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shmaptainwrites · 8 months

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i was just going to ignore these at first, but i seem to keep getting them so i’m gonna say something about it

i don’t owe you ANYTHING

i write fics for free and i have a life outside of my hobbies

i will post the rest of the goddamn fic when i have fucking time which is something you guys don’t seem to respect since the ONLY comments i’ve gotten from you are one’s relating to your needs

you have to know how fucking selfish it is to ask/rush someone in the way you guys have it’s absolutely unbelievable

not everyone is an ao3 author who will go to hell and back to publish the next chapter of their fic. find a better way to say it or better yet just don’t fucking say anything at all

#mimi chats #writing #psa #this just absolutely pissed me off #like you wouldn’t ask an author of a published novel to hurry the fuck up #and if you did who the hell do you think you are???#like i’m doing this for free #as a student #with more responsibilities than you know if #my life does not revolve around tumblr #and ao3 #just leave me the fuck alone

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mavspeed · 2 years

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ok lmao I would think this was like. public fucking knowledge or whatever but apparently it isn’t so. fic writers do not owe you a regular updating schedule. they don’t owe you an update, period.

if you want a new chapter for a fic I’m writing, for the love of god, just wait. I’m not gonna abandon my fics, but I do have a life of my own. so sometimes life catches up with me or a new plot bunny for another fic hits and I get a little slow. but I’ll get round to it! so please, Please, don’t leave me messages like this LOL.

trust me, demanding new chapters from me is going to make me want to update the fic even less. exercise a little courtesy when requesting me for an update! be nice about it! don’t be a dick! thanks for coming to my ted talk

edit: also. received this comment under an update for ANOTHER fic, which is.... yeah! like absolutely none of you are obligated to read every single one of my fics but to demand an update for a different fic when I’m updating another one entirely is kinda like going to a house you’re visiting and taking a fat shit on the carpet. like. don’t do that. come on

#I know I’m always like come to tumblr to yell at me for updates in author notes but like #don’t actually do that. be nice about it. my life does not revolve around icemav fic funnily enough #anyway idk how well worded this is bc I’m exhausted from a full day of work + dance class #and I opened the app to THIS #and my temper shot through the roof #maybe whoever wrote this had genuinely kind intentions but yall.... just phrase it better! be nice!#IF you wanna motivate me to write. leave a comment. that usually gets me going #I’ve actually had a few comments on the ghost goose fic over this mini hiatus and they’ve been genuinely sweet #but this?? yeah this isn’t sorry.#anyway end of rant I guess thanks for listening if you’ve made it all the way to the end #su.txt

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seelestia · 3 days

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⟡ within your waking thoughts (there i’ll be).

⎯ what do they do when they miss you? how do they cope with yearning when you're away? { y for yearning ノ ordered by @floraldresvi! (sorry for the ping!) }

RESERVED FOR! ノ characters. aventurine, sunday, dr. ratio ft. gn!reader. { 1.3k words }

FLAVOR! ノ genre. fluff, slight angst (my apology to sunday lovers yet again), established relationship.

TOPPINGS! ノ tags. aventurine has his tech savvy moment, pre-2.2 sunday (heavy references but no spoilers), ratio has two phones (king of separating work & personal life !!!).

BAKER’S NOTE! ノ thoughts. a repost! bcs tumblr didn't like it the first time. hopefully, this one will be here to stay. thank u to vivi for requesting this ‹3

in your absence, aventurine welcomes little thoughts of you that float around his mind with open arms - and the way he indulges them is by simply texting you. effective and efficient, there is a reason why the cosmos calls it the second most used means for long distance communication. what about the first? well, he would've opted for calling you with his earpiece if only his line of work doesn't require 90% of its usage time.

let's just say the idea of fellow stonehearts interrupting his conversation with you ruins the fun. besides, he has deft fingers; coin tricks aren't the only thing in his book, you know, typing a few sentences in one go is no problem at all.

but maybe, he is using that too much to his advantage . . . considering the “25+” staring back at you from your notifications every few hours or so. aventurine is truly, irrevocably relentless.

anything even remotely in your favorite color found within his vicinity? new message: Saw something that reminded me of you, you must really like crossing my mind.

an item he thinks would fit you well? new message: I got you a gift. Does it suit your fancy? [1 attachment]

reminded of how cruel fate is to separate you two for so long? new message: Haven't seen your face in a while. Fifteen hours are a total too cruel, don't you agree?

have faith that you will never grasp the true meaning of boredom when you’re apart from him. luck follows a man like aventurine, so do interesting events - remember how he won a vacation to a resort with one chip? he revels in telling you stories of his encounters while you're away. it is as if thrill revolves around him constantly. . . one wonders just how he fares living on the edge of it all.

(you, for one, are aware of his ways. he has allowed you to wander far enough behind his masquerade, after all.)

of course, texts on an illuminated screen can barely compare to seeing you in person. he prefers having you in his arms instead - but he'll live. solitude is an old friend of his, albeit distant and cold, aventurine can deal with its company every once in a while. at the end of the day, he knows you’ll be there when he comes home.

though, it's such a shame he cannot see your face when you're apart. the curve of your lips as you smile, the twinkle in your eyes with his reflection in them, and. . . ah, seems like he is making this harder for himself. maybe, he should consider buying that HD holographic communicative device on the market? his ears caught wind of some P45 officers at pier point whispering about it before.

it'll cost a large sum of credits but hey, he thinks it'll be worth it. for you? anything is possible.

(...him? clingy? well, guilty as charged.)

sunday’s self-discipline is not something to be underestimated. halovians are a species known for their enchanting voices, yet he feels as if he cannot spare any for even his inner thoughts. what an irony. his longing for your presence is persistent, tumbling at the edge of his tongue - but he is equally as, if not more, stubborn and so he swallows this yearning down instantly.

you are not confined to the dreamscape like he is, as self-imposed as that may be. sunday is aware of that, hence his first instinct is to keep quiet. the curse of sealing his lips till forevermore; watching you leave through the grand doors, letting his gaze fall to where your shadow used to be, savoring the last of your remaining fragrance from when you last bade him goodbye - all without a word.

(don't go, he wished he could say.)

is it a bad habit? “your voice shouldn't be used just to utter words that others want to hear,” you reminded him once. “it's also for you. it's yours.”

but even then, your words are akin to a faint whisper; muffled by the thoughts that plague his mind like a mist. he can't help how they fog up his reflection in the mirror, leaving remnants of something acrid that wafts in the air. something like doubts, sunday would know because he has dwelled in it for as long as he remembers.

you are outside, fluttering your wings in the sky and enjoying what it has to offer. does he have any rights to disturb you? perhaps, in his eyes, sunday views himself as a string tied around your talon, trailing all the way from the heavens where you soar to the humble ground where he resides. each time your absence compels him to reach out, it is as if he’s tugging on that string and dragging you lower from the height you truly relish in, from the height you deserve to be at.

(sunday believes that you belong to the sky, unlike him.)

so here, he shall stay and here, he shall wait until you return. sunday’s heart begins to grow cold - but the farewell kiss you've left on the apple of his cheek hasn't faded. its warmth remains, even when he brushes his freezing hand against it, it remains.

you remain.

(and that is enough for him.)

dr. ratio is a man with a packed schedule, so it's safe to say he keeps himself occupied particularly well. tasks at the intelligentsia guild are nothing short of demanding, after all. there are researchers asking for his input left and right, although some tremble while speaking to him even when he hasn't even uttered a word yet. ignoring that, he also aids in projects that require his expertise. last but not least, his students and classes which he takes very seriously.

(but be careful with how you phrase it — the doctor doesn't view them as distractions, no, he sees them as his responsibilities — saying the former might offend him.)

as you can see, he is perfectly capable of spending time away from you. . . .or at least, until it's time for a break and a part of that perfection chips off.

his office is quite tranquil, free from outside noise, just the way he likes. this place bears a similar purpose as his headgear, to let him focus in silence without disturbance - but he hasn't expected that exact silence to be this deafening. hah, how absurd! in what realm of possibility could silence ever be associated with deafening as an adjective? he supposes it could be a case of tinnitus. . . but veritas knows that isn't the case.

something's missing and it is, much to his dismay, you.

veritas has his standards. he prefers things to be set at a specific level - and this level of silence, one marred further by your lack of presence, is too low for him. he's getting too used to seeing you barge into his office with neatly packed sandwiches in your hands, a revelation he'd rather keep to himself.

veritas reaches for his personal phone, his work one left neglected at the far end of the desk. he considers making a call to you but the clock is ticking. tick tock tick tock, as if to hang the fact that his break is reaching its end over his head.

utilizing whatever time he has left, his finger gives the gallery app a tap. various pictures pop up on the screen; selfies of you with silly expressions, candid shots of veritas himself and some photos of random objects like your matching mugs. all of these were taken by you, of course. seriously, is this his phone or is it yours?

who knows at this point? he nearly lets out a snort, but that smile on his face is fooling no one. the doctor continues scrolling through his gallery, utterly content with just this until he gets home. to you.

(yes, yes, this still counts as keeping himself occupied. thank you for your concern.)

— thank you for reading! reblogs with comments are most appreciated.

#hsr x reader #—stellaronhvnters.#aventurine x reader #sunday x reader #dr ratio x reader #hsr fluff #seelestial.inks #reveriesincups

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karniss-bg3 · 8 months

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The Tragedy of Faith

So between tumblr and twitter I've read various takes on Kar'niss and what draws people to him. For some it's the monster fucking appeal, for others it's the desire to fix a clearly broken individual. There are in-betweens and of course this is subjective and depends on the person. Act 2 spoilers ahead. Where my personal interest comes from is how good Larian communicated the tragedy of faith and what a cult can do to a person. Kar'niss is a creature that has been broken by not one God, but two. Lolth broke him physically, the Absolute broke him mentally. His entire identity has been lost to a deity to the point he raises her in his speech. Referring to her as "Majesty" and "Queen", two terms you don't really hear anyone else address her as, he has elevated her to his final savior and leader. He also often refers to himself as "we" and "us", cementing him as part of the hive mind rather than holding any individuality of his own. When he does refer to himself as "I", it's mostly to show further loyalty to the Absolute, to maintain a position of importance in his fractured mind. Cults are notorious for targeting the most vulnerable in society as they are the easiest to mold and manipulate to their doctrine. The fact that goblins are one of the main races that fall to the Absolute's influence is telling in that regard, as they are often dismissed by the other races. Kar'niss was ripe for the picking, an easy target to lure into her arms. No doubt he was found shortly after Lolth twisted him into a drider and banished him, he didn't stand a chance.

Not even taking those elements into account, Kar'niss came from a society that is infamous for cruelty and violence, especially toward males of their species. Drow greatest hits include, but are not limited to: -Killing their young if they are not aesthetically pleasing enough. In other words, ugly. -Sacrificing every third born son to Lolth.

-If a male finds the favor of two competing females, it often doesn't end well for the male. The rival woman will kill the male and chuck his dead body into his opponents bedchambers, just for the sake of being petty.

-Love and emotions of any sort are in short supply, if not outright unseen as a general rule. The nature of drow to backstab and seek to rise in the ranks makes it near impossible to be anything other than fierce and domineering.

With these things in mind, it's easy to assume that Kar'niss had a turbulent upbringing and likely suffered untold abuse from many around him. It's not to say that good or reasonable drow don't exist, it's just not commonplace in a Lolthite society. Unfortunately, the game doesn't give us a great deal to go on as far as his past. What little he reveals only happens after he's dead, and even then its really a cliffs notes version. What we do know is that his devotion is intense and unwavering. He's willing to die for the Absolute because in his mind the Absolute are the only ones who care about him. We even see fellow followers talk down to him, dismiss him, and verbally eye-roll the guy. To them, his fanaticism is over the top and they follow the same God he does.

All told, this leads me to the conclusion that Kar'niss has never, or rarely, known true compassion in his entire life. He's been used as a puppet for one deity or another, and likely mocked or cast aside even when he did everything right. It doesn't surprise me that there are folks who desire a romance option, or barring that a side venture to break him free of the Absolute's hold. We don't know if Kar'niss did terrible things in his past, or where his moral compass sits as his entire personality revolves around God. But I'd love to know, and I crave more background on him in one form or another.

I've spent too much time thinking about different paths that could happen in-game. I also understand it's incredibly unlikely he'll ever become a companion. The sheer amount of time and resources needed to give a character a satisfying arc is likely more than Larian can do with other constraints, but maybe we'll be pleasantly surprised. So Kar'niss lovers, platonic, romantic, or everything in-between...I gotchu fam. We stan the spooder bby. Someone get that man a blanket and a nice mug of hot cocoa. And a cult de-programming kit, one of those would be good.

#baldur's gate 3 #kar'niss #bg3 #drider #karniss #baldurs gate 3 #drow #early morning ramblings #this entire post was the long way of saying “I can fix him”#no judgement to the ones who want an ass full of web #act 2 spoilers #bg3 spoilers #my writing

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fable-non-canon-ship-bracket · 30 days

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FABLE NON CANON SHIP TOURNAMENT

What is this blog?

this is a blog that will run polls with competing non-canon ships to see which one is the most preferred by people. Its a standard poll/tournament blog.

I am one person and cannot think of every non canon ship possible, so if you want to see a ship in this tournament you'll have to submit it yourself. The people submitting ships will be kept anonymous- even from me.

The forms are now closed

DO NOT SEND ME SHIP SUBMISSIONS IN MY ASK BOX

Rules

You can submit ships that are queerplatonic, polyamourous, romantic

You can submit both the romantic and queerplatonic ships of the same pairing (Ex: romantic Raetross and qpr Raetross)

Do not submit ships that the CC's are uncomfortable with- the only one i can think of , besides the obvious incest ones, are Ulysses and Aax

If i do accidentally add a ship that CC's are uncomfortable with, let me know. I am only aware of so much

You can send more than one submission

Voter Fraud is encouraged!!

Other Information

I am only one person running this blog, if i make mistakes, which are bound to happen since this is my first time running a blog like this, alert me, through dms, or send an ask. I may not respond right away- my life does not revolve around tumblr.

I'll only tag the main posts i make with Fable SMP tag, so that i dont clutter the tags. if you want to actually see the polls/keep updated, i suggest you follow this blog. If you have any questions send me an ask. Again, this is my first time, there are things im going to miss.

I'll post the bracket overview- which will show which ships will be against which ships soon. The polls will start the day after the bracket is up.

#fable smp

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catherinekal · 2 months

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Giant Fucking List of Obscure Video Games I Recommend!

It's finally done!! Took me long enough, but here it is. Over 50 games I recommend. Just in time for the Steam Sale. Holy shit I spent way to much time on this.

Some of these are well known to anyone into the indie/AA gaming scene or just on the internet often, but I still felt the need to mention in case people haven't heard of them. All of these are obscure compared to any AAA game and I'm confident no one would have heard or played all of these.

They all have something I found interesting in someway. I was going to include a trailer for each game, but apparently Tumblr doesn't like that. So I have put a link to a Youtube playlist for all of them in the same order as this list. Some of these games are also on various consoles to, but I can confirm they're all on Steam beyond one.

I only picked games I've played personally. I know of many other good obscure games, but haven't tried or bought them yet so they don't get on the list. Also many games on this list remain unfished to me, but that's more due to time and other life shit then them getting bad.

There's a lot of fucking games In this list so hopefully you find something you've never tried before and give it a shot. All these games are on Steam with one exception, but that's a free game. I also organized them by genres that make perfect sense to me.

Trailers Link:

The Best Game Ever:

Outer Wilds

Fuck it let's just start with the only mandatory game on this list you need to play. You know how nearly every space game is a overpromised underdelivered fucking mess? Like all of them.

Outer Wilds is the actual good one. Don't want to say much more then that. This is very much an experience that you need to know as little as possible to get the best experience. Not even linking the trailer in the playlist.

Absolutely play this game if you had to pick only 1 thing on this list.

EarthBoundLikes:

OMORI

OMORI is a game about a group of kids who go on magical adventures and save the day. That's it. Nothing else sinister going on here.

It's a well known indie game and for good reason. It's fucking good. One of my favorite games of all time.

Art style is peak. A mix of pixel and pencil drawn art that works so damn well for me. The battle system is turn based and revolves around changing emotions and teamwork. It mixes a happy child like vibe with a darkness underneath it, which is right up my alley. A tale of trauma and grief. I'm still fucked up thinking about some story bits in there.

All the characters are wonderful and the story is helped a lot by keeping it focused on a small group of friends.

Play it.

LISA: The Painful and LISA: The Joyful

LISA: The Painful/Joyful are a pair of games that fuck. They fuck hard.

They're morbid, tackle many taboos, and have a dark but also stupid sense of humor. The visuals are nothing groundbreaking, but this isn't a game that needs perfect pristine pixel art. The combat system is a lot of fun, but takes very clear inspiration from Earthbound. The story is just perfect though.

You play Brad whos on a journey to rescue his adoptive daughter who was kidnapped in a post apocalyptic world of only men. You meet the strangest allies and the game has a lot of odd characters in it. Want a lawyer fish in your party? This game has it.

It does not shy away from throwing punches and is not for anyone who can't handle a story that tackles themes of abuse, depression, suicide, and more. The game also has a sequel I don't want to say to much about, but it's absolutely worth it as well.

If you want a fun and fucked up 2D RPG adventure and somehow haven't played this then please do so.

Mandatory Metroidvania Soulslike Indie Game Darlings:

Ender Lilies: Quietus of the Knights

Ender Lilies is the first of many metroidvania's on this list. The indie scene is filled with them and for good reason. The formula works so damn well.

What I love about Ender Lilies is the concept of the player character. You play a white priestess who is also a child and helpless on her own. However, you can summon the spirits of allies and slain enemies to fight for you and those spirits are all your attacks. Gameplay is the same as any other Metroidvania, but knowing I'm this helpless child in this world infected by blight really sells me on the setting.

There's nothing revolutionary to this entry in the pantheon of Metroidvanias, but the visuals and setting are why I recommend it. This game is a slow descent into hell. Also you do get a big heavy hammer attack and any game with a big hammer weapon attack is a good game. Big bonks.

Craving a Metroidvania with a macabre setting? This will do it.

GRIME

GRIME is something else. I don't hear anyone talk about this game and it's a damn shame. I don't even know how to even describe GRIMEs setting. You play as essentially a sentient black hole on a rock body. You go through, with lore slowly revealed as is the Metroidvania stable, and absorb your enemies.

This games aesthetic is best described as fleshy stone. It's very unique visually and what made me want to try it out. As for gameplay you'll need to learn parrying as this games combat system heavily relies on it.

This game surprised me and has a entire level I never expected with one very unique boss to top that off. Also be warned. This game is very much a platformer as well. Similar to how the Ori games are, not just pure combat challenges. If you like your metroidvanias with little to no platforming then you won't enjoy parts of this game, but nothing as difficult as things in Hollow Knight.

If you enjoy metroidvanias then this is a must play. More people need to talk about it.

Salt and Sanctuary

This is where it all started. Certainly not the first Metroidvania by any means, but the first 2D Soulslike Metroidvania or at the least first advertised as such. The devs intended to make Dark Souls in 2D and they did it. Before Hollow Knight, the games listed above, or so many others that took inspirations from Souls in the 2D world, was this game. I know this game was popular with the souls community as it came out, but I don't really hear about it anymore. Hollow Knight just dominated all discussion.

The controls and combat are very much Dark Souls but in 2D. The lore is cryptic and hidden away. There's a fuckton of weapons and spells and multiple playthroughs worth of stuff. The game is hard though Hollow Knight would easily one up it in terms of difficulty.

This game also has covenants that are actually good and the mechanics around them are vastly improved over any souls game that has covenants. I won't go into detail, but I wish the souls games copied this games mechanics for that.

The setting is high fantasy with the lovely dark bloody horror underneath it all. The art style can turn people away, it's not as pretty as other 2D souslikes, but I enjoy it personally. It fits.

The game has a lot to explore and you can get lost in its world pretty easily. I remember walking into a boss room from the exit somehow and got behind the boss and it was all intended if you navigated around him.

If you can appreciate or just get past the visuals and want to see where the 2D soulslike genre began then you should play it.

Metroidvania's Before the Dark Age of Soulslikes

Dust: An Elysian Tail

Long ago there was a time where Metroidvanais didn't have soulslike mechanics defaulted in and set in these bleak post apocalyptic worlds. I have 3 of them to recommend. Starting With Dust: An Elysian Tail

This is a fun little game. A game that I'm not sure many people know about or would think to play today. Metroidvanias pre Hollow Knight tend to get forgotten when I see people about them now. It has a mix of platforming and hectic combat. I remember the game having a cool spin sword attack with a even cooler aerial attack. I liked it a lot when I played it many many years ago.

The art style is colorful and everyone is an anthropomorphic animal. More games need anthropomorphic animals beyond catgirl or rabbitgirl, seriously I grew up on shit like sly Cooper and Ratchet and Clank.

You play as Dust and are accompanied by Fidget. you got a magic sword and you kill a bunch of shit while saving the day. Just a fun little Metroidvania that doesn't overstay and go on forever.

It may be dated in some ways, but if you're a fan of these types of games and want to play a older one then here you go.

Guacamelee!

The combat in this game feel great. Another little forgotten gem of a Metroidvania. It has such a unique style to it and has a fun cartoony vibe. It's pretty fucking great.

You play as a farmer who dons a luchador mask to save his friend he loves and the world being taken over. The combat is a mix of punches, kicks, and throws which is unique from the usual swords and magic these types of games tend to default to. As the game goes along enemies will have shields that need certain moves to break and you'll be switching from the land of the dead and living in combat and platforming.

Both this and Dust before it don't reinvent the genre or anything, but have their own unique charms that I recommend them both if you're a fan of Metroidvanias.

Cave Story+

This is a old classic. The original Cave Story came out in 2004, and was released with a enhanced version in 2011. This is a must play Metroidvania and an old gem. It's the oldest game on this list technically.

This game has little to no melee combat, but instead goes all in on using guns. More Metroid then Vania in that sense. What's unique to the combat is enemies will drop experience that will level up your guns automatically. Each gun can be upgraded to 3 levels, but when you take damage you lose experiences and levels. This adds a extra layer or rewards and punishment to getting hit that I like. Your weapons are perfectly usable at level 1 so it's not like you're fucked, but it gives a greater incentive to avoid damage.

It has fun characters and and fun gameplay. It's a genuine indie gem that I think everyone should play.

Pixel Action Adventure Games With A Dash of RPG Elements to Taste:

ANNO: Mutationem

This game is a pixel art cyberpunk adventure. I adore the art style. It's a 2.5D action platformer set in a futuristic setting. You're on a quest to save your brother with the help of your hacker friend/girlfriend. A quest which leads to a far more complicated story.

The story in this game goes off the rails in ways I love, but I know it threw people off. People have compared the latter half to Evangelion and It can be confusing to follow at times. I still highly recommend it, even if you get lost near the end. A simpler story in terms of Lore would have worked better, but I say fuck it. Go all in.

To me the appeal of this game is the setting. A fascinating cyberpunk sci-fi setting shown through wonderful pixel art. Just walking around the various cities was a joy on its own. There's a lot of attention to detail and I think it's worth playing for that alone. Combat is your standard side-scrolling Metroidvaniaish kind of stuff with various weapons and upgrades and all that. I found it a little challenging at times, but this isn't a game meant for extreme difficulty from what I remember.

If you want to play as hot badass woman in a cyberpunk setting given life through detailed pixel art, then this is the game for you.

CrossCode

This is the most dense indie game on this whole list. CrossCode has so much to do. The game is expansive and slowly drip feeds you with more. You have 5 skill trees, 4 of which are tied to an element, multiple upgrade paths in them. You have a mix of melee combat with twin stick shooter mechanics thrown in. The game has multiple dungeons with puzzles that are both difficult to figure out and then execute the solution for. These aren't like a 2D Zelda dungeon where things never get to complicated, I really took a lot of time with every dungeon.

The setting takes place on another moon physically, but its actually all virtual and a MMO people are playing from all over the galaxy. Though the game itself isn't a MMO really. You play as a set character in a set linear story that's unrelated to that actual in lore story of the MMO.

The characters are fun and the setting is a joy to explore. There's a lot of side content and I don't remember any of it being a drag. This games also challenging and I know It took me a bit to progress at various points. The pixel art is very detailed, especially with the outdoor environments.

This game will keep you engaged for a while and there's challenging DLC and even fun incentives to play new game plus. This is just all around a solid game experience.

Hyper Light Drifter

I played this game a long time ago so details are hazy, but I know I really enjoyed it. It's top down and filled with action. You got a sword. You got a gun. You go kill things and I do remember many challenging combat encounters.

I have forgotten all story elements, but even now I still remember some imagery that reminded me of Evangelion, which is always a plus. Though story was never the main draw to games for me so the setting and combat were all I needed to keep engaged.

Not the most descriptive review of the game, but I know this is one of the furthest game on this list from when I played it and I only went through it once. It's a cool game though and if the trailer enticed you then you owe it to yourself to get it.

Phoenotopia: Awakening

I adore this little hidden gem of a game. If CrossCode is the most dense indie game on this list then this is a very close second. Possibly even more dense, I truly can't decide for sure. It's cute, funny, charming, and full of legitimate challenges.

You play as Gail who lives in a small town village. Some shit happens that I won't give away, but you end needing to travel the land and go on a fun adventure. The story is full of comedic and lively characters. It never takes itself to seriously or gets really dark which Is a nice change of pace.

This game really is an adventure. You will travel a lot and get very familiar with any hub area. There's secrets and puzzles packed all over and gives you good reason to revisit. A nice drip feed of progress is felt as you unlock more stuff.

In terms of combat it's bar far the most simplistic on this list and could even frustrate others, but like everything else in this game it has charm and I adore it. The simple mechanics don't mean no challenge though. I was stuck often, but felt so satisfying when I won.

Some of the late game areas can be bullshit and will frustrate you, but stick with it. This is a genuine top tier hidden indie gem that got no attention. Honestly just under Outer Wilds this would be the other must buy. Absolutely play this.

Vampire Survivorlikes:

20 Minutes Till Dawn

Everyone knows about Vampire Survivor and everyone knows many games came out that tried to capture that style of gameplay. This one is the only one of those I've played and it's wonderful.

You unlock multiple characters and multiple guns with various upgrade trees. Kill the horde, survive, upgrade, survive even longer. Each level only takes 20 minutes, hence the title. I appreciate that as the game would never end with how strong you end up being by the end after you learn the mechanics.

This isn't anything groundbreaking, but if you need to kill half a hour then it's a fun thing to play.

Hawklikes:

Umurangi Generation

Let's fucking go!! This game rules!

As someone who is going to pursue photography more seriously as a hobby this game is perfect. Unlike something like Pokemon Snap or games with photo modes, this game really captures the feeling of holding a physical camera and the moment to moment decisions you make with each shot.

You unlock different lenses and control each shot as you would a real camera. After each photo you can edit it on the spot purely for your own creative reasons. The visuals are low poly and very colorful.

The game has a tony hawk style of progression. A hawklike if you will. You get dropped in a level and are given a list of photos to try and take. You can of course take photos of anything. You have a limited amount of film and can find more throughout the level.

Also there's a story. There's a dark undercurrent to the whole thing and the game is very overtly political in all the right ways. Don't like politics in your games? Fuck you! This game dives right in while still maintaining the core gameplay loop. Need more games like this please.

Please buy this game and it's DLC.

Action Games:

Furi

Top tier action game. It's a boss rush game, that's it. 10 bosses with some vague story that briefly connects them. It's not bloated with bullshit and knows exactly what to focus on.

The combat is a mix of intense melee combat with parries and dodges and the like, with twin stick shooting. No upgrades. No farming. No choosing between this weapon or that. No additional moves or mechanics. You fight a tutorial boss which teaches you everything and then you go. You have the full toolkit from the start and that lets you master it slowly over the game.

It's so fucking satisfying finally winning and knowing you improved and earned that win. I like the story as well. It's not that complex, but the ending bits worked for me.

If you want a genuine good action game that has no bullshit attached then get this.

Amid Evil

There's not much to say about this one other then it's really fucking fun. It's a first person action game where you use magic and weapons to go through combat filled levels. You have health and mana that all weapons use outside of your axe. The levels are filled with secrets, you move fast, and it's just a fun action game.

Sometimes a game isn't more then that and it beats games that are stuffed with unnecessary mechanical bloat. If you want a fun first person action game that's not just a full shooter then this is the game for you.

Adventure Games:

The Cat Lady and Lorelai

I love these games. No one ever talks about them or knows about them and they will certainly linger in your mind. The devs have made 2 other games that I have yet to get to so for now I am recommending only these.

Play The Cat Lady first. It's the first one and tells the story of a very depressed middle aged woman who gets a second chance at life, at a cost.

Lorelai is about a young woman in a very abusive household trying to survive while seeing what lengths she will go to save those she loves.

Both these games revolve around deals with a devil and feature a lot of horrific violence. Fun!

The stories in both evoke a creepy disturbing feeling and you're always on edge. I won't say these are straight horror games, but they sure use horror imagery. The art style really helps sells it. The animations or character models may not be the most beautiful thing around, but it has that indie charm I love. The voice acting isn't perfect either, but these aren't negatives for me. These are passion projects and imperfections are what make any piece of art shine brighter. Real people put their soul into these games and it shows.

The gameplay is standard adventure game fair, but all keyboard controlled. So no endless mouse clicking everything on the screen. which works wonderfully. Though being pure adventure games you're here more for the story then the moment to moment gameplay.

Please play these.

Detention

Detention is probably well known due to the controversy with Red Candle Games other game, Devotion being wiped online for shitty reasons. It's available now on their own websites store, though I still have never played it. I should one day as Detention was pretty fucking good.

The gameplay is the usual 2D adventure game fair. A lot of clicking and puzzle solving with some horror thrown in. The story and setting are where it's at though.

The game is unique in that it's made from Taiwanese devs and the games setting is rooted in their cultures history. I don't want to give away any real details beyond that, but it certainly left an impact and seeing a game not set in Europe, America, Japan, or any fantasy equivalent to those was refreshing. The games also not super long and could easily be beaten in a day.

Go buy it. Play it on a long free night. Support these devs.

Rime

I love the aesthetic of this game. Cel shading indie colorful goodness. I got this for the visuals alone and was very happy the game that came with it was good to. Visuals are a major factor in me getting interested in a game and the reveal trailer was enough for me to play it.

It's very light and cryptic on story for most of it as to be expected from this kind of game. You're a kid, you wake up on a beach and go forth exploring. You solve puzzles and hide from danger and go through each of the unique levels trying to piece together whats going on.

Like the game before, this isn't a super long one. Shouldn't take more then a day or a few to get through it all. Though I do recommend you take your time and explore like I did. Let yourself be immersed in the setting.

This is another example of just a pure perfect indie game. Doesn't overstay it's welcome, tells a simple but cryptic story, and has lovely visuals.

Atominous

This is the one of the few games on this whole list that I would say is truly obscure. In fact I have no doubt this is the most obscure. If you're big into indie games then nothing on this list will honestly surprise you, but I'm confident this is the exception.

In this free game you place as a a little guy who's job is like pest control. Instead of bugs your job is to collect and protect the world from rare atoms called Atominous. Basically little atoms that can alter reality. You go into a big house and your job is to find them through the power of puzzle solving and clicking every little thing you see.

This game is all about clicking everything. Nearly every object has unique text that pops up, if not multiple. You find keys to open more of the house and slowly suck up the atominous atoms and clean up the place.

That's it. It's a fun quirky little free game that shouldn't take more then a couple hours. No excuse not to try it, it's free. It's also the only game not on steam, but instead here

Adventure Games Where You Hit Things:

TUNIC

TUNIC is a lovely indie game. You play as a little cute fox and go on a adventure to save your poor trapped mom. such a cute game :3

I adore the visuals, I love low poly stuff and the game is full of charm. Looking at this game makes me happy. The game is like a mix of a top down Zelda and Fez and it being reminiscent of FEZ was what really took me by surprise. I won't go further in how it's like FEZ, but it really elevated the game for me.

It's a fun top down game with simple fun combat. You kill enemies, find key items, unlock more of the world, and get fed cryptic lore. The perfect formula for a fun little indie game. The game is decently challenging to with it's boss fights, and overall a nice fun little experience with some neat surprises.

TUNIC is wonderful, go play it.

Kena: Bridge of Sprits

This is the most PS2 game I've played since the PS2. I mean that as a compliment. This game felt like going back in time to a simpler time.

Visually the game is not at all like the PS2. The visuals are beautiful and has been compared to Pixar. It's bright, colorful, and well polished. To me this is peak aesthetics. This game is worth playing just to see all the work that went into the game's visuals alone.

It reminded me of a PS2 game because it's a self contained fun third person action adventure. Just a fun game with no bullshit holding it down or any other purpose then being a fun adventure. The world is a joy to explore with a nice steady progression. I especially love how the Hub is mostly corrupted and you slowly restore it over the course of the game. Shit like that always feels so good.

There's a lot of unexpected challenge to. Some of the later fights and especially bosses took me a bit to beat. Just like a PS2 game you'll get random difficulty spikes that are so fucking satisfying to beat.

I highly recommend this game.

Adventure Games Where You're in the Desert:

Sable

Sable is a coming of age story presented in a very fun interactive package. This is a game about heading out into the world and exploring on your own whim to figure out what your character becomes as an adult.

You play as Sable, a young adult girl who has to leave her tribe and head into the wider world to discover herself. The goal is to find mask which representative a life path and pick one by the end. The actual game is about heading into a desert open world, solving puzzles, helping NPC's, and discovering what bits of hidden lore hide throughout. You do this all on a hoverbike you can customize as you unlock more parts.

As always the art style is important to me and this game has something really unique. The characters animation is low framerate and it can be off putting to some, but of course I loved it as I love any odd creative choice. I love the lighting and colors to. It's hard to describe just why I was so mesmerised by the art style, but I can safely say it's one of my all time favorites.

The only negative goes to technical issues. The game ran like shit on my PC and my PC isn't bad. Even people with far better PC's then me ran into frame rate issues and others didn't have any. Sometimes games aren't optimized well, but this game was so magical to me that I loved it, despite the tech issues.

It's a very chill game. You want to explore a cool world at a slow pace and get lost in it? Sable's the game for you.

It Comes In Waves

This is a short game where you have to start over if you die. A penalty I feared, but truthfully this isn't that difficult of an experience. You start on one end of a desert and have to carry something to the other end as it grows inside a tank on your back.

As you wait for whatever your transporting to grow you will explore minimalist environments with some unique imagery that speaks of a wider history you just have to wonder about. The whole time you have to watch out for raiders and watch your water level. It always depletes and you will need to explore and refill it as you journey on. I also love how you have a map, but the map is like an actual map. It doesn't show you on it, but just the overall area.

This game will take you a hour at best and is unlike anything else on this list. There's something about just slowly walking across the desert, not knowing what's ahead, and hoping you can make it to the next water tank. Just a little experimental game about a harsh journey.

Platformers With 2 Entire Dimensions:

MO: Astray

Ever wanted to play as a little blob? No? Well you should because this game was a hidden gem. I was thrown off by this game at first and then pleasantly surprised by the whole experience.

This game feels like it should be a metroidvania. It's 2D and you're on a broken down ship or facility or something. Nope. This game is fully linear and at first I didn't think I'd like that and was disappointed, but it works so damn well.

You play a slime essentially and you have the magical power to read the last thoughts and minds of corpses by settling on their rotten fleshy head. With this power and other little story tidbits you learn what's going on, your purpose, and so on.

There's no combat in this game really. You move by shooting yourself in any direction you can see and you can stick to surfaces. There's danger. There's enemies. There's boss fights. All without the usual fair of attack/dodge roll, that's standard for 2D metroidvanias now. This game is something different and that alone makes it worth it.

Also a note on the boss fights. All of them felt very unique from each other I prefer having a few well crafted unique bosses then having a bunch of the same type of fight over and over again.

Another genuine hidden gem you should try.

Platformers With 3 Entire Dimensions:

Frogun

Frogun is adorable. It's like a N64 game and I love it.

You have a frog grappling hook and go through little short levels that ramp up in difficulty. There's optional challenges in each one. The art style is absolutely going for that early 3D low poly vibe that is starting to become more popular.

This is a perfect example of just a fun video game for the sake of being a fun video game. No serious story or message or intense complicated gameplay mechanics. Just a cute 3D platformer reminiscent of a older time.

Also I played this back when I used to stream and a Frogun speedrunner showed up in chat and helped me pull off a couple speedrunning tricks so that was fun.

If you want something simple and fun then here it is.

Cyber Hook

The ultimate speedrunning game. You have a gun, a grappling hook, and the ability to slow down time. This is a pure platformer. You enter levels with the goal of getting through as fast as you can.

I never got great at it, but the few times I really got going fast and flew through a level felt awesome. It's so satisfying finally doing things right after many failures and you will fail a lot.

There's really not much more to it. Neat visuals with satisfying and simple mechanics. If that sounds fun to you then check it out.

Marble It Up! Ultra

Platformers really are just the perfect mechanic to make fun mindless games with. Marble It Up! Ultra is another simple 3D platformer that's just purely focused on being fun.

As always it's not that complicated either. You're a marble and you try to reach the end of each stage with a time limit. There's items to stop time, make you jump higher, and go faster. Just all about building up speed and there's tons of ways to skip past parts of levels. Like the two games before, this one is perfect for speedrunning.

It's fun, go buy it.

RPG's:

Roadwarden

I was going to make a big post about why I preferred this to BG3, but scrapped it. BG3 is fun, but the story just bores me from the get go. Where BG3 failed for me Roadwarden succeeded. All story and all fantastic.

This is a text based RPG. Very simplistic visuals which show just enough to let your imagination handle most of the work.

You play a roadwarden who has the lovely job to travel the dangerous roads and help the townsfolk all while working on your greater goals. You pick between 3 starting classes and those do change how you approach things quite a bit. You have a time limit and that will force you to prioritize things over others. You can't do everything in a single playthrough. Your decisions matter and you aren't going to figure everything out.

You have to manage your health, money, hunger, and cleanliness. You will never have enough money for everything and that helps create more interesting choices. You have to manage what you do in a day. You meet a lot of people and forge allies or enemies and it's all told with stellar writing.

If you want a well written fantasy interactive story then you must play this game.

RPG's With Intense High-Octane Turn Based Combat:

Epic Battle Fantasy 5

A long time ago in times forgotten there existed these ancient relics called Flash games. Maybe one day I'll talk about old flash games I was into, but for now I'm only talking about the latest instalment in one of them. Epic Battle Fantasy is a series of games made by Matt Roszak. They started as little flash games, but have since turned into bigger games that are on Steam. 5 is the latest one and also the best so I'm recommending this one.

I've gone through this game multiple times. This game fucking rules. The game is easy to control, satisfying, and has my favorite turn based combat system period. No seriously, this is my favorite turn based combat system. I could go on what I like about it so much, but I'll spare you all most of the details. I'll say it gets rid of mana entirely and put all your abilities on cooldowns which changes based on what you're using. This just fixes balancing and helps you from spamming heals and all that. I love this system. It's easy to control, intuitive to understand, full of options, and can have a chaotic randomness I enjoy.

In this game you explore the overworld, solve puzzles, and fight enemies. The story is not at all serious or anything like that. It may not be a Flash game anymore, but it still has the older internet spirit of not taking things to seriously and being a little juvenile. There's also a lot of post game challenges that still are impossible for me to really do well or at all.

You can change the difficulty anytime and another thing I love is the entire game can be controlled with just a mouse. You can use a keyboard to, but a mouse covers everything which I think is neat.

This is such a wonderful combat system and the game I've beaten most on this list. If you want legitimately challenging turn based RPG combat and don't care about story or characters to get that then this game is a must play.

Shadows Over Loathing

Want a lovecraftian mystery RPG injected with a dose of comedy where everybody is a stick figure? Yes? How very specific, but luckily there's a game just for you.

Shadows Over Loathing is a turn based RPG where you search for your missing uncle in a area full of strange locations and characters. I never did play their other game West of Loathing, and I was pleasantly surprised by this one. It was a lot of fun, creative, difficult at times, and had a world I really wanted to explore.

It has a lighthearted comedic tone throughout and the silly art and stick figure characters help with that. The actual turn based combat is fun to. Nothing to complicated but could be challenging to which is needed to help this style of combat really shine.

There's really not much more to it. If this sounds like something you'd enjoy then please check it out.

RPG's Fused With A Light Novel:

Ys VIII: Lacrimosa of DANA

AA games still exist! I finally get to talk about Ys. I've played 3 Ys games and I'm going to talk about my favorite one because of the fun gameplay. This is a very unknown franchise that has existed since the 80's and even now the 10th instalment is set to release later this year.

As for why I'm recommending Ys 8, it's because it has some of the most fun gameplay. The combat is fast paced, encourages good timing, and full of that anime over the top stylish action. You control up to 3 characters and can easily switch between them. Each character plays differently and has their own special moves and everything just feels so satisfying.

You play as generic light novel anime man, Adol. Tagging along is generic tsundere light novel anime girl and other light novel anime characters. Like edgy boy with a gun, loli raised in the wild, and blue haired girl. You crash land on a island and have to survive and find survivors. Much like LOST the story goes off the rails and of course in classic JRPG fashion you need to stop the end of the world somehow. Unlike LOST characters are generic and the usual anime fair.

Despite the lackluster story this game still fucking rules because it's so goddamn fun to play. It also solved crafting forever by making it so you can convert common items into rarer ones making anything you find useful potentially. Seriously it's such a nice feature and all crafting systems without it are lesser.

If you want some fun action combat and don't mind anime bullshit then really, check out the entire franchise. Any of them will do, but this is the one I'd recommend the most.

RPG's Fused With A Light Novel and A WW2 Textbook:

Valkyria Chronicles 1 and 4

Picture this. WW2, but with anime and magical girls. Japan just never stops with these incredible ideas.

I adore these 2 games. I haven't played 2 or 3 as those are PSP games and I don't hear great things. However I can confirm 1 and 4 are fucking fantastic.

These games are tactical RPG's where you command troops one by one in missions. Most are usually about capturing a enemy base, but there's a lot of variety beyond that in both of them. You lay out your troops at the start plus your commander who's in the tank. You get a set level of CP per turn and each CP is used to control a unit. The actual game is probably piss easy for experienced tactical game players, but I'm not that at all. I found it legitimately difficult, both games.

What sets it apart is the game turns into a sort of third person shooter when controlling the units. You can freely move up to your AP and get one action to do. If it was just top down the whole time I'd find that not that interesting, but actually moving around and taking cover unit by unit is very engaging. There's 5 classes in the first game and a 6th added in the fourth game. Each class can be upgraded as well along with weapons, equipment, and the tanks.

The stories in both are nothing special truthfully. It's anime WW2 with silly dumb anime characters. I don't mind that and had a lot of fun, but if you can't stand something like Persona then these games will infuriate you. To me stupid anime characters in games can be a lot of fun, like Raz in 4, the dumbest but somehow most entertaining character for me. Expect some silly anime cliches and tone changes and the usual fair for these kinds of games. Even if the story is a big nothing for you, I still think both games are worth it for the gameplay.

Another aspect that I really love is all your units have personality traits that can trigger as you control them. What caught me off guard was that they're both positive and negative ones. There's ones like a woman having man hater and fancies woman as traits, aka the lesbian. There's straight up a guy with misogynist as a trait. Some are lonely, frail, daredevils, have crushes or people they hate, even one with the masochist trait. All these good and bad traits translate into potential buffs or debuffs that can happen in the game.

Sadly these side characters don't get much story in the first game. Just a unique design with some personality traits and maybe a couple in battle lines of dialogue. However, the 4th one introduced squad stories. Essentially little side stories that revolve around the non important squad mates. They were always fun to do and the missions for them are more unique because they are designed around only using those 3 characters.

I recommend both of them, but if you had to play one I'm not sure. 1 has the better story, the overall lore itself establishes in 1, and the gameplay is still fun. 4 has the better gameplay, more unique missions, and the squad stories which were a highlight for me.

Just pick which one sounds more like your thing if you only want to spend the time with one of them. Both are fun.

RPG's About the Harsh Reality of Capitalism:

Recettear: An Item Shop's Tale

I adore this games concept. It takes the common NPC seen in these little RPG adventures, the shopkeeper, and puts you in their shoes. You're father has a big debt to pay off and you now have to sell items out of your house to help pay it off before the deadline.

You lay the items out and then have to haggle your way to a profit. Finding the line of when to haggle and how much is the key to success and I failed miserably. I never did beat this game, but I haven't beaten many games on this list and that won't stop me from telling you to play them. I think the concept alone is enough of a reason to check it out.

The game does have combat as well. You can hire an adventurer to go with you into a dungeon and fight enemies for treasure. I like how you hire someone from the Adventurers Guild, just another cool concept as a typical game would have you play as the character being hired instead all the time. I also like how dungeons are high risk high reward. If they die then you lose most of what you gather and essentially just wasted the day.

It's just a cool concept and a nice change of pace from how a game set in these typical fantasy settings would go. You aren't some savior of the world, but just a shopkeeper trying to pay off debt.

Spooky Games:

Yuppie Psycho

Do you want a game about a corporate building being haunted by dark forces and being a badass fighting your way through it all? That's Control. You just want Control.

Unlike Control which bored me to death after a while. Yuppie Psycho is about a haunted corporate building, but you play a new lowly worker who's been tasked with something far above his pay grade. Brian Pasternack is a new hire who's in way over his head. What should have been a normal corporate jobs turns into a witch hunt, literally.

You aren't a badass and will have to sneak your way to victory, uncovering the buildings hidden secrets along the way. For me that's part of why this works over Control as a effective story. You're kind of a fucking nobody who has to be extra careful and is reluctant to even do this. Far more relatable honestly.

The joy of this game comes from exploring this building and uncovering the secrets and horrors. Each floor is unique and this game gets creative with the corporate horror vibe. I love some of the designs of things and how it blends comedy and horror together. It also has branching paths and even limited save slots which seemed frustrating at first, but wasn't really a big deal. Not saving every chance you can really adds to the tension when sneaking around.

It's not a true horror intense experience, but as someone who is a baby with horror I found a lot of genuine tense moments. It's a real indie gem.

The Complex: Found Footage

Kane Pixels backrooms videos are honestly pretty fucking great. I'm not usually a fan of horror at all, but there's something about these videos that just work for me. Then pgWave decided to make a video game creating the experience of exploring these kinds of spaces.

This is a creepy game where you slowly move through liminal spaces and just sort of get lost in it. There's no jumpscares or anything intense happening, but as a baby with horror this game was tense to go through for me. Honestly I appreciate it's not a more traditional horror game with a monster or something. Just dropped in a space that's inherently unsettling and leaving it up to you to explore.

If you have a free night and want to get lost exploring spaces only games could deliver then play it. It's literally free.

Games Where You Gotta Go Fast:

Distance

This game fucks. I actually remember when playing the first version of this game back when it was a student project. Students at DigiPen made a game called Nitronic Rush and it was (maybe still is?) available to download for free from the schools website. That game fucks and they announced a proper full game called Distance and it was one of the rare instances I actually bought a early access game.

Distance is a car game about going fast as fuck. The levels don't put you against anyone and instead just getting to the end is the challenge in itself. You have a boost that can overheat, a jump, and even wings when needed. The levels will require you to weave in and out of oncoming danger. They have jumps where you'll need to turn the car 90 or 180 degrees to land on a new track. All while giving you a wonderful sense of speed and accomplishment when you pull things off right.

It's not a easy game either and levels will get challenging. There's a ton of levels and challenges and if you get sucked into the gameplay then there's a lot to keep you there. This game seeks to deliver the thrill of going fast in a dangerous track where everything is out to kill you, and making it to the end. There's really not much more to say. It has a specific vision and fully realizes it.

Games Where You Trust the Heart of the Cards:

Foretales:

This game is very unique and nothing quite like what I've played before. The entire game is card based. Each of the characters have their own decks that are all mixed together in your hand. You have 4 resources you can collect, gold, food, fame, and infamy. You can get item cards as well. The board has various location cards you need to move through to move the story along. What's unique about this is the cards can be used in battle or on locations.

It's hard to really go into details how this all works, but you don't have a separate hand or anything for when combat begins.

Some cards have uses in locations and battles and others don't, but there all mixed together which adds to you planning ahead and making the best choice. You can use a eavesdrop card near a guard post to get a juicy secret which can be used for blackmail later. You can forage for food and obviously a forest will give you more then a mine shaft. There's a lot of really cool little interactions and creativity put into this systems that's just to complicated to type out and explain.

One thing I can get into is the best feature of combat. The fact that you can get through it without fighting or with less fighting then needed. Those 4 resources can be used in locations for story or optional reasons, but they can also be used in combat pacify enemies. Bandits can be bribed with gold or food for example. Fame and infamy can be used as well in certain circumstances. They are a constantly growing resource that always have uses. I'm sure it's possible to do a full pacifist run, though I imagine it would be difficult.

The game also has multiple paths for the story to go and lots of optional stuff. Multiple characters to use down the line but only 3 party members so there's more choice as well. Also everyone's an anthropomorphic animal because why not.

I just like how it's a card based game that's not just a battle between opponents or a roguelike or how cards are typically used in video games. If nothing else this game should be played for it's game design alone. If you want a really unique interactive story experience entirely dictated by cards then this is about the only game I know of like it.

One Step From Eden

I'm very bad at this game. So bad I still have never beaten it once. It's really fun all the same though.

It's a deckbuilding roguelike set on a grid. As the formula goes you fight your way through, choosing your path, collecting cards, and seeing if you can win. In my case that's a no.

The game is set on a grid where you have to manage what spells you currently have, dodging enemies, and somehow making sense of the chaos. You can unlock other characters that have their own unique mechanics to help freshen things up. Also the game just throws you in the deep end and lets you learn through playing. No tutorial or anything, just have at it.

If you're itching for a roguelike that's very fucking challenging then enjoy.

Inscryption

This is another game I expect many others to know about, but if not then honestly just play it.

It's a rougelike card game set in a wonderfully crafted creepy setting. You're alone in some mysterious persons shack forced to play a really well designed card game. Of course if it was just that I'd not be recommending it.

The mechanics are well thought out and slowly learning the mechanics feels nice. You will fail, a lot, as is the case for roguelikes, but keep at it. The game is filled with secrets and puzzles and mysteries that you'll just have to figure out for yourself.

Much like with Outer Wilds way back at the top, I don't want to say much more. If you have somehow not played this or don't know anything about it then you should.

Tainted Grail: Conquest

This is still the only proper deck-building roguelike in the same vein as Slay the Spire. While I haven't played much of that and honestly couldn't get into it, this game I did.

It was described to me as Slay the Spire meets Dark Souls by some poor soul who's brain is forever lost in soulslike hell. In reality it's just a cool deck building game where you fight creepy monsters and slowly build up the village to make each run easier. There's characters to find and NPC quest you can make little progressions on each run. It's just enough story and context to give this game a sense or purpose and progression outside collecting cards.

What added more replayability to me beyond the quest was having 9 classes to work with. In truth it's really 3 broad classes with 3 variations on those broader class types. You have the fighter, archer, and summoner as the broad classes. They use similar cards, but their strategies vary with each subclass. A summoner is more about making their summons powerful, bloodmages use their own life to summon minions that get stronger and die on their own, and necromancers sacrifice their minions to turn into a Lich. The fighter and archer subclasses are as varied and it's a good way to use similar cards across different playstyles.

I had a lot of fun with this one. It's a fun deck building game.

Thinking Games:

Manifold Garden:

I love the space this game takes place in. This is the shit only games can truly deliver on. The world is basically always looping. Each level repeats in all directions when your in open space. If you fall anywhere, you'll be ok. You can just fall endlessly even, it's very mesmerising and freeing once you get used to the fact that you can just jump off anywhere, and even needed to solve the level sometimes.

The other fun mechanic the puzzles primarily revolve around is the ability to walk on any surface and change gravity as you do it. Essentially you turn the wall into the new floor and is the main mechanic for puzzles in enclosed spaces. This game uses blocks of various colors and the simple task of putting them in the right slot is made complicated by having to altar gravity and matching them up. There's other mechanics introduced of course, but you'll need to discover those yourself.

The game can be beaten in a day give or take your skill at puzzles. I appreciate that it doesn't overstay it's welcome and uses it's mechanics in interesting ways. Also this reminds me I still need to play Antichamber someday.

If you like exploring spaces only games can deliver on or puzzles then this is the game for you.

FEZ

FEZ! This is such a fun interesting little game. It's probably well known given who the creator is, but if you haven't checked this out before, then you should.

The trailer makes it appear to be more a platformer then a puzzle game and that's half right. Similar to another game on this list, FEZ goes much deeper then a mere platformer. It has some esoteric puzzles. As I understand (could be wrong) one puzzle still hasn't been solved legitimately, but had to be brute forced and even now the community has no concrete answers on how you were supposed to get the solution.

The good news is the harder puzzles aren't technically required to just finish the game. You could still enjoy this as a fun platformer. The way the world works is you see the game world on a 2D plane. Like any other 2D platformer. However, the world itself is in 3D and you can switch the perspective to change where platforms and other things are. It's really fun moving about this world and in a sense each level is it's own puzzle to figure out how to get through it with these mechanics.

I highly recommend this game.

Thinking Games for DJ's

FRACT OSC

This is another game I would be shocked if anyone knew about. No one talks about this game ever and I don't even remember how I found out about it wayyyy back in college. This is also the oldest game on here I've played. I haven't touched this is years, but know I enjoyed it a lot.

What i remember is it's filled with music based puzzles. I also remember being very fucking confused and having to look shit up, but the real joy is just the vibe. Everything makes sound and the whole game revolves around music. I slowly explored as much as I could and just took it all in. It's a fun space to be in and I'm a sucker for being dropped in a unusual place only games can delivery on.

If you don't know shit about music production like me you might have a hard time or maybe I was just a fucking idiot and needed help. Either way I still recommend this to everyone.

Vibing with the Beat Games:

Sayonara Wild Hearts

This is basically a interactive album. It's a rhythm game that's not to difficult, which is good as this is more about the flow and vibe. There's not much more to say about it. It will take an hour and every bit is lovely. It's a visual and auditory feast that has some clever ideas packed in. I think everyone should experience it.

Soundodger+

This game won't be on the Steam store for much longer sadly. Warner Bros being shitty and taking cool shit down. I haven't played any other of the Adult Swim games that are being taken down, but I encourage you to find the list and get anything interesting while you still can.

The game itself is a fun little bullet hell rhythm game. The song plays and you are a circle in the middle of larger circle. Obstacles are thrown out into the middle timed to the music and you simply have to dodged them. I don't remember it being to hard, but I know there are community levels and I just have to assume those are going to be tough.

It's a cool game to vibe to and it's going to be gone soon. Don't miss your chance to get it.

Artsy Games That I Don't Know Where Else To Put Them:

The Beginner's Guide

This a narrative experience about the relationship between the narrator and the game dev who's games are being played. That may not sound like the most interesting premise, but trust me it's very engaging. This game has a unsettling feeling underneath it all and it's really hard to go into more without just spoiling things.

The actual game is you going through a series of small little games made by a Dev named Coda as the narrator Davey speaks to you about various things relating to the game and Coda himself. It's explores a character who's frankly caught up in a unhealthy obsession with someone else and quite the journey.

It will only take a hour and half to get through and I think it's worth a playthrough if you like narratives only video games can deliver on.

The Static Speaks My Name

This is the shortest game on this list. It's also the most depressing. If you struggle with dark thoughts and depression and really need something happy to distract you, then do not play this little free game.

It's a sad and unsettling little experience that has a lot of room for interpretation. I'm a fan of little strange pieces of art like this and if this sounds interesting to you then it's free. Check it out.

Minimalist City Builder Games:

ISLANDERS

This such a cute game. It's a simple city builder where the goal is to keep building things correctly and move on to another island. You start on a randomly generated island and are given a set of buildings and a number to reach. Buildings will get bonuses based on whats near them and as you unlock more buildings the number to reach gets higher.

That's really it. It's easy to understand and a nice little relaxing game about building a cool island town. Pretty cheap and pretty fun.

Multi Genre:

The Hex

This is multi genre because it quite literally has many different gameplay modes packed in it. A bunch of old video game characters stay at a Tavern where a murder may take place. It's a murder mystery! Also so much more.

In truth it's a narrative video game about exploring these characters past lives and revealing a larger narrative underneath it all. This was made by Daniel Mullens who's latest game I recommended earlier. Much like Inscryption, this game slowly draws you into it's setting and drop feeds you it's secrets slowly.

The Hex was pleasantly surprising as I didn't really know what I was getting myself into. It's worth playing.

That's it. That's the list. Over 50 more games to add to your Steam library which means over 50 more games you'll get to, eventually.

#video games #Steam #indie games #Steam Sale #Gaming

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dominican-girl-dolls · 3 months

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hello american girl doll tumblr community

i have decided to prematurely introduce myself despite not currently owning any dolls 💀 because i want mutuals!!

i’m cece, i’m 20, and im from the dominican republic :) (también hablo español)

as one does, i originally got into american girl at age 8, just in time to request a “my american girl #25” for my 9th birthday. truly a time in my life. as things go tho i grew up and at around 15 years old my mother asked me if id be interested in gifting my american girl stuff to a friend’s daughter and i said yes of course, and me and my doll parted ways

however i am now 20 years old i’ve recently gotten back into ag, this time specifically into the ag historical line! i’m so obsessed with the characters, their stories, the period clothing and accessories. i’m so devastated they’re archived so much of their furniture, it’s such a crime.

i am currently in the process of reading all the historical girls’ books (maybe not all of them, but most of them)

i wouldn’t describe myself as an aspiring collector. dolls are expensive and i don’t really want to have a hobby that revolves around buying stuff. plus i don’t think i’d have use for just, a bunch of dolls. i think ideally id have a maximum of 4-5 dolls

currently my favorites are: kaya, kirsten, addy, samantha, rebecca, and kit! though i trust this list will change and grow as i read through the books

anyways, please follow me/reblog if you wanna be mutuals. i emphasized that i mostly love the historical girls but id love to have mutuals who have other preferences as well :)

#agblr #american girl doll #american girl dolls #i say things #intro post #pinned post

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hero-israel · 6 months

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Perhaps it's selfish of me, but as a non-Jewish person I really hate how the I/P conflict has invaded fandom spaces the past two months. People have been calling out celebrities left and right for so much as daring to express sympathy for the Israeli victims. I'll be going through a blog, after three fandom posts there will be a post like 'calling death to all (zionists)'. Insane conspiracy theories get thousands of notes (black friday??? spotify wrapped??? are they aware that the world does not revolve around america).

I wouldn't even be upset if it was posts passing around the links to donate aid or if it gave info on the statistics. Instead it's like suddenly everybody is an expert in Israeli history, suddenly their eyes have opened to the evil of the zionists, and suddenly they're all 'yaaaasss revolution kill the oppressor'.

All of these make me so angry because it's all fucking performative. Do they care about the earthquakes that have happened in the past two months? Do they care about the conflicts going on in other Middle-Eastern countries, some which have been going on for years? Do they care about the Palestinians being treated as second-class citizens in these countries?

'But they're not America's concern', well then neither is the I/P conflict. These people have zero connection to the conflict. Nothing they do or say will make the problem *disappear*. Yet they engage in useless 'activism' by harassing 'zionist'(mostly who are Jewish) blogs and sending them death threats.

It's horrible. Blogs which did not give two shits about Palestine before are suddenly cheering for Israeli deaths. Folks who have never opened a history textbook are using words like genocide and apartheid without knowing what they mean, and are doing blatant historical revisionism that even I, a person who has never lived on those lands, know is a lie (like Jews and Muslims apparently lived in harmony before the Europeans attacked??? Just say you don't know about religious conflicts that don't involve Christianity.).

I know I can curate my experiences, but it has been really disheartening to see so many otherwise rational people call out for blood everywhere on Tumblr. I can't even begin to fathom how much it has affected the people who are directly involved.

It feels useless to hope, but I genuinely wish there will be a day when people put all this effort in establishing peace rather than harassing random strangers.

We are at a terrible intersection. 20+ years of fake "joined struggle" newspeak has been absorbed by a rising generation that sees only despair in their socioeconomic and environmental future. It is all too easy for them to see their problems as unsolvable and inescapable - and also for those problems to be caused by Jews. What does one do when certain that their life is ruined, that it is the Jews' fault (bc "shared struggle"), and that voting is pointless? They will curate their daily life to attack and exclude Jews - in any space they can influence, including their fan blogs. It will feel like a counterattack - like punching up. As usual.

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thedaythatwas · 1 month

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TW: Hegel.

So, what’s up with Shuake and dialectics? Click below to watch this user (who is not a philosopher) give this (frankly too invested) analysis a shot!

Something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately is the fact that most– but not all– of Joker’s confidant routes involve some sort of transaction. Joker does something for someone, Joker gets a favor in return. Joker’s identity revolves around what he can do for others. He’s got a different mask (haha game mechanic is narrative device etc.) for everyone in his life.

Getting a little bit in my head about this led me to a (not-all-that-novel) realization: Akechi’s confidant route is largely non-transactional. Sure, he says that he wants to meet with you to talk about the Phantom Thieves, but that more or less directly translates to just wanting to hang out with you. The “favor” that you're doing for Akechi, if we follow the logic of some of the other confidant routes, is spending time with him. (Which is of course also about getting close to Joker for metaverse recon purposes… But I’d argue that amounts to more or less the same thing in the long run anyway). Really, that’s what your relationship with him is, up until you realize the heart he needs you to change is actually one of the big-bads of the game. And at that point… Well…

Where am I going with this? I’ve also been thinking a lot about Hegel (I’ve seen some really fun posting about Akechi and Hegel on here this past week– thank you philosophy P5R tumblr!). Akechi’s paraphrasing of Hegel goes a little something like “advancement cannot occur without both thesis and antithesis.” Hilariously, this is how he frames his desire to talk to you more, his flirting is just like me forreal I understand him etc. etc. BUT! The interesting thing here is that the game is cueing you to view your relationship with Akechi through the lens of Hegel’s dialectics.

More on that to follow, but first, I want to plug the Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy’s page on Hegel’s Dialectics here– If you haven’t used it before, SEP is a reliable, peer-reviewed source. It’s great. I use it like. All the time. It’s good for getting the gist of big ideas when you don’t have time to read full texts. (Also if I get any of this wrong please know that philosophy is not my field and I’m totally open to constructive criticism.)

Hegel’s dialectical process revolves around three key moments: the moment of understanding, the dialectical moment, and the speculative moment. These moments can also be referred to as thesis, antithesis, and synthesis. The moment of understanding, thesis, is the point at which an idea is seemingly stable. In the dialectical moment, antithesis, this idea “sublates” itself– the idea is challenged and destabilized because an inherent contradiction in the idea has been made apparent–importantly, part of the idea is preserved. The speculative moment, synthesis, negates the contradiction. A new idea takes form, containing elements of the original idea that was sublated (Marx’s theory of history, anyone?)

This process continues on and on. Ideas naturally reveal their contradictions, are destabilized, and resolve their contradictions through the creation of a new idea, which is challenged again. This is because the dialectical moment does not come from outside an idea. Antithesis is not an external push against thesis, but rather, the moment when thesis is forced into instability because of its own tightly-bound restriction.

So back to what I was saying. The game kicks off your relationship with Akechi with a nod to, uh, all of that. Could this be a throwaway comment? Of course! But it’s much more fun to work under the assumption that it isn’t. So bear with me. Akechi is framing himself and Joker as thesis and antithesis. What does that mean? Why do I think it has something to do with Akechi and Joker’s relationship being non-transactional?

Previously, I’ve thought that in the context of their relationship, Akechi represented thesis, and Joker antithesis. This isn’t exactly true (at least per the criteria above) but I do think I was on the right track.

At the beginning of his story, we can think of Akechi’s worldview as thesis. The world is a stage, and he is a performer. His entire life is dedicated to destroying Shido. It’s a key narrative element of P5 that Akechi doesn’t have confidant relationships (as contrasted by Joker, who has many confidants and becomes stronger through building up those bonds). He views himself as deceiving literally everyone in his life for his goals– his “fans,” his father, the Phantom Thieves. He doesn’t trust, because to him, trust is failure.

Still, he’s starving for approval, and not just from Shido. You can see the inherent conflict between his desires and beliefs in just about every interaction he has with Joker, particularly those where Akechi overshares about his past. He desperately wants someone to hear him. I don’t think his (primary) aim in that was to strategically win Joker’s trust by showing vulnerability– if that was all he was going for, I doubt Akechi would have been so honest. He omitted information, sure, but he gave Joker the honest-to-god broad strokes of his childhood.

When Joker comes into his life, Akechi comes to realize that his stable worldview might be wrong. Watching Joker and the rest of the Phantom Thieves reveals the cracks in his own internal logic. Joker has friendships and he is stronger because of them. When Akechi sacrifices himself for the Phantom Thieves on Shido’s ship, we see his moment of synthesis. If Akechi really still internalized all of what he said in his “Teammates? Friends? To hell with that!” monologue, he wouldn’t trust Joker to change Shido’s heart in his stead. To be clear– he probably would have reached this point with or without Joker’s intervention. Joker just happens to push Akechi towards self-sublation a little bit faster.

In Royal, we see a new iteration of Akechi. He doesn’t really regret his actions, and he is still very distinctly Akechi, but we can see that his original perception of the world has made a shift. He is willing to team up with Joker. While he may not place a great deal of faith in all of the PTs, he certainly has real trust in the protagonist. He’s learned that he can be recognized (dare I say loved?) without being perfect, and accordingly, his driving desire for approval has been displaced by his desire to never be so completely under anyone else’s control again.

But ok— that’s kind of an old take. Perhaps a hotter one: I’d also like to propose that Akechi does the same for Joker.

As mentioned above, Joker’s identity for most of the game is defined by what he can do for the people around him. While a large part of this has to do with the fact that he is a playable character, this is a game, and a game needs to have things for you to do– it wouldn’t be very fun otherwise– it also seems pretty clear that this is part of his characterization. Joker is selfless to a fault. Like Akechi, he is a wildcard who can take on multiple personas. Unlike Akechi, instead of having a handful of personas directly linked to the core of his character development, Joker has as many personas as you want him to. He literally has a mask for every situation. You can equip a persona of the correct arcana to level up your relationships faster– a game mechanic, but also, an interesting meta statement about how Joker bonds with his confidants.

In Royal, however, Joker has the option to do something for himself. His greatest wish isn’t for someone else's happiness– it’s to have Akechi back, for selfish reasons, I would argue. Joker can sacrifice reality to keep him in his life, and depending on the actions you choose to take, sometimes, he does.

Loving Akechi teaches Joker to be selfish. This is especially poignant when you think of how adamantly opposed Akechi is to staying in Maruki's reality. Giving up the true reality to keep Akechi is a wholly selfish act on Joker's part, nothing altruistic about it. And if he doesn't make that choice? Well, don't forget about how Joker spent his wish.

He would have learned how to do this without Akechi– one tends to realize that neverending self-sacrifice is unsustainable sooner rather than later. Again, Akechi just pushes Joker towards effecting that self-sublation a little faster.

By spending time with Joker, Akechi learns that there are people he can truly trust. By spending time with Akechi, Joker learns how to put himself first. Their confidant relationship from this perspective is not only transactional, it’s actually one of the most transactional relationships in the game. Joker actively impacts how Akechi sees himself and the world around him, and vice versa. Their relationship is profoundly transformative for the both of them. To paraphrase Akechi, advancement cannot occur without both thesis and antithesis.

But also, we can forget dialectics for a second. Even without a fun analytical lens, Akechi’s confidant route centers two misunderstood people who find understanding in each other. That’s enough for me!

#persona 5 royal #p5r spoilers #shuake #goro akechi #akiren #time allocation decisions were made today

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charles-simmons · 4 months

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So, here's some of my c!disc duo conclusions, since I've been seeing people talk about it. I have a lot of fun reading people's opinions about this, so, please, feel encouraged to add yours too and/or disagree with me

c!Dream:

-What he did to Tommy was abuse and he did do terrible things in general

-No, he is not an evil mastermind or a psychopath. He's just an asshole, like a lot of people in that server. He did not have half of the control people like to think he did. And I don't think he could even be considered a villain, especially because the dsmp is not black and white, there are multiple sides to everything.

-Prison arc was completely inhumane. He was tortured, desperate for human interaction, and suffering a lot. Nothing justifies the treatment he got.

-The pain he went through during prison does not redeem him.

-His character does not revolve around Tommy, even if they're a huge part of each other's story

c!Tommy:

-He's not completely innocent. He did do terrible things. <- even if it's easier to forgive him because of his age and because of the people around him and the context he was in. I personally think his side is understandable, but it's important to at least acknowledge he did do bad things, regardless of the possible motives

-He knew about Dream being tortured in prison, and not only he didn't do anything about it, but supported the idea <- he was abused by Dream and it's not a surprise he'd act like that. But again, it doesn't change the fact he did y'know. Let's not pretend he didn't do things

-He was a child and not to blame. <- Some people might disagree, but even if he was the one to get himself in trouble a lot of times, I genuinely don't see how you could blame a teenager. Sure, he started a lot of the fights, he caused a lot of problems, he did a lot of bad stuff to a lot of people. And of course there would be consequences to his actions, but I genuinely can't see how someone can say he deserved what he went through. That kid needed supervision, I genuinely believe it's not his fault.

-Just like Dream, he is a very flawed person. Many of his decisions are reckless, selfish, and even just straight up cruel sometimes. He was not an angel, and there were times he was in the wrong. Doesn't mean he doesn't deserve compassion (again, just like Dream).

-When he said sorry to Dream at the finale, it didn't mean he was forgiving him. Tommy was apologizing for the nuke (aka. for killing them) because he had just seen that maybe there was a chance Dream could get better. He apologized bc he was killing a human, someone that had potential of becoming a better person.

-You can't "make Tommy the victim". He is a victim.

In general:

-They're complex characters, they're not just black and white (it's easier to simplify them into a angel kid that did nothing wrong and a emotionless psycopath that's obssessed with them, but that takes away their whole complexity and it's just not true)

-Quoting tumblr user milktearosethorn (who I have never interacted with in my life but has a opinion I agree with) "They're two soldier on opposite sides, forced to fight when they were both too young. And if it weren't for that, they could've been friends, in a kinder world. That's why the finale is so good" <- I love this bc it's true and I agree.

#I love this duo. I'm willing to talk about them at any given moment #c!discduo #c!primeboys #disc duo #c!dream #charles simmons speaks #c!tommy #dsmp analysis #why is everything I post so long #I hope I phrased myself correctly in the explanations

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hellohannie · 11 months

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Miss Americana & the Heartbreak Prince | hjs

“𝙫𝙤𝙩𝙚𝙙 𝙢𝙤𝙨𝙩 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚𝙡𝙮 𝙩𝙤 𝙧𝙪𝙣 𝙖𝙬𝙖𝙮, 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙮𝙤𝙪”

all you've ever wanted to do was graduate high school and get out of the small town you grew up in. that was until you met (and fell hopelessly in love with) joshua hong. part of the taylor swift x seventeen collection

♡ PLAYERS - joshua hong x f.reader

♡ WORD COUNT - 8.4K

♡ TAGS - high school au, cheerleader!reader, drum major!joshua, mutual pining, fluff, minor angst

♡ INSPIRATION - Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince by Taylor Swift

♡ NOTES - hi :) this is my first ever fic on tumblr! i write on other platforms , and i wanted to get a masterlist running on tumblr as well. also, this story takes place in a high school setting and revolves slightly around the american football season. however, for the purpose of the plot, we are going to pretend that state championships happen in april…lol

ok hope you enjoyyyyy :))))

Go! Fight! Win!

You stood on the sidelines, cheering as loud as you could. Your throat was burning, your legs aching, but the adrenaline pumping through your veins kept you from feeling it. It's the most important football game of the season. Not only is it the playoff game that would determine which high school would make it to the state championship, but it's also the night all the college scouts come to recruit seniors to join their teams the next year.

As the senior cheer captain, the pressure was on to be perfect. With all eyes and cameras on you, this was your chance to get scouted by the most elite colleges in the nation. A scholarship to a coastal university is your only ticket out of the godforsaken town you live in. There was nothing holding you back.

Except...

"Touchdown, number 13 Choi Seungcheol!"

The sounds of students cheering, the announcer yelling, the scoreboard buzzing all faded away when the marching band began the play the school's fight song. The rest of your team members, along with the students in the bleachers, ran past you to rush the field, but you stood in your place, focused on something else.

Someone else.

All the way on the opposite end of the bleachers, in the designated band section, stood Joshua Hong. While his attention was on conducting the band, your attention was on him. He was beautiful, even in his stuffy uniform, with the wind blowing hair into his face.

You'd loved Joshua since sophomore year, when you were just sixteen years old. It was the beginning of the spring semester, and he was a new transfer student. As the sophomore class rep for student council, you were asked to give him a tour. You remember being breathless when you first saw him, his soft features and doe eyes so inviting.

"Hi, I'm Y/N, the sophomore class representative," you'd said, blood rushing to your cheeks when he smiled at you.

"I'm Joshua Hong, it's nice to meet you!"

He'd told you, as you gave him a tour of your school, that his parents moved here from Los Angeles.

"From LA? Why would anyone want to move to middle of nowhere America when you could live in LA?" You were dumbfounded. All your life you'd wish to move out of your little town, so you couldn't imagine why anyone would want to move in.

Joshua just shrugged. "I don't know, I think it's nice how everyone here knows each other. It feels warm and intimate in a way."

"You don't know anyone here though, aren't you upset you had to leave all your friends behind?"

He turned to look at you, flashing you a smile that made his eyes turn into little crescent moons. Your heart stuttered to a stop. "I have you, so at least I have one friend here."

You decided then and there that maybe you could bear living in this town if Joshua lived here too.

From that day forward, you'd meet up with Joshua after school every Friday. When it was cold, you'd meet him in one of the practice rooms in the music hallway. He'd play something on his guitar while you told him gossip about all your classmates. Once it started to get warm, you'd meet him under the big maple tree in the courtyard.

If there was one thing Joshua loved most, it was music. You'd never seen him look as serene as he did when he played his guitar.

If there was one thing you loved most, it was Joshua.

When he was gone all summer visiting his family in South Korea, you felt empty. Of course you had other friends. You'd known the girls on the cheer team since you were children, cheering on the junior team together. Yet, no one understood you quite like Joshua. There were times when you'd sit under the maple tree and not say a word to each other. You'd do your homework while Joshua played, and you were the happiest you'd been all day. If you'd had a good day, Joshua would play happy music. If you'd had a bad day, Joshua would play somber music. If you'd had a stressful day, Joshua would play calming music. He could read you like the back of his hand, and you loved him more for it.

It was no surprise to you when Joshua came back in the fall and joined the marching band. You were happy for him, ecstatic even, because this meant you'd be able to hang out with him at all the games.

Or so you thought.

You're not sure where you went wrong, but you and Joshua began to slowly drift apart. With classes getting harder, and you having cheer practice every day after school, you barely had time to talk to each other in the hallways, let alone meet up after school.

Then, one Friday in September, cheer practice got cancelled. While your teammates all rushed home to enjoy their evening off, you ran to the music hallway. You felt giddy as you approached practice room B and heard the familiar chords of Joshua's acoustic guitar. The thought of Joshua still going to your practice room, following your old routine, made your heart race. He still remembered.

Your fingers just barely touched the door knob when you heard a voice, a female voice. Your blood ran cold. You peeked through the little window on the door of the practice room and saw a girl leaning over Joshua's shoulder, pointing at something on the paper in front of him. It was Kim Minhye, another student in the band.

You took a step back, hand slipping from the door knob as you tried to blink away the tears gathering in your eyes. Of course Joshua had other friends, you wanted him to have more friends. He was kind and charismatic, it would be impossible not to like him. Yet, it still hurt, knowing your guys's thing, was no longer yours. He was doing it with someone else.

From that day forward, you only ever saw Joshua like you did tonight, at football games. During the game, you focused on cheering, in hopes of catching the attention of a scout from a D1 school. At the end of every game, you'd turn and look at Joshua, and watch him do what he loved. You'd tell yourself that you'll always love him, even after you ran away from this town.

When you got home and went to sleep, you'd dream of him. Except, in your dreams, he'd be running away with you.

It was the first week of March. The weather was getting warmer and senior prom was steadily approaching. Ever since you'd met him, you wanted to go to prom with Joshua. However, you would've never anticipated the competition you would have.

You'd be lying if you denied the popularity you had at school. As a top student who was involved in all sorts of extracurriculars and captain of the cheer team, it was a given that you'd have friends in nearly every circle. Now, Joshua's popularity was a shock, and that has nothing to do with his personality. It had everything to do with his antisocial tendencies.

You could count on your right hand the people you'd consider Joshua's friends, and they were all in the band. Lee Jihoon, Kwon Soonyoung, and Choi Hansol were just as much in love with music as Joshua, so it was a given that they'd pull him into their circle. The only other person Joshua really interacted with was Kim Minhye, who was now also a drum major.

Besides these four, Joshua never spoke to anyone else. That, however, didn't stop everyone else from wanting to speak with him. You supposed that when Joshua looked like he did, of course people would want to be friends with him. Wasn't that what you wanted when you met him two years ago?

The courtyard was alive with students after school, everyone wanting to soak in the first warm day you'd had in months before going home. As you walked, you noticed a crowd of people whispering and pointing. Curious, you walked in a direction that you hadn't been in so long, yet felt like second nature.

There, below the maple tree, sat Joshua.

There, like every other day, was a new girl, timidly asking Joshua to prom.

And there, once again, she was turned down by the Heartbreak Prince.

It started the first week of February, the prom proposals. A girl from student council, Shin Nari, approached Joshua in the cafeteria during lunch. You envied her a bit, envied her bravery. She did something you wanted to do, but never could. That's why you felt bad for her when he turned her down. You thought it was obvious that Joshua would say no. Of course it was, because who else would he go with if not the girl he spent every day with, Minhye. Still, you couldn't blame Nari. This was Joshua. If you still had feelings for him, despite knowing he only had eyes for Minhye, why wouldn't anyone else.

Since then, there was a new girl every day who would ask Joshua to prom, in hopes that she'd be the one to win over the Heartbreak Prince. Every day, another heart was broken.

You stood there, watching as the girl walked away from the maple tree, brushing away tears. The students around you began to disperse, criticizing the girl for being naive enough to think she was the one Joshua wanted. Joshua went back to plucking his guitar, the newly growing maple leaves casting shadow patterns on his body and the ground around him.

When Joshua was under the maple tree, he was always alone. You never understood why his friends never joined him. Instead, they'd sit at one of the benches nearby until Joshua joined them, at which point they'd leave together. Under the maple tree is the most peaceful place on campus, so it's a shame they never thought to experience it.

You considered walking over and talking to Joshua. It had been so long since you'd heard his voice, it wouldn't hurt to just ask how he's been.

You're about to take a step forward when someone blocks your path. You glance up to see it's Seungcheol, one of your oldest friends. You and Seungcheol met in sixth grade, when your junior cheerleading team would cheer for his junior football team. Both of you shared a dream of becoming team captains when you were seniors, a dream you both achieved.

"Hi Y/N," Seungcheol smiled, dimples pressing deep into his cheeks.

"Hi Seungcheol, how are you?" You glanced down and noticed the single white rose he held in his hand.

Seungcheol responded to your question, but you didn't hear a single word as your mind drifted away. Joshua's mom adored roses, to the point where their house was surrounded by rose bushes. It's why Joshua's clothes always carried the scent of roses.

A hand waved in front your eyes and you jolted, looking up to see Seungcheol looking at you with worry. "Are you alright? I asked you something, but I don't think you heard me."

"Oh, I'm sorry Cheol," you replied, feeling guilty. "I think I just need to head home and rest. What it is that you wanted to ask me?"

It was only when Seungcheol extended the rose towards you that you realized what was happening. "I wanted to ask you if you'd be my date to prom."

Your heart dropped to your stomach, and one look at Seungcheol's shy smile was enough to make you wish the ground would just swallow you whole. "Cheol..."

"I've been wanting to ask you since freshman year. We've been friends for so long, it only makes sense that-"

You couldn't bear to let him continue. "Seungcheol, I'm sorry," you cut him off, shaking your head. He looked at you, eyes wide in confusion. "I can't go with you."

You fisted your hands into the skirt of your dress, trying so hard not to just cave and say yes just to make him stop looking at you so hurt.

"Why not?"

"You're really sweet and you're a great friend but," you turned your gaze to the grass below you to avoid looking at Seungcheol's expression. "I don't want to lead you on or give you false hope."

The silence was so long you had to look up to see what he was thinking. "Is there someone else you want to ask you?" His voice had dropped in pitch, face devoid of all emotion.

"Of course not!" you stammered, thrown off by the question. "Listen Cheol, I'm really, really sorry," you started to step back. "I just, I'm sorry." You turned and walked towards your car, eager to get home and out of this awful situation.

Seungcheol stood rooted in his spot, tightening his grip on the rose as his hands began to shake in anger. He knew you were lying.

It was quick. So quick and reflexive that you probably didn't even realize you did it. Didn't realize that you took a quick glance over his shoulder when he asked you if you wanted someone else to ask you to prom. Seungcheol looked over his shoulder towards the maple tree. Towards the boy who you really wanted to ask you to prom. Towards Joshua Hong, who you didn't even realize was watching you wistfully as you walked away.

When you got to school the next day, you looked for Seungcheol. You felt awful for lying to him and running away the day before. You owed him an explanation, and felt comfortable with telling him the truth. He was a close friend of yours after all.

As you walked through the hallways, you felt eyes on you. As usual you smiled at your classmates as you walked by them, but today they didn't smile back. Instead they were glaring and whispering. It wasn't until you overheard what they were whispering that you realized they were talking about you.

She's such a bitch.

I can't believe she just pretends to be so sweet only to stab him in the back like that.

What a two faced liar.

When you caught sight of your teammates, you rushed over.

"Hey guys, do you know what's going on?" Your question was met with glares.

Dani, another senior on the team, scoffed. "You're kidding right? Just drop the act Y/N."

To say you were confused was an understatement. "What? What do you mean?"

"We know what you did to Seungcheol, the whole school knows," another girl responded, crossing her arms as she looked at you in disgust.

"Oh," you nodded in realization. "I know, I reacted horribly, that's why I wanted to find him and apologize. I feel like I owe him an explanation-"

"An explanation?" Dani asked, incredulously. "What explanation is there for using someone just to make someone else jealous?"

You paused, mouth open in shock at what Dani just said. "What?!"

Dani rolled her eyes, while some of the other girls in the group just scoffed and walked away. "Seungcheol told everyone the truth. That you guys had been dating since the summer, but you wanted to keep it lowkey until college admissions were in. Then when he told you that he got into UCLA and would go to college with you, you broke up with him and told him that the only reason you were with him was because you wanted Joshua, but you knew he'd turn you down."

By now, the hallway was dead silent, everyone listening in on your conversation with Dani.

"You're nothing but a two faced liar. I can't believe I have to spend my last year cheering with a captain like you," Dani slammed her locker shut and walked away before you could respond. You stood frozen in shock, the students around you pointing and whispering until the bell rang and it was time to head to class. The sound jolted you out of your stupor and you went to class, simply going through the motions until the end of the day.

You were walking to your car when you noticed a figure leaning against it. It wasn't until you got closer that you realized it was Seungcheol. Quickly, you walked over, betrayal clear on your face as you asked, "Why did you tell everyone we dated and that I used you?"

Seungcheol smirked at you, still leaning against your car. "You lied to me Y/N. You told me you didn't want anyone else to ask you to prom, but you did. You wanted Joshua to ask you to prom."

You stiffened, "How did you kn-"

Seungcheol suddenly stood straight, bending over to meet your height. "The boys on the team all know I've liked you since freshman year. Do you know how humiliating it would be for me if they found out you turned me down for Hong? I couldn't let you ruin my reputation like that."

By now you were seething with anger. "So you ruined mine? I came to school today with the intention of telling you the truth because I thought you were my friend. How could you do this to me?" You were yelling, and people were staring, but you didn't care.

"Oh please," he scoffed. "You should be thanking me, I did you a favor. You think the Heartbreak Prince would make an exception for you?" He cooed, mockingly. "Besides there's only two months of school left. Who cares if your reputation is ruined, you've always wanted to run away from this town anyways. Now you've got nothing left to hold you back." He patted your head condescendingly before walking away.

You stood by your car, waiting for everyone to leave your sight before turning and running away. A pair of doe eyes followed.

It's been years since you sat under the maple tree. While you used to sit under it and laugh, this time, you were crying.

Seungcheol was right, there was nothing holding you back from leaving now. The only thing you cared about enough to keep you in this town was Joshua, but there's no way he'd ever want you back now.

You sat in the shade, arms wrapped around your knees, head buried between them. You shoulders shook as you sobbed, your breath getting caught in your throat. It was then that you heard it. Music.

At first you thought it was your mind playing tricks on you. As if the ghost of memories past was lingering around the maple tree, playing back the music that used to bring you comfort. Then you heard the crunch of leaves under shoes.

You looked up and your heart stuttered. Even the thick tears blurring your vision could never keep you from recognizing Joshua. He stood there in front of you, acoustic guitar hanging from his neck, his delicate fingers plucking at the strings. The sun formed a halo around his face from behind, and he looked as ethereal as ever. You dropped your head to your knees again, sobbing harder at the heartbreak and embarrassment you felt after seeing him.

You felt some movement next to you, and suddenly, the air felt warmer, music louder. Joshua had sat next to you, leaning against the trunk of tree as he continued to play the guitar. For the next thirty minutes, Joshua was a steady presence next to you. He didn't stop playing until you turned to him, breathing finally evened out. You sniffled and rubbed at your swollen eyes while Joshua rummaged through his backpack. There was so much you wanted to say to him, but your throat choked up every time you tried.

Joshua handed you a pack of tissues and kindly looked away as you blew your nose and wiped your tears. "How can I help you?"

Despite it all, you couldn't help but let out a breathy laugh. Of course he didn't ask you something ridiculous like are you ok? or what's wrong? This was Joshua, who always knew the right thing to say. You think in a different circumstance, you would've felt endeared.

"Are you sure you want to be seen sitting with me? I'm a liar and a snake after all," you looked down at your hands, chipping at the polish on your nails.

Joshua considered you for a second. "Have you ever lied to me?"

Your eyes snapped towards him as you shook your head frantically. "Never!"

Joshua smiled, reaching out to pat your head. "Then yes, I want to be seen sitting with you. You were my first friend here Y/N. I'd never abandon you."

The whispers still followed you down the hallways, but you didn't care anymore. People called you names, said you were a bad person who used people to her advantage, but it didn't bother you. The students stared and pointed as you made your way to the maple tree that Friday. Your companion was waiting for you, guitar perched on his lap as he scribbled on some sheet music.

Joshua looked up at you inquisitively, searching your face for something. When he found what he was looking for, he turned back to his guitar, playing an animated tune. You sat beside him and opened your notebook, working on your homework as Joshua played out your emotions for everyone who was eavesdropping.

She's happy, the chords announced. You couldn't help but smile, because he was right. For the first time since sophomore year, you truly felt happy again.

Once again, you and Joshua fell back into your Friday afternoon routine. One Friday in mid-April, you sat under the maple tree alone. Usually Joshua was there before you, but for some reason, you beat him there this time.

You looked up as voices approached you, and you recognized the girl with Joshua as Minhye. Like always Minhye was a constant presence by Joshua's side and while the sight of them together made your heart clench with jealousy, you tried your best to will it away. After months without him, you were finally back to having Joshua as a friend. If that's the only way you could be with him in this lifetime, then so be it.

They stopped by the bench where the rest of Joshua's friends usually sat. Minhye quickly looked your way before turning back to Joshua. "So anyways, I just wanted to remind you about the scholarship audition. Don't forget to sign up for it."

Joshua nodded his assent before walking towards you. You gave him a quick smile as he sat down and unzipped his guitar case.

"So...what was that about?" You asked, hesitantly.

"Oh, it's nothing," he replied, quietly tuning the instrument in his lap. "The state university opened their scholarship portal for prospective music majors and Minhye was reminding me of the deadline."

You nodded, picking at the grass tickling your calves. "Ah, ok."

You paused. "Wait," you scrambled to your knees. "You got in??"

Joshua looked up at you, sheepishly, then nodded.

You couldn't stop the squeal that made it's way out of your mouth. "Shua, oh my god! That's amazing."

Before you could process your actions, you lunged at him, holding him tightly around his shoulders. The smell of fresh roses sent your heart racing again, and it wasn't until a few moments had passed that you realized Joshua wasn't hugging you back.

You pulled away quickly and fell onto your butt, scooting back a bit for good measure. Joshua sat frozen, mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water. You on the other were apologizing profusely.

"Joshua I'm so sorry, I don't know what came over me, I-"

A warm hand took ahold of your forearm and yanked you back into Joshua's chest. This time, it was your turn to sit shock still as Joshua wrapped his arms around your waist.

"Thank you," he whispered, his cool breath brushing past the shell of your ear. You felt a shiver run down your spine as you pulled away, looking every where but at Joshua.

You listened intently as Joshua told you about the incredible music program the state school had to offer. You chanced a glance at him once, and it was probably one of the biggest mistakes you'd ever made. Joshua's eyes sparkled as if the galaxy was held in them. You steeled your resolve. You can't leave this town anymore, not if this is the only place Joshua wants to be. The scout from the state university would be at the championship game. You plan to impress her so much she'll sign that scholarship check then and there, even if it kills you.

It was the night of the state championship game, and for the first time since junior year, you dreaded going. You expected it all, the glares from the students, the whispers from your teammates, the mocking laughter from the football players, but it didn't hurt any less. Still, you led the cheers and did the stunts that were muscle memory by now.

Your school won and you watched wistfully as your peers rushed the field. The football players lifted their teammates onto their shoulders while everyone hugged and cheered. That was you once before. Now, you walked towards your bag with your head hung, hoping to quickly put away all of your equipment and leave the field before drawing any attention. Unfortunately for you, you were still one of the most talented cheerleaders in the state, and you were still in the running for some major scholarships.

"Y/N L/N!" You heard your name being called from behind. You turned to face the flock of news reporters, microphones thrusted in your direction. You were asked an endless amount of questions on the game, the upcoming cheer competitions and your thoughts on college. Like you were trained to by your coach, you answered them all professionally, without giving too much away.

"You know Y/N," a male reporter began, "Word on the field is that you are Lakeside High's own Miss Americana."

You tilted your head to the side. "Miss Americana?" You asked with a fake smile.

The reporter laughed, "No need to act so coy Y/N! Miss Americana, the encapsulation of all things good. You're the perfect student: beautiful, smart, talented. What's it like, to be the very thing everyone wishes they could be?"

The microphones were pushed closer to you, everyone curious about your answer. You fisted your hands into the straps of your duffel to alleviate your anxiety, while you kept the pageant smile plastered on your face.

"Um...well-"

You felt your body get jerked to the side as a heavy arm threw itself across your shoulder. "I should've know it was Y/N hogging all the reporters," Seungcheol joked. "I was waiting so patiently to be interviewed on my winning touchdown." He mock pouted at the cameras, effectively charming the reporters. It took everything in you not to roll your eyes and throw Seungcheol off of you.

"We were just asking Y/N what it's like to be Miss Americana," the first reporter told Seungcheol. You froze, afraid of how he'd respond.

Seungcheol pulled you closer to his side, flashing you his infamous dimpled smile. "She's perfect isn't she? They say humans are flawed, but you'd think she's an exception to the rule."

Seungcheol turned back to the reporters while you continued to look at him, bewildered. Why is he suddenly being so nice to you, as if he hasn't been spreading malicious rumors about you all week.

All of a sudden, you noticed his gaze shift towards someone at the back of the group. His smile turned into a smirk. The reporters may not have noticed the shift, but you did. Your heart began to race when you followed his line of sight and saw the scout from your state college. She was looking at you with a smile, and you started to feel giddy.

She was here to offer you a scholarship, she had to be. If you committed to the university then you'd be close enough to see your family often, to see Joshua often. Finally, it felt like things were falling into place.

Seungcheol let out a theatric sigh, "Too bad our school's sweetheart is going to leave us soon."

Your eyes widened, and you accidentally let your facade slip. Murmurs of confusion rippled through the group in front of you.

No, no, no. Please don't say it, please-

"Y/N's biggest dream is to leave this little town and go live in a big city on the coast. She's a free spirit," Seungcheol moved his arm from your shoulder to grab a hold of your hand with both of his. "While we'll all miss her, we know we have to let her go so she can thrive. I just hope she doesn't forget us out there in the big leagues."

His eyes flashed to yours, triumph gleaming in his eyes. While the reporters all gasped and started bombarding you with questions, you looked around desperately for the scout. It was too late though. She had already left to go talk to another senior on your team.

All of those cameras taking photos and videos of you, but not a single one caught the cries you muffled inside as you lost your last chance to be with Joshua Hong.

You didn't have to wait until Friday to see Joshua this time because he came to find you at lunch the following Monday.

"Hey Y/N!" he sat down in the seat across from you. The cafeteria was full of students, but you had the table all to yourself. You supposed that's what happens when you become public enemy #1.

"Dani has been running her mouth all over school about how the scout from the state university offered her a full ride," Joshua rolled his eyes, something he seemed to have picked up from you. "Was anyone from UCLA there?" He sounded hopeful.

You were a little thankful that he seemed to care so much about your future. Lord knows you've given up. It didn't matter where you ended up anymore, not if it meant you'd have to leave Joshua behind.

You shrugged, "Not that I know of." You pushed around the salad on your plate with a fork.

Joshua nodded solemnly, staring at your plate.

"Shua?" He looked up at you, eyebrows raised in question. "Did you apply anywhere else, besides the state school?"

He blinked. "Why?"

You sighed, a bit disappointed. "No reason. Hey, I have to go, I forgot I have to print something for class." You quickly grabbed all of your things before turning towards Joshua. "I'll see you Friday?"

He looked like he was going to say something, but you had already turned and walked away.

It was the Friday before prom. You sat under the maple tree, waiting for Joshua to join you. You watched as his group walked through the courtyard, when a girl stopped them to get Joshua's attention. While he split away from them to speak to her, the rest of Joshua's friends moved to their bench. When you made eye contact with Minhye, you gave her a cordial smile, which she took as an invitation to approach you.

"Hi Y/N," she greeted you kindly.

"Hi Minhye, how are you?" You watched as she sat in front you, tucking her legs underneath her as she smoothed out her skirt.

"I'm fine, thank you for asking!" You glanced over her shoulder as she spoke, distracted by the interaction between the girl on volleyball team and Joshua. "Looks like he's turning her down too," Minhye commented, when she noticed where your gaze was directed.

You nodded, silently, hoping the relief wasn't too evident on your face. You played with your bracelet, feeling awkward as Minhye studied you.

"Are you going to prom tomorrow?" She asked after a moment of silence.

You shrugged, "I'm not sure yet. I don't really have anyone to go with." A part of you was afraid you'd be met with pity when you made eye contact with Minhye. Instead, you were pleasantly surprised when she simply nodded in understanding.

"If you do decide to go, Hansol, Jihoon and Soonyoung will be there. They'll definitely keep you company if you'd like," she smiled reassuringly. It was just as you feared. You couldn't dislike Minhye no matter how hard you tried. She was refined, thoughtful, and clearly very talented. No wonder Joshua liked her.

"You're not going?" you asked, genuinely curious.

Minhye sighed in disappointment. "I can't, the Dean of Fine and Performing Arts from the state university is coming tomorrow to hold scholarship auditions. Mine is at 8 pm and Josh goes at 8:30, so he can't go either."

You're not sure why your heart clenched in pain. It wouldn't have mattered whether Joshua went or not, it wasn't like he was going to go with you. Still, whatever small flame of hope you had in you that Joshua might ask you to the dance was finally snuffed out. There was a sudden chill in the air around you.

You plastered on a smile as you looked at Minhye. "Good luck for tomorrow then. You won't need it though. I've watched you perform. They'd be at a loss if they pass you up as a student."

You brushed away the curl that fell into your face as Minhye grinned at you. "Thanks!" A burst of laughter caught both of your attention as your turned towards the bench where Joshua had joined his friends.

"You know Y/N," Minhye turned back you, speaking in hushed tones. "I used to think it was so cold sitting under this tree. I never understood why Josh insisted on sitting here every week, even if he was by himself." She stood up, brushing the dirt off her clothes. "I get it now," she dropped a wink in your direction.

By now, Joshua had joined you both, setting his things down as he greeted you. "What do you get now?"

"Oh nothing," Minhye smiled cryptically. "It's kinda warm under the tree today, isn't it Josh?"

He hummed thoughtfully. "Yeah, I guess it is."

As you laid in bed that night, you thought back to the conversation you had with Joshua after Minhye left.

"What was she talking to you about?" Joshua questioned, skeptically.

"She was just asking me if I was going to go to prom," you answered, rummaging through your bag for a calculator.

Joshua wordlessly handed you his own before asking, "Are you? Going, I mean."

You shook your head. "Nah, I might pass."

Joshua's eyes widened in shock. "Why not? You've been looking forward to this since your mom gave you her old dress for your 15th birthday!"

Your mouth dropped open as your heart fluttered in your chest. You couldn't believe he'd remembered that small detail you'd shared with him one day years ago in practice room B.

You turned your head away, hoping your hair would hide your red cheeks from him. "Yeah but I don't have friends to go with anymore. Minhye said your other friends would keep me company but I don't want to submit them to the life of being friends with a social pariah"

Joshua began to speak but you interrupted. "I know what you're going to say. You're going to say that I shouldn't let what everyone else thinks about me stop me from doing what I want." He snapped his mouth shut, shoulders slumped as a sign that you were right. "But, it's exhausting Shua. To pretend it doesn't bother me. Prom is the only other big social event we have left, besides graduation. I'd rather just skip it and lay low."

He watched you for a moment as you scribbled equations in your notebook. Then, he slammed his binder shut, causing your jump and streak your pen across the paper. Joshua turned to completely face you before grabbing ahold of your shoulders.

"Y/N, you've spent the entirety of this semester avoiding everyone but me because you wanted to avoid being the center of attention. Yet, you were all anyone ever talked about anyways. I know it's a cringe nickname that you hate but you're our school's Miss Americana for a reason. Seungcheol spread those nasty rumors because he couldn't have what he wanted, you. Dani has been telling anything with a pulse about her full ride because she thinks she took it away from you. People want what's yours because they envy you. Use it."

You were so fascinated by Joshua that you couldn't look away. His eyes were wide, alight with a mixture of emotions you couldn't quite place. You'd only ever seen him so passionate like this with one other thing: music. He was looking at you the way he did when he played music.

It was like the whole world melted away. You couldn't hear anything but Joshua, see anything but Joshua. You felt like you were falling in love with him all over again.

A knock at your door startled you out of your reverie.

"Hi sweetheart," your mom poked her head into your room. "I just wanted to say good night!"

You scrambled out of bed. "Mom!" She came back into your room, alarmed by your agitation.

"Remember your old prom dress?"

A smile started to slowly take over your mom's face. "The one you said you didn't need anymore because you weren't going to prom."

You nodded, blushing as you thought back to Joshua's speech. "Can you bring it back out?"

It was seven o'clock at night when you stood outside the convention center, goosebumps erupting on your skin from both the wind chill and nerves.

They envy you. Use it.

Joshua's voice echoed in your mind as you willed up the courage to step inside. You looked down at your phone, quickly sending a text to the boy.

I'm at prom. I hope you're right about this. And good luck with your audition. You'll kill it.

With one last deep breath, you made your way to the ballroom. The music was loud, the bass vibrating the ground beneath your feet. Still, it was deafening, the way people began to whisper, a ripple of silence making its way through the room as your classmates began to notice that you had shown up after all.

You considered tucking your tail between your legs and running back home. You were only confident when you were with Joshua, you should've known this was a bad idea from the start. Suddenly, a hand grabbed your wrist. You jumped and turned, yanking your hand away.

"Woah, it's just me!" Hansol held both his hands up in surrender. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to startle you."

You placed a hand to your chest as you caught your breath. "No I'm sorry, I guess I'm a bit jumpy." You nodded hello to Jihoon and Soonyoung, who both gave you kind smiles.

"C'mon you can sit with us," Soonyoung said as he led you to one of the tables lining the side of the room. "You're a little late for appetizers but Jihoon grabbed an extra plate for you just in case you decided to show up. Here, eat!"

A small paper plate with some french fries and a cookie was placed in front of the empty chair that you guessed was yours. Your heart swelled at the boys' kindness, but you were also a bit worried. Everyone was still staring, except now, they were looking at the boys too.

"Don't worry," Jihoon leaned in and whispered. "Any friend of Josh's is a friend of ours." You looked at the three faces who were smiling sweetly at you as you sat down. You hoped your own smile conveyed the gratitude you were unable to put into words. You sat with your back towards the dance floor. Maybe this was also planned by the boys, to keep your face hidden from the others and their faces hidden from you.

They boys conversed with each other as you sat and listened, adding your own comments when they included you. When the music changed, Soonyoung shot to his feet. "I love this song, let's dance!"

You giggled at the pure joy in his face. That was until he grabbed your hand instead of Hansol's or Jihoon's. "Let's go, please!" he begged, bouncing on the balls of his feet. You looked at the other boys for help but they just snickered, amused at the scene.

"There's no way he'll let you go now Y/N, you have no choice but to dance with us," Hansol called as he walked away with Jihoon. You surrender to Soonyoung's pleading, allowing him to drag you to the dance floor. You feigned annoyance, but secretly, you were glad the boys pushed you to dance with them. You finally felt you were enjoying the night.

About an hour later, it was time to announce Prom King and Queen. Everyone returned to their tables and you applauded kindly as the couples who were voted for Prom Court walked down the dance floor to the stage. When you saw Seungcheol and Dani walk by, you sighed. There was a time, when you were a child, that you imagined you'd be Prom Queen, like your mom. Then, there was a time, after you'd met Joshua, that you imagined you'd be Prom Queen, and he'd be Prom King. It was just a fantasy though, and fantasies are just that: an imagination about something that's impossible to make true.

To no one's surprise, Seungcheol and Dani were voted King and Queen, and they basked in the attention as everyone cooed during their slow dance. When it was time for all the couples the join, a few girls approached your table, asking the boys if they'd like to dance. Your three companions turned to you, eyes big and hopeful. It was clear that while they didn't want to leave you alone, they wanted to dance with these girls.

"Go ahead," you gave them your signature (fake) smile. "I'll be fine!"

Soonyoung didn't look so convinced. "Are you sure?"

"We'll stay here with you if you want, just say the word!" Hansol added.

"If you'd like, we can dance with you instead," Jihoon nodded in agreement.

You tried to ignore the glare the girls shot you after that last comment. "Seriously you guys, I'm fine, go!" You waved them away, the smile staying on your face until they were out of your sight. You watched wistfully as everyone but you danced under the glittering chandelier. After two slow songs played in a row, and a third one started, you huffed. You took this as a sign that it's time for you to go home. You had just risen from your seat when the people on the dance floor began to gasp and turn to stare at the door to the ballroom. You tried to peek over the crowd but you couldn't see anything.

"What's going on?" you muttered to yourself, as you walked towards the crowd. The gasps began to turn into whispers of a name.

Is that Joshua? What's he doing here? I can't believe Joshua came.

Your heart began to pick up speed absurdly in hopes that you heard right, that Joshua was here.

Your brain began to scold your heart to be reasonable, Joshua is at his audition, why would he be here?

The students in front of you began to step to the side, and when you were finally able to see what was going on, you were astonished. There, standing on the other side of the room was Joshua. Your Joshua.

Your feet were rooted to the ground, unable to move as you stared in pure shock. Joshua was here. Alone. Walking towards you.

When he got close enough, when you caught the scent of roses wafting from his skin, you reached out and slapped his arm.

"Ow!" Joshua looked at you, betrayed. He rubbed at his bicep. "What was that for?"

"What are you doing here?" you hissed, completely oblivious to the onlookers around you. "Don't you have an audition at 8:30?"

Joshua simply nodded. "I do."

You looked down at the watch on his wrist. "It's 8:20, why are you here and not there?"

You stared, dumbfounded as he shrugged, nonchalantly. "I realized that it's more important for me to be here. With you." He was looking at you with the same smile he gave you the day you first met. The one that made you fall in love with him. The one that meant don't worry, you have nothing to be worried about. It was carefree, brilliant, beautiful.

You were at a loss for words, completely mesmerized by the boy standing in front of you. Your mouth opened and closed, but no sound came out. Joshua laughed endearingly, reaching out to tuck a curl behind your ear, before cupping your cheek.

"How long have you loved me?"

This snapped you out of your trance. You jerked back as a strangled noise escaped your throat, but Joshua reached out with his other hand and gripped your upper arm, holding you close to him.

"How long have you loved me Y/N?" he whispered, so softly you were sure no one else could hear but you, despite the pin drop silence that engulfed the whole room. "Because I've loved you since my first day here."

Your heart stopped beating. Your brain stopped thinking. Everything stopped. It was like the world froze, and only you and Joshua existed in it.

"I should've told you from the start but you dreamt of leaving this town, I didn't want to hold you back. I was afraid that if I told you I loved you, then I would've also asked you to stay, and I couldn't let myself be the one thing that stood in the way of your happiness."

By now, Joshua's hands were holding yours, and he began to speak louder, as if he wanted everyone in the room to hear what he had to say. "So I pulled away from you. I thought that if I distanced myself from you, then the feelings would go away. Except they didn't. I still loved you, and it was a steady sort of love, one that didn't waver whether you were with me or if you were gone. I found comfort in that, knowing that I'd still love you, even if you left me behind some day."

You choked on a sob, remembering when you'd told yourself the same thing. That you'd always love Joshua, even if you left this town, with him in it.

Joshua let out a breathy laugh, wiping your tears away with his thumb. "I didn't go through with my audition because I don't want to be here without you. You asked me once why someone would want to move to middle of nowhere America and leave all their friends behind. My answer is you. If I had known back then that I'd find someone like you in the middle of nowhere America," you couldn't help but laugh as you cried harder. "I'd leave LA all over again. In a heartbeat."

You reached up to hold Joshua's shoulders and pressed your forehead to his. "You have a flair for the dramatics, who would've guessed," you teased, and he laughed, holding your face in his hands so delicately, you felt precious.

"I'm confessing to Y/N L/N, the town sweetheart, I couldn't be boring."

You smiled so wide, the way you do only when you're with Joshua. "I've loved you since I first met you, and I've been dying for you to kiss me ever since."

"Thank God," Joshua sighed in relief. "I'm tired of waiting."

When he leaned it to kiss you, it felt like you could finally breathe again. It wasn't explosive or dramatic. It was steady and warm, just like Joshua. His lips felt like silk against yours, his eyelashes tickling your skin as they brushed against your cheek. The sweet scent of roses engulfed you, and you felt your body relax into Joshua's chest. His grip tightened around your waist, causing your breath to hitch. Joshua pulled away slightly, gently bumping your nose with his as you opened your eyes to look at him.

You vaguely hear voices around you, but it doesn't register that you kissed Joshua in front of the entire senior class until Soonyoung whoops "Finally!"

You pull away and look around at all the faces staring back at you. Most of them were shocked, some of them were accepting, and a few were fond (Hansol, Jihoon and Minhye, who must've come with Joshua after her audition). Seungcheol and Dani looked at you with a mix of defeat and anger, and for the first time in a while, you didn't care.

You look back at Joshua proudly, who smiled at you knowingly. "It's just you and me."

The music started up again, and while everyone around you started to dance, you stood there in Joshua's arms. People still whispered about you, but you didn't care. Right now, your whole world was just Joshua, and nothing else around you seemed to matter anymore.

"Babe, c'mon!" More knocks sounded on the door to your dorm room. "We're going to miss our flight!"

You opened the door to your loving boyfriend, who at the moment, was scowling at you. "I called you thirty minutes ago to tell you I was on my way. What happened?"

You rolled your eyes, "Shua you should be proud of me. I packed all my stuff in under thirty minutes." You brandished your arms wide, showing off your neatly packed luggage.

You felt a bit guilty for riling your boyfriend up on purpose, but you thought it was incredibly endearing how big his eyes and smile got when he got upset. "I can't belie-"

You cut him off with a quick kiss, pulling away with a big smile. It was physically visible, the way he melted when you looked at him like that. "It's just a one year reunion Shua." You say as you pass him your bags. "If you ask me, it's way too soon to 'get back in touch' with the people who made my life a living hell last year."

Joshua shot you an amused look before reaching out to tug on one of your curls. "Really? Because I think you're secretly dying to show off your new life in Los Angeles, and how you're so much better off."

You shot him look of fake annoyance. "I hate how well you can read me."

"No you don't!" he sing-songs back, walking down the hallway towards the elevator with your luggage.

You turn to grab your keys off the wall hook, eyes catching on the photo above it. Preserved in a simple black frame is a page from your senior yearbook. Written under a candid picture of you and Joshua sitting under your maple tree are the words

Most likely to run away together: Miss Americana & the Heartbreak Prince.

#seventeen #fanfic #kpop #seventeen fanfic #joshua hong #hong jisoo #joshua x reader #svt joshua #svt fic #seventeen fic

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these-emo-thoughts · 4 months

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Last Twilight Episode 11 thoughts

A lot of people are hating on Day right now but I get him. I do. And if you haven't watched episode 11 yet, maybe skip this post as it revolves around a major part of the plot. If you've watched the ep, you probably know what I'm talking about. More detail is under the cut.

Warning, this is a long one, lol. Apologies for any mistakes, I'm a bit sick and didn't read over it 🤣

If you've seen it already, I'm going to explain why I think Mhok and Day's break-up had to happen and why it is the best thing for them right now.

Mhok's fear of losing another person because he isn't there to help or pick up the phone is absolutely valid (and so real and relatable that I feel personally attacked). He doesn't stay with Day out of pity, which has been established multiple times throughout the series - but the trauma of what he went through with Rung and the fear of possibly repeating that again with Day has made his anxiety cloud his judgement and his heart. It's not a healthy way to live - constantly worrying about your partner, to the extent where you cannot live for yourself, is not sustainable for a relationship (I also find this quite ironic because up until this point Mhok has been on his own for a long time now). We saw the manifestation of this fear in episode 11 multiple times too, with Mhok leaving in the middle of the shift to check that the guest that was hit by a car wasn't Day, and then when he was freaking out when Day wasn't answering his phone. Imagine going through all of that, but this time, your partner is 15 hours away by plane.

Day choosing to break up with him is, in my opinion, more complex than just "he lied to me and pitied me". That's part of it (and will come back at the end of this post), yes, and he does have the right to be upset that Mhok lied to him. Again, it's not healthy for the both of them if they are going to continue a relationship. I also want to point out that Day is at a disadvantage here because while he is capable of living his life independently as a blind man, he can't actually see the emotions on people's faces when he talks to them and that's can be important for picking up what others are putting down. Day can't see the changes in Mhok's expression when his smile fades, he has to rely on the other to talk to him when something is up, so lying is a BIG no-no here (as it would be for any relationship). So far, they've done a great job at communicating, so this is presented as new issue - but, it's a big one. So yes, the lying is part of it, but it's not ALL of it.

"But what IS all of it!?" I hear you scream into the Tumblr void. Well, by now, OF COURSE Day knows that Mhok truly loves him and KNOWS that the other doesn't pity him - he's said so many times. So, Day must realise at this point - of which the timeline is probably at a year of them knowing each other, give or take - that Mhok is deliberately holding himself back from good opportunities because of that love. It must hurt like hell, knowing that you're the reason your partner is self-sabotaging, but there's nothing you can do to change their mind because everything is out of your control. It's so much easier for Day to say "Mhok pities me and lied to me and that's why I want to break up" instead of "I'm the reason Mhok won't go".

It's heartbreaking, but what's the solution here? Long distance? Sure, maybe - but that's not going to stop Mhok from worrying about Day and being distracted from his job. It's not going to stop Day from feeling like he's a burden to Mhok. Not only that, with timezones and such a huge distance, there are even more complications to worry about. Plus, let's say something DID happen to Day while Mhok was in Hawaii - it goes back to exactly the problem that Mhok had which is what can he do about it? Long distance is a solution, but how long will they last living like that?

"Okay emo, so why doesn't Day just go to Hawaii with Mhok? Then they can be together and Mhok can fulfil his promise to take him there and they don't have to break up and they'll live happily ever after." I see you!! But... that's a BIG decision. Mhok and Day's trip to Songkhla may have been a test to see how they weather the storm of living together as boyfriends, but it was only for a few days. And Day - for most of it - was alone in the room while Mhok was working. That's not a way for Day to live, and it still won't stop Mhok from being worried, probably even MORESO now because they're in a whole other country.

So... what's left?

Day's decision to break up with Mhok is heartbreaking, but is probably the only solution that makes sense to me. Mhok CANNOT live a life like this. He can't. It's already debilitating him and it'll get even worse if he's constantly prioritising Day over himself in every aspect of life. Of course a person should think about their partner, but not to the point where it becomes unhealthy self-sabotage. Day also cannot live happily like this. He's come to terms living with a disability and already is aware of how different his daily life is to that of a sighted person - but the little voice in the back of his mind, the one reminding him that he's the reason Mhok is not living his life to the fullest, is making the entire process more difficult for him (and the lying really doesn't help).

So... yeah. A necessary evil that unfortunately to many will be written off simply as the "episode 11 curse". An evil that has people already saying that Day is stupid and immature, when I really believe this is the most rational he's been. I know even the actors have said it's about the lying but this is P'Aof we're talking about here - he's a brilliant story-teller, and there's always more to his art than what we see on the surface. It's happened in other shows he's directed, which is why they rate so highly. Last Twilight is no exception, and the complexity of the love story between Mhok and Day is nothing short of a masterpiece. That's how I see it, anyway.

Would love to hear other thoughts and perspectives!

#last twilight #last twilight the series #last twilight episode 11 #character study #mhokday #jimmysea #backaof noppharnach

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femdomliterature · 2 months

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FemLit 0589 - How to train a male slave & How to get trained as a male slave?

Credits: https://sanaslave.tumblr.com/ I thought I had overcome this feeling, but lately, I’ve been again disheartened with FLR stuff online. I recently saw a post with over 32k+ notes on Tumblr on “How to train your slave?” That post mentioned stuff like:

It is absolutely mandatory to lock your man in a cage. Chastity cage is an absolute necessity.

Humiliate him. Make sure you degrade him. This way he will strive for better. Additionally, it will affirm your superiority.

Tease and Deny him. Unless you tease him, you aren’t doing it right.

Ruined Orgasms. All his orgasms must be ruined. If he will have orgasms, he will not feel submissive and he will take 2 weeks to get back into his zone.

Emasculate him.

Make him feel used

And on and on and on…..

Now, imagine a newbie sub trying to learn about Female Led Relationships

and explore his kinks. He will look at such articles and these articles will feed his brain about his training process. He is going to get conditioned in such a way that the only way for him to submit would be when his kinks are satisfied. He will develop expectations from his future Dom that she is going to train him by undertaking similar measures as mentioned above.

He will develop a mental image of how his FLR is going to look like. When he does not experience this mental image in real life, he is going to put pressure on his girlfriend/wife to be a “good dom”. According to him, a good Dom would be one who caters to his kinks and fetishes. FLR would be revolving around his kinks instead of Her needs. No wonder why so many men “Top from the Bottom”.

Another reason for massive widespread BS is that the majority of the audience of these blogs and articles is Men, Horny Men, who are looking forward to reading erotic Femdom stuff in the name of “Educational articles”. These men would just read stuff that will seem erotic to them, they are not going to stick to articles that are sensible.

These men then share these articles to their wives or partners in the name of “Femdom Education” and women get freaked out! We women think rationally. We imagine why a man would need to be trained based on kinks? Why his submission is contingent on fantasies? If I can dominate without sex in the picture, why can’t a man submit without it?

Just like “Unconditional Love”, why has no one talked about “Unconditional Submission”?

Below I’m going to mention stuff that actually leads to the training of a slave. These are the things that I have implemented in my Female Led Relationship and these are an absolute necessity:

Communication – No relationship, whether FLR or vanilla, can exist without proper communication. I have specifically ordered my slave to keep an open communication with me. I am not going to tolerate any hideous signals in his conversations. Whatever he feels should be expressed. I have also made sure to never judge him and always support him. No one is a mind reader.

Respecting boundaries.

Adapting to each other – Just like he has to adapt to my ways of leading the relationship, I also had to tweak my training methods to train him. One approach cannot fit all. This adds to my point using kinks as training tool. How can this approach be appropriate for training all submissive men in the world? You need to communicate and adapt. My slave himself told me his thought process and how he analyses things. He gave me insights into his mind to make my work easy.

Setting the right expectations – I already talked a little about this above. My slave also began his journey by reading BS articles but luckily he was intellectual enough to unlearn stuff and start focussing on just sensible things.

Taking feedbacks – Absolute necessity for both – Doms and subs. You aren’t going to be the perfect Dom and he isn’t going to be the perfect sub if you both don’t talk about the shortcomings of each other.

Supporting each other – Our first scene was not perfect. I was a bit nervous. But he supported me because he knew my mental stage. Similarily, His first nailpaint session was not perfect because he had never held a nailpaint before. But I was supportive. Being supportive instead of discouraging goes a long way.

Psychological conditioning and behavioural modification – I have already talked about it detail here.

These are the things that I believe are absolutely necessary for training a Long Term Male Slave. Kinks are a part of FLR and can definitely be used as bait, but they are surely not permanent tools for training.

Additonal Thoughts :

I want my slave’s submission to be as natural as his love for me. Just like his love is not dependent on my weight (whether I’m fat or thin), the way I look (dolled up or in baggy clothes) etc; his submission should also not be dependent on how I dress, tease and denial, sexual fantasies, chastity etc.

If he cannot serve me without a chastity cage or if he cannot serve me after a full orgasm, is he even actually submissive? Is his submission so fragile that it would go away with such petty things? His submission should be foundational. He should want to serve me because he wants to see me as a Goddess. He should serve me because he wants to make my life easier. He should submit because he actually is submissive and not just because of some submissive fantasies.

When I would encounter his heartfelt and true submission, I myself would want to reward him and cater to his kinky fantasies. I myself would want to tease and deny him. Since he would keep me so happy and satisfied, I myself would want to return to him and treat him the way he wants to be treated.

Since he has already told me his fantasies and weaknesses, I would use them as bait to train him. I would misuse (consensually) them to make him a better person, a better partner and a better slave.

I’m sure that only a minority will read this post till the end and it is not going to get as much reach as kinky articles, but I’m not going to stop spreading positivity and awareness about Female Led Relationships.

Until next time :)

#female led relationship #femlit

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queer-crusader · 9 months

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I think people forget a lot of these things we do in fandom spaces such as writing, painting and discussing and analysing works are hobbies that spark joy. The world we live in should not revolve with every breath we take around consumerism. Yet we describe what we create as content, and have discussions about whether one is allowed to give criticism on these works, with the argument that people want only positive comments because it's all made to be consumed and we live on praise (referring to this tweet and of course several discussions floating around Tumblr).

AO3 is a platform used by many different people in many different ways, who all may have differing approaches (hence this discussion coming up so often - there probably isn't a definitive answer that defines everyone!). But I think what's most important is that at the end of the day, it is free content (HATE the word content btw) that many people create as a HOBBY. The same goes for works here on tumblr. There is no obligation for it to hold quality, and people aren't necessarily looking to improve or be star writers, artists or video/gif editors! Of course we want praise, but that's not necessarily because we have made content for consumption - it's because we're having fun with a hobby. If it wasn't an enjoyable pastime, we wouldn't do it, and we'd certainly not pour hours, days, months or even years into works. (You do put that much time into something to create quality sometimes (sometimes just because life gets in the way or you work slowly in general), but you cannot keep that up if you don't enjoy what you're doing.) You don't shit on someone's hobby. You also don't go "here's how to improve" unprompted. You just go "that's lovely, thank you for sharing, I'm sharing your joy for what you created or the source material it's based on! And here's potentially a detailed account of things I enjoyed or noted!" (At least, I think you should)

Now on the other hand, there ARE also people on AO3 who may want to be professional authors (hi, me!). But a commenter CANNOT distinguish without asking or without seeing an author's note that this is the case. So I think because of this that the default approach to AO3, from a commenter's pov, should be to assume something was published by a hobbyist who wants to share joy and get positive feedback rather than someone looking for criticism UNLESS EXPLICITLY NOTED OTHERWISE. Like I said, I would love to be a published author someday! But I personally actually don't really want criticism on my AO3 fics. I write those for fun/as a hobby. The act of writing them IS hugely beneficial for me as a way of exploring and developing my writing skill, don't get me wrong! But that's because the act of practice itself already does a lot for that, and because I re-read what I write a TON. So I catch mistakes. Sometimes I correct them even after having published something, if I think it's important. If I want critical feedback, for someone to look at my writing and tell me about good and bad and opportunities for growth, I will ask. Until then, leave me alone with that and just tell me you enjoyed the work. And if you didn't, there's literally no need to tell me. You can just find something else you do enjoy, like I will start a different work if I no longer enjoy what I'm working on. I made that bc I wanted to. And another author may approach this differently again; they may want to use betas or refuse to re-read their stuff, they may want to use AO3 as a platform to gain feedback with which to grow their skill. Like I said, my approach doesn't equal someone else's. But I think it makes it that person's responsibility to then declare that on their work, simply because so many people will be doing it as a hobby rather than a pure skill boost. As I said - if we didn't enjoy it, we wouldn't do it. We always create with a love for the material and a love for the craft. Everything else is extra.

So no. I personally do not create things as a transactional item for which I demand payment in praise (if not money). I create because it makes me happy. Getting feedback makes me happier, and makes it more likely for me to keep going with that project. But otherwise I'll move onto another. You may consider that a transactional thing, but I don't think it should be considered so at ALL. Because it isn't, not to me. And I suspect it isn't for many more people. So let's ask ourselves instead: why do we define happiness as a transaction? Why can we no longer exchange joy without sticking a label of consumption and price on it? And why must everything created be of quality or strive for improvement?

Let's shift the narrative back. Let's consider hobbies and creative endeavours for what they TRULY give both us creators and audiences alike: joy.

#anne speaks #ao3 #fandom

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