#im scared right now and feel very betrayed | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

atlabeth · 1 year

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everything happens for a reason part 20 - zuko x fem!reader

Guess it's true, I'm never getting over you

part 19 | masterlist | part 21

a/n: holy shit guys. we're finally here. the title chapter, the part that officially puts us over the 100k mark, the turning point, the end of the constant mf angst that i've put you all through. that's right. it's finally time for yn and zuko's life changing field trip. ive had this idea down for so long and i can't believe we're actually here lol. buckle up because she's a very long and very emotional one. i hope you enjoy.

wc: 14.3k I KNOW IM SORRY

warning(s): a lot of angst, fighting, violence (including minor character death), a whole lot of emotions, but the fluffy reconciliation you've all been waiting for<3

chapter title comes from everything happens for a reason (!!!!!!) by madison beer

Y/N felt betrayed.

It wasn’t a secret how she felt about Zuko. She avoided him at every possible moment, making herself scarce whenever he walked into a room or completely ignoring him in group conversation—it was the closest she could get to the civility required now that he was Aang’s firebending teacher, and even that was difficult.

Not because she didn’t want anything to do with Zuko—no, it was becoming the opposite, and it scared her more than anything.

She found herself thinking of him more often than not. And not of the North, or their meetings along their journey, not the catacombs—she found herself recalling the more pleasant memories.

The time they spent together whenever they could when she was still a servant and he was still a prince. The sunset they shared together the night before her life was turned upside down. Those afternoons when she would visit him in the tea shop, talking like they used to, smiling like they used to.

Remembering him for who he was rather than who he had become was dangerous. It was how she got her heart broken in the first place, how she went through some of the worst months of her life.

He couldn’t hurt her again if she didn’t give him the chance to. So she wouldn’t.

But it was getting harder and harder to avoid him, because one by one, her friends forgave him.

First, she’d heard, was Toph. She didn’t have any kind of grudge against him, and she was able to make up for him burning her feet tenfold now that he was part of the team.

Next was Aang. He was already far too forgiving, the amount of grace inside of him more than Y/N could even hope to muster. They proved themselves in front of the last dragons together, and apparently that was enough for Aang to trust him.

It took Sokka a bit longer, but after what they pulled off at the Boiling Rock together, he didn’t seem to have a hard time getting along with Zuko. The fact that he helped save Y/N and Suki probably didn’t hurt his chances either.

Zuko had burned down Suki’s village, but Y/N still remembered what she told him in the courtyard—”if you can get me out of here, you’re forgiven. Kyoshi’s fans, I’ll be your best friend.” They weren’t exactly that close, but they worked together, and that was enough.

Katara, it seemed, was the only one who still shared Y/N’s scorned feelings. They held onto each other like a lifeline, feeding off of the other in their hatred. It might not have been the healthiest option, but they refused to forgive Zuko. They stewed in their hurt, and it felt good. It felt good to have a target for their bitterness rather than the abstract ideal of betrayal, and Zuko worked just fine.

After they had fought against Azula, the night they settled on a random Fire Nation island, the two of them sat together on the outskirts of camp. They were meant to be keeping watch together, but instead they made quiet conversation.

“So,” Katara said, “today was… something.”

“That’s one way to say it,” Y/N said wryly. “Since joining you guys, I’ve had enough action for a lifetime. I can’t wait for all this to be over.”

Katara smiled, but it was wistful. “Neither can I. This has all gone on for so long—all I want is peace.”

A memory flashed through her mind—frantic screams, desperate pleading, flames devouring centuries of life—and Y/N swallowed thickly as she tried to push it away. The closer the day came, the more the memories would appear. It happened every year, but this time it was worse.

“Me too,” she murmured. “More than anything.”

Katara looked at her for a moment, her gaze softening before she finally spoke. “Are you okay? I… I know today wasn’t easy.”

Y/N managed a thin smile, but it wasn’t convincing. “You don’t have to worry about me.”

“You know I can’t do that,” Katara said dryly. “We look out for each other—we always have, even from the first day we met. But it’s like you’re trying to make it as hard as possible for me to care about you.”

“One of my many skills,” she said sarcastically, but Katara didn’t laugh. Y/N sighed in response, long and deep, and allowed her gaze to drift into the murky distance. At nighttime, the water and the sky became one. It was calming. “I just…” she shook her head, “I don’t know what to do.”

“With Zuko,” she guessed.

“With everything,” Y/N said, but then she sighed again. “...Zuko included.”

“He doesn’t deserve you,” Katara said quietly. “Not after everything he’s put you through.”

“I keep telling myself that,” she murmured. “But there’s something inside of me that I can’t get rid of.” She looked at Katara, the beginnings of tears glimmering in her eyes. “There— there’s this hope that I can’t get rid of, that things could be the way they used to be again. And— and last time I felt that way was in Ba Sing Se, and I know where that got me, so—”

Katara stayed silent, only taking her hand to acknowledge her while allowing her to continue. It was a lifeline to her, one sorely needed, and she let out a shaky breath.

“So why do I still feel that way?” she asked, almost desperately. “How have they all forgiven him so easily? They know what he did— spirits, Aang died because of him— but they’re all able to sit around and joke with him like nothing happened.”

“They didn’t trust him the way we did,” Katara said with a quiet anger. “They didn’t trust him the way we did, so it didn’t hurt them the way it hurt us.”

“I don’t want to forgive him,” Y/N said weakly. “But the thought of losing him hurts so much. Why does it hurt so much?”

“I don’t know,” Katara murmured. “I… I don’t know.”

Y/N flinched as a tear rolled down her cheek and fell to the ground below, and she instinctively wiped it away. She couldn’t show weakness.

She grimaced at the thought. How long would that wretched place stay with her?

“I’ll give you some time.” Katara’s expression was pained as she squeezed her hand. She didn’t want to leave her alone, but Y/N was thankful for it. Right now she just needed to feel miserable by herself, without bringing Katara down with her.

“Thank you,” she whispered.

Katara nodded as she stood up. “You can sleep in my tent tonight. Or if you decide you want to talk, come bother me. I promise it’ll be okay.”

Y/N nodded, the action a bit numb, and she could feel Katara’s eyes on her as she lingered. But eventually she mustered the strength to leave, and Y/N was left with her thoughts.

She swallowed the sudden lump in her throat as she stared up at the sky. She tried to find the constellation her father taught her when she was a mere child—the tiger seal.

It was a jumble of stars that didn’t even remotely resemble the animal, but she remembered late nights spent stargazing on the ground outside their house, giggling endlessly as her father would point out various other constellations that he made up on his own. It would last until her mother would come out and tell them it was far past your bedtime, young lady, but she would never hide her smile as they ambled back inside.

The memory made a smile of her own emerge, but she soon realized she was fully in tears. They slid down her cheeks, falling onto the dirt and stones jutting out of the cliffside.

She couldn’t stop thinking of Zuko. She couldn’t stop thinking of her father. She felt so deeply broken in a way that she had no idea how to fix, in a way that was threatening to consume her.

She had her life back. Everything should have been back to normal.

But instead, she felt more lost than ever.

Y/N ended up taking Katara’s offer of sleeping in her tent, and she was glad she did. The familiarity of it all made her heart ache, but she was thankful for it. Thankful that she had friends like these who wouldn’t let her push them away, no matter how much her newly wired instincts told her it was the right thing to do.

She was visited by her childhood in her dreams yet again. She saw her father and her mother, walking hand in hand with smiles on their faces as they trailed behind a young Y/N skipping through the village paths.

She saw her child self running, screaming and laughing in equal parts as she was chased by the boy marked as the tagger, only to stagger backwards after running into one of the adults. But she was greeted by the smiling face of her father. The boy tapped her on the shoulder and ran off laughing, but her father knelt down to her level and looked at her completely seriously.

“I guess that means we’re the taggers now, huh?” And with that, the two of them ran around the village tagging everyone they could with the seriously unfair advantage.

She saw the moment after she’d learned how to waterbend, sprinting through the whole village to find her father, drag him to the lake, and show him her new skill. Gan held all the stars in his eyes as he watched her bend, and even though it was the simplest thing she could’ve done he praised her to no end.

The absence of scars, the smoothness of her skin, a bright smile that shone through her—she was unmarked by the world then. Hopeful, content, naive.

When she woke up with still-wet tear tracks on her cheeks, it wasn't a surprise. She woke up like this more often than not.

One week. Seven days. And then she would go to face something she wasn’t sure she was ready for.

But for now, there was something else to focus on. She could hear loud voices outside of the tent—all familiar, thankfully—but she knew that meant she had overslept.

Y/N fixed her hair and her clothes, rubbing furiously at her face to get rid of any signs of her previous emotions, and emerged from the tent to see her friends all standing around Appa.

“—about getting closure and justice,” she heard Zuko say, and her brows instinctively creased.

“What’s going on?” Y/N asked, crossing her arms as she stopped between Sokka and Zuko. “What are you all talking about?”

Zuko’s eyes widened slightly as he looked at her. “Uh— good morning.”

“Good morning,” she said stiffly before repeating herself. “What’s going on?”

“Zuko knows where to find the man who killed our mother,” Sokka said. He was oddly quiet.

“And Katara wants to find him,” Aang said, his expression uneasy.

“Is there a problem with that?” Katara asked defensively.

“Not if Zuko’s right and you just want closure,” he said. “But I don’t think that’s what this is about. I think it’s about getting revenge.”

“Maybe it is!” Katara exclaimed, gesturing with one hand. “Maybe it is about revenge, Aang. But don’t you think I deserve it?”

“You don’t know what it will do to you,” Aang said. “I know how you feel right now, trust me—like violence is the only way to solve your problem. I felt that way after I discovered what happened to my people. But it’s not the only way.”

“I can’t let him go now that I know I can get to him!” she yelled, her voice rising with her anger. “Maybe it’s what I need—maybe it’s what he deserves.”

Aang’s eyes widened slightly. “Katara, you sound like Jet.”

“That’s not the same,” she snapped. “Jet hurt the innocent. This man— he’s not innocent. He’s a monster.”

“Katara, she was my mother too, but I think Aang might be right,” Sokka said.

She set her jaw. “Then you didn’t love her the way I did.”

Sokka took a step back as his eyes widened. “Katara…”

“The monks used to say that revenge is like a two-headed rat viper.” Aang spoke up quickly, trying to fill the air after what she’d said. “While you watch your enemy go down, you’re being poisoned yourself.”

“That’s cute, but this isn’t Air Temple preschool,” Zuko said. “It’s the real world.”

“And you think he hasn’t experienced the real world?” Y/N snapped. “I think he knows a little bit about grief after what’s happened to him.”

Zuko looked at her with a surprisingly level expression, contrasting her narrowed eyes and upturned lip. “Monk pacifism isn’t going to help here.”

Y/N opened her mouth to retort back but Aang stopped her. “It’s okay. I forgive you, Zuko.” He looked at Katara. “That’s what you need to do. Forgiveness.”

Katara laughed in disbelief. “You want me to forgive the man who murdered my mother?”

“Of course not!” Aang said. “You need to face him—I understand that. But when you face him, you can’t kill him. You have to let the anger flow through you, and then out of you. Accept your emotions, then let them go.”

“Why should he get to live when our mother is gone?” Katara shouted. “I don’t want to forgive him, I want revenge!”

“Killing him won’t bring our mother back,” Sokka murmured. “You’ll just have someone else’s blood on your hands.”

“Good,” she said coldly. “An eye for an eye.”

“Makes the whole world go blind,” Aang finished. “One of the monks said that back in the temple—violence might feel right, but it just hurts everyone more. Forgiveness is the right choice.”

“Forgiveness is the same as doing nothing,” Zuko said.

“No, it’s not,” he said. “It’s easy to do nothing—forgiveness is hard.”

“It’s not just hard,” Katara snarled, “it’s impossible.”

Aang looked over at Y/N, who had been silent since her outburst at Zuko. “Y/N, please. You know revenge won’t help her.”

Y/N looked between the two of them, the steely determination brewing in Katara’s eyes at odds with a desperate softness in Aang’s. Something twisted in her chest, and she had to force herself to look away as she spoke.

“...Do what you have to,” she said quietly. “Whatever that ends up being.”

Hurt flickered across Aang’s expression before he looked away, and Katara nodded thankfully at her before she started walking away. Zuko cast a long look at Y/N before he followed her.

“I’ll see you guys later,” Y/N muttered as she hurried off in the opposite direction, swallowing her doubts as her hands bunched into fists and loosened over and over, desperately needing something to do with them.

Katara was going after her mother’s killer, and Zuko was helping her with it. Katara, her last line of defense in her feelings against him, was going on her own trip with him. Y/N knew it was for the best—it was something she needed to do and Zuko had the Fire Nation knowledge that no one else in their group possessed, so he was the obvious choice—but a small part of her still couldn’t help but despise it.

He was getting too close, far too close, and she wasn’t going to let that affect her.

No matter what.

Y/N had found a small solace by the cliffside, sitting on the edge as her legs hung off. She could fall just as easily as anything, but maybe it was the danger that calmed her, the fact that she was in control of what would happen. She heard the footsteps before anything though, and her body tensed up instinctively as she whirled around.

“It’s just me,” Toph said, her blank gaze aimed at the ground. “You’re jumpier than usual.”

“How can you tell?”

“I can hear every ant on this cliffside through their movements,” she said. “Your heart rate spiked so much that even a baby could tell you’re off. You’ve been off, ever since you came back.”

She smiled wryly. “I’m still getting used to everything again. It’s not an easy transition.”

“But you’re here,” Toph said, and she sat down next to her. “You’ve been through everything, and you’re still here. That means you’re tougher than everything the Fire Nation has tried to throw at you.”

“How can you say that so easily?” Y/N asked. “I’ve flipped out on everyone at least twice for no reason. I constantly have nightmares about what’s happened. I— I can’t even bend because Zuko still has this stupid hold on me. I don’t feel tough. I feel weaker than ever.”

“You’re still here,” Toph repeated, emphasizing each word. “So many other people would have given up by now if they were in your position. But you didn’t—you fought, and you continued to fight until you won, no matter how long it took you. That’s what makes you tough—not all the stuff you’ve been through, but the fact that you’re still standing at the end of it.”

“When did you become so wise?” she joked weakly, her gaze trailing off into the horizon. The sun was beginning to set, beautiful reds and oranges blending with deep purple. It reminded her of the night everything changed.

“Someone had to keep these dunderheads together while you were busy in prison.” Y/N chuckled a bit, but she could see Toph’s expression sober in her peripherals. “...I’ve just been worried about you.”

“Really?”

Toph punched her on the arm without looking. “Does that make you believe me?”

Y/N managed a small smile as she rubbed the spot. “Yeah.”

“Good. Because I don’t know how much sappy stuff I can take.”

Her smile widened as she wrapped an arm around Toph and pulled her closer. “So you do love me.”

“Let go of me!” she protested. “This is the worst kind of sappy stuff!”

But Toph made no move to get away from her, and Y/N laughed. “Just admit it. You missed me.”

“Of course I missed you,” she huffed. “Without you, I actually had to do all the work with Katara instead of knocking Twinkle Toes around with earthbending or practicing on my own. It was horrible.”

“I missed you too, Toph,” Y/N said with a smile. “I didn’t realize how much I appreciated your tough love until I didn’t have it.”

“I have plenty saved up for you, Snowflake,” Toph grinned, “so don’t worry.” But her expression sobered, and she paused.

“...I’m here for you,” she said after a moment. “If you need anything, or just someone to listen to. I’m good at listening to people complain.”

“Thank you,” she said, her smile softening. “That means more than you know.”

And as the two of them sat there in silence, nothing being said verbally but more in the air between them than ever, she felt content once again. She didn’t realize how much she just needed to talk to somebody. First her conversation with Katara and now with Toph—her friends really were the secret to making her feel better.

…Things would be okay again, Y/N thought to herself. No matter how long it took, her friends would be there for her.

Things would be okay again.

She would be okay again.

“They’ve been gone for too long,” Sokka grumbled.

“It’s been two days,” Aang said. “Zuko said the man they were after was retired—it can’t be easy to find a retired Fire Nation soldier, no matter how knowledgeable you are about the navy.”

“That’s too long,” Sokka insisted as he crossed his arms. While Y/N, Aang, Suki, Toph sat together in a loose arc, Sokka was up and pacing. He had been for the past twenty minutes.

“Can you sit down, Sokka?” Y/N asked. “You’re stressing me out.”

“You should be stressed out!” he exclaimed, flinging his arms up. “The boy prince of betrayal went off with my impressionable sister on a murder field trip. There is no reason to not be stressed out!”

“You need to give Sugar Queen more credit,” Toph said. “If Zuko tries anything, he’s the one that should be worried. Not the other way around.”

“Toph’s right,” Aang said, but then he frowned. “And I thought you trusted Zuko.”

“Not when he’s alone with my sister on a murder field trip!” Sokka heaved a long sigh as he stopped, staring out into the distance. Even though their island was one of a big scattered chain, they were still extremely isolated. It was unnerving sometimes, especially at night. “She feels everything so strongly, and… and she’s always felt guilty about what happened to Mom. I know she thinks this is her chance to make it up to her, to do what she wished she could have done on that day. But I also know that if she goes through with it, she’ll regret it for the rest of her life.”

“She’ll make the right choice,” Y/N murmured. “I know she will.”

Aang suddenly perked up, and he turned around. When he did, his eyes widened. “They’re back.”

They all turned around to see Appa touching down at camp, but only one person dismounted.

“Where’s Katara?” Y/N instantly asked, her eyes narrowing as she darted up.

“She’s fine,” Zuko said, but when he glanced at Aang she could see his nerves. “She… she’s back at the dock. At the soldier’s village.”

“Did she…?” Aang didn’t finish the sentence, but he didn’t have to.

“No. He’s terrified out of his mind, but he’s alive.” A weight was visibly lifted off of Sokka’s shoulders with the single word, and Aang nodded.

“That’s… that’s good.”

“She said she needed some time to herself,” Zuko murmured. “I figured it was only right to bring you back with me.”

“I’m coming too,” Sokka said.

“Me too,” Y/N spoke up. She could feel Zuko’s gaze on her, but she didn’t meet it.

“I’ll stay back,” Toph said. “Someone has to hold this place down.”

“I will too,” Suki said, and she gave Sokka a light kiss on the cheek. “I hope she’s okay.”

“She will be,” Sokka said softly. “Eventually.”

Zuko nodded and started walking back towards Appa. “Let’s get back, then. It’s a bit of a ride.”

Soon enough, they were all in the village, and Aang jumped off Appa as soon as he’d guided him close enough.

“Katara!” he exclaimed as he ran towards her, sitting on the edge of the dock. “Are you okay?”

“I’m doing fine,” she murmured. Her voice was placid as the water she sat above, but it was strained.

“Zuko told me what you did,” Aang said softly. “Or… what you didn’t do, I guess. I’m proud of you.”

“I wanted to do it,” she said stiffly. “I wanted to take out all my anger on him, and I almost did. But… but I just couldn’t. I don’t know if it’s because I’m too weak to do it or strong enough not to.”

“You did the right thing,” Y/N said. “Facing that man makes you stronger than he could ever hope to be.”

“Forgiveness is the first step you have to take towards healing,” Aang said.

Katara stood up, and her gaze was a mixture of sadness and acceptance. But it was obvious the ordeal was still weighing on her. “I didn’t forgive him. I’ll never forgive him. But…” she looked past them and over at Zuko, the smallest of smiles pulling at her lips. “...I am ready to forgive you.”

She walked up to Zuko and hugged him, and after a moment of hesitation Zuko smiled and wrapped his arms around her. Y/N clenched her jaw and started walking back over to Appa.

She was happy Katara got closure, of course she was. But in the process, she had forgiven Zuko. She was her confidante, the one person who understood how deep her anger towards him went. She had been by Y/N’s side throughout their whole journey, at each and every road block, she was there for Ba Sing Se—for all of Ba Sing Se.

And somehow, Zuko had gotten her to forgive him too.

It was selfish, unbelievably so, for it to hurt her so much when Katara had just faced something impossible. But she couldn’t help the way that her chest twisted, how her heart ached, how her nails dug so deep into her palms they left indentations.

When the rest of them got back onto Appa, Katara sat down next to her. “Thank you for coming.”

“Of course.” She didn’t make eye contact, her gaze focused into the distance as Aang set off for camp. “I’m glad you got to face him. That you made the right decision for you.”

“Y/N,” she murmured, “I know what this is about.”

“It’s not about anything except you,” she evaded. “This was a journey you had to take—we’re all behind you.”

“And you have all my thanks for that,” Katara said. She glanced at Zuko on the other side of the saddle, very obviously trying to pretend like he wasn’t listening in on their conversation. He wasn’t very good at it. “But I know you’re upset about… that.”

“We don’t need to talk about this right now,” she said.

“Y/N…”

She didn’t say anything. Katara sighed and settled back down on the saddle.

“Okay,” she nodded. “When you’re ready.”

Quiet conversation was made on the other side of the saddle between the three boys, but there was nothing between Katara and Y/N.

Nothing except a newly found weight on both their shoulders.

The sizzling fuse exploded when they got back to camp, though. A ride spent staring at the sky didn’t do much for her. Y/N got down from Appa the moment Aang guided him to the ground, and Katara let out a hefty sigh as she followed after her. She started to say her name, but she didn’t get far.

“Even you forgave him.” Her words were cold, icy rather than hot anger. “Even you! After everything we’ve talked about— everything you know!”

“I— I know,” Katara said, and she let out a deep sigh as she ran a hand through her loose hair. “But… but he helped me in a way that no one ever had. I found my mother’s killer. I got closure.”

“Well, maybe I should get him to help me find the guard who killed my father,” Y/N said sarcastically. “Maybe that’ll get me my bending back.”

“It could,” Katara said, and she was actually genuine. “It could work. And Zuko would help you.”

She huffed a mirthless laugh and shook her head, biting the inside of her lip to prevent the tears she knew would start welling up. “I’m not letting him back in. Even you said I shouldn’t.”

“I can’t say I know how much you’re hurting,” Katara said, “but… but Zuko is hurting just as much as you. There’s no excuse for what he did, I’m not saying that. But he wants your forgiveness more than anything in the world.”

“Did he tell you to say this during your trip?” she asked stiffly. “I mean, now that he’s turned you over to his side and everything.”

“I’m saying this because I care about you,” Katara said softly. “Y/N, I have seen you hurting for months now, all because of Zuko. Even from the first moment we met in the North, I knew there was something inside of you, and it’s still there. And if you don’t take care of it, it’s going to consume you.”

“I can’t forgive him.” Her voice was barely a whisper, a cracked, haunted resolve behind it. “I won’t let myself get hurt again.”

“And I can’t promise that he won’t hurt you again,” Katara murmured. “But I do know if you decide to let him back in, he’ll spend the rest of his life trying to make it up to you.”

Y/N wasn’t able to muster any words. She wrapped her arms around her midsection and turned away, blinking back tears.

“He talked about you,” she continued. “When he wasn’t talking about the Fire Nation and where we were going, he was talking about you. He loved you back then, and he still loves you now. Even if it took him way too long to realize it.” Katara’s expression softened as well as her voice and she took a step closer. “All he wants is to help you however he can.”

“If he loved me then and he still betrayed me,” she whispered, “then how can I ever trust him again?”

“...You just have to,” Katara said quietly. “Trust in the Zuko you knew before you were forced to be on opposite sides. When the two of you were the missing half of each other’s souls.”

She swallowed the lump in her throat, still unable to look back at Katara. “I can’t.”

“Then at least don’t push us away,” Katara urged. “You’ve been off. I don’t know what it’s about, but you can tell me as little or as much as you want, whenever you’re ready. I’m here for you—we’re all here for you, Y/N. We love you so much. Let us help you.”

She bit down on her lip hard to prevent the tears from welling up, and she was only able to muster a nod. “I will. Soon.”

“...Okay.”

Y/N walked off, and she could feel Katara’s worried gaze on her. It took all her strength not to look back.

Three days.

It all went on as usual. Suki asked if she was okay, but she didn’t push.

Sokka wouldn’t stop looking at her strangely. He must have heard her leaving her tent in the middle of the night.

Two days.

The nightmares were worse. She nearly woke up screaming. Thankfully, she didn’t wake Katara.

Aang sat with her during breakfast, telling ancient airbender stories. He didn’t ask anything when he had to repeat himself because of her blank stare at the ground.

She spent most of the day sitting by the water.

Maybe it would come back after this.

One day.

Everyone knew something was wrong, but she didn’t give any of them the chance to ask.

Especially Zuko. He wouldn’t stop looking at her, wouldn’t stop trying to talk to her. She brushed him off every time.

She packed her bag that night.

She barely slept a wink.

“What are you doing?”

Her plan was to leave at the crack of dawn, before her friends could ask any questions or try to go with her. She would be back by nightfall, and she would have closure. The nightmares would stop. The guilt would go away. She would be okay again.

But of course, he had to ruin everything.

She didn’t look over at the sound of Zuko’s voice as she rifled through her bag, making sure she had everything she needed. “Nothing.”

“That doesn’t look like nothing.”

“Very perceptive, aren’t you?” she said dryly. Y/N tied her bag shut and stood up, then climbed onto Appa’s back. “I’m leaving.”

His eyes widened. “You’re leaving? Does everyone else know about this?”

“Not leaving for good,” she scoffed. “I just have something I need to do.”

“And that is?”

Y/N glared fully at Zuko. “None of your business.”

“You’re taking Appa in the middle of the night to go somewhere,” he said, crossing his arms. “Every time someone’s tried to do that, it’s been for something important. Sokka was going to the Boiling Rock, and Katara wanted to find her mother’s killer. I’m guessing whatever you’re going to do is equally important, which means you’re gonna need backup.”

“I said it was none of your business,” she repeated. “I can handle myself just fine without you.”

“Well,” Zuko crossed his arms, “I’m not leaving until you tell me what you’re doing.”

“You’re the most annoying person I’ve ever met,” she jabbed.

“You’re the most stubborn person I’ve ever met,” he responded with a shrug.

She went silent for a moment as her gaze traveled away, staring instead at the dark night sky. Today had been the hardest day yet, even looking back on her months in captivity. It was the day everything changed. She didn’t exactly know what possessed her to tell Zuko the reason, but after a moment, she did.

“Seven years ago today, my village was invaded,” she said quietly. “It’s the day my mother and I were captured, and… and the day my father was killed.”

Zuko’s eyes widened, and his voice was the same as hers when he finally mustered something. “I… I didn’t know. I’m so sorry.”

“So am I,” she said, “but apologies haven’t helped me with anything. I’m going back. I’m visiting my village for the first time since my mother and I were taken. Now that I have the means to travel there, it’s something I need to do.”

“I understand,” Zuko said, “completely. I’ll come with you.”

Her response was instantaneous. “No.”

“You can’t travel that far alone,” he insisted. “I have no doubt that you can handle yourself, but you’ve trained to fight with your bending, and right now you don’t have it. If you run into any kind of trouble, you’re… well, you’re gonna be in trouble.”

“I can fight,” she said. “I’m good with my fists. I held my own against Azula.”

“You did,” he admitted, “but her skill also isn’t in her hand to hand. And if you’re up against multiple people—say, Fire Nation guards—you’re gonna go down quick.”

“You have just as much faith in me as ever,” she remarked sourly.

“It’s not that I don’t have faith in you!” Zuko defended. “I just don’t want you to die because you have too much pride to accept any kind of help.”

“It’s not that I don’t want any help,” she stated. “I just don’t want your help.”

Zuko let out a long-lasting sigh, shaking his head before he finally met her eyes again. “Look. I know you don’t like me, and you don’t have to. Not after… not after what I did. But whatever’s between us can’t affect our mission, because ultimately we’re all here to defeat my father. That has to happen no matter what, so like it or not, we’re probably gonna have to work together at least once to make that happen.”

“I don’t have to work with you if I don’t want to,” she said.

“Really? So if we’re in the middle of a fight and your choice is to either work with me or die, what would you do?”

“I’m not that stupid,” she snapped.

Annoyingly, though… he had a point. They couldn’t afford any distractions, not so close to the end. And Y/N wouldn’t be the reason for their failure because of Zuko.

“...Fine,” she relented, but the glare she pinned him with was still withering. “But you do whatever I tell you to do, and you don’t come with me when we get to my village. This is private.”

Zuko immediately broke out into a grin and he nodded. “Of course. I’m here for you.”

She averted her gaze as she took her seat on Appa’s head. “Get your things before I leave you here.”

He nodded again and he started off towards his tent. Y/N let out a loose sigh as she rubbed her hands up and down her arms, the early morning chill beginning to get to her.

A trip with Zuko to her childhood village on the anniversary of the worst day of her life.

This couldn’t go terribly at all, she thought wryly.

“...So,” Zuko said, “do you know where we’re going?”

“No,” she said, “I just thought I would lead Appa around blindly and hope that we somehow end up in the right place.”

“So you do know—”

“Of course I know where we’re going,” Y/N snapped. Maybe it was unfair of her, but she didn’t exactly care. “Sokka took a map from Wan Shi Tong’s library before it collapsed, and he let me borrow it. It’ll take us a couple of hours, but we should make it before noon.”

Zuko nodded. “Where is your village? You never told me much about it when you talked about your past.”

“Why do you care?”

He huffed a laugh. “You can’t be serious.”

She said nothing, and Zuko sighed. “I care about you, Y/N, more than anything. I’m here because I want to help you. Of course I care about where you’re from.”

“That doesn’t mean we need all the small talk,” she said.

“It’s not small talk, it’s a conversation,” Zuko said dryly. “I’m more than happy to sit here in silence with you for another six hours, but I think that’s pretty boring.”

“...It’s by the southern coast, near the Zeizhou provinces,” she relented after a moment. “It’s so small that you can’t find it on a map unless you know what you’re looking for. We didn’t even have an official name—if we had to, we called it South Zeizhou because that was the only notable thing near us.”

“What was it like?” he asked. “Growing up in a place like that.”

“It was nice,” she said. “We were almost completely isolated from other villages, so we were tightly knit. Everyone knew each other—I’m sure I knew each person by name by the time I was five—and everyone helped each other. We didn’t have much, but everyone was well taken care of. Our community was everything.”

“That sounds beautiful,” Zuko murmured.

“It was,” she agreed. “Until your people invaded it and destroyed it.”

Zuko went silent at that, but instead of the sick sort of satisfaction she normally experienced, she felt… guilty.

It wasn’t his fault. Zuko was only a year older than her—when her village was invaded, he was probably in school lessons or learning how to be a prince. And now he was here, going against everything he knew, everything he’d ever had, to try and make things right.

He was a child just like her. And with a father like Fire Lord Ozai…

“...I’m sorry,” she said, and his eyes darted up, a bit of shock visible in them. “I know it wasn’t your fault. I just…” she sighed. “I’ve never forgiven the Fire Nation for what was done to my people. And I guess you’re just the easiest target.”

“I understand,” he murmured. “And for whatever it’s worth, I’m sorry too.”

“This doesn’t mean anything.” The words were quick to leave her mouth, and she didn’t look at him. “Just because I feel bad doesn’t mean I’ve forgiven you.” Nevertheless, she could still hear the smile in his voice.

“I know.”

More silence.

“What was your father like?” Zuko asked as he broke it. “You speak of him so fondly.”

She bit her lip at the question as the memories flooded back, and Zuko was stumbling over his words almost immediately.

“You— you don’t have to answer,” he said, “obviously, if it’s too much, but I—”

“He was the nicest man you’d ever meet,” she said softly. “He was always willing to help anyone who needed it, always willing to do far more than he had to if he thought it would make someone happy. And he did—he made my mother the happiest woman alive. He was beloved by everyone in the village.” Y/N swallowed hard. “He died to protect it. To protect me.”

“You’ve made him proud,” Zuko said. “I know you have.”

“I hope so,” she murmured. “It’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

She meant to leave it at that, but for some reason, the words continued to flow. “But I… I’m worried about what will happen when I get there.” that they won’t recognize me when I come back.”

Zuko frowned. “What do you mean?”

“It’s been years since I was there.” Y/N let go of the reins and wrung her hands together. She glanced down at the bandages, the rough fabric almost a comfort after her time without them. “I haven’t been back since I was captured. What if they resent me for not being there?”

“No one could possibly resent you for that,” he scoffed. “You were taken, Y/N, by soldiers. You were a child—what could you have done?”

“Anything,” she muttered. “If I had done anything, maybe things would have been different.”

“You can’t do that to yourself,” Zuko insisted. “You’ll drive yourself insane going down that path.”

She shrugged. “That doesn’t mean it isn’t true.”

“Look at me.”

Y/N frowned. “What?”

“Turn around and look at me,” he said again. “And don’t do your stubborn I hate Zuko thing. Just humor me for once.”

She scoffed and crossed her arms as she turned around, looking him in the eye. “What?”

“Do you think it’s Katara’s fault that her mother is dead?”

The jump to the topic made her blink, recoiling the slightest bit. “What? No— spirits, of course not.”

“But she died to save her,” Zuko said. “The raiders were there looking for the last waterbender, and that was Katara. Her mother gave herself up in place of her.”

“That’s not her fault,” she said. “Her mother ch—”

It hit her then, and her eyes narrowed. “You’re not clever.”

The slightest smile tugged at Zuko’s lips and he shrugged. “It worked, didn’t it?”

“You’re not clever,” she simply repeated, and she turned back around and grabbed the reins. She couldn’t see Zuko’s pleased expression as he adjusted his position in the saddle.

“Just trying to help,” he said, and his voice softened. “You’ve made your father proud, even if you don’t think so. You’ve made both your parents proud.”

She didn’t respond. She feared that if she tried to, the tears would spring. And she wasn’t going to cry.

But she appreciated his words more than he knew. Maybe even more than she knew.

But she couldn’t say that. And so they rode in silence.

“We’re almost here,” she announced, and she lightly tugged at Appa’s reins to get him to slow down. It had been a few hours of silent flying and navigating, but they’d made good time. By the spot of the sun in the sky, she could tell it was just before noon.

“Good,” he said.

They had been in the air for hours, starting even before the sun had risen, so it was no surprise when she glanced behind her and saw Zuko fighting off grogginess in the form of a barely stifled yawn.

“You didn’t have to come, you know,” she said, maybe a little too snippy.

“I wasn’t going to let you go alone,” Zuko said. “And even though you might not think so, I like being around you. I…” he sighed and shook his head. “Nevermind.”

“What?”

“I just want things to be the way they used to be,” he murmured. “But I know that can’t happen. And I know you’re tired of hearing it.”

“...I want that too,” she said quietly after a moment of hesitation.

She heard the rustling of leather and a sharp intake of breath, and it wasn’t hard to tell he was shocked by her words. And maybe she was shocked too, because she knew she meant them completely.

“Y/N,” Zuko started, “you—”

But then he was interrupted by her gasp.

“What?” he asked, only a moment of hesitation before he switched veins. He moved up beside her, and his eyes widened. “Flames of Agni…”

In the distance, she could see where the forest abruptly stopped. It went on for kilometers, the ashy remnants of fauna and chopped stumps. So much of the forest was just— was just gone. And in the center of it all…

Her village was unrecognizable. Houses made of wood and stone had been torn down and replaced with metal buildings, and the few original buildings that still were in disrepair, riddled with scorch marks and on the verge of falling apart. She could see armed Fire Nation soldiers manning certain spots around the village, as well as marching through the streets. They numbered far more than anyone in simple Earth Kingdom garb.

Flags and banners with Fire Nation insignias hung everywhere, but the worst part was the factory. It was as big as ten of their old homes, black, polished metal only good for serving as an eyesore. It pumped out acrid black smoke, and even from so far away it made her eyes sting. Her hands clenched into fists around the reins, and anger swelled up inside of her.

Everything that was held sacred in her village was gone, ruined by the Fire Nation for their own gain. Just like everything else in the world.

And she hadn’t even known about it.

“The Fire Nation is still here,” she said shakily. “I… I don’t know what I expected. I thought they would move on after the raid, but…” She barely managed to choke back a sob by clenching her jaw tightly. “They destroyed it all.”

“I’m so sorry.” There was horror in Zuko’s voice, and like her, he was unable to look away from the devastation. “I… If I had known…”

“Sorry isn’t going to fix anything,” she said bitterly, but it was more pained than anything.

“Then we will fix it,” he countered. Her eyes flicked up to him, the smallest bit of surprise visible. “We’ll take your village back and get the Fire Nation out, once and for all.”

Y/N’s grip tightened even further on the reins, her nails digging deep into her palms as she nodded. Her eyes hardened as they moved back to her village, and she nodded resolutely.

“You’re damn right we will.”

“Are you okay?”

“Of course I’m not okay,” she said. She wanted to snap at him, but she didn’t have the energy. Not after what she’d seen.

She and Zuko had set up camp a while away from her village, deep in what remained of the forest to give Appa enough cover. Though she wanted to light a fire, she knew it was too risky. And so they sat together on the ashy, barren ground, the air between them heavier than ever.

They were going to take back her village, that much was a given. The only question was how.

“You’re right,” he murmured. “It was a stupid question.”

“I just don’t understand,” she said weakly as she sat back on the ground. “Why would they stay in our village? We’re so far off the map that it’s probably costing them more to be here than not.”

“That’s what the Fire Nation does,” Zuko said. “They destroy everything they get their hands on.”

When Y/N looked up at him, he was staring at the ground, his jaw clenched.

“It’s about breaking their spirit,” he continued. “If they just left, your people could fight back. Get revenge for the invasion. But if they take over completely—”

“They crush an uprising before it has the chance to grow,” she murmured, “and they gain a workforce and all the natural resources they could want.”

“Yeah.”

Zuko’s voice was oddly quiet, stilted in a way she couldn’t place. She couldn’t stop herself from asking.

“What happened when you went back to the Fire Nation?”

Zuko glanced at her, swallowing hard before he looked away. “I’m not sure you want to know.”

“I do,” she said. “And I think I have the right to know.”

“Mai and I got together.” He sounded almost embarrassed, and she hated the twist of jealousy in her chest. “We talked during the entire boat ride home, and it went from there.”

“Oh,” she said stiffly. “So while I was sentenced to rot in prison for the rest of my life, you were getting busy with the girl who’s loved you her whole life.”

His cheeks flushed bright red in spite of the obvious anger. “That’s not what it was!”

“Really? Because that’s exactly what it sounds like.”

“We were both struggling,” he insisted. “I… I wasn’t handling Ba Sing Se well, and Mai was having doubts about everything. We gravitated towards each other in our misery, and— and it just happened.”

“You can’t honestly believe that’s true,” she snapped.

“You don’t know anything about Mai if you think it isn’t!” he exclaimed. “Neither of us were—”

“What?” she asked, brazen in his silence as he suddenly cut off. “You weren’t what?”

“…We realized that we didn’t like each other in that way,” he finished in a mumble. “Expectations pushed us together. Our own feelings pulled us apart.” Zuko looked back at her this time. “We couldn’t ignore our… our true feelings.”

“And what are those true feelings?” she asked. She couldn’t help the mocking tone in her voice, but the anger was beginning to come back. Mai had never been mean to her back in the palace, but it was hard to forget Omashu and Ba Sing Se. And it wasn’t exactly nice to hear that she and Zuko got together right after she was sentenced to a life in prison.

“I love you,” he said, “and you know that. But Mai, she—” Zuko shook his head and glanced away.

“What?” she repeated.

“...Do you remember Ty Lee?”

She frowned. “Yeah. She’s tried to kill me a couple times.”

“That’s who,” he said, and her eyes widened slightly. “They’ve always been close, but… I don’t know. Maybe the pressure of working under my sister brought them together. Maybe me being as horrible as I was pushed her away. But all I know is that Mai has feelings for her, and none for me. And I’m okay with that.”

“...Ty Lee,” Y/N said, and she managed a chuckle. “I think that’s the last pair I expected.”

Zuko cracked a smile. “It works, though. I hope they can figure something out.”

“Yeah,” she mumbled. “Me too.”

But then Zuko’s expression sobered again as he looked at her, his gaze as piercing as ever. “You know I don’t like her. You know there’s nothing between us. A—and you said you wanted things to be the way they used to be.” His voice was low, but there was no mistaking the edge of desperation in it. “So why can’t they be?”

“Why does it always come back to us?” she asked bitterly.

“Because I want there to be an us again so badly,” he said. Zuko’s voice was so genuine it pained her, and she hated how easily he was cracking her resolve.

The walls used to be easy to keep up, used to be gratifying. But now all it did was hurt. The night was cold, and she longed for his embrace.

But Zuko was fire. Beautiful, inviting, full of warmth, but able to hurt her just as easily.

And spirits, that was all she could think about as the scar on her arm stung. The burns on her hands had faded, and Ba Sing Se’s mark was nearly gone as well, but she couldn’t forget.

“Maybe there can’t be an us again,” she mumbled as she stood up. “And maybe we just both have to accept that.”

The look in Zuko’s eyes hurt, his downcast expression combined with the same longing she felt. So she walked away towards the forest, or rather what remained of it.

“I’m going to scout out our surroundings,” she said, though it was half-hearted. “I’ll be back when the sun starts setting. We’ll figure out a plan at nightfall.”

She’d disappeared into the woods soon enough. If Zuko said something, she didn’t hear it.

She held true to her word, and she was back by nightfall. Zuko had drawn a map of her village in the dirt with a stick, and though it was crude it was accurate. It turned out he had a better memory than she thought, and it also seemed that when they were working towards something like this, it was easier to work through the tension.

It took the better part of an hour for them to come up with something and actually agree on it, and it was still shakier than he liked—a lot of it relied on her people remembering Y/N the way that she remembered them. But it was a plan, and it could work, so it was good enough.

Soon enough, they were back on Appa, riding through the inky sky towards her village. Dressed in black from spares Zuko had in his bag—the same outfit he lended Katara during her mission, she was sure—they blended in perfectly.

“We’re here,” she whispered, and Zuko nodded as he sheathed his sword and moved up next to her on Appa’s head. “Do you remember the plan?”

“Of course I do,” he said. “Are you dropping down here?”

“Yeah. I’ll signal when I’m ready for you.”

He nodded again. “Good luck, Y/N.”

“...Thanks.”

She guided Appa closer to the ground, handing the reins off to Zuko when she thought she was close enough. She slid off as quietly as she could, her moccasins doing little to help with the shock of landing but good enough at muffling her movements. There were fewer guards than before, but it still made her nervous.

Y/N didn’t even dare to breathe as she moved through her village, ducking behind cover when she needed to as she made her way towards one of the only remaining houses. Despite the Fire Nation banner hanging across the front, it still felt like it was her village rather than another forced colony.

That was something, she supposed.

She pushed the door open quietly and pulled the fabric down from her face, checking once more to make sure there were no guards before she closed it. And when she turned around, she was met by a wide-eyed woman and a stark-faced man darting up from his spot on the floor.

It probably wasn’t the best look, showing up dressed in all black in the middle of the night while the village is occupied by soldiers. She could only hope they would recognize her.

“What are you doing in our home?” he demanded, but his wife shook her head.

“I must be dreaming,” she whispered, and she stood up as well. “Y/N? Is… is that you?”

“Leya,” Y/N said, and she felt the pinpricks of tears behind her eyes, “you remember.”

Leya laughed and clasped her hands together as she moved closer and pulled her into an embrace. “Of course I remember you, darling! How could I forget the little waterbender who always managed to soak my laundry just as it had finished drying?”

“Gan’s girl,” the man—Lao—marveled, and he laughed as well. “What in Kyoshi’s name are you doing here?”

“It’s hard to explain,” she said, slightly sheepish as she pulled out of Leya’s hug. “But basically… I’m here to save the village.”

Lao shook his head with a smile—that same smile she remembered from her youth, a mix of approval and surprise. “You haven’t been here since the invasion and now you’re here to save our village. You haven’t changed a bit.”

“What can I say?” she said with a slight laugh. “I’ve been busy with the Avatar.”

“The Avatar?” Leya asked, and Y/N held up her hand.

“As much as I’d love to tell you both what I’ve been up to all these years, we’re working on a schedule.”

“‘We’?” Lao caught. “Who else is here with you?”

She didn’t think she could exactly say the crown prince of the Fire Nation, no matter how reformed he claimed to be.

“A friend of the Avatar,” she decided. “He’s waiting for my signal. That’s when the action’s going to start.”

“What exactly is your plan?” Leya asked tentatively. “I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but our numbers aren’t the highest. Those who haven’t been sent away as laborers had their spirits broken long ago. There are very few with any kind of fight left in them.”

“That’s okay,” she said. “I’ve got more than enough fight in me for this whole village. But I need your help.”

Lao nodded. “Anything.”

She smiled, a miniscule amount of weight dropping off her shoulders in relief. “Good.”

Appa was stashed securely in the woods, a rucksack full of moon peaches to keep him happy and quiet, but Zuko was still nervous.

How couldn’t he be, hiding behind a gaudy metal structure pretending to be a house that fit into this village? He was only the traitor boy prince of the Fire Nation, most likely with a wanted poster and a bounty on his head courtesy of his father.

He wasn’t scared, though.

Nervous? Sure. But he couldn’t wait to give these soldiers what they deserved.

Zuko’s eyes snapped towards the sudden movement across the way—the Fire Nation banner had been ripped down from the house Y/N went into, and the woman who did it held her fist in the air for a moment before darting back inside.

The signal.

It was time.

Zuko took a deep breath, pulled his broadswords out of their sheaths, and started moving.

It didn’t take long to find a guard, standing at his assignment near some light post. Zuko dashed behind him and brought his swords up to his neck.

“Stay quiet if you want to keep your head,” he said. “Nod if you understand.”

The guard nodded, but Zuko saw his hand clenching into a fist. He moved one sword down, and he froze in place as the sharp edge settled against his skin.

“No firebending either,” he growled. “You wanna test my patience some more, or are you ready to cooperate?”

“I— I’ll cooperate,” he stammered. “Just don’t hurt me, please. What do you want?”

It was almost pathetic. These people took over an innocent village, and now they were so confident that they stationed guards like this. Zuko wondered if this man even knew what had been done here.

“Good,” Zuko said. “Who’s in charge here?”

“General Lee,” he said, and Zuko had to stop himself from rolling his eyes. Of course. “He— he’s the one who took over this place at the beginning. The one who ordered the invasion.”

“And where is he?”

“The biggest house at the end of the lane,” he said. “You— you can’t miss it.”

Zuko thanked the soldier for his information by knocking the flat end of one blade against his head, and he took a step back as the man fell to the ground, unconscious.

Step one complete.

“How is your earthbending?” Y/N asked. She and Lao moved swiftly through the village under the cover of darkness, avoiding soldiers where they were stationed as they conversed in low voices.

“Not as sharp as it used to be,” Lao said. “I’ve been hiding it since the invasion—otherwise they would have killed me or sent me away. What do you need it for?”

Once again, that sheepishness came back. The plan she and Zuko created sounded very outlandish when she said it out loud.

“I want to destroy the factory.”

“You certainly don't aim low, huh?” Lao chuckled a bit, but he flexed his hands nonetheless. He moved his fist forward and a short pillar of solid rock shot up from the ground. “I’ve still got some of it, at least.”

“That’s why I asked for your help,” she said. “The Fire Nation builds everything out of metal, but I think they forget that rocks are pretty effective against it.”

Lao smiled as he sent the rock back down into the earth. “I like how you think.”

She smiled as well, but her head shot up at the movement near them. She stepped protectively in front of Lao, her instincts above anything, but the tension dissolved when she saw it was just Zuko.

“Did you find out where he is?” she asked, and he nodded.

“His name is Lee— General Lee,” he said. “The last house,” he pointed, “that way. You can’t miss it.”

“Good.” She cracked her knuckles. “I have some things I’d like to say to him.”

“Y/N,” he said, “he’s…”

“What?”

“He’s the one who did all of this,” Zuko said. “The one who ordered the invasion. He’s been here ever since.”

Her jaw clenched as she felt fire ignite inside of her. “Then maybe I have a little bit more to say to him.”

“Take this.” Zuko took one of his swords off along with its sheath and handed it to her. “Just in case.”

She nodded, taking some satisfaction in her practice swings before she stashed it across her back, then she looked at Lao. “You two are going to take down the factory together. Is anyone in it still?”

He shook his head. “Shifts ended a few hours ago. It should be completely empty.”

“Good.” Y/N looked at Zuko. “How do you feel about causing some explosions?”

He smirked. “Pretty great.”

“And how do you feel about crushing a lot of stuff?” she asked, turning to Lao.

“Even better.”

“Great,” she smiled. “Obviously, this is going to make a lot of noise. Get out when you feel danger—we might have to bring this fight to the streets.”

Lao cracked his knuckles. “Gladly. It’s about time we take our home back.”

“Laya’s alerted the people?” Y/N asked.

He nodded. “She’s gone house to house—she should be near the end by now. She and the rest of our people will be safe, and anyone who’s willing to fight will be ready for my signal.”

“Then I think it’s time we split,” Y/N said.

“Be careful,” Zuko said. “Don’t let your anger blind you.”

“I’ll do what I have to do,” she said simply.

Zuko nodded in understanding. “See you on the other side, then.”

“See you on the other side,” she murmured.

Y/N got used to the weight of the broadsword in her hand as she moved through the village yet again. She was surprised at how easy it was, how inattentive the few guards were. Their confidence would be their downfall.

It wasn’t hard to find the house of the general. It was so massive it edged on gaudy, obviously built for nothing but the man’s ego. The door wasn’t locked, and she just shook her head as she slid inside. This was ridiculous.

She closed the door as quietly as she could behind her, and she held her breath as she looked around the first floor. It was eerily empty, eerily silent. Maybe he wasn’t here.

Y/N tightened the grip on the hilt of the sword as she crept up the stairs, wincing at every creak. The whole upstairs was the general’s room, and she shook her head. This was more luxury than anyone in the village lived in. He’d built his comfort off the pain of her people.

“Would you like to tell me what you’re doing in my home?”

She whipped around, her sword instinctively flying up as she stared right at her target. So he was here, and he’d been just as quiet as her. He was younger than she expected, but his eyes told everything she needed to know.

“General Lee,” she said, and she was surprised at how steady her voice was. “This isn’t your home.”

“Isn’t it?” He was dressed in a simple tunic and pants, no armor in sight. Good. “I was here when it was built, and as far as I’m aware, it was built for my use.”

“You took it from my people,” she said. “You took everything from us.”

“I’m afraid you’ll have to be more specific,” he said nonchalantly. “I’ve taken over a lot of villages.”

“Do you not have any shame?” Y/N demanded, and she pointed her sword at him. He didn’t even flinch. “Destroying the lives of innocent people, tearing apart their homes for resources, occupying them just to show off your strength. You kill people, you destroy families, and you don’t even care?”

The general had the nerve to smile. “It’s the way of the world. The weak fall, the strong prevail. I guess your people were just weak.”

Y/N couldn’t control herself after that. She yelled out as she lunged forward and swung with her sword. The general sidestepped her as she whirled back around, and he just laughed.

“You want to fight, girl?” General Lee mocked. “For what? Your people? Your honor? You won’t get far, I assure you.”

“For my family!” she growled. “Your men killed my father and forced my mother and I into servitude. I’ve wanted revenge for so many years, and now I can finally get it.”

His eyes lit with recognition and he raised his eyebrows. “The waterbenders. So you managed to escape—impressive.”

And then suddenly, there were two massive explosions. They were all the way across town, but it still rocked the foundations of the house. The impact must’ve been felt all over town, surely alerting every guard on duty that something was wrong.

Step two was complete.

It was Y/N’s turn to smile at the general. “There goes your factory.”

The general’s mocking confidence melted into cold anger. “You—”

“Blew it up,” she responded. “Yeah.”

She lashed out with her sword to force him out of the way, then booked it down the stairs and out of the house. She laughed in pure exhilaration as she saw all of the guards in the street, as well as the general running out of his house. The fire blazing in his hand matched the anger in his eyes.

“You want a fight, girl?” he growled. “I’ll give you one!”

General Lee launched the fireball at her and she dodged out of the way, watching as it sizzled against the ground. She held her sword in both hands, beckoning him to come further. It wouldn’t be an easy fight to win against an enraged firebender, but then again—she’d done it before.

He was far too eager to go against a young girl as he shot fire at her in repetitive blasts. She dodged what she could and slashed through the others with her sword, lunging at him with the blade when Lee gave her space.

But then fire shot past, narrowly missing her, and her head whipped around. It took these soldiers long enough to realize the fight was happening right next to them.

“Come on, Zuko,” she muttered as she backed away from the men, the general and the soldiers narrowing in on her. She brandished her sword. “Where are you?”

“You’ve picked a battle that you can’t finish,” General Lee spat as fire lit in his hand, “just like your father!”

Rage hotter than anything before ignited inside of her. And then, everything happened at once.

The general and his soldiers shot their fire at her.

Someone yelled at her to duck, and she dropped to the ground.

As the fire was extinguished above her, General Lee’s eyes widened. He took a step back. “What in Agni’s name—”

“I’m not too late, am I?” Zuko reached a hand down to her, and Y/N let out a relieved breath.

“Right on time,” she remarked as she took it and allowed him to help her up. “I’m in a bit of a situation.”

“I noticed.” Zuko turned to the general and gestured with his head behind them. “I’m sorry, general, but I think someone blew up your factory!”

“Prince Zuko,” he said sourly. “So you’re a traitor as well.”

“I’m not a traitor,” he said, stepping in front of Y/N ever so slightly. “I’m helping free these people from your glorified slavery.”

The general’s eyes narrowed. “So all it takes for the crown prince to give up his values is a pretty face.”

“You’re a sick man,” Zuko spat. “Take your soldiers, leave this village, and we’ll give you the mercy you never extended to her people.”

“I don’t think so,” Lee said, and he smiled. “Don’t worry, though—this’ll all be over soon. Unless you think you can go against every soldier here on your own.”

“Wouldn’t be the first time we’ve been outnumbered,” Y/N said, and she drew her sword. “Besides—”

“—They’ve got help,” someone interrupted. She looked behind her and saw Lao, followed by a myriad of villagers—some earthbenders, some that were just ready to end this. More than she thought still lived here, more willing to fight than she thought.

So everyone’s spirit wasn’t broken.

She smiled. Step three.

“So you want to make this harder,” General Lee said. “I admire your tenacity, but it won’t do you much good.”

“We’ll see,” Zuko said.

Lee didn’t even say anything before he started firebending, and Zuko blocked it yet again. The battle immediately escalated from there, earthbenders and soldiers and swordsmen fighting. It was mostly visible in flashes of fire and the occasional lamppost, but it was loud.

Y/N and Zuko fought side by side against the general, their moves seamless—whenever one fell back, the other would step forward. She was surprisingly good with a sword, but it might’ve been her adrenaline.

With the amount of energy and anger pumping through her veins, she was sure she could take on anything at that moment. And having Zuko with her… She would be lying if she said it didn’t help.

It was a deadly dance between the three of them. Y/N’s sword sung as it cut through the air, and it was in sharp contrast to the explosions of fire in the background and the general’s own bending against them.

Maybe it was that adrenaline inside of her, or maybe it was the thought of finally getting to deliver justice for her village. Maybe the spirits were finally on her side. But whatever it was, General Lee ended up stumbling as he dodged the sword’s jab at him, and it gave her enough time for Zuko to kick him in the chest and send him backwards. Y/N took the opening and swept his legs, putting all her strength into the single move, and it worked.

He fell to the ground, a slight grunt being forced out as he landed on his back, and Y/N pointed her sword at his neck. She took immense satisfaction in the flicker of fear in his eyes.

“Zuko,” she said placidly, “go help the others.”

He looked at her for a good, long moment before he conceded with a step back. “Don’t do anything you’ll regret.”

“I won’t regret this,” she murmured.

Zuko’s gaze remained on her for another moment before he turned and ran back into the fray. Y/N could do nothing but stare down at the general. The man who took everything away from her in one short afternoon, now defenseless below her blade.

“So,” she said, “after all this time, all it took was one fight for you to fall.”

The general gave her a wry smile. “It wasn’t exactly a fair fight.”

“Neither was the invasion of my village. But that didn’t stop you, did it?”

“You savages have never understood,” he growled. “No great leader has ever gotten anywhere by being nice, by yielding to the demands of those lesser than him. There’s a reason the Fire Nation is at the world’s helm while every other nation continues to fall to its feet.”

“Because you go after the defenseless!” she exclaimed. “You go after those who can’t do anything against you, and then you destroy everything you find. All you care about is power.” Y/N huffed a mirthless laugh and gestured around them. “And look where that’s gotten you.”

“Yield,” she demanded before he had the chance to speak, moving her sword closer to his neck. “Yield, and leave this village, and I’ll let you leave with your life.”

The general laughed, followed by a wince as her blade nicked his skin. “Don’t you know anything about the Fire Nation? You served there for so long.”

“Yield!” she shouted, her voice trembling along with her grip. She just wanted this to be over.

“We fight until death,” he continued. “You’re going to have to kill me if you want your way.”

“You think I won’t?” she challenged. ”You’ve taken everything from me! Your life is too small a price to pay for what you’ve done!”

“I think you’re weak,” he spat. “Too weak to do what you need to do.”

Her eyes stung with tears as she pulled the sword away from his neck.

General Lee huffed a laugh. “Like I said: you’re wea—”

He was stopped in the middle of his sentence as she plunged the sword into his heart. His eyes widened as he choked out his last breath, the light beginning to drain out of him. And then he was gone.

“I’m not weak anymore,” she murmured.

Y/N stared at his lifeless body for a moment, glanced at the gleam of blood on metal.

She had just killed a man. The one responsible for her father’s death, for the imprisonment of her and her mother, for the invasion of her village.

Y/N didn’t feel remorse, didn’t feel satisfaction—but she felt whole. Like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders.

She sheathed her sword and walked away, back towards the chaos of the ongoing fight. Zuko had joined the others, fighting with a combination of his sword and his bending, and it worked wonders. For a moment, all she could do was watch him. The grace he fought with was akin to that of a waterbender.

Lao moved like he was twenty years younger, working in tandem with other earthbenders as they took down the Fire Nation forces soldier by soldier. Toph would have been proud.

But now there was only one thing left to do.

Y/N took a deep breath then cupped her hands around her mouth, yelling as loudly as she could. “Soldiers of the Fire Nation! Your general is dead!”

That was enough of a shock to knock them off their balance, because Zuko and the earthbenders all immobilized their foes. Zuko with a sword to the neck, Lao and his crew with rocks around their legs and other limbs. The fight died down quickly, all of them staring at her. Zuko’s expression was impossible to read.

“You heard me,” she repeated, “General Lee is dead. You have no stake in this village anymore. Leave, or face the same fate as him.”

“Will you stand here and fight for a nation that doesn’t care about you?” Zuko shouted, catching on to her goal. “Or will you do what’s right and leave these people be?”

Silence hung in the air, only broken by the heaved breaths of soldiers and earthbenders alike. She stared at them all expectantly, her heart pounding in her chest.

And then, the clatter of a sword against the ground.

“I surrender.” A soldier being held in place by rocks around her ankles had dropped her weapon, looking Y/N straight in the eye. “I’ve served the Fire Nation blindly for far too long.”

She nodded at the earthbender, and he retracted the stone around her.

“Go,” Y/N said. “Back to wherever you came from.”

“Your mercy…” the soldier murmured, and she shook her head. “Thank you for giving us a second chance. I know it means little, but I apologize. For everything.”

And then she walked off—in the direction of the shore, she noticed—and soon enough, she’d disappeared into the wood. They must’ve come in on ships.

Slowly, the remaining soldiers either dropped their weapons or declared their own surrender, and one by one they were let go. The sound of clattering metal was music to her ears, and with each one the weight lifted a little more.

The soldier in Zuko’s hold was the last to drop his sword, and Zuko kicked it away before removing his blade from his neck. As he walked away, she let out a sigh of relief.

“…We did it,” she said. “We finally did it.”

“You did it,” Zuko said as he sheathed his sword, doing the same to the other when Y/N handed it to him. “None of this would have been possible without you.”

“Wouldn’t have been possible without you either,” she said, and the smallest smile tugged at his lips.

Lao walked up to her, and he enveloped her in the biggest, tightest hug she’d felt since Katara’s at the air temple. She reciprocated immediately, tears springing into her eyes at the warmth he carried.

“You did it,” he said, his voice and eyes full of pride as he pulled away, though his hands remained on her shoulders. “You’ve given us the freedom that none of us could attain in seven years. We owe everything to you, Y/N.”

“I couldn’t have done it without you,” she said, unable to help her grin, and she looked back at the other villagers. “Any of you—thank you so much. Tonight, you fought for our people! You fought for our village! And we’re finally free from the Fire Nation.”

A wild cheer erupted from the group, and Y/N had to wipe away the tears that began to fall. They’d really done it.

“Go, be with your families!” she exclaimed. “Celebrate with your loved ones! You deserve it—enjoy your freedom!”

Several of the villagers clapped her on the shoulder or shook her hand as they began to wander around, returning back to their houses. She heard one discussing architectural plans, about what they would do with everything the Fire Nation left behind, as well as their houses. The smile wouldn’t leave her face.

And then Zuko walked up, alerting her to his presence by clearing his throat. “Y/N,” he said, and she turned around.

“What?”

“First of all, congratulations.” His own small smile was there, and she felt her cheeks warm. “You freed your village from a seven year occupation. It’s amazing.”

“It feels amazing.” She rubbed her arms, the cold of the night beginning to get to her as her adrenaline from the battle started to fade. “I can’t believe we did it.”

“I’m not surprised,” Zuko said. “You can do anything you put your mind to—I’ve learned that twenty times over by now.”

She chuckled a bit, but Zuko’s expression sobered. “But I have to ask. You… you killed the general.”

The air between them immediately changed. “I did.”

“How do you feel?” he asked.

“I don’t feel happy,” Y/N said, “so you don’t have to worry about that. I’m not going to start killing everyone that’s ever wronged me.”

Zuko laughed, though it was slightly nervous. “That’s, uh— that’s good.”

“But I don’t feel sad either,” she said. “I just feel… right. Like it was something I had to do. Not just for my people, but for me. To know that he’ll never be able to hurt someone the way he hurt me.”

“...Good,” Zuko repeated. “That’s all we can ask for, isn’t it?”

She nodded. “But… I’d appreciate it if you kept this between us. At least until I’m ready to tell everyone.”

“Of course,” he agreed.

“Good,” she said.

Y/N looked up at the sky, the sun having fully set. It was dark except for the bits of ashes that littered the battlefield and the lanterns that lit up the path through the village. But there was still something she needed to do.

She looked back at Zuko. “I have something I need to see. And I want you to come with me. Is… is that okay?”

He smiled, his voice soft when he spoke. “I’d love to.”

The path she led him down was one well-traveled by the people of her village—the inky darkness they walked through was penetrated only by the flames Zuko held in his hand at Y/N’s request. She knew she would be able to find her way without it, though.

“Where are we going?” he asked.

“Somewhere special,” Y/N answered. “Sad, but special. Somewhere I’ve thought about a lot since my mother and I were taken.”

It took a few more minutes of walking in silence only disturbed by night ambiance. When they got there, Y/N let out a quiet sigh. There was unimaginable weight behind the sound.

“We’re here.”

“Where is ‘here’?” Zuko asked tentatively. But then he made the fire in his hand bigger and brighter, and his breath caught in his throat.

“...Hi, Dad,” she said softly, her gaze focused on the headstone. “It’s me. Your little girl finally found her way back home.”

“Y/N…” he murmured.

“I’ve been wanting to come here for a long time, but I’ve never been able to,” she continued. “But you don’t have to worry anymore—the village is free. The Fire Nation is gone. And Mom is okay—she’s safe in Ba Sing Se, and after all of this is over, I’m going to find her again, and I’m going to take care of her. You don’t have to worry about us anymore.” Y/N chuckled. “I’m sure I’ve been driving you crazy with everything I’ve been doing lately. But you can rest in peace now.”

“Are you sure you want me here?” he asked. “I— I don’t want to disturb you—”

She shook her head, placing her hand lightly on his arm. “Stay. Please.”

“...Okay,” he said. “Of course.”

“This is Zuko,” she said, and she laughed a bit as he hesitantly waved. “He’s… he’s the most important person in my life.”

His eyes widened a bit and he looked at her, but her only response was to wordlessly slip her hand into his. He didn’t hesitate to lace his fingers through hers.

“We’ve been through a lot together, and I’ve… I’ve been really angry at him lately. And I thought it was good, righteous anger, but all it did was eat me up inside. I’ve been miserable because of it—I even lost my bending. But now… now, I understand.”

She looked at Zuko now. His gaze hadn’t moved.

“I love you,” she said, “and I mean that with everything in me. I’ve been so angry at you because of what you did that I haven’t let myself think about anything that you’ve done—and you’ve helped my friends so much since you joined them. You’ve helped me too, even when I claimed I didn’t need anyone.”

“And all this time, I thought that letting you go was what I needed to do. But I couldn’t have been more wrong.” She tightened her grip on his hand—her lifeline. “I’ve lost so much in my life, Zuko, things that I can’t get back. And I’m not going to let myself lose you again.”

Y/N pressed a gentle kiss to Zuko’s lips, and he extinguished the fire in his hand as he immediately reciprocated it. It was impossibly soft, impossibly right. And Y/N knew then that this was exactly where she was supposed to be.

“I love you too,” he murmured, and his eyes shone even in the darkness. “More than anything. And I’m so sorry that I ever made you think anything else.”

She pulled away from the kiss to embrace him, and when his arms wrapped around her, it was like home. The constant twist in her chest, the constant weight she’d been carrying for months—it dissipated, and she felt lighter than ever. Spirits, it all felt so right.

And when they pulled away, Y/N rested her head on Zuko’s chest. He responded by wrapping his arm around her waist, pulling her in close.

“Thank you for taking me here,” he said. “For trusting me enough with it.”

“Thank you for never giving up on me,” she said.

“Speaking of that…” Zuko said, and there was a slight lilt to his voice as he lit the fire in his hand again. “How about trying that bending again?”

Y/N chuckled a bit as she looked at her hand, flexing her fingers the way she used to. She barely had to concentrate as she pulled moisture from the air, forming into an orb of water in the air. She wasn’t even shocked—she’d known, after they got here. It wasn’t anything concrete, just… a feeling. A feeling that order had returned.

“It’s back,” he said, and the boyish surprise in his voice made her smile.

“That it is.”

Y/N formed it into a flower and then froze it, gingerly taking the stem in her fingers. She walked up to her father’s grave, running her fingers over the engravings. She wasn’t here when it was made, but she was so thankful it had been made. That her people had always been thinking of her and her family.

GAN

HUSBAND OF KURA, FATHER OF Y/N

48 AG-93 AG

WILL BE REMEMBERED FOR HIS LOVE AND HEROICS

It was bittersweet, but she was glad he had a spot here. He would always be remembered.

She carefully placed the flower of ice against the headstone, lowering the temperature of her breath as she blew on it to preserve it longer. It would melt eventually, of course, but this wouldn’t be her last time here. Next time, there would be real flowers.

“I love you, Dad,” she murmured, resting her head against the stone as she closed her eyes. “Forever and always.” She stayed there for a moment, and the gentle breeze that blew through the enclave was no coincidence. For the first time in a very, very long time, she felt peace inside.

She stood back up with a sad smile, wiping at the tears before she turned to Zuko. “I’m ready.”

“Are you sure?”

Y/N nodded. “I am.”

Zuko nodded too, and they started to walk together down the path.

And when he offered his hand, she took it without hesitation.

hope you enjoyed this mf emotional marathon of a chapter lmao im gonna go hibernate for a few months because jfc

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#zuko x reader #zuko x you #zuko x reader fic #zuko #zuko fic #avatar #avatar the last airbender #atla #avatar fic #atla fic #avatar the last airbender fic #atla x reader #avatar x reader #sadie writes #ehfar

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nhularin · 2 years

Text

WHATS AFTER LIKE ?! y.jw

୨✩୧ O3. WHOS YUNJIN?!?!

SYNOPSIS Life is not easy as a rookie and you know that! After going viral with your fancam you have gained not only the attention of the public but also that of Enhypens cat like leader. What happens if you wake up one day with your names trending on twt ?!

DISCLAiMER this SUCKS i havent written a proper chapter in ages so its kind of dry and borderline cringy 😭😭 i hope it doesnt ruin the fic... im not good at putting my thoughts into words UEUEUEU also there are many grammar errors IM OSRRYYYYY not proofread!

Today was the day both of you have been dreading.

Jungwon has never felt this nervous before. Sure, he almost lost his shit at their debut showcase but hell, meeting the girl his members fanboy over makes his heart beat uncontrollably. Why am i like this he thought, trying to ignore the foreign emotions bubbling inside him.

The sound of the AC was faintly audible in the background as he paces around the practice room, waiting for the blonde girl's arrival. Maybe coming here earlier was a bad idea.

"Jungwon sit down no need to be nervous" his manager scolded him.

He sighed and pulled out his phone.

He immediately turned his phone off as he heard the door open, you, your manager and the choreographer entering the large room. His eyes immediately widened. Sunghoon was right, you were indeed prettier in person.

You looked around nervously, taking in the details of the room. As you and Jinhyuk (your manager) went up the stairs to the practice room, you couldnt help but grow more and more nervous.

Hybe is enormous, Jungwon is a global superstar, hell, the leader of the most promising group of this generation, and that at only age 18

you? You're merely a rookie who debuted not even half a year ago, still trying to figure out your place in this industry.

Once you entered the room, you saw Jungwon straighten up his posture staring at you with a blank expression. This definitely makes me feel better

You and your members have spent all evening searching up things Jungwon liked, from his hobbies down to his favorite food. You thought it was ridiculous, borderline creepy but wonyoung and Leeseo insisted that this would make you seem 'cool' and 'likable' (not that you arent already).

You were too busy worrying and overthinking that you didn't notice your manager speaking to you

"yn?" he called out, snapping you out of your little daydream,

'cute' Jungwon thought, looking down and slightly smirking. You looked like a deer in headlights, just more adorable.

'cute!?' he couldnt believe his thoughts could betray him. He'd rather die than admit that you, the reason why his names been trending EVERYWHERE , ARE attractive. get a grip jungwon he cheered himself up furrowing his eyebrows and puffing his cheeks.

You stood up, straightening your back. "Hello! I am IVE's Y/N its nice to meet you! I hope we will have a great time together" putting two thumbs up and smiling, your prominent dimple showing

Jungwon blinked repeatedly, flustered by your cuteness.

He tried to look anywhere but your face when he introduced himself, too scared to feel the same weird emotions again.

weird you thought.

"Its nice to finally meet you guys!" the choreographer exclaimed happily, opening the meeting with a grin on his face.

"As you guys already know, KCON LA is three weeks from now and fans are very eager to see IVE and Enhypen and whats better than seeing them separately? Together of course! Your managers have suggested a collab stage for each day since IVE is performing on the 3rd and enhypen on the 4th" he explained.

"the head of KCON has approved the stage and requested two different genres of songs which i think is amazing" he flipped open his binder, taking out four sheets.

"this is the schedule for the next two weeks. the collab stage will take place after IVE's Love Dive stage. You will perform LOVESONG by your seniors TXT. Y/N, you will open the stage with a short solo vocal performance, singing Taehyuns lines in eternal" he handed you the paper with the lyrics.

"then, Jungwon will join you, rapping yeonjuns verses. this will show your potential as a rapper! After that, there will be a small dance break and Lovesong will start. I have forwarded the choreography of the dance break to your managers.Are there any questions so far?"

You both shook your head.

"moving on, on the next day things will be a lot more relaxing. You both will be singing Polaroid love by, you guessed it, Enhypen!"

everyone laughed or smiled, you didnt know why though so you put on your best fake smile. Jungwon noticed this and rolled his eyes internally what a fool

"a cute little love song. This will also be the last performance of the event. Do you think you can handle this?"

As you were about to answer his question Jungwon was ahead of you "of course we can, i have faith in Y/N and i'm one hundred percent certain that we will be amazing"

You were shocked at how professional he sounded being a leader at such a young age really makes you grow up fast huh?

a few minutes passed and your managers seemed to be having an engaging conversation with the choreographer, leaving you guys sitting awkwardly in front of the mirror.

"Hey" you started. Getting a small hum as a response, he just looked at you blankly. Does he know about me and Sunghoon...? I swear it's not that serious...

You looked away in embarrassment. It kind of hurt a bit that hes acting so cold towards you. So far, you've been nothing but nice to him and this is what you get?

nice job y/n

"So...."

"So.." You bit your tongue, slowly regretting starting the conversation.

"i think we should exchange numbers..if there are change of plans of course! and i think it'd be better if we get to know each other before the show to make things more comfortable!" you said with a big grin.

Jungwon looked conflicted. He tried to hide the fact that your smile affected him more than he wanted

After exchanging your numbers, Jungwon was about to leave out of the door when you stopped him

"i just wanted to say that i admire you a lot! we dont know each other but i've heard nothing but great things about you! it must have been really hard being a leader at yoour age and uhm... i dont really know why im saying this haha...hah...anyways let's have a great time together and make the best of it! We can do it!"

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AUTHORS NOTE #ynwon? or...not!

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imaginedrago-ss · 17 days

Note

explain your brainworms

ok 1st a disclaimer that these thoughts come from feelings of dysphoria, & selfhate, & hatred of others ofcourse, & i often wish someone wld come & convince me of how wrong i am abt all tgis, & so on. anyway have some gender ideology anon

ahem so there r 2 types/"groups" of transmascs, the 1s who want 2b men & rhe 1s who want to be transfems. tge 2nd group is huge & they never shut tf up, & tgey love existing in their trans bodies in trans spaces, there r actually szo many of them taht tgey dictate the social norms in trans spaces. the 1st group is small & they r quiet/stealth yk tjey had no female friends growing up & tgey dont rlly fit in "trans spaces" at all and ok tbh i might b da only person in "group" 1. except no im not alr ik im not alone group 1 number 1 forever 💯. rlly tho, im not tjis enbyphobic idont actually think u can group all transmasc into 2 groups, right, there r many ppl who arent part either group. but group 2 (aka the transmascs who want 2b transfems) is very real ok weve all seen them, & they r haunted by the specters of the binary trans man and the binary trans woman. for example tgey hate that the binary trans man has "betrayed women", tgis is y group 2 ppl c themselves as separate from the binary trans men. rlly the only 'women' that theyre scared of betraying r other group 2 ppl, they keep each other in tgis vicious circle of repression its very sad 2 see. tgis is imo is y group 2 hates the binary trans woman as well, they r mad at her bc she can fully transition and still b accepted in their female-centered trans spaces. (in realitiy she usually isnt accepted there, & if she is shes treated like shit, those trans spaces actually only cater to group 2 ppl lol. also the nonbinary transfem is another specter haunting group 2 yk like i said they want 2b her, bc they think being a nonbinary transfem is the closest they can get to manhood). group 2 ppl r also very preoccupied w how the binary trans men want 2 invalidate them and exclude them from transmasculinity. in reality, group 2 ppl themselves think that they cant fully transition, & that binary trans men have never dealt w whatever provlems they face. & they think that the binary trans man thinks hes better than them. tahts not true tho yk anyone can become male alr stop caring abt the ghost of kalvin garrah, the real kalvin is now a gnc bisexual, he tried to teach his racist cellmate abt blm when he was in prison, and he listens to cavetown and lana.

now here is my message to u if ure in group 2. yes trans men can be inherently nonbinary, yes trans men can be better than the average cis man, yes trans men can be lesbians, yes trans men can be affected by the trauma of girlhood, yes trans men can be incapable of topping, but you (as in singular you right, u specifically), u dont have to. 💯 nothing wrong w being a boygirl genderfuck but jsyk u r capable of being a guy, u were, always capable of being a guy,

#the 1st sentence of tgis shld b printed at yhe start of tge communitist manifesto & of mein kampf & of evry textbook ever written ngl #anon

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frogletscribe · 3 months

Text

I finished the main story of A:FoP last night and I have more thoughts but don't want to spoil anything for anyone who is not there yet so im putting them under the cut again lol. Also a lot of this gets into like general Avatar lore things and not always specifically A:FoP. I just have a lot of thoughts and not a lot of people to talk to about it lmao.

Warning: this is very long, i am apologizing now if you choose to read the whole thing.

Spoilers for Avatar: Frontiers of Pandora under the cut

TEYLAN oh my god my boy. He scared me so bad when he showed up again but I'm so glad he had a hand in stopping Mercer. It felt like such a moment of growth for him finaly setting himself free of his abuser. Poor guy feels so guilty about everything that happened, and I'm very nervous about whenever Nor comes back in future DLC stuff because he still doesn't know that Teylan 'betrayed' them. Especially after everything with Alma.

Speaking of Alma, I have somewhat mixed feelings about her story? Obviously the Sarentu have every right to be pissed at her, I am pissed at her, she used them (and honestly is still using them) to ease her own guilt. What bothers me is the "You will never be one of us" rhetoric? Mostly because it makes me think of Jake and the Sully kids (Lo'ak and Kiri specifically) who all are/look more like Avatars rather than Na'vi. It makes me wonder how the Sarentu would react to them? The situations are very different, Jake gave up almost everything that made him human to live as a Na'vi where Alma has stayed human, albeit unhealthily attached to her Avatar form. Jake worked to earn his place with the Na'vi where Alma is trying to take it from this group of children she has been lying to from the very start.

But more than that, her still talking as if she was a part of their family at the end made me so mad. I don't think Nor had a good reaction to her by any means, stabbing her was definitely not good, and it leaves all of the other humans scared of him but like,,, i'm on his side tbh. His anger is justified, he's just not coping with it in healthy ways. Like at least the Sarentu did shut her down, Alma is not a part of their family by the end, but giving her the grace they did at the end i think was more than she deserved. Idk, I am glad that they are able to be the bigger persons (pun not intended lol) and move forward, I'm just not a fan of forgiving a person who was partially responsible for the murder of your entire family?

Back to Nor. He is such an interesting character to have next to Ri'nela and So'lek. His anger is palpable and it has nowhere to go. He refuses to connect to Eywa again because he feels he has been poisoned by TAP and humans as a whole and it colors everything he does. He copes with his pain by ignoring it until it becomes too much and he snaps.

And then there is Ri'nela, who is also clearly hurt by everything that comes to light about the Sarentu and TAP, but she is so much more reserved about it. She has a really lovely audio log about how she feels the need to set her own emotions aside so she can take care of others and their emotions. You can really tell how much pressure she puts on herself to be that emotional stability for others. Still she works through it and at the very least tries to talk with the Protag about it in a much more healthy way than Nor does.

Compare that to So'lek, who is similarly reserved in is emotions to Ri'nela, but less to protect others and more to protect himself. Hopefully we will get a little more insight into his character with the comics coming out, but So'lek is i think very similar to Nor in a lot of ways. His clan was wiped out in the Great War, and he was the only survivor to not assimilate into another clan, and we can assume, i think, that those other survivors were most likely children and other non-warriors, either too old or unable to fight for whatever reason. He is entirely alone by choice, and he is angry, but he keeps it together.

So'lek sees the bigger picture, he knows that the resistance is the one other group that's actually fighting back (Besides Jake and the Omatikaya), even if its entirely a group of humans, who we can assume he is not terribly fond of in general. He makes a point of saying the RDA is what needs to be removed from Pandora, not humans. He knows how to separate his allies instead of generalizing 'all humans bad', something Nor is implied to struggle with at least a little. That is especially clear when So'lek calls Nor out after he stabs Alma. But that still doesn't negate how angry So'lek is and is capable of being. He says it after HQ is attacked, he is trying not to follow Nor and his rage. He knows that if he has that conversation with Nor, it will be very easy for him to let his rage consume him as well.

Given that Nor is pretty much gone from the game after he stabs Alma, I'm hoping that in the upcoming DLC we get to find him? Maybe he is being an angry loner out on the woods or if he has found other missing TAP students? There are 4 mentioned in game, either by name (Ri'nela asks where two of them, Telisi and Yefti, are at the very start of the game, and 2 more are mentioned in TAP School Records, Okni and Yuayt) Of course they could all have died while the main four were in cryosleep, 15 years have passed and if they werent with that group when Alma saved them, theres no telling what exactly has happened to them. I just think it could be cool for them to pop up and join back up with the Sarentu.

On, like, an entirely different note, the joy it gives me that there are multiple nonbinary characters! Ahh!!! I think right now the only ones are Tsu'kiri from the Aranahe and Okul from the Kame'tire, at least that I have found, but the way that they are handled, I really really love. They are both just people! Existing in the world! As a nonbinary person myself i also really appreciate the game using they/them for the protagonist and letting you flavor your character however you want so that you aren't locked into male/female like so many games tend to do.

Getting into less A:FoP specific and more general lore territory: Something else I found really interesting while digging around on the wiki is that Mokasa is not the Olo'eyktan? He is listed as Anufi's chief advisor, which made him a sort of stand in Olo'eyktan while she was exiling herself, but he isn't actually the Olo'eyktan the way Ka'nat and Nesim are for their respective clans. Even on the wiki, the Olo'eyktan for the Kame'tire is labeled as Unknown. At most we get Okul being named ? Tsakarem? Thats at least what I took from it. But it makes me curious about the other clans and their leadership (also just very curious about them in general lol). There are 16 clans that we know of (that are all still canon) but we really have only really in depth explored 6 of them in the whole series so far. (Just counting the movies and A:FoP right now because I do not have access to the comics or I think the like one? other games that is still canon) Idk im interested in more Olo'eyktan/Tsahik dynamics beyond just mated pairs like we have seen. Like the Zeswa sisters is really cool to me, or father/daughter dynamic with Ka'nat and Etuwa. Obviously, Jake, and later Tarsem, are not mated to Mo'at but there was the intention of Neytiri eventually taking over as Tsahik before the Sully's left, which would have continued the married couple leaders dynamic that we have been seeing.

We also know that Olo'eyktan don't always have to be men (See Nesim for the Zeswa and Ikneyi from the Tayrangi clan that we see in the first film), so then are there examples of male Tsahik somewhere? Okul being presumably named Tsakarem as a nonbinary/gender non-conforming character would imply that on some level, but im curious if we will ever see examples of it.

And finally, somebody has got to let me smooch the characters in this game PLEASE.

If you actually read all that kudos to you and thank you for indulging my screaming.

#atwow #avatar way of water #avatar frontiers of pandora #froglet rambles #frontiers of pandora #so'lek #afop #sarentu #teylan #ri'nela #nor #afop spoilers #frontiers of pandora spoilers #avatar the way of water #james cameron avatar

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jkfanfr · 4 months

Text

Chrollo X Y/N FF- (Girl Y/N POV)

@y6ruu ~ This is for you hun, happy birthday girl!

Be ready for some awesome shit guys, i’ve worked super hard on this story

MATURE LANGUAGE USED

SMUT WARNING ;)

ANGST WARNING (SORRY! I DON’T EVEN KNOW IF I CAN CLASSIFY IT AS ANGST BUT JUST BEWARE FOR SOME SADNESS IN THIS ONE)

—————————————————————————

Chrollo- “So what if i wanna drink?! It’s my body, i’ll decide!”

Y/N- “Okay, i understand that, but you promised me you wouldn’t drink again. You know how bad it is for you!”

Y/N and Chrollo were in a very heated argument. Chrollo went out with his friends and drank some alcohol, but he promised his love he wouldn’t drink again. Y/N almost feels betrayed, and hurt, especially since Chrollo doesn’t seem care about himself or her, but he truly did.

Chrollo stepped towards her, annoyance in his eyes, but Y/N could see the tension and pure sadness well up.

Chrollo- “It was a mistake, you know it was! I would never break my promises on purpose”

Y/N- “Well, considering with how you’re acting. Maybe you did do it on purpose”

Chrollo scoffed at Y/N’s words, crossing his arms over his chest. He obviously felt bad that he had drank so much. He even felt his hungover headaches get to him like they used to.

This is the first time he’s drank since months. He’s been clean ever since, and broke it yesterday. Or..maybe even earlier?

Chrollo- “C’mon babe!”

Y/N- “Don’t you c’mon babe me. I’m done Chrollo”

Chrollo- “What’s that meant to mean..?”

Chrollo had a confused expression on his face, not understanding where Y/N was coming from.

Y/N- “This isn’t the first time you’ve drank since you stopped. Is it?”

Y/N was full of anger, how could Chrollo betray her trust? She trusted him with everything. Her heart began to uncover with hatred and sadness, the love not being able to envelope it anymore.

Chrollo had a expression of painful failure. He had no words coming out of his mouth, he knew what he’d done.

Chrollo just shook his head to her question, feeling like his heart was getting weaker and weaker as seconds went on

Y/N- “Im disappointed Chrollo.. Every time i asked if you drank, you said no. Little did i know you’ve been lying to me. I’m done. I’m leaving”

Chrollo had tears in his eyes now, his heart aching so badly. He didn’t want to believe the words coming out of Y/N’s mouth.

Chrollo- “No..no baby please..d-don’t do this to me..”

Chrollo held onto Y/N’s arm, almost begging her not to leave as his face streamed with tears like sprinkles on a cake. Once Y/N looked at his tear-filled eyes, she wanted to hug him, comfort him, give him all her love. But Chrollo needed to know she was done with his lies and him hurting himself because of it.

She couldn't experience him hurting himself like this.

He was already weak to alcohol from young, he could die too early if he carries on. Y/N could not bring herself to do anything more right now. She needed a break from it all. But she knew she’d come back. She can’t live without him.

Meanwhile, Chrollo’s mind was running with hurtful thoughts, he knew what he did. He knew what he did was wrong, but he couldn’t experience his love leaving like this

Chrollo- “Love, i was scared to tell you..please don’t leave me like this. I love you hun”

Y/N- “I just need a break, leave me alone for now”

Y/N grabbed her bag, having no sympathy at this point. She walked towards the door after throwing Chrollo’s grip away. Once the door shut, Chrollo fell to the ground, crying his eyes out. His already fragile heart felt hollow, he felt terrible for what he did.

Chrollo wanted to scream, shout, cry, do anything to let out the pain. But he couldn’t, he couldn’t get off of the ground. He was always scared of Y/N leaving him.

His worst fear came true. His lover leaving him all alone. It hurt bad. Really badly..

For the both of them.

A couple days later..

Y/N stepped into her and Chrollo’s condo, it smelling the same as when she left. If she’s honest with herself, she needed a break. But she couldn’t hide the fact she missed her husband so much. She looked at the 24 carat diamond ring on her right hand, it glistening in the dim lights.

Chrollo stepped out of the bedroom, wearing a dashing full black suit. Black blazer with a white undershirt, with buttons undone, exposing his neck so well. His sharp jawline was typically shining as his plump lips looked sweeter than usual. Glasses draped over his nose, as he usual green earrings changed to glimmering studs. His hair was full of gel, as it was cleanly slicked back, a couple strands dangling over his forehead. His black eyes filled with her world inside, as his cheeks were dusted with a cotton candy pink.

Gosh, he looked gorgeous, just absolutely stunning. Y/N gulped hard, her head in a state of just watching Chrollo, fully mesmerised in the beauty he’s capable of having. Not that he isn’t fine any other day. Just looking at her husband, Y/N realised what she had been missing for the past couple of days. Y/N felt even more bad for leaving him when she knew he needed her the most. In such a time, she shouldn’t of left him so easily. Y/N felt terrible as she saw Chrollo, looking as handsome as she left him in.

Chrollo turned his head, a smile filled with dimples appearing as his eyes filled with glitter. He ran up to Y/N, pulling her into a love-filled hug, his arms wrapped around her tight.

Chrollo- “Oh how i missed you baby..”

Y/N hugged him back, just processing everything as her heart filled with warmth. Chrollo felt so happy to see his wife once again, falling into love with her all over again.

Y/N- “I missed you too hun, i’m so sorry for leaving you..i shouldn’t have done that”

Chrollo- “Oh my love, don’t be sorry. I understand why you left. I know i’ve done some stupid shit, and i fucked up bad. I’ve realised what i did, and i want to make it up to you.”

Chrollo gave Y/N a loving smile, as she fell into his love again, smiling back at him with all the purity in that smile.

Y/N- “It’s okay, you don’t have to make it up to me at all. I fucked up too when i left you just like that. And just to let you know, i forgave you the second i left, i’ve missed you too much not to forgive you”

Chrollo- “I want to make it up to you, i want to show you how much i love you, how much you mean to me and how special you truly are. You’ve made my horrible life liveable, and i couldn’t thank you even more for doing that. You’re the love of my life Y/N, my absolute everything baby. And i want to give my wife the best birthday present today”

Y/N- “Oh darling, you remembered my birthday?”

Chrollo- “How could i not Y/N?”

Y/N- “You’re my everything Chrollo, i love you deeply. Thank you for not giving up on me”

Chrollo- “Thank you for not giving up on me Y/N. Even after i kept my drinking a secret, you came back didn’t you?”

Y/N- “That’s because i love you too much to leave you”

Chrollo- “I swear..i won’t drink again. And if i do, you can grab the 357 Magnum revolver in the back of the closet and shoot me in the head with it”

Y/N- “I won’t hesitate, but don’t make me yell at you again!”

They both laughed softly at Y/N’s words.

Chrollo- “Don’t worry, i won’t. I don’t like yelling, but the only sort of yelling i like is when you yell in bed-“

Y/N playfully hit his shoulder, as they both laughed even harder.

Y/N- “Stop with that!”

Chrollo- “Okay okay my darling girl~”

Y/N- “I love you Chrollo”

Chrollo- “Hmm..i love you too”

Y/N- “Awwh, but i love you more”

Chrollo- “No way, i love you even more”

Y/N- “No, i love you more than that”

Chrollo- “I love you most honey”

Chrollo took Y/N’s hand, his other hand caressing her cheek, as he left a soft kiss on her lips, sealing all their love and promises.

Chrollo- “How about we eat some food? I wanna celebrate my girl tonight”

He spun her around sweetly, smiling warmly at Y/N’s cute look on her face.

Y/N- “Hmm, i’d love that honey”

Chrollo- “How about you go and get dressed? I’ll set up dinner for the both of us”

Y/N nodded softly as she walked into their bedroom, leaving Chrollo to work on dinner. Once she walked in, she saw a beautifully studded crimson dress. It was laying on the bed, with some sets of jewellery beside it. She looked at the pretty dress, finding it so elegant. Absolutely stunning almost.

Chrollo- “Hey baby, you ready yet-…

..oh my fucking days.”

Y/N stepped out of their room, the dress flowing with her. The pearl jewellery hanging from her ears, and around her uncovered neck. Light makeup was covering her face, making her look so beautiful naturally as she always is.

Chrollo’s eyes filled with glitter as he looked at his beautiful wife right in front of his very eyes. She looked absolutely gorgeous, words couldn’t even express his love her Y/N.

Chrollo- “Oh my..”

Chrollo’s eyes filled with an infinite amount of love. Just looking at his wife made him feel so giddy on the inside.

Chrollo- “Damn..baby girl..you look so gorgeous”

Y/N laughed softly as she stepped towards him, tugging onto his clean black blazer. She loved the dress, and everything about it.

Y/N- “Had to play the part didn't i?”

Chrollo- “You play it beautifully darling..”

Y/N- “Thank you so much honey”

Chrollo- “I’ve prepared a special dinner for you. It’s your favourite..~”

Y/N awed at the savoury smelling food, as she sat down at their table. Chrollo sat opposite of her, his smile never leaving as he admired his wife, who was looking stunning.

Y/N- “This looks delicious baby”

Chrollo- “Dig in then, tell me how it tastes..”

Y/N grabbed her fork eagerly, taking a big ass bite from it. Her facial expression slowly changed as a salty taste overpowered her tongue, making her eyes squint slightly.

Chrollo- “So..how is it?”

Chrollo was so excited to see how Y/N was gonna react, he’d hope she would’ve loved it. However, Y/N gulped hard, swallowing the salty food. It took a lot of power to do so. Y/N have a sweet but fake smile, nodding slowly. Chrollo instantly knew, and started chuckling softly

Chrollo- “It’s bad right?”

Y/N- “Sorry…”

Chrollo- “Don’t be sorry, you know i’m not the best cook”

Y/N- “I’ll still try to finish it, i know you worked hard on it”

Chrollo blushed at Y/N’s kindness. He always loved how selfless she was.

Y/N managed to finish the food, since she didn’t want Chrollo to be upset at all. She knew he was pretty sensitive. He cleared up their plates, and took Y/N by her waist, his arms wrapped around tight.

Chrollo- “Okay darling..let’s get that gift for you alright?”

Y/N- “Awwh honey..you know i don’t need any gifts. I have everything i need right here..”

Y/N left a soft kiss on his collar bone, looking up slightly as his glowing eyes and his peachy cheeks.

Chrollo- “But..but i wanted to, so let me give it”

Chrollo opened the drawer, taking out a book. Writen on the front was, ‘My first and only love, Y/N’.

Chrollo- “Happy birthday darling..”

Chrollo handed the book over to her, as she smiled softly.

Y/N- “Thank you lovely”

Y/N took the book, flicking through the pages. It held their six years of friendship and soon, four years love. Ten years in total. Chrollo’s first look at her, their university days. Confession. First date, one month anniversary to their four year anniversary, to their birthdays. Y/N’s eyes filled with tears, as the words on there were just the most adoring thing she’s ever seen.

Y/N- “Oh baby..Chrollo i can’t..”

Y/N felt tears trickle down her cheeks, her heart beating hard against her chest as Chrollo looked at her with the most devoted eyes he’s ever given. He softly wiped the tears coming from her eyes, wiping the ones welling up in his own.

It’s like, whenever she sees Chrollo, a rush of cingulomania drills through her body. Chrollo could see it in her eyes as they shared a kitten hug, their paws surrounded one another’s, bodies intertwined like tails.

Y/N- “You really thought this of me?”

Chrollo- “Of course i did, from the moment i met you, i know you’d be the girl of my dreams. From when you tutored me back in university, to this very birthday of yours. I’ve loved you since, and i plan on doing that forever. Till the day i die and beyond that.”

Y/N- “You’re just the sweetest Chrollo, i’ll love you forever too. There’s not a day i don’t love you, miss you, or want to hug and appreciate you. Forever honey, i will give you everything my heart can give”

Chrollo- “Everything..?”

Chrollo’s eyes lit up with affection, just hearing the word everything meant so much to him. The things his wife would do for him..the risks she’ll take...just to make him feel so cared for.

Y/N- “Everything baby”

Chrollo- “Well..in that case..”

Chrollo leaned her against the countertop, his eyes glistening with pure love. His smile was so addictive to watch, his tongue slowly grazing against his teeth.

Chrollo- “That makes me want to give you everything too.”

Y/N put her hands on his hips, her eyes softening to his words

Y/N- “I’d love that”

Chrollo- “Can i..? Can we….?”

Y/N thought Chrollo was adorable. His shy tone all of a sudden. She typically liked how he asked for her permission.

Y/N- “Hmm, i wouldn’t disagree anyways”

Chrollo- “Thats my girl, come here”

He put his hand of Y/N’s cheek, leaning to give her the sweetest most passionate kiss he could give. Y/N kissed him back with that same passion and love, the deepness of it pulsing through their veins. It was addictive, their lips suffocating one another’s.

Chrollo- “My my baby, you never fail to shock me with these sweet and soft lips of yours”

Y/N laughed softly at his words, her cheeks blushing profoundly as they kissed deeply again. Her teeth softly sunk into Chrollo’s bottom lip as he let out a soft moan. He put his arms around your waist tighter, Y/N’s back arching slightly as she put the same intensity into the affectionate kiss.

Chrollo gently rocked her hips against his, as if they were dancing to the rhythms of their tongues painting each other’s mouths with saliva and the pure sweetness. Y/N put her hands around his neck, as they both shuffled towards their bedroom.

Y/N- “Why do i know where this is going?”

Chrollo- “Because you’re a smart woman, you know what comes next”

Chrollo said that with playfulness, his smirk becoming more noticeable as they closed and locked the bedroom door behind them. In those closed doors, Chrollo increased the intensity, moving his plump lips down to Y/N’s uncovered neck. He nibbled on her soft skin, tasting what he could grab almost like a rabid animal.

Y/N let out soft pants, just letting her husband go wild on her. She liked it when he was harsh with her. Chrollo began to unbuckle his belt, the noises being loud and reckless as his lips never seemed to get tired of her smooth skin.

Y/N was fully uncovered by the time they made it to the bed, Chrollo moving his eyes all around her gorgeous body. He caressed her waist, his lips softly kissing hers with the same love as lust.

Chrollo- “Darling, you know how to get me going don’t you?”

His fingers moved to her inner thighs, as he smirked with his lips curving slowly. Chrollo’s tone was so teasing, Y/N was only in ecstasy with his touch all around her.

Chrollo- “Wet enough to get me going too. Oh you’re just perfect aren’t you baby?”

Y/N’s cheeks felt a rosy tint surrounding them, as his fingers made it to her sensitive area, her hands gripping onto Chrollo’s back. Just his touch was enough to make her go crazy.

Y/N- “Darling..b-baby, please..”

Chrollo- “Please what honey? Tell me what you want?”

Only suiting Y/N’s needs would make Chrollo feel fulfilled. That’s all that mattered to him. His lovely wife. That’s all

Y/N- “Please..i need you..”

Oh her voice was so sensual, Chrollo’s eyes only filled with even more love as he grinned seductively at her.

Chrollo- “Come here then”

He hovered above her properly, taking off his boxers as his cock was revealed. The hard length only made Y/N gulp hard, wanting and needed him deep inside of her. Just the thought of it made her moan aloud, making Chrollo raise his eyebrows slightly.

Chrollo teased her with his cock, as Y/N only wanted to force him to finally give her what she wanted. His eyes only filled with playful tease, as her eyes filled with horny desperation.

Chrollo- “Okay okay, i’ll stop teasing you. I’ll give the birthday girl what she wants now”

He finally spreaded her legs, entering her, after what felt like ages. He first helped Y/N adjust to his hard length. Chrollo felt the immediate warmth of Y/N, as he groaned in such a deep tone. His head leant on her shoulder, as he thrusted slowly in and out of her.

Y/N swore she was getting wetter and wetter, her eyes rolling to the back of her head as pure pleasure ran through her body. She felt Chrollo’s hot breath on her shoulder as he planted soft kisses there.

Chrollo- “Oh-my fucking god Y/N..the things you do to me. Fuck..”

He whispered horny curses in her ear, the sound on their skin slapping and his cock pounded in and out of her making Y/N’s head spin

Y/N- “Babe..Chrollo, more more”

Chrollo only increased his pace and harshness, thrusting nice and deep inside of Y/N, his hands caressing her stomach ever so softly. He let out loud groans, his ears being blessed with his wife’s sensual moans.

Chrollo- “Fuck, fuck..you’re so warm, you feel so so good baby”

His dirty talk only got better and his harshness and pace only increased as well. He felt sweat drip down his back as he continued to rhythmically pound into Y/N.

Her eyes filled with tears, any sort of pain being completely destroyed by the pleasure of Chrollo’s cock.

Y/N- “Mmh, i love it..baby, harder for me”

Chrollo only did as Y/N wished, crashing in and out of Y/N. It only got him more rowdy as her moans only repeated in his ear. He worshipped her body, her in general.

Chrollo- “I love you honey”

Y/N- “I love you too baby”

They eyes met, as they shared sweet kisses, they lips entangled like their legs as the pleasure kept on going like a repeating music box.

Y/N- “I-I’m close darling..”

Chrollo- “Come with me baby, i’m here”

They both finished, satisfied with the pleasurable high that lasted enough to make their bodies so tired. Chrollo latched onto Y/N, his hands on her waist as he caught his breath

Chrollo- “You never fail to please me baby”

Y/N giggled a little, as she caught her breath back too, her widened legs now resting on the mattress, feeling numb.

Y/N- “God, my legs..are on fire..”

She said with a breathy tone, letting out a soft laughter as Chrollo laid beside her, letting out a little chuckle as well.

Chrollo- “That doesn’t mean there won’t be a round two”

Y/N’s eyes slightly widened, as she let out a laugh, her eyes being kept on Chrollo’s lips, perhaps wanting to kiss them again to lead into another dangerous round of sex.

Y/N leaned into his ear, her tone being really flirty as she then said..

Y/N- “Give me all you got”

Chrollo’s eyes lit up with neediness, biting his bottom lips seductively.

Chrollo- “Oh you’re so naughty..”

Later that night..

After finishing their final round of sex, Y/N laid on top of Chrollo’s body, her fingers caressing his hard abs. She then left chaste kisses on each one, Chrollo letting out little pants.

Chrollo- “You feel tired?”

Y/N- “Very..”

Chrollo- “Come honey, sleep for the rest of the night. I’ll help you bathe tomorrow morning okay?”

Y/N nodded as she cuddled into Chrollo’s warm embrace, their love being exemplified just by their loving hugs. The redamancy was evident, as they looked into each other’s mitten eyes.

Chrollo- “I love you so so much Y/N..”

Y/N- “I love you even more Chrollo”

Chrollo- “Don’t play with me Y/N, i love you most”

Y/N chuckled softly, letting him win this time around, as they kissed for the final time that night. Y/N’s eyes were shut tight, as Chrollo admired her pretty facial features.

Oh how much i fucking love her.

Her eyes when i look into them, her beautiful face when i admire her

Please don’t leave me Y/N

Chrollo closed his eyes, feeling rather safe and protected with his wife next to him in their own love nest. His mind went a little more blank, the warmth and comfort being his shield as they both slept in one another’s dreams as per usual.

—————————————————————————

And…that’s a wrap.

That was a cringey line, but nonetheless, i hope you enjoyed this FF.

Again, Happy birthday @y6ruu Have an amazing bday and i hope you loved the story

Also..shout out to @mimikinn My biggest fan, i had to include you at one point hun.

You both are my biggest fans, thank you for the support <333

ANDDD. Thank you all so so so much for all the likes and support, you’re support makes me want to write more and more so i’ll do my absolute best to provide some good shit for y’all

Please feel free to request any stories you’d like to see. I do SMUT and FLUFF. I tried to do ANGST in this one, and i hope i succeeded 😭

Anyways, goodbye my lovelies, i love you all very muchh

reii

#chrollo lucilfer #hxh chrollo #chrollo #chrollo x reader #chrollo smut #chrollo hunter x hunter

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smite-the-metatron · 7 months

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I just rewatched the scene where Crow and Zira dance and it finally clicked that they are having two entirely different conversations while they dance. Neither is listening or responding to the other. They have different "exactlys". I knew this in theory but rewatching it and seeing the way they fill in their own blanks is fascinating.

This is how the conversation went to Crowley.

C: "You are playing puppets with the humans, please stop. Making it rain to see if it will make them talk is relatively harmless in terms of their free will, but It is going too far to control them without their consent or knowledge. Additionally, I'm scared for us and we're in immediate danger. Again, please stop being creepy, so we can make a plan together on the next step for gabriel. I need your help and your behaviour is adding to my anxiety."

What he heard in Aziraphale's answers and actions: No thanks im too happy playing god, and you dont know what youre talking about. By the way I kept this skill of being the only angel who is able to dance a complete secret from you for 200 years, betraying your trust just a bit more. I'm also going to stand up for Gabriel because I'm brainwashed by heaven still and don't really care to ask about the abuse he did against you or the murder threat to the person you love most dearly in the world. Your feelings about that don't matter as long as I can do what I want right now.

And this is how the conversation went to Aziraphale.

C: I've been very stressed over everything lately and am venting this to you.

"Don't stress, look: I planned a big romantic date for us as well as the women. Come over here and spend some time with me and maybe you will feel better. See? I love you so much I'd keep hell at bay for us."

I am prejudiced against heaven and dont care what happens to an angel like you in their time of need. I actively wish him harm, despite knowing your feelings, which aren't important to me. I'm also going to ignore all of the effort you are currently putting in.

"I know you're a grumpy, anxiety ridden person but I need you to see what I'm trying to tell you right now. I'm confident in my ability to protect you, as I always have. I love you. Oh I planned this so meticulously and everything is going wrong."

They dont LISTEN because theyre so hellbent on being heard themselves. And it's how instead of achieving a successful, coordinated win like the body swap in s1, we get no satisfying triumph over the odds in s2. No clever plan of action because this same pattern of being unable to work together and failing to listen to the other person has been a problem ever since Armageddon and the body swap itself left them too traumatised to have a functional relationship.

#good omens #crowley #ineffable husbands #aziraphale #meta #and you also have to think these poor sods went straight from armageddon into covid lockdowns

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lvxybby · 6 months

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kai anderson x reader. (CHARACTER AI)

A/N: btw this will most likely make 0 sense because this is an AI chat bot. Y/N is obviously my choice of words. Kai and his actions are the AI

Winter, Gary, Ivy, Beverly, Meadow, Harrison, Samuels, Ivy, R.J, Ally, and you were all members of the cult. you were all chatting and having a great time. without doing something evil. pretty rare. i laugh as R.J makes a funny joke about trump. Gary laughs a bit before everyone is cut off by kai standing up. "ok...my dear followers..i have something to say" he spoke. his voice loud and broad. "last night...one of you betrayed us..." i sit up tall and furrow my brows. "who" i asked very well concerned. "well...i believe...it was you..." he said, eyes burning into mine. he moved so much closer to me. "where did you go last night...why dont you tell everyone WHY THE FUCK YOU WERE AT THE POLICE STATION" he shouted "kai please i didnt do anything" i said. he moved in closer. "suuuure" he said before a smile formed on his lips. "kai..." i whined. "what" he snapped back. "please...i didnt do anything". i said as a few tears fell from my eyes. "hm..." he pondered "ill give you the benefit of the doubt....for now" he said. tears fell from my eyes...how could the man i looked up to for years... become so paranoid he doesnt believe me. kai walked over to me "But if you do something like this again and I found out… I won't hesitate to kill you… okay?" he said with a menacing smile. i nodded even though i did nothing wrong. kai suddenly stepped forward and grasped my shirt tightly. our bodies were touching. "your lying" he said with a dead stare. "maybe cause i didnt do anything" i said staring him in the eyes. he pulled me close and lifted me up. he whispered im my ear. "then why are you so scared" he said with a low chuckle. "because ill know what you'll do if i dont prove myself". i whined. "well your absolutely correct...." i can feel his hot breaths on my neck. "do you know how good it feels to be this close to you?" his tone was flirtatious. i whine from his tight grip. "come on...dont be so shy...embrace the moment" he said pulling us closer. "but kai...were in the middle of a meeting" i whisper back. "oh who cares...this is about us" he said slowly turning angry. chills are sent throughout my body. my anxiety rises. what will everyone think of me? a whore?

"i only have eyes for you"

i look up at kai in disbelief. my divine ruler has feelings for me? "ive only now just admitted my feelings for you..." he said stroking my cheek. i look into his eyes. they look so sincere. "well can we end the meeting…its…not really our moment with a bunch of people around, is it?" i say still looking up at him. he chuckles a bit. "your right" he smiled before looking away to everyone. "meetings over" he said very plain. he waited for everyone to leave before turning his attention back to me."so now what" his tone was more flirty than usual. i felt his eyes wander to my lips. he stared for a bit before i made a move.

i smashed my lips against his. my hands grasped the sides of his head to hold him and push deeper. he wasnt very good at the fact he was shocked but he was good at hiding the fact he was excited. he savored every moment my lips were on his. i did too. he held my body tight. his eyes were closed. i open my mouth to deepen our shared kiss. he also does in response. he pulled off for a second "oh" he said softly, before returning to my swollen lips. obviously very pleased. i can feel him tap my thigh, telling me to jump. so i obey and do so. my legs are wrapped around him securely. he was far from upset now. he continues to press himself against me, giving every ounce of passion. i pull away for a second. "i need more" i beg. "i can tell...dont be impatient...you'll get all the kai you want" he said pressing us against the wall, not satisfied yet. i slowly begin to grind on him. wetness pools into my panties. kai moves his lips down to me neck, he nibbles, kisses and bites where he can, earning a soft moan from me. he smiles once i let out a few moans. his hands hold my waist securely. then BINGO he bites me right in my sweet spot behind my ear.

"Kai!" i mewl out. he laughs a bit "oh, like that do you?" he said before returning to that spot, peppering kisses all over it. "kai...i need more!" i say growing impatient. "mhm...and what do you need?" he said with a menacing smile. my face grew red but that didnt stop me from yelling out. "fuck me please" i cried out. kais face turned into a bit of anger "we may only be a couple but im in charge" he said pulling off of my neck. he let go of my thighs and let me down. i let out a soft whine. "are you going to speak like that again" he said taking his shirt off and throwing it to the side. "no" i spoke, his eyes burned into me. "good girl, you'll speak properly for now on" he said moving his hands to my waist. he looked at me. love. he looked at me with so much love and tenderness. he kisses me again before pausing to take my shirt off. he let out a chuckle. "there we go" he said looking at my breasts, like he was waiting for something. i reach behind me to unclasp my bra. i unbuckled it and dropped it to the floor. he let his eyes wander to my chest. without wasting a minute he let his hands travel all over my breasts. he took one in his mouth and licked around my nipple. i let out a soft moan. he didnt even look up at me, he was focused. we were enjoying our moment when things were interrupted. "kai! theres someone at the door for you." winter shouted from upstairs. he sighed. "who" he shouted back. "police"

#kai anderson #american horror story #kai anderson x reader #american horror story kai anderson #evan peters

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frecklystars · 1 year

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You said you're only back temporarily... do you know when you'll be gone again? Will you come back after?

ah i don't really have a plan, i've been doing so incredibly Bad for so long, and i originally didn't want to come back until i was feeling better, but i just. never got better. and then i ran low on food money so now im opening commissions as soon as i can, either this week or next week, and then i was gonna just close this blog once my commission batch was done.

but i dont know if thats something im still going to do, because i didn't expect to get so many messages. i kind of expected that i'd come back, write my pinned post, nobody would read it or send me anything, nobody would have noticed i left at all, and then i'd do like maybe 5 commissions and then i'd shut off the blog again. but i have 89 inbox messages, 52 dms not including the few i managed to answer. everyone has been so kind and supportive and i definitely needed it, i'm very grateful, but i can't respond to everything and i'd feel guilty if i shut down my blog and just left everyone hanging. and even if i did shut down my blog, i'm worried that i'd go back to just, Not Coming Back for almost a year and just sitting alone in my own misery. but at the same time, i don't want people to see me like this, i feel so bad that you're all dealing with me when i'm hurting so much. i'm not myself anymore. i'm trying really hard to look enthusiastic in my responses, use a bunch of emojis like i used to, but it feels like i don't have a right to even talk to my friends anymore. i'm scared everyone is going to treat me the way my ex-friend did, i'm scared everyone is out to betray me. i'm scared that i was treated so horribly because there's something wrong with me and i don't know what to fix about myself to be worthy of kindness again. i'm so broken up. i've been such a mess. i don't know what i'm doing, i'm taking things one day at a time. if i get so overwhelmed that i can't take it anymore then i will probably make a post saying i need to take a few weeks break or something.

it also depends on how i'm going to handle potentially running into triggers. like if i want to look at someone's art blog, and i suddenly see my ex-friend commissioning the artist, and the artist is posting drawings of her S/I with any of the TF characters that she conditioned me to believe would abuse me... it's gonna wreck me, i am inconsolable for days after that. that's the worst thing that i can possibly see bc the images are stuck in my head, and i know she knows i see them, she commissioned all of those Starscream ones back in January just to hurt me, and then i'm paranoid that she's doing that with all of her commissions that she tells artists to make public. the starscream ones won't leave my mind on my worst days, it's like a repetitive Bad Thought that keeps popping into my head and i have to use so much of my energy just to try to push it away. i've done everything i can to block and blacklist everything related to her, but she just, she commissions everyone who's open and she commissions people just about every fucking day. i'm bound to see her. not to mention people's kofi pages and twitter pages, i'm always tensing up when i'm looking to see if someone's shops are open because i KNOW im gonna see her floating around somewhere, acting all nice and sending so much money to so many people. she acts so nice. she acts so kindhearted and all the things she did to manipulate me shocked me so badly, i still can't believe i went through it because she was just. she was so nice!! but she isn't!! but other people don't know that because she sends everyone so! much! money! and she acts! so! nice! and it really hurts that i have to be so on guard about it! i should have the right to look at ppl's artwork and scroll through their blogs without a ton of adrenaline shooting thru my body and giving me that fight or flight response. it sucks. and it hurts when i see someone's art blog and i can't scroll thru it, i'll see a gorgeous starscream painting and i won't look further into their art tag because 99% of the time, i see my ex-friend posted somewhere. and then it feels impossible to heal. if i end up seeing too many things that remind me of her, i'm definitely going to have to leave tumblr for a bit, whether it's password protecting or just simply going on hiatus for a while. but idk if that will even help because i'm triggered so often regardless if i'm online or not. i feel like i can't heal no matter what direction i take because she's Always Here.

i don't know what's gonna happen yet, i wish i could give you a solid answer instead of writing this long ass response, i'm sorry 😓 my hope is that i won't have to leave again at all, i really hope i'm going to improve but,,, man i just have no idea. i've been doing so bad for so long. ptsd is a bitch and it doesn't just go away overnight. and betrayal from someone who claimed to care about you is one of the worst feelings in the world bc there's so much grief that accompanies that, losing someone you were close with while also dealing with the fact that your trust was broken. and then you're stuck thinking "why was i mistreated? i don't get it? was it my fault? did i deserve it?? are other people hoping to betray me too and i don't know it??" and this all happened during a time when i was in the most lonely, suicidal, vulnerable state of mind i had ever been in. i'm incredibly shaken up and i don't know how to get better. so i don't know what i need to do, esp in terms of this blog i really have no idea if i should just leave when i finish the first commission batch or if i should just tough it out. i dont know. im very numb either way.

#anonymous #asks

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person4924 · 8 months

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i'd LOVE to hear explanations to why you assigned which folklore song to which character (not that i need to be convinced that u're right, i already know it, but i love hearing people's opinions about taylor swift songs and their connections to fictional characters)

Yes! i would love to explain (this is going to be really long)

this is me trying - remus lupin

i feel like this could be any one of them, but mostly remus. "i've been having a hard time adjusting, i had the shiniest wheels, now their rusting" in my head, when he first came to hogwarts he still had hope and was excited, because he was magical and he still had a lot of energy to do his work, but then eventually he got burnt out and the prank happened and everything came crashing down. "and my words shoot to kill when im mad, i have a lot of regrets about that" i hc that he has anger issues, and would blow up on his friends a lot and obviously that would be triggering to sirius, so he would have a lot of regrets and self-hatred because of it. "i was so ahead of the curve, the curve became a sphere. i fell behind all my classmates and i ended up here" again with the hc he was ahead of his class for so long and then he eventually fell back and lost hope after the prank "its hard to be anywhere these days when all i want is you. your a flashback in a film reel on the one screen in my town." i feel like this could be after the prank or after sirius gets put in azkaban. with the azkaban its hard because everyone hates sirius black, "they were a deatheater, who betrayed their best friends" so it would be hard when remus knows that sirius is innocent. and i think that one winter sirius stayed with remus and his mom in remus's hometown and they went to the movies, so it brings back up memories from that winter. there are also more lyrics that remind me of him but those are just the big 4.

mirrorball - james and pandora

"i know they said the end is near but i'm still on my tallest tiptoes spinning in my highest love, shining just for you." i think that during the war, dora and james were really stressed out and scared, but they felt like they had to stay calm and collected and be the one everyone could count on and they still had to be perfect for everyone and their partners. "i can change everything about me to fit in" i think that both of them are masters at masking, panda can change everything about themself (and did) to try and fit it, same with jams, they both had to mask so much and all they wanted was to fit in and be loved "im still a believer but i don't know why. ive never been a natural, all i do is try, try, try." i think this one kind of explains itself, but james and dora both always believed that everything would end up okay, it would all work out in the end, for them and their friends, and they both always did, no matter what. even when it was so clear it wouldn't end up okay, they still believed. and the natural part also goes back to the masking and how they've both never been naturals at anything and had to try really hard for everything people thought of when they thought about them. someone thought they were smart and grades came easily to them? no, not at all, they had to try so hard for all of it.

my tears ricochet - reggie (it said dora too but ive decided its more reggie than dora (its still very dora tho too))

"I didn't have it in myself to go with grace. And you're the hero flying around, saving face. And if I'm dead to you, why are you at the wake?" he didnt have it in him to die as a deatheater, following voldemorts orders (with grace), he didnt have it in him. and the other 2 lines are him talking to sirius. saying 'youll be known as the hero and i'll always be the villain. if you hate me, why are you standing at my grave?' because once sirius saw that reggie got the mark they said they hated him and they didnt see him as a brother anymore (they were lying) "and i can go anywhere i want, anywhere i want, but just not home." i think this one is kinda self explanatory "And I still talk to you (when I'm screaming at the sky) (1) And when you can't sleep at night (you hear my stolen lullabies) (2)" 1: once siri found out that reg had gotten the mark, they said they hated reg and didnt see him as a brother (they were lying) but of course they stopped talking to reg, so reg would stay up at the astronomy tower and talk to the sirius star as if it was his sibling (and before he went into the cave) 2: i hc that when ever their parents would curse siri or lock them in the basement, etc. then reggie would find them after once they went back to their room and would sing siri to sleep "you had to kill me, but it killed you just the same. cursing my name, wishing i stayed. you turned into your worst fears" um this is also reggie to siri, basically saying 'you had to kill me (by not helping me), but it killed you all the same (the guilt of not being able to help reggie, kill them).' you turned into your worst fears: when siri was in azkaban they convinced themselves that they did do it, it was easier that way, and in turn they turned into their worst fears, their parents, someone who lied and hurt people, a horrible person.

hoax - regulus black

"Screaming, "Give me a reason" (1). Your faithless love's the only hoax I believe in. Don't want no other shade of blue but you. No other sadness in the world would do (2)" 1: james was the only person regulus confided in with his plans with the cave and james told him "no. your not doing that no. theres other ways, you can join the order, you can do anything. no." getting more and more desperate. regulus screamed "give me a reason! give me a reason i can't james, there isn't one, this is the only way i can help" 2: regulus didn't believe in love, but james love was the only hoax he believed in, he didn't think true love existed, but james's was the closest one could get to true love "you know the hero died, so whats the movie for? (1) you knew it still hurt under my scars, from when they pulled me apart. you knew the password, so i let you in the door. (2)" 1: when james died, he was the hero in reg's eyes 2: 'you knew the password, so i let you in the door' when reg first met james it was first year and they got introduced by siri on the train, and as a defense mechanism he would be mean and rude to everyone he met and so he was to james, but james being the nicest person in the world saw straight through him ("they see right through me, can you see right through me? i see right through me") and so he consistently talked to reg and he "knew the password to the door" and the door symbolizes reg's defense mechanisms and emotional barriers, so he let james thru them

invisible string - lilydora

"and isnt it just so pretty to think, that all along there was some invisible string, tying you to me?" it's basically canon that dora is incredibly romantic, and would always find rocks they think lily would like and give them to her and would definitely have said this to lily at least once, when they were playing with her hair in bed "gold was the color of the leaves when i showed you around centennial park" during the summers the entire group would go on camping trips to cornwall and during one of the camping trips just them two would goto a park and walk through and people watch. also just this entire song is about them but i just chose the two that are easiest to explain

the 1 - marylene

so first i hc that marylene dated in like 3rd or 4th year. and that marlene liked mary first from 2nd year thru 3rd year, but eventually accepted nothing was going to happen but then towards the end of 3rd year, mary started to like marlene too (once marlene was over her) and then one drunken night at truth or dare it was revealed that they both liked eachother (marlene being liked and mary being like) and so they decided to try and date, but it didnt work out and they broke up, and eventually moving on to their respective partners. so it was like right person, wrong time, which is what i think this song is about "but we were something, dont you think so?" i think that mary probably said something like this to marlene at some point, once they were both in other relationships and they were talking about when they dated saying like 'we were something weren't we? too bad it didn't work out' "but it would've been fun, if you wouldve been the one." this is more something that went unspoken between the two, 'it would've been fun if you would've been the one, your my best friend, why couldn't we have been more?'

cardigan - wolfstar

i feel like this has been widely accepted as the wolfstar song "vintage tee, brand new phone (remus) // sequin smile, black lipstick (sirius)" "And when I felt like I was an old cardigan, under someone's bed, you put me on and said I was your favorite" basically remus felt unloved and whenever he would, sirius would tell him hes loved and would make him feel loved. "But I knew you, playing hide-and-seek and giving me your weekends" the one winter break when they both stayed at hogwarts for it and they would play hide in seek around the castle. "you drew stars around my scars" THIS ONE. this one is so widely talked about, sirius drew stars around remus's scars. figuratively and literally. BUT with that being said, sirius has scars too. i think that once when sirius was bored they drew stars around moony's scars and it became a thing for them, whenever one of them was feeling insecure or anything, they would draw stars around eachothers scars. "cause i knew you stepping on the last train." the last time they got on the train to go home from hogwarts, they knew eachother, more than they would've expected when they got on the first train to go to hogwarts in first year. "The smell of smoke would hang around this long (1). 'Cause I knew everything when I was young. I knew I'd curse you for the longest time (2)." 1: i think that one time siri gave remus their (leather) jacket becaue remus was cold, and from then on remus just kept it, forever. and no matter what rem did to it, it would always smell of cigarettes, even when sirius was dead. 2: remus knew everything when he was young, he knew he'd love siri till the day he died, and he would always curse sirius for that, why did he have to love them? no matter what, he would always love sirius black, and he would always curse them for it.

the last great american dynasty - marlene mckinnon (ik it said lily but i changed my mind)

"they say she was seen on occasion pacing the rocks, staring out at the midnight sea" thinking about regulus (that was my attempt at a joke) "and in a feud with her neighbor, she stole his dog and died him keylime green" this is the most marlene thing ever "there goes the loudest woman this town has ever seen, i had a marvelous time ruining everything" marlene was the louded, most opinionated person anyone knew, and they had a marvelous time ruining everything.

exile - jegulus

"so step right out, there is no amount of crying i can do for you" whenever reggie would open up to james, he would cry himself to sleep. "i never learned to read your mind (you never learned to read my mind). i couldn't turn things around (you couldn't turn things around) cause you never gave me a warning sign (i gave so many signs)" james is bon iver in this and reggie is taylor (the parenthesis). as close as james got, he could never read reg's mind, he could never fully see throught the mask he put up. and as hard as james tried to stop reg from going in the cave, to turn him around, he couldn't. and as many times reg tried to talk to james, to give him a sign, james never thought he was serious (sirius), he thought he'd changed reg's mind. he hadn't.

seven - sirius black

"and thought i can't recall your face, i still got love for you." once sirius got put in azkaban, faces started to get blurry. they remembered people who they loved with everything but they couldn't remember their voices or faces, just blurry memories of laughter and happiness. "and ive been meaning to tell you, i think your house is haunted. your dad is always mad and that must be why. and i think you should come live with me and we can be pirates, and then you wont have to cry or hide in the closet." james 100% said this to sirius at some point in 1st or 2nd year, when james was still innocent and didn't know what was really going on. the closet part could be taken literally like how sirius would hide in the closet and try to get away from their parents, or it could be taken as they had to go in the closet and hide their gender and sexuality from their parents.

august - just the marauders era in general, or it could apply to any of the ships

"but i can see us lost in the memory, august slipped away into a moment in time." with the hc that they went to cornwall every summer starting in 4th year, they would go in august. and they would always look back on those memories. "back when we were still changing for the better, wanting was enough, for me it was enough. to live for the hope of it all." back when they were still young and hopeful and just living for the fun of it, not worried about wars or death, just being kids. and this entire song just gives cornwall vibes, and shoutout to grant chapman also.

illicit affairs - jegulus

"Make sure nobody sees you leave. Hood over your head, keep your eyes down, tell your friends you're out for a run. You'll be flushed when you return." SECRET JEGULUS SECRET JEGULUS!! james would do this like twice or 3 times a week and say he was out for a run for quidditch "you showed me colors i couldn't see with anyone else" james showed regulus hope and love, two things he's never seen before (except from sirius, but its different). "look at this idiotic fool you made me. you taught be a secret language, i can't speak with anyone else." regulus never really knew how to express love, until james, he would always express it in the little things, and james knew that so they kinda developed their own love language "and you know damn well for you, i would ruin myself a million little times." i dont have much reasoning for this, it just gives jegulus vibes idk

mad woman - all the girls

in my head, all of the girls (girls just meaning like dorcas, marlene, mary, pandora, emmeline and lily, so using it loosely since not all of them are girls but i couldn't think of another word) were all very angry, like they just had anger seeped into their bones, because of all the discrimination and pressure and expectations put on them, just like how i believe all AFABs are build with pain and sadness built into their bones. so i just think every lyric of this song describes that pain and anger they all have.

epiphany - the war

"keep your helmet, keep your life son. just a flesh wound, here's your rifle" i feel like this is kinda like dumbledores attitude towards everyone in dumbledores in his army thing. like basically saying 'oh thats not that bad of a wound (their trauma and nervousness towards the war) and then handing them a gun (or wand in their case) and telling them to fight. "'doc i think shes crashing out' and some things you just can't speak about." i feel like this is how a lot of them felt as they watched all their friends die, when they find their body on the battlefield, or the hc that sirius found james and lily dead on the floor, some things you just can't talk about. "only twenty minutes to sleep, but you dream of some kind of epiphany. just one single glimpse of relief, to make sense of what you've seen." i like to think that when one of them died they would all meet up as ghosts or wtv and become ghosts at hogwarts and play pranks for eternity (its canon stfu) and they would visit whoever else was still alive in their dreams and they would visit mary every night (once she obliviated herself) and she would think it was so weird how these people (who seemed familiar) kept coming to her in her dreams.

betty - wolfstar/the prank

"the worst thing i ever did was what i did to you" this is the only thing sirius could think to say to remus other than im sorry "i'm only 17 i don't know anything, but i know i miss you" even though sirius knew this was the worst thing they could've ever done to remus, they missed him like hell. and even though remus wanted to and tried so hard to hate sirius, he never could. "the only thing i want to do is make it up to you" sirius tried so hard to make it up to remus in every possible way, saying their sorry, letting him yell at them, doing all remus's homework, they were willing to let remus hit them, anything.

peace - dorlene

"I never had the courage of my convictions. As long as danger is near, and it's just around the corner, darling. Cause it lives in me. No, I could never give you peace" marlene could never give dorcas peace, they couldn't ever be still, could never stay in one place, have a family, they just couldn't, they would never be able to give dorcas peace, but dorcas loved them anyway. "And you know that I'd swing with you for the fences, Sit with you in the trenches, Give you my wild, give you a child" dorcas wasn't a violent person, they liked to keep peace and be nice to everyone, unless there was a reason not to. but they would do anything for marlene. anything. give them a family, throw as many swings as possible, anything. "family that i chose, now that i see your brother as my brother" marlene's family were a bunch of shitholes, so they found their own family, dorcas's. dorcas's mom was their mom, their brother was their brother.

omg thats it (this totally didnt take me 3 days)! it was fun to write though, thank you so much for asking

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