#just so many hard decisions

[weedhillfarm]

Girl, what happened to your face

#martha #goats #the doe that i might get has a really thin face compared to baby martha but their faces change so much #her parents have beautiful roman noses so youd think shell grow into it #just so many hard decisions #also martha has a really weird short blocky head #anyways i looove martha #shes the cutest

[twilight-deviant]

Watcher fans sure are entitled and a little insane, ngl. "No one is going to sign up for your service! We're all poor! You've made the worst decision, and you'll be back in no time!" Saying this directly to the creators really reminds you of how low the respect for people you don't personally know has gone. I miss the forth wall between creator and audience.

I get and fully understand not having the money to support them, but... Watcher does have fans with money. A lot of them actually. They have merch sales. Their live tour sells out most venues. They have thousands of supporters on Patreon, where the cheapest tier is $5. They're able to gauge the rough finances of their staunchest supporters; that's how they landed on the subscription price. Yes, this move will reduce their viewership in sheer numbers, but to say all of their fans are broke and none will follow/support is factually incorrect.

It may not be a decision everyone agrees with, but severing the limitations of advertisers and youtube in favor of artistic freedom is a good thing. Yes, even if it comes with a loss of revenue. They understand that risk.

Also, I'm begging people to stop treating this like "another Netflix" or something and instead look at it as, "I am supporting a creator I like, similar to Patreon." They literally said in the video that they don't care if you share accounts. Get five friends, and you'll pay $1/mo.

I hate feeling compelled to rant in favor of their decision because I have my own reservations about whether it's the best move. However, I know it's not a choice they made lightly, and I like to think they understand that they'll need to branch out like crazy to entice subscribers.

#Fair-weather fans #I speak as someone currently undecided if I'll sign up for their service or not #I have my own budget to consider #But the waves of people poor-mouthing AT Watcher directly is ridiculous and embarrassing #“They're underestimating how many of us are poor” #Okay but that's not how business works #They just need enough people who aren't poor #and they may well have those numbers #Do you think they would have made such a drastic decision if they didn't??? #If they want to focus on fans who support them even if their hard work isn't free that's their choice #People are trying to be so anti-capitalism on this they've actually circled back around to saying #“Just take ad revenue from these companies so they can profit off your content and I don't have to pay out of MY pocket.” #That's... that's not the anti-capitalism stance you think it is #Maybe (and this is crazy) asking for a few dollars directly instead of through the vehicle of youtube‚ google‚ and all its advertisers is #... not spitting on the fans? #Please stop trying to guilt small content creators to their face while simping for large corporations #Watcher

[grumpysunfish]

Can we like. Stop projecting modern day western class discussions into mdzs. Or better yet stop talking about class altogether since so many of you are clearly ill prepared for it.

I love mdzs for how complicated and different it is from what I'm used to and seeing all of that get whittled down into the same old tired money/power = bad when it is so much more than that. It's a completely different system and culture. Western capitalist critiques isn't going to cut it people.

#jiang cheng #mdzs #This applies to many more character but I am the most familiar with his brand of discourse #I am completely in wei wuxian's side regarding saving the wens #Although I think he could have handled that way better #But if jiang cheng chose to save the wens at the risk of yunmeng jiang. I would not have been at his side #Jiang cheng's decision doesn't just affect him #it affects a whole sect #People depending on him #Why is this so hard to understand? Why is jiang cheng selfish for choosing to protect the people under him? #Shockers. Being responsible for a large group of people means there are thing you just can't do even if it is the right thing #Reputation is in fact important. Isn't mdzs partly about that? Isn't that one of the things that killed wei wuxian? #Anyways I love you characters straining under the weight of their duties and responsibilities #They can never make me hate you #meta analysis

[carefulfears]

thinking about "you have a life" / "i don't know what i have" + "what do you want, dana?" / "i want everything that i should want at this time of my life" + the perceived shame in scully's loss of normalcy... "unlike you, mulder, i would like to have a life" + "do you believe in the afterlife?" / "i'd settle for a life in this one" + "don't you ever want to just stop? get out of the damn car? settle down and live something approaching a normal life?"

her friend ellen saying, "well, first you have to get a life." tara, pregnant with their christmas gift, saying that life before one grew inside her was "somehow...less, just a prelude," while barren dana cries in the kitchen. "i know you and dad were...disappointed...that i chose the path that i'm on."

thinking about how mulder said, "this is a normal life," and how she smiled. (he doesn't know any different). how, in the end, he said, "hey, scully? i know it's not your normal life, but thanks for coming out there with me."

(christmas before quantico, "i guess i'm afraid of making a big mistake. dad thinks i am." and missy's response: "it's not his life, dana.")

her application to adopt emily was rejected: "you're a single woman who's never been married or had a long-term relationship. you're in a high stress, time intensive, and dangerous occupation."

bill's reaction: "sounds like something your partner would say. this isn't about any little girl, dana. this is about you. it's about some...void, some emptiness inside you that you're trying to fill."

and mulder to the judge: "the fact that she can adopt this child, her own flesh and blood, is something i don't feel i have the right to question, and i don't believe anyone has the right to stand in the way of."

(that last christmas with missy before everything: "there is no right or wrong. life is just a path...just don't mistake the path for what is really important in life. the people you're going to meet along the way. you don't know who you're going to meet when you join the FBI. you don't know how your life is going to change, or how you're going to change the life of others.")

and ultimately, it all leads to a leather couch. and after contemplating that sacrifice of normalcy, what she should want, the decisions she could have made, she says, "i once considered spending my whole life with this man...what i would have missed."

she could've been a doctor, like her father wanted. she could've settled down, married waterston, had a normal life, like her friends and brother wanted. but what would she have missed?

"what if there was only one choice and all the other ones were wrong?" / "and all the...choices would then lead to this very moment. one wrong turn, and...we wouldn't be sitting here together."

#i truly believe that what's made this show so lasting and rich to so many generations #is how completely in touch with raw human experience it always was. there was always this kind of bleak undertone of...this is how it is... #and very rarely was it ever overcome or accepted or boldly subverted. it just was. #the pressures and the grief and the traps of abuse and trauma and power structures. this is how it is. this is how it feels. #'people thought the storyline and characters for x-files made it a 'dark' show but i never saw it that way. #i always thought mulder and scully were the light in dark places.' #my favorite quote about the show and why i think it's so comforting. it's the harsh reality of the world #of which mulder and scully are not exempt #but it's also mulder and scully going wherever they are needed with their unending kindness and their perseverance and their passion #and they bring all of those things to each other too. that's why she chose THIS life. despite it NOT being normal. #despite it NOT being what her father wanted for her. despite it NOT being easy. she chooses it over and again #because he is bringing light to dark places and she wants to be where he is and she wants to be doing important work. she wants to be #'on the side of the victim' #and that's rarely supported by societal structures and it's hard. but like she says #what would she have missed?? #txf.txt #you people make me crazy when you dismiss her decisions and act like she Ruined Her Life or mulder Ruined Her Life #congratulations! you've missed the point! #all things #emily #dreamland

[brother-emperors]

THE BROTHERS PAOLO AND VITELLOZZO VITELLI

man. the fucking. cycles of violence going on here. war, condottieri brothers, the execution of paolo vitelli (but the on the matter of guilt: questionable! no proof besides the absence of potential violence, but what conspiracy-betrayal wants to leave behind proof? torture and execute him anyway. maybe machiavelli has a point! unfortunately you left a surviving brother), the congiura della magione, all of it coming together at the strage di senigallia. just blood and gore and war all the way down, never stopping for a breather, already on to it's next battlefield. also malaria is there!

in other news! it turns out if you want to draw a comic about the strage di senigallia, you have to figure out designs for all the people in the room, but if you draw vitellozzo, you also have to draw his brother because he's like. there. in a dead way. something something vitellozzo's desire to avenge his brother manifesting in his desire to brutalize florence for their role in his brother's death.

that said, I did not want to draw military armor for an illustration that was partially designed to test out some splatter brushes. in the future though….I will have to revisit that visual…..

#italian renaissance tag #bdhsehrhghhhh #i thought about doing classicstober for about thirty seconds except i mostly draw roman politicians and i wouldn't do a roman #politicians october if there was one #what i will do. for some reason. is a comic about the senigallia massacre. because i have exactly one panel i want to draw SO bad #but in order to get that one panel. i need TEN PAGES OF NARRATIVE so the pay off will be satisfying. aughhrhghdhdhguehs #blood cw #anyway i dont think that paolo was conspiring. its just that the absence of decisive violence in war when you have the upper hand is like #weird. for everyone watching. like what are YOU doing man. #something about. uh. cesare's involvement in all of this is also compelling? the way we go to cesare and then against him #and cesare coming down HARD. take no prisoners. only their heads. #god what i would've done for s4 of showtime's borgias to see how they would do the senigallia massacre.............weeping...... #anyway. blah. whether or not this comic gets done in octber is a huge question. but we gotta. get started on it. for #it to someday get finished. you know. AUGH. i need to do environment studies again #the renaissance has a vibe and i have yet to pin down the architectural vibe when i try to draw it. SOMEDAY. someday.... #related to all of this (its not) i feel ethically obligated to do some kind of narrative justice to so many figures that were in AC2

[samarecharm]

geniunely not trying to put words in ur mouth im geniunely asking: what do you actually like about persona 5? from all ur rants im just wondering why you didnt drop the game bc it seems (again, im not trying to put words in ur mouth) that it simply not for you? i geniunely have not felt any of the issues you bring up outside of the writing ones and i cannot tell if i'm just easily pleased and not good at discerning what a good game is or we simply have dif things we enjoy in a video game. i hate getting tone across text but im asking out of geniune curiosity im not trying to attack your opinion (;-;)

Nah, i dont feel like ur attacking me, and I hope u dont feel the same when u see my complaints! Lmao. In my defense, I am replaying the game for the first time after completing my first file back in 2020, so alot of the faults i kinda shrugged off in my first playthrough are now glaringly in my face now that I no longer have the confusion and interest in learning the main story to keep me occupied. The game is clunky all the way through, and at some times, even frustratingly so.

But despite that, i do like this game. Alot! Its probably one of my top games ever if im being honest!

This ended up way longer than I intended, so im putting it under a readmore to keep the post short on dashboards

If i had to describe what I liked about the game in the simplest way imaginable…I think I would say, I like how the game makes me feel :) I like the music. I like the vibe. I like the immersion from city to city, and I like the premise! I like the characters and I like the connections you make with these characters! As im replaying this game, i am most excited to see Akira and his comments about the world :) i like hearing everyones voices, I like their little interactions in Mementos, and I like seeing them fight!

P5 is the first game I played in the series; its the game that introduced me to SMT in the first place! And it (smt) is a series that my longtime best friend LOVES and never thought hed be able to share with me! It is a game i keep very near to my heart; it has influenced me in ways i did not think would happen in the short couple of years since i first finished it. It genuinely keeps me awake some nights thinking about the world this game has created, and I think that is a testament to the impact its had, be it good or bad.

The joke about wishing theyd make a persona game that was Good is that despite all of its numerous flaws, the games manage to snatch your attention and pull you in anyway. Imagine if they made a game that had all of those things that i mentioned I loved, but done Right and executed Properly?? Where I got to have a story that made sense and didnt need to be spoonfed to me (in like an HOUR of dialogue and scenes; an HOUR!), and characters that talked and bonded beyond the tiny snippets of interaction theyre allowed to have in mementos? Combat that let me use PERSONAS i liked instead of BUILDS that stop me from getting instakilled throughout the entirety of the endgame, and a Persona building mechanic that didnt feel like I was shooting in the dark looking for possible fusions that end up not even being useful in the endgame.

Ive mentioned it before, but I complain so much bc I have seen what a good p5 game looks like, and its Strikers almost to a T. Combat is still your typical warriors-esque style combat, but it is at least different from the turn based strategy of the main game. Characters talk to each other freely, they hang out and comfort each other in a way that feels more connected that the base game. Strikers implements the ability to see ALL possible fusions with ALL registered personas, not just the ones in your Stock, so you can fuse easily without having yo consult a guide. The story feels like it makes SENSE with antagonists that feel morally grey and sympathetic. Genuinely, alot of the complaints for p5 I had were almost immediately rectified in this game.

But please also know that the praises I sing for this game is only bc of the groundwork laid by p5 and the world it created. Thats what I like about this game, that it had such a captivating premise and cast of characters, that a DIFFERENT company was able to hit the ground running with them. P5 had alot happening in that game, but i think what it had most was potential. The effort put into this game is astronomical, and the possible connections you can outright MISS if u arent paying attention was worth the money and time to implement; even if it meant that it could be considered a waste of resources to higher ups.

Books and games and part time jobs???!! Silly little cutscenes that add nothing to the game PLOTwise, but define and flesh out the personality of your protagonist. There was alot of love put into this game, and its evident by the fact that we have NOT seen a new persona game released; they bank on existing titles bc they are unwilling to make a game like this from scratch again. They dont want to ‘waste’ resources on good voice acting and a complex, overarching story; they dont want to waste money on scenes a player may never see, on routes a player may never get to experience. Making a game that gives u even the slightest bit of freedom means more money in programming and detailing that freedom. This has been an issue for a WHILE, and its a miracle that the gaming landscape had space for a colossal title like p5!

I complain bc I want better, and I do not think that is inherently at odds with my love of this game. In b4 im told to get good; ive played on hard and tested out merciless (its NOT fun, im making godbuilds again and its boring 😞). Its not the most accessible turnbased rpg; theres no colorblind modes, and the affinity system is convoluted and overwhelming. Combo moves are hard to keep track of and it can be incredibly frustrating to see your turns being skipped or seeing characters take extreme technical damage without understanding WHY it happened. The fact that they KNEW the game was desperate for qol improvements by the time royal came out, and instead of updating the base game to have those improvements too, they just pushed the royal edition out for people to play instead. It sucks! Customers and fans deserve better than being forced to shell out money for a game they already played !

As the gaming climate gets more and more hostile and unbearable, I think it is good to look at your games critically, and understand why products come out subpar. Persona 5 is a fun game that has a nice cast and an interesting premise, but it is ultimately tied down by its refusal to build on existing building blocks regarding its combat, and it insists on having insulting and downright out of character dialogue and scenes to appease the audience its designed to be targeted to. It is easy to forget sometimes that queer ppl are infact NOT the prime target of these games, its cishet gamer bros from aged 16 to 40 who will laugh at homophobic comments, who drool over a 16 yr old girl with a 16 yr old mindset and a grown womans body, who need to be placated with constant sexual comments to deal with a convoluted story that will inevitably make zero sense until its laid out for you before the literal end of the game.

Its bad. Its good. Its so shallow and its unbelievable that they thought having the plot twist make ZERO sense until they showed CUTSCENES of YOUR character discussing Goro and his connections to the metaverse for endgame SHOCK VALUE was more important than just having your team be smart and piece it together over time. Its shit. Its literally amazing. It let you FUCK your teacher ??????????????what the FUCK. They also let me shoot a god in the face w the best looking ult persona in the world so i can ignore that shit. And ultimately that is how i got through the game. Lol.

#chattin #answered #i have mentioned it before but i did NOT romance anyone #u know why? bc i literally didnt know it existed #i maxed out ann and the game was like ‘hey. this next decision is important’ #and i was like. huh. u know what. i have not looked up a guide until now. thats scary. i dont want to lose a confidant… #and learned that. #so uh. i really DID go through the game bot realizing i could date anyone. even the adults. #anyway. this was alot. and i tried to keep out alot of my other complaints #bc i have so many. but they are like. either nitpicky things or things that are issues in lots of games too #like the models suck in this game but i can look past that. graphics are always bottom on the list of complaints #and i do like the little animations!! i like akiras little tics #and i like seeing personas do their casting animations; shiki ouji and nekomata are my faves #i distinctly remember that being a thing i wished to see more of. #bc i liked thinking of what joker would look like fighting for Real #and then i remembered him being in smash so i was like COOL. ill look at those #and then i got STRIKERS and it was exactly what I wanted #i think #the game is like. #its bad. but in ways that i wouldnt call another game bad #like back 4 blood is BAD bad. its awful. the gameplay is bad. the story was shit. and the servers shut down within a year or two of launch #risk of rain 2 is bad in the way that it continuously obscures and withholds information to the player. its tedious and frustrating #but unlike b4b i LIKE ror2 and will continue to enjoy it. #bc the gameplay loop FEELS satisfying #and ultimately thats how i feel about p5 #for all of its faults; its fun. it has a gameplay loop that is consistent and fun when u get the hang of it #im playing on hard again since merciless is just me making the right instakill builds while i pick up my team over and over again #and theres still a challenge in having the endgame weapons and armor #its satisfying! and i think its satisfying bc I was given the luck of having this be my introduction into the series #maybe i would have a better opinion on the game if i came from p4. or maybe not! who knows !

[amethyinst]

i am so so so stubborn on the topic of abortion rights i dont think there is nuance i dont think that religion matters, if you do not give women the right to their own body and the dignity of health care you are a laughably gullible idiot or a malicious evil freak

#part of why im so so critical of catholicism and catholics because ive seen so many 'normal' 'nice' catholics get #curiously quiet or 'just concerned' about abortion #you can believe whatever you want about how much of a hard decision it is but if you are against abortion rights #then you are placing your backwards religion based on thousand-year-old attitudes and patriarchy over the rights of women

[reel-fear]

MIKE BLOCKED ME ON TWITTER FOR ROASTING HIS DUMBASS RESPONSE TO THE GRAPHIC NOVEL STUFF!!

grown ass man scared of the 19-year-old queer being mean to him over his public meltdown more at 8.

#ramblez #little white boy sad? U sad bc nobody likes you? Bc u constantly make a fool of urself and show off ur distaste for ur fans? lmao #this is one of the greatest things to ever happen to me imagine how mad he'll be when he finds out the fangame Im making has queers in it #hes gonna have a whole other white boy meltdown on main KJSNFDGKJHFGKJHGKJHSDFGSD #hes so fucking sensitive maybe just get off of social media Mike this never ends well for you #batim #batdr #bendy and the ink machine #bendy and the dark revival #and look Im joking around about this but it really is sad that the bendy devs cant handle this kind of critique towards their decisions #it seems despite the backlash once again they are choosing to ignore their fans which is yknow upsetting #But hey ig if the devs being awful was a dealbreaker for this fandom I wouldve left a long time ago and I havent #dw Im not going anywhere <3 #also if anyone else here was also criticizing Mike maybe check his acct to make sure ur not blocked now since apparently #old habits die hard and this is certainly a pattern with him KJHDSFKGJHSDKFGJHDFGSD #also look before anyone asks yes I was kinda mean to him over this but to put bluntly if hes gonna be this dismissive to his fans concerns #he deserves it. Theres this persistent attitude esp in bendy fanspaces of being defensive of the devs #and I dont know why they have been extremely horrible people every single chance they get #and its very hurtful to see how many people would rather tell me to be kinder to the people who broke the heart of a child me when they #dismissed any ideas of putting queers like me in their stories than to realize Mike n Meatly bring this bad attention to themselves #to put bluntly I dont owe them kindness not until they at least apologize for the shit they did which they still havent #mike hasnt even addressed his vent poem in the code of BATDR let alone the other shit he said n did #so no I will not be kind to him ever hope this helps!

[itspileofgoodthings]

my life is a very slow process of everyone around me telling me not to be anxious and me fighting them all tooth and nail while inching towards more stable mental health.

#I know it’s not true but sometimes I feel like if I didn’t have anxiety I would not suffer at all #which. again. is false #but there’s a lot of things I don’t want in this life and a lot of things I am not scared of and a lot of things I just accept #and like. It’s FINE #but all my suffering from anxiety stays in one fixed flame of sheer agony #and it’s hard because I don’t shake like a chihuahua in the corner of my bedroom #unable to move or function #I’m always doing things and functioning and joking at parties and (generally) saying the right thing #but it’s all located in one corner in the middle of my mind attacking my ability to make judgments and live with my decisions peacefully #like an unseen wound #and the distance i feel it puts between me and other people #is one of the most painful things #just several sheets of frosted glass between me and them #and sometimes the worst it gets is when I can bear it without breaking down and so I just do and I just keep functioning #and the cold just creeps in and everything goes kind of numb! #tbh now that I think about it this might be why I often think of myself as a person with no desires or ambitions or dreams #or impetus or forward motion or anything #because I DO want things and have opinions and the exist in flashes. But also they’re buried deep under several layers of protective apathy #so they’re not stable. I drop them many times. forget them ignore them imagine that they aren’t there. I’m sorry I’m rambling I’m FINE #actually when I talk about it that’s how you know I’m doing okay with it #when I can’t talk about it and am half-heartedly going through the motions #that’s the problem #anyway whew. thanks for listening sorry for all the self-reflection etc. etc. etc.

[sparklyeevee]

So I get that this is Tumblr and probably not a lot of us here have direct experience with having a spouse who's also a work partner, but I have and it is on this basis that I say that Siuan Sanche made the best choices available to her under the circumstances. She's already having all kinds of reservations about this plan, yeah? And about her ability to execute her part of it. She utterly failed to get the Tower ready to support the Dragon, and then rushed Moiraine and the kids into the situation in Episode 8, which would reasonably be setting off a lot of "Oh, light, what have I done" feelings even before she started hearing how it went down, but like, also turns out she didn't send her wife to her death after all so that's a plus.

Anyway they've found the Dragon Reborn, but so far literally nothing else has gone to plan. They need to regroup and reevaluate, but Moiraine's letters are still trying to make out like she's got everything under control. Then it comes out that: Moiraine is stilled, Moiraine didn't tell her for six fucking months, Moiraine is handling it so badly, psychologically, that she threatened to have another Aes Sedai forcibly take her Warder's bond. I wanna be clear on that middle thing - in a spouse, keeping a secret like that for six months is forgivable, probably. In a work partner, it's completely unacceptable. They needed this time to make a new plan, a plan informed by the reality of their situation, and Moiraine, however understandable her reasons, made that impossible.

So Siuan realizes somewhere between Lan finding her and her putting a shield on Rand, that Moiraine is no longer someone she can rely on as a partner in this. She knows she can't do it on her own - she can't be in that many places at once. She goes through it in her head and can't think of anyone else she could trust to guide the Dragon Reborn. So the only viable course of action available to her is to obey Tower law, shield Rand, get him back to Tar Valon. Maybe in a few months she'll have a better idea, but right now this is the safest, and most reversible, thing she can do.

I want to be clear here, as a viewer, I'm not like, a fan of this plan. Rand is a whole person and he doesn't deserve to be kept on a leash, or in a cage, or wielded like a weapon. I don't think Siuan likes it either.

But somehow Moiraine and Lan escape, because apparently Verin told Leane to let her go, and that's going to be a problem later but right now she's got several more pressing problems. She finishes putting out the extremely literal fires, and she finds Moiraine about to take the Dragon Reborn through a waygate, and apparently able to channel?! She needs this situation to not vanish out of her control right now, and Moiraine lied to her (again?), and she's trying to address the practicalities of the situation but Moiraine keeps trying to steer things back to the interpersonal ("I've been more truthful with you than anyone else", "If you ever loved me", rather than anything relevant to the situation at hand, like "I thought I was stilled", or even "Let me explain"), so she uses the most expedient means available to stop everyone from just fucking leaving.

A fate of the world level important project is falling apart, she just found out that her wife with whom she's been working on this for 20 years cannot be relied upon to work with her on it, and she's making the best choices she can with the time and resources available. Calling that "character assassination" is unfair to the writing and to her.

#wheel of time #wot #wheel of time show spoilers #also it hasn't escaped my notice how many people that defended Moiraine being needlessly horrible to everyone for the past six episodes #because it's just so hard being cut off from the one power and we should be more understanding are very ready to expect Siuan to make #perfectly rational and compassionate decisions in the face of massive personal and professional betrayal with far less time to adjust

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

Me, while manically cleaning my room at 3:27am: I should make several large, life-changing, irreversible decisions.

#so ive been in a bad mental state lately #because of many things. but the biggest being (yes i know ive complained about this in multiple other posts) #that my best friend and my ex gf were fucking. without even asking or telling me. i got no heads up. just figured it out on my own #which sucked and now im not speaking to either of them #and when i first found out i was in a bad place physically too #i had a terrible ear infection that was so fucking painful #and i realized i could concentrate on both things. so i focused on healing #and then i remembered ny family is coming to visit for Christmas #and thats a lot to deal with. so now im focusing on cleaning the apartment. specifically my bedroom #so im manically cleaning at 3:30am while angry and stressed and trying not to focus on this thing that makes me really upset #and in the middle of cleaning ill suddenly think 'should i quit my summer camp job?' or 'should i move states again?' #its not good. but i havent acted on anything #AND in the middle of cleaning i found all of my meds #i havent been taking them for months. but i decided im gonna start taking them again #i have a few refills left but then ill have to find a psychiatrist. i dont want to. but its definitely for the best #im trying to get my life back on track and build and better it #but then something hits me and completely derails everything and makes everything so hard #so anyway im gonna go do some more cleaning and try not to make life-altering decisions. and maybe build a desk #btw i have to get up at 9am to take out my puppy. and at 11:35 i have to get ready for work. again its 3:30am #and im full of manic energy #tomorrow is going to be very bad but at least I'll have a semi-clean room

[jinxofthedesert]

I recently got out of a toxic and unhealthy friendship on here. I had to be the one to end it; hopefully the other party decides to leave it be and not smear my name due to realizing it wasn't healthy and that I had to end it because of it.

Basically, if someone makes you start feeling like shit, from your life, to your goals, passion, and everything else, then it's not a rewarding friendship. And it's hard to sometimes see it in the moment. Because you want to think the best of peeps, especially ones you care about.

But sometimes the healthiest thing for You is to know when to put your foot down and end it, even if it hurts you and them. At the end of the day, you matter and what you're doing matters and no one has the right to make you feel shit for who you are when you're just living your life. Life is hard enough without adding peeps who make you feel that way or question how you live when, prior to them showing up, you were happy with all of it.

To anyone in a relationship or friendship like that, I hope, like me, you are able to take a stand and realize you deserve better.

I knew I was being manipulated but not how much until I talked to others close to me. I pray you all never have to experience such a thing because damn, you know you did the right thing, but feel so fucking guilty at the same time.

But your happiness matters. You matter. Please remember that.

#personal #me #had to make a post. it's been eating at me since I ended it #you feel so fucking guilty but know it was the right decision. #i feel happier and lighter #its weird cause I've met my closet friends on here who are so incredible and supportive and respectful and I am in return #so to have one spiral into....that....was hard. and hard to realize despite my stomach aching day after day trying to tell me that #this was a shit situation and I deserved better #if someone makes you feel like shit and makes you believe you deserve to feel that way: leave #just leave #block them #life is to damn short to share it with people who will only make it worse and and make you feel bad as a person #i have more self respect than that #and sometimes it's hard to tell cause I want peeps to get along and have a good time when I care for them #i like making peeps happy. it brings me joy. and I tend to do it naturally without thinking. #so it's hard to sometimes see when it's not healthy #i pray for anyone in a relationship/friendship like this #know you are worth it and no one has the right to make you feel like that. #when someone doesn't respect that you have a life and can't be there 24/7 and take it Personally when you can't....like no #I've had so many friendships on here that respect your time and realize messaging comes second maybe even third or fourth #and it sucks when the opposite happens and it just gets worse and worse. #And them using 'i used to be a therapist so I know you better then yourself' should never be an excuse for them putting you down EVER.

[spearxwind]

I still think its so fucked up how in the spanish dub of ben ten they translated XLR8's name literally, instead of coming up with a nice alternative name. So the characters would literally call it "equis ele erre ocho" and i always wondered why the hell they gave it such a strange name compared to everything else

And then years later once I actually knew english it clicked XLR8 sounds like "accelerate" and the name made so much more sense

#thunderclap #this has haunted me for so long.... #it might have been really hard to come up with a replacement bc XLR8 is such a GOOD name pun #but they could have just called him idk acelerador or something. not equis ele erre ocho. ITS SUCH A COMPLEX THING TO SAY OUT LOUD #SO MANY SYLLABLES!! WHY #i never understood the decision it just doesnt make sense goodye

[wright-phoenix]

last belated tag game, i promise

tagged by @dilfbuck and @opaleyedprince and @strixhaven! thank you!!

URL Song Game:

W — World So Cold - Fire From The Gods [YT, flash warning] R — Rule #13 Waterfall - Fish in a Birdcage [YT] I — iGhost - MNQN [YT] G — Grapes - James Marriott [YT] H — Hexie Mountains - Orville Peck [YT] T — The Tower - Drama Moth [YT] P — Please, Just Breathe - Written by Wolves [YT, flash warning] H — His Hands - Blegh [YT] O — OUROBOROS - Former Vandal [YT] E — Everglow - Starset [YT] N — Not Yet / Love Run (Reprise) - The Amazing Devil [YT] I — I Want to Live - Borislav Slavov [YT] X — XO - EDEN [YT]

6 Songs on Repeat:

Masterpiece Theatre III - Marianas Trench [YT] So Much (For) Stardust - Fall Out Boy [YT] Cold Reactor - Everything Everything [YT] Long Time Friends - The Living Tombstone [YT] 成歩堂龍一 ～異議あり！ 2001 - Masakazu Sugimori [YT] 逆転裁判3 〜スペシャルブレンドミックス - Capcom Sound Team [YT]

tagging: @woohooincoffin @spiderslyre @notmeowse @thesem @vanoefucks

(sorry if i tagged anyone who already did it, also feel free to ignore or only do one of these!)

#P ? #PARTY ROCKERS IN THE HOUSE TONIGHT #(Rock Is.) #physically holding myself back to put a starset song everywhere. btw mnqn is starset's singer's side project #do you know how hard it is to choose One Song Per Letter when you're as allergic to making decisions as i am #there are so many songs.... #technically masterpiece theatre 1 through 3 are on my rotation and like 5 different ace attorney soundtracks #first and foremost the whole piano album #but i thought i'd give other current rotations a chance on that list #tag games #i usually put youtube links bc i assume everyone has access to youtube but not everyone uses spotify #but i saw everyone else uses spotify links so.....i also did #but just in case....youtube links too IDK #whoever even clicks thru these i dont know if anyone does but JUST IN CASE #fish in a birdcage's drunk on pride/calmity/man-o-war are also bangers #and more but these r amongst my favs

[ultimateaclrecovery]

So the boy did end up asking me if I wanted to come to Italy with him. His family is going in may and he’s been that for several months but never made it clear if he would want me to come or not (his mom specifically said I was invited over thanksgiving). And then finally last week he asked if I wanted to join him.

I said I would have to see due to work. My team is only three people, plus one in training and one is already gone for most may so I had to check and see about coverage and making sure we could have two people out of the country at the same time. But he seemed to take it has a hard no. Bought his flights and started booking things but then would like show me his family Airbnb? And he’s going before he’s family for extra time and I’m still not sure if he’d want me to join just him or him and his family.

We then had this exchange

Which was especially annoying because he makes such a big deal about going for long enough to make the flight worth it. And had asked me after Japan about how he bet I wished I was there for longer. After I only joined him for half when he specifically only asked if I wanted to join for part.

And with the initially suggested dates it’s still not clear if he really wants me to join for the part with his family too. And like if you don’t could you just say so? Like I get that that’s kind of a hard thing to say and he might be kind of on the fence about it himself, but like I am asking this question of you point blank. And if there’s things being booked than the number of people going matters so you can just say that to.

I’ve also been feeling kind of wishy washy about the relationship as a whole lately but I’m unsure if that’s really the relationship or just general January SAD. Or just like that new relationship energy wearing off so it feels less fun in comparison. Like everything is fine but also boring and I keep getting my feelings hurt over dumb shit and crying over nothing, but nothing related to him. And I’m just not sure if I’m having enough fun to balance out the random crying. And yea everyone says relationships are hard and there’s nothing bad about it, but like why bother being in a relationship and putting in the work when I could just be single and not do that. Like is weekly sex and twice weekly dates really worth all this? And they say you’re supposed to date your best friend, and even after a year I don’t think I’d say that. He’s my best male friend for sure but that’s hardly a high bar. And idk it feels like it’s mostly a me thing and I don’t want to throw away a good thing just because I’m bored or am having unrealistic expectations of relationships. But I also keep questioning if I would be happier single. But maybe this is just the inner work required to be happy in a relationship and just because it’s not all sunshine and rainbows doesn’t mean it’s bad. But I also can’t keep randomly crying.

And then there’s the fact that I’ve already been to Italy. And while it would be fun to go again in some ways I’d rather go somewhere else. Like there’s a horseback riding trail in Portugal that I’ve been looking at for years and I could do that instead in October. But probably not both as I do not have unlimited money or vacation time. But he is really nice to travel with and Italy would be awesome. I last went in high school so it would be very different.

#decisions are hard #especially with so many moving pieces #and with so many emotions #and trying to sort out the why and from what of various emotions #like is my intuition trying to tell me something #do I just have an anxious at tanner style from some previously undiscovered childhood issues #am I just having a bad time in general #some of it I can blame on hormones #but def not all of it #Le sigh #also I feel very first world problems whining about a potential trip to Italy #but here we are

[inloveanddepth]

love these guys

#i like how cringe they all are. like all of them are flawed & immensely cringe. no one's main is safe #they're cringe in different ways & some more than others but they're all cringe. love it #why are the fans for my two favourite soul fighter champions the autistic-coded ones !! #why are the autistic-coded ones the most unhinged.... #though tbh i think you could make an argument for all 5 of them being autistic 😭 #sommer's homemade jhin cosplay is so cute #they somehow managed to capture the exact brand of weird that jhin fans are. bravo #i think the funniest part about him is that jhin would not be able to stand him lmao #him wearing a shirt with the same art that's on the print he's holding makes me crack up for some reason #obsessed with the jacked yordle named rizz.... she's everything #also can i just say i love the crop top on guy. fantastic creative decision. so many crop tops in soul fighter i love it #kiri is crazy though what do you mean she's literally selling rpf at an event that the people she's writing rpf about are at #her repeatedly trying to get samira to read her fanfiction is kind of hilarious #& then she tells samira she's going to write fanfic about her. which is kiri's way of praising her. she is nuts (affectionate) #the way she keeps casually mentioning pyke totally kills people in this universe & she still adores him #she's the worst kind of fangirl (which is the point. they're all parodies) but it's hard to hate her lol she's so silly #my only issue with her is that she's a jhin hater.... how rude #i know her tumblr game goes crazy #the only character i'm confused by is jade. the lux fangirling felt really forced to me #it's not reflected in her design at all; honestly she looks more like evelynn #especially when riki guy & rizz & sommer are all clearly emulating gwen sett & jhin respectively #plus jade's shtick was more about parodying true crime & political content creators it seemed. the lux stuff felt tacked on #i guess it was because dema is after lux & jade doesn't like dema but it felt over the top at least #on top of the fact that it's pretty hard to make sjw characters actually funny #they should've made a dema bootlicker character tbh. for funzies #i think riot should publish some of kiri's fanfiction on the universe site. wouldn't that be silly #they could do one for each of them! a transcription of one of jade's podcast episodes; guy & rizz's training regimen; a poem from sommer #hope some of them show up in LoR sometime. just for fun #league of legends #soul fighter