#means im not trying hard enough or not good enough

[sunkissed-zegras]

Paige nsfw hcs pls

─ warnings | NSFW under the cut! read at your own discretion!

─ taglist | @xocherishxo @iienstein @yazmunson @euphternal and here's a link to my taglist if anyone would like to join!!

─ ev's notes | the long awaited nsfw headcanons for paigey, i finally got the motivation to write it after i kept reading the INSANE smut yall keep writing (keep it up im lovin it) also this is such a mess, this is just rambling and not organized whatsoever, but wtv i hope yall enjoyed :)

woo, where do i even begin?

let's begin with the obvious, paige is a TOP, i can't stress this enough

i genuinely can't see anyone topping her she's just .... a TOP

but that doesn't mean she won't let you take the reigns every once in awhile, esp after a bad game/tiring practice because everyone once to be taken care of sometimes

i'm def not the first person to say this and certainly will not be the last but STRAP GAME GOES SOOOOO HARD

i feel like at first she's gonna be weirded out cus like... she likes only girls for a reason??? and she has her mouth and fingers??? why would she need a piece of plastic to make her girl feel good???

but the first time y'all try it, she's hooked

she forgets ab her hands after that

jk but like

yeah she's HOOKED

she gets really into it LOL, def can imagine her calling the strap her dick

oh and she fucks HARDDDD like, no room to breathe or anything

like you'll be gasping for air after and she'll be super duper proud

i read this one fic with like the dual ended one (i didn't even know that existed) and then i was like yep, yes this is the oneee

with positions, i can't see her doing anything more than like missionary (cus she loves to see your pretty face) and like from the back

but as soon as she discovers riding, it's OVERRRRR for you

she's making you ride her strap anytime she can, cus she loves it

she has her hands on your hips as she's guiding you and she LOVES IT so fucking much, like the power she has over you makes her go feral

oh and do not get me started on sucking her strap, cus again she loves the power she holds over you

she has your hair in a ponytail and the more you get comfortable with the whole thing, she WILL make you gag

she acts like it's her dick (yeah i know we covered that) but like esp when you're sucking her strap, she will just dirty talk u the entire time

"you like my dick, pretty girl? like gagging on my dick?" cus yeah, u do

oh and yes, she does have breeding kink

it breaks her heart that she can't get you pregnant 😪

but she sure as hell will pretend to!!!!!

will 100% bend you over and just yap about getting you pregnant

also if she's fucking you in missionary, she expects you to look at her the entire time

so if you turn away, she will grab your face and keep you looking straight at her

FUCK IDK WHY THAT'S SO HOT

paige is a D1 yapper i fear, and that would 10000% seep into the bedroom LMAO

mostly praise cus babygirl would feel really bad but when she gets into, she GETS into it

like she will call you her slut as she's about cum

that post-nut clarity goes hard the first time tho cus she's like no way i called my gf a dirty fucking slut 😭😭 she sits with her thoughts for a good 10 minutes trying to recollect herself

she is a munch for sure, like she will eat you out for hours and hours on end (not an exaggeration btw)

but she LOVES when you give back

it makes her go fucking feral when she sees you eating her out, like yessssssssssssss

she has to close her eyes bc if she keeps looking at your face, she WILL cum

she has a bad hair pulling problem, like she will grip your hair so hard your head will hurt after

it's apart of the appeal tho 🎀

her fav spot to get absolutely ate is her gaming chair cus like, she needs you in between her legs giving her support to get that victory royale 💯💯💯

she hates when she gets ass or tits bc she genuinely cannot pick

it depends on the day bc they're both great, she will never pick one

i feel like she's definitely thought ab fucking you in public but she can't risk it

SHES A D1 ATHLETE !!

the only time yall did was in a bathroom at an event and it was SOOO bad afterwards cus everyone could tell

you had to pretend like you didn't get your brains fucked out and paige had to pretend she didn't DO the fucking

but lowkey she enjoyed it a lot, but would she do it again?

maybe, a solid maybe (with the right motivation)

okay but like ....

she def has fingered u while the girls are over cus like, she was in a silly mood?

you just looked too fucking good, she had to

but thank god no one noticed (at least to yalls knowledge...)

she's a horny fuck ARGUE WITH THE WALL

she will get turned on by anything you do, like homegirl is just sooooo down bad for you

you could be applying chapstick and paige will be like "we need to fuck, now."

paige's aftercare is just giving you water and cuddling with you for 10 mis while scrolling on tiktok and then gets up to play fortnite with kk

she literally is the tiktok where it's like "after he rearranges my organs he goes and plays fortnite" i hope yall know what i'm talking about

but you don't mind ofc cus she makes you sit on her lap while playing

but then turns into another round cus shes a horny fuck

paige is all for hickies on YOU but she gets pissed when you give her a hickey cus she's like people are gonna see

like she's the only one who has to deal with the public 🙄🙄🙄

but she loves marking you EVERYWHERE, esp on your collarbone like it's so sexy

oh and god bless you in the summer, the ones on your thighs are getting AIRED OUT bc paige does not care

↳ make sure to check out my navigation or masterlist if you enjoyed! any interaction is greatly appreciated !

↳ thank you for reading all the way through, as always ♡

#wcbb x reader #wcbb #ncaaw #uconn huskies #ncaa wbb #women's college basketball #paige buckets #paige bueckers x reader #paige bueckers #paige x reader #paige bueckers fanfiction #paige bueckers smut #paige bueckers x oc #paige bueckers headcannons #paige bueckers fic #uconn wbb

[neet-elite]

↳ EVENT 04. Whitney & Sebastian (Jealousy Sex)

Pairing: Sebastian / F!Reader / M!Whitney Genre: Smut 18+ WC: 2,380 Warnings: crossover, meta, name calling, degradation, threesome, double penetration, creampie Prompt(s): 06 — jealousy sex Wanna take part in the event?: CLICK HERE!!

A/N: my first crossover post ever? tbh, a few of you have asked for crossovers! so im looking forward to trying to execute them well enough LOL... i've never done this before, so please be gentle... but thank you for the interesting challenge!! i enjoyed exploring this topic a lot MWAH!!

Laying in bed with you plus a stranger on your other side was never something he'd ever dreamed of, let alone allow to happen. But, tonight is a special case if there ever was one, a necessity, really. Possessively pinching at your cheek to bring your attention back to solely him for a second, a vain attempt to assert dominance over your free time. His nose wrinkles in judgement at the man behind you, dissatisfied with the turn of events of tonight as you writhe between two men, a burning in his heart urging him to speak before the other steals the spotlight; and perhaps even you, given how there's a whole other side to you he's yet to be privy to.

Which only really makes his words harsher, tongue spitting venom aimed mostly for the other man at your backside, sickeningly insidious in his intent given the faux sweet tone he adopts.

And yet needs must.

"Tell me, babe—" He cuts himself off with a moan, the feeling of your cunt walls wrapping around him even tighter as soon as he speaks leaves him a little breathless. Dirty words caught in his throat when your gaze meets his for just a second; enough for him to recognise how fucked silly you already are between two men, before your eyes roll prettily to the back of your head. Bit off more than you can chew, pretty? "Have you— fuck— have you made a decision yet?" He doesn't mean to sound so impatience, biting down on his tongue else he'll spill even more filth your way.

It's just that he's never felt you this tight before, though that might be due to the fact that you've got two cocks inside of you right now. The feeling of Whitney's rubbing against his own every time they pass each other in tandem strokes feels so fucking good; maybe only made better from the ego fuelled jealousy resting thick in his stomach for you. He's not stupid, and he knows you probably don't have the mental capacity to respond to him right now, but instinct begs him to at least try and steal you away. The weight of two fat cocks inside of your tiny little cunt must be difficult to deal with, right baby? Copious amounts of precum drooling from your abused little hole, squished cruelly between two hard bodies and used in such a selfish competition of pride.

"Isn't it fuckin' obvious." Whitney grunts behind you, prompting Sebastian to roll his eyes in annoyance. Or was it in pleasure of your cunt sucking his cock off so well at the sound of another mans voice? He'll never truly know, tongue poking out to wet his lips before they hang open in a soft gasp when you're rocked forward and more into his arms with how hard Whitney snaps his hips into you. The lack of care for your pretty self coming from the man behind you irks him, especially when you do very little to fight back against the rude touch tugging at your ass, pulling at your waist to hump the cock behind you. In fact, it looks like you like it, grabbing and scratching at Sebastian's front for some semblance of reality. Silly girl, you'll find no such thing here.

And in any case, what right does this guy have over you, really? Who is he to tell him what you, his long term girlfriend, prefers. At the very least, he understands that you'll be gone from his existence for various lengths of time, unable to see him due to 'real life', or whatever. But he'd never imagined you'd be visiting other men when he was waiting so patiently for you to return back to the valley. Isn't he enough for you? Didn't you say that Stardew Valley was your favourite place to be?

Upset not at the clear cut infidelity, but more so at the fact that you thought you could escape him simply by jumping from game to game. No, no; it's expected that you'd find others. Different men to cuddle up to, stranger guys who no doubt make you feel differently to how he does— but there's gotta be a similar thread running throughout your choices, right? Something consistent between himself and the brute behind you stuffing you so full of cock that even he himself feels like he's choking with every thrust. Holding on tight to your arm as you lay on your side before him, his other arm hooked under your neck to keep you safe and secure as you're mad to rock between two tips.

Him, comparable to Whitney? Now that's insulting.

Why you'd ever choose to date someone as characterised by their bullying as Whitney is is beyond him. The pretty pout you wear when Whitney grabs at your throat only stokes the fire in his tummy too, a thick layer of bile resting on top at the way he gets glared at by the other man with possession written all over his expression. And Sebastian only knows it as such because he worn the same look with you time and time again, determined to prove his worth to you now more than ever to hopefully keep you around for longer than whoever else you might be seeing. To bring you back to your favourite game again.

Deciding to ignore the honestly annoying man challenging his position by your side, Sebastian instead tries to appeal to your morals. Deceptively digging into your yearning for comfort that he knows you need more than anything else. It's why you're with him in the first place, right?

"I missed you so much." He nuzzles into you; or as much as he can given how violently you're bouncing between them, how fast he has to pick up his pace to match Whitney's unfair rhythm. It's making him a little dizzy, to be honest. Desire pooling in his tummy for you and the broken sobs his cock fucks out of you. The pathetic whines, almost babbles of something resembling begs that Whitney thrusts out of you. Pretty little overwhelmed baby, isn't this what you wanted when you had suggested a little test? Given his earlier argument with Whitney over who you preferred, wasn't it you who suggested some friendly competition? And now look at you, all sobs and shivers, a coo automatically rolling off his tongue when he nestles closer to you, his lips ghosting over your own in a yearning to claim you as his. "I'm here, 'm not going anywhere, baby." He promises you, disarmingly imploring you to reach out for him, his hands firm on your soft body for stability while he fucks his whole length in and out of your overstuffed cunt. Bet it's so sore, isn't it? Need a little help distracting yourself from every balls deep thrust he offers you, don't you? The sound of wet skin on skin causing his cock to tremble against Whitney's fat length inside of you, your lewd moans filling his ears with every hump of his tip against your most sensitive parts inside.

Inching closer, he plants his lips on yours. A sloppy mix of saliva, promising you that he'll come out victorious by the time he's done with you, imagining the sight of you limping into his arms instead of Whitney's so he can whisk you away back to the valley where you belong— except in doing so, he inevitable ends up stuttering his hips inside of you to the thought of punishing you for even insinuating that he might be a second place choice in your life. But is it even punishment if you'd be enjoying yourself, much like how you are now? Gasping into his open mouth, spilling moan after moan thanks to Whitney's pounding from behind. Fuck, he can even feel the way your body positively vibrates from enjoyment against him, rendered useless and unable to effectively kiss him back, tongue lolling out of your wanting mouth for him to suck on a lil. Just a little, because if he were to do anything more than that, then he's more than likely about to cream your cunt full, thinking it's just so fucking cute that you've been fucked truly stupid on two cocks.

"Pair of sluts—" Whitney laughs from behind, but Sebastian doesn't miss the undeniable crack in his counterparts voice. The hint of shakiness present only because you're so fucking tight and feel so fucking good that there's no room to do anything other than melt into you. Like some sort of horny amalgamation, sweat and sticky and heat, drool and other bodily fluids shared all in the name of rivalry. To try and win your utmost attention and affections, and to successfully pull you back into your preferred setting, favoured game, and most important love interest.

He knows what's at stake, and as such, removes himself from your lips to instead suckle on your neck— where Whitney might prefer bite marks and bruises, he's intent on leaving behind gentle love bites as his mark on you. His fingers slipping from your body from sweat, humping his trembling cock into you in short snap thrusts; just how he knows you like. And God he has no choice but to muffle a moan against your skin when Whitney favours longer strokes inside. Fast but deep, the feeling of rubbing his needy cock just as much against your plush insides as he is against Whitney's girth feels too good, immediately prompting him to dip his hand down intending on rubbing at your clit in sheer desperation not to be the first to cum, only to find Whitney already doing so— fuck he feels too good to argue back. Simply falling further into your soft body, cradling you from harms way despite how your body warms at the degradation, his chest tight at the way you mumble and moan. It's all a bit too much for him, sucking your neck for dear life, a silent plea to be crowned victorious with eager fucks into your overstuffed hole.

Maybe you prefer to be demeaned, right? Bullied into submission, his nails digging into any part of your pretty exposed body he can reach, fumbling around in a tangled heap of limbs as Whitney attempts to grab your attention too— though the latter seems to hold his composure better when it comes to your angel cunt. "Such a good slut, aren't you? C'mon, tell me how y'really feel."

But the slur in Whitney's words is enough to let Sebastian know that he isn't the only one close, not so much fucking you now as he is just trying to hold back for you. Muscles taut and jaw tight, gritting into the sticky feeling of your cunt, slick coating his length just as much as precum does, how the mixture drips down to his balls to stain the sheets below. To cum first would be sooo embarrassing, wouldn't it? Especially when he's doing his utmost to prove himself to you, to try and coax you back to the valley, and not whatever universe Whitney is from. It's where you belong, at the end of his leaking tip every night for him to bully into you over and over again, even if right now he can do no such thing— unlatching from your neck just to spill sweet praises for you, and to hopefully disallow you from answering Whitney's burning question. Deep down he knows you're gonna say his name anyway, or at least hopes is the case, the way your glassy eyes haze over his almost pained features, drool dripping from your tongue every time he presses his cock inside. You wear the fucked out expression so well, pretty baby getting fucked by two big cocks, is it more than you can handle?

It's okay, because from the way your body shakes under his fingertips, the tell tale tremble inside your pretty little angel cunt, how your voice almost goes missing in your silent gasps for more— he knows that you're close too. And, frustratingly, Whitney can gather about just as much also— how long have you been seeing him? "Already?" Whitney sneers, unsure of who it's more aimed at, but Sebastian hasn't the strength to fight back. Not for himself, and certainly not for you. Too lost in the way your cunt practically begs him for more, his hips instinctively fucking into you as if it were his only purpose in life. Messy and clumsy humps fill you up, almost as if he were getting fucked by Whitney alongside you, but fuck he can't help it. The weight of your body pressed tight against his own as Whitney takes a more dominating stance, effectively fastening Sebastian under you as you get mounted from behind is intoxicating, your puffy clit surely rubbing nicely against his groin from the new position and—

Well, he's got no hope of holding back when he feels your full little hole spasm around him. Orgasm washing over you as you fall into his chest, moaning directly down his ear as you wrap your arms around his neck and hold on for dear life. Sebastian too holds onto you, arms wrapped around the small of your back, pressing you down onto his cock for him to offer you merger little fucks up and into your heat. And fuck it feels so good, fat load shooting against your deepest parts, turning his cock all sticky as it gushes around inside, against Whitney's cock, and gets pushed out of your cute cunt with every extra thrust. He barely gets a chance to calm down providing Whitney's uncharacteristically kind slower pace, letting you ride out your high just enough before the brutality begins again.

"Well, what d'ya think, slut? Got a favourite yet?" Whitney seethes, clearly holding on to the last remainder of stability he's got as you wail out in hyper sensitivity.

Maybe if Sebastian holds you close to him and whispers sweet nothings down your ear to help settle you back into the unfair fucking you'll favour him. It's the least he could do, seeing as he finished first anyway. Anything to get you back to the valley, and spending time in his world again.

#500 event! #dol #stardew valley smut #sdv smut #dol smut #dol fanfic #sdv sebastian smut #sdv sebastian fanfic #whitney the bully smut #whitney the bully #i forgot other tags oopsie

[savage-rhi]

Magenta.

#i lost my job #even though they're not saying its because of my disability it is because of it #I've been applying to places and some of the safety nets i had fell through #im scared right now and feel very betrayed #i got enough to get me through the month but beyond that idk what to do #i have resources im looking into and as most know that doesn't put a dent into finances #i need help #i feel bad for asking and i know i preach people shouldnt feel ashamed #but i do get where folks are coming from with that #the shame is powerful especially when you pride yourself as someone that takes care of themselves #im open to ideas opinions whatever folks want to say #i haven't felt this triggered ptsd wise in a long time past homeless experience and work abuse has been creeping in #I'm trying to get to the good but its really hard seeing it right now after getting screwed for the millionth time #for something i can't control with my body #i guess on a good note that partnership meeting went well #it seems like an excellent opportunity but its also an investment and i don't have the means to put into that right now

[astranauticus]

oh lol i forgot to post this robit sketches! because i have one (1) bit and im sure as hell gonna commit to it apparently

#rolling with difficulty #art I made #'shut your up' is a verbatim quote from an ex classmate i just thought it was funny #i dont think it was intentional i think he was just so angry that Words Failed on him #anyway im absolutely not keeping that maxim design. god i fucking hate clothing design *so* much #austin: 'hes a gold plated mechanite dressed in blue and grey robes' me trying to figure out colour placement: 'what FUCK' #i had one (1) good idea and that was 'skeleton shaped robit' and every other part of that design went to hell apparently #bc all the other mechanites we've had were either like... flesh..? shaped?? like that sorta silhouette (basically most of the old crew) #or more mechanical/geometric (vr-la's designs and like.. k-lb? i guess? if that counts) #so. therefore. bone shaped mechanite. also if i was gonna try that concept on anyone it may as well be maxim if you think about it #idk i thought it would be interesting. and also undertale was my first fandom so uh #ANYWAY. MOVING ON FROM THAT THOUGHT. #this started as a 2am intrusive thought of like #'we (artists in the discord) keep joking abt how k-lb would be a nightmare to draw but like.. how hard is it really' #anyway as you can probably expect. famous last words #i mean genuinely mad respect to noir but i think i said to one of my friends when i showed them this sketch #'i mean this in the nicest way possible but you can just tell he was designed for an audio only storytelling format' LMAO #if anyone is unwise enough to attempt this (so basically @ my future self lmao) #do the lineart and colouring for the wires in front of the inner electricity skeleton (???) and the ones behind it on SEPARATE LAYERS #drew the wires all together then the electricity and had to painstakingly go over the electricity with an eraser it was a fucking nightmare

[yuudamari]

.

#litreally i love drawing for orv but at the same time i hate it because i always want to make an amazing piece #and i overthink the composition and the meaning behind it and im like fuck nothing is good enough #trying to make a peice for hsy and jyh like i cant always draw kdj right and i love hankim #but what is good enoguh to reperesent their entire relationship #like nothing. nothing. no composition i put down no narrative i try to set to the peice is good enoguh for that #and it drive sme crazyyyy i knowi cant always do like the best piece ever #but so far all my orv peices im quite proud of them bc of what ive been able to put out #but god its so hard no one sees the suffering behind every piece which is me pullin gat my hair like THE TEHMES.... #sorry i wrote hankim i meant yoohan

[quietwingsinthesky]

if there was a torchwood/spn crossover, jack would get shot in the head so much. i know he already dies a lot, but he’s going to die so many times during this crossover. keeps getting bullets unloaded into him. they stab him with silver and steel and copper and none of it keeps him down. he’s gonna get squirted with borax and that one’s not gonna kill him but it is going to ruin his coat, which is materially worse for him.

#also gwen cooper would wrestle dean to the ground and beat him half to death #ianto is going to get himself possessed. im not saying he doesn’t take every precaution he knows how to against it. im saying he does and it #doesnt work <3 #i think sam and tosh could be friends :) (<- actually means they’re just both stuck in ‘make this conversation go as smoothly as i can by #masking so fucking hard. so that i can leave sooner’ mode.) #and i think owen would kiss dean on the mouth because it would make him so uncomfortable and owen can and will use his ability to be an #asshole without regret for the good of the team. especially if this moment is directly a result of like. Dean hitting on Tosh while she’s #clearly not into it. Owen is going to kiss that man at the risk of getting shot just like jack has 17 times in a row just so that he’ll #fuck off and leave tosh alone. and this will work because dean winchester will immediately malfunction upon being kissed by a man because #now he doesn’t know whether to direct his homophobic impulses at owen (<- unaffected by anything he could say.) or himself (<- guy who #believes being gay works like cooties.) #and in the background you can see jack sort of gently put his hand over toshiko’s and she releases a pen she was holding onto very tightly #and this is the part where you realize Oh She Was Going To Stab Dean In The Knee With That If He Didn’t Stop. #i also think Jack should get to kiss Crowley. i think they’d both be into it and it’d be funny. i think they should reference that they’ve #been off-and-on lovers for years actually. (gwen: you’ve been sleeping??? with the king of hell???? || Jack: see i don’t know why this is #surprising to you.) (ianto has been standing there with his mouth slightly open for a full minute. long enough for crowley to comment on it #and for owen to jokingly try to shut it for him. (cue short impromptu slap fight as ianto bats his hands away and then owen gets too into #defending the honor of his poor slapped away hands.) but anyway. <3 ianto you’re into guys you really need to come to terms with this at #some point sir. jack is *not* your exception this is an all day job.)

[permanentreverie]

.

#ok so mini rant session #i am doing a bit better today - little less distraught over getting fired from a job i thought i was doing pretty good at and i was trying #really hard and genuinely enjoying #and just more baffled because truly i had no warning and i was completely blindsided #i was in the middle of a 3 month trial and i would have a review at the end in which i would be offered a permanent position if it went well #and i thought i was making my way towards that! granted i was still making mistakes but genuinely not of such a great scale i thought it #called for my immediate dismissal #that being said i was still VERY MUCH IN TRAINING. i had only been there A MONTH AND A HALF learning COMPLETELY NEW SYSTEMS #and i was told that i had been there a few weeks already and that i wasn’t catching on quick enough. that there were some areas i was #understanding and others i just simply wasn’t #and i asked what areas specifically so that i could learn more and try harder #and they didn’t give me a specific answer. #ok and so. so. i have this insecurity. #that at first impression people will like me. that they may think i’m pretty or kind or funny or whatever #but then they spend time with me or get to know me and realize that that’s all bullshit. #that i’m actually not pretty and im mean and loud and selfish and lazy and rude and etc etc etc #MASSIVE fucking insecurity in that like that’s why i genuinely don’t have friends or a significant other #and that genuinely i’m just a Bad Person #and when i was fired? i was told ‘a persons true colours show after a few weeks’ #so that’s MAJORLY fucking me up. #when i was hired i was boasted to about my boss’s hiring process and how she’s ’only been fooled twice’ #and the morning before i was fired in a meeting my supervisor told everyone that i was doing quite well. #so yeah i truly had no fucking warning. at fucking all. #hurt and confused and angry and baffled and did i mention hurt #anyways if you’re still here i’m sorry i know this is not a good look for me

[em0-opossum]

sick of people acting like being alone/lonely = being single. ofc you're allowed to feel like that, I'm aro and could not care less that I don't have a partner so I have no idea what it feels like to have that experience, but god just once I'd like to find poetry and art made by people who know how it feels to have no friends and feel lonely no matter how many people are around you and know that you don't belong no matter where you are

#I'm lucky enough to have two good friends right now who i love very much #but that doesn't mean that they understand how i feel or how i have felt #and knowing you're alone in that overbearing loneliness just alienates you more and further perpetuates the feeling #i still miss out on so many opportunities to be friends with people i genuinely want to be friends with so bad because i can't talk to them #i still get so paranoid sometimes and stop replying to anyone because I'm convinced they hate me and there's something wrong with me #sometimes to the point where i avoid teachers who i need to talk to because i am sure that everything i say will be wrong #even someone being nice can feel awful because i think that they just feel bad or are pretending and actually trying to make fun of me #i know nobody actually knows who i am or how i feel because i hide everything to fit in with people and what they need/want #i have never felt like i belong anywhere and trying to explain that to people is so hard #there are times i love being alone but knowing that I've missed out on every regular human experience is so isolating #i just want to be normal and have friends i love and hang out with and talk to and not feel like every word i say could be the end of me #and when i try to find anybody who relates all i get is “oh im alone again :(( being single is awful” #i really do empathize with those people but it is nothing like my experience of loneliness #(tags are just for finding people who relate) #social anxiety #avpd #avoidant personality disorder #actuallyavpd #loneliness #chronic loneliness

[stannussy]

Mmmhh that one time a fandom darling basically showed their whole ass to me bc I wanted to talk about how someone that'd been sexually harassing me and others but tell me not to on the pretense that the person harassing us might hurt themselves just bc they were autistic 🤦🏽‍♂

#dunno men #its the combo wombo for me #also its fine y'all maybe I write abt it later on bc im all grown up now and I feel like I can finally stand up for myself #its just.... its funny in a fucked up way JNsndndjfnfj #like did multiple oopsies while trying to stand for something good #which hun.... you should've had asked first???? #funny enough I ended up getting more recenment to this person than the actual weirdo #which is not fait mind u #but still #💕🤷🏽‍♂ #thats why i basically stopped posting abt fc5 #two people ruined my enjoyment in a way I didn't felt safe anymore #jason still rocks on my heart and so does that ugly dog jacob #but its hard for me #bc it was something i could retell my issues and feel safe just for some asshole to come and take that away from me #and also a 'well meaning' fool to come and play corner while knowing NOTHING

[98chao]

its kind of funny that crk brought out such Emotion in me that i just whipped out all my knowledge on how symbolism and colour affects art. im not playing about those cookies bro.

#no shade to any of my other interests but nothing has really evoked the kind of feeling to make like meaningful art in this way #i almost did with sonic a couple times but i ended up not feeling interested enough to finish those project files #mephiles is too good to pass up an opportunity with but im not sure ill ever have the drive to draw something cool w/ him #back to the original point im actually very very happy when i see ppl talking about things i put in my art like #my vision is realized!! #i get worried that nobody cares enough to notice lol but now i know my vanilla milkshakers got me #i mean i try as hard as i can from someone whos entirely self taught i know theres artists who can do those kinds of things better than me #thats why i study a lot from other artists bc it helps very much #erm mucho texto anyway #hooray gay cookies #not art #txt

[milf-harrington]

where im at mentally these days: my mum hugged me and said im doing a good job and i burst into tears <3

#i mean it was a little more fleshed out than that #i asked for a hug and she asked if i was okay and i didnt say anything so she said something about me feeling like #untethered. just kind of floating through life. and i said yeah. and she told me im doing a good job like. getting through the day basically #and i cried about it because i dont even know why its so hard #and i feel so shitty all the time because i just feel like a shit person like i dont try hard enough with my nephew #and hes so little and so smart and im so awful and every day im worried hes going to stop liking me bc im still learning how to be. gentle. #because i grew up with yelling and a locked pantry and an older sister who had to raise me #so i dont know how to not yell and not escape into my own world when i cant be bothered #and i have really good days and really terrible days and hes not a Job hes my nephew and i want to treat him like my nephew #and it feels so selfish to say im tired and that its hard and stressful and i dont know what im doing #bc my sister has to do it too and she doesnt get breaks like i do #she doesnt get to just decide to leave for the night - and i mean i dont do that but i have the option #and everyone keeps. like. telling me im doing good and im helpful and my sister especially tells me often shes grateful for me #and it makes me feel Awful bc i feel like i dont do enough and that the stuff i DO isnt good enough and just argh #anyway #vent over i need to go to bed its 1am and i have to get up in 5 hours #captain speaks

[fandomestloser]

.

#i really fucking hate my brain right now #i put on a pair of jeans today #and they're the only jeans i bought when i was at my lowest with my eating #which means they're the smallest ones i have #and i put them on td and they were tighter than usual #and i fucking hate that im using them as a yardstick for my body but i still do it #and i know logically they're just tighter because 1. im actually fucking eating properly #and 2. i'm bloated anyway from my period #but there was this little voice in the back of my head screaming at me that im not fucking good enough and nobody will ever want me #and i've made alot of progress with my eating #i've not intentionally skipped a meal in almost a month #but my mind wont shut the fuck up #and my partner always says “text me if you need me” but i cant #because it's the middle of the night and for once #for ONCE #theyre actually taking care of themselves and sleeping #and it'd be so shitty to ruin that because i know that thats really hard for them #so now i'm just lying in the dark listening to music #and trying to drown out my thoughts with it #but it's not fucking working and nothings fucking working and im so so scared im going to relapse again #because i dont want to do that anymore but i dont feel like i have a fucking choice #and nobody will probably read this except alex #gods bless them #but i just needed to write the words #because if i dont do something #i'll do something else that id regret a lot more #tw eating #tw eating disorder #ed vent

[merry-the-cookie]

GUYS!!!! GUYS!!!!!!!!!!! i commissioned the incredibly talented insanely cool and radical jay @tacogrande​ to draw my favorite dudes and im so happy loOK AT THEM........ ashtons lil smile 😭 michaels sleepy eyes 🥺 all of it so gorgeous

pls go give her a follow and check out all her socials and if you can commission her i cannot recommend it enough, i mean look at this dreamy lil portrait 🥺🥰💖💖💖

alt version under the cut cus yea i got tWO VERSIONSSS

jay has been an inspiration to me for so many years since i was a wee little teenager and ive learned soooo much from them and to commission her again after so long whilst still being a huge fan of their art felt like a full circle moment hehe will definitely do again <3 maybe complete the 5sos set dfhjGHFD

#my goal in life now is to get as many people as possible to draw mike and ash gfhjkHDFHJAGHJDFGHJDFGDHJF #me trying to keep myself from gushing too much about jays art in the post #very hard 🧍🧍🧍 #fr tho i commissioned them for the first time in like 2016 for my fav glee trio and then my fav tokyo ghoul characters in 2017 #this is long overdUE!!!! #its been incredible seeing her art grow through the years and im always in awe of her flowy lines and stylization of people #honestly my thought process for the commish was 'i wanna see ashton in jays style' gfhjkGHJFDGHJDF i just knew she would draw him good ehehe #and the coloring style!!! and the palettes!!! so pretty im so #always looking to their art for inspiration!!!! #ALSO jay was the first 'big artist' to give me time of day if that makes sense gfhjGHJFDGDFJ like i vividly remember them being such a cool #person in the glee fandom esp if u did fanart cus a lot of big fanartists would only share other popular artists #and jay was out there giving space and attention to us lil guys startin out #i know it sounds a lil stupid but it meant everything to my lil 17yo self! built up my confidence like crazy #forever grateful for that!!! #ok i have rambled enough gfhjkGHJGDHFJ SORRY i just rlly appreciate jay and if u got the means id defo encourage you to commission her <3333 #michael clifford #ashton irwin #5sos #mashton #5sos art #EDIT ALSO JAY BOUGHT THE FIRST KEYCHAIN I DID EVEN THO SHE DONT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT DEAR EVAN HANSEN a real one fr fr

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#ok. this is the fucking bullshit thing abt grad school. u go to fucking grad school bc u r a fucking tryhard nerd freak #who is either naturally very smart or ur so fucking anxious u r incapable of allowing urself to get a bad grad #and then u go to fucking grad school and everyone's like: man fuck ur classes. if youre getting streight As then u aren't focusing on ur #research. and theyre right. but u still cant fucking let go of the idea that if u get a bad grad the world is gonna fucking end and u r a #bad person. u didnt try hard enough. all this to say i have a final project that i put way too much energy into and not even in a good way #i would just open the document. start sobbing. and then close it and spiral abt how i didn't want to work on it. so its bullshit #i mean. its a good project idea ans i probably sound like i kno wtf im talking abt bc i do. i worked on that topic for 4 years but like #i could make it wayyyyy better. its bullshit. i didnt even number the citations to give more page space. i made section headers. i didnt #wrap text. i could add like 4 more lines of text if i wanted but i think im not gotta bc fuck it. ugh. i dont even. i fucking avoide #stochastic stuff altogether which i kno im gonna have to fight abt but like fuck it who cares abt randomness. i just wanna focus on the #predictably aspect of community composition. fuck u. i shouldnt have picked this topic. i mean. i had to bc its like the one microbe thing #i could do but its also like the exact topic that makes me wanna rip my hair out and start screaming. like jesus christ who tf cares? ugh. #i think id give myself a B if it was an undergrad class. but the standard is higher in an all grad class. ugh. i hate this. i should just #send it abd be done. i dont even kno when its due tomorrow. before class i guess. idk i felt like garbage today. fucking vertigo bby. i feel #ok now tho. so maybe the allergic reacting is over???? fingers r still arthritisy tho. jesus. im falling apart #ive got a pretty good sounding excuse for being lazy tho: owo i had an allergic reaction to my antidepressants 🥳 but nah no excuses we run #this body into the ground. like the good old days. #unrelated

[kimmkitsuragi]

look this will be extremely 2016-core of me to say but. 16 year old me would genuinely cry if she saw dan and phil announcing their gaming channel is back with a video featuring jacksepticeye

#i know their gaming channel was still active in 2016 BUT DO U GET MY POINT???? #im ngl i do not keep up with these guys anymore the last time i actually try to keep up was when they came out #and then i started to not enjoy their recent videos :( so i stopped #hopefully i have enough cringe living inside of me so that i can still watch their gaming videos :3 #once again im ngl even if i dont keep up w these guys anymore they still mean so much to me tbh like....... #it's s hard to explain #above all else; they literally taught me english!!! 😭😭 not even kidding!!!!! #i remember i started watching their videos while i still couldnt really understand english that much sdhfbdfh especially not spoken english #WITH accents mind u #and im 100% serious the moment i realized 'HOLY SHIT i can actually understand spoken english to a good extent rn????' #i was literally watching a dnp video at that exact moment #so yeah dnp literally taught me english. this is only one of the reasons why i care abt them deeply still #let's not get into the more emotional reasons #anyway another thing is sean was THE reason i got into gaming im not even kidding 😭 #i just realized i was so fucking real in middle school. a non-english speaker whose fave youtubers are #3 english-speaking dudes with Hard Accents. hell yeah #i need this exact energy with german rn #anywayyyyy i was also gonna say something else sbhsdbfdbfs im sorry for rambling but #everytime i open up sims 4 my thoughts are always related to dnp gaming channel fr #🗒 #sorry to be cringe or whatever btw #dnp

[hecksupremechips]

Actually cry so goddamn hard when I think about Shinjiro Aragaki healing and being loved and having to learn to be okay with himself and being taken care of

#writing him has just been like. OOOOWOEOEOEOOE i piss tears i cant handle this shit this gay ass shit #i came up with an idea for just like a cute short one shot i wanna do soon and hnnnghh im so emo about it #very healing its like very hard to write some of the shit im gonna be writing cuz basically #some of it is just a little too real man and while i crave the angst and the drama i am just like #AND THEN EVERYONE HOLDS HANDS AND ITS OKAY PLEASE DONT CRY PLEASE #and ive mentioned how shinji has accidentally become nb to me now because i just kinda happened to write him that way without meaning to #and now another thing im noticing is that in my fic hes kinda bpd coded #it definitely wasnt intentional but now im accepting it as truth no one can stop me #i just really need him to be happy its more important to me than anything else man i need it for me #and he needs to be gay with aki they need to kissy and i think its funny cuz even in the parts where shinji is mad at aki and pushing him #away its like. he kinda has it bad lol and its clear he feels no actual hatred towards aki but more just self deprecation because he doesnt #feel good enough and like idk i just think about their respective roles in society like #aki is an honor student star boxer hero very attractive very kind very popular got adopted by a rich family #hes going places you know meanwhile shinji is a drop out who never had a family ever hes homeless hes sketchy hes on drugs #his reputation couldnt be any worse and he just leans into it and feels he has no future and hes worthless garbage #and aki could literally have anyone he wants you know he has an army of girls pining over him but he doesnt want them #HE WANTS SHINJI AND NO ONE ELSE HE SPENDS YEARS CHASING AFTER HIM #and shinji HATES it hes trying so hard to push him away and be the crusty delinquent and make aki see how worthless he really is #but aki just doesnt stop he loves him so much makes me sick SICK #and shinji really loves him back hes like not gonna shut up ever about aki hes like either doing it in a gay ass annoyed way #or hes like ‘haha omg aki is so cute though hes always trying so hard to be tough but hes just so sweet and gentle you know i hope he #doesnt push himself too hard if he got hurt id fall apart hes so silly i hope hes eating good i desire him carnally’ #yeah sorry gamers this is just a pairing i cant be normal about they mean so much to me personally the fate of the world rests upon them