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thinkinboutkiribaku · 4 years

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part I, part II,

part III

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Back home, Katsuki felt like all he wanted was to let himself fall on something soft and not move for another hours. He hadn't expected school to be this tiring after only one half assed day, but above else it was his heart that went into some rough trial. It felt like a roller coaster but it'll become manageable after a while somehow… After all, he'd been dragging these feelings for a while now.

He was used to these 2am & 2pm emo sessions now. And they were fucking pathetic. Get a grip for fuck's sake.

As he finally let himself fall on the living room sofa, face muffled by pillows and comfy blanket ; he felt something hard unpleasantly in the way. As he muttered about having to get up against his will, he found the object of his discomfort was a pile of paper bind together, wrapped in an ugly sky blue cover bearing cheesy lines for a title. Katsuki recognized the heaviness of a drama script.

"Hey, what the fuck is this ?" he growled as he started flipping through the pages.

Because there was sounds of kitchen utensils clashing together coming from the corridor, Katsuki had to grunt some more because his body considered it too much of an effort to move from the comfortable sofa. At some point, his mother finally passed her head from the door frame.

"What is it, can't you use your legs !"

"What's that."

"You don't know ? It came from the postal service today."

"I said I was taking a break though."

"Do whatever you want, but don't turn your back to good opportunity. This is mrs Park's work, she's renowned for her cinematic work, I was really surprised someone like her would be interested in someone like you for her new drama."

"Shut up, I'm plenty mesmerizing.". She slapped the back of his head.

"Try to get a look at the full story, it could be really interesting for your career. And it might be more fulfilling for you than your previous roles.", she sighed.

"Hey, Ground Zero's the best fucking role !"

"Stop wasting your talent in stupid tv drama and work a bit more on those brat expression!"

He stuck his tongue at her, which she retaliated before leaving for the kitchen. Katsuki sighed, letting the upper of his body fall on the ground while his legs were getting tangled in the sheets. There was close to no chance he was taking that role. Still, he kept going through the dialogue pages. From what he caught up, the story's was about some dumb boy fighting and skipping school, on some stupid identity quest or whatever. Fucking boring.

And yet…

Around the last pages, some scenes sparked off his attention, and after reading thoroughly the honey covered outcome he gazed into the white void of the ceiling.

Then he sighed, before getting up in direction of the kitchen.

"I'll do it if it doesn't take on school schedules," he announced while taking a bite of the snacks lying on the table. "Tell' em."

"Can't you ask yourself."

" You're the one that insisted", he took another bite.

"I'll see for you- hey ! Stop eating before dinner," she went to flick the back of his head as Katsuki shoved the rest of the food in his mouth hastily.

"The fuck, cook faster then- Argh", she put one of her arm around his neck and squeezed hard.

"Smell these good vegetables I'm making and stay put, alright brat ! Huff. And what made you change your opinion about the drama anyway ?"

"Nothing, let me go, the fuck !"

"I didn't know you could show a tender heart under all these spikes. You better not half-ass this, you understand brat !"

"Shut up, the fuck, I- !", he untied himself from his mother's grip. "I won't, shit… "

Katsuki could only stand his mother looking at him, trying to read his words through his eyes, for a few seconds before kicking the door open and leaving. She could be awfully good at it sometimes, and he didn't want her noisy comments on that.

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"That was fast, I thought you weren't doing anything new for a while…." Kirishima said, flipping through the blue sky scenario, and Katsuki could hear his tone trying to hide some uneasiness.

"Don't whine, I'm still going to school."

"I wasn't whining !" he retorted, "… but it's cool if you still come to school."

Katsuki hummed as he corrected another equation. Tonight was supposed to be another study night, but Kirishima seemed interested in anything but their notebook. The fuck did he come here for even.

"It's not really your kind though… There's like, no explosion, no action, no guns, no chase… Hey, why'd you chose it ?"

"None of your fucking business, give it !", Katsuki said, forcefully taking the script from Kirishima's hand.

"Hey! Usually, you let me read your stuff", the red hair pouted, rolling on the bed.

"Yeah, well I'm supposed to tutor your dumbass right now, so get back to work", he kicked Kirishima's head that was hanging from his bed with his pen.

It wasn't really mean to be a secret, but Katsuki still preferred for Kirishima to not read all the scenario before he showed it to him.

"But I can't anymore ! My brain's turning into batter", the red hair whined, letting his body fall from the bed. "A bit more and I'm falling asleep right here."

"Well you can just sleep here later, so get the fuck back to work."

"But I can't tonight …"

"Why not, you live just next door."

"Yeah but, I don't wanna let granny alone... She says she feels weak lately so the manly thing to do is to help her, y'know. ", Kirishima slightly lowered his face, eyes darkening all of a sudden.

Katsuki turned around to find Kirishima's gaze. He could be so easy to read on some instance, but Katsuki learnt there was a lot of feelings kept hiding under these smiles. Nevertheless, Kirishima was earnest at heart and his eyes couldn't lie. And right now they seemed agitated. Red seeing red, Katsuki looked through his beclouded eyes and wondered when was the last time Kirishima last talked about his family's struggles, apart from that time in elementary. He frowned a bit at that memory.

"B-but it's nothing much though, just- Huh, what are you doing now ?"

"There's this girl on set, she gave me these", Katsuki said after seeking through his belongings, throwing small packets to Kirishima.

"What do you do with these ?"

"They're fucking face mask Kirishima, what you gonna do ? Fucking eat them ?" Kirishima giggled. "Now come on, Yuriko's (his granny) gonna love them."

"Shouldn't you warn your mom ?" Kirishima said, confused but smiling softly, as he followed Katsuki onto his balcony.

"Who cares, I'll just send her a text or whatever."

Self-aware much, Katsuki knew that amongst his many qualities, he wasn't really the best positivity and encouragement advisor. And that was fine, he sure wasn't going to listen to people's rumbling about their shitty life or whatever ; way too annoying.

But when it became about Kirishima, this uselessness upset him quite a bit. The little fucker deserved the happiest-honey time on this earth and fuck Katsuki for sucking as a therapist, he would never allow dark clouds to dim Kirishima's light.

"Yo granny, how's it going. Hope your bingo's partner'll be ready tomorrow cause you gonna look bomb af while they'll look like zombies, look what we got for you." Katsuki announced, as he kicked Kirishima's living room door wide open.

Thus, Katsuki, Kirishima and his granny Yuriko spent their night time drinking green tea in front of variety shows starring old and young famous people making fool about themselves live, all the while wearing face mask for younger complexion.

And as they were later all falling asleep sharing the same futon hours later, dimly lit by the soft moonlight crossing the window, Katsuki was remembering old memories from elementary in form of a dream. Younger black haired Kirishima and himself, skipping classes on some truancy ; hiding inside playground structures.

《 Mother's day's a dumb day anyway. It's just to suck us into capitalism and buying stuff all the time, it's just lies grown up makes. Wait 'til you hear the truth about Santa ! Plus, mother's aren't perfect at all, they lie and stuff. Mine's an evil old hag. 》

《 Yeah… Mothers can be dumb… They do dumb things like… not being here for mother's day… forever… 》

Seeing that kid clinging to him, trying to act though when his knees were trembling just next to him. For the first time, little Katsuki, who never paid much interest in other kids his age, –- why would he–-, felt a weird tingly feeling inside his tummy that told him to not leave this kid alone somehow.

And that feeling still hasn't left him.

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"Bakugou, you should try to seem more calm, you see ? You shouldn't feel that annoyed at her, keep in mind that your character's supposed to like her, ok ? The public needs to feel that lingering affection !", seeing as Katsuki frowned his brows, director Kim resumed. "You know what, let's all take some time, recess time for everyone, I want you all to be fresh and ready in 15 minutes !"

Katsuki sighed as he reached for his water bottle, gulping angrily– this session was starting to get on his nerve kinda.

"You sure ain't feeling the best for this role, ain't ya ?", blondie popped onto his vision-field.

"Hah ? Mind your fucking business !"

"You could be def more lit, blondie !", she raised both her thumbs with a stupidly elated expression.

"Shut the fuck up, you're blondie !"

"Ah, maybe you got me lol !"

Katsuki grinded his teeth before this exchange ; the script was cheesy as fuck and his screen partner–- Camie or something… not that he cared about her name–- was such an airhead. He kinda had already been expecting it, that the shooting would turn hard to grasp at first, considering he wasn't feeling his character ; but it still annoyed him.

"Why do I fucking care, anyway.", he sighed as he passed his hands through his bangs.

"You care 'cause it's our motto to do our best for the cam', ain't that right blondie ? Not to sound emo, but I know deep down you took this role because you highkey wanted to do good, righties ? "

"Shut up with the cheesy line."

"No way fam ! You're like real cute, so I want these scenes to be mad hotsy ok~ !",

The finger gun she offered gave him cold sweat goosebumps.

"If it really came down to that, I don't mind being your special someone's substitute tho", she gave him a slight elbow punch but her remark made him blush against his will. "What, you got a bae for realsies ?? The infamous Bakugou Katsuki ? No wayy ! But you seemed so inexperienced ?? Lol, no biggies tho ! "

"Shut you fucking mouth ! It ain't your fucking business !"

This 15 minutes recess was both too long and too short, in Katsuki's tired opinion. Fuck, he needed to focus. And to do better.

"Yooo Bakugou, looking like a zombie ! Your mom told me you were on set all day today, it was that tiring ?"

Katsuki turned his gaze towards the windows from which Kirishima was sneaking in from, good timing he thought. He had been rehearsing his lines for a while now, he needed a break ; and the red hair's company could only help him. He contemplated the boy's face as he was poking his cheeks.

"Shut up, I'll eat you", Katsuki said, abruptly wrestling Kirishima's neck.

"I give, I give !", the red hair giggled for Katsuki to release him. "What's so hard anyway, I thought you were genius actor.".

Katsuki let himself fall on the floor, throwing his highlighted script at Kirishima's face. And, under the filling sound of pages turning, he sighed, remembering blondie's words earlier. Thinking about his character, he eyed Kirishima pensively.

"You bet this be difficult for ya, you actually need to act thoughtful", he teased him.

"Fuck you, I'm plenty thoughtful alright."

"Alright", Kirishima hummed as he flipped the other page.

Katsuki could feel his heart tightening more and more as he contemplated. That definitely wasn't his characteristic to hesitate, damn this boy really had him all fucked up, didn't he.

"Wanna help me on my lines", he growled, as if the words were having a rough time making it.

It wasn't like it was the first time he asked Kirishima to do such a thing ; not that he usually needed help (of course not) but it was quite an efficient way to get in character better. So really, why did he feel his inside dancing around like that ; it wasn't like Kirishima would decline or anything, so keep your inside together damnit.

"Sure, if I can help !" Kirishima smiled, and Bakugou felt all tingly inside. He was really indulging, wasn't he. Saying it was only for the sake of the role…

"Cool." was all he said even though he already started diving his gaze onto those deep red eyes, positioning himself facing head on.

"Wait, do I have to get up ?"

"No, just stay that way… you're good."

Gazing into Kirishima's eyes, Katsuki tried to let his feelings boil without overflowing too much. Just… enough. This was a stupid role, but the character's love interest appeared quite similar to him if he focused enough… The love interest was, someone that had always been close to him, always by his side, never faltering no matter how hurtful he could be… Someone that looked up to him, with dazzled eyes, contemplating him as if he was a shooting star in the night sky but stars were reflecting in his eyes. Seeing him scintillating, Katsuki raised his hands and aimed for his arm, tightening his grip around his wrist, trying to feel if his heartbeat was beating any close to how fast his was in his presence.

"What's your problem, following me around like that.", he initiated.

"Ehm, I… I can't seem to leave you alone…", Kirishima reeled off, sounding rather dully but trying his best. Katsuki could feel his pulse beating slightly faster under his fingers.

"Well you should've, that had nothing to do with you.", Katsuki delivered as his face got slightly closer to Kirishima's, eyes still locked deeply.

"S- Sometimes, I remember the first time I saw you and my heart still beats really fast... You were so dazzling and I knew I wanted to be by your side all the time…", Kirishima seemed hesitant but his eyes appeared glowing. " And I.. I-I", he stuttered, scratching the back of his neck. "I think I'm the best one for you to be with… forever ?", as he said his last words, he lifted his deep gaze into his and god damn he looked even sweeter under the softened light, Katsuki wanted to kiss him violently right here right now.

But he couldn't. Because those weren't Kirishima's words.

Still felt like they were though. His body temperature raised such that he felt blazed, by reflex he gripped Kirishima's wrist slightly harder. So close, yet so far.

"You're definitely the best for me, but I… Can't say the same about me."

It felt as if there gaze were intertwined together forever, when they'd only been confessing a few lines. Katsuki didn't know if it was for him only, but he swore the room temperature definitely intensified, with some new tension amplifying between them. Katsuki's straight-faced mask was unruffled as usual, but Kirishima's was so bad right now ; he burst out laughing awkwardly, hiding his crimson face inside his palms.

"Duuuuuude, this is so embarrassing ! I totally get why you don't like these scenes, aahhh", he let himself fall on his back.

"Definitely the worst scenes…", Katsuki mumbled as he let himself fall as well.

"How can you do that in front of cameras and still look cool and believable !"

"I'm genius actor after all."

"Ugh… Of course you are."

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part IV,

#fanfic #kiribaku #bakushima #kirishima eijirou #bakugou katsuki #bnha #mha #fake word real love

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lollyholly99 · 4 years

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Ineffable Valentines - Day 3: Poetry

day 3 of this! today’s prompt: poetry! @ineffable-valentines

AO3 link

"Let me not to the marriage of true minds admit impediments." Aziraphale mutters dreamily, absentmindedly playing with the hair of the demon currently cuddled up to him in the bed they're sharing.

"Mph..." said demon mumbles, half asleep. "...What're you on about, angel?"

"Just thinking out loud, dear." the angel answers. "Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds..."

"...Or bends with the remover to remove. I know this - this is..."

"Oh no, it is an ever-fixed mark that looks upon tempests and is never shaken." Aziraphale takes one of Crowley's hands in one of his own, and kisses the back of it. "It is the star to every wandering bark..."

"...Whose worth's unknown, uh... shit, whatsit... although his height be taken - this is one'f Will's, isn't it?"

Aziraphale smiles warmly. "Indeed it is, my love. Number one hundred and sixteen, if my memory serves me well."

"A hundred and sixteen of them. More, even. Crazy bastard - how's one man write all those poems, and all those plays on top of that?"

"With enough inspiration, I suppose."

"Inspiration, yeah." Crowley muses. "D'you know there are people out there who think he was a bunch of people, all writing under the same name?"

"That's a rather silly concept." Aziraphale chuckles. "Why is that?"

"Dunno. You'd think people'd know better... then again, we're the only living beings on this planet who knew him when he was alive, I can't criticise them too harshly. And humans'll believe anything, 'f the idea's presented to 'em well enough. After all, look at those flat earth folks."

"Flat earth? What in the world...?"

"Trust me, angel, you're better off not knowing. The very concept'll rot your brain." Crowley nuzzles closer into Aziraphale's chest, then looks up when certain things have processed in his head. "Inspiration..?"

"Well," Aziraphale shrugs. "Perhaps that theory you mentioned isn't too far from the truth in some aspects."

Crowley raises an eyebrow. "What aspects?"

Aziraphale flushes. "I think... maybe... some rambling of mine might have made it into one-sixteen after a few drinks with the man."

"No kidding?"

"Love's not time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks within his bending sickle's compass come - that's definitely my doing, that line."

"So he stole from both of us, eh?"

"'Stole' seems a bit harsh... but, yes, that does seem to be the case." Aziraphale chuckles, then sighs happily. "Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks, but bears it out even to the edge of doom,"

"To the edge, and past it, apparently."

"And past it, yes. I can't remember if I can take credit for that one, though it is rather fitting."

"Very."

Aziraphale tilts Crowley's head upwards to see his face, and continues. "If this be error and upon me proved..."

He pauses, then, to kiss the demon, softly capturing Crowley's lips with his own.

"I never writ, nor no man ever loved."

"Yours?" Crowley asks.

"Mostly. I don't believe my exact wording was 'writ'. I'm more of a reader than a writer, as I'm sure you know."

"Still got a way with words, though."

"As do you, dear - just as you said, phrases from both of us made it into old Will's works. And he was quite picky about the quality of his writing. But anyway, I'd rather just share my wordplay with you, instead of anyone else. After all," Aziraphale's cheeks become dusted with pink. "It tends to be about you."

Crowley blinks at the angel. "Yeah?"

Aziraphale simply nods.

"Y'know," Crowley says, gently stroking his thumb over Aziraphale's hand where they're connected. "That bit he copied from me back when you wanted me to make Hamlet a success, it was never about the fellow on stage."

"It wasn't? Then...?"

"I was talking about you, you wonderful bastard."

"I... Oh, Crowley, dear..." Aziraphale's smile is ridiculously fond as he kisses his partner again. "I do so love you."

Crowley chuckles.

"And I you, angel."

#lolly writes #good omens #ineffable husbands #ineffablevalentines #ineffable valentines

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crowley-fe11 · 4 years

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Sushi & Profiteroles

You're now chatting with a random stranger.

You both like mpreg, and ineffable husbands.

Stranger: Angel, weird question, but what's hunger feel like? -C

You: Well, it can come as your mouth watering at delicious smells. A Or you can feel your stomach nag at you if you haven't eaten in a while. A Do you mind if I ask why? A

Stranger: Not really something I tend to experience much, hunger, but right now I'm fairly sure I would damn a priest or two for sushi and profiteroles. -C

You: In that case, I know of a wonderful places for both those things! A

Stranger: Think they serve 'em together? -C

You: I don't think many places do. But we can place a takeaway order for sushi and pick up some profiteroles while we're at it, if that sounds like a plan. A

Stranger: Right. Is that weird? I feel slightly like you might have just found that weird. -C But heavens yeah to takeaway. -C

You: I mean, it's a bit unusual for you, dear. But it's still perfectly fine. A

Stranger: Honestly, I feel a bit weird lately. -C

You: Well, perhaps getting what you're hungry for might help? A How else have you been feeling that way? A

Stranger: Been nauseous a couple of times -- that was weird, let me tell you. Felt like the few times I didn't sober up quick enough to beat the hangover, except without the headache. -C And honestly, to be blunt, I've been a bit... bloated. -C

You: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, my dear... A How long has this been going on? A

Stranger: I dunno. A few months maybe? -C Three months? -C

You: Why didn't you tell me sooner? A As soon as we have takeaway together, perhaps we should check on this. A

Stranger: Maybe. Been sort of ignoring it, to be honest. -C

You: Well for now, if your physical form is telling you something, it would be best to listen. A Any particular requests for sushi? A

Stranger: Saltier the better. -C I'll trust your expertise. -C

You: Of course. A

Stranger: My physical form is currently telling me it doesn't want to work with a really nice pair of cigarette-leg jeans I've had for the best part of fifty years. -C And for some insane reason that's really upsetting. -C

Stranger: Want to come over? -C

You: Of course, anything to help you feel better. A

Stranger: Thanks, angel. -C Bring food. -C Door's open for you. I'm going back to bed. -C

You: Absolutely. I'll be there as soon as I can with everything. A

Stranger: [Would you like to go to prose?]

You: (Sure! Would you like to start, or would you like me to?)

Stranger: [I'm happy to!]

Stranger: Crowley took 'going back to bed' seriously. The whole operation involved two blankets, a heavy duck-down duvet, seven pillows, and a surprisingly comforting mug of sweet tea. The offending jeans had been blasted out of existence (probably regrettable; they were a lovely vintage piece), leaving a small scorch mark on the floor, although he kept the lights low so that probably wasn't too noticeable. Black leggings and a long, loose tee-shirt seemed a much better option. As soon as he heard the door, he perked up a touch. Having Aziraphale around always made him feel a bit better, however much they might snap and bicker; even more so since the dam finally broke on the eternal question of intimacy. Maybe a hug would do him some good, too. "In here," he called through by way of greeting, unnecessarily. "C'mon in."

You: Worry seemed to still nag at Aziraphale as he picked up the sushi and pastries that Crowley had requested. Though he knew no matter what might be going on with the demon, it was likely best to make sure he did whatever he could to ease the other's mind before delving into that. Once he'd arrived at Crowley's flat, he let himself in as his love instructed and went straight for the bedroom at his call. "Hello, dear," he greeted softly as he laid eyes on the other, who looked incredibly comfortable in bed, and he brought the bag of takeaway as well as the pastry box in, setting them down carefully on the bed before he took a seat at the edge and pressed a tender kiss to the demon's forehead. "How have you been holding up?" He asked as he carded his fingers through the auburn locks, offering him a loving smile.

Stranger: Better for seeing you, Crowley thought, and mentally gave himself a little shake for being so sappy about it. "Been worse," he said out loud, which at that exact moment in time was at least the truth. No nausea; nagging hunger, if that's what it was, but nothing insurmountable; and now Aziraphale was here -- no doubt poised to fuss, but /here/, which was a rather nice thing. He shifted back and shuffled over, flicking a wave to rearrange the pillows for both of them. "Come on up here. Bring the sushi. And the pastry."

You: Aziraphale gladly took the invitation to join the other, bringing the food he'd picked up for the other as he smiled at Crowley. "Let's see if any of this makes for improvement," he added with an optimistic smile as he pulled out a box with one of the sushi rolls. "I thought the Dragon roll might be good for you, but then again, I did get a few different ones as well, if you'd prefer something else. Or if you're more hungry, even. I also got a number of profiteroles as well for that same reason," he told the demon softly as he settled in alongside him.

Stranger: Crowley was already into the sushi before he'd got the pastry up too, although happily went in at the profiteroles too. Okay, maybe sushi-and-cream-profiteroles /was/ weird, but damn it, something about the combination hit the spot. "Feel free to share," he said sidelong, almost as an afterthought, settling in - noticeably more content - by Aziraphale's side with both the sushi and the pastry within easy reach of both of them.

You: It was surprising to see how much Crowley immediately dug in. The other seldom ever expressed hunger with Aziraphale before, and if anything, the meals they shared were more for quality time on his part, even if he did have something to nibble on. Though this was anything but nibbling now. "Of course, love. I just want to make sure you have everything you want, too," the angel answered softly as he started on some of the sushi, figuring a profiterole or two would be nice afterward, if any were left over.

Stranger: It didn't take an awfully long time - actually, arguably an embarrassingly short amount of time - until most of the sushi and all but half a dozen of the profiteroles were gone. Crowley nudged the boxes over deliberately, contented, and no longer feeling so tetchy and (not that this was the word he'd have thought of) craving, and tucked himself in right by Aziraphale's side. "M'kay, well. Better. You have those, go on." He paused and rested a hand over the slight little curve at his middle, mostly hidden under the loose t-shirt. "That's not going to help with the bloated bit, but feels better, weirdly..."

You: "Well. I'm glad this hit the spot," Aziraphale answered with a smile, finishing his sushi before enjoying some of the remaining profiteroles. It was certainly unusual for the other to eat so much, and especially for any amount of it to show on his slender frame, which the angel noticed how the demon's hand rested there. Though he knew that was a touchy topic for the other at the moment, and upsetting him further by making any comment was the last thing he wanted to do. "Have you noticed anything else odd lately?" he asked curiously, still trying to wrap his head around what might be going on.

Stranger: "Not really," Crowley said thoughtfully, rubbing a bit over his middle without thinking before catching himself and shifting his hand, rather self-consciously, around to rest on top of the covers. "Told you about the nausea. Been tired, but I know that one, I'm good with tired. And hungry now." He glanced sideways. "Apparently for weird combinations. Not that you can talk," he added with a teasing grin. He'd spent more than one evening of quality time in restaurants which were no doubt the very best in the business, but struck Crowley as downright weird.

You: Aziraphale couldn't help a small chuckle at Crowley's playful accusation, and he wrapped his arm around the other's shoulders. "Of course, dear. But other than the nausea, and perhaps the tiredness, you haven't felt like anything was /wrong/, have you?" He asked softly. That was the main aspect troubling him, after all. He'd do anything in his power to help and support the demon if that were the case, though he didn't want to jump to conclusions just yet.

Stranger: Fussy, Crowley thought, but he'd known what he was inviting in when he'd asked him over -- not just takeaway, but, well, fussing. And it was sort of endearing, anyway. He let Aziraphale wrap him up in a hug and cuddled in alongside. "Nope. Apart from feeling sick a couple of times a few weeks ago -- that's gone now, best I can tell -- and... that." He sighed and tapped his midriff. "Which is-- fuck. I don't know. It's irritating me. Can't miracle it gone. Not 'cos I've been eating. And aesthetically, I mean, why's it even getting to me? 'Cos you're bigger than I am and you're bloody gorgeous."

You: "Hey, that doesn't mean you're not bloody gorgeous right now," Aziraphale answered softly. "You're lovely, beautiful, and absolutely irresistible, quite frankly. It could be a number of things, but if you'd like to, I can gently probe to at least see what's the matter?" He offered as he held Crowley close. "I can do that just as easily as I can heal someone, after all. But it's up to you."

Stranger: Crowley hesitated for just a second, then sighed and slightly reluctantly tugged the t-shirt up. There was a definite little curve there, firm, sort of... full. Certainly not flab. "Go on then." He shifted a bit to lie down, glancing back up at him almost curiously. "I s'pose, to be fair, I'd rather know, y'know?"

You: "I definitely agree with you on that," Aziraphale answered with a small nod, letting a hand move down to Crowley's abdomen, which was definitely bloated in some way, and he closed his eyes as he concentrated on the area. Though his eyes snapped open and he gasped at what he felt. The life he felt within the other. "Oh, Crowley..." He breathed, looking up at the other in awe.

Stranger: "What?" Crowley shifted up a bit, answering the awe with wide-eyed concern. "What is it? Angel--" It /probably/ wasn't terrible, but Aziraphale got excited about /misprinted bibles/, after all. Probably best to be really clear here.

You: "R-right, yes! Good lord, how do I put this?" Aziraphale stammered as he looked back at Crowley, who had worry in his gaze. He really hoped this news might give him reassurance, though it really was a lot to take in. "It feels like you're with child..."

Stranger: "I'm...?" Crowley blinked. Slowly, he raised a hand to rub lightly across the swell. "Oh... fuck... are you sure?" (Brb, sorry!!)

You: "I mean, I could sense the heartbeat, and some of their tiny movements," Aziraphale answered. "Even that they have a part of each of us..."

Stranger has disconnected.

#lost rp #possibly #if this was you and you lost the connection #let me know #your crowley was lovely #mpreg #omegle rp #Ineffable Husbands #ineffable husbands rp #pregnant!crowley #cravings #cute

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delafiseaseses · 2 years

Note

Have you ever thought that maybe the GECK races were meant for the players in 2008 and not “it’s 2277 and you’re African American?” Did the thought ever occur to you that it was for the players (likely American specific) choice? Instead of “African American” would it have better for you if we had said black since obviously “Caucasian” is a terrible term. Better yet, why give a shit about player customization on a game from nearly 14 years ago?

Oh, and fuck England

Ooooooo is this my first ever anonymous hate ask (and ask at all)? I think it is. This is exciting. I'm pulling the mouth ulcer I'm suffering with grinning at this momentous occasion.

I must say though... I think this needs a rewrite. I mean, I know the charm of this kind of thing is that it's generally low quality, but feel free to send me a fixed version if you ever feel the need. Most of the grammer is decent and I can understand you for the most part. I suppose that's all that's important, innit? Heh, I don't say 'innit' all too often.

Anyway my response. Well, it looks like you merged two sentences there with that "Instead of “African American” would it have better for you if we had said black since obviously “Caucasian” is a terrible term". So, I'm not quite sure what those sentences were meant to be, but, to answer the questions that I think you asked:

Yes, I would say it'd've been better to just say 'black' since I don't believe people of post-war Fallout would be American or know of the continent of Africa (also, what's with that 'we' I highly doubt you were at Bethesda at the time and had the ability to make such decisions, but if you were, the answer is still 'yes').

And, yes, I think it'd've been better to just say 'white' rather than using an outdated term from some ""scientific racism"" twats from the 1780s. I'm glad even you agree that it's a terrible term (unless that was an attempt at sarcasm, if it was please go educate yourself on the origins of that term).

As for the 'it was made for Americans' thing. Yes. That's quite bloody obvious, y'know. Near everything in the English-speaking world is made for Americans first, but black and white are terms used in America. It'd've been sensible to use 'em in 2008. Why dance around outright saying them words? Fear it'd've sounded bad? They jumped into far worse territory using the term 'Caucasian'.

You also ask "...why give a shit about player customization on a game from nearly 14 years ago." well, I actually said in the thing "...I wanted to talk about it because it rubs me the wrong way every time I start a playthrough." which is the answer to that.

Hell, clearly you're giving a shit about my giving a shit about it, so I could ask you the same question, but about why you give a shit about a random bloke's opinions about customisation from a near 14 year old game. You'd've had to have been searcing for that game to have ended up seeing a post from a person who literally gave themself the alias first name 'Nobody' and then gave a shit enough to write this ask. Of course, I know the answer is that you do give a shit and am merely play acting that you don't in that way I've never understood (like when someone writes 'nobody cares' on a YouTube video, clearly you cared enough to write that. True apathy involves not even bothering).

And I do agree with that last part. Fuck England, all the nation stands for and has done. Awful country with an awful government and a loada awful people in it. So, I guess we can agree on that, at least. I only like my home area, and even then in an "it's alright" sort of manner.

And that about does it. Thank you for the ask. Feel free to ask again either as an Anonymous person or under some Tumblr identity. I had a real fun time answering you. You've made my morning. Goodbye.

#Responses of Nobody Delafiseaseses

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panicbox · 6 years

Text

Im gonna be real for a second. I'm not a huge popular artist and I'm under no illusion that I am, but still you may have noticed that I have not been uploading much art lately...

I have a really complicated relationship with art and doing artwork. I have no aspiration of becoming a great artist, yet I want to improve. I've never been able to develop a consistent art style (or handwriting or signature - I wonder if it's a schizophrenia/mental illness thing?) so I've never been able to develop a consistent brand for lack of a better word. I go between cartoony to semi realistic with no real consistency at all, and I don't know how to change that. I really don't understand how somebody can sit down and draw the same character looking the same way over and over again. I kinda just start drawing and it comes out how it comes out, y'know?

I'm also really paranoid about the amount of people ragging on the so called "CalArts" style because I know in my more cartoony pieces (the ones I enjoy the most tbh) I have elements that can be compared to that style and I feel too ashamed to draw lest I be compared to it... and I know it ain't like me to care what folks on the internet think.... but shit man... It ain't about the skill level of which I draw y'know. Skills can always be improved upon, but if folks are determined to hate the way it looks no matter the skill with which it's drawn... then I can't win. There's no way forward from there and it's disheartening....

I also can't help but compare myself to others... I draw all my digital art an iPhone app so old that if I update my phone it won't work any more. I don't own a computer (oddly enough I own a tablet) so proper digital art is not an option for me. Even if I did own a computer I doubt I'd be able to afford an art program, and I'm too paranoid to download something for fear of viruses (My and technology have an even more complicated relationship tbh). I feel like I've been able to push that little app to the limit of what it can do, and that I can't really do much beyond that. That's why I draw so many headshots digitally.. because the screen is so small it's hard to fit a whole body in.

This makes me feel like an imposter. Like I'm an artist, but not a real artist y'know? Like, I do digital art, but not real digital art. That's a big part of why I don't do commissions tbh. I don't feel good enough and tbh I'm always amazed when people ask if I do them. I don't feel like I deserve to draw for other people because due to limited recourses/skills I can't offer them the quality that they deserve... and I'd be an imposter for even asking for money.... because only REAL artists can do that. this whole thing probably comes off really batty actually...

My paranoia is a big problem for me. I have so much art and writing done about my Fallout Oc's, or fan work in general but I'm too afraid to post em. I feel like either nobody will care (despite other people's oc's getting attention and people caring about them - including me. I LOVE seeing other people characters), or that people will hate it.

I need to figure out a way to move past all this. I don't wanna offer commissions. That isn't a goal nor do I ever see it being a goal, but I want to be able to produce art and feel good about it. I wanna be able to interact with people more, to upload stuff I've worked hard on and to not compare myself to others but it's hard.

Anyways if you've made it this far thanks for listening. I really need to learn to open up more. This has taken me an hour to write this post and even though I'm worried that nobody will read this/care I appreciate you if you do. I wouldn't know what to say if somebody wrote something like this, especially if I've never spoken to them before, so if you could wanna leave a "like" I'll know that you've taken the time to hear me out. If not that's cool too. If anyone has any advice or comments I'd really love to hear em.

#panic.txt #im feeling pretty down rn so id appreciate if you could read #But its a huge block of tect so i understand if you cant/dont want to tbh

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robininthelabyrinth · 6 years

Text

My half of a fic-art trade with @waterwindow, who who wanted comics-based!Digger Harkness/Sam Scudder

I went with "locked in a room together" :) I hope you enjoy!

ao3 link

"I can't believe Cold locked us in this stupid room," Sam grumbles.

"I can't believe that he was right that we wouldn't leave till we finished the snacks," Digger replies, reaching out to snatch another bag of chips from the pile Cold had left behind.

Sam makes a face in agreement, looking down at the beer he had in one hand and the pretzels in the other. "I could get out of here anytime, you know," he says, because it's important to establish that he's here voluntarily. Even if it's only voluntarily because he's a sucker for a particular brand of pretzels and somehow Cold knows it. "With my mirrors -"

"Yeah, yeah, and I could bust the door lock with my boomerangs," Digger says, waving a hand. "And still: here we both are, innit true?"

"Maybe I think the man's got a point, Cap'n," Sam protests mildly, taking another swing of his beer. This is a blatant lie to save face, and Digger knows it, and worse, he knows that Digger knows it. Digger's not wrong in that they could both leave whenever they really wanted, but damnit, Cold did plan this out really well: he's got his favorite armchair, some beer and his favorite snacks. It's a pretty good inducement to stick around. Even if it does mean Cold was right about his plan to keep them in here, which gets Sam's goat a bit. Whatever, he'll figure out some way to take revenge later. "I mean, he only shoved us in here so we'd figure out how to combine our styles better, my mirrors, your boomerangs. It ain't necessarily a bad idea."

"We already combine our styles," Digger says. "S'why we're the Rogues, yeah? I go in with my boomerangs, you lot get in my way -"

"You mean you get in my way."

"Hah! Don't be ridiculous, Scuds. You're too reflexive to get anywhere."

"Uh-huh. And what about you? You always end up right where you started - ain't that your thing?"

"I do it on purpose," Digger says with great dignity, which would work except for the way his turquoise hat flops over his bright red hair when he slouches further down and shoves another handful of chips in his mouth.

"Can't see how doing it on purpose helps you much," Sam drawls, "given that where you started out - and end up - is usually prison."

"You say that like you had any successes before we all joined up."

"Says the man's big idea was to try to boomerang the Flasher to the moon and back," Sam says snippily. "At least I managed to shrink him to the size of a mouse -"

"He grew back, didn't he?"

"Well, yeah, but it still worked."

"Didn't he catch you the first time by turning off the lights?"

Sam huffs. If he wasn't so comfortable, he'd make something of Digger's little jabs. But as it is... "We have gotten more successes by working together, though."

"True," Digger concedes. He hasn't gotten up either, and his fingers are colored orange from that awful Aussie chips brand he can't get enough of; he won't start a real fight until he's had a chance to lick them clean. "But I don't see why we've got to practice it or nothing. Too much like work. Besides, you know your thing, I know mine..."

"It's like the United States," Sam says thoughtfully. "We've all got our different strengths, like the different states, and we could fight separately but together, but we're bound to be even stronger if we combine them into one attack instead of a bunch of different ones that the Flasher can take down one at a time. You know what I mean?"

"Nah, mate," Digger replies, deliberately exaggerating his Australian accent. "I ain't got no idea what you're on about, mate."

"Oh come off it," Sam says. "You've been out of the bush for years. You're as Central City as the rest of us."

"No one's as Central City as Cold."

Sam shrugs. It's probably true. He's pretty sure Cold spends his rare vacations away from the city pining for it.

Digger snorts, which either means Sam said that out loud or that Digger's thoughts have been going the same way. That is something Sam appreciates about Digger - they've got the same instincts, the same innate style.

Maybe that bullcrap he just blathered about figuring out how to work together better more really wasn't a bad idea.

"You could always shove a mirror onto one of my boomerangs," Digger offers, starting to lick the chip dust off his fingers. "We've done that before."

"Yeah," Sam agrees, slouching down further in his own chair to think. "It's sometimes hard to get an angle when just part of the boomerang's a mirror, though - can't you just use a boomerang made entirely of glass? I know you've done that a few times."

"And nearly cut my fingers to ribbons every time," Digger snorts. "The fact that I can doesn't mean I want to."

"I could work up one of my light generators into the boomerang instead," Sam offers. "And set the mirrors in place in advance, so that when you throw, it activates the mirrors."

"That might work," Digger says. "But what'll it do? Another hologram? Flasher's gotten wise to that; he's just started running though 'em."

"So we'll make a hologram of a door where there isn't one or something."

"Hah!" Digger exclaims. "And then he runs straight into it and bam! Just like Wile E. Coyote."

"Except for once it's the roadrunner getting bashed," Sam agrees, smirking at the mental image.

"Could be this work-together-on-plans crap idea's got something to it after all," Digger says. "I'm still going to tar and feather Cold's bed and tell him Heatwave did it."

Sam snorts. "Count me in on that."

They clink their beers together in agreement, then relax in silence for a few minutes, mulling the idea over.

"Maybe we could do something with some sort of portable light trap," Sam suggests. "Y'know, the way I set up with my mirrors, except attach 'em all to your lightning-fast boomerangs. That way we could catch the Flasher in mid-stride."

"Heh. That might trip him up."

"Not to mention bend him to our will."

"I like that one," Digger says admiringly. "Works for both of us. Say, do you still have that hypnosis glass? That stuff was great."

"You only say that 'cause you pulled a trick on me with them," Sam grumbles. Stupid Gotham. No one ever had any luck in Gotham.

"Nah! It was just cool. If we used it on a whole bunch of people in advance - maybe through my boomerangs going through a crowd - we could get 'em all in on attacking Flasher when he arrives."

Sam can't help but start to grin. "Digger," he drawls. "Are you suggesting that we attack the Flash with - a flash mob?"

Digger bursts out laughing. "Yeah," he says, still sniggering. "Guess I am."

Sam isn't much better. Maybe he's had too many of these beers - he wouldn't put it past Cold to spike them with something stronger, and given the taste and general quality of them, he's not sure he'd notice if they had been - but it's the funniest idea he's ever heard.

"We'll have to find a good job to do that with," he decides.

"You bet," Digger agrees enthusiastically. "I bet if we put our heads together, we can come up with some more really great ones like that."

"But not here," Sam decides, putting down the beer and looking suspiciously at the food. Sure, it all looks vacuum-sealed, but who knew where this general feeling of bonhomie came from? Even if it was with Digger, who he liked rather a bit more than the rest of the Rogues.

Quite a bit more, if the last few times they'd ended up in bed together stood for anything...huh. Maybe that's what Cold had been getting at, putting them in a room together? Some sort of matchmaker gig? It's been a while since they’d shacked up, and they’d both been getting kind of pissy around each other recently.

…nah.

"Where, then?" Digger asks.

"A bar," Sam decides, pulling out a pocket mirror to bust open the lock Cold had put on the door.

"Best idea you've had all night," Digger exclaims. "Let's go get pissed."

"No sooner said than done," Sam says, kicking open the door. "Let's go."

The first bar was great. As was the second one they visited after they got thrown out of the first one on account of getting a bit too rowdy with the other customers.

It took Digger until the third bar to start ragging on about Sam's color scheme the way he always did when he was particularly snozzled.

"Orange!" he groans. "And it's such a crap shade of orange, too -"

"I didn't pick it for the colors," Sam says, then smirks. He's pretty drunk, too. "Though I must say I look fine as hell in orange. Not everyone can pull that color off and still look good."

"It's prison orange, is what it is," Digger grumbles. "Gives me bad associations."

"Bad associations, huh? That's how you always end up in my bed, is it?"

"Usually my bed, y’mean," Digger shoots back, drunk enough for his usual paranoia over being queer to dissipate. "You're too damn prissy to want to worry about a wet spot in yours."

Still drunk enough to be bitchy, though.

Sadly, Sam finds Digger at his most bitchy weirdly attractive.

Clearly he's taken one too many hits to the head from the Flash.

"All right," Sam says agreeably. "I'm easy. Your bed, then. Tell me, is it the orange that lures you in?"

"No!"

Sam sniggers.

"And don't go saying you're easy," Digger continues, throwing an arm over his shoulders. "You're pretty hard to pull, you know that? Been trying for weeks."

"You mean I've been trying for weeks!" Sam exclaims. "You've been avoiding me."

"Have not."

"Have so."

"Have - whatever. Want to blow this joint?"

"Literally?" Sam asks, blinking at the bartender. There's two of him. Kind of like Multiple Man. Or maybe Sam's drunker than he thought. "Dunno, didn't think they were that bad."

Digger gives it serious consideration. "Nah," he finally says. "S'a good bar."

He reaches over and pats the bar the way one would a friendly dog.

Sam shakes his head. "Let's go home," he suggests.

"I thought you'd never ask," Digger replies. "Also, you totally missed a chance to make a 'hard' pun."

"Maybe I was saving it."

"Yeah, I bet you were."

"I'll have you know my skills extend pretty far on the light spectrum," Sam says. "Including my mastery of hard light."

Digger snorts. "And I'm a master of handling a stick. You wanna get out of here and have me to throw yours?"

"Not literally."

"No, not literally, you little -"

"Home sounds good," Sam says, lurching to his feet.

"Yeah," Digger says. "Sure does."

They even find time to steal some tar for Cold's bed on the way.

#sam scudder #digger harkness #flash comics #my fic

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chiakibutblack · 3 years

Note

I hate mondays

Pookey, cover me. I'm going in.

Sleeping beauty, wake up

You can stop dreaming about me, because I'm here now

Just wake up

You've got work to do. You're not just my owner...

...you're my primary care giver

Not now, Garfield

Alright, cut the sweet... easy now.

Trying to cuddle with me, huh?

Trying to avoid your duties, huh?

Well that just ain't gonna fly!

See, I'm doing my exercise, doing my job.

Just one quick CANNONBALL

- Good morning - Garfield!

OK, I think you're clean enough now.

Got your towel right here.

No, Garfield!

It's liver flavoured.

MMM Delicious.

Ugh, Liver!

Actually, it's liver 'flavoured'.

That was good breakfast. Now I think I'll fall off the Catkins diet

and get myself a little high fat chaser.

Garfield, look, the milk truck!

Oh, thatta boy Nermal. The milk truck comes every day.

Maybe not today. Maybe it's changing routes? Maybe this will be the last we'll ever see of him?

We're cats,we like milk. Let's go for it.

- No. - But...

But nothing. I don't leave the cul-de-sac for anything.

Out there it's a hornet's nest of trouble. Bad things happen out there, so I don't go out there.

Besides,I've found, if you wait long enough. Everything comes to you.

Here come the milk man. Here come the milk man.

Hey, Nermal. Let's play Astronaut again today.

- Yeah? - Yeah, I love that game

- You're such a brave little Astronaut - Alright

Prepare to jump into your spaceship, Commander Nermal.

Whoa, whoa! What about the milk?

Who needs milk when you can be in outer space?

- We've got a secret mission today. - Yeah?

You'll be exploring the Milky Way.

I get the chills when you jump in your little spacecraft.

The nation thanks you. Prepare to blast off!

Three, two, one!

Bon Voyage!

Look at me go!

Don't look down!

- Come to papa, baby - I can see everything up here

I can see my house!

Got Milk?

I can see the whole neighbourhood!

Well that's nice. That's very nice.

Hey, another milk truck!

Ooh, and that is even nicer.

I can see a whole......

Mission accomplished, Nermal

Whoa, Garfield. Do it again! Where did everybody go?

You're on the wrong side of the street, Fat Cat... beat it!

And you Luca are on the wrong side of the evolutionary curve.

Ok, that's it. You're gonna get it good today.

I make a point to get it good every day.

The real question is, Luca: How shall I outwit you this time?

- With simple maths? - I know how to spell.

- Or shall I distract you with something shiny? - Now you're making fun of me.

I hope so, you're no fun to look at.

You'll never get the best of me....

I think I just did.

Not the ducks again.

Jump back! and kiss my skin.

If I ever get off this chain, you're going down.

Everybody back up! I dont know how wild this thing's gonna get.

I love the smell of cinnamon apple in the morning.

- Smells like victory. - I hate this fat cat.

So much time, and so little I need to do.

Mouse!

No thanks, I'm full.

Get him, Garfield

Get him, Jon

Always gotta be smashing and crashing.

Nobody poisons anymore.

There's my ball.

What good is a cat, that can't chase a mouse?

I don't do the chase thing.

I know you don't hear me. But can't you just listen?

Louis, what are you doing in the house when Jon's home.

Sorry Garfield, man I couldn't help it.

Look, when he sees you he expects more from me. Don't you get that?

Jon's got those macadamia nut cookies, I'm trying to maintain.

- You understand? - Sure, as long as you understand...

that I have to eat you.

Good boy! See, I knew you could do it if you put your mind to it.

You're the best cat a guy could have.

Have you tasted yourself lately?

Hey, it wasn't exactly the first-class lounge in there for me either.

Get yourself lost, Louis. Take a powder for a couple of days, get a haircut and grow a beard.

Cool, I owe you one G

<< I've got a question for you. >>

<< Do you love your Cat? >>

Finally, back on my regular schedule.

<< Make sure he has nothing but Kibbly Kat food >>

That cat's puss is everwhere. TV, newspapers, t-shirts

I wouldn't want that kind of exposure (!)

- Hey buddy - Cut the small talk

What's in the bag?

<< Remember: Be Happy >>

I'm happy when I'm with you

You delicate melange of tomato paste, cheese, ground meat and pasta!

Garfield, don't even think about it.

That's my food.

I may just nibble.

<< Thanks Happy, and thank you for joining us >> << I'm Christopher Mello, remember: Be Happy >>

Cut!

Give me the Benadril!

Damned cat allergies

Any word from the network yet?

No, but they're looking for a dog-act on Good Day New York.

Dog act! Story of my life: Looking for a dog, and I'm stuck with a cat

- But the segment went quite well - "But the segment went quite well"

Of course it went well, you toad.

The fifty housewives who saw it, loved it.

<< This is Walter J Chapman, reporting live from the Hague >>

Oh, please. What a know-it-all.

And everybody always said I was the handsome one.

I was the smart one

And I was born first.

But there you are, "live from the Hague", and I'm here working with this sack of dander

on a dead-end regional morning show.

<< Back to you, Dan >>

Garfield!

Did you eat all four boxes of Lasagne?

It's not my fault. They started it.

What am I going to do with you?

Love me, feed me, never leave me.

Let's go for a ride to some place you love that always leaves you feeling pampered and refreshed.

Oh I know, Chucky Cheese

Thank you!

No, Wendys?

Taco kitty?

Well I'm stumped. Maybe olive garden, for you?

The only time I leave my cul-de-sac is when Jon takes me to the Vet.

Which he's been doing a lot recently. And it appears to have nothing to do with me.

Jon must want to go for his own reason.

Well, there's nothing wrong with Garfield

He's just a happy, fat, lazy cat.

No need for a second opinion.

- I worry about him. - I know you do.

Y'know, you care about him more than any owner I've ever known.

'Him' has a name. Is this an HMO?

Let's get Garfield in for his dip, I wanna talk to you, in private.

She's so beautiful.

Mr Pathetic, you've had a crush on her since High-School.

Will you please ask her out so she can reject you, and we can get on with my life?

I have to ask her out.

- Wish me luck - Ok, go get 'em big tiger

You the man, you the fella, you the boss

You preach to her, show her how the co... you hopeless loser...

Betty how about today you start me off with a Swedish massage, a manicure and a pedicure

Seaweed wrap, loofa, belly rub, tail waxing...

...then crack my toes to finish.

Jon, there's something important I need to ask you.

Something I wouldn't ask most of the guys who come in here.

No, wait. I think I know where this is going.

You do?

I do!

Liz, I've wanted to ask you the same thing for a very long time.

Are you sure we're talking about the same thing?

Absolutely

I've never been more sure of anything in my entire life

Liz, I'm ready to take a chance.

I'm ready for...

Thank you

A dog?

A dog, I'm ready for a dog.

I think he likes you.

Frisky little fella, isn't he

His name's Odie, and he's not going to make it if he has to live his life in a cage

He needs to be loved.

Well thank you, thank you very much Ladies and Gentlemen

Nah, maybe not in my neighbourhood

Hey, homer, I really gotta run

Gotta fly everybody, please, stay behind the security fence.

It's so great of you to come out and see me.

But I've got somebody waiting for me, very devoted. Almost crippled.

No, please, don't cry. I know what it's like to be unloved.

Well, you do.

I'll try to come back and visit. And if I don't, I'll try to write. Bye bye

Does anybody know this guy?

Goodbye everybody - Garfield is leaving the building.

Jon, you know, you don't have to do this if you don't want to.

No, no. It's okay.

Some part of me has always wanted to know what it's like to have a pet that actually wants to play with you.

You're a good friend.

One question: Am I still gorgeous?

Jon, I think we've got a little problem here.

Jon...

I want you to know I can help the transition go smoothly.

Jon, it's in my seat!

Jon...

We could all go out together.

Park, dog-shows.

Stuff like that

- Jon... - Wait a minute,

are you asking me out?

Jonny-boy, the time has come to get a car-alarm!

You're not gonna believe it! A mongrel-mutt has broken into your car.

Garfield, this is Odie. He's coming home with us.

Whoa: you went in there to get a date, and came out with a dog?

Well that's bad even for you.

Oh you're so sad. Oh no no no... We're not bringing a dog home with us.

Hey, I ride shot-gun! What are you lookin' at, tick-boy?

Jon, it's not too late. Quickly, turn around, before he finds out where we live!

Please take this trouser-sniffer back!

Come on Odie

This is your new home.

Come on Buddy

Jon...

You had me, a chick-magnet. And now you got a tick-magnet.

Garfield, Jon brought a dog home.

I am aware, Nermal.

Why would he do a thing like that?

Gee, I don't know, Nermal.

It just seems like a weird thing to do, bringing a dog into a house that already has a cat.

Can we drop it? I mean, it's no big deal. It's just a splattered bug on the windshield of my life.

A dimwitted, smelly, goofy splattered bug that I will deal with appropriately and enthusiastically.

Come on!

As you can see, I'm still Jon's favourite.

See you later, Garfield.

Good luck with the bug thing

This is payback for the liver thing, isn't it? Payback, ha ha ha

This is your new home Odie.

That's my office over there.

The TV over there.

The kitchen.

Go see the house.

Why don't you draw him a map?

Ok, I've got to remain calm, that's all

Jon's a cat-guy, not a dog-guy

This'll last a week, maybe ten days. Tops.

Boy this puppy is stupid gone wild

Nah, this is just a bad dream. I'm going to close my eyes

and when I open them, everything will be back to normal.

Nyagh! That's not normal.

Not close.

Oh great, dog-cooties. Somebody innoculate me please?

This is a nightmare. I just need a little quality time

with man's real best friend.

Television.

No, no. no.

#my posts #dr simps server #long post #very long post #extremely long post

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poopypooppooppoop-blog1 · 7 years

Text

Garfield The Movie Script

I hate mondays

Pookey, cover me. I'm going in.

Sleeping beauty, wake up

You can stop dreaming about me, because I'm here now

Just wake up

You've got work to do. You're not just my owner...

...you're my primary care giver

Not now, Garfield

Alright, cut the sweet... easy now.

Trying to cuddle with me, huh?

Trying to avoid your duties, huh?

Well that just ain't gonna fly!

See, I'm doing my exercise, doing my job.

Just one quick CANNONBALL

- Good morning - Garfield!

OK, I think you're clean enough now.

Got your towel right here.

No, Garfield!

It's liver flavoured.

MMM Delicious.

Ugh, Liver!

Actually, it's liver 'flavoured'.

That was good breakfast. Now I think I'll fall off the Catkins diet

and get myself a little high fat chaser.

Garfield, look, the milk truck!

Oh, thatta boy Nermal. The milk truck comes every day.

Maybe not today. Maybe it's changing routes? Maybe this will be the last we'll ever see of him?

We're cats,we like milk. Let's go for it.

- No. - But...

But nothing. I don't leave the cul-de-sac for anything.

Out there it's a hornet's nest of trouble. Bad things happen out there, so I don't go out there.

Besides,I've found, if you wait long enough. Everything comes to you.

Here come the milk man. Here come the milk man.

Hey, Nermal. Let's play Astronaut again today.

- Yeah? - Yeah, I love that game

- You're such a brave little Astronaut - Alright

Prepare to jump into your spaceship, Commander Nermal.

Whoa, whoa! What about the milk?

Who needs milk when you can be in outer space?

- We've got a secret mission today. - Yeah?

You'll be exploring the Milky Way.

I get the chills when you jump in your little spacecraft.

The nation thanks you. Prepare to blast off!

Three, two, one!

Bon Voyage!

Look at me go!

Don't look down!

- Come to papa, baby - I can see everything up here

I can see my house!

Got Milk?

I can see the whole neighbourhood!

Well that's nice. That's very nice.

Hey, another milk truck!

Ooh, and that is even nicer.

I can see a whole......

Mission accomplished, Nermal

Whoa, Garfield. Do it again! Where did everybody go?

You're on the wrong side of the street, Fat Cat... beat it!

And you Luca are on the wrong side of the evolutionary curve.

Ok, that's it. You're gonna get it good today.

I make a point to get it good every day.

The real question is, Luca: How shall I outwit you this time?

- With simple maths? - I know how to spell.

- Or shall I distract you with something shiny? - Now you're making fun of me.

I hope so, you're no fun to look at.

You'll never get the best of me....

I think I just did.

Not the ducks again.

Jump back! and kiss my skin.

If I ever get off this chain, you're going down.

Everybody back up! I dont know how wild this thing's gonna get.

I love the smell of cinnamon apple in the morning.

- Smells like victory. - I hate this fat cat.

So much time, and so little I need to do.

Mouse!

No thanks, I'm full.

Get him, Garfield

Get him, Jon

Always gotta be smashing and crashing.

Nobody poisons anymore.

There's my ball.

What good is a cat, that can't chase a mouse?

I don't do the chase thing.

I know you don't hear me. But can't you just listen?

Louis, what are you doing in the house when Jon's home.

Sorry Garfield, man I couldn't help it.

Look, when he sees you he expects more from me. Don't you get that?

Jon's got those macadamia nut cookies, I'm trying to maintain.

- You understand? - Sure, as long as you understand...

that I have to eat you.

Good boy! See, I knew you could do it if you put your mind to it.

You're the best cat a guy could have.

Have you tasted yourself lately?

Hey, it wasn't exactly the first-class lounge in there for me either.

Get yourself lost, Louis. Take a powder for a couple of days, get a haircut and grow a beard.

Cool, I owe you one G

<< I've got a question for you. >>

<< Do you love your Cat? >>

Finally, back on my regular schedule.

<< Make sure he has nothing but Kibbly Kat food >>

That cat's puss is everwhere. TV, newspapers, t-shirts

I wouldn't want that kind of exposure (!)

- Hey buddy - Cut the small talk

What's in the bag?

<< Remember: Be Happy >>

I'm happy when I'm with you

You delicate melange of tomato paste, cheese, ground meat and pasta!

Garfield, don't even think about it.

That's my food.

I may just nibble.

<< Thanks Happy, and thank you for joining us >> << I'm Christopher Mello, remember: Be Happy >>

Cut!

Give me the Benadril!

Damned cat allergies

Any word from the network yet?

No, but they're looking for a dog-act on Good Day New York.

Dog act! Story of my life: Looking for a dog, and I'm stuck with a cat

- But the segment went quite well - "But the segment went quite well"

Of course it went well, you toad.

The fifty housewives who saw it, loved it.

<< This is Walter J Chapman, reporting live from the Hague >>

Oh, please. What a know-it-all.

And everybody always said I was the handsome one.

I was the smart one

And I was born first.

But there you are, "live from the Hague", and I'm here working with this sack of dander

on a dead-end regional morning show.

<< Back to you, Dan >>

Garfield!

Did you eat all four boxes of Lasagne?

It's not my fault. They started it.

What am I going to do with you?

Love me, feed me, never leave me.

Let's go for a ride to some place you love that always leaves you feeling pampered and refreshed.

Oh I know, Chucky Cheese

Thank you!

No, Wendys?

Taco kitty?

Well I'm stumped. Maybe olive garden, for you?

The only time I leave my cul-de-sac is when Jon takes me to the Vet.

Which he's been doing a lot recently. And it appears to have nothing to do with me.

Jon must want to go for his own reason.

Well, there's nothing wrong with Garfield

He's just a happy, fat, lazy cat.

No need for a second opinion.

- I worry about him. - I know you do.

Y'know, you care about him more than any owner I've ever known.

'Him' has a name. Is this an HMO?

Let's get Garfield in for his dip, I wanna talk to you, in private.

She's so beautiful.

Mr Pathetic, you've had a crush on her since High-School.

Will you please ask her out so she can reject you, and we can get on with my life?

I have to ask her out.

- Wish me luck - Ok, go get 'em big tiger

You the man, you the fella, you the boss

You preach to her, show her how the co... you hopeless loser...

Betty how about today you start me off with a Swedish massage, a manicure and a pedicure

Seaweed wrap, loofa, belly rub, tail waxing...

...then crack my toes to finish.

Jon, there's something important I need to ask you.

Something I wouldn't ask most of the guys who come in here.

No, wait. I think I know where this is going.

You do?

I do!

Liz, I've wanted to ask you the same thing for a very long time.

Are you sure we're talking about the same thing?

Absolutely

I've never been more sure of anything in my entire life

Liz, I'm ready to take a chance.

I'm ready for...

Thank you

A dog?

A dog, I'm ready for a dog.

I think he likes you.

Frisky little fella, isn't he

His name's Odie, and he's not going to make it if he has to live his life in a cage

He needs to be loved.

Well thank you, thank you very much Ladies and Gentlemen

Nah, maybe not in my neighbourhood

Hey, homer, I really gotta run

Gotta fly everybody, please, stay behind the security fence.

It's so great of you to come out and see me.

But I've got somebody waiting for me, very devoted. Almost crippled.

No, please, don't cry. I know what it's like to be unloved.

Well, you do.

I'll try to come back and visit. And if I don't, I'll try to write. Bye bye

Does anybody know this guy?

Goodbye everybody - Garfield is leaving the building.

Jon, you know, you don't have to do this if you don't want to.

No, no. It's okay.

Some part of me has always wanted to know what it's like to have a pet that actually wants to play with you.

You're a good friend.

One question: Am I still gorgeous?

Jon, I think we've got a little problem here.

Jon...

I want you to know I can help the transition go smoothly.

Jon, it's in my seat!

Jon...

We could all go out together.

Park, dog-shows.

Stuff like that

- Jon... - Wait a minute,

are you asking me out?

Jonny-boy, the time has come to get a car-alarm!

You're not gonna believe it! A mongrel-mutt has broken into your car.

Garfield, this is Odie. He's coming home with us.

Whoa: you went in there to get a date, and came out with a dog?

Well that's bad even for you.

Oh you're so sad. Oh no no no... We're not bringing a dog home with us.

Hey, I ride shot-gun! What are you lookin' at, tick-boy?

Jon, it's not too late. Quickly, turn around, before he finds out where we live!

Please take this trouser-sniffer back!

Come on Odie

This is your new home.

Come on Buddy

Jon...

You had me, a chick-magnet. And now you got a tick-magnet.

Garfield, Jon brought a dog home.

I am aware, Nermal.

Why would he do a thing like that?

Gee, I don't know, Nermal.

It just seems like a weird thing to do, bringing a dog into a house that already has a cat.

Can we drop it? I mean, it's no big deal. It's just a splattered bug on the windshield of my life.

A dimwitted, smelly, goofy splattered bug that I will deal with appropriately and enthusiastically.

Come on!

As you can see, I'm still Jon's favourite.

See you later, Garfield.

Good luck with the bug thing

This is payback for the liver thing, isn't it? Payback, ha ha ha

This is your new home Odie.

That's my office over there.

The TV over there.

The kitchen.

Go see the house.

Why don't you draw him a map?

Ok, I've got to remain calm, that's all

Jon's a cat-guy, not a dog-guy

This'll last a week, maybe ten days. Tops.

Boy this puppy is stupid gone wild

Nah, this is just a bad dream. I'm going to close my eyes

and when I open them, everything will be back to normal.

Nyagh! That's not normal.

Not close.

Oh great, dog-cooties. Somebody innoculate me please?

This is a nightmare. I just need a little quality time

with man's real best friend.

Television.

No, no. no.

Hey, new guy. Let me hip ya to the rules, ok.

Number one: That's my chair.

Alright, I even see you raise a leg, and it's on, it's go time, pal.

Very well.

Y'know, I may just have a mental advantage on this guy.

Leave me alone.

I'm not kidding, Yodel Odie.

Pop a worm pill, and hit the road, I'm busy.

You wanna play? Fine.

You can be my new astronaut!

You go jump in the pail, and we'll shoot you into outer space.

Come on, it's real simple!

Here, I'll even throw your ball in there.

Follow the ball and jump in the pail.

Come on, Odie

Just like this, come on over here and just jump right into the pail and help me.

No, just in here like this...

Uh oh - don't touch that!

Oh no!

Houston, we have a problem.

Odie, Get off the pail.

Ok, time for a new game.

It's called my claw in your foot game

Come here

I'll just use my left claw

If my legs were longer I'd have caught you by now - come here!

Just wait for one second.

Slow... down...

Well, well, well

I've got you now fat cat

Hey Luca - is that a new chain you're wearing? Fella?

Looks good on ya

You look great. You been working out?

Oh I've been waiting years for this.

Would that be regular years, or dog-years?

Get away from me pipsqueak!

You're nothing but a...

Luca, this is Odie. Odie, Luca.

Luca, do me a favour and eat him for me would you please?

Garfield, are you alright?

I think so.

Luca's about to have Odie for lunch.

If it wasn't for Odie, you'd be Luca's chew-toy

Yeah, he saved your life.

Odie's a hero!

Why? Because I wasn't ripped to shreds?

No: Odie's an imbecile, until further notice.

Hey Moondust, if I were you I'd grab a nice piece of carpet

Jon doesn't let me sleep up-top

Ever.

Odie...

You wanna sleep in the bed?

What?

Good boy.

You wanna sleep on the bed tonight?

Yes I do. Yes...

I think I'm going to blow cat chow chunks

Good night Odie

Good night Garfield

Great, wish me luck with the nightmares

Another day ruined.

Oh, you little suck up!

Whoa baby

No.

Down. Down dumb dog

What part of 'no' don't you understand?

The push off the chair?

I don't wanna play

Oh, look...

What am I supposed to say?

Thanks for saving my hide with Luca?

Ok, thanks for saving my hide with Luca. Get off!

Where was I? Right here.

Whoa, that was a cheap shot.

Hit a guy when he's not looking? Ok...

Oh, excuse me, I think you may have forgotten something.

I saw this and I thought, I was pretty sure it was your...

Watch out! You see, you can't touch this.

That's right. Don't sneak up on me, baby.

Oh, come on with that!

Get that weak step outta here!

Is that butt broken? No it's something like this here....

Can you do this? Shouldn't those hips be in the shop?

Walk this way please...

I'ma walking the dog

Let's step it up a little bit, something like this....

Whoa, look at this! Watch out now!

Watch out for this thing!

You probably should've practiced in the garage before you stepped up to someone of my level.

Bash up!

Maybe something a little bit more challenging.

How about this?

Look who's here on the porch. I'm walking the porch.

I'm holding the torch, I'm ready to scorch.

Hey!

Look, Garfield's dancing with Odie.

They're like buddies now!

Odie, what are you doing here?

I was doing a solo dance, and a creepy dog comes up next to me...

Did you guys see that?

Thank you fellas, thank you.

Uh oh, here's more trouble.

Look at the goony look on his face!

Come here Odie

Taking him back to the vet?

You're taking him back to the kennel, right?

Are you putting him up for adoption?

Hey Garfield, Jon's taking Odie on his date with Liz and he's leaving you behind!

I know, Nermal

They're off on an adventure, and you're still here!

And your point is?

Well, that's gotta feel bad

Being left by Jon, while he takes Odie out.

It's like you're not his favourite anymore.

Hey, whaddya say we play brain surgeon? Would you go get my powertools?

This is so sad. Jon has completely lost his mind.

He doesn't realise how important I am to him.

I need to be so understanding of him at this difficult time.

Hey, wait up! Wait up for me!

You forgot me!

Slow down! Please slow down!

I'm right back here!

I think I've pulled a hamstring!

It's ok. I'm on, relax.

Car broke my nose....

Yeah, go on ahead, I'll catch up with you. It's probably only a mild concussion.

Or a skull fracture.

Maybe I'll get a cat-scan?

A cat-scan!

Ladies and Gentlemen!

Welcome to the Dog Show!

But what if I compromised a little? How about I do the rolling around with the yarn-ball thing?

And I'll purr. I'll purr like a Ferrari!

Make that a Jaguar.

I won't climb drapes though, that's more than you'd get from some dumb... dog.

Oops, dogs.

What, you're all going to take it personally?

Now I'm gonna die.

Now I really am gonna die!

Excuse me!

Can I get through here?

Going under this tarp. That's my ear.

Owners, maintain control of your dogs! Control your dogs now!

Music!

Music, you idiot!

Yeah, play the music....

That's my bad knee, stop it

Alright, feet don't fail me now!

I apologise for this, please excuse this outburst

This is highly irregular.

Odie.

Come back Odie.

Ok, alright, I need a ride

Madam, I'm a cat in trouble. I'm hitching a ride in your moo-moo

Come on, let's move!

Come on pinky, move it out!

Sorry, sorry!

Move move move, Pinky, Move Pinky move!

We certainly have a new star in the arena.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is amazing!

Talented little fella, huh

Yah Pinky!

They're gaining on us Pinky!

A cat's life is at stake

Excuse me ma'am, Please call 911 !

This is exactly what I deserve anyway

I promise if I survive, I'll never compete with a dog again

Ok, you got me, but before I say goodbye...

Oh isn't this the final irony, look who's here to witness this:

The mail man!

You're so stupid!

Odie, come here!

That's a good boy!

That, is one talented dog!

Y'know, this is exactly the kind of dog that could have a future in television.

Oh, thank you Mr Chapman, but Odie's just my pet.

and that's all I really want him to be

You're kidding?

No.

Well, this is for you.

And this is for you if you happen to change your mind...

you just ring me up and say "Hello, hello, I changed my mind"

"I wanna be a star!"

- Ok - Ok

Let's hear it for Odie!

Our winner today: a fabulous dancing puppy called Odie.

Never leave the cul-de-sac Never leave the cul-de-sac

Never leave the cul-de-sac

I'm home.

- I had fun today, thank you - Yeah, me too

Would you like to come in?

Not today

I knew that. I'm sorry

Jon, I wanna come over, just not today. I have to cover for another vet.

Oh, really?

How's Sunday?

Sunday's great.

Sunday's good. Sunday.

So I'll see you Sunday.

Why, why has this happened?

I was the one!

It was all about me.

Not about some stupid, snivelling, smelly, high-maintenance Disco Dog.

Oh no.

You just can't do this Jon. He's trying to tear us apart, don't you see that?

You know me. I'm too lazy to try to destroy your house.

I was provoked, pushed, prodded, driven mad.

You can't kick me out of my own house, like I'm some kind of animal.

Oh come on Jon.... Jon....

You know I'm scared of the dark.

I used to have Jon to myself.

Day or night, there was noone else.

From dawn to dusk, my meals would come.

I'd lounge about in my home

But now I'm out in the cold night.

All alone, til the dawn's first light.

I'm in a new-dog state of mind.

Used to think I had a home

A special place to call my own

But now the dog's in, and I'm out.

I've got no Jon, I've got no clout

I'm in a new-dog state of mind.

Leave me alone. You've won.

You're inside, with him. And I'm out here, all by myself.

Odie. You came out here to be with me?

I'm touched

And you must be touched in the head!

Bring out the dog, Bring in the cat

See ya in the morning little fella

You know, a puppy needs a little tough-love, every now and then.

I think it builds character.

Hello Pookey - miss me?

Y'know what: I'm going to make it up to Odie tomorrow. I'm going to teach him how to drink out of the toilet.

Poor Odie. That cat is such a pig.

Garfield's a pig?

You never put the dog out at night

Why not?

Because dogs run away.

Sure Jon, I'll eat all your lasagne for you...

Oh look, what do we have here....

You're a lost dog.

Well, we can fix that.

Oh, do I feel good this morning.

I slept like a fat cat

Hey tall dark and human, What's for breakfast?

Odie!

Where are you boy?

Relax, I think he was gonna camp out

Odie?

Well, he probably had a sleep over at Luca's, I think....

Odie?

Maybe he's fetching the paper for the neighbours?

Where is that silly dog?

I can't go on like this any more Wendel. I've got to get a dog.

I think that's a lovely idea.

I know you've been sad and lonely since the divorce

and I've tried to be your friend...

Not for me, you imbecile, for the act.

If I could get my hands on a really talented dog.

Walter J. just choke on his Emmy

Like Odie?

Yeah

Yeah now he was good.

Oh yeah

Y'know he was kindy dopey-looking and spry and...

Lost?

Hi, it's Jon. I was just calling to see if Odie's been over there.

I can't find him around. My name is Jon Arbuckle...

...and I can't find my dog.

I've looked all around the neighbourhood, and I can't seem to find him.

He was home last night, but I haven't seen him this morning....

if you see him, give me a call please.

Hi it's Jon, I was calling to see if you'd seen Odie, I think he's run away.

I was giving him a bath last night, and I forgot to put his collar back on.

Because Garfield hates his collar.

He's about 15 pounds, he's brownish yellow with big floppy ears....

Would you mind getting that?

I'm offering a reward.

Yes, that's right.

And he answers to the name of....

- Hi. - Hi.

I'd say the refrigerator is unguarded.

Wha, what are you doing here?

We're having dinner, remember?

Right. Dinner, the two of us.

Tonight. Of Course.

- Shall I come in? - Yeah?

Yeah, come on in.

Liz, I have a confession...

It's not really a confession, it's more of an admission.

It's a, you know it's like a declaration.

- I have a.... - I love it when you do that

- Do what? - Y'know, trip over yourself.

It's cute... It's one of the reasons why I had a crush on you in high-school.

- You had a crush on me? - Yeah....

I thought you were really cute, decent, not like all those other jerks.

I don't believe it, I had a crush on you too.

- Isn't that funny... - Yeah...

Hillarious.

So um, what's your confession, admission, declaration?

Actually, um,

I forgot about our dinner... yeah.

That's ok, I can go?

No, no. I'm glad you're here.

Let me just get my jacket and then we'll go.

What am I going to do? What am I going to do?

What am I going to do? I've waited for this night my entire life...

If you tell her the truth, you'll feel much better.

And you wont have to see her any more. It's kinda creepy having a vet around the house anyway.

I can't go out and pretend that nothing's happened, can I?

Well, I sure could.

The one thing you can't do is tell her the dogs gone...

- I gotta tell her. - No.

- I've gotta to tell her. - No!

That's not what I said!

Schmuck

Liz. We can't go out tonight.

- Why not? - Odie's run away.

- What? - He got out last night...

I feel terrible. I call the pound, I put up posters, I looked everywhere

...but I can't find him.

Why didn't you just tell me?

I guess I figured he was the only reason you were spending time with me.

- Come on. - No, I'm serious.

No, I mean let's go find him.

How can this dog be such a problem when he's not even here anymore?

Well I'm not gonna worry about him.

I believe you found my dog.

He answers to Odie.

- Odie. - Family name

Oh, Odie. Come on!

There you are!

I can live again now.

How could I ever repay you?

An autograph would be splendid.

Then splendid it shall be.

<< come on, boy >>

This is ridiculous.

Hey: what are you looking at?

Nothing, just looking for some company.

- Keep walking creepo. - What's going on?

We know how much you hated Odie.

We know how much you wanted him gone.

Wait a minute... all I wanted was to sleep in my own bed...

And to do it you cast Odie out into the cold, cruel world?

We saw how you locked Odie outside last night.

Oh I don't believe you guys, I didn't know he was gonna run away.

He's a dumb dog, no offence Luca.

Uh, what?

You can't blame me for that...

Any one of us could be next.

Yeah, there's no room for anybody else in Garfield's world.

Oh that's a little dramatic.

Well I may have been a little tough about protecting my turf,

...but I don't hate the guy.

<> << a special treat... >>

<< What have you got for us, Happ? >>

<< Ah, guten morgan, Chris >>

<> << And I would like to introduce him to all of you... >>

<< "Odie Schnitzel" >>

Lookie here, It's Odie!

And he's safe and sound.

Although he seems to have found an alternative lifestyle.

He still can't dance.

Well this gets me off the hook with Jon and the gang.

Now, I'm gonna be the hero.

<< That's one talented dog >>

<< I'm glad you think so Chris, >> << because I have a little announcement to make >>

<< Old Happy Chapman and Odie Schnitzel >>

<< are going to be climing aboard that >> << New Amsterdam Ltd. at 3pm >>

<< bound to New York city, where we have >> << the opportunity to be regular contributors on >>

<< "Good Day New York" >>

That's his last name? Schnitzel?

Thank you for all your help yesterday...

You were great.

Jon, Odie's on TV. And he's wearing Lederhosen.

I'm sorry, Garfield. Not now.

I upped the reward to $200, and I'm going to put up some more posters tomorrow.

He's clog-dancing I think

...wearing Lederhosen.

I'm sorry, Garfield. Not now.

You're gonna miss this...

I'm sorry Liz, I'll call you later.

Garfield's being... Garfield.

Do I have to bark like Lassie?

Come on! Humour me, would ya? Arf! Arf! Arf! Quickly!

While we're young. Today, let's go!

<< "Remember: Be Happy" >>

You're gonna miss this: he's the small one.

The small one in the guy's hands....

Garfield... I'm not in the mood.

Y'know, it's never good when you turn off my TV, and this may be the worst ever.

Odie's not ready.

He's months of positive reinforcement away from consistently performing.

Happy. You promised you'd never use that.

That collar is inhumane.

This collar...

...is the dog's future.

Do you have a problem with that?

Now we'll see how smart you really are...

Happy Chapman.

Not now Garfield.

Jon, you're denser than ever!

I gotta think outside the box.

Hey: the box!

Wait a second...

My box.

My box had something on it.

"Applejacks", "Frosty Flakes", "Coco Puffs"...

"Kibbly kat!", Yes!

There it is: Telegraph Tower!

That's where they make the "Happy Chapman" show.

Yeah, but, how far away can that be?

Hmm, a paw? A paw and a half maybe?

This is a done-deal. I can do this!

No. Can't do this!

Reached physical limits!

Shouldn't have tried it without snacks!

Must go back, and re-load.

And that's the sign that the tank is full...

I can do this.

Beyond this intersection,

is just another intersection.

and another, and another. On the otherhand...

I wonder if there's any meatloaf left in the fridge?

No, now is not the time for a plate of meatloaf.

Now is the time for a plate of courage.

Ladies and Gentlemen: Garfield!

...has left the cul-de-sac.

Now that's more my style.

Oh, Taxi.

Step on it, will ya driver?

No, Odie's not a hound-dog.

Yes I'm sure.

No, I don't want another dog.

Thanks anyway.

Garfield, lunchtime.

I made your favourite, Lasagne.

Garfield?

Garfield. Where are you?

Can anyone direct me to the pink building shown on

the back of the Kibbly Kat box?

It's the one right next to the blue and orange tree.

This doesn't feel pink building-ish...

Rats?

Rats the size of... Rats!

- Stop

Why am I being surrounded here? Some of my best friends are vermin.

Finally, some meat.

Meat, no. It's not meat.

They measured: it's 100% body fat. No nutritional value whatsoever.

Hey, body fat's good with us.

- Garfield. - Louis!

Hey, what's going on here?

- Louis, my friend! - Come on I've got 3000 tiny mouths to feed.

Garfield? What are you doing here?

Besides defending my life?

Jon got a dog.

Dog got kidnapped by a TV star.

...I'm trying to rescue him.

Seems like you got yourself in a jam, huh?

Wish there was something I could do to help you out...

Louis, I think you and I have an account still, remember?

The Macadamia-nut cookies?

I do love the Macadamias

Sorry rat-pack. This cat's with me. You all gotta roll. Go ahead, roll out.

Who wants to go to the Red Lobster alley?

Maybe next time, little critters. Good luck with the plague and rabies and everything.

Don't push your luck, fat cat.

Garfield, you can't just be wandering around the city...

There are dangers everywhere... Potholes, subways, animal control.

You think you could get me to Telegraph Tower?

Two more cookies and you got a deal,

but you gotta keep it on the down-low.

How down-low do we have to go?

Yo, Garfield, are you with me?

Louis, this is a little bit lower than I expected.

If I didn't have a box over my head, I'd be humilated.

Alright, we're almost there.

Now when I give you the signal, you gotta cross the street.

- Way over there, by the horizon? - Come on, Garfield!

Wait up! Wait up!

Am I dead?

- Garfield, don't move! - Don't move?

- Not a problem. - Just wait for the Walk signal.

It's a stampede! If I could just get away from this herd.

Garfield?

Garfield, where are you?

Garfield, get down from there, man!

No, I'm not coming down. I'm happy to live the rest of my life up here, thank you.

Liz! Liz!

- What's wrong? - Garfield's gone.

I think he's run away too. First Odie, and now Garfield.

Liz, I am the worst pet-owner on the planet.

What happened?

I can't find him, you gotta help me.

I can't live without Garfield.

Let's start at the park.

Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?

Are we there yet? Garfield. Relax!

- Look we're here. - We're here now?

"Curve Service" The Telegraph Tower, in all it's splendour.

It looks much smaller on the box.

You gotta go all the way up there? Good luck, player.

I'll catch ya later, I don't do the vertical thing.

- Thanks a lot, partner. - Oh yeah, hold up G.

- What? - Watch out for the popo, you know...

The 5-0. Controlo. Animal Control, man!

oh, that popo (!)

Keep it squeal. Thanks partner.

I can't try the door.

I couldn't handle another stampede.

First thing, Monday morning.

I'm going to get to work on losing those

last 20 pounds.

Ok, everything looks good out there.

Looks like we've got ourselves a blockage.

Guess we'll just purge the system.

Pardon me, that wasn't my stomach, was it?

Ah,there's a cooling breeze.

Nyagh, my poor nose!

Jon, stop the car!

It's Odie.

Somebody found him!

- 52903 Euclid Street. - Let's go

Odieeeeeeee.

Ooooodd.

Oooodster

Oood-man

This rescue thing is exhausting.

When do heroes get to eat?

Oh my, it's Odie!

Oooodie.

I've found ya.

I'm so sorry I got you into this mess.

Look, we kinda got off on the wrong paw.

But, come on, you can be really annoying sometimes

and you don't give me enough space.

And you're a major league suck up... but we have a common purpose

We share Jon.

Jon needs us even more.

And, I kinda want you back home too.

So: stand back.

Almost there....

You think he's ready for the audition?

Well, why don't you see for yourself?

Come on, Odie. Showtime.

"Good Day New York" - I know you're gonna flip for Odie because he

sure is flipping for you...

A shock-collar?

That's inhumane.

Hot doggy...

- When does our train leave? - Two hours

Poor Odie. He faces a future of torture, neglect and degradation.

Hey nobody gets to mistreat my dog like that, except me.

I'll be right behind ya, little buddy.

Gravity, do your thing!

Y'know, I think I had a nightmare like this once...

Once again, my life has been saved by the miracle of Lasagne.

I said Limo, not taxi, do you know the difference?

Odie here I come. Don't worry, fella, I'll rescue you.

- Gotcha - Huh?

Well, what have we got here?

Looks like we got us a cat with no tags.

Hey, there's an animal felony happening right there behind you.

I'm trying to do some rescue work here, pal

Welcome to my world, Red.

This is police brutality.

I have tags. I just left them in my other fur.

This is abusive, now. This is abuse.

- What is with the cage? - Ok, lock her down.

Oh no this is insulting. You know I'm house-trained.

- Settle down people - Oh, I oughta give you a bunch of fives, pal.

This is all a terrible mistake.

I was trying to save a friend.

He's not very smart, he needed my help. I don't belong in here.

I have an owner. I'm not a stray.

- Hi, I'm Jon Arbuckle - Hi

I think you have my dog, Odie?

I think you're mistaken.

No, I saw the flyer. Odie's my dog.

No, he's Happy Chapman's dog.

Happy Chapman?

The gentleman with the cat on Channel 37.

He came and took Odie home.

Odie's a family name, y'know?

Well, good day.

Happy Chapman took Odie.

He's got Garfield too?

I don't know. But we're gonna find out.

Could you please be quiet.

Guards, Guards! Oh this really is too much.

Persnikitty!

Happy Chapman's cat! What are you doing in here?

I 'was' his cat.

until I outlived my purpose.

Then he replaced me with a dog.

and dumped me in this wretched place.

All humans are the same.

Not Jon, my owner.

No way, he only does what's best for me.

He puts up with me, then he feeds me.

And he lets you vacation in this charming animal pound. Hello?

Not for long, Persnikitty.

Would you please just stop calling me that.

My name isn't really Persnikitty...

It's Sir Roland.

Sir Roland?

Yes, another one of Happy Chapman's acts of cruelty.

I was trained in the classical theatre, you know...

But now, I'm a "Celebrity Cable Cast-off Cat"

with a name I can never live down.

Well, this may hurt a little then,

I'm trying to rescue the dog that replaced you, Persnikitty.

I mean, Roland.

Happy and Odie are getting on a train in less than two hours,

going to New York to become regulars on "Good Day New York".

Wait a minute: did I just hear that right?

You're a cat that's trying to rescue a dog?

It's true. I know, it's a crime against nature,

at first I thought he was a pain, but,

he's grown on me. Like a wart you wanna have removed until you realise

it defines you, in some funny way.

Do you know, that is absolutely charming?

Let me ask you a question, chubby.

What are you talking about?

How could you understand?

He's my friend.

Oh, my gosh. How low have I sunk?

Guard, may I have some shoelaces please.

Well, hello there.

Right on time. Alright, I need a five-cat line up right now.

What's going on?

Adoption. It's like one of us is getting outta here.

So, here to look at a cat?

Alright, let's see if we can't take care of that.

Come on boys, lets hurry it up

Can I say, your hands are freezing.

Come here

- You are heavy. - Excuse me, muscle weighs more than fat. Check this.

Alright, line it up. Paws on the white line. Tails in the air.

I don't need to be adopted guys. My guy Jon is coming to get me, I'm sure.

- That one! - Really?

She picked me, she picked me. She picked me, she picked me.

No, not that one. That one.

The one that looks like the cat on TV.

Back it up, Red.

Sorry love, better luck next time.

Now you be careful. That's sore.

Jon's going to be here in five minutes anyway.

When I give the signal, run like a mad-cow.

- What? - Don't you want to save your friend?

- Do I really have to run? - Now!

Eat Hairball, Happy Chapman.

We've got runners! We've got runners!

Stop!

You've not been cleared for release!

Garfield's been here.

Excuse me, can I help you guys with something?

We're looking for Happy Chapman.

Yeah he's on his way to the train station, he's going to New York.

Do you guys have a pass, or something?

Thanks

Hello, excuse me.

<< Your attention please >>

<< The Amsterdam Ltd. is now departing >>

<< from Platform 12 >>

All aboard!

All Aboard!

Good afternoon, Gentlemen.

What will you be having today? Salmon, Steak or Lasagne?

Steak. I hate Lasagne.

Beep Beep! Cat coming through! Beep Beep!

Going through the tunnel.

I just had to do that.

<< Final call for the new Amsterdam Ltd. >> << The Amsterdam Ltd. is now departing from Platform 12 >>

No... wait... please. Stop. Wait. Don't!

You monster Chapman.

I can't out-run a train.

Watch the train, pal.

Hey, I got it.

It's just a train set, only bigger.

- Oh no, we're too late. - No...

...we're gonna stop that train.

Come on.

Somewhere around here

There's got to be a big table

With all the trains on it.

He looks like the type.

And this must be where he's got his little table...

I'm very sorry sir, there's simply no way to stop that train.

You don't understand, you have to stop the train.

My dog and my cat are on that train.

I suppose if Jon can do this, I can.

Ok, we gotta find our train. Let's see what happens when I do this...

<< Boston Express switching to track 18. >>

Oh, I'm sorry. The folks in Boston are going to be a little late today.

Let's see what happens when I do this...

- << Warning, Seattle Wind... >> - No, I don't care about Seattle.

Ma'am, I'm looking for one train in particular.

Just one second, I'm trying to find my train.

- << The New Amsterdam Ltd. >> - There's the Amsterdam.

- << Warning: collision 20 seconds >> - Gosh, you sound like my mother.

Hold up, everybody stop!

- Five, four... - Stop what you're doing...

Ok, everybody - let's take it from the top.

- You have to stop that train... - Hold on.

I'll be down to meet you at the station, Odie.

Actually, that train has stopped. It's returning to the station.

Are we on the right train?

Where are ya?

I think I recognise that whine.

Come on: see, these are the kinda seats you get when you book at the last minute.

Good to see you, partner.

Let's get outta here.

<< Your attention please: the New Amsterdam Ltd. >> << Is making an unscheduled stop on Platform 12 >>

- Sir, please take your seat. - No, no... my future is travelling away from me.

Will ya slow down? I've been doing this running thing all day,

and I am over it.

We're safe now, we're free.

- Oh, if it isn't Unhappy Chappy. - Going somewhere?

Nice accessory, but I don't think I wanna play dress up with you, pal.

Let's get out of here. Let's beat it.

Oh, right in the nose again!

So it's gonna get physical, is it?

Did you really think you could just run away from Happy Chapman?

Oh is this a cry for help.

No dumb, dirty animal is ever gonna get the better of me.

And lets see how you feel with 200 volts coursing through that thick canine skull of yours.

- Chapman... - Come here.

Get your hands off of my friend!

Hey boomer, what round is it?

- Good to see you, Chubby. - We're here to help

- Sir Roland? - In the fur.

Alright, here's the drill. Cats, scratch like you've never scratched before.

Dogs, bite... but don't chew.

and rats. See if you can get that pretty necklace around his neck.

Canines, Felines and Vermines... It's show time!

Thanks boys.

Thanks boys. The home team will take it from here.

Better split before Animal Control gets here.

Hey Garfield, take it easy.

Garfield good luck.

Odie would you mind sharing the remote, please?

Every dog has his day, Happy.

- Nice Kitty. - Let's see what's on the news...

Let me tell you something, Happy.

To you Odie might be just a dumb, stupid, smelly dog. But to me...

he's all that and much more.

He's my friend.

Odie, try something else. Maybe there's a game on?

Strong finish little buddy.

Odie, Garfield?

- Odie? - Odie?

Be Happy.

This is for stealing my dog and my cat.

He didn't steal me. I was doing the rescue work.

Garfield! Odie!

Come here!

I missed you guys so much. I was so worried about you...

Never gonna let you out of my sight again.

Never. You guys are my best friends.

You have me, but hello.

<< This is Walter J. Chapman with breaking news from >> << the Midwest. >>

<< Abby Shields reporting, >> << whatcha got for me, Abby? >>

<< Details are sketchy, but it appears that >> << a derranged man >>

<< may be the cause of all the trouble here. >>

A derranged man? What is this?

<< Police are bringing the suspect out >> << as we speak >>

Good grief, it's my idiot brother.

Hey - that's Happy Chapman!

He's going for a ride in a Police car.

<< But sources tell me that this incident somehow >>

<< involved a dog and a very heroic cat. >> - Garfield!

He saved Odie. Now he's a hero!

- Oh, I didn't realise. - Garfield's on TV - he's a hero!

Garfield! Garfield's a hero now!

Thanks everybody

We're a whole street full of heroes

- It's nice to be recognised by your peers. - I couldn't have done this without you.

You're a really great friend.

Jon, I wanna be more than your friend.

- Me? - Yeah.

Where do they find the energy?

Yeah, just one big happy family.

Yeah, right. Hit the floor.

No, seriously, you can come up buddy. Seriously, come on up.

Down you go. We just hit it off so well, because we both love the same thing...

and that is: Me!

Whoa!

<>

<>

<>

<>

<< So good >>

<>

<< So good >>

<>

Oops

Hey Odie, help me... I can't get up!

0 notes

thehandsomeasshole · 3 years

Text

@starttheanarchy from X

"Then why use them for a job they are not meant for, just keep them to their original purpose and make something new that works for what you need. And because quality work will save in the long term with less repairs, replacements, and malfunctions over all. And your welcome." The wide grin could be heard in her last three words. She was raised to have some manners after all. "And DT could probably do it as long as the load weight isn't over hmmm..." She drifts off as fingers tap together, mental math being calculated. "Eight tonne? Maybe less. I'm not exactly sure on that front since I actually haven't tested his limits on that front. Hmm something to test another day." Her eyes drifted over the floating form of her robot as it stayed ever vigilant of her surroundings. She knew it could do some heavy lifting since she had used previous versions to move things in the junk yard.

Eyes roll at yet another reason on why to avoid corporations, and another as he seems to enjoy being a pest.

"Actually last thing I did was fix up several things that were in disrepair in Overlook, since too much of the population of that poor town have the skull-shivers and had no access to the medicine. Something about repair tickets being ignored or something like that. And I didn't come here for the shallow reason of becoming rich, I'm opening the vault to try and prevent a very clearly corrupt corporation from monopolization on something that might be a blessing or a curse." If she had it her way, she would keep it locked forever since no one has a full understanding of the capabilities and issues of Eridium that began to spawn after the first one opened. To many variables and yet everyone wanting to just add more into the chaos.

"Yes, yes. The definition fits, but you seem to think I am on the same level of depravity like the Fleshrippers or the Bloodshots. To which all I can say is, rude and incorrect. And princess? Really?" That got her to shoot a glare back at the space station.

"Not everyone. Yes there are people who still deserve a chance to be treated like a decent human because they are. But you seem to be hard at work for making it so those people are just as dead as the rest. And you are right, no one has used an army of robots to lay siege on a planet in the name of their own ideals. They used armies of people, and all of them were considered like a plague upon humanity in the context of history. Dictators, tyrants, oppressors, authoritarians, monsters. Wonder how will you be written down."

At the laughter, and how it grew as she talked about what started this whole hot mess off for her on planet side, it made her skin itch with irritation. Out of everything on this fucking disaster hellscape, it was Hyperion that tried to kill her first. Sure others might have had to deal with bandits at other stops, but she went from off the inter-space shuttle to the train with no issues.

It was fair to say Jack was the first person to try to actually kill her. Even when escaping Eden-5 they were aiming for capture to make her life a living hell instead of a death sentience. It was one of the reasons she was trying so damn hard to keep surviving at this point, out of spite for the asshole who tried to kill them after using some shitty signs to inform them of their supposed doom.

Hands were clenched into fists and she could feel a chill roll through her body. It was like the ice never left at times.

A deep breath as she turns her face to the sun that burns the landscape, she is fine and alive. And she isn't going to follow his script and get pissed. She isn't going to scream like everyone else on this planet. The Mechromancer is going to do what she always does, go against what is expected.

"How about you tell me something else instead. You worked with the Crimson Raiders? What happened? What is the full story, from beginning to end?" Her voice is calm and even, one that seems to hold no judgment and wanting to listen. And she does, after all there isn't much information on the group. Gaige had no plans to jump ship, but she honestly had as much trust for them as she did for most anyone on this planet that wasn't shooting at her. Eden-5 taught her that the only person she could ever trust was her father and the friends she created with her own two hands.

"No bullshit, no propaganda. Just your side of the story. I have time."

Jack did smile at the little sass she threw his way, despite himself. "Well, empty, those things weigh nearly five tonnes. So, nice try. I guess." He chose to ignore her initial comment about using the loaders for their designed purpose. There was not enough patience in Jack's body to unpack all of that right now.

"Oh, the vaults are definitely a curse. But, once you get the ball rolling around here, there's not really anything anyone can do to stop it." Jack shrugged lightly, scanning through the first four pages while he spoke, "You just… gotta do what you can before another idiot comes along and screws everything up even worse than you did."

"Nah, you're right. Princess made me feel a little icky. How about… I- I'll get back to you, I'll think of something real good." he laughed lightly, beginning to scribble down some notes on the papers before he continued.

"You sure as hell act like 'em, you and your bandit buddies. Just exactly how many things or people have you killed since you got to Pandora? Hey, look, I'll even give wildlife a pass cause- Well, you could kill a hundred skags one day and the next day there'd be two hundred more. Let's just focus on people. Maybe you're not running around screaming about meat bicycles, and maybe it is a little rude of me, but it's also correct. You just don't wanna admit it."

"The people who are still decent in this universe are few and far, kid. In my entire life, I've only met two people who were truly selfless." One's dead and the other’s… worse. "But, you do realise that if it wasn't me up here, it'd just be someone else? Hell, Dahl and Atlas would still be plowing through planets like they're big balls of paper and slaughtering everyone in their way while going off about fighting for those planets' freedoms and peace."

"Ooh, I love tyrant! Has a nice ring to it, don't you think? Always considered myself more notorious, than anything else." The sharp, almost humorous-sounding edge to his voice gave the impression he was teasing her, "Kid, it's nothin' I haven't heard before. You really think I'm gonna be kicking it anytime soon, anyway? Nah. Nope, not happening! I got way too much to do."

Jack's brows knitted together and slowly raised in a mixture of surprise and confusion. Sure, maybe she didn't care, he'd just never had a person who hated him ask for his side of the story before.

He decided not to express his shock.

"So, I'd been working on Helios since it launched, I was, uh-... A- a programming and engineering specialist for Hyperion for ten, fifteen years, maybe. I was in charge of most of the construction, getting together schematic proposals to give to my bosses, all that kinda shit."

"The first time I met Lilith and Roland was when Dahl decided they wanted to massacre all the workers on Helios and take it over. They… They didn't discriminate. If you worked for Hyperion, they'd gun you down without even batting an eye. They killed so many of the workers up here, I knew them all personally. We- we didn't even have a real military then, for God's sake! They shot workers out of the sky when they were trying to evacuate. That was the level of murderous psychopaths we were trying to deal with. We defended as best as we could, but even the freaking loaders weren't weaponised yet, I had like… Six hours to get them into a position to defend themselves, and you bet your ass I did it. I guess that actually answers your earlier question, too. I used them for a job they weren't made for out of necessity, the damn Lost Legion shot at them when they were running away, too. Assholes."

"I managed to get the vault hunter's I'd hired down to Elpis in a moonshot, think you've met a couple of them. They got to Concordia thanks to-" Shit. He hadn't actually thought about Janey in a while. He'd ask Athena how they were both doing, but she'd probably curb stop his head before he could even say hello. "-uh, this mechanic. They asked Lilith and Roland to help cause, y'know, Dahl had stuck a jamming signal somewhere on that moon and I couldn't work Helios's defences until it was shut off. They knew people on Helios were dying, and they said no."

"They only started to help when their lives were in immediate danger and Dahl got control of the moonshot laser and start firing away at Elpis. I really did trust 'em to help us, y'know? Like they promised they would."

"I guess they kinda did. We managed to get control of the laser again and… They blew it up. They nearly took the whole space station down just because they didn't want Hyperion having it. That stupid laser could've saved Pandora, you know. It could've- The blasts were so concentrated we could've wiped out an entire bandit settlement and their nice neighbours next door would've barely felt the ground tremble. I'd worked so hard on that laser. You have any idea how hard it was to make? How much progress they destroyed when they blew that damn thing up? A lot! A whole, freaking lot and-... Sorry. Off topic. Uh…"

He made a small noise, "Oh, yeah. Anyway, after that it was just a rush trying to get to the vault before anyone else did. Dahl was already there, but after what happened with those two I wouldn't have been surprised if they got to the vault first just so we couldn't."

"But, we did. My vault hunters took care of the- The Empyrean Sentinel, I think they called it. Big bastard, more human than the other vault monsters. Freaky stuff."

"So, the Sentinel was dead, and we finally got to the vault relic. It looked like… Nothing. Very underwhelming. Just a weird little floating vault symbol. I decided to touch it and-..." Jack went quiet for a while, his knuckles growing white with how tightly he was gripping the armrests of his chair, "And I saw… everything."

He felt sick even talking about it. The pit in his stomach growing deeper and he knew if he didn't stop soon he'd fall into a full blown breakdown. So, he took a shaky breath in and continued.

"Wasn't long after that when Lilith made her grand entrance. She destroyed the relic and- blasted the fuck out of my face. You ever had your face branded by some freaky eridian technology? It sucks. Real bad."

He let his head drop back, and he rubbed his eyes, "So, there's my side. Think I can quit my day job and become a professional story teller?" Though he tried to make a joke, the fire in his voice seemed to have dissipated. He just sounded… tired.

#jack was not expecting that either hsndkdkd #and also i do see what you mean about this turning into a whole ass novel hahaha #it could've been paradise // borderlands 2

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seenashwrite · 7 years

Text

The Nail: July 2017

The Nail isn't about perfection. It isn't about award-level contenders. It's about seeing focus and effort and hard work radiate off of the screen.

The Nail's purpose isn't to highlight genres of fics or specific ships written during a certain time frame - the sole focus is quality.

Character dimension. Writing with clever readers in mind. Solid world-building. Tension through boundaries. Crazy crisp dialogue. Incredibly tight plotting. Big emotion.

And though yours truly - nice to meet you, new folks, I’m Nash! - is editor of the list, the goal is for YOU to curate the content.

Read more about how all this came to be, find past editions, see what factors are considered when constructing the list, and how to get your recommendations in/be a curator HERE.

Hey, ramblers? Let’s get ramblin’.

For your reblogging convenience, here’s The Nail Master Post of Editions!

Quickie Nash Note:

I've not had opportunity this month [June] to give individual three-point reviews. So, something a little different here for July's reads - and it just might be the way The Nail rolls from here on out [and yes - I still will review on my "own time", as it were, once I... y'know... have more time].

Aside from the typical short blip of a summary that reviewers provide for their readers, you'll see a handful of reasons these pieces made the list below that, labelled "Q". In other words, the "Q"s are a handful of elements we [curators & I] look for when it comes to an author nailing it.

Quite wonderfully, the curator submissions are increasing in number with every edition! So much so, many stories have been shifted to upcoming months. If you enjoy curator selections & found them to be of quality, please consider not only giving the authors feedback, but also thanking the curator(s) for bringing the story/series to your attention. I suspect they'll dig it.

XO - Nash.

* ~ * ALL FROM THE WORLD OF "SUPERNATURAL" UNLESS OTHERWISE NOTED * ~ *

SPEED READS [from scene do-overs to gif-inspired one-shots to dripping drabbles, all 500 words or less]

These won’t be reviewed separately in Nash’s usual three-point manner à la #Nash Gives [Feed]back due to their length, excepting those cases where the author pulled off a fleshed-out plot/character or had a unique take that was well-covered in the short amount of space. If there is no title provided by the author, Nash/the curator will pick one for them.

THE YEAR IS 2050 - @mishasaurus

Years on the job, and still the occasional surprise.

Q: crisp, quick, no more words/detail than necessary; executed a call-back and wisely eschewed any [uneccessary] explanations; wonderfully delightful, spot-on humor

FIFTEEN - @teamfreewill-imagine

Time always has moved differently for Dean.

Q: Concise while still giving character dimension; exploratory without explaining every finite detail; subtle and realistic tipping point in character arc

RESERVED SPACE - @supernaturalfreewill

Rather than take action, Dean observes and wonders.

Q: pitch-perfection descriptions that gave just enough vs. too dense; took a prompt that inferred a certain direction/instead chose a thoughtful path to show a different side of a well-known character; pleasant change of pace/atypical use of reader inclusion/insert

STEP-BY-STEP - @veneredirimmel

A short character study, considering what exactly is behind this hunter's smile.

Q: careful and considerate exploration of a characteristic that often bends shallow and sappy; flow is pitch-perfect, each section adding a bit more gravity, growing more personal as it goes on; kept in line with the portrayal we know while adding believable layers; leaves the reader with a feeling of "I want to go back and read this again"

---> Unable to tag author, if someone would kindly let them know <---

THE LONG, FULL YEARS - @ariannnawinchester

What happens in the life story of the Winchesters after "The End" has been written.

Q: fantastic example of a heavy topic in the hands of a sharp author who can make it feel "light" & not depressive; written with clever readers in mind, painting a picture fluid enough to allow for interpretation; absolutely knocked it out of the park regarding the "main event", in that those details weren't important as the aftermath is the point; fleshed-out OCs whose personalities were clear & enjoyable despite only a few lines between them

THERE IT WAS - @deathtonormalcy56

There's every reason to believe he'll be back - after all, he's always come back before - and now begins the time in between.

Q: good contrasts between objectives & subjectives/how "dulls" can be "sharps", etc.; took the risk of going with little/no dialogue that can often go awry for many/go sluggish; strong protag in the face of sorrow/doesn't fall apart/introspection without broodiness; 2nd person almost fading into 3rd omniscient

ON THE SHORT SIDE [500-ish to 1.5K]

Works via curators will not necessarily receive Nash's typical 3-point review

URBAN LEGENDS - @sasquatchandleatherjacket

Seems that some legends are more than the stories we use to contain them - and just how frightening they are depends on your perspective.

Q: creative take on the subject which made absolute perfect sense; nice, slow burn - despite the crisp pace & length - to the ultimate reveal, nicely camouflaged by the initial, more intuitive reveal; atypical choice regarding perspective, one not often utilized; leaves reader with the feeling of "I'd definitely read this again"

---> Unable to tag author, if someone would kindly let them know <---

SHEETS - @klaineaholic

The basic skills for hunting include weapons and the lore, but when it comes to hunting with the Winchesters, one must also master snark, sarcasm, sass - and those skills may just be the most important of all.

Q: well-done characterization; nice, quick pace; awkward moment handled realistically; fleshed-out protag in a very short amount of time/showed a sharp wit with a softer side that didn't bend sappy

TEA TIME WITH MILDRED [on AO3] - @grey2510

Crowley has help this time around with his critique of Dean and Castiel.

Q: in medias res with steady pace; excellent characterizations, including fleshed-out & highly enjoyable minor/here-and-gone character from a past ep; doesn't waste time on things superfluous to plot, nice flow

TRANSPLANT - @zepppie

Dean takes a moment to give thanks for a gift, one that's given him a very different perspective on life.

Q: very unique/original plot that fits within the universe of the show; excellent characterization [minor OCs & protag alike]; written with clever readers in mind; big emotion while calmly introspective

THE BEST OF FOOLS - @fanforfanatic

In which Castiel learns that a gift he's received holds more than simply music.

Q: in medias res; scene exploration with unique/original concept; tangible descriptions of the object in question, paints picture of sound extremely well; multiple fantastic turns-of-phrase/keeps a steady flow/prevents a bogged-down information relay

STICK 'EM UP - @seljepw

Dean finds himself in a slightly atypical situation, though he also finds the family mantra still applies.

Q: Solid beginning/cap-off; very believable characterization/verbiage/behavior of protag; tight plotting with crisp dialogue; little-to-no extraneous detail

MIDDLE-OF-THE-ROAD [around 1.5K - 2.5K]

Works via curators will not necessarily receive Nash's typical 3-point review

LET'S SWAYZE THIS MOTHER - @emilywritesaboutdean

They thought Gabriel had been taken out of the equation. They were wrong. Oh wow, were they ever wrong.

Q: in medias res; incredibly creative plot [bonus points for perfect title choice]; both the overall story/structure and characterizations left the feeling of having watched an episode of the show; seemingly effortless humor

THERE YOU'LL ALWAYS BE - @deansdirtylittlesecretsblog

It was a different relationship for Sam, this woman who understood his lifestyle and his secrets completely, though the feelings of contrition seem to find him all the same.

Q: beautifully fleshed-out, introspective view of the stoic main character that rings true to canon/believable interaction with secondary canon character; moderate borrowing from source material used appropriately; killer last line to cap off

Curated by @klaineaholic, who said: "This is so so sad and beautiful! The [pieces of dialogue were] such Eileen things to say, I’m so glad you wrote this!”

LONGER [around 2.5K to 3K-ish]

Works via curators will not necessarily receive Nash's typical 3-point review

CRAPULOUS - @butiaintgonnaloveem

A tale of a hangover, a vampire stake-out that went awry, and mysterious underwear await.

Q: well-plotted story with just enough detail/purposefully does not reveal every facet/encourages readers' imaginations; quick, witty, crisp dialogue beyond prompt(s); phenomenal featured OC; believable take on canon character; seemingly effortless humor

THE REST - @mrswhozeewhatsis

Deferring to author's pitch-perfect summary - “It’s all about what you give away and what you keep for yourself.”

Q: excellent weaving together of a fleshed-out OC's story in a very plausible behind-the-scenes-canon vignette; limited/no laborious describing of situations/surroundings/appearances; well-done choices of breaks/flipping to next scene/kept flow; bonus points for utilizing a seldom-seen character

Curated by @klaineaholic, who said: "I'm falling more and more in love with these fics that explore what's behind the canon. [This story is] like following this thread and going until you think you know how it's going to play into the canon and then the end just tugs your heart unexpectedly. Michelle clearly put so much thought and creativity into her pre-canon story on [a] beloved, oft-written about part of the Supernatural universe."

DEEP DIVES [3K and beyond, including completed multi-parters with 2 to (roughly) 5 parts of modestly sized chapters totaling at minimum 3K words]

This does *not* include series, which have their own section. Works via curators will not necessarily receive Nash's typical 3-point review.

THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS - @hannahindie

On a much-needed night of relaxation for the crew, Dean’s picked a happy hour - with the hope of a happy ending - that doesn’t quite go as expected.

Q: rarely seen use of a narrator to help tell the story - and it is pulled it off seamlessly/does not detract or add a cumbersome nature - this is one of those few exceptions to the likely-never-to-fail-you in medias res kickoff; crisp, witty dialogue/interactions; solid all-around characterization

SCAR TISSUE - @fanforfanatic

It's nothing new when Dean meets a woman in a bar - only this time, as the author puts it, "their damaged parts seem to match."

Q: took an oft-seen locale/situation and went deeper/introspective without being depressive; lovely, subtle touches sprinkled throughout for adding character depth - particularly O.C. - that add up by the end (bonus points for inventive "naming"); multiple well-crafted turns-of-phrase

SERIES SPOTLIGHT : SUPERNATURAL & SPN CROSS-OVERS [works that are completed series, as well as ongoing series with at least 3 parts published as of/prior to the edition of The Nail in question]

Due to time constraints, series are not read in full. They are given a cursory once-over for the quality basics, most importantly that the author has put maximum effort into world-building.

The first chapter / first handful of chapters / first third of the first chapter - depending on length - are read to ensure there are no gross grammar / spelling errors, as well as ensuring the story’s premise is made clear.

Summation line(s) below are taken from the author/the story, edited/shortened only for length/clarity if needed. Same applies to series from other fandoms featured on this list.

LIKE A ROLLING STONE - @stori-teller

"Cas Novak stumbles across a dead body - enter the Winchesters."

Q: in medias res; character dimension; descriptions of people/places/things unfold organically; plot unfolds organically/no long expositions/etc.; bonus points for mini-summaries/appropriate warnings for each chapter

SENSATION - @littlegreenplasticsoldier

"Sam is cursed to live without his senses and you are left to look after him at the bunker."

Q: [Deferring to our curators this go, seems they covered it, yes? ;) -N.]

Curated by @butiaintgonnaloveem, who said: "It's one of those fics that is heavy, while maintaining humor which is tricky. And the way she manages to describe the senses and the lack thereof just boggles my mind."

Curated by @klaineaholic, who said: "Being inside Sam's head as he loses all of his senses, following along as you (the character) try to keep him sane and make him feel not-so-alone when he can't help BUT feel alone [...] Sam's internal voice is captured perfectly, his characterization is so true, and the plot is just phenomenal."

BLOOD & PERFUME - @helvonasche + @madamelibrarian

"A pair of sisters must learn to navigate a life they're not used to, without a family, and with a power that should not exist."

Q: in medias res - and with a kick/thrown right into the action; unique ability/power/skill not seen/rare to see in this fandom; inventive name choices for original characters that fit the tone without being cumbersome or distracting; lets plot unfold organically

YOUR YOUNG MEN WILL SEE VISIONS, YOUR OLD MEN WILL DREAM DREAMS - @winchester-family-business

[SUPERNATURAL + INCEPTION]

"Dreamsharing: digging through the secrets that should stay locked up tight - and no secret is safe from the Winchesters."

Q: see my review for more detail on how this author essentially gave a master class on how to start a story, particularly in the action/adventure genre; takes inspiration without carbon-copy; characterization on-point; tension through boundaries; writing for clever readers

Nash Note: The link on the right - the second part of the title - is to the first chapter. The one on the left - the first part of the title - is to the brief primer on the “Inception” universe

RISE FOR YOUR KING - @thran-duils

“You were betrothed to a prince, but when a neighboring king - a mage - decides to dole out justice to your future father in law, he destroys the royal family... and takes an immediate liking to you.”

Q: well-styled fantasy/pseudo-historical AU with solid world-building; in medias res; tension/drama/action that ebbs/flows; gift/power/skill for protag which is atypical/rarely seen

Curated by @klaineaholic, who said: "JaNae is the queen of AU!Cas and she throws this character into new positions and life experiences and draws from the various Castiels that we see on the show in order to play with her AU!Cas' personality. This fic reminds me of Godstiel in a way, and how power-hungry that Cas was. Definitely imaginative, truly unique, and sexy to boot."

THUNDER ROAD - @tankcupcakes

“Sent back in time to stop the murder of their parents, Sam and Dean are met with unforeseen circumstances that strand them in the past.”

Q: in medias res; crisp dialogue; tight plotting; spot-on/fleshed-out characterization [familiar + OCs]; evident critical eye regarding appropriate detail for time period; nice formatting/flow

POEMS & POETICAL PROSE [mostly quick reads, these are actual poems of any structure/length, as well as short prose that sings like a songbird]

These will not be reviewed separately in Nash’s usual three-point manner à la #Nash Gives [Feed]back due to the typically short lengths & structure. For poems: an excerpted line is used in lieu of summary. If there is no title provided by the author, Nash/the curator will pick one for them.

WHAT ANGELS NEED - @justrandomspnstuff

"...counting freckles like they’re flecks of gold."

Q: stanzas arranged with common strokes vs. carbon-copy repetition; sweet/thoughtful without bending saccharine/broody; kept clever readers in mind/lets the reader fill in the finer details

HIS CREATION - @vintagesam

"...enough tiny stars to make you believe in infinity."

Q: impeccable structure; steady through-line with nice break in form for ending; imagery without using over-the-top vocab/kept it simple & sharp yet expressive

HE KNEW - @trexrambling

“The hunting continued while a different dream was born from the ashes.”

Q: nice change of pace with pseudo-”insert” approach in 3rd person/engaging readers with choice of 2nd protag; good formatting to help flow/segments of their time together separated; no "real" dialogue but without loss of pace

[ETA: Caught it on a subsequent glance - I have no idea why only Rex’s got copied from draft when I had it in another category initially, but it’s fixed now! -N.]

RANDOM FANDOMS [all types, all lengths, all the things that aren’t SPN but are still pretty dang super]

Works via curators will not necessarily receive Nash's typical 3-point review, same standards apply per genre as noted above

TWO BIRDS [series] - @whotheeffisbucky

[MARVEL]

“Set in the roaring 1920s, Bucky Barnes runs Manhattan like a kid with a toy set. There’s perhaps only one person who should be more feared than him - and she’s asking for his protection.”

Q: phenomenal/well-researched world-building; tone, verbiage, descriptions that read like they're somewhere in the Gatsby family tree; appropriate to this time period/genre - winding and packed with rich - not laborious - detail

WHAT'S A LITTLE TRAUMA BETWEEN FRIENDS - @withstarryeyes

[STAR TREK]

An injury proves traumatic to more than just the person on the receiving end.

Q: wonderful characterization/explored side of a protag only seen glimpses of; nice cadence/flow; appropriate use of "breaks" in formatting that didn't disturb the flow; refreshing style to see regarding a distinct lack of laborious descriptions [setting/characters/etc.] in lieu of shots of tiny details sprinkled along paragraphs

LOGIC AND ANGELS - @oneshot-twoshot-redshot-blueshot

[SHERLOCK + pseudo-SPN]

The great Mr. Holmes adds to his vast amount of knowledge.

Q: in medias res; excellent characterization of protag; kept air of mystery/no explicit explanations/ambiguity - written with clever readers in mind; multiple well-crafted lines, both internal and verbal

---> Unable to tag author, if someone would kindly let them know <---

ORIGINAL WORKS [anything from haiku to novella]

Works via curators will not necessarily receive Nash's typical 3-point review, same standards apply per genre as noted above

I DIDN'T GIVE YOU THE FRUIT - @medeae

"I forget that ichor is gold."

Q: imaginative/original; vivid but not overbearing/atypical imagery; crisp, tight structure/verbiage

LIKE THE SUN - @louisamayanniecat

"He looked at her like she was the sun, in that he never looked at her except in frustration."

Q: subverted the concept and made it infinitely better; not a space/word/letter wasted; conveyed a multitude of thoughts and incited as many feelings in a crisp, quick, organized manner

---> Unable to tag author, if someone would kindly let them know <---

THE JUDGMENT - @impala-dreamer

One person's journey through.

Q: good use of imagery; platitude pulled from the facile & given framework; contrast of easy nature with intensity of setting

BOOKS ABOUT BETTER GIRLS - @inkskinned

Not every princess spends her days alone in the tower.

Q: above and beyond, fantastic, exceptional execution of a trope twist; fleshed-out characters; plot unfolds organically; written for clever readers; lovely world-building/character depth as compared to the length of text [read: many authors would take more words and likely accomplish less]

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