kidmachinate
Refusing To Go Hollow
The honest truths of an avid INFJ gamer who constantly dives into battle with a lack of direction but determination to win. I stream games on Twitch as a variety caster to constantly test this determination live.
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Potential
They say the good things in life are worth waiting for. When it feels like you're waiting for some things for what feels like an eternity however, you tend to wonder if the juice is worth the squeeze, as they say. Unless it is investing early and your money is compounding, the wait can get annoying. It can with investing also but at least you know that will get somewhere in the long run, if history is any indication of things.
I'm perfectly willing to play the long game on many things if I think the result is worth it. As I inch towards my 40s I'm less excited by this concept. I also got told in a casual lunch setting that I'm at an age where I know what I want. My age of course wasn't known, but ask I was asked a bunch of casual questions, I had a pretty good idea of where I'd like things to be over the next few years. I suppose it takes going through lots of trying times to eventually come around at some point in your life and realize you know what? This is the way forward. Either that or you buy a bunch of stuff because you're going through a midlife crisis. Sometimes I wonder if that's what I'm doing. I've gotten more generous with money and yet, I wasn't in the best position to be doing this stuff. I was confident it would turn around and I'm sticking to it. I can firmly say it is possible. I know what I have to likely go through to achieve what I'd like but it is possible.
To escape my uncertain path forward, I've indulged in a new Elden Ring run and enjoyed two classics in anime, as least so I've heard anyway. Akira and Berserk (1997); both influential in their own right. The latter led to a Guts Greatsword build in Elden Ring. That and I needed a new character set for the new DLC dropping anyway. I've managed to still help/support others and a select few have even done so for me as well. It's been a dark/complacent time but I'm still here. Still standing. Still willing to take the hits. Still willing to do what it takes to keep the family happy. Still every now and then getting the incentive to actually play games instead of just thinking about it. Trying to get into a book habit I had started earlier in the year. Picking oneself back up.
Feeling like an outsider in your own life is a scary thing. It's like you never feel in control. Not because you want to control people and everything around you but control in your own life and where you don't have to worry about what dollar goes where and why. Many of lives are tied directly to that next paycheck as many of us also watch day after day as others get way more money to basically be a the equivalent to a grade school hall monitor. It's disgusting…because that doesn't take “skill”. Right place, right time? Sign me up! Not in the cards I suppose…but I'm far from the only one. I digress.
I have things to be thankful for but it's like it takes much more income to be happy. Happiness shouldn't be tied to wealth but it sure as hell offers a certain level of freedom. The badge of honor of having one's shit together is really just adulting 101. It's not a special trait…but one that should be more common. We all have to prosper.
Smiles on faces keep me going. I truly think that is so valuable that it is enough to keep me going. I like being able to inspire someone or turn a frown upside down. Being that light at the end of the tunnel…because I struggle with it so much and don't want anyone else to go through it. I have thorns at times, because like many, I've been burned and/or have trust issues. However, I never lose faith that your basic human being deserves a fair shot at life. However I can help make that happen, I like to offer where I can. Maybe I'll get a family picture in the near future. Maybe that's the next step as I patch my current life back together and try to escalate the process of recovering seven years worth of planning…this way when life smacks me around again, I'm ready for it. But I want to live too…people deserve to have fun from time to time…reliably.
The next blow is gonna kill me…so things need to work. Here's hoping…and that brings us back to the title, doesn't it? In love once again with potential. Here's to trying to make potential a reality. Just another rough patch. I'll push through because I have to, but there's more at stake. Direct family and the small impact for smiles on faces or safe spaces, that's my fuel. Without that, it would all be pointless and even that is hard to convince myself of as of late.
Tell someone you love them tonight. Chances are, they need to hear it.
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Still Not Alone
Update: Artist profile here:
https://www.instagram.com/doodlebugdebz?igsh=dmFkb3g0aGoyeHBz
(Major kudos. We will protect you like you protected us, is the feel of the picture. It's great)
This, as almost always, is for the select few that may get inspiration from knowing nothing else other than simply that they, as the title says, are still not alone. Alongside my own thoughts, I talked with four individuals that have either joked around about not wanting to be here or were 💯 serious (you never know, and I take that seriously) and time well spent in all cases. Your names are anonymous...simply a sign of how much people feel like they are going through as of late. It's rough out there. Those of you genuinely happy and holding it together, kudos! Keep doing that. I wish you more and more happy times.
I won't make this one super long mostly because I rather not focus again after the last post on suffering and more on the path forward...but it isn't that simple and you may not even want to. Not right now anyway. Stick by your support system, stay focused, and you'll get where you need to be. We always want it soon and we'd love that to be reality. It isn't always. Dragging out the suffering hurts more day by day. We've been there. We're all human. Talk to someone and when you're ready, have that long overdue talk with yourself. You may be overdue for some life changing shifts.
Tell someone you love them tonight.
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“Give people time. Give people space. Don’t beg anyone to stay. Let them roam. What’s meant for you will always be yours.”
— Reyna Biddy
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Fast Or Slow?
I swear at one point, I was Alakazam. Or would feel like I imagine one would be. On top of the world, making decisions, on point with what people did and why, good judge of character, etc. The more life passes me by, the more I relate more to Slowpoke. Life, thoughts, relationships, everything gets slower and slower.
A slow thought process isn't so bad. Gives you more time to think things over. I wish that's all it was. Your brain literally gets slower. You forget more things. You slip on things that are usually routine. You forget an important date. You don't show up at a set time for something. Your gaming reflexes aren't what they used to be. It's not just getting older however. It's the weight of life's trials and tribulations and heavens forbid you've had a scenario or two where you can be like “it's the trauma” because then you really get messed up.
Blamed for too many things that aren't your fault. Yelled at because things aren't going a certain way. Yelled at because things are going a certain way but not quite as expected. Mental health not taken seriously in favor of academics. You just lose the desire to speak out, or hesitate to say anything anymore.
Even with all of the above being true and/or somewhat depressing, I embrace it. I prefer more times than not, to not live life in the fast lane. There are times where I've learned to value that and even embrace it. Life is for living, not for just paying bills, right? Any time I try and live a little it feels like a hard lesson or unexpected emergency is around the corner. I found myself making the same joke a friend or mine did at a gathering…”it's been a good life” upon finding out some news that will have an impact on my finances…which is like…my life. So…let's think about the same financial choices twenty times over like usual, eh? It's a crazy world we live in.
Things can get so bad that slow is good. Embrace the food times for what they are worth…and yeah…people fuck up. We're human. Most people short of some unjust crime or physical/mental abuse deserve a second chance. Slow thinking will do that. Slow can be deadly too, if you piss them off enough. One gets the horns after too many transgressions. Slow also works with being more introverted. It just makes sense. I love Charizard but years later went with Blastoise and objectively think it is the better choice. It was Blastoise that went in my Gen IV Battle Tower team that went the full 100 rounds. Not Charizard. Sorry Charizard. I'll never forget my first but I can't argue with results. A defensive Blastoise with a somewhat suicide Gengar and Dragonite claimed the W.
Today's post/rant is a bit all over the place but so is my current mind. Questioning everyone and everything. It's very much a what am I doing in life kinda day…I know realistically I'm doing what I can and things beyond my control and all that but holy hell…I rather be helping someone out while listening and using “slow thinking” vs my mind racing currently…to an extreme. It's a good time to remember the title of this blog. Truly. I'm sure I'll get through things. It's not like I know it any other way in life…but the in between experiences are the worst…so if my thinking becomes a bit slower, I embrace it. Even if sometimes it takes a bit of help to embrace slow thinking as opposed to the monkey mind that tends to win in times like these.
I have other aspirations this year and I'm not gonna let what feels like an endless cycle of nonsense get in the way of those things. Easy to say now and I may very well be lying to myself, but this is the path I just go on. If there's a “reason” this happened, it's fucked. If you have all your bases covered, one shouldn't have to go through life's torment periods. Such is life however. Peaks and valleys. Slow thinking it is…because “rushing things in the face” right now doesn't appeal to me outside of liquid courage…but I have no audience or small crowd to use my voice for, so it's just me and said liquid courage.
We've been here before. We got this. I'm saying we. Do I have a symbiote bonding with me? Be kind to yourself. Some of the best things in life are slow. Embrace it.
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Permission to Live
I almost always would look for approval. Even if I'm already dead set on doing something, it's like I need that extra voice...even if I don't. If I knew things were gonna take a dark turn, I would have never went to MAGFest XIV...but I did. With Dad's blessing.
I can only imagine...maybe part of him knew that night already. That regardless of the procedure going well...something else would go wrong. Could he have known? Did he have a hunch? I did what I was told, for the last time ever. I struggle with it to this day, because upon coming back is when I would get the late night call no one wants. What I take from this however, Dad would rarely do things outside of really what was needed to provide...but when he wanted to party, he went all the way. He knew how to live from time to time. I think this was his final blessing to tell me that. To live. To enjoy life...like he did, when life presented the opportunity to do so.
I asked about a credit card online because I wanted to have something that aligns with new goals. To actually live from time to time. Some friends have given me this advice as well. Heck, sometimes I tell other people this but then don't do it myself. Even if I don't get the welcome bonus (which would be a shame) I think I'll get the card anyway. I apply on Feb 18th. The day I was giving this blessing. A memento/reminder of the last message I feel Dad was trying to give me.
I have plans this year...and while I'm trying to take care of me for sure after a job rut I've since moved past and a year of hell, I have other surprises in store as well, as some of these plans will definitely be shared with my partner in crime. You're one of the few who will see this although I'm posting this one on Facebook. Valentine's Day is tomorrow. I think we're both spent there already pre-maturely but who's to say, right? You can't predict things. Not always. Life is always gonna throw curve balls at you.
In the midst of it all, I want to bring smiles to the company around me and much less time on nonsense we focus on online. Live with no nonsense. Maybe even sing and dance a little from time to time. Dad would have been down with that. I need to embrace it more.
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Maximum Moxie
Do I know realistically where my latest journey takes me? Nah. But who does? Who knows at all where they are going the first time you boot up your open world game of choice. I say this like I play a ton of 'em but it's a perfect analogy so I'm rolling with it!
One month of the year down and only two major hitches. One of the two will be fixed in the next few either hours or days. We shall see. I started a new role in sales for debt settlement. The company is being built from the ground up. It's a slow start for sure much like the Pokemon Regigigas, but once it gets going, the only way is up. For one, it is not commission only and W2. That in itself is comfort. Past that, once I really start talking to people that aren't just cold leads that likely don't want to hear from us, I can actually get people excited about things that excite me...like getting people financially free. Outside of gaming, it's finances. Shouldn't have to hide from that, even if people don't like talking about it. It's a huge life misplay tho. We need to get equipped with the knowledge to get ahead. There's no way the people I'll be talking to are investing tho. They are knee high in debt.
There is equal excitement in seeing someone's life that is consumed by silly amounts of debt (that they may or may not have put themselves in) and putting them in a more favorable position to get them on a proper payment plan to go towards both paying off the debt AND being able to save. Seeing people with hope as opposed to the opposite is key. It is true that like anything else, people might not want to help themselves. That's okay. The people that do will benefit. Does this make what we offer the greatest thing ever? Perhaps not...but we have to think it, right? Plus when compared to other options, it's basically a no brainer.
Selling is so much more than your car salesman people don't like or even your typical role for a job. There is psychological stuff that goes into it. After all, we need to sell ourselves for a job, a date, bigger purchases, heck in some cases just to get customer service to take you seriously for something you want to accomplish. You are the option to consider over the rest. Or...maybe you're trying to get out of an uncomfortable situation but want to come up with an excuse that gets you out with as little nonsense as possible. No one bugging you after. Mental gymnastics in a way, but we're always having to convince someone of something. Not everyone is a yes person...but can you get them to say yes, is the question.
I was recommended a book at work. Two actually. The Third Door and Impact Players. Both good books in their own right. It helps to consume material that could teach you a lesson or help you grow. This just makes you better at whatever you might be good at, or maybe try something new entirely. You might discover that something you thought you were bad at...you might actually be good at after all. You truly never know. While Yoda says do or do not, there is no try...I get the point, but in many cases, how do you know anything unless you actually try?
The try applies to new things, I'd say. Something you have to tell yourself to actually jump into something new. Life is the dealer and I'm gonna play every hand I'm dealt this year, even if it sux. I've already had some obstacles along the way. Gonna brush it off like I've got this...even if I don't...but so far I do! When know to hold or fold. Know when to "hodl" for dear life. When to sometimes use assist mode in a game instead of wasting time you don't have in adulthood. Whatever brings you peace...and sometimes, you may just be able to share that peace with others. Smiles on faces and going against the odds. Sounds legit to me.
This time (year)...things will be different. Even if I have my moments of falling down, we're not staying there for extended periods of time. No way, no how.
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Risk vs Reward
I imagine this is all of us at one point or another. I chose a hard life in the sense that I wasn't born with handouts of financial advantages. I however also made the choice to not pursue college. While these may not be things that standout nowadays with things tough for your average person, it's enough stacked against someone in a world that can feel very much stacked against you from the start. This all sounds bad. It is. There's a way though, right? Of course there is...but not without struggle.
Balancing risk and reward has been the strategy for survival. Thing is, without some risk, the rewards are gonna be limited. I'm taking a gamble this year for work. I was forced to late last year as one final nail in the coffin with a role that was less than desirable. Last year was a year I have no intention of repeating. For this one, I'm going into a role that I think, with the perseverance to overcome some fears, will be a rare chance to work within my current skillset, and also actually be something I want to do. I'll be doing sales for an up and coming financial company. The good part about this is there's no need to be as pushy as most sales roles are, as the sale itself is more empathetic. In the rare case we get someone truly unruly, we are allowed to terminate that call and send them on their way. This seems minor and like a no brainer, but you'd be surprised how many places won't let you stick up for yourself and force you to be on the phone.
As I come back to this a couple days later, I was faced with fears over working their CRM but a proper leader guides you in the right direction and actually cares about teaching you. Part of this might be because it is their first group for hires, but I have good vibes here. That's gonna be a big theme this year. I'm willing to take risks when the reward is clearly in sight. I don't want to do this as much now just based on potential. You can never predict the future, but your gut more times than not will tell you when something is right vs not. Time to start trusting myself more.
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It Can Always Be Worse...
We're not homeless. That's the extent of what is "good" right now. That fact along with one bright moment of the year I was happy to be a part of, this year has easily been my worst in my time on this earth. It's not even close.
I'm no stranger to job gaps or life just happening because who isn't? However, truly this year has been little to no time to recover. I'm thankful for my local and online friends for times in which were exceptionally hard mentally but the sad part is, they have continued to be. I'm also thankful for the support mentally or in some minor cases financially for my mother. She's listened to a good portion of my horseshit this year that I wouldn't think of burning my partner with or really want to bother friends with either. I'm...not as sad as I feel I should be, but deeply depressed. It's been hard to feel for much. My partner has struggled a good part of this year as well. How we're still in this together I truly wonder sometimes but we haven't given up and somehow managed to pull off a successful visit with her daughter. As the non-biological father (and not a high bar to cross) to compete with the blood borne one (couldn't help myself here), she opened up to me and seems to have accepted me as well. Outside of select convos that I believe are pushing my partner and I in the right direction, I want to go back to a period in which we can thrive again.
There are others too struggling...but it is harder for me to relate when there is more of a support net or lack of responsibility overall is part of the equation. I don't want anyone to suffer but what suffering is there truly with little or no consequence. I think many of us take this for granted. Doing the thing as they say, isn't always as simple as we'd like it to be. Financial and/or health concerns can easily make the simplest tasks a problem. I'm mostly healthy but...there's quite a bit of typical checkups and other visits I literally haven't done in a decade. I was hoping for that to be the thing that changes towards the end of this year and breaks the curse before years end but here we are with only none days left in it.
It's hard to imagine worse but I know there is. That isn't really hope to push forward but a way saying what goes down just come up...eventually. You can't flex assets. People don't care or it is out of reach. Probably best you don't anyway. Suddenly people may get interested in you for the wrong reasons. I don't want to flex material items and this year it has been easier than ever not to do so, although I rarely do. I would like to flex a financially free lifestyle in there in the future and in the more immediate future to just be comfortable again. I don't need anything to change...except my paycheck. That can always grow because I'll keep living the same way regardless of income. I have the discipline...I just need the chance. The opportunity. It's out there somewhere. Broken, beaten, and scarred along the way...I'm still looking. I seek a better life for our home. I can't give up. Tell someone you love them today.
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Final Fantasy XVI | Blades of Fire & Ice
Clive and Jill are power couple goals! Anyone else agree??
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The Slow Path to Back On Top
Is it possible to be both depressed and excited? When people cite the Dark Souls games or Bloodborne you have many that will tell you that **insert game here*" of the series saved them. The drive to try and achieve the unachievable while taking in the lore and getting sucked into the medieval or gothic worlds, to claim a victory when the odds are stacked against you...what a feeling that is. It's a long journey in which feels good and you legitimately learned in the process. Today we get the opposite of yesterday and one of the main theme of the blog of sorts. Truths told through gaming experiences.
Every time I'm in a rut, I'm reminded of a few things. How alone one really is when it comes to making a living. How few are actually there when you need it. Last but not least, an opportunity to appreciate that I do just enough (although just enough is a huge underestimation of all the planning that takes place) to make sure enough stays in place to have a place to live. The world could be falling apart AND without a place to go...so this too shall pass. Didn't go into Halo 4 just being instantly good at it, but went straight into Legendary difficulty. Didn't first get into Bloodborne and not spend several hours on the first real boss of the game before getting skilled enough to finally tackle it. The only "Mile High Club" I'm cool enough for wasn't without several failed attempts of a under two minute mission on Veteran in Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare. While this all sounds attainable and I know it is, sometimes you just get tired of doing the thing. Being responsible. Planning ahead. Doing what it takes. The average person doesn't get to enjoy their life as they should due to having to work most of it and the ones that get away with it don't appreciate it as much.
My mind does loops around the same tired topics consistently wondering if things are gonna get better and they eventually do. The closest thing to stability comes when you can truly filter the noise, get ready to embrace the grind (for as much as no one wants to hear or do that) and come out victorious after say a decade of hard work. I haven't done what I'd like to have at this age but more than I've seen with others in certain aspects for future proofing life. Everyone needs a plan. Just recently I spoke with a family unsure of what will be happening with social security that they worked all their life for...because it isn't just friends and family you hope at times will be there. It's also the country, right? Don't hold your breath.
No one likes staring at progress bars but we all used to do it back in the days of Napster and Limewire, especially if you didn't have DSL and worked off dial-up internet. Sometimes, the wait is worth it. We tend to lose the plot, think about the wrong things, take on the wrong people. A future can look almost unattainable at times, but when you find the strength for that second wind, things become exciting again. You're always gonna fight your own worst critic (yourself) especially if you have mental health concerns, but you eventually come to realize and think about what makes you happy and that personal accomplishment feels good. Helping others feels good. Having that meal you worked a bit harder for feels good. Anyone who may have not worked hard for these things, try it someday. It's a different feeling. One that prepares you for what we truly need in life. Financial freedom.
All about money. Boring, right? Tell yourself that the next time something comes up you can't pay, and pray that whatever it is isn't water, electricity, or rent. Life is like a soulslike at times and you need to fortitude to not go hollow. Help in those titles are also few and far between. You also however, in some have both online help or assists. You don't have to do it alone. You just have to know where to look. Being inside our shell is nice and all, but we have to come out to get closer to a life we want to live, instead of the one many of us are forced to live.
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Privilege & Double Standards
This may be one of the most personal things I share on here with very little to mask with some sort of gaming reference outside of the picture used. Knowing I may have said this before, this likely will be the case more so than the last time I did. Short intro done, let's get into it.
We despise money, even though it is a mere tool. We love having it but then criticize others that also have it. Many times it comes down to how they acquire it. Whether they were born with a silver spoon in their mouth. I've always bounced between lower and middle class and have been fortunate enough to never grow up poor. Lots of status being talked about huh? What if I told you this all means nothing?
Knowing people that seem to not understand how to "check their privilege, I find myself caring less about how they got their funds and much more about how they chose to actually use it. They grow up in such a way and therefore must follow a certain narrative on how money is to be used, right? Come out of the box. It's okay. It doesn't have to be that way. Some "poor" people are know are kinder than others I know with plenty of money to toss around, so clearly status isn't the issue and we desperately need to stop treating it as such. While I do find myself guilty as charged as well from time to time saying "man if I had x amount of money" or "must be nice" instead of being happy for someone, I try my best to take my own advice here and think twice. Do I dislike the situation based on the measuring stick of wealth? Or do I dislike it because I've seen how the person behaves when they actually have money several times over, and they don't seem to care about giving back? The latter is far more important to me. The haves and have nots aren't something I care about. Given the same tools, I'd still go the route of budget and whatever is leftover, enhance my future or someone else's. Why not both? Money saved instead of getting a luxury item in favor of something practical plus a good time for me and/or a group of people is more valuable than being a status symbol for the Internet or people that probably don't even like or care for me in the way I may for them. This conversation gets more complex of course when you consider why many rich people donate to charities.
I never understood why money itself is so "evil" and how dare we talk about it. We literally need it for our day to day lives. Don't go getting financially naked with just anyone though. Getting caught with your pants down for people to just laugh at you or maybe worse, ignore you entirely, is never a good feeling. In that case maybe you do keep it to yourself. Privilege however isn't entirely just money. How about a manager that somehow got where they are and can literally afford to barely if ever be around but then make you go through hoops to get a day off or a remote work day. Do they have to go through these hoops? Probably not. Do they consider they were once in your position? If they are good boss, they will. If not, have fun not being able to focus on life sometimes during work hours. How about choices on where to go work due to the connections? Meanwhile others have to filter through various (probably crap) job openings? How about having a car vs not having one? Imagine knowing someone you care about not having a car and you know they need groceries and just being like nah, can't help you. You don't owe anyone anything, sure, but do your feelings go out the window directly because of money or job status? No. It's the person. Not the money, not the degree, not the job status.
Taking all this at face value, this makes you rethink perhaps people you may know and what you may want to give to a person. How often you may want to hang out. What kind of connection you will have. If you consider doing a nice thing for from time to time. Ok the flip side, sometimes you're shocked about who comes through for you or why. You'd be shocked at people taking a hard stance towards "this person has all this stuff and I don't", but then just are perfectly fine with handouts to the point where they don't look nearly as poor as they are putting out there. Furthermore, let's also not entertain conversations to improve this for ourselves and better well being. Let's run a narrative instead of how bad things are, when they actually aren't, for the sake of your reputation. Something else that doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. This all sounds bad doesn't it?
I don't think people are always bad alongside thinking there are many out there that just suck. Thing is, it isn't my default. It's not like my thinking when I go driving any day that ends in Y in Florida. You could say this is a double standard. You'd be right. Instead of making a snap judgment, I'm willing to look at the whole situation. Rich or poor, if someone isn't gonna help me, I'm still in the same situation, and how much they have doesn't change that. It is why it is easy for me personally to ignore politics. Without getting into specifics, I think many can agree both recent Presidents have been not so great in the U.S. for their own reasons. I'm allowed to think this without having to get into a conversation about which is the greater evil. I can but I don't have to. We're focused on the wrong things. This is where it gets tricky and somewhat self centered.
You have to focus on you. What about everyone else? Hopefully you and your spouse are mostly on the same page for moving forward. Now what? Friends and Family. Take the salary out of the equation. Who would have your back and it doesn't even have to be based on money at all? Keep that short list. Keep the rest at arms length or ditch where necessary. It sounds mean, but you have to do this for your own good. When we do this however, we don't reserve space to talk crap about them later. If you're doing that you haven't come to terms yet and/or are wasting time on what doesn't matter. No one gets respect for being a keyboard warrior and you just wasted time and emotional energy. Imagine being a keyboard warrior all day and not having to pay bills. Probably a bad person, right? Maybe. How about if you get this person out and with others. Are they nurturing? Since they have no bills essentially, will they pay for themselves and/or support someone who might not being able to afford something since they have the privilege to do so?
People are allowed to live their own lives. So are you. Focus more on how you're living yours and ones that enrich yours. There may be things outside of this that upset you, but ultimately has nothing to do with you. Let it go and focus on your goals and your tribe. We'd love a Black and White world but it is rarely if ever that simple. I just don't know or care to keep looking beneath the surface as I have with others, when they have shown hard proof that they don't care about others or me (if trying to maintain a close relationship with them) time and time again. I believe both in seeing the greater good in someone, alongside kicking someone to the curb. If they show their hand, believe it. Believe more in your goals and your tribe. Having been through two work roles this year and some lost or changing friend relationships, you can get more than ever I'm focused on the tool (money) to push forward. This can be used to strengthen relationships within the tribe and my future which includes my lovely partner. Priorities. We are in desperate need for a respec when it comes to those. Start by turning off some notifications on what you're probably reading this on. Your phone.
/rant
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Recharge
We need to recharge ourselves before our phones. The phone is gonna stay connected to all things and if it dies, at least there is some peace you can get. If someone needs to reach you of course, then manage those notifications proper and always have a charge on your phone. It's okay to put it down however from time to time. This isn't about phones however. It is much more important that we ourselves are recharged.
Everyone has different lives. Different job experiences. Different health conditions. Different mental health issues. Different incomes that are usually tied to the aforementioned jobs. Different levels of support from friends or family. Being tired physically is one thing. It's another from simple responsibility or even just day to day life stuff. The concept of stopping time isn't a thing. If only it was so the clock wasn't ticking when we try to cram self-care into our lives. Things become too much and suddenly your presence is nowhere to be found. If you already are pretty quiet perhaps this becomes even more the case. Maybe you're undergoing intense therapy and you can't really focus on anyone let alone yourself while processing emotions.
If you can't find a path or passion, it is no wonder many of us turn to various forms of escapism. Some of us take it too far and it becomes our life but who can blame you? Things are hard. It gets better though...is the ongoing thought you need to have. Even that in itself is exhausting because it isn't like you have a choice. It's the only way to carry on. Having a bad streak in the form of months or even a year can take its toll for sure. No, we can't freeze time so we have to maximize value. We can't coast the way our folks did or expect that kind of job security let alone several other life "staples". This doesn't make things impossible but certainly much harder to achieve.
In an online world, we all know many people. Who's invited to the table however? Depending on how big the table, you can only fit so many. In a way, who you invite to your personal table, is more important than your occasional family gatherings. We all need to recharge but can you do that alongside having good times? Those are the people that should have those extended invites. Whatever feels right. You can't force things like that. Whatever brings more smiles is always worth a second look. Alone or with others, make sure to recharge. You can't help anyone without the spoons to do so.
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Two Sides
Light and dark, good and evil. That's things people like to hear about. Certainly people don't want to hear about the literal two sides of a coin. Some of the most recent two sides of the coin one could say would be quiet quitting and quiet firing. While I understand the use of these terms, like most new made up terms, these things were happening already. We just have buzzwords for them now.
Quiet Quitting can be unfair to a company, assuming the company is good. The employee chooses out of nowhere to simply do the bare minimum. To a company this looks bad. How dare they do what they are supposed to do for the amount of time they are supposed to do it and then leave on time. They literally decide to do their job...and that's it. No more, no less. There's technically nothing wrong with this but just don't expect to get promoted when doing so. The only part that truly makes it unfair is where the quitting part comes in. Alongside doing what is required, it is done in silence. They will provide next to no input things, keep to themselves, look for the next role, and then just up and go. This is also pretty much the default state for many my age as stability is hard to find at times. We like this. We get toTake the Power Back"as they say. This is harder to do in a role where metrics come into play. Everyone has them to some extent, but sales roles or money driven companies all about their KPIs are probably gonna flip the switch.
The other side of this coin blindsides the employee. You get denied a promotion, a role switch, or assigned a role you didn't ask for. A complete turnaround you aren't expecting. Before you know it, a lot is changing...but it is to force you out. Quiet Firing. Why do we need buzzwords for this stuff? It was already happening. Anyway...all changes and even if you were trying to go because you see the writing on the wall, they want to be the ones to put you out...except if YOU quit, no unemployment or severance for you. Even if they eventually cave and fire you, even after putting you in crap work conditions, keep in mind there are sneaky aspects to this as well. Severance is basically hush money and who can blame anyone for taking it...but the company gets to avoid guilt and/or not be out in a bad light by a disgruntled employee. People like to toss around the word gaslighting a lot when it comes to abusive relationships but work counts too. Your boss or other authority figures can very much make you feel crazy for your valid concerns.
Both situations are a bit uncomfortable and I'm not on the side of a company really, unless they are truly one of the good ones, or the only way to know 100% is if you're the one in charge of the company and hopefully you don't do the same thing to others. The point really, as many things or people can have two sides to them, you only focus on your two sides. Do you let yet another setback, caused by you or not, turn you into a caring and or determined person, or does it turn you bitter and resentful. I recall a particular role in which I was given the chance to shine before a shift in management. One where I was able to manage for a bit. I liked having a team and helping them along their path because a year before then, I was on the same one. I didn't forget where I came from. Didn't just bark orders and expect my team to cover up my for shortcomings, or take credit for what they did. Didn't want to show two sides. Just the humble one that got me into a good place to begin with. Money itself isn't evil it's the people that use the tool, which then choose whether to be a good or bad person with it. Even life or death is two sides.
The whole premise behind this page is to keep choosing the former against all odds and not have each and every post made be the last, unless we choose it to be. Then we make new stories, even if not told here.
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Fearless?
As I look back at my last few posts, one thing is painfully obvious outside of reflecting on it consistently already. This has been an exhausting year. How can I put some kind of positive spin on this? Because I still have at least crumbs put away and am not homeless? Been able to provide a living for both myself and my partner even though some of our roughest times yet? The fact that I'm even still here? Maybe a combination of all these things. But I do have another thought...
I titled this appropriately for a couple of reasons. The question mark is because I'm not certain I believe my own thoughts at times as of late. I also decided to make a reference to a band/recent concert, which was nice to hear but vision was kinda limited. Even moments of fun come littered with issues this year. So what is the thought? The thought is a consistent theme I've had in which something bad will happen and I just develop thick skin and march into scenarios like it fearless. What do I have to lose, right? In my mind I've lost it all. Maybe just my mind. I think that last statement is more accurate. Really though, among the chaos, I am fortunate for a few different things. I am fortunate to have escaped a mental prison (even if only temporarily) I put myself in due to work politics. I am currently fortunate to not have given up now being in the same position again about ten months or so later. I am fortunate to have friends that I occasionally see and have good times with. I am fortunate to have a partner that is perfectly capable of having heart of gold, despite mental stigmas that say otherwise. I am fortunate to have two great online friends as well.
This was supposed to be a light amongst the darkness post. Right on the spot, after saving this to finish another day, I find out my livelyhood is stripped from me. After almost losing our place to live that could just happen anyway after being blindsided at work with a lack of. So, I'm on the hunt again. I should be affected more by this but am running in with a crazy semi-fearless nothing to lose attitude and hopefully this leads to my solution. I've debated not wanting to be here a few times this year and still am. I suppose I should be fortunate for that as well.
I'm fortunate for my still living mother and our collective cats. This may be where the list stops? Everytime bad crap happens, I find a way to bounce back and care less and less about injustices or transgressions against me. Not everyone or everything is bad...and even in a state where right are not stacked in our favor, I'm gonna find a way. I will admit however, this time around, I'm scared. Vulnerable even. I was fully ready for something like this the first time I stood up for myself since last September employment wise. Not so much now.
Someway, somehow, I've got this. I have to. I have no choice. There is no other way...but I'ma forget about it over the weekend.
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So Easy, Yet So Great: A Super Mario Bros Wonder Review
Super Mario Bros. Wonder has to be the best game I've played in a long time. Even if that isn't true and my memory fails me, it is certainly the best game in a long time that has kept me consistently smiling and wondering what's next. Yes that's the sentence I chose to use, yes I know everyone is wearing out using wonder as part of describing how great the game is. It's what came out. Last time I had similar feelings would probably be Kirby and the Forgotten Land.
The latest Mario title has its fair share of new power ups with the Drill Mushroom, Elephant Fruit, and Bubble Flower. It has a much bigger share of worlds, stages within those worlds, collectibles, hidden world, and mini break stages in between. Various badges make you able to add a particular ability to your characters movement or enhance you somehow to prepare for that next stage. The Flower Kingdom instead of the Mushroom Kingdom is a breath of fresh air, along with the Wonder Flowers that have different effects each and every level you find them in. They change the stages properties and/or even how you control your character and in some cases what your character becomes. This is a Mario game firing on all cylinders of creativity which was certainly missing since the very first New Super Mario Bros. back in 2006. Was a fine new idea for 2D Mario at the time, but many games like it followed while 3D continued to be something new each time, and even the "new" game in the 2D series didn't hit the same stride as the two Super Mario World games did back on the Super Nintendo. Th ne Mario is voiced well even if not voice by the same person we've become used to since Mario 64. Sometimes you can't even tell the difference.
This Mario game removes the timer and even has easy mode characters to choose from if things get too rough. While Mario games are rarely difficult, this makes the game even more accessible to others who may struggle. Lives are given out or bought easily. It's a chill game never demanding too much of you, unless you want it through select challenges and the bonus worlds. If you play with friends in local co-op, there is no collision. No more killing your friends that can't keep up with you as you try to jump over the same pit. Online play is a thing but reduced to seeing other players play along with you on the same level as a ghost of sorts. They can only leave signs behind to help and I believe save you if close if you fall in a pit or something. Best use for online is help with the flower coin hunt stages that exist.
The few downsides are the characters you can pick from are just to choose a character because you like them. They don't have their own unique abilities. I get they did this because of the badges but it makes every character plays the same. Kudos on Daisy being fully playable though. You get Mario, Luigi, Peach, Toad, and Toadette. The easy mode characters (Yoshi and Nabbit) have their abilities but no one else. It's a letdown. Speaking of letdowns, in an already simple game, the bosses are real pushovers...even for a Mario title. You may never die to a boss in this game. It is that easy.
This latest Mario game is easily worth the asking price. It is even ten dollars less than The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom. Will take less of your time too. No shade, truly, but just facts. Nintendo nailed it for sure with this one and it leaves a bright future for 2D Mario again for the first time in over a decade. It's been a long wait but we got one hell of a game. I've collected everything possible so far and the core game is beat. I'll be doing the Secret World real soon. The review could go on, but ruining the surprise of the various Wonder Flower effects is something that should be experienced by everyone for themselves, and not spoiled in the least bit. It's a big draw to the game itself and its ever-changing world.
If you enjoy this anywhere close to what I did, you might find yourself cheering "Wowie Zowie!" Along with Daisy or even singing along to some stuff along the way.
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