feel better to twist every single word that comes out of my mouth James: I love her, you know I do Chloé: You know I won't have you around them if you are going to say things like that Chloé: I have to protect them James: you can't protect them with lies Chloé: You just said you didn't want her! Chloé: and we know Jay's situation is far from ideal James: I didn't want to bring another child into this, no sane person would Chloé: They have everything Chloé: Including a good dad, when you're not going around fucking every whore in sight James: I don't do that any more Chloé: I know you do, you're different Chloé: I know Chloé: I'd rather you were on the blow James: how can you say that Chloé: Everyone still does it Chloé: You just have to take it too far Chloé: Handle your shit like a man, why can't you James: you don't understand, you never fucking have Chloé: You don't wanna admit I have a point, more like James: there are things I'd rather not admit, that's not one of them Chloé: Don't taunt me Chloé: You know when I find out who she is Chloé: I will let everyone know what she is James: there's nobody to find out about James: all of that is over Chloé: you have to be getting it somewhere Chloé: it's not from me James: I told you, I'm not a sex addict Chloé: How can I believe anything you say, James? Chloé: That's the problem James: the problem is, you'd prefer to label me as a sex addict who fucks whores than admit what the actual problem is Chloé: The problem is you Chloé: you don't treat me how you should Chloé: Leave the baby with my Mother James: yes, but not just me, you've never treated me right either James: & no, I'm not going to do that Chloé: I'm not going to be in any state to look after her tomorrow Chloé: Not now Chloé: I'm going to bed, the sofa has your name all over it Chloé: or your whore's, I don't care anymore James: that's barely a threat James: I'll look after her, as I would on a typical day Chloé: University is over, James Chloé: You'll be working full-time now Chloé: You can't turn my own daughters against me James: I'll take her to work with me or I won't go in, nothing is as difficult as you'd like to make it Chloé: Sure, you can explain to your Father why you've got her Chloé: and how you treat me whilst you're at it James: he's well aware of everything I do for you & our family Chloé: Ha! James: we can't go on like this, Chloé Chloé: Goodnight James: you wanted to talk Chloé: And you've made me cry Chloé: Goodnight James: please Chloé: Unless you're apologizing I have no interest in whatever you think you need to say James: I'm sorry I made you cry Chloé: Yes, you should be James: I don't want things to get as bad as they were before Matty, okay? Chloé: You know how to make it better James: no I don't Chloé: Show me you're sorry James: what does that even mean? Chloé: For God's sake, James! Chloé: You weren't an actual virgin when we got together, why are you like this Chloé: it means presents and meals and trips and showing me off James: why do you think that'll make anything better? James: the only person that benefits is you Chloé: You are so selfish James: I honestly wish I could be Chloé: You should have thought about that James: of course I should've James: but I wasn't thinking then Chloé: You have responsibilities Chloé: as a Father AND as a Husband Chloé: and you neglect me and I'm sick of it James: you're sick of it Chloé: And what is that supposed to mean? James: it means what the fuck am I if not sick of it too! Chloé: Well, it's tough, like I said! Chloé: You're my Husband and the Father of my kids and that's the end of it James: I'm taking Matty & Jay & we're going to my parents Chloé: No you are not Chloé: You don't get to take them anywhere Chloé: not away from me James: I'm their dad James: & you said yourself that you're not going to be able to look after them tomorrow Chloé: You aren't taking Jay anywhere Chloé: leave Tilly with my parents Chloé: if you take them, I swear I'll call the police James: I'm not leaving her with you James: not when you're like this Chloé: I'm trying to go to bed! Chloé: You come home Chloé: now James: you're trying to proposition me James: I'm not coming home to that Chloé: I said you're sleeping on the sofa, how could you possibly get that from that? Chloé: I've long since given up on you in that department, as we both know James: explain Matilda then Chloé: She's a bloody year old Chloé: You think I've not had sex in a year? Chloé: and I know you have so don't try to make me feel bad Chloé: maybe if you didn't get it other places, we could have a normal sex life but that's never gonna happen, is it James: we've never had a normal sex life, Chloé Chloé: Cecily and Marc do it every night Chloé: and they've been together ages now James: I'm so happy for them James: but that's never going to be us Chloé: Why are you so shit Chloé: at everything Chloé: I don't get anything James: what more do you want from me? Chloé: That's such a ridiculous question Chloé: I want us to be a happy family, like I have to put on the brave face and pretend to the world we are Chloé: You know this James: yes, it is, because you've got everything that I am capable of giving you James: we're not a happy family, let me go Chloé: No Chloé: You're the Father of my Children Chloé: you're all I've got Chloé: we have to make the best of it James: you don't love me James: don't you want to be in love? Chloé: I want you to love me James: no, you don't James: you want me to do as I'm told James: I'm not a child or a dog Chloé: Why don't you love me? James: because James: I don't even like you Chloé: You're killing me James: we're killing each other James: let me go Chloé: I can't James: I can't do this any more Chloé: We have to Chloé: there's no out James: of course there is, marriages end Chloé: No Chloé: I can't do it alone and I won't Chloé: you know I won't James: you wouldn't be James: I'm not leaving the kids Chloé: Stop Chloé: You aren't leaving anyone James: Chloé Chloé: You aren't Chloé: I will not be divorced James: you can't force my hand forever Chloé: but I can Chloé: I'm the Mum and you know the courts would favour me Chloé: there's nothing you can do about that James: I've still got rights Chloé: Try it Chloé: I can assure you, you'll never see them again James: don't say that Chloé: No, I mean it Chloé: You are not leaving me James: you can't stop me from seeing them, I'm not unfit Chloé: I will Chloé: there's so much I could use against you James: it's been years since I touched drugs James: & everything else I've done, you have too Chloé: If you're willing to risk it Chloé: shows how much they mean James: you know how much they mean to me Chloé: Then stay Chloé: Be a Father James: I am a father Chloé: Not if you leave Chloé: I'll make sure of that James: I told you, I'm not leaving them James: but I can't be with you Chloé: You have to be Chloé: they're mine Chloé: and I'm not being used as a babymaking factory and then discarded James: that's not what happened Chloé: yes it is Chloé: you don't love me and you never have Chloé: you don't even like me James: but I didn't set out to use you Chloé: You made promises Chloé: legally binding ones Chloé: I will ruin you James: I know I did Chloé: Every penny you earn will be mine Chloé: You can't get rid of me, so stay James: I don't care about the money, you can have it Chloé: You don't care about anyone but yourself James: that's not true James: you said I was a good father Chloé: I don't think that now Chloé: you're playing with their lives James: I'm trying to make their lives better Chloé: Why don't you murder me Chloé: you want me out of the way James: stop it Chloé: No James: you're their mum, they need you too Chloé: No one needs me Chloé: and no one wants me Chloé: not even you James: they both do Chloé: you've poisoned them Chloé: Tilly can barely crawl and she already prefers you James: I spend more time with her, that's all James: don't keep giving her to your mother Chloé: Don't tell me what to do Chloé: I try! Chloé: See, you're poison Chloé: they'll never love me James: Chloé Chloé: Leave me alone Chloé: you've ruined my life James: I'm sorry James: I never wanted things to be like this Chloé: Do you think that's good enough? Chloé: You all ruined my life Chloé: I'm everyone's last choice James: you have to take some responsibility Chloé: This is your fault Chloé: you and your fucking friends Chloé: I tried, so much harder than any other girl, to be what you wanted Chloé: and you all just threw it in my fucking face James: this isn't what anybody wants Chloé: Fuck you Chloé: you've said enough Chloé: I know I'm the fattest and the ugliest but I can't help that James: you're not James: it's not about what you look like Chloé: It always is Chloé: McKenna would rather fuck his own flesh and blood just because she's hot James: he's got nothing to do with why we aren't right for each other Chloé: You're all the same Chloé: if it weren't you it'd be one of the others Chloé: you're all horrible James: I am horrible, but so are you Chloé: I'm miserable Chloé: everyone hates me James: you don't have to be James: miserable or hated Chloé: Yes I do Chloé: I've never been anything but Chloé: people pretend to like me Chloé: for a while James: you don't have to have Diana drive you to rehab in order to make changes James: it's not the only way Chloé: I hate my life Chloé: I don't even like the girls James: you don't mean that Chloé: Yes, I do Chloé: at best, I feel nothing Chloé: most of the time there another thing in my life that refuses to go right James: you just need help Chloé: I didn't want them Chloé: I didn't want you Chloé: none of this is right James: so we'll change it Chloé: No Chloé: I don't have the energy Chloé: What I want, I can't have Chloé: so neither can you James: please James: I can help you Chloé: Don't make me laugh Chloé: I want to go away and start again and be another person Chloé: I'll be so so slim and beautiful and everything I say and do will be cool and funny and right and everyone will love me and I'll find someone who worships me James: neither of us get that luxury James: Jay and Matilda exist James: you & me exist as we are, with all our mistakes Chloé: Oh I'm sorry, who got to piss off to rehab like they were some kind of celebrity Chloé: I'm going James: it wasn't like that Chloé: Whatever Chloé: you left James: I had to James: for everyone's sake James: you think I'm useless as I am now, who I was then would be worse Chloé: at least we had fun Chloé: I'm so bored Chloé: this is all so boring James: did we? Chloé: I did Chloé: Who wouldn't rather be at a party doing lines than staring at a fucking baby all day Chloé: changing shitty nappies and feeding it slop James: you didn't have to keep her James: you decided to Chloé: I was 15 Chloé: what the fuck did I know Chloé: who the fuck decided I could make that decision Chloé: it was wrong and I've lived to regret it that's for fucking sure James: you weren't 15 when you decided to do it all again Chloé: You were leaving then too James: how many children do you think will make me stay? Chloé: Only needed the one James: you can't treat people like this James: it's fucked Chloé: If I don't get to be happy Chloé: you don't either Chloé: someone else had to feel it too Chloé: not get happy endings they didn't fucking deserve Chloé: not over me James: our daughters deserve to be happy Chloé: you make them happy James: I try Chloé: you do Chloé: so don't leave them James: I won't Chloé: Good Chloé: come back yeah James: are you going to try too? Chloé: I do James: I mean it, Chloé Chloé: I just told you how hard I try Chloé: listen to me, for fuck's sake James: it's hard to hear, but I am Chloé: Try living it James: okay James: I'll be right next to you living it Chloé: I'm going to bed now Chloé: do not let them wake me James: wait until I get back at least Chloé: why James: because we need to do things differently somehow Chloé: its far too late for that Chloé: I've never loved you either Chloé: you can stay and you can know that Chloé: anyway, i took some sleeping pills Chloé: I'll be out James: how many? Chloé: enough to keep me asleep 'til you're all out of my sight tomorrow James: you understand what I'm asking Chloé: calm down, i wanna feel good not die Chloé: she's watching tv James: I'm coming back now Chloé: yep Chloé: you are

[punkscowardschampions]

Bea & Fraze

Bea: You don't have any lectures Friday this term, right? Fraze: Right Bea: I thought so Bea: so you could be here Friday @ 8PM Bea: realistically Fraze: Yeah Bea: Okay good Fraze: Is it? Bea: Well Bea: Unavoidable social events aren't anything to shout about but they are what they say on the tin Bea: need someone to go with, one of those things Fraze: You ain't really selling it here, babe Fraze: Get that lad who wants to fuck you to do it Bea: Come on Bea: I'll owe you one Fraze: You should've led with that Bea: I'm not gonna lie to get you here Bea: just a birthday meal, we've endured worse Bea: but everyone is coupled up and I can't show up alone Fraze: I'm not gonna lie that I'm thrilled for the invite Bea: I don't need you to lie Bea: just need you to do it so what will that take Fraze: I'll do it 'cause you asked me Fraze: You'll owe me when I need it Bea: Alright Bea: deal Bea: air on the smarter side of smart casual for the dresscode Fraze: Alright Bea: Lemme know when you've booked your flight Bea: can stay after if you haven't got other plans Fraze: I'll do it now Fraze: Before I get other plans Bea: Thanks Fraze: Don't thank me yet if any of their posh cunt boyfriends wind me up you won't be Bea: It's a boy's birthday Bea: and he's from somewhere up North so I'm not sure how posh he is Bea: they're alright Bea: you'll be fine for a night Fraze: I don't need his entire autobiography, like Fraze: He'll be the one blowing out the candles and I'll be gone not too long after Bea: Hardly Bea: don't need you wishing the wrong person happy birthday Fraze: I don't need to wish anyone anything, he's your friend not mine Bea: 🙄 Bea: You don't get to call an IOU if you're gonna come and be a twat Fraze: You don't get to tell me how to socialise Fraze: I'll buy him a couple of drinks, job easily done Bea: So you're just being awkward with me Bea: I wouldn't have asked if it weren't necessary yeah Fraze: If I was being awkward I'd have said I was busy Bea: Whatever then Fraze: It ain't whatever, you're here 'cause you want something, end of Fraze: You ain't bringing the pleasantries so why the fuck am or would I? Bea: I said you could stay Bea: if you're coming we could at least try to have a nice time Fraze: You said I could stay 'cause otherwise you owe me bigger Fraze: It ain't just flights both ways and whatever the fuck this dinner party is, it's all that one after the fucking other Bea: No I did not Bea: don't make me out like I'm so fucking calculated Bea: and yeah, that's exactly why I said make a weekend of it so it isn't here and immediately back Bea: but if you can't do it then don't agree to, it's fine Fraze: I'm not making you out to be anything, like I said, you led with what you led with, babe Fraze: If you wanted me to stay, if it was about me at fucking all, this conversation would've been entirely different Fraze: You know what you want and you know how to get it Bea: You're hearing what you wanna hear, more like Bea: just 'cos I was honest and didn't try to sell this as the party of the year, you've decided to be in a mood about it Fraze: I'm reading what's written Fraze: You have no idea what mood I'm in 'cause you ain't asked me Fraze: But yeah, sorry it ain't a pleasure doing business with you Bea: Oh my God Bea: forget it, it's fine Fraze: I've booked my flight, like I said I would, so that ain't really an option unless you wanna refund me Fraze: [imagine flight details sent here cos what do I know about it] Bea: Really Bea: alright, we'll just have to make best of a bad situation then Fraze: Lucky for us we've had loads of practice at exactly that, yeah? Bea: Lucky is exactly how I'd put it Fraze: Saved you a job then Bea: Gee, thanks Bea: whilst you're at it, can you grab the dress I wore for NYE Bea: got nothing that's cutting it here Fraze: You're so welcome, princess Fraze: Sure, not like I have to pack loads of shit for myself, quickest of visits, like Bea: You're so welcome Fraze: I know Bea: you want a hotel room or what? Fraze: You got any single friends or what? Bea: Yeah so you've not been reading what I said Bea: as suspected Fraze: 'Cause I assumed they weren't all gathered in one room Fraze: I didn't realise you were living some kind of murder mystery Bea: You know my course is selective Fraze: So I got the wrong book and Cambs is more like Hogwarts Fraze: No mixing, yeah? Bea: What'd be the point? Fraze: Could be friends who don't celebrate with wanky dinners, but we'll never know now Bea: That's irrelevant Bea: wouldn't want to go either way Fraze: It's irrelevant 'cause it ain't gonna happen, like I said, the wanky dinner is the only option Bea: It's irrelevant because getting pissed in a restaurant is no different to getting pissed in a pub Bea: you're the snob in this situation, they've seen the inside of the SU and they live in filthy student accommodation, if it makes you feel better Fraze: That's bullshit that you don't want my da to hear you spouting, first of all and second of all, fuck off Bea: It's true, whether your dad reckons it or not Fraze: It ain't even close to true Fraze: The truth is, you weren't excited about this and they're your friends so don't be a fucking hypocrite and expect me to be Bea: Don't judge them when you don't even know if they're a girl or a boy Fraze: I could give a fuck about 'em Bea: Then shut up talking about them either way Fraze: I've barely said a word about 'em Bea: No, that's me Bea: you're the one going on speculating about my friends Fraze: Am I fuck Bea: Sure Bea: it ain't a big secret Bea: I'll give you their socials beforehand, like Fraze: You sure? You're well touchy on their behalf Bea: Yeah right Bea: because you're not just judging them, you're judging me and you're being a cunt Fraze: I am a cunt that ain't news, I don't know 'em to judge 'em I've never met 'em before this Fraze: Asking if you've got friends outside your course ain't a judgement it Fraze: its a question Bea: They aren't mutually exclusive Bea: it's more than capable of being loaded with both Fraze: You're more than capable of realising what I mean and what I don't Bea: Yeah, I am Fraze: So what's your problem? Fraze: The actual one Bea: I've said Fraze: Nah Bea: Yeah Bea: you're the only one with shit to say Fraze: What I'm saying is what I've already said, you've seen me judgemental and your friends are getting off light Fraze: Try again Bea: I don't care Bea: I've actually got shit to do Bea: see you when you're here Fraze: If you didn't care you wouldn't have to tell me you don't Fraze: But whatever, I've got my own shit to do Bea: I would when you won't stop talking Fraze: Bullshit Bea: How is it Bea: seriously, you do not know how to take a hint Fraze: You know how to shut me up Bea: Clearly not Fraze: Nice try Bea: Fuck off Fraze: Come on, that ain't ever worked, go again Bea: Seriously Bea: you're being stupid now Fraze: You're treating me like I'm stupid Bea: No, I'm treating you how you're happy to be treated Fraze: You're losing your touch with me if that's what you reckon, babe Bea: If you like Fraze: You clearly do Bea: You don't know any more than me Fraze: If you like Bea: Can't have it both ways Fraze: Maybe not in Cambs Fraze: I can have it any way I want, cunt's prerogative Bea: Almost convincing Bea: Not Fraze: Not you I have to convince Bea: Lucky again Fraze: One word for it Bea: Feel free to throw any synonyms you like around Fraze: We've both got better things to do Fraze: It ain't going towards my word count on any assignment Bea: Glad you're finally seeing sense Fraze: 'Course you are Fraze: You got what you wanted, no need to keep the conversation going on your end, like Bea: You really want me to rise to it Bea: Interesting Fraze: For you maybe, I'd call it boring Bea: Yeah, insult me when you've shown too much Bea: that'll work Fraze: If I was insulting you, I'd do better Bea: No proof of that Fraze: There's years of it Bea: All those years have been reduced to a piece of paper and some letters Bea: don't you know none of that matters now Fraze: If I didn't before I do now Fraze: Cheers for that Bea: Should've covered that in freshers week Bea: so you're welcome again Fraze: Yeah Bea: We all good here then? Fraze: Is that a rhetorical question? Bea: Nope Fraze: Shame Bea: Easier for you, I understand Fraze: Nah, easier for you, as per Bea: I'm not the one avoiding the question Fraze: You're avoiding the answer Bea: Ooh Bea: deep Bea: didn't know you'd switched to Philosophy Fraze: You don't know fuck all about any of this shit Fraze: We've already established that Bea: Please do mansplain it to me Bea: not enough of that in my life Fraze: As much as you'd love for me to be that cunt Bea: We've already established you are Bea: regardless how I feel about it Fraze: Nah, we haven't that's the point Fraze: I'm a cunt, that one ain't it Bea: You keep saying lots of things are the point Bea: becomes less and less persuasive every time but I get it Fraze: What, you can only keep up with the one? Fraze: I'm keep it well simple for you then, fuck you Bea: Cool Bea: if you'd have just answered 20 messages ago Fraze: Next time feel free to stop answering whenever the fuck you like Bea: Awh Fraze: Don't Bea: Why not Fraze: You know why not Bea: You're the only one that gets to be a cunt Bea: I don't think so Fraze: Yeah, 'cause that's the first time you've been a cunt Bea: Finally he says how he really feels Fraze: It ain't how I feel it's how it is Bea: Same difference Bea: Least you ain't being a pussy no more Fraze: You wish, babe Fraze: Not everything's about you, it shouldn't be news Bea: You wish, babe Fraze: Yeah, I do Fraze: I'd love for you to be my only problem right now Bea: If it's a problem you're doing it wrong Fraze: Again, you wish Fraze: That weren't even close to what I was talking about Bea: Yeah, essays, I remember Bea: we all have them Bea: this year doesn't count Fraze: Jesus, forget it Bea: What Bea: Stop talking in riddles and be a person if you want a fucking conversation Fraze: I don't want a fucking conversation with you, I said forget it Bea: Fine Fraze: Good Bea: There's your rhetorical Fraze: If you say so Bea: 👍 Fraze: Yeah right Bea: Fuck off Fraze: Ladies first Bea: You aren't funny Fraze: I ain't in a joking mood Bea: What's wrong Bea: seriously Fraze: For fuck's sake Bea: Just tell me Fraze: Shut up Bea: No Fraze: Don't make me repeat myself Bea: Then tell me Fraze: No Bea: then fuck you Fraze: Then fuck me Fraze: Whatever Bea: It isn't Fraze: And what? Bea: And you could do something about it Fraze: I'm not fucking stupid, don't talk to me like I am Bea: You're not talking to me at all Bea: what else can I go on Fraze: It's not a mystery for you to solve Fraze: Go do something else Bea: Can't make me Fraze: Don't be stupid Bea: Why not Fraze: 'Cause you ain't Bea: When it's convenient Fraze: Bullshit, it's inconvenient as hell right now and I'm still saying it Bea: How is it inconvenient Bea: not like I've worked it out Fraze: You won't fucking drop it either way Fraze: And when I show up to this birthday dinner unable to hold my cutlery 'cause you keep winding me up it'll be exactly that Bea: If you just told me, it would be dropped Bea: and you aren't blaming me if you hurt yourself Fraze: I've already told you, I don't wanna fucking talk about it Bea: Fraze Fraze: Don't Bea: You first Fraze: Seriously don't Bea: Don't come Bea: I'll send you the money Bea: whatever, I don't care Fraze: Alright Bea: Good luck with Bea: whatever it is Fraze: It ain't about luck Fraze: Save your breath Bea: So I can't say anything now? Bea: Fine Fraze: I don't need your help or whatever the fuck that was Bea: I didn't offer help Fraze: Like I said, whatever the hell you are offering, don't Bea: I said I don't need you now Fraze: Fuck off then Bea: You're more than capable of ending the conversation yourself Bea: I'm not doing it for you Fraze: Do it for yourself Bea: Like you care Fraze: 'Course I do Bea: Yeah right Fraze: Yeah right Fraze: I love you Bea: I wanted you to come Fraze: I'll be there Bea: It's a stupid reason to come Fraze: That's not the reason I'm showing up Fraze: It's an excuse for why I can Bea: I miss you so much I can't think properly Bea: it's fucking me up Fraze: I know, me too Bea: I don't know what we should do Fraze: I know what you should do, it's what you're already doing Fraze: You belong there, babe Bea: That's not the answer to the question I asked though Bea: just an answer Fraze: Yeah well Bea: I know Fraze: Nothing's how I thought it'd be or how I want it but I'm trying to work it out Bea: I'm proud of you Fraze: Don't be Fraze: Not for this Bea: Alright, I'll be proud when you work it out Bea: better? Fraze: Yeah Bea: It's just another stepping stone, yeah Bea: it's not permanent Fraze: I fucking hope not Bea: Me too Fraze: I don't know how to explain how wrong all of this is Bea: I'm the one person you really don't have to explain it too though so Bea: that's something Fraze: If it was just you, us Fraze: But everything is so fucked Bea: Like what else Bea: please talk to me Fraze: I've made too many mistakes here, with this Fraze: I don't know if I should've done any of it Bea: Your course or uni as a whole? Fraze: Maybe it'd be different somewhere else, maybe it wouldn't Bea: You can transfer credits, but yeah Bea: a gamble on a maybe Bea: there's always options, different ways to get to what you want, you ain't trapped Bea: alright, remember, like Fraze: I ain't a quitter either Bea: Then don't Bea: but you're no idiot Bea: so you wouldn't stay if it made no sense Fraze: I've stayed this long, I feel like an idiot Bea: It's a big deal Bea: you wouldn't wanna drop out then regret that, you need to be sure what you wanna do Fraze: I know Bea: You're not an idiot Fraze: Don't be nice to me now Bea: Fuck you Bea: better? Fraze: I miss you Fraze: If you wanna feel sorry for me over something it can be that Bea: I mean Bea: yeah, that's a shitty state of affairs to be in Fraze: Exactly Bea: Of all the people in all the world to miss Fraze: I picked the best one Fraze: Not that much of an idiot, clearly Bea: Shut up Bea: you aren't allowed to be nice either Fraze: You can't make me and you seriously can't stop me Bea: Give you the former Bea: but I've definitely just proved I can stop you being nice easy as Fraze: That weren't you it was me Bea: You're really gonna hit me with that cliche now? Bea: Ouch 💔 Fraze: It's a cliche for a reason, Red Bea: 'Cos people rely on it when they don't wanna be honest, like Fraze: And 'cause it's a numbers thing and in this case it's always gonna be me being a cunt more than it is you Bea: Nah Bea: I don't like to be outdone, thank you Fraze: Give me this one thing, yeah? Bea: Hmm Bea: begrudgingly Bea: if we never speak of it again Fraze: I'll take it silently Bea: 😏 Fraze: Shut up Bea: I didn't say anything Bea: rude! Fraze: I know what you're thinking Bea: Interesting Bea: but actually Fraze: But actually don't start, you already know I miss you Bea: Fine Bea: boring but fine Fraze: It ain't boring to want to survive until I can see you in person Fraze: Or touch you in person Bea: I really wish your flight was sooner Fraze: If I could change it, I would Bea: Be worth the wait Bea: always is Fraze: You always are Bea: Don't be saying that to anyone else Bea: just me yeah Fraze: I'm not waiting for anyone else, just you Bea: Still Fraze: Come on Fraze: You know you're the only one worth anything to me Bea: I don't wanna talk about them Fraze: I'm talking about you, nobody else Bea: Yeah Fraze: Yeah Bea: You don't need a hotel room Fraze: I don't want one Bea: Good 'cos I'm not paying Fraze: Buy me a drink and I'll get over it Bea: I don't know Bea: not your birthday Bea: we'll see Fraze: It ain't NYE either but I'll still see you in that dress again Bea: Exactly Bea: Don't push your luck Fraze: It's my luck, you can't tell me what to do with it Bea: I have missed you Fraze: Good Bea: Do you know what you're gonna do this summer Fraze: Find a job Fraze: Why, what are you gonna do? Bea: I don't know Bea: Probably the same Bea: that lot are talking about traveling but I don't think I fancy it Fraze: 'Course not Fraze: I can picture the kind of bullshit they are planning to do Fraze: Don't even have to know 'em Bea: Least it's not ski season Bea: I'd rather get ahead in any which ways I can Fraze: There or here? Bea: Don't know that either Bea: depends if there's any point being near the uni or I'll have to do it myself Fraze: Fair point Bea: Not like I'm ready for an apprenticeship or anything but might be something more relevant than working in a shop again or whatever Fraze: Exactly Bea: Depends depends Fraze: You can make something happen Fraze: This place has summer shit going on and it ain't as fancy as yours Fraze: The professors are already trying to get anyone who will to give 'em a hand Bea: Yeah Bea: I guess Fraze: Come on Fraze: You're top of your class ain't you, all the teachers will be tripping over themselves to help you out Bea: Obviously Bea: it ain't that Bea: maybe I should go somewhere as well Bea: it's not all about the academics is it Fraze: You'll have time to do both Fraze: If you want Bea: You're right Bea: it's just prioritizing what I want most Fraze: Nothing new there then Fraze: That's all life is basically Bea: Pretty much Fraze: You'll figure it out, you always do Bea: 'Course Bea: not complaining, got enough time to sort all that Bea: right now I need to get ready Fraze: You and me both, babe Bea: What you up to? Fraze: Gym first then it'll get put to a vote so half the lads don't cry off before we've even started Bea: That's cute Bea: very diplomatic Fraze: You're not the only one with wanky friends, what can I say? Bea: 😏 Bea: should connect them up Fraze: Fucking hell cheers for that thought, like Fraze: Not good enough to distract me from asking where you're going though Bea: Tragically the gender gap means there's like 3 other girls on my course so naturally yours will be devastated but can't fix that one myself Bea: Gonna go London Bea: got a free tomorrow Fraze: But gay Jordan will be in his element Fraze: Speaking of, say hi to your besties from me then Bea: Swings and roundabouts Bea: Will do Fraze: Cheers Bea: 'Course Bea: any message, I'm your girl Fraze: 'Course Bea: Has Joe spoke to your 'rents recently or do I actually need to nag him Fraze: Don't be stupid Fraze: Like you he only starts a convo if he needs something Bea: Right Fraze: It ain't but it also ain't my problem Bea: Mine either Fraze: Why bring him up then? Fraze: You don't love to nag that much Bea: Because he'll be there Fraze: It makes no odds to me, I won't Bea: It'd be weird if I acted like he wasn't Bea: no need to think on it any more than that Fraze: It's weird that he is, but whatever Bea: What do you mean Fraze: What I said Bea: And that is? Fraze: Him hanging out with that lot is weird Bea: Just different from what you wanna do Fraze: If you like Bea: They've got stuff in common Bea: why not Fraze: I'd have shit in common with your Cambs mates if I tried hard enough, don't mean I'm gonna come back to hang out Bea: You aren't related to any of them Fraze: Don't Bea: Well, don't you be stupid Bea: it's obvious, whether you want to think about it or not Fraze: Shut up Bea: Whatever Fraze: Go get ready Bea: I am Bea: but message received Fraze: Whatever Fraze: I've gotta go Bea: Have fun Fraze: Yeah, you too Bea: Slainte Fraze: [time skip moment let's all take a sec to appreciate them both rocking a look] Bea: [naturally, as if you didn't miss each other enough lmao] Fraze: [this is why I LOVE you both so much] Bea: [see if I can find a pic but lord knows] Fraze: [likewise but we know the luck I have with boy clothes] Bea: [are they opposite each other or next to each other it's important] Fraze: [lets commit to opposite for the eye contact if no other reason lol] Bea: [definitely] Bea: See, they aren't THAT bad Fraze: I never said they were Bea: Your face is very expressive Fraze: If you look long enough, 'course it is Fraze: [a look because I must] Bea: [just smirking and catching his eye before looking away really fast] Fraze: [shaking his head but not in a shady way we know he loves it and her bye] Bea: See? Bea: Blatant Fraze: You already know what I'm thinking, I ain't gonna bother putting a front on, like Bea: I didn't say I mind Fraze: You don't have to, I know you don't Bea: What else do you know, smartypants Fraze: I know you look even better in that than you did at New Year's Bea: I'll take it Bea: you're not as wasted as you were then Bea: [looks at him like she's checking] Fraze: Not yet Bea: You reckon you can get on that level tonight Bea: Doubt it Fraze: 'Course I could Fraze: Easy Bea: Better get a round in then, hadn't I Bea: call it consolation Bea: [is getting every hoes order] Fraze: [helps because he's that bitch] Bea: [whatta couple] Fraze: [let's take a moment to appreciate how sociable he actually is though despite the moody cunt he also is casually he's my dad haha] Bea: [hence she woulda invited him, beyond the obvious of wanting to, 'cos he's not gonna embarrass her like bronson accidentally would lbr] Fraze: [oh bless him he's not the one you need in a time like this] Bea: [at the bar like 'would your dad pay you for the summer, like?'] Fraze: [he shrugs but we both know he's thought about it 'depends who else he's got on the payroll'] Bea: [nods and nudges him, 'worth a thought, worse ways to spend a summer'] Fraze: [nudges her back and gives her a LOOK which we know means he can think of better ways too] Bea: [blushes and says 'shut up' as if he's said anything but still returning the look whilst they wait obvs] Fraze: [eye contact 5ever cos its my fave thing but 😏 because when you're that pale there's no hiding that blush soz Bea] Bea: [when a nudge turns to a shove but he's tol and you're smol so not like he's going flying] Fraze: [he'd just lol because loves it] Bea: [making him carry most of it 'cos you're faux mad] Fraze: [not gonna faze him cos 1. he's that bitch and 2. his dad literally owns a pub we know he's got this 3. he'd probably take more than she needs him to in order to show off anyway cos also that bitch]] Bea: [when you love that bitch] Fraze: [when you're just looking at her like deny that was impressive] Bea: [raises her glass/eyebrow at him sassily] Fraze: [backatcha on both counts of course then he's talking to whoever just casually being the life and soul like fine I'll play to my impressed audience] Bea: [tbf you better socialize too babe, don't lose your friends, at least one should be a relatively hot lad for the jealousy moment] Fraze: [omg yes do it talk to him girl] Bea: [can't all be harmless nerds, like] Fraze: [at least he can retaliate by talking to the hottest girlfriend there cos its all couples and they can't all be gay either haha] Bea: [imagine lmao] Fraze: [some of them should be cos clearly she attracts the gays to her by being such a bad bitch] Bea: [gay men are always here for a bad bitch so true, just casually fuming rn, you two are so petty] Fraze: [smoke break even if the rest of them probably fucking vape now or whatever cos likewise he is mad lol] Bea: thanks for the invite Fraze: I reckoned you'd be too busy Bea: Firstly, how Bea: secondly, not the point Fraze: You and Ollie getting on like a church on fire is both the how and the point Bea: With his girlfriend right there, please Bea: Point is you clearly would rather be out there with Bea: I don't even know her name Fraze: Maybe if you chatted to any other cunt besides him you would Bea: Ridiculous Bea: I haven't talked to anyone more than anyone else Fraze: Yeah, you are Fraze: Spotlight's meant to be on the birthday boy, remember Bea: You wouldn't know who I'm talking to Bea: you ran away Fraze: I went for a smoke Fraze: You'll still be laughing at his jokes when I'm done Bea: I ain't laughing, trust Bea: everyone knows I smoke, so I look like a twat, thanks Fraze: So tear yourself away from that twat and come out now Bea: If you think I'm following you anywhere Bea: that's miles worse Fraze: Christ's sake Fraze: I'll come and carry you out if you don't, how's that for worse Bea: That about sums it up Fraze: 'Cause you'd rather stay with him Bea: Yes, obviously Bea: it has nothing to do with how you've behaved at all Bea: just wanna fuck him so much, present company be damned Fraze: Yeah, obviously Fraze: If I was behaving badly I wouldn't be here Bea: I'm meant to thank you for that, am I Fraze: I'd take you not assuming I faked needing a smoke so I could fuck Kate up against the bins Bea: Shut the fuck up Fraze: Make me Fraze: You'll have to get his tongue out your ear first though so I won't hold my breath Bea: [Obvs gonna storm out there for better or worse, 'scuse me everyone Fraze: [I have a mental image like that song in rent when everyone's just looking like OMG then following the sing fight I am lol] Bea: [lmao if only you could be so shameless people] Fraze: [posh or middle class peeps could never tbh you gotta be full fish wife hanging out the window like oiii] Bea: [tbf you'd be getting a show so like stay seated please] Fraze: [for real though Kate needs to fuck off sharpish also please] Bea: [also triggered by her being called Kate tbh, too close to home, don't need them mems] Fraze: [I'm so rude I know] Bea: [Lbr she'd probably ask her to leave, not like she's on her course, not gotta be besties] Fraze: [she might not even go to that entire uni so who cares] Bea: [tbh, soz honey, but then purposely staying a stupid distance away from him as she lights up her own cigarette] Fraze: [we all know he's just waiting for her to break first so he doesn't have to be the one to say/do anything oh so casually smoking but staring at her like] Bea: [ah the casual game of wills] Fraze: [the literal years of this though don't even start thinking about it] Bea: [just being cocky af and looking at him like 'nothing to say?' 'cos that means she's shut him up so a win either way on this one I'm afraid] Fraze: ['I've got loads to say, it's just that none of it's to you, that's your problem with me, babe' because he knows exactly what that look means of course] Bea: [Scoffs 'Bullshit' we all know Kate was not that interesting Fraze: ['You wish' but she's right and that's the tea] Bea: ['That's why you were paying so much attention to mine and Ollie's conversation then, sure'] Fraze: ['That's why you were flaunting it'] Bea: ['I'm not pretending to be interested' bit rude to your friend but ok] Fraze: ['That makes two of us' when you've finished your 🚬 but you don't leave] Bea: ['I don't believe you' when you say it with as much confidence as you can but this is the time of doubt so fun] Fraze: ['So what if you don't' ouch don't be so rude we all know you care] Bea: ['So- we're done here' when you clearly are not done with your 🚬 but you gotta throw that shit anyway 'cos you can't] Fraze: [when she doesn't have a sleeve so you gotta grab her wrist to stop her going and we all know what a dangerous game that is] Bea: [pushing him way harder than any bants earlier, onto whatever bench situation is out here so she can kiss him harder, eventually breaking away 'Go fuck her now'] Fraze: ['We're not done. You and me we ain't ever done' and if she needed the proof then of course he's kissing her as hard as she kissed him] Bea: [I'll be mean and stop them before it becomes x-rated by someone coming out then awkwardly being like whoops, but we're moving onto this club so come on] Fraze: [soz to that poor random individual] Bea: [Won't be Kate she's already traumatized] Fraze: [Hopefully it's none of her friends she don't need that] Bea: [although if it was that'd be a thingTM 'cos boys, however nice, would be weird about it like ooh 'cos she's hot and now a dark horse] Fraze: [omg good point actually I change my mind] Fraze: [also the 💋 everywhere is making me die bye] Bea: [gotta clean his face for him before they go] Fraze: [that shouldn't be as hot as it obviously would be oh you guys] Bea: [when you'd be tempted to leave some 'cos territorial Fraze: [she's so gotta cos he wouldn't care we all know it] Bea: [with a casual lovebite probably] Fraze: [it's a mood] Bea: [this club ain't, typical student fare though] Fraze: [oh god it'd be so shit] Bea: [drinks would be cheap-ish at least] Fraze: [yeah that's always the one good thing even if they taste like shit as a result these two ain't me so they ain't gonna be fussed] Bea: [and if you gotta be here and interrupted, like] Fraze: [exactly you know he'd go straight to get many drinks that they both need] Bea: [shots shots shots] Fraze: [needs must] Bea: [get a booth you posh boys] Fraze: [gotta have at least one use thank you] Bea: [cosy cosy everyone] Fraze: [how awkward I could not] Bea: [like hey kate hey ollie] Fraze: [shamelessly talking to the others and not him or her god bless you boy] Bea: [she'd notice 'cos both as extra as each other and shamelessly appreciate it like] Fraze: [and of course going up the bar again even though it ain't his turn just so he can leave the booth for a hot sec] Bea: [when you get up like you're gonna help but then you make your way to the dancefloor] Fraze: [we all know he's shamelessly looking at her along with many other peeps] Bea: [enjoy this glimpse of messiness lads] Fraze: [when you're torn cos on the one hand you wanna go get her and be like don't but on the other hand you wanna let her do her thing because it's a mood oh boy what are you gonna do] Bea: [at least nothing too outrageous is happening, just being perved on lowkey] Fraze: [she's used to that and worse but don't think about it] Bea: [she's only checking he's watching lbr fuck the lot of yas] Fraze: [oh girl you know he couldn't look away if he wanted to and he doesn't want to anyway so] Bea: [hop off to the bathroom honey] Fraze: [when you wanna follow her but what she said earlier is true] Bea: [don't worry, I has a reason lol] Bea: you wanna come get a line Fraze: Thought you'd never ask Bea: you didn't know I had any Fraze: It's term time, of course you do Bea: Not for long, babe Fraze: [shows up to your function]

[punkscowardschampions]

Bea & Buster

Bea: Why are you not here? Buster: I decided to stay Bea: And how is it that was something you reckoned you could just decide Bea: We've been over this, and you're only allowed to visit on the assurance you keep doing what you're meant to, when you're meant to Buster: I am doing what I'm meant to Buster: But cheers for the concern Bea: You're meant to be at School Bea: how many times are you going to make me repeat myself of this when it's not up for discussion Buster: There's no need to repeat yourself Buster: I've sorted things with school same as before Bea: You're so close to finishing you just need to get this done Bea: Do it right, there's no point phoning it in because you won't get into the Unis you want so if you're not gonna put the effort in now Bea: Don't bother at all Buster: I'm doing what I need to do, I've already told you Buster: I don't enjoy repeating myself either, like Bea: I fail to see how you have the time Bea: You're clearly distracted or you wouldn't be there Buster: There's a thing called multi-tasking, you should try it Bea: Do not talk to me like that Bea: This isn't negotiable Bea: Next flight home Buster: I know it's not Buster: I'm staying here Bea: You're not Bea: For God's sake, you know this is pathetic, don't you Buster: I know that's what you think Bea: It really is, you're not capable of going five minutes without seeing each other Buster: I'm not actually that fucking selfish it might surprise you to realise Buster: How are you this detached from everything that's going on here right now? Bea: Edie always goes missing Bea: Is it reasonable or practical for us to drop our lives every time she does? No Buster: Jesus Bea: What? Bea: It's not that I'm not sympathetic but how do you expect to help by being there Buster: You have no idea how much is on her shoulders, do you? Bea: Who's? Buster: Rio's Bea: I'm sure there is Bea: there is on everyone's but you've got your own to deal with Buster: No I don't Buster: Like I said, school is sorted Bea: How can I trust what you say Bea: I'll be seeing for myself how sorted it actually is Buster: I keep my word, I always have Buster: That should be enough Bea: No, you keep everything from us Bea: You don't say where you are, what you're doing Bea: and still you expect us to not only be fine with it but believe it too Buster: That isn't fair, I've kept things from you 'cause I've had to Buster: Same as I'm doing what I have to do now Bea: Just because we aren't going to agree with or say yes to every decision you make isn't reason to behave like this Bea: that's immature, how do you expect to be taken seriously? Buster: I'm not a child Buster: And this isn't about you Bea: No, you aren't Bea: Stop behaving like one Buster: Stop treating me like one Bea: How can I Bea: You're giving me no reason not to, and ample to see how we've given you too much freedom Buster: I know what I'm doing Buster: There's your reason Bea: You think you do but you aren't thinking bigger picture Buster: You raised me, you should know what I'm capable of Bea: Can you not just be normal and do what you're bloody told for once in your life Buster: Don't tell me I'm not normal Buster: And again, you raised me, so don't expect no challenge to your authority like Buster: You're lucky enough that Nance goes along with what you say Bea: Well Bea: I'm trying to get you to do what's right for you Buster: I am, mum Buster: Believe it or don't Bea: I don't Buster: Why? Buster: What more do you want from me? Bea: It isn't going to happen Buster: What? Bea: You aren't going to stop all this, are you Bea: So, do what you want, I wash my hands of you Buster: Come on Buster: It doesn't have to be like this Buster: You said you wanted me to be happy Bea: I do but it isn't as easy as that Bea: accepting this Buster: I don't see what's so difficult Bea: You wouldn't, you're not a parent Bea: You have an idea of what you want for your kids Bea: and obviously, this wasn't it Buster: What the fuck am I doing that's so wrong? Buster: I'm getting the best grades, I'll be able to get into any uni I want Buster: I'm in love, I'm happy Buster: What's the problem? Bea: It's too soon, you're too young Bea: Never mind the unavoidable fact she's your cousin Buster: It's not and I'm not Buster: But at least we've got to the real issue Bea: Yes it is, do you see anyone else getting engaged at your age Buster: We're not anyone else, we're us Bea: You can't know what you want for the rest of your life at this age, it's ridiculous Buster: Why can't I? You did Buster: Christ, what difference does it make if I get married now or in 10 years Bea: No I didn't Bea: just because it worked out that way doesn't mean I did Bea: at least you'll have lived some life Buster: We're gonna do it together Buster: That's what we want Bea: And you're fine paying for her, are you? Buster: I don't pay for her, she pays for herself Bea: It's not a sustainable career is it Buster: Not that it's any of your business but she's got career plans beyond this Bea: No, of course not Bea: it's never my business Bea: it's only my money you're wasting Buster: Are we really gonna do this? Buster: You're gonna tell me how to spend now Buster: What do you want a fucking spreadsheet of my expenses? Bea: Yeah Bea: That's actually reasonable Buster: Get Nancy's and then we'll talk Bea: Don't try and make this about your sister Bea: she's actually going to school Bea: and she has less reason to want to be there Buster: If we're doing this then it is about her too Buster: There's not one rule for me and another for my sister, like Bea: Fine Bea: It's irrelevant, we didn't raise either of you to be entitled brats Buster: Then stop treating me like I am Buster: I'm not a kid wasting my pocket money on sweets Bea: Just on countless flights, engagement rings you don't need Bea: I could go on Buster: I literally do need a ring to be engaged, it's kind of the point Bea: You don't need to be engaged Buster: I don't need to still be in school or go to uni either Buster: But I want to Bea: You do if you want to get anywhere in life Bea: so no, not the same thing but nice try Buster: Why can't you see that I need her too? Buster: She's as important to be Buster: More Bea: I'm not saying you can't be together Bea: do you have to do this Buster: Yes Bea: Why Bea: It makes no difference Buster: It does to me Buster: And you wouldn't say that to Nance if she still wasn't allowed to get gay married Bea: Don't make the comparison Bea: You aren't opressed, either of you Bea: Christ Buster: Nobody wants us to be together Buster: It's not that different Bea: I'm just asking you to not get married Bea: this very second Bea: I don't know why that's so much to ask, apparently Buster: 'Cause you only want that in the hopes that I'll change my mind Bea: And I'm not planning to fund an entire wedding for you Bea: Just cool it down, you said you would Buster: When have I ever said that? Bea: You aren't earning, and you're not going to be earning for years yet Buster: Jesus Buster: You didn't care when I was spending all my money on champagne and coke, did you? Buster: Don't make this about money when it clearly isn't Bea: Obviously, I didn't know because no Bea: I would not be happy about that either Buster: I've made so many mistakes and now that I'm finally doing what's right for me you wanna treat it like it's somehow the worst one Bea: How could it be right Bea: I just don't see it Buster: How can it be wrong to love someone who loves you as much Buster: To be happy and build a life that you actually want Bea: I don't know Bea: Just for God's sake Bea: give people more time Buster: I stayed away from her for years for the sake of everyone else Buster: Why should I? Bea: Because no one knew that Bea: I've not had years to process this Buster: It doesn't matter Buster: They can take all the time they want to get used to us being together Buster: They'll have forever if they need it Bea: Right Bea: Well if that's how it is, I have nothing to add Buster: Fine Buster: Good talk, mum Bea: What did you expect Buster: Honestly, nothing Buster: Exactly this Bea: Good, then I'm the only one that's disappointed Buster: Oh no, I'm very disappointed, just not surprised Bea: What would you like me to do Bea: Honestly Buster: At least trust me and accept this if you can't be happy for me Bea: It's your life now Bea: you'll do what you want with it Bea: regardless Buster: Yeah but I still want you in it Bea: Whatever for? Buster: 'Cause you're my mum Buster: For one thing Bea: Oh yeah? Bea: Only when it suits you Buster: Don't Bea: Why not Bea: it's the truth of the matter Buster: No it's not Bea: Well that's how it seems Buster: Do you actually think any of this is how I want things to be? Buster: Christ Bea: Then do something about it Buster: I can't tell you things 'cause you don't support me Bea: You want unconditional support then go somewhere else Bea: You're not getting it when you're wrong Buster: All I want is for you not to make me feel like a failure for no fucking reason Bea: We'll see when you get your results Buster: Are you gonna apologise then? Bea: No Buster: Then why would I bother showing them to you Bea: This conversation is ridiculous Buster: 'Cause you're being ridiculous Buster: You want me to focus on school on the one hand, but on the other you're gonna force me into getting a job 'cause money is apparently such an issue all of a sudden Bea: The issue is how you're spending it and your time Bea: Do you understand how hard law school is going to be? Bea: You aren't going to have time for all this Buster: I'm spending both how I need to Buster: You have no idea about law school, you haven't done it Buster: All you're doing is underestimating me Buster: To try and split us up Bea: I know how hard it is Bea: I don't need firsthand experience Buster: Well, I don't need you to tel me how hard it is, or is going to be Bea: You don't want to be told Bea: Anything Buster: I don't wanna hear your self serving bullshit, no Bea: That's rich Buster: It suits you to tell me how hard shit might be 'cause you don't wanna hear anything about how much easier she makes things for me Bea: Well I'm sure it's very nice not going to School, yeah Buster: Fuck this Bea: That's about right Buster: For good reason Bea: Goodbye, Buster Buster: Whatever Bea: Mature Bea: Well done Buster: Nothing I do now is gonna impress you Buster: Forget it Bea: I don't need to be impressed Buster: Act like it then Bea: Don't ever tell me what to do Buster: Why would I? I've wasted my breath enough for one conversation Bea: Try 18 years down the drain then you can talk to me about disappointment, kid Buster: Say how you really feel, mum Buster: Fucking hell Buster: You know what, don't bother any more Buster: Just stay out of my life and then you won't have to feel anything Bea: I've tried being nice with you, I've tried trusting you Bea: None of it has worked Buster: Don't give up your day job if that's what you reckon Bea: Oh yeah, I'm such a horrible mother Buster: You don't know how to trust me, that's what I'm saying Bea: Trust gets you nowhere Buster: Bullshit Buster: Nothing I do is ever gonna be good enough, that's the real issue here Buster: If I wasn't with Rio you'd find something else to pick a hole in Bea: That's not true Buster: Yeah it is Buster: You love it when I fuck up 'cause it proves you right Buster: That's why you're hoping this is another mistake Buster: Unlucky Bea: Why would I want that Bea: what exactly do I get out of being right? Buster: 'Cause you know I'll come running to you Buster: Just like I did with the Chlo thing Bea: Please Bea: I have enough to be getting on with in my own life Buster: Good thing I don't need you then, yeah? Bea: If only that were remotely true Buster: Don't worry, I'll make it happen for you Buster: Starting now, like Bea: Like you said, I don't trust you Buster: So don't Buster: It's still happening, just like me getting married is Buster: We're done here Bea: Good luck Buster: I don't want or need that from you Bea: Nonetheless Buster: Bye mum

[punkscowardschampions]

Bea & Buster

Bea: Buster, I appreciate you were doing Rio a favour but you need to go back to School, yesterday, like Bea: You've missed enough time as is Buster: She isn't ready yet Buster: I can't just leave her here Bea: I'm not asking about her, Rio can and will make her own plans Bea: This is about what you need to do Buster: I need to stay here Buster: I'm getting my work sent. It's fine Bea: What's going on here? Bea: Rio is perfectly capable of being on her own, and assuming that's why she needed to leave town, she doesn't need you there Buster: You just said it's only what I need to do that matters Buster: And I told you Buster: End of conversation Bea: You need to go to school Bea: Not up for discussion Buster: No, I need not to fall behind, which I'm not Buster: Why does it matter? You never normally bother to keep tabs Bea: Don't talk to me like that when you've given us reason to need to and you've always benefitted off our parenting approach before now Bea: What aren't you telling me, Buster? Buster: How exactly have I given you reason not to trust me? Buster: If I'm not telling you something, there's a reason Bea: When you may or may not have impregnated that girl Bea: is reason enough, no? Buster: When she took advantage of me, you mean Buster: Everyone else understands how fucked up that was, why don't you? Bea: I understand Bea: I also understand how you got yourself in the situation that was even a possibility Buster: So it's my fault for getting wasted Buster: Really nice, mum Bea: That isn't what I'm saying or what we're talking about Buster: What then? Buster: Let's not waste each other's time, shall we Bea: You're not too old for a slap Bea: But you are too old to behave like this Bea: Right, what's going on with you and Rio? Buster: I already told you why we're here Bea: Not what I asked or meant Bea: but your avoidance will speak for you if you don't chime in Buster: What do you want me to say? Buster: You clearly think you know something as things stand Bea: The truth Bea: I want to hear it from you Buster: I can't Bea: Oh God Bea: I don't need to hear the ins and outs but I'm right, aren't I? Buster: Nobody's in the headspace for this right now, mum Buster: Can't you just forget it Buster: Whatever you think Bea: No, I can't Bea: if I could I would Bea: what are you thinking Bea: you're only going to make things awkward for yourself Buster: Whatever you're not thinking, that's what I'm thinking Buster: 'Cause this isn't what you reckon it is, alright? Bea: So you're not sleeping together? Buster: Yeah but Bea: I knew it Bea: well, on both your heads be it because this won't end well Bea: I don't have to tell you how stupid it is Buster: I shouldn't have to tell you that I don't care, but I will if you need to hear it Buster: It's not stupid to us Bea: Evidently Buster: Don't Buster: You don't understand Bea: What don't I understand? Buster: I love her Buster: No, we love each other Bea: Don't joke about things like that Buster: I'm serious Bea: What Bea: No Bea: You better not be Buster: I am Buster: And she is Bea: When did this happen exactly Bea: how Buster: When did we get together or when did I fall in love with her? Buster: As for how, as you'd realized you must have some idea, yeah? Bea: When do you think you fell in love Bea: I do have some idea as for when it first started, I'm sure Buster: Maybe when I was a kid Buster: I've been fighting it for so long, I don't even know Buster: But we said it at Granddad's birthday Bea: Don't be ridiculous, that's a childhood crush Bea: How do you even know, you're so young Buster: You do know how much a hypocrite you're being, right? Buster: Shall I break the news to dad that you don't love him or would you rather Bea: This isn't about me and your Father Bea: it's different, you're different Buster: Maybe but I'm not a child Bea: No Bea: Just Bea: like you said, no one needs this Buster: We aren't going to tell anyone Buster: Else, I mean Buster: Someone else might but Bea: Well who the hell else knows Buster: Chloe thinks she does but I sorted that Buster: The main problem is that Drew knows for sure Buster: So far he's only told Indie but I doubt he's in any mood to keep our secrets now Bea: This is ridiculous Bea: Lord Buster: I'm sorry Buster: Not about me and her but that he can be the one to out us, especially right now Bea: No, I'm sorry for you Bea: because you have no idea how difficult you're making things for yourself Bea: it's you two that'll get hurt Bea: it might make a few people uncomfortable but really, not our business who you decide to bed in general so Bea: can't you just stop Buster: I get what you're saying but I do know how hard its already been Buster: And what it's already been like trying to act like we don't feel this way Buster: That really hurts too Buster: So no, we don't want wanna stop Buster: We wanna be together Bea: But how do you suppose you're going to do that if you're not going to tell everyone and live open and honest Bea: It won't work Buster: The same as we have been Buster: We will tell everyone, just not yet, like Buster: Unless Drew does and we have to Bea: You aren't going to have a choice Bea: he has no reason not to Bea: and that will taint how this is percieved, like it or not Buster: I can't make Rio tell everyone now, mum Buster: She doesn't even wanna go home as it is Bea: So let Drew speak for you? Buster: You know I don't want that Bea: I know Bea: I can't promise you he won't Bea: and I fail to see how you can assure that either yourself Bea: either way, you'll be forced to react somehow Buster: I've hurt him before, if I need to I'll do it again Bea: That's neither sensible nor practical Bea: though I see the appeal Buster: Tell what to do then Buster: If you were me, how would you handle it? Bea: You have to own it Bea: or else everyone else will decide what it is for you Bea: personally, I'd want to say before he did but if she can't then Bea: she can't, simple as Bea: but she isn't planning to stay in Skerries forever is she Buster: Obviously not Buster: She's coming back to London with me Bea: Nice of you to run that past me Bea: it's only my house, like Buster: She doesn't have to stay there but she's still coming Buster: I could hardly run it past you when I've only just convinced her myself and I didn't expect to have this convo Buster: What could I have said, exactly? Buster: She needs me, it's that simple Buster: If you don't like it, you don't like it Buster: I don't care Bea: You'd be running it past me when she was suddenly there Bea: Talk whatever shit you like we're not quite that checked out Bea: You're 18, you have no business doing anything like this, especially when your priority is where you'll be come October Buster: I have no business doing what, being in love? Buster: Or trying to take care of Rio after months and months of Drew's bullshit? Bea: Of moving her in! Bea: That's too far Buster: Then we'll go to a hotel Buster: It's not the first time Bea: You're going home and you're focusing on your exams Buster: I'm focusing on my exams regardless Buster: But I'll be staying with Rio, wherever that is Bea: Fine, it's your life Bea: but I don't have to fund it Bea: we'll cover the basics but that's it Buster: Fine Buster: I'm not doing this for a holiday Bea: If she's really coming to London then she can stay whilst she gets sorted with what she's doing but you aren't just moving her in Buster: That was never my intention Buster: I'm not trying to use this fucked up situation to my own advantage like that. Give me some credit, Jesus Bea: I didn't say you were Bea: I'm telling you to not get carried away, or try to tell me how it is in my own home Buster: What do you think is going to happen? Buster: I'm just trying to look after her Buster: I thought you'd be happy about that much Bea: Obviously I care about Rio and her wellbeing Bea: I just don't want you to get caught up in this because it's been so intense thus far Buster: I hear you but you have to understand that I'm deep in this Buster: I love her Bea: I know Bea: but you have to understand your sister also believes she's deeply in love with her straight married teacher so Bea: you and your cousin? I was hoping we'd be able to skip this conversation Bea: forgive me Buster: I'm sorry, mum Buster: It's not like I wanted this to happen, okay Buster: I tried really hard not to want it or let it Buster: For years I couldn't even be in the same room as her, do you have any idea what that's like? Bea: I know you didn't Bea: It Bea: it is what it is Bea: it's a shock but, if it can't be helped then it can't Buster: I know I keep letting you down Buster: But don't hate me, yeah? Buster: Or her Bea: I don't hate you Bea: either of you Bea: It isn't even that it's strictly a bad thing Bea: just a complicated thing, okay? Buster: Yeah Buster: Everything's a mess Buster: But she's the only thing keeping me sane through any of it Bea: Are things really that bad? Bea: I know the Chloe situation is stressful but Buster: It's not just stressful, what she's capable of is scares the shit out of me Buster: Add all the sneaking around and having to handle everything Drew's been trying to do Buster: I don't get to be honest with anyone about basically anything Bea: No, sorry, I shouldn't have worded it that way Bea: That is a lot for you to shoulder Bea: but the Drew stuff is over now, he's finished Bea: and you can talk to me and your Dad, I know you probably don't want to, about many things, but you always can Buster: It's not over for us 'cause he knows and whether he says anything now or not, there's the threat of it until we can speak for ourselves like you said Buster: It's another thing hanging over me while the Chloe thing still is Bea: That's why I really don't think you should wait much longer Bea: Easier said than done, I know but it probably would be easier than the stress of this Buster: But if I rush her into this and it goes badly with everyone else it'll ruin everything Buster: I can't lose her Buster: Not 'cause of him Bea was timed out 87 minutes ago Bea joined the chat 86 minutes ago Bea: Everyone will be alright Bea: Especially her family, they're pretty progressive Buster: Are you gonna tell dad about this? Bea: I don't have to Bea: It's up to you Buster: Please don't Buster: He'll look at me like I'm a massive fuck up again Bea: Oh, Buster Bea: Look, you can't help what you feel Bea: all you can do is work out the best way to handle it and move forward Bea: I won't say anything, period, so don't worry about that Bea: if this is what you want, then we'll both be happy for you, as long as you are Buster: Yeah? Buster: She makes me happy Buster: I know I need to handle it better though Bea: Yeah Bea: You don't need to have everything worked out, okay Bea: but you know, it helps if you can at least act it to the world Buster: Well, if nothing else, I can do that, like Bea: I know you can Buster: I love you too, you know that, yeah? Bea: Of course we do Bea: and we love you Buster: I swear you won't always have to deal with shit like this from me Bea: You're a teenager, it's what you're meant to do Bea: Don't worry about us, we're big enough and ugly enough to handle whatever you reckon you've got, that's our job Bea: Don't forget that, I know we aren't always there but we are, yeah? Buster: I do know that Buster: I just didn't always want it but Buster: I'm tired now, I'm so tired of acting like this all the time Buster: Not gonna let my guard down to the fucking world, like, what you said was right but Bea: I get it Bea: It's not a crime to want to work some things out on your own but you don't need to be isolated when that's no longer what you want Bea: It's normal, well, normal for us Buster: It's not always a bad thing Buster: I'm not trying to say you fucked me up, don't worry Bea: I'll just mark it down as another teenage cliche if you do, cheek Buster: I save those for Nance Bea: I'd tell her you said that Bea: but I've been enjoying the lack of squabbling and bitching lately Buster: Yeah, well I can't promise anything after she finds out everything I'm not telling her Bea: It's like you said Bea: she took advantage of you, and has been playing mindgames ever since Bea: your sister will understand only too well what she's capable of Bea: again, going to be a shock but she isn't going to blame you Buster: It'll be alright Buster: Whatever I have to do Bea: Yes Bea: Good Buster: Thanks mum, seriously Buster: I wasn't trying to turn this convo into you talking me off the ledge, like Bea: No need Bea: If you say you've got School handled, I believe you Bea: just keep me in the loop of what you're going to do next, yeah? Buster: I will Buster: We are coming back soon, I'm working on it Buster: What's it like there? Do I even wanna ask Bea: I know Bea: She's on autopilot now, which is good for the baby but any time I try to make her talk she just reminds me of stressing the baby so Bea: she's shutdown, frankly Buster: She's due soon Buster: Fuck knows if that'll be better or worse Bea: She feels most comfortable in medical settings Bea: I don't want to go there with how you can lose control in birth because well Bea: She just falls back on what needs to be done, always has Buster: Is she still home? I won't bring Rio to ours if you want Ro there Bea: No, she won't leave, her whole birth plan is in Dublin, you know how rigid she is Bea: I'll be staying here with her for a bit Bea: she'd already nested heavily, with his crap out there's barely a trace of Drew so Buster: Okay Buster: What about dad? Bea: He's already back in London Bea: he finds all this difficult, and Ro Buster: Who can blame him? Bea: Well, exactly Bea: but as I said, you're welcome to both go back there, I can warn him if you like but he'll be busy and you know he's not one to ask questions Buster: I can handle it Buster: You've got enough to do Bea: Alright Bea: I'll be commuting back and forth but I probably won't have much chance to check in at home Bea: but you know where I am Buster: Yeah Buster: And you can call me whenever, like Buster: I'll answer Buster: Except if I'm at school, 'cause you know, really important stuff Bea: Watch it Buster: Look after yourself too, mum, yeah? Bea: 'Course Buster: Then we're done Bea: There are more socially acceptable ways to end conversations, you know Buster: As well as less socially acceptable ones Buster: But fine Bea: Goodbye, Buster Buster: See you around, mum

[punkscowardschampions]

Chloé & Buster

Chloé: You've not been in School! Where are you? Buster: I'm in Dublin. Do you actually need something? Chloé: STILL Chloé: Slacker Buster: I don't need your permission or ask for your opinion, like Chloé: Well I do need something, as a matter of fact Chloé: I want to tell my parents, you said you'd be here Buster: I will be there, like I said Buster: When? Chloé: Well uh now Chloé: I thought you'd be in so we could plan outfits! Buster: Well, I'm gonna need to get a flight which means I also need specifics Buster: I'm not matching with you, get real Chloé: Oh idk Chloé: We'll see when you get here Chloé: Ooh maybe we can go out for dinner Buster: Fine, I'm here until the 11th at least Buster: Do you mean you wanna tell your parents over dinner? Chloé: WHY 😩 Buster: How is that your business? Chloé: It's so long Chloé: I've done so much Christmas shopping for it where am I gonna put it all if they don't know ugh Chloé: Just saying Buster: It's really not, Chlo Buster: What's a few more days Chloé: Spoilsport Chloé: BUT FINE 😒 Buster: You need to start taking this more seriously Chloé: I'm the one trying to plan it! Chloé: You're off doing God knows what Buster: I'm here trying to get my head together Buster: Whose fault is that? Buster: I've told my parents, it went great, thanks for asking Chloé: Well isn't that nice for you Chloé: Can't all just piss off whenever we feel like it, and I'm immature, HA Buster: If you can't read the sarcasm in that sentence, we've honestly got much bigger problems than anything I'm doing Buster: I've hardly pissed off on holiday, have I? I do live here too Chloé: Yeah but the hols haven't started yet have they Chloé: Honestly, so unreliable, what kind of Dad do you expect to be? Buster: It's 6th form and we ain't at Eton are we? Buster: I've got my work sent over anyway Buster: As for what kind of dad I'll be, that's strictly hypothetical since you haven't actually got the DNA yet so Chloé: I'll do it after Christmas Chloé: I'm very busy right now Buster: You and me both, babe Buster: But this is important Chloé: If it really is then come back Chloé: I'll do it sooner Buster: Don't talk to me like that Buster: You can't hold me to ransom over this when I've already got my life on hold over this Buster: You can't be deliberately vague and then act like you're waiting on me Chloé: How are they even going to do it anyway? Chloé: The DNA Buster: It's just a blood test for each of us Chloé: Yes but how do they get it from the baby Chloé: Lydia says its a giant needle that could kill it, I'm not doing that Buster: Lydia is chatting shit, don't worry Buster: It's non-invasive. The baby's DNA can be found in your blood stream from 9 weeks apparently, so it's like they are taking the baby's and mine to compare, that's all Chloé: It's been over that, hasn't it Chloé: Just trust me, this is all so silly and nasty Buster: How can I trust you? Chloé: God, I'm not a monster Chloé: This is so offensive Buster: I trusted you about the pill and here we are Chloé: I've never got pregnant before Buster: That doesn't mean shit though and you know it Buster: You're not that stupid Buster: My Auntie slept with a dude once, with a condom and still got pregnant, like Chloé: Exactly so why bother Chloé: if its meant to be its meant to be Buster: 'Cause this isn't how I want things to be Chloé: Well tough Chloé: It's happened now Chloé: You should've insisted on a condom Chloé: I can't be held responsible for you and your inaction Buster: You shouldn't have slept with me Buster: I told you no when I could insist on anything, I do remember that Chloé: Oh what, so I raped you now? Chloé: How could you even say such a thing, that really happens you know Chloé: it's not a joke Buster: I'm not making a joke Buster: I'm saying it shouldn't have happened how it did Buster: I don't get why you'd want it to anyway Chloé: It's what we do at parties Chloé: you've slept with everyone else Chloé: why not me Buster: I'm not gonna write you a list Chloé: You're horrible Chloé: I'm in a highly fragile state right now Chloé: which is your fault Chloé: so don't speak to me like that Buster: Until you wanna go party, yeah? Then you're fine Buster: And believe me, I'm reining it in with everything I could say Chloé: What, like you're being a perfect little choir boy Chloé: such a double standard Buster: I'm not pregnant Buster: And what I do isn't your problem, we aren't together Chloé: Well it's horrible Chloé: so I deserve some fun Chloé: Thank you very much Buster: Fine Buster: I don't wanna fight with you, Chlo Chloé: Then don't Buster: I'm trying Buster: This isn't fun for me either Chloé: Oh, poor you Buster: Come on Buster: I'm just saying Buster: Can we start this convo over? Talk properly Chloé: Alright Chloé: Let's be friends 😊 Buster: Let's start by trying to be civil, yeah? Buster: Not run before we can walk, like Chloé: No take backs! Buster: Alright Buster: How are you then? Buster: Is it actually horrible? Chloé: Yeah, I'm getting so fat Chloé: it's disgusting Buster: The baby's gotta grow, babe Buster: Are you taking all the vitamins and bullshit? Chloé: I did anyway Chloé: Sugar bear hair and all that Buster: Not the same thing Buster: You need Vitamin D and Folic Acid Chloé: Ooh, so smart 😘 Chloé: I'll get some Buster: 400 micrograms of folic acid each day and 10 of Vitamin D Buster: I think the folic acid is just for the first bit maybe though, but you should take the vitamin D all through and when you're breast feeding and shit Chloé: Ugh, this is why I didn't take Science Chloé: Do you think if I pump then my boobs won't get saggy? Buster: I can't answer that for you Buster: Not something I'm gonna ask my Aunties or mum Chloé: 😂 Chloé: Maybe I'll just stop my milk, idk Chloé: already going to have all this flab to get rid of, I don't want a boob job as well Chloé: Daddy would never pay for that 🙄 Buster: You'll be fine Buster: My Aunt had 10 and she looks the same as she did in all the photos from before, I swear Chloé: WHAT Chloé: that's like something out of the 1900s Buster: I told you I had a lot of cousins, how many did you think I meant, like 4? Chloé: Well yes Chloé: I don't have any because my only Auntie must be barren or something Chloé: and all her husbands keep dying Chloé: How does she pay for them Buster: 😂 Buster: She's literally a genius hot shot engineer and her husband's got a restaurant here that everyone raves about Chloé: It's not funny Chloé: It's very shaming 😂 Buster: It is quite funny, babe Chloé: Maybe your family isn't as chavvy as I thought Buster: Rude Buster: I thought we were being nice to each other Chloé: I am! Chloé: I said they weren't Buster: But you said you reckoned they were Buster: So I dread to think Chloé: I told you before Chloé: everyone thinks so Chloé: and that one cousin didn't exactly help your rep Buster: Yeah well, everyone thinks they know lots of things Chloé: Well come on, you've got to admit Buster: What? Chloé: I know it's your family but state of her Chloé: like you said, quite funny, right? Buster: What's so wrong with her? I don't see it Buster: Or find it funny Chloé: Where to begin 😂 Buster: How about you don't Chloé: 🤐 Buster: Better Chloé: Naughty Buster: Behave, you know that's not how I meant it Chloé: Shame Buster: Don't start Chlo Buster: You'll ruin our new rapport Chloé: 😥 Chloé: Fine Buster: Yeah? Good Buster: You need to be fine with it Chloé: But whyyyy Chloé: we're having a baby Buster: We MIGHT be having a baby, but I have a girlfriend, definitely Buster: And even if I didn't, I'm not going there with you Chloé: DEFINITELY Chloé: a baby's for life Chloé: girlfriend has a shelf-life of 2 months, max Buster: For your life, I don't know if this baby has anything to do with mine Buster: And maybe that's how long your boyfriend's last but Chloé: 😤 ugh Chloé: I'm just saying Chloé: this is more serious than whatever little thing you've got going on Buster: Act like it then Chloé: You too Buster: I can't act like anything Buster: I'm not stepping up for a kid that isn't mine Buster: So until I know, this is what you get Chloé: I'll prove it to you Buster: Please do, either way Chloé: You aren't getting out of it that easy Chloé: it's 100% yours Buster: If this kid is mine, I'm not trying to get out of it Buster: But look at it from my side, yeah? Chloé: No, you're calling me a slag Buster: I've never said that Buster: But that night I was blackout levels of gone, Chlo. I don't remember fucking you, if I did, that's just the facts Chloé: Umm I'm not so sad I'd make it up Buster: Regardless Chloé: What are you up to? Buster: Same as you I assume, getting my school work outta the way so I can do shit I actually want Chloé: No but everyone else is Chloé: No one will come out, I'm so bored Buster: Go get your vitamins Chloé: Not the shopping I had planned 😂 Buster: You can reward yourself after Chloé: I'm not going out by myself Chloé: Loser move Buster: Technically you ain't Buster: The baby's coming too so Chloé: 🙄 Buster: Stay in then Buster: Order them online Chloé: Whatever Chloé: Still bored Buster: Hit up one of the lads Buster: I'm sure they aren't that desperate to study Chloé: Haven't you heard? Everyone's all coupled up rn Chloé: 'Cept me Buster: I'm surprised you're letting that stop you Buster: I've told you multiple times I am and it means nothing Chloé: RUDE Chloé: 😲 What do you think of me Chloé: Your girlfriend is either not real or far away, that's why, it's different Buster: It's not Buster: Besides, me and her are in the same city right now so Chloé: It is Chloé: She won't know Buster: Yeah she would, 'cause I'd have to tell her Chloé: Why? Chloé: I'm giving you a free pass here Chloé: Hypothetically Buster: I don't want it Buster: I want her Chloé: I'm not that fat Chloé: I promise Buster: It's not about you Buster: And I highly doubt you're fat, Chlo Chloé: It's never about me Buster: I'm not gonna say I'm sorry Buster: I'm not your boyfriend I can't be that for you Chloé: You're my baby daddy Chloé: that's way more Buster: Don't call me that Buster: Christ Chloé: 😂 Chloé: You're funny Buster: Offended it's taken this long for you to realise Buster: 'Cause yeah Chloé: Awh babe Chloé: You've been so grumpy lately I forgot Buster: Can you blame me? Buster: Getting the mood swings in before you do Chloé: Ugh, I'm so not gonna be like that Buster: I don't think you get to decide, babe Chloé: Yeah Chloé: People are just overdramatic Chloé: I'm going to have a waterbirth it's going to be like going to the spa Buster: Good luck with that Buster: I hope you haven't ever shit yourself at the spa though Chloé: BUSTER 😷 Chloé: That's so gross Buster: It happens when you give birth, sorry to be the one to tell you Chloé: Ew no Chloé: You're lying Buster: I ain't Buster: Big family, remember? I've heard worse as well Chloé: Shut up Chloé: I'm not gonna do that it's gonna be so chill Buster: Whatever you say, Chlo Buster: I won't say I told you so after, I'm not that much of a prick Chloé: Although Chloé: I might get a C section Chloé: not decided yet Chloé: it won't be as relaxing but apparently they can do it with less scarring now but idk Chloé: Bikini ready never again 😥 Buster: High waisted though Buster: You'll survive Chloé: That's so middle-aged Chloé: God sake Chloé: can't they just Chloé: vacuum it out Buster: If you have an abortion, yeah Chloé: Not funny Buster: Not joking Buster: Childbirth ain't easy Buster: You're gonna have to deal with it Chloé: It's not that hard Chloé: people do it every day Buster: And shit goes wrong every day too Buster: All you're gonna care about is getting the baby out, scar or not Chloé: Meh, guess so Buster: Be serious Chloé: I am Chloé: It better look cute Chloé: Tori's sister just had a baby and it's so ugly Buster: Well if it's mine you don't have to worry about that Buster: So sort your priorities Chloé: Cockiness is such a turn-off babe 🙄 Buster: Thank god Buster: Turning you on is the last thing I want to do Chloé: DON'T RUIN IT Buster: Honesty isn't gonna ruin anything Chloé: You were being nice Buster: I still am Buster: Being nice isn't the same as wanting to fuck you Chloé: Don't be crass Buster: Whatever Chloé: You have to though Chloé: Do you really want someone else raising your child Buster: What are you talking about? Buster: I don't have to be your boyfriend to be my baby's dad Chloé: You do though or you'll just get pushed out the picture Buster: No I won't Buster: Believe me Chloé: I've not seen my real dad in yonks Buster: Well, that's shit for you but that's not the kind of dad I'm gonna be Chloé: My Dad is great, he sends me loads of money Chloé: Mummy just doesn't want him around, that's all Chloé: or his new wife Buster: Regardless, that's not what it's gonna be like if this baby is mine Chloé: 'Course Chloé: Because you're going to be nice, right? Buster: I'm gonna be around Chloé: Hmpf! Chloé: Not the same thing Buster: I can't make promises Buster: Other than that Buster: How nice we are to each other is a two way thing Chloé: I'm trying Chloé: Let me and you'll see how nice I can be Buster: I'm trying too Buster: But I'm not gonna be a doormat for you Chloé: I don't want you to be Buster: What do you want then, Chlo? Seriously Chloé: Be with me Chloé: Be a family Buster: That's not gonna happen Chloé: Well, I'm not going to just go away Buster: I'm not asking you to Buster: If that's my kid, you can't Chloé: So we may as well be together Buster: No Buster: I'd never do that to a kid, I don't love you Buster: How do you think that's gonna work? Like I'll have girlfriends then come home to you and play happy families Chloé: You haven't tried Chloé: Give me a chance Chloé: and some time Buster: You either want to be someone or you don't Buster: It's not a test you can prep for, babe Chloé: You have to put the work in Buster: I'm putting the work in with someone else Chloé: What's so special about her Buster: What isn't? Buster: Again, I'm not gonna write you a list Chloé: I don't buy it Chloé: charm'll fade Buster: I don't care if you do or don't Chloé: Well you should Chloé: I'm offering you a lot here Buster: Well, don't Chloé: I'm going Chloé: Molls and Liv need a coffee break Buster: Alright Buster: I'll see you when I'm back Chloé: 👋

[punkscowardschampions]

Bea & Buster

Bea: Buster, you need to come back and explain what's going on Bea: You've scared your sister half to death Buster: I'm sorry about Nance and I've said it to her, but I can't Bea: Yes you can, you can always talk to us Buster: Make her leave first Buster: Send her to Granddad's or wherever Bea: Right Bea: We will Buster: Mum Buster: I'm sorry, alright Bea: Whatever you've done, we can sort it Buster: Not this time Buster: It's too late Bea: It's never too late Bea: and we can do anything, that's what we do Bea: Talk to me Buster: I don't know how to say any of this Bea: Just say it Bea: Don't bother trying to sugarcoat it, I can handle it Buster: Okay Buster: There's a girl saying she's pregnant with my kid Bea: And it's possible it's yours, of course? Buster: I don't remember, but she says it is Bea: You don't remember? Buster: No Buster: I was having a bad night and I was in a state Bea: Right Bea: We'll get the paternity and then we'll go from there Bea: This doesn't affect your plan, you still go to University Buster: There's something else Buster: This girl, you know her. Bea: Who is it? Buster: It's Chloe. The same one who Nance had all those problems with Bea: Oh Buster Buster: Don't Buster: I know Bea: I see why you want Nancy out the house Bea: but you're going to have to tell her Bea: and I don't know if me and your Dad can make that right for you Buster: Yeah Buster: She's only just forgiven me for sleeping with her Bea: You've got a lot of thinking to do Bea: Do you really want her in your life for life? Buster: Of course I don't, but she's keeping the baby so there's nothing I can do about it Bea: You always have a choice Bea: she's making hers, that doesn't have to dictate yours Buster: It already has though, if it's my kid I can't just turn my back Bea: You mean you don't want to Bea: if that's what you're doing, take ownership of it now Bea: no child wants to be a burden you have to deal with Buster: Trust me, I'd love too Buster: I don't wanna have a kid Buster: Not with her and not now Buster: But it's not an option to just act like this ain't happening, is it? Bea: Of course it is Bea: but if it's yours, you're gonna know that and then you've gotta deal with that Bea: but it's still an option, let's not pretend it isn't Buster: I don't wanna be like that Buster: You all hate Drew for that exact thing Bea: That's different Bea: You're not going to then hang around and dump another child on her, are you Buster: Obviously not, but it's still gonna fuck the kid up anyway Buster: She can't do this on her own, literally, she shouldn't be doing it at all Bea: Plenty of kids don't have Dads Bea: She's got parents Bea: Don't make any decisions yet Bea: because you don't even know if it's yours Buster: Mum, you didn't hear her Buster: She's not taking this seriously in any way Buster: I'm actually scared of how much of a mess this'll be Bea: I just don't want you getting attached to an idea that might not be real Bea: it might not be your mess to sort Buster: Let's hope not Buster: I told her to get the DNA before she talks to me again Bea: I'm not trying to be harsh about it Bea: But if you can save yourself the hurt then, I'm going to try Bea: You can plan your next move when that's sorted, either way Buster: Can I stay here for a while? Bea: How long? Buster: I don't know Buster: If she gets the DNA done now that'll take a week at least, so I read, but who knows if she'll drag her feet on it Buster: Her parents don't even know yet so Bea: Silly little girl Bea: Well, if you get it sorted with your School, get your work sent over Bea: I don't have a problem with it Bea: Are you planning on telling Nancy or waiting 'til you know? Buster: I should wait but being in the house with her and not telling her is gonna be fucked up Buster: Should I stay somewhere else or what? Bea: Maybe Bea: We can't very well ask her to leave Bea: We'll give you the money if you need for a hotel Bea: I don't think you should tell her until it's confirmed Bea: no sense before Buster: Yeah okay Buster: Chlo wants me to tell her parents with her and I said I would but Rio reckons it's another mistake Buster: Tell me what you think Bea: You've talked to Rio about this? Buster: Nance contacted her looking for you Bea: Yes, but your sister said she could get nothing intelligible out of you Bea: I'm glad you calmed down though Bea: I don't know, it can't hurt to be there Bea: gives you some control over your side of it Bea: Just don't let them pressure you into conforming to what they'll want for her, or let them put all the blame at your door Buster: I won't Buster: Is Nancy alright? Bea: She's fine, just shaken up Bea: You'll need to think of something to say to tide her over Bea: or we can but Bea: you can't leave it like that, really Buster: I'll sort it Buster: Are you gonna tell dad or do I have to? Bea: I can but he'll still expect to talk to you about it Buster: I can already hear what he's gonna say, but sure Bea: Give him a chance Bea: he's been there Bea: Kind of Buster: No he hasn't. It couldn't be more different and this couldn't be a more stupid mistake to make Buster: I should know better. I do Bea: I hate to burst your bubble but you weren't part of the master plan, not just because we got one free Bea: You adapt Bea: Not going to kill you, or stop you from getting what you actually want Buster: She might. She's unhinged Bea: Buster, I might be dealing with this extraordinarily well but it's still not a time for jokes Buster: I'm not joking or laughing, mum. You know what she's like Buster: I shouldn't have trusted her when she said she had it under control, I should've insisted that she get the pill with me instead of just letting her fob me off Bea: You can't control how she behaved or behaves Bea: but you know, if it's yours, we won't let anything happen to it, yeah? Buster: You can't promise me that, can you? Buster: The first thing cancels out the second thing Bea: I can Bea: If you think I'd let anything happen to you or my grandchild then you don't know me very well at all Buster: I know enough, like Buster: How the fuck did you do this, me and Nance with uni and everything? Buster: I'm not ready for any of it Bea: What's the alternative? Bea: Not do it? Not an option Bea: You just do Buster: You wanted to, is what you mean Buster: No matter what Buster: I don't feel that. I don't feel anything like that Buster: Not about this Bea: I wanted to have a good job, use my brain, make a lot of money Bea: I HAD to look after you two Bea: How could you? It isn't real yet Bea: you've not even seen her in person, never mind had the DNA Bea: it isn't real 'til they're here, even then, you autopilot through a lot of it, that's the truth of the matter Buster: I don't want it to be real Buster: And I don't want things that are to be ruined Bea: Then fight to make it so they aren't Buster: I'm trying Buster: However it looks to you, I always am Bea: Good Buster: Rio thinks Chlo might tell Nance before I can Buster: What happens then? Bea: Hm Bea: I hadn't thought of that Bea: Do you think she's likely? If you don't do anything to provoke her in the meantime Buster: I think she'll wanna keep me on side Buster: She cares what everyone thinks, like the only time she was real was when I mentioned telling anyone that the kid might not be mine Buster: She's gotta know that's a step too far, right? It's not like tagging Nance in morning after pics or whatever Bea: I think you're right Bea: if she does it, she does but at the end of the day, it's going to be bad regardless and you know it so Bea: don't let her rush you into doing or saying anything, that's safest still Buster: You're not wrong either Buster: Thanks Buster: And thanks for not losing it at me Bea: What's the point? Bea: It's done now, you have to deal with it and so do I Buster: But it's my fault, I did it so you can be angry if you want Bea: No Bea: What's it going to achieve? Bea: I'm hardly thrilled but Buster: It made me feel better, for a second Bea: Well, I hope it's worth it when refurnishing your room is coming out of your account Buster: 'Cause shopping is such a punishment Bea: What do you want, grounding? Bea: You're not a child anymore, Buster Buster: Obviously not, can't be if I'm gonna have one myself Bea: Well, debateable but pretty much Buster: Well, if I'm gonna do a decent job of it, like Bea: Don't get carried away yet Bea: Focus on getting your head on straight Buster: Calm down, mum I'm not gonna rush out to meet Chlo and baby shop Bea: I mean it Bea: That'll fuck you up Buster: Like I'm not fucked up already Buster: But I hear you, okay Bea: You're fine Buster: You have seen my room, yeah? Bea: I meant on the whole Bea: and you'll be fine Bea: I assume wherever you are now you aren't smashing it to pieces so Buster: I'm not trying to get banned from every pub in the area Buster: Especially if you're letting me stay here Bea: That's what I thought Buster: Send dad over if he really wants that chat Bea: I'll take you up on that Buster: Keep it public so he can't fight me Bea: Behave Buster: Tell that to him Bea: He'll be fine Bea: Strict instructions Buster: Yeah? Bea: I don't need more broken furniture in my life thank you Buster: Do you need me to come back and clean up, for real? Bea: It'll be waiting for you whenever you get back, I'm not touching it Bea: We've cordoned the area off so Nance's bloody baby doesn't get any glass in its paws, heaven forbid Buster: 😂 Bea: Do we need to send Rio a sympathy fruit basket or? Buster: I mean, who's gonna say no to such a tempting offer Bea: You weren't awful were you Bea: Poor girl Buster: No more than usual Buster: She can handle it Bea: Yes but it's not her job to handle it, not that I blame Nance Buster: I told her to go but she wouldn't Bea: She's not afraid of you Bea: Good on her Bea: I'll give her a bottle with her fruit basket Buster: Like anyone in this fam is Buster: Even Nance lasted well considering Buster: She got the worst of it Bea: Yeah Bea: Well she's made of tough stuff Buster: Which one of them are we talking about now? Bea: Both, I'm sure Buster: Yeah Bea: Where are you? Dad's now heading off Buster: [sends location because I'm lazy and can't think of one] Bea: Well, we're back to London tomorrow Bea: so, I'll see you when you're back? Buster: I'll do my best not to trash my room there too when I am Buster: And I'll keep you posted on the Chlo situation Bea: If you could, would be greatly appreciated Bea: Of course, let us know if you need anything Buster: Yeah, I will Buster: I know I've already said it, but thanks Bea: No problem, kid