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b-00-biez · 1 year

Note

Hii! I was wondering if you could maybe write something along the lines of "slashers with an s/o who thinks they're not enough for them and starts distancing themselves" maybe not that long but something of the sort :) this is my first ever ask so I do apologise if I can't quite get my thought across. :)

Slasher with an S/o that distance themselves

Characters: Bo Sinclair, Patrick Bateman, Brahms heelshire, Thomas Hewitt, Ghostface

Bo Sinclair

You were staring at the mirror too long looking at your body

pinching your imperfections and flaws

This has been going on for some time now and bo doesnt really realize it

You locked yourself in the shared room, refused sex and even slightly avoided him when hes around

He was pissed

"Sweetheart come here we need to talk."

With a stern voice he sits you on his lap and embraces you

He asks you what's going on in your lil mind and why have you been avoiding him for the past weeks

You started to tear up and tremble as you tell him you're not good enough for him, that you always mess up and you're not like the girls in his magazines ( yeah i believe he has a stash of magazines hidden like a perv 😭)

He coos at you hugging you tighter as he rocks you on his lap

"Darling, you're all what this big pervert needs, now give me some sugar"

He kissed your cheek lovingly nothing like youd expect from this sly man

Patrick Bateman

This man has girls all over him , flirting with him cause he is absolutely handsome

Although he completely ignores them

You started to feel

insecure

All the girls were hot and corvy and youre you

Well thats what you thought, after a few months you started to distance yourself hoping that maybe he would find someone "better"

One night you wake up to your door ringing nonstop and when you check the peep hole you see your boyfriend standing there with 100 roses, neatly in a bouquet as he was dressed nicely

You opened your door slowly just putting your face out, he noticed you crying cause of your swollen eyelids.

He handed you the flowers and held you which felt like it lasted an hour

"Darling I know you aren't feeling well and I'd like to take you on a little date to show how much i truly love you. Will you accept it?"

He kissed your hand while grabbing gently at your waist

Brahms Heelshire

All he talked about was Greta and how she looked pretty unlike any other

And even after you were in a relationship with him you felt... ignored

You wanted to scream at him how youre here and that shes gone

but instead you neglected your duties as a nanny and locked yourself in your room for more than 3 days

Although you feel eyes watching you through the walls, you didnt care to budge

Until he kicked the door open.

He was tired of you neglecting him as he stared at you in anger

His eyes softened seeing you balled up in your bed sniffling and whimpering

First he thought you were sick as he checked whether you were hurt or not

But when you couldnt stop crying he left leaving you some space then he came back

with a little toy he cherished as a boy

"I'm sorry, I hope you feel better. Heres my toy maybe youll feel better holding it. It worked when i was sad" he said in his childish voice

He gently caressed your head as he repeatedly said in a warm voice "I love you"

Thomas Hewitt

Hoyt made you feel like a piece of shit

Every night and day he would remind you that you were easily replaceable and you're just like a little pet that even if you die. Thomas will find someone else

That was far from what you experienced with Thomas when he holds you gently in his arms something he wouldn't do with any other victim

But nevertheless Hoyt's bullying got the best of you

Even doing chores and even at dinner youd avoid thomas, as you said youd be eating somewhere else or you werent hungry

Hoyt was snickering and scoffing at your petty behavior as he exclaimed to Thomas that he should kill you for not being "family"

Before Thomas could break his brittle neck you stopped him with shaky hands on his shoulder

You marched back up to your shared bedroom and sulk

He would pick up on this newly found behavior as he confronts you when everyone else was asleep

Once you tell hime how you felt he caressed your cheeks looking at you with sad eyes then cuddles you in bed trying his best to comfort you.

Ghostface

He was getting way too close to a girl

Although in his part he was just befriending her to kill her sooner

But thats before you knew your boyfriend's little hobby of his

You would ignore him at school, lunch even ghosting him in text and when he would go to your house you would just lock the door and tell your parents that you werent in the mood to talk to him

One afternoon when your parents were away you were watching the news

The girl he was with was killed that night

Afraid of who might it be thinking it must be someone at your school

You hear the doorbell rang

Seeing a guy in a mask you felt shivers down your spine as you answered the door you heard a familiar voice

"Hey baby, I felt you were a bit jealous so i killed her sooner. So don't be mad at me hm? My eyes and attention are only for you babe."

As he slowly gave you the dead girl's hand and slipped her ring onto yours

#slasher fucker #slasher x you #slashers x reader #slasher imagines #slasher headcanons #brahms heelsire x reader #brahms the boy #brahms x you #thomas hewitt #bo sinclair #brahms heelshire #house of wax #ghostface x you #ghostface #patrick bateman #scream #thomas hewitt headcanon

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girlydemonbite · 2 years

Text

Ace x reader x Deuce smut

Part 3 to the ace story/Deuce story.Hope you guys like it. Sorry if it's not as good as you expected or something.

The next morning when Deuce woke up next to you, he let out a happy sigh. As he glanced over at you.

"Dude, dont be werid." Ace gave deuce a dirty look, as he pulled his shirt over his head.

Deuce didnt even realize Ace was up. Deuce quickly shot out of his bed trying to clear up whatever he was thinking.

"It isn't like that." deuce tried to explain.

"To think you gave me crap when she slept in my bed. When here you are giving her those kinda eyes." ace laughed. "Anyways you better wake her up. She needs to get ready for class."

Deuce just nodded before lightly shaking you. It didnt take much to wake you up. Which ended up to you three starting your day.

Deuce and Ace were kinda sad when you ended up getting your dorm back, Deuce was more sad of the both, cause he just wished he could have more nights like last night with you. But it was happy you were happy to have what was yours back.

Time went on and it had been a month since you had spend the night with the two boys. You were happy things had went back to normal and you got to keep your dirty little secret. At least thats what you thought. You didnt know Deuce knew the dirty little secret too.

If only it would of stayed your dirty little secrets. But sadly it wouldnt stay a dirty little secret for long.

Cause deuce didnt understand how could you look them in the eyes, and just act like you havent fucked their sleeping bodys? Deuce didnt get it. How were you so calm? Day after day you would hang with them. And you didnt even act like what happened even happened. Deuce was getting sick of it. He knew what you did. While you were acting like nothing happened Deuce was trying his best to act normal around you, but all he could think of when he stared at you was how your cunt felt around him. He just wanted to feel it again.

Maybe thats why when he seen Ace still eyeing you up day after day he decided that he had to do something about all of this.

Deuce decided maybe if he told Ace what happened that night, that maybe Him and Ace could confront you and you'll feel so sorry or embarrassed you'll let them fuck you. It wasnt a full proof plan, but it was a way to maybe be able to feel you again. But now the hard part was how to get Ace to believe him? Ace thinks you put stars in the skys. You and Ace were so close. But maybe he could convince him to talk to you and make you confess once him and ace confronts you. He didnt know what to do.

But Deuce couldnt help notice what Ace was staring at in class.

Ace couldnt stop staring at the picture you two took together today, the way your shoulder was pressed against his. The way you were smiling. He just couldnt get over how beautiful you were. He didnt want to admit he had a little crush on you but with the way he was acting lately he couldnt help but knowledge it.

Deuce was starting to see more and more how lovestruck Ace was getting. He decided to just try to tell Ace the truth. Maybe somehow Ace would believe him.

Later that night when Deuce and Ace were alone. Deuce decided to start the conversation.

"You wanna know something sick about y/n? what if I told you. That night went she slept in your bed while you were sleeping y/n had her way with you." Deuce leaned in close to Ace and whisper this into his ear. "If you dont believe me. Just think about it. You've never cummed in your boxers before have you? How do you think it got on the bed?"

Ace pushed Deuce away, Deuce could see how flustered Ace was.

"Theres no way Y/n. Our best friend would do that." Ace shouted out. But now that Ace was thinking of it. He was right that had never happened before to him. But Ace didnt understand how Deuce would know this in the first place. But Ace didnt wanna believe that you would do something like that to him.

"Why would I lie about something like this?" Deuce was trying to be calm, he wanted Ace to believe him. "How about this. If we corner y/n. Im sure she will tell you the truth. Just gotta trust me."

Ace looked unsure. But after a while of convincing. Deuce got ace to go and try to find out the truth. Ace really didnt wanna do it this last at night but somehow Deuce talked Ace into that too.

Now they were on their way to your dorm, luckily ace messaged you to see if you were still up. Which luckily you were.

When Ace told you they were coming over, you were kinda confused. But you learned not to question things like this. Something must of happened at their dorm or they have something important to talk about. Ace didn't really say why they were coming over. So you had to sit there and wait. Not that you really had to wait long. Ace and Deuce were basically running over to your dorm.

Ace was confused and just wanted answers, but Deuce was just ready to fuck you.

Once they got there, ace just texted you that they were there. When you opened up the door and the boys seen that you were just in a large T shirt and panties. They almost fainted, but they had to keep themselves together. At least for a moment. When you shut the door behind them. They decided to just get down to it.

"Y/n! Is it true that you fucked me in my sleep?!" Ace spitted out.

You could feel your heart beat almost stop. But you tried to play it cool. Like you didnt know what he was talking about.

"Ace, what the hell are you talking about? Come on like I would do that to you. I think you're just being werid." You tried to act cool, but you were sure you probably sounded nervous. You decided to just walk more into the living room. But the two boys followed. Ace sat down on the couch and stared at you. He could tell you were getting nervous. Was Deuce actually telling the truth? And why was that making him that much more excited? Ace didnt know. He looked to Deuce for a moment.

Deuce could see that Ace was starting to believe him. Deuce was excited. If ace was starting to believe him then that means he closer to his plan working.

"Come on, thats no fair." Ace pulled you into his lap, catching you by suprise. Ace used his strength to hold you there. "All you got to do is admit the truth." Your back was pressing into his chest with how much force Ace was holding you with.

Deuce's hands cupped your cheeks, making you look up at him. He was staring into your eyes.

"You dont need to lie to us, trust me I already know your sick little secret. And dont worry I dont judge you. If I was you I would do the same. But the problem is Ace needs you to tell him. You know since he's such a deep sleeper. He wont one hundred percent believe me unless you tell him that im telling the truth."

With Deuce staring at you like that, you couldn't help but feel your cheeks heat up. How did Deuce know? Did he wake up when you were fucking ace? Did he wake up when you were using him? He must of. Your heart you sure was stopping now. What were you gonna do? All you could do was admit it.

"Fine. I did it okay? Im sorry!" you felt so embarrassed and scared. You didnt wanna lose your friends.

"Dont worry about it. We're not judging you. But if you really wanna make it right. You should let us fuck you now. Let us use your body since you used ours." Deuce suggested.

Ace eyes went wide. That wasn't what he was expecting. He just wanted you to admit it to him. But if you agree to this then he would be happy ethier way. But was he actually ready for this? Ace wasn't sure but he would need to be ready if you say yes.

It was quiet for a moment before you let out a small. "Okay. Thats fair."

Deuce smile only grew.

"But lets go to a room first?" you suggested. And they both agreed. But when you tried to lead them upstairs. They didn't move.

"No offense, but I'd like to go to my dorm. Not that your dorm isnt..great, but Id like to fuck you in my bed." Ace stated .

Deuce was kinda iffy, but went along with it. He was afraid riddle or trey or someone would hear you if they took you back to their dorm but honestly Deuce wanted to fuck you in his bed too.

"Uh." you glanced down at your legs. But before you could even say anything. You were getting thrown over Deuces shoulder and they were running out our dorm and back to their own dorm. You three were quiet until you guys got back to their room. Deuce quickly tossed you onto aces bed. Deuce looked like he wanted to go first but Ace pulled him to the side.

"I feel like I should get to have her pussy first, I wasnt awake for it. You were. You know how she feels." Ace whispered to Deuce. Deuce let out a frustrated groan. Deuce wanted to feel you again, but Ace had a point. Not that he liked sharing you with Ace, but he knew that was the only way this was gonna work.

"Fine." Deuce grumbled as he pushed Ace towards you. Who had now sat on the bed.

Ace gave you a small smirk as he grabbed your legs and pulled you towards the end of the bed. Ace quickly kneeled on the floor, getting leveled with your legs and pussy. He decided he was gonna take his time with you. It was only fair. Plus he wanted to make the most of this right this second. His lips connected his your ankle before his kisses went slowly up your calf to your knee to your inner thigh. He gave your thighs a couple bites, before kissing the places he just bit. He smirked up at you before moving to kiss your clothed cunt. He was happy you were wearing a panties it made this easier. He slowly pulled your panties down to your knees before his mouth connected with your already warm cunt. He used his fingers to spread you open, he couldn't help but stare for a couple seconds before he felt a small slap on the top of his head.

"Dont just stare, that's embarrassing dummy." you mumbled. Not that you had much room to talk. You were pretty sure you stared at his dick for a bit too.

But Ace only laughed a bit before his mouth connected to your now bare cunt. His tongue started licking your clit, his tongue felt amazing. The quicker his tongue moved the quicker your body heat was rising. Your hand quickly connected with his hair, giving it a small pull as he increased his speed before moving down to your hole. His tongue entered you. Tasting how wet you were. He was happy when he heard your whines grow the more he messed with you. He wanted to make sure you would be wet enough for him. And he was sure you were now. Wet enough for his dick. Ace slowly pulled away, making you let go of his hair. You let out a small sigh when you realized he was stopping. But ace was quick to lean up and give you a small kiss on your forehead.

"Dont be too disappointed, ill make it worth it with my dick okay?" He mumbled before giving you a small kiss on your lips. When he leaned away. He made you stand up for a moment.

Ace made you sit in his lap, he pulled your legs as far apart as he could. Hooking your legs behind his knees. You were facing away from him. He pressed his chest against your back. Ace wanted to make sure Deuce had a nice view of how good he could fuck you. Maybe even have the imagine of him fucking you engraved in Deuces mind. Deuce didnt mind the view. He liked it in fact this gave him time to watch all your different reactions when Ace does something. This would be a teaching moment for himself, plus now he can finally watch you get fucked without being worried of being caught. Ace glanced at Deuce before ace started moving his hips, slightly bouncing you. Getting a good feel of your insides. It was nice. He could already feel your juices sliding down to his balls. His thrusts made you bounce more and more. The sounds that were coming from your mouth and cunt was enough to made Ace already wanna let his load in you. But he just started so he couldnt do that.

"Well guess this is where P.e. comes in handy." Ace mumbled to himself as he moved your legs and wrapped his arms around them. Making it easier for him to move you up and down. The way he would lift you up and then basically let you fall on his dick was impressive. You knew Ace was tough and strong but you didnt realize he was strong enough to lift your body weight and focus on making his dick stayed in you at least a little bit. His pace was slow at first, pacing himself to make sure he didnt slip out of you all the way. Seeing how your cunt reacted, and figuring out what felt right. When you let out a small whine about how slow he was going, Ace took the hint. It didnt take him long to increase his speed. His dick was going in and out of you, making noises that Ace couldnt get enough of. That plus the increasing moans and pleases that came out of your mouth. He couldn't feel happier. His heart was bursting out of his chest. Just to know he was the one who was making you moan made him so happy.

"Ace you feel so good inside me." you moaned, "You're so good at this."

"Could of felt this earlier if you would of just woken me up the first time you needed your insides fucked." Ace chuckled before thrusting into you extra hard, gaining him a loud moan.

"You're right, I should of woken you up" you whined. you were right. He was being a cocky shithead. But he had all the rights to be one. Especially with how good his dick was hitting your insides.

"I cant believe you did that to me." Ace hissed in your ear. "You nasty little bitch." Ace could feel the way your cunt started sqeezing him even more as the words came flying out of his mouth. He wanted it to do it again. "How fucking gross do you gotta be to do that to your friends? Are you that fucking cock hungry?" Ace felt you sqeeze him even more. His breathing got heavier, and his thrusts got messier. As he placed a couple open kisses on your neck, making sure to suck a couple places to leave some dark marks.

Deuce watched as Ace rutted into you as hard as he could, he was fucking you, like you were nothing. The way that ace hips were moving was making his bed squeak. Ace was having so much fun, but he wanted to be able to touch you all over, He slowly set you down on his dick and unwrapped his arms around your legs and instead was just gonna use his hips to rut into you. Which was a bit harder for ace, but he didnt mind. He knew he could do it. But he made sure to keep your legs open so Deuce could still watch.

Ace's hands didnt know where to stay, one moment they were on your tits. Squeezing them to pinching your nipples. Next his hands would be on your tummy, placing it around where his dick would be at inside you. Next they would be on your thighs, Squeezing so hard that Deuce was sure Ace was bruising them. Not that the hickeys from earlier werent already gonna be noticeable.

Ace didn't let up, his dick was pressing on your sweet spot, making the moans slip out louder and louder. Chanting Ace's name over and over, which only egged ace on to fuck you even faster. But deuce knew if you two kept this up you two would wake riddle up. Deuce couldnt have that. So he did what he could think of.

Deuce moved closer to you two and pulled your face towards his, shoving his mouth on yours. Covering up your moans. Ace didnt really like that but he too was noticing how loud you both were getting. You three didn't need riddle coming and seeing any of this. Your moans were heavenly and they both wished that they could hear it more. They liked you being loud

They wouldnt of minded but they didnt need to get in trouble. Instead now Deuce was swallowing all your noises. All your moans and whines and crys. He could tell how good Ace was ruining you. Ace wasnt giving you any time to breathe. Deuce was sure by the speed ace was going that one of you two was gonna come undone any moment now. Deuce decided to help. One hand went to your clit, rubbing it as fast as he could. Which increased your moans even more. His other hand let go of you and snuck around you and started playing with Ace's nipples, trying to help him come undone. When ace didnt say anything and just let out a small moan deuce took that as a sign to keep doing it.

It didnt take long for Ace and you to come undone. First you were the one to come undone, squeezing and cumming all over Aces dick, with that and Deuce playing with his nipples. He started squirting his cum into you. Filling you up. It was so warm. You felt goosebumps rise on your skin. You just wished you could of seen his face. But you did hear the little whines he let out. Which was good enough.

You and Ace were panting away. But deuce had gotten tired of waiting for his turn now. It didnt help that his dick was already hard as could be.

Deuce didnt give you any time to recover, Deuce took you off of Aces dick as soon as he was sure Ace gave you all of his cum. Deuce didnt care that now he was gonna have Ace's cum on him. No all he was thinking about was fucking his cum into you. He didnt care how messy your cunt was. All he cared about was feeling it again. He quickly sat down beside ace before pulled you off ace and set you on his dick making sure to do it quickly to make sure not to waste a drop of ace's cum. He quickly slide you down on his dick.

You were happy to finally be facing someone. Deuces face was right there. At least you'll get to see his all the faces he makes.

It felt so warm, just like last time. Deuce couldnt help but let out a groan. He didnt know if it was the cum or that now he could really get into it. But he swore you felt so much better now then before. Deuce hips started moving slowly. Pushing Ace's cum into your cunt even more. Fucking it into you. You were gonna just be so filled with cum when he was done with you.

He took a minute to just feel you, to feel the way your cunt was dripping on him or maybe it was Ace's cum. He didnt know nor did he care.

He was taking in every touch, the way your chest and stomach was touching his. The way you lazily wrapped your arms around his neck. Just your warm body on his. He could tell how sensitive you were, your moans were more whines as he thrusted inside you. But you werent telling him to stop, which was a good sign he thought to himself. His speed slowly increased but not too much. He wanted to take his time with you. He gave you a bunch of soft kisses all over your face as he praised you on how amazing your cunt felt. He was just loving every second of this. Your moans were so close to his ears, the noises just seemed so much better.

His thrusts stayed a fast pace, he had been thinking about this moment for a while, he had the make the most of it. He was so forced on the way your walls wrapped around him. He was in a daze for a little while there. That was till his name finally slipped out of your mouth.

"Deuce, oh god." you moaned as you shoved your face into his neck. "If you dont slow down some im not gonna make it."

But your pled didnt do anything, honestly you were sure Deuce even sped up a bit.

Honestly telling him that, made something in him switch. He quickly pulled your head out of his neck by pulling your hair. Once you two were looking at each other once again. One of deuce's hands came into connect with your neck.

Deuce hands gently sqeezed the sides of your neck, just making sure to stop some of the blood flow to your brain. The look on your face was already wonderful but he couldn't help but think about what it would look like when your light headed and in so much pleasure. Your eyes were half open, you looked fucked out already, but he didnt expect anything less not with Ace fucking you first. He knew Ace was gonna fuck you senseless. Its what Ace was like. And now Deuce wasnt letting you rest ethier.

"Such a good girl." You and Deuce heard ace mumble from beside them. Deuce couldnt help but notice how your cunt tightened around him when the words came out of Aces mouth.

"You like that?" Deuce grunted. "You like being our good girl?" Deuce didnt let you answer. Instead he pulled you into a sloppy kiss. Taking all of your moans, just like earlier.

With every thing going on, it was becoming too much for you. You were close. With every thrust it was pushing you farther to your release.

Your moans were getting louder, which signaled to Deuce you were close, but to be honest he was too. But what he would do just to keep this going. But that thought flew out of his mind when your cunt started sqeezing him more and more before you came on his dick. Making him cum too. Filling you with all of his cum. His hot thick cum.

"Shit, shit, shit." flew out of deuces mouth.

You two ended up just sitting there panting. Deuce was so happy he got to feel you one more time. He was in heaven that was till he heard Ace chuck from a little bit away. He ace tiredly watching you two. He was glad he was tho. He got to see what kinda face you make and what kinda face Deuce also makes.

"Well, this was fun. But now I guess we're all gonna squeeze into Deuces bed cause we kinda made a mess on mine." Ace pointed out.

"Well first lets clean her up before we go to bed." Deuce suggested.

"Alright captain." Ace hummed.

Deuce and ace did their best to clean you up, wiping all the cum that was leaking out of you. Ace gave little comments here and there.

"Who's cum do you think this is?"

Deuce tried his best to ignore the comments, but you on the other hand couldnt help but let out a couple giggles here and there.

#twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland ace #twisted wonderland smut #twisted wonderland deuce #twisted wonderland x reader #twisted wonderland x reader smut

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sports-psych · 3 months

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Oldies Arent Always Goodies

January 26-27, 2024

Please excuse any typos, im tired and my computer doesnt have spellcheck that is compatable with tumblr.

Connor Berdard was the first overall pick of the 23-24 NHL Draft. Hes the youngest on the Chicago Blackhawks. Amongst hockey fans the blackhawks are known as an "old team". And not in the way that the team is one of the original 6, established in 1926. But the players are older. The average age of the team is only 26.66, but this is old considering most players retire between the ages of 26-30.

Connor Berdard is only 18 years old. It was assumed he would have a hard time adjusting, working with people so much older than him. It seemed to not actually be an issue, especially since there is one of his teammates that acts a father figure towads him (Nick Foligno I believe).

But my point is focused around Corey Perry. Perry was terminated from the Blackhawks earlier this season. At first it wasnt know why because though it may not be unheard of, it is uncommon that players are removed from a team in the middle of a season. Rumors sparked that the was an incident on the Chicago Blackhaws Mothers trip. Im sure you can guess from the name but NHL teams have parent/mentor trips. The respected parents or mentor will accompany the team on a series of away games. During the blackhawsa mothers trip it was rumord that Corey Perry and Connor Bedard's mother, Melanie Berdard, had sexual relations. That rumor was solid for about a week or 2 befor connor stated that it was rediculous and the Blackhawks managment stated that Perry's departure and the rumor had no relation. Infact his departure was related to him making a pass at an NBC employee. Hes married by the way.... Perry admitted what he had done was wrong and then began to get help for his Mental Health and Alcohol Abuse.

Perry has sighned a 1 year contract with the Edmonton Oilers and claims he's really changed in the last 2 months and has had time to properly reflect on his actions. I personally feel 2 months isnt really enough time to change yourself if you have outstanding mental and substance abuse issues. But hey, I'm still learning.

Many athletes develope some sort of addiction over the years to help them deal with their stress. If Perry had been able to work on his addiction problem before then all of this may have been avoided. The Chicago Blackhawkes actually have a Mental Performance staff. 2 mental performance coaches and a performance psychologist. I want to know how his problems seemed to have just bypassed the 3 people whos job it is to help him. Maybe he was just too far gone.

As for Connor Berdard, as accepting as his team maybe at times, I still feel he coud do better on a younger team. Other than a 19 year old, the closests player in age is still 21. And there is a big diffrence between 18 and 21. Older men are prone to be... know it alls. Itt hasnt been reported but im sure there have been times when the older players treated Bedard like a child. That could mess with his confidence.

I didnt really explain my points in detail. Hopefully I got it across tho. Young and old athletes can experince issues that can affect them. (ill probably edit this tomorrow when im not burnt out from research papers.)

-AshX

January 28, 2024 edit

So I've been thinking about this all morning. Something doesnt seem to be adding up. Corey Perry blamed his actions on his mental health issues and his alcohol abuse. Thats understandable but what baffles me is the team has staff to help him. I mentioned that he may have been so far gone that they couldnt do much. But why was he still playing. Sports/Performance psychologist have to code to follow that shoud cause them to pull him due to mental health issues. Why wasnt he?

#mental health #psychology #hockey #sports psychology #connor bedard #corey perry #chicago blackhawks #performance coaching #sports science #hes just a baby #nhl hockey #nhl players #nhl

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cajunfoxnight · 2 years

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Where to go from here?

OH HEY ITS BEEN A REAL HOT MINUTE SINCE I TALKED ON HERE. And oh boy do I have... thoughts. :T Mostly regarding my blog, Ask October Fox. There is a lot to read here..

Wow ok so.. this is a post that I have been putting off pretty much all year long. It was one of those “I will cross that bridge when I get there” and oh boy, wouldnt you know it.. there’s the bridge. I had wanted to make this sooner but for some reason my brain just wouldnt let me. Im posting this here first since I think about 90% of people who follow October, follow me here too, so this seems like where I might reach the most people but I will also reblog this on her blog as well. I have just been trying to gather my thoughts, but it feels like every time I do, I just end up with a scattered mess trying to explain myself. Id like to keep this short but.. well thats not going to happen, i’ll try tho So... to be upfront with a somewhat TLDR, I dont know how much more I will be running my ask blog. This doesnt mean October herself is going anywhere, she’ll still be around, I just dont know if it will be here. Its a bit of a complicated matter, and one that I have been struggling with since the beginning of the year. My main problem is that I dont know if I can physically keep doing it. I know I had mentioned last year about the amount of pain I was in with my old tablet and how hard it was getting to draw. But on the plus side, since getting a monitor tablet, a new desk and set up, those problems have gotten significantly better. Every so often they might flare up, but with regular breaks, slightly more structured schedule, and daily exercising, its few and far between. So on that front im good! I still dont want to risk getting hurt again, which is why im just unsure if I can put that kind of strain on myself again.. and it doesnt help that I feel like im drawing slower than I used to, tho that could just be me. Secondly, is.. is there anyone here anymore? I used to check Tumblr every day, multiple times a day, and then I just... left for like 3 months bc it felt like hardly anyone was here anymore (another reason why I didnt make this post sooner. I have avoidance issues.). I feel like I might have joined Tumblr around its peak, just before The Ban™️ came down and most people- rightfully- left. October’s story is finally starting to come to light and while it was something I have been planning for a while now, the big story isnt something that I want to do to an empty audience, if that makes any sense. And thats on me, really. I waited too long. Thirdly, there were/are certain things that needed to happen before I could tell that story- and sadly I feel as tho I am missing a big key factor that is needed to link the story to the next part. But without that key factor...I feel like Id to have to retcon the entire story. Not that that in itself is a terrible thing, the story has been ever changing for a while now, but this had been one of the main things I had planned for a long time now. Not to mention I still want to tell stories of some of the other characters. There are a few more personal reasons, but these are just the main ones. Im just.. not sure what to do anymore. I would still like October to continue to interact with people, that is something that I have greatly enjoyed in the past couple of years with the quick replies, and thats what she was meant to be all about for the most part. Im planning on having October doing stuff outside of this blog this year- lots of ideas planned, like streaming art and maybe some games- but as far as the nightly comics.. eehh... So I guess my question is this.. would people rather I just tell them the rest of the story, or would people rather I still try and draw it out, tho more like a graphic novel style and not in a full comic form? Tho again going back to the the third section, I still have to figure out how that would play out anyway. I hate to say how much this has been stressing me out, and how much I am upset with myself over how things have played out. Many things I probably should have done differently but now im just going to have to roll with it. As mentioned the story, October, and the characters arent going anywhere. There are still stories and characters to be talked about, I just dont know how or where that will be. There is a lot more than I could go on about but for now I think its best to end this rambling here. Once I get some input or answers then I will move onto the next step. I apologize for the massive wall of text here, and for anyone who read all of it, I cant thank you enough for that. For now I will continue to work on the planned projects, as I still have a little time to finish those things up, but wow.. September is sure moving a lot faster than I would like :T

#night rambles #vent?#night talks #Ask-October-fox #october #text post

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quodekash · 6 months

Text

oh! yeah that's right there's the rest of the episode. whoops i fully just kept rewatching the guynawa scene, i completely forgot that im only halfway through the episode

GUYNAWA KISSED BY THE WAY, JUST REMINDING EVERYONE IN CASE ANYONE FORGOT

AWWWWWWWW

THEYRE ALL SO ADORABLE

THEY LOOKED AT EACH OTHERRRR

THEYVE KISSED BTW

DID ANYONE FORGET??

THEY KISSED

THEY KISSED FIVE TIMES

FHSDHDHSBFAHDSBFHDSBFH

lmao they rly had to squeeze that in there one last time

LMAO THEIR EXPRESSIONS IN THE BACKGROUND I LOVE THEM

le gasp

shock horror

no one had any idea at all

who could have possibly seen this coming

i think most of their classmates knew

they had to know, right?

they were not very quiet about it lmao

kang being like "why is my boyfriend so sweet" and kissing him on the cheek several times while there's people very close nearby

i feel like everyone had to know

LMAO

EVERYONE EXCEPT SAIFAH, OF COURSE

IM SORRY I CANT STOP LAUGHING

HIS EXPRESSION IS LIKE SOMEONE JUST DIED UNEXPECTEDLY IN A MOVIE OR SOMETHING

i genuinely have no clue how he didn't know, maybe he should go to an optometrist, he might need glasses

HIS SMILEEEE

HES SO HAPPY TO HAVE FINALLY SAID IT AND ANNOUNCED IT

ASHDFAHSDFHADSFHA

GI3ERGSTIUG43BE THATS SUCH A FUNNY REACTION

ONLY IN BL

"sailom and i are dating" and everyone clapped

bro why you just standing there alone in the rain

OKAY, HE'S GONNA SAY IT ONCE MORE:

"I. LIKE. YOU." ITS AS SIMPLE AS THAT MY GUY

but also all of kang's fears and worried are very valid right now and i totally get it and i love him and support him BUT HES SO STUPID but also valid BUT STUPID

FINALLY

jeez man, it took WAY too long for that to be revealed to him

yessss

yeeeessssssss

yes, because wind is important to the windmill, we've been over this a thousand times

YESSSS GUYNAWA ARE BACK, I WAS SO WORRIED THAT BECAUSE IT'S THE FINAL EPISODE, WE WOULDNT GET ANY MORE OF THEM FOR THE REST OF THE EPISODE BUT ITS OKAY ITS FINE YAYYYYYY

THEYRE SO FUNNY

THEYRE SO SILLY I LOVE THEM

wait but how did they find that

did they just come up with that without realising it's been said by kangsailom, or did they somehow find out iconic kangsailom lines?

nooooo so guynawa aren't going to the same uni?

I LOVE THEM SO SO MUCH

GVOREGNKJRVD THEYRE BOYFRIENDS

WAIT WHERE ARE THEY GOING

ARE THEY ALL GOING ON A TRIP TOGETHER???

SCHOOLIESSSSS

i fully forgot schoolies was a thing lmao

is it called schoolies everywhere or is that only an australia thing?

anybody, pls answer here: what country do you live in, and what do you call the trip that people go on for like a week with their friends a few weeks/months after they graduate high school, where they usually go camping and get drunk? or do you not have that?

AND THEYRE GOING TO KORAT?? YESSSSS

guynawa better see a shooting star

and theyd better kiss under the night sky

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

I LOVE THEM

also: guynawa in the background, it looks like nawa's looking out the window. in other words: SOUNDWIN PARALLELS, WIN KNOWS SOUND LIKES LOOKING AT THE VIEW SO HE SAVED HIM A WINDOW SEAT ON THE BUS which sound didnt take because he's awkward and gay BUT STILL

side note: who the hell drove the msp gang on the bus ride to the beach? we literally see all eight of them sit in the back, we dont see anyone go to the front seat to drive. we also dont even know if any of them have their license, other than win but he's only got his bike license

anyway

ohhh he's trying to find a comfortable position to sleep

MAYBE SLEEP ON YOUR BOYFRIEND'S SHOULDER THEN, DIDYA THINK OF THAT??

holy shit its 2:30 in the morning

#quodekash disregards sleep because of dangerous romance #dangerous romance #dangerous romance series #dangerous romance the series #kangsailom #kanghansailom #guynawa #nawaguy #pimfahnapdao #napdaopimfah

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jiilys · 1 year

Note

deleted scenes deleted scenes

going to shamelessly use this to talk about worthy punishments behind the scenes

at the top of the document i have 'troubles always gunna find you baby / but so am i' from western nights by ethel cain because literally. thats them

heres a bunch of random sentences that got cut because i never built the scenes to go around them:

Sirius, in charge of paying literally one bill, realised he forgot when the kitchen light went out. Lily told him not to open the fridge and they ate bread for dinner, sat on the kitchen floor with candles on. She would have taken a picture, only her phone had run out of battery three hours ago and she couldn’t open her laptop without seeing the thesis document and feeling sick.

"James sent you a pie but I ate it" Sirius said, holding the pie box and not even looking guilty.

The masters she was meant to do in two years she was now going to do in three, sat on the phone with uni administrators trying to explain how her brain felt laden with cement, unusable actually, and she needed the time to figure out how to be a person again. Sirius, mysteriously, would always appear with a biscuit packet at the end of these conversations, and, after a particularly horrible one, a bottle of tequila he’d had delivered, and she chewed him out for spying but not really.

They pulled the tattoo gun out out over the next few months, mostly keeping to his back and arms, easily coverable. His visa case number. A crudely drawn square. ‘Jimmy’ in a heart with a cross through it. They got really drunk once and Lily almost wrote ‘sense and senseabitch’ but they couldn’t figure out how to spell it (senseabitch or senseabitchity).

Something James had said to him once, after doing something insane to impress lily in school: I heard her voice, what was I supposed to do?

Sirius has spent his life being distracting. It is, in fact, maybe the only thing he is good at.

heres sirius getting a haircut. i have no idea why i didnt put this in i think i forgot:

“It needs more off the top.”

“You just said that.”

“It still needs it.”

“How can you even see the top?” Sirius accused.

“It looks weird–“

“It’s gunna– Lily!–“

Lily had taken a large chunk of his hair and was carefully cutting against the comb, “he’s right, there’s too much at the top.”

“Oh my god–“

“It was making you look like a poodle.” James added.

“You’re mixing your metaphors.” Sirius said, shortly, “Before you said I looked like I’d been lost at sea for ten years.”

“Okay Lily, you looked like both.”

“I looked like a poodle at sea?”

“He’s mixing his similes, not metaphors.” Lily corrected, absently.

“Are you done?” Sirius asked.

“No.”

“Remus said you were looking slightly caveman the other day.” James added.

“You’re loving this, aren’t you?”

“Honestly,” James grinned, “Massively so, yeah.”

Lily stepped back, squinting. “Okay, I think the left side is quite a lot shorter than the right.”

“Brilliant, cheers Evans.”

“Let me see” James said, craning his neck on facetime, “I need screenshots for the group chat.”

“Christ.”

here's a scene i wrote ages ago and cut because i couldnt think of a better joke for the last bit, even though parts of it are okay:

Sirius was having a cigarette for breakfast when Lily walked in and sat at his desk and said “I think we need to spice things up”

“In what sense?”

“In our relationship.”

Sirius, overwhelmed with joke opportunities, genuinely couldn’t pick one and missed the window. “Okay,” Lily got up, clearly reading his expression, “I want to start this again.”

“No, wait–“

“No, I’m not giving you a chance–“ she said, leaving. She then immediately walked back in. “I think we should–“

“Spice things up in what sense?”

“We started this conversation again.”

“I didn’t,” Sirius said, “Are you finally propositioning me? Because I’m afraid you couldn’t afford me.”

“I was literally just going to suggest we go a day without talking so we would actually have stuff to catch up on the next day, but now I don’t think one day not speaking is enough.”

“Oh,” Sirius feigned disappointment, “My ideas were way kinkier than that.”.

“You just said I couldn’t afford you.”

“I’ll give you a discount.”

“Hard pass.”

“Snob.”

Lily stood up, “This entire conversation has been pointless, I’ll see you at dinner.”

“I can’t believe you just came into my room to tell me you didn’t want to speak to me anymore.”

“AndI turned down your prostitution offer.”

“You are a shit mate. James would’ve taken me up on it.”

“Yeah, well, he’s still got some start-up money.” Lily called, rounding the door.

also this:

They have a huge fight about whose turn it is to vacuum, full yelling, Sirius banging kitchen cabinets, Lily’s voice going hoarse. She goes in her room and tries to call James but the line is busy, which probably means Sirius is talking to him. This is so annoying that Lily goes and bangs on his door and tells him to hang up, Sirius yells back that he’s not even on the phone with him, which Lily immediately outs as a lie when she barges in the room. Sirius continues to lie loudly that it isn’t him and James puts on a high voice for ten minutes, fabricating an elaborate backstory until it’s just all of them –Lily standing, Sirius spread on his bed, James’ voice –talking shit for an hour until Remus comes looking, and then he joins in. That’s the day.

heres this random exchange:

"I wouldn’t mind going to jail"

"What if Remus wasn’t around to bail you out" Lily countered

"That would never happen." Sirius said, eating a donut for some reason.

they were going to have a big fight. it was actually one of the first things i wrote for it, and its not bad, but i couldnt have remus appendix/lilys thesis crisis/sirius depression stuff AND this. too angsty. anyway here it is:

Lily let him ring three times, before picking up on the fourth.

“You are fucking shite–“

“It’s your turn for coffee–“

“It’s nine am! You have never been awake at nine am! Fuck off!” She hung up.

The phone rang twice. She picked up fourth ring, third call.

“I said-“

“First of all, nine am is not an unreasonable time to call someone, secondly, when you were banging pots at all hours last week not sleeping and making some typically heinous bullshit I did all the dishes and said nothing because that’s my end of the deal, and for the record not all of us have the luxury of operating on English time one-hundred-fucking-percent of their blessed life, some of us are having to conduct company bullshit in a time-zone for a country they can’t even enter, and have been awake for four hours, and had to get out bed today. Grow up Evans.”

The dial tone was a knife.

Lily made the coffee, and walked into Sirius on mute on zoom, glaring furiously at a notepad. He looked up when she walked in, looking a little guilty and mostly defensive.

“I thought about spitting in this.” She held out the coffee.

His shoulders relaxed a little. If she’d been another person, any other person, she wouldn’t have noticed, “Only thought about?”

“Yeah. Sorry for last week.”

“Sorry for about five minutes ago.”

She shrugged, “Nine a.m. isn’t an unreasonable time.”

“Your cooking isn’t that heinous.”

“Liar.” Lily gave him the coffee, “How is the meeting?”

“Vitally important, so I’ve had them on mute for ten minutes.”

She smiled and hit the unmute button on his laptop. Voices burst in, Remus, half-arguing about system design, two unknown voices trying to shout him down

‘no murders’ she mouthed at him, backing out of the room.

He grinned, winked at her. Turning back to the screen: “Oi, let Lupin finish what he was saying–“

i rewrote that sirius depression scene a hundred times, i can't even tell you. a million versions of it exist and still i dont know if its right

lily was going to say this: “No I don’t” Lily took the bottle out of his hands, “You are not wrong, you’re brilliant. There is no charity, nothing works without you”

or this would happen:

No, no” Lily said, easing the bottle out of his hand,

“I’m weight. You can’t keep trying to bail me out. You can’t fix it”

“Whose trying to fix it? That’s impossible. But you can tell me.”

“Doesn’t do anything.”

“Yes it does,” Lily, stubborn, always, to the blood, “You know it does. Its the only thing that really does work, it’s just hard to remember. You’re not charity, or weight, no one’s bailing you out. We love you. I love you. And if that’s bailing you out then fine, that’s for free forever.”

alternately this would happen: Sirius wasn’t there for any reason other than he was bored at the bar and James was in the business of throwing lifeboats to people he loved. And Sirius always needed the lifeboat, the saving, the pulling back. Lily dragged him to every meeting, made sandwiches, wakes him up. Remus bullied him onto every call. Their club was the only one he ever wanted to be in, but that could not be enough forever. Without them he falls into Regulus’ crowd, dead in a tunnel somewhere, speed-racing. Remus hated that. James too. Sirius loved going fast

anyway there were so many. lily was also going to say this at one point but i never built a scene around it:

"Theres nothing more stupid than marrying your high school boyfriend but im going to do that"

all of the lily and sirius stuff at the end is inspired by this one line in my notes: it's weird. i don't remember the bad stuff. you were there.

also lowkey very proud of this title like when i thought of it i was like oh my god

anyway i have to run, talk more soon abt this stupidly large thing!!

#retirement lmao #worthy punishments

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temporarymoods · 15 days

Text

mwah

scatch what i said on that last post. idk her. im CHILLINGGGGG!!!

MarMon today: yes I celebrated. you gotta. duh. Patriot's Day-- a Mass thing!? Hilarious.

We went to the race and yelled and screamed and cheered on at various points. Walked a bunch. Got sunburnt in that shallow way, but my nose is pink. It was pretty emotional! So proud of everyone. Kept thinking that this is kind of one of the best things humanity can do. Anyway-- B)

Got sambas, lmfao?! Trying to look like a boy. Followed by some really good pasta. and then trying to look like a girl. i went to a frat! for the first time! i got champagne on my sambas. christened. the person who clocked me as queer at the party said "christened" after i had minutes prior. yeah. a good thing

- - i know the gender thing of it is ridiculous but for some reason my soft complicated body craves that sexual weirdness between men and women and particularly these young men and women in that..disgusting atmosphere. a disgusting atmosphere. really hungry for that generalization.. it's true. im really attracted to men

other than that^ being tough,

i went DANCINGGG!!!!!1!1!11!!11!!

and I LOVED IT SO MUCH!!!!111!1

What a GREAT night!!! i can't put into words how amazing i feel even though that is why i came here...shucks. has the moment past? did i spend too much time on the queue?

My foot is sore as I type this. I came home so inspired and read up on country swing vs other kinds (I knew jazz swing was the thing, and swing dancin aint line dancin !) then i listened to a lot of good music:

Slow Dancing - Aly & AJ * total classic for me lmao. damn they have the best spotify top 5

Let's Get Married - Bill Elliot Swing Orchestra * when i didn't yet understand that i had to look up **country** swing music. now i know ;) god i cant wait to go again

-- what is it?! i think its that i really love to dance, to move my body, to try and get it right, to improve? to be good? to have fun in a choreographed way. to conform. the do the correct thing. idk

here's what i think its really about: i think i like smootheness. and i like the click of a phenomenon you can't pull a word for. and short counts. and intention. and shape. mostly shape. beat, sure, too. i like beat. i like rising to it, and not tiring. i dont know how i get so obsessed. i need to go back. that was exactly what ive been looking for for months, and what i thought i found but only got in part in the club, which i go to for the dancing, the loud music, the blindingness. but i dont contribute there. my ears are filled but the sound can only vibrate me a little. im not, swung, literally. and i cant provide energy to the space like you can witcha boots awn. so yeah, i think thats really it. dancing. i fucking love dancing. ive always fucking loved dancing. for real! really! i never got that good, yeah. but i fucking loved it thats for sure. i always wanted someone to actually teach me shit. they didnt do that enough in theatre. maybe they did. maybe i just wasnt that talented. not now though. dead. fucking. ass. just input my entire work calendar that i have access to because this shits getting real my life is mine and theres fan fucking tastic things to be doing with it.

alright...i could continue...i'll pick up the rest in my dairy ;* not gonna get too personal, phew. uhm. eh hem.

That Don't Impress Me Much - Shania Twain

Tequila - Dan + Shay

End of Beginning - Djo * lmao i got on this because i saw some interview w him online as im jamminggugghh i got sucked in. then all this happened:

Change - Djo * so much better than the one blowin up btw

Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This) - Eurythmics, etc * i looked up more songs like Change :| hahaha. then all this happened:

Lifetime - Yves Tumor

Pop Song - Perfume Genius

Here Comes the Rain Again - Eurythmics, etc

Here Comes Your Man - Pixies

Eye in the Wall - Perfume Genius

Boys - Amen Dunes * at this point my original mission is fucked. the intention's gone. i'm so far from where i started: country lovin

at the same time the joint i rolled before we went out and shared on the way home is getting its way through my system for sure. its approaching 2am, woah! full day tomorrow but not nearly as inspired at this one. this one's literally how you're supposed to live . well maybe beer not getting stolen at the bar mmmm. mhm. yeah i'll tack that on as well.

i didnt, dont, want to let go of tonight skrrreorgihveouhv!!!! uuuummm! yeah i should keep thinking about it. : ) : ) hehehehehe

Man! I Feel Like a Woman! - Shania Twain

<3 , so much ;)

Kate

#AAAAHAHAHAHA #YKTR #name of the blog bitch #cuntcuntcuntcunt

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zhuhongs · 1 year

Text

hhhhh so im on a ridiculously long ride home and just my phone so tumblr diary entry time lol. if you have my instagram this will make more sense but yk. anyways. so yesterday was the last day of the semester and i was tbh pretty normal abt it. but leading up to it i was a mess and tbh i think my stomach issues actually came more from the stress of knowing im leaving but the alcohol seemed plausible enough an explanation so i ran with it. but nah i was just. hhhh overwhelmed. bc anytime i was out with ppl it disappeared and as soon i was alone and not busy i was like. oh theres the stomach pain. LOL. but yea. so i decided my going away present to everyone would be a drawing of them plus a message bc like. i always said i liked art but never rlly showed my classmates my art so i was like. welp lets go out with a bang. and it felt good bc i really wanted to do smth like this sooner. my initial plan to make a good impression was to print stickers of my art and put my IG on it and get close to ppl that way. but i was just far too stressed and thought itd be weird. so i just. Didnt. and i regret not putting in enough effort at the beginning. but i also feel like its okay, especially given my upbringing. i needed that time to myself to figure it out, and now i really know that i can just. talk to ppl. and not be afraid. bc the ppl i got closest to were the one i swore would judge me most bc of my own preconceived notions, but i told the the parts of me i hid the most and they accepted it. and could at least sympathize and actually relate and i just. why was i so silly. why was i so mean to myself to be convinced that i was so unacceptable that no one except for those who already knew me could accept me and enjoy my presence? i was so silly. i wont do that again, but if i do, it will still be easier than doing it this time bc I'll recognize the patterns and quickly snap out of it.

in a way, i really do feel like i needed all this time alone to process myself and rlly look myself in the eye and recognize the ways ive lived that i can just stop doing now that i have the freedom to be free of my past. and part of me feels like I'm saying that as copium bc i didnt connect sooner and i possibly could have also had a better time with others and still have come to realize the same things and more through the help and company of others. but i also know that i cant live life always thinking so much. so i just need to live and let the regrets be what they are, and move forwards. but the regrets do indeed linger. like i made the decision not to stay in taiwan. bc of well A. money and B. i felt like if i had more time I'd just fucking waste it like i wasted the first 4 months. i might as well force myself into a corner and see if that would make me do things i was too scared to do otherwise. and like, it worked! i did say fuck it and rlly just let loose bc i was gonna leave but now its worked too well. and like i wish soooo bad that i had those 3 months to fully enjoy every chance working out. Part of me says that its best to leave with that hope. rather than have taken that chance and it fizzled out. the thing keeping me from extending the most was honestly knowing I'd have my birthday there. and i could not take the possibility of spending my birthday alone... i legit couldnt stomach it. in the past i used to spend every bday alone but in recent years ive had a mazing friends that actually made my bday special and i just. I'm so used to having that day be nice that i really couldnt take the possibility of it being awkward. but now i realize that it wouldn't have been like that. it couldve been wonderful. but thats okay, in another life. or maybe a few years. who knows. im considering doing smth like this again in like 2 years after I've worked a bit. i have nothing but time. but man. sometimes i just wonder yk.

and last night i had a rlly good one on one talk with my classmate and that was amazing, but i got home and checked IG like a dumbass and say another group of classmates partying til 3am and i was like.... man i should've done that. but like, logically no. i had a great night regardless and i partied with those classmates last week. ive had my fill, and i had things to do today that i needed to be coherent for. but i couldn't help but thinking what if. and i know its not so easy to kill that voice inside my head. its always gonna be there. its not just me, thats the devil of SNS like instagram. bc you see the best parts of everyone's lives at all times and feel like you're missing out but you're not. you only see a sliver of what it really was..but yea. its okay. I'm still so very young. and i just need to treasure now and take whatever chances i get to nourish the connections i have right now and put yourself out there to make new ones when the chances arise. its okay, there is not life that can be lived without saying goodbye. but damn, yesterday at the school gates two of my classmates hit me with the さよなら and that. man i felt it in that moment. theres so much i wish i couldve said in all that time we had to spend together but i just held my tongue bc i was scared. but this was really playing social interaction on hard mode, like the cultural differences, the language barrier, the introversion, the fact it was my first time on my own fr, just, there were soooo many factors working against me specifically. and fuck man, i still did it. and i am still so young, i really can do whatever i want. it feels so weird. ive only been here 6 months but in a way it feels like this is how its always been. like the fact that im going home feels so strange. like i havent been there in years, i honestly cant fully grasp that im gonna be in a place where i speak the language fluently and am fully aware and familiar with my surroundings. like, why does that feel so odd. it does, i legit dont even know how to feel besides strange. i just have a strange pit in my stomach. but its okay. it will pass as everything does. but these days will always live on inside me as everything does. even if i can't fully recall it. so i just have to keep going as always. god. life is trippy man. but yea. Yea. thats it. i think

#🐌.txt #i just dropped off my shit at my friends moms place. now im going home to shower and clean my room.#then im going to get dinner and then go clubbing with my cousin #tomorrow I'll return my room and head down to taichung. and then just vibe. process everything. explore. im really nit expecting much.#i just know i have to keep seeing as much as i can til i leave. and then. fucking... 2 days at my friends moms place. and then. thats #fucking it folks!!! ship my ass back to the US!!

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rt-lots · 6 months

Note

Joining in on the Ian and Rammy ask train… 🌂✏️ (and 🍎 specifically for Ian!)

TW for a fair bit of suicide talk!!!

umbrella - i assume this doesnt need an answer for both of them, bcuz they belong 2 the same story. i imagine ian and rammys story being a vidya game, and i guess itd b a psychological horror? which feels like, pretentious to say but the main scaries of the story are how much ians life sucks and he wants 2 die. so... i think itd count. thats all overarching stuff tho... most of ian n rammys time spent together is lightheared, i think. theyre two dudes hanging out and one of them is slowly coming to terms with the fact his suicidal thoughts won. whatever genre that is

pencil - WAHHH it depends a lot of the time... ian and rammy have definitely made a big resurgence in my brain recently (past month) bc im 18 and can post bout em, but also just cuz i love them sooo much and want to chew on them constantly. id say i write abt/draw them pretty frequently tho!! i doodle them on my school work and in notebooks a lot and they have some of the bigger galleries on my toyhouse lawl. i dont write much directly for their universe, but ive typed... many paragraphs to my friends just braindumping the shit i think about them. so, yeah, less often than id like, but theyre up there in my priorities of ocs :3

apple (for ian) - GRAHHHHHHHHHHH u dont know what demons uve unleashed w this. i already twed this post for suicide but im gonna move this part under the cut bc mentioning ians dad specifically ties a lot into the suicide aspect of the story

OKAY SO. ians family consists of his mom, sister, and him. his dad was in the picture when he was a little kid, like early elementary age, but ditched after some time. his relationship with both parents was relatively normal, they definitely couldve done a better job raising him, but they were never intentionally hurtful nor did they scar him at all. (well, correction, his MOM didnt scar him at all)

after ians dad left, though, his side of the family still kept in touch... they gave very flimsy reasonings for his fathers absence, why he couldnt make it to holidays, why he wasnt saying all these things directly, etc. it kept things strained and tense as the family knew things were being kept from them but never got to know why. the last interaction ian ever had w his dads side of the family was on his 18th birthday, where his uncle gifted him a silver handgun with his name carved into the handle. it was a hollow attempt to connect with ian, a display of violent masculinity that ian would later use to try and take his own life.

i dont have it fully figured out what this *means* for ians character, but its something i go insane about. ians only memories of his dad are him doing stereotypical masculine dad things w him, like fishing. maybe he didnt interact w ian ass if he was his child, but if he was his son, and that improper socialization is part of the reason he hates himself- why the gun is what kills him. but... i dunno really. ians social anxiety, addiction, and general collapsing in on himself are cuz of a life time of mental illness that went unchecked until he successfully isolated himself to the point no one *could* care, not just cuz daddy give him gun.

okay! that is NOT what u asked at all but now u know it. hehehe. of course ian and rammys story is a big wip forever so excuse me for any side tangents and/or general plot points w loose ends

but! as for his actual relationships w family (ill include sister since his relationship w mom isnt rlly fleshed out yet):

he and his mom havent spoken in 6 years, nor have he and his sister. he slowly faded out of their lives when he moved away, partly out of a subconscious desire to isolate and partly due to just not having the social confidence or energy to maintain regular communication w his family. his mom is the first person he talks to when he escapes his Puter, and she's his rock in his remaining months of recovery. shes very underdeveloped as a character atm, but what is certain is she tries her hardest to understand her sons struggles and support him, offering to pay for therapy for him. ian loves his mommy lalala

ian and his sister are... dddifferent. ian also had an average relationship w his sister, but shes a lot more upfront with him when it comes to talking about how his 6 year absence effected her than their mom. their mom, while wanting her children to seek help for their respective struggles, doesnt really want to actively talk about those things with them. shes terrified of saying the wrong thing, and it doesnt help that she doesnt even have a clue what *to* say. ians sister, though, isnt afraid to tell him "hey man we fucking missed you. your absence hurt a lot because i didnt have any friends either, and i wish we couldve had eachother. jackass" post main-story they are friendly and hang out. during his time w rammy, ian does talk about his thoughts on his sister before he left, that being that shes a "crazy bitch"... family <3

#walkie talkie #ian #ask game #would u believe me if i told you i missed multiple details i wanted to share here #i typed this for like 45 minutes AHHHH #i keep fucking answering these like totally unrelated to the original question sorry guys #can u tell i love my ocs #tw suicide mention #tw suicide #suicide mention #ask 2 tag also !!

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lonelyquail · 1 year

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since ive been too College to have enough art for any sort of summary im just gonna put a general year end rundown of what i feel i did best on this year!!

i think every year since i figured out that i dont need to use pens to line has just gotten better art wise for me. FUCK lining. pencils are my best friends forever and ever and can do your job better than you ever could. anyway apologies for some of these drawings being crunchier than others, i only recently got a scanner and Cannot be assed to scan my old art for this post rn.

also the first art here is a hatoful boyfriend spoiler. i mean i guess the last one is too but its vaguer i think. anyway. none of these are actually analyses of what i learned with each art im just braining

april 5th-

you guys know this one i REALLY like it. why in the goddamn were my best pieces this year hatoful boyfriend. anyway i uh. hey did you know that i didnt do the notgeki with graphite because i like mixed media. i did it because i have not owned a grey pencil for my some-teen years of drawing ever. i only JUST got a grey pencil like. a couple months ago. i mean im good with graphite i would have done it like that anyway but. yeah. anyway this was abt the height of my beginning hatoful fix and Also indirectly what got me to meet like a bunch of my mutuals here!! i did. not know there was a hatoful community. and because That i actually started using tumblr so!! hey thanks hitori. i need to do more birdform art.

april 15th -

this motherfucker! ill be. completely honest i dont have a lot of feedback for a lot of my graphite art bc ive Been doing this. ok actually yknow what i will say. there is a limit for how dark something can be with graphite and i Very much remember going over the inside of the cloak So Much. this was my pet project during my weekly 3 hour long lecture so god bless it. also i do still like how i did the eye. can i draw eye guys exclusively please.

july 3rd -

not really Art im proud of but!! holy shit i dont design often and i dont hate this!! this is at least in part thanks to my gf. my gf knows how to clothes better than i do so i did ask them for help. also i really need to scan this one. or maybe draw her a new ref. anyway (holds up celine) look at her. look at the silly.

september 6th -

this one was a trade for my friend raicatty and. also something i probably should have scanned. but its fine. anyway this one did teach me something and its To Line Your Damn Pieces Darker. lining with the color that youre going to be coloring in is kind of Asking For Disaster if it overlaps with others and u can. see that. this is a bit imparseable. but its also pretty. and thats all that really matters. a fun fact for when i ever do commissions is that being allowed to use this purpley pink pencil i have will make me really happy. its so pretty.

OERSHRIMP INTERLUDE

november 13 -

forgive me for including a sketch in this but YOU DONT UNDERSTAND IVE NEVER BEEN ABLE TO DRAW HUMANS. like. NEVER. much less in an actual decent pose. (god bless adorkastock) im So very delighted by this oboromaru and hes!! like!! one of my least favorite characters!! (not to say i dislike him hes just lower). i dont know what happened here!! if this wasnt at the very back of my Sketchbook I Just Put Away Because It Was Falling Apart id say id finish this one later. rip. he and that dark daroach sketch i had there can just vibe i guess.

aaand the big one. december 8th -

things i learned from this one! 1. the scanner did not pick up the red lines very well! 2. scanners are good! 3: NEVER do a full page project again! buuut i do want to say i am like. insanely proud of this one. its the first art ive done i can really say has any sort of Composition and im so delighted that it turned out just as cool as it looked in my head. also this took forever and i could have easily messed it up Multiple times in the process. so god bless.

#an ongoing problem ive been having w my colored pencil stuff is that u can see my pencil lines through a lot of it #especially if its got warmer colored lines #but ive kinda?? accepted it?? since my lines tend to be too light and imparseable anyway if theres pencil underneath you can tell #mm its not the best solution and it still bugs me but shrugs.#vee shut up #look at my art boy

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chaosandthe-deadblog · 1 year

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howdy abt ur last post bc i am genuinely curious, i think i may have just been misinformed on this so idk (and idk anything abt nintendo but ik people are applying this to game companies in general, like sega as well since they recently announced raising prices) but what is the deal with bigger games having bigger prices? like. frontiers being 60 (and ig going to 70 now? im unsure). i generally thought 60 was seen as a decently fair price for big games, so i kinda just went with it and assumed this was a good thing? i also dont know how fair pricing works so idk maybe thats a factor

im flattered youre asking me this but i know nothing abt the economy or pricing either so im just gonna tell you why *i* think 70 dollars is too much for a game

as someone from argentina (aka, the land of inflation) 20 bucks is like a third of what i have every month (im also someone who doesnt work👍 so that factors in)

(the thing about inflation here is that it's been going on for so long and it's so insane that it's hard to tell whats a normal price for something, so make with this info what you will)

i dont know how it is in the states, but 60 dollars is an insane amount of money at least for me and where i'm from. i consider games to be super expensive because i have to actually consciously save up for a long time to buy one. i wanted to play tears of the kingdom, but when i heard it was 70 dollars i didnt even bother doing the math. thats expensive.

but in a more general sense, i think it's less about how much games cost and more about everything else that comes with the games. nintendo is the one people talk about the most because it might as well just charge you for touching the console (i pay for ns online because i want to emulate old games and play online once in a while, but i think its ridiculous to even charge someone for that. also, whats the point of having emulators for free if you need a subscription to play it???)

of course some games are worth it, i know botw and totk are probably masterpieces and deserve that price tag, and i know thats just what games cost these days, but when an indie game by a team of like ten people is four times cheaper and ten times better than a 70 dollar game... idk, i think that's a problem

again. i also dont know how pricing works, so someone better informed than me is free to add their thoughts. or not. im not your boss

#asks #soloiho #tbh lars im just argentinian so everything in dollars sounds like a luxury to me

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draculuve · 1 year

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theres always been lighthearted comments and jokes about those of us who unintentionally flit between interests, but im learning that there can be a deep kind of pain to it as well. because sometimes those interests will just fade away, or disappear as quickly as they came, both without you even noticing - but sometimes you discover something that brings you unbridled happiness and peace like nothing else, or you believe youve found your calling or life purpose, and you become so invested and enamoured with the joy and freedom of it all that you think theres no way it could only be temporary. you think ‘everything has finally fallen into place, everything is so right, my life is finally beginning, im finally free’. —and then you feel it. the tendrils of how you felt before, quietly seeping back in. you start losing your energy again; you start laughing and smiling less; you start doubting yourself and your aspirations. youve put all of your eggs into this perfect new basket, but now, where you used to look upon it with glee and pure love, you cant help but hear this voice at the back of your mind wondering why it doesnt look as pristine as it used to. asking ‘did you ever really like it? was that really what you wanted?’. when did your passion become past tense?

you try to ignore it or tell yourself youre just having an off day, because youre still attached to this new thing, its the centre of your whole world -- my god, sometimes it can even feel like its become part of your soul or entire being; you have nothing but adoration for it!! yet this preemptive grief still kicks in. even while youre actively engaging with whatever you were just honeymooning with, you simultaneously start to mourn it. you can hold on tight as you like, but that isnt what itll take to stop it from dissipating through your fingers. you feel outrage, because this that you now lived for or treasured is being taken from you for no reason at all, and theres nothing you can do about it. you feel lost and defeated and somewhat backstabbed. its a bit embarrassing, too, to have to go back to everyone who knows you and be like ‘youre right. it didnt last’. for the 100th time.

you spend the next unknown amount of time plunged back into disinterest and misery, fearing all kinds of things; fearing that youll never feel better again, that youll never see that previous ‘something’ in the same divine light, that youll never find something as good again, something that made you enjoy life. just as you believed the goodness wouldnt end, you dont believe this will end either. this extended period of mind-numbing, life-wasting dissatisfaction and boredom.

eventually you realise that this cycle is no different than clouds periodically covering the sun, or someone rampantly pulling the switch between summer and winter. your loves will still be there after the clouds pass; its all still waiting on the other side of this barren duration. and there may be something new for you then, or maybe something you managed to shelve and run, before the bad feelings could tarnish it; or something you salvaged from the negativity and to put back together with a tenderness that never left. theres so much consolation to be found in remembering that you typically do return to your old cherished things. sometimes with a gap of either months or many, many years, but ultimately youre both still there, ready for the right time and the right mental place to come together and create that spark again. the heartbreak of losing it once more will be right around the corner too, but thats when ill just have to remind myself that its only being taken to a collection of my other most prized interests and aspirations, and i can visit when the clouds have passed again

#just some thoughts #overdramatic? maybe #i dont know if its because of depression or adhd or anxiety/ocd thoughts being self fulfilling #but writing and reframing this made me feel kind of better so hopefully part of it will help someone else too #odim

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the-gayest-tree-you-ever-did-see · 2 years

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oh my god oh my god, i’m wearing my dress on saturday!! tree we are officially living in parallel universes. also your dress sounds so pretty, go live your best cottage core life bestie! (also we totally took dumb photos at prom that is a thing that happened, it’s now canon in the tree-indi universe)

the world is tiny and there’s are a reason it spins in circles- i’m so freaking happy you got to meet your friend!! and come out to them!!

also at prom i met an acquaintance from middle school who got me into the queer side of the internet. and we weren’t friends or anything but i still cried and hugged her when i saw her. there are just some people in the world who completely change your life.

*also every time you mention coming out to more people, just know i’m rooting for you! ilysm harsha!*

awww tree, you partner sounds so sweet, i’m so happy for you babe!! the only telugu terms of affection i know come from movies lmao, but my favorite is banagru konda- like a mountain of gold! that’s so cute! <3

honestly, leave your mark bestie. also i graduated high school and i wrote my initials on the wall, so i understand the urge to be remembered lol.

*rests chin on top of your head cause your itty bitty* mWah! mWah!

i wrote half of this ask like two months ago and finally sent it today, so srry it’s been forever, but tell me what you’ve been up to! 🥰

- indi <3

grrr this is the sixth time i'm rewriting this tumblr better work now!!

YESS WE MATCH!!!!!! it was super fun, i spent a lot of time on the lake and got to talk to one of my friends for hours so i was really happy. we did take photos and we goofed off in a photo booth and all our pictures look horrible but we love them!! hugging you!!!!!!!!!!!

omg.............. youre so right. how dare you blow mind with only a few words im kissing you rn >:( !!!!!!!!!!!! it was really nice to be able to talk to them after so long and it felt so surreal bc like. we're both completely different people now and its like i know i know you but i dont really know you anymore but i still want to connect with you anyway!!!!!!!!!!!!!<333

awhhh im so happy for you!!!!! imagine how strange it would be if you hadnt known them, we never would have met!! :( that is too scary to think about i love you too much and youre the bestest. truly i am mad the whole world doesnt know you but im quite content to have you allllll to myself 🥰

*awh im rooting for you too!! and also to myself. if it werent for the tiny tree hanging upside down from my ribcage and swearing at me, i would not even be here. thanks spideytree! u r a real one. i love you more*

they ARE and i love them to pieces<33 i completely forgot about bangaru konda!! im adding it to my list. no one has ever used pet names for me so the only ones i know are from movies too!! be glad i didnt start singing bangaru kodi pitta honestly. no hate to jeevi garu, but. that song fucks in ways i do not want it to fuck. also i recently remembered chiluka, like parrot so im going to use that too.

CONGRATULATIONS!!!! are you excited to leave, or more nervous about the future? give me ALLL the details ilysm!! with your encouragement i will write tree all over the place! or maybe i will draw little trees everywhere? well i cannot draw. much to think about!

*reaches up on my tippy toes and still barely reaches your shoulders (youre 5'6", right?) and gives you a little kiss on your shirt* mwaH! mwaH! mwah!

dont worry, i love hearing from you no matter what<33 ilysm<3

my internship started monday! we're virtual every day minus thursdays, the first day, and the last day. its really fun, i get paid to sit around and listen, and raid the snack bar every hour!! im living. truly in my gwen stacy era. also one of the facilitators is really hot 😳 he's colombian but he grew up in greece so he's got this cute accent and he told me i had a kind gaze and thats why he's been inadvertently staring at me when he talks to the group of us. we got into an argument over time travel and free will today (plus a couple other interns) and he's super smart and we were literally yelling at each other for 15 minutes straight and the other facilitator had to come break it up bc the five of us were about to brawl lmao. its been really nice!

also im working my way through a ninjago rewatch and im taking more of a liking to cole now, where before jay and kai were my favorites. kai is still top tier but cole is very quickly climbing up. they are so gay!!!!!!!!! *froths at the mouth* IM EATING THEM

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! stay safe and have fun and give the moon a kiss before you go to bed and i will give the moon a kiss before i got to bed and it will be like we are sending kisses to each other!!<33333

#also im craving pani puri so much bc of the ms marvel episode im going to DIE #do you watch ms marvel?#indiphannon #asks #the tree speaks

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