#just prolonged gay staring on the bridge

[starofhisheart]

why did Jim react like that sksksks just Jim staring at Spock like he's planning their wedding pls

Spock: my mother thought she was a very fortunate earth woman to be married to my vulcan father

Jim: as am I

Spock: what

Bones: what

Jim: *heart eyes*

#I love them #just prolonged gay staring on the bridge #everyones used to it by now #also its like spock was inadvertenly boasting/inferring how happy a human-ahem jim-could be with a vulcan #im delusional #spirk #star trek #star trek tos #star trek the original series #space husbands #k/s #jim kirk #james t kirk #spock #s'chn t'gai spock #spock/kirk #james kirk

[mlm-ficcollection]

Gay... || Spock X Male! Reader

"Ready to beam captain"

"Beam us down scotty"

"Beaming in three, two, one-"

The team was transported to the surface.

The enterprise had received some form of distress signal earlier, and Kirk being Kirk, decided they needed to act on it.

Not that you complained on how much he cared, you just thought he needed to be more careful about what he's getting himself into.

It's not like your opinion mattered anyways. He's the bloody captain. And, you got beamed down anyways didn't you?

As they arrived at the planet, a foul stench filled their noses.

(Y/n) opened his eyes, glancing around the planet curiously. There were high rocks everywhere, which is normal, but they were light green, and seemed to be made out of many layers of some sort of web.

He tilted his head and started walking towards it, while the team scattered behind him.

"Captain, there seems to be some form of animal at this planet, do you wish to continue the investigation?"

He asked as he picked up a pen from his pocket.

"We need to find out where the distress signal came from."

Kirk answered from behind him. "If it gets too dangerous, we'll beam up, but currently, there is nothing happening."

He stated.

"let's split up and investigate"

"Sir don't you think it's a little dangerous to split up when we know nothing about this planet?"

(Y/n) questioned and turned around, a confused look on his face.

"Affirmative, Captain we should not split up in these surroundings."

Spock appeared, standing next to (y/n), his hands folded behind his back and his face numb of any emotion. Typical Spock.

"Investigation is quicker and more effective if we split up, so yes, we're splitting up."

Kirk answered as he walked away, in one direction.

"Idiot."

(y/n) sighed in frustration and picked up his pen again and turned his attention back to the big rock.

"Correct."

Spock answered as he watched the captain leave. This was one of the few moments where Kirk didn't listen to Spock's warnings. That's when you know shit is gonna go down. Spock is like, always right.

(Y/n) looked at the rock, curiously as he picked up the pen and leaned it to his lips.

"I wonder.."

He mumbled and poked the pen against the rock.

"It's not sticky..."

"Be careful, I think I might have an idea of what these rocks are." Spock said as he watched (y/n) intensely. He was more watching (y/n) than watching what he was doing.

He found him fascinating, everything about him, even his body language.

"Don't worry commander, when am I not careful?"

(Y/n) answered and pulled the pen away, before bringing it down hard on the rock. He just wanted to see if it would echo.

Well, it didn't.

Instead a crack appeared and started spreading across the rock.

Spock looked at the crack and raised an eyebrow.

"you were saying?"

He looked at (y/n) again, slightly amused with the timing.

(Y/n) blushed embarrassed.

"Well, now we know it's not solid..?"

He tried to make the situation better by smiling unconvincingly.

"These are eggs, and they look alarmingly similar to spider eggs, but much bigger, in fact, I'm assuming what's gonna pop out of those eggs are mega sized spiders, so may I suggest we run?"

Spock proposed with his arms still neatly folded behind his back.

At that moment, the 'rock' cracked, and out popped three big ass spiders.

(Y/n)'s eyes widened in shock, and a bit of fear. Actually, mostly fear.

"Oh what the- yeah let's run!"

(Y/n) confirmed and sprinted the other way.

Spock followed (y/n)'s lead and ran.

While they ran, Spock decided to enlighten Kirk about what the rocks actually were with his communicator.

"Captain, the rocks are not rocks, they are eggs. Spider eggs to be more exact" 

He said as he glanced behind at the spiders, who were catching onto them.

"Be careful not to crack them"

"Copy that Spock, Kirk out."

Was the response he got from the communicator.

Spock nodded and picked up his blaster, shooting at the spiders while they kept running. After a while they stopped, desperately catching their breath.

"Lieutenant (y/n), you can stop running now, I disposed of them"

Spock said as he leaned against an actual rock.

"You killed them?"

(Y/n) asked as he basically laid on top of the rock, breathing heavily. He didn't have the best stamina.

"Yes, there were only two of them after all"

He shrugged and took out a device to measure the radioactivity on the planet.

"What are you talking about Spock... there were three spiders."

(y/n) sat up quickly, a look of panic in his face.

Spock looked at him with wide eyes, before (y/n) got tackled to the ground by a spider.

(Y/n) screamed in fear and tried to kick it off.

"Get it off me, get it off me!"

He closed his eyes to try and imagine he was somewhere safe.

Spock obviously shot it and quickly pushed it off from (y/n).

"(y/n) are you okay?!"

He asked as he sat on his knees above him to check his pulse.

"Yeah.. but I don't think I'll ever be able to look at a spider the same."

He breathed out and opened his eyes, leaning on his elbows to get more comfortable.

"... you scared me straight. I am relieved that you are okay."

Spock sighed out, visibly relaxing as (y/n) was obviously still alive. He was relived that the possibly only other logical person on the ship was still alive, otherwise he didn't know what he would do.

"That's a shame, I was hoping I'd finally have a valentine"

(y/n) snickered at his own joke. He blushed softly as he realized Spock probably didn't take that as a joke. He looked at Spock, to see him still hovering over (y/n), but with a surprised look and green tinted cheeks and ears. Was he.. blushing? Well yes, that would be the only logical way for him to blush since his blood is green, jeez, start thinking (y/n).

"G-gay"

Spock suddenly said, without warning. He was stuttering now as well? What's going on with Spock?! This was illogical.

"What?"

(Y/n) questioned, tilting his head.

"I-i mean I am.. gay.."

Spock cleared his throat as he glanced to the ground.

"I found out one day when I was at the market at Vulcan and a Male came and stole my-" "oh my god I'm-" "nO not that he stole my WALLET jeez I'm-"

Not far away, was Captain Kirk, listening to their conversation and struggling to not burst out laughing at the two awkward young men.

He was also joined by the rest of the landing team, as they were looking for Spock and (y/n), so they could get beamed back up. This, however, was far more entertaining.

After a while the young men stood up and cleared their throats.

"Let's agree to never speak of this again"

Spock said, holding out his hand for (y/n) to shake.

"I agree commander"

He nodded and shook his hand.

"Oh get a room!"

Sulu exclaimed suddenly from their hiding place, and the whole crew burst out laughing.

(Y/n) wasn't surprised that they did it, but was still a little caught off guard, pulling his hand away from spocks and turning to the others.

"How long were you listening?!"

"Oh I was there from the beginning"

Kirk said and waved slightly, with an amused smirk on his face.

Spock didn't seem to know what to answer, as his eyes slowly slid from the crew to the ground. This started the awkward silence.

After a while, Spock took the word.

"I suggest we ask Scotty to beam us up"

(Y/n) nodded quickly.

"I agree"

—

It had now been 3 weeks since the incident on the spider planet, and (y/n) and Spock had barely spoken. All they did was have prolonged amounts of eye contact.

There was definitely a tension between them, though none of them dared to do anything about it in fear that the feelings were one sided.

(Y/n) looked at himself in the mirror, letting out a determined sigh.

"Today is the day. You have got to tell him today"

he said to himself and nodded, his body filling up with determination. He was gonna do it. Today. He walked out of his room to look for the man he had fallen in love with.

He looked around a bit before spotting Scotty, and decided to ask him.

"Scotty you don't happen to have seen Spock recently?"

Scotty was caught off guard, "Well yes, he's at the bridge, why do you-" "thanks" (y/n) shot past him to get to the bridge as quick as possible. He was having a rush of confidence.

Scotty watched him leave with a knowing smirk on his face.

"Finally aye.."

(Y/n) arrived at the bridge and looked around, trying to spot the pointy eared, green blooded Vulcan that had stolen his heart.

There, conversing with a crewman.

(Y/n) took a deep breath and started making his way towards him.

"Hey (y/n)! How's it goin today?"

He was caught off by none other than Bones, grinning widely.

"Fine"

(y/n) mumbled, his eyes still stuck on Spock.

"Would you excuse me? I've got some important matters to attend to to"

"What do you mean?"

Bones turned around to look at whatever (y/n) was keeping his eyes on. He smirked,

"oh I get it. Go get him tiger"

He slapped (y/n)'s ass before walking away.

(Y/n) yelped and flared at him, before returning his eyes to Spock, who was watching him. He quickly averted his eyes once he found (y/n) staring back at him.

(Y/n) nodded, walking towards him with quick footsteps.

"oi, Spock!"

He called to get his Attention.

Spock raised his head and looked at (y/n) with a raised eyebrow, silently questioning why he had called his name.

(Y/n) walked up to him quickly, grabbing his shirt and pulling him down, connecting his lips to his.

The kiss was passionate, and even though Spock had no idea what the heck was going on, he soon got the memo and moved his lips against his.

It probably would have escalated if it weren't for (y/n)'s lack of oxygen and the fact that they were on the bridge.

(Y/n) pulled away.

"I'm going to make this easy for you to understand; I have a strong attraction to you that I wish to show you, and I would like for you to meet me in my room in 10 minutes, for some commitment."

He nodded formally to Spock, before turning on his heels and walking out of the bridge to his room, to get things ready for commander Spocks definite arrival.

Spock watched him leave, his cheeks dusted slightly green once again.

Of course he was going to accept his offer and meet him there. He knew very well that he was attracted to (y/n) as well. So the feeling was both sides then. That's a relief.

"Commander Spock, that was what we humans call a kiss, a way to show a person you love them"

The crewman from earlier explained.

"I know what a kiss Is."

Spock mumbled in response and started walking to the exit of the bridge.

"Where ya going Spock, you're not supposed to be there yet!" Kirk said from his seat.

"Better early than late captain!" He responded and left the bridge.

#Star trek #Star trek x reader #Star trek x male! Reader #Star trek x male reader #Spock #Spock X reader #Spock X Male reader

[5am-the-foxing-hour]

Thomas Ships Week Day 6

Day 6 (March 27): Confessing feelings //  Supporting each other

- - -

Ship: Thvi Thomas x Virgil

Characters: Thomas, Virgil, Remus is mentioned

- - -

Words:  714

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@tsxsidesweek

General Fanfic Tag list: @ebony-wolf, @nashiraneko, @i-sold-my-soul-to-thefandom, @rabbitsartcorner, @punsterterry,  @sleepyssnail,  @nightmaresides, @virgilswritings, @ninja-girl2846, @ninjago2020, @starryfirefliesbloggo, @garecc,  @sympatheticdeceit, @cookiethedevil, @askthesnake,  @all-bridges-will-burn, @tacohippy56900, @little-euro-girl, @aggressiveshipper, @imbasicallyshakespear, @slayerofspiders, @prinssess61, @underthesea73​,  @suicidalcitrusfruit​,

- - -

Virgil sat curled up on the couch, chewing on his lower lip and playing with the zippers on his hoodie sleeves as he distractedly watched the TV that showed some old reruns of the Simpsons, he was going to tell Thomas how he felt, even if his anxieties was trying to make him reconsider.

Thomas was singing to himself in the kitchen as he was cooking dinner for himself and Virgil.

Virgil blinked and looked at the kitchen when he heard Thomas start to hum along to Under the sea as he finished setting the plates. humming to himself before he stiffened and shook his head.

  “I will not add tiepods to the food REMUS!” He shrieked, causing Virgil to snort and try to stifle a laugh behind his hand, nerves being pretty much blown away as Thomas continued to argue with Remus about what was edible and not.

Thomas huffed before he checked that everything was turned off before he took the plates and joined Virgil in the living room. And instantly the nerves were back.

Virgil was trying to psych himself up during the meal, repeating what he would be saying over and over in his head, to weed out the bad ways to say things or finding better ways to say it. Virgil’s grip on the silverware was so hard his knuckles were turning white when he opened his mouth.

  “Thomas?”

  “Yeah?” Thomas asked looking away from the TV to blink at Virgil.

  “I… ah… I need to tell you something...” Virgil took a deep breath ready to speak again and tell Thomas his feelings, only to choke on his own spit that sent him into a coughing fit. Thomas made an alarmed noise and patted him on the back to try and help.

  “You okay, Virge?” Virgil nodded as he cleared his throat a few times before he sighed. “What did you want to tell me?”

  “I- well- It’s-” Virgil looked up at Thomas and stared into the brown eyes, feeling his heart do a small somersault in his chest. Gosh Thomas was so handsome and Virgil was very very gay. Thomas tilted his head at the prolonged silence.

  “Do you want to use your band-aid method? to just ‘rip it off’?” Thomas asked. Virgil blinked before he opened his mouth.

  “I love you...” he mumbled out, before he blinked, realising what he just said and felt his face burn with embarrassment.

  “...What?” Thomas asked staring at him with wide eyes.

  “NOTHING! It’s NOTHING!” Virgil called stuffing his mouth with food. “I said NOTHING!”

  “You… love me?” Virgil made a flustered noise and tried to hide in his hoodie, cheeks full of food making him look a bit like a emo hamster. “and I take it, this isn’t the kind of familial love the others have for me?” Virgil gave a small shake of his head. chewing the best he could while not looking at Thomas. Face as red as a beat, but due to his foundation it appeared more pink. “So…” Thomas said slowly, pointing at Virgil with his fork. “You love me like a friend?” Thomas saw Virgil give a minimal shake of the head “Like a queer platonic partner?” another shake “as in romantic love?” Virgil tried to hide further into his hoodie and his cheeks and face grew even darker red. Thomas watched him, Virgil had chewed and swallowed the food he had been stress eating. “So romantic love. Okay.”

  “Wha- Okay?! What do you mean by okay? Isn't’ it… weird?” Thomas pursed his lips as he frowned slightly

  “I guess it is a bit weird-” Virgil deflated a bit “But you know how weird my life is, what’s one more weird thing added to the chaotic mix?”

  “I… true...” Virgil ate slower this time.

  “Also. Love you too, Virgil.”

And Virgil made a strangled noise as he almost choked on a piece of mashed potatoes whipping his head to the side to stare at Thomas again, making a garbled mess of noises around the food in his mouth. Thomas just laughed as he reached over and ruffled Virgil’s hair.

  “Let’s talk more about this once we’ve finished dinner, okay?” Virgil was still blushing furiously but he nodded, both dreading and wishing for the talk to come.

#Sanders Sides #Thvi #Virgil #Thomas #text #the fox writes #Tsxsides #Thomas Ships Week #Thomas Ships Week Day 6

[richiefuckfacetozier]

Chapter 3: Winding Me Up Inside

Story: Why Can’t This Be Love

Click to read on Archive

Art of Eddie and Richie by @whatidoisxsecret

Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6

___

Eddie honked profusely at the car in front of him. Everyone had decided it was idiot day on the road as one of the bridges was down from a car fire. People were cutting him off or making illegal u-turns that almost hit his car. He ended up pulling over to grab a drink at a restaurant. He wasn’t very well going to die tonight if he could calm his nerves with alcohol instead. It was unfortunate that he left his pills at home, knowing they could calm him immediately but a gin and prune juice, his healthy alcoholic beverage of choice, would have to do the trick. 

About a month had gone by since ‘The Arrangement’, something Richie had started calling their pretend dating. Eddie would’ve rather called it ‘The Nightmare’ but Richie wanted a positive outlook on the situation. 

Eddie eyed a grungy bar next to a pizza joint that looked perfect to grab a cheap drink. However, upon further observation, there was a rainbow flag sticking out above the bar’s entrance. He blinked at it, took a step forward, then froze. His body had seized up at the prospect of going in.

He wasn’t sure how long he stood there but a booming voice said, “You in or out?” Tossing him from a temporary mind blank.

“Huh?” Eddie focused on the bouncer standing by the entrance, who was ripped and large. He never understood having such intimidating people be the first greeting you encounter before entering a bar or club. Don’t these businesses want people to come in? “Oh...er...no no. Just searching for a place to drink.” 

“Well, this is a bar.” The man eyed Eddie up and down, giving the impression of being humanly x-rayed. “Drinking is the main activity...among other things.” There was some prolonged eye contact between them that dried Eddie’s throat into a Sahara desert.

Eddie nodded shifting forward. He reached for his wallet, which had his ID, but his hand merely hovered over his slack's front pocket. 

“Maybe another time?” The man suggested with a lighter tone. Eddie straightened up, nodded and walked away. 

He just failed at that pretty spectacularly. What would Richie think? Probably that he was a chicken. This had been an extra hard month. With the realization, he may have stronger feelings toward guys than he had ever admitted to himself. He had stopped sleeping, barely ate, and secluded himself more. 

Suddenly, the demise of his relationship with Myra was making more sense. When she used to touch him sensually, his skin crawled. He assumed that was from the years of his mother convincing him the world was a germ-infested blackhole, girls were dirty, and how he could never truly be clean. Except he rarely felt that way when Richie touched him. Or any of his friends. Sure, they had known each other for years, but he knew Myra for a long time too and it didn’t settle into a comfortableness that relationships were meant. 

He tended to resist Myra’s kisses, fake not feeling good to get out of sex, and pushed her away constantly. Their break up had been devastating. At the time he believed it was because the love of his life left him. Now he knew the truth. 

Eddie eventually got a drink at a bar a few blocks away. The drink refreshed and calmed him immediately. It’s funny how certain things relaxed him right away because he’d conditioned himself to feel that way. His mind began thinking about tomorrow, a chilling dread running up his neck. He scratched at the nape even though nothing truly itched. 

He was seeing his friends for a pre-engagement party celebration. Just the seven of them. The thought almost made him break out into sweats. He downed his drink and ordered another. Usually, he would be extremely excited and thrilled to see the losers club, except the next step in the arrangement, was occurring. Eddie had to come out collectively to the group. A fake coming out but that fakeness was becoming authentic with every passing moment. 

He wished there was someone he could talk this out with. There was Mike, but that felt wrong somehow. The one person he wanted to tell was Richie. What would he even say? There was a nightmare scenario he replayed every day that Richie would laugh in his face, which logically he would never do but Eddie’s attempts at controlling his imagination have never come to fruition. 

While he was absently stirring his drink, his phone started ringing. A picture popped up on his screen of Richie lifting a screaming/laughing Eddie from behind. He took an extra second to remember the joyful memory, running a finger over the picture then answered. 

He sighed into the phone, “Hey, Rich.” 

“Where you at, gumdrop?” said Richie with an obvious smile in his voice.

“A bar. The traffic was crap, so I am waiting it out.” 

“What’re you wearing?” He said suggestively.

Eddie frowned, huffing out, “Work clothes, why?” 

Richie clicked his tongue, “Cause you are supposed to be at Beverly and Ben’s celebration extravaganza in,” quick pause where Eddie figured Richie was looking at his phone for the time, “20 minutes.” 

“No, it is tomorrow.” Eddie insisted.

“No, my cutie patootie Eds, it is today.” 

“No,” He said slowly. “It’s on Friday, you turd.” 

A laugh came through the phone, “Today IS Friday.” 

Eddie paused as horror sunk in fast and deep. “Oh shit…”

“Yeah, so see you at the restaurant!” Richie hung up, leaving Eddie to his panic.

He slapped down a $20 on the bar counter, despite the drink being less than half that and bolted out the door. He ran past the bouncer who shouted, “Don’t trip, kid!”

His car turned on with a roar then he zoomed out of the space. The traffic had significantly cleared which worked in his favor as his car swerved around dangerously. His heart pounded with adrenaline. When he pulled up in front of the restaurant, Richie was standing on the curb smoking a cigarette. 

Eddie gave the valet his car keys, not even thinking about how much that would cost him at the end of the night, and hurried over to his friend. 

“The prodigal son has returned!” Richie tossed the second half of his cigarette on the ground, stomping it out for good measure. As Eddie neared Richie wrapped an arm around his shoulders pulling them close together. The smell of smoke was both overwhelming and familiar. As much as Eddie despised the disgusting habit, he was so used to it that he could brush it off. 

Eddie pushed on his chest to free himself a little but not enough to break contact. “I can’t believe I fucking forgot.” 

“Take a minute to breathe, Eds. Where’s your head been at lately?” Richie asked in what he probably thought was a casual tone, except, Eddie knew better. His friend was really asking ‘Where have you been?' or 'Why are you isolating yourself?’. 

Isolation was the only solution for hiding his emotions, which had been many and increasing each day he spent alone with his thoughts. 

Instead of answering the question, Eddie shrugged and smiled lightly. 

Richie reached up and pinched Eddie’s cheek with a “Cute, cute, cute!”

“Stop it, I hate that!” 

He laughed, “You ready to do this?” 

Eddie took a deep breath and slowly exhaled, “I can’t do this.” 

“You CAN do this!” said Richie with excitement. “Just be yourself.”

“Fake coming out to my friends is the worst idea we’ve ever had. It is wrong.”

“What do you suggest then?”

Eddie nervously glanced at his feet, “I think we should just out ourselves to Bill like we planned next.”

“You think they are going to believe Bill without any pretense? No, you have to come out and it has to be tonight since it’ll be the only time we are all together before Beverly and Ben’s engagement party. If you steal her thunder in any way, she will murder. Who she’ll murder is unclear but it starts with Ed and ends with die. Hey! That was more clever than I intended.”

Eddie swallowed, “Alright, but Richie…”

He made a tracing motion toward the ground  “There will be a chalk shaped Eddie on the ground with Beverly DNA everywhere. It’s going to work, Eds. I promise.”

“Don’t call me, Eds. Listen, Rich I…”

“Stop trying to come up with excuses! It’s going to be fine.”

“No, Richie! Just shut up a second!” His heart was beating out of his chest, he had to tell Richie what he had been going through or everything could be ruined. He had to give him an out if he wanted. Eddie shrugged off Richie’s arm, so they were facing each other. “I’ve been thinking that I...I…”

“Well, spit it out Eds. Thinking what?” 

“I THINK I MIGHT ACTUALLY LIKE GUYS!”

Richie stood shocked and silent at first, just staring. Those ice-blue eyes hiding secrets and judgments that Eddie desperately wanted to hear aloud. Tears had caught in Eddie’s eyes which he blinked away quickly. “Well! Don’t just stand there, asshole! Say SOMETHING!” He demanded. 

“I...I…” Richie sputtered face turning crimson red. 

“Well, spit it out, Trashmouth.” mocked Eddie.

“I do too.” He gasped out. 

It was Eddie’s turn to stare in silence. “Sorry, I think I went temporarily insane. Repeat that?”

“I like guys, too. I have since college.” Richie sighed with relief. “Maybe longer.”

“What? You have?” This revelation made Eddie take a step back. “I had no idea.”

“Not relevant information to disclose.” Shrugged Richie. 

Eddie gave a confused look then lowered his eyes skeptically, “This isn’t a joke, Richie. I actually believe I am gay.”

“You're the one who shoved a rainbow cake with sprinkles on top of my bisexual pie.” Richie’s eyes twinkled. 

“Wow,” A smile broke out across both their faces, pure joy at the realization that they weren’t alone. They had never been alone. “What were the chances that 2 out of the 7 of us friends would be gay.” 

They stood there, in a rare silence, watching each other with a newfound comradery that didn’t seem possible after 20 years of friendship. Richie grabbed Eddie’s forearm and pulled him in for a hug, which was returned 10 fold. Tears that he forgot to keep holding in fell into the side of Richie’s neck. His emotions were on a rollercoaster with no chance of stopping. He faintly heard Richie say, “Eddie, I…”

He didn’t get to finish what he planned to say because a “Richie! Eddie! W-what’s the hold up?” Interrupted them. They quickly broke their embrace as Bill appeared beside them. He looked calm despite a bit of impatience in his eyes, then saw their faces and concern washed over him immediately. 

Bill put a hand on Eddie’s shoulder, the weight very comforting. “Everything ok?” He reached in his pocket and took out a travel tissue pack. Eddie gave a watery giggle, taking one and blowing his nose. 

“Yeah, Big Bill,” said Eddie. “Everything’s great.” And he found that his words were true.

After a few more breathes and checking himself in the selfie camera of his phone, Eddie felt ready to face his friends. The three men walked into the restaurant, heading to a back room that Ben reserved for the occasion. 

“Congrats to the couple!” Richie shouted as he bounded over to bear hug and lift Beverly off her feet. She laughed swatting at him, “Let me go you dorkface!” 

“Dorkface!” Exclaimed Richie. “Of all the sass to receive from your dude of honor.” 

Eddie watched the exchange warmly. Ben patted him on the back. “Traffic?” 

“Huh? Oh yeah.” Eddie said embarrassed. “Tons.” 

“There was a car fire and crash on the bridge.” Came the dry, toneless voice of Stanley Uris. “Surprised it wasn’t you Eddie, with all your road rage.”

Eddie gave a pout in Stanley’s direction but walked over to his friend for a handshake and a hug. “Such a kind, warm greeting from you Stan. I miss you, too.” 

“Where’ve you been lately?” He sounded unperturbed, but he wouldn’t ask if there wasn’t a genuine concern.

“Oh ya know,” Eddie trailed off with a shrug. Stanley lifted an eyebrow but didn’t push it, for now at least.

Eddie started to seat himself between Stanley and Ben when Richie grabbed his collar jerking him backward. “Scoot over, Stan the man.” 

Stanley rolled his eyes, “No.” 

“Why?” asked Richie.

“Because I am comfortable here.” 

“You’re being a stinker, Stanley. Move to the seat next to Ben. You like Ben, don’t you?” 

“Of course I…”

Richie looked right at Ben, “Too bad for you, Benny boy, it seems Stanley doesn’t like you anymore.” 

“Beep- beep, Richie,” Beverly warned while drinking a glass of wine and placing a hand on Ben’s arm. 

“I’m just saying it is suspect that the best man doesn’t want to sit next to the groom.” 

“He’s not a groom until the wedding day.” Stanley insisted. “And I am already sitting…” 

“Richie isn’t gonna let it go, Stan. Just move over one.” said Bill with strong finality. None of the losers liked to admit anymore that Bill remained the group’s leader even into adulthood. But when he made a request it was usually followed with little argument. Eddie figured it didn’t matter how independent any of them grew up to be, Bill still held a controlling rope over them. Something Stanley was known to resent.

He moved over a seat as Eddie gave an apologetic look at every one. Getting between Richie and Stanley tended to end in him being yelled at, so he rarely bothered anymore. Besides, he bickered with Richie more than anyone else so Stanley had no room to complain. 

Richie glanced around the room realizing they had a missing loser. “Where’s Mike?” 

“Bathroom,” Responded Beverly, still nursing her drink. “How was work, Eddie?” 

“Fine, I guess.” The last thing he wanted to talk about, except his mother, was his boring job. “An econ student was hired as my intern, which makes me think I’ve finally made it.” 

“Poor bastard is in for a world of ribbing by all your accounting co-workers,” said Richie, bumping Eddie’s shoulder. 

Eddie laughed, “Oh, I already made a joke at him today. Why do economists exist?” He scanned around the table then opened his mouth to answer. 

Mike’s voice interrupted from the door of the private room, “So accountants have someone to laugh at.”

“Mike!” whined Eddie. “You stole my punch line.”

“Sorry, Eddie.” He took his seat between Beverly and Bill. 

Stanley smirked, “You practiced that joke didn’t you.” 

“Shut up,” Eddie groaned. “How was your trip, Ben?” 

“Not the best,” Ben sighed, he wore a deprecating grin. No matter the story, Ben always had some kind of upturned smile, it was a unique quality. Considering most people told Eddie he had sad eyes, being able to smile at all times would be an excellent trait. “I didn’t leave early enough like I usually do because it was so early in the morning. I left my water bottle in the rental car they got me, then ran from TSA to the gate, was in my seat when I realized the sweater Bev got me for my birthday was back at security.” 

Beverly rubbed his back soothingly, “We can get you new ones of both those things.”

“I know, it’s just a bummer because they were special items before I lost them.” Eddie understood. Ben and he shared the same mentality about their personal items, each thing they owned held a nice memory. He knew that the water bottle was one Ben got from his job after the big promotion, he could ask for another one but it wouldn’t be the same as the moment he received the gift. The feeling of pride and achievement all through a meaningless material item. 

“Well, lucky for you, Ben.” Richie pulled out something from his bag, handing it across the table to Ben. “I had these made for everyone.” Richie continued grabbing water bottles from his bag, passing them around. 

“This is so nice, Rich!” said Beverly. She laughed at the label. Eddie looked down at his seeing ‘#TeamBenverly’. It was great quality, a platted maroon paint covered the bottle with the lettering in a bold white. 

“I still have the keychain you gave us for my bachelor party.” said Bill.

“That’s right!” Mike chimed in. “What does it say again?” 

“Big Bill’s Bitchin’ Bachelor Bash.” Stanley drawled. “Kinda clever.” 

Richie grabbed Eddie’s shoulder, making Eddie almost jump in confusion. He stared at Richie, who was clutching his heart in mock shock, “A compliment? I don’t think I can handle that from you, Stanley Urine.” 

“I take it back,” said Stanley, “You don’t have any cleverness. Only idiocy.” 

“Hmmmm, insults,” Richie leaned in front of Eddie, still holding his shoulder as his face got closer to an unamused Stanley. “They feed my very soul.” 

Eddie placed his hand over Richie’s face and pushed him backward the metal of his glasses digging into Eddie’s hand, “Your soul has a healthy appetite then.” 

“Oof, your words fill me up most, Eds.” 

“Eds is a dumb nickname and you know it.” 

“Alright, alright!” Mike called the attention toward him. “Let’s hear from Ben and Beverly. A decade of being together and now you’re tying the knot. How does it feel?” 

Ben looked to Beverly, who smiled sweetly at him. “Feels perfect,” said Ben simply, but in those two words, he expressed years worth of working toward friendship and partnership that went beyond infatuation. “I’m so happy. And even happier to have my best friends around to celebrate.” 

“This wedding is really about coming together,” started Beverly, “With our friends, the family we’ve chosen, to celebrate love. I think what we have with all of you is rare and...” 

Eddie thought deeply about her phrasing ‘the family we’ve chosen’. He had many issues with his mother, different than Beverly’s father problems but they both came from toxic environments. Kindred spirits in a dark and twisted way. 

With all his thoughts lately, he had pushed down how his mother would react. He may never tell her, if he could help it. Her religious views left no room for tolerance on the subject. 

He shoved thinking about his mother deep in a box in his brain and focused on Beverly, who was still speaking, “...so just thank you for being there for us. Anyway, let’s fucking celebrate!” 

They all cheered, Eddie looking around with a smile on his face. With his ‘chosen family’ he could trust them to love him no matter what. 

As the night wore on with lots of laughs, food, and stories. Ben brought up the story of when he finally got the courage to ask out Beverly, “I was waiting outside of school, sweating profusely, despite wearing 2 sweaters…”

“You always wore so many layers!” said Bill laughing. 

“Well, when you are fat and subconscious, that’s how you hide it.” Ben said, voice lowering a bit in embarrassment. 

“Ben Handsome now shows off his true glory and beauty.” said Richie with a wink. “Just the way I like it.”

“Beep- beep, Richie.” Blushed Ben. “As I was saying, I waited outside and she approached me like in slow motion. I thought I was going to throw up. As I opened my mouth to say something she said,” He motioned for Beverly to continue the story. 

She giggled, “I said, ‘Ben, let’s go to prom together’. His face drained of color and he passed out.” The whole room erupted in laughs. “I..I was knocked to the ground!” Beverly tried to say through gleeful tears, “He fell forward into me.” 

“You were a very pleasant landing.” Ben smiled in mortification. 

“You planning to faint at your wedding too?” said Stanley, “As your best man, I will need to prepare.” 

“No, I’m not. I promise.”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep.” said Richie. “I will have a fainting couch ready as a precaution.”

“You’ll probably just jump in front of Beverly and take one for the team,” piped Eddie.

“Speaking of the wedding,” Stanely rounded on Eddie and Richie. A dread bubbled in Eddie’s stomach. “You two having to bring dates is the smartest rule. I should have thought of that for my wedding.” 

Richie threw his napkin at Stanley’s face, “Don’t make me take YOU as my date Stan the man.” 

“You could never get this, Trashmouth.” 

“I can get whoever I want. Right, Eds?” 

“Don’t call me that.” Eddie mumbled. “While we are on the subject, just so no one is surprised, I might bring someone who none of you would expect.” Eddie felt his knee being squeezed from under the table. It took him a moment to realize it was Richie’s hand, he was giving a warning. Most likely telling him to keep the details limited, but Eddie hoped it was a touch for encouragement.

“Please, don’t bring Myra.” said Mike making the group groan collectively. 

“Now, that would be unexpected.” Richie snickered.

“Eddie, you’re not actually thinking…” said Bill seriously. “Beverly, if they get back together I blame you.” 

“Me?!” Beverly opened her mouth to fight but Eddie interrupted. 

“Hello! Back to me, losers. I am not bringing Myra. I am not even interested in women!” The words slipped out quick, and he wished they could be suctioned into his mouth once more. 

They went quiet, as the news hit them. Mike was smiling at Eddie. He felt his bravery trickling into cowardice the longer none of them said anything. 

“S-so does this mean,” began Bill. “That you-you’re g-“

“Gay? Yes, stuttering Bill.” Richie answered seeming to be frustrated by Bill’s condition for the first time in a long time. Then a chair screeched out and Beverly ran around the table, slamming herself into Eddie. 

Her soft hair tickled his neck, his heart was calming down from her sudden show of affection. He placed a hand on the arm she slung over his chest. Richie’s hand hadn’t left his knee either. Everyone else’s reactions were fairly standard, awkward congratulations or they were proud of him, all expected. The surprising reaction was Stanley, perhaps because he didn’t react at all. He was silent for the rest of the evening. 

As they all stood outside saying goodbyes, Stanley seemed to linger a little aways from Eddie. He waited for the rest to leave, Richie was the last to hug him and head to his car. He wandered toward Stanley hesitantly. The taller man was twisting his key in hand repetitively, tapping his foot methodically. 

“So,” Eddie begun lightly, “I’ll see you later?” 

“Yeah,” answered Stanley stiffly. Eddie cocked his head to the side trying to meet his friend’s eyes, then gave up turning to leave. “How do you know?” Came his voice clearly from behind.

Eddie turned around, a few paces away. “Know what, Stan?”

“That you’re into guys.” 

“Because I just do?”

“How long have you known?” 

“Er...that’s more complicated. I mean I’ve been sitting on it for a month but..”

“A month?” interrupted Stanley, he was getting pink in the cheeks. “You’ve known a month and are coming out. That’s not enough time to know.” 

“What’re you talking about?” Eddie was trying to keep his voice calm, he could feel that tingle of rage that surges in him when he feels attacked.

“Have you ever been with a guy?” 

“What does that have to do with knowing whether I am gay? I know that every time I’ve thought of girls it hasn’t been the same as with guys. Or how with Myra...” 

“Ok, yeah! Myra!” He rose his voice like winning some kind of twisted victory. “You were with her for a year and you really didn’t know?”

“Stan, you’re being a jackass.” 

“I am trying to understand why you kept this from us?” 

“From YOU, you mean? Stan, I didn’t keep it from anyone. I was figuring out my shit, then I talked about it with Mike and…”

“You told Mike first?” 

“Um...no…” He caught himself quickly. “I told Richie first then Mike.” 

A hurt flashed over Stanley’s eyes that Eddie hadn’t seen in years. “You told them before me?” 

“Stan...come on. I told the rest of you at the same time. It was just easier to tell them at the time.” 

“I’ve known you as long as Richie has. Much longer than Mike.”

“It’s not about that!” Eddie was at a loss. This was getting nowhere. “I don’t know what to say, Stan. I’m not going to apologize.” 

“There is nothing to apologize for.”

“Then why are you fighting with me like there is?” 

Stanley remained silent. His arguments lost on his tongue. “I am tired. I will talk to you later.” And he walked away. Eddie stood there, stomach twisting the food inside uncomfortably, eyes watery from the sadness creeping in his head.

_________

Thanks for the patience for the new chapter! Longer one cause I apparently had a lot to get through. I am starting a second job soon, but I will keep working on the next chapter as inspiration hits. Don't forget to subscribe!

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#reddie #fake dating au #eddie kaspbrak #richie tozier #Why Can't This Be Love #WCTBL #benverly #beverly marsh #ben hanscom #mike hanlon #stanley uris #bill denbrough #the losers club #fanfiction #it fandom #cursing #gay #i am a loser #shannon writes

[hauntedcloset-blog1]

Something Macabre Something || Eddie and Reza

In which Eddie’s honest with both Reza and himself, Reza deals with feelings that are not appreciated, and the two decide to go on an adventure.

So much had happened in the past week and Eddie was currently still reeling from it. His encounter with Owen had left him having unpredictable mood swings and no one he could talk to. He felt more alone than usual, which was saying something. He missed Reza, but was forced to wonder if that bridge had been burned. After receiving the text from Reza that read, “ 'just leaving macabre, we'll find someplace less gross to meet “ a surge of hope rushed through him. Waiting any longer to see Reza would have been torture, so he sent him a response that insisted Macabre was fine and he was already out the door. Once he arrived, he entered the club to begin looking for his friend. Most of the patrons looked like they were straight out of Anne Rice novels, though Eddie wasn’t here for people-watching. As he scanned the crowd, someone bumped into him. Eddie turned to see who had collided with and noticed that they were munching on what looked like a very real human finger. “Oh, what the fuck.”

Meeting at Macabre was a shit idea, Reza was fully aware of that fact. He'd mostly just caved because he didn't want to argue about more things with Eddie; his mind was already brimming over with shit he needed to say and scolding the medium about how shitty macabre was... it didn't even reach the top five of the list. So he reluctantly hung around, wishing he had a change of clothes out of his very 2016-Reza outfit, designed to make him blend in and not arouse suspicion. Complete with eyeliner (though that was mostly smudged off. He hoped). Eventually he'd been forced outside for a smoke if only to escape the music making him queasy, returning inside and checking his phone as he did. No reply from Eddie yet... strange, Reza would have figured they should have met up outside to avoid -- exactly what was happening a few feet away. Pushing his way through the crowd before the vamp with the finger (real charming) switched it out for Eddie's neck, Reza was quick to grab his friend and physically push him in a different direction. "Come on," he muttered, not giving Eddie a chance to stop until they reached the slightly more quiet area of chairs, people to drunk to dance and feedings happening in the corner. Yeah, this was just a fucking great place to be.

It wasn’t until arriving at Macabre that Eddie realized how painfully aware of his own neck he could be. His shoulders raised defensively and he nearly gasped when he felt Reza’s hands on him. It was truly good to hear his voice again even if there was some annoyance in the mix. A small smile formed as he walked with Reza, making the decision to allow himself to begin to feel safe in spite of the fact that they had just reached the corner of Macabre where humans went to waste away. “Sorry, about... that.” Nerves were evident in his voice, a side effect of the past week. “I’ve heard stories about this place but, uh, didn’t expect anything quite like that.” Eddie eyed Reza for a moment, distracted by what he was currently wearing, but also very much aware of the fact that he pulled it off. The prolonged awareness of Reza’s physical form made Eddie give in to an urge he’d had for a while. He took a step closer and wrapped his arms around Reza’s mid-section. “Sorry, I’m a fucking idiot.”

"Yeah, well the stories are usually true around here so don't do anything stupid. Or more stupid," Reza added the last part as an afterthought because Eddie had definitely crossed the line of doing stupid things, to a point of the vampire judging him. It wasn't like Reza had the perfect track record necessary to be judging Eddie's choices of people to... hang with. Sociopathic drug dealing vampire probably ranked in a similar place to psychopathic slayer but... still. Starting to squirm under the gaze, a part of him having hoped that Eddie would just let the stupid outfit slide. Apparently not and apparently, he wasn't going to let 'staring' be enough to unnerve Reza. There was no preventing the way Reza's whole body tensed up in response to the hug, jaw clenching. "I'll forgive you if you just tone down the touching," he gritted out, even though he would have easily been able to push Eddie off. And push him over to the other side of the club for that matter but the guy had been hurt enough.

The wind had been knocked out of him by the overwhelmingly negative response he’d received from Reza. His arms retreated back to his sides as the illusion of safety that Reza’s presence had brought evaporated. “Sorry.” The music seemed louder than before and Eddie was beginning to feel less and less welcome. It occurred to him that this may have been the last thing Reza wanted. He hadn’t seemed to keen on talking in general, maybe he’d only agree to meet Eddie to be cordial. It hurt, there was no getting past that, but he knew that he only had himself to blame. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that. It’s just... good to see you, I think.”

The hurt on Eddie's face made it look like he'd been slapped full force but Reza was finding it hard to reassure him, still reeling from the warmth and unexpected element of the hug. Not to mention that hugging felt almost... worse than the kiss way back, mostly because between the two, Eddie had (presumably) done more than just kissing to test the waters of his sexuality. "It's good to see you too, didn't expect you back in one piece." It slipped out, all the pent up frustration rolling off his tongue now that the he couldn't backspace every salty thing that came into his head. "Sorry, just... let's sit." Picking a table as far away from the corner of feeding as possible, filled with more memories than Reza cared to recall, he could still smell the faint scent of blood wafting over through the booze and sweat. "Are you okay?" he finally managed to ask, voice genuine once he'd put aside the odd feeling of anger, awkwardness and something that tickled just like jealousy.  

It seemed strange to Eddie, the way Reza was reacting, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on why. “That makes two of us.” He responded as the disgust that had made it’s home inside of him grew just a bit more. A lot of retrospection had followed the night he’d spent with Owen which had thrown a wrench in his usually stable mood. At times, he wanted nothing more than to go back to Owen’s and do it all again, but sometimes he just hated himself. Not only had he fumbled and ended up literally sleeping with the enemy, but this meant that he was actually gay. There was no covering it up anymore. He wasn’t gonna end up with a wife and two kids, a mortgage, and pre-picked cemetery lot. That future had never truly enticed Eddie, but it didn’t scare him as much as this new one. Acting on auto-pilot, he sat across from Reza and nearly laughed at his question. “Fuck no.” He said with a laugh that was betrayed by the fact that he looked like he could burst into tears at any moment. “I... I think I ruined my own life, actually.”

An honest answer. Reza wasn't sure whether he'd wanted the classic 'I'm fine' lie so they could pretend things weren't shit, or not. But the answer doubled with the pained look Eddie was sporting had Reza waving something that looked mostly nonsensical over to the bar but had a very specific meaning. Just one beer because this conversation wasn't going to happen like this; despite Reza's multiple therapy session, he had no way of clearly communicating about this whatsoever. "Yeah, been there. Multiple times, actually." He sighed; someone as dysfunctional as him really shouldn't be giving anyone advice right now, especially not considering their short but very weird history. "You wanna... talk about it?" Just in time, the two beers were placed on the table, the smell making Reza's stomach flip with disgust and excitement; a bad combo.

Cue the violins, Eddie felt like he was going to have a mental breakdown in a public setting. “And I managed to fuck you over while fucking myself over. I am, truly, a word-class fuck up.” The club felt more crowded than it had previously. “And the thing is-- I wanted it. I did.” Speaking on this subject was clearly putting a strain on Eddie, but he had needed to stop holding it all in. “Now I feel fucking empty most of the time, more alone than usual, and yet... I wanna do it again. Not necessarily with... him, I just...” He trailed off for a moment, taking a drink of beer to give himself courage. Though he’d claimed that he hadn’t only been hoping of doing what he’d done with Owen once more, the slayer had been on his mind almost constantly. “So, yeah, secret’s out. I’m gay and I am egregiously fucked up about it.” There was snark embedded into his words but even that couldn’t mask the fact that he was currently holding back an onslaught of tears.

Well, he hadn't need much prodding... Reza sunk back in his seat, guilt seeping in because he'd left Eddie on his own to deal with all of that because he'd been selfishly angry at... what? The slayer? Or the fact that Eddie had in no minor way been more open to a stranger than he had with Reza? Maybe it was as simple as not wanting to watch Eddie go through the same shit Reza had back then because just hearing the desperate way the medium spoke... it was enough to make half of Reza's beer vanish pretty quickly. "My first kiss with a guy was in here. And he bit me as well and I thought it was fucking amazing. Until I got home and had to face my dad and felt like the scum of the earth so... what I'm trying to say is I know how you feel and I'm sorry for snapping at you." Rubbing at his face, fingers smudging with black, he continued. "I mean, I really thought I could take on a slayer myself, what a dumbass. Which shouldn't have been the fucking point anyway but rather that you... I don't know, that you were okay, or whatever." The glass was raised again to silence his rambling because was this even helping? Reza had no fucking idea. "To sum up, uhm... it's okay that you're gay. Obviously. Even more okay that you're fucked up over it." Less okay that you let a slayer fuck you but we all make mistakes. Yeah, no. Eddie was one mean comment away from crumbling, it seemed.

The apology had not been something Eddie was expecting, but it felt amazing to receive. But the worst wasn’t over. Reza knew about his actions and accepted them, but something told Eddie that he wouldn’t react the same way to his feelings. Owen had burrowed his way into Eddie’s brain and even he knew that was a slippery slope to something much worse. So, he chose not to tell Reza about how badly he wanted to message the slayer or to just show up at his house unannounced and lacking motives other than just wanting to see him. Things that Owen had said seemed to have tattooed themselves in the folds of his brain. He’d find himself laughing or smiling to himself until he realized how fucked he was; then all he felt was dread. Eddie’s eyes carefully watched as Reza wiped away at his makeup, choosing to fixate on his friend rather than become overwhelmed by the crowd. “You’re really important to me, okay?” He’d glazed over what Reza said mostly in the name of self-preservation. “I don’t know why the universe decided it was time for you to pay your dues and saddled you with me, but I’m glad it did. So, I don’t really care what you did, I’m just happy you’re here. Kinda thought I’d lost you for a second there.”

"Nah, someone still has to chaperone you around Ashkent so you don't get yourself killed," Reza muttered into his beer, trying to brush aside the complete absurdity of this whole situation. Wondering what the hell it looked like to an outsider - probably the worst date in history. Or an apology date, for that matter. Which made sense, considering the sinking gut feeling Reza had, making him feel cheated on. Not in the soul wrenching, heart stopping way he'd felt when he'd actually been cheated on (which would have been a really weird reaction so thank fuck for that) but still shit. In accordance to all that, it probably wasn't too much of a surprise when the unnecessary question slipped out. It had only needed a nudge from a single beer, empty glass getting abandoned on the table. "So what exactly did you do?"

Eddie had been carefully taking a sip of his beer when his brain registered Reza’s question. He nearly choked but managed to recover after shooting his friend an almost horrified expression. “What did I do?” He stalled, wondering if he should actually unleash the gory details. “I mean, we didn’t-- we didn’t go all the way or anything.” Suddenly, he felt like he was in high school again. He wondered how long it would for Reza to ask if ‘like-liked’ Owen. “We just...” Every word that came to mind was vulgar; he didn’t want to subject his friend to that. In an odd way, he felt like he had wronged Reza by acting on such urges. Even if Owen wasn’t a slayer, there would still be guilt. “Well, first he...you know, oral.” He wasn’t even speaking in complete sentences. “And then I returned the favor.” Eddie was bright red.

Reza was painfully aware of how shitty the question had been, the point proven by Eddie almost choking. Despite that, there wasn't a real urge to retract the question while the other man stalled. He could have; just brushed it off as an impulse thing, they could have talked about literally anything else but alas. This weird drive to know what had happened wasn't really explainable, at least not further than just morbid curiosity and perhaps forcing Eddie to say these things out loud. Which he did and Reza finally regretted asking. "Hmm," came the eloquent response, hand wrapping tightly around the empty glass - not too tightly, he'd learned from his accident with Reed. "Interesting." What the fuck was he even saying? As unnecessary as the first question had been, Reza found a second one popping into his mind. One that he actually knew he needed the answer to. "Did he make you?" Reza asked the bottom of his glass, not watching Eddie but hearing the way his heart was hammering away. This couldn't be what the medium had wanted out of this little pow-wow but there was no avoiding the subject. Reza felt personally involved and aside from that, he didn't want Eddie making the same mistakes he had.

It became apparent to Eddie that Reza had become an expert at shocking him. The events of the night spent at Owen’s flashed before his eyes as he analyzed every choice he had made. The corner of his heart that had latched onto Owen was appalled, it wanted Reza to know that Owen would never do anything like that to Eddie. Though, if Eddie were to be completely honest, he wasn’t entirely sure what Owen was capable of. “No, he didn’t make me.” Eddie spoke slowly, not able to will himself to make eye contact. “No, I-- I wanted it. I think I even made the first actual move,” omitting wandering hands at least, “and I... enjoyed it even if it was a little strange. He wouldn’t...” Eddie sighed. “Well, he didn’t.”

"Well, that's... good." Not very convincing, even though it was obviously good that Eddie had been making his own decisions. Even though the fact that Eddie had willingly made those shit decisions was making Reza's stomach churn. This was Bridget and Veronica all over again, only Veronica hadn't literally threatened to kill him. At least she'd somewhat cared that Reza hadn't murdered anyone yet. "See, this is why I didn't want to talk about my whole thing with Noah because it's weird. Right? This feels pretty fucking weird to me at least," Reza rambled. His head was starting to hurt but at least the mention of Noah was like a tiny weight lifting, reminding him of the chance he still might just have. Granted that he wasn't out here getting... well, fucking jealous to say it as is, at his friend sleeping around. "Like I wanna say I'm happy for you but that guy's not any better than the pricks I work for so... maybe we can settle on me definitely not hating you?"

Guilt squeezed Eddie’s heart as a grim reminder that it hadn’t gone anywhere. “It’s weird.” He agreed with a slight nod. “I think that’s mostly my fault. I mean, needless to say that my choice making skills are questionable at best. I guess this’ll just be another installment of what happens when you follow people that don’t really want you around.” Sadness swirled in his stomach which prompted him to finally finish off his beer. “I don’t expect you to be happy for me, I’m not even sure if I’m happy for me yet. But, and maybe I shouldn’t say this, I am still unbelievably grateful that you were one of my firsts at least. I think about that conversation we had about what life would have been like if we’d gone to high school together and it probably would have been a hot fucking mess, but thinking about it usually makes me smile or whatever. Though, I would be the fucking worst white knight.”

Seeing Eddie down his beer had Reza waving for a second round, almost out of pure instinct. It wasn't the best idea but he'd be careful. He knew he could be, now that he actually had something (or someone) to lose from being a fuck up. "I want you around," Reza mumbled, brushing off just how much he meant that statement and latching onto Eddie's follow up train of thought. "I'm kinda glad we didn't, to be honest. You would have just been another straight guy for me to be in denial about crushing on and on top of that, you would have had to deal with me like this." Reza gestured to the 'even darker than usual' ensemble, over the top amount of rings, complete with a stupid belt buckle and studded army boots and honestly, he should have just gone full out and thrown a fucking colored streak into his hair. At least he wasn't wearing a full length trenchcoat like... well, an alarming amount of people in here. "So, yeah. You would have been a shitty white knight and I would have denied ever needing a fucking rescue." And a saving grace, in the form of two more beers.

For a moment, a stupidly happy grin appeared on Eddie’s face. Verbal conformation that he was wanted coupled with Reza reeling him back to reality. He almost felt normal again. “For what it’s worth,” Eddie shrugged as a playful expression emerged on his face, “you kinda pull it off at least. And I’m only saying ‘kinda’ so I don’t fully embarrass myself.” He sipped at his beer. “Being a white knight sounds exhausting anyway.”

Alright, they could do this. Just have a normal conversation, two guys drinking beers and not talking about oral sex with slayers (or thinking about it, fucking stop). "Don't be turning into a fucking liar for my benefit, Ghost Whisperer," Reza chuckled, metal clinking against the glass as his hands wrapped around it. "Yeah, it probably is. Not to mention that it's mostly fucking impossible. I mean, white knight? Wouldn't that mean you'd have to be like... perfect? I think a morally ambiguous gray knight is definitely more up my alley and also, I don't fucking know where I'm going with this so fucking cheers." Clinking his glass against Eddie's before taking a few sips, Reza ignored the shit taste in lieu of the comfort. Which he wasn't going to get used to again.

Eddie grinned at the nickname he’d received from Reza. It was odd to hear his abilities talked about in such a cavalier manner, but it was nice. “Mostly, I think you just have to see yourself as perfect, which is probably why it seems so impossible for us.” He punctuated his statement with a laugh though it was an honest remark. Eddie’s only source of self-esteem came from his looks which he worked on endlessly. Anything was just another bullet point on the list of things he hated about himself.

"Yeah, let's promise to never go there," Reza scoffed. Seeing yourself as perfect wasn't a quality Reza admired and there were plenty of people who fit that description dancing around in here. His eyes wandered around the club for a little too long, regretting just how well he knew this place. "I think I've spent too much time here." Drowning the pathetic statement with some beer, Reza tried and failed to ignore the wistful looks their table was starting to get - or Eddie, more specifically. Just another blood bag in a lot of the vamp's eyes. Reza was getting squirmy. "Hey, didn't you say you wanted me to show you arund a few places in Ashkent?"

Perfection had been something that Eddie aimed to achieve for years. It was only now that he was slowly beginning to settle into himself that what he once saw as inadequacy was actually individuality. He’d only said that he was gay out loud once, but the admission was already starting to have an effect on his brain chemistry. It felt like he’d finally shrugged the weight of the world off his shoulders even if he was painfully aware that his struggle came without an expiration date. Eddie perked up when Reza mentioned that he’d spent too much time in Macabre. He wasn’t quite ready to part ways, so the question that soon followed brought an immense grin to Eddie’s face. “I thought you’d never ask.”

#touchofchatzy #c: reza #something macabre something

[sammoizq]

“What did you love about #5 anyway?” I interjected. “I don’t know… he is just perfect. And I love him so much,” “But you don’t know what it is that you love about him?” “It’s just.. the feeling when I’m with him. It always felt right with him. He made me feel loved and I loved him too,” “That’s it? Just a feeling? .. something more specific, maybe? I mean, if you thought he’s so ‘perfect’, then why break up?” “Because I’m just not good enough for him? I don’t know..” she paused. “What is love to you then…” “Hmm.. to me, being together or in love with someone should be more that just a feeling.. it should also be about mutual understanding, acceptance, respect, commitment and trust.” “That’s what all couples would hope and want their relationship to be like. But expectations and reality don’t always go together..” “Or maybe.. someone’s just not trying?” “Well if you think love is so simple.. why haven’t you been in a success relationship?” “I never said love was simple.. but I guess the reason why I’ve never been with anyone yet is because.. I already know exactly what I want,” “You have.. a checklist?” “Sorta. It’s not the typical kinda ‘I’d like a girl with long hair, pretty smile etc’ superficial checklist though,” “Oh. What kind of list is it then?” “It’s like.. a concept of love. Of what it is about a girl that will make me fall completely in love with her. A concept that has more than three specific reasons that would answer any question as to why I love her.” “You have a concept of love?” she laughed. “Love isn’t a theory.. you can’t just classify love by a concept or definition, you simply feel it with your heart..” “But you see.. the reason why I think there are so many broken hearts, is because people merely jump into a relationship when their heart feels a certain something towards someone. But I don’t think that’s love, that’s merely an infatuation. Personally, I believe there are more than three reasons and aspects that actually determines whether we really are truly in love beyond the superficial ‘I don’t know why I love him/her.. I just do’ reason,” “I call it the 4+1 theory. The aspects that will determine if it’s true love or just a fickle infatuation. It’s based on this idea that whenever we like someone, if we really go deeper into what is it that draws us to him or her, we’d be able to find that one specific reason. That’s not love though. That’s merely an attraction or infatuation. But when more than three of the aspects from this theory are present, you’ll be pretty sure that it’s more than just a feeling. For me personally, this determines if I’ll ever fall in love with a girl…”

Mind. Heart. Body. Soul.

The mind aspect, to put it simply, is her intellect. But I don’t mean the academic smarts.. it’s the way she thinks, processes and analyzes things way beyond a shallow self centeredness. It’s the way she puts across her thoughts, not for winning an argument’s sake, but to really try to understand or even sensibly debate opposing views that might leave anyone reflecting on her words or challenge me to think differently. It’s the way she carries herself off with an aura of sophistication and enigmatic charm and no matter how much I might think I already know her or have her figured out, she’ll still surprise me with something unexpected. Good surprise. I like intellect. Personally, it takes a little more to intrigue me and stimulate my senses. If I can connect with someone and talk endlessly about the concept of nothing, then, only then, will we be able to talk about everything else.. and I think that’s incredibly alluring,” “Ooh.. so my best friend’s sapiosexual too,” she teased. “But what about her likes and dislikes or like her personality.. does that go under the mind aspect too?” “Well, that’s where the heart aspect comes in. The heart represents who she is by what she values or cares about. The things she likes, the things she dislikes. What really matters to her, as well as her insecurities and fears..” She bit her lower lip - thinking. “But what if him knowing about my past and all my insecurities scares him or drives him away? Or what if he ever uses all of these against me if someday things go bad between us?” “Erm.. you do realize that it doesn’t really matter now because whether or not he ever knew, he already chose to leave you right? But.. if he still or ever tries to hurt you in any way, then he is a fucking bastard and I will punch his face, I really meant it.“ “I don’t think he even cares about me anymore,” she sighed, “maybe he never really did.. we were so.. different. I don’t know why I never actually realize it before,” “Maybe because then, you were too ‘blinded by love’ to see, or you chose to conveniently ignore the differences. Honestly though, I think it’s critical for two people to understand each other’s heart and learn to accommodate each other’s differences rather than simply turning a blind eye or deaf ear ‘because I love him and that’s all that matters’. Because if two people are too different in the way they think, behave or live.. I reckon it will become a huge problem when the infatuation bubble bursts.” “I don’t really understand..” she said. “Let me just ask you this.. does he know how passionate you are towards the arts and music?“ “Well, no.. not really. He’s more the sports kind of guy and doesn’t like theater and stuff so I didn’t want him to get bored if I talked to him about things he isn’t interested in..” “Then I’m guessing he probably also doesn’t care or know the little things about you. Like how you’re afraid of the dark and why you’re actually scared of darkness.. how family and relationships are really important to you.. that ice cream is your happy pill. You know, I’m even going to bet that he doesn’t know you go to bed every night, clutching your phone just hoping and waiting for him to text you goodnight..” She started to tear again, but I continued.. “You see, it’s not a matter of whether it bores him or not.. it’s a matter of whether he bothers or not. I mean, if he doesn’t even know these things about you, then he really doesn’t know you at all. How then can he say he loves you?” “But I really loved him,” she murmured softly to herself . “I know you did. I know you still do and it’s hurting you like shit. But you need to know that for any kind of relationship to work.. two people need to give and take. Sadly, with him, it seems like you’re the one who was always giving. If he actually really loved you back as much, he’d make a greater effort to close the gap and bridge the differences between you two. He’d want to hear what you have to say, he would actually consider your opinions, your needs and your feelings. He’ll not just tell you or text you that he loves you.. he’ll show it by the things he will do or be willing to do no matter how inconvenient or silly it might be, just because.. he knows it’ll make you happier or better. To me, when it comes to a relationship, the heart aspect isn’t just a feeling or who you/he or she is anymore. It becomes two hearts beating as one. Two people wanting to understand each other.. sharing the good, the bad and possibly a future together; actually bothering and supporting each other’s feelings, values, dreams, thoughts, emotions,” She stayed silent for a long while before she looked up, holding my gaze.. there was this unspoken tension building before she finally spoke again. “But.. what if something that’s important to me, is not something the guy might feel same way about?” “Then I’ll try-” I caught myself. “I mean, if I were him. I’d try. I’d make the effort.. because it’s important to you and you’re important to me.” She remained silent again. She wasn’t crying anymore but this time, the prolonged silence was starting to grow even more deafening. She finally spoke - softly, “do you believe in love at first sight?” “No.” I said flatly. “Oh..” she sighed. “You know what you said about mind and heart.. it’s actually starting to sink in and I’m beginning to realize that maybe these two aspects weren’t exactly a big part of my relationship with him,” “So what made you fall in love with him then?” “Well.. don’t laugh, but I’ve always thought that with him, it was love at first sight. I mean, there was just this spark between us from the very first time we met,” “Cos he was hot?” I scoffed. “No.. don’t be an idiot,” she tried to hide her smile but failed. I rolled my eyes. “Okay fine, yea maybe that. But it wasn’t the only reason!” I raised an eyebrow. “He was really nice too! And he was always sweet to me,“ she began her defense case. “He always made me feel happy, secure and loved without even having to try, you know?” I just continued staring at her waiting for her to go on. “Oh never mind, you’d never understand..” “Actually.. I do. And I think I now understand what it was that made you fall in love with him. The body aspect. The body aspect is about physical attraction, intimacy and presence. I don’t believe in love at first sight. I don’t believe you can just “instantly know” you’re in love or that someone’s THE one just by “first sight”. No offense, but I think the whole love at first sight concept is bullshit that only exists in movies and fairy tales. In reality, it isn’t love. That very first attraction.. is probably lust. Lust at first sight”. “What nonsense! It’s not like I was lusting over him from the very first time I laid eyes on him! Maybe it’s the case for guys.. I mean, sex is always on a guy’s mind whenever he meets a girl right? But it’s different for girls..” she protested. “Okay. You know what.. since you brought up the age-old guys and sex debate, I’ll tell you this secret to clarify something about guys for the first and last time.. probably 99% of guys are naturally sexual. If you ever meet any guy who tells you he isn’t sexual at all, it’s not that he’s gay – no, gays are even more horny .. he’s likely to be a liar and you should be more wary of him. BUT! Here’s the thing.. even though guys are sexual by nature, it isn’t always the only or most important thing to a guy,” “Really?” now she raised her eyebrow with that annoying smirk on her face. “Oh come on, you girls know how it is, plus you aren’t exactly saint-like innocent either.. sometimes you see a hot guy and you start fantasizing or making statements like ‘omg have my babies’..” “That…” she started blushing. “That.. is exactly my point. It’s the same with guys. We might talk and think about sex a lot more openly than girls but it isn’t always the only thing on our mind. When I said it’s lust at first sight.. I didn’t literally mean you want the guy naked and in bed. What I meant is the momentary attraction or desire– he might be hot, he might be charming, he might have smiled at you that made you feel a certain way.. but that’s not love. That’s really just a superficial physical attraction. Saying “I’m in love” right there and then just completely takes the special meaning out of the word ‘love’. If you ask me, I personally think the process of loving or falling in love with someone involves discovering the person and then perhaps developing feelings. It could happen quickly or over a longer period of time, but not at first sight,” “Hmm.. that does make sense,” she paused and then her lips curled up forming that annoying smirk again. “Oh wow, this is the first time you and I are talking about sex huh..”. “You never asked..” “Tell me then.. what is sex to you?” “Sex.. to me, is merely a physical act. I am not part of the whole “sex is sacred/taboo” camp but then, I don’t take sides with the whole bed hopping culture either,” “I can’t believe you just said that sex is merely a physical act..” she began in a disappointed tone. “But sex really is just a physical act if it’s without emotions or feelings. And that is why I distinguish between sex and making love, the same way I clearly differentiate ‘loving’ and ‘being in love’ with someone,” “Oh.” this time, she smiled. She understood. “Don’t get me wrong.. I think physical intimacy is very important in a relationship but for me, the one physical aspect that matters the most.. is the physical presence. That, is also what I reckon made you fall in love with him. “Okay this, I really want to know…” she said. “The physical presence is simply being there. You want him to be with you. You want to be there for him. Because just being there with or for each other makes your day, or you as a person, a little better. You may act or behave a little different when you’re with him, but in a good way – in a way that you actually feel completely comfortable, safe and you. Perhaps even without you knowing, you smile more and laugh harder. You feel real, genuine joy. And even on days when the smile can’t happen, you know you don’t have to pretend to be okay or be self conscious in front of him; because its perfectly okay to be the way you are and feel when you’re with him. He cares about you and you feel loved when you’re with him. Sometimes, there are no need for words or explanations.. just his presence, him being there for you, holding you.. makes you feel better or believe that it’s going to be okay again. Because you’re not just holding on to someone for attention or sympathy.. you actually feel and believe that you’re holding on to a part of or the rest of your life..” Which leads to the fourth aspect – soul. The soul aspect to me, is the deepest form and the final affirmation that should answer any remaining doubt or questions as to whether we’ve truly fallen in love with a person. It’s when you start noticing but still appreciate all the other little things, even the flaws - especially the flaws. It’s when you truly know a person stripped down of all their walls, exposed to their soul and yet still accept and love him or her. It’s a level of understanding and acceptance that goes beyond the “honeymoon everything is perfect” period. It’s when you finally realize this one person is someone you can always and want to tell everything to, and you want to ask and know everything of him or her as well. It’s when you actually want to share your life and trust your secrets with this person; and you can. This someone is the first person you think of when you’re happy, sad or when something significant happens. This same person is someone you can call at 1am in the morning and they’d drop everything to make time for you, staying by you till the sun rises or you’re better again - as you would for him or her as well. This person cares and will listen. Will really listen, giving you their undivided attention and genuine love; not necessarily every time but any time you need him or her. This one person makes your problem their problem and they go through it together with you just so you don’t have to go through the pain and tears alone,” It was at this moment, for the very first time, she looked at me in a different way but said nothing. “You see, the soul aspect..” I continued, “is when you start to see and want to share the rest of your life with this one other. And not in a clingy “I can’t live without you” way, but in a way that I can still live my life without you as I have before I met you, but now that you’ve come to exist in my life, I see the possibility of a life with you and now I actually want to make decisions and live a life, continuing to create more moments and memories together with you”. “Well.. so.. have you met this one person yet? I mean, I’m sure it’s almost impossible to find that ‘perfect’ girl who fulfills all of your four aspects of love right?” she mumbled. I could barely hear her. She wasn’t even looking at me anymore. “No, it is not impossible and I don’t think its asking for too much. You see the thing about these four aspects is, we often and will find one or two aspects in many different people. And that alone may be enough to make us attracted to them or develop a crush on them. But really, that is not love at all. If we like a person because “he’s cute” or “the way she thinks”, that’s just us liking the body and/or mind aspect of a person. The reality is, we are always going to meet many people who possess these different aspects of mind, heart, body or soul. But on a rare occasion when you do meet someone who possess all these four aspects.. you’ll almost definitely know that he or she is not one of many but may just be the one. So personally, I won’t settle for anything less unless she possess more than three qualities." “So what’s plus one?” she asked, still not looking at me. “Plus one…” I trailed off – unconsciously. “Plus one.. is something only the one who’s meant to be will ever know and hold the answer to”. end. - Truth be told, it was a story written as a confession and answer. (copied sharing from Matthew Zachary Liu)

[fangqueen]

Hey for the gay!Draco (which is such a cool idea btw omfg) how about draco+pansy with Draco pining for harry? :)

(Y’all ready for this, drum roll please: here’s my first ever Drarry piece! I know, crazy, right? Thank you so much for this prompt, hun! It was a lot of fun!! I don’t know if this was exactly what you were looking for, but I hope you like it. :))

Read on AO3

He’d always had a…staring problem whenit came to Potter, if he were being honest. And he’d never been the most subtleabout it, either, despite his best attempts. In school, it had been the subjectof quite a few jokes amongst his Slytherin comrades: his “obsessive, one-sidedlove affair” with the scarred hero. At the time, he’d rise to the bait, getflustered and defensive and do a whole song and dance about how wrong theywere, how it wasn’t like that. As he aged, he gradually decided to stoptrying altogether. There was really no use in it, was there? Not when they wereright, after all.

It had become even more of a challenge overtime. At Hogwarts, they were both mostly single. There were no real appearancesto keep up in that way, no one to disappoint were he to get caught looking.But now…Well, Potter wasn’t, but Draco was married. To see him aroundthe Ministry, to feel this way when he did…It seemed so much hardernow than it ever had before.

Inter-departmental parties were customary. Soeven though they didn’t work in the same office, Draco was still subjected tohis presence more frequently than he’d initially expected. However, he attendedthese events with the grace of a wealthy pureblood: dressed to the nines, hisbeautiful, adoring wife on his arm. They’d mingle, chat animatedly, and laughwith co-workers, superiors, and friends alike, just as they’d been raised todo. After such a long fall for his family name, and after how many people intheir society still distrusted him, it was all he could do, really, tokeep himself afloat and a roof over their heads.

Yet, it was always during these times that hewas most drawn to him. Tonight was no exception. There, across the room, hecould be seen in a circle of his fellow Aurors. Draco would’ve never awardedhim for his fashion sense, by any means, but he tried his best, he could seethat. Typically with a blazer over a v-neck t-shirt, a pair of tight, dark washjeans. Somewhere between “I know how to dress myself,” and “I had no clue whatto wear, and so I threw on the first thing I saw in my closet.” Same circularglasses as always, constantly sliding down the bridge of his nose and forcinghim to continually push them back up, and hair characteristically disheveled atall times. He looked like he’d be game for a rough tumble against a wall in thealley–quick and desperate, before anyone even noticed they were gone,returning with their outfits a tad misplaced, a sign of where they’d been.

But then he’d recall the woman beside him: thegorgeous creature he’d chosen to spend the rest of his life with. Of course, heknew from experience that she looked even better out of her clothes thanin them, but…Pansy was absolutely stunning in that emerald cocktail dress.Her style had always been impeccable, but especially now that she was a littleolder, more mature. She looked, perpetually, like she was ready for asophisticated night on the town leading into slow, passionate love on silkensheets. The color she’d chosen tonight meshed perfectly with the tone of herskin, her hair, the black make-up around her eyes, lacquer on her fingernails,the aubergine lipstick now staining the rim of her champagne glass. The large,clear diamond on her ring finger…

He’d glance between these two opposites for mostof the night. So different, and yet each captured his heart, his soul, in theirown special way, and all the while he’d be thinking: why, why couldn’the have both? Because Potter would definitely turn him down, probably with acurse and a snide remark about it to Weasley when they left. Because Pansywouldn’t understand…

Although, they were sort of alike,weren’t they? He realized, now that he was comparing. Dark hair, pale skin,slight build. Maybe he did have a type…

“Sickle for your thoughts,” she said coyly, thefingertips of her free hand gently caressing down the length of his arm tosqueeze his wrist.

He finally tore his gaze away from his obsessionfor a moment to look at her again. “It’s nothing,” he assured her, painfullyaware of the lump in his throat, making his voice sound tighter and lessconvincing than he’d prefer.

For a brief moment, her dark eyes followed hisline of sight, the invisible trail left in the air from his prolonged staringof earlier, and lighted upon the very man he’d been observing–still in thesame exact spot, laughing at something Shacklebolt had said as he lifted hisdrink to his lips. Then she was turning back to him, once again catching him inthe act. What else could’ve been expected of him? When she’d looked, it hadreminded him, and…He saw it: the moment she recognized the pink shading hecould feel in his cheeks. She furrowed her brow. Then she smiled–grinned, morelike, one corner turning up, and a light switching on behind her irises. Sheheld his hand then; firm, comforting, full of warmth and admiration andunderstanding.

“Sure it is, love.”

Gay!Draco Challenge

#gay!draco challenge #slytherdornet #jamespottersbutt #drarry #dransy #draco malfoy #harry potter #pansy parkinson #hp #fanfiction #fangqueen writes fanfiction