#mainly be ready to hear me yelling about middle aged women

[munadaria]

Making small progress towards the multi, I’m ironing out the rules at the moment. Idk if people include no otp things anymore but I did because they seem necessary. Also making mini bios for the starting characters, before writing out the long ones.

I also hope y’all are ready for me to start screaming about people there because it’s going to happen. More than one fc means party on the dash, sorry not sorry.

#oυт of đяαġoиsтoиє | ooc #mainly be ready to hear me yelling about middle aged women #and one ( 1 ) middle aged man. that's what you can expect

[noladyme]

La Cuervo - Chapter 22

She is used to the biker-life, having grown into a woman in the familiar embrace of SAMCRO. A bad decision and a gun-shot later, she gets whisked off to Santo Padre, and put under the protection of another club. What is supposed to be a short stint in the Mayan headquarters just north of the border to Mexico, turns into something more; when la quervo begins to develop feelings for el angel - and he seems to return them in kind...

TW: violence, blood, drug use, alcohol, smut, fluff, angst

In the spirit of "The Crown Princess of Charming", this is a story about O.C. Nina and Angel Reyes. It is obviously non-canon, as characters who have passed on, on Mayans M.C., are present in it, and others have been excluded completely. Nina is written as a cis-female, but I have tried to keep her race and looks as ambiguous as possible. Should you find any of this story offensive, please let me know.

22.

They didn’t speak much in the morning. For once, Angel had decided to set an alarm, and more or less jumped out of bed, the moment his phone began buzzing. His mind seemed as focused as professional soldier’s; and he made even the actual veteran – Coco – seem relaxed in comparison. It had rained during the night, and the air smelled fresh; but didn’t lighten Nina’s mood, as she sat smoking a cigarette on the porch, while the two men packed up Coco’s extra guns. EZ showed up in the van, with Letty and Gaby in the passenger seats. Angel helped Nina in to the seat Letty had previously occupied. The teenager got on her dad’s bike with him, before they all began driving down the street.

Gaby looked worriedly at Nina, as she sat between EZ and her. “Are you alright?”, she asked quietly. “Ezekiel told me what happened…”. “I’m… I don’t know”, Nina muttered. She cleared her throat, wanting to think about anything else than the pain currently surging in her leg. “Are youok? Have you gone on lockdown before?”. “No”, Gabriella said. “This is all very new to me”. “How do they do it up north?”, EZ asked Nina. “I don’t think it’s different than here”, Nina said. EZ frowned, making her question his experience with situations like this as well. “You’ve never done this before either, have you…?”. “No…”, EZ admitted. “It’s never been necessary”. “It’ll be fine”, Nina said, trying to convince herself as well as the two lockdown debutants. “We just have to keep our heads low, and the gates locked… Is your pap’ coming?”. “He says he can protect himself…”, EZ muttered. “But he’ll be by later with the meat he was bringing for the party anyway”. “I’ll try to get him to stay”, Nina said. EZ gave her a thankful smile.

When they arrived at Angel’s place – her place, as Nina reminded herself – the others waited by the vehicles, while she and Angel went inside to gather what they needed. Nina hobbled through the living room, as Angel began closing the windows, after the exterminator visit. Once in the bedroom, Nina began packing some clothes and essentials. She went to get her gun, but remembered that Camille had used it; and that the police probably had taken it for evidence. “Fuck!”, she exclaimed. “What?”, Angel asked, coming running into the bedroom. “My gun… It was the one Camille… It has my prints all over it!”. “EZ told the cops you fought her for it, so the prints shouldn’t be an issue”, Angel said, his voice relieved that he hadn’t found her in trouble. “Is it registered?”. “No, and the serial is filed off… I did grow up with SAMCRO”, Nina grunted. She sighed heavily, and sat down on the bed, to get some weight off her leg. “Is there enough first-aid stuff at the clubhouse?”. “Why?”, Angel asked. Nina shot him a hard look. “You know why”, she replied. “We’re also gonna need a couple of pre-paids in case of emergencies… We’ve got food and drinks, because we were getting ready for the party… I wish there was a proper kitchen, though… And extra guns. Anyone who can shoot should be carrying…”.

Angel crouched in front of her, and took her hands in his own. “Breathe, mami… We got this, ok? You don’t have to worry”. “Well, I am fucking worried!”, Nina growled. “If Bishop had an old lady, it would be her responsibility to keep the people in the clubhouse comfortable. Now I have to…”. “You know what you’re doing… I hear you had a good teacher”, Angel smiled. “Teller’s mom, right? She was good queen…”. “Yeah… most of the time”, Nina muttered. She still felt ambivalent about how Gemma had fulfilled her duties; mainly due to how she’d ended her reign by breaking Jax’s heart, and killing his wife. She’d also been a good friend and surrogate aunt, though; at least in the beginning. “Just do what you always do. We’ll take care of the rest”. “Yeah… You’re gonna go get fucking murdered, while I serve potato-salad to scared hangarounds…”. Angel leaned forward, and caught her lips in a warm kiss. “I’m coming back to you”, he said. “Promise me…”, Nina said. He placed her hand on his chest, just above his heart. “I swear, cuervo…”. He kissed her again, and got to his feet. “I’m gonna go get my extra hardware. Do you remember where I put the Beretta?”. “You can’t remember where you put your guns?”. “Some of them are kinda small… They get lost”, he muttered. Nina rolled her eyes. “Behind the toilet-rolls in the cabinet under the bathroom sink”, she sighed.

Angel left the room, and Nina got to her feet again; leaning against her crutches. “What the fuck?”, Angel yelled. Nina hobbled after him as quickly as she could. “What’s wrong?”, she asked, and tried to look out from behind him, as he stood in the doorway. “What the hell is that?”, Angel said, and pointed at something skinny and furry; cowering in the corner of the shower. Nina gasped, and pushed past him. “Don’t…! It’s just a poor kitty”, she said. Limping slowly forwards, she got to her knees in front of the shaking tabby. “Hey bug…”, she cooed, and stretched out her hand. The cat hissed, before leaning its head forwards to sniff her. “Get the fuck out!”, Angel growled, and took a threatening step forward. “Stop it! You’re scaring it…”, Nina said.

The cat hissed again, but Nina kept her hand out; and after a few moments, it stepped forward, and blinked slowly at her, before pushing its forehead against her hand. It was missing part of its left ear, and from the looks of its pronounced hipbones, it was clear it hadn’t had a proper meal in quite a while. The skin was sagging off it, and bellow its belly. “It’s a stray… Probably has all sorts of diseases”, Angel grunted. “It probably jumped through the window to get out of the rain”, Nina said, ignoring Angel’s displeased tone. “Do we have anything for it to eat?”. “No”, Angel said coldly, and walked over to grab the cat. “I’ll throw it outside. Close the window, so it doesn’t come back in”. Nina looked hard at him. “No!”, she said. “It needs food and care…”. “Nina…”. “You said we could get a cat!”. “Not this one!”, Angel declared. “We can go to a shelter or something. Get a kitten. I’m not taking in some old, ratched…”. His words drowned in Nina’s exclamations of aww, as the tabby once again pressed its head against her hand, and let her scratch it behind its ears. “Angel… Look at him…!”. “How do you know it’s a he?”, Angel grunted. “I’d think you’d recognize a pair of balls when you saw them”, Nina chuckled. The cat stroked its entire body against her thigh. “Such a good bug… That’s your name, isn’t it…? Bug…”.

Angel groaned loudly, and shook his head. “We gotta go”. Nina was lost in cuddling her new friend. “Mami… Nina! We gotta hit the road… Look, we’ll keep the window open. If it’s still here when we come back, we’ll talk about it”. “Please, just put out some food for him…”, Nina pleaded. “But then he’ll stay for sure!”. “Yeah…”. She shot out her lower lip in a pout, and looked pleadingly at Angel. The biker groaned again, and left the bathroom for a few moments, before returning with an open tin of tuna. He dropped it on the floor. “Here… eat, cat”, he grunted. “His name is Bug”, Nina said with a chiding tone. Angel put his arms under hers, and raised her to her feet. “Fine. Bug. Let’s go”, he muttered, and led her out of the bathroom.

At the last second, Nina grabbed Jax’s helmet. She wasn’t planning on riding on the back of any bikes any time soon, due to her leg; but she felt naked without it near her.

EZ met them by the front door, as they were on their way out. “Bro, what took so long?”. “We were adopting a cat”, Angel said. “A cat?”, EZ asked. “His name is Bug…”, Angel replied. “Don’t ask”. Nina smirked, and tugged at his cut, to get him to lean down for a kiss; before they went back to the van.

---

The yard was crowded with bikes when they finally arrived. Bishop and Hank met them on the porch; and Nina was reminded of Taza’s decision to tell the club his secret, the day before. Not seeing him next to the president, made a knot form in her stomach. “What the fuck took you so long?”, Bishop growled. “Cats… bugs…”, Angel muttered. “Don’t ask”, EZ chuckled.

Angel helped Nina up the stairs to the clubhouse. Once inside, they were greeted by the rest of the Mayans, and a few bikers from the Oakland charter. Nina recognized them from SAMCRO parties, but didn’t know any of their names, save Alvarez’s. El Padrino himself gave her a polite nod from his seat by the bar. She scanned the room for Taza, and frowned when she realized he wasn’t inside either. Angel put a hand on her hip. “Go sit down”, he muttered, and went over to talk to Gilly. Chucky pulled out a chair for her, and Nina sat down; soon joined by Letty and Gaby – the latter looking quite uncomfortable with the situation. EZ squeezed her shoulder comfortingly, before going to stand by the wall, behind Bishop. Chucky went outside, to keep an eye on the gate.

Most of the hangarounds Nina knew from around the clubhouse was spread throughout the room. There was a group of women Nina had not met before, stood around a striking middle-aged woman, who looked like Riz. Nina decided she was probably Vicky, and that the women were employees at the brothel. Vicky gave her a curious look, as if challenging her to have a bad opinion of them. Nina simply smiled friendlily; and Vicky’s expression softened, before she nodded in greeting.

Gilly came over to Nina, and handed her a small plastic bag, with white pills. “Oxys”, he muttered. “For your leg”. “Thanks…”, Nina said. Gilly winked at her, and slipped away.

“You know why we’re here”, Bishop said; lifting his voice to catch the attention of the people in the room. “We have a rival club moving in on our territory. Vatos Malditos have been coming for our business, by trying to convince a long-time partner to end our relationship with them; in return for what they claim is a better deal. They even put a rat in our midst; a rat that ended up seriously hurting a member of our family, while trying to kill her”. There was a murmur of curses. Bishop raised his hand to quiet everyone down. “We have to answer this disrespect with force… You’re all here because you’re a part of the family, and because we don’t want anyone else to get hurt. We don’t know that VM won’t send a few guys this way; but as long as you stay within the fences, you’ll be safe”. Hank stepped forward, apparently the de facto VP. “We have the Sons of Anarchy coming down from San Bernadino and Charming. Creeper will stay behind here with a few Sons, for your protection”, he said. Creeper didn’t seem happy about the fact that he wasn’t going with his brothers. He’d probably lost a draw for the post. “If you have any security questions, take it up with him”. “Anything to do with provisions or comfort, you go to our den-mother”, Bishop said, and gestured towards Nina. “Nina isn’t very mobile at the moment, but she can point you in the direction of what you need. She knows this place like her back hand”. Angel shot her a warm smile, and she felt her cheeks burn in embarrassment.

Chucky came running in to the clubhouse. “They’re here”, he grinned. A roar of bikes came from the yard, and soon after, Filip stepped inside, followed by Les Packer. Happy, Rat and Tig came in behind them, and Nina saw a group of SAMDINO Sons waiting outside by the bikes. The room was getting crowded. Foregoing custom, Filip strode over to Nina, and pulled her up into his arms. “We didn’t send you back to get shot, luv’”, he said. “I’m ok”, Nina muttered; then winced, when she accidentally put weight on her bad leg. “Fuck’s sake…”, Filip growled. Angel sprang over to support Nina as she got back to her seat. Happy and Tig stepped over to kiss her forehead and squeeze her shoulder, and Rat gave her a shy smile, before they all went to greet Bishop and Alvarez.

After the obligatory back and forth between the patches, Filip, Alvarez and Bishop went into templo, to speak in private for a few moments. Angel headed over to the bar to grab a drink for himself and Nina. While he was gone, Packer came over to greet Nina. He bent down, and gave her a gentle hug. “How are you doing, Neens?”, he asked, and sat down next to her. “I’m alive”, she shrugged with a half-smile. “This is a new setup for you, sweetcheeks”, Packer said. “You comfortable here?”. “Yeah… why?”. “I dunno… You could have been happy in Berdoo as well”, Packer teased. Angel came back with a mug of coffee for Nina, and a beer for himself. “I like the accommodations here”, she smiled, and looked at Angel. “Yeah, I heard…”, Packer said, and raised a brow at the Mayan. “You’d probably have to deal with less gun-shots though. We’re more careful with who we let in our midst”. “It was a mistake that won’t happen again”, Angel grunted, and gave Packer a hard look. “It better not. This isn’t some random croweater you’ve borrowed from Charming”, Packer said. “No. She’s not”, Angel said. “She’s a Mayan old lady”.

Nina rolled her eyes, and pulled out a cigarette. Both men whipped out a lighter, and raced to light them; before holding them in front of her face. “If you two could stop measuring dicks for a moment, you might notice you’re burning off my eyebrows”, Nina sneered. “Sorry, cuervo”, Angel muttered. Nina gave him a slight smile, and a soft kiss, before letting Packer light her smoke. “You still a crow then?”, the SAMDINO president asked, having noticed Angel’s nickname for her. “I’m still me…”, Nina said. “I’ve just got a bigger family now”. “Good for you”, Packer said, and took her hand; giving it a gentle squeeze. “Jax would be happy for you… after he kicked this guy’s ass for diddling his baby-sis”. Angel chuckled at this. “Like he threatened to do you, if you tried anything?”, Nina said. “I didn’t know you were only seventeen at the time!”, Packer laughed. “Bullshit. You arrived the day before my eighteenth birthday-party; and sat at the clubhouse the whole night, looking at your watch to wait for midnight, so I’d be legal”, Nina smirked. “Guilty”, Packer shrugged. “Didn’t do me much good, though; did it…? Teller was a hardass when it came to you. I didn’t stand a chance with him watching over you like a hawk”. They shared a knowing laugh, before Packer looked at Angel. “You don’t have anything to worry about, Reyes. I know when to back off”, he said. “And she’d probably cut my balls off, before you got a chance to, if I tried anything… You’ve got a special lady here”. Angel smiled, relaxing a bit in his seat. “I know…”, he said, and kissed Nina’s temple.

Bishop came out of templo, and nodded to the other bikers. Mayans and Sons alike got to their feet, and began moving towards the ornate door. Angel put a hand on the back of Nina’s head, and caught her lips in a warm kiss; before joining the others. Packer gave her a sly wink, and followed Angel. “Prospect. You too”, Bishop called after EZ. Gabriella gave him a worried look, and he slipped over to give her a quick peck on the cheek, before walking in to templo, and closing the door, once everyone was inside.

Nina got on her feet, and hobbled over to sit down next to the girl. Gaby was visibly shaking, and Nina took her hand. “I know this is all really scary; but we’ll be ok”, she said. Having SAMCRO, SAMDINO and the Mayans all in the same house made her believe her own words more than she had thought she would. “But, what if he gets hurt?”, Gaby asked. “I didn’t even tell him…”. “Tell him what?”, Nina said. Gabriella met her eyes, and they gave away the words she’d had trouble saying. “Oh… Well, I think he knows already; but it wouldn’t hurt his courage and desire to come back whole, if you said it…”. Gaby smiled softly. “I suppose you’re right”, she said.

Letty came over to join them, carrying a couple of cokes for her and Gaby. “Are you talking about your boyfriends?”, she smirked. “You guys could become sisters-in-law!”. “Whoa! Angel and I just got a cat. We’re not talking diamond rings yet”, Nina said. “Good. I don’t think he can afford one”, Leticia teased.

---

After about an hour, the bikers emerged from templo with somber expressions. Angel strode over to Nina, and took her hand. “We’re meeting Palo by the east tunnel”, he muttered. “What’s gonna happen?”, Nina asked nervously. Angel sighed. “We’re not giving him what he wants, so we’re prepared for a fight”. Nina shuddered. Knowing it was a lost cause, she hadn’t been able to keep from at least hoping that Filip and the others would be able to talk the Mayans out of full-on war. Their own experience with rival groups, made them well aware of the devastation something like that could bring a club. Stories of Abel’s kidnapping and Half-Sack’s death – both by the hands of a disgruntled IRA-member – and Gemma’s rape and beating by right-wing psychos, should have been enough fodder for the Mayans to decide to back down, and try to find another way out of the situation. “Shit…”, she hissed. “But what about what Taza told you? Can’t you just use that…?”. “The prez’ didn’t even mention it”, Angel muttered. “I don’t know… its like he’s pretending the conversation never took place”. “Where is Taza?”, Nina asked. “I don’t know… He went home last night. At least he said he was going home…”. Nina frowned. “It’ll be ok", Angel tried. “I gotta go clear some details with Bish…”. He squeezed her hand, and slipped away to go speak with his president.

Filip, Tig and Happy came over to take turns hugging her tightly. “We’ve been here before, muffin”, Tig said. “Walk in the park”, Happy muttered. “Rat’s staying behind with one of the SAMDINO-guys. You’ll be safe”. Filip made her sit down, and crouched in front of her. “You know the drill”, he said meaningfully. “We’re coming back. But if we don’t…”. “I know who to call, and in what order…”, Nina muttered. “Be careful“. “You just keep this clubhouse in shape, and have the beers ready for our return", Filip smiled. He pulled out a black handgun, with a dark wooden handle. The distinct SOA A was carved in to the wood, just over the initials, JT. “That .38 only seems to bring you trouble…”, Filip said, and put it in her hand. “I thought you were saving this for Abel…”, Nina croaked. “Jackie didn’t want guns in his boys’ hands… He didn’t want them in yours either, but seeing as things have turned out…”. Nina stuck the gun down the back of her waistband. “Thank you…”. Filip pressed a kiss to her forehead, and the three SAMCRO bikers headed towards the door with Packer.

Angel came back over to say goodbye. “I hate this, Angel”, Nina croaked. “I know, querida… But this is the way it’s gotta be”, Angel said. He gathered her into his arms, making her lean against him. Their lips instantly met in a frenzied kiss; hungrily devouring each other. Nina breathed Angel in, as if it was the last kiss, they’d ever share; and in all honestly, she was afraid that it might be. Brushing her tongue against Angel’s lower lip, he let it meet his own; tasting her, and letting her taste him. “I love you”, Nina whispered. “Te amo”, Angel replied. “I’m coming back”. He pressed a last kiss against her lips.

Nina saw Gaby whisper something in EZ's ear, and he smiled happily at her. After EZ had kissed his love, Angel gave the girl a warm hug. “I’ll make sure he comes back too”, he said, trying for a smile. Gaby nodded, and Nina took her hand, holding it tightly. Coco kissed Letty’s forehead, and muttered something in her ear, before handing her over to Nina; who wrapped her free arm around the teenager. The Mayan gave Nina a half hug, and followed Angel out the door. “They’ll be ok”, Nina said. “But we need to get ready”.

Once the door was closed behind the men heading out, she gave Creeper a look, and the Mayan raised his voice. “Listen up, people. Nina’s got work for you!”. Gaby handed Nina her crutches, and she hobbled into the middle of the room. “We need people to take care of food. The back room is full of provisions; do what you can with it. Felipe will be here later with meat for the grills. I wanna see him when he does…”. Creeper nodded, and a few of the women moved towards the back room. Gabriella joined them, much to Nina’s joy. “You’re free to the bar, but remember why we’re here. Getting wasted isn’t a good idea… Does anyone have medical experience?”. One of the women from Vicky’s place raised her hand. “I’m in nursing school”, she said. “Great”, Nina smiled. “I’m not saying we’ll need it, but I’d like you to set up a first-aid station, in case we do; and the guys are unable to cross the border for the doc”. “Ok… yeah!”, the woman smiled; seemingly proud that she could contribute with something important. Vicky gave Nina a warm smile. “The rest of you, chip in wherever you can. We all have a responsibility to make our stay here as comfortable and safe as possible… That means, don’t flirt with the guys on watch”. Creeper chuckled at this, and patted Rat’s shoulder. They had the first shift, and headed for the door.

Nina blew out a deep breath, and sat back down. Vicky came over with a refill for her mug. “Welcome to the family”, she smiled, and winked at her.

---

The hours dragged by. They had no word from the men in the field, and every time the door opened, Nina’s heart jumped; hoping that her loved ones would walk in.

While Nina sat on her chair, her leg throbbing in pain, making her unable to walk around, Letty paced the floor for the both of them. “If he dies, I’m gonna fucking kill him!”, she growled. “Then I’ll bury him next to Celia, in her dick-shaped hole in the desert!”. “Letty, sit down”, Nina said. “Why?”. “Because your pacing is giving me a headache”. Leticia sat down, and Nina noticed tears forming in her eyes. “We just started being a family… And now he might…”. She couldn’t finish the sentence. Nina took her hands. “Coco is a survivor, and he’s gonna do whatever he can to get back to you”, she said. “You think so?”, Letty muttered. “I know so”, Nina smiled. “Your dad loves you, Letty. He’s not gonna leave you”.

Letty wiped her eyes, just in time for Gaby to come over with two plates filled with deliciousness. “I did what I could with what’s here”, she said. “It looks amazing”, Nina said. “But I’m not really hungry”. “You have to eat, if you’re taking pain-medication”, Gaby enthused. “I’m not… I’m trying to keep a level head”. “Just take a fucking pill, Nina”, Letty sighed. “You’re in so much pain, your face is contorted”. “I’m…”, Nina began, before catching the expression on both girls’ faces. “Fine…”, she said, and dug out a pill from the plastic bag in her pocket; downing it with a sip of coffee.

Gaby gave her as bright a smile as she could manage, and pushed the plate of food towards her. Nina took a few bites, when suddenly the door opened, and Felipe stepped inside. He looked around, making it clear it was the first time he’d actually been inside the clubhouse. He frowned slightly, and walked over to Nina. “That guy you call Freak said you wanted to talk to me”, he said. “Creeper”, Nina smiled. “Sure", Felipe said. “Letty, will you help me get the meat?”, Gaby said, and the two girls went out the door. “Please sit. I can’t really stand right now", Nina said. Felipe took the chair just around the corner of the table from her. “I need to get back to the shop…”, he muttered. “You can’t take the day off?”, Nina asked. “The weekend is coming up”, Felipe grunted. “People have family coming for dinner…”. “You’re family”, Nina said. “To these people?”, Felipe asked, and looked at the people in the room. His tone wasn’t disapproving, but he did seem uncomfortable at the view of the scantily clad hangarounds setting up drinks and food; and the nursing student, who was currently preparing bandages, while wearing a barely-there tube top, and a short denim skirt. “To me…”, Nina said, and took Felipe’s hand. “To Gaby…”. They both looked towards Gabriella, who sent them a warm smile, as she came through the door with a container of what looked like steaks.

Felipe sighed deeply. “I told EZ and Angel, I can protect myself”, he said. “Then… stay here and protect us as well”, Nina said. “We don’t know what’s happening out there. It’s dangerous for all of us to be out in the open. Angel and EZ might…”. She chewed her lips and swallowed thickly, trying to suppress tears. “Please stay here with us, suegro”. A smile ghosted Felipe’s lips. “That’s where we’re at, then?”, he said. “You and Angel, I mean”. “I’m… I love him. I really do”. Felipe chuckled. “He’s lucky to have you”, he said. He shot a look at the food prepping station, and rolled his eyes. “Gabriella, lo estás tallando de la manera incorrecta! I told you; follow the bone… Never mind, I’ll show you”. The old butcher got to his feet, and went to take over the carving of the meat. Nina let out a relieved sigh. Felipe was staying.

Needing to get some air, she got to her feet, and used her crutches to move towards the door. A smiling hangaround sprang over to open it for her, and Nina thanked her quietly; before stepping outside. The sky was grey. Apparently, the rain the night before was coming back; she could smell it on the air. She sat down on one of the chairs on the porch, and dug out her cigarettes. Opening the packet, she saw that Coco must have done a reverse pickpocketing when he hugged her; as he’d left her a perfectly rolled joint. She smiled to herself, and considered lighting up; before deciding against it. The oxy was already doing its work, and her leg felt better by the minute. Lighting a cigarette instead, she took a deep huff. The yard was too quiet. The windchimes hung next to the door of the clubhouse, which were usually deafened by the usual sounds of metal screeching and bikes roaring, was all she could hear.

Pulling out Jackson’s gun, she took a deep breath, and closed her eyes. She ran her thumb over the letters he’d carved in to the handle. “I remember when you did this”, she said quietly. “Back when you were still stupid enough to think you were immortal…”.

… “What if you lose it? The police will track you down, dumbass!”, Nina said. “I’ll be fine, darlin’”, Jax said, grinning brightly. “Besides, I gotta leave my mark on this world somehow!”. Nina rolled her eyes at him, and picked her book up. “You’re gonna shoot someone, and they’ll track the gun to you”, she growled. Jax chuckled, and stuck the gun down the front of his waistband. “If you don’t shoot your dick off, first”, she muttered. He frowned, and put the gun in the back of his jeans instead. “What are you reading? Teenage-vampire shit?”, he asked. “Screw you… It’s Hamlet. For school”. “O, what a rogue and peasant slave am I!”, Jax exclaimed. Nina couldn’t help but smile. “Careful with that gun, or you’ll have me saying: Goodnight, sweet prince, and flights of angels sing thee to thy rest…”. Jax got to his feet, and headed towards the ladder going down from the roof. “We’re meeting up with some Mexican guys… They need our help with something”, he said. “Finish your homework, little sister. We gotta keep your ass out of CaraCara”. He stopped dead in his tracks, and walked back to her, leaning down to press a kiss to her forehead. “Doubt thou the stars are fire; Doubt that the sun doth move; Doubt truth to be a liar; But never doubt I love”. “I love you too… But you’re still a dumbass”, Nina smiled…

“I wish you were here…”, she whispered. “But where ever you are – if there’s anything you can do to keep him safe… all of them… Please”.

She jolted in her seat, when Creeper appeared next to her, a phone in hand. “It’s for you”, he muttered. Nina took the phone, and put it to her ear. Creeper gave her frowning and confused look, before walking into the clubhouse, leaving her alone. “Hello?”. “Nina?”. “Taza?”. “Yeah, it’s me; sweetheart… Do you wanna help me end this war before it starts?”.

---

If you’ve followed this story this far, thank you! Also; It’s my birthday! Make it an even better one, by leaving a comment.

- no lady

tags: @cole-winchester @doloreschanal

#angel reyes #angel reyes fic #angel reyes x oc #mayans mc #mayans mc fic #clayton cardenas #ez reyes

[ateezmakemeweep]

on one condition.

seonghwa x reader; a walk to remember au

word count: 19k

angst, fluff (tw: mentions of death and terminal illness)

park seonghwa had always been a troubled boy. 

and not in the cheesy, cliche 'bad boy' way, like he's parading around town with a motorcycle and worn leather jacket. 

in the 'he has absolutely no regard for himself or others' type of way. he doesn't care if he hurts himself in an attempt to prove he's the best nor does he care if he hurts anybody with his words or fists.

this all started fairly early in his life, showing questionable behaviors at the ripe age of eleven.

it started with skipping classes, asking to go to the bathroom and then meeting his friend's outside on the field; there had never been a child sent to the principal's office as many times as him that year.

by middle school, it had quickly escalated. 

vandalizing obscene objects and words onto the bathroom stall or spray painting on the back of the school. he was intelligent though, both naturally book and street smart, so he knew to wear black attire and a mask; he was only almost caught once.

his last few years of high school now consist of women and fighting.

because if he wasn't pounding into the newest girl of the week, telling her that that was fun but she knows where the door is, he was smacking some kid's head off the pavement for no other reason than that he could. 

that he had such uncontrollable rage in his body, probably from being stuck with and accustomed to the delinquent ways of his friends, that it was the only thing to make him feel better.

because he couldn't deny it, he didn't like who he was.

you had always been a good girl. 

and quite literally in the cheesy, cliche way: sweaters and a nonexistent dating life and your nose always in a book if you weren't at the church your dad preached at every sunday.

you didn't mind your simple, solitary life. 

you had gotten used to being alone and you didn't ever care when people made fun of you for it. because you liked your sweaters and reading and even spending your days after school tutoring younger kids.

it was a place you went every monday through friday, accustomed to the children and other helpers, mainly teachers, that were in the stuffy school library. 

you were surprised to see none other than park seonghwa walk through the doors one afternoon, looking around at the layout of bookshelves and tables like it's the first time he's ever seeing it.

you tried not to watch him float around the room, a blank expression on his face as he settled for standing in front of the main desk waiting for instruction. he was leaned against the wood with his arms folded and jaw set, a very obvious distaste and annoyance present on the boy.

you continued to work with the younger 7th grader who couldn't quite grasp the concept of solving for x, ignoring the way the head teacher pranced over and spoke hushly to the boy.

"and what exactly are you doing here, mr. park?"

seonghwa felt dread fill him immediately, resisting the urge to roll his eyes at the teacher who kicked him out of class everyday back in tenth grade.

"tutoring," is all he says, surprised and ready to punch the older man in the mouth when he lets out a scoff.

because apparently after your third strike for starting a brawl in the cafeteria, the only options were suspension or helping out the very understaffed, depressing after-school programs along with an extra research project.

"how long?" the boy asked the principal who sat across from him, a large man with kind eyes despite the destruction the student in front of him has brought into the school since the day he started.

"the rest of the year, mr. park."

seonghwa's eyebrow raised as he truly considered suspension. 

because at least that would only be two weeks of sleeping in and dicking around, not eight months of excruciating 'volunteer' work with bratty preteens and mundane class work. 

that's why he got up and went towards the doorway, throwing a mock wink at the man.

"i think i'll take the suspension, sir."

but the chipper man laughed like he was told the funniest joke he's ever heard, rising from his throne and walking over to pat seonghwa's shoulder. 

"you'll start on monday in the library."

and now he sees he severely underestimated just how tragic today was gonna be, sitting across from a boy who's just as pissed off as him about being here.

"what do you need help with?" seonghwa finally asks after five minutes of silence, leaning back in his chair as he observes the scrawny boy.  

"i don't know, i don't even need this stupid help," the younger boy snaps, the words already getting under seonghwa's skin. "they forced me to be here."

"well, that makes two of us," he mumbles, his eyes moving to the test paper sticking out of the boy's backpack marker with red x's. "but it seems like you do need help, kid. a 42 is shitty."

your eyes widen hearing those words fall from his mouth, clearing your throat and throwing him a chastising look when he meets your gaze; he only rolls them and moves his stare into the kid's beady, brown eyes.

"now don't waste my time and i won't waste yours. open your book," seonghwa demands, the coldness in his tone visibly throwing off the boy.

you feel your heart grow heavy at the student's dejected, frustrated face, your chest burning with the need to yell at and scold seonghwa.

because that's the last way to approach a child already struggling and getting in trouble by his teachers and parents. 

he needs to be shown the problem in different ways until he finds out which one works for him and that's through someone's patience, kindness and genuine desire to help them - which is exactly what you tell seonghwa when 4:30 rolls around.

"thanks for the advice, y/n, but i think i'll be getting this shit over with my own way," he says, glaring at you before he attempts to leave.

you're quick to squeak out "wait," walking around until you're standing in front of him.

"look, i know you probably don't wanna be here," you tell him softly, gently, like the way you talk to kids who also don't wanna be doing work they don't understand. "but you can't take it out on them. you need to at least be nice and try to help him not only pass but also understand it. that's the whole-"

"I could give a shit if the kid passes or not," he snaps at you, pinched glare roaming over your face. "we're all not perfect little angels like you, y/n."

he's known you since elementary school, has watched you parade around with ugly sweaters and books and entertain the kids people avoid because they either spit on you when they talk or go on for hours about nonsense.

some people might find that commendable, that you give everyone a chance and seem to be completely pure and good, but he finds it incredibly irritating - he always had, watching you grow up through the years and feeling some sense of pity for you. 

because no one could genuinely be that kind and unbothered by the fact that they have no friends. that they smile in the faces of their bullies and give even the weirdest of kids the time of day.

"that's not why i'm saying it, seonghwa," you tell him softly. "i just want you to take this seriously. these kids need help."

"they need help when you're the one tutoring kids for fun," seonghwa scoffs, feeling himself grow more agitated and bitter as he talks down to you. "i don't know if you realize how sad that is."

but then in a strange twist of fate, it feels like you're the one talking down to him. because you can only find it in you to shake your head at him and meet his tense gaze.

"more sad than you needing to be forced to help anyone but yourself?"

whether he wants to admit it or not, your comment rings in his head for the rest of the day. he knows he's selfish and a bit of a dick but hearing it put so bluntly to his face causes his chest to churn uncomfortably.

"what does that bitch know anyway?" hongjoong coughs out after passing him a joint. "she's been a tight ass since birth."

"and it's only gotten worse with age," san says before he lets out a thoughtful hum. "but you know... she'd probably be hot if she wasn't such a prude."

the two boys in front throw him a disgusted look, seonghwa blowing smoke directly in the boy's face. 

"you're that desperate for a fuck, huh?"

san swats at the smoke around his face, rolling his eyes at his friends glassy, red eyes. 

"no! i'm just saying."

seonghwa can only picture you in his mind, sporting your ugly green sweater and worn sneakers, bare face looking at him with wide, innocent eyes and softly spoken words.

"don't see it," the boy grumbles out, hongjoong snorting next to him as he reaches out to grab the joint back.

"you know he could be on to something though," the driver says, placing the paper between his lips. "it's always the quiet ones who are freaks."

"ha, like you'd know pussy boy," san says, earning a loud smack on his mouth. 

seonghwa can only smirk at his two friends, knowing damn well you're the type of girl who's probably gonna die a virgin.

"so what do you know about acute triangles?" seonghwa asks the boy, clenching his fists under the table because how fucking hard is it to remember this?

he'd been working with him for almost two weeks now and he's been slowly making progress. 

some would say that the improvement in itself was a good sign but seonghwa was convinced if the boy had someone more cut out for this, he would've learned it by now.

he wouldn't be staring down at the blank paper with a questioning gaze on his face or religiously spend the first thirty minutes in a tense silence.

"there are....three angles," the boy says, uncertainty laced in his tone; seonghwa can only nod his head because wow, yeah, good job.

"okay. and what about them?"

the boy swallows nervously, eyes boring in to his like he's gonna help him out - he only stares back blankly, raising his eyebrow challengingly. 

and once the student sees that, remembers seonghwa's harshly spoken words reminding him to pay attention in class so they can both stop this bullshit, he blurts out "i don't know!"

seonghwa lets out a sigh, running a hand through his hair before shaking his head. the boy lets out a loud, frustrated groan, throwing his pencil across the room and springing up from his chair.

"fuck this! this is so stupid!"

you watch as seonghwa just stares at the boy with a raised eyebrow, his arms crossed over his chest and you just know he's trying not to roll his eyes or scream back. 

before the man can say anything 'comforting' back, the younger student stomps off and rips open the library door.

several other kids softly murmur to each other before they get back to work, your eyes moving to seonghwa who hasn't uncrossed his arms. you quietly tell the student you're working with to try the next problem by themselves, walking over to seonghwa and taking the previously occupied seat.

"he's just frustrated," you tell him softly, hoping to ease the obvious tension on seonghwa's face and body. 

you had trouble when you first started too, remember feeling dejected and upset that the kids would get mad, and thinking that you couldn't help them.

his eyes flicker to meet yours but he's quick to look away, seeing the soft compassion and care in them; it always makes him uncomfortable when someone doesn't look at him in disgust or annoyance.

"what do you want from me?"

he misses your face fall ever so slightly, a quiet sigh leaving your mouth as you shrug your shoulders. 

"i just wanna help you, seonghwa," you tell him softly, knowing it's important for both of them to get something out of this. "it might help teaching him in a different way. maybe something he can relate to more."

"and how do you recommend i do that, princess?" he snarls at you, shoving his seat back and stomping towards the exit. 

you notice the head teacher's about to say something when you catch his gaze and shake your head slowly; to your surprise, he lets the boy go with a simple roll of his eyes.

you continue working with your student until 4:30 rolls around, your eyes occasionally moving to the empty table and library door. neither seonghwa nor his student ever came back and it causes a sinking feeling in your stomach.

you wait around for five extra minutes, cleaning the tables and putting your books away before figuring both of the unmotivated boys just ditched. as you're walking out the door to your car, you hear the familiar sound of a basketball bouncing off the gym floor.

so, albeit nosily, you peek your head in and feel your lips quirk up when you see seonghwa's tall frame next to the boy. the two of them are standing a few feet away from the hoop, a rare hint of a smile on the man's face as the both of them move around the floor.

"so this would be a....?" you hear seonghwa ask, the boy immediately responding with "acute angle! and it's less than 90 degrees," who then proceeds to take the ball from him and shoot; in a tragic turn of events, he misses.

seonghwa lets out a playful scoff as he catches the ball with ease.

"used all your brain power for that you can't even get it in, huh?" he teases, throwing the ball with one hand and watching with a cocky smirk as it shoots through.

"you're a showoff," the boy mumbles and you bite your lip so you don't let out a giggle, watching as seonghwa dribbles the ball away from the boy who chases after him. 

you leave the gym as chuckles ring through the air, feeling your heart tug at the fact in all the years you've known seonghwa, you think that’s the first time you've heard him laugh.

you're surprised to see his good mood carries over into the next day. 

sure, he's not being overly happy or nice but he's genuinely helping the student with his work, a focused expression and strong voice as he explains the problems slowly. 

you try to contain your smile, thinking maybe your hope in him isn't misplaced until you decide to tell him he's doing a good job.

"what?"

"you're working well with him," you say softly, turning to wave at the boy when you hear him say goodbye to you both. "he really seems to be getting better."

"yeah," is all he says, tone clipped and short. 

you look over to see his jaw is tight, body defensive and on alert so it's probably in your best interest to not mention you seeing them in the gym yesterday.

"it's hard at first for everyone,” you continue encouragingly. “but then i think once you break that barrier, it's gonna get-"

"why are you talking to me, y/n?"

his short, harsh tone causes your face to fall and for a split second, he feels bad. 

he knows you're just doing what you always do, showing people unwavering decency and kindness, but those are things he, both, can't relate to and finds makes him uncomfortable. 

he doesn’t want you to think just because he helped one kid out that means he's a reformed pupil.

"i just wanted to-"

"well don't," he says, picking up his bag and throwing it over his shoulder. "it's bad enough i have to do this. i don't need you talking down to me also."

"i'm not talking down to you/ it's called encouragement, seonghwa."

"then don't encourage me. just ignore me the way i intend to ignore you." 

you're left alone in the library watching the door slam behind him.

and true to his word, he doesn't look your way or entertain conversation with you for the rest of the week. anytime your eyes meet, he'd quickly advert them and makes sure to be out the door the second the clock strikes 4:30.

and today, as you rush to your car in the pouring rain, you mull over in your head what you could have possibly done to the boy to make him so wary of you. 

time and time again, you've just tried to help him. give him advice and make the whole process easier for him but he just lashes out.

then again, you haven't done anything to the general population at school and they still make fun of you. and it's for the stupidest of things: your 'grandma sweaters' apparently the bane of their existence or the fact that you're studious and care about your schoolwork.

you don't allow their words to get to you, though, because you were taught to always be kind and respect others. that if people are mean to you, it's because they're unhappy about something within themselves.

even so, a part of you has always been intrigued by park seonghwa, whether it be because of his obvious good looks or some feeling deep within you that knows he's not as bad as he portrays himself to be. 

through the rain as you think, you see the drenched boy, hood up and head down, as he walks on the sidewalk.

you don’t even think twice about pulling up next to him, roll down your window and ignore the way he side-eyes you.

"do you want a ride?" you ask him quietly, surprised he's even heard you over the roar of the rain; but he's quick to shake his head silently and continue on his way. 

you let out a sigh before following behind him, asking him one more time because he really is drenched and it's starting to get dark and cold.

"you're gonna get sick," you say to him, causing the boy to stop in his tracks and stare you down.

"and what does that matter to you?"

you only raise your eyebrow at him, reaching over to open the door and smiling softly as an invitation. he rolls his eyes as he huffs, looking down at his drenched sneakers and feeling it seep into his socks.

some part deep within him feels ashamed to accept your kindness after the way he's treated you but he gets in and slams the door anyway. a real stand up guy he is.

"happy?" he grumbles. 

you only smirk as you hum softly, eyes peering down to the seatbelt buckle before going back to the road. you feel his gaze on you as you drive, a loud huff leaving him after you stop at the third stop sign.

"what?" you ask, looking both ways before taking your foot off the break.

"how the hell do you get anywhere," he grunts out in annoyance, feeling around in his pocket for a cigarette and agitated when he finds he doesn't have a pack on him.

"it appears i drive like a grandmother, too," you mumble, a snort leaving his nose as he shakes his head.

a few moments of silence pass before you stop at a red light. 

"i don't get you," he suddenly says, causing you to look over at him.

"what do you mean?"

"you really just... don't care about what other people think of you?"

you can't help but smile at the puzzled expression on his face, shrugging your shoulders as you look at him. 

"no."

his eyebrow raises, something about your soft, small smile causing him to squirm in his seat. 

"why not?"

"because why do they matter?" you ask quietly. "while i can, i'm gonna live the way i want."

a quiet hum leaves the boy's mouth, at the time not realizing how strange that sentence was coming from a teenage girl.

he just couldn't understand how a young person would want to live such a sad, quiet life between the covers of books and walls of church. how someone could go on smiling and being happy when they had no friends to make memories with.

"seems like a sad way to live," is all he finds himself saying, a smirk playing at your lips as your brain quips back with a sassy comment - but because you're you, your mouth doesn't open to respond. 

you simply shrug your shoulders again, looking back at the light just as it turns green.

the rest of the ride is silent as you make your way to seonghwa's, asking him a few times for directions until your car is sitting in front of his house.

"thanks, y/n."

"you're welcome, seonghwa."

he turns to you to see your gaze already on him, his eyes narrowing at you ever so slightly. you send him a small, innocent, almost unsure smile and he feels himself grow less guarded.

"i'll see you monday?" you ask, slightly uncomfortable by the silence as you two just look at each other with uncertainty. 

the boy next to you shakes himself out of his daze, stuttering out "y-yeah.”

he slams your door shut, not hearing your car pull away until he opens the door to his house.

after your tutoring session, you stayed behind at 4:30 to make a study guide for your student and expected to be the only one there - which is why you were surprised to hear footsteps coming your way and even more surprised when you met the familiar dark eyes of-

"seonghwa," you say as you put your pen down on the table. "what're you still doing here?"

"i could ask you the same thing," he says, peeking at the paper before taking the seat across from you.

that's when you knew he was about to ask for something, like a pardon from this 'stupid volunteer work' (as if you have the authority to do that) or to cover for him one day this week so he can go do whatever normal destruction he does on the weekdays.

because in all the years you've known park seonghwa, he has never initiated a conversation with you.

"i'm making a study guide for my student," you tell him. "she's still having a bit of trouble so i'm hoping this will help her."

he nods his head at you, resting his elbows on the table as he watches you write with concentration for a few silent minutes. 

"but i know you don't care about that," you say to him quietly before meeting his intense gaze. "so why are you here?"

he lets out a sigh, running his hand through his hair that seems to be out of nervousness - but in what kind of sick, confused world is a man like him nervous to talk to a girl like you?

"i need your help with something."

your eyebrow raises as you look at him, dropping your pen on the table and the noise echoes through the quiet, empty library.

"is... park seonghwa asking for my help?"

he rolls his eyes before blankly staring at you, the dead look in his eye causing you to giggle softly. 

"what do you need help with?"

your giggle and soft tone relax him ever so slightly, popping his neck to the side and you resist the urge to roll your eyes at his dramatics. 

"i'm- uh, i'm supposed to write a play for my class."

"okay..." you say as you nod your head. "and you need help...writing it? editing it? coming up with ideas?"

his mind starts to swarm with slight panic and uncertainty, completely out of his element and comfort zone. he doesn't know the first thing about writing fucking plays, you couldn't pay him enough money to even sit through one.

"uh...all of it," he says with a wince. "but i know you're like... a theater geek."

you can't help the snort that leaves you, shaking your head as you look at the boy in front of you. 

"a theater geek?"

"not like that," he says, tone desperate and unsure and you can hear how uncomfortable he is asking for help. "i just mean like you're probably...good at that stuff."

"ahh, because i'm a big fat nerd, right?"

his eyes close at the horrific turn this has taken; he can't even ask you for help without insulting you. 

"i didn't mean it like that, y/n."

you watch him for a few moments, hands in his hair as his leg starts to bounce and you decide to finally put him out of his misery. 

“i'm just kidding. i'll help you."

his head snaps up immediately, face once ridden by anxiety and panic full of surprise and relief. "really?!"

"really," you say with a smile. "but i'm only gonna assist you. you have to do most of it, okay?"

"yeah, right, of course," he grunts out, already bored and over this conversation.

"and you have to take it seriously. on the days we do it, you're gonna have to be focused, seonghwa."

"i wouldn't have put myself through this and asked you if i wasn't gonna take it seriously," he grumbles, watching you furrow your eyebrows at him and quickly realizing he's falling into his dick-ish ways before mumbling out an apology. 

"i mean, of course, yeah."

"thank yo-," he says before you cut him off.

"and on one more condition, seonghwa."

he raises his eyebrow at you, nodding his head as he looks at you awaitingly.  he knows it's probably gonna be something stupid like to try his very best or make it from the heart; but the last thing he expects to hear is:

"you have to promise you won't fall in love with me."

everything in him stills as he looks at you, trying to figure out if you're joking with him until he sees how seriously you're looking at him. he almost feels bad at the blatant laugh that bubbles out of him, his hand coming up to (fakely) wipe his mouth.

"uh...yeah, okay, that shouldn't be a problem," he says, humor and amusement heavy in his tone. it doesn't make you feel bad because you just nod your head and shrug your shoulders.

"okay!"

"okay," he says a few seconds later, a small grateful smile on his face. "thank you, y/n."

"you're welcome."

you can't help but smile back because it really seems as if he's trying to better himself now. 

apply himself more and show people that he's more than just some 'cool' guy who gets in trouble. he asked for help and that's the first step in anything required to get better and grow as person.

but sometimes people will ask for help, receive help, and it still won't be enough. 

because just the next day, you see him in the cafeteria with his group of friends. and perhaps it was ballsy of you in the first place to see him and hold his eye contact and greet him with a smile that only led him to divert his gaze.

that should've made it obvious that going over to him was not gonna be a good idea.

but you thought you were seeing a change in him, you were so excited to see him work with the students and take an initiative to do his project, so you walk over and say hi to him.

"hi, seonghwa," you say sweetly, waving at his friends who just look at you with a bewildered expression. "do you wanna start working on your play after tutoring today?"

the second him and his friends let out sarcastic laughs, you know he's about to disappoint you.

"i think you're lost, princess," he says, tone full of venom and spite. "we'd never do anything together."

"unless, of course, you're willing to show him what's under that sweater," his friend next to him says, his eyes roaming over your body and making you back up uncomfortably.

"hongjoong," the tallest one says warningly, like he's probably the only good one within this group.

"oh fuck off yunho, she needs a little fun."

your eyes never leave seonghwa's, the tight, hard look melting slightly since his bickering friends are now distracted. the change in them doesn't make you feel any better, instead nodding your head at him and quietly saying "okay, never mind then. sorry."

the fact that you apologize makes him feel like a piece of shit for the rest of the day, even caused him to lash out at hongjoong for saying that pervy comment to you and then get kicked out of his last class.

which is how he catches you right before tutoring starts at 3:15, grabbing you by the elbow and ushering you into the tiny computer lab against your softly-spoken protests. 

he closes the door behind him and turns to see you staring at him blankly.

"just hear me out, y/n."

"i don't think there's anything to hear out," you tell him softly. "you made it obvious you don't need my help anymore."

you're about to go around him when he grabs your arm again, your body stiffening immediately causing him to let go. 

"i'm sorry, i shouldn't...i shouldn't have done that."

it's like the fact that he knows it was wrong is making it worse. he knew it would hurt you and make him look bad but he did it anyway to prove a point to his friends.

"but you did," you say quietly. "and i know you don't care, seonghwa, but i really thought you were trying to be better."

he lets out a sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose in annoyance; he really knows how to fuck things up.

"i was. i am. that's why i need your help. please y/n."

a group of kids come barreling through, the girl you're working with catching your eye as she takes a seat at the normal table. you meet seonghwa's gaze that's staring down at you, eyes regretful and tense.

you know it's only because now he's not getting something out of you, not because he genuinely cares about you being upset and disappointed.

"the drama teacher is really nice," you tell him softly, sending him a small smile as you tighten your bag around your shoulder. "you could probably sit in with her and get some pointers."

"but i wanted you to-"

he can't even finish his sentence when you move passed him and out the door, his body whirling around to see you wave at the curious younger girl. 

he watches you meet his gaze once more before they flicker back down to the table, your heart sinking every so slightly because you were stupid to think he was capable of changing.

seonghwa was shocked by how much it annoyed him that you were ignoring him. 

that anytime he tried to get your attention, you would just smile dismissively and busy yourself. that you no longer lingered at the end of the day or gave him words of praise and encouragement that used to piss him off so badly.

it, oddly enough, made the next few weeks drag on even longer, his afternoons now an even more dull and dreary experience.

that's why on friday, purely out of selfishness, he ended his session with the boy five minutes early and waited outside the library like some sort of creep; if this was the only way to talk to you, it appeared he was gonna do it.

you open the door to leave, fishing through your backpack for the keys buried at the bottom, and look up just in time so you don't smack right into seonghwa's large frame.

"hi."

you narrow your eyes at him, his body and face lacking its usual confidence and smugness.

"hi."

the two of you just look at one another, your eyes confused and awaiting while his hold a twinge of insecurity and nervousness.

you had been making it a point to steer clear of him these past weeks, dodging him in the hallways and cafeteria when you noticed him and completely avoiding his presence during tutoring.

"are you gonna make me beg?"

your eyebrows shoot up at his lowly spoken words, head turning to the side in confusion. 

"what?"

"i miss your stupid encouragement, okay," he blurts out suddenly. "and i miss talking to you. i want...i want you to help me with my play."

you let out a shaky exhale, crossing your arms over your chest and trying to gauge his mood. he could just be saying all of this to get what he wants and make his life easier.

"what's wrong with the drama teacher?" you ask him. "she's nice. i'll even ask her if you can-”

"she's not you."

you swallow the lump in your throat at his words, panicking slightly at how your heart and stomach just reacted; you should not be so effected by him after the way he's treated you.

"that's kind of the point," you tell him, voice strong despite the way you're shaking inside. "it seems as if that's what you wanted the other week."

he lets out an annoyed huff, taking a few steps closer to you and looking straight at you. 

"that was wrong and i'm sorry, y/n, i am," he says to you, watching your gaze soften as he all but begs you. "but i'm trying here. and i need your help."

you truly take the time to assess him, look him up and down to gauge if he really is trying -  you suppose you won't really be able to tell until you start working with him though. 

and you can't ignore the fact that, no matter how he's treated you or anyone else, he's here and genuine and asking for help again.

a sigh leaves your mouth as you shake your head at him, cursing the fact that's he's not only handsome but persuasive (or at least sly enough to pick the right victims that can't say no to helping people).

the silence that stretches between you two makes him ready to jump out of his skin, not knowing at all what to make of your flickering eyes and blank expression.

he nearly topples over when you mutter out “fine. but all the same conditions still apply, seonghwa. even if you're...embarrassed to be seen with me, we still have to do the work and-"

"i'm not embarrassed," he's quick to clarify, your eyebrow shooting up at his blatant lie. "i'm not," he repeats.

you shake your head at him before taking out your car keys and swirling them around your finger. 

"well, whatever, it doesn't even matter," you tell him quietly. "just get ready to start working next week, okay?"

the boy nods, thanking you one more time and feeling a twinge in his chest when you smile back and send him a little wave. 

he didn't expect to feel so much lighter after the conversation, no longer having a pit in his stomach or hearing that small voice in the back of his head scream at him.

but because he's not completely reformed, he distracts himself with one of the many girls interested in him or with his friends as they smoke and drive around their boring little town.

the boring little town that has an eerie little cemetery just a few blocks from his house.

most days when he walks home, he goes the opposite way because there's something very unsettling to him about death and dying and mourning. he hadn't dealt with any loss in his life properly, going off the rails when his dad left and then again with alcohol and drugs when his grandpa died.

he was actually buried right in that cemetery and for whatever reason that sunday night, something was telling him to pass by and visit.

he turns the corner and catches the sight of your hair, stopping in his tracks to watch as you open the old, iron gate and walk right in the dark cemetery alone.

"what are you doing," he mumbles curiously to himself, his interest fully peaked as he speeds up his footsteps to follow after you.

he watches you weave in and out of the headstones, backpack in one hand and blanket in the other as you stand in front of a tombstone and bow your head to pray.

if anything makes him more uncomfortable than death, it's religion. 

maybe because he's not sure himself what or who he believes in, fascinated by people who can fully put all of their faith in something that has no proof. 

regardless, he waits until you raise your head and lay out your blanket, placing a few books down next to you as you sit criss-cross style in front of the tombstone.

"so this is how you live on the edge huh? sneaking around a cemetery at night."

you jump at the teasing, deep voice, snapping your head to the side and smiling slightly at the sight of seonghwa. 

he's dressed in his usual all black, a sliver chain hanging from his neck and a beanie over his dark hair - devastatingly handsome, per usual.

"no sneaking," you tell him. "but that's you, apparently. i didn't even hear you come in."

he shrugs his shoulders as he sticks his hands in his pockets, eyes curiously taking in his surroundings. you watch him look around the cemetery with slight discomfort, his eyes focused on the back corner where a large oak tree stands.

"so were you actually following me?" you ask him, causing him to rip his gaze and look down at you. "or are you here to see someone?"

a few beats of silence pass before he answers.

"would it be weird to admit i followed you?"

a smile covers your face, teeth in your bottom lip as you try to contain a laugh. 

"not much weirder than me spending my sunday night in a cemetery, i suppose."

a short, deep chuckle leaves his mouth as he rocks on his feet, looking down at his boots so you don't see his own smile forming. 

"guess that's true,” he mutters lowly but you’re able to somehow catch it. he looks up when he hears your hand tapping on the blanket-covered ground. 

"you can sit, if you want."

for whatever reason, he accepts the invitation immediately. he keeps a good distance between the both of you, his butt just hanging off the edge as he can't help but stare at the headstone in front of him.

he wouldn't dare ask about it because how can he just so casually ask which dead relative of yours you're sitting in front of?

"my mom," you say quietly, because it's hard not to know what he's thinking. "she died giving birth to me."

his eyes widen at your confession, a low curse leaving his mouth. 

"shit."

you nod your head, placing your chin on your hand as you look at the death date. 

"yeah. it's always a little weird to see my birthday as the day she died."

seonghwa watches your face as you look at the tombstone, surprised not to see sadness or sorrow but the same look of compassion and pureness that always seems to be on your face. 

and now with the glow of the moon on you, he's realizing that you are kind of pretty. in a unique, natural way but pretty nonetheless.

if he thought he was surprised to be thinking these thoughts at a moment like this, he's even more surprised when he finds himself asking, "why do you come here then?"

the question holds no malice or judgement, just a genuine curiosity that you perhaps understand. while it's fairly common for people to visit their loved ones graves, it’s also something that some get uncomfortable with or don't understand.

"to talk to her, i guess. i think she'd wanna know what's going on in my life."

he mulls over your response in his head, nodding in understatement even though he doesn't really get it.

"what do you talk to her about?" and for the life of him, he can't understand why he's so interested in this. in you, all of the sudden.

you turn to look at him, slightly surprised that he's taking the lead in the conversation and showing an interest. you don’t want him to misconstrue your gaze on him so you quickly look back at the grave as you shrug your shoulders.

"anything really. i tell her about school or my dad's sermons or what i did during the weekend. sometimes i'll just read."

he nods his head again, looking over at the grave and wondering how much this piece of stone has heard about your life.

do you tell it how people treat you at school? how much you volunteer your time to help others and make them better? maybe even how you've been trying to help him but might see him as a lost cause.

he hears the sound of a paper rustling and turns his head to see you, pen in hand, scribbling down something on your book; even though it's nosy and intrusive, he peaks over out of curiosity.

"bucket list?" he asks aloud. 

a smirk pulls at your lips as you nod your head silently, scribbling down a #4 on the page.  "do you have one?" you ask him quietly, meeting his eyes that are boring into the side of your face.

"can't say i do," he hum, "although i definitely have a lot of stuff i wanna do."

"like what?" you ask, trying not to show just how interested you are in finally getting to know something about this elusive boy. it falls flat when you see him lower his head and shrug his shoulders, immediately closing himself back up.

"i don't know," he mumbles, suddenly feeling embarrassed and on the spot.

you let out a small giggle, turning the page and ripping out a piece of paper before handing it to him. he looks down in surprise before taking it from your hands, your fingertips brushing and he can't help but notice how cold your skin is.

"writing it down might help."

you place the pen in between you both, letting the book lie on your lap as you lean back on your hands; his eyes can't help but fall down to peak at the page.

"fall in love, get married, see the ocean," you hear his deep voice read before he sees ".....get a tattoo?!" he asks, voice raising slightly as he looks at you in surprise.

"is that so hard to believe?" you ask, a mock expression of hurt on your face. he chuckles trying to picture you with a sleeve of tattoos, your pastel pink sweater rolled up your arms and showcasing an array of colors.

"kind of, yeah," he laughs out, smiling when your own giggles rings through the cold night air.

"why do you even have one though?" he asks a few moments later, trying to distract himself from the way your giggle just made his heart swell. 

"don't only people who are like..." he cringes as he remembers you are both sitting surrounding by corpses. "don't you only make these when you're gonna die? get news that you have like a year left to live or something?"

and just like in the car that day, he doesn't think about how sadly cryptic your answer is. how odd the dreary words sound coming from the mouth of a high school girl whose only cares should be about prom or college acceptance letters.

"i could only have a year left to live," you tell him softly. "i could even only have a month left. you never really know, do you?"

he can only nod his head, furrowing his eyebrows because while your words ring true. 

"that's pretty fucking morbid, y/n."

a small chuckle leaves your mouth at his profanity, shrugging your shoulders as you turn around to look at him. 

"i guess but it's true though," you say, moving your hands side to side like you're showcasing a house and not a cemetery full of rotting bodies. "after all, look around."

a loud, surprised laugh leaves seonghwa's mouth as he looks at you, shaking his head half in amusement and half in astonishment - he’s never met anyone like you in his life.

"good point," he says, biting down on his lips desperate to quirk up into a large grin.

it's an odd place and time to spend the rest of the night sharing shy smiles and glances but it happens nonetheless.

by the end of the night, you're both convinced of something: you only further confirming your suspicions that this boy is so much more than the person he portrays himself to be and seonghwa thinking that maybe grandma sweaters and bucket lists aren't that bad after all.

the more you talked and spent time with seonghwa, the more you saw how great he was. 

you figured that night at the cemetery was a fluke, that if you ever dared mentioning it or tried to make it happen again he’d laugh in your face or feign confusion. 

so the surprise that ran through you when, at lunch, he plopped down in the seat across from you was truly overwhelming. you had looked side to side in confusion, thinking that maybe his friends all went out or that your budding friendship was all one big practical joke.

but his friends looked just as confused, eyebrows pinched together as they whispered and hit one another.

“your friend’s look confused,” you say quietly. “you should probably go back.” 

but without missing a beat, he just shrugs and takes out a tattered black notebook.

“fuck them.”

your eyes widen at his vulgarity, watching him with a curious, slightly cautious gaze before it softens as he meets your eyes. he holds out his book for you, a shy smile appearing on his face.

“i...wrote some of the beginning last night. do you wanna read it?”

the smile that lights up your face has that familiar twinge in his heart appearing, excitedly nodding as your fingertips brush when you take it. 

“the prologue,” you correct him gently as you read his opening lines. 

“the what?” he asks. 

a little giggle leaves your mouth as you continue to read, missing the way his eyes soften as he looks at you with admiration - but his friends don’t miss it. 

don’t miss the way he chooses to sit with you everyday for the next few weeks, the way your hands brush as you make edits on your paper and the way his eyes never leave you as you read over his corrections. 

“i’m gonna ask you straight up,” mingi asks when he’s over seonghwa’s one night. “what’s going on with you and church girl?”

the boy can only look up from his notebook, shaking out his aching hand as he raises his eyebrow at the boy. 

“what?” 

the taller boy can only roll his eyes, going over to the open window as he lights a cigarette. 

“you like her.”

“mingi...” seonghwa says warningly, not wanting to get into this right now; they’d been giving him shit every chance they got, poking fun at his newfound desire to succeed in school.

“i’m not giving you shit, i just wanna know,” the boy says, “because it seems pretty obvious.”

seonghwa rests his feet on his desk as he looks over at the boy, letting out a sigh when he sees how genuine and indifferent he looks. 

“i might,” he says because it’s a fact he’s been mulling over since that night at the cemetery. 

ever since then, he’s been overwhelmingly eager to see you and please you. 

he keeps wanting to show you time and time again that he’s capable of doing this work and tutoring the kids. keeps wanting to see that happy smile that lights up your face or your soft voice squealing about how good his play is coming along.

“you might,” mingi laughs out, blowing smoke out the window as he shakes his head. “you absolutely do.” 

“i’m gonna push you out that fucking window,” seonghwa grunts, a smirk crossing the boy’s face as he shakes his head.

“that’s not very holy of you,” his friend says, sarcasm and teasing in his tone. “what ever would y/n say if she found out you-” 

mingi’s words are quickly cut off by high-pitched yells as he watches a cup of pencils and pens go hurling towards him. 

and whether it be a twist of fate or just pleasant circumstances, tutoring sessions on one friday afternoon are cancelled for construction in the library. 

the both of you look at one another and somehow know it’s mutually decided that you’re gonna work elsewhere, even though it’s friday and there’s a party going on at his friend san’s house.

“we only have to work for an hour,” you tell him as you guys step outside the school. “i know there’s a party tonight.”

“do you wanna come with me?” he blurts out before he can even stop himself, shocking the both of you. 

the boy would laugh at the terrified, wide-eyed expression on your face if he wasn’t so thrown off by how quickly and impulsively he asked that. 

“i...uh...don’t think that’s a good idea,” you say quietly, eyes trained on the floor shyly. you nearly fall right down when you feel his hand on your jaw, lifting your face so your glossy, nervous eyes meet his.

“nobody would mess with you if i was there,” he says lowly, the protective, confident words causing you to swallow nervously. you only shake your head slightly, the feeling of his hand on your face so foreign and bare-minimum but sending your heart into overdrive. 

“it’s not that, i’m just... i wouldn’t do well there.”

i wouldn’t be allowed.

his eyes search yours for any hint of a lie, that maybe you actually wanna go but fear that stupid girls or guys would make fun of you for whatever idiotic reason they can think of tonight. 

your small smile assures him even further.

“i probably wouldn’t do well there tonight, either then,” he says, your eyebrows furrowing as you look at his eyes shining with certainty. you’re about to ask him to clarify when he removes his hold on your face, taking your smaller hand in his cautiously.

“what are you-”

“you drive here today?” he asks and you can only find it in you to shake your head. 

“we’ll walk to my house then?” 

you stare blankly at him before looking down at your intertwined hands, feeling a blush creep on your face as you’re successfully rendered speechless. 

you hadn’t really know what to expect or feel holding someone’s hand but it definitely wasn’t this feeling of closeness and warmth and excitement. 

when you look up and he sees the pinkness on your cheeks, he can’t help but smile. 

seonghwa looks down at you questioningly, raising his eyebrow and looking at you until you stutter out “ye-yeah that’s..good.” he intertwines your fingers and pulls you along the sidewalk, holding your hand and occasionally looking down at you the entire way to his house. 

he ends up missing the party that night in exchange for writing, editing and playfully rehearsing his lines with you. his chuckle fills the room when you dramatically read his lines, giggles leaving your mouth when he cringes at the fact he wrote some of this dialogue. 

he drove you home after the sun had set, your hands intertwined as they rest on the console. shy gazes and quiet giggles fill the car, your softly spoken “goodnight seonghwa,” ringing through his head for the rest of the night. 

and then much to his dismay, after three months of preparation and work with you, his play was due. 

you had worked together in the library one last time, your encouragement and assurance that he would absolutely get an a filling the boy with an unfamiliar feeling of pride and excitement. 

he had worked hard, you both had worked hard, and he’d never been so excited to hand in an assignment in his life; it all had paid off because he was able to showcase a big, 100% to you in red ink.

“seonghwa!” you squeal, clapping your hands in the empty library and throwing your arms around him without a second thought. “i told you you were gonna do amazing!”

he can’t even think about your words with your arms around him, the feeling of your body against him the final confirmation for him that he 100% absolutely likes you (as mingi so juvenilely put).

you feel his body stiffen and realize what you’ve done, quickly drawing your arms back and flushing as you quietly apologize. 

but just as the words leave, his arms are around you and your head rests on his chest. once you’ve recovered from the shock, you allow your own arms to slowly go back around him, the two of standing in the empty library wrapped in each other’s arms. 

it’s a strangely intimate hug for just a good grade on a paper, your arms tight and hearts pounding as you feeling a buzzing in the air changing everything you’ve worked to build over these past months. 

“do one more thing for me, y/n?” you hear him lowly ask in your ear. 

you meet his gaze nervously, biting your lip as you stare at him with a wide-eyed gaze. “what?” you squeak, your voice barely coming out. 

“let me take you on a date.”

convincing your father to allow you on a date was one thing but convincing your father to allow you on a date with park seonghwa was damn near impossible. 

“dad,” you whine for the twentieth time that day.

“y/n, i’m telling you, i’m not comfortable with this.”

“you’re not even giving him a chance, dad,” you tell him softly at the table, your eyes trained on the clock that reads 6:50. “he’s gonna be here in ten minutes.”

whether your dad approved or not, you were going on this date. 

you had gone your whole life without dating or boys or even having a crush and now you were overwhelming ready to try it out. despite your nervousness and despite the fact you have absolutely no experience, you’re excited.

seonghwa has brought out something in you that was suppressed for so long, that you only read about in books or watched in other couples - now with your shy smiles and intertwined hands under the table at lunch, you’re convinced that he’s your first love. 

“y/n, i’m uncomfortable with this for more than one reason,” he says, sadness and apprehension in his tone; it makes your heart sink a little bit. 

why does he have to bring this up now? why can’t he just let you have one night to be a normal teenager?

“why, dad?” you ask, voice far too even and calm even though you already know where this is headed. he can tell too, because he grabs your hand from across the table and squeezes it apologetically. 

“i’m not trying to upset you,” he says, “i just don’t know if you should start something when...”

“i’m fine though. i feel fine.” 

his face turns into one of shock and confusion, not once hearing you snap at him; that’s when he notices that you look...different. 

a short-sleeved dress over your figure with a hint of blush and mascara on your face. your eyes flickering to the clock and door before back to him and he feels his heart pull in his chest. 

“i know you do,” he says, pulling his hand back and running it through his thinning hair. “you didn’t tell him, did you?”

“of course not,” you quickly get out. “there’s no need to tell him.”

“no need to-” the words die in his throat so he doesn’t start a fight or upset you just minutes before your first date. 

he knows that if you actually accepted to go out with a boy, you have to like him and there has to be some sort of...connection between the two of you. 

“what if this gets more serious?”

a knock at the door causes you both to jump, your neck snapping over to see seonghwa’s handsome face through the window. 

“then we’ll deal with that when it comes,” you tell him, voice serious and hushed. “just... please be nice, okay? he’s important.”

and with that, your dad watches you open the door and greet seonghwa with a smile, ushering him in as you giggle when he says something lowly. you drag him over by the hand, seonghwa and your dad standing only a few inches away from one another a sight you’d truly thought you’d never see.

“hi sir,” seonghwa says, his voice deep but friendly as he outreaches his had. “it’s nice to meet you, i’m-”

“park seonghwa,” the older man finishes, taking the boy’s hand roughly and shaking it before dropping his hold. “i see your mother church every sunday but i can’t say the same for you.”

“dad,” you whisper, face flushing in embarrassment. 

“it’s okay, y/n,” seonghwa says quietly before he looks your dad in the face. “i...probably should go more but-”

“no need to explain yourself to me, i was just saying,” he tells him, watching the way seonghwa’s face falls slightly and you narrow your eyes at him. “where are you guys going tonight?”

“just dinner, like i told you,” you say, voice tight and arm grazing seonghwa in an attempt to bring him comfort; even if he doesn’t need comfort, you need his skin on yours to ground you. 

your dad meets his gaze, causing seonghwa to quickly confirm the plans.

“yeah, just dinner,” he says, comforted by your arm touching his. “i borrowed my mom’s car.”

a quiet hum leaves your dad’s mouth and seonghwa feels the nervous pit in his stomach growing, like he’s judging him for being a possible satanist who still borrows his mommy’s car.  

even if he was thinking that, he smiles warmly at the both of you before reminding him to have you home by ten. 

“will do, sir,” he says, already telling himself to have you home by 9:55 so if anything, he’s at least punctual. you all but drag seonghwa out of the house, waving to your dad and thanking the boy quietly when he opens the car door for you. 

he starts the car and there’s a few moments of silence before he lets out a frustrated sigh. 

“he hates me.”

you let out a soft giggle as you shake your head, tapping his arm playfully. 

“he doesn’t, he’s just...protective.” 

seonghwa only looks at you, completely unconvinced if the blank stare he’s giving you is any indication. 

“okay, maybe a little,” you agree softly, the boy rolling his eyes away from you despite the smile on his face. 

you watch him drive and admire his sharp features, wondering how and why on earth this boy asked you on a date in the first place. he turns to look at you when the light turns red, his eyebrow quirked up when he sees you’re staring at him. 

“what?”

“nothing,” you say, shaking your head before you shyly say. “i just can’t believe you asked me on a date.”

he bites his lip to hide his smile, taking his hand off the wheel and taking your hand in his. 

“you look pretty,” he says suddenly, causing you to sharply inhale and nearly choke on air. 

you never imagined someone other than a family member or elderly woman at church calling you pretty, completely thrown off and unsure how to respond. the pinkness creeping up on your cheeks is a dead give away that it’s effecting you, his eyes roaming over your face as his smile finally breaks through.

“really pretty.”

and so you don’t completely go mute and dumb, you tease “it’s just because i’m not in a grandma sweater.” 

he only rolls his eyes and taps you on the nose. “i’ve come to really like those grandma sweaters.”

a quiet giggle leaves your mouth and he can only smirk as he looks back at the road. 

the light turns green and your heart flutters ever so slightly when instead of disconnecting your hands, he brings it to his lips to press a soft, sweet kiss.

your hands don’t disconnect when he pulls up to the restaurant nor when you walk in and wait to be seated. 

you look around at the other couples in the area and that’s when it hits you that you’re one of them. that right now, you’re on your first date and have absolutely no idea what you’re doing. 

“what’re you looking at?” he quietly hums in your ear, watching you look around at the other young couples embraced in a handhold or back hug. 

“nothing,” you say quietly before looking up at him. “i just... i’ve never been on a date before.”

his lips press against your head and you hear him laugh against it, your eyebrows furrowing as you smack his stomach lightly. 

“stop laughing,” you whine.

“but you’re cute,” he hums lowly. 

he hears you let out a sigh and disconnects his lips from your head, taking your cheeks in his hands and ignoring the way your eyes widen at the contact.

“just take a breath for me, okay?” he says lowly, staring down at your wide-eyed gaze and feeling such an overwhelming desire to kiss you. “it’ll be fine. there’s nothing to worry about.”

“but i don’t kn-”

“seonghwa, table for two,” a female voice interrupts. his eyes widen teasingly as a quiet gasp leaves his mouth. “let’s go, baby.”

and, of course, he was right. 

it was fine. 

the second you sat down and looked over the menus, you fell into a natural and teasing conversation that carried on for the rest of the date. everything was always light-hearted and fun, never delving into serious topics or issues. 

he paid the bill after eyeing you the second you pulled out your wallet, a blush crossing your face as you quietly mumble out your gratitude. he took your hand in his, you shyly looking down and watching your fingers intertwine as he leads you through the parking lot.

“where are we going now?” 

you look up at him and see him watching you with a small smirk, probably from the permanent blush on your face, and relishing in the fact that he’s the one that put it there. 

"you’ll see.”

the two of you walk hand-in-hand across the street, tiny squeals leaving your mouth as seonghwa abandons the crosswalk signs and runs straight across. low chuckles leave his mouth as he tightens his hold on your hand, dragging you in front of him and shaking his head.

“you think i’m gonna let you get hit by a car?”

“i just don’t know why you couldn’t wait,” you say, amusement in your voice. “do you have to always prove you’re just such cool rule-breaker?” 

his eyes widen at your uncharacteristic snark, a smirk playing at his lips that only makes your small, smug smile grow wider. 

“rule-breaker, huh?” he hums. “is that what you really think of me? i got a 100 on my play, you know.”

a laugh bubbles out of your mouth as you roll your eyes playfully, your heart soaring because you just know how proud he actually is of that. something about it is so cute, that he now knows he’s capable of succeeding and doing well.

“oh right, i’m sorry,” you tease, looking up at him to admire his smiling face in the setting sun. you don’t know if it’s just because you hadn’t known him well or only saw him in bad situations but you never noticed just how sweet his smile is. 

you see the exact moment something in his eyes change, your gaze following his before you let out at tiny gasp.

to all the places this boy could’ve taken you, like some sort of underground ring or a crazy house party, you’re both standing in front of-

“a playground?” you squeal, trying to contain the childlike excitement building in you. 

“yeah, is that stupid?” he asks, an unsure smile on his face as he looks down to gauge your reaction. he watches your eyes traveling from the swings and slides, feet wiggling beneath you and feels his heart soften even more. 

your neck then snaps up to look at him, a shy smile on your face as you quickly shake your head. 

“not at all,” you say, tightening your hold on his hand. “i just wouldn’t expect that from you.”

“and why’s that?” he asks, dipping his head ever so slightly as his words fan over your ear. “it’s against the rules to go into a playground at sunset.”

your eyes widen when you look up at, a tiny scoff leaving your mouth. but before you can get the words out to chastise him, he pulls you towards the fence that is short and easy enough for you both to climb over.

“are you sure you’re okay?” seonghwa asks, bent down with his hands on your knees, watching you breathe heavily as you sit on the swing.

the two of you had run around the playground like children, racing down the slide and then chasing after each other when one of you lost. 

you squealed as he caught you around the waist, his hands digging into your hips and nearly making your heart explode. he was always quick to loosen his hold and take his hands off of you afterward, demanding a rematch as you watch him run up the steps. 

“yeah, i’m fine,” you say, leaning your head against the cold chain and flooding with relief. “just out of shape.”

a scoff leaves seonghwa’s mouth as he watches you carefully; you don’t look out of shape. 

“i’m fine, seonghwa,” you whine, feeling his gaze still on you. he only narrows his eyes, rubbing your exposed skin before standing up and plopping down on the swing next to you. 

the two of you swing in a comfortable silence for a few moments, admiring the dark sky and singing cicadas. head still on the chain, you turn yourself to look over at him and he must feel your gaze because he does the same, eyes roaming over you because he doesn’t like how lethargic you’ve become.

“thank you for asking me on this date,” your soft voice says suddenly. “i...i had a lot of fun.” 

he watches your cheeks warm with a smile, holding his hand out for you to grab again. 

you take it immediately, his eyebrows furrowing at how small and bony it feels in your hand - have you always been this small?

he pushes down the thoughts because he doesn’t wanna ruin this moment, be distracted from the soft smile on your lips and the pink on your cheeks.

“yeah?” he hums. “i felt some pressure, being that it was your first and all.”

a quiet giggle leaves your mouth as you shake your head. 

“well it was perfect so good job,” you say, “another 100.”

he snorts at your nerdy comment, turning his face away to hide his smile and look at the rest of the playground. 

he hadn’t come to this playground in years, remembering it so vividly from his childhood. how it seemed so big and scary, like some sort of deathtrap that he could only handle because he had someone next to him.

“i used to come here a lot, you know.”

“oh yeah?” you ask, voice happy and light as you picture a young, exuberant seonghwa. 

“mhm,” he hums, a lump suddenly in his throat as if it’s begging him not to say his next few words. some part of him wants to tell you, break down some unfamiliar, vulnerable side of him in an effort to show he really is trying for you. 

and what better way to do that than woefully spilling about his absent father? 

but then when he finally says, “i used to come here with my dad,” he wishes he hadn’t. it’s embarrassing and kind of humiliating to talk about these types of things with a person you’re starting to-

“that’s sweet,” you tell him softly, smiling over at him warmly. “he sounds like a good dad.”

“he left us a few years after.”

your body stills and veins run cold when those words leave his mouth, your heart tugging in your chest at the sad, short way he says it. 

“oh.”

an awkward chuckle leaves his mouth as your surprised response, rubbing the back of his neck anxiously in fear that he just ruined the vibe between you both. before he can try to backtrack, however the hell one could backtrack something like that, he feels your hand squeeze his. 

“i’m sorry.”

he looks over at your soft, sympathetic gaze and smiles sadly, feeling the overwhelmingly need to cup your cheek and brush over your soft skin.

“not your fault,” he says. 

you move further into his touch, swallowing at the way his eyes roam over your face.

“well, it’s not yours either,” you squeak out, unsure of what exactly to say to comfort him but wanting to so bad. 

because sometime within these months, you’ve discovered what a kind, sensitive person he actually is. how all of his troublesome behaviors and bullshit was just covering up for the fact he was sad and frustrated and maybe a little lonely.

he lets out a scoff, that overwhelming urge to kiss you coming back with a vengeance.

“where were you years ago,” he laughs out, thinking back to his middle school self creeping through the schoolyard and etching his rage onto the brick of the school. 

because for some reason, the boy had convinced himself it was all his fault.

that his dad had gotten tired of his bad grades and snarky backtalk and the fact that he never listened to him. it took him up until a few years ago, when the sadness turned to anger, that he knew his dad left purely due to the fact that he was just an asshole.

you smile sadly watching him stare blankly, knowing his mind is probably going to all sorts of sad places. to a time in his life where he blamed himself and didn't know how to properly cope. 

if you had known, you would've done what you did now. offer him your support and friendship and let him know someone will be there for him.

"i'm here now though," you remind him quietly, moving the swing back and forth, in sync with the way your thumb starts gently brushing over his hand. 

it's like he needed that touch to bring him back to reality, his blank eyes turning to look at you and wonder if you're even real.

the way he's looking at you causes you to nervously fidget, the intense softness of his gaze making your stomach and heart go into frenzy. so much so that you shyly look away, focusing on the way your hand always looks so small in his.

you feel him bring his swing closer to yours, holding himself right beside you and lifting your chin gently. his gaze immediately falls to your lips and you let out a shaky, nervous exhale, your eyes darting across his face because you've definitely read about this before.

the buzzing energy before a kiss, the way someone's eyes lower and tongues dart out to lick at their lips.

"i wanna kiss you," you hear him mumble, his eyes moving to yours and his heart dropping when he sees your wide-eyed gaze. he also sees a hint of curiosity though, a hint of the same desire and need in yours.

you swallow again, your own eyes falling to his lips before back up to him. 

"i... might be bad at it,” you whisper, voice caught in your throat.

if your statement didn't make his heart hurt in the best way possible, your eyes proved to be the bigger weakness. proved to make a smile spread across his face, a short chuckle leaving his mouth as he shakes his head at you.

"that's not possible," he hums, his gaze boring right into you, like he's waiting for any sort of permission. 

after you let out another shaky exhale and close your eyes, you feel his lips press lightly against yours.

and while it's a careful, slow kiss, it doesn't take away from the fact that it's perfect. 

that it makes your insides warm and flutter and brings an immediate blush to your face. that after a few moments, he pulls away and rests his forehead on yours and makes you feel like that was the nicest thing to ever happen to you.

you take a few calming breaths before opening your eyes, dropping them shyly when you see him looking right at you.

"see," he mumbles, placing a kiss on your cheek, and then the other, before a finishing one on the tip of your nose. "not possible."

a flustered, girlish giggle leaves your mouth that he can't help but also laugh at, rising from his spot on the swing before standing in front of you with his hand outreached.

"what?"

his lips turned into a frown before he kneels down in front of you again, placing his hands on your bony knees. 

"as much as i don't wanna leave you right now, i gotta get you home."

true to his word, he gets you home five minutes before ten, silently hoping your dad notices and logs in it the back of his mind where his lack of church attendance is also stored.

because even though he sleeps in on sundays and kissed his daughter two more times, he's really hoping he'll be okay when he comes to pick you for date number two next week.

date number two turned into date number six and then over the next few months, you both had started to lose count.

if you weren't together at your house, doing homework and midterm projects in the living room, you were at the cemetery or playground. 

leaned back against his chest on a blanket, his arms wrapped around your waist as he hums quietly against your head. his hands grazing the small of your back as he pushes you on the swing and watches you tip your head back in the air.

tonight's date, however, was a surprise. 

he had told you on monday to clear your schedule for saturday, silencing you with a peck of the lips any time you pressed him further. your constant questioning served to be of no use because even in the car on your way to the surprise, he wouldn't budge.

if anything, he made it worse by then whipping out a blindfold and securing it around your face at a red light.

"do you trust me?" he had asked, tucking a piece of hair behind your ear. you only let out a sigh, lips turning into a pout because "of course i do." 

that right there sealed your fate for being completely blind for the next twenty minutes.

you feel the the car suddenly stop, the scent of salt hitting your nose through the open window and making your eyebrows furrow together; you had never smelt anything like this before.

"i'm gonna get out and open your door, okay?" he tells you, the sound of his door shutting quickly followed by yours opening. 

you reach out your hand for him to grab, a foreign softness under your sneakers when you step out. he guides you for a few minutes with your blindfold still on, letting out huffs and grumbles every now and then that were silenced by his laughter.

and then when you hear what sounds like crashing water and the loud chirp of a seagulls, you hear his voice from behind you tell you take it off. 

a gasp leaves your mouth that lights up his entire face.

"number three, see the-"

"ocean!" you squeal, turning around to throw your arms around him gratefully. his laugh is muffled against your head, lips pressing a kiss on top on your hair.

"thank you, seonghwa," you say, tightening your arms around him as you press your chin into chest, looking up at him with a bright, excited smile. he can only find it in himself to smile back, take your face in his hands and place another full kiss on your lips.

luckily, your kissing has gotten a lot better with practice. 

pressing up on the tips of your toes to deepen it, your mouths gliding and parting as a breeze from the ocean hits both of you. when you pull apart, his eyebrow raises mischievously, both at your new found boldness and the prospect of exploring the ocean, so he takes your hand in his.

"you're welcome, baby. now let's go."

he pulls you toward the water as your giggles ring through the salty air, squealing when you feel the freezing water on your bare feet and jumping in seonghwa's arms when a big wave splashes up and hits your leg.

he completely uses that to his advantage, tightening his hold on you and running further out into the ocean. he doesn't care that his pants get soaked and his feet go numb, because your loud laugh and squeals of his name have come to be his favorite sound.

you eventually jump down and deal with the consequences that are freezing bones and a wet dress, running away and splashing through the ocean before he catches you by the waist and twirls you around.

but then he notices that concerning, lethargic wave hit you when you grab onto his arm, something he’s been noticing more and more of these past few weeks together. 

he quickly ushers you out of the ocean, guiding you onto the towel that he laid out as he wraps his arm around your shoulder.

"what happened?" he asked, voice full of concern. "are you okay?"

you insist the you're fine. that the waves of the ocean were rough and that you're not used to it. 

you push him down when he asks again if you're okay, allowing your head to rest on his chest and watching the waves crash onto the shore as the sun sets below the horizon.

"i can't believe you took me to the see the ocean," you mumble against his chest, still in disbelief that this is the same seonghwa you've known your whole life. 

the same seonghwa who constantly wore a pissed off expression, punched anyone who looked at him funny and yelled at you during tutoring.

"i like to see you happy," he says, his words genuine, without a single hesitation which makes you burrow your head and smile into his wet shirt. "which is why i have another plan for us."

you perk up at this words, lifting your body and sitting cross-legged beside him. "another surprise?" you squeak excitedly, reminding him of a child on christmas day.

"yup, another surprise for my girl," he says teasingly, sitting up to peck your cheek. "and if you say yes, you'll be my tattooed girl."

he has to keep his poker face on but it proves to be a challenge with the way your face drops, eyes wide and skin paling as you stare at him blankly. "wh-what?"

"yeah, i figured we'd just cover number four too," he says sweetly, faking it just a little bit to sell his point. "so i looked up tattoo shops around here and-"

"what?!" you squeal out again, feeling panic start to creep in your veins. "seonghwa! i-i can't actually-"

"but why not, baby?" he asks, the smirk tugging at his lips uncontrollable. "it's on the bucket list."

"okay, yeah, but you don't have to do everything on it."

his eyes narrow at you, tapping you on the nose that you naturally scrunch. 

"i think you do when there's only four things on it." 

your eyes remain wide and panic-stricken, staring at him mouth agape like he's grown five heads.

"seonghwa," you manage to get out, "you have to be- you're joking, right? you have to be joking. i can't go home to my dad with a freakin'-"

your words halt when you watch him throw his head back in laughter, wrapping his arm around your shoulder as he pulls you into him. 

"of course i'm joking, baby. do you really think i'd bring you home with a freakin' tattoo?"

heat rushes to your cheeks as you push him over, slapping his chest playfully and yelling at him for being so mean and scaring you. he's quick to push you onto your back, holding himself above you and peppering kisses over your face and cheeks as an apology.

"that's why i got these," he says after he pulls back, fishing in the back pocket of his jeans and pulling out five white cards. your eyebrows pull together in confusion, lifting yourself up and gasping when you see an array of temporary tattoos.

"these are perfect!" you squeal, taking them in your hand and examining each of them as if they're not gonna fall off by the time you get home; after careful consideration, you pick out a purple butterfly.

"i want this one. you pick now," you tell him with a smile, laughing when he goes with the identical butterfly in pink. the both of you run to the ocean, securing your tattoos in matching spots with cold salt water.

"this is so nice, imagine i really got one," you say, twisting your wrist as you hold your arm out in front of you. you look over to see him watching you softly, feeling a blush creep up on your face.

"what?" you say, shy embarrassment suddenly in your tone.

"nothing," he says causing you to shrug and look back at your tattoo.

his brain screams at him that he has to tell you, that this night can't end without him telling you and that it’s most definitely not nothing.

ten minutes later, with your head resting against his chest watching the steady ocean waves gain, he quietly says your name. 

you hum questioningly against his chest, feeling your eyes grow heavy at the tranquility of... everything. of his presence and the ocean and the way your life just seems so-

"i love you."

and just like that, all the tranquility is gone.

you rip your head away from his chest, eyes darting to his to see such raw vulnerability and love shining in his eyes. you can't control the way your own widen, the way your heart and stomach twist and turn into knots and make you feel even more nauseous than usual.

because he can't love you. he can't. 

something could happen at anytime and take you away from him and then what's gonna happen? you can't be responsible for hurting him and making him feel sad, even if you're-

"now would be a good time to say something," he says lowly, feeling his heart sink at the evident panic on your face.

but then he starts to panic when he sees your eyes fill with tears, backing away from him slightly as you shake your head at him.

“y/n?” he asks, holding his hands out as he walks closer to you, proving he’s not a threat to you.

"and on one more condition, seonghwa."

he raises his eyebrow at you, nodding his head as he looks at you awaitingly. because he knows it's probably gonna be something stupid like to try his very best or make it from the heart. but the last thing he expects to hear is:

"you have to promise you won't fall in love with me."

"uh...yeah, okay, that shouldn't be a problem."

"i.. i told you not to fall in love with me."

his heart sinks at the flashback, watching tears stream down your face and not being able to help the way he reaches out and takes you in his arms. he thinks you're probably just scared and vulnerable, not used to the feeling of loving someone and giving another person your entire self.

but neither is he.

and that's why, with his lips against your head, he tells you not to be scared.

 that he'll wait until you're ready to say it back and that you'll learn to do this together. 

he thinks it must calm you down a little because your arms wrap around his waist and you burrow your face in his damp shirt, muffling your cries and sobs against his shirt.

but your cries and sobs only continue later the night, putting on a strong front for the car ride home. 

seonghwa kept his hand in yours, intertwining your fingers and occasionally bringing them up to his mouth to kiss; every time he did it, you looked over and smiled at him and tried to show through your eyes how much you loved him back.

but then the second you got home and your dad saw your face, he knew.

"did he tell you?" he asked gently, his heart breaking at the sight of your red cheeks and teary eyes. 

he watched park seonghwa fall in love with his daughter before his very eyes, the more evident it came the more awful he felt in his gut about it.

you can't even talk without sounding broken so you only nod your head, nearly collapsing onto the couch and hiding your face in your hands.

"you knew this was gonna happen," your dad says, not wanting to say i told you so but knowing from the start how reckless and tragic this was gonna be. "you have to tell him. be fair to him, y/n."

but nothing's fair. 

nothing about any of this is fair and you should've known life was getting too good. that you should've been expecting what tragic events were about to come.

“let’s take our bets now,” san says from his table at lunch. “is he gonna sit with her today?”

“when was the last time he sat with us?” yeosang grumbles, looking around the boy’s faces that hold a mix of anger and hurt. “he’s definitely not.”

they hadn’t seen much of seonghwa at all, really. 

missing him by the time they all gathered in front of the school after the final bell or going to his house on the weekends just for his mom to inform them he’s already out. 

and while most of them didn’t care, the older boy with hard eyes and a ticking jaw has been taking the ‘betrayal’ the worst.

“who knew he’d become such a little bitch,” hongjoong snarls. “and for her, nonetheless.”

mingi and yunho share a look, the two of them kind of caught in the middle; they’re best friends with hongjoong, have been by his side since elementary school and don’t intend on breaking that alliance. 

but they’re also close with seonghwa and see how different he is now. 

how much happier he seems because you’re in his life. they had even met you briefly after school and while you were a bit shy, there was something genuine and warm about your smile that they instantly liked. 

“she’s good for him, i think,” yunho dares to say, hongjoong’s narrowed eyes snapping to him. 

“how could she be?” the boy snarls, embarrassed that anyone he associated with could be connected to the snobby, holier than tho type like you. “i bet she doesn’t even put out.”

“i bet it’s not about that,” mingi says quietly, stiffening ever so slightly when he notices both of you come through the door. 

and like seonghwa always does, he sends them a nod of his head before sitting down across from you. your bumping arms and loving smiles make it obvious to everyone what’s going on between you two. 

hongjoong can only watch for so long seonghwa be a ‘lovesick bitch’ towards you. rolling his eyes when he watches him fawn over you, getting your food and drinks and not allowing you to lift a finger. 

(he doesn’t know it’s because seonghwa’s getting more and more concerned about how fatigued you’re growing throughout the day, something in his gut telling him it’s way more than you forgetting to drink water or not getting enough sleep as your excuses say). 

when he watches his friend tuck your hand behind your ear lovingly, a move they both would’ve laughed at before seonghwa lost his balls, he decides it’s time to get his friend back.

“what’re you doing?” he hears his friends ask from behind him but he only waves them off, stomping towards the table and rolling his eyes when you meet his gaze first. 

“seonghwa,” hongjoong says, annoyance already in his tone. the boy looks up and he stiffens, immediately recognizing the look in his friend’s eye.

“hey,” he says, voice tight and cautious. 

do not fuck with her.

“are you done with this shit or what?” 

the anger bite in the boy’s words has your head dropping immediately, eyes focusing on your lap as you try to properly prepare yourself for the worst case scenario.

that’s exactly what happens the second seonghwa asks “what are you talking about?” because it’s like hongjoong goes off the rail, scoffing as he looks at his friend. 

“you’re kidding, right? you haven’t sat with us in months. we haven’t even hung out.”

“i’ve been busy...” seonghwa says but it sounds more like a question, completely thrown off by his friends odd behavior - what is even getting so mad about?

“with what? your girlfriend?” the last word twinged with disgust.

seonghwa’s eyes travel to you and the second he sees how uncomfortable you are, he stands up and towers over hongjoong.

“we can talk about this later.”

“no, i think we should talk about it now,” hongjoong says condescendingly, everything about his tone and stance making seonghwa’s fists clench. because he can tell it’s making you more and more uneasy. 

“what the fuck is your problem?” seonghwa asks lowly, pushing his friend back. 

“my fucking problem is you dropped all of us the second this bitch came along.”

the first time you brokenly get out “stop,” is when seonghwa’s immediate reaction is to grab hongjoong by the collar of his shirt, the low mumble of student’s voices when they see the first inkling of a fight. 

“don’t call her that.”

a sadistic smirk crosses hongjoong’s face as he stares into seonghwa’s dark, blazing eyes, seeing just how quickly he’s about to lose his control. the boy’s eyes then flicker to you, looking at them fearfully.

“let me tell you, y/n. your pussy must be something, i-”

seonghwa lands a punch on the boy’s face before hongjoong’s back is slammed against the wall, a hand around his throat as his eyes blaze down at him. 

"you better shut the fuck up.”

“why?” hongjoong laughs out despite the crushing weight on his windpipe. “you mean we’re not gonna share? i think we’re all very curi-

you hear yourself begging seonghwa to stop when he drops hongjoong to the ground, giving him a few forceful kicks in the stomach before the rest of the boys jump up. 

they grab the back of seonghwa’s shirt as you join them, trying to block out the way hongjoong and him are screaming and cursing back and forth despite the pounding in your head.

whether it be from the chaos of fighting or you’re already weakened, fatigued state, your vision blurs and your brain feels foggy before you whisper out seonghwa’s name. 

you feel an unfamiliar pair of strong arms around you before passing out and your world turns black. 

yunho carries you out to his car, mingi attempting to calm down seonghwa who hasn’t stopped calling your name frantically, cursing hongjoong and saying how this is all his fault. 

the two boys are quick to ground him, tell him that that’s not what’s important right now and instead deciding where to bring you. 

seonghwa rakes his fingers through your hair, your head lolled in his lap and he feels sick looking at how pale and sunken your face looks. 

“baby, what happened to you,” he mumbles out, his long finger coming out to trail over your cheek.

the second yunho pulls up to your house, seonghwa picks you up bridal style and rushes to your front door. your dad catches the sight through the window and nearly collapses in fear. 

“what the hell happened?” the older man asks frantically, terrified and haunted by how you look lifeless in the boy’s arms. 

“she passed out at school,” seonghwa grunts out, mingi and yunho awkwardly standing in the doorway watching him barrel through your house and rest you on the couch. 

he kneels down and runs his fingers through your hair again, the lump in his throat making it nearly impossible to speak. 

“i-i don’t know happened. she said she was feeling tired but-”

“you have to go.”

his head snaps up at your dad’s words, the man watching him with hard eyes and a pale face. seonghwa can only squint his eyes at him, shaking his head as you takes your hand in his.

“with all due respect, sir, there’s no way i’m-”

“you are,” he says, his voice hard and firm and such a contrast to the peaceful way he speaks in church. “you shouldn’t even be with her.”

the statement takes seonghwa back, his eyebrow raising as he squeezes your hand before standing up. 

“what?” the boy asks, making his way over to your dad. “why?”

“seonghwa, maybe we should just-”

“no,” seonghwa growls, his head snapping to the doorway before back at the older man. “why shouldn’t i be with her?”

the pain and worry in seonghwa’s eyes is overwhelmingly obvious, the love and care he has for you completely genuine and real, but right now that’s not your dad’s concern. 

if you were a normal, healthy teenager, he knows the boy in front of him would be perfect. 

but you’re not normal or heathy and adding another person into this mix of hurt and worry and pain is something he just can’t do, even with the fact in mind that you love him and he loves you. 

he knows it’s not his call to make and he’s being incredibly selfish but he does what he thinks is best at the time.

“because she’s too good for you. she deserves more and it’s selfish of you to think otherwise.”

the room, the house, the entire world seems dead silent after those words leave his mouth, seonghwa not only taken back and pained by the fact he said it but because it rings slightly true. 

he’s known since this started that you were too good for him and he didn’t deserve you. he’s been trying to prove himself worthy by treating you well, listening to all your dad’s rules and just being patient and loving you.

“i...even though that’s true-” seonghwa begins to say but the older man takes a step closer to him, his face full of anger and frustration as he tells him once more to leave. 

that’s when mingi comes in and grabs seonghwa by the arm, the boy fighting against his friend’s hold as his eyes move back to your unconscious body.

“mingi, fucking stop,” he screams, fighting against his friend’s hold and feeling himself grow more and more anxious the further he gets from your house. 

the hold on him doesn’t loosen until he’s put into the car, the two boys jumping in front and turning to see him bouncing his knee nervously. 

“how am i not supposed to be there,” seonghwa says as he looks at your house. “she’s gonna wake up and i’m not gonna be-”

“she’ll be fine,” yunho says gently, mingi nodding in agreement before adding on that your dad is there and everything will be fine. that you just need to rest and that you can talk tomorrow.

when seonghwa visits your house, both, saturday and sunday morning, your dad turns him away. 

tells him you’re too sick and can’t be around people right now. even when he pleas for just five minutes, just to talk to you and see with his own eyes that you’re okay, he still says no. 

it’s not until the man slams the door in seonghwa’s face that he lets his hard exterior down, his body deflating and eyes stinging because he hates that he has to do this. hates watching you sit on the couch not meeting his gaze.

“y/n, i’m doing this for-”

“don’t say it,” you snap. “i’m going to school tomorrow and i’m telling him.”

your dad lets out a sigh, sitting down next to you on the couch and running his hands over his face. “the doctor said...”

“one day isn’t gonna kill me,” you say, “i’m already dying.” 

your dad’s face falld before he quietly mumbles out his approval and goes into the kitchen, both of you crying separately, pretending like the both of you aren’t doing so, and wondering why this had to happen.

the tears just follow into monday, holding them back all day when seonghwa catches you before first period and takes you in his arms. 

“you scared me so much,” he mumbled against your head, his tight hold on you nearly crushing you but you don’t care; you both need this and you’ll only need it more later. 

later being when the library cleared out after tutoring. 

seonghwa noticed you purposely lingering by wiping down the tables and slowly putting your things away. he didn’t say anything, instead choosing to lean against the wall and admire you moving slowly around the room.

the room where you guys got to know each other. 

where you went from strangers to friends and watched each other grow. 

where he remembers being so defensive and wary of you because he couldn’t believe someone like you actually existed. 

you feel his eyes on you and smile at him with a raised eyebrow. 

“what?” 

but he only shakes his head, holding his arms out in front of him and causing you to roll your eyes; who would’ve guessed that the man with every full intention of ignoring you would grow to be the clingiest boyfriend known to man?

not that you’re complaining. 

you’re quick to make your way over and wrap your arms around him, your head resting against his chest and his hold on you tight and warm.

“are you sure you’re okay?” he asks, not being able to shake the feeling that something’s wrong with you. 

your stomach plummets when you realize the conversation is about to happen, that nothing is stopping it and now you’re here finally about to tell him.

“i’m okay,” you say, standing on your tippy toes to press a kiss to his cheek. his smile quickly falls, however, when you add on. “but there is something i need to tell you.”

his eyebrows furrow at the seriousness in your tone, taking one look in your already glossy eyes and seeing something is seriously wrong. as nervousness floods through him, he takes you by the hand and leads you over so you both can sit down.

“what?” 

his panic starts to increase more and more as the silence between you stretches, your tongue licking at your dry, chapped lips and your pale skin nearly translucent. 

every time you try to get the words out, he sees you close your mouth and eyes well with tears.

“you’re freaking me out, baby,” he says, squeezing your hand before taking the other. “please, just tell me.”

“i’m...i’m sick,” you eventually get out, swallowing the lump in your throat because you know that’s not good enough. you know that when his eyes narrow and he says he knows, that your dad told him yesterday, you just have to say it.

your first set of tears and sobs finally come, your face falling into your hands as you shake your head over and over. he thinks that scares him more than anything, watching how fast you break down and sob out apologies, barely able to acknowledge his arms around you.

“y/n, what? what is happening? please tell me.” 

you pull back and wipe the wetness off your face, lip trembling and voice shaky when you’re finally able to gather the strength. 

“i have leukemia.”

the words don’t sink in at first, his heart reacting but brain convincing him that, no, that’s not what you could’ve said. there’s no way you could have cancer. 

“no,” he says, shaking his head as a humorless laugh leaves his mouth. “you’re- you’re perfect, you can’t-”

“i was diagnosed two years and i’ve stopped responding to treatments.”

you watch through tears and a breaking heart as his head falls into his hands now, breathing in and out like he’s trying to prevent himself from having a complete panic attack. 

there’s no way you could have cancer. there’s no way you could have cancer and be dying when you’re a perfect high school student. there’s no way you would’ve kept something like this from him.

“and you... you’re just deciding to tell me this?” he asks, his head snapping up so you can finally see the tears in his eyes. “why the fu...why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

“i didn’t want you to feel weird or be different around me,” you whisper out quietly, “i was just gonna try to go on with my life and be normal and then just... die quietly or-”

he shoots up from his seat, the clattering of the chair falling back causing you to jump. you watch him pace around the room like he’s unhinged, his hands pulling at his hair as he shakes his head.

“die quietly,” he snarls out, his jaw ticking and tight and he wants so badly to punch something. “die quietly. what the fuck does that even mean?” 

you can only cry quietly watching him pace and digest the news, your head hanging low as the salty tears seep onto your lips. he’s walks over to you and kneels down, his hands on your knees as he looks up at you with teary eyes. 

“please tell me this a joke,” he says, his voice wavering and wet and broken. “please tell me you’re not...”

you can’t tell him that, so you don’t say a word. 

and it’s like that’s all the confirmation he needs to know his girlfriend, the first person he’s learned to love and the first person to ever see something in him, is dying.

he completely falls apart in your lap after that, cries wracking his body as your hands run through his hair. it’s the first time in two years you’ve ever felt scared to die. 

your condition worsens over the next few days, landing you in the hospital and seonghwa in a depression. he doesn’t leave his couch or eat for three days, his mom softly cooing and begging to tell her what happened. 

but it’s like he’s lifeless, his eyes void of anything but sadness, and it’s a sight that his mom can’t stand to look at any longer. 

she had noticed the change in her son immediately, used to his usual teen angst but quickly realizing this was so much more than that. 

she called out of work and sat down next to him, not saying a word but just stroking his hair the way she did when he was a child. 

she didn’t press him about anything, didn’t ask if something had happened with the lovely girl he had brought home weeks ago or if he wanted to talk about anything.

after an hour of just sitting with him in silence, he finally had the strength to say it aloud.

“my girlfriend... she has leukemia and she’s dying, mom,” he said, so straight-forward and matter of facty, like he’s not able to grasp that he’s talking about you. 

the woman feels her heart break for a moment, her eyes swarming with tears as she wraps him in a hug. 

“i don’t know what i’m gonna do,” he says once he’s able to speak again. “i... what am i gonna do without her? i love her.”

“i know you do,” she says gently, her heart truly aching for the both of you right now. “but she’s still here, seonghwa.”

the boy can only look at his mom watching him with her soft gaze, knowing his own face is a red, tear-stained mess. 

“what?” is all he manages to cough out.

“you should be with her right now, while you still can,” she says, not wanting to upset her son further but knowing he needs to hear this. “enjoy the time you have and make what she has left worth it. you both need that, don’t you?”

that was just the kick he needed to get off his couch and charge over to the hospital. barreling into your room and feeling tears come to his eyes again at the sight of you in a hospital bed. 

“seonghwa,” you weakly say, your lips quirking up when you see the boy standing in the doorway. your heart lifts when he smiles back at you, cautiously making his way over to you and whispering out an apology. 

“it’s okay,” you mumble out, leaning into his touch when he places his hand on your cheek.

“it’s not baby. i was an asshole.”

the last thing he expects to hear you do is giggle, sunken eyes shining as you look at his confused expression. 

“what could you possible be laughing about right now?”

“just that it takes me dying for you to admit that you’re an asshole.” 

and perhaps it’s too soon for you to be making jokes like that because his face falls as he backs away from you.

“that was a joke,” you say quietly, pouting in hopes that it’ll get him to lighten up. his lips only form into a thin line, teary gaze shooting around the bare hospital room before back at you.

“it’s not funny.”

you hold your arms out to him, uttering a tiny “come here.” he falls into them immediately, his head burying in your neck and you feel tiny, tears hit your skin ever so often.

“i’m sorry,” you tell him, feeling your own sorrow hit you. 

you’re not only sorry for your comment but sorry that you waited so long to tell him. sorry that you’re now putting him through this and that he’s gonna have to watch you grow weaker and weaker.

“please don’t,” he mumbles against your head. “you have nothing to be sorry for.” 

he knows by the look you give him that you think it’s a complete and utter lie but you really don’t have anything to be sorry for. he understands why you didn’t tell him and why you wanted to remain going on like a normal person.

because if you did tell him, he would’ve never dragged you all around the state on date nights and weekend getaways. he would’ve been far too concerned and nervous, fawning over you and choosing instead to do the same old thing you always did.

so you guys just agree to disagree, his lips crashing down on yours and you smiling against them before a very flustered nurse comes in and apologies for interrupting. 

given how much seonghwa never leaves your side, how from the second he gets out of school until he leaves (at his bribed time of 11:00 pm), you end up apologizing to every member of the staff. 

on the days you have the energy, you’ll walk hand-in-hand through the garden and slow dance with the elderly couple you’ve met; you guys had seen them dancing and they noticed your looks, smiling softly before all but forcing you to join them.

on the days that you have more often than not, when you feel tired and drained, he sits at your bedside or even crawls in next to you. 

your dad had walked in one night to see you both asleep on the tiny bed, seonghwa’s arms around you protectively with your head on his chest, and forgets that he never properly apologized to the boy.

“this is why i did it,” the man says to him the next day. 

they had left to get you soup you’d been craving, pushing seonghwa by his back and sending him a thumbs up despite the terrified expression on his face. 

“what?” 

the man looks at seonghwa as his eyes gloss over. 

“i didn’t wanna involve someone else in this heartbreak. i was... i was trying to spare you.” 

and while the boy can empathize with his reasoning, even feels slightly grateful for it, he finds himself shaking his head. 

“i love her.”

“i know,” the man says, putting his arm around seonghwa’s shoulder and squeezing it gently. how could he not when he sees the way you both look at each other? “she loves you too.”

“i know,” seonghwa says, smiling happily before taking a deep breath. “and that’s why i wanted to ask you something.”

and so it was a random wednesday night, summer break now in session and successfully keeping seonghwa at the hospital all day and night, when you completed your bucket list. 

when you whined at him to kiss you and his eyes lit up, like he was waiting for you to say something of the sort. 

“on one condition,” he says teasingly, his eyebrows shooting up playfully as your lips are just a few inches apart, so close to giving you what you so desperately want. 

“what?” you whine, your lips turning into a pout.

“marry me.”

the wedding was held at the church your dad preached out, a small group of your friends and family gathered for the celebration. it had been the happiest day of your lives, not a hint of a sadness or heartbreak despite the circumstances.

you ate and danced and sang like you were any other young bride, dragging seonghwa out on the dance floor who’s hold on you never loosened. 

he stepped on your feet and you got the cake in his nose but it didn’t even matter. you were able to get married and fall in love with park seonghwa and he was responsible for some of the best days of your life. 

seven months later, seonghwa finds himself walking through that same cemetery he (admittedly) followed you into. 

it was the place where he first realized there was something about you he was gonna fall in love with. where he saw just how much you were gonna effect and change his life. 

he had not only finally learned how to love but how to grieve. 

learned that he didn’t have to be destructive or hide behind his fake persona. that he had people in his life who cared about him and would be there to listen to him.

it’s how he’s coping day by day, knowing that the pain in his heart will never go away but that he’ll learn to live with it. that memories and reminders aren’t supposed to make you sad but serve as a way to carry on someone’s life.

with the blanket he has under his arm, he lays it out and places it in front of the grave. he drops down the flowers he’s brought every month since that devastating day and just begins to talk. 

“why do you come here then?” 

the question holds no malice or judgement, just a genuine curiosity that you perhaps understand. because while it's fairly common for people to visit their loved ones graves, its also something that some get uncomfortable by or don't understand.

"to talk to her, i guess. i think she'd wanna know what's going on in my life."

he mulls over your response in his head, nodding in understatement even though he doesn't really get it.

"what do you talk to her about?" and for the life of him, he can't understand why he's so interested in this. in you, all of the sudden.

you turn to look at him, slightly surprised that he's taking the lead in the conversation and showing an interest. but before he can misconstrue your gaze on him, you shrug your shoulders.

"anything really. i tell her about school or my dad's sermons or what i did during the weekend. sometimes i'll read."

he talks about his upcoming semester of school and how excited he is about it.

“i wish you’d be able to see me,” he says quietly, the lump forming in his throat making it difficult to breathe. 

he stands up to run his hand along the cold stone, his long fingers trailing over it before he moves back and looks over the engraving; a few moments later, he feels arms around his waist and smiles softly at the feeling. 

“you okay?” the soft voice asks him quietly. 

“yeah,” he says lowly, feeling the presence behind him move. “just telling her about school.” 

a quiet, soft hum rings through the air. 

“she’d be proud of you, you know.”

his eyes look over the grave once more before turning around, his eyes and smile softening. “i know.” he stands there silently, looking down at the headstone before picking up his blankets and saying his final goodbyes.

“see you soon, mom.” 

he turns around and meets your teary gaze, taking you in his arms and placing a kiss on the top of your head. 

“no crying, pretty girl.”

the doctors had called your remission nothing short of a miracle, transporting you to a different hospital where new treatments were being held. 

you all had been convinced that it was gonna be a waste, almost denying the treatment all together and letting the spot go to someone who’s family hadn’t come to terms with their loved ones death.

but then seonghwa’s mom came in and softly encouraged you to take it, her hand holding tightly onto yours like she knew you guys were gonna need each other come the time.

“you say that every time,” you sniffle, pouting as he wipes at the tears on your face. 

“because you cry every time.”

your soft giggle rings through the cemetery, your hands intertwined as you walk out of the squeaky gate that always reminds you of the night you shared your bucket list. 

(the bucket list that now has way more than four things on it). 

#did i say au #i mean the literal entire plot #nicholas sparks if you're in the ateez tag #ily #and i cant believe you killed her #seonghwa #seonghwa angst #seonghwa fluff #ateez #ateez angst #ateez fluff

[kpop---scenarios]

Obsession

Demon! Stripper! Kai x Reader 

Warning: Smut 

Requested by: @ninibears-erigom​

Moodboard by: @lovely-kpopp-blog​

Word Count: 8.6k 

A/N: I hope you enjoy!!! 

All your life you had been told to stay away from the Southside of your city. You were taught from an early age that the Demon’s who lived over there were monsters, as you could have already guessed. Your mother warned you time and time again that your soul would be stripped from inside you, taken by the monsters and given to the devil, who would then have a claim on your life. He would be able to force you to do whatever he asked of you, even if you tried to fight it. She instilled so much fear into you that you never went close enough to even see that side of the city. You always remained in the protection of the north side, the side of the humans. It wasn’t to say that you were never curious about the Southside though. Whenever you heard your friends talk about it, it peaked your curiosity but you had never been brave enough to defy your mother and end up in more trouble than you’d be able to handle. Through out the years your eagerness to see for yourself what it was truly like. If your mother had made up some sort of fictional concoction of a story to keep your far away, if your friends were in fact correct about it being a fun place to go. It wasn’t until one of your coworkers and friend, Angie had asked you if you wanted to go to her birthday party on Saturday. You had spent most of your time working too much, never allowing yourself to take a break to have any type of fun, so you immediately agreed. You had made the mistake of not asking where it was going to be held. Once Saturday rolled around, you were told to be ready for 9pm, that the party bus would be stopping by your place to pick you up. You took extra time that evening to do your makeup, giving yourself a smoky eye with red lips. You slipped on your little black dress, pairing it with a pair of red heels. Your hair down, curled almost to perfection. You were excited. At 9pm on the dot, you hear a few honks from outside. Quickly you grab your purse and your phone before heading out to be greeting by Angie and a few of your close friends. “Let’s go!” Angie yelled with a glass of champagne in one hand and a shot of something in the other. Your friends pass you shot after shot, trying to get you up to their level of drunk. It doesn’t take much for you, considering it had been months since you last drank heavily. You were far too preoccupied with drinking, dancing and laughing to notice where the bus was headed. It wasn’t until it had stopped and opened its doors that you realized you didn’t recognize the part of town you were in. “Where are we?” you laugh, getting out of your seat. “Southside at a strip club called Obsession.” Lisa smiles. “Southside?” you whisper, feeling a little panicked. “I know you’ve never been, and your mom told you some God-awful lies about it but trust me, you’re going to be fine. This club..” Angie pauses taking a deep breath while fanning herself. “Has the sexiest men I’ve ever seen" she huffs, making a lustful face. ‘Don’t worry, we’ll be with you the whole time" your other friend Jennie smiles. Taking a deep breath you nod your head, linking arms with your friends before walking into the club. The first thing you notice is the amount of smoke lingering in the room. Definitely wasn’t cigarette smoke, but from a smoke machine. The red lights didn’t do much to help the darkness, the music was over powering, you could feel the bass vibrate through your body as you walked further in. But somehow you felt.. at peace, calm and excited. Your nerves vanished the moment you walked in and was replaced with excitement. Looking over to your left, you see a crowd of women fawning over the dancer who was clearly enjoying the abundance of attention he was receiving. “That’s Suho" Jennie whispered in your ear. “He’s a very popular dancer.” You could definitely see why, his red hair stood out significantly, his muscular arms and abs were a sight for sore eyes. Moving along you come across a few more dancers on side stages like Suho, all of them with swarms of women desperately trying to get the men to notice them. “Chanyeol and Baekhyun and Yixing” Jennie tells you. “They’re very popular as well, along with Chen and Sehun over there" she says, pointing to two more overly attractive and muscular men on the other side of the room, all with the same amount of women surrounding their stages. “Why have you never brought me here before?” you question, even though you were pretty sure you already knew the answer. “You know why" Lisa chimes in, giving you a look. The four of you manage to get front row seats at the main stage, which was currently empty at the moment. “Whose stage is this?” you ask, placing your bag at your feet, and taking off your jacket. “His name is Kai.” Angie says. “He is the most popular one here. His moves are.. well they’re the work of the devil, I’m sure. He’s sinful, a delicious tease, the most seductive man.” “Avoid making eye contact unless you’re prepared to be wrapped around his finger” Lisa laughs. From behind you, a man clears his throat. “Hello ladies, my name is Minseok, can I get you beauties anything to drink?” he asks with a devilish smile. Why and how were all the men who worked here literally the most perfect men you had ever seen. They looked and acted exactly like humans, minus the obvious almost black eyes they all had. “Four rounds of tequila shots" Angie yells over the music with a big smile. Minseok chuckles slightly before nodding his head, and heading over to the bar. “I so want to fuck him" Lisa groans, watching him walk away while biting her lip. If you were being honest, you’d probably fuck anyone of them. That was, until Kai came out, and then your eyes couldn’t leave him as much as you tried. “Ladies, ladies, I hope you’re all ready for the main show tonight" the announcer says over the speaker. As soon as the first words left his mouth every single woman who had been previous melting over the other men, were now surrounded at the main stage, eagerly waiting the one everyone was obsessed with. “Welcome to the stage, Kai" he yells. You can barely hear the music over the loud shrieks of women behind you. Though, it quiets down awfully quick when the lights suddenly shut off, leaving you all in the darkness. As the music begins to get louder, a single spot light shines in the middle of the stage, you look right at the light, as you slowly see a man emerge from the darkness. The moment he enters the light, your jaw drops. This man, was the most handsome man you had ever seen in your entire life. Your heart raced as you walked him smile a sincere smile, and then like the flip of a switch turn into this incredibly sexy monster. The way his hips moved, his slow thrusts into the air, the devious smile that crossed his lips, everything about him hypnotized you, especially the blue hair that stood out on him. Kai takes a small running start, before getting on his knees, sliding towards the front of the stage. Directly in front of you. For a moment his eyes connect with yours, a smile creeping across his face as he stares at you. He sneakily winks at you before moving on to pay attention to other women. Your heart beats even faster, you find it hard as you try to catch your breath. “Now for the first time ever, one lucky woman will be brought on stage for a special dance. Who should it be?” the man over the P.A system announces. Everyone screams, begging for him to choose them. But you, you just sit there, still concentrated on Kai as you watch him smiling at everyone, while he tries to pick a special lady. He stands in front of you, a smirk on his face as he walks down the stares to stand directly in front of you, his hand extended. You slowly raise your head, your eyes meeting with his for a second time tonight. You feel a lump in your throat as you gently place your hand in his, everything else surrounding you is tuned out. It’s just you and him, up on the stage. “I’ve never seen you here before.” He whispers in your ear as he sits you down before straddling you. “My first time” you whisper back, nervously. “My friends brought me" “Well I am certainly glad they did" he smirks, beginning to grind himself on you. You feel almost paralyzed as Kai dances on you. You can hear your friends loudly rooting for you, and the other woman praising him. You’re still unsure of what to do with yourself, having this be your very first lap dance, you didn’t think you could touch him, although you wanted too badly. Your time passes in a blur. Kai steps away from you, offering you his hand again to pull you up, helping you down the stairs and back to your friends. You didn’t know what this feeling was that took over you, but you already wanted to see him again. As the night came to an end, you didn’t want to go home. You didn’t want to leave this club, you wanted to talk to him, to touch him. Your friends had to practically drag you out and back to the bus. That night as you laid in your bed, you swore you could still feel the lingering touches of his finger tips. You could feel his bulge grinding against you, leaving you yearning for more. You dreamt of the all the things you would do to him if you ever had the chance. The nasty things you never thought you’d be into came into play in your dreams. Waking up the next morning, you made a conscious decision to go back to the Southside. You mainly wanted to explore the forbidden side of town that you always wondered about, but a huge part of you desperately wanted to find Kai again. You didn’t know if he would even be interested in you but in this moment you didn’t care. You had no reservations about your plans, so you hopped out of bed and began getting yourself ready. An hour later, you’re exiting your taxi, that refused to cross the boarder to the other side of town, claiming he needed to keep his soul to enter heaven. You’d gladly give yours up if it meant you got to meet Kai again. Slowly, you walk down the sidewalks, admiring the large amount of stores, restaurants and coffee shops. You didn’t understand what your mother thought was so terrifying about this place. It was almost exactly like the North side, buy the people were just a little different.. and not human but you didn’t mind. You walked for a few hours before stumbling upon a small hole in the wall type coffee shop. With a smile on your face you walk in and up to the counter to order an iced coffee. You sat down at a table, admiring the small shop when you heard a few men a few tables away from you, murmur about a human in the shop. The nerves that you didn’t have before crept up into your stomach, making you want to leave as quickly as possible. As you impatiently waited for your coffee, you could hear them talk about how they wanted you, some of the things they would do to you if they had a chance to get their hands on you. You quickly stood up from your table, just as your coffee was set down in front of you. You mumbled a quick thank you before grabbing it and heading for the door. Peaking behind your shoulder, you see the men stand up and begin walking to the door the same time as you, their sights clearly set on you. You never should have done this. Clearly humans weren’t always welcome into every place on this side. Exiting the building, you quicken your pace down the sidewalk, the men’s foot steps behind you becoming louder as they keep up with your pace. You turn the first corner you find, now running to try and get out of their sight. You begin to pass by and alley, when a hand reaches out for you, pulling you in before softly slamming you against the brick building. Your eyes are closed, you’re terrified of what’s going to happen. The persons hand covers you mouth, not allowing you to scream, their body pressed against yours. “Don’t make a sound” the man whispers in your ear. Something about his voice is so familiar to you, it’s dark but calming, husky but smooth. You slightly peak one eye open, and are surprised yet relieved to see Kai is the one pressing his muscular body against you. The two of you stand still for a few moments, hearing the men shout, trying to find you. They pass by the alley without a look and continue on with their search. Kai releases you from his hold, stepping back from you. “I thought Demon’s were supposed to be good trackers or something” you said, a little confused. You had always been told that they would always find you if you tried to escape from them. Kai lets out a small chuckle. “That’s the first thing you say?” he questions. “but most of us are excellent trackers, like me and then some.. are not, like them” he explains. “Were you tracking me?” you ask, knowing it was probably a long shot but you felt the need to ask anyways. “I was.” He admits. “I almost crossed the boarder to the North side" he smiles. “Why?” you question. “Why did you want to find me?” “The same reason you came here to find me. You felt the pull, didn’t you?” he asks, stepping closer to you. “You wanted more from me last night, just like I wanted to strip you down and fuck you right on that stage. I almost wish I would have too" he whispers in your ear, tucking a strand of hair behind you ear. “I..” you begin but stop, not sure how to respond. “What do you want?” he asks. “Do you want me to fuck you?” Before your brain can even process what he was saying to you, your mouth had already answered. “Yes" you huff. Kai steps back from you again, putting a good amount of distance between you, which you didn’t like. “Come find me at the club tonight, around 1am.” He smiles before beginning to walk away. Before he gets too far he turns around to look at you one last time. “But this time, try not to get yourself in trouble” he winks before practically disappearing. Taking a deep breath, you quickly find your way back to the boarder and back to your side of town. You head home, ready to take a long ass nap after the eventful day you just had. As you crawl into bed, your phone rings before you can close your eyes. You groan as you see it’s your mother calling. You did not want to deal with any of her shit today, although you did kind of want to tell her that you crossed the boarder, but she might actually try to drag you back to your childhood home, despite you being in your late twenties. “Hello, mother” you sigh into your phone. “Where have you been? I’ve been trying to get a hold of you all afternoon" she yells. “I went out for a bit and forgot my phone. Sorry" you yawn. “You stayed on our side right? You know what will happen if you cross that boarder.” She says, her voice harsh. “Good lord mother, I’m old enough to make my own decisions. And for your information, I did cross the border to explore, and you know what? Nothing happened to me. I still have my soul.” You told her. The line was silent for a few second before the line went dead. She was so dramatic. Tossing your phone down, you rolled over, closing your eyes and quickly falling into a deep sleep, dreaming about Kai, again. ** At 12:30am, you made your way back to the border, hoping to maybe catch Kai's last dance of the night before the two of you went off to do whatever he had planned. Walking into the club, you felt the same sense of calmness you did on the first night you were there. Without any hesitation you made your way to the main stage where Kai was already dancing. Luckily for you, you managed to snag the a vacant front row seat, unnoticed by the other women who were too busy watching him slowly take his clothes off. You had to remind yourself more than once to close your mouth, not wanting to end up drooling everywhere. As the show came to an end, Kai was left in what you could only describe as a small speedo, leaving almost nothing to the imagination. You could tell he had a hard cock, and you couldn’t wait for him to stretch you out. Before he walks off stage he motions to you to head back stage to meet him. You can’t get rid of the smile across your face as you leave the crowd of disappointed women behind you to follow the sex god. When he asked you if you wanted to go over to his house, you should have said no. You didn’t even know this man, but somehow you felt like you could trust him. Ever since the dance he gave you, you couldn’t stop thinking about him, it was almost as though you were addicted. The two of you walked out the back door of the club to Kai's car. He opened the passenger side door for you, allowing you to slide in, twiddling your thumbs as you wait for him to get into the drivers seat. Kai turns on the radio as he pulls out of the back parking lot, heading towards his house. “You seem nervous" he says with a smile, turning his head to look at you. “I don’t know. I don’t feel nervous, though I know I should be.” You reply with a shrug of your shoulders. “Why? Why should you feel nervous?” he asks. “Because I don’t know you at all. I know nothing about you, yet I find myself wanting to be around you, close to you. It’s like I crave it.” You explain. “That would be my fault.” He chuckles. “What do you mean?” you ask. “I have the ability, when I decide to use it, to make someone become addicted to me, in sense.” He smiles. “Well that would explain why I couldn’t stop thinking about you" you whisper. “However. There’s something about you, y/n. Something about you that makes me crave you. Ever since I laid my eyes on you, I wanted you. No needed you. You’re like a drug, and I’m already hooked.” He smirks. Jongin stops his car in front of a lavish looking apartment building. The two of you walk in, you trailing a little behind Kai as you both step into the elevator. He presses the penthouse button causing the elevator to jerk and begin moving up. Kai stands close to you, his finger tracing the inside of your palm. The elevator dings and Kai grabs your hand, pulling you into his large place. He stands in front of you, staring at you. You’re unable to break away from his piercing gaze. Your breath hitches as he leans in closer to you, his plump lips almost touching yours. “If you don’t want this, tell me now, otherwise I don’t think I’ll be able to stop after" he whispers, eagerly waiting for your response. “Yes I want this" you breathe, closing the gap between the two of you by placing your lips on his. Kai deepens the kiss, pulling your body into his, keeping his hands on your hips. You wrap your arm around his neck, keeping yourself balanced as you melt into his kiss. He traces your lips with his tounge, wanting to be able to enter. You slightly part your lips, allowing him to slip his tounge in. His hands travel down your hips as he bends his body slightly, placing his hands behind your knees. He pulls on the a little, signaling you that he wants you to jump up. You jump, wrapping your legs around his waist, the kiss never breaking. He walks towards what you can only assume is the bedroom. Within a second, you’re thrown onto his bed, he stands beside the bed with a smirk on his face as he watches you attempt to catch your breath. He takes a step forward, pulling his shirt over his head, exposing his set of rock hard abs. You licked your lips at the sight of him, the oh so delicious sight. You wanted so badly for him to take off his pants and whatever underwear he was wearing underneath. You needed to see his cock, you wanted to put it in your mouth, sucking until he came and it slid down your throat. Without even realizing it, you had sat up, and began discarding your clothes which was the reason Kai had stopped. He was watching you slip your shirt over your head, revealing the red lace bra you hid underneath. He groaned as you stood up, unbuttoning your pants to reveal a matching set of red lace panties. Kai wanted so badly to slam you down on the bed and rip off your lingerie set, shredding it from your body. He wanted to taste you on his tounge, have you squirm beneath him as he makes you cum over and over. He wanted ram his cock inside you, feel yourself tighten around him, screaming out his name. But he couldn’t, at least not yet. He wasn’t sure of what you were into and he didn’t want to end up scaring you off with his rough fucking. So instead, he climbed in the bed, pulling you down and laying you flat on your back. He hovered himself over you, placing small kisses along your neck, collarbone, and moving down towards your breasts. “I’m going to rip your bra and panties off of you, okay baby?” he whispers. You can only nod your head as your body tingles everywhere with the need for him to give you more. In one swift motion your breasts were free of your bra, your nipples perky due to the bit of draft in his room. “Mhmm" he groans, tilting his head to the side before lowering it, placing his lips around one of your nipples and sucking. He opens his mouth to graze it with his teeth, while simultaneously rolling your other nipple between two fingers. You throw your head back in pleasure, your pussy aching to be touched by him. “Please” you cry out, needing him to move further down your body. He looks at you waiting for you to continue. “I need more” you whine. “Tell me what you want” he says. “I want your mouth" you pant. “My mouth where?” he smirks. “Down here?” he asks, moving down your body. “You want my mouth sucking on your clit?” “Oh god yes” you cry as his fingers slowly graze in between your lips. “Are you sure?” he asks, placing his thumb on your clit, rubbing in small, soft circles. “Yes yes, please" you cry, desperately needing more. “Mhm" he says, laying on his stomach. He parts your legs even more, as far as they would go before he attaches his lips to your clit and starts sucking. “Oh my god" you moan, your eyes almost rolling into the back of your head. It had honestly been so long since you were with anyone, you forgot what it was like. You buck your hips up, moving your hips in a circle, needing to get as much friction as you could. “Shit" you cry out. Kai lays his arm across your hips, pushing down to prevent you from moving. He really was trying to kill you. “Oh oh” you cry out, your orgasm coming with great speed. But before you were able too, Kai moves his mouth away from your pussy, letting your orgasm slowly drift away. “Nooo" you cry out, covering your face. “why!?” you demand to know. “The first time you cum, I want it to be all over my cock" he growls, taking his pants off, allowing his large, thick cock to spring free. He wraps his hand around his cock, pumping a few times, coating his length with his precum. You lick your lips as you watch, just wanting him to shove it down your throat until you choke. He crawls in the bed, lining himself up with your entrance. He places your legs on his shoulders, gripping your thighs tightly as he pushes himself into you, completely stretching you out. Once inside of you, Kai is still for a moment, allowing you to adjust to his size. He fills you up like no one has before. “Move" you pant, needing to feel him move inside of you. Kai smiles as he slowly pulls out of you, pausing for a moment before ramming his cock back inside you which jolts your body. “Fuck baby girl, you’re so tight” he groans as he quickens his pace. He moves his hands from your thighs to wrap them around your calves, holding them closely to his chest. Kai's thrusts become harder and deeper, hitting your G spot every time. “Rub your clit" he grunts, loosening his grip on your legs. You reach down, placing your fingers in between your lips, rubbing your sweet spot. Your orgasm hadn’t gone too far away, the moment you touched yourself, you were almost right back to cumming. “Oh fuck" you scream out, rubbing circles on your clit faster as Kai fucks you harder. “You feel so fucking good" he groans. “I think I’m going too..” you trail off, your eyes rolling back. “Cum for me baby. Cum all over my cock" he demands. So you do. Your orgasm rips through your body, as you scream out in intense pleasure. “That’s a good girl" he moans, his pace and thrusts becoming erratic. “Where can I cum?” he grunts. “Cum in my pussy, please cum in my pussy" you cry out. Kai’s orgasm takes a hold of him, his thrusts stopping completely as he empties himself inside of you, coating your walls with his juices. He pulls out of you, his cock tender, and he lays down beside you, your sweaty bodies partially touching as you both try to catch your breath. “That was..” you pause. “Amazing" Kai huffs, finishing your sentence. “I guess I better get going.” You sigh after a few moments, getting up to gather your clothes. You look for your underwear before you remember they’re in pieces throughout his room. “You don’t have too.” Kai says, turning on his side, resting his head on his propped up hand. “You don’t really want me to stay. I get what this was. Its fine" you smile, slipping on your pants. You pull your t-shirt over your head, looking at Kai one more time. “What do you think this was?” he asks, sitting on the edge of the bed. “A one night stand.” You declare, walking out to grab your jacket. He follows quickly behind you, yanking on his boxers. “Wait, no" he begins. “You don’t have to explain. You don’t have to try to come up with some kind of reasoning as to why you want me to stay when you really don’t. Like I said, it’s fine. It was a fun night. Maybe I’ll see you again" you finish before the elevator dings at his apartment. You watch his face, which looks confused as the elevator door closes. You can’t imagine what he actually wanted to say. There was no way a man like that would be genuine in saying he wanted you to stay. You were severely out of his league. As much as you didn’t want it to hurt, it did. You liked him but unfortunately for you, it was a one night thing that you would remember forever. ** 9am came quickly the next morning. You hadn’t gotten home from Kai's until 4am and crashed almost immediately when you hit your bed. Thank god for you, you didn’t have to be at work until 10am but you did not get enough sleep. Your feet were dragging as you walked into the office, Angie sitting at her desk, impatiently waiting for you to sit down so she could ask you about why you were so tired. “What did you do last night?” she practically yelled. “Um well.. I went back to Obsession” you admit shyly. “Oh my god. Did you go see Kai? I knew it. I knew there was something between you two” she smiles. “what happened?” “I went back to his place and uh..” you trail off. “Did you fuck him? Please tell me you did. Was his dick huge? I bet it was huge.” A giant grin plasters on your face, confirming her suspicions. “Yes and oh yes” you admit. Angie let’s out a high pitched squeal as she tries to pry every bit of information out of you. After you finish telling you most of the details of your night, she stares at you in amazement. “that is amazing. You’re so lucky" she gasps. “are you going to see him again?” You shake your head. “No, it was just a one time thing" you say. Before she can reply, a man stands in front of your desk, holding a giant bouquet of flowers. “Are you y/n?” he asks. “Yes?” “For you" he says, placing the vase on your desk and walking away. “Oh my god" Angie gushes. “They’re totally from him.” You roll your eyes as you stand up looking for a card. Once you do, you sit down and open the envelope. *I’d really like to see you again, and no I’m not just saying that – Kai* You couldn’t get rid of the smile for the rest of the day, and Angie couldn’t stop gushing about how lucky you were. However one thing confused you. How did he know where you worked? At the end of the day, you’re leaving the building, your giant bouquet in hand. “Do you like your flowers?” You hear a voice question you. Peaking from behind them, you see Kai standing there, leaning against his car. His arms crossed, his suit fitting him perfectly. “I do" you smile. “but how did you know where I worked? You question. “I’m a very persuasive man when I want to be.” He smiles. “Look, I don’t know what gave you the idea that I only wanted one thing from you last night. I thought I had been rather obvious about how much I actually like you. I didn’t want it to be a one night stand" he explains. “I’m sorry, I just assumed..” you trailed off. “What?” he asks. “I assumed that it was all you wanted because, well, look at me and look at you" you say. “I didn’t expect you to want more. I honestly just figured it was a line" you say. “I make it very clear to women what I want. And I thought I had been clear with you, that you were different.” He tells you. “I’m sorry" you whisper. “Don’t be sorry. All I ask is you believe me when I tell you something, that I’m not saying it just to say it.” He smiles. “Now, would you like to go to dinner with me?” “I would love too" you smile.   ** Over the next few weeks, you and Kai were pretty much inseparable. Unless you were at work or had plans with friends, you and he were together. On the weekends you’d head over to Obsession to watch him dance, and watch all the women who were completely enthralled by him. You sat back and laughed to yourself whenever he would look at you, or wink, it had the other women fuming. That night, you spent at Kai's, where he asked you to be his girlfriend, of course you said yes without any hesitation. “I need to ask you for a favor" Kai sighs, as you partially lay on top of him, your head resting on his bare chest. His hand had been tracing along your back, lulling you to sleep, until he spoke. “What’s that?” you ask, wiggling your self slightly so he would continue to rub you. “Don’t.. don’t come to the Southside alone anymore. Not even with your friends, please.” He says. “Why?” you ask, sitting up, holding the sheet to cover your naked body. “Those men from the night after we first me, caught wind of you and I. Not that really any of the other Demons care, but these guys are different. They’re called Malum demons, which means evil. I know everyone has heard the stories that all demons are evil and whatever, but most of us just want to be able go coexist here with everyone, not cause harm.” He sighs. “However, the Malum demons just want that. They’re the ones who want to take souls, kill the humans, torture and murder the men, rape the women to have half human half demon children, who are supposed to be stronger than ever” “W-what can we do? Can we do anything?” you ask, your body beginning to shake. “There are people working on it but they seem to be getting more and more demons siding with them, thinking that it’s how it should be. But they’re pissed off that you got away from them. They wanted you, they still do and wont stop until they’ve got you. They’ll find out your friends, family, acquaintances. Anyone in your life and they’ll take it all away so you have no choice unless you give yourself to them." he tells you. “Oh my god" you cry. You hadn’t been expecting this. It felt like too much. You weren’t safe now. What about your friends? Your family? You’ve put everyone in danger because of your selfish wants of getting to know the demon you met that was dancing at the strip club. “Hey baby, don’t worry. I won’t let anything happen to you.” Kai says, scooting closer to you, holding you tight. “It’ll all be okay” he smiles. You knew he wanted to make you feel better, but you weren’t sure if he could. The next day, after you laid awake in Kai’ bed for the remainder of the night, he was the one to drive you home. He parked in front of your building, turning off the ignition and turned to look at you. “Please remember baby. Don’t go anywhere alone, don’t come to the Southside unless me or one of my friends are with you and don’t answer the door if you don’t know whose behind it. I’m going to get this figured out, I promise. Those fucks won’t get to you.” Forcing a smile, you nod your head before leaning in to give him a quick kiss on those plump lips you loved before heading into your apartment while he waited for you to get inside. You turned, giving him a small wave goodbye before you closed your door behind you, taking a deep breath while taking off your shoes. How the fuck were you supposed to fix this? How were you going to keep everyone safe, especially Kai. You didn’t want him out there, possibly getting hurt because those men didn’t get what they wanted. You barely slept that night as well. Your stomach in knots, as the possibilities swam through your head of what was going to happen. You didn’t want anyone to get hurt, including yourself. But what if you just offered yourself up to the men. Maybe no one would get hurt. You couldn’t do that. No one would ever let you sacrifice yourself to save them, especially not Kai. Pulling out your phone, you dial the number of the one person you knew could help you figure something out. “Hey Angie, I know it’s late but I need your help..” you begin. 45 minutes later, Angie is sitting in your living room with you on the floor as you both eat Chinese food. “So let me get this straight” she pauses. “These guys are planning to attack everyone you know, essentially because you ran away from them and they couldn’t live out their fucked up delusional fantasies with you?” she asks, cocking her head to the side. “Yeah, basically" you nod. “I don’t know what the fuck to do.” “I wish I had an answer for you. But really, it’s going to have to be your decision to make.” She says, glancing around your place, like she hasn’t been here multiple times. “Is Kai coming over tonight?” she asks nonchalant. “Not tonight. He had some stuff to take care of.” You answer. “I’ll be back. Bathroom break.” Angie announced, quickly getting off the floor and heading to the bathroom. You didn’t understand why she was suddenly acting so weird. Pulling our your phone, you send a quick message to Kai, telling him how weirded out you were by her sudden change in behaviour. [8:38pm] Kai ♡: I’m coming over. You didn’t protest, you loved seeing and maybe you’d be able to convince him to finally stay the night. He always would decline because being on the North side made him nervous. You hear a knock at your door, right as Angie steps out of the bathroom. “I shouldn’t answer it.” You whisper to her. You knew that Kai couldn’t have gotten here that fast. She just gives you a smile before she walks to your front door, unlocking it and pulling it open. Standing in front of you are the two men from the day in the coffee shop, you’d never forget those faces. “Close the door! Run!” you scream. Angie laughs. “who do you think told them to come here?” she chuckles. “W-what?” You ask, unable to fully process it. “I called them. I’ve been telling them all about you, sweet y/n. Everything they needed to know.” She smiles as one of the men puts his arm around her waist. “Why?” you whisper.   “Because you stole what was supposed to be MINE.” She yells. “Kai was supposed to be mine. Do you know how long I’ve been going to Obsession? How long I’ve been working on trying to get him to notice me? How many times I’ve done whatever I could to talk to me? I was so close and then you go one night and he acts like you’re the best thing in the world.” She snaps. “So, when they approached me, telling me that they wanted you and for you two to not be together, I figured it was the perfect opportunity. They get you, and I’ll finally get Kai" she smiles. “Do you know what they’re going to do to me!? What any of their fucking plans are?” you cry. You can’t believe this. “I don’t really care, to be honest. I just want what’s mine.” She shrugs. “I thought we were friends" you whisper. “We were. Until you stole from me y/n. I don’t like thief’s” The three of them stood there, staring at you. You were shocked and felt betrayed but more so, you were trying to figure out a way to escape. Hoping that Kai would be there soon enough to help you. “Enough of this sappy shit. Take what you want, boys.” Angie says, moving to the side as the two men walk towards you. You turn to run but you’re not quick enough, one of the already has his hand wrapped tightly around your wrist. “No!” you scream. “Fucking let her go, right now" you hear a voice snarl behind you. You turn around, seeing Kai with an angrier face than ever. “Kai, baby. Just let them go. You have me now" you hear Angie purr, in a desperate attempt to be sexy. “What’s it going to take with you? I don’t fucking want you. Never have, never will" he snaps at her. “Back off Kai. We just want what slipped away from us.” One of the men growls, his grip tightening. “We don’t want you to get hurt, pretty boy" Kai laughs. “I think I’ll be fine. Besides, there’s a lot more of us then there is of you" he smiles, cocking his head to the side. Before either of the men can say a word, there’s four men behind Kai, men that you recognize from the club. “So again, let her go.” Kai snaps. The two men look at eachothers and smile. The one holding onto you pushes you back harshly, causing you to stumble back, tripping over the area rug and hitting your head on an end table. You try to keep your eyes open, but with in seconds your world turns black, as you fall unconscious to sight of Kai lunging for the man, his eyes black. ** When you wake up, you’re expecting to still be in your apartment in your bed, hopefully with Kai laying next to you. But instead you’re laying in a hospital bed, with an IV in your arm and Kai’s head resting on the edge of your bed. “Kai?” you whisper. His head shoots up, his eyes wide. “why am I in a hospital?” you ask, looking at his face to make sure he had no cuts or bruises. “You hit your head when that piece of shit shoved you” he says, looking you in the eyes. “I needed to make sure you were okay" “I would have been fine in my own bed too. This is going to cost a fortune” you groan, getting out of the bed. “Don’t worry about that. It’s all covered. I just wanted to make sure that there wasn’t anything else wrong, something more. You hit it pretty hard" he says, offering his hand to you. “I’m just fine. Don’t worry. What happened?” you asked. You almost didn’t want too. You were worried about what words might come out of his mouth next. “All I’m going to say is you wont need to worry about those two. They’re not going to be trying to bother you anymore.” He smiles. The two of you begin to walk out of the room, when the doctor stops you, asking to speak with you for a second. “Why? You said she was clear to go when she woke up” Kai says.   “Y-yes, but I just have a few questions to ask her, privately.” The doctor stutters. “Its okay. I’ll be right out" you say to Kai, letting go of his hand. Once the door closes, the doctor looks at you with worried eyes. “are you okay? Do you need help? I know what he is.” The doctor whispers. “What? Help? No? He’s my boyfriend.” You laugh. “I don’t need help. Not all demons are bad, doctor” you laugh, opening the door, slipping your hand in Kai's and walking out the front entrance. Kai takes you back to his house, claiming he needed to do some cleaning at your house before you could go back. You were pretty sure you knew what he meant but decided you really didn’t want to know about the possible dead demons laying on your living room floor. ** The next day you went to work, and sitting at the desk next to yours sat a very sad looking Angie. You didn’t bother to look at her, or even acknowledge her. In fact, as far as you were concerned, she was dead to you. “Y/N..” she whispers. “Don’t.” you snap, your eyes never leaving your papers. “I don’t want to hear anything from you. Ever.” “Please.” She cries. “I don’t know what came over me" “I know exactly what came over you. Greed, jealousy, selfishness to name a few.” You spit. “Let me make it up to you" she whispers. “Why? So you can stab me in the back again? No thanks.” You say, walking to your bosses office, in hope’s of being able to be transferred to a different desk, or yet a different department. ** A few months later, you and Kai were still going stronger than ever. He had met your crazy mother, who pretty much fell for him the moment she saw him walk through the door. At that moment she didn’t care what he was, she only cared on how he treated you. She had been so wrapped up in the fact that he was a demon that she never thought that he would be anything but terrifying to look at, and a monster. As it turned out, she had never actually seen a demon before. She could have passed one on the street and never would have known considering she was always looking for a terrifying creature, which they were anything but. Once you had transferred desks at work, you never saw Angie again. Not even when you, Lisa and Jennie had gone to Obsession together. The fear of the Southside had slowly diminished as people from the North crossed the boarders and saw for themselves that they meant no harm to them. It was finally acceptable for humans and demons to be together, and everyone could come and go from each side as they pleased. After a few more months, you and Kai had moved in together. You happily left your small apartment with some bad memories for his penthouse which held only good ones. You and Kai laid in bed on the first night of living together, laughing and talking. “I want to ask you something" he states, sitting up in bed. “Okay?” you say, a little nervous. “Now, I haven’t brought this up because I didn’t want you to feel pressured to say yes, and I know it’s only been not even a year that we’ve been together, but..” he pauses, jumping out of his bed to rummage through his dresser. By the time he walks towards you, you’re sitting on the edge of the bed with your hands in your lap and a tingle in your stomach. Kai slowly sinks down onto one knee, pulling out a small box. “I’ve loved you since I first saw you walk into my club. I honestly can’t imagine my life without you. Will you be mine forever?” he whispers, opening the box, revealing a beautiful and large diamond ring. “will you marry me?” You can’t help the tears from streaming down your cheeks. You can’t formulate any words, your brain was barely working to process what he had just asked you. “You.. you want to marry me?” you cry.   “Yes baby, it’s you. It’ll always be you" he smiles, taking the ring from the box to slid it on your extended hand as you yell ‘yes' through your tears. You stare at your hand for a second, admiring your newly acquired piece of jewelry. You let out a loud chuckle as Kai tackles you back onto the bed, smiling as he hovers over you. He leans his head down, pressing his lips onto yours. His hand trails from the side of your face down as he slides his body off of you. He reaches under your silence nightgown, cupping your breast before teasing your nipple with his fingers. He sits up, pulling you up as well. “Arms up" he purrs. You do as your told, moving so he’s able to pull your nightgown off of you, discarding it somewhere in your shared bedroom. He lays you back down, placing gentle kisses along your stomach, moving his way up to suck on each breast. He looks up at you again, smiling before climbing off the bed, and onto his knees on the floor. Kai spreads your legs wide, allowing him to see one of his favorite views. “Mhm” he groans, leaning forward to lick a long strip up your pussy. “Oh god" you cry out as the tip of his tounge begins to flick your clit, causing your legs to shake. Kai spreads your lips before he latches his lips to your clit, sucking harshly before sticking two fingers inside of you. Your eyes are closed as he works on you, your hands reach up to cup your breasts. You then move one hand further down, running it through his luscious blue hair, gripping tightly on a chunk. Kai continues to thrust his fingers in and out of you while switching from sucking and licking your clit. “Fuck fuck" you cry out, your orgasm building quickly. Kai switches the pace of his fingers frequently, going from slow to fast, making your orgasm come faster. “I.. I’m gunna cum” you scream out, your body slightly convulsing as the high coursed through your entire body. Kai lifts his head from in between your legs, your wetness shining on his face as his licks it up. “You always taste so fucking good baby" he smiles as he stands up, his cock pressing harshly against his sweat pants. You smile as you climb off the bed, kneeling in front of him now. You hook your fingers on the inside of his sweatpants, dragging them down his legs. His cock springs free, the tip red and almost throbbing while leaking precum. You lick your lips as you move your mouth closer, opening wide to take him all in. Kai jerks his hips forward, pushing himself down your throat. “Fuck baby" he groans, his hands gathering a clump of hair. He gently thrusts his hips, shoving his cock down your throat, a little further with each thrust. The tears begin to fall down your eyes as you swallow his cock with every thrust he gives you, choking a little each time. “Such a good little slut for me" he moans, his thrusts becoming faster. “You want me to cum in your mouth?” he grunts, his grip on your hair tightening. “Mhmm" the only sound you can make. “Shit" he cries out as he pulls himself mostly all out of your mouth, except for his tip while he shoots his load inside your mouth. Standing up he smirks at you and your clearly still full mouth. “Swallow, baby” he whispers, watching you intensely. You look him straight in the eyes as you swallow everything in your mouth, as he groans in satisfaction. “fuck you’re sexy" he smiles, whisking you off your feet and throwing you onto the bed. “I can’t wait to marry you” he smiles. “Mrs. Kim Y/N" he says, placing another kiss on your lips.

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[alex-baebae]

Immaculate

Chapter 25

Pairing: TOPXREADER

“So, professor could you help me to decide for a good topic for my thesis?” I was in Lebrun professor’s office, TOP was at home “sure, do you have any ideas in mind?” he asked “yes, I was thinking about the controversy of ‘sex-dolls’ and maybe the history of the beginning of the points or how the lack of communications affects politics between the points” I explained.

“Oh I see, but I guess you’re more interested in the first topic due to I have investigations in that area, and you have come to ask me... so” he told me then he sipped his cocoa “yes, well... I’d like to ask you many things about this, I do already have more information about the points and... I just want to find a topic which I could enjoy investigating” in fact I was lying, I just wanted to know more about ‘sex-dolls’ to protect TOP better, and of course I wanted to learnt it from a trustable resource. 

“Okay, so what do you want to know?” he asked smiling kind “First, I’d like to know about how long do they live” I questioned “well, they live the same as normal humans, see they’re humans but people reduce them to a simple penis or vulva. They don’t like the idea of abusing a human but abusing a ‘sex-doll’ is different because they think they’re made for doing it, you know have sex” he sipped his cocoa again, by the way he talked about this issue you could feel all the helplessness he felt for not be able to help those poor beings.

He continued “after all, they think that ‘sex-dolls’ are an object, so people don’t regret abusing them... because they don’t conceive theirs acts such as, that’s an interesting topic as well” he knew a lot of this current situation in our society, he sighed “however, sex-dolls are made to grow up rapidly, more than a normal human and to get older… slower, I can say” he added. “Could you explain me more details?” he nodded “sure. See, in five years they look like an 18-year-aged person, their minds mature at the same time. So, it is not like they still think as a kid” he took a pen from his pencil case to play with it, it seemed that talking about this issues disturbed him.

“In that five years they are submitted to an especial training... so...” professor Lebrun was thinking about how to say the next sensitive information “they basically are taught how to please both, men and women with plastic models so they can conserve their ‘virginity’” I chuckled “does people really cares about virginity nowadays? They're such-” I was cut off by Professor Lebrun “bastards? Yeah, they are!” he looked to be as annoyed as me with this situation.

 “Well they’re taught many other things like playing different instruments, sing, dance, you know, they are taught to do that kind of stuff for mainly ‘entertaining’ purposes, that is what the ‘fabrics’ say”. He was looking at his desk while still playing with his pen between his fingers “I studied, illegally of course, those ‘fabrics’… those ones who do not obey are punished brutally, so the instructors do it, many times, to the point of breaking them completely” he sipped his cocoa again to calm down before he continued “they’re brain-washed" I commented “yes, at first the instructors do so, you know, just a stupid speech and that’s all. But for a better control over them, the instructor punish them a lot, even if a sex-doll behaves as they are told, sometimes they just got punished for no reason. So they all end up broken” 

I was surprised, many resources do not told you about this, and if they, it is not as professor says. Perhaps, it is because if they publish what really happens inside… well it is so cruel that the owners of that enterprises will threat anyone who publish this, I am sure of that “so, they are tortured almost every day, until they do not talk to another ‘sex-dolls’ again, not to anyone but theirs owners” he stayed quiet for a moment furrowing his eyebrows as if containing tears 

“Professor” I called him “yes?” I tried to figure out what to ask “they are infertile, aren’t they?” I gulped, trying to maintain composure after hearing such a things “yes, however… there’s a pretty low possibility of they conceiving children, but it is almost impossible” I nodded “I see” I took a big breath “there´s another way to know they are ‘sex-dolls’ more than the tattoo they have?” I asked “no, I guess there’s no other way... I couldn’t access to more information about that, sorry... but doing it by theirs DNA is completely impossible, the DNA only will show the donator of it” he explained “I see, if I would like to know more about this could I come here to ask?” I held my backpack “of course, you can”. I walked annoyed through the corridors, how can human be so cruel? All I do wanted in that moment was to arrive at home and hug TOP. 

…

“Don't let people break you” I said he raised his eyebrows, a group of friends at my faculty commented some harsh things about him…

“Maybe he is with her to get money”

“Yeah, I don't know him, but sure he’s just an opportunist, he seems like that”

“Why does the daughter of the (y/LN) is dating someone like him?”

They were gossiping nearby “jealous?” Takashi told them, they were surprised, they believed that they were not heard “Don’t lose your time, love. After all who they are?” Neal commented, I glared at them then they better left.

However it affected TOP, all that day he was quiet, when we arrived home he just sat on the couch looking at his hands. I asked him to don't hear to those comments, he just nodded sad. At night he just went upstairs and laid down on the bed, he was in fetal position, I hugged him he didn't move all that night. He was tired I knew it, when I woke up I kissed his cheek in the middle of the night he was deeply asleep I noticed that the pillows were wet, he was crying all that time.

The next days he was the same, little by little he was recovering again, I was so mad at those guys, how could they express about others that way? 

…

“You are such a fucking liar” Takashi was at our house yelling at me “what are you talking about?” I asked “I believed you not were like them” he added “but you all are the same” he was so mad at me “explain me, please, I do not understand!” I yelled this time “are you okay, ___?” TOP asked me shy, standing behind me “he's your sex-doll” Takashi said “what?”.

“Don't try to hide it, I know it!” he told me “no, no, you are wrong” I tried to explain everything “don't fucking dare to speak!” he said “he’s a sex-doll and you are bullshit” TOP was getting scared by how Takashi was screaming “calm down” I said firm “what are you going to tell me? That he's not a sex-doll?” he commented chuckling “just look at your scared he is, they get in that state when someone yell!” I looked at TOP he was crying behind my back he had an anxiety attack I guessed, “See, Takashi, he is… just”. 

“Oh! you still trying to deny it, you know they go nuts when they hear “red, red, red” he yelled at TOP he fell on the ground in his knees, he was just there waiting, trembling tears falling over, his eyes asking Takashi for compassion, his hands at the sides of his body “he is a sex-doll, they do this to the poor beings, he's ready for his punishment, how can you support something like this! just look how scared he is! you are such a-” he said “get out my fucking house!” I pushed him towards the main door “no arguments?” he told me “I’ll punch your goddamn face, if you don't get out”. 

I shut the door, I walked to where TOP was, he was even moaning did to the fear he was feeling “sweetie” I called him, he looked at me, tears rolling down his face “sweetie, I’m here” he ignored me and practically crawled upstairs. I ran to our bedroom, he locked himself again in the closet, he was trying to calm down by himself “__-__” his quivering voice called me “yes, my love, I’m here”. “Don't let them touch me, they always hurt me a lot” he said through the closet door “no one will, I swear” I was there about two hours waiting for him, he didn’t talk again.  

He slowly opened the door, and crawled into my lap “I'm here, I'm here” I said “thank you” he said trembling as the first days “it is okay, my darling” I told him. He hugged me tight “sorry” he commented “I'm causing you problems” he couldn’t calm down “no, no” I told him “I will do anything for you, anything”. We stayed there he slowly stopped trembling but in the middle of the night it take long to him to being okay again.

“Let's go to bed” I told him, I helped him to stand up “come here sweetie”. “___” he mumbled “hush hush” I kissed him “what if he tells someone else?” he asked “I'll do everything to keep you safe” I caressed his hair slowly “no need to worry”. 

TOP's point of view 

Everything was dark maybe I fell asleep “____” I called my lover “___” no answer, I walked out the bedroom, I froze when I saw who was walking towards me “she's not here” that voice, my chest was about to exploit, my heart was pumping hard “___” I called her again almost screaming.

“She's not here to help you” a punch in my tummy made me cry “you're as pathetic as before”. “Let me go! ____! ____!” I tried to escape from the grip of those hands, I couldn't, it didn't matter how hard I push 'her’. “Don't touch me, I was laying on the bed suddenly “long time we don't play like this” her hands over my body again “maybe you need me to…” she took my toes in her hands “please no” I begged.

Hey there! long time I’ve not updated, I’ll explain later in my notes of the next chapters the reason, I’d like to be Heard about that.

Hope every one is doig well and healthy, you know the madness of coronavirus...

Please stay home and healthy

Love y’all

Alex

#bigbang x reader #bigbang angst #bigbang stories #bigbang fanfic #topxreader #t.o.p angst #T.O.P #t.o.p x reader

[jiminniethemarshmallow]

Privacy (Drabble #7)

36. "Umm, can I help you? Why are you staring at me?"

61. Frat house

74. Telling each other I love you

(A/N): This one’s 6.6k words long because I couldn’t help myself. ❤️

"Umm, can I help you? Why are you staring at me?" That was the first thing you'd ever said to your current boyfriend, Jimin. But at the time he was nothing more than a stupid frat boy at the stupid party you had been invited to. Well, not you specifically. Your friends had gotten an invitation and you just happened to be standing there with them when they got it.

"That's not a nice way to greet the person that invited you here." He says, flashing you a toothy grin. He was the boy that handed you the invitation, you remembered his boyish smile from before, but you didn't particularly care who he was and just shrugged him off.

"I didn't want to be invited to this stupid party anyway." You mumble, knowing he couldn't hear you over the blasting music blaring through the speakers.

"You're (Y/n), right? I'm Jimin." He extends his hand in your direction and you shake it reluctantly, trying your hardest not to get caught up in how soft and warm his hand was, or how charming he appeared to be. Jimin had a reputation as the fraternity's charmer. He was cute, a little too cute in your opinion, and he seemed to be the most innocent, even though everyone knew that was only partially true. He clears his throat after shoving his hands in his pockets and for a moment you think you can see a bit of shyness peek through. "I've had my eye on you for a while. You help out at the library don't you?"

"Wow, that's not creepy at all." You say sarcastically, sipping from a cold water bottle you’d picked up from the kitchen.

"I'm sorry, I just- I've seen you around and thought you were... interesting." You can tell your hard stare is making him nervous because of the way he keeps fidgeting, but you couldn't help it. You were too busy trying to figure out why he was even talking to you right now when there was a room full of other, prettier, more outgoing girls that would love to hookup with him, assuming that's what he wanted from you. Girls that were his type.

"I'm interesting?" You repeat, reading his expression carefully.

"Yeah... and pretty." He almost mumbles out, a blush creeping up on his cheeks.

"Are you drunk?" You ask abruptly, not trying to seem rude, but that was the only explanation you could come up with for his behavior. Your outburst causes him to let out a surprised laugh.

"No! I'm serious. And I want to get to know you and maybe hangout." He looks up at you hopefully, but you narrow your eyes at him.

“Is that some type of code word for hooking up because I’m not that type-“

“It’s not code for anything, it means I want to hang out with you. Really.” He states, looking right into your eyes.

Maybe you were the one that was drunk because for some reason you agree to him and spent the rest of the night talking. His friends came to him a few times, all shitface drunk and stumbling around, completely ignoring your presence, and that fact seemed to relieve Jimin to some extent.

Somehow you managed to agree to "hang out" with him a few times after that party before he finally confessed to you and asked you out on a real date. You were beyond surprised, partly believing that he was just messing with you before, not really being interested in you because there was no way he could like someone like you, but the genuineness in his gaze and touch convinced you that it was real. And it was. You couldn't deny that you liked him too. But you never let yourself accept that fact until he confessed to you, and when you started dating, you realized just how deep your feelings for him were.

There was a small roadblock, however; one that you picked up on pretty quickly. None of Jimin's friends knew about your relationship. You had asked him about it multiple times and he assured you that he wasn't ashamed to be dating you, but you couldn't help but notice how nervous he would get when his friends were around or when you two were together in public.

"Jimin, why are you keeping us a secret?" You asked him when you first started dating.

"It's not that I don't want them to know, I'm just worried they might judge you." He explained. "Those guys are too shallow to see what I see and to understand how I feel. Not that you aren’t gorgeous or anything! But you’re just different from everyone else.” You took no offense to this, it was true. You were different and you pride yourself on that fact. “I told them I'm seeing someone, they just don't know it's you."

You understood, you knew how harsh the the frat boys could be, but you still had a sinking feeling in your heart that Jimin thought his friends would hate you. No, you hadn't told your friends either because they would all freak out and the news would spread like wildfire, but you were still upset. After that you started meeting up with Jimin in more private areas. When you would walk around in public, you made sure to put some distance between yourselves and not to look at him for too long. He noticed your behavior right away, but didn't say anything about it, knowing the reason you were acting like that.

It was fun being secretive at first. There was a certain thrill that ran through your veins every time you would meet up at your dorm or in the frat house to hook up. You could be caught with your pants down (literally) and then everyone would know that you were more than friends. You enjoyed the subtle touches and gestures you would give each other whenever you went out. Jimin spent a lot of time with the other boys during the day and he could be found with at least one of them at any given time, and you liked the few occasions when you would see each other while he was out with them, making eye contact, winking, or blowing kisses when no one was looking. But that thrill died down the longer you were together, and months into your relationship, you began to hate how sneaky you had to be.

Jimin was tired of it too, maybe even more so than you, and the constant questioning from his friends wasn't helping.

"Who is this chick anyway?" Hoseok asks from his spot on the couch.

"Yeah Jimin, why haven't we seen the girl you're fucking yet?" Taehyung chimes in, all heads turning toward Jimin.

"Dating." He corrects. "Why do you need to see my girlfriend? I don't trust any of you horny bastards enough to let you anywhere near her."

"If you don't have proof, it didn't happen!" Jungkook yells from the kitchen and the others nod.

"Yeah, how do we even know she exists?" Jin questions. "We barely even know her name."

"I told you her name is (Y/n)." Jimin states matter-of-factly and everyone rolls their eyes at him.

"That's real fucking specific. You know how many girls probably have that name in this school? A whole fuckin' lot." Yoongi grumbles, sinking further into his spot on the couch in disinterest.

"What's her last name? We just wanna see what she looks like." Namjoon says looking up from his phone.

"Or at least show us a picture." Jungkook adds, walking into the room just as Jimin stands up.

"You know what, I'm actually pretty tired. I'm heading to bed." He says ignoring their protests as he walks out of the room. "Goodnight!"

The library was always your favorite place. The silence was a comfort to you and there weren't too many people there, which was great because honestly you weren't a people person. You often helped out there for a small internship and ran errands for the librarian, a cute middle aged woman that was too lazy to leave her desk on most days. Today you found yourself filing away books for her, pushing around the heavy cart as you went shelf to shelf. While reaching up to put away a heavy textbook, you spotted a familiar face peeking curiously at you from the other side of the tall bookcase. You gasp and cover the gap with the book, watching as your boyfriend walks around to meet you on one side.

"What are you doing here?!" You whisper yell at him. He giggles at your surprise.

"Why are you so surprised to see me here?" He asks, feigning offense.

"Don't act like this isn't the second time in your entire life that you've ever set foot in a library." You tease and he clenches his chest as you laugh. "But really, why are you here?"

"What, I can't visit my girlfriend?" He smiles, moving closer to you and grabbing your waist. You look around before settling in his arms.

"Not while I'm working. You're gonna distract me." You sigh, letting him give you a peck on the cheek before moving away to continue working.

"The boys kept asking about you last night." Jimin says as he follows you. You give him a quick look. "They don't think you're real because I won't tell them who you are." You laugh at the thought. Why would Jimin ever makeup having a girlfriend and keep up the act for months? College boys are dumb. "I don't like keeping you a secret. We can't keep avoiding everyone."

"I know." You say simply, sighing heavily.

"Come over tomorrow." He proposes after some time. You turn to him and open your mouth but he doesn't let you speak. "No one's supposed to be home most of the day so we should be fine."

Once again you find yourself agreeing to him without thinking, knowing what could happen; but then again, it wouldn’t be the worst thing if people found out about you. Jimin wasn’t a celebrity or anything, there wouldn’t be mobs of women ready to fight you if they knew you were the one who stole away his heart, although he did have a pretty big fan club of girls eyeing him up. The only thing you were nervous about was what people might say about you. Were you pretty enough? Would they think you were a nerd? Would his friends talk shit about you behind your back and try to convince him to break up with you? These were mainly irrational concerns, but they still crossed your mind briefly. But you were never known to care much about what people think of you so you didn’t let these nagging thoughts bother you.

Tomorrow came all too quickly and not fast enough. You wanted to see Jimin because neither of you had classes, but you couldn’t push down the nerves you felt from the possibility of being discovered. Walking up to the frat house felt like trespassing. No one was around to see you approaching the front door, and they probably wouldn’t care even if they did see you, but you still felt as if you were doing something wrong.

You texted Jimin instead of knocking on the door, just in case someone else happened to be home and answered the door, but not even 15 seconds later the door came swinging open, your boyfriend smiling at you and stepping aside to let you in.

“Why do you look so nervous? I told you no one else is here.” He laughs, eyeing you up and down. You had on your shortest pair of booty shorts that revealed your long legs, which he noticed were freshly shaved, coupled with a tee shirt brandishing your school logo that was folded and tied just above your belly button. This was a new look for you and Jimin had to admit that you looked absolutely delectable.

“It’s weird being here during the daytime alone.” You’ve done this many times before, but this was the first time you’d come without having a valid excuse. Usually you lie and say you’re tutoring Jimin or working on a project together, slipping under the radar of his friends who were usually busy doing other things or occupied with their own guests. This was the first time you and Jimin would have complete privacy.

“I think it’s nice having you all to myself.” He responds, shutting the door and leading you up to his bedroom, somewhere where you were always comfortable. Somewhere private.

You ascend the the steps ahead of him, giving him a perfect view of your ass as your shorts ride up with every step, and he resists the urge to smack it or grab at it because he knew you’d probably get all shy in front of him.

“Where is everyone anyway?” You ask as you enter his room, plopping down on Jimin’s bed. He shuts the door and strolls over to you, dropping himself beside you and pulling you down with him so you’re both resting on your back, your head on his firm chest.

“Apparently there’s some concert off campus so most of them went to that and Tae and Namjoon went out somewhere, probably with some girls or to find girls.” He shrugs. So it was true, you had the house all to yourselves.

“Then what should we do?” You ponder, looking up at him innocently as he thinks.

“Me and Kookie just bought this cool new game, wanna see?” There’s enthusiasm in his eyes when he asks this and you can’t help but humor him just a little, agreeing and watching him hastily hop from the bed to turn on his tv.

You weren’t really a gamer, but you did enjoy watching Jimin play games. You liked seeing how focused he gets whenever he’s challenged, or how excited he gets after he beats a boss or clears a level. It’s adorable really, and you find his reactions more entertaining than the game itself. After about an hour of playing alone, Jimin offers to teach you how to play. At first you decline, murmuring something about how you have zero coordination and would get too frustrated at the game, but he urges you to accept, arguing that once you get the hang of the controls you’ll have fun, at least more fun than just watching. Reluctantly, you grab a controller and allow the lesson to begin, listening to Jimin explain what each button does and trying them out. He lets you train for a bit and, although you’re playing on the easiest levels of the game, you start getting cocky about your abilities after a while, finally getting past the learning stage where you accidentally pause the game every time something surprises you or you’re about to die. You beat the enemies with ease now and your boyfriend cheers you on as you go.

“See, you’re a natural! My girlfriend’s so talented.” He praises, boosting your ego.

“Yeah, I think I might actually be better than you.” You tease, smiling at his reaction.

“Oh yeah? Why don’t you put your money where your mouth is.” He encourages, pausing the game and turning to you.

“Bet. Why don’t you play me, 1 on 1?” You challenge, knowing full well that you’d most likely lose, but your competitive spirit would never let you back down from a fight, so you continue. “Best 2 out of 3.”

Jimin’s eyes twinkle as he switches the game mode to player vs. player, intrigued by your confidence.

“What do I get when I win?” You quip as the two of you choose your characters.

“If you win.” Jimin corrects, “Whatever you want, babe.”

“Hmm,” You think for a moment, running through all the things you could possibly want until you settle on something. “Will you buy me a sundae at that new ice cream shop down the street?” You suggest and honestly Jimin looks relieved that it’s something simple.

“Of course. But you have to win first.” He smiles at you.

“And if I lose?”

“Then I get to tickle you for a minute straight.” He replies without hesitation, getting a loud protest from you, a very ticklish person. “Okay, okay, then 30 seconds.” He relents as you frown and hit him one last time. “And on top of that, you have to do whatever I want.”

“Hey! That’s not fair, why do you get 2 rewards?” You complain, holding up 2 fingers.

“You started the bet so if you lose, it’s only fair that you pay double the price.” Jimin shrugs, hovering over the start button to your game. You huff.

“Fine.” Pressing start, bold words appear on screen instructing you to defeat as many foes as possible within the time limit. Jimin wins the first round by stealing all of your items and impeding your character every time you went for a kill. Seeing that he’s playing dirty, you use his tactics against him in the second round and grab all of the items at the start so he has nothing to help him, earning you an easy victory. It comes down to the third round and you both agree to play a fair game to test your skills and it comes down to the last enemy, both of you tied in score. You reach the enemy first, but mis-click on your controller, causing your character to set a trap instead of going in for the kill, allowing Jimin to sprint past you and take your shot, winning the game at the last second.

You both shout, one of anguish and one of pure joy, you throwing down your controller in fury and standing up.

“That was a mistake, I was supposed to win!” You whine, backing away from your boyfriend as he stands as well, approaching you.

“Doesn’t matter, the screen says I won, which means it’s time for your punishment.” A wicked smile crosses his face, fingers waggling tauntingly as you try to escape.

You make a break for the door, but he’s quick and grabs you as you try to duck past him, tackling you to the bed and pinning you with his body as he begins his assault. He tickles your stomach as you scream for him to stop and try to wiggle away, blocking his arms with your own, kicking futilely, both of you laughing uncontrollably. He grabs one of your arms as they flail about and pins it above your head, tickling your armpit mercilessly as tears well in your eyes from laughing too hard, lungs tight and burning as you gasp for air but can’t seem to catch any. Your body twists and curls until you manage to flip yourself over, temporarily escaping, and you try to crawl away until his hand closes around your ankle. Uh oh, you think, not at all prepared for what you know is coming next, something you dread. His fingertips dance feather-light patterns on the arch of your foot and you snatch and pull to get away from the sensation, foot cramping as your toes curl and flex involuntarily. At this point you’re screaming at the top of your lungs, a mixture of pained laughter and frantic pants escaping your lips as Jimin just giggles behind you, barely even touching you anymore but still getting a strong reaction.

You force the words out of your mouth when it becomes too much, slight panic in your chest when you realize that you truly are struggling to breathe and can feel your face turning bluish. “M-MERCY, MERCY!!” You gasp, finally pulling your leg free from his grasp. Jimin’s cheeks are pink from laughing as he crawls up to give you an apologetic kiss on the nose while you catch your breath, limbs tingling everywhere his fingers touched. You hated being tickled and knew he loved tickling you, so you push him away and shiver, but you could never really be mad at him. Although it felt like hours to you, it had really only been about 17 seconds before Jimin stopped, but neither of you cared. He was thoroughly satisfied.

“You okay there?” He asks, still chuckling lightly as he wipes a tear from your cheek. By now you’ve calmed down and all that’s left is the bitter taste of defeat as you think about the video game you just lost.

“I should have won that game.” You pout, both of you laying against his pillows. He scoots closer to you and raises a hand to your jaw.

“Aww, baby,” Jimin coos. “That’s what you get for being cocky.” You slap his arm when he laughs beside you, rolling your eyes at him. The pout is still on your lips and he feels bad about it, leaning in. He connects your lips softly and kisses you until you respond, using his mouth to open yours and deepening the exchange. Your fingers card through his hair as you continue to make out, yanking a little harder than usual as payback, grinning when he pulls away to look at you in disbelief. “Do you feel better now?”

You sit up and huff, turning to look at the angel sprawled out below you. “Yeah, a little.” You try to fight the smile on your cheeks by pursing your lips. “What else do you want from me?” Jimin looks at you confused for a moment, clearly forgetting the rest of the bet. “I’m a woman of my word and if I recall correctly, I still have to do whatever you want.” You remind him as he moves forward to exit the game and turn off his tv.

“Ah, yes. How could I forget?” He smiles, but he doesn’t answer you until he’s finished putting away the controllers. Turning to you, a smirk finds his lips and you raise an eyebrow curiously. “I want you to give me a blowjob.”

You blink for a moment, waiting for him to say something else, waiting for there to be a catch, but Jimin just looks at you expectantly. “That’s it?” You ask, switching positions with him as he rests himself against the pillows.

“Were you expecting something else?” He lets you unbutton his jeans and raises his hips so you can shimmy them down to his knees, far enough so that his length can be let free.

“No, it’s just that I would have agreed to suck your dick without the stupid bet.” You mumble, reaching down to grab him and pump him slowly, feeling him grow harder at your touch.

“Hm, then should I pick something diff-“

“No, no, this is fine.” You speak up quickly, yanking your shirt up and over your head because you know how much Jimin likes the view. Running your palms slowly up his thighs, you situate yourself between his legs and look up at him. He sucks in a sharp breath at the sight before him; he could swear you’re the sexiest person he’s ever seen no matter how many times you try to convince him otherwise. He watches as you grab him at the base, bringing your mouth to his tip and giving it a soft lick.

Just the visual of you between his legs has him leaking and you happily lap up the salty liquid that seeps from him. Taking his entire head into your hot mouth, you suck him generously, lips puckered as you continue to look up at his already lust filled eyes. Adding your tongue you begin your descent down his member, swirling the wet muscle around the underside of him and causing him to groan. Jimin bites his lips as he stares, trying his hardest to keep his composure because— fuck, you just started and he’s already losing himself. You bob your head along him until you reach his base, the tip of his cock nestled at the back of your throat and your nose pressed into the skin below his naval.

“Oh shit,” He grunts when you swallow around him, hips jerking up slightly. His fingers thread in your hair and hold you there for a moment. “Do that again.” He rasps, prompting you to swallow all of the precum he leaks down your throat. As soon as his fingers loosen on your scalp, you pull back, sucking in a deep breath before going down again, deep throating him every time. Your tongue runs teasingly up his throbbing vein every time you pull up and you suck roughly whenever you reach his tip, tasting more of his essence, nails raking gently down his waist, hips, and thighs, sending a shiver up his spine. You lick at his sensitive frenulum a few times and his thighs tense up beside you, chest rising and falling quickly and when you look up Jimin’s head is thrown back against the pillows, his lips apart and forcing out heavy puffs of air. When you go all the way down again you close your eyes and hold yourself there, letting his hips thrust forward into your mouth. Suddenly, you feel the heel of his hand pushing at your forehead until you lift off of him to look up at his face.

“Ah, fuck.” Jimin sighs, gripping himself tightly as he squeezes his eyes shut.

“Too much?” You ask innocently, knowing that he probably plans on fucking you if he stopped you when he was this close. Jimin nods and opens his eyes which were almost completely black by now, pupils blown wide.

“Come here.” He says, reaching for you to pull you to his lips. His diligent fingers snap your bra open easily and the straps fall from your shoulders smoothly, throwing the garment aside without breaking from your kiss. Jimin kicks off his jeans the rest of the way, listening to the sound of them dropping to the ground before reaching for yours to tug them down your hips. In a matter of moments you’re both completely naked, his shirt discarded as soon as your lips leave his.

He looks up at you, taking in your beautiful body before him, running his hands along your curves as you lean over him. Reaching up, he attaches his mouth to one of your nipples, flicking over it with his tongue and making you squirm. One of his hands reaches for your other breast while the other goes between your legs, finding your slit and teasing it with his finger tips.

“Jimin,” You moan and he nips you for your impatience, although he finds it amusing how wet you’ve become just from sucking his dick. He slides in one finger, then another, scissoring the digits until you clench around him, begging for something more. Leaning back, he pats his lap, smirking at you seductively.

“Ride me, baby.” He commands, and your body springs into action, turning around and straddling his hips so he can stare at your ass, something you know he takes pleasure in. Reaching over to his bedside table, Jimin hands you a condom and you roll it onto his member with ease, eager to feel him inside you. As soon as it’s on all the way, you sink down on him, not even bothering to go slowly despite the slight burn. You start a quick pace, bouncing up and down on him, but he grabs onto your hips to stop you. “Slow down, we don’t have to rush.” Jimin reminds you, not mentioning the fact that he’s still quite close to finishing and needs time to cool down a bit.

Heeding his advise, you opt to grind on him, rolling your hips sensually and feeling him subtly lifting his own beneath you. His hands roam all around your torso as you move but eventually end up at your ass, cupping it lightly as you start to bounce on him again. You try not to get too intense so fast but the sensation of him rubbing against your walls feels so good that you start to lose control, moaning Jimin’s name and throwing your head back as he guides you along his member. Soon, the room is filled with the sound of skin slapping skin and Jimin’s light moans that you love so much. He really wishes you would be more vocal in bed, but that’s just not the type of person you were, you preferred to listen to him instead of the other way around.

Your thighs flexed on each side of his hips, dropping yourself down on him more and more aggressively until you could feel him deep inside. The heavy breathing and wet noises were all you could focus on and it drowned out the sound of footsteps coming up the wooden stairs of the house. When Jimin slapped your ass a few times, the resonating sound distracted both of you from the patter of bare feet approaching his door. And it wasn’t until his bedroom door swung open that you even realized that anyone had even entered the deserted house.

“Jimin-ah, have you seen my ch-“

Taehyung stops mid sentence at the sight in front of him, eyes wide as Jimin reacts before you, sitting up with lightning speed and reaching around to cover your breasts with his warm hands while you attempt to snap your legs shut and cover your lower regions. Honestly, he was expecting to find Jimin jacking off or something, not to find you mounted atop him. He just stares, looking you up and down and taking in your appearance, but instead of apologizing and shutting the door, he looks over at his friend’s hardened gaze.

“That’s who you’ve been fucking?!”

“Taehyung!” Jimin barks, a growl low in his chest that you can feel vibrate against your back. But Taehyung isn’t fazed, only seeming to remember what he came to do in the first place.

“Oh right, have you seen my charger? Namjoon said you might have taken it.” Although his question is directed toward Jimin, his eyes remain on you as you look away bashfully, staring at the sheets kicked to the bottom of the bed just out of your reach as you sit awkwardly on your boyfriend’s throbbing boner. You want to reach for it to cover yourself adequately, but Jimin’s grip on you tightens the longer Taehyung stands there and it’s impossible for you to move even an inch.

“No, I don’t have your charger, I gave it back.” Jimin replies, trying to sound calm when his friend’s eyes finally return to him.

“Are you sure? I couldn’t find it.” He’s still standing at the door as if the situation in front  of him was normal, probably having walked in on his other roommates many times before.

“I don’t have it.”

“Then where is it? Someone has to have it!”

“I don’t know, check Hoseok’s room!” Jimin raises his voice, making you flinch a little since he’s right next to your ear.

“Fine.” Taehyung sighs, but he doesn’t move, averting his eyes back to you, trying to figure out if he’s seen you before. He runs through the thousands of girls he knows in his head and comes up short, determining that he has no idea who you were. All he knows is that you’re hot. Your boyfriend doesn’t like this and clears his throat loudly.

“Ahem.” He shoots daggers at the man in his doorway, jaw clenched tightly.

“Huh?” Taehyung finally looks at him again.

“...Leave!” Jimin looks at his roommate incredulously as the boy gives you another once over before exiting the room, shutting the door behind him. You wait until you hear his footsteps disappear down the stairs before either of you move, his hands releasing your chest to slide back down to your hips. You drop your head to your hands.

“Oh god, I can’t believe someone walked in on us.” You groan into your palms, Jimin kissing your shoulder to console you. Sure he may have been embarrassed and irritated, but you were mortified. You couldn’t believe that actually just happened. “I knew we should have locked the door.”

“It’s not that big of a deal.” Jimin mumbles, kissing his way up your neck but you keep rambling on.

“And now one of your stupid frat boy friends has seen me naked and probably is telling everyone he knows about us.” Your entire face, neck, and ears were tomato red and you felt hot all over.

“Hey, don’t worry about him.” Is all your boyfriend says, seemingly more focused on the throbbing erection still lodged within you than on what you were saying. “He can tell people if he wants, so what?”

In a split second, Jimin pushes you to the bed, hovering over your body as you look up at him. He crashes his lips onto yours hungrily as if to show you how insignificant your little interruption was to him. Spreading your legs with his own, he rests his length on your lower stomach as he presses his forehead against yours.

“What’s so bad about people knowing we’re dating?” He asks you, breathing heavily.

“What will they say? I’m not your type.” You look away from him, but he captures your lips again, kissing away your insecurities.

“Who are they to say what my type is when I’m the one who should decide? You are my type, I choose to be with you. I’m in love with you.” He smiles down at you and your heart flutters.

“I love you too.” You almost whisper out, not sure if that’s what you should say back, but feeling that was the only thing you could say. You were always so confident and sure about yourself regardless of what people thought, but with Jimin, you always hesitated. Maybe it was because he was the only person whose opinion you ever cared about.

“So don’t worry about Taehyung, only think about me.” His voice lowers to a raspy, seductive tone as he reaches down to guide himself back into you and you both hum as he slowly stretches you out until he’s all the way in. Jimin hitches your legs up higher so he can press himself deeper in you and you keen at the feeling, loving how he fills you up.

Jimin drops to his elbows beside your head and begins a steady pace, rocking into you skillfully with an effortless roll of his hips. You can hear the way you squelch when his pace gets faster, your wetness dripping down your ass and inner thighs and Jimin takes notice as well.

“Baby, why are you so wet? Is it all because of me, or did Taehyung walking in on us arouse you?” The teasing tone in his voice kills you and your face reddens again. You definitely weren’t this wet before that. Your boyfriend drops his head lower so that he’s whispering beside your ear, a chill running down your spine when his breath tickles your skin. “Did you like that? Did you like Taehyung walking in and finding you on top of me, riding and dominating me, claiming me as your own? God, I can feel you getting tighter. I didn’t know you were so freaky, princess, maybe I should invite him to watch one day?”

Normally, you would be highly opposed to the thought of someone watching you perform such vulgar acts, but hearing it come from your boyfriend’s mouth like this made you hotter than you’d like to admit. And his hips snapping into yours faster wasn’t helping. He hit all the right spots, stealing your breath away as you panted into his neck, whining for him to keep going and leaving red love marks on his skin. He groans when you clench around him after he hits an extremely sensitive spot, his hips stuttering a bit when you start to move your own beneath him.

“Fuck, (Y/n), you’re so good.” He grunts biting onto your shoulder lightly to contain the noise threatening to escape him. You squeeze your legs around his waist to pull him closer, wrapping yourself around him as you get closer to your high. Jimin pulls back a little so that he can look at you properly, gazing into your eyes lovingly before crashing his lips onto yours, effectively swallowing your moans. You loved having him like this and letting him have you. It felt safe in his embrace and you loved the way he covered you completely with his mouth and body engulfing yours, claiming you entirely as if he couldn’t bear to move away from you even for a moment.

“Ah, Jimin I’m so close.” You gasp against his lips, wanting to keep him close as he brought you to your climax. Taking one hand, you slide it between your bodies, quickly finding your swollen clit and abusing it with fast circles. You throw your head back into the pillows at the feeling, your walls constricting more and more as Jimin began to pound you into the mattress with languid strokes.

“Mhm, let go for me baby, you look so beautiful when you cum.” He encourages, looking down at you with hooded eyes as he chases his own peak, and his gruff words are all it takes to have you clenching around him fiercely, moaning out as your back arches off the bed, chest pressing into his. He takes the opportunity to attack your neck, sucking the skin tenderly as he works his way through your high. Your body quivers beneath him and he moans into your neck, pushing his hips harder into you until he’s releasing into the condom, cock pulsing inside you as he grinds himself against you.

“I love you.” You sigh into his shoulder as your both come down, feeling fucked out and blissful as you lay in each other’s arms. Jimin takes a minute to collect himself before rolling off of you to dispose of the condom and pulling you against his sweaty chest. Your head lands in the crook between his neck and shoulder and you playfully bite another small love mark into his collar bone, chuckling at the hiss that falls from his lips. After a moment of silence, Jimin speaks.

“Don’t worry about anyone else, okay? If someone says anything bad about you I’ll handle it.” He assures, easing your previous anxiety.

“Does that mean we don’t have to be a secret anymore?” You ask, still uncertain about the future.

“Not if you don’t want to. I think it’ll be better for us if we’re open with everyone. You know how much everyone likes to gossip, it’ll be better if people hear it from us first.” News spread like wildfire at your school and you observed that pretty much everyone there had an ear for gossip, especially when it involved one of the fraternities. You predicted that it wouldn’t take more than a week for the entire campus to be talking about you and Jimin.

“I know,” You groan, leaning further into him as he played with your hair. “But where do we start?”

“Well, first you can start by meeting my friends. Stay over tonight and talk to them, they’ve been dying to know who you are.” Jimin suggests, closing his eyes.

Your cheeks turn pink at the thought of facing Taehyung again after what he had just seen and you anticipated the onslaught of questions from the boys, but somehow you agreed, yawning and cuddling up to you boyfriend, drifting off for a short nap before confronting the inevitable.

#Jimin smut #drabble game #posting on mobile is trash #i’m back! #btssmutclub

[analyze-1dsongs]

Kiwi

Helloo I am back! After taking a lot of time during the holidays and also dealing with work and personal bullshit I’m ready to analyze, and with a Harry song no less. It was his birthday just yesterday and I can’t believe he’s 24. Wow. 

Kiwi is one of my favorite songs from the album and I’m glad we have a single out of it. Let’s get into it, it’s gonna be a fun one!

She worked her way through a cheap pack of cigarettes Hard liquor mixed with a bit of intellect And all the boys, they were saying they were into it Such a pretty face, on a pretty neck The first verse is describing a woman, one who has enough money for “hard liquor” while burning through cigarettes quickly because they are cheap. Smoking many cigarettes in a row also tends to be an indicator of stress, as smokers tend to turn to cigarettes to cope. This makes me imagine a facade, her “bit of intellect” allows her to put-on a persona. She’s not who she appears to be, and she has a plan she’s nervous about, working her way through the cheap pack. Either way, “the boys” like her and don’t see the lies because she is “a pretty face, on a pretty neck.” 

Who “the boys” are can be tricky. Could be referencing all boys in a situation, such as a bar, club, etc. Could be referencing One Direction, as we’ve always called them “the boys.” Could also be referencing a different group of specific people who are “boys” or men who behave in a juvenile fashion like “boys.” 

The woman in this situation is also a mystery, all we know is she’s trying to be more than she is, trying to accomplish something. What is she trying to accomplish? Money? Fame? She's driving me crazy, but I'm into it, but I'm into it I'm kind of into it It's getting crazy, I think I'm losing it, I think I'm losing it

We can assume that Harry is the speaker. This woman is “driving [him] crazy,” however, that has multiple meanings. One meaning is annoyance, meaning this woman is bothering him a lot, mainly angering him. Another meaning is with desire, as in this woman is turning him on. The most known meaning of crazy, as to be synonymous with “insane” and other meanings such as the emotion of feeling hectic/chaotic, is also a possibility. To narrow down the meanings, we must look at the context within the song, the whole line, as well as the rest of the hook.

The next part is “but I’m into it..I’m kind of into it.” This rules out the crazy with desire definition. He cannot be “crazy with desire” but be “kind of into it.” (We’ll get back to what “it” is in a second.) This leaves the annoyance/anger or the hectic definitions. Both emotions are closely related, so let’s look at the next line. “It’s getting crazy” implies that “it,” in this case the situation, is getting hectic. Thus, I’ve determined that the woman is annoying/angering Harry. Given the tone of the song and how loud it is, I may side with the anger more than just the annoyance.

Now, what exactly is Harry “kind of” into? In the first verse, “the boys” were also “into it,” which has been determined to be the woman’s persona that she has created. Harry saying she’s angering him while reinforcing “but I’m into it, but I’m into it, I’m kind of into it” is almost trying to convince himself that he is okay with what is going on. It’s almost trailing off, “I’m into it, kind of into it...” Almost trying to convince himself that he’s okay with this woman or that he likes this woman--whether that be in a professional, platonic, or even romantic sense. The situation is still unclear, and what this woman in this situation is doing is vague. Let’s continue.

Oh, I think she said, 

"I'm having your baby, it's none of your business. I'm having your baby, it's none of your business (it's none of your, it's none of your). I'm having your baby (hey), it's none of your business. I'm having your baby (hey), it's none of your, it's none of your." The chorus can be either taken literally, as in the woman is having an actual baby, or in the figurative sense, as in the woman is going to have/take credit for/produce something that is extremely personal and close to Harry’s heart. People tend to refer to many things as their “baby.” I’ve seen many refer to this as Harry’s music and creativity being taken and made into something else. 

I tend to favor the definition of “baby” as Harry’s music, as it does make a lot of sense with the hook. Harry wanting to produce music, and compromising possibly a huge percentage of himself to make it “marketable” to executives and producers as the only way to be creative could be why he’s trying to convince himself he’s “into it.”

Another part of me thinks that this definition isn’t cohesive with the rest of the song, which is discussing personas and facades, and a woman with a plan. It’s almost as if I’m leaning toward the woman representing a bunch of fans/others who see Harry as a sexualized object and not as a man with a love for music who is human, especially because of the verses. You know what would be hilarious? Looking at the “Daddy” comments as if they’re saying Harry’s the “baby Daddy.” It’s something lame I can imagine Harry doing--reading comments / hearing it being yelled at him and thinking, “I’m not having a baby. Are you having my baby?” and then coming up with this. 

What I’m trying to say is that I’m leaning toward this song is about how people interact with Harry based upon his womanizer image and the persona the media has come up with. Is Harry hinting at how his life has been affected since he was sexualized at 17 years old? Possibly. I’m going to keep this interpretation for my analysis. It's New York, baby, always jacked up Holland Tunnel for a nose, it's always backed up When she's alone, she goes home to a cactus In a black dress, she's such an actress The first two lines hint at the glamorous scene that a place like New York can paint--but also laced with heavy drugs. Cities like New York and California have always been associated with stars and heavy drugs. The “Holland Tunnel for a nose” could be referencing cocaine.

It could also not be referencing drugs at all, and referencing how hard it is for Harry himself to be in New York with so many fans and being mobbed--as seen many times has happened there. Plus, Harry has always had a stuffy nose, which he’s blown, sneezed, and sniffed in interviews. 

Because of the subject again referencing the woman, it could be about the woman being on hard drugs. Then, when she goes home after a night of partying, she’s alone, and “goes home to a cactus.” This is probably one of my favorite lyrics. Harry is very nicely saying “Go fuck a cactus.” The last line is probably sad in context, as he’s referencing that she’s alone, she’s lonely, but she pretends she isn’t. Hence “she’s such an actress,” referencing when she goes out.

In the scope of the song, it’s almost the background of the woman “the boys” meet the first time. They’re into it, but she has secrets. I would say she has a plan to be famous, possibly by getting close to someone like Harry. After the chorus, we see that. Hook/Chorus repeat.

She sits beside me like a silhouette Hard candy dripping on me 'til my feet are wet And now she's all over me, it's like I paid for it It's like I paid for it, I'm gonna pay for this Harry is possibly at a club or bar, and this woman has been next to him the whole night. Harry is drunk, “hard candy” referencing an alcoholic drink, and the woman is “all over” Harry. The phrases “it’s like I paid for it, I’m gonna pay for this” is what make me believe he’s referencing the womanizer persona he had been given by the media. Every woman that is next to him he is apparently “dating” and this would be no different. His media persona causes women to be “all over” him and think he’s ready to sleep with them or flirt back, hence “it’s like I paid for it” by following his dreams. This is also a common victim thought, “it’s my fault.” So if Harry was feeling uncomfortable, he felt it was his fault since the stories came out and he didn’t say anything about them, which is completely wrong. The chorus then repeats again, so that’s it! I mainly thought this song was referencing how Harry’s media persona has affected how people act around him, especially because he had been rumored to only love older women. The interviews with middle aged women interacting with Harry differently than the other boys when he was 17-19 is telling.

Thanks for reading!

#harry styles #kiwi #harry #one direction #lyrics #analysis #one direction lyrics #harry styles lyrics #music