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#meanwhile ive never even kissed anyone never even held a boy's hand never had any attention like that ever and
willowfey · 1 year
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#i am not doing well girlies#disclaimers that i am fine i'm always fine i will always be fine but hooo boy i do not feel fine lol#everything is always overwhelming i am always sad  everything feels itchy#every single morning for weeks ive woken up with an anxiety bellyache and no matter how tired i am still i just have to get up#everyone i look up that i used to know is like. married and having babies or working their dream jobs and i just. im happy for them. i am#but where do i belong in all of this?#i know everything feels worse lately bc we're moving house and the routine changes and empty rooms feel Bad#plus my mom has not been doing well mentally which i feed off so it's just. you know#but will i ever Not feel like im so far behind? will i ever Not be deeply unsettled by even the mildest changes?#everything is so slow and so fast at the same time and it makes my head spin and we have a new friend who has a son my age and i was hoping#idk. that he'd be somewhat similar to me? falling behind a little bit too? maybe i could make a friend irl that understood a little?#but then i casually ask about him and oh no ofc he has a partner and family of his own etc etc#right. that's what i'm supposed to be doing at this age.ha#so many ppl i went to school with are married now. im turning the age this year that my mother was when she HAD me#meanwhile ive never even kissed anyone never even held a boy's hand never had any attention like that ever and#i wonder so often what it's like to be wanted by someone but ive never felt more undesirable#i cant imagine anyone looking at me and Wanting me. and at this point as romance obsessed as i am idk if i could even handle it#and the other night i was having anxiety dreams over the fact that i rly want kids but even waiting until im 30 thats only 5 years??#and 30 is already fucking five years away from being considered a GERIATRIC pregnancy?? but im not even done being a kid myself!!!!#and also who the fuck is gonna have a kid with me?? and who knows if i can even get pregnant when i rarely have a period ??#and i cant imagine not liiving with my mom and sister but does that mean i'll live with them forever??#will i be 30 35 40 45 still feeling like a kid? or worse.. will i not feel like myself at all?#will i be married to someone i dont love madly simply bc im so terrified to be alone?#or will i hold so tightly to my stories and fantasies that i will be alone bc nothing could ever live up to them?#will it even matter what i want? will anyone ever want me to even give me the option? or will this all stay hypothetical forever#im just. stressed. and i thought i'd be more by now.
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amazingmaeve · 3 years
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traitor || draco malfoy
summary // draco and y/n have known each other for years and started dating in their 5th year. she notices draco starting to spend time with astoria greengrass. She gets suspicious and eventually they break up. a couple weeks later draco and astoria start dating.
word count // 1.2k
warnings // (a bit) of fluff, angst
a/n // based on oliva rodrigos song traitor. ive been wanting to do this ever since i heard the song! also had a oneshot name the same but i changed it to outcast since i really wanted to do this!
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Everything was fine with Draco and Y/N. First they started out as friends and even though Draco can be tough to deal with sometimes he was good company to her. She’s had one sided feelings for Draco ever since her 4th year of Hogwarts. That was one he took Pansy to the Yule ball.
Y/N was asked by another Slytherin boy and she accepted reluctantly.
Her feelings never flourished for him throughout the 5th year and almost considered telling him about her feelings. But she always chickened out due to not wanting her feelings to be hurt. Whenever he complimented her she would get those feelings in her stomach and some hope filled her heart.
But during the summer of her 5th year she was staying at the Malfoys since her parents said they would be okay with it. While on a walk through the huge backyard with Draco he confessed his feelings. Y/N was flabbergasted at first not knowing what to say and Draco took that as his answer.
Pulling him back by his arm she wrapped her hands around his cold pale cheek and leaned up to kiss. Luckily in her case Draco wasn’t pulling some sick prank on her and kissed her back wrapping her arms around her waist. Meanwhile Y/N did know about the upcoming war and knew that Lord Voldemort was rising and chose Draco for a special mission.
Y/N understood and comforted him when he had nightmares about you know who would come to kill him if he didn’t complete the mission. She had reassured him that he could do it, while running her thumb on the back of his palm. She understood that Draco had to prove something to his family so she didn’t question it.
While everything was going on in the wizarding world, things were happening to them like normal teenager things. Like going out to dates, helping each other with homework and the regular make out session. Things were perfect in their own little world for them.
That was until she came along.
“Draco, I thought that we were studying tonight,” Y/N asked, crossing her arms across her chest, raising an eyebrow looking at the boy. Draco sighed, frustrated and grabbing his books.
“Astoria needed help in a class,” Draco’s cold voice rang throughout her eyes. She took a deep breath and she looked at him with a sympathetic smile.
“I could help you guys. If you want,” Y/N offered with a soft smile trying to make him feel at ease.
“It’s fine love, you deserve a night off,” Draco kissed her forehead before leaving her room leaving Y/N to stand in her thoughts. She of course trusted Draco knowing that he would never cheat on her.
Deep down she knew she was lying to herself but she kept burying those thoughts with the notes Draco sent to her in class. He often sent them if they didn’t have a spot next to each other. It wasn’t often Y/N got jealous of other girls, heck she never even got jealous of Pansy.
But Astoria Greengrass was different. She wasn’t like Pansy Parkinson.
She was the perfect girl. With perfect grades, clothes, hair and even a family that was functional, unlike most Slytherin families. Y/N often looked at Astoria with envy, at how she could get any guy's attention and she didn’t even know it. And she was so nice unlike any other Slytherin Y/N had met.
Y/N wasn’t worried until Draco started trading her study sessions for Astorias. At first she was okay with it and didn’t think anything of it til she saw him flirting with her. She even shook that out making an excuse for Draco no matter what.
The first time she asked Draco about Astoria something weird happened.
“Draco is anything going on with you and Astoria,” Y/N asked, fiddling with her sleeves and her heart thumping erratically.
“No of course not why would you think that,” Draco snapped and flickered his eyes to hers. She sighed and nodded, her eyes going back to her book as she tried to keep tears from falling.
He often forgot about dates, which of course she was angry at and didn’t talk to him for a day after that. He always apologized and gave her some flowers and chocolate. Y/N of course forgave him.
Every. Single. Time.
One day while on the way to the dark arts class. She stopped by the library trying to find a book for a paper she needed to write on. Y/N was walking down the aisle trying to figure out where it was so Snape wouldn’t get her for detention. Then she heard Draco telling Astoria about one of his nightmares.
Y/N didn’t know what to think. She thought he had stopped having them since he had stopped telling her about them and thought he was getting better. But of course Draco was confiding in Astoria. She huffed quietly, quickly finding the book and stomping out of the library. She tried her hardest to not cry while in Snape's class and she knew he wouldn’t stand for that.
She had thought she had finally got Draco’s love until one day he decided to call it quits. Not him but the both of them. Draco said something about needing to pay attention to his mission Voldemort gave him and Y/N nodded agreeing with him. They ended on good terms and in her luck he didn’t break up with her over Astoria.
Over the next 2 weeks she decided to focus on her studies and not anything else and it was okay for the moment. Until the word that Draco and Astoria had started dating. Y/N had chalked that down to rumors since it was only 2 weeks since they broke up and he wouldn’t do something like that to her.
Well wrong. While in the Slytherin common room everyone was hanging out or studying. Then she saw Draco and Astoria making out in the corner of the room and it made her heart stop for the second. She felt like she couldn’t breathe. Did Draco even care about her at all? Did he feel anything for her throughout everything?
Before anyone saw her staring at them she ran herself upstairs to her bed and she sat down on the comforting duvet. Y/N took a deep breath as a few tears spilled out of her eyes.
She put her hand on her mouth to quiet the sobs that were incoming. She held onto the banister as her shoulders slumped and tears kept falling out like a waterfall. Even if they weren’t dating they were friends, she thought he had the decency to wait at least a month to date anyone.
Y/N laid on her side with her head on her pillow and let the tears keep falling out. It wasn’t cheating she knew that. But how had they gotten together so fast after they parted? Now she saw the signs while in the relationship.
Now she laid on her side with tears staining her pillow and her mascara was painted around her eyes.
She now knew that Draco betrayed her.
And he was now a traitor.
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petersasteria · 3 years
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Michael Scott (IV) - Harry Holland
Harry || Main || Taglist
Requested? Nah 1,441 words Based on Michael Scott quotes. As usual, the one in bold is the quote.
* * * *
You felt so awkward around Harry’s brothers and friends. All of them were laughing about who did what and who said what. You tried to join in the conversation, but they’d always ignore you. You’re Harry’s new girlfriend and you understood that they were still warming up to you, but you just wanted to feel included.
Today, you were at a party and as usual, they were huddled in one corner laughing about god knows what. You downed your drink, for liquid courage, and walked over there.
Their laughter died down when they saw you and Harry smiled. “Hey, babe!” He smiled and kissed your cheek.
“What’re you guys talking about?” You asked nicely, hoping that they’d let you in on the fun.
“We were just talking about some inside jokes that we have.” Tuwaine answered with a small chuckle before looking down at his shoes which were suddenly more interesting than your presence.
“I love inside jokes. I’d love to be a part of one someday.” You chuckled lightly and awkwardly. Sam snorted and took a big gup of his beer.
“That’s nice, Y/N.” Tom said with an amused look on his face. “I’m sure you’ll be a part of an inside joke too… someday.”
“Are you enjoying the party?” Harrison asked you. He changed the subject because it was too awkward.
“I’m kind of bored, so I decided to hang out with you guys.” You smiled which made the others inwardly groan. Harry didn’t notice this, of course.
"Oh, I see." Harrison nodded as he plastered an awkward smile on his face. "To be honest, we're bored too, but Gerard is our friend and he wanted us here so…"
"True." Harry nodded in agreement as he put an arm around you. It was quiet after that and one by one, the guys parted ways. Harry stayed by your side, though.
Unbeknownst to the two of you, the guys regrouped in the kitchen and Tuwaine let out a sigh of relief.
"That was so fucking awkward!" Tuwaine chuckled, careful not to chuckle so loud, even though you wouldn't hear it over the music, anyway. It's better to be safe, though.
"I know right! Let's not forget the 'I love inside jokes' thing." Tom held back his laughter as Harrison, Sam, and Tuwaine erupted into a fit of giggles.
"Y/N is so weird." Sam shook his head and helped himself with another beer.
It's not that they don't like you. They're just looking out for Harry. The girls before you only used Harry to get to Tom and they were afraid you were the same. The sad part is that they didn't even try to get to know you. They just assumed you wanted Harry to get closer to Tom. It was fucked. Harry didn't even know about it.
"I think they hate me, H." You frowned and Harry sighed.
"They'll come around soon. We've only been together for a month and I'm sure they're just warming up to you. Don't worry about it, okay?" Harry assured you and you smiled. He pecked your lips and held your hand.
"Wanna dance?" Harry asked with a smirk on his face. "I know you want to."
You grinned, "You know me too well." Both of you left your drinks on a table nearby and made your way to the center where everyone was swaying to the music.
Tom, Harrison, Sam, and Tuwaine were nodding along to the music while they spoke about random things. Just then, someone Tuwaine hated entered the house to join the party.
“Ugh, it’s that fucking fucker again!” Tuwaine exclaimed, causing the three boys to look at him. Tuwaine looked at them and nodded his head toward Tristan, a tall guy who was just the same age as Tuwaine.
“I gave that guy a taste of his own medicine last time I saw him.” Tuwaine muttered.
“Yeah? When was that?” Harrison asked, intrigued.
“Year 8.” Tuwaine said. The rest of them laughed and Tuwaine shook his head. “I don’t normally hold grudges, but that fucker is different ‘m tellin’ ya!”
“You can’t just give someone their own medicine without a cause.” Sam laughed. Tuwaine looked at him and said, “I have cause. It is beCAUSE I hate him.”
Meanwhile, on the dance floor, you immediately hid behind Harry.
“What-”
“Just hide me.” You said.
“Okay, from who?” Harry asked, staying alert of your surroundings.
“My ex. His name’s Tristan. He just walked in. We ended on bad terms and he’s been my stalker and psycho ex boyfriend ever since.” You explained.
Harry gulped, “Well, shit. He might bash my head in or something.”
Tristan didn’t see you, but he saw Tuwaine. He walked over and Tom, Harrison, and Sam quickly walked away because they didn’t want to be a part of their issue. They were at a close distance, though.
“Is that your ex over there? The one talking to Tuwaine?” Harry asked and pointed at a tall guy speaking to Tuwaine. You peeked and nodded furiously, “What does he want with him?”
Harry just shrugged. The only thing running through his mind was how on earth will he defend himself if your psycho-stalker ex boyfriend comes for him.
No one knew what Tuwaine and Tristan were talking about but they started yelling and pushing and then it led to a full on fight. Harrison tried to intervene, but was harshly pushed away by Tristan. In fact, the push was so hard that Harrison fell on the floor. Tom and Sam quickly came to his aid.
“Mate, what the fuck was that?!” Tom shrieked as he helped Harrison up.
“Yeah, what the fuck? Are you okay?” Sam asked.
Harrison nodded, “Yeah, I’m fine. But whoever that Tristan guy is, he’s strong. It’s like he has super soldier serum coursing through his veins.”
You and Harry were watching in shock and without hesitation, you stormed up to where Tuwaine and Tristan were. Harry tried to stop you, but it was too late. You pushed Tristan away from Tuwaine and shouted, “Stop that!”
Sam helped Tuwaine and moved to the side. Harry joined the group and watched your interaction with your ex.
“Y/N! What a pleasant surprise!” Tristan said with a shit-eating grin.
“It’s not a pleasant surprise to me! Why are you hurting my friend?!” You shouted.
“Well-”
You didn’t let him continue because you knew that whatever he’ll say will be some fake excuse. You did what you had to do. You stepped forward and slapped him hard. You weren’t a fan of violence and you knew that violence is never the answer, but sometimes people just deserve to be slapped silly.
The sound of your hand connecting to his face echoed and there was a chorus of ooh’s and some guy said ‘that’s gonna leave a mark’.
Tristan looked at you, “Really? You’re going to defend that guy over me?”
“Yeah.” You nodded. “He’s my friend and he’s really cool. If I were you, I’d get lost. So… get lost!”
“Aww, how cute. You’re still adorably awkward.” Tristan said.
“Shut up, alright?! Just get out of here and never approach me or Tuwaine or anyone! You’re a lying, manipulating, asshole who has done no good! I don’t know who the fuck raised you to be that way, but I’m telling you this: don’t ever for any reason, do anything to anyone for any reason ever. No matter what. No matter where, or who, or who you were with or- or where you are going, or where you’ve been. Ever. for any reason. Whatsoever.”
“How does Y/N know this guy?” Tuwaine whispered to Harry.
“That’s her psycho-stalker ex boyfriend.” Harry whispered back. “I’m proud of her for stepping up.”
“Same.” Sam whispered.
“What the fuck did she just say?” Tom asked Harrison, who only shrugged in return.
Tristan looked at you weirdly and just left. You let out a sigh of relief and turned around only to see the boys looking at you. You walked towards them and faced Tuwaine, “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m alright. Thank you.” He said with a grateful smile.
“Anytime.” You smiled.
“Y/N, what was that speech you just said?” Tom asked. “I-I don’t get it.”
“Sometimes I’ll start a sentence and I don’t even know where it’s going. I just hope I find it along the way.” You explained, causing the others to laugh.
“Now, THAT will be the inside joke that you’re a part of.” Sam laughed as he pertained to what you said a while ago.
“Thanks, guys.” You chuckled. You were all finally getting along.
* * * *
𝐍𝐄𝐖 𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐑𝐘 𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: @thatforgottenangel @turtoix @givebuckyhisplumsnow @just-here-to-escape-from-reality @yourstrulyamour @euphorichxlland @thevelvetseries @buckymylove @more-like-reyna @aayaissaa
𝐍𝐄𝐖 𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐋 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: @holland-styles @trustfundparker @calltothewild @felicityparkers @hufflepuffprincess24 @tommysparker @justasmisunderstoodasloki @quaksonhehe @call-me-baby-gir1 @itstaskeen @theonly1outof-a-billion @lost-in-the-stars03 @justafangirlduh @piscesparker @speedymaximoff @miraclesoflove @lexirv @blairscott @getbywithasmile @pqrkerr @lavender-writer @blackbat2020 @hoodpankow @bi-lmg @emmastarz
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elai-okonma · 4 years
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Chapter 7. Legion II
IM SO SORRY FOR THE WAIT, IVE BEEN SICK >.<
Word count: 1,234
Celestial Realm
  “W-what?? What the actual fuck are you talking about?!” You shriek.
  Michael snorts, “Exactly what I just said, MC. Once again, not so good with the listening.” He says with a vindictive smile.
  “Why do you want to make a pact with me, for?!” 
  “Because, after our meeting at The Teiten I decided to do a little digging up on who you are, and I gotta say, I was intrigued by what I found out.” 
  You become a little worried by this. What exactly did you find out about you?? That you’re a Demon fucker lover?? Because oh boy that was going to be an interesting and awkward conversation. You clear your throat, about to speak up when the Archangel does it for you.
  “I found out that you are a descendant of Lilith! MC, why didn’t you tell me?!”
  You release a breath you didn't realize you were holding. So that’s what he’s talking about.
  “Well I mean, I didn’t think my lineage was of any importance?? I was human before I died.  I wasn’t born an Angel.”
  “Even so,” Michel presses on, “you have Angelic blood flowing through you, and so, I’d like to form a pact with you. If anyone is worthy of Angelic power with this high of a caliber, it’s you MC.”
  You remember the stories you’ve heard about Lilith from the brothers. Even though you didn’t know her, you knew she was someone of high status. Michael must really be serious to make this offer, then. He’s not just some common Angel, and he not only wants to make a pact with you, he wants to grant you some of his power, as well?? You want to ask him what his ulterior motive is, but you decide against it. 
  Meanwhile, your two besties haven’t said a single word. They were just watching this exchange go down, and you were sure you’ve never seen their eyes so huge. 
  “LET’S DO IT.” you say before Michael can get another word in.
  He loves your determination and he would be lying if he said he didn’t want to see how far he could take it. Take you. It takes a lot of energy, both physical and mental, to have such a gift bestowed upon someone. And it doesn’t come for free, either. There's always a price to pay, though it was nothing like making pacts with Demons. No soul to be tortured for all eternity... No,  to make a pact with an Archangel would mean to be…
  “HOLD UP.” Elai says, eyes still big as saucers. 
“What, Elai?? What is there to think about??” you comment.
The two Angel’s take you aside and whisper: 
 “There’s PLENTY to think about, MC! Do you know what Michael is asking of you-”
 “I DON’T CARE WHAT HE’S ASKING OF ME, I WANT TO GO BACK TO MY DEMONS, I WANT TO GO BACK TO THE DEVILDOM, I NEED THEM TO KNOW THAT I’M OK.” you hiss at your friend. 
  As if on cue, Michael steps up and asks one more time:
  “MC, please?? Will you form a fact with me??”
  “Yes.”
  Kyo and Elai turn and walk away. You didn't know it yet, but your stubbornness was going to cost you. Your Angel’s had tried to warn you, but you refused to listen, and when the time was right, you were going to find out exactly what it meant to form a fact with an Archangel.  
  “Then it is done.” Michael says with a satisfied smile. 
“When do we start??” you say without hesitation. 
  Oh how Michael loved the look on your face. He knew he made the right decision by choosing you. You looked so delectable to him, he could hardly stand it. 
  “Right now. I don't want to waste a single moment. You’re going to have a rough journey, MC. I hope you’re prepared for what is coming, and what lies ahead.” 
The Archangel is serious now, and for a second you almost think about changing your mind. Almost. From what you’ve heard about him, you knew he was a serious person, but the look in his eyes right at this moment has you wanting to decline his offer. No. You have to do whatever it takes to be with your Demons, no matter the cost. You already agreed to fall for them, there couldn't be a bigger price to pay. Or so you thought…
  Michael steps closer to you now, and your heart starts racing. He’s so intense, you think to yourself. It reminds you of Lucifer. There’s something hidden in his stare, and suddenly your nerves are screaming at you to get away. Stand tall, MC. He wouldn’t do anything to harm you, and even if he did, I doubt anything could compare to the feeling of dying. 
  As he leans in, he whispers something into your ear, and before you could form the words to reply, his lips are on yours. Your eyes are blown wide open as the Archangel kisses you, hands coming up to cup your face. You wanted to push him away but with his mouth roaming over yours, it felt like you were melting. No, literally. It was hot, too hot. Your body was burning from the inside, and you wanted to scream out but Michael held you against him. There was nowhere to go as all the nerve endings in your body felt like they were being shredded. WHAT IS THIS?? WHAT’S GOING ON?! You scream internally.
  Just when you thought you couldn’t take it anymore, Michael lets his grip on you loosen and you immediately throw your head back and scream out. A scream so intense that it literally shook the Heavens, as a blinding blue light shot out of your mouth. The Archangel lets go of you and steps back. You feel your body lift off the ground, your skin vibrating and your throat raw as the scream continues to rip from you. 
  You thought your jaw would break, you thought your eyes would melt out of your skull from the heat, your neck and back couldn’t hold this backwards position anymore. You just wanted it all to end. Then, as your vision started to black out, you felt your body give in, going slack as you fell into Michaels arms. 
  Elai and Kyo come sprinting in, shouting and rushing to your side. 
  “MC?? MC!!” 
  The noises sounded distant, echoing off the marble walls. In a hazy moment you thought about the Demon brothers. Lucifer, Mammon, Leviathan, Satan, Asmodeus, Beelzebub, and Belphegor. You were doing this for them. No matter what it costs me… You call out to them in the darkness.
  “MC??...” it was Lucifer’s voice, “w-what, what i-is this??...”
  Your eyes shoot open as you suck in air, sitting straight up. You were sweating, and your jaw was in more pain than when Belphie had tortured and abused you. You were afraid to speak, almost certain your jaw was broken. Fuck, the pain. It’s too much… You feel the same heat as before, except this time it's soothing. Your mouth starts to water as the pain in your jaw slowly subsides. When you feel the warmth fading away you attempt to speak:
  “W-w-w-what…” You mumble, but you were shaking too much to continue. 
  That was all you could get out before you fell back to the ground and passed out. 
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