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#like ive been trying so hard to find events bc i already feel so ashamed of myself but i have no desire to actually go
23meteorstreet · 1 year
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i have so much life shit i need to complain about right now but everything just comes out as a garbled mess
#gonna make a divider here so ppl dont have to read my stupid tag rant if they dont want to--------------------------------------------------#(sorry i can never resist rambling in the tags)--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------#anyway my mom is coming up here for my birthday after i specifically told her to wait & let me get her a flight for mother's day weekend#& she's staying for two fucking weeks#& there's nothing i can do bc she already bought plane tickets#i mean. i was excited for her to come up. but this amount of time is going to drive me insane#bc i already feel guilty that im not going out & meeting people enough (or really at all) & that's gonna be impossible when she's here#bc i'll have to cater to her the entire time#and i know she's just doing this bc she assumes i'm gonna be alone on my birthday (& apparently not have plans for 2 weeks after!!!)#but i like being alone & doing stuff by myself!!!#and ive been feeling guilty abt that too bc i know it's just hurting my ability to make friends which i apparently so desperately need#like ive been trying so hard to find events bc i already feel so ashamed of myself but i have no desire to actually go#even tho i know i need to#i wish i was the kind of person who's good with people instead of being overwhelmed by everything#so i wouldnt have to deal with all this shame & people wouldn't feel like they have to take pity on me#gonna try to be positive about i guess. been having a hard time doing that lately.
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beelstoecrust · 3 years
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Reading you based on your obey me Kin
i will be ruthless and im not holdin back!! ok now say it with me😈
Lucifer
I kin Lucifer and I have a hard time reaching out to my friends for help even when i know i need it. I don't want people to get worried about me so i mask my issues and help everyone with thier issues, completely disregarding my own needs for a break. in the end i feel alone because regardless of saying im ok, i want someone to truly sit with me and ask me if im ok, but i fear that moment because im not used to dealing with my own issues
Mammon
I kin Mammon and i just want to feel seen and loved. sometimes i do stupid/dumb things to get the seratonin that comes from making people laugh. i feel like no one ever listens to me and it makes me feel insignificant and like the last one to get picked. i truly want to be myself and fear that if im not the odds one out by doing little dumb things people will think im essentially worthless and most likely think im borning. I have a hard time talking about my feelings and want to so desperately, that if i do i won't know what to say or where to start due to the many emotions i've bottled up throughout my life
Levi
I kin Leviathan and i have very bad anxiety. i have a difficult time making friends and part of that reason is bc im scared they already hate me or want nothing to do with me. I know my interests are different from what is considered the norm but i so desperately want to talk and ramble about said interest for hours to someone who will at the very least listen. I get bashed about the things i like by my family and although i dont show it, this hurts me deeply. I lock myself in my room and indulge myself in my favorite things bc each character makes me wish i had certain aspects of them and makes me wish i lived an interesting life but bc of my anxiety it's extremely hard for me to do so. Im also used to being the last one picked and often assume i will always be the last one picked no matter how many times im reassured and deep down i want someone to relish in my own interests with me and truly love and care for me
Satan
I kin Satan and i have a horrible realtionship with my father. I Loathe my father and the tension arises every time we a near one another. A part of me feels terrible that i loathe my father because i know he has his own mind and emotions and i want to forgive him for what he's done but in the end I know it's fruitless to forgive him bc he has put me through alot of pain and hurt. i wish things couldve been different and we couldve had a normal bond. I also hide my emotions very well and am ashamed of ever feeling angry bc it makes me feel like i am horrible person. im also not used to affection and have only ever seeked or felt genuine affection from my pets. I also fear as if i have no personality and that im boring.
Asmodeus
I kin Asmo and i feel like i need to act confident around others in order for them to like me because im too scared to show people my insecurities because i fear they will never view me the same again and leave me in disgust. I want everyone to like me and I also can't handle when someone doesn't want to be my friend or doesn't like me bc i feel if there's something wrong with me. the need to act confident and cute all the time makes me oblivious to the fact that my insecurities shine through at times and make me even more oblivious to the fact people like me for who i am, insecurities and all
Beelzebub
I kin Beel and i have some form of sepreation anxiety towards my favorite person. i often get a sudden fear that something bad will happen to my fav person even though everything is ok. I get made fun of or scolded by my eating habbits and it makes me feel absolutely terrible because i'm trying. i also care very deeply for my family/friends and will do anything for them. i place unnecessarily guilt onto myself and perfer to do so, so that no one else has to bear the burden.
Belphegor
I kin Belphie and i act as if nothing matters but i secretly am very worried and care alot about my friends/family. I also stay up very late because i feel like i have no control over my life during the day and for some reason i feel like staying up late gives me some kind of control. I also hide my emotions with a sarcastic tone and usually think about the the mistakes ive made in my past while i cry in bed. i dont ask others for help emotionally and i want someone to care and listen to me as well as to relish in a calm peaceful life.
/Undatables/
Diavolo
I kin Diavolo and i fear that telling ppl i care about them isn't enough to get the message across so i constantly gift people things in hopes to show them i care. i also fear gifting things too much drives people away from me, i also dont get included much with friends and feel as if i have done something wrong. i also feel very upset when a fun time is over because the feeling of happiness goes with that moment, so i constantly throw little parties and whatnot to relish in the joy but feel upset once it's over. i can also read people well and get put on edge or very cautious when i cannot read someone
Barbatos
I kin barbatos and i constantly take care of others never once letting myself take a break. I hide my emotions behind a smile in order to not worry others and because i dont want dont ppls sense of depency on me to be ruined. i rarely let myself take breaks bc i fear that i wont be there for the person i care about when they need me.
Solomon
I kin solomon and i usually supress my emotions to hide the fact im not very used to being shown affection and that im not as confident as i seem. I also am a very private person but the fact im so secretive makes me disliked by some bc they think i dislike them. i also wish my friends would include me in more events with them and when they dont i bury myself in an activity to hide the fact im upset about it
Simeon
I kin simeon and i want to know and make sure they everyone is ok. i know just how to push and pull people's buttons but i wont abuse this because i care about those people. i'm also very hard to read and perfer to give people advise rather than answers to their problems. The constant taking care of others makes me forget that i also need time to just myself. It takes alot and i mean alot to anger me but once it happens it's not very pretty.
Luke
I kin luke and I want to take care of everyone and often forget to take care of myself. People often dont take me seriously and so i often i find myself baking as a coping mechisim bc it makes me feel in control of little things. I also have a hard time admitting that i care about others and i'll unknowingly show my affection that i do care about them by giving them little gifts and advice. im also very oblivious to certain topics and are i get mad when i get left in the dark about certain topics.
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pothoswitch · 4 years
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Can I just have a moment on here talking about something else than plants-
I’ve always had a hard time finding friends, my whole life. I guess I’m hard to get to know. I’m not very extrovert in groups of people, and I don’t feel the need to impress people so I don’t break my back trying to make an impression on people. Having a resting bitch face doesn’t help either. Low self esteem (caused by heartbreak and prior events) also always made me feel like ??? Who does even want to get to know me ??? But, I know I’m a good friend. I’m the most loyal person I know, and I’m generous and caring. Still, I don’t think I’m good enough for people.
Before I quit my job (bcs of my shitty mental health) I met a new girl who just picked up some extra shifts now and then. I think we worked together for about 3 months, not very close (I was in the manager group and she is an extra), but we worked some night shifts together. On my last day I told her I’d text her and she jokingly said “yeah that’s what all people who quits says” and I said to her “wow you really don’t know me, I’d never said that to anyone if I don’t mean it” (bcs I’m 25 now and finally stopped pleasing people against my own will, 🤗). Also I’d just like to add that I was in such a bad place during this time, I truly wasn’t *myself* and if you’ve ever been depressed you know how it feels like being distant from yourself.
Ok, so months passed and I’ve been struggling with my mental health. I don’t even have the energy to hang out with my close friends very often, so making new friends seemed far away. I dislike social media in general and I don’t even have an ig acc, but I thought hey I’d add her on Facebook if I she her there. I don’t. A half year goes by. I’m ashamed bcs I haven’t contacted her, also sad because I honestly liked her and I’m mad at my mental health for making me this way. Eventually we end up at the same party, tbh I went there because I thought she might be there. And she is SO happy to see me. She grabs my phone and goes like: “HERE is my number girl, ive been looking all over Instagram for you but we gotta do this the old school way”. We only talk to each other for the rest of the night and it felt like we’ve known each other for so long. I work at this fucking place for five years, (and yeah I have a few other close friends from work but out of 1000(?) colleagues I don’t like that many lmao) meet her during my last months, and this person sees me in my worst state ever, and STILL wants to be my friend.
When you get older, you expect people to have their group of friends already. And yes, some people do, but what I wanna say is... don’t ever give up. If you’re lonely or just want to get new friends. Because it’s never too late to get that special connection with someone. Even if you’re like me, who enjoys a small circle and think you’ve had your share of friends during this lifetime... new friends will always find you.
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swearronchanel · 7 years
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Who let me watch 5.06?
I should be doing an assignment that’s due tomorrow but ya know due tomorrow means do tomorrow. Lol I know I should be ashamed to be a procrastinator but university has ruined me anyway. I’m tired from literally going to one lecture haha, but in any event I’ve been rewatching mad men for the who knows what time but I thought I’d take a break from all that and watch an episode of CtM & @flyingnonny inspired me to do a reaction post so why not? I decided on 5.06 since last Sunday’s episode reminded us of that camping trip 😂😂  here goes nothing.. 
*skips intro bc I’m impatient*
Cute community moment ☺️
TRIXIE😍 slaying my life
Shelagh looks so good too 😍 and Angela melting my heart!
Why is shelagh forever wearing cardigans? I like cardigans every now and then but all the time, really?
Everyone is sitting outside, Trixie is in a sleeveless dress, as is Barbara, so it has to be warm?? take it off Shelagh
She’s still my bby though even if I don’t always agree with her fashion choices
what gross vejo pinching Trixie’s ass? That’s not ok
And Babs too lmao, creepy old man, die
Shelagh saying “hello dear” aw
But this is like the only interaction between Shelagh and Trixie & that does not suffice !!
ALL I WANT IS FOR THEM TO HAVE AN ACTUAL FRIENDSHIP IDC HOW MANY TIMES IVE SAID IT I REALLY Want it😭😭💕💕 my two fav bbys
I HAVE EVEN GIVEN REASONS WHY & I CAN GIVE THEM AGAIN ***        1) Why not?? Shelagh has like no real friends besides her husband and sort of Sister Julienne?                                                 
 2) just please, because I’m asking nicely                                                     3) When Shelagh was Sister Bernadette she was often friendly/ in the gossip and conversation with the nurses & remember that one time Trixie grabbed her to come listen to Jenny’s phone conversation?               
4) Trixie was the only one besides Sister Julienne to visit her in the sanatorium. That has to count for something!                                             5) They’ve both been on the show since day 1 & have known each other the longest (besides the nuns) why wouldn’t they be friends or least actually speak to each other?
Aye this is the lady who’s fake pregnant
Shelagh wearing earrings though >> here for it
Sorry there will be a lot of gushing over Shelagh and Trixie
And also I WANT TRIXIE’S HOOP EARRINGS SO BAD, where can I find them??
And how do I get her clothes and figure and her everything lol?
PHYLLIS ! My champion
“Would it have killed you to sit down for five minutes and eat the whole thing!” I LOVE HER, SHE IS A GEM, A HERO, A BADASS & IM NOT READY FOR SUNDAY. IM GOING TO BAWL WITH AND FOR HER
she deserves the best
I think this is the only time I’ve ever heard Trixie address Shelagh by her first name?? a prob.
They need to interact more 😭💔💕😍 I will stop saying it when I’m dead even then I’ll prob say it
Actually when I think of it no one ever calls Shelagh by her first name besides obviously Patrick? And Sister Julienne
#MoreShelaghAndTheOtherNursesInteracting2k17aka1962
And I need at least two seconds of them dotting on pregnant Shelagh
Helen looks so good like goals
“I threatened to put one man over my knee but that only encouraged him” HA IM DEAD NO KINK SHAME
I think there’s been a similar joke before but fuck it it’s still funny to me
But seriously everyone loves Trixie lol how could you not though?
Hey Pats, it’s been a while
Lol omg Tim in that uniform.. Not the best costume 😂😂
Never seen Whistle Down the Wind
But you see, Tom and Babs making out as usual, I’m not knocking it lol but this is why Sister J told her to chill when they went to South Africa😂
also lowkey jealous bc Jack Ashton is handsome af and that could’ve been me but it’s all good. He and Helen are adorable together and I’m here for it x10000
Omg I forgot this lady got assaulted
Oh shit I just remembered this is the episode where sister MC is attacked FUCK WHY DID I WATCH THIS
she can’t report it bc she’d get arrested for soliciting wtf
But remember Shelagh wore the headbands in like series 3 (so glad she stopped I was not here for it)? They must’ve gave them to Babs lol
I forgot Trixie didn’t tell the nurses about AA yet
But she looks gorgeous as ever, even with her mascara running
Lowkey nauseas looking at all that fish ugh. Funny becuase they put a grocery store that has a fish market on the block up from where I live in NYC and I hate it  
I forgot about Peter lol and he was in an episode this series whoops
LIKE WHERE’S YOUR WIFE LOL, *I know, too busy for this, I don’t think she’d fit in the series anymore anyway*
Sister Mary Cynthia 😰❣️
Lol she doesn’t sing loud enough ??
Sister Julienne is so cute when she smiles but don’t forget she’s a badass
REMEMBER THE AGGRESSIVE JACKET FLAP BC OF THE IRRITATING SISTER URSULA
How did this girl hide her pregnancy though?
And did her brothers just not realize she was pregnant and the mother wasn’t?
Oh jeez my cousin was a colic-y baby and my parents kept him like 3 days a week when I was in high school & it was a nightmare. I didn’t sleep for so long
Dont get me wrong I love babies. But when they scream when I’m trying to sleep, nope. Return to sender.
Shelagh is so excited about camping it’s the purest and most adorable thing 😭😭And I like her shirt  
Shelagh made Tim copy the napkin folding from a magazine, SHE IS A GEM
“We never have serviettes on a weeknight” wtf did they just not use napkins every day? I’m confused Lmaoo. What am I missing here 😂omg that reminds me of one of the times my family and I went on a cruise (2006, hella long time ago already wow?? 11 yrs yikes) and my brother & cousin were late to dinner and lied to my mom & aunt saying they were at a “napkin folding class” & my family deadass believed it up until 2 years ago😂
Shelagh’s accent is so cute. I’ve said that many times but it’s so sweet. But again why do we just have to accept she’s Scottish with no context as to how/why she came to England? Like I’m sure there were convents in Scotland. I dont even care that much I just will forever be curious as to why it seems she had no life before she got married lol? Like they don’t ever bring up the fact she was a nun, but ok maybe she feels awkward talking about it but what about before? 
They’re so excited it’s so precious, protect this family 😂😭💕💕
Sister MJ is fasting lol I should try it😂
Omg another dumb story, I didn’t realize today is Ash Wednesday and was hella confused seeing some people with ash on their forehead 😂😂 I should give up something for lent but idk what, we shall see. My mom gave up carbs last year & I died bc I lived at home and ate what she cooked and almost all my fav foods are carbs😂
Shelagh referred to Patsy as Patsy, I’ve only ever heard her say Nurse Mount??
lol Tim you’re what 14? you know damn well those arent* bullet holes
at least he has some of his innocence still. I didn’t @ 14
Sometimes I forget I’m gonna be 19 this year wtf. I’ve accidentally told people I’m 16 before and had to correct myself 😂😂
Patrick is excited about this holiday, boy you don’t know what’s coming 😂
HE’S GONNA ATTACK THE LADY WITH A BABY I FORGOT THAT TOO WTF
I wanna fight him
Diane’s anemic ? Or her mum is just assuming
SHELAGH IN HER CAMPING OUTFIT!! The hair scarf and trousers !! I’m so here for it 😍😭
I want to see her in another pair!! yes lets get it 1962. Probably not likely this series but hopefully next series!! Ah can’t wait
Shit this series is almost over 💔💔 but omg 1963 gonna be lit as well?!
Like the space race started/orbiting the earth, Kennedy’s assassination .. wait never mind lol I’m thinking of American History moments. but still a lot of it was crazy world news so maybe it’s mentioned?? first bond film came out in'63, petition for Tim to go take Susan whatever from around the corner to see it since we know he liked the novels
Lots of famous films came out in ‘63 so there’s gotta be some reference.
Fun fact: I love pop culture references in period drama bc I’m lame jk I’m majoring in education (to teach history)
Old news but still relevant: Phyllis’s turn on: Rolodex systems 📇
“CRANE, as in the wading bird or industry lifting equipment, whichever you prefer” LOVE U PHYLLIS, YOU CORRECT HIM
PHYLLIS’S FACE WHEN GODFREY SUGGESTS SHE CAME OUT OF RETIREMENT, IM DEAD
“I shall consider retirement when I’m at the appropriate age”  IM LAUGHING SO HARD, FUCK YEA PHYLLIS. I LOVE HER SO MUCH, LINDA BASSET IS ON THE LIST WITH LAURA AND HELEN OF PEOPLE WHO COULD PUCH ME IN THE FACE AND I’D THANK
LOL SHELAGH JUST STANDING AWKWARDLY LISTENING TO THIS CONVERSATION
“Buenos vacaciones”  I NEED MORE PHYLLIS WORKING ON HER SPANISH I LOVE IT, Ella es oro.
lol the roof rack, bet it was Phyllis’s they borrowed when they moved
PHYLLIS’S FACE OF DISGUST WHEN DR GODFREY SMILES AT HER IS ME ALWAYS
LOL THE THE NURSES & SISTER WINIFRED DYING OVER PATRICK’S SHORTS (EVen though sister W “swears she’s not looking”)
I THINK THE SOCKS AND WHITE DAD SANDALS ARE MORE AMUSING 😂😂
Poor Judith💔
It’s a vicious attack Sister J! But you don’t know it yet so I get u
Here comes summer..😂
SETTING UP IN THE POURING RAIN LOL
Shelagh and Angela being adorable !!
Tim and Patrick proud that  they set the tents up & boom it falls 😂 which is symbolic for me taking exams, I think I did well or at least decent on them and then I find out I failed by like 5 points
Nonnatus table scenes <3 😭
”I’ve seen more dangerous marshmallow bunnies“ lmao Pats this is a serious moment I shouldn’t laugh
Shelagh took off her glasses 😉😏 but fr how is Laura Main so perfect
Patrick put scotch in its lit, pass it over😏
Lol Shelagh drinking is a strange thought but I’m so here for it. Nuns can’t drink right? Idk. Imagine her drinking alcohol for the first time and just getting drunk 😂 we know Patrick and Tim are lightweights getting drunk off one beer so I assume shelagh would too😂
Damn it Patrick, you spilled your cup. Furthermore proving you’re a disaster 😭
LMAO SHELAGH’s “WTF” FACE WHEN SHE ASKS PATRICK WHAT HE’S THINKING ABOUT AND HE SAID THE ULCER CLINIC
LIKE C'MON PATRICK YOU KNOW WHERE SHELAGH WAS TRYNA GO WITH THAT😂
“And if you don’t mind my saying so, you’re not exactly Cliff Richards yourself” SHELAGH 😂😂 another great line of hers, love it
I love their playful banter lol we need more of that 😂 but lets be real series 6 has had some of the greatest Shelagh and Patrick moments so I can’t complain 😭😍
Peter and Barbara is such a unusual dynamic haha
“How is chummy?” Wait does Babs even know Chummy? I don’t even remember if they met tbh
But for real Shelagh did you really think Patrick would just forget about work completely ??
Lol Angela crying because she is petrified of squirrels😂😂and Shelagh running to her is so cute.
Why didn’t she just get rid of the *creepy* squirrel nutkin book? it seemed like they still had it in series 6 haha
rice pudding is I think the same as aroz con leche, lol it’s gross sorry
Diane’s water broke oh shit
the Turners all in the tent playing I spy bc it’s raining haha
I went camping for the first and last time this past summer w/ my sister in laws & her friends, it was awful 😂😂 I got like 100 mosquito bites that became welts, i literally slept in the car the second night & it was mid July fairly south of east coast aka it was humid and sticky af , there were wild horses that walked around..Thank God they brought alcohol cause it was a nightmare I don’t wanna remember 😂😂
ANGELA IS SO CUTE UGH & ANOTHER GREAT SHELAGH FACE😂
lol yes go to a hotel, should’ve done that from the get
So what exactly does Fred run? some civil defense thing?
She’s in labor and can’t even scream omg, I’m screaming
“They are often incorrect in their opinion” Sister MJ is a gem. I want someone to look at me the way Sister MJ looks at cake and the television
Phyllis yelling at Dr Godfrey😂
PATS’S FACE OF DISGUST IS ALSO ME
HOW DO THESE WOMEN GIVE BIRTH STANDING/SITTING UP?? AHHHH
There you are Beatrix, it’s been a while
Patsy being suspicious with the card game line lol. but when is Trixie going to find out about Patsy and Delia?
SHE RIPPED OUT HER WOMB?! WTF OMG IM SCREAMING
THIS HURTS TO WATCH AHH
Trixie and Sister MC to the rescue but omg this is wild I forgot
Fred wtf you can’t be sneaking up like that
DONT LEAVE SISTER MC ALONE TRIXIE
NOO, IM NOT PREPARED FOR THIS
“There are flowers on the table, and feathers in these pillows, that’s all the nature I need to get back to” I feel you Patrick lol, I like nature but not camping
Lol remember Shelagh’s old nightgown? ah I don’t miss it. The bri nylon is such a look™ & obviously has magically powers i.e this miraculous conception.
“..or they’ve been mulled to death by squirrels” IM DEAD HAHA THAT WAS A GOOD DAD JOKE, NICE ONE PATRICK
aw the baby is so precious
Why is the operating room/being in surgery called theatre in the U.K.?? and why is the doctor’s office/practice called the surgery? so many questions from a confused American..
Sister MC by the docks😭💔 she was just chillin with God and THIS HORRIBLE MAN RUINS EVERYTHING WTF UGH
Oh no
SISTER MC JUST UNCONSCIOUS ON THE DOCKS WTF IM CRYING WHY WOULD HURT HER
Patrick even if you were there she wouldn’t have called you, don’t blame urself
it’s not your arrogance sister MC!!
“don’t you even say the word fault, do you hear me, I won’t allow it” 😭💔 it’s NOT your fault sister MC 😰
I forgot how upset/hurt this episode makes me
“The worst thing is that I actually stopped to pray…” my heart hurts
You can’t even blame her for being angry😪
Judith you’re not a bad mother!! This isn’t your fault either
Sister MJ IN THE BATHROOM WITH HER😢😢💔💔 I’m c r y i n
I SAID PROTECT THEM AT ALL COSTS WHY DID THEY HURT ME LIKE THIS
Everyone so quiet at the table..
ILL FOREVER BE PROUD OF HOW BRAVE SISTER MC IS FOR SPEAKING UP FOR HER AND THE OTHER VICTIMS💖😭💔
Russian prison tats??
“I thought at first it was a test of faith, but it was a test of strength. I can bear more than I ever though I could and I can bear it for others because my strength is a gift, from him..” brb sobbing
I feel so bad for Mrs Hills bc I understand she thought she was doing the right thing and was trying to protect her daughter from the stigma & judgment from having a baby born outta wedlock 😭
But damn she almost killed her & now she can’t have any more kids
“I’m a mum, mum” Aw
lol I want children (obviously not anytime soon) but if I do Ima be shook for the rest of my life. Like my kids will  be like grown & I’ll still wake up like wtf I had them?  Lmaoo
SHELAGH’S GREY DRESS >>😍
Patrick jumping on the bed was cute lol
The Turners being cute and an unrealistically perfect family together as usual
Trixie 😍off to her AA💕
“I think it’s about time I came clean..”
Im so proud of her omg. She’s come so far in 6 series 😭💖💖😭
And Patsy and Delia are supportive yess👏🏼
“New truths were being spoken at Nonnatus house, but some remained concealed. While one voice rose, striving to erase its agony in song.”
Thanks Vanessa,, The End 😭
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