#unable to move or function

[itspileofgoodthings]

my life is a very slow process of everyone around me telling me not to be anxious and me fighting them all tooth and nail while inching towards more stable mental health.

#I know it’s not true but sometimes I feel like if I didn’t have anxiety I would not suffer at all #which. again. is false #but there’s a lot of things I don’t want in this life and a lot of things I am not scared of and a lot of things I just accept #and like. It’s FINE #but all my suffering from anxiety stays in one fixed flame of sheer agony #and it’s hard because I don’t shake like a chihuahua in the corner of my bedroom #unable to move or function #I’m always doing things and functioning and joking at parties and (generally) saying the right thing #but it’s all located in one corner in the middle of my mind attacking my ability to make judgments and live with my decisions peacefully #like an unseen wound #and the distance i feel it puts between me and other people #is one of the most painful things #just several sheets of frosted glass between me and them #and sometimes the worst it gets is when I can bear it without breaking down and so I just do and I just keep functioning #and the cold just creeps in and everything goes kind of numb! #tbh now that I think about it this might be why I often think of myself as a person with no desires or ambitions or dreams #or impetus or forward motion or anything #because I DO want things and have opinions and the exist in flashes. But also they’re buried deep under several layers of protective apathy #so they’re not stable. I drop them many times. forget them ignore them imagine that they aren’t there. I’m sorry I’m rambling I’m FINE #actually when I talk about it that’s how you know I’m doing okay with it #when I can’t talk about it and am half-heartedly going through the motions #that’s the problem #anyway whew. thanks for listening sorry for all the self-reflection etc. etc. etc.

[mattodore]

theo was washing matthias's hair :(<3

#river dipping #echthroi #theodore doe #matthias evanoff #a burning house to live in #ts4 #ts4 edit #seriously suchhhhh a cute animation it’s just them washing each other <3 #i’d love to start making my own animations soon just so i can add a lot of domestic animations like this to my game #with ! the correct height difference and everything #i’ve watched a few animating tutorials already actually i just haven’t put it in action #bc it’s daunting to me…. it just seems really difficult 😭 #anyway this was me testing to make sure the shower worked in the master bathroom #during this cute little animation the other version of theo was stuck on a stool in the other bathroom unable to move 😔 #so i have to figure out what stopped the chair from functioning properly #probably the clutter around it bc again… theo’s apt. floors are messy #but i’m really glad i got some green tile in one of the bathrooms #idk why but i picture green tile and stained glass when i close my eyes and think of his apartment #and since i fr have zero stained glass cc the tile was the only thing holding me together #….:it doesn’t look green in these photos but that’s just bc my preset messes with the colors #reblogs are OFF 🙅 theo looking gorgeous is for our eyes only #also those are my other oc’s tattoos layered over some random ones so if they look familiar that’s why 😭 #carnal satyr is very fitting for matthias too tho lmao

[silenthillbunni]

🤧🐀🌧️🌊

#need to clear my head; #im in such a bad mood. my face is in a perpetual angry state. im just so so bitter nd pessimistic rn #trying not to get stuck in negative chaos thought spirals nd to just take it as it come #nd be patient bc recovery takes time i know. but i havent been able to feel healthy or functional for 7 months nd i am so tired #i cant help but worry abt my health nd what kinda diet i can have nd how to work all of that out. #like the removal of the gallbladder dont ensure a good digestive system. they remove it bc it can irrepairably hurt u #also im so so stressed out abt school nd my courses. i already had to drop one last week. nd it isnt looking like i'll be able to pass my #eng class.. it just isnt looking like it's realistic at all :/ i personally dont mind if i fail. but i can get issues w my wellfare hmm #bc like im still feeling rough nd u only get sick leave for one week after surgery.. so i have to go on thursday nd friday but im gnna #be in pain plus be so hungry nd be unable to concentrate idk #idk idk!! im already willing to take out loans to finish my upper secondary school.. but i have to make it work w timing nd stuff so im not #sitting here unable to pay rent or the bills or food lmao. so idk have to fix it somehow #nd the pressure of this country rapidly declining state is stressing me tf out!! having nazi conservative rightists in the ruling is just #dreadful!!!! for many reasons but atm idek if i can do distance classes like i wanted to :// #i just.. wanna be able to go for my long walks. go to the gym. eat normally. have coffee. study nd finish highschool. #then apply for whatever program i can nd move to another calmer city. prob eventually find a path to move to another country. like norway.. #im thinking too much but my thoughts are spinning nd killing me like i cant stop it im so scared nd anxious lmao 💀 #im also trying to be brave and write to the psych clinic for personality disorders nd be upset nd 'beg' them for help ksksksks. #but like... the thing abt having avpd is that i kinda dont wanna bc im scared of the possibility of them helping me lol #im just in a low place nd bad headspace and it's just getring worse nd im getting more nd more tired #i dont have much more energy to keep it together nd pretend like im ok or like i have hope lmaoooo idk what to do #anyway... idk idk guess i just gotta .. keep crawling forward anyway i can

[8rujaa]

to anyone dealing with ptsd, has there been anything that has helped relieve some of the symptoms?

#im emotionally stuck due to the constant reliving of what happened #i get these weirdly intense flashbacks where i can remember the how the fabric of the couch looked like up close #and how they felt. and how everything looked. the way the colored lights hit the room a certain way #i think i did myself a disservice by thinking i was soooo in love that i didn’t want to forget any details lmao #now i can remember everything like a photograph and sometimes i find myself back in my old apartment and the fear floods my chest #and i can’t breathe and my stomach starts turning it’s terrible. i really felt like i was in hell #i stopped smoking ouid 3 weeks ago bc whenever these flashbacks would happen the high would make them HD and it would send me into a loop #but now i think weed was the thing keeping me above water… it’s been a rough 3 weeks. but before i start smoking again #i wanted to ask if anyone found something else that made it a little easier #it’s been months since our break up and i really want to move on. i’ve tried to meet other people but i’m terrified of men #and i find myself unable to connect with anyone… #i’ve been physically better which i am so grateful for because being unhealthy was my biggest reason i was so depressed #i’ve been doing therapy but i talk about the same thing with her every week. i’m tired of it #i think i’m still in disbelief that they did that to me. i never thought they’d be capable of hurting someone so badly. #i can’t get over the fact that he r***** me for months while i was disabled and pretended not to know what he was doing was bad #i realized he knew when he tried to make it look like i was crazy. that made me really sad. i think i was hoping he was clueless so #i could still believe he was a good person… or at least the man i fell in love with. i was willing to forgive him once he apologized… #when he tried to make it seem like i was going insane the blindfold came off and i saw him for who he really was #like no wonder i was so scared of u dude… no wonder i kept having panic attacks anytime we were together and i couldn’t sleep next to u #i’ve been afraid to admit that shit broke me as a person. i don’t think i’ll ever be the same. i can’t function. #plus knowing i stayed for her bc i was worried for her and didn’t want her to experience the same thing without someone there bc i realized #how good he was at gaslighting and lying. only to find out she was waiting for an excuse to get rid of me… she wanted me gone… #i went thru all that for nothing… #and i still don’t understand why each time i tried to leave for my own good- to get medical help and support they begged me to stay!!! why #brain vomit

[lucalicatteart]

Poll adventure (paventure? lol) Day 10: read the small story tidbit below the poll for more details, OR just vote based on initial impression

(✦ see past poll results + further information HERE (link) ✦)

Yesterday's poll decided that The Adventurer should join the travelers on the larger river boat for a short lunch ...

~

"Before he even fully musters the courage to shout a 'hello', the large group on the boat initiates contact first, gleefully waving at him, whooping and shouting as they near his tiny raft in the water. Apparently, some of them were betting over whether they'd actually find any other travelers out on the river today.. He fumbles over his words a bit, as always, but somehow manages to successfully get himself invited onto their boat for a quick lunch..

After safely securing his raft to the side of the boat with some spare rope, he climbs aboard, stumbling into the excitement of some sort of celebration. A few of them explain that they're traveling for 'kahesallei', an old elven holiday recently re-popularized in some of the larger cities nearby. Whatever it's true meaning and origins used to be, the current significance (at least to those within the city walls) seems to just be mindless feasting, drinking, and gaudy decor. Most of the traveling group are strangers to each other, only brought together by catching a ride on the same tour/party boat, but the mood is light, quite friendly between them, and perhaps a bit drunk.

While the boat itself is relatively plain wood, it's been strewn with gold and orange banners, flags, shimmery tassels, beads, and bushels of dark green ivy braided with fresh herbs and wildflowers. There are flat round tables of food and drink, plenty of cushions to lounge on, and one random guy perched precariously on the edge railing of the boat, gently strumming a lute for background music..

The elderly ship captain hobbles over to The Adventurer, sternly explaining that, no matter what the 'silly' passengers say, he's only allowed to stay for an hour because he didn't pay for a boat ride ticket, and thus really shouldn't even be allowed on board. By the time The Adventurer has mentally processed this information, the captain has already returned to his little steering room, slamming the door shut with a displeased grunt.. It probably wouldn't be a good idea to confront him or question the rules...... But! Hey, at least he has one hour at the party.. How should he spend his time? "

~

Additional Information

the adventurer's current main goal: follow his map to reach the abandoned castle ruins and see the rare animal specialist about the mysterious egg he has

#paventure posting #polls #poll #choose your own adventure #LATE AGAIn I know.. I'm still in my weird unproductive spell. literally I've had the same 5 to do list items on my list #for 2 weeks now. I can't even do five simple things in 2 weeks lol. I did start some new supplements and change my diet since #my doctors are still trying to sort out what health issues are going on or etc. so maybe it's something with that #like accidentally on the new diet I'm not getting enough calories or not getting enough of some vitamin or something so it's made me oddly #brain foggy and just really tired and unable to focus well for the past few weeks or something..? ANYWYA. not really sure what #it is specifically but my functioning in terms of actually focusing on and completing tasks has been a lot worse . thus #chronically behind on things. which I am always chronically behind on things in some sense since I always have like 7000 projects #I'm working on at the same exact time and etc. lol. but like.. even more chronically behind than usual .. ToT #ANYWAY.. I'm suprised that the 'try to get a ride on the boat' option didn't get that many votes actually lol #Like.. treveling down a river in a tiny handmade raft is probably.. not extremely safe or efficient lol #But at least he gets to have lunch there. Just the hour that he's on the boat doing whatever will get him a lot further because the boat #is moving faster than his raft would be. It should still get him out of the river and back on track sooner. Because he still has a long way #to go to get to the abandoned castle. I know it's been a lot of days since I'm not keeping up well with actually doing these #daily or every other day - but technically in the story it's only been a little over a day since he left the Inn #The first day he just walked. the second day he saw there was a barrier in his path. then spent half the day building a boat. and now he'e #*he's where he is now. The trip is roughly 4 days and he's like.. a little over halfway through his second. Not counting any detours or #distractions he might run into. But at least at this pace he should be off the river before it starts to get dark #Thate the main thing. you want to get a good rest on solid ground. ideally. So long as nothing strange happens on the boat #but yeah! day 10.. of little elf man adventure... ALSO he is like early 20s I imagine. so he can drink hbhjbjh #I know the 'very quick simple ms paint style' is kind of chibi-ish so it makes people look young but he's not a boy #don't worry. I didnt want it to seem weird like some 10 year old kid walking into a party of drunk 30 year olds #like a toddler hanging out in a night club or whatever. It's safe and okay for him to be there. just for the record. lol #I mean maybe not SAFE safe. it's still a boat of like.. rowdy party goers who could easily fall over the edge into the water or whatever bu #but like.. safe in the sense that he's not a 6 year old being offered vodka by strangers at a party. etc. #despite his goofy nervous demeanor and chronic baby face syndrome he is indeed an actual adult somehow ghbj

[daz4i]

how is it. that for a whole week. the house smelled fine, and other than some dust and cat hair it was really clean too, and everything was organized and easy to find with no towers of dishes in the sink about to topple over. even tho i didn't clean that much or do anything out of the ordinary to keep the house this way. but now my parents have been home for like 3 days and already every room except for mine is inhospitable from how bad they all smell, and there's mess all over, and the table is constantly sticky, and the sink is somehow full yet barely has any dishes in it bc the way they're organized is so ineffective, and i hate it here i wanna leave so bad

#i know i probably can't run a place in the long term on my own. but. neither can they apparently!!!!! damn!!!!!!!! #idk if it's been getting worse recently or if my patience just runs thinner lately #the way they live is just incompatible with me and my needs really #ough ough ough i need to move out. I'm so scared. but it'll be good for me probably. #I'm just fantasizing abt a clean apartment. no sticky surfaces. no bad smells. mmmmm #vent #sorry i had to clean my brain out. it did help tho. i needed to complain abt this shit 😭 #today has been awful in part bc of that. the constant bad smells that stick to everything. the inability to do things when i need to #this shit makes me literally unable to function on even the most basic levels... like i didn't really eat or move much bc i felt so bad #i have an easier time when I'm alone. life becomes easier to handle when i can do it on my own terms #but I'm so scared 😔 and I'm stressed about the process of getting there too #maybe this is the reason I'm having stress nightmares these days idk. i need to send some files for that. but I'm too scared

[pepprs]

on my p*riod. suffering level = unbearable

#purrs #menstruation tw #thank god i can get some of #the worst of it out of the way over the weekend but im not going to be able to take off on monday or tuesday bc there are important #beginning-of-semester things happening including an extremely fateful divisional opening meeting first thing monday morning so. lole 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍 #can’t wait to writhe in agony for 3 hours unable to use my heating pad! awesome 🙂👍 #delete later #need to move out asap so i can take painkillers for it instead of r*wdogging cramps so painful i am literally unable to function

[watermelinoe]

i wish i didn't need so much external validation that i'm not worthless but my desire to perform well has been ingrained in me since early childhood

#it is v difficult when you can't function like other people #other people are operating without the pain and fatigue and jetlag #they naturally sleep at night and wake up in the morning #they don't have to rest in bed for several days after exerting themselves #they don't wake up unable to move #none of my accomplishments matter bc i'm physically too far behind everyone else #and it's hard not to see that as an indicator of my worth as a person and the value i contribute to society #bc if i don't earn money then how am i earning my right to exist #but that's a stupid way of thinking. no other animals think that way lol can you imagine a cat having an existential crisis #but still all the time i want to hear ''you're doing a good job'' ''you're not lazy'' ''you're not a leech'' ''you've accomplished a lot'' #this is what happens when you're a really good student and nothing else #until you get diagnosed with multiple Try Making it to Class Like This You Loser diseases 😐 #and then school is over and you made zero connections and have zero prospects bc it was all you could do to fuckin graduate w honors #bc that's all that mattered

[volant-endeavor]

But what if compounding stress drove morty into tertiary trauma disorders? What if he gets autistic catatonia. Would he try to hide it?

#venting about that time i lost my mind a little #i think rick would try to fix morty or smthn w a fucking brain chip alla #elon musk style. ive got a little fic percolating on it idk idkkkkkk #rick and morty #morty smith #being stuck and completley unable to move #and to have the functions and competancy u could count on fall out from under u. that shit sucks!!

[banschivs]

gonna need us some pro-recovery and longitude vibes for my goblin son. we just got back from the vets after having him diagnosed with vestibular disease - basically a progressive disease that causes strokes without the clots. he's lost almost all sense of balance and needs round the clock monitoring to see if he recovers from this first episode. if he does it's a big positive, but it's basically inevitable that he'll have another, and that they'll get worse. no timeline, no treatment. he is in no pain, but it's wait and see and my entire soul is fucking hurting.

#while the head tilt might look cute #it's likely permanent and because he can't balance his own head on his neck #i've been told this first ep was mild and that's a good sign #but that it can and will progress over.... some?? time #and in the end it becomes a quality of life issue #he said hes seen dogs just one day start walking in circles unable to eat etc #but pooka is mild he ate his lunch he hasnt thrown up since a few hours ago #he needs to recover from this episode and not have another one within 24 hours #thus needs monitoring #he cant go up the stairs or not walk into walls the wind blows him down outside #he's sleeping next to me right now he's completely himself #he just isnt functioning #he moves like i put him in a rollercoaster backwards #animal illness cw// #pet illness cw// #there is so much fucked in my life rn i dont share much of much but #the creature has friends here #and i honestly do not know how to not go nuclear #which straw will break this camel's back find out at five

[luminarai]

my depression really waited right until I was closing down my work laptop for the weekend to drop on me like a cartoon anvil huh

#cecil blogs her life #it’s been a ‘feeling unable to move despite full physical function’ day #just feeling lethargic and steamrolled for no particular reason. so that’s a thing

[feelingtheaster99]

Does Izuku Midoriya have like zero pain receptors??? Asking for a friend

#I am rewatching mha #and what the heck #in the battle at the USJ building #he breaks BOTH his legs #and they’re just wobbling in the wind after he jumps #and after THAT he’s just lying on the ground all calmly unable to move #but he looks to be in absolutely no pain #ridiculous #in the battle with muscular or whatever that muscle bitch is #he like breaks his whole self #and at least the craziness of that is acknowledged #but it does NOT seem possible that he should be able to continue to function in that condition #deku #mha #my hero academia #izuku midoriya #Izuku midoriya feels no pain??? #where are the boy’s pain receptors #Izuku is the friend btw #the boy does not know how to take care of himself

[fandom-blackhole]

.

#you know #ive had chronic headaches since i was little #and chronic migraines since i was 13/14 #but sometimes it really hits me how much i hate them #like the pain has lonv since become nothing but an annoyance #but the fact that like not medication really truly helps #and what does is basically curling up in bed and hiding away until i can focus or think straight again #sometimes it feels like im missing out in so much and sometimes it feels like they are getting worse #like there are ones i can still function through still think staight enough to focus on life #but the ones were i cant #where i feel like my head is gonna explode #where my thoughts arent straight and i can barely move or i get dizzy #they seem to be getting more and more frequent....... #idk i just feel like having them makes me feel like i have to put my life on pause #except its not paused its just passing by me while im stuck unable to do anything #i also fully believe that scrubbing my brain w/those face wash brushes w/ those little nubs would feel divine and fix my issues #or a lobotomy #though that might be kinda a lobotomy #idk but this shit is tiring #anyway this was all brought on by a headache so bad my jaw and teeth hurt too #and turning almost migraine level for a bit #but made me miss out on spending time with my family #(and Sonic food bc i was nauseous 🥲 lol) #anyway sorry for rambling hope everyone else's Saturday is going better than mine

[spocks-kaathyra]

worst part of being stressed is that it gives u so much to introspect about and no time to do that introspection

#seeing my worst traits come out and not having the time or energy to process that before having to move onto the next thing 👍👍 #can u tell finals week is kicking my ass. #I am the worst most selfish irresponsible immature person on earth + I will never be able to function in society #+ I will never be loved how I want + that's good and right bc it would be asking far too much + in fact it's immoral for me to want it #+ being unable to function is actually a moral failing bc it's not just hurting me but everyone around me #+ it's repulsive to them and it should be bc it's a morally repugnant trait #+ thinking this way is just another example of my self-centeredness and laziness and unwillingness to take responsibility for my actions #+ I resent these things abt myself but I'm not willing to put in the work to change them + that makes me the worst kind of person #omg this is soooooo grantaire core I'm so grantaire coded rn #anyways. time to go study for my math test tmrw :) #vent

[toadstoolsandtrafficjams]

so many good ideas... so little executive function.....

#adhdlife #adhd memes #autistic feels #autism #neurodiversesquad #neurodiverse stuff #neurodivergencies #writing #neurodivergent #executive function #unable to move #i cannot function #imagine productivity

[milkpansa-archive]

.

#nini’s nonsense #i just want to cry #like endlessly #and move. across the sea would be a good start. #and a new name. i feel like at this point i deserve one. i am entitled to one. #and cry. did i say cry? #and maybe murder ngl #why do things like this keep happening. well i mean i know why but still. every time i think i can breathe easy. even a little. life says ha #no never mind prank. and it is just so exhausting because i am expected to function like a normal human when insane things keep happening to #me and i just. i can’t even properly have a breakdown because no one really knows it all and just. *screams* #then again who would i even tell. how would i even say this. hiiiii *presents all my trauma* ashdhdjfjf #maybe i just need to sleep. but i can’t really do that now can i *cries* #sometimes i wonder if i will ever know peace or calm and i just. i’m starting to believe the answer is no #anyways sorry to anyone who reads this i am very sad and am unable to pick up a pen atm. so tumblr it is