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smoaknsnow6 · 4 years

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Crack Fanfic!

A few months ago my friend and I wrote some crack Fan fiction. It has like 11 Fandoms. Today I unleash upon you horror. Read at your own risk!

T.V.- Cyclops destroyed downtown National City and that was right by Starling City.

Narrator- Connor Murphy fell out of the plane because Evan kissed Jared.

Mick- This maniac Jared is cronching bathbombs.

Jared- Excuse me. Have you tasted one?

Mick- Who are you to talk to me like that!

Leonard- Boy's have you not noticed these randos kissing!

Winn (Trembling in fear)- That's Nate and Amaya, can I leave now.

Zari- Have you seen... Yeah bye.

Jared (cronching)- What do you think that was about?

Mick- Shut it dweeb.

Jared- Well if he gets to leave I'm out.

Zari- Hey, Dig, thanks for letting me stay here.

Dig- No problem. Can you invite Barry and Felicity over for breakfast?

Zari- No problem. (Dialing) You guys wanna come over for breakfast?

Barry and Felicity- Hell yeah!

Narrator- Meanwhile on the Waverider Sara, Julian, and Winn are having a game night.

Sara- So this is awkward.

Winn- Yeah you guys kissed and I'm Still alone.

Julian and Sara- Who Cares!

Heather Chandler- JD! (Dies)

JD- So how much will this be?

Cashier- $7.11

JD- Night night, Forever.

Narrator- Well that's unfortunate. But let's see what's happening on the Waverider.

Zari- Jared right?

Jared- Who's asking?

Zari- First NEVER talk to me like that and two I heard you like to cronch!

Jared- Yeah

Zari- Wanna have a donut eating contest?

Jared (cronching)- Hell yeah

Narrator- Earlier isaid Connor fell out of a plane. Well guess who he just met.

Connor- Where am I?

Beetlejuice- My favorite restaurant. I once ate a baby whole here.

Connor- Cool

JD- Well I'm here now

Narrator- JD might be gone but Veronica,Martha and all three Heathers managed to get on a cruise. Where they all kissed in a 7-11. On an unrelated note Regina Phalange died after Monica bad Rachel kissedat Ross,Joey, and the secret lesbians wedding

Zari- Nate there you are.

Nate- Z, I'm so sorry about what you saw earlier.

Zari- Nate I don't think I can be with someone who "cheated" kissed another girl.

Nate- Zari. Z. Stop.

Zari- Don't. Just don't. (Nate grabs Zari's arm and kisses her) What. What was that.

Nate- Me never wanting to let you go or lose you. (Nate and Zari make out)

Narrator- Zari kisses Nate while looking through the window at Jared and Beetlejuice kissing JD. Meanwhile at S.T.A.R. Labs Caitlin and Killer Frost are debating.

Killer Frost- If we mix me and heat it will make Barry.

Caitlin- Frost I guarantee you if you mix you and heat it won't make Barry

Killer Frost- Caity trust me it will make Barry.

Caitlin- Frost it won't work. If you need a second opinion here's Cisco. (Cisco walks in) Cisco if Frost and heat mix, will it make Barry?

Cisco- NO. But we can always try.

Killer Frost- Yes.

(Nate and Zari still making out)

Leonard- Lets see what's on television. (Turns on High School Musical: The Musical: The Series.) Let's watch it. (Barry walks in) Barry, wanna watch with me?

Barry- Sure. But let me get the other Legends. (All watching HSM: The Musical: The Series. Nate and Zari still making out)

Narrator- Kara on the other hand is doing something different.

Cat Grant- Supergirl is sure having a nice time whooshing around the city. (Kara whooshes by)

Kara- Sure is a nice day

Felicity- Whats happening?

William- Dad is playing my virtual reality listening to Cher and saving children.

T.V.- Breaking news. Glinda kissed Dinah while punching Alexander Hamilton at the graduation party.

Leonard- Why the hell would you turn off our show to show me this.

Beetlejuice- So apparently, this kid Connor Murphy found this kid Evan's shoe at my restaurant then I ate a rock

Kara- Winn stop crying because the guy you like is straight.

Winn- I'm not crying about that!

Kara- Then why are you crying?

Winn- I'm crying because James will go to jail for assulting a minor.

Dig- Where's Curtis

Dinah- He's on the balcony still going at it with Rene.

Narrator- Laurel was screaming out of her ears because Hartley made The Voice a Screaming Potato Network.

Winn- Musicals is da thing I watch da day my girlfriend died.(Doing peace signs)

Everyone on the Waverider- You good.

Winn- No. No I am not

Alex- That's why no one goes out with you.

T.V.- Shake a booty because It's fun at the Heyworld Amusement Park.

Nate- I never permitted this ad for Heyworld.

Leonard- Shut up. I'm trying to watch High School Musical: The Musical: The Series.

Sara- Leonard and Barry found dogs licking ice cream off the rock Beetlejuice ate then threw it at Ray.

Zari- The app bitmoji killed Amaya because she kissed my boyfriend. (Aka Nate)

Jared- Ok beotches, Evan just got Zoe a journal to take notes about who has and has not kissed. So kiss up.

Beetlejuice- We don't need Jared to fly the Waverider to imperial Russia, right?

Narrator- Beetlejuice yeets Jared across the sky, where Curtis and Rene see Bathbombs floating around Jared.

Nate- Well our team just went down 2 members because Sara and Julian beat a pigeon to death that Jared let in.

Evan- JD drinks eyeballs for dinner because he killed so many Heathers and Amaya chucked his boot out the portal. And I want my rock.

Connor- Veronica and Chandler punched a loving squirrel in the basement because he banged Jared and cronched on Zebras.

Caitlin- Penguins invaded Heyworld while the Flash was in the bathroom in Africa.

Beetlejuice- Evan Hansen went to Jitters and found Curtis and Rene making progress on their relationship.

Narrator- Diggle loves shipping Olivarry because his birthday made them interact in love style and Felicity hated Cisco after he shoved her daughter. Lydia texted Jared about Beetlejuice eating a baby at 7-11 and about having sex with a squirrel because her girlfriend and was the Addams oldest and couldn't wait to kill it on the head of the dance.

Ray- Mick Rory set a bomb on fire and laughed as his bestfriend set Zari's donuts and Jared's bathbombs to a flame.

Zari- Bruh, my donuts.

Zoe- Connor kissed Evan behind Jared's back because he thought Jared would choke on a bathbomb and die.

Cisco- Hartley found Caitlin crying on the floor of the Arrowcave because Jared banged a squirrel and choked on the bathbombs.

Wally- Hartley chucked his glasses at Cisco in a loving manner because Barry was being stupid.

Narrator- This is how Jared died.

Connor- Goldfish sucked on bathbombs that Jared ate and harvested his liver.

Caitlin- Kinky bats fuck Cisco at the playground in the slide.

Veronica- Bitches all love backflips on Jared because Heather Duke murdered Count Olaf in JD's bed.

Gary- Heather Chandler likes dead pigeons for breakfast as her father fucks antelopes.

Barry- Sara died letting Julian strangle pigeons that pecked Winn to S.T.A.R. Labs.

Leonard- Barry killed Kara because Winn was crying about her going to Cisco's house.

Authors note: Kill me now! Please! First time I read that in months and I'm dying!

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writingsformuse · 7 years

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Third Time’s the Charm

SUMMARY: As the physical exam day aboard the USS Enterprise rolls around, you find yourself in a rather precarious situation when three of the top-ranking officers in your medbay all ask the same schoolyard question: who do you like?

WORD COUNT: 1,526 words

AUTHOR: Lydia

NOTES: trying something new... instead of (y/n) it is just “you.” it definitely takes more time editing (because I do everything with OCs) so that is a down side, but if you guys take a liking to this version I shall continue like so. and also, I’m back! expect me to post a lot tonight, and requests are open!

As your alarm clock goes off, you slam your hand on the top. It unplugs from the wall and falls to the floor with a thud, and the silence makes you sigh with relief. That is, until you remembers what day it is on the USS Enterprise- physical examination day.

It’s not that having to examine every body on the ship is bad (in some cases, it is as a doctor), it’s having to be examined yourself by the one and only Leonard “Bones” McCoy, the doctor you’ve had a crush on since day one in the academy. You’ve only talked on rare occasions, and when you do, it always ends up either awkward or with one somehow insulting the other.

You climb out of bed and yawn, popping your back as you stand up. It takes you no more than ten minutes to get dressed and ready, having had this routine down since day one. You tie your hair up in a nice braid, grabbing your keycard before walking out into the hallway.

You makes it to the medbay in two minutes as usual, having nailed all the shortcuts and lonely walkways so you can enjoy what moments you have of peace. As you walk into the medbay, you’re greeted by nurses and patients, your gorgeous smile welcoming to all faces. You grab a tablet off the wall and sign in as someone walks up next to you.

“Ready for the physicals?” Bones asks, and you look up at him. His hair is messy as always and his shirt collar slightly bent, something you’ve had to fix on the daily. You reach up and unfold the crease, making him roll his eyes at you.

“If you come into work looking like you actually put some effort into yourself, I wouldn’t have to check you over every damn day,” you mutter.

“Ahh, you’d check me over even if I did.” You don’t respond but can feel your cheeks go slightly red, making you turn away with a sigh.

“How many for the first round?” you asks, Bones following you to the back tables.

“Fifty in the first batch for each of us,” he tells you, grabbing his tablet and scrolling through a list of names. He laughs slightly, the bellow growing louder and louder until he has to support himself by placing a hand on the table.

You turn to him. “What is it?”

“You won’t believe who you’re stuck with first,” he says as he catches his breath. You snatch the tablet from his hands and your eyes go wide as you read the first three names.

“Captain Kirk, Commander Spock, and Officer Sulu?” you gasps, looking up at him. His eyes meets yours and he just goes into another laughing fit, making you hit him with the tablet. You storm off to prepare your section of the medbay and he rushes after you.

“Oh, come on, doll,” he teases. “This’ll be fun!” You grunt and push past him into your station and he just chuckles.

“Get to your station,” you snap.

“Hey, isn't it my job to give the orders?”

“To your station,” you slowly growl, and he smiles at you as he walks off.

You walk to the hallway where James Kirk is waiting, and you take a deep and calculated breath. “Captain, right this way,” you call out, and he follows you in with a smile. You pull the curtain out and set your tablet down. “Have a seat,” you say, and he does.

“Glad I got stuck with the good looking doctor this time,” he says and you almost drop the thermometer in your hand. James just laughs as you recover your composure.

You walk to him and press the pad to his forehead, his temperature reading as 98.4 fahrenheit. You nod to yourself and type the number in.

“Say, can I ask you something?” he asks after you take his blood pressure.

“You better think real carefully about what’s about to come out of your mouth, Captain,” you joke. “I have all the tools and knowledge to make your death look like an accident.”

“Yikes,” he mutters and you laugh. “You got a crush on anyone here?”

The question makes you stop, looking up at him as you feel the lymph nodes in his neck.

“Why would you ask?” you say, playing along with his game on accident.

“Oh, just for a friend.” He winks at you and you can’t hold back a scoff. “No really, curious for a friend, not myself.” You just laugh, shaking your head as he stands up.

“Tell your friend to come ask me himself,” you say. But you pauses, looking up at him. “Or herself, I don’t judge.” James’ eyes go wide and you laugh loudly, patting his back.

After a few more inspections on the Captain, some a little too personal to describe, you dismiss him with a pass of great health. He gives you his trademark smile and leaves, and Spock enters after him.

“Good morning, Ms. (Y/L/N),” he greets you, and you smile at your tablet.

“As to you, Mr. Spock,” you reply, and he even gives you a small grin back. You begin the usual check up, the same as James’, but he stops you with a question.

“I do not know if this is an appropriate question for the workplace, but I promised a friend I shall ask at first chance,” he says. You cross your arms over your chest and nod once. “Is there anyone in this ship you may have taken a liking to, in an unprofessional manner?”

“First Kirk, now you,” you mumble, looking up at him again. “Which friend?”

“That I cannot tell-”

“Spock, you of all people should know Vulcans can’t get sick to many diseases.”

“This I know…”

“But trust me, I know a few that could kick your ass back to the Milky Way.”

Spock gulps, staring at you. “I’m sorry, Doctor, but I made a promise,” he says lowly. You just smile up at him, surprised to find yourself not the least bit mad at him.

“I admire that,” you say. “You’re free to go, Spock.” He nods at you and leaves.

Sulu walks in with a small smile and he sits on the biobed. You start with a scan of the lungs and heart, moving on to checking his vitals and blood levels. You can see the gears turning in his mind, and as he opens his mouth to speak, you stop him.

“I will not answer your question unless you tell me who is making you ask,” you snap, catching him by surprise. He looks at you with wide eyes, trying to find words to say.

“Well, uh, I…” he veers off. “Oh, nevermind.” You laugh slightly and get through the rest of his physical in just three minutes, another crew member with perfect health.

After the first round, you expected at least a small break for the doctors. But as the second wave of crew members floods in, you sigh, putting on a smile and continuing with your work. The routine repeats for ten whole rounds, and as the clock strikes 10:30 pm, the work day ends.

“About damn time,” you mutter as you open the curtains and dock your tablet. You shut your station down and walk out to see Bones finishing up with his last physical. You sit down and grab a hydration pill, swallowing it quickly and finding yourself rather refreshed now.

Bones walks out two minutes later, uploading the records as you did and docking his tablet. “Ready for your physical?” he asks and you roll your eyes as you stand.

“No, but sure,” you mutter as you walk to the biobed. You sit down and he checks your temperature and blood pressure. As he check the nodes in your neck, you notice how gentle his touch is on your skin, rather than hard and rough like with everything else. He checks your eyes closely and seems to handle you with fragile care throughout the exam.

And suddenly, it hits you. He’s the friend that sent Kirk, Spock, and Sulu to ask you.

“Well, you seem good to go,” he tells you, meeting your gaze. You stare softly at him and he shifts, setting the tablet down. “What is it?” he asks.

“It was you,” you whisper, and he laughs awkwardly.

“What?” he asks.

“It’s no coincidence that both Kirk and Spock asked me the same question,” you tell him, narrowing your eyes. “But when Sulu came and asked the same thing, I should’ve known.”

Bones sighs and shifts. He crosses his arms over his chest, watching you closely. Before he can move back or turn away, you lean forward and press your lips to his. It shocks him slightly, but he brings one hand to your cheek and another to your hip, pulling you closer to him and closer into the kiss.

You pull back after a moment, looking up at him. “You could’ve just asked yourself,” you tell him and he scoffs, shaking his head as he kisses you again.

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jimfromsales · 7 years

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Jealous

Thank you for all the prompts everyone! This one is for @dreaming-about-starfleet, thank you, this was so much fun to write, and I hope it wasn't too much like any other ones you’ve read!

“Want to watch a movie tonight?” My brother asks me. “I can’t, I’m hanging out with Chekov tonight, sorry.” Leonard looks up at me from his spot on the couch. “Lydia, you seem to be hanging out with him a lot.” “Yeah, because he’s the only one here that’s my age!” I say, rolling my eyes at Leo. “So you’re telling me-” “Look, if you’re jealous of Chekov for getting to hang out with me more than you do, just say so.” That shuts him up. “Have fun,” he grumbles, sinking into the pillow cushions to sulk. “I will!” I say with a bit of extra “pep”, because I know it’ll annoy him even more. Chekov is standing at the entrance to the plant exhibit, and he offers me his arm as we enter together. We look at all of the flowers, and I make plenty of puns out of the names of most of them while Pavel pretends to vomit into the hydrangeas immediately after hearing them. “Pavel,” I say as we walk around the ship arm in arm, “do you think we could tell Leo soon? I think he should know.” “He’ll be mad,” Pavel says, a worried look on his face. “But I guess if you think it’s the right-” “He’s coming,” someone whispers frantically at us as they pass by. The whole ship is in on the whole not-telling-Bones thing, mainly because they don’t want to witness WWIII. Instinctively Pavel and I break apart the way we’ve been doing for months every time Leonard walks down the hallway. I look at Pavel, at his scrunched up face, and sigh. “Pavel, I can handle him. I think it’s time. Here,” I reach out my hand and Pavel takes it. We step forward to face my brother, and… he’s not there, he turned the corner already. “Oh for Pete’s sake,” I mutter, rolling my eyes. “Lydia, we can still go tell your brother. I don’t mind if he kills me afterwards,” Pavel laughs gently and then tucks my hair behind my ear. “May I kiss you?” Pavel whispers to me softly. I blush, and nod. We rarely kiss, our boundaries are quite strict, so this is special. It only lasts a moment, and then he pulls back. Out of the corner of my eye, I suddenly see my brother come charging down the hallway. “Go.” I say suddenly. Pavel sees what I do and backs up. “Go, now, I’ll deal with him.” “I’m not just going to leave you-” “Pavel, he’s not going to give me a bloody nose, but he will flatten you.” Despite this warning, he stays put- behind me, which is a smart choice. “What the heck do you think you’re doing?” Leo yells at Pavel. “That’s my sister, find someone else to- to,” at a loss for words, Leo flails his arms at us. “Leo, calm down it’s not that big of a deal.” “It sure is, you’re kissing!” he yells. “Oh my word, are you two having sex?” He hisses at Pavel. “We’re not having sex!” I growl at Leo, not that it’s any of his business. “You’re not?” He paces towards Pavel, despite my best effort to keep my body in between theirs. “I swear it on Russia,” he blurts out in a panicked voice. Leo backs up. “Look, it’s not any of your business what I do.” I say coldly. “I understand you want to protect me, but no offence, I’ve learned from your mistakes more so than your lectures. I know to be careful. You know that I know that.” Leo sighs and turns to look at the few people who are stopped in the hallway watching the show. “I’m sorry, Lydia. I know I can’t keep you under my finger forever. It’s just hard for me to let you go.” “I know. But you can’t kill every guy I want to date.” I lean in and give Leonard a big hug. “How long have you guys been dating for?” He asks as we withdraw from the hug. Pavel and I exchange a nervous glance. “That’s a question for another day. Who wants to watch a movie?”

Tags: @elvencantation, @wolfprincess114, @ha-tep

#Pavel Chekov #chekov fluff #star trek

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maxmundan · 7 years

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Barry gave me Leonard Cohen and cried real, silly tears living “Famous Blue Raincoat” in suspended animation. On a rainy day in February, Barry put a gun in his mouth and expunged his sweetness from the story forever. Gideon like to slap my back and butt my chest with his and was there to burst my bubble when it began to float away. On a Tuesday in November, he checked out of his hotel with a ring for his fiancé and a needle in his arm. James kept me entertained with wry, elliptical mysteries that he would weave like webs just to prove that he could. On this Memorial Day past, they found my gentle friend in the dream home he’d just bought and a pool of his own vomit. We could mark a silent moment for Gideon and James and Barry and for Lydia and Larry, for Damian and Dru, for Tobias and Billy and Sue, faithful martyrs all to the gods of need and nightmare. No one tells you but it’s true but there will be many others too. So if you’re among the lucky few to lay down the lighter, the syringe and the spoon you will live out your days watching people die.

Max Mundan, Watching People Die

Get your very copy of my new book, I’ll Only Write Poems for You, by clicking right HERE!

#poetry #maxmundan #poets on tumblr #everyoneisbroken #watchingpeopledie

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theadmiringbog · 7 years

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(So why grieve? The worst of it, for him, is over.) Because I loved him so and am in the habit of loving him and that love must take the form of fussing and worry and doing. Only there is nothing left to do.

(quotes about Lincoln)

Evidently a person of very inferior cast of character, wholly unequal to the crisis.

In “The Emergence of Lincoln: Prologue to the Civil War, 1859–1861,” by Allan Nevins, account of Edward Everett.

His speeches have fallen like a wet blanket here. They put to flight all notions of greatness.

Tagg, op. cit., account of Congressman Charles Francis Adams.

By all odds, the weakest man who has ever been elected.

Clemens, op. cit.

Will go down to posterity as the man who could not read the signs of the times, nor understand the circumstances and interests of his country…who had no political aptitude; who plunged his country into a great war without a plan; who failed without excuse, and fell without a friend.

Tagg, op. cit., from the London “Morning Post.”

Peace, sir, make peace: the cry of man since at least our Savior’s time. Why ignore it now? Blessed are the peacemakers, the Scriptures say, and we must assume the converse also to be true: Cursed are the war-mongers, however just they believe their cause.

In the Cleveland “Truth-Sentinel.”

Could not help but think of our Philip about same age as Pres’s boy who will be racing about the yard and come in just positively lit up from inside with joy of living having been flirting over fence with the misses amy & reba leonard nextdoor his hair tousled and grab a broom and in his overflow of happy spirits goose Mrs Alberts the cook in her hindquarters but when she turns to give him a wallop back holding a tremendous turnip and sees that glowing face what can she do but drop said turnip into washbasin and grabbing him about neck smother him with kisses while I secretly hand her broom so as he scats away victorious she can give him a sort of avenging goose of her own in his familiar playworn trousers and a good poke too as that ladys arms are like pot roasts O Lord I cannot bear the thought of Philip lying still in such a place as this and when that thought arises must hum some scrap of tune energetically while praying No no no take that cup away Lord let me go first before any of them I love (before Philip Mary Jack Jr. before dear Lydia) only thats no good either since when they reach their end I will not be there to help them? O either way it is unbearable O God what a bind one is in down here Tom dear friend Tom I long for sleep I await your arrival, & hope these sad & morbid thoughts will soon fade away soon with the happy sight of our dear friend rising the Sun.

#Lincoln in the Bardo #book review

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hazardliiving-blog · 6 years

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tag dump

#;out of stories #;sometimes we have to kill them...i know that. but sometimes we don't. (about lizzie)#;i'm not afraid to kill. i'm just...afraid. (about lizzie)#;you're talking to a king! (interactions - joffrey)#;everyone is mine to torment (about joffrey)#;and if you can't control yourselves -- you're all going to die (interactions - riley)#;next one who starts a fight get his arms ripped off! (about riley)#;he is the smartest guy on the football team -- which is sort of like being the tallest dwarf (interactions - kurt)#;stop being a dick !! (about kurt)#;monsters don't get to live happily ever after (about dexter)#;people fake a lot of human interactions but i feel like i fake them all (interactions - dexter)#;lydia never believed i was one of the good guys anyway (about aiden)#;we're omegas. the bitches remember? (interactions - aiden)#;i helped kill your friend. how do you know i'm not going to kill another one? (interactions - ethan)#;people talked about us as monsters. well they were the ones who gave us the reputation. (about ethan)#;this may hurt just a little (interactions - jane)#;either we let them do what they were created for or we end them (about jane)#;evil is not a thing. it is not a condition. it is a choice. (about nostradamus)#;i don't control my visions -- they come and go as they will (interactions - nostradamus)#;we all need memories to remind ourselves who we are (about leonard)#;i have to believe when my eyes are closed the world's still here (interactions - leonard)

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stop-pressing-e · 6 years

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Word Prompt #17

Suggested by @mythhearts

Rifle

Pyro has never touched the weapon since the first world war. No, he would never touch it again after he lost half of his face. He would never use it afterwards and would rather prefer over the flamethrower than the sniper rifle. He even passed the profession of sniper to Raven knowing they will need someone to go long-range. He knows she no professional in sniping but he taught her well as so did her husband did when he was in the war as well.

Besides, he was give the name Pyromaniac from a certain person when he first took that job offer from Mr. Vachel years ago. His years as a sniper are long gone.

“Pyro, you have a minute?” One of the agents, Agent Lavender, came up to him. “It depends on your question, Lavender.” Pyro said, tilting his head at her. “What is it?”

“We got a few newbies-in-training for sniping and Dr. Lydia told me that you were a sniper. We need someone to teach them.” Hands were clasped together and the agent stood on her toes, hoping that Pyro will accept her request. It felt like a long pause when waiting for his answer until he bluntly told her his answer.

“No.”

“What, why?”

“I’m not interested in picking up that weapon again. I’m done sniping.” Pyro huffed, shaking his head. “Ask Raven to teach them.” “But I want an expert.” “And I will reject that request, Agent Lavender.” He snapped then let out a sharp gasp and then a sigh. “Sorry for the outburst, but I can’t do it. I’m sorry.” Without waiting another response from the agent, he left her be.

Because of that, he was starting to have flashbacks. All the explosions, the screaming, the bodies, the gunshots. The gunshots...

“Fire!” Bang

Pyro felt his chest tightened. The sound was loud in his ears. He grabbed his chest and leaned against the wall for support. His grip on Clovis has loosened so he can attempt to block out the noises. All he was when he was drafted into the French army was just a soldier. Just a soldier who trained and fought for his country.

And a sniper fell back just as Jacque ran past him. His left eye was gone and life has depleted from his body.

“Sniper!” Someone yelled and Jacque hid behind a tree to avoid getting shot. His breathing shook and he could feel his heart pounding against his chest, matching the sounds of guns going off and bodies falling.

“Shoot!” One of the men who hid with him yelled as he fired his rifle. “We’re in the middle of a war here!” War, he was right. They were in the middle of war and Jacque is a soldier to the French army. He was drafted into this madness because of own his father listening to that damn psychiatrist’s suggestion because of that one fateful night that changed it all.

“Private I said shoot!” So Jacque did and fired his rifle. He missed a few of them and shot down one before forcing to retreat behind the tree. The other soldier ran for the abandoned farmhouse but the enemy sniper shot him down. Jacque suppressed a gasp. He pulled Clovis out from the makeshift pouch he made for him to sit in and hugged him.

“Oh Clovis what should I do? The training are all gone from my head and I’m so scared.” Clovis was a toy so he cannot give Jacque any supportive words or anything to calm down. “I don’t want to die. I don’t want to make Lucas sad if I die on this day on this battlefield.” He could hear someone screaming in pain and a body fall. “Please help me, Clovis. Give me something to do here!”

‘Pick it up...’

Brown eyes gazed onto the sniper rifle in the dead sniper’s arms. “What...?”

‘Pick it up...’

“My apologies, monsieur.” Jacque whispered, removing the rifle from the corpse’s grasp and picked it up. He checked the chamber and the magazine and saw that it was still loaded. He inspected the sniper’s pouch and saw the ammunition he didn’t get a chance to use. Looking at the rifle and then to Clovis, he kissed his little head and tucked him away safely.

Time felt so slow to him as he came out from his hiding spot and stood in position. Lifting the rifle up, he aimed for the same sniper that killed the soldier and more. He breathed in, held his breath to steady himself and keep calm, a keen eye focusing on the sniper, his finger over the trigger, breathed out,

‘Fire...’

The enemy sniper fell backwards. Jacque pulled the bolt back to release the empty bullet and pushed the bolt back in as a fresh bullet slid in. He targeted for another enemy soldier and fired again. Over and over, he has took down as many men he can shoot with the sniper rifle and to save his platoon from a potential death.

He thought he was going to die in the opening but he survived when there was no more enemy to shoot.

“Private where did you learn how to shoot like that?” The surviving Captain asked him once he found out who their sniper was in their victory. Jacque clutched the toy soldier in his hands before he looked up. “I used to go out hunting and snipe as a past time hobby.”

“And what’s your name?”

“Pyro...”

A shaky gasp was let out as he was snapped out from those flashback and slowly looked into the eyes of Jack Daniels. Jack looked concerned at his lover’s current state and knew what was happening.

“Come on...I’m taking you home.” He helped Pyro stand up properly and picked up Clovis. “Breathe Jacque. Breathe slowly in and out. Come on, I’ll get Agent Leonard to drive us back. He owes me a favor.”

“Merci Jack...” Pyro murmured, resting his forehead on Jack’s shoulder as he was led out of the building and back home.

He was no longer the well-known sniper who was ranked Lieutenant with decorative medals and for having over 300 kills all those years ago. He has set that weapon down and picked up a new one. He is now a mercenary and an arsonist from a team no one knows but only through whispers.

#Tasha's writing #word prompt #Pyromaniac #Jack Daniels #Agent Lavender

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lovelydialeonard · 9 months

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The Legendary (2013) shallow post. Part 1: Arm p*rn

#lydia leonard #legendary #movies #2013 #katie #katie langley #shallow post #arm p*rn #lydia leonard ’s arms #yes they deserve a tag of their own

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brohamand · 7 years

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Good Grief: The Music of 2016

LINK TO THE MIXES:

https://open.spotify.com/user/abarhamand/playlist/44RLEiy6mjUOJ3pwoQgvqK

This was a tough year. Between the election and all of our heroes dying, hope was in limited supply.

And then in December, I started my annual tradition, 12 years running, of compiling my favorite music of the year into a set of mixes. Since then, I have been reinvigorated by the joy of music, finding retreat from relentless news headlines and social media updates in my headphones. It sounds silly given how meager the thing is, but I truly hope this playlist brings you some small bit of happiness in 2017.

As usual, each mix covers a genre or two to help make it actually listenable. This year, there are four: 1. Rock/Indie-Rock; 2. Country/Folk/Americana; 3. Pop/Rap/R&B; 4. Electronic/Dance.

For the past few years, I’ve combined all the mixes into one Spotify playlist. So read on to see where the “breaks” are if you want to jump to a specific mix.

Thank you for listening, and thanks to my brother for the cover photo. His work can be viewed here.

Happy listening,

Adam

TRACKLIST:

MIX I – ROCK/INDIE-ROCK (80 min.)

1. Finally – CYMBALS EAT GUITARS // Pretty Years

2. Shut Up Kiss Me – ANGEL OLSEN // MY WOMAN

3. In a Black Out – HAMILTON LEITHAUSER + ROSTAM // I Had a Dream That You Were Mine

4. Your Best American Girl – MITSKI // Puberty 2

5. Ful Stop – RADIOHEAD // A Moon Shaped Pool

6. In Heaven – JAPANESE BREAKFAST // Psychopomp

7. I Can't Give Everything Away – DAVID BOWIE // Blackstar

8. 33 “GOD” – BON IVER // 22, A Million

9. You Want It Darker – LEONARD COHEN // You Want It Darker

10. Conceptual Romance – JENNY HVAL // Blood Bitch

11. Dog Years – MAGGIE ROGERS // Dog Years Single

12. Cry All Day – WILCO // Schmilco

13. Dopamine – DIIV // Is the Is Are

14. Kiss Me When I Bleed – WHITE LUNG // Paradise

15. The Getting There – PETE ASTOR // Spilt Milk

16. Dave’s Song – WHITNEY // Light Upon the Lake

17. Wanted You – TWIN PEAKS // Down in Heaven

18. Photobooth – PETAL // Shame

19. Headache – GROUPER // Paradise Valley EP

MIX II – COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA (79 min.)

1. Old Friends – PINEGROVE // Cardinal

2. I Have Been to the Mountain – KEVIN MORBY // Singing Saw

3. New Shoes – CALEB KLAUDER & REEB WILLMS // Innocent Road

4. We Should Be Friends – MIRANDA LAMBERT // The Weight of These Wings

5. Rich – MAREN MORRIS // HERO

6. Daughter – BRANDY CLARK // Big Day in a Small Town

7. The Last Hawk – SHOVELS & ROPE // Little Seeds

8. What It Means – DRIVE-BY TRUCKERS // American Band

9. Old Men Young Women – LORI MCKENNA // The Bird & the Rifle

10. Biloxi – HISS GOLDEN MESSENGER // Heart Like a Levee

11. Heaven – LYDIA LOVELESS // Real

12. Blue Rider – SCOTT HIRSCH // Blue Rider Songs

13. In Care of 8675309 – LAMBCHOP // FLOTUS

14. Highway Anxiety – WILLIAM TYLER // Modern Country

15. Behind the Armory – CASE/LANG/VEIRS // case/lang/veirs

16. Call to Arms – STURGILL SIMPSON // A Sailor’s Guide to Earth

17. Mele Kalikimaka – KACEY MUSGRAVES feat. THE QUEBE SISTERS // A Very Kacey Christmas

MIX III – POP/RAP/R&B (77 min.)

1. Ultralight Beam – KANYE WEST feat. CHANCE THE RAPPER, KIRK FRANKLIN, THE-DREAM & KELLY PRICE // The Life of Pablo

2. Best to You – BLOOD ORANGE feat. EMPRESS OF // Freetown Sound

3. Work – RIHANNA feat. DRAKE // ANTI

4. Dis Generation – A TRIBE CALLED QUEST feat. BUSTA RHYMES // We Got It from Here... Thank You 4 Your Service

5. LA – DAWN RICHARD feat. TROMBONE SHORTY // Redemption

6. Daddy Lessons – BEYONCÉ feat. DIXIE CHICKS // Lemonade / Daddy Lessons Single

7. Solo – FRANK OCEAN // Blonde

8. UGH! – THE 1975 // I Like It When You Sleep, for You Are So Beautiful Yet So Unaware of It

9. Hallucinations – DVSN // SEPT. 5TH

10. Guwop – YOUNG THUG feat. QUAVO, OFFSET & YOUNG SCOOTER // JEFFERY

11. Summer Friends – CHANCE THE RAPPER feat. JEREMIH & FRANCIS AND THE LIGHTS // Coloring Book

12. Blk Girl Soldier – JAMILA WOODS // HEAVN

13. The Greatest – KING // We Are KING

14. untitled 06 | 06.30.2014. – KENDRICK LAMAR feat. CEE-LO GREEN // untitled unmastered.

15. Cranes in the Sky – SOLANGE // A Seat at the Table

16. Time – SABINA DDUMBA // Homeward Bound

17. Body – DREEZY feat. JEREMIH // No Hard Feelings

18. How Does It Feel – KAMAIYAH // A Good Night in the Ghetto

19. Police Get Away Wit Murder – YG // Still Brazy

MIX IV – ELECTRONIC/DANCE (76 min.)

1. Open Your Eyes – SCHOOL OF SEVEN BELLS // SVIIB

2. Tilted – CHRISTINE AND THE QUEENS // Christine and the Queens

3. Florida – THE RANGE // Potential

4. Nautilus – ANNA MEREDITH // Varmints

5. Three Sides of Nazareth – NICOLAS JAAR // Sirens

6. Go! – M83 feat. MAI LAN // Junk

7. Ch-Ching – CHAIRLIFT // Moth

8. Do It Right – MARTIN SOLVEIG feat. TKAY MAIDZA // Do It Right Single

9. What Happened To Us? – SHURA // Nothing’s Real

10. Closing Shot (Radio Edit) – LINDSTRØM // Closing Shot Single

11. Tell You No Lie – FLOORPLAN // Music/Tell You No Lie Single

12. If I Was A Folkstar – THE AVALANCHES // Wildflower

13. Occupied – THE RADIO DEPT. // Running Out of Love

14. Higher Level (Bicep Remix) – ISAAC TICHAUER // Street Lessons Remixes EP

15. Arrive, Arrive – IAN WILLIAM CRAIG // Centres

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writingsformuse · 7 years

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Five Years Long

SUMMARY: After the events of Star Trek: Into Darkness, you made a strong vow to keep your feet planted on solid ground. But when your beloved is called on a mission for half a decade, the vow waivers beneath your heavy heart.

WORD COUNT: 1,711 words

AUTHOR: Lydia

NOTES: a quick one for you guys, but i feel like i’ve posted this??? who knows, enjoy the read!

“Five years?” (y/n) says with wide eyes.

“Five long years in deep space,” Bones says as he nods. She sighs in disbelief and runs a hand down her face as she looks around her dorm. Five years he’ll be gone; that’s five years lonely, five hard years without her better half and the doctor that never fails to make her smile.

“God, Leo,” she whispers, and he sits on the edge of her bed. She looks down at him as he runs his fingers through his messy hair, and she notices the upset look on his face. She steps to him and he rests his head on her stomach, allowing her to run her hands through his hair as he wraps his arms around her body.

“I need to take the mission,” he says lowly into her shirt. “Kirk and Spock have no other Chief Medical Officer willing to take the trip.” (Y/n) bites her lip and swallows thickly as she looks up.

“That’s five years without you, Leo,” she says weakly. He lifts his head to look at her and she lowers her head to meet his gaze. God, he was gorgeous. His eyes looked bright yet somehow sad, with the short stubble on his face making his features pop in such a way she never wanted to take her eyes off him. He was everything she wanted, and all that she had.

“Whatever you do, I will support you,” she says, a little more confidence in her words. “I’ll wait however long need be-”

“No,” he cuts her off, shaking his head. “That’s the thing, you shouldn’t have to wait.”

She furrows her eyebrows and watches him as he stands. She steps back, looking up at him. “I don’t understand,” she says.

“You shouldn’t have to put your life on pause for five years because I have to go explore deep space with a ship of idiots,” he clarifies. “I won’t let you.” She cocks her head as she studies her face and suddenly it hits her- he’s breaking up with her.

“Wait, no,” she argues. “If this is you calling a quits because you don’t think I can do it-”

“No, it’s not that I don’t trust you,” he says, raising his voice slightly. “It’s that it’s totally unfair for you to have to wait because of me.” He steps to her and takes her face in his hands, and she has to bite her cheek to fight off tears. “(Y/n), please, move on.”

She shakes her head quickly, stepping back out of his touch. “No, I won’t,” she fights, wrapping her arms around herself. “You can't do this, Leo.”

“I have to,” he says sternly, taking her hand. “You need to continue your life. Get yourself a nice guy, find a suitable job, start a family, (y/n).” His voice pleads for her to agree to his words.

“But I have a nice guy and a suitable job,” she whimpers like a hurt child.

“But you can’t start a family while I’m gone for five years.”

“I can wait!” she pleas. “Leonard, five years is nothing-”

“This is the biggest part of your life, (y/n) Kirk, and I’ll be damned to hell if I strip you of the chance to live it to the fullest,” he says strongly. He steps to her and kisses her cheek, and she squeezes her eyes shut. “(Y/n), doll, let me go.”

He kisses her lips and steps back, and as he walks off, (y/n) is forced to drop his hand. He slips his coat on and looks back once, opening the door. Helplessly, she watches as the door shuts quietly behind him, and she’s left by her lonesome self for five years.

As (y/n) checks her watch with a sigh, she lowers herself to a chair at the kitchen table. Two hours until the USS Enterprise takes off for five years into the unknown depths of space with her closest friends, her brother, and Leonard “Bones” McCoy. Two hours until five years.

She runs a hand down her face and looks at a small picture of her and Bones on the wall. He has his arms wrapped around her, both out of uniform and in civilian clothes for a change. They stand at the viewing deck of the Main Space Tower downtown, and both have laughing grins as they try to look at the camera held by Uhura. They look happy, and they look permanent. And now, thinking the two words as one, she realizes you can never be permanently happy.

A knock on the door makes her jumps, and the chair slides back as she spins around. She stands and takes quick steps to the door, swinging it open before even checking who’s there. She frowns when she sees her brother, James, in his yellow shirt and tablet.

“Aren’t you supposed to be leading the USS Enterprise into space right now?” she asks.

“No, stupid, that’s in two hours,” he jokes, pushing past her into the dorm. She somehow cracks a smile and shuts the door behind him.

“Why are you here?” she questions as he sits on her bed.

“What, big brother can’t say goodbye?” he snaps.

“Shut up, you’re only older by four minutes,” she reminds him, making him grin.

“Still older,” he says as he points to her, and she shakes her head as she sits next to him. “No, I’m actually here to ask something major of you.”

(Y/n) frowns, turning to him as he looks at her.

“I need you to join us on this mission,” he says, and her jaw drops. She promised herself she wouldn’t go back into space for a long time after the events forced into time by Khan. Her brother knows of this self-made promise, yet he sits here asking this favour.

“Why me?” she asks.

“Because we need another Chief Medical Doctor, ya know, in case of emergency,” he tells her. “And if I have to go through five years with a depressed Bones, I will kill myself.”

Her frown grows and she looks at him closely. “What do you mean?”

“I mean exactly what I said, (Y/N/N),” he snaps. “That man has been sulking for the past three days, and he hasn’t made a single snarky comment.” He pauses, scoffing. “Do you know how hard it is being in the same room as him when he isn’t trying to stop me from doing something dumb?”

“Oh, a girl can only imagine,” she says with a roll of the eyes.

He looks at her softly, and she pushes her shoulders back. “And you can't stay on this rock forever,” he says quietly, making her go rigid. “It’s been almost half a year, you need to get back on your feet. You don’t deserve to work a boring job, you deserve to explore and heal!”

“James, you know what I promised myself,” she explains weakly.

“Yes, I do,” he nods, moving closer to her. “But you can’t keep it; staying here will drive you mad.” He places a hand on her knee, making her look back at him. “(Y/n), join me. I’ll be with you the whole time, and so will Bones and Uhura and Spock, the whole bunch of us.” His tone is sincere and his electric blue eyes pleading, and before she can stop herself, she nods.

His eyes go wide and he grins, jumping off the bed. “Awesome!” he shouts, typing something into his tablet. “You have ninety minutes to pack and meet me at the bridge!” She goes to say something but he runs out the door, and she laughs to herself as she looks back at the small framed picture near the table. And suddenly, she feels like she can breathe again.

God, she missed this chaos. The busy crew members running down the halls in search of their workstations, doctors and nurses rolling medical supplies into medbays, yellow shirts making their way to the bridge with chins held high. She can’t imagine life without this.

(Y/n) takes a right as she walks aboard the USS Enterprise for what feels like the first time in forever. She makes her way to the bridge and her brother smiles up at her from the captain’s chair. He spins to her and kicks her in the thigh lightly, making her laugh loudly.

“Nice to have you on board, Doctor Kirk,” he jokes.

“Nice to be on board, Captain Kirk,” she plays along. She waves at Uhura and Spock as she makes her way to the elevator, and they stare with wide eyes at their friend. Apparently James didn’t feel inclined to tell anyone of her presence for the next five years…

The doors slide open and she walks out of the elevator. She takes a sharp left and dodges a group of engineers who run after each other with grease on their faces. She chuckles at the sight and quickly returns her walk to the medbay.

She peeks her head around the corner and sees Bones typing into a tablet, his back turned to the door. (Y/n) steps in quietly, gritting her teeth to avoid breathing too loud.

“James, I know you’re there,” he says in a bored tone.

“Wrong Kirk twin,” she says with a small smile, and he drops the tablet as he spins around.

“Good god, woman!” he shouts, rushing to her and taking her into his arms. Her smiles grows as he lifts her off the ground, making her laugh and wrap her arms around his neck. He sets her down, and looks at her with wide eyes. “Why are you here?”

“You can’t get rid of me that easily,” she jokes. “James said he could use another doctor on board, and that sad you is a major buzzkill.” Bones rolls his eyes and purses his lips, making her laugh at him and scrunch her nose as she smiles. A smile plays on his lips at the cute sight.

He leans down and places his lips to her, pulling her closer. She smiles still, and he can feel her lips turn upwards against him. He pulls back and she runs a hand through his hair, and she’s glad to have broken the promise to herself.

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utopiedujour · 7 years

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Pour comprendre l’économie, Keynes demeure un excellent point de départ (II) A Short View of Russia (1925)

Si l’on veut remplacer la théorie économique dominante, dont Andrew Haldane, économiste en chef de la Banque d’Angleterre, vient de rappeler les faiblesses fondamentales, Keynes demeure un excellent point de départ. Je vous propose du coup en feuilleton dans les jours qui viennent, mes commentaires relatifs aux principaux textes de Keynes, tels qu’on les trouve dans Penser tout haut l’économie avec Keynes (Odile Jacob, 2015).

A Short View of Russia (1925)

[pp. 75-80]

Le communisme : un régime exécrable

Un peu plus de sept ans s’étaient écoulés depuis la Révolution d’octobre quand Keynes fut invité en Union soviétique au mois de septembre 1925 en tant que représentant officiel de l’université de Cambridge. Le tapis rouge fut déroulé devant lui durant les deux semaines que durera son séjour. Le mois précédent, il avait épousé celle qui était sa compagne depuis plusieurs années : la ballerine russe Lydia Lopokova, qui l’accompagna durant ce voyage. Il fut également reçu dans la famille de celle-ci et l’occasion lui fut ainsi donnée de voir la société soviétique sous différents éclairages : celui des dirigeants qui étaient ses hôtes mais aussi celui des gens ordinaires : le père de Lydia était ouvreur de cinéma.

Keynes fit part de ses impressions de l’Union soviétique dans trois articles dont la teneur fut rassemblée plus tard dans « A Short View of Russia », un cahier qui sera publié par les Hogarth Press de Leonard et Virginia Woolf, surtout connues aujourd’hui pour leur première édition des œuvres complètes de Freud en anglais, fait qui n’est pas purement anecdotique si l’on pense qu’à cette époque Bloomsbury se convertissait en masse au marxisme et à l’admiration de la Russie sous son nouveau régime.

« A Short View of Russia » est un étonnant texte d’une vingtaine de pages puisqu’on y trouve d’abord une charge féroce contre le communisme que Keynes a pu voir à l’œuvre et ensuite, en contradiction apparente avec le verdict brutalement négatif que l’on vient de lire, une interrogation : est-il exclu que sous sa forme grotesque, le communisme pose cependant les jalons de la société bienheureuse que connaîtront un jour nos lointains descendants ? Autrement dit, le communisme n’est-il pas l’un des exemples de cette « variété infinie d’expérimentations visant à découvrir les relations adéquates entre les sphères de l’individuel et du social » dont Keynes affirmait […] qu’émergerait « le véritable socialisme du futur » ?

En juillet 1937, Keynes écrirait au journaliste Kingsley Martin : « Il n’y a en réalité que deux [idéologies] : les états totalitaires… et les états libéraux. Ces derniers mettent la paix et la liberté individuelle au premier plan, les autres ne les mettent nulle part » (Keynes [1937] 2013 : 73). C’est en se fondant sur une telle prémisse qu’il bâtit son évaluation globale de l’Union soviétique. Il écrit dans « A Short View of Russia » :

« Je ne suis pas prêt à souscrire à une foi qui ne se soucie aucunement de combien elle annihile la liberté et le sentiment de sécurité dans la vie quotidienne, qui recourt délibérément aux armes de la persécution, de la destruction et de la lutte internationale. Comment pourrais-je admirer une politique dont l’une des expressions caractéristiques est qu’elle dépense des millions pour appointer des espions au sein de chaque famille et de chaque groupe à l’intérieur de ses frontières, et pour fomenter le désordre à l’étranger ? » (Keynes [1925b] 1931 : 258).

Huit ans plus tard, en 1933, Keynes dira de Staline et de l’Union soviétique, qu’avec lui, « les circonvolutions souples du cerveau s’y sont figées en bois » (Keynes [1933] 1982 : 246).

Vient alors une analyse de la situation économique : si l’Union soviétique ne sombre pas corps et biens, c’est que les ressources de son agriculture sont réquisitionnées pour assurer une perfusion permanente de son industrie qui, quant à elle, opère à perte en raison d’une gestion inepte. Keynes écrit :

« … le gouvernement communiste peut pouponner (toutes proportions gardées) le travailleur prolétarien, objet spécial de son attention bien entendu, en exploitant le paysan ; le paysan de son côté, en dépit de son exploitation, n’aspire à aucun changement de gouvernement, parce qu’il a reçu sa terre […] On lui achète son blé bien au-dessous du prix mondial, et on lui vend du textile et des biens manufacturés à des prix de loin supérieurs aux prix mondiaux, la différence entre les deux vient alimenter un fonds qui permet de financer les importants surcoûts et l’inefficacité globale du secteur manufacturier et de la distribution » (ibid. 263-264).

Comment expliquer une telle inefficacité ? Par la combinaison de deux éléments : le communisme en tant que tentative généreuse mais trop fruste d’inverser les priorités entre les préoccupations d’ordre économique et éthique, et le marxisme en tant que théorie économique erronée.

Le communisme : une « grande religion » en germe

Keynes voyait […] dans l’ancienne Babylone le premier exemple de « système social […] efficient sur le plan économique [et] inefficient sur le plan moral » dont le capitalisme contemporain est aujourd’hui la plus belle illustration, et appelait de ses vœux « un système social qui serait efficient à la fois sur le plan économique et sur le plan moral ». Or, si c’est bien ce dernier objectif que le communisme soviétique cherche à atteindre, il échoue dans cette tâche et ne parvient à produire dans la forme que prend l’échec pour lui qu’une version inversée du capitalisme : un système qui aspire à l’efficience sur le plan moral mais n’y parvient pas en raison des retombées de son inefficacité rédhibitoire sur le plan économique.

Keynes explique cela :

« Le léninisme est la combinaison de deux choses que les Européens ont maintenues historiquement dans deux compartiments séparés de l’âme : la religion et les affaires. Nous sommes choqués parce qu’ici la religion est neuve, et méprisants parce que les affaires, étant subordonnées à la religion plutôt que l’inverse, manquent grandement d’efficacité » (ibid. 265).

L’usage du mot « religion » dans le contexte d’une Union soviétique qui s’affirme radicalement athée peut paraître incongru mais Keynes avait tenu d’emblée à prévenir son lecteur : « j’utiliserai assez souvent par la suite l’épithète religieux quand il est question des disciples de Lénine » (ibid. 253). Comme on le verra par la suite, le mot n’est pas péjoratif sous sa plume : il emploie le mot « religion » dans son sens d’institution qui relie entre eux les membres d’une société, et là où l’on évoquerait aujourd’hui plutôt une « éthique » qu’une « religion ».

Le capitalisme moderne, par contraste, est selon lui « absolument irréligieux, privé de cohésion interne, pratiquement privé d’esprit collectif, et souvent, même si ce n’est pas dans tous les cas, un simple assemblage de possédants et de carriéristes. Pour pouvoir survivre, un tel système doit voir ses efforts couronnés de succès, non pas seulement modérément, mais immensément. […] En ce moment, c’est seulement modérément » (ibid. 267).

En 1934, John Maynard Keynes disait à Virginia Woolf qui nous l’a rapporté : « Notre génération […] doit beaucoup à la religion de nos aïeux […] Et les jeunes […] qui sont élevés sans elle, ne retireront jamais autant de la vie. Ils sont prosaïques : comme des chiens avec leurs impulsions. Nous avons bénéficié du meilleur de deux mondes. Nous avons détruit le christianisme mais nous avons bénéficié de ce qu’il apportait » (Skidelsky 1992 : xx).

Skidelsky fait observer qu’« en Russie soviétique, tout ce que les grandes religions avaient désigné comme criminel sur un plan spirituel, avait acquis ce statut criminel au plan légal et d’un point de vue social » (ibid. 235).

Quant à la théorie économique marxiste sur laquelle la « religion » léniniste repose, le verdict de Keynes est impitoyable :

« Comment pourrai-je accepter une doctrine qui s’est choisie pour bible, par-dessus et par-delà toute critique envisageable, un manuel d’économie dépassé, dont je sais qu’il n’est pas seulement faux sur le plan scientifique mais aussi dénué d’intérêt ou d’application possible dans le monde moderne ? » (Keynes [1925b] 1931 : 258).

Il faut savoir que Keynes reproche aux travaux économiques de Marx de ne pas être davantage qu’un commentaire peu imaginatif de l’œuvre de David Ricardo (1772 – 1823) et d’avoir ajouté sur cette base défectueuse, de nouvelles erreurs. En 1935, à l’époque où il rédige sa Théorie générale de l’emploi, de l’intérêt et de la monnaie, il écrit dans une lettre adressée à l’homme de théâtre George Bernard Shaw : « Je suis en train de rédiger un livre de théorie économique dont j’imagine qu’il révolutionnera largement – pas immédiatement je pense, mais dans les dix années à venir – la manière dont le monde se représente les problèmes économiques […] Il y aura un changement radical et, en particulier, les fondations ricardiennes du marxisme auront été renversées » (Skidelsky 1992 : 520-521).

David Champernowne, l’un des étudiants de Keynes, rapportera : « Il avait lu Marx, disait-il, comme s’il s’agissait d’un roman policier, espérant trouver l’indice d’une idée sans jamais y parvenir » (ibid. 523). Mais la relation de Keynes à Marx est bien plus complexe que ce que de tels propos méprisants laissent entendre. Il y a surtout à mon sens comme explication à l’irritation que Keynes manifestera à la moindre mention du nom de Marx, sa frustration devant l’occasion lamentablement manquée que constitue l’Union soviétique. Le sentiment de Keynes que si celle-ci avait pu fonder sa réflexion sur une œuvre économique moins erronée, notre progrès dans la réalisation du socialisme par la seule méthode qu’il jugeait possible, à savoir, comme nous l’avons vu, celle de l’essai et l’erreur, aurait pu brûler les étapes, au lieu de se voir au contraire considérablement retarder par les errements économiques et liberticides du communisme soviétique.

C’est ce qui explique sans doute pourquoi le portrait absolument dévastateur de l’Union soviétique que l’on trouve dans « A Short View of Russia » se termine contre toute attente, car apparemment entièrement à rebrousse-poil du point de vue qui a été défendu jusque-là par son auteur, avec la note d’optimisme attendri que voici :

« Et pourtant, l’exultation, lorsqu’elle est ressentie, est considérable. Ici – c’est ce que l’on ressent à certains moments – en dépit de la pauvreté, de la stupidité et de l’oppression, se trouve le laboratoire de la vie […] C’est pourquoi le communisme russe représente peut-être le premier tohu-bohu confus d’une grande religion » (Keynes [1925b] 1931 : 269-270).

Quatorze ans plus tard, à la veille de la Seconde guerre mondiale, dans une conversation avec le même Kingsley Martin, intitulée : « Democracy and Efficiency », il dira dans le même esprit :

« Il n’est personne aujourd’hui en politique qui vaille six sous en-dehors des libéraux, si ce n’est la génération d’après-guerre des intellectuels communistes de moins de trente-cinq ans. Eux aussi, je les aime et je les respecte. Il est bien possible que dans leurs sentiments et leurs instincts ils soient ce qu’il y a de plus proche aujourd’hui du nerveux gentleman anglais non-conformiste représentatif qui partit pour les croisades, lança la Réforme, combattit lors de la Guerre civile anglaise, conquit nos libertés civiles et religieuses et humanisa le sort des classes laborieuses au siècle dernier » (Keynes [1939] 1982 : 494-495).

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