#missing 6-7 months

[pochapal]

at a scene break that feels like a natural stopping point so i'll leave it there for now in order to a) pace myself with my reading and b) actually digest and process that whole scene because Oof was that a rough re-entry into the story lol

#:) #this way you'll get a good 3-4 weeks of liveblogging #instead of a demented 7 hour chapter binge followed by a 6 month writeup hiatus #i am learning from my mistakes. slowly but surely #there's usually 3-4 scenes like this per chapter so that should be all of january filled with liveblog reading #which is good because i know some people have really missed my reading/reactionposts so this way you get a little more of it #this is also totally not because i had a little less time today than i thought i did lmao

[alicornze7]

-EMERGENCY INTERRUPTION POST/hj-

idc if it’s 4 days late have this April Fools special!!

this took longer than it should but it’s more of a treat for myself so win-win

I don't actually have an official persona so have this lil’ guy I made in 6th grade instead (he's gonna represent me until I design my actual sona)

Close-ups :

this drawing single-handedly destroyed my workflow

-we will return to our regular posting schedule shortly-

#hazbin hotel reference #Boop #april fools #april fools 2024 #yayy my birth month:D #Actually really surprised how good that joke comic turned out #illustration #artists on tumblr #I FORGOR TO ADD THE TONE INDICATOR THE ANON’S SPEECH BUBBLE NOOOOOO #tumblr boop #boopster #the boopening #Tumblr approved:3 #Art #my sona #my persona #did i miss anything #I prommy I have way more tadc stuff in the works #Don't worry about me being pressured to make content people like rather than what I like btw #Cuz I'm enjoying the hell out of making both my own original and tadc art posts for y'all #For both you and me ^^ #Tadc is still consuming my brain and it's what I’m thinking about 24/7 #Man it's been half a year I should get a new hobby.../j #I can promise you the only other hyperfixation that passed the 6 month mark is slime rancherXD #love y'all <3 #sorry to whoever is reading the tags and sitting thru my rambling #i do that a lot

[sneeb-canons]

Thank you all for 200 followers!! Shocked that so many of y'all are here but glad to see so many share fun ideas & headcanons bout the same goofy lil guys :}

Not much I can add in. But! If you all have any winter-y/holiday/whatever headcanons, go on & send em in! Just for funsies :D

#idk how else to word it but like. ideas that are like December based basically #or even like January based since that's next as well #but anyway. Thank you all for being here! this is very fun to do & im glad so many of you like it too #not a headcanon #speaking of January [& also the end of December] There's a lotta stuff goin on for me then so if im late to anything that is why! #christmas & new years of course but for some reason half my family decided to have birthdays in these 2 months #I have my moms bday. My own. My grandmas. My sisters. My Dads. My aunts. #there's like 6-7 birthdays all within the span of like. 3 weeks #plus a whole bunch of other family stuff #so please forgive me if i miss a day or time

[silenthillbunni]

📖🖊❄️

#journal dump bc i have too much on my mind #1) i HATE my neighbors. theres never one quiet moment. they stomp around and slam cabinets all the time it feels like #2) ​i've been reading more recently even if concentration's hard bc of noise. but i also feel like there r too many books i wanna read #but yeah. too little time. so instead i cant settle on a book and kinda dont even read as much as i want to. a stupid problem really #3) it's crazy to say but i wish i had a part time job. sitting at home 24/7 for 5/6 years has been SO terrible for me. #everything feels meaningless. every day is the exact same. im not LIVING. im rotting away and all my issues get worse. im also so fkn bored #and i dont wanna sit at home and do assignments (even if thats what i technically should be doing) #i want a job to go to which takes me away from home + gives me money #then i can come home and sit and rot and ENJOY it. bc now my lazy time is only smth negative and bad for me :/ #ofc i hate the mere thought of having some soul sucking utterly pointless job and our capitalist society is a slave hellhole. but.. as it is #im not even able to enjoy ANY of my time bc all my time feels bad. plus im only getting poorer and poorer so i cant afford to buy anything #4) im so fkn bored and going crazy from eating the exact same food every single day for the third month now. im sick of it #everything tastes so bland and disgusting. it's genuinely making me depressed 😭 i wanna eat REAL food. im so tired bc no nutrition :(( #i cant do anything except wait for my appt w the doctor next week and hope they put me on a waiting list for surgery.. but ong im sick of it #5) i miss my sisters :/ we live in the same apartment but its like i've completely ceased to exist to them #except when they need to be passive aggressive to me. lol. i miss them. but they just dont wanna talk to me :/ #but tbh. most of all... i just want my health issue to be over so my body can function normally again. #i can face anything in life if i can come home to a cup of coffee nd some chocolate ^-^ <333

[verysmallcyborg]

hough i haven't ran a d2 raid since october of last year (and ironically, it was crota's when my raid group was chipping away at the raid title)

hopped in as a 6th for a friends' group that was teaching/shaking the rust off and it was a chill fun time!!!! as u can see my taste in characters truly is Big Broad Shouldered Goth (the fluffy warlock 4th from the left)

#tears in my eyes (positive) when my pronouns were swiftly corrected [i don't go by 'she' just they/them] #[fornax is the one that's she/they] #anyways. fun times!!! it was nice enjoying a raid after being away from them for like 6-7 months #9 crota runs and STILL NO HELM.......THE ONLY THING I'M MISSING FOR THE COLLECTIONS BADGE LMAO

[nyukyujs]

heyy i’m sorry ur not doing so well lately :(( wanna talk abt it ? i’m here if u need me !

but OMG I NEED A GUY LIKE UR BF BRO YOU GOT SO LUCKY 😭😭🫶🏻🫶🏻

aww its not ur fault :(( thank you ,, ill come around to you eventually !! i have my friends n bf to help me though everything ,, and men has been a help recently !! T_T .

ALSO LIKE AHCKDKOS I LOVE HIM SO MUCH DUDE <//3 . IDK HOW OMG .

#okay like im pretty sure he was also aro before and didnt like me back until 6 months later and then he confessed 7 months later . #and even he was surprised bc he thought hed NEVER like me #but whenever he talks to my bsf . he likes to talk abt me a lot n how he misses me n zOWHSIJD #UGHHH HOED I GET SO LUCKYYY <///33333 #AND HE SAYS HES THE LUCKY ONE #AND AND AND HE SIENDOJDODMS #i was knda venting to him earlier basically abt low self esteem and how so many other ppl are more amazing n better and he just went #“not as amazing as youu<33” im like APSNSODKODD ON THE VERGE OF TEARS #STILL AM #SOBBING #CRYING UGH #bro #WOSJSOMDD #he was staring in 5th i tried not to freaj out #⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚➶ mutuals •°. *࿐ #⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚➼ leila🧸 •°. *࿐ #⤑∘✧ kyas thoughts about her bf [💗] ∘✩ #⤑∘✧ kyas replies ✩∘ #feels like a tmi im sorry😭😭🙏🏽 #CORRECTION ON THE NEVER LIKE ME PART IM SORRY #*NEVER LIKE ANYONE* BUT IT WAS MEEEEEEEEEE CRYING

[danielnelsen]

there’s so much i wanna do this week/month/etc but i’m just too sick, i have no energy, i can’t sleep, i’m constantly nauseous and headachey and on the verge of a migraine, i’m stressed and irritable and impatient and panicky…….how tf did i survive nearly 5 years of high school untreated if i can’t even manage this when i don’t have any major obligations rn

#at least i finally got my meds so hopefully i feel a little better soon #although i’m now on 20 pills per day which is Just Great #whenever i’m in remission it’s nice to just. forget sometimes that this can happen at any time #kinda wish i had the typical kinda chronic illness that people talk about with ‘flares’ #or at least triggers that i can plan around #the other times have all had an easily identifiable stressor tho tbf. idk what caused this one #the first time was whooping cough and the next few were all very major life stressors like my cat dying right after i started uni #and i think also towards the end of my honours thesis? #but this…….there’s no major stress right now. nothing wildly beyond normal #i’m a little concerned about my joints tho. they’ve been so much worse than normal the last few months #so i’m kinda worried i’m developing rheumatoid arthritis (also an autoimmune disease and it runs in the family specifically) #so if that’s happening then it could set my thyroid off? probably should get to the doctor at some point #obv i’m seeing my endo for thyroid stuff. but i should see my gp and get her to run all the autoimmune blood tests again #i’ve done that before but it’s been a few years and my ankles and knees are so painful i can’t even walk properly a lot of the time #BUT I JUST WANNA DO THINGS I ENJOY AND I CANT AND I WILL CONTINUE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT IT #‘oh you’re so lucky you don’t have as many obligations because you’re chronically ill’ ha ha ha please swap lives with me immediately #personal #but seriously. i wasn’t diagnosed until i was nearly 17 and we can trace it back to whooping cough when i was 12 #so it was the last half of year 6 and then all of years 7-10 and the start of year 11 of just being. uh. ‘very lazy and complaining a lot’ #and TEACHERS joking about me and my sister (who was dealing with an arguably more severe undiagnosed disease) missing so many classes #wow so funny pdhpe teacher who’s supposed to be teaching is about health #and the thing with being a mentally ill teenager is that hyperthyroidism can just look like a very severe anxiety disorder #so i didn’t go to the dr until i was too sick to go to school at all. and luckily had a good dr who did a blood test #i’m just rambling now because i can’t sleep and i don’t wanna lie here doing nothing #might go play pvz or something. that’s been keeping me entertained

[emmamountebanks]

i will be a "dylan, emma, and max are best friends" truther until the day i die

#I DONT CARE MAX DIDNT MEET THEM! THEY'RE FRIENDS! THEY BOND POST GAME OKAY #i know its been 6-7 months i dont care i miss them and want them as a trio #the quarry

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#ngl rn the idea that i still have to stay here working on the same stuff when a potential phd project is on the horizon is a lil soul #crushing. like god i wanna b able to read papers abt that. not work on my existing papers. or take measurements. or stay here anymore #like probably at least 6 months more. thats so long 😭 let me shed this skin #ugh. at least the decision making is almost over. one more interview and then i should have all the decisions by the 1st week of march? #and then its just up to me to decide. rn id say the school i visited. but thats plenty of time to talk myself out of it. ugh #ugh me trying to do my job: ok i have like 7 things i could me doing *starts thing 1* oh wait but *starts thing 2*. i just ping pong #between tasks and dont get things all the way done. then im like oh i need to remember X thing later *instantly forgets* but i did just #experience the glory of being reminded to do a task via calender #listen. its like my brain has holes in it and theyre threatening to destroy my life lmao #most of the time i feel like a pinball when ur just hitting it back and forth between the bars. threatening to fall between them #ay ay ay. my poor feeble brain. someday ill fix iy #it. or like. try to manage it better so im not constantly on the edge of catastrophe. but ya kno that day is not today or tomorrow #bc i am paralyzed of driving lmao and its fucking wimby out there #ugh. i miss the snow already :-( i wanna go back :-( ugh they got their hooks in me #unrelated

[bunnyb34r]

I need to get another crab or two for Gurkle since it doesnt look like Scupa made it through his molt (it's been over a month... im scared to sift through the substrate for his remains/shell) but I dont wanna feed the crab trade and my adhd/depression are like no ❤️ and my anxiety is like GURKLE NEEDS FRIENDS

Even though he never really was a sociable crab like from the start sggdgdgd i mean he broke out of his tank twice the first week I had him and when he was in the tank with Scupa and Speedy he was like AHHHHHHHHHHHH DONT LOOK AT MEE! 😬

So idk man I can't get anyone new til I find scupa('s shell) bc if he is alive/his remains are down there I don't want the new ones eating him... and then I gotta add new substrate and augh it's just so much shit

#and i cant bring myself to check the tank no matter how hard i try im like fuck i dont wanna do this #i dont want to confirm it i dont want to see his remains if theyre there and if theyre not then Gurkle was The Killer #bc uh speedy was cannibalized 😬 bc i was afraid to look and thought he was taking a long molt... #im gonna miss him a lot he was my favorite 😭 when im sure sure he's gone im gonna make a post of my fav #pics of him bc i have a lot and i did that with the speedster when i was sure sure 😔 i dont wanna #im so tired of grieving man like that makes 10 loved ones gone in 4 years like fuck man #i know that seven is a great age for hermit crabs since most in captivity are in such shit conditions they #only live months and that this shows my love and care for them but i miss them so much i have dreams ab speedy a lot :'') #anyway Speedy was 6 when he passed and Scupa is/was 7 and 1/2 #i remember telling my dr ab how old they were a few months ago and she was like what the fuck?? #theyve been recorded to make it to 30 in captivity... i was hoping maybe the party boys could be some of em #marquilla #the party boys #i feel like so much anxiety that i need to get gurkle friends so he's not lonely but also anxiety ab buying crabs #bc theyre essentially stolen from beaches and thats fucked up but like do i let gurkle be solo?? do i give in? idk man #and we keep talking ab getting another kitty so ours isnt lonely since her sister passed a few months back but #every time we ask her she starts twitching sggdgdgdgd which she does when shes upset so we take that as a no #shes like no new kitty. only friend. #they werent close in the slightest wgdggdgdgd but still they spent the past 14 years together so thats hard

[thedreadvampy]

glad that Jay is around to help me with planning my Please Diagnose Me pitch bc when we ask 'how is this negatively affecting your life' I'm like hm. can't open jars bc my fingers come out of joint. can't have sex without my hip dislocating. it's fairly inconvenient that all shoes make my feet bleed and I can't brush my teeth without tearing up my gums.

and they're like. yes these are all good points you should mention. have you considered that Being In Constant Pain is also an effect it has on your life?

yeah. hadn't thought of that cause it doesn't actually stop me doing things most of the time. but now that you point it out, that is only bc I'm incredibly stubborn and don't take care of myself. so yeah.

they very astutely pointed out that a major part of lifelong disability is that you develop a lot of coping strategies to the point that you kind of don't notice that some things are affecting you bc you've found ways around them that mean you can still do the things you're trying to do. but that doesn't mean that they're not affecting you or that a doctor is not going to want to hear about them.

it's really easy to normalise stuff is the thing. like as per my bio I refer to myself as 'slightly disabled' a lot bc I am still. broadly speaking. capable of doing most things. it's just that it's often painful/exhausting, I need a lot of workarounds, and I can't sustain it long term.

but the thing is that uhhhhhhh that's only """slightly disabled"""" if I assume other people are also struggling with those things but maybe slightly less.

one of the revelatory things about having these conversations is how much I'm finding that many people don't even have a slight manifestation of these issues.

like it doesn't hurt people's hands At All trying to open a stiff jar lid or clap or pick something up at a slightly wrong angle. other people Aren't In Pain unless something's actually wrong. to most people 'my feet hurt after a 10 hr standing shift' doesn't mean 'my feet and legs physically will not take my weight for 48 hours after a 10 hr standing shift'. some people's feet just never bleed at all unless their shoes are WILDLY the wrong size. when most people say 'I'm tired' they mean 'I'm ready to take a break' not 'I feel whole-body sick and it's a painful struggle to string a whole thought together and I will feel unbearably ill if I move or open my eyes.'

like there's a lot of situations where I only register as Problems the things that I legitimately can't work around or ignore. like I started using a cane bc I was uncontrollably falling in the street bc my knees and ankles would just give way without warning. but now I have the cane so I've stopped noticing that - my legs still sometimes abruptly lose integrity but I can catch myself with the stick so I no longer fall (except occasionally when I trip myself up or I'm wearing inappropriately high shoes that make an ankle slippage harder to correct for) so I don't. consider it a thing that greatly affects my life. but like. it is, right? it's a thing I have to account for that other people don't. idk. it's all very interesting.

#red said #disability #also you know. I'm 29 and still just now realising that stuff that's affected me since i was 6 or 7 at most is Actually An Issue #so idk that's also interesting #bc none of this is new #i don't generally notice New Symptoms i notice that Other People Don't Have This Thing #or sometimes i try and do something I've not done much before and go 'huh. that's a problem.' #like i always had trouble with pain and instability in my legs and feet on long cafe shifts #but as a teenager i did 1-2 8hr shifts a week which knackered me but was manageable #and at 21 i tried to hold down a job doing 5 10-12 hr shifts a week and it fucking destroyed me #literally. i would spend all the time i wasn't at work in bed bc i was in so much pain #i missed a bunch of shifts bc i wasn't physically able to walk two streets to work let alone actually do a shift #like i called in stock several times bc the pain was so bad it took me like an hour to get from the kitchen to the bathroom #*sick #and obviously i got fired within a month #but like. that was the first time i registered that this was harder for me to do than other people. #even though I'd had a similar job with similar physical strains for i think 5 years as a Saturday job? #bc it has to get to the intensity that you CAN'T just work through it in order to register as a limitation. at least for me. #bc i naturally just assume that everyone feels some degree of this shitty and they're just hiding it better than me #bc I'm trying to hide it and get on with things! don't want to be a whiner! #so it's only when it gets to the point that no amount of willpower will make it hideable that you notice that nobody else has it at all #bc you will say to someone 'i am experiencing The Suffering very strongly today you know we've all been there haha' #and they'll be like 'what's The Suffering? that sounds like you have a serious medical condition' #and I'm like 'no dude no I'm not explaining it well. you know the Suffering? the Suffering that we all get #as a natural consequence of this everyday task? well I'm being a bit pathetic about it today so i can't move and it hurts to breathe' #and they're like 'no i literally have never heard of the Suffering' #shocked pikachu emoji

[inmirova]

yall my ex is so lucky we're not together now that I'm off my meds for like. not even the reason that makes sense.

#oooooh i have no appetite now that I'm not on multiple meds with weight gain as a side effect #surely that aspect of my being is evil of me #pretty sure my unmedicated bipolar disorder would just be like fun for him bc im not always depressed anymore #not to be like crazy or whatever but the fact that while i was taking meds and working on my relationship w food they were like. bitter? #like demonized me both having problems with food and seeking help for them #&viewed my being on medication as exceptionally privileged which like. i wish i was on them again i get it but also getting that 'privilege' #required 1) my own fucking money i got from having a job something they didnt get until we broke up and i was like #im not paying off our apartment alone so either you or your parents owe me money every month #and 2) getting hospitalized after an attempt #because i had the privilege of being on twice the max dose of an antidepressant that didnt help me #like. ugh yes it was a privilege and one that i miss having but it also sucked getting there it wasnt like #idk the way they framed it was always like i was offered the fucking luck of the draw on it or whatever #like sorry? remember when i was on so much lexapro i went into a dissociative fugue and started dating you lol fuck off #because i actually genuinely dont remember like 6 or 7 months because of that shit! #i actually ended up hospitalized from it and all i remember hearing about it was that you were sad bc you felt you werent enough to stop it #like it had fucking anything to do with you #like wish them all the best but damn. actually they sucked very very badly. i hope they figure it out one day but probably not #ik theyre on antidepressants now so yknow. im sure theyll forget being medicated means theyre privileged now #becomes normal once its them or some shit

[3am-dumbassery]

I open the app I haven't opened in ages

I get bombarded

I leave

I feel guilty

I open the app

#I'm going to be gone for 7 months #i got busy and couldn't play for a year #yes this is about obey me #fr they need a option #or #it stresses me out seeing 99+ messages and 6 missed calls #obey me #obey me! #kiri chats #kiri rambles #obey me mc

[lilbit-of-kizzy]

🚨CHOCOLATE CHIP POP TARTS ARE BACK🚨

THIS IS NOT A DRILL I REPEAT

CHOCOLATE CHIP POP TARTS ARE BACK!!!!!

#I missed you 😭😭 #look they're my like ultimate comfort food ok? #i haven't wanted any for a couple years now #and the other day i was looking at the pop tarts like man i could go for some gooey chocolate #and they didn't have any #and i went to look up who did #and NO ONE did #so i went online #and the reviews on the official site were freaking out #someone said it was supply chain issues #i was less distraught #that was like 6 or 7 months ago #i just bought two boxes #they're still wonderful #thank the pop tart gods

[whentherewerebicycles]

ruthie slowly realizing I have the front camera turned on 😂 this dog hates being photographed!

we were up for a bit at 5 but it was too early and I was sleeepy so ended up dozing for another hour or two. rainy morning here. I’m trying to really savor the cozy snuggly days as life is about to get so hectic for me:

I’m in pittsburgh friday morning through monday night (YAYYY) attending two weekend games and hanging out with bec!!!

I have tuesday to run errands and do laundry before my mom arrives wednesday

we leave early thursday morning for 14 days in japan and korea, during which we are hitting tokyo, osaka, kyoto, nara, mt koya, hiroshima, miyajima island, fukuoka, busan, daegu, and /seoul… I’m soooo psyched but also 🫠 it’s gonna be a whirlwind and I still have to do quite a bit of prep to be ready

we get home on a wed, I have thurs to recover from jetlag slash finalize my job talk, and then friday is the all-day campus visit

THEN I leave sat morning for houston and get back late monday night

it’s gonna be a lot!!! so very okay to be slothful this weekend and for as much of next week as I can manage I think. I am building up my reserves of rest and solitude lol.

mmkay. tonight I am having dinner + watching tár with mary later (and maybe seeing my sister at some point in the afternoon tbd) but the morning is my own! no pressure to get anything done in particular but here are some options:

could do more campus visit research for fun! my first gen programming book is arriving sometime today so I could read that and take notes, or I could spend some more time working through these articles I pulled up on designing programming for transfer students. I was also thinking it might be fun to create some one-page idea/vision/notes docs by hand on various topics—I feel like writing by hand will reinforce my memory of key details, and then making decisions about how I want to visually organize/arrange content will be a good exercise in synthesizing what I’ve learned. lol even as I’m typing this out I’m like ‘OOOOH that sounds like fun!!!!’ so I guess I’ll probably do that.

my former student is calling me at some point today to talk about transfer students’ experiences. he’s around my age (went back to undergrad after serving in the military for a long time) and is fun to talk to because he’s super smart and just like… more of a fully formed person and professional than the college-age kids. so that will be fun and should give me some useful threads to follow in my research. 

pick up my CVS prescription

hmm maybe I’ll put my laundry in right now? I also want to change linens/towels. I cleaned most of the house yesterday so don’t have much else to do in the way of chores… and I have a bunch of leftovers to finish before I’m allowed to make anything else so no cooking to do today either.

if it clears up I’ll go for a shorter long walk (the hourlong loop?) unless it’s really nice and I feel like doing the 90+ min trek again. not gonna let myself run today though—I can tell I pushed it a bit yesterday with the long fast walk + running two days in a row at a quicker clip than usual. just a little bit of achiness!

I finished a novel yesterday and want to start the next one today so I don’t break stride, but that can wait till before bed unless I’m moved to read earlier.

mmkay I think that’s it! take it easy and do fun relaxing stuff today.

#i also have to decide if I am going to try to do an IUI next month if this one doesn’t work #the timing is going to be so tight #and the chance of missing the window and wasting another $450 is semi-high #i think I’ve decided if my period starts on 4/6 it’s cutting it too fine and I don’t want to risk wasting the money #but I’ll take the meds with me and if it starts on 4/7 I can try it if I want #I’m just not sure how jetlag/time changes will affect things #so it might not be the worst thing to take april off and remove that stressor #then resume in may #i can’t start thinking ahead ahout this job because I’ll be too crushed if I let myself envision the future & don’t end up getting it #but getting pregnant in may/june/July wouldn’t be the worst thing as it would get me closer to a spring/almost summer maternity leave #more time in the job to get established plus I’d come back during the summer (chill relaxed time) instead of mid semester #idk we’ll see #I’m in a really good headspace re: IUI at the moment #not calendar watching except to plan future cycles not reading forums and don’t feel a lot of pressure to make This One work #i get 6 tries! #and then I was listening to a podcast the other day and feeling really moved/called again by the idea of fostering #so I think things are going to be just fine however it all shakes out #and if nothing else the IUI process has really gotten me into excellent routines around fitness and food

[spoops-inliyue]

Chongyun bby I am so sorry, I keep leveling up your artifacts and talents and then never use you </3

#i miss when he was my main dps at like ar 30 😔 #my poor son with his 6 7 7 talents #he hasnt been on my team in several months it is so upsetting #genshin #genshin impact #some mora for your thoughts?