#like genuinely only getting physically attracted to women irl

[sillybillygirlinher20s]

scream!

#went on date today omg #it was fun ig but also idk #i talked a lot and overshared 😐😭 #i feel like w guys i get put into a cute box #i am shy when i first meet ppl #but also idk i dont feel like physical attraction to ppl #like genuinely only getting physically attracted to women irl #sigh😕 #he seems sweet but also a bit forward #saw a kid and he asked me if i ever want to have kids #which im like NO. lmao #and he was like you dont wanna get married and have kids?? #like no. #i said i cant imagine myself getting married #😭😭😭😭 #i said sm things that are not normal #crying #i wish i was normal genuinely #like sm things i try to do it just seems like im so abnormal #coming back he also mentioned like meeting my mom?? #like he was like oh your mom probably wouldn't like me #and got kinda taken aback when i mentioned that i was talking to other ppl #shawty im not looking to settle down rn #i have a headache too so stressful #a girl shouldnt have such worries

[xaveria]

it really is funny how many american ‘white’ women believe the universe is providing for them because of them manifesting their ideas into reality or whatever the fuckin theory of attraction shit is when its like. no youre just privileged

i have no fuckin idea what my life would have looked like if i wasnt a reasonably conventionally attractive white woman in america?? not only do i have the privilege of being a white woman in america but my hometown is mostly Black and i am genuinely a minority here. my mom literally got hired at a Black law firm as their diversity hire in the 90s 😂 yes white people ESPECIALLY WHITE WOMEN have a ton of privilege even when we are not the majority

denying your privilege is so fucking cringe i like literally talk about this irl with coworkers and ppl in my community all the time. i so desperately want to use this privilege to improve my community for all.

its been crushing dealing with disabilities that limit my physical activities and just trying to keep myself financially stable while so much evil is going on in the world rn. i am ridiculously passionately anti war but i have been preparing for genocide since i was a kid. i grew up in a Black and Jewish community so i wasnt shielded from this shit. white americans get your fucking shit together NOW. liberalism will not protect our families. (our families are not just blood btw.)

anyways all this is to say im glad i might be getting a dykey construction/contractor job and learning real skills and meeting people throughout my town. its been horrible dealing with a spine injury on top of everything. but my injections worked and THE TIGER IS OUT god damn i need to join a union

#entering my trade labour era? im sorry to say this is a very sexy development. #btw im gonna do it femme because its more fun

[palant1r]

Not the same anon as the other ask, but I guess my question comes from the difference between personal vs political opinion on people who consume that type of media. Like if someone wants to draw some fake anime kids having sex (let’s say they do it because that’s a thing they like to imagine and not for any satire reason), I don’t think they should be put in jail or anything, but I do think that they’re a creep no matter whether they aren’t harming any real kids or not and I wouldn’t want to be friends with them. Even if they would never harm a real kid, even if their account is marked 18+ only and they rigorously check every follower and block them if they even suspect they’re a minor, I still wouldn’t want to interact with this person because if someone enjoys creating and consuming that content, that is an interest I find disgusting because just because the kids they are imagining are fake it can’t be completely de-linked from the existence of irl children or at least attraction to the traits associated solely with them

As a second, semi-unrelated question, I guess it begs the question on drawn cp (I know you don’t agree with the term but there’s not better one) of real people, like the adults who drew porn of, say, the cast of It back in 2017 when they were all between 13-16? Sure it didn’t involve making real kids do those things, but it was depictions of real kids doing sex acts and I don’t see how them not being directly involved means using their faces to make porn is okay. (Not to accuse you of supporting this, genuinely curious on where you think the distinction lies if any)

Thanks for the question! Appreciate you being thoughtful and respectful about these difficult topics, and I trust that those of you who see this ask shan't clown in the notes.

I think it's valid of you to have your own personal boundaries about who you interact with online. It's clear that you've reflected on exactly why you find this interest disgusting, which is great, we love critical dissection in this household, but I'd like to push back on that a little. I find it interesting that you specifically mentioned anime in this question. If we're talking attraction to traits associated solely with children, that's an area where anime really muddies the waters. After all, it's very easy to find anime 14 year olds with 8 packs and chiseled jawlines and anime 28 year olds, especially women, that look like children — not to mention the 1000 year old loli trope. In many cases, especially in shonen fandoms, someone who didn't know the canon ages of the characters wouldn't be able to differentiate between nsfw art of adults and minors even if they were all drawn perfectly on-model. And then of course we could get into the weeds about the distinction between children and teenagers, ages of consent in different countries, weird timeline stuff that goes on in a lot of anime and creates a bunch of technicalities (like Kusuo Saiki being physically 16 but mentally 21), how this relates to real people with disorders that make them appear prepubescent long after the age of majority, et cetera, et cetera. I definitely understand why it makes you uncomfortable, but I'm generally not as quick to judge creators of anime porn on the basis of association with childish traits simply because anime is so stylized that such associations kind of lose meaning. I mean, I'm attracted to anime men, and I experience zero attraction to people in real life, so it's easy for me to see how what someone enjoys in anime and what they're attracted to IRL could be fairly divorced. I'm not trying to argue that you're wrong, just something to think about, I guess.

As for your second question, hoo boy. The issue of explicit art of real children kinda relates to another issue i've seen people talk about, that of explicit RPF of real minors. It's a conversation that I think demands a lot of critical analysis and discussion that people are unfortunately generally not willing to have in a public forum. For the sake of my answer, I am determining that we are solely talking about minors who are under 18 in real life and are American so we don't have to deal with any age of consent debates. This includes minors who play over-18 characters but not child characters played by adult actors, or else we have to start talking about Riverdale and that's a whole other conversation.

I guess I can start with praxis. Let us assume that we all agreed that this is Wrong and Bad. Come play with me in this space without assuming anything about my position from this hypothetical. What now? What concrete actions could institutions take to prevent the existence of Wrongbadthing? Would it be morally right for people to harass those who create or enjoy Wrongbadthing? The relevant entities here would be the US government, AO3, and platforms that host art. I am against most government restrictions on art that people create, because they will inevitably be interpreted through a far broader lens than their original intention. And I don't think it would be productive for AO3 to ban certain types of explicit fic. People would just stop tagging their explicit minor RPF as such, and then we still have equal volumes of the Wrongbadthing but without the tools for people to avoid it. Not to mention it raises logistical problems with moderation and enforcement. Like, what happens when a celebrity turns 18? Are people then allowed to write explicit fic about them when they were younger than that? Maybe we can all agree that it's bad for a 30 year old author to write porn about a 13 year old actor — but what about a 15 year old author writing porn about a 16 year old actor? Any distinction between the two regarding enforcement would require some sort of age verification beyond self-identification, and that's a recipe for disaster. as for platforms like twitter that would host the kind of explicit art we're talking about, well. i think it's pretty easy to see how any sort of enforcement on a minor rpf explicit art ban would be an absolute nightmare. it's hard enough for social media sites to even enforce a porn ban. now imagine a porn ban that needs to incorporate facial recognition of a bunch of people across all different art styles — im not sure that's even possible. as for harassment — the most common punitive response on the individual level — i dont think that's justified in this case. as you've pointed out, regardless of personal feelings on the subject, this art isn't causing material harm to any real person.

I honestly don't engage with RPF communities in general — it's one of my squicks — and I'm not quite comfortable making grand moral generalizations about people I've never really interacted with. From what I understand, there are commonly accepted codes of ethics within RPF communities, and I'm not really sure how those mesh with explicit fic about real minors.

i am personally...not a fan of explicit RPF fic and art about real minors, to say the least. i think it ties into larger celebrity culture that objectifies and sexualizes children in the limelight. but like. what am i gonna do about it? doing journalism has forced me to learn how to not get outraged or disgusted about things i cant do anything about. i just don't follow those people. I'd defend their right to host their work on the platforms we use, but only because any effort ive seen proposed to restrict that work would cause more harm than good and wouldn't even be remotely effective at its stated goal. in terms of harm reduction, the best i can do is support moderation policies that allow that stuff to be clearly tagged and RPF informal ethics codes that stress a firm division between fandom and subject.

i haven't yet formed a super solid discursive framework that i'm confident in defending about this issue, so i'll just fall back on praxis lol

would love to hear from someone who's more involved in RPF than i am haha!

#pisscourse #anon

[makuzume]

Genshin Characters and their Gender

🔸Liyue women edition🔸

Note: Personal opinion! I respect everyone else's opinion as to what they think the characters' gender are. I do not claim these to be facts or the only acceptable gender. For fun only! (since there are no official genders stated by Hoyo)

Other blogs: [Masterlist] [Liyue Men Gender]

🩵Shenhe - Agender, Straight

Agender - not identifying self with any gender.

She was only 6 years old when she was abandoned by her family and raised by Cloud Retainer, so she mostly grew up with adepti mindsets and behaviors.

Since adepti can take up any form, gender may not be relevant to them. Shenhe may have also believed that it is not necessary to know these, and she assumes that she would also be genderless- that she would be agender (Though she does acknowlede that she has a female human body)

Though despite this, my opinion would be that she still would have romantic and sexual attraction towards men, it's just it would take her some time to fully understand these feelings of attraction sicne these weren't taught to her (and she grew up with adepti, thus lacking interactions with people, especially men, so she lacks the exposure to these feelings)

❤️Hu Tao - Lesbian

Lesbian - woman attracted to women

Seems like the type that most people would assume she is straight but is actually more romantically and physically attracted to women in general. (Gives the same vibe from lesbians I know irl)

❤️Beidou - Biromantic/Bisexual

Biromantic/Bisexual - romantic and sexual attraction to both female and male

Beidou is free spirited and adventurous, she has probably been with men and women of all sorts, going with the flow on who she could be with, considers herself bisexual.

She would really get along with either a man or woman. For man, it would be someone strong in strength, personality, and free-spirited like her. For women, it would be when she would want a somewhat sweeter relationship and she can sometimes be the 'gentleman' in the relationship (while also receiving some gentle affection back from the woman as well)

Additional: based on those events and dialogues with Beidou and Ningguang- It's hard to say that they are NOT into secretly dating.

💛Ningguang - Lesbian

Similar to Yae Miko (Inazuman gender headcannons coming soon from the drafts!), she is more interested in women since she believes that the only people who would truly understand a woman, such as herself, and her needs is another woman.

Makes her very flattered if a woman compliments her looks compared to if a man did it; She is the type to think if a woman compliments her appearance- it means much more to her since only women would understand the effort she puts into her make up and clothing.

Might be displeased with the male dates she has been in, she still somewhat accepts such dates for networks, information gathering, and Mora purposes. However, she was uninterested at all and might've even thought it was a waste of time.

🧡Xiangling - Straight

I imagine Xiangling to be straight, though she may sometimes think she is a little bi because she gets 'girl crushes' and is open about it, but she is just genuinely straight. For girl crushes, it's just never getting romantically or physically attracted towards them. Though she is highly supportive of all gender identities!

💙Yelan - Bisexual

Very similar to Ningguang, except her standards are just MUCH much higher for men.

When she dates men, she wants to be treated like the queen that she is, being spoiled, and she leaves them hanging after she's done with them.

Same thing that she will do for the women, except she would be more caring about how the woman is treated (since Yelan is a fellow woman herself) and she is more polite towards them, even after she's done having a date with them/being together with them. They might even share a pleasant conversation if they run into each other after splitting up.

The only exception that she would be kinder to a man would be if the guy was truly a good man that Yelan can trust without her having any ulterior motive towards the guy.

No headcaonnons for Yan Fei, Yun Jin, Ganyu, Xinyan, and Keqing :')

#genshin impact #genshin impact headcanons #gender #Shenhe #Hu Tao #Beidou #Ningguang #Xiangling #Yelan

[talkingbl]

ZeeNunew = MewGulf

Now that I've gotten your attention, let's talk about shipping and people who talk about shipping. This is a long post so, if you don't want to read the whole thing, skip down to the TLDR instead of reading it anyway then complaining about the length.

The problem with BL pairing shippers

Many critiques about shippers are extremely valid. Shippers can get out of hand and do things like bring Gulf porn of him and Mew to his solo event or follow Joong around calling him "baby~~~" b/c that's what he allegedly calls Dunk despite that he clearly doesn't want them to. I've seen shippers beg actors to physically touch, to kiss, to perform unwanted sexual acts on each other, etc. Straight up gross behavior.

Like, when did it become okay to essentially bribe people into fulfilling your fantasies, unprovoked? I could see if they were okay with this (see below), but most of the time stans are doing these things out of nowhere while the actors either refuse or look clearly uncomfortable. At best, it's cringey when shippers cross the line like this, at worst it's criminal.

That said, I personally believe that not all shippers are inherently bad. There are lots of normal shippers who simply like the moments, eat it up, and play along with the actors when it's clear that the actors are okay with it. So, I'm sorry to the non-shippers out there but I just don't care about the normal shippers, I don't think it's wrong, and I'm not gonna call the these types of shippers delulu (but I will bully tf out of the group mentioned above). It's not really my cup of tea to get invested in ships to that level but to each their own.

With that, I think it's a good time to turn to the problem that no one EVER addresses. And that is the problem with non-shippers.

The problem with non-shippers

We all know the non-shipper greatest hits. BL shippers are harmful because:

no ships are real/it's all fanservice and I won't believe otherwise until I see a marriage certificate (unless both actors are conveniently feminine-coded)

all BL actors are straight until proven otherwise, so shipping = bad

all BL actors have girlfriends until proven otherwise!!

shippers are delulu straight women who don't care about gay rights

also, it's none of our business

Also, we need to protect actors from the ~harm to their image!!!

Did I cover everything? Probably not but there's a point here. Not only are every single one of these critiques not necessarily true or coming from a genuine place, but some of them are incredibly harmful??

Like...all BL actors are straight when over 10% of the population under 30 identifies as something other than non-het? And being straight always means you're in a long-term committed relationship with a member of the opposite sex? Are y'all out here seriously saying that only straight women consume BLs and ship actors? In 2022, the year of our lord? Come on now...

The funny point about the het allegations and the whole 'y'all don't care about gay rights' sentiment is that a lot of the time it's coming from actual straight women who don't wanna believe their favorite BL guy might actually like boys. Actually, I have a theory about this...have y'all ever noticed that the more feminine-coded or not conventionally attractive the actor is, the more folx are willing to concede he may be queer? But the more masculine-coded or conventionally attractive the actor is, the more staunch non-shippers are that he's straight? Yeah, I'ma need y'all to unpack that...

And let's talk about the reality of ships. I personally don't believe that any actors are currently dating IRL outside of the confirmed ones. But I'd be lying if I said I don't think some of them have dated in the past, are messing around/have messed around, or are about to be dating lmao. I mean believe what you want to believe (that's what I do) but like...don't be weird about it. What kills me is the lengths the girls* go to to prove their faves are straight/can't be dating. It's just strange to me.

For the 'it's none of our business crew', I agree a bit but like speculating about a celebrity's dating life in a fandom space is something inherent in fan culture. This is a tough topic for me that deserves its own post, but suffice it to say, I think that to some extent, gossip about who is dating who is relatively normal. But it can get out of hand and I don't condone that.

Finally, the biggest problem I see with non-shippers is the absolute cock-gobbling that goes on amongst them. When it comes to these BL actors, all of a sudden the girlies* are ready for war and will "do anything to protect [their faves'] image." Like...this is not only homophobic on so many levels but also he's a grown ass man??? If the shippers are not crossing the line, why do you care?

*girls/girlies is gender neutral here.

Off, Tay, Mew, Zee, Tul, Mile, Max K., are all 30+. New, Gun, Seoham, Singto, Earth P., Earth K., Boun, Fluke N., Apo, etc. are all 25+. Most of the industry is 21+. Gentlemen*, these are GROWN men. They DO NOT need your protection. You don't, on these men's behalf, need to bully people for liking their fanservice or for the mere thought that one of them could be dating a costar. Stop trying to "protect their image" in other ways too. If he's 27 and made rape jokes, that man is GUILTY!!! Get him and your dumb ass justification of his behavior off my timeline!!!

*Gentlemen is gender neutral here.

The only actors y'all need to worry about ~protecting are like... *checks big ass Tumblr post w/all the actors ages* the The Tuxedo boys. That's it. The rest of these hoes* are grown and can take care of themselves.

*hoes is a term of endearment here.

Let's be clear here. I totally get it if shippers are crossing the line (pushing their fantasy in the actor's faces). I don't, however, get it when shippers are just acting in line with what the actors encourage. But this gets into another problem around shipping and that is...

The problem with BL pairings and their agencies

BL pairings go to extreme lengths to promote their ships and encourage delulu behavior. Why? Idk, money bouquets maybe? Luxury clothes? Expensive electronics? Food support? These actors fully understand that part of their job is to sell their ship. They go into these situations knowing what makes money, and most of them don't complain nor do they seem uncomfortable with all the adoration for their ship.

In fact, more often than not, I feel like they weirdly egg it on when they do things like concerts/tours/photoshoots where they sing love songs to each other, pretend to get married, pretend to be trying for a baby (??? wtf mew lmao), and use suggestive language that would lead a logical person to conclude they're dating.

And some don't stop there. Some actors will even do these things outside of clear fanservice contexts, which makes it seem even more plausible. You cannot possibly tell me that if 2 straight people did these sorts of things, people wouldn't rationally conclude that the two are dating... It's just not realistic.

There's also the very real fact that actors who are confirmed to be dating do sometimes use their relationship for financial gain. And I'm not even saying this in a nefarious way. Like Both and Newyear had an entire YouTube channel then turned around and acted in a BL opposite each other. You can't tell me they didn't want to commodify their relationship. Of course, that's not saying that shippers should be able to cross the line. That shit is never acceptable, warranted, or excused. But merely thinking they look cute together or discussing their moments online does not make a person an evil fujo (notice it's never a fudan accusation though 😉, but y'all not ready for that convo).

TLDR

My entire point with this post is that shipping can be bad and should not be tolerated when it is. When it's not bad, non-shippers can stfu w/the annoying ass holier-than-thou bs that often comes from a place of wanting to fuck the actors in question. Plus, of-age actors themselves need to tone it down if they don't want people thinking they're dating. But they also don't deserve to put up with the bullshit from obsessed shippers who probably should be criminally prosecuted for non-consensually bribing them into uncomfortable situations. Everyone just be normal lmao.

#thai bl boys love korean bl #shipping zeenunew mewgulf #joongdunk offgun taynew suamchan kristsingto singtokrist bounprem #santaearth ohmfluke ohmnanon pondphuwin neolouis neomark #maxnat netjames bothnewyear armporsche mileapo

[slasherlouvre]

This is the same anon again, but what are you looking for in a boyfriend (assuming you dont want a gf)

Specifically Bo Sinclair, Vincent Sinclair, and Lester Sinclair. Also big boys like Thomas Hewitt.

So if you're one of them, dm me 🥴

But if this was a serious question, uhhhh here's some info to get to know me better?? ⬇️

About me

I'm cis, fem/afab

Between 20 - 25 years old

5'3

Switch/vers

Straight, but in an inclusive way?? I know a lot of cis straight women only go for cis straight men when they say they're 'straight' but I'm attracted to anyone who identifies as male (not sure if there's a specific term for this, sorry)

Ngl, I have not fallen for an irl man/been in a relationship in over 5?? Years??? And I guess I'm currently questioning on whether I may be fictosexualflux/fictoflux???

- Just because I've always been heavily attracted to fictional men way more than irl men, but also it may just be that I don't care to go out very much to meet potential romantic interests/go on dates? And also, I've been hurt before so I guess it could also be accounted to some kind of defense mechanism,, ANYWAY-

My main personality traits are probably:

• Kind, Patient, Loyal, Emotionally strong, Introverted, Insecure/Self deprecating, Thoughtful, Physical touch/Gift giving as my main love languages, Mature, Funny (I think), Emotionally needy (although I hide this a lot,,), frequently horny (I think that one was obvious though..), Prideful, Stubborn, Protective, Affectionate

What I'm looking for in my future boyfriend:

When I say I'm attracted to personality and I couldn't care less about physical appearance, I mean it genuinely (Source: i'm literally attracted to slasher men and monsters). Of course I have preferences (I think everyone has a few), but when I'm in love with you, nothing you're physically insecure about could make me see you otherwise.

Personality traits I mainly look for are:

Shy, but also able to take the lead at times so ideally he's a switch/vers like me

Introverted for the most part

Comfortable with his masculinity

Willing to be vulnerable with/for me even if it's something we need to work on/take slow

Love language is primarily acts of service and words of affirmation (physical touch is nice too)

Kind, Understanding, Protective, Loyal, Responsible, Affectionate, Emotionally intelligent, Involved

An animal lover

Considerate of my mental health issues (depression, anxiety) & adhd

Enjoys quality time even if it's just sitting in quiet, comfortable silences

Feminist

Treasures small moments, photos, and otherwise 'meaningless' things

Remembers small details

Communicates to avoid misunderstandings to the best of his ability

Treats women, people of color, LGBTQ+, etc. with consideration and respect (so not a bigot)

Isn't a bystander when he can help in a situation

Doesn't want children

Doesn't pressure for marriage; comfortable with our relationship status

Respects boundaries

Patient with me physically/sexually because I still have a lot of 'firsts' I haven't experienced and even though I'm touch starved I also have fears of intimacy

Isn't into BDSM (light bondage, edging, overstimulation, etc. are all fine)

Open minded; enjoys trying new things

That's all I can think of rn,,,,, sorry for rambling on <3

#ntalks #anon #reply post #was this an ask game question? i can't remember so i'll just tag it #ask game answers

[lente-ment]

Sorry if this is too personal, but I read on your AO3 that you went from being a fujo to a lesbian. I've heard of that happening before, and I just don't get how someone goes from being into media all about the attractiveness of males and males alone to realizing they are only attracted to females and females alone. Would you mind offering any insight into that process?

See, I'm a cis bi guy who started off straight, but women have remained just as attractive to me as I became more interested in men. I can't imagine being no longer attracted to women because they're hot for different reasons than men and vice versa.

I hope this doesn't come off weird! I just find gender/orientation stuff like this really interesting.

Oh hey, this isn't weird at all! Thank you for asking about a genuinely interesting topic, at least for me. (And sorry for the late reply, what little time I had last week I focused on editing ch13 and getting it ready for publishing... almost there...)

Relating to your question, I'm not even sure where to start, except by acknowledging that, yes, it probably is weird to go from being super into m/m and the whole culture that focuses on men, to being a lesbian who cares little for men (as objects of romantic or sexual desire, I didn't turn into a misandrist, just to clarify). It didn't happen over night, of course. And I do have to say that I had always been a little bit queer to begin with.

Fujoshi, or perhaps simply "readers of yaoi" (since fujoshi is a really derogatory term from what I gathered), are usually women. It is safe to assume that most of those women are straight, or at least attracted to real men in some way. However, men portrayed in yaoi works are rarely reflections of how real men look and behave. That's further supported by the fact that very little gay men read regular yaoi. Some read bara. In regular yaoi, male characters are very "sanitized" versions of men, made for women who only want the emotional side of the whole affair. They want to see the men show their feelings and be vulnerable. But not with them (they want strong men IRL), or other women (jealousy). But with other men? That's okay. Because those stories are always under their control (unlike real life is, for a lot of women). Most of these women also like real men (actors, guys in their school/workplace), and end up dating them/married. I'd like to point out that I haven't read any scientific research, or psychology papers. These are my personal observations and things I discussed with friends in the past regarding this topic.

Anyhow, to get back to my experience, I got into yaoi because these stories were fun. I gotta admit, I'm not sure how I found out about yaoi to begin with. I don't remember anyone around me being particularly vocal about it. I dug that stuff out from the depths of the late 2000s/early 2010s internet all by myself. Anyway, IRL, I was never particularly interested in men. Or anyone, until high school. Shows like Junjou Romantica or Ai no Kusabi were just interesting stories to me. And when I think back on yaoi anime and doujinshis that I consumed religiously in my teenage years, I mostly remember liking the themes they worked with, such as non-con sex, power play, bondage, humiliation etc. I cared little for the physical side of things. What little arousal I felt I connected with my own physiology, not with male genitalia. Meanwhile, yuri never had the same appeal. Those girls were always soft and gentle and shy. I think you know by now that that's not how I roll with my (vamp) lesbians.

After high school, during college, my love for m/m stuff waned. I guess my worldview expanded, and I mulled over being bi so I started considering women as well. The fact that I also never managed to have a relationship with a man longer than a week should've spoken louder volumes to me. As I grew as a person, I realized a lot of yaoi that I was reading was really immature, too. There are still a few works I'd recommend, but everything else doesn't do it for me anymore. Unfortunately, the same thing could be said about f/f stuff. Not just yuri (that is to say, works coming from Japan), but fanfics as well. There aren't really any f/f ships, even today, that I'd root for as hard as I did for some m/m ships. Because of that, I didn't know where I stood for the longest time.

At the end of college/beginning of my adult life, I finally started accepting some things about myself. One of them was that calling myself a lesbian was a completely valid thing to do. It felt a bit weird at the beginning. I come from a somewhat traditional surrounding so I didn't know too many queer people during that process. There was nobody to validate my feelings externally. That extended the self-realization process. Yet, slowly, I understood that I was finally doing myself a proper service by focusing on women.

To be honest, I still find some men attractive, but that's more of an exception than a rule. And it's pretty random. And I never act on it because I'm not interested in them sexually, and only like... 5% romantically. So, uh, maybe that's just like seeing someone outside on the street and thinking "huh, this guy looks cool, hope he has a nice day".

Uhh, okay, that's a wall of text. Hope it illuminates some things for you, anon? If you're comfortable sharing, I wouldn't mind hearing about your own self-discovery process. Thank you for checking out my fic and hopping into this inbox. Have a nice day! 💙

#og lente post #ask answer

[myname-isnia]

I’ve been so completely out of it all day bc of last night’s revelation, it’s literally been the only thing I could think about, and the deeper I get in analysing my life experiences the more realisations I come to, and each one feels more horrific than the last.

Not horrific as in terrible, but as in it feels like whatever remains of my sense of self is completely falling apart. I thought I was bi for so long, didn’t even spend a single second questioning it. Never did I even think that I may be wrong, it seemingly made too much sense for me to be wrong. But the sense it made was the fact I was attracted to both male and female characters in animated shows, not real people.

I don’t think I’ve ever had a crush on a real person before. Not on someone I knew irl, nor on some actor/celebrity, nor on someone I saw on tiktok or wherever. And it’s like, I can acknowledge someone is attractive, even that someone is beautiful or hot, but it’s never personal when I do. Pretty girls I see don’t linger in my mind at all. I can’t picture myself dating them or getting intimate or kissing them or anything. It’s a purely aesthetic attraction with no feelings behind it. With animated/drawn characters it’s different, I can actually feel all the physical side-effects of looking at someone you’re romantically attracted to. But when the scale of a drawing slides too far towards realism, like with museum paintings or even that one Suiren portrait I drew once, the attraction fades again. I’m just not and have never been attracted to real people.

At my old school the topic of which celebrities you found hot came up often and I never knew what to say. Naming the ones I knew were conventionally beautiful but I wasn’t personally attracted to felt like lying, so eventually I started naming people my mom found hot. She’d tell me which actors she had a crush on when we watched movies or shows together and I pretended to see her point. After a while I managed to convince myself that it wasn’t pretending and that I really agreed with her. I realise now it all boiled down to purely aesthetic attraction again, I had no genuine interest in them. And one could assume it was just my preference for women showing, but female celebrities faced the exact same treatment from me.

I started reevaluating a lot of sexuality-related feelings and life moments. My dad’s SIL often laments how I’m 17 and don’t have a boyfriend yet, and when I say I don’t want one she goes “Why? It’s not like you have to sleep with him, wouldn’t it be nice to be gifted flowers and taken on dates and the like?” I usually just shrug but my internal answer was always a resounding no. I once again thought I just liked girls more, but when I actually thought about what if dad’s SIL wasn’t homophobic and posed the question in a sapphic way, I realised that my answer wouldn’t change. I don’t want a partner of any gender or to be taken out on dates or anything like that.

It was here that things really started to go downhill for me last night bc then, once I realised I didn’t want a girlfriend, I turned my attention to the more sexual side of things. It’s possible to be aromantic and allosexual, right? But I’ve known for a while that a lot of sex-related things are a very big ick for me, penetration of any kind being on top of the list. Forget dicks and toys, I don’t want fingers or tongues inside me either, not have I ever used a tampon. But not everyone likes penetration, that’s fine, there are other things. But the thought of someone lavishing my tits with affection just makes me way too hyper aware of them which triggers my dysphoria, and I’ve always found kissing to be extremely gross, and… pretty much every sexual act I can think of causes some kind of rejection in me. Fantasies are fine, fics/writing are fine, even watching porn is fine for the most part (even then, I can only get off to it if I imagine 2d characters in place of the people), but the second I think of something actually being done to me? It makes my toes curl in a very much bad way.

I’m by no means a completely non-sexual being, quite the opposite actually. I’m horny a lot of the time and it’s completely normal for me to get off at least once almost every day, but again, it’s all only in fantasies (which never feature me, only characters). I’m so averse to the idea of fucking or being fucked that I don’t even touch myself, ever. I accidentally discovered that rubbing my thighs together in a specific way feels good when I was younger and have just been doing that ever since. I’ve tried using my hands but it’s just not pleasurable in any way. I really don’t want anything or anyone touching me, ever, at all. And it’s so weird to realise because it seems natural for someone with as high of a libido as mine to want to be fucked, right? But the mere thought disgusts me and causes insane anxiety to overtake my entire body, and idk if there’s a clearer way for my mind to tell me that no, you don’t want any of that, trust me.

That’s another thing. Maybe I’m just scared. I have debilitating anxiety, I’m terrified of literally everything, of course that, added to my body image issues and complete inexperience in all manners romantic or sexual, would result in these types of feelings. Maybe I just haven’t met the right person yet who will awaken my attraction to real people and cause me to want a partner and romance and sex and whatever else. Maybe I’ve convinced myself that I’m too much of a mess for anyone to love me so it’s better to label myself as aroace before I get my heart broken. I don’t know. But writing it off on all that doesn’t feel right, and while I’m not exactly the best judge of my own feelings, my gut is telling me that I’m wrong. It’s not anxiety and inexperience, it’s my very real borderline aromantic and asexual feelings finally being acknowledged.

I think back on my life. I thought I had serious crushes before, I even had a girlfriend for a few months, but that was all initiated by someone else. The other person showed interest first and I thought “Okay, they’re pretty enough, maybe I can do this, maybe I just need to get into it and the feelings will come later”. Nothing ever went anywhere beyond hand holding or brief hugs, and I was okay with that. I enjoyed spending time with them and lit up whenever they showed up and thought that’s what loving someone felt like. But now that I have real friends that I’m 100% sure I’m not attracted to, I realised I feel the exact same way towards them. I just like being with people who want to spend time with me and who I share common interests with, and I like being paid attention to. Nothing romantic to it. When it comes to my good friends I always had a position of “Well I don’t find them particularly attractive but if they were romantically interested in me then I’d go for it” and thought that was a crush. It’s no wonder anything vaguely romantic in my life ended before it could properly start. Really hard to be in love with or build a relationship with someone who clearly doesn’t feel romantically interested in you, even if they’re trying very hard to be.

And that’s the center of the whole issue. There’s nothing wrong with being aroace, nor with being wrong about the label you chose when you were 12. What makes be sob for hours is this feeling as if a knife was driven through my heart. All these years I’ve been subconsciously lying to myself and I didn’t even know. I can’t blame myself for that, I’m aware, I had no way of realising I was wrong because I never had any experience. But the pain and confusion and sense of being lost are still there, beyond all rationalisation. And all those times I said I wanted to be railed by a pretty girl and other similar things to that? Also not true. I said those things because it felt like what a horny queer girl should say. It wasn’t a conscious lie, I really believed it when I said it, it never even registered as false until now. Until I dug deep inside myself and realised I don’t want to be railed by anyone in any way ever. For the longest time I genuinely thought I wanted what’s normal for queer allosexual women to want. It’s hard coming to terms with that I really, really don’t. I’ll definitely need some time to process everything properly,

Honestly, this revelation isn’t too surprising, all things considered. I once had a conversation with someone who talked about those younger years of every queer girl, staring at other girls in the changing rooms, wanting to date them, wanting to be a boy so it’d be possible before they knew gay people existed and becoming sneakier with their glances after they found out. And I really couldn’t relate to that. I’ve never felt attracted enough to someone to experience any of that. Back then I thought I couldn’t relate bc I never had a sexuality crisis nor did I hide my sexuality from the other girls in my class, almost all of whom were queer too. Turns out I just genuinely don’t experience attraction like that. Or at least I think I don’t. I don’t know. Now that I’ve got most of my thoughts regarding all this on ‘paper’, hopefully I’ll have a clearer mind and can come to a more concrete conclusion. And for now… let’s just put me very firmly in the ‘questioning’ box.

#maybe I am wrong. maybe it is my inexperience talking for me and once I lose my virginity I’ll realise it feels good and start wanting it #but that most likely won’t happen anytime soon. if ever #that’s another point. in any other circumstance there would be no rush to figure it out #I could make it to college or whatever and maybe try dating around a little to see if it really does cause such an aversion in me #but I don’t have that time guaranteed #I don’t know how long I could go on for. I don’t know if I’ll even reach my 18th birthday #what if I lose myself in my darkest thoughts and snap. give up. end it all #wouldn’t really matter what I identify as then. would it #but I’m trying hard not to think about that #just… if I were to go. I’d prefer to do it with at least some certainty gained in life #out of all possible things. sexuality feels like the most realistic one #I’d like to know that about myself #but that’s all hypothetical. I’m not planning anything. I’m too much of a coward to even be capable of it #for now. at least #and currently I just… feel so weird about all this #and how could I not? it’s like I said. my entire sense of self is falling apart #I’m pulled in so many different directions. am I aroace or just scared or traumatised?? #does it even matter? should it matter? why do I care so much? #the cognitive dissonance between saying I would consider immigrating to be railed by a hot girl #and then realising I don’t want to be railed at all withing like. an hour of each other #is driving me absolutely mad #who even am I anymore #I still enjoy reading smut. nothing’s changed. I’ve just became acutely aware that idk what any of what’s described would feel like #nor do I really want to find out #and all of the kinks I’ve labelled as mine are actually just things I like reading about. not what I want to experience #god.. I almost wish I never stared thinking about this. life is hard enough already #I don’t want to feel like I’ve been lying to myself for the last five years even if it wasn’t intentional #I don’t want to have to reassess my entire being #I was comfortable and confident in calling myself bi. but after today and last night that label just doesn’t fit anymore #I just feel so lost… fuck. I spent 2 hours typing all this out. I need a nap. and perhaps a long cry too

[sheepishfreeloader]

I've added a handful of people to my V/RC friends list, some I hang out with more than others, and otherwise I just instance hop in the Sup/erstar Da/ycare a lot since it's pretty popular and full of fandom people...

Sooo one day while playing with one of the regulars I goof off with someone new shows up, and after having a chill goofy time he asks for my Discord. He's an adult so I'm like, yeah alright. First time adding someone from V/RC on Dis/cord so I didn't know what to expect... and I mean, it started out pretty nice cause he seemed like he wanted my attention, buuut my irl friends were uncomfortable that he would spam me for attention all the time. But I'm just delighted that someone seems to have had a fun enough time around me to want to talk and hang out more ya know. So I shrug it off, being needy isn't exactly a crime and I just ignore it when I don't feel like socializing.

I try to be a little more tolerant and open in VR/C... he was nice to my kid friend, but I noticed in one-on-one worlds he made some off color jokes. I expressed discomfort with them and he was cool about it and stopped making them around me, so I was appreciative. I tolerated knowing he made the jokes because he didn't seem to do it in front of anyone but me, and making ass jokes doesn't automatically make someone evil, and he was otherwise nice. Figured he just had a lot of growing to do. I mean, I made ass jokes when I was a teen, and I learned and grew up and stopped being like that, afterall.

We have a few good chats, both in Dis/cord text and in V/RC. It was great! But I can't be around every time he's needy for attention (I think I was like. His only AFAB friend) so he expresses trying to find more cuddle buddies, but he's just too anxious about public worlds. So I'm like okay. I got you. I make a plan to make him unintimidating and easy to sit next to and cuddle with, and with my presence in a large avatar hope to be comforting to him in a public world while we try and attract him someone else to hang with.

Maaan. Here I was, so excited to help out, and then when we do it he just. I don't even know what went wrong. He picks an annoying avatar that he knows might crash people and decides to behave in the most vile way I've seen from him, so much so it shocked the Hell out of me. I'm talking rape jokes, groping girl's jiggle-physics breasts without permission, explicit NSFW jokes in front of minors, threatening to dox a minor's IP address for a small silly annoyance, jokes about women being dumb, being a-ok with a stranger touching my avatar after laughing at his rape jokes, and he tops it off by insulting my fiancé's gender identity (and therefore, mine) while also assuming they're AMAB (and therefore, assuming I'm het). All this in a public world. I was so embarrassed that I brought him there and was being associated with him. Being a bit mean.... even my kid friends know better than to behave the way he did.

I get so uncomfortable and sad that I awkwardly stand up and say my friend is asking me to join her. Not a lie, but I was technically the one who sent the request. He says okay. I see he logs off about 15-20 minutes (unusual, he usually begs me for attention 24/7) after I leave him and then a couple hours later has the balls to message me hi and spam my username at me for attention. What the hell??? Like, that's it? You're a total ass and I leave out of sheer discomfort and that's all I get? Man, whatever. >n>

In hindsight, without giving details about things he shared with me (it would be wrong to share private things even if he was an ass), he only ever acted like he wanted me around to give him attention, not because he was actually interested in me as a person. My attention, genuineness, and openness made him feel emotionally heard and comfortable. But he didn't show any regard for my own emotional or physical wellbeing, he just wanted to spam and beg me to come online to make him feel better about himself, even if it was 1am and I was exhausted. I get it that it's hard to think about other people when you're not in the right mind for it, but you have to if you want to make and keep friends. I may be nice and attentive but I have my limits. I'm too old to have to explain to some guy I've only known for 2 weeks why he shouldn't grope womens' boobs in V/RC or threaten to dox a child over a fucking virtual barrel.

I haven't exactly broken it to him yet that I really don't feel comfortable hanging out with him or having him on my Dis/cord after his nasty behavior and insulting my fiance/me. But woof, lesson learned... just because someone seems really nice the first time you hang out, that doesn't mean they aren't hiding showing off their true colors. So... maybe don't add them on Dis/cord until you know they're not a total prick 😓 you may just end up feeling sad and heartbroken that damnit another adult friend was shitty.

I wouldn't say it was a total waste of two weeks, I mean it was fun until... that. And after I left him in that world I did get to hang with someone else I knew and added two other people, who I'm crossing my fingers are cool. They all cheered me up. But it also always sucks when you have to drop yet another person that you thought was friendly, you know? :^P

[mattelektras]

I want to know why you didn't like Jessica having a baby? I really don't have an opinion on it because I don't really know the character but maybe it wasn't a good idea to make her a mom.

personally baby stories are almost always a hard no for me like. its just not something that even slightly appeals to me probably because of my irl feelings towards it so thats kind of a me problem. pregnancy creeps me the fuck out physically and theoretically n it always has so i'll try to be objective here

just. why. literally why. what does it add to her as a person who has never shown any interest in having a family and even if they were, ISNT in the position to have one.

why would a woman who goes out every night to fight crime, possible be beaten up a little (miscarriages dont exist) have god knows what happen to them, possibly DIE without anyone knowing, want a kid????? ive seen people explain it with regards to when she was abducted by skrulls and she thought no one cared or noticed she was missing and she just wants someone to need her. and its like. oh thats healthy is it. for her to literally have a whole human depend on her. jess has trauma from so many things and has always been a character whose mental experiences impact her stories and they did not play into this at all. the baby cured all of her issues. thank you so much that does so much for women as a whole. have a baby that'll fix it

the covers were just.... uncomfortable none of these people have ever seen or spoken to a pregnant woman before

your spine queen???? if she straightened up her torso would be like 3 miles long

every cover's only purpose is to exaggerate the stomach like maybe this is my baby allergies again but it feels kind of. fetishy. u know freaks on the internet had a great time w these

how is she this far along and still not wearing maternity clothes like thats not comfortable. i find it hard to believe any pregnant person would just continue wearing normal clothes that visibly dont fit and expose half their stomach

people change when theyre pregnant!!!! ur face gets chubby!!! your boobs get huge!!! all of you gets bloated and u feel gross!!! other than the stomach there is literally NOTHING different about jess. she still has a beautiful face, skinny legs etc etc. which i feel kind of feeds into the fetishy vibe of it all. like they made sure we all know she's still attractive and skinny and sexually appealing. shes got other stuff going on right now. shes growing a whole human. shes not gonna fuck you.

IN ADDITION. the run where it happened, was the run/s that started with the notoriously vile milo manara doing this variant cover

so as a whole i find it hard to believe the creative team would ever be trying to make a point about how pregnant women are strong as fuck and can do shit whilst going through such huge bodily changes. we have to know she's fuckable first and foremost. like yeah of course pregnant women can be sexy but theres a fine line between shes hot!! and whatever the covers for this run were doing. especially when the interior was so adverse to the variants. javier rodriguez is a great artist who depicts women very realistically so what the fuck happened here i genuinely couldnt tell you. the cover is what people see first so to make sure thats sexualised to high heaven says a lot about the motives here. the whole thing started with greg fucking land who is famous for the exact opposite of child bearing hips

and just again on the impracticalities of it all.... she literally gave birth and got up straight away and fought skrulls. absolutely no shot in any universe thats physically possible. infections???? needing stitches??? exhaustion???? honestly marvel writes shit i dont like personally all the time but if they do research and speak to people who k ow what theyre talking about then i cant be mad but this is exactly the opposite. youre telling me there were NO writers who had experience with pregnancy or had experienced it themselves who you could even SPEAK to or ask a question???? it had to be dennis fucking hopeless??? of avengers arena???? THAT dennis hopeless??

tl;dr female superheroes do not exist to have babies solely for drama purposes. the big mystery isnt who the father is. even if she were a character that a baby makes sense for, it literally doesnt matter. the father isnt around. women having kids doesnt revolve around who the father is. it was a deliberate sales gimmick that pretty much just said that the real point of this woman's story is to find out which man impregnated her

#q & a #the whole thing just has me foaming at the mouth whenever i think about it

[slutauthority]

So I’ve been out as bisexual almost 5-6 years and I’ve been kinda wondering if I’m actually attracted to men. I think they’re attractive aesthetically, but I’ve noticed most of the men I’ve had crushes on or the men I’ve found attractive are men I wish I looked like gender wise. I haven’t had a genuine interest in a man beyond how they look physically since high school.When I think about sex with them I feel like I don’t know if it’s something I’d actually enjoy and mostly feel like it’s something I should try for the sake of it. I’m pretty confused and was wondering if you’ve felt this way about your attraction to men? Or should I maybe examine the possibility that I’m a lesbian? I ask you because I feel like you’re always very honest and logical when talking about bisexuality. Not to mention not judgmental. Hope you’re having a good day!

yeah i’ll speak on this as much as my experience can if it helps! if there are any lesbians here (something i’ve said a lot) who want to give some advice as well, feel free to reply or reblog!

 (i’ll put this under a read more bc i’ll probably babble a bit.)

I come from a p conservative background and i didn’t really like the idea of being with a boy when i got older but i felt like it was just something i would get used to bc that’s just watcha do!!!!!! so i wasn’t really attracted to any boy IRL until I was a little older in high school. (besides the fictional ones and men i saw on movies) And even then when i did date boys i genuinely liked, i was always seen as like....downgrading bc a lot of the men i had shown like real interest in were more feminine and usually shorter and really, this was pointed out to me a lot when I was with those men and after our relationships ended. 

i had been attracted to girls b4 but like just didn’t want to actually put it into anything more than gender envy basically, lol. 

but i certainly had crushes and attraction. what got tricky is when i did finally accept that i like women, a lot of discussion about compulsory heterosexuality was starting to show up, which is real, but bc i was just exploring myself in a lot of way, i think the issue was i started to ponder any interaction i had with a man and then thought about how i liked boys who were more soft and such and i was like “oh no i just wanna date women”. i just felt like the men i kept showing interest in were somehow a sign i should just date women.

obviously i didnt stick with that thinking. but that didn’t ...firmly cease until i had more of a bisexual community and interest if that makes sense? I had more access to resources and my friend group was already bisexual and i felt secure in my attraction to women. but i think once i was able to REALLY connect with a lot of bisexuals, i was able to just let go of a lot of the conceptions in my head about how i view....men. I’m not quite sure if that makes sense. Like... as much as i had been restricting my own gender exploration, i had been really just doing that to like ...men in general in my mind???????? like there’s nothing that one person can say to define “what it means to be a man” obviously and yeah i just kinda wasn’t fogged by that as much and have had awesome men in my life as friends and idk...lovers? lmao.

i dont think its weird to be wondering if you would enjoy sex with man if you never have. i was worried about that a lot too. and like, you can have sex with a man for the sake of it if you want lol but also i don’t want to encourage you to be in a situation where you’re uncomfortable! a lot of lesbians have had sex/relationships with men. a lot of bi women have only had sex/relationships with women!

i also think it’s okay for you to not know completely! and it’s okay for you to identify as a lesbian or bisexual and still not know. Genuinely, I want that to be the most important thing in terms of advice. I know I just babbled on there, but truly as long as it feels good to you, it’s right. in terms of something like this, you know?

i hope this helps in some kinda way and i appreciate that you felt comfortable enough to send a message to me! <3

#minors dni #just cause sex and shit u kno

[menalez]

I just find it so annoying the time, energy and debates the discussions like this usually turn into. Something nasty or then crazy gc discourse or someone calling you a fake lesbian on rf gossip. The nitpicking is ridiculous. As soon as I saw this thread I knew someone was gonna call you bi or get mad because she didn’t get by you saying looks you mean aesthetic. You can like a character or actors personality or acknowledge they have a nice aesthetic or be a fan without being into them. Just from now maybe use aesthetic and not looks because looks to most people means physical attraction.

So many people get so hostile and are just waiting to call some actual lesbian bi. I don’t think white fems even think about how much harder it is for lesbians of color to get where they are and how bad the pressures and socialization is. Radical feminists are massive hypocrites with their own works and beliefs. Cognitive dissonance of their own going on about how women are socialized and sexuality. Their empathy, perspective and analysis seems to disappear when it’s needed the most. Liking men can put your life in danger and women of color are especially not allowed to desire only be desired by men.

We exist as business transactions all over the world, denied so much and barely allowed to be our own person. Sexuality can be deeply suppressed. Women aren’t taught or allowed to have their own desires and to know their own bodies or orgasms, just how to please men. In high school every discussion amongst girls involved blowing men or how cum is good for your skin. No one talked about pleasing a girl ever. I hated having to hear it & girls doing it because that’s what they’re taught. even bi women I’ve met have just blown men for years and never been sexually satisfied or reciprocated by men once. Then they got lucky and realized they liked women and fell for one. So yeah I think no lesbian actually obviously fantasizes about males in anyway fictional or not. Plenty bi women feel like that and don’t want a male irl. Penis repulsion is thing. A fantasy is representative of a desire or scenario of something or someone you find pleasant and makes you feel things. I know lesbians who love anime and cartoons who just love butches and they still never fantasize about a male because it isn’t what a butch is. That anon is fantasizing about male characters and I think that’s not lesbian period. No lesbian is excited by maleness and depictions of it. I think it should end their.

So anyway, no one also does this with gay men. gay men don’t argue about this and call other men fake gay men. Maybe that’s because it’s so different being a woman and experiencing misogyny and homophobia with sexuality and the fact that bisexual men aren’t saying they’re gay or being problematic and annoying in the same way bi women who are always lesphobic do. idk. Gay men don’t go through female socialization and are taught to be submissive so it’s easier for them to be confident and at least know or realize their desires much more easier than lesbians. Some things to think about. bi women are so annoying to us and love to hate lesbians and wanna be one but this shit doesn’t happen much or in the same way or extent with gay and bisexual men. I think people need examine the misogyny and double standards here.

it’s kinda bizarre to me bc i straight up said repeatedly that i don’t really get it and that i personally have always just gotten extremely bored when male characters are involved n don’t care for anything about males.. yet bc i said i don’t think someone’s not a lesbian if she likes anime guys or w/e it means i also like fictional men in any sense 😐

u did lose me in some parts tho and the part where u said no bi men claim to be gay, thats untrue. there’s plenty of bi men that call themselves gay men, it’s just never turned into a discussion of Some Gay Men Can Be Into Women or w/e and it’s not used to prove that gay men can be attracted to women to the same degree. but unfortunately plenty of bi people of both sexes claim to be gay. some will call themselves gay bc they genuinely think they are exclusive same sex attracted while some will say they’re gay bc they’re primarily same sex attracted and think that’s the same thing. it’s terrible bc it rly makes it harder for gay ppl to communicate our sexualities and also to form communities around our shared sexual orientation

anyways i think u may have sent me the longest anon ive ever had,, i wish i could give u an award for that

[werevulvi]

Finally someone i can relate to somewhat. I like the effect of mtf hrt for the most part but i don't want to forget (or pretend to not know) that i'm a bisexuabl male with a chemically modified body. I am fairly stranded communitywise (ironically gc spaces worsened my dysphoria so i couldn't remain in them) which always brings a cutting sorrow of not having a 'home' but it's kinda good to see people who are on a similar wavelength even if i'm never going to truly meet you. Keep thriving queen!

Hi! I can totally see why gc spaces make your dysphoria worse... I've been noticing that many gc circles (especially radfem) tend to be a bit (lot) anti-male, so if it's those you came across, it's no surprise to me that it made your dysphoria worse. And I'm really sorry about that! I can only imagine that hearing you're some kinda evil oppressor for just how you were born physically can make you hate being male even more. I don't view it quite so harshly. Sure, a few (or a lot) of males were socialised very badly and thus turned out crap humans.

But it's not because of their biology that they're crap humans, and I would never condemn anyone for just the way they're born. I've known horrible men, but also very wonderful men. And most MtF's I've met, I've struggled to relate to, but they've been decent people just living their lives. I don't hate males, I can't agree with that sorta sentiment. I hate how some aspects of male socialisation teaches many men to hate women, but that's hardly the same thing, and I think it's an important distinction to make. Those semantics really do matter.

Point is, it makes sense to me why feminist, and female focused gc spaces, would make a dysphoric male/MtF even more dysphoric instead of less. Let's be honest: they give you all the reasons to hate being male.

And then what other gc spaces are there? Well, the conservative right (many of whom also Christian) comes to mind, and although they're less likely to hate on men, they do have a tendency to be uncomfortably anti-gay and anti-gnc, which... I dunno about you, but that makes at least me incredibly uncomfortable, if not even badly upset. Even those who aren't outright hateful towards gays/lesbians/bisexuals and gender non-conforming people, the vibe is just not very welcoming. That kinda gender critical community is not gonna help any gnc/same sex attracted person feel good about themselves either.

(I'm clearly stating the obvious here, but I think it's important to point out these issues with gc communities, just in case you don't know why they make you feel bad, and in case you want to know. If not... I'm sorry for salting your wounds!)

And that's about it when it comes to gender critical spaces, aside from individual people who aren't really aligned with any specific ideology, but still criticise gender ideology harshly, and/or help raise the voices of those who do. Posie Parker, Benjamin Boyce, Joe Rogan, and Arielle Scarcella come to mind. They're gender critical to varying degrees, but not particularly conservative, nor radfem. Although I've rarely ever seen any gc stuff that's actually positive towards males, that doesn't turn around and say stuff like "I hate men" and "femininity is gross on men" or "don't be gay" etc the very next second. So if I had been male instead, and still dysphoric, I'd probably be having a very difficult time accepting my sex too.

As I've been saying (mostly to myself) lately: we're not broken, the world is.

I feel pretty stranded communitywise too, actually. I have like one foot in the radfem/gc circles and the other foot in trans circles, neither of which really like me criticising them. I mean, it's probably just very human to not like being criticised for one's opinions, but... yeah basically gc's sometimes think I'm either "still in the trans cult" for not wanting to get rid of my physical masculinity, or they think I'm a man pretending to be a detrans woman, and they don’t like that I disagree with some of their views. The trans masses on the other hand generally have far more issues with me, my opinions and my identity. They would have be beheaded for less than just looking a little suspicious!

But here's the thing: I think trying to not rely on a community to feel loved and accepted is probably very important. There will always be individual people who love and support you, and agree with things that matter to you. These individuals can come from all sorts of ideological backgrounds, but what ties you together is true friendship, not community, which only mimmicks friendship in an often political way. I'm trying my best to focus on those individuals in my life (which really is just a handful of people) instead of trying desperately to find a whole community that will love and support me. Because that's probably not gonna happen. I am too provocative with my womanhood, and will always keep questioning everything. I don’t actually want to settle ideologically. I want to keep evolving and learning. The way I view myself doesn't really fit into any set ideology, because it’s a combination of things that matter to me personally. It is tailored to fit me and only me. And I think that's what's causing the friction. I'm ideologically a freeloader, or nomad, and thus, I get along best with others who also ideologically freeload.

Alas... I still feel that "ideological homelessness" too, and it does hurt. I think it might just be a result of too much ideological couch surfing. I'm always a guest, but never at home. Thus, I am always treated as a guest, and viewed with more scepticism. Who am I to barge into THEIR community? However, I still have a home, ideologically. It’s just that I’m the only one living there. And I think that might be applicable to you too: you do have an ideological home, you just live alone. That can be lonely, but it also allows you to think more freely and be more genuine about your opinions. Thank you, I want you to thrive too! Meeting irl might not happen on random like that, no, as I'm suspecting you don't live on the same Swedish island as me... but if you think an online friendship might be worth a shot... it's totally okay to send me a pm! I will warn you though, that I have a tendency to ignore people for a few weeks here and there though, as my sensory overload gets the best of me... really a lot. It's a challenge to be my friend, but some have told me it's really rewarding once they do get to know me. It's up to you! But I get the feeling that we might get along well.

[ex-terfs]

I’m curious about how you were introduced to trans exclusionary ideology, and when you realized how toxic it truly is. I’m genuinely curious.

Hello! Sorry for the hiatus.So this is my story & long rant post.I've been among TERFs/Radfems (AKA the Conservative side of "feminism") since 2015. In mid-2016 — with the dangers of having Trump as President — I started getting critical of everything going on in the community, deleted older posts, & stopped reblogging "trans-critical" stuff. In 2017 — after seeing TERFs celebrating that the 'Everyday Feminism' site was facing a financial crisis & after paying more attention at what our "enemies" were trying to say — I unfollowed all the bullies, & eventually started to despise seeing "trans-critical" stuff. Their hatred towards the "big scary Libfems" is what made me rethink my priorities.

Many parts of their ideology had peculiarly attracted my attention back in 2015. As a GNC person who celebrates gender nonconformity, their gender abolition theories seemed very interesting (& I later found out how bigoted they are towards GNC men & GNC people with different identities/pronouns). When I was a sex-repulsed person, their porn-critical & sex-negative theories also seemed very interesting to me (I later found out how bigoted they are towards sex-repulsed people — upholding heteronormativity & saying things like "Haha, nobody loves you", "If you're a man/bisexual/lesbian, you must perform oral sex on your gf"; but still, I'm NO longer in the sex-negative/SWERF community). People sending them death threats was also one of the reasons why I had joined their movement.

It always begins like this. Step 1: you begin exploring anti-kink/anti-porn stuff; Step 2: you begin exploring anti-"MOGAI" stuff; Final step: you turn into a transphobe. That's how I got into this mess.

Second-wave theories originally had a critical focus on the social construction of gender & sexuality, monogamy, submission/masochism, natalism, the family structure, the fear of nonconformity, emotional/economic dependency, religion, & violence.As a feminist, yeah, I still agree with most of these analyses. I love reading academic books. But there was something different about terf/radfem tumblr. & this is all I've noticed over the years.

TERFs treat their word like holy truth.

TERFs use Right-wing "sources" to back up their transphobic & sex-negative arguments (& often associate themselves with conservative groups).

TERFs claim that all men are "biologically/physically the same".

TERFs contradict themselves all the time: claim that sex-repulsed AroAces are "usual straights", mock people who just want to remain single, & at the same time still say that if you don't want to have sex with men, then "you're a lesbian"; they say that people don't owe you sex, & at the same time say it's "not okay" for men to sexually reject a woman for "bad reasons".

TERFs claim that lesbians who are anti-TERF or who don't believe in the "born-this-way" theory are "fake lesbians".

TERFs are against the idea of removing your secondary sexual characteristics; & if an AMAB person doesn't like their "secondary sexual characteristics", then they must be a "delusional fetishist" (srsly I identify as a woman, but I still wish I could remove my uterus & have a breast reduction surgery; & it's not for sexist reasons! Shocking, I know!).

TERFs claim that men can't be raped/abused by women (not all TERFs believe this, but I still see them quietly following the ones who do).

TERFs have definitely never read a book with a different perspective/purpose, yet they will act like total experts on any subject (TERFs act like they're experts on Postmodernism & Queer Theory, but they have no idea what these theories are actually about. These theories are both very complex & don't have only one definition! Shocking, I know!).

TERFs will assume you're a trans woman if you don't disclose you're actually AFAB (& they could still have doubts).

TERFs are very manipulative & use brainwashing tactics. If you're AFAB & anti-TERF, they will say it's because of your "internalized misogyny" & will try to guilt-trip you. Because how dare someone has a different opinion! If you're AFAB & proudly calls yourself 'genderfluid' or 'non-binary', TERFs will get offended.

TERFs claim that asexuality only exists "because of the prevalence of porn" (Aces & sex-repulsed people would still be here even if porn didn't exist! Shocking, I know!).

TERFs claim that men who call themselves 'feminist' are "all predators".

TERFs would rather include transphobic men in their spaces than "those evil libfems" (those women are enemies).

TERFs claim that radical feminism is the "only true feminism", & that all second-wave feminists were "radfems".

TERFs claim that GNC men are "fetishizing" femininity (but according to TERF logic, masculine men are not fetishizing masculinity).

TERFs are extremely bigoted towards sex workers, polyamorous people, people who don't want commitment, people who are sexually experimenting or who are promiscuous (which is also one of the reasons why I left the sex-negative community; their views on sex/lust/love are similar to the Christian conservative perspective).

I can definitely assure you I still very well remember most of their URLs & blog content. There are many TERFs who hide behind aesthetic blogs, & use subtle TERF language & comforting rhetoric — which you might not even notice if you don't know much about their specific type of language & tactics (e.g. complaining about the "neoliberal postmodern identities" & about people "erasing females"). This type of TERF also may follow a bunch of (trans-inclusive) anti-'MOGAI' & anti-kink blogs. If you're trans-inclusive & TERFs follow you, it's likely because your blog content doesn't make them uncomfortable.

Their blatant transphobia is absurd & paranoiac, & they don't hide it. Anyone who disagrees with them gets called a "handmaiden", "lesbophobe", "male", "genderist", "liberal", "libfem", "special snowflake" (I no longer consider myself a radical leftist, but I don't consider myself a centrist either). TERFs call trans women as a group "fetishists", "delusional", "mentally ill", "sociopaths", "narcissists", "pedophiles", "necrophiles", "incels", "genderfucks" + slurs like "tr*nny", "troon", "tr0n", "transes". They say that the trans movement is "coercing children to transition" & "forcing lesbians to have sex with penis". It's pure fear-mongering. Their views on trans men are also contradictory — there are times they claim that trans men are "straight girls who are trans just bc they read fanfiction & watch gay porn", & there are times they claim that trans men are "brainwashed butch lesbians" (Pick a side!).

I live in a very religious Latin American country. The majority of the population here is not educated on gender/sexuality issues. I got the chance of educating myself better only after I've learned English. And then some terfs had the gall to say "academic fields such as Gender & LGBT Studies & philosophy are oppressive & pretentious". In a country like mine with a dark history of military dictatorships, censorship & anti-intellectualism, being leftist means protecting the social sciences in education & freedom of the press.

So yes, I left the terf community bc unlike them, I think for myself & I hate bullying (i was in fact heavily bullied for years in school, & only bullying victims know how it truly feels like). My terf blog is now inactive; I had 1000+ followers. I'm a very quiet person irl & online; I was never vocal about my real opinions bc I don't like getting into heated discussions & I didn't want to be featured on that gross radfem-gossip blog.I was very transphobic back then. & now it's quite possible terfs will say to me "You were never one of us". I followed & liked their blogs, just like they followed mine. I was loyal & obedient. Now not anymore.

#Ask #transphobia

[thirteen-jades]

Get to know the blogger:

1. FIRST NAME: I guess I’ve not really kept this very secret, so might as well put it out there officially again. Jade.

2. STRANGE FACT ABOUT YOURSELF: What isn’t strange about me, honestly? If I had to pick, I get occasional taste, smell, and auditory hallucinations. The first two especially tend to be pretty pleasant, often things like cookies or other sweets.

3. TOP THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU FIND ATTRACTIVE ON A PERSON: Honestly I think the only people that I really register as being attractive are those I’m romantically interested in already? If I had to list some things, I think for women I’d say medium-sized breasts, red/brown/unusual hair colors, and… I’m not sure about a third thing, other than “not things I find unattractive”. As for men, mostly it’s non-physical things afaict, though height/strength may play into it some? Being princess carried is 10/10 super hot.

4. A FOOD YOU COULD EAT FOREVER AND NOT GET BORED OF: I tend not to get bored of the things I eat, I don’t think? I have a pretty limited rotation of foods that I step through and it doesn’t bother me much. Orange chicken is nice.

5. A FOOD YOU HATE: I don’t typically think of myself as hating foods or being a picky eater but in retrospect I don’t like: hot/spicy things (red pepper on pizza is about my limit, though I do often put it on mine), anything even remotely bitter, or things with a texture like raw seafood. That crab stuff in sushi seems to be fine but sashimi is super uncomfortable and I don’t like any non-fish seafood that I can think of.

6. GUILTY PLEASURE: It’s hard to remember the last time I really felt guilty about much of anything; mostly I don’t do things that make me feel bad. I like chocolate with caramel, I guess? Don’t feel guilty about it though.

7. WHAT DO YOU SLEEP IN: Lately it’s been sweatpants. Used to sleep naked and might go back sometime.

8. SERIOUS RELATIONSHIPS OR FLINGS: Serious relationships are great. I’ve had pretty limited experience with them and seem to struggle to do romantic love in general but would very much like to have a loyal (if perhaps polyamorous; that doesn’t seem to bother me so much) partner that I love dearly. I might not mind having more than one partner myself but I’m not really gonna worry about #2 until I find #1 at this point.

9. IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN THE PAST AND CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT YOUR LIFE, WOULD YOU AND WHAT WOULD IT BE: Changing the past is spooky and dangerous. Do Not Want.

10. ARE YOU AN AFFECTIONATE PERSON: I don’t think so. I can be affectionate towards certain friends, and would very much like to have a better chance to be more affectionate, but overall I tend to be fairly detached from others.

11. A MOVIE YOU COULD WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN: Rewatching/re-consuming things is painful and uninteresting for the most part. I used to reread books and stuff when I had limited access to things but nowadays I don’t see why I’d do it and hate watching movies I’ve seen before.

12. FAVORITE BOOK: I don’t really have the attention span to read books anymore unfortunately. Probably either a textbook of some kind or some TTRPG book. Or the thing I’m writing, if that can really be called a book. Which it probably can, actually?

13. YOU HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO KEEP ANY ANIMAL AS A PET, WHAT DO YOU CHOOSE: Fantasy animals included? That’s hard and would need some aggressive research to find which creature is best suited to transform me into a monstergirl. IRL animals only? Fox, cat, or snake probably. Am not really well-suited to caring for a pet now, so it’ll have to happen later in my life. But I’m in no rush anyway.

14. TOP FIVE FICTIONAL SHIPS [IF YOU ARE AN RP BLOG, YOU CAN USE YOUR OWN SHIPS AS WELL]: This one’s hard. I am not very interested in or focused on romance in general. I daydream about my own OCs a lot, but don’t really do shipping so much.

15. PIE OR CAKE: I love me some French silk pie.

16. FAVORITE SCENT: Wish I could smell well enough to have an answer for this one.

17. CELEBRITY CRUSH: I don’t care about or even know any celebrities to crush on, nor do I do crushes or romance in general afaict. So, none.

18. IF YOU COULD TRAVEL ANYWHERE, WHERE WOULD YOU GO: I’d have to visit my friends, I think. If I weren’t confined to earth or this reality my options would increase a lot; I’d love to visit any of my settings or the Moon or something if I were properly equipped to survive in them.

19. INTROVERT OR EXTROVERT: Wildly introverted. Spent most of the last summer talking to zero people face-to-face and was pretty much fine with that. It’s not uncommon for me to go whole days without face-to-face socializing and be unbothered by it. With my online friends, while I do interact more often I often need to pull away a little to recharge and can’t do constant contact with people. It’s also hard for me to initiate contact with anyone.

 20. DO YOU SCARE EASILY: I don’t think so.

21. IPHONE OR ANDROID: Android.

22. DO YOU PLAY ANY VIDEO GAMES: Yep. Not super often nowadays, and it’s taken me like 2 months to get most of the way through Code Vein, but I do enjoy them. I play a bit of Star Wars Battlefront 2, Classic (2005) as well, and am actually a moderator for a Discord server for that game. It’s a good time.

23. DREAM JOB: Well, some kind of engineer, I’d hope. Seeing as that’s what I’m getting my PhD in. If I were restricted to things practical in this world I’d probably pick what I’m going to end up doing, which is working with semiconductors and the like. Or an astronaut. If we open this up to sci-fi or fantasy, there’s too many things I’d love to list.

24. WHAT WOULD YOU DO WITH A MILLION DOLLARS: Save it, mostly? Pay off student loans and make sure my friends are set for a good long time and save/invest the rest. I’d make sure to spend a little bit upgrading my computer and visiting my friends, as well.

25. FICTIONAL CHARACTER YOU HATE: I sincerely can’t think of anyone or anything I hate, let alone a fictional character. Shinji Matou is an asshole I guess?

26. FANDOM THAT YOU WERE ONCE A PART OF BUT AREN’T ANY LONGER: It’s kinda depressing how many things I loved until I got distracted and forgot all about them, but I often enjoy rediscovering and coming back to them. Homestuck would be the best example of one I used to really love and genuinely can’t get into nowadays though. I liked it, but I think the magic is largely gone for me. Moment’s passed and all.

#Jade writes things #personal

[theclaravoyant]

pride asks: yellow?

Thanks for the ask! This got a bit long lol I am feeling Wholesome Emotions after having my ass seriously kicked by anxiety and depression for the last little while so I went a little OTT with it. I hope it helps somebody out there.

Yellow: How did you feel when you came out to yourself? Were you happy you were gay/bi etc… or were you scared or other?

That’s an interesting question, because the first time i ‘came out to myself’ it was a veeeeeery slow burn. I wasn’t particularly scared or ashamed of it, but I was very much on my own figuring it all out.

One of the many emotions involved was of course anxiety. There was a lot of research, thought, overthought, and doubt. For example, I actually didn’t realise at first, but the earliest point in my questioning stage was actually during a time when my loneliness and craving for love and a romantic future (partly from society, partly because that’s something I believe I genuinely want for myself) seemed so impossible to achieve. I felt very lonely and couldn’t figure out why. I used to get genuine anxiety seeing people holding hands because it felt so despairingly impossible. My environment wasn’t particularly hostile toward lgbt+ people, but nor were they visible and available either. It just didn’t occur to me for a long time.

I didn’t really realise that’s what it was until later. The first moment I realised I might like girls was kind of funny, actually - see I’ve never been a very jealous person, but I thought damn Jenna Coleman looks Good. But I don’t want her clothes, I don’t actually really like that sort of style (Clara Oswald’s sort of vintage style) on myself. I don’t want to be her. I just think she’s fiiiine. After that point I started id’ing as bi because I thought, hey, looks like I like women.

(Then there was a bit more humour bc shortly after it was like, oh dang i really do, clara u know what a gay person is how tf did it take you so long)

During that period I started building my self confidence. For example I kind of had to ‘practice’ liking women - like verbally, openly, even if only to myself. I had to practice thinking, writing, saying, tagging etc etc things about how beautiful and hot women can be rather than just like, they look nice. I started noticing that some of the things I was thinking/saying were a) not how others thought about women and b) sometimes similar to what my friends said about men. I’m also not very sexual so it was hard to figure out that way as well because it wasn’t about kissing or that fiery passion that make the differences a little more obvious.

Then I started to realise/decide (and that’s very important, there was a lot of deciding to change my labels etc and getting myself to be okay with being wrong or going back if things changed) that my bi label was holding onto attraction to men because it was expected not because it was something I actually felt. Then I moved into the gay/lesbian space and sat there pretty comfortably. It took a long time, like literally years, so there wasn’t really a “moment” I came out to myself or something like that. There was a bit of fear but mostly of being incorrect or of what others would think than about the sexuality itself. Mostly it was actually quite nice, finding what I was feeling and how my cravings for love etc were still able to be satisfied just in a different way. It was a little scary doing it on my own (my environment being neutral-to-supportive was kind of fortunate, but didn’t go out of its way), but I found a lot of community both online and irl through my self exploration. I’m so inspired by the way so many lgbt+ people own it and that has genuinely been so helpful. I also most importantly learnt to trust myself and my feelings more.

That part of it made it much easier when it came to questioning my gender as well. I initially questioned whether or not I was trans (binary, ftm) because I thought while I was doing this whole questioning thing I might as well, but it ended up being a pretty clear no to me. I didn’t revisit it for a while after that, but as I found community and started meeting and learning about nonbinary people/identities, I sort of went, “that sounds right, what if that’s me?” And it was 236598165x faster to just go “ok what if it is? you’re nonbinary. if you figure out you’re not later that’s okay, just change. does it feel good now, does it feel right?”, and probably in large part because of the journey I’d been through with my sexuality as well I was able to just go “okay, you’re nonbinary then”

Of course I don’t think I’ll ever fully escape things like doubt and fear of judgement. eg I still feel weird using words with a lot of Meaning(TM) like lesbian and queer. I also still feel a HUGE amount of frustration at the thought that coming out as nonbinary is likely to be waaaaaay less successful/accepted than coming out as gay, especially because of how much I want to come out. I kind of feel annoyed at myself about it sometimes too, but one thing I’ve really learnt over this part of the journey is that it’s not about other people. I would love to get the courage to come out to more people but for now it’s about me and that’s okay. At the very least it helps me understand and explain some of my experiences in the world that were leaving me feeling lost and confused - sometimes more than I realised - before. Even if the only person I can explain them to is myself.

Overall if I may get a little sappy with it, to conclude: I’ve found myself in a place, in an identity, despite a world that hid the door from me for quite a long time. Some people are chased away from that door with pitchforks, and I’m fortunate that wasn’t me, but a lot of people in the same situation as myself might have just walked right on past lost in the crowds. Side note: My particular journey I think is one of the reasons why the whole ~born this way~ kind of rhetoric grates on me a bit. I think without the boldness to make choices a lot of us would never have realised, would never have come out, whether or not we had a biological impulse to do so because we never would have discovered or named what that biological impulse is. I have discovered my intuition as well over this journey and I have found a community I feel deeply bonded to, and for all the doubting and the psychological (and sometimes physical) fuckery we get put through, that has been a very powerful positive influence in my life.

-

LGBT+ asks

#labels #lgbt #lgbt+ #ask me stuff #coming out #about me #just-a-funny-little-brain