#my body hurts. So bad all over

[nesquikflavoredchapstick]

3 days count down til weed ^w^

#I’m gonna have to like baby proof my fuckin phone lmao #no texting no caling no tumblr just music #maybe youtube maybe fanfiction #if’s for the greater good trust me #my body hurts. So bad all over #also i think I’m getting sick again which sucks since I literally JUST got better last week #and school starts back up next week hell world

[wingsofwater]

peach pit

[ID : a chubby skywing dragon named Pyrite, who has yellowish-orange scales with a lighter yellow underbelly and dark freckles across her scales, resembling the inside of a peach. she has a crest of dark spines along the back of her neck and on the tip of her tail, antler-like horns, her body is dappled with scars, and she wears a cord around her neck like a choker. she is sitting down, facing towards the left, with her wings held open and an uncertain expression on her face. the background is a teal rectangle with white peach blossoms overlayed on top of it. END ID]

#thinking a lawttt about how pyrite was described to be the same color as a peach a lot #the freckles as described in the id are supposed to make her look like the inside of a peach #she has scars all over her body bc she was enchanted to be really clumsy so i would imagine she would be constantly getting hurt by acciden #her feet [and other skywing feet] have a fifth toe on the back kinda like raptor claws that they use for balance and grabbing things #in winter turning the original pyrite[?] was described to have black eyes so i gave her really big pupils - #- that would probably make her eyes look black head-on #she has lil bear ears btw !! i think skywings and icewings have bear ears bc theyre smaller and wont get cold as easily . also theyre cute #i just thought the crest of spines would look cute but then i realized the resemblance to icewing spikes so i added them to the tail too #the antler horns looking like icewing reindeer horns also wasnt intentional i just wanted them to look unique - #- instead of the generic straight horns or curved i usually give skywings #i think ​she has quite a bit of icewing remnants left over despite the spell actually #like i would imagine her fire is weaker than the other skywings and would be a lot less hotter #she also instinctively isnt used to skywing proportions hence why shes sitting the way she is with her legs all weird and wings not closed #other than that shes rather boring and isnt very flamboyant bc i think scarlet would think she doesnt deserve it #i dont really have any other design notes everything was added last second or by complete accident gafksndkxk #I JUST REALIZED THE THUMB ON HER WING IS BACKWARDS . I WAS WONDEIRN WHY IT LOOKED WEIRD CKJFMCJXNX #whatever im not fixing it. suffer with me #🖌 #wings of fire skywing #wings of fire #wings of fire pyrite #og my GODDD tumblr eated the wuality on this one real bad wtfff

[coquelicoq]

having one of those days where i think i can just decide that my period is over and it annoyingly keeps reminding me that that's not how it works. okay. what if it was though. can we just agree to disagree? my period can keep happening if it wants to, but not to me. i didn't consent. i didn't opt in. you can do whatever you want but don't make it my problem.

#idk why we have to keep going over this its not that complicated..... #menstruation #my posts #f #ughhhh i have a headache and my neck hurts and i have a bunch of annoying little chores. can i just have this one thing? #also i have all this restless creative energy but it's totally undirected so i can't even use it #i'm just sitting here spinning my wheels not doing my chores but also not doing anything fun either #and it's not even that bad of a day it's just. body not cooperating and executives not functioning #1 not dead 1 kind of injured

[miodiodavinci]

well 😔 after literally 3+ years of masking and double masking with N95s and KN95s and social distancing and not going anywhere where i can't be assured i won't be in close proximity to someone with COVID ya boy got COVID , , , ,

#my lungs feel like absolute shit man ; ; #it's like a footballer rammed straight into my back and stood on top of my crumpled body for good measure ; ; #all because my brother still hangs out at movies and restaurants with his friends . . . . . . . . #and stupidly i was so excited to see him back after a month of being away #so we sat and watched a movie together on tuesday #and then wednesday he was like 'oh shit turns out i have covid sorry' #ogughgh . . . . . . #apparently he was feeling bad even on tuesday but he has such a history with head colds that COVID didn't even show up on our radar . . . . #i'm paying for it now though hhh ; ; #hindsight 20/20 and all that #can't stop coughing and i'm running a low grade fever #but most of all JESUS my chest hurts so much ; ; ; ; ; #it's like the agony of an asthma attack only so much more focus on the pain than the inability to breathe #i'm lucky that at most it just feels like there are rubber bands around my chest when i try to breathe deeply #but god #i'm supposed to start my internship through my college next week #this. might literally fuck me over in so many ways but hopefully my mentors will be accommodating . . . . . #in any event uhgghghgh i'm just frustrated because i've been so so careful for years and years . . . i never stopped masking . . . . . #i got the vaccine and all the boosters and yet . . . . . . . .

[wereh0gz]

No but like actually. I'm still thinking abt that new form sonic takes on at the very end of final horizon. Calling it cyber sonic but idk if that's the official name if it even has one

I'm still thinking abt it. Like when sonic is flying up to the end and going in for the kill he flies in a very sporadic pattern. Like he zips in a couple different directions at first before going straight for the end

And when we get a closeup he's lunging at it with his teeth bared like an animal. His teeth are noticeably sharper than in normal form too

It's so. Interesting. Like he's there for only a short period of time and yet there's quite a bit of personality there. I can't stop thinking abt it

#ramblings #sonic frontiers spoilers #making inferences on what his personality would be like in that form based on what little we see of him #rotating him in my mind #i think in a scenario where he'd be allowed to be in that form for longer he'd be feral #there is so much going on in his mind at all times and too much energy in his body #he's just zipping around everywhere causing mass destruction unintentionally #bc he just cannot control it. it's like his body will explode if he doesn't keep moving #it hurts. bad. but he can't communicate that. or much of anything really. he's too overwhelmed with power #he just growls and screams #and when it's finally over he just. crashes. passes out cold #kinda like how he passed out right after defeating the end. tho the longer he's in that form the longer and harder he crashes #that's the image i have in my head anyway #idk if anyone else has thought abt it this much lmao

[qilinkisser]

I need to stop engaging in things that make me compare the attention I get with others. unfortunately if I want to exist on the internet at all I have basically no choice. sorry about that 😔😔

#Vents 🌧️ #I think I may die (exaggeration. probably) #just. bad bad bad all around #unfortunately jealousy is rooted deeply into my heart. I love everyone so so much and I wish I got that love back #I feel like it's filling up my chest. its surrounding my lungs and tightening my body #I can't fucking do this anymore. I can't do this #every time I finally think I have enough of anything it's never enough because everyone around me gets more #it hurts. I can't fucking do this. but I don't know where else to turn to #am I supposed to take a break from the thing that was supposed to comfort me? the outside world isn't any better #perhaps I'm condemned to a life where I can do nothing but simply get over myself.. #sorry. I didn't mean to. say all of this #I'll probably delete this later but I need this out of me now

[mrsdulac]

.

#a wonderful day turned into a horrific night #i am freaking out #i was staying with a friend #a really good friend and i love them so much #i truly do but their home is infested and I don’t do well with bugs #i tried my hardest to spend the night but there were bugs all over me and i just couldn’t take it #and it was freaking me out #to the point where i think i had a panic attack #so i ordered a uber to go home #in the middle of the night #and i can still feel the fucking roaches on my skin #and I’m breathing real hard in my uber trying to keep it together #and i feel so awful about it #bc i didn’t wake them up to tell them i was leaving #i was honestly just thinking about escape #but i know it’s gonna hurt their feelings which i don’t want to do #but i just can’t sleep in a place where bugs are gonna crawl all over me like #one of my biggest fears is a bug crawling inside my body via my ears or nostrils or whatever #so i just ran #and i feel like that makes me a bad person… #i’m just having a really bad night rn #and could use a hug or three

[the-trans-dragon]

The longer I am alive, the more my brain replays that scene in Lilo and Stitch where the scientist is watching Stitch fret around at night, and the scientist says something like, "poor thing, doesn't even have fond memories to keep it warm at night" or something

As a kid, I didn't realize how comforting memories could be, and I rarely had the luxury to create them.

I am glad I survived. It would have been easier, with fond memories to comfort me during painful times. I have many now, though, and they are indeed good company.

#i wish id sat in more trees and watched more falling stars and snuck out to watch the first colors of sunrise over the river more often. #i wished id understood how to make friends. i wish i could have been vulnerable enough to make friends. i wish surviving hadnt been a #constant struggle. it is what it is. sometimes when i was a kid id wonder if my future self would have more love for me. id ache for it to #be true--for someone to know me and still love me. and i love that younger version of myself so much. they did so good. it all hurt so #terribly but they did so good anyways. i am very proud of them for fighting through the bad things so i could find unimaginable happiness. #like life is still really hard but like...idk. i never knew id ever have a comforting friendship. i never knew someone would love all of me #its so precious to me--to exist here and now with a wife and a partner and a cat. to cherish my body and view it as a ally rather than a #nemesis and failure. this has been a big year for Learning To Be Gentle With Myself and ive found such a quiet restfulness. its peaceful in #my brain when all of the terror settles down and allows softness and quietness and gentleness to exist in my brain. #sorenhoots #and i have memories that are so warm now. they grow like a struggling garden but they grow. someday theyll grow like weeds i hope. ill do my #best to keep planting them.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#love that when ur stressed and having a bad time it makes ur menstrual pain worse so you feel even more awful #like. yes. id love to get things done but unfortunately i need to go home immediately at 2pm bc i feel physically ill. vibes wretched. #im considering sleep here at 6pm but 2 b fair i think i only slept 4hrs last night. woof. tomorrow is gonna b interesting #i think the allergic reacting is abt over now tho. like im not really itchy anymore. the rash is still visible but i think its just dry now #bc of the cold. so was i ever reacting to the tatto0? or was it all the medication? im so interesting in what happened #would i not have had a reaction if i hadn't got a bunch of holes poked in my skin? or was it just a coincidence #that the rash started on that arm? ugh. so frustrating. and i think the psychiatrist forgot to actually book my appointment from when we #last talked so idk. maybe if i watch t4skmaster over and over it will heal my soul #ay. its all very frustrating. and i still dont have fucking autoclave access. fuck off. just give me the fucking key code #i just wanna pour plates 🫗 lol that actually looks a lot like pouring solid media. i dont wanna have to steal someone else's card to open #the door. who even locks up an autoclave??? they didnt at my old school and u could wheel a body into that thing. im pretty sure it was #bigger than this one. also there's another unlocked on on campus. why?! i ask ppl and fucking no one knows. that's just how it is #ugh. i should go to sleep. my tummy hurt #unrelated

[xysidhequeen]

Me: The migraines are getting better! :D

The Migraines: No the fuck we are not

Me, in pain: They’re. Getting. Better.

The Migraines: Suffer

Me: If I say it enough, it'll be true

#shit post #almoat 800 people are following me you all get to suffer for it :D #no but I have migraines every day #i wake up with them consistently #after an hour or two they go away for a bit #usually after Ive been awake 5 hours they come back #I can only take so many different OTC headache meds before it becomes dangerous #like #I already gave myself ulcers because of it #which #seriously ulcers dont even register on my pain scale i didnt even know I had them #the migraines arent my only issue just the one people have the easiest time understanding typically #theres also the light headedness #the near fainting sometimes when I wake up and move #the consistent nausea thats been around so long my hunger cues are permanently fucked up #the concerning weakness and general aches everywhere #BUT #my migraines dont feel AS BAD as they did over the weekend #SO THATS GOOD #its hurts rn though but it waited awhile to get to 'my skull is slowly fracturing' level so im proud of my body #also dont tell me to drink water I drink more water in a day than my entire generation does in a week im VERY hydrated

[running-in-the-dark]

...

#man I really need to shut up #but. #how are you supposed to just keep going and going and going when you constantly have to calculate how tired any activity will make you and #which parts of your body will be in pain snd/or useless for a few days? like if I do x now I won't be able to use my hands for anything for #at least two days. that kinda thing #how am I supposed to work like this. it's been tolerable lately but even like this. I have to sit down for a bit after every. little. task #and often I just wake up in the morning knowing it'll be a bad day for no reason. I have no energy and everything hurts and it's just shit #but I need to find a job. I need to. so I need to get over it. I need to somehow figure out how to sleep at the right time and how to feel #okay enough to do shit when I have to do it #and if you're ever stupid enough to mention any of this around anyone all you get is 'lol just wait until you're my age' or 'you're too #young for that' or just that 🤨 look #all I want is to be normal and to be able to do all the things I'm supposed to do (and be able to do) #I'm not sick. I'm not disabled. there is nothing wrong with me. so why am I like this

[daz4i]

it's incredibly hard not to despair over all of this ngl

#i've been doing really bad in the last 2ish weeks #almost as if i'm having pms symptoms kinda #but usually they go away after a few days. certainly not stick for over a week #this is like how it was before i was on t. without the bleeding ig #(physical stuff also stand bc i feel so extra tired and my whole body hurts constantly) #and all the shit going on in real life isn't helping. both on a global scale and in my personal life #i don't want to exist genuinely i can't be left with my thoughts for even a second or i start spiraling #i don't want to sleep or take a break i want to just. stop. stop thinking. stop existing. i want to die bc it feels like the only choice #but ig i gotta wake up at 7 am and drive for an hour and walk up the hill again instead #and then be active until 6 pm. i'm already exhausted just thinking abt all this ngl #i wanna die i can't do this shit anymore i should've died 13 years ago. why even bother trying to live #vent #negative // #suicide // #ask to tag #sorry. sorry

[milo-is-rambling]

I need to take an aleve and an allergy pill and then get sooooo high immediately and then roll my back and try not to cry and then maybe get some sleep if I can get comfy enough

#: ( #chronic pain thing when you feel good for a few days and then something small trips u up like sleeping with the wrong pillows and then your #whole neck jaw back shoulders hurt and bc you felt good you accidentally over do it (walking outside four days of the last week) #I want to cry like omg my neck hurts so bad 😭😭😭 it’s that jaw shoulder neck pain where I can’t look back over my left shoulder all the way #without feeling it go down my shoulder blade #and I get headaches bc my jaw and neck is so tight it’s so miserable #but also I feel good cause this is the first time in a few months I’ve had a bad flare like this #all bc I slept with the wrong pillow I feel so stupid 😭😭😭 #one fucking pillow wrong and my neck hurts for a full day and affects all this other shit gahhhhh this stupid body im in !!! #I want to walk and exercise and go outside and do all the healthy happy things but my body just hurts me in return like whatam I doing wrong #whatever at least I’m set up with my chronic pain shit. I’ve got the massage cane and the foam roller and the heating pad and the ice pack

[srkgirlblogger]

.

#the day was going so well until my mom decided to be mean to me for no reason in a piblic space where i was already feeling scared and over #stimulated. i wanted to try out the skateboards in decathlon but there were too many people and i got scared. and my mom suddenly said that #the skateboard that she was going to buy for me after/on my birthday. she had decided to buy now. since we were alr in theshop and i said no #way bec i hadnt decided which one i wanted yet and i was soo panicked. and then after some time when id calmed down a bit and was gonna try #to skate anyways she started questioning me abt when i planned on peacticing and where i was gonna do it and i obviously just started saying #things that i thought she would approve of. and then she told me i didnt have the time management skills or resolve to make it work. and she #just kept on passive aggressively bullying me until i just couldnt do it anymore and i told her i wanted go leave the store bc she was #spoiling the mood. and then she started bullying me louder and she told me to stop blaming her bc she was only asking me a question and she #didn't want to waste any more money on things that i wasnt gonna do even though ive wanted a skateboard for years now and have been actively #asking her for months. and i just lost my emergy and my appetite and i wanted to leave the mall and go home but insteaf she gook us to a #bagel place that ive been trying to get her to take us even though i felt like throwing up before we even left the mall and i told her i #didnt want to go there. and my brother even told her that she was ruining things for everyone. and he still ended up blaming me in the end. #but whatever. i kept getting flashbacks to insanely traumatic moments where shed yelled at or bullied me or cornered me or tried to #embarass me in public. and this is most likely my last year at home. and my last year of childhood. and its all going to be remembered in my #brain as underwhelming and depressing and mostly horrible. and im going to leave home and never cone back and my last year at home is going #to be just as shitty as every other year and ill just have to deal with that and try to build something good and new and kind when i leave #she shouldnt speak to her own children like this. she shouldnt be looking for reasons to make things miserable for me all the time like this #i should study. my head hurts. my entire body hurts so bad #delete later

[heniareth]

It's interesting to note how the Tabris Origin, which involves a wedding, kidnapping and attempted sexual harassment, and fighting your way through an estate full of guards, is the Origin where gender plays a huge role in what story you experience. M!Tabris will always storm the castle coming to the rescue of his cousin and his betrothed, while F!Tabris will always have to fight her way out because the men in her life can't fully protect her (Nelaros dies, Soris literally hands her the sword, Cyrion is powerless to stop the abduction. Okay, this may be a little unfair to Soris who does fight side by side with Tabris and counsels caution the same way regardless of Tabris's gender). I'd go so far as to say that Tabris is the only Origin where the gender of your PC has a definite impact on the story.

TLDR to the rant in the tags: Tabris is constrained on all sides by being an elf, by their gender, in part by their family, and by society at large (both the Alienage and the wider city).

#bumble our guys are occupying my mind again. the origin defines their roles and experiences so #a lot has been said about the superficial equality of men and women in dragon age: they are equal from a legal point of view #both can become soldiers inherit or assume a position of political and social authority #but that's pretty much it #that experiment aside i think for the tabris story it's interesting. tabris is so contrained #don't go out of the alienage at night. don't anger the shem #don't carry weapons. don't insult them. live in squalor & misery with no hopes of social mobility. get married to a person you don't know #this happens to you because you are an elf. and this happens to you because you are playing as a man or a woman #the other origin where gendered violence might crop up is brosca and idk to what extent bc i haven't had much contact with f!brosca's story #but it would be just like beraht to make weird comments. aeducan gets a weird comment by trian too but that's it #but the alienage is a pressure cooker and the violence dealt unto its inhabitants has a perverse amount of nuance #unlike the circle which is another pressure cooker but a different one the alienage has a better life and more opportunities paraded in #*front of its inhabitants at every waking hour. the mages don't have that jarring contrast (they are reminded of how bad they have it in #*other ways but violence is much easier to normalize in closed communities. there is a reason uldred was able to stoke a rebellion after #*having been at ostagar. one taste of fresh air and that stuffy tower must've been hell awaiting. even wynne takes ger first chance to gtfo #the alienage however knows with striking clarity what it doesn't have. and that hurts. that stings. this ramble went way off track #but my main point is that tabris is constrained on all sides while at the same time having a better life dangled in front of their nose #*every single waking hour. no wonder their origin ends in massacre at their hands #the dam has broken loose. the water is finally cooking over and the pressure cooker explodes #tabris has a body count comparable to that of a seasoned criminal (brosca) and of a knight defending their invaded home (cousland) #which is freaking impressive if you ask me #dragon age #dao #dragon age origins #tabris #warden tabris #f!tabris #m!tabris #astala tabris

[sysig]

Come back as a flower, spring Baby

Tala took it pretty hard. Makes sense

Hopefully, anyway. Live food that has the opportunity to hide can be hard to keep track of, so it’s possible they were stressed too... But at least that would be something familiar, not a big scary shadow to run away from

Even selfish, childish thoughts deserve a place to be recognized. There’s no utility in piling shame on top of grief

It felt really strange to logically know that they were gone but still believing so hard that I could somehow undo it, that they’d start moving again if I just did the right thing. Death really does strange things to the brain

#Doodles #Spider #Nhandu Chromatus #Tala #Vent #TW animal death #I haven't had a pet all of my own since I was very small - about Tala's age - and this was the first one that I was 100% responsible for #Bought and fed and cleaned and made their enclosure - everything mine for the first time #So it's also the hardest I've ever taken a pet death - at least in the past two decades so it might as well be forever haha #I was blaming myself pretty hard the day I found them - I'd been away for a couple days and when I finally checked they were gone #Gave me the kind of vibe of someone who's so alone that no one finds their body until [x reason] - as if no one cared enough to look #But mostly I felt bad because it looked like they had attempted a molt but hadn't even flipped over #Like they'd just given up - like they knew that it wasn't even worth putting in the effort #I think now that I've looked it up I know what happened - spiders get a lot of their fluid intake from their prey #And because they'd been in premolt they'd been refusing food - and while I spritz their enclosure it's not a very reliable water source #I'd been wanting to wait until they were a bit bigger before I put in a water dish because I was very paranoid about them drowning #I'd heard horror stories of people waking up to their Ts submerged as if they'd fallen in and couldn't pull themselves back out #I hadn't considered that the opposite was even a possibility - that was my mistake and I feel guilty about it #But it is at least the minorest of comforts to know it wasn't a lack of space to molt - maybe - that killed them #I still want to ask seasoned spider people but it hurts to think about telling them what happened #It didn't feel real at first. It took a while for it to sink in and the entire time I just kept waiting for them to move again #I really didn't want the first time holding them to be to bury them #I could think selfishly and hope that they were a male after all - that they wouldn't've had very long #But they should've been here for years #I really wanted to do better by them #In some ways it feels silly to cry so much over a spider haha but I really wanted to do right by them and to not be able to...