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shadowqueen402 · 1 year

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Prim And Proper Origins: Part 2

Prologue is here:

Part 1 is here:

For the past eight years, twelve-year-old Primrose had been rather meticulous with her little scheme. At home, she would behave extremely well, treat her parents and brother with respect, and do really good in school. This included treating the other students and teachers with kindness and hospitality.

Of course, this did not mean that she actually cared. While her parents, brother, and the others may have assumed that she changed her ways, in reality, Primrose couldn't care less about them. She only saw them as nothing more than pawns that could help her get whatever she wanted.

What amused Primrose was the fact that they weren't suspecting a thing. They just carried on with their lives, believing that she actually changed. To make it more convincing to people like her brother, Primrose had to do a lot of things that she would never do..

First, she practiced how to play the flute. Though she was fluent in English and French, she had also started studying Spanish in her free time. She worked hard in school and managed to get all A's in every single class she took, especially the ones that she would normally flunk in.

To top it off, she had even joined ballet class. Sometimes, Primrose would bring 'friends' over from school and pretend to be interested in the gossip that they would tell her. With all that had happened, Primrose was able to fool everyone while, at the same time, either wear expensive designer clothing or flaunt her new purse that her father gave her.

Of course, Primrose had known that someone would get suspicious. And that someone was none other than her brother, Vladimir.

Vladimir had been secretly wondering how Primrose was able actually to get straight A's. It wasn't that he was jealous, but the fourteen-year-old had recently been finding himself being compared to Primrose. And he didn't like that one bit. Everytime he came back with a report card that had A's and B's, these would his parents' replies:

"Seriously, Vladimir? B's? Primrose managed to get A's in this subject and she isn't in high school yet! We need to get you a tutor!"

"Why can't you be like Primrose; smart, well-educated, and passionate about learning something new? You'll never be successful if you don't work hard enough!"

Vladimir couldn't take it anymore. Maybe, Primrose could help him bring up his grades so he could stop being compared to her anymore.

He walked to the door to Primrose's room. Then, he opened it up and walked into the elegant and fancy pink bedroom that belonged to his sister.

Primrose, who was sitting on her desk, looked up from her book and glared at her brother. "What do you want?" She asked in an aggravated tone.

"Whoa, calm down," Vladimir replied, furrowing his brows. "I didn't come here to take anything of yours. Rather, I came to ask if you could help me."

"Why would I help you?" Primrose asked.

"To bring my grades up." Vladimir crossed his arms. "Apparently, our parents are getting onto me about my grades. So since you got all A's, I'd figured that—" His eyes cut off when he saw a bunch of papers on the floor. He picked them up and widened his eyes.

"Answer sheets!?" Vladimir exclaimed. "You were cheating on every single test!? Wait until Mama and Papa find out!"

"Give those back!" Primrose yelled, but Vladimir held them up to prevent her from taking them.

"No! They need to know the truth!" Vladimir said, glaring at his sister. "They need to know the truth, Prim! If they found out you were lying to them, you would be in so much trouble! Either you tell them or I will!"

Primrose had a look that was a mixture of shock and anger. She wasn't going to let Vladimir get away with this. An idea came into her head. With a smirk plastered on her lips, Primrose took a fist and hit herself in the face.

"What are you doing!?" Vladimir demanded.

"Mama! Papa!" Primrose cried out with crocodile tears. "Vladimir hit me!"

Suddenly, the sound of footsteps came rushing to the door. Mr. Gaillot opened the door with such force that it caused the two siblings to jump.

"What is going on!?" Their father demanded, glaring. "My wife and I were on our way to her spa treatment and you two had to do something that would make us late!"

"Primrose had been cheating on her tests!" Vladimir yelled before Primrose could say anything. "I came to her room to ask if she could help me bring my grades up with tutoring and I found these!" He showed his parents the answer sheets.

"And so you hit her!?" Mrs. Gaillot growled, glaring at her son and placing her hands on her hips.

"Yes, he did!" Primrose shouted.

"No, I did not!" Vladimir yelled. "She's just manipulating you in order to get what she wants! And it doesn't help that you two obviously believe her more than me!"

"ENOUGH, THE BOTH OF YOU!" Mrs. Gaillot shouted. "You both are grounded! It's quite obvious that you two cannot seem to get along with each other!"

"How am I grounded!?" Primrose demanded. "Vladimir hit me!!"

"Don't back talk to your mother, young lady!" Mr. Gaillot snarled at Primrose. "This is what is going to happen from now on. Vladimir, I'm sending you to London! The Boarding Academy for Boys will straighten you out and hopefully teach you how to get along better with family!"

"Papa, you can't be serious!" Vladimir protested.

"My decision has been made!" Mr. Gaillot replied. "Now get packing, young man!"

"As for you, Primrose, you won't be going to that high school that you wanted to go to!" Mrs. Gaillot said. "After your father drops your brother off, we will be moving to Scotland! Your father and I will also decide what high school you'll be going to!"

"What!? That's not fair!" Primrose yelled. "You can't do this to me, Mama! Don't I get a say into something?"

"Absolutely not!" Mrs. Gaillot barked. "Now, get to bed!!"

The next day, the family were now in front of a large building where teenaged boys were attending. Vladimir gripped his suitcase, glaring harshly at the school.

"We'll see you soon, Vladimir," Mrs. Gaillot said. "Write to us, whenever you can."

Vladimir didn't say anything to his parents or Primrose. Rather, he just walked up to the building without so much as saying goodbye to his family.

With a disheartened look on her face, Mrs. Gaillot turned around to leave with her husband and daughter. And they started to drive back to France.

"Mama, don't you and Papa have workplaces in Scotland?" Primrose asked in an attempt to make the silence not awkward.

"We do," Mrs. Gaillot said with such pride in her tone. "I have two perfume shops there. Your father, on the other hand, owns five jewelry shops there as well! One of my shops and one of your father's shops is located in Edinburgh, which is the city that we will move to. I expect you to actually be on your perfect behavior when you get to this high school, young lady."

"Yes, Mama." Primrose gazed out the window. But a smirk appeared on her face. Since she would be living in Edinburgh soon, she couldn't help but wonder what experiences she will face in life. But as long as she had wealth and looks, she can still get what she wanted, right?

I don't own Madame Prim and her family.

#balan wonderworld #fanfic #ocs

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giorno-plays-piano · 4 years

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The Spider's Bride Part 2

Pairing: spider!Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warning: yandere, obsession, stalking, forced marriage, mentions of suicidal thoughts and breeding (but everything is not as dark as it seems).

Words: 2544.

Summary: Whoever your stepmother sold you to, he wasn’t as honorable as she claimed.

Part 1

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"Bucky, do you have canines?" You asked him in quiet voice, lowering your head to his shoulder and holding your arms around his wide chest while the arachnid carried you on top of his huge spider-like body.

"I do." He answered calmly, heading back to the house.

"Could you kill with them?"

"I guess I could."

You pressed yourself to his back lazily, watching other arachnids and a few elderly dark elves passing by the street, your path lighted with many long intricate lampposts.

"Would you kill me with them?"

"No."

You hadn't seen how he bit down on his lower lip. He didn't like casting so many soothing spells, but you refused leaving your chamber before he sedated you almost to the point of leaving you unconscious. After two weeks you spent in the house, staying in your room most of the time, he needed to present you to the elders to prove he was treating your fairly. They weren't too happy to see you in such state, though you have admitted it was solely your wish to be under those spells. In the end, it wasn't uncommon for human females.

He hated the charms and how they affected you with all his heart. Most of the women he saw when he was a child were always heavily sedated, and not much changed since those times. However, it was better than seeing the unfortunate ones who had lost their mind from all the suffering.

"How do you feel?" He asked the same question over and over again every day.

"Good." You nuzzled against the back of his neck mindlessly. "Bucky, you have pretty hair."

Gulping down, he urged himself to continue walking, enjoying the way your hands were touching him through his leather clothes. He'd give anything to hear those words when the charms wore off.

He knew well you should never get addicted to the spells, succumbing to the calmness they were giving you. But a part of him wanted to listen to you talking so desperately... You had never been so relaxed around him before, even getting on his back without a protest.

"You know, the hair on your lower part is a bit itchy."

"I'm sorry, my love."

"Don't be. I like it, I think." He heard your soft giggling and suddenly blushed, his cheeks burning. It was the first time you laughed for him.

You were so precious, his dearest one, his beloved, the one he'd give his own life away for. Once one of his sisters said he'd go to Hell if you asked, and Bucky agreed to that. He would.

He still hoped you could grow to love him one day. Although the progress was slow, you weren't as hostile as before and didn't cry upon seeing him entering your chamber. Bucky tried bringing you jewelry and beautiful dresses, yet you refused his gifts. However, you seemed eager when he brought you books instead - you read slowly as your stepmother didn't care about educating you, but books brought you joy like no other present of his. You read everything from children's fairytales to pieces with recepies his sisters occasionally forgot inside the books they were giving him.

Maybe there was still hope for him that one day you could accept him, even if only in his human form. It would already be enough for him.

"Bucky, somebody's singing again." You said curiously and peaked out his shoulder, trying to figure out where the sound was coming from. "Is it your sisters?"

"I can hear the voice of the oldest one." Bucky agreed, knowing they were coming closer to the nursary cave.

"Who is she singing for today?"

Your question made him stiff. Maybe you were sedated, but he didn't think you were ready to learn the truth or, Gods forbid, see everything with your own eyes.

"The unborn children." The arachnid frowned and kept going, hoping you would stop asking him the things you shouldn't know yet.

"Unborn? Is she pregnant, then?"

"... it's not that easy with our species, dear."

"Ah, yes. It had to do something with the eggs, right?" As he kept his mouth shut, you moved a little and put your hand on his cheek as his eyes flew to you. "Right?"

"Yes, sweetheart. The parents weave a cocoon where they put the embryo, and the child slowly develops inside before they are ready to break free and come out."

"Does it happen to all children or only the ones female arachnids bear?"

"To all of them. Actually, before my grandmother invented this way, the process was different for any mate of ou-"

He hurriedly cut himself off before he would make you frightened again. What was happening before his grandmother invented the cocoons was a nightmare, pure savagery, and he knew it better than anyone with his human mother forced to give birth to him by herself. If only his father didn't make her suffer the horrors of childbirth, she could be alive still. Maybe then Bucky wouldn't loathe himself so much.

"But why is your sister singing to the unborn child?

The arachnid snapped out of his thoughts and turned his head to you, gazing at you relaxed expression. Apparently, the charms were still active.

"The children can hear the songs even within their cocoons. It calms then, helps their development, my love."

"Can I see them?"

Bucky abruptly stopped in the middle of a street at your odd request and rubbed your arm resting at his waist involuntarily, enjoying the warmth of your body. He really, really loved when you were curious about his kind, but he didn't know if you could stomach what you asked him to show you. Even though the nursery was the most beautiful place Bucky had seen in his entire life, he knew well it wouldn't look the same to you. Maybe you would be horrified, disgusted, and his charm would fall easier, leaving you traumatized for life.

"Cast one more spell and take me there, please?"

"I don't thin-"

Before he had finished the sentence, he felt a quick peck on his cheek and almost choked on air, unable to believe what was happening. Did you just kiss him? Him, the one who was so revolting to you? Dear Lord, those spells of his were too poweful if they could make you do this.

But he'd lie if he said he wasn't ready to give you whatever he had for just one more little kiss.

"Just one, please?"

"Just one, and we'll leave immediately if you get scared, ok?"

"Yes, I promise."

Gods, you could persuade him to do anything with those pretty eyes of yours. Grunting, Bucky whispered a few words you didn't catch, and his hands stared glowing softly when he caressed your arm - in fact, one simple touch was enough, but he indulged himself a bit more. Your soft skin was so warm...

Listening to your loud sighing, Bucky watched your pupils dilating and ensured the spell was working. Your grasp on his shoulder became weaker, so he carried you to the nursery much slower, observing you if you were close to slip. You seemed so fragile to him now. Before, when he was secretly watching you working from afar, you seemed strong - you carried so much on your shoulders. He was horrified you were treated so badly by your own family, but it seemed you were much more shaken by him, the one who wanted nothing but to cherish and love you.

His goddamn spider body was so ugly you had to take a dozen of spells just to come closer to him.

The cave was much smaller than the one where the town was founded - Bucky would call it cozy since it was way warmer, but he didn't voice his thoughts, leaving it up to you to make your first empression. Apparently, you weren't scared still, gazing at a few arachnids inside the nursery - most of them were singing, but you spotted a few weaving an odd flexible fabric of silver threads. Strangely, the process wasn't revolting at all. You expected the spiders to make the threads from their saliva, but they had carried neet reels instead and did all the weaving with their apparently magical fingers.

"I thought they'd be using their mouth." You said quietly, and one of the women shook her head disapprovingly at your words.

"No, no, we don't do that in public." Bucky answered hurriedly, bowing his head to the woman. "Unless in battle, it is considered inappropriate in our society. Family members could make the threads together if they want, but each arachnid can do it purely by themselves, alone. It is a very private business, my love."

"I see. My sincere apologies, lady of the cave." You bowed your head in front of her, and female arachnid smiled warmly at you, not upset with your words anymore. She pointed to the left, and Bucky followed there, looking among the ones who were singing. They were standing closer to the cocoons, and now you had a perfect opportunity to see how their little ones developed.

Staring at breathtakingly beautiful silver eggs surrounded by the halo of soft light, Bucky prayed to see the cocoon with his own child somewhere in the future. It was scary to even think of that now, knowing how repulsed you felt when you heard him speaking of reproducing.

Maybe he wouldn't be able to have kids at all. If it kept you sane, he would agree to it regardless how badly he wanted to have a child with you.

"They look like angels' eggs." You suddenly said, holding your hand up as if you could touch the pure light.

"What?"

Bucky froze on the spot, unsure of what he just heard.

"Angels. Do you know who are they? They have huge white wings and they are always surrounded by light."

"Yes, I know." He whispered, trying to withhold himself from crying.

Would you tell the same when the charms would wear off? Would you hate him for bringing you here? Would you scream and shout and cry if he reminded you of the cocoons you called angels' eggs?

Before he had sunk into a sea of despair, however, one female moved away from the line of singing arachnids, and Bucky saw a shining face of his older sister. She was smiling at both of them widely, and you gaped at her openly, trying to stand up on his huge spider body and holding his shoulder to stabilize yourself.

"My beloved brother and his precious one." The woman said in a beautiful voice, throwing her hands to the sides as if she intended to give the two of you a hug. "I am overjoyed at seeing you here. Are you giving your betrothed a little tour?"

"I am." He quickly said, smiling uncomfortably. Bucky wasn't proud to keep you sedated and now felt ashamed. All his sisters married their betrothed willingly. "We... we came because Y/N wanted to see the nursery and listen to your singing."

By that time you had been watching his sister with curiousity, trembling on your unstable legs, and Bucky put his hands above yours resting on his shoulders. He wasn't afraid his sister would misinterpret your words or actions - she knew well what you had endured - rather that she could unintentionally scare you with the way she looked, moved or talked. However, he was proven wrong rather quickly.

"You are pretty." You said, tilting your head to the side. "Much prettier than Bucky. It's like you're made of silver."

He could be offended by your words, but, in fact, he quite agreed to you - Arabella looked beautiful even by the dark elvish standards with her long silver hair covering her back, her body all shining like the webs arachnids were weaving. Even her lower part was more appealing than his since she didn't have much of hair there, and her eight legs looked like they were made from glowing marble. In a way, she looked more crab-like than spider-like.

All his sisters were like her. Bucky was the only one who reminded himself of a monstrous creature.

"Don't judge him too harshly, sweetheart." Arabella sent you a kind smile, knowing perfectly what her brother was thinking about. "Of us all he has the kindest of hearts."

"Maybe you're right."

Slowly sitting down because your legs couldn't support you anymore, you pressed yourself to his back and forced him to move his arm so you could look at the spider-woman in front of you. She didn't look scary despite those long legs of hers, but, well, nothing looked scary to you now. Bucky could push you off the cliff, and you'd fall without much of a sound coming from your mouth.

The woman in front of you looked young, yet her crystal-clear eyes had wisdom in them, the one that was gained with years. Oddly, she looked more human and inhuman to you at the same time. Her appearance was closer to the ones of your kind, but her eyes reminded you of high elves, immortal beings you were lucky to see once. Maybe she was right. If her sisters were like her, you thought Bucky might have the kindest of hearts - you suddenly felt he was more human-like than them.

"If you like my singing, I will come tomorrow to sing for you, dear child. Would you like that?"

"Arabella, I don't-"

"Yes. Your voice calms me down when I cry."

Your lips curled up in a faint smile as you watched her approaching the two of you carefully. Bucky felt an urge to hide you behind his broad back, though it was a silly - his sister would never hurt you intentionally.

"I'll come, sweetheart." Sending him a gentle look, Arabella reached out to lay a hand on your forehead, her skin softer, yet colder than her brother's. "Return home now, you are tired. Sleep soundly, precious one."

Bucky realized she casted a sleeping spell only when you had slumped lower to his spider body, closing your eyes. He shot the woman a furious look, and she pressed her long pretty finger to her mouth, forbidding him to speak when he was ready to snap at her.

"You are ruthless with your soothing spells, brother." Her whisper was barely audible. "They are too strong for her."

"Leaving her to lose her sanity is hardly better." He sounded quiet, but determined. "She asked for them."

"If you were in her shoes, wouldn't you asked, too?" The arachnid shook her head at him. "Do not be reckless, dear. Take her home, give her time, give her space. Do not let her succumb to your charms and do not wish for it yourself."

Bucky went silent, turning back to carefully take you in his arms to prevent you from falling. Resting your head against his chest, he looked at your with a hurt expression on his face. You would never let him come close to you unless you were sedated. What could he do? Arachnids mated for life. He would never love anyone again.

"Do not let it dishearten you, dear brother. She will get better. I feel it in my bones."

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Tags: @finleyjayne @alexakeyloveloki @helenaeisenhower @villanellevi @hurricanerin @void-hoechlin @abyssaint @navegandoaciegas @chris-evans-indian-fanfic

#bucky barnes #dark bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #dark bucky barnes x reader #yandere #winter soldier

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notexactlyrocketscience · 4 years

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Modern-day Feminism And Normalizing/desexualizing Female-presenting Nipples: Does It Really Matter?

The other day I came across a meme showing an image of Savitribai Phule (a historical figure known as the first woman teacher of India), labeled “The feminist we want”, and below it an illustration of several women of different ethnicities (braless, with spunky haircuts, tattooes and piercings, taking selfies with their toungues out) labeled “... the feminists we get”.

Images and thoughts like this produce nothing but harm. They aren’t funny, they aren't proof that modern-day feminism is a failure.

In fact, both images are proof of feminism at its finest, and why it is NEEDED.

A large, and extremely important part of modern-day feminism is the erradication of the objectification of women, and the normalization of the existance of female sexuality. The point? Reduction of assault, rape and the victim-blaming that comes with it.

Still find it weird?

I’ll share a personal story to make this clearer.

When I landed in the US (San Antonio, Texas, to be precise) in December 2018, the first feeling that hit me was how liberating it was to not FEEL eyes on me. To be able to wear the clothes I always wore, but not have to be in constant vigilance if my dupatta was out of place, if my top didn’t cover my ass over my full-length jeans, if my bra strap was showing, and if the way I was sitting looked “improper”. And I’d say most, if not all, girls feel the same after stepping out of Sylhet, Bangladesh.

When I started university, I noticed girls sitting in classrooms with their legs splayed out, enough for their underwear to show if they were wearing a skirt. I noticed girls wearing shorts short enough that their buttcheeks hung out. Girls wearing crop-tops showing a whole LOT of cleavage to school. Girls scratching their inner thigh and their back in public, sitting with their phones stuck between their thighs, near their crotch. Girls who went braless. Girls with tattoos, leg hair, armpit hair, stretch marks. Girls with flab or with toned, tanned muscles. Girls wearing strappy or off-shoulder tops. Girls outside, running in loose activewear shorts the size of underwear and a sports bra, with their phone struck in the strap.

And for about one month, I couldn't stop sneaking peeks. I'm not attracted to women, but I'd never SEEN women be so carefree about their bodies before. I hardly even KNEW all the shapes and sizes legs and breasts and stomachs and arms came in. So I tried not to stare, but I also kind of did.

I also saw girls that’d start dancing, loudly singing, or climbing walls completely at random. They'd snatch things from guys, punch people, and then go to the gym, where there are no separate sections for women. Those same girls wore makeup, posted glamourous pictures on Instagram with their toungues out (and stories showing educational illustrations about female genitalia), and used accessories that were stereotypically feminine.

And I'd look at all that loudness, and I'd despise those girls instantly. "She's one that's out for attention," I thought.

But I was wrong. The way she was loud and active and attention-grabbing and extroverted? If a guy had done those same things, I'd have thought of it as NORMAL. She wasn't an attention-seeker. She was just being herself. She was being ... like a guy. Confident in her own skin, knowing that no one except mysogins would judge her for it.

Backward-minded people ... like me. A girl who has identified as a die-hard feminist all her life.

I’ve since had to rearrange my entire image of what it means to be a girl, just because I had the opportunity to move to a country which hasn’t completely achieved equality but finally has a generally decent society that accepts women not as “women”, but as humans (unlike in Sylhet). I’ve realized that I’m an incredibly two-dimensional person compared to other girls here. My traits are the same as a bunch of other Sylheti girls, because that's the only way we can define ourselves and be accepted as good women. I can't explain to you what it's like to walk in a crowded grocery store in which everyone from the homeless to the wealthy shop, and just know that when someone walks by me, all they'll see is a young student wearing a UTSA T-shirt. They won't see a stupid girl that's all alone in a large store at night. They won't see a shameless girl without a dupatta. They won't see a girl that's disturbingly thin or disgustingly fat. They won't see an promiscuous girl who actually dares sit down with her legs NOT squeezed together tightly.

They'll just see a young person. And they'll smile and say hi and move past.

I no longer stare at women's bodies, no matter what they're wearing. Not just because I actively taught myself it's not right, but simply because I got used to seeing all that skin. I got used to other women's bodies. After nineteen years of being a woman myself (and never even bothering to glance at men wearing nothing but underwear-sized shorts, because I was so used to it), it took me a move to the other side of the planet to stop over-sexualizing the female body too, even though, just like the male body, it's only a normal, adult body.

Because research says systematic segregation and censoring by society only adds to objectification. Because the best way to normalize any kind of phobia, any kind of new concept, is through actual exposure therapy.

Yet you don’t even have to run around naked to fight for getting rid of objectification and over-sexualization. Feminism is about free choice. You can cover as much as you want to and still support everyone else having a choice in their lives and not being forced into anything (if you’re a muslim, like me, you already know that isn't tolerated in Islam). You can still support the women who choose to actively combat objectification, and stand by them with your own CHOICE of clothing, just like them, and fight to not be harassed because of it (looking at people who automatically, without good reason for the particular instances they come across them, see headscarves as “oppression” or “extremist” instead of a personal, wholesome, religious lifestyle choice).

I can't speak for my male friends, but I daresay they stared too, when they first landed abroad. And I daresay by now they're too used to it to bother anymore (unless it's something exceptionally eye-catching). I daresay they no longer oversexualize women's arms, legs, buttocks, and breasts either, even when women are working out, lounging in weird poises, or bringing attention to certain body parts by randomly itching them publicly.

I daresay they wouldn't even think of judging these women's morals for it (I wouldn't).

I daresay they actually find it refreshing to find women with many more dimensions to them, women who are more alive and carefree and ambitious and LIVING. Women that are less afraid, every moment, of behaving the wrong way or giving the wrong idea, to be slut-shamed and victim-blamed. That know that, above all, they'll be treated as human.

⠀

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09yards · 5 years

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8 - When You’re Gone (days gone by - nct)

All the mystery and the magic You light up what once was tragic And I know that I will miss you when you're gone I could never have imagined All the heavens pour with passion But I know that I will miss you when you're gone

Johnny had been right about one thing tonight; it was indeed a family affair. What felt like just about everyone Mark was close to, was dispersed throughout Yuta's house. The parents had all congregated in the kitchen, about five too many bottles of wine left empty on the side for the number of people - the chatter and laughter rang in Mark's ears.

God, he hated being drunk. The smallest of sounds seemed to echo in his ears but at the same time it felt like he was hearing things underwater, his head was spinning and he was about six too many drinks in and he'd barely been there two hours. The air around him feels thick, muggy from too many people being crowded into the various rooms.

Jisung had somehow managed to get out of the whole ordeal, arguing with their mum about how it would be inappropriate for someone who is (even more so than the others) underage to be surrounded by drunk people and the possibility of him therefore partaking in said underage drinking would be increased and that's not good for his health. Johnny had called him a pussy under his breath and had promptly earned a slap to his stomach from their mum and a stern "watch your language John" who then turned to Jisung (whose face was now adorning the slight pout and puppy dog eyed look - aka how to get their mum to do whatever they wanted look), her face relaxing into a gentle smile before kissing the top of his head (on her tiptoes which made her pout) and telling him to rest well and not stay up too late studying or engrossed in whatever novel he was currently working his way through. Mark stuck his tongue out on the way out the door - the kid could get away with everything, he and Johnny had dubbed it the youngest child effect. Johnny was pretty upset that he'd wasted good chocolate milk and now Yuta was going to get to drink it.

Mark had been dancing around since he'd first arrived, back and forth between rooms in hopes of avoiding Donghyuck. Honestly, he wasn't entirely sure why he felt the need to avoid him, the younger was probably doing the exact same thing though since the lack of communication between the two since way back to Mark's birthday. Mark had spent some time pining and was okay about the whole situation now (as okay as he could be on the surface anyhow). Mark had been so busy with school - even with only being a month and a half in - he'd been spending lunches in the library, study periods with his tutor to talk about his personal statement and what felt like every second of his free time was spent pouring over his textbooks, homework and whatever else he could get his hands on. The only breath of fresh air was when he finally submitted his uni applications, nudging the whole ordeal to the back of his mind rather than playing the waiting game to see if he'd get accepted or not. He'd drifted apart from everyone in a sense but with Donghyuck it was weird. When he passed the others in the hallways, they'd spare a second to flash a smile or give a quick wave, things were normal, but with Donghyuck it felt like he purposefully averted his eyes every time, maybe Mark's mind was playing tricks on him, maybe it wasn't.

Renjun had ranted to him over facetime at three am one night about how Donghyuck seemed to squash any and all rumours quite quickly about whether or not he was gay, Heejin and him had made up somehow apparently and Renjun had seen the two of them spending time together - what for, Mark didn't know, nor did he want to. Renjun had said it was probably some sort of ploy due to Hyuck's parents. They all knew the story and they weren't the worst, but when Hyuck's older brother, Taeyong, had come out they just seemed to ignore it - they pretended like it hadn't happened and they never brought up dating around Taeyong ever again until Taeyong had gotten quite sick of it and had decided to bring his boyfriend (although he hadn't introduced him as his boyfriend, it was quite clear by the two's body language that Taeil very much was) to their annual family Christmas party. Not his proudest moment he has admitted on multiple occasions but, to Mark and the others it was quite the scandal, particularly as lovely as Donghyuck's parents were, they just seemed to not realise the number of people around them that were gay, much to the amusement of the majority of their friends. Just about everyone was gay, bisexual or pan between Mark and Johnny's friends, as well as a copious amount of people attending their school alone were part of the LGBTQ+ community and openly expressed their support of it and how the Lee's were yet to realise it no one would ever know, as well as how they've managed to live in their surprisingly accepting small town where political and social 'issues' weren't taboo. Taeyong had moved out the moment he was accepted into uni and promised that he wouldn't end their relationship for the sake of Hyuck, even if it meant the only time he spoke to his parents these days was when 'required' to at family events and the occasional birthday phone call. Mark and Donghyuck had grown distant over the last two months and Mark couldn't help but feel like it was to do with the rumours. Mark knew Donghyuck's parents wouldn't be happy about him being gay, if he was (Mark was still confused as to whether or not he'd come out to him that day) they would just pretend like it wasn't happening, make up a girl that he was supposedly dating to rely it to the family - it had happened before and it would more than likely happen again. But alas, Mark was far too drunk for him to be able to work up the emotional capacity to act like the best friend, if he could even call himself that anymore, he should be too Donghyuck.

- - - -

"Jaehyun, please stop, I'm too drunk for this-"

"Being drunk is the perfect time young padawan! As the expert on all thing’s soulmates, please remember I have known mine since I was a mere five years of age, I am the most qualified to educate you here."

"You're probably more drunk than I am right now-"

"I probably am, okay, I definitely am but, doesn't stop me from being happy and in love and married to the best person in the world."

"You aren't married?"

"That's what you think."

"Jaehyun, what on earth is that supposed to mean?"

"It means that just because I may not be legally married, yet, that doesn't mean I won't be anytime soon. I just need to pick a ring and then ask him but it's not like he's going to say no right? Having a soulmate, you are bound to that person for the rest of your life, that's the whole idea of marriage, is it not? Oh look, there's Doyoung, see you later Mark!" Mark was flabbergasted, apparently Jaehyun had turned into some kind of Tumblr drabble reciting robot when drunk off the dubious substance in his cup, although if you asked him he'd probably just say it's what happens when you're in love and then flash you the famous Jung smile - dimpled and gummy.

"Wait!" Even when he raised his voice himself it made his head pound, "You didn't give me your advice?"

"Oh yeah," Jaehyun could barely stand straight, gently swaying as he paused in his steps half turned to Mark, “Just confess already. The pining isn't doing you any good and there's no other way to find out if he's your soulmate or not unless he tells you he's the one who caused your tattoo. Right now, you're only hurting yourself, stop feeling guilty all the time and be a little selfish for once, not that telling someone how you feel is selfish. You'll only make yourself sick, literally, either way and yes it could end up worst case scenario but you could also end up happy. You deserve to be happy Mark, you've spent so long doing things for everyone else because you felt like you had to, do something for yourself." Mark let his weight sink to the floor, his back pressed against the cold wall of the hallway.

Maybe it's what he needed to be able to let go?

"Mark, hey," Jungwoo turned the corner, finding Mark still cuddled up against the wall where Jaehyun had left him earlier, "I was looking for you, you disappeared on everyone."

"Jungwoo... I want to apologise again about what happened at my birthday. I was drunk, wasn't thinking straight. What I did was wrong, so wrong and I'm so sorry for it and for upsetting you and-"

"How many times do I have to tell you I'm okay? Taeyong introduced me to this older friend of his anyway, very cute, very mature so no risk of him doing any classic teenage pining. Besides, neither of us were exactly thinking straight Mark. You and Haechannie will figure things out soon enough."

"Jaehyun told me to confess, that's why I'm here, debating whether that would be easier than yeeting myself off a cliff." Mark couldn't look at Jungwoo, he still felt guilty, sure they'd both been drunk and neither were exactly hoping to start anything in the future but it felt sucky, Mark never wanted to hurt someone else and in that moment he did, whether Jungwoo was okay now or not.

"Maybe you should, get everything out in the open rather than keeping all those emotions bottled up. You never know, maybe good things will come from it."

"Thank you, Woo, I know what I did was super shitty and I really hope you know how sorry I am."

"Shut up Mark, it never happened."

"Right, it never happened."

For the first time in a while, an actual smile threatened to appear on Mark's face. "Come on, lets re-join the party! Winwin got everyone dancing, even Johnny," Jungwoo grabbed his hand to pull him up from the floor, "let’s have some fun."

As Jungwoo and Mark joined the makeshift dance floor of Yuta's living room, more drinks were pushed into their hands as their friends whooped and cheered that they were back, all far too drunk to remember any of their actions come morning. Jaehyun and Doyoung were cooped up in a corner, speaking in hushed voices to one another, both of their eyes filled with complete adoration for one another. Lucas was twirling Yuqi, the two of them bursting into fits of giggles whenever they made eye contact, it was endearing, Mark thought. Yuta and Winwin seemed to no longer be hiding their relationship status when Sicheng was not-so-subtle, sitting on Yuta's lap, the two leaning in for an R-rated kiss that Mark swiftly looked away from. Jaemin's head was resting on Renjun's thigh as they sat down on the sofa, evidently Jaemin had drunk more than he could handle and Renjun's hands gently cascaded through the younger's hair. Mark liked seeing his friends together, it made him realise just what having one’s soulmate can do, how it can make you feel. But he couldn't help the pang in his chest at the thought, he was alone, his eyes somehow having found Donghyuck among the copious amounts of people dancing. Mark couldn't take his eyes off of him, he gravitated towards him, dancing with some girls from his class who dragged Mark to join them - pushing him towards Donghyuck.

The younger's head snapped up at the mention of Mark's name, no longer focused on perfecting the choreography to whatever song was playing with Yeri and Irene. Before Donghyuck could escape, Mark clasped his wrist, looking at him with pleading eyes. Now or never, now or never.

Donghyuck freed himself, flashing Mark a disgusted look before walking out of the room as fast as he could without drawing attention to them, Mark close behind.

"Hyuck, wait up please!"

"Leave me alone Mark."

"Come on Hyuck, at least let me speak," Mark's shoulders slumped as he let out a deep sigh, attempting to build up his courage, now or never. "J-just let me say this and then you can scream, yell, runaway or whatever it is you want to do," Donghyuck's resistance against Mark pulling his arm again relaxed, "just, please let me speak."

"Fine. What do you so desperately have to say?" His voice was wobbly, Donghyuck was telling himself that it was because of the cold October air and not his emotions getting the better of him. Donghyuck doesn’t even remember at what point they’d made it outside – nor does he see the audience of one they’ve gathered.

"Okay, right, here we go."

"I don't have all night Mark."

"Right, sorry. Of course, I just need a second." Was the air getting thicker or was Mark just having trouble breathing?

"Here goes nothing," Mark took one last deep breath and closed his eyes, he had this speech engraved in his mind ready to use it at any moment, "I like you Hyuck. I'm pretty sure I'm in love with you and I'm also fairly certain that you're my soulmate.

I know that we're young and I'm definitely dumb and you aren't even eighteen yet but, I know that I'm in love with you and I trust that the universe made us meet that day in the library because you are my soulmate. I can't imagine my life without you, I can't imagine waking up next to anyone else. I can't imagine kissing someone else, holding someone else in my arms, running my hands through their hair, listening to them hum along to the radio. It's always you, in my daydreams and my nightmares, whether I'm asleep or awake you're always by my side.

Believe me when I say I tried to stop, I tried to convince myself that you're not the one. I spent so long crying myself to sleep, begging the universe to let me stop loving you, I tried, I really, really tried... but, I'm always going to love you. I think I've known that since the day we first met and I need you to know that, I'm always going to love you. No matter what. I've imagined me saying this to you hundreds of thousands of times and I was never going to say anything but I can't keep doing this. I can't fake another smile, I can't fake like everything’s alright all of the time, I can't fake that I'm alright. I love you Donghyuck."

"Mark," Donghyuck inhaled sharply, "I don't know what you want me to say..."

"Say you feel the same, say you can feel your soulmate mark showing up, whatever," the pleading in Mark's words was clear by his breathlessness, "Hyuckie, please, I know you can feel it too."

"I'm sorry Mark, I really am," his shoulders slumped and he couldn't meet Mark's eyes, Mark's pleading gaze, "I'm so sorry. I can't do this. I don't feel the same, I'm not in love with you Mark. You're hurting someone else by doing this, please get over me and stop - I know you won't be able to handle the guilt. I can't let you hurt someone else, I can't hurt you by lying like that. I'm sorry... I'm so sorry."

And with that he turned away, leaving Mark behind, hiccupping in attempts to breathe while he sobbed uncontrollably. A pair of arms wrapped around him, pulling Mark into a warm chest, a gentle hand patting his head and muttering "it's okay" over and over again.

Mark had never felt more sober than he did in that moment. Dizziness overtook him, the walls if the hallway felt like they were closing in around him, getting closer and closer, suffocating him. He sobbed and sobbed until he didn't have a single tear left to cry, his body spasming as he tried to catch his breath, hiccupping into the comfort of Johnny's arms.

Mark had never wanted to get drunk more in his life.

- - - - -

Donghyuck is peacefully absorbed in his history textbook when his attention is snapped away from medieval medical treatments and to Jaemin quite literally plonking himself in the chair over the other side of the table to Donghyuck, letting out an exasperated sigh as he does so, backpack discarded on the floor by his feet as his eyes meet Donghyuck's - they're inquisitive and Donghyuck feels himself shrink in on himself a little, out of apprehension, fear or embarrassment, Donghyuck isn't sure.

"What happened with you and Mark?"

There was a slight bite to Jaemin's voice, no traces of any gentleness or subtly. Jaemin wasn't for softness when it came to life generally, particularly when someone’s upset, he approaches situations with the grace of a herd of elephants.

"Nothing."

Jaemin tuts, rolls his eyes and lets out a deep sigh, clearly not satisfied with Donghyuck's answer - or rather lack thereof.

"Oh, that’s not what I heard?"

Donghyuck can't tell if Jaemin drew the short straw and is the one tasked with interrogating him over the events of the weekend or if he's genuinely doing it for himself. Maybe Mark is keeping quiet about the events of that night, however even with how good the two are at avoiding one another it is clear Mark hasn't been in school the last few days, they aren't that good at not having crossed paths remotely once. Donghyuck couldn't help the pang of guilt. Donghyuck also knows that Jaemin isn't giving up, he's tapping his fingers against the desk as if he's hoping that'll prompt Donghyuck to talk. Jaemin is nonchalant about most things in life (aside from anything Renjun related), yet he doesn't back down and is evidently undaunted when it comes to getting what he wants.

"Well, nothing happened."

"Bullshit." Jaemin counters, without missing a beat.

Donghyuck is taken back by the harshness of his voice. Honestly, Donghyuck thought they would drag this out for longer, more like he was hoping he could keep up his charade of 'nothing happened' for longer, staying in his little bubble where he could pretend like everything was okay - like that night hadn't happened and he hadn't broken his best friends heart. Jaemin was the type to bug you to just the right level of being ridiculously annoying to get what he wanted out of you - driving you to insanity bit by bit was more his style unlike the current look of utter despair lacing his usually kind features.

"That's utter bullshit and you know it. Whatever fantasy charade you're keeping up by pretending everything’s okay is ending right now. You keep sighing in lessons, I can practically feel the anguish radiating off of you from the other side of town and here you are straight up lying to my face and just about everyone else, including yourself."

"Why do you care so much?" Hyuck didn't mean to sound so cold, it was just a second-nature defence mechanism at this point as well as being caught off-guard by Jaemin's sudden outburst.

Jaemin looks at him again, staring dead into Hyuck's eyes like he's searching for Donghyuck's last remaining brain cell, jokes on him though because it's not there. "Because Haechannie, I actually care about you and want to make sure you're okay as well as Mark. The tension between you two is downright depressing and I thought all the melodrama ended when Renjun and I got together but clearly, I was wrong, the two of you are so much worse. Both with permanent pouts on their faces, avoiding talking about whatever happened so no one can do anything to help which again, is just," Jaemin let out some disgruntled sound in lieu of an adjective but laced with the same disgust he was attempting to convey, "you see? Everyone has been here before, we're not all Jaehyun and Doyoung, you're more like Johnny and Ten and the utter mess that was the start of their best-friends-to-boyfriends transition. We all care about you; we all want to make sure that you're coping and not making yourself sick." Jaemin's now looking at him with one eyebrow raised as if Donghyuck's now supposed to magically understand whatever Jaemin's word vomit was actually implying.

Donghyuck lets his eyes wander over Jaemin's appearance, his hand griping his hair in anticipation of Hyuck's reply, pupils blown, wide and gazing at Donghyuck's face for any hint of emotion, looking slightly manic. Donghyuck evaluates his current position and with a deep breath he feels calmer, his muscles have relaxed, a smirk graces his face and-

"Oh, I've been meaning to ask, how are Johnny and Ten?"

6 NEW MESSAGES FROM RENJUN

I don't know what you did but you broke Jaemin

I've been trying to get him to shut up for years and you did it in less than half an hour

teach me your ways

he hasn't said anything since he got back, he's just sat there staring out the window with his mouth hanging open

Jisung and Chenle are seeing how many blueberries they can get in his mouth until he snaps out of it

they're up to nine

let me know how many they get up too

and tell Jaemin I'm sorry and that I'll

talk when I'm ready.

Donghyuck smiles, its only small but it’s his first genuine smile in a while.

- - - - -

The rain is bouncing off the ground as he walks home, splashing his ankles and soaking the ends of his jeans. The temperature seems to have dropped by a million degrees since this morning and he's wishing he checked the weather app and put a warmer coat on. He's at the point where the harsh October air feels like it’s getting in his bones, just about every inch of him is freezing and just when he thinks things can't get any worse, as he turns the corner to his house he's met by a tall figure sat on the steps leading up to his door.

The rain is the last thing on his mind as he lets his umbrella drop to his side, tilting his head as if that would help him get a better look at the boy that's slouched over, flicking his phone between his hands.

Upon hearing Donghyuck let out a pathetic attempt at a cough in hopes of gaining the others attention, the mop of blonde hair moves until Hyuck is met with a heart-warming, lopsided smile he could recognise anywhere.

"Hey, Haechannie."

"Hello, what can I help you with?"

"I think you know why I'm here."

#cznnent #nct #markhyuck #nct fic #markhyuck fic #nct 127 #nct fanfic #nct fluff #nct mark #dojae #nct donghyuck #johnten #luqi #renmin #yuwin

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bride-of-freddy-krueger · 6 years

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Ya know what I hate? When someone who is such a narcissist, spoiled brat paints you to be the bad guy because of how you act, but you can't help it because of your Mental Illnesses. Yet, they were the one who strung you along and made you think you had a friend to cry to then later on use it as an excuse as to why they can't be your friend anymore. Because they're tired of being your "therapy dog". But you were always there for them, pushing them to be a better person, but they didn't listen because you didn't have a dick or because you couldn't take care of them like mommy and daddy can. And then that person credits other people for their new "success in life" to this new person with a dick and/or their other friends...yeah. I'm the one that's so fucking horrible. Even though each time we had a small fight and it was always, "my fault because I had a bad day and used the same apology everytime"...do you know anything about Clinical Depression? Panic Disorder? Oh, well, allow me to show you

So, yes. When we fought, it wasn't always my fault, but I was always having a bad day. I used the same apology because I was trying to educate you, but you just couldn't comprehend. My guess is because you couldn't be bothered with any of it since you clearly couldn't have cared less about me and what I was going through, but I always telling you I was there if you needed to talk. Ever. I even told you multiple times to call my phone to wake me up, no matter what time it was if you needed me. You never spoke to me and when you did it was the same thing, so I could flip it around on you, but I won't because THAT'S HOW SOME MENTAL ILLNESSES JUST ARE. I talked to you through everything, even panic attacks. Yeah, you helped me too, but that's why I kept going to you. Not because you were my "therapy dog", but because it's what best friends do. Shit, even just A FRIEND will do that. And I always said I was working on it, but you, "never saw any change" because I've been seeing my psychiatrist for only 8 months now with an appointment once a month. That means I've seen her a total of 8 times. We're still working on my medicines. And I'm doing therapy for just as long and I see her almost every week, but I'm not gonna be fixed right away. That's not how it.

So, I say this to you, loud and clear: YOU ARE THE WORST PERSON I HAVE EVER MET.

Why? Because you made me feel like I was for acting how I do on my bad days when sometimes I have no control over it. Would you walk to a Veteran with PTSD and say, "Yeah, you need to stop with the panic attacks. It's been a while since you came back from war"? No. Their situation is much worse than mine by far, but my brain is no different. So, how dare you string me along, thinking I had some kind of friend in you. How dare you make ME feel like I'm the biggest piece of shit you've ever met simply because of my Mental Illnesses. I never used them as an excuse and always took 100% responsibility for my actions, but only tried explaining to you how my mind worked, why I acted how I acted, why I said what I said because I felt like I needed to. I felt like I had to justify myself to you because I was scared to lose you as a friend...but now? I see the real you. I see how you really treat people and it's disgusting.

I do hope you have a great life though because I'm not looking for any bad karma to come my way. Just know that I'm so much happier without you. Everyone has been telling me that this past week. I feel free. I have so much more time to do what I love instead of worrying about giving you the attention you always required. So, I guess, in a way, I should be thanking you...but I won't 💋🖕🏻

#text #personal

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onemanzerosquad · 5 years

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New York Blackbeard Diary Pt. 3

Day 11.......Woke up.....Started my day getting breakfast then headed to my neurologist office to get my form from my job in regards to my restrictions. After, went to the library to print out documents in regards to a situation that led to someone purchasing something from a PayPal. Pretty much someone hacked into my PayPal and purchase a monthly subscription to watch a show smh. As I was heading to work, I thought about all of my problems and have decided to take care of all the problems. Feels like time is not on my side in my opinion and I can no longer deal with the bullshit no longer. As take care of the problems head on, I have no problem dealing with consequence even if my body limitations is at risk cause. I'm alone in this and that's no one fault cause everyone has their own problem to fix.

On on to the side story......2012.......

The new year started and I was in a long distance relationship. Unfortunately, It didnt last long. Obviously, communication was the cause of the problems. From there I was talking to girls got into a relationship but that didnt even last too. Then I saw her. Now I'm not gonna write her government name. So I'm gonna name her HopelessRomantic. Unlike every women I've been with physically, I actually found her online. I didn't expect her to give me a chance but she did. At first, we were back and forth breaking up and making up. Then mid year, she broke up with thru a inbox smh. She was right tho, I wasn't doing anything with my life and she felt I had no ambition. It's crazy because before she broke up with me, I wanted to let her know that I finally got a job lol. During that time til September, I was dating and talking to other women but at the same time trying to get back with HopelessRomantic. Then at one point, HopelessRomantic was going through a tough time. So I took an opportunity to help her out. I was making sure she was okay. Then one day there was a BWA (beach) reunion show and since I told HopelessRomatic about my backyard wrestling career, I invited her to the show. That day was interested as I got to see some of the guys even my first love and by the night, I brought her home and "Netflix and chill" happened lol. It was our first time doing something after 9 months of us knowing eachother. From that moment on we were back together but this time she trusted me and gave me another chance of love again. On to other things,in that year I started wrestling officially in BWA (Bronx). I had a chance to wrestle in RCW but I decided not to go. I knew I wasn't going to be comfortable there and plus the only people I would mostly trust would be the DIW wrestlers that I meant in 2011. Everyone else ehhhhh (the white boys weren't really there lol). BWA (Bronx) hands down was the best time of my backyard wrestling career. Holy Convictions Tag Team with Genocide, 4 aces, matches with Loco, Dixon, Dom The Don, my epic match against Gencocide that open everyone's eyes, and the match of the event of SuperShowDown (their Wrestlenania), against Joker. I had a epic time in the BWA (Bronx). Now back to HopelessRomantic. Our relationship was great. Our families liked us together, I got to see her often, I was working, the sex was great lol, and she even motivated me to actually go to college. The original plan was to go study Criminal Justice. Then December hit and after the hurricane, I came from chilling with a friend and HopelessRomantic send me a message on Facebook breaking up with me. There wasn't a particular reason. She wrote like an essay but it had nothing to do with me. I can only assume she wasn't interested anymore. So the year was heading to its end. So I decided to live it up with Black, Red, Green, and Blue Label with some 40s. Regardless of the break up, I still had good year.

Day 12.......Woke up and started my day with a cup of coffee. Went to my job to pick my check check my app to see how much since I started last week and today was pay week and apparently I got no pay listed on this week. So I can only assume my next check will make up for last week or something. Money is always with no value hard to get by but hey whatever. So went on my morning and TD Bank to fax the people apart of my dispute case and unfortunately the bank printing machine doesn't work doesn't work. So another Negative Nancy in the poison air of New York City. After work, I saw my Autismo crew (J God, Weirdo, and Porn Plug). Chopped it up a little bit and by the way F**K WWE 2K!!!!!

On on to the side story......2013......

2013 new year.....still working on and off. Surprisely, me and HopelessRomantic kept in contact regardless of the breakup. One day I brought her over just to chill. She got cozy which didn't bother cause she was single as was I. From what I remember, we were talking and it led to her being emotional and she was crying. So held her tight then boom......we had sex......The next day we were talking and I kinda express to her I wanted to get back together but she didn't want that. I actually cried but accepted and got over it. Probably like a month later, she got into a relationship with someone else which sucked even more. Other than that I signed up for a program that dealt with Digital Media and did well in the program. I was still working but not as much. My birthday but on that day I was sick (for about a week). After I healed, I started this new job that my guy Dirty Sandchez aka Eyevrows from Getaway hook me up with. It was an maintenance job. Did the job and all. July 4th hit and partying up drinking doing my thing. I woke up and got a call from HopelessRomantic letting me know that her Aunt passed. All I had was tears cause her aunt meant a lot The last time I talk to her was Mother's Day so the pain was more. I was mad and I played Dante's Inferno with anger. From morning til night, I beat the game. The one thing I notice alot that day was I had double vision that whole day. I would think that would be gone by the morning but it wasn't. After hanging out with my boy. I started to fall easily and constantly told I looked crossed eyed. By August my left leg felt like I or sprained it. August I finally hit the switch and started college. I was studying Mental Health/Domestic Violence Counseling. First semester went well. All As and 1 B. I even had my own little crew.

SIDE NOTE: One person in that crew ending up being my girlfriend (2016)

During the first semester I was still dealing with my health problems. Things got worse. My hands were so numb that I couldn't write. My double vision was there everyday and I had a hard time walking on my left leg. After going to the emergency room doing MRIs and Catscans and testing my strength with a group of neurologists and constantly hearing that I'm so young (I was 22), I saw a neurologist and he told me that I have Multiple Sclerosis.......

Day 13........Woke up, got ready, and speed walked to the bus stop to get to work. Unfortunately, I got a little late due to the bipolarness of the bus coming on schedule. When. I got to work, I couldn't punch in due to the app I punch in on couldn't connect to the server. After work, I went to see a friend that I haven't seen in quite some time and that was pretty much my day.

On on to the side story......2014.......

2014 came. I finally got my finally treatment after waiting for months for insurance reasons smh. I had to take it every week. I continued college by taking free classes inthe winter semester which was apart of Fall semester. As a result passed both classes with an A. From there my GPA was 3.6. With my education background with a learning disability, D equalivent grades, being in special ed classes, and receiving services due to my learning disability, for a guy with a incurable health condition that pretty much messes with your body depending on the central nervous system state, it was remarkable for something like that to happen. Spring semester hit and once again did my thing in classes, went on dates, and followed the routine of being on grind. Then the summer semester hit and I was offered to take a short summer class and I took it of course since it was free. That morning of first day of the class, I wanted to do the impossible and walked from my home to school (Albemarle and East 19 to Manhattan Beach). It took about 3 hours. Got to class on time and kind sat around or whatever. Some other people got inthe class and informed the professor that they were in the other classroom. For some odd reason I was more aware of a woman saying that then the others. Crazy cause that same woman ended up being my girlfriend by the end of September. We ain't saying government names. So her name for this post is Hermione (she likes Harry Potter). She had tattoos, smart, and she was honest for what I feel most of the time. Eventually the relationship didn't last and ended the same way.......a message. Her reasons made sense I guess (went too fast). Honestly I don't believe time should be a determining factor for a relationship to happen. If you feeling this person then give it a shot but that's just my opinion. Also, in 2014, I officially ended my backyard wrestling career against my friend, my brother, and my on screenplay rival Rodney Banks. It was the perfect ending to the legend that was called Heavy D.

Day 14.......Woke up. Gather some clothes and did some laundry. Sat outside for a little bit and headed back to the shelter and took a power nap. Woke up about 3 and watch One Piece Episode 901. I'm already current with the manga. So I'm basically watching what I already read. That was pretty much my Sunday. Plus I need all the rest for the upcoming days of this week. I gotta say, I'm slowly getting myself together to the point that people inthe shelter are noticing me more as hardworking individual. I'm always on the move and that's being notice and respected by people in the shelter.

On on to the tragic side story......2015

2015 started off okay. Winter semester was a success. I saw Hermione. But I didnt really give her attention after the break up but after we talked, we became friends and that was it nothing more. Spring semester came and I did my thing again and lived the college life but got a job. So now I'm get on my grind and officially had no time for much. Summer was here and my mother was working getting her passport to go back to Jamaica and see her family after years. One time I came from work and as usual expected my mother to be home since she doesn't like to be out late. She nevered came home which was extremely alarming. Call the police and I was informed that she was in the hospital in the city. Got to the hospital and use the phone to locate and she was in the 3rd floor ICU. I didn't know what ICU meant at that time but I knew it was something bad. Got to the ICU and saw my mother........Hospital covered with a bandage on her head as if someone bash a metal bat on her head. Come to find out, she had a seizure and fell on head in the street very hard. I was in tears. All I can remember was that the last time I saw her she told me that she was heading out. My mind was wtf like this ain't real. Called everyone I can call and every got the news that my mother was inthe hospital. She eventually got transfer to a rehab center in Far Rockaway Queens. Things seem to be okay. Then I come home from a hard day at home and I get phone call from a friend informing me that something happened and my younger brother didn't sound okay on the phone. Went to the hospital my mother was sent to. Her eyes was closed. Next couple of days saw her as the machine was helping her breath not responding or reacting inthe room. The doctor spoke to me and younger brother and pretty much said there a very little chance they can help. By October 12th. My younger brother called me and informed me that our mother died........

Day 15......Woke up.....Had to skip gym again. I had to get my mail and sent some emails. After, I went straight to work. After work, I happen to see a face I haven't seen in quite some time and we actually introduce our names after knowing each other for years. It's kind of cool knowing someone and finally just engaging in a conversation (just regularly). Then mailed my my money order to this One Shot Deal that I owe money to unfortunately. While on my way back to the shelter, I started thinking.....now knowing that just about everyone knows that I have Multiple Sclerosis......Hawk's Eye will be on me and my refusals from any assistance will make things a little more tough and edgier. So at this point, I have to be smart on everything I do. But I'm sure I'll get through this someway.

On on to 2016.......

2016 was here. After a hard 2015, I was able to keep the home, still work, made sure my health was good and survived a hard semester. I made the impossible possible. On the other hand, things were different. I started living somewhat a independent free life. I went to school, work, and party on the weekends. I was even going to the strip clubs and bars just living it up with my people. Eventually, I had this feeling like I needed to be what I was and I felt it was time to look for love again and I found it. No government names revealed. So her name was SoReal lol. I knew her since I started college (2013). We kept in contact and eventually we got together in July. It was love again. I haven't felt this type of love since my first relationship. She was smart, hardworking, and very determined to finish college. I was in love. When she felt she needed me, I was ready to help. We went on multiple dates. We talked all the time and we expressed that we loved each other. Other than love, I GRADUATED FROM KINGSBORO WITH AN ASSOCIATES!!!!! By September, I was city bound at City College. By the fall semester thing weren't good between me and SoReal. She distanced herself from me and with that I got less focus on school. Our relationship was so back and forth. When December hit, I got a letter from the landlord informing me that I must pay 3500 dollars in two weeks or I get evicted. So rent is not really being paid by my roommate, I'm barely getting thru college, and my relationship is a mess. As a result, I was still in relationship surprisingly, I pass my classes (barely), and I had to ask for assistance from this service called the One Shot Deal (where your whole rent is paid off but you got to pay back the money that was covered. 2017......would finally bring me to the limit.....

Not everything was meant to be......

Jikai........One Last Time. The Past From The Last View 2017 The Fall Of A Headliner

Mad King Recharging Arc

#sheltersystem #shelter #newyorkminute #thepastisthepast #impeldown #muken

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tegwin · 7 years

Text

The Counterfeit - Chapter Seven

So.. Valentines Day. The big day. But, no Valentines Dinner for Grace and James, since Grace has to work, to make Valentines Day a happy day for other people. That´s unfortunate, don´t you think? Maybe there´s a way for the young love to have a dinner or a picnic even if Grace has to work on Valentines Day. I´m sure James will be smart enough to find a way.

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"Oh, and I should tell you from Hannah, you should take a look in on number three. She says she´s got a problem with the Manet man." Amy told me casually, as I was already there stuffing my last things in my purse. I looked up from it. "What kind of problem?" I asked. "James been quite tame those last weeks. I thought he wasn´t making anymore trouble.". Amy shrugged. "This time he obviously does. But who knows. Maybe he found a new color on the Manet he didn't saw before and just fainted!" she joked. "Or he crept so close to the painting that he was drawn into it!" She laughed shrill over her own joke. "And you must go and free him, cause he cant get out on his own."she sang. "Because your his fairy godmother!". I grabbed a box of tissues and threw it into the direction of her head. "That´s just crap!" I said. "Which is your favorite thing to say, by the way!" Amy squealed. Whereby she was right, which I had to admit. "I'm on my way now." I informed her. "And I'll find out what´s wrong with James.". "You do that. And I´m going to clear everything off. Then you don't have to that later on." Amy chirped cheerfully. "Have fun then."she called after me and let her eyebrows suggestively bounce up and down. "Have Fun?" I wondered. And while still going out I saw Amy who suddenly clapped a hand over her mouth. Like as if she would have said something she wasn't supposed to say. So something was not right. And Amy knew exactly what it was, but would not tell me though. She had, however, almost betrayed her promise. I wondered for about two seconds if I should turn round and go back and ask Amy. But then I decided rather see immediately after James. Whatever it would be what Amy was careful to hide I knew that in a brief moments time I´d knew it too.

When I arrived at room three, or number three, as we used to call it, the door of the passage was closed and Hannah was standing right before it. "Hannah?" I wondered. "What's the matter?". She said nothing, but just stood stiffly in front of the closed door. "Has he made any nonsense?" I asked, now seriously alarmed. Abruptly the thing that Amy had said earlier went through my head. That James had come too close to the Manet. Maybe this was not to far fetched. Perhaps he had really come too close to the canvas and now it was damaged. Wich was why Hannah had locked him in the hall. Because she knew that I loved James. Perhaps to let me see the damage first, to see if I could do anything to even it out. In the hope that this way we could save James life. Or ... Was there another alternative? Anything else that could have gone wrong? "Hannah, what's wrong?" I asked breathlessly. She took a deep breath in and let it back out. Then she said: "I can´t tell you that I´m afraid. I was just told to wait for you to come." I frowned. "That's not very helpful." I commented. Hannah grinned. "Just go in, then you´ll see.". I tilted my head. "Does that mean he hasn´t damaged the Manet?" I asked because the fear inside was still eating me up. Hannah giggled, but fought it down it again. "You're afraid that its about the Manet?" she chuckled. "Believe me when I say that´s got nothing to do with the Manet. The Manet's all right.". Phew! I breathed. It was not about the Manet. "Hmmmm .. But if it's not about Manet, why are you standing here like as if you're supposed to be guarding something?". Hannah grinned slightly. "Just go inside. Then you'll see." she said. I stepped closer to the door and had already placed my hand on the door handle. Then I looked back at Hannah. "Do I want to?" I asked hesitantly. Hannah nodded seriously. I straightened my form and breathed deeply again. Then I opened the door.

The room was bathed in dim light. Which was why I stopped and took a few seconds to find my way around. I had never seen the room in that light. Usually the rooms in the gallery were illuminated with bright white light to get even the last detail out of each painting. Startled, I looked around. "There you are at last." I heard James's husky voice. It came from the bench that stood near his favorite picture. Almost exactly in front of the Manet. "James!" I said and walked shakily towards him. Still, I was afraid that something bad might have happened. Who knew that. If it wasn´t about the Manet, maybe it was another painting that had been damaged. Anything was possible. As my eyes became accustomed to the half light I saw on the bench a red-white checkered table cloth. On a it stood picnic basket and two plates, silverware, and a vase with a single rose. "Anything is possible." I whispered surprised. "Even if it is not about a painting". "What are you saying?" James asked, I heard the faint laughter in his voice. "Nothing .. I just thought." I looked up at him and squinted my eyes to see him clearer in the dim light. "Hannah stood guard outside and Amy told me to come here. Because you'd make trouble. And I thought that you and Manet.". I broke off. "I would have stolen the Manet and Hannah would have caught me red-handed?". His eyes sparkled. "Maybe not stolen. But I thought something like that would have happen. I thought that maybe the picture ..." I trailed off again. I was terrible ashamed about what I had thought him capable of. How could I have only ever been able to assume that James, who was so fond of art, could possible destroy or harm any of those treasures?

I looked ashamed at my feet, while I heard James chuckle with delight. "You thought I had damaged the picture!". He was amusing himself. "And I sat all the time in here and waited and feared, Hannah would look so sternly that you would be horrostrucken and you wouldn't come at all." He took me by the arm. "I thought I had it all dragged here for nothing.". He pointed with one hand on the table, or rather the covered seat. "You have organized a picnic." I said softly. "Yes, for Valentine's Day.". "But today it´s not Valentine's Day yet." I noticed critical. "Yes, I know. But I thought since you are not free on Valentine's Day and I´m busy later on we just have our date right now and here. Otherwise I´m afraid I have not chance to have a real one with you. Because even though I love spending my lunch breaks with you, Fish n´Chips and Burgers don't count as a date. At least not for me." he said. "Or do you beg to differ?" I did not answer. "We don't have to if you don't want to." he said sounding worried now. "I just thought, since you are really busy and I am too and we don't have time to go somewhere, we might have our date right here and right now. So instead on going on a date, the date comes to us. Kind of." He looked at me expectantly. "But.. it´s not allowed." I said meekly and immediately it struck me as something terrible dumb to say. How could anyone be that idiotic? James organized a great surprise and a picnic and all I knew to say to that was to quote the rules! Was that a proper thing to reply to a compliment? "I mean, normally its forbidden to bring food into the rooms." I tried to even my stupid comment out. In the faint light I saw that James bit his lips and nodded seriously. But still his eyes flashed with amusement. Even while he was walking a bit more in the direction of the "table" and seemed to pick up the stuff that was lying on there. "And since you are the one that works here as a museums educations officer you are right." he took my answer serious. "I think we cannot allow that the paintings are going to be smeared and touched with dirty fingers.". I made a step towards him and punched him soft on the arm to silent and to stop him. "I´m so sorry, its all right. You know, that's just some kind of reflex. If you have to remind people of that all day long, you have a hard time to get out of there. You´d think people would be able to read signs, but no.." I moaned. James laughed. "I know that." he said soothingly. "And usually I stick to those rules. Even just because I know for a fact, that Hannah or even you would throw me out of here, if you´d see me misbehaving. Or just because I couldn't have lunch with you if I´d bee eating the whole day long. But I think," he threw a conspiratorial look towards the passage door behind which I had left Hannah, "For now that's fine. Hannah at least did not say anything as I carried all these things in here.". He sat next to the bank down to the ground. I sat down next to it. "I think she thinks we can behave quite well. And that you do not blot anything I know for sure. Out of experience from our lunch breaks." James chuckled. I grabbed one of the napkins, wrinkled my nose and threw it in his direction.

"A little more respect if you please." I said. "There are enough people that can see and hear you, James. I hope you are aware of this.". James looked surprised. "Randy." I said and meant a colleague from the guards, who could see the gallery on his screens. When James still did not seem to understand, I pointed to the corner where I knew the cameras where. Even though I could not see it now, I knew that Randy and his colleagues were able to see us. "In every corner there's a camera mounted. You see. And next to the important paintings, such as your personal favorite, there is one too. Randy and his colleagues are probably preparing popcorn right now." I whispered, watching his expression in the little light there was. "Shocking. So did you tell me that, so we can give them a decent show?" James breathed. A wide smile graced his features. "If you want to. I wouldn't say no to that." he added yet. I pushed myself closer to him. "You wouldn't say no?" I whispered, "That sounds rather well behaved and controlled. I think you can do better than just that. Or don't you think?". My hand stroked his thigh. But I only came up to his knee. Shortly after his knee he stopped me. "Slowly. Give an old man time to breathe." James chuckled. "After all, I had to carry tons of stuff. And I had to run around and persuade hell of people.". He looked at me meaningfully. "Old Man!" I snorted. "Oh come on. It couldn't have been so hard to carry this little basket, But if you want to deceive Randy and his friends and if you don´t want to have some fun tonight that's o.k. with me." I shoved away from him in a demonstrative manner. "I definitely will not force you." James said: "I would be deeply sorry to deceive Randy and his friends, not giving them anything to have fun starring at.". He made a pause in which he fished a strawberry out of the basket and ate it slowly. "But, I think Randy is so nice as to not be there at all. If you understand what I mean." he said and licked his fingers. I gasped and stood up, walked over to one of the cameras in the corners. From below I stared at it for a while. There was no red light. I blinked. Checked again. No red light. The cameras were off. I whirled around. "You mean there's no one here? The cameras are off?" I gasped breathlessly. James just sat there, laid back and a bunch of grapes stopped right before his mouth. He looked up. "Well," he he said and tapped with his free hand to the pillow next to him. "Except you and me of course." he smiled as I sat next to him again. "Grace!" He laughed when he saw the horror in my eyes. "What's going on?". I shook my head. Trying hard to regain control over myself. "Nothing, it's just a weird feeling knowing that the gallery is without any guard and that there's just the two of us." I observed. "This has never happened before. I think.". "And it scares you and now you do regret that you came here." James said. "No, not at all." I blurted out. Then I grabbed one of the strawberries and looked at it thoughtfully. I took a bit and licked the juice from the fingertips. "To be honest it is better like that. Only the idea that Randy and his friends could see what we would be doing was so putting me of!" I said and tried to make a happy face, despite the mixed feelings inside of me. I grinned and shook my head to get rid of the discomfort that was fighting against the joy and agitation inside of my chest. James grinned. "I thought so." he said simply. "And to be honest, I had the same feeling about that.".

"And you thought I really would change my mind?". I tilted my head to keep him better in sight while we walked through the corridors and saloons of the gallery. He took a sip from the glass, which he held in his free hand and came to a halt in front of a painting with me at his side, his other hand stroking absent minded over my hip. "Yes, I did. The last moment was when I told you, that the cameras and Randy were off duty. Then I really thought you'd take you things and leave me straight on." he said and we both turned towards the naked woman who lay stretched out before us. James pointed his glass towards the image. "You have this one in your tour included as well?" he asked. I grimaced. "This one? Never!" I snorted. James pushed out his lower lip. "What a shame." he sighed. "A Shame?". I thought my ears deceived me. "Come on, that's horrible! She´s horrible! Just by looking at her you could say this. The way she lies there. spread out with all her soft white flesh and so ... fat. If her skin tone would be darker, more grayish, she might be mistaken for an elephant!" "Oh .. That´s a bit hard to say, don't you think so?" James asked, looking down at me. "I don't think anyone would like to see this.". "You're sure? Don´t they say, that true beauty lies in the eye of the beholder?And that one can not quarrel about art and taste?" James asked. He took the hand of my hip and moved closer to the painting. "It´s quite..." he whispered. "She´s very pretty.". "Very pretty! Indeed!" I snorted. James turned to me. "Yes. Just look at her eyes. They are very pretty. They are of a beautiful color and look just how the artist painted the eyelashes. She must have been a real beauty.". He let his fingers remain just in front of the image, where the eyes were to be seen. And then moved them in a line above the eyes to indicate the line of the lashes to draw attention to that detail. I stepped closer. Saw what he suggested and had to agree. Her eyes were really pretty. Actually, her whole face was pretty. With the large soft brown eyes, perky little nose and the light blushed cheeks and a few freckles . "True enough." I admitted reluctantly. James gave a little cry of triumph. "But because of that naked ass, that she shoves into the beholders face no one will notice her beautiful face!" I added dryly. "Yu had to say that." he teased. I snuggled back into his arm and pulled him away from the fat lady on the picture. "Maybe?" I said vaguely, holding up my face towards him, so that he could kiss me. "You smell good and you taste good." he said wistfully after the kiss. I brushed a strand of hair from his face. "That´s good, is it?" I asked cheekily. He rubbed his nose against my forehead. And fell silent for a while. "I don't know yet." He then said thoughtfully as he pulled me closer to him. "Wouldn´t you agree we should put the glass somewhere where it´s safer?" I suggested. "We don't want it to fall out of you hand by accident and smash on the floor, so that someone might notice it in the end the next morning and we´re discovered.". He kissed me again. "Afraid to get in trouble?" he asked. "A little bit maybe.". He looked down at me from above. "If you ask me I´d prefer to get to a more comfortable environment anyway.". He looked at his wristwatch. "We cant stay much longer anyway. I could persuade Randy only to give us till midnight. And after that we would have either to pay with a good show or to try and sneak out of here." he mumbled. I laughed. "Until midnight." I said. "Yes. Then Randy start his shift, and we need to sneak out here.". "Midnight and sneak out. This is worse than a fairy tale.". James leaned down to me. "Who knows, maybe this is a fairy tale?" he whispered close to my lips. "And you're Prince Charming?" I asked, eyeing his broad slightly chubby face with the square forehead. For a while we kissed again. Then he said, "Sure, why not? Or you're in doubt?".

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