Refusing To Go Hollow

The honest truths of an avid INFJ gamer who constantly dives into battle with a lack of direction but determination to win. I stream games on Twitch as a variety caster to constantly test this determination live.

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kidmachinate·a day agoText

Take aim and let loose. It’s hard to want to do much of anything as of late as our country leaders decide to ultimately close all possibilities of stimulus. They have officially given up on everyone until after the election, but somehow, we keep fighting. It’s one of our countries values, or so they say…because we sure aren’t fighting for what is right now but I digress.

Upon much thinking, I can be standoffish. It tends to be a default. I’m not all certain if this is something I like because it crosses the line of being properly assertive. Some things truly are just as simple as showing up and one thing we don’t get back as humans is time. When someone continuously doesn’t show, I’ll be like, I’ve been here. Where the fuck have you been? It’s usually a small exchange among friends and not always said that way, but a group gathering in which everyone is waiting on one another to start things, for that one guy to show up late with no good reason than crappy scheduling, that feels bad. Not just for me, but the whole group. Respect someone’s time, will you? Adulting is indeed hard, but it is pretty basic and a minimum requirement for us all to live. When you interact with others, especially if an extended stay, this needs to carry over. If it doesn’t, it could be a reflection of how this is how they live their life. This is fine but perhaps it doesn’t match up with what you want for yourself. Living alone however, especially now, is harder than ever, so choose wisely if you have others potentially live with you.

Something else to keep in mind, we’re not as crazy as we ourselves or maybe even other would make us out to be. Gut instincts usually come from somewhere and is something that is usually based on a event that was impactful somehow. Sometimes we ignore these signs against better judgment and get into trouble. If something is on your mind, speak it. Take your time to find the words if you need to but just say it. You’ve gotta shoot straight with the ones you respect. Eggshells are not a think people care to walk on. For that, might as well not even cross the bridge. Lady Demeter is old and wise, but jaded, in the recently released game, Hades. Yet, she is cold. Her in-game cast fires a concentrated beam of ice at your opponent. This is the polar opposite of Artemis. The greek goddess of the hunt reminds you in one of many dialogue sessions in the game that you are not alone out there. Something you (as Zagreus) can easily feel through the context of the game, with the odds stacked against you and a mission that indeed feels impossible is being participated in. The boons of the gods can help through your path. Your powerups of sorts. Leveling up. Becoming stronger.

How we become stronger during such times? I wish I had the answers. The weight of this pandemic is a heavy burden we all carry big or small and there are too many personal factors involved per person. What I can say is the right words from the right person, or a simple embrace in real life goes a long way. While we should emerge from this stronger and have our aspirations crystal clear, knowing no one truly has you back but you, we must also consider that people can and will shape who we are. You can only truly hit your targets when you are self aware. Being hit hard by lies and deceit doesn’t have to change you or make you cold. You can instead refocus that into understanding and understanding without comparing, because we all have it hard. We can fight for what is right while still showing empathy. We can also still wish well if things don’t work out as we all have our own path to travel.

In closing, to your abuser/gaslighting asshat/online bully or whoever else that tells you that doing what is right for you is wrong, they can kick rocks. Release yourself from that pain because you are worth it. That’s what matters. Not what they did before or after. Fight the good fight but stay classy doing it.

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kidmachinate·5 days agoText

A few weeks back, one of my happier moments were spent watching Kitchen Nightmares episode after episode before stream with my partner. It was something I’d normally never spend the time doing and really just think he’s being an asshole to a bunch of people…but that’s not the whole story now is it? Why exactly does it seem this way? The man has mastered the art of being assertive. Also, he knows what the hell he is doing. I took a LinkedIn course some time back about the art of being assertive, or something of the sort. The problem is, people don’t want to be held accountable for things. Especially not our president. How much easier it is to just blame shift and not hold yourself responsible. Let’s cut to the chase.

There are a variety of reason people can be a people pleaser out there. Some of these reasons are a direct result of trauma of some sort. The problem, as quoted above, when you start doing this, you’re digging yourself further and further into a lie and actually just becomes someone else for whoever you’re trying to keep peace with or avoid confrontation. You actually can be factual, or confrontational, as some may say, without being mean about it. You can challenge a way of things in favor of something else. Running into a brick wall over and over again isn’t fun but this seems to be a preferred path for some. I’m still very guilty of this. What if we just do it this way? Then everyone is happy. Newsflash. You can’t make everyone happy, nor should you.

Caring is something we should both practice and receive back. Being just a decent human being really ins’t hard but some exist as it seems to just push your buttons. I’m not talking about being oversensitive either. I’m talking your bring facts to the table and they still find a way to argue. My defaults depending on the day are to ignore entirely or to be assertive. To basically let one know, what is happening is not okay, and if you want to continue this, you can do it elsewhere and/or depending on situation, I can leave. There’s nothing wrong with this and can put a quick boundary in place. If they fight still? Accept the message and move on. No arguing with ones dedicated to misunderstanding.

We’ve forgotten how to have proper discussion or debates in favor of just reading article headlines and key talking points, and bringing that into a situation as the only possible way things can be ever and 100% fact, without checking to see if that is indeed even the case. Assuming also becomes a default. Because this has happened before it must always happen this way again. Change is possible but we aren’t accepting of this if we believe a certain way. We too can be wrong. It is as if being wrong is some kind of weakness and we need to be right? Maybe being right is the only important part to the individual.

We’ve forgotten that for all the bad things someone does, we too do bad things. We can hope they are eventually forgiven but the can never be forgotten. That can and will take a toll on a person and ultimately has nothing to do you with and everything to do with them. Compete with yourself to be the best you can be. Start thinking about what matters to you. When this is done, we can start to see that yes, people will be unfairly judged. When being judged, we self-reflect. If we can do the thing and make the change? Awesome. The judgment however, especially if what is said is untrue, has everything to do with them and nothing to do with you. Gaslighting is no bueno, but I suppose we’ve made a game (Among Us) out of doing just that to friends, eh? That’s fun and games. You do you. Don’t do it in real life.

If you have to apply pressure to make a point, there are right and wrong ways to go about it. I’ve been known to cross these lines from time to time. I just want to help. However, some simply don’t want to be helped, and if a whole table isn’t interested in what you have to say, you probably should just not say it. If you value you own voice that much, well…record it. Or put it somewhere where some actually may care about your cause. Maybe the table is wrong. 

The possibilities are endless in this world. We should be looking at things from a open world perspective. Not running down some boring tunnel or highway. Perhaps also consider, when calling one toxic, you too, may be just that and need to fix that. If people you called out still are after that, congrats. You grew, they didn’t. Some stay stagnant. Always be progressing. Do that next run in your rougelike of choice. This may just be the one you win. 

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kidmachinate·a month agoText


The internet is the best thing to happen to the world in a long time. With great power however comes great responsibility. We swear we like the internet and its sea of information, yet clickbait articles designed to get our attention, or titles on YouTube videos attract us and become fuel. Fuel for whatever argument you spent the whole day making. Validation of sorts.

I’d like to bring everyone’s attention (which is a huge ask in today’s world) to a process of assimilation. Where we actually fact check, check multiple sources, go outside of the tunnel vision within our own thought process or articles that prove us “right” when they are only made to get your attention…and they did. Sometimes these articles are wrong. If they are credible, they will go back and fix it. Then what? Your point isn’t valid now, right? Facts proved you wrong? But you’ll still keep going. Why? There’s better uses of your time, I promise. I’ll fully admit I’m wasting mine right now focusing on ones who might be “stuck” in these ways but hey, you’re here for this, right? Unfiltered and uncut? Let’s move on.

Let’s get very specific here. I know this will get the attention of guilty parties should they choose to read this. Hell, anyone is probably guilty at one point. We want to be loyal to a political party, a brand, and so on. Do you have stock in it? Most people, that answer is no. So what do you care? You’re not in the company’s best interest. I got sidetracked. 

We are entering a new console cycle for gaming. Without getting into a whole lot of detail, the “war” is a joke and we have two companies in “competition” Microsoft and Sony, and the other doing fine in their own lane, Nintendo. May I ask a perfectly legitimate question? What is the point in calling a friend to ask about how they feel about an announcement, as if to lure into a false sense of security that meanful discussion will take place, just to then turn around and completely shit on something they just expressed enjoyment for? Does that make you feel good as a person? Do you also own a Hummer? You should. Do you pat yourself on the back every time a new console game comes out with impressive graphics, but your glorious “PC Master Race” computer will always do it better? Congrats. I got angry, I apologize.

When did it get this bad? Everything has to be overanalyzed to the point where it is more about specs, company practices, etc, then just having fun. One might say I’m willingly blinding myself to the truth in the process. That would be true if I didn’t keep up with things. Unfortunately, many AAA gaming companies have cases of allegations and downright toxic work settings. That doesn’t suddenly go away. What does go away is my choosing to remind myself about it all on a daily basis and focus on why I got into gaming. To play the stuff I like. Sometimes it sucks. I remember that too. I’m open to the conversations but I’m not willing to let it have this hold on me. I’ll make it public here and now, without detail, that I don’t think Ocarina of Time is the “best game of all time” nor do I really even like it all that much. If they remake it at some point, I’m not gonna go ahead and ask someone what they think just to turn around and say how lazy Nintendo is for doing that instead of something new, for example.

Gaming just happens to be a common topic where I deal with this problem that extends to so much more. Politics. What type of computer you own. What music you listen to. Literally anything that involves some sort of choice. Especially in COVID-19 times, why are we choosing more hate instead of acceptance? It this stuff makes you feel good to do to others, it’s time for a reality check and a change of perspective. Embrace the process of gathering various information from different sources before having a discussion with someone. This way you’re better informed and can have a friendly debate. 

Embrace the process of assimilation. Otherwise, you’re simply being an ass.

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kidmachinate·a month agoText


The first of the trilogy. So let’s do this thing…

Little did I know there was a word so fitting to go along with my feelings during usual bouts of depression and/or anxiety, combined with an existential crisis. Here we are. The thing is…how do you explain to someone you just don’t feel anymore? You have to feel something, right? Turns out you don’t. Go figure. 

It can drive you bonkers, eh? So you miss things that are in front of you. Life continues to pass you by and you continue to question why you’re even doing anything. This is all without the inclusion of suicidal ideation. Or perhaps that is what some mean when they say they rather just not be here. Maybe, perhaps, they are trying just to figure out how to be here. It’s all a similar problem but if the ideations mentioned is added to it all, I’d encourage you to hold onto the bit of light you have left and call a hotline. You’re worth it. Someone, somewhere will miss you. You just may not know it.

Not knowing is almost a non-point though. Even if you did know, would you care. The fucks are gone in every aspect. It is just you and your thoughts. What if it is someone else? How do you bring back the feels? You can’t. If someone has no desire to feel, they won’t. Now, one can always be one heck of a con artist and switch it on and off, but assuming you’re not, this is tricky for anyone to deal with.

Perhaps the country has brought upon these feelings as the majority of us now see first hand, how little we truly are. It is why we’ve always gotta have our own back. Hold onto to our own hopes, dreams, and inspirations…but how can you? Nothing pleases you any longer. You’ve all but gone hollow. Given the theme of this blog, I won’t be going anywhere. Why and for what purpose? Maybe someday I’ll find out.

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kidmachinate·a month agoText

True Support

Quistis is a instructor/advisor of sorts. There to put people back on the right track when losing their way…yet she lost her way at points as well. As the game shows us, Quistis is Squall’s instructor…until she isn’t. She snaps Squall into place and helps him to find himself until two things happen. Both of which are key things very relevant to her character.

The first thing to happen which very quickly leads into the second is her being demoted from her previous status as a SeeD instructor. She “lacked leadership qualities” as they say. I’d argue she’s the one telling people what they need to hear and snarky at times while doing so. This happens at a particular moment in the game when she mentions to Rinoa that the situation is much more serious than some argument between her and her father and that bigger things were at stake. When she finds out this news, she is somewhat vulnerable and actually decides to reveal this to Squall. Instead of helping others, she confides in someone. That someone is Squall and since he too, doesn’t have things figured out, mainly himself, he kinda shrugs off her feelings. Everyone has to look after themseleves  and all that. We’re not here to reflect on Squall’s growth though.

Here’s the second thing. Quistis can’t change her nature to help people and still does throughout the game. When she opens up to Squall, it is different. The support role becomes…something more. She explores this feeling until she quickly realizes she shouldn’t. Rinoa hit the scene and had her eyes on him. Quistis however can’t shake this strange feeling she thought she had…a feeling of love. As it turns out, this was not the case after all. She started to find herself.

Rarely in life do we have all the answers but one thing to capture my attention in Final Fantasy games is the easy attachment to characters, especially if you can personally relate in any way. She continues to push Squall towards success after coming to her realization. This is for both conflict with enemies but also to push him towards being more human and protecting Rinoa. She knows he cares for her, so has to remind him to be human from time to time. It is the right thing to do, after all. Usually I take liberties with these things but I think a fair bit of this is pretty accurate and not far off from what actually happens in Final Fantasy VIII. What is Squall and Quistis ended up together instead? It would have changed everything.

Quistis comes to her realization at a point in the game where the main cast are all reflecting on memories and their relationship together as kids (minus Rinoa). Quistis is no nonsense but will pal around with friends too. She’s this entries Blue Mage. Random abilities learned from enemies that can be helpful. Maybe she’s not one of your stronger options but she’s reliable and you’ll be happy with a well places Mighty Guard for party protection, Shockwave Pulsar for damage, or Degenerator to dispatch a nasty enemy quickly.

Sometimes, it isn’t always the star of the show that grabs your attention but the one who gets shit done. In my eyes, that’s always Quistis, while still finding herself along the way. That’s true growth and she does it mostly alone while still supporting others.

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kidmachinate·2 months agoText

The Age of Fire

For today’s creative liberty project, we will do our best to completely leap over a lot of the nonsense that had plagued recent posts that while based on reality, could be considered downers.

When you play with fire, you get burned, right? Nah. Tame that shit. Whether you’re causing the fire and can’t control it or it is suddenly tossed at you, channel it into new found strength. There’s no real reason not to. Would you rather get burned?

Outside forces are hard to predict but easy to control. When you start having meaningful conversations with yourself, you start to realize the select few things that keep you going. Why do anything else? Maybe outside forces have not asked themseleves the very questions you have. It’s not an attack on you, how could it be? If you’ve said literally nothing or words of encouragement, how exactly could someone be mad at you. The outside forces are at work, the same ones you’ve overcome. Choose compassion and understanding instead of jealousy and hate.

Sometimes, the struggles are internal. It is easy to tune out the world but what about yourself? That is much harder to do. You might need help. You have to go to the right place however. You can’t go to any source listed above for this help because they have their own journey. You can’t always thrive in jolly cooperation. You’ve gotta learn yourself or you’ll always be co-dependant. Look outside friends and family to therapy, spoken words through a podcast, or reading. Maybe you see something that resonates with you. Maybe this leads to picking up new habits over time. Be willing to explore. Do we like Final Fantasy XIII and its narrow hallways or do we prefer the freedom of Final Fantasy IX and its openness to both your main goals and side goals? Linear is boring. Choose exploration. Do it however, on your terms. Tutorials suck.

Look, you’re gonna get burned. There’s no avoiding it. Perhaps we are doomed to repeat the age of fire again and again. But the journey shapes us and we keep fighting. We don’t always know why but carrying on gives stories to tell and increases our ability to resist pain. To increase world familiarity. To find your true calling. Facts are facts and so much is stacked against us. Forgive yourself and others and pick back up the sword and shield. Try something new. Perhaps this time, things will be different.

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kidmachinate·3 months agoText


(I swear I’m Zidane but perhaps I’m Vivi with a limited lifespan and an existential crisis)


I want to give everyone the same chance I never had as a kid. One in which there is a voice or platform to express yourself on. The cost of this has become too high…and yet, I am me.

You can’t have any given scenario both ways. I want to own a home. The home doesn’t mean a 4/2 with kids and marriage. Fuck that noise. If anything, I’ve become desensitized to that and furthermore, anyone that partakes, should have the same goal. So how do I do this myself? I’m scared. Frightened even. If things go to crap who’s got my back? I know the answer and I don’t like it. Do I get a 2/2 at the off chance I find someone with the same goals and house hack, or regret a home purchase period like many millennials that are “killing the housing market”, when they can barely think about how to even get into it in the first place.

I keep thinking about what I’ve accomplished to this point. What are achievements if there’s no one to see them? Do they even matter to anyone but you. More times than not, no. What happens when I lose the only family I have left. Family isn’t just blood. Okay. But facts are facts. Both parents will pass eventually. Then what do I do? I’ve done the majority of this journey on my own but what happens when I don’t even have my mother anymore on top of not being able to have the conversations that matter anymore with my father? I keep trying to get mom to see. To understand both what Dad left us with but also the harsh realities of today’s world/economy. I feel like she gets it somewhat but will I ever finish that understanding. Heck, even if there is one ever, what happens when I can’t talk to her about it?

This isn’t the post I want to randomly wake up and be writing but this is real. Not that much else is “fake” but this is about as real as it gets. Paying debt for a lifetime sounds bad in an already hard lifetime. Providing for another while working towards similar goals is ideal but hard to truly get off the ground as well. About as hard as the same thought behind doing it alone. What if it fails? So you do it anyway, right? I did. It failed.

Continue? Yeah, maybe. It is all I know, but I’m starting not to care…and that, much like committing to a future home, scares me. I am afraid.

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kidmachinate·3 months agoText

Choose Your Destiny

It takes a lot of willpower to decide what to do here and depending on the day, any which answer can be applicable.

It seems aiming for the head would be the option to take out of malice. To seek revenge. Kids bullied you, so extract your revenge now that you’re trained better. I lost a shoe thrown atop a bus once and also lost my g/f at the time and was devastated. It took them stepping in to stop me from my retaliation. They then blamed me for them turning lesbian. Pretty sure that isn’t how that works but hey, kudos to ya!

Knock the rock from their hands. Disarm them. Teach a quick lesson. Sometimes they have to learn the hard way and perhaps throwing them off in this manner makes them realize either I shouldn’t or maybe this isn’t the best course of action.

Dropping the rock forgives their shit action and solidifies you in a thought process in which two wrongs don’t make a right. It is an option of peace. You walk away. It isn’t worth it.

I find my self through door #2 or #3 most often but if you got me to #1, you pushed waaay too far. Given it is the least common by far, I feel confident in saying so. You want to get to #3. Focus on what matters. Drop the rock and let go of the feelings with it. Your actions won’t change them. It is their choice to make.

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kidmachinate·3 months agoText

Silent Rejection

“Just get out there and get rejected, and sometimes it’s going to get dirty. But that’s OK, ‘cause you’re going to feel great after, you’re going to feel like, 'Wow. I disobeyed fear.’ ”

I just got finished reading an NPR article and woke up from a nap in which I am both physically and mentally tired. The mental part is the tricky part but here’s a way this becomes more okay than terrible.

Assuming the worst is bad, but then there is no expectations. Then when it comes to letting loose, how can you? The opportunity has to present itself first. These chances have been few and far between this year but it has given me a lot of time to think about what truly matters to me. I’m still not sure I know the answer because there is a big part of me that feels like whatever I’m going for is never gonna be enough. Then I think about how absurdly unattainable things are for our generation va the past two before us and I mostly put that one at ease.

When it comes to intimacy it is a whole different story…and yes, sex is great, but there is more to intimacy than just that. While I’ve no shame in stating that sex is something that is highly valued under the right circumstances, meeting those circumstances is probably harder than getting the act itself to happen, which already feels like kneeling at the corner of a wall with a crystal and waiting for a tornado to pick you up. The game I referenced, Castlevania II: Simon’s Quest, highly rejected. Zelda II, highly rejected. Dark Souls II, same deal. I’ve played them all and while they may not be my favorite I can at least find something to like about them. Maybe the repeating theme of rejection is why?

I make this post for a variety of reasons and the most important one is this. Maybe you’re in a place right now that seems inescapable. Maybe you too, either need to be heard and/or need to vent. Despite what anyone may think, this Tumblr has always been for one purpose. To both express freely and maybe inspire someone from time to time. It’s not for any specific person or whatever else people may want to make out of it. Stories are easy to come up with based on life scenarios and if it helps someone, so what if I got a bit vulnerable? So what if I cried before writing this. Maybe I’m making some of this up? Creative liberties and layers for protection. The good defense to never get hurt. It is as reliable aa it is sad.

It is bittersweet to have the strength to pull through time and time again after putting yourself out there for thankless effort or to be shit on by someone who reads something and perhaps takes it the wrong way. The thoughts that come with knowing this is going to happen genuinely feel bad. Do we stop being who we are though? No. No we don’t. You’re allowed to be a little extra. You’re allowed to share love with someone who respects your needs however absurd they may be. Maybe they aren’t absurd at all. Matters not. You deserve it.

The power of self respect trumps the power of love. You’re always gonna think about love but the self respect is always garunteed once mastered. Love is not. For whoever chooses to take this the wrong way, this isn’t meant to be a sad story but one of redemption. Play that game no one likes that everyone else hates. People are gonna hate either way. Be you. Someone will accept it. Invite that one to come back.

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kidmachinate·3 months agoText

Said the Moth to the Parasite

“Bring me a victim, corrupt their core, and the swarm will grow.”

“Yes, my queen.”

The parasite prepares to do as it does best. Alone, it is weak. It needs a host to corrupt or at the very least, and attempt to bring down someone to feel better about being a coward. To make up for their lack of superiority. The parasite must be noticed. That is of the upmost importance over anything else. Do you want it? Probably not. It wants to be there anyway.

The mighty Knight of Iron, Gearfried, throws down his shield and trusts in his defensive strength. The parasite, despite it’s best attempts to be noticed, is forced out. Discarded. Gearfried doesn’t have time to deal with parasites. From the grave, the parasite reaches back out to the moth.

“My queen…I have failed you…but I did NOTHING wrong.

"Lucky for you, I don’t NEED you. Your help makes the swarm stronger, but I am Perfectly Ultimate on my own accord. If by some chance I don’t have this handled, I’ll THINK about retrieving you from your suffering grave”

The moth approaches with great overwhelming strength. The strength in numbers not possible but the moth is convinced it can do this alone.

Gearfried awaits his Commanding Knight, not as strong, but gives a morale boost to strengthen Gearfried’s core and help him deal with his Inner Conflict. When the Knight stands next to Gearfried, he decides.

“I know what I must do…”

Gearfried again throws down his shield but this time in front of the knight of command, to protect them both from the incoming doom. They are to be laid to waste by an Ultimate being. Silent and steady, the Knight of Command prays for their safety. He prays they can brave this storm and then it hit him.

“I shall control our fate!" 

Knowing what Gearfried was willing to do, the roles were reverse. Gearfried gave the Knight of Command the morale boost he needed. He raised a sword to the sky and summoned a fierce Windstorm. As the moth goes to strike, it is taken aback. Forced into defence. 

"How can this be?!? I am supreme!”

The moth is used to marching slowly and taking the one shot needed for destruction. If one shot isn’t enough, the next will do it for sure. It’s plan isn’t as perfect as it thinks it is.

“NOW!” cries the Knight of Command as himself and Gearfried rush the moth. They restrain the moth accordingly. The Knights are on the same page. This moth must be sacrificed. To the same suffering grave as the parasite.

“Why are you back my queen? Are we about to be defeated?" 

"Our defeat is inevitable.” said the moth to the parasite. “We haven’t been paying attention. The plan is not to simply corrupt others or overwhelm them with supreme authority. Power and tricks got us nowhere here. I’ve sacrificed some of our army to protect us until we recover. When the swarm grows again, we shall learn to destroy our opponents properly. We got so ahead of ourselves we couldn’t see what was right in front of us.”

“So…we shall FORCE THEM to listen! Such a smart queen!”

“You didn’t listen to a word I said. But we will be victorious. I’ll do it, with or without you…is what I would have said before. Even pawns however play a role on the chess board and someday, you can be a queen like me.”

“Insult the competition! They have no choice but to roll over and obey! I shall be a queen!”

“Not with that attitude…” said the moth to the parasite.

The battle ends as predicted since the moth was sacrificed in favor of the Divine Soldier. The Divine Solider joined the ranks of the Knights and forced the weaker insects out of shelter. 

“This seems too easy. Shall we strike them?” says the Knight of Command.

“Yes. Yes we should. Any opponent should learn from their losses instead of being defeated by them. They are many and a blow to ones ego will lead to more of the same, or coming back stronger than ever.”

The knights eradicate the rest of the swarm and pit their weapons aside.

“How are you so sure of yourself here, Gearfried?” says the Knight of Command

“I’m not entirely…but I’m trying a mental trick. I’ve Released my Restraints.” Gearfreid replied.

“…Said the moth to the parasite.”

“There are no parasites here. We’re a team.”

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kidmachinate·3 months agoText

No More Wonders

“It was the best of card games, it was the worst of card games.”

Drawing your way into victory after getting a crap hand is something we can take for granted. Well, moth players can anyway. Not many people running Magic Jammer in meta decks. Why let gravekeeper players do the same? When you enter a tournament you do it to try to win. I got tired of getting perfectly overwhelmed by moth, so I changed over from Gaia to Conflict Warriors and havent looked back since.

Suddenly I started winning games and I barely knew what I was doing. This was specifically against moth, which felt good, because conflict doesn’t have that same draw power. It’s fun comes from the make or break thrill of using the Inner Conflict skill to take something they have and destroy it as a tribute for a monster of yours or use it to destroy something of theirs, or even just take it off their field temporarily. The whole game you’re setting up for this one play that most of the time is the end of the game one way or another. You want not to make sure your opponent has no options…which begs the question. Why was I letting it happen?

When you remove these tool that grants attack power, but no burn deck is really running it for that, you stop a potential increase toward their stall on top of blowing up whatever card from hand or your field with Twisted Personality. I took playing what felt close to twenty matches to finally realize this could legitimately shut people down. Plus much of a less chance of getting a triple Nightmare Wheel pulled on you. Thanks for that.

As if to follow up from the previous post, this was a continuous misplay. When I took this knowledge into tourneys, it converted to wins. I played 8 matches total and can’t remember how many burn decks I played. It was more than one and doing this was key to quick success. You have to see it for yourself. Inner Conflict might be a step below Moth and GK Burn, but playing them until these small details burned into my brain allowed me to get to a second top 4 placing in a more competitive tournament.

I have other ideas. Other posts. Maybe even other decks. The future is uncertain, but you can help shape that future if you take away tools needed to succeed. Use things, or don’t let people use things more accurately to win, but wish the people a good game. They tried the best they could with the hand they were dealt. Brick hand or not. Less tools or more tools. Every micro decision leads to a macro result and the results should teach both parties, if they are indeed using the skills learned in battle and not each other.

JDG (Judgment Gaming) is a tag that’s gonna stand for something, because United We Stand to prop each other to victory. Except we’re only so big and there actually is a United We Stand team already…I stand by my statement!

Thank you fellow team mates, for letting me destroy Wonder Wands to then freak out about a sided in Lava Golem later I might not be prepared for. Thank you for letting me know that while Moth is overwhelming, you can have some control still and not have your monster stolen directly from under you with Paraaite Paranoid. That’s a topic for another time though.

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kidmachinate·3 months agoText


I’d like to start this post with major gratitude in case anyone sees this that was involved or knew about it. I want to thank Justice of Jugdment Gaming for his coaching and much needed advice through the event I shall reference here and Curseof for hosting what would be my second tournament I entered for Yu-Gi-Oh Speed Duels. The first being courtesy of Judgment Gaming. Without you two, I would have never entered back into something that I’ve found new purpose with. To challenge an aging mind that I swear doesn’t work like it used to, but definitely can when I apply myself.

Given the name of the post, it is pretty easy to see where this is going. Whether it is a card game or real life, we all misplay. We do things perhaps we shouldn’t. That requires further thinking. We rush things in the face when there is much more value in staying put for a turn or two. We defend instead of attack and wait to see what your opponent will do. It was one hell of a match…the one in which led to my eventual elimination in the tournament.

Through this tournament, I had mixed emotions all throughout. The goal shifted real early on from being down on myself to trying to misplay as little as possible and learn something. I think both were accomplished but there is still work to be done. Misplaying is something that just seems to “happen” with me, but if I’m placing well even with that, what happens when I don’t? This isn’t always true however, you can play a damn near perfect game and still potentially lose. Everyone is subject to the same RNG. I say RNG as opposed to two people shuffling cards IRL because well…COVID-19. Plus many people across the world can play instead in an online capacity. A site called Duelingbook is used in place of the brief comic book shop tourney experiences I briefly took part in, throughout points of my younger years.

Even had I done the very specific play I mentioned in both duels, I’m not sure it would have made a huge difference…but if it would have upon another look or outside coaching, I’m not gonna give myself hell for it. That’s a theme that has existed outside of card games. It is time to stop that shit. Giving yourself hell, especially in a scenario in which things are partly out of your control focuses on the crap that doesnt matter as opposed to what does. Sometimes we have to indeed damage ourselves a bit before we can come out victorious. There was a bit of that going on in my matches as well with Zoma the Spirit being as relevant as it is in current meta.

It is rather fitting to play a deck revolving around the Inner Conflict skill. Said card was used for a previous post. We all have it to some extent or another. How do we come out of these battles within ourselves to go towards achieving greatness? Children’s card game this may be, but it is lining up with current IRL values to now start doing more things with intent and less things just because.

If I didn’t name drop you, know that any match that happened IRL or on DuelingBook is appreciated as well as every match gets you one step closer to the edge…of victory. Stand tall on that cliff. When you do fall however, make sure you have the right ones in your corner to help you up.

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kidmachinate·3 months agoText

This Is Fine

You’ve gotta appreciate the humor in things. A situation like pictured above or in many of our current lives during the pandemic is very much not fine. It will be however. Sometimes things just need to burn first.

We’d prefer not to have hard lessons but they are the best teachers, provided we actually learn. Gain experience. Otherwise, we are doomed to fail. I’ve built this house in which I try to live in along while still inviting whoever in. Helping and extending to myself to others I feel are as alone as I’ve felt through my childhood years into junior/high school, knowing it isn’t my job to fix them. Burn the house down. We get comfy with work colleagues to learn some were never really on your side and wanted you gone. Burn the house down. Returning home which feels like its own mental prison? Burn the house down.

We’re of course not burning actual houses here but the visions, thoughts, and mindsets to go with what we once thought was right and was actually wrong, or a betrayal to our own beliefs as a person. Some of these are directly tied to people we know and may have trusted. You don’t want to burn your house down, so let the right ones in so you don’t have to. The right people, the right thoughts, the right path for you.

Down with the house goes hate, attachment to a want for acceptance, engaging ones dedicated to misunderstanding, proving value to anyone who doesn’t see it. Things are already limited during these times. We have a choice always to come out of dark times better than before, while adopting a less is more mentality so we aren’t just blindly marching into danger. We can dance through it, sure. But why bother? We shouldn’t have to always thrive in chaos. We deserve peace.

Make your next home your forever home. Make the last one you burn the last one you have to.

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kidmachinate·4 months agoText

Less, Less, Less

Faith in the human race today is hard, but unless you fall under a select category of unforgivable acts such as being a racist, laying hands on someone to solve problems, etc, you’re probably alright. Let’s assume the best of someone. Problem is this can at times be covered up by lots of fluff and toxicity.

It is way too damn easy to fall into a trap of despair. Many echo it’s okay to not be okay, which is 100% true. You’re not always gonna be okay in life, the goal is to not stay there and there seems to be too many reasons to stick your head in the mud and call it a day…day after day.

Struggles are not pissing contests. Some share their tales to relate as well. That isn’t an open invitation to turn back around and make it the aforementioned thing. This always gets tricky however, because for how long can one carry unresolved trauma before it becomes actually their fault? When do YOU become the toxic one? We all have it, we’ve all done it. Perhaps endless cycles of nonsense keep you stuck.

Your story could be one of many things but I can promise this. Less of literally everything in the less category listed above can do much better for themselves. I know I need to work on the planning part and dare I say that some of the times I didn’t this year led to amazing things. That’s how it works sometimes, but you really just never know. Life is a mystery at times best left unsolved.

We can always learn to be better people, but taking away bad traits can be hard if ingrained due to surroundings, neglect as a child, and so on. If we do less of the less category, we can come out a better person time and time again.

In an economy stacked against our generation, all we can truly do at times is be the best version of ourselves, regardless of people or political figures that may try and tell you different. We succeed in jolly cooperation.


This could very well be an entirely different post but I’ll keep it here. A few posts back I talked about bedroom drawers. This has moved on to various drawers in my apartment and as of early this morning, my car. Slowly but surely, there will be less, less, less. Less clutter. Less worrying. Less complaining.

When you have less to rent space in your head and worry about, the greatness in us all comes out easier. Freely even. We could all use a little less time plugged in from time to time. Especially Facebook. It is bringing out the worst in many and there are many ways out. Don’t take that mentality with you to other places. Leave work at work and don’t bring it home. It referring to crap emotions that may come from it.

Everyone has a voice on the internet. There’s a difference between venting and bitching. When you do less of the latter, you can safely do more of the former and people are willing to listen. The right ones might even help you. Here’s the other scary thing about anyone that decides to have a voice on the internet. People can and will twist what you say. I really hate that. People truly stuck…what I may very well be stuck on myself…because there are more than one way to do things. Perhaps we don’t have to say fuck em or to hell with them, but silence is golden…because you don’t have to entertain that kind of behavior. Ever.

This got ranty. I do that. But less of that, eh? Because who wants to explain time and time again to anyone dedicated to misunderstanding you. Your tribe won’t do that. Find them in the sea of online or IRL friends and stick to it. Not everyone needs to know your life story and I promise not everyone cares. We don’t have to be cold in a cold world. I don’t have to be cold in a cold world. It can break us all.

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kidmachinate·4 months agoText

Inner Conflict

Must identify with something

must make a difference

there must be purpose

must be at peace

Constantly stupid

self restricting

must help the broken

if I cannot mend me

Got it all backwards

change of heart

start over

let’s do this again from the start

Now you’re the bad guy

guess you’re no longer smart

for not fitting their narrative

they only want to pick you apart

One move to turn the tide

after this, there’s nothing left to hide

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kidmachinate·4 months agoText


We’re all so desperate to be understood, we forget to be understanding.

— Beau Taplin

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