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#my self esteem is in the gutter and I haven’t been able to look at myself in the mirror
deadcatboys · 2 years
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i hope it feels okay some day soon
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pinespittinink · 4 years
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If My OCs Were In A Dating Sim...
Who would you choose? Your pick from 11 potential routes! I thought this would be a fun way to know ocs a little more. Feel free to make your own and tag me in them~~
Victory
meet-cute where you literally crash into each other, knocking him off his bike
he’s incredibly apologetic, worried he’s hurt you and you fall in love instantly
he works in a flower shop and sends you very cute texts and animal pics and neat facts about plants, laden with emojis
hand-holding dates around the park lead to playing with each other’s hair and him teaching you to make daisy chains
soft love confessions come at home under fairy lights in a pillow fort 
kisses in the rain
the original romantic boyfriend route
Enfriator
she’s your personal trainer at the gym
looks aces in a sports bra, you try and fail not to stare at her abs, and it’s a growing problem whenever she helps you with your lifts and spots you
maybe you have a strength kink
she’s picked up on it too, but will never let you know beyond the odd smug look
she agrees to get a smoothie one afternoon and you start hanging out, playing chess and Overwatch (she beats you. always)
long quiet times slumped together on the couch turn into slowly opening up to each other emotionally
you catch her with heart eyes from time to time and tease her about it
Aubra
the lacrosse jock himbo of your dreams
he’s a golden retriever whenever he sees you, equipment falling left and right
can haul you over his shoulders with ease
friends to lovers 
you go to pride together
he’s a sweet fumbling flirt who occasionally drops a smooth move leaving you weak at the knees
is oblivious to the fact that you like him in return, brags about being your best friend
Domini
sweaty grinding dancing at the club
you fuck the first night
he’s a grungy hot shit fuckboy with jealousy issues, rattling self-esteem, and the tact of a teaspoon.
he’ll follow you around like a mangy dog if you give him attention
you cheer him on while he gets his ass handed to him in a denny’s parking lot
don’t date this man unless you want to roll around in garbage with him, get drunk, and press a bag of frozen peas to his black eyes inflicted through his own awful decision making
Solene
you haven’t been able to get a hold of a particular book because some asshole keeps renewing it week after week so you track it to the library hermit 
he looks like he lives in the gutter and steals couch covers from the goodwill donation bins 
unsurprisingly, he refuses to give up the book, so you insist on sharing it
turns out he’s actually very witty and has the driest sense of humor
he also survives off of the library vending machines
you slowly grow fond of him, bringing him snacks, spending nights stargazing on the roof
will-they-won’t-they tension ultimately culminates in him slyly revealing his attraction and fucking in the library stacks
Moses
you start talking to him at a party when you notice he’s alone in the corner
he’s taciturn and Awkward and endearing
blushes every time you compliment him, constantly tries to leave
will memorize your schedule and wait for you without prompting
you kiss his cheek once and he runs away and leaves you on read for two weeks
eventually he grows a backbone and comes back into your social sphere
you mention a scarf you like at one point and he saves up pennies to buy it and turns into a tomato when he gives it to you
his route is a lot of patience and a lot of work
Eaves
daycare worker who you become very quickly smitten with
he’s great with kids, humble, and charming
the ultimate gentleman
walks you home after your dates, gives you a kiss at the door
cooks dinner for you, brings you breakfast in bed 
he refuses any kind of charity for his poor family, determined to get by on hard work
works a million jobs
you help him realize he doesn’t have to do it alone and it’s okay to have the support of other people every once and a while
Addie
loud aries lesbian 
arcade champion until you come along and challenge her scores
rivals to lovers in a firecracker romance
she’ll show up at your house at four in the morning to drag you out on an adventure that might not be entirely legal and usually results in you running from the cops
a kitchen disaster when she helps you cook, flour everywhere 
popcorn fights during movie nights
big promposal type love confession, very bombastic 
Mateo
your soft spoken biology TA who tutors you
he’s a nursing student and works nights, perpetually sleepy
his affection is very subtle and genuine
brings you your coffee and smiles when you’re flustered 
takes you on dates to botanical gardens and science museums and aquariums 
gentle good morning texts
sometimes sends you quotes or bits of poetry he likes 
Daemyung
you work at the clinic where he brings his dog
he’s cranky and removed 
you like Molly more than him until you see how much he really loves her
bonding over late night walks and philosophical discussions
you share a blunt once, ending in shotgunning until you notice his dog watching and awkwardly break apart 
he opens up about being a distant only child and shying away from intimacy
kinky af when you eventually get it on
Phaedron
modern art student 
has a reputation as a no-strings-attached hookup 
you fail to have no-strings-attached
he’s very humbled when you ask him out on a date and confesses that no one’s ever shown an interest in him beyond sleeping together
you woo him with boxes of candied fruit slices and chocolates and chai lattes
date nights in consist of take-out and chatting over whatever’s playing in the background on netflix 
he sits in your lap constantly, falls asleep with his head against your shoulder
tells you he loves you mid-fuck
Emerson
the TA in the medieval lit class you took for a required English credit
way more attractive than any English TA has the right to be
you run into him at a frat party and do a double take because you almost don’t recognize him
he’s got a screwdriver in one hand and an empty Long Island iced tea in the other but he’s amazingly standing coherent and excitedly arguing about the merits of Stargate Atlantis
you hook up and end up spending winter break together in his apartment eating chocolate graham crackers
bike dates for coffee and visiting the city duck ponds
you get to ride him on the couch while he wears his unzipped totoro kigurumi
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crqstalite · 4 years
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SHADOW OF THE SITH, Ch. 11
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i have no excuse for not posting this earlier other than being lazy and trying to fine-tune it. _
KHAAK._DROMOUND_KAAS.
Kaas City was the place to be. Really, it was.
Well, with a certain someone in it.
Mrs. Khaak Beniko would be the first person to admit that over Coruscant, she enjoyed it more. Raining constantly, yes, but it has a certain elegance that can't be found anywhere else. The sleek silver buildings, the gorgeous evenings on the balcony, just the entire style of the place...she was a lucky woman to even live here among the blue bloods of Sith society. Had Lana not invited her to accompany her to such a home three years ago, she'd surely still be living on the Clarity, eating gutter trash and chasing it down with cheap whiskey, watching unsavory videos in the privacy of her bedroom. Half dressed and waiting for death to claim her.
And the Clarity most definitely didn't have silk sheets. Up until five or so years ago, it also didn't have the woman of her dreams next to her in bed. Wasn't nearly as clean either, so Khaak counts it as a win. She didn't think it could ever escape it's perpetual junky state after she'd built it from scraps as a child, but her wife had managed it some how. Lifting her hand into her vision, the glint of a silver band against her deep pink skin makes her warm on the inside. Really, how had she gone from meeting pirates every other day to bumping elbows with some of most influential Sith in the history of Sith, she supposed?
Hell, how'd she even go from getting herself off on her own hand to sleeping with and subsequently marrying one of the most powerful in the Sith hierarchy? It really was a miracle, some star had shined down upon her that fateful night and had gotten her to meet one of the most extraordinary women in the galaxy.
One she probably didn't deserve, and had only happened on accident the first time they'd met anyways.
Figuring she has to get up at some time or the other today instead of internalizing the jump in hierarchy status, she groans and stretches her arms over her head, smacking the back of her hands against the headboard of the bed. Hissing out a quiet curse as not to wake her wife, she blinks a few times and pushes herself up into a sitting position. She yawns, taking note that it's still raining, just as it was the night before. Though, it has lightened up a bit compared to how it had been, which means she might actually be able to go out today and not catch a debilitating cold. She tended to run warmer than the Sith she shared the apartment with, which was the only downside of living on the cursed jungle turned city planet. It meant Lana would pay some extra attention to her nearly freezing lekku though, which also stole her away from any important work for a few hours. Wasn't all bad, in that matter.
Rubbing the offending hand over her eyes, she uses the other to gently nudge the woman awake. It takes a few tries, but eventually the Sith groans and rolls over to face her. Khaak cheekily grins as one eye opens, and then the other. Another offended grunt once she realizes who it is, and she pulls a sheet back up around her shoulders, promptly rolling back over. Snickering, Khaak gently brushes a strand of blonde hair from the woman's face. One golden iris looks back up at her, a grimace on her face. Noting the dark circles under her eyes, she lays a hand against her cool cheek, "Lana, babe, we gotta get up at some time or another."
"Surely the Emperor will wait another few hours for us to deal with him." Lana whispers almost incoherently, finally deciding to move onto her back and look at her properly with a tired look in her eyes. It'd been this way for a while, she'd been less and less easily awoken from her sleep, and was more sluggish than usual. Odd, but Khaak tries not to dwell on the behavior, "What was it you said, you ran on Rishi time?"
"Rishi time only applies to times when you're not needed elsewhere, 'ana." Khaak responds, laying back down against her will. Gently pushing Lana back onto her side and then flush against her, she kisses her softly. An almost pained grin crosses the pale woman's face, leaning into the welcome touch, "Haven't you got places to be?"
"I suppose." She answers, still not exactly either awake or responsive. A visible shiver runs through her body, and she buries her head into the crook of Khaak's neck. Inconspicously, she lifts the strap of her tank top, feeling the brushes of exhaustion against her consciouness. Lana was not going to lull her to sleep again, but there were other things that they could get up to in bed if that's where she wanted to stay. Khaak didn't have anywhere important to be, and the way she was acting, nor did her wife, "They can be taken care of another day."
But after a few moments, when Lana still doesn't elaborate upon her answer, Khaak is actually rather curious -- and concerned. Yes, she was typically quiet anyways (she preferred actions over words, something that took Khaak a while to get used to) but her long undercover mission to Rishi and subsequently to Yavin left Khaak nervous about the Sith's mental state right then. Yes, she was jittery person by nature, but she'd deeply missed her wife and the anxiety that went along with never knowing if she was alive until a few months prior. The Kaasian apartment was too empty without her presence, and there'd been at least three times officials had come to the door asking where her 'Master' was.
She'd shot one of them in the leg for that comment alone. Another almost kicked her out of her own home for being a slave without a Master in one of the most expensive apartments in the City. The next, nearly lost an eye for assuming she had broken in and entered. As soon as he'd drawn his pitiful holdout blaster, Khaak had shot him in the arm and sent him crying back to his mother, surely.
Damn Imperials were stupid and weak. At least the meager, civilian police force in the Black Sun sector had more backbone than the Captains in the force here. Lana hadn't been happy about it when someone at the fucking Sith Sanctum had told her about the infractions shortly before Khaak had managed to skirt the issue for a week or two. It wasn't the first time people had commented on her race, but it was the first time without Lana that she wouldn't hold her tongue.
Spending every moment she had with her now meant everything to her, yet she'd been so withdrawn since she'd returned. Khaak had been filled in about the high profile allies that their little coalition had acquired while watching her do her dark magic healing routine, though she was still absolutely pissed that to 'keep her out of harm's way' Lana had decided to keep her in the dark until they landed on Yavin, and then kept her off the mission entirely by her request. (She'd even attempted to land at the space station, and had been denied access by an esteemed 'Lord Beniko'. She considered shooting the operator through the holo, but resigned to sit at home like a child in timeout as not to 'bother' Lana any further) She most literally could not help being terrified for Lana's safety the entire time without a word for so long (two damn years), and even if they both went down (stars help her if someone killed the love of her life) one, Khaak would want to go down in a blaze of glory against some ancient evil, and two, with her Sith Lord by her side. Not waiting in atmo to hear whether she was dead from some stupid SIS agent, or worse, a pansy of a Jedi.
Stupid Theron Shan got to be by her side for two years, but as soon as Khaak offered to go anywhere it was 'too dangerous' and 'a horribly stupid decision to make' and 'self-destructive'. When Theron did it, it 'brave' and 'self-sacrificing'. All said through gritted teeth, as if considering if he even really deserved the compliment, but it was apparently well-deserved and earned from the tone of voice. Khaak did pout about it for a long while, yes, but Lana made a good argument about not pitting herself against an agent. A Republic one at that.
Khaak didn't have anyone on Dromound Kaas other than Lana.
Khaak didn't have anyone in her immediate life other than Lana.
Her life was Lana.
What she would do without her, she isn't sure. Drift aimlessly back into the cosmos, surely. Probably drink herself into a coma within the first three years, tops. Where the Clarity would go after she was gone, she's unsure. The Sith was her anchor, as much as she didn't want to believe it. As much as she was Miss Independent, she was Mrs. Beniko first. She'd gotten attached, and she'd though this was finally it. Finally where she sat down somewhere. Somewhere she at least felt safe, felt she could let her guard down for good this time.
Why couldn't she have come back sooner?
Why couldn't she have brought her along?
Why was a blasted mission more important than her?
"Lana..." Khaak fake whines, pushing down her growing apprehension in favor of admiring the other woman, "I've got upgrades to do on the Clarity today. It'd be a lot more fun to do with you by my side." That was only a partial lie, her small freighter ship didn't need any fixing up at the time being, but having Lana on the ship to lift the things she wasn't able to was always a good help, and at times, a fun distraction. It was never just 'a few upgrades' or 'a few things' to fix. It was their way of indiscreetly letting the other know they wanted time alone to bond with each other, "We could be on Nar Shaddaa within the hour, be back by the week starts. Get up to things I haven't done since I got off that slimeball."
"No thank you, love. Maybe another day." Lana answers darkly, rolling back over. It's an attempt to get Khaak off her case (she should know the tone, she's done it to quite a few other handsy Imperials in her day), and Khaak tries not to make her distaste at the decision known rather unsuccessfully. The other woman is apologetic at the very least once she sees her wife's reaction, a regretful smile on her face, "I apologize if I come off as lethargic or apathetic, I promise I'll make up for it sometime or the other."
"You've been over working yourself since you got back, 'ana. We don't even have to land on any planet, we could just fly around for a few hours." Khaak responds, gently rubbing a hand over the small of her back as Lana looks up at her with mild annoyance. Ignoring it, she continues on anyway, "You like flying with me, don't you? It'd get your mind off this mess for a while, you'll feel better that way."
"I have work to get done later. I just need a few hours more and we can go over to the Sanctum together later if you wish." Lana answers. Khaak shivers at the thought, she had a special hatred for the Sith headquarters. An indescribable cold was always invading her bones, and no matter how many layers she threw on it would always be there. At least on the Clarity she and Lana would be alone, talking about sweet nothings, nowhere to be and no one to bother them. In her office there was always the chance they'd be interrupted by someone, a well-hidden disgusted look if they were holding hands. Khaak stopped the little touches here and there within the year she'd arrived on Dromound Kaas, it made her self-conscious. Typically from the Council, trying to figure what to do with Arkous' old affairs, but often these little trips turned into little more than excursions where Khaak would have to entertain herself as if she were Lana's child instead of a partner. No one treated her as much more than a decorative object, some would ask her name if they were so curious. One of the Amarillis' (there were six of them, the Wrath, her parents and then her three siblings of varying ages), she thinks the oldest brother often came by and worked extensively on reports based upon Yavin.
She was continually shoved to a corner for hours at a time, and even the fanciful dates out on the City didn't ever fix that. Lana was trying, she knew that. Before her, she wasn't sure Lana had even dated anyone before, so it was a learning process for both of them. Khaak had to slow down the progression of their relationship, and that was okay. But after so long, she would've thought Lana would've caught on she didn't enjoy being treated like this, "We could eat at that restaurant you like afterwards if you're so inclined."
"Right." It comes off colder than it should as a recoil, and Lana's concern is written all over her face after she says it. She knows that she shouldn't be angry, Lana came back in one piece. It's more than she could've ever asked for, especially with the odd details of the mission. But it's been this way for months since she came back from Yavin, and her heart feels emptier than it did when she was gone. Yes, now she saw her everyday physically instead of over the holo, but it felt like she wanted to be even less known that she was while she was undercover. Working long hours at the Sanctum, rarely ever interested in running off anywhere like she was when they were first married. Khaak doesn't even bother going up to her office on her own anymore. She can accept that she's Sith and he's busy, but she did at least think Lana would leave time for them. To keep them as an us, not just a Lana and a Khaak.
It was impossible to know what she was walking into on the best of days. A Lana who needed her, or a Lana who could get by without her.
Khaak hated there was even an option.
Hated there was even a chance Lana might say she didn't need her anymore. Yes, she was gutter trash, alien trash by Kaasian standards, but she could always rely on Lana being by her side and never giving into the stereotypes.
But here she was, trusting someone she'd known for maybe two years over Khaak. Willing to go into hiding for years with him. She regrets even the thought, but she can't help but wonder if more happened between Shan and her. Wondered if there was some stupid fling between them that Lana was willing to throw everything away for.
She wishes these thoughts would just stop for two seconds. That she could be like every other Sith spouse and just accept things the way they happened. But that wasn't how Khaak was no matter how much she wished it. Neither of them blindly just trusted people, and she's afraid that it might put a real wrench into things.
Sliding off the bed, she yanks the tank top off with more force than is really necessary. It pulls up on her lekku painfully, and she grits her teeth in pain, a growl building in her throat, "I can do it all on my own."
A moment passes, Lana sighs frustratedly from behind her, maybe observing her actions. This wasn't going to end well, but Khaak doesn't care now. She's just as frustrated, maybe more, and Khaak deserves to be able to go through her own emotions without being yelled at for it-- right? If Lana doesn't care, then why should she?
"Now you're beginning to sound like Theron." The bed shifts and creaks under Lana's weight as she says it, chastisting her for her out of place actions. Khaak moves further away to the dresser that held most of her clothes. She roughly pulls it open at the mention of the name. Khaak doesn't even want to be compared to the stupid agent, and then slides an undershirt on, yanking her lekku out from under the shirt. A light, tight leatheris flight shirt over it, "There's no reason to be sarcastic or withdrawn."
"No reason at all." Khaak mirrors her, though she says it as a growl without even realizing it. Why is she even getting this upset about all of it? Most of this wasn't her situation anyways, she wasn't Sith, she didn't know Marr and had only known Arkous in passing. She was just a free trader from a dirty sector on Nar Shaddaa who'd gotten unbelievably lucky by marrying into a powerful society. She'd always struggled, never having enough credits, never being pretty enough or smart enough or strong enough. Now she was struggling to keep her own wife from self-destructive actions, and trying to keep her marriage firmly out of the hands of her self-doubt.
She almost has her trousers on, moving over to the bedroom door to slide on her boots when she can hear Lana moving towards her. Khaak tries to calm her racing heart, tries to convince herself that Lana's ineptness at even concerning herself with the possible fact that someone did care, that someone was at home waiting for her, that someone wanted her back as soon as possible, that someone did need her, hadn't flown out the viewport.
There are too many parallels to her own family. Too many parallels to the people that tried to take the Clarity from her. They tried to keep her safe, tried to keep her locked in a poorly built cell of security, tried to keep her a child forever. Now it's someone trying to make her independent in the worst way possible. Forcing her to come to terms with her demons, that have unfortunately learned how to swim through the worst of storms.
She's understandably pissed.
Right?
"Khaak...please. There are things I simply can not do for you right now, there are things beyond your understanding I can't even decipher myself." Lana pauses, leaning against her back for support, "I know I've been gone for a long time, and I apologize for that."
"Do you?" It comes out as a rough whisper, Khaak turns her head over her shoulder, still careful enough that she doesn't accidentally hit her with her lekku, "Are you really sorry, Lana? For putting me through all of that?"
"I-" She starts, but Khaak doesn't let her finish. Won't let her finish. Can't let her finish. If she just bows down and rolls over again, this conversation will be closed off again. And if it's closed off, she can forget about ever getting her wife back.
"Lana I waited for two years for even a word from you. I trusted your life in the hands of a man from the opposite faction, trusted that you'd come back to me whole, and you brushed me off as soon as I wanted to come down and help you! Those two years were a living hell for me, it was like being all alone on the Clarity again, but instead all I had were memories of you. All I had were old holos, your clothes, everywhere you used to be! All in favor of what, some stupid fucking SIS agent?!" Khaak whips around fast, a grimace on her lips as her lekku smack the blast door anyways. If she did have hair, she would've been yanking on it by now, "Now you're back and trying to act like nothing has changed, but you were the one who changed!"
"You don't need to yell, Khaak." Lana answers, her gaze darkening as her tone hardens. She's still terribly intimidating in her dark colored sleep clothing, and her hair mussed. But for now Khaak doesn't have a reign on her emotions, she couldn't care less if she was magically the damned Emperor staring her down with lightning at her fingertips, she would not be quieted again. It's all tumbling out, and screw if Lana wanted to hear it or not, "If you had an issue-"
"'I should've just told you'. Do you know just how well that worked out on this front, Lana? Do you know how many times you told me to go home and wait? How many times I did? How many times I had to chase away people who wanted to take me away because I was an alien in one of the most expensive apartments in Kaas City?" She balls a fist, not entirely sure she even wants to hear the rest of Lana's argument. Khaak doesn't want to hurt Lana, and she's not going to, but it would be a firm lie if she said she wasn't going to punch something once she got out of here. She's already heard most of it time and time again, and she isn't going to be shut down again, no matter how childish she seems, "How many times I was terrified you were dead, or worse?!"
"Don't throw yourself into a tantrum, Khaak. I had a mission to complete, and at the risk of seeming apathetic, you had my approval to stay here through my absence. Whatever they did was illegal." She answers, raising her voice to meet Khaak's tone. It wasn't unusual, but she flinches at the change in volume anyways, possibly instinctively, "The Empire was under attack, and I was going to fight for it. I had access to Arkous' files long before they did, I had to fight Revan before he killed us all."
"What about us!? Were you going to fight for us too? Or was this mission and your damned faction more important than what we have?!" She barked. Khaak wasn't stupid, she knew the Empire always came first because Lana was Sith first and foremost. She had grown up a drifter, never tied to one faction or the other. She traded with the highest bidder, not the most morally close to her own actions. She always tried her best to understand the nationalism that most on Dromound Kaas and Lana felt. But she can't help feeling hurt because of it, fuck her original faction and what they asked of her. She couldn't just dedicate her life to her and then turn away as soon as a mission got tough, "Your damned Empire was worth keeping me away from you when you knew I needed you?"
"I wasn't going to let you run out there and risk your life like you always do! That's what I was aiming to do before you tried to shove yourself into a literal conspiracy!" Lana contended back, "This wasn't your war to fight, it was mine!"
"I wanted to fight! I wanted to fight by your side, I wanted to be with you and you denied me at every turn! Your so-called protection was going to get you killed. Sure you came back alive, but that doesn't mean you can just forget about the fact that you left me here! You left me alone, knowing I needed you, knowing that I love you, and yet you turned your back on me, just like you do everyone else!" Khaak can feel herself cracking again, can feel her true colors shining through again. There were many Lana often turned her back on, and while Khaak felt bad about it most of time, she could understand. This, she couldn't and wouldn't. "Lana, what the hell do I mean to you, if not a partner next to you in battle, and in life?"
"You're blowing this out of proportion, Khaak." Lana claims stoically, crossing her arms, "It was one mission. And I'm back now. I'm here for you."
"You're more distracted than you've ever been. You work and work and work and you throw credits at me as if that'll fix the problem! You look at me as if I'm an inconvience, as if I'm nothing but a friend rather than your wife!" Her voice cracks on the last word, and if she didn't know better, she'd say she were about to start crying. But she's not, she's about to fight someone, and thank the stars she didn't have the Force or something would've broken as she tries not to scream in frustration, "I'm not throwing a tantrum, Lord Beniko, I'm letting you know how I feel about the shit you've pulled with me and I'm not standing for it anymore!" Khaak snaps, a shrill yell escaping her.
Lana's dumbfounded for a moment, taken completely aback as her eyes widen. She's visibly surprised, shocked with her reaction. But her fixed gaze doesn't waver, and she sets her lips in a thin line before responding, "Please. Continue berating me for protecting you. Continue telling me I didn't have your best interests in mind. Continue blaming me for putting your life first. As if I didn't want you alive to come home to, because apparently I don't know any better, Captain." Lana exaggerated, clearly frustrated. Khaak winces at the title, Lana hadn't called her Captain in that connotation in years.
"I-Lana I wanted to help! I wanted to be there for you, and you shoved me away. You let the Wrath and Nox fight by your side, but not me. Not the one who knows you best, but instead your fuckin' Sith friends. Is that how much I mean to you?!" Nox, Marr and the Wrath got to fight by her side, and what for? Why did they get that privelege, and not her? There were always going to be lingering thoughts of self-doubt when she compared herself to the force-sensitives that were around her, but this was just beginning to prove the worst of her fears. She wasn't good enough for a lot of things for a multitude of reasons, but not being some eternally powerful warrior wasn't one of them, "Sorry I can't lift a box two times my own weight with some power I'm not pre-disposed to, but it doesn't mean I can't protect you!"
"Khaak, I couldn't care less if you wielded the Force as I did. I didn't give myself up to you because you were force blind, I gave myself up to you because I care for you! If Revan took you from me, if the Emperor took you from me, I don't know what I would do without you." Lana quiets, unable to meet her eyes.
"What was I supposed to do without you?!" Khaak finishes, throwing her hands up in exasperation, "If we go down, we go down together Lana. It's in sickness and in health and 'till death does us part. It's not until you get tired of working with me, it's not until you decide you're too good to be working with me, and it's sure as hell not until you find some Sith partner that's better than me!"
"There isn't anyone better than you! Revan nearly killed the Wrath, one of the strongest Sith amongst us, and left us all with scars we'll never get rid of. If you'd been the one lying in a medbay bed, I don't know what I would've done. If I'd see you sprawled out in the jungle, eyes lolled back into your head and your own blood pooling out around you, you don't even understand the lengths I would go to enact revenge on your death!" Khaak doesn't think she's ever moved Lana to tears in the years that they've known each other, but the way her voice is wavering she's afraid she may have finally done it. And not in a good way either, "I could not risk your life for something I signed up for, Khaak, and I never will. Be angry if you will, but Theron had nothing to do with this! I doubt he even knows you exist!"
For a moment, she's offended. Heavily. By the fact Lana hadn't even bothered telling her apparent confidant she was married. That she hadn't seen her as important enough to tell him about her, that she was happy with her wife. But then, she stops, pausing to look at her broken form. Her wife is exhausted, and she hasn't slept properly since she's been back, tossing and turning and mumbling in her sleep. Lana has just been through maybe the two worst years of her life, hiding her true identity and living on Rishi of all places. Most of what she'd encountered was still a mystery to Khaak, lots of things simply hadn't been disclosed just yet. That worries her, maybe there was something Lana had seen that she wasn't able to get out of her head. Something the Emperor had done to her that Khaak wouldn't ever even begin to imagine.Maybe Khaak is being unfair, maybe her emotions have been invalidated again. Maybe she's overreacting unnecessarily. Something about Theron still bothers her, but he did his job and didn't get her wife killed while she was with him. That was all she could've asked for, especially for someone related to two higher-ups in the Republic.
"You're not invulnerable, Lana. I know that against all the odds, Sith can die just as much as us force blind can." Khaak whispers, staring at a fixed point in the distance. Their lived-in bedroom, that has seen many quiet nights with soft holos playing, loud nights where neither of them want to do anything even close to sleeping, bad days where they can't be bothered to get out of bed, good days where they stay in each other's embrace as long as their responsibilities allow them, stormy days where they yell at each other and can barely look at the other person.
Like today.
The rain is always in the background, the pittering and pattering of the raindrops against the transparisteel as she tries to formulate words to describe how she's feeling, "Maybe it isn't as easy to understand from your point of view, strong as hell, but some wild blaster shot could take any of us, including you. Someday your fancy force healing isn't going to be able to bring you back like it did now. No one is taking you from me again, not even Marr himself."
Lana is quiet, possibly pondering upon her response, and Khaak takes it as a pass to continue, "Yeah, I am sorry for yelling at you. That wasn't fair of me. But I'm not just going to roll over and--I don't know just let you keep risking your life like this and say nothing, pretend everything is okay." Khaak lifts her head again, but closes the distance between them and gently lifts Lana's head to look at her, "I'm not asking for you to give all of this up, I know the promotion to Minister wasn't given lightly. I'm proud of you for it, and I hope you continue earning what you deserve. But I'm asking you to never forget about me like this again. You'll always have me, and I don't want you to forget that."
"I'd never forget you." Lana whispers, eyes rimmed a light pink, "I thought I was protecting you by keeping you here. There were forces at work that I barely understood, much less wanted to put you through. It was never any ploy to rid myself of you, love. For that, I am sorry. Everything with the Emperor, and then the Revanites...I suppose I was trying to do it all myself again. I thought I could do it all myself."
"You tend to do that." Khaak softly chuckles, scratching the back of her neck. In a way, she isn't wrong, Lana tended to take everything on by herself even when it wasn't necessary. That was just how she was, and no argument would get her to stand down immediately, "Lana, I'd go to the ends of the galaxy and back for you, hell I'd stare the Emperor down and flip him off if that's what it took to keep you alive."
Lana raises an eyebrow, possibly amused with the image and thought, before a gentle smile takes the place of the small frown that had been on her lips, "I do hope it never comes to that, because I would never doubt that you would do such a thing."
"For you? Nothing is impossible." She hugs the shorter woman, laying her head on her shoulder. Possibly it's a little tighter than it needs to be, but Khaak needs her, needs to know she's here, that she's back again. "I'm sorry I was angry, I said things I shouldn't have said. It wasn't fair of me to get frustrated like that, especially at you. Everything you do to keep me here, I appreciate more than you know."
"It was partially my own fault. I left you in the dark for so long without considering how you'd feel about it. I shouldn't have assumed everything was okay here," Lana answers, hugging her back, "It wasn't fair of me to think you'd simply be okay with me being gone for so long."
"I'm not asking to be part of every little Sith thing you do, but maybe let me in on some things? I want to help as much as I can, even if I don't entirely understand. Hell, I'd make a shitty Imperial agent, but I'm sure I could learn." Khaak pulls away from her, still with an arm wrapped around her waist, "I don't want you as stressed as you are now. It isn't all work and no play, 'ana."
"I-" Lana pauses, seeming as if she wants to continue but can't figure how to, "The Emperor isn't dead. Not like how we assumed he was. He's alive, and surely planning something horrid for the rest of the galaxy. The Sith are on high alert, the higher-ups in Council are getting antsy and much too quiet. That includes me. We don't know what's coming next, so we have to stay on top of it all. Especially with me as Minister of Intelligence now, taking a day off isn't exactly something I can do, love. Not with the current state of the galaxy."
Shit, Khaak didn't know that part. She's beginning to think any happiness she had before was all a cover up for what was really happening behind the scenes with this new job of her's.
"Yeah...um, can't Lord Amarillis help you with that?" Khaak questions, pulling a few memories out. She wants this fixed, and now, "He screws around with Intelligence from time to time, right? Couldn't he take the mantle for a few days?"
"Not in the way you're thinking. I could surely use his help, but he has his own problems to deal with, especially with his estate the way it is." Lana looks thoughtful for a moment, considering before flickering her glance back up to Khaak, "I have a few other assets I could acquire for this investigation, surely it will get solved soon enough." With a raise of her eyebrow, Lana smiles gently, "And I promise that this time, you can help, love."
"Good, no running off to fight ancient evils without me again, okay?" Khaak asks, pressing a kiss to her lips that Lana leans into, "Two heads are always better than one."
Possibly unnecessarily, both women are still uneasy after this argument. It isn't obvious at first glance, even they've convinced themselves that all is well again. As if nothing has happened. Lana remains at their small apartment more often than not, Khaak is less ready to immediately run off and fight for something she doesn't fully understand. But Lana still hides quite a bit from Khaak, she can tell. Khaak continues to try and push down her true emotions, if only to conform to the mold she's accidentally made for herself to keep Lana around. It has only been the eye of the storm passing overhead, and another is brewing just off the coast. Neither wants to admit they've simply put a bandage over something that has been bleeding for years.
When they do eventually get the call that something horrible is going down on Ziost early one morning, there's a look in Lana's eyes that Khaak won't ever forget. There's another moment when they're flying back over the Sith Intelligence headquarters that Khaak considers that Lana may throw herself back into this and forget about her for real this time. That is mission may be the end all be all if Khaak doesn't do something about it. Firmly, she argues with the 'Keeper' (there isn't a single person in Intelligence who answers to a real name, and that's annoying as it is) and her wife to at least fly her down to the surface and stay on the space station in case she needs her. If Lana doesn't want her on-planet, then at the very least she will stay where her wife can always reach her.
Where her wife can't forget about her.
-
KHAAK._ZIOST.
"So your name is just Cipher Nine?" Khaak questions, turning away from the viewport of the shuttle for a moment. The woman that was accompanying them down to the surface was a piece of work that they'd met at Intelligence at Lana and Keeper's request. Blonde and deep brown skinned with hair in a tight ponytail and in a clean, crisp Imperial uniform. There are a few cybernetics here and there, and Khaak is undoubtedly impressed with just how high-tech they are. She can make a few assumptions on what each one does, but figures she might be wrong. She would've considered her pretty, should she not have been so horribly uptight. Not even a laugh at a few of jokes she cracked, simply standing at a perpetual attention nearby. Any question about Intelligence, answered indirectly, effectively skirting the entire question and returning to absolute silence. Even the little that Lana had told her about the agent was confusing and lead her around in circles. The fact she'd withstood being brainwashed and going undercover for months at a time, it was impressive but also made Khaak very happy that she never went into Sith Intelligence to follow after Lana. The addition of the modded rifle made her a bit nervous, according to Lana she was one of the most talented Cipher agents of her generation (Khaak didn't know what that meant, nor did she really care), though she posed no immediate danger to either of them. Khaak would buy that as soon as she stopped catching her golden-tinged glare every time she turned around. She felt like she was being analyzed from head to toe, or their was a file being made on her, "No nickname like...I don't know, Cara?"
Not even a snicker or a chuckle at the joke, "My designation is Cipher Nine. That is who I am, Captain." She answers, the Imperial accent thick and her expression unwavering from pissed off or possibly apathy. Nine it was then. Maybe Snips if she was feeling particularily annoyed with her.
"I have a name, y'know." Khaak deadpans back, clicking a few buttons to get them ready to land on-planet, then swiveling around in the chair and crossing one leg over the other, "You could address me that way if you're so inclined."
"Don't tease her, Khaak. That's how all Intelligence agents are." Lana responds, stepping closer to the nav controls and adjusting the belt on her armor. She holds back a low whistle in their current company, even going into battle her wife was a certain type of gorgeous that she couldn't put a name on, "I'm sure she has a name that she doesn't wish to disclose with us." Turning from her, she hands Nine a datapad, "Things are getting desperate on the surface, and while we're far from where I'd like us to be, we're safest further from the population centers."
"What about this Wrath of yours? Didn't you contact her before we got down here? Why can't she just slash a path through here for us?" Khaak asks, skirting the fact about the population centers (she'd been on Kaon during the outbreak and had just barely made it out by the skin of her teeth -- insane infections like this terrified her). When she thought of this Sith and her apparently galaxy-shattering abilities, she figured a few Emperor-controlled soldiers wouldn't be too much of a problem for her. Gritting her teeth, she makes the mental note that if the Wrath comes out of here alive but not her Sith,  she might just commit an unsolicited murder.
"The Wrath is powerful, but I'm afraid the Emperor might target her first due to her inclusion in the mission on Yavin and relation to him as his currently designated Wrath. He may see her as a adversary. Her landing out here is the safest place for us to meet her and regroup our efforts to push through and finish Vitiate for good." Lana answers, as Khaak turns back around to land them properly. A look out the viewport, and Khaak hisses in a breath through her teeth at what she sees.
Khaak had been to Ziost before, had even lived here for a period of time with her old crew in tow, but it had never been destroyed like this before. Never. The buildings were crumbling, and there were so many people running about, some stationary though. No ships were taking off, no speeders that she could see. The People's Tower loomed in the distance, New Adasta was dark from what she could see. The Landing Zone was in terrible shape, speeders and transports alike crashed. As they grew closer, Khaak was surprised no one had begun shooting. It was eerie, as if they didn't belong here. As if there was always something waiting in the shadows, and something is beginning to grow the pit in her stomach. Flickering her gaze to Lana, she isn't so sure she wants to leave her alone down here with only two agents and the Wrath behind her, prior fears be damned.
"I will scout the surrounding areas, Minister. Should I run into trouble or find the Wrath, I will alert you immediately," Nine says as they land, pulling the rifle off her back and clicking the safety off. For some reason, Khaak is quick to believe that the trouble will not be Emperor-made, instead the trouble with be Nine herself. Any help would be good help, she supposes and resigns to trust Lana's life in her hands, "Agent Kovach should meet us soon, yes?"
Khaak quietly grumbles under her breath about having an actual name, and Lana lightly slaps her arm in a mock punishment that Khaak pouts at, "Yes, Cipher. You know the coordinates."
A solitary nod from the agent as the door slides open, and she's gone in the cool air, falling into nothingness with only the buzz of a stealth generator ever letting them know she was here. Pushing yet another button to close it again behind her to wait for her return, Lana lets out a shaky sigh once the blastdoors have closed, and Khaak puts a hand on her shoulder that Lana leans into, "Already I've received more reports from concerned officials and worried civillians than I can count. The Emperor is causing chaos left and right, and I'm not even entirely sure why yet. Everyone needs me all at once, as if I haven't been putting out fires as soon as they're set. Evacuation shuttles are being delayed because of attacks, more and more civillians are being turned faster than we can contain those who haven't. Stars, this really is the end of a world, and no one knows what to do about it."
"Hey, we're going to save as many as we can." She says, trying to reassure the other woman and pulling Lana closer to her and pressing a kiss to her lips, knowing that this might just be the last time she sees Lana again. Lowering her voice, she leans her forehead against her wife's, her eyes going cross-eyed for just a moment before focusing again. She's warm, and with the way her eyes narrow in thought, Khaak has got to get this off her chest before Lana does something stupid. Not that she would, Lana remains one of smartest people she knows, but self-sacrificing actions were considered stupid in her book. Any action that could lead to unnecessary injury on her part was stupid, "It sounds bad, but just this once, put your life first."
"Khaak..." Lana says warningly, a skeptical look in her eyes as she leans her weight against her, "I have a job to do. Whether you like it or not,being the Minister means I protect all the Imperial lives that I can."
"That includes yours, 'ana." Khaak answers firmly, leaving no room for any more discussion on the topic, "Protect whoever the hell we're here to protect, but your's still matters most. Don't forget that, got it?"
They kiss again, and Khaak tries to imprint her taste, her smell back onto her. This mission wouldn't drag out nearly as long as Yavin did, but it doesn't mean her concern will wane. It could be as short as a few moments if as soon as she steps out of the shuttle that the Emperor takes aim for her, "I love you, Lana."
"I love you too, Khaak." Her holocom rings, breaking their eye contact as Lana pulls it off her belt, though her hand lingers in Khaak's for a moment longer, "That's Nine. I'm assuming the Wrath has made her presence known once more. I should collect her before the Emperor decides to first."
"If she's the reason you die, she'll have a lot more than just the Emperor to worry about." Khaak is less that ecstatic to see her go, and is beginning to consider that offer to go and scout for Theron herself, if not to have an excuse to still be on planet against Lana's will, "Look, I'll scout around for Theron's ship best I can, and I'll circle back for you if you need me, okay?"
"Are you sure? I know how you are with these situations, love." Lana says, stepping outside the shuttle, lightsaber hilt in hand. A concerned look fills her features instead of one of stress, possibly considering this offer. But, she resigns herself to a nervous smile, "Do not do anything that will jeopardize your survival, love."
"Huh, feel like I just had this conversation with someone I know very well. She didn't listen at first, but thankfully because I love her, I'll listen to her concerns." Lana rolls her eyes good-naturedly at the sarcastic comment, but the incessant ringing of her holocom again spurs her on to kiss her for a final time before igniting her lightsaber and disappearing into the landing zone in a flash of red, black and green. A certain sense of dread fills Khaak to the brim as she closes the blast doors and lifts off again. Essentially, she's leaving Lana on her own, to fend for herself amongst those who have already been controlled. Hell, she couldn't care less if Nine died (Khaak had half a mind to think all her responses were automated or taken straight out of some agent handbook or the other), Kovach could get himself killed and she wouldn't bat an eye. If the Emperor even touched a hair on Lana's head though, Khaak would find someway to fight the ancient Imperial entity. And shoot him.
Switching gears, she refocuses on the mission at hand. Intelligence doesn't exactly have exact information on where Theron is, but he was still on-planet, and would serve as a good distraction from the current situation. She can't stop giving lingering glances to to the landing zone where she'd left Lana, but turns away anyways. The additional Sixth Line was his idea apparently, according to the file Lana had given her, and she rolls her eyes at the mere idea of the action. If Saresh had approved it, it was no wonder the entire mission was going to shit.
Khaak hated Leontyne Saresh. She hated a lot of people, but Saresh topped that list time and time again. Restriction after restriction on trading outside of Republic entities, and even within it once Khaak had applied for Republic citizenship. She very quickly didn't end up renewing it, and probably lost out on hundreds of thousands of credits because of the Chancellor. She didn't do trade in the core worlds that were under her jurisdiction anymore, at least not legally. At the very least with this fascist government, she could trade as she saw fit. Hell, she was pretty sure the Republic was suffering at her hands, but unlike Imperial worlds, they didn't rebel for some reason.
Considering this, she finds that it's smooth sailing for the time being over the rest of the Landing Zone and into the city district of Ziost, much too quiet, which is an an oddity in itself, typically she'd have to dodge speeder after speeder at this time of day. It isn't as if the Imperial shuttle handles oddly either. She considers what she'd even say to Theron should she see him, or even find him. A small part of her hopes he's dead or gone, just so they all can go home and let the Empire deal with it all, like they always do.
She's beginning to near New Adasta when she can feel the pit in her stomach only growing. A glance around what she can see in front of the viewport leads her to believe she's only being paranoid, and takes a shaky breath in to continue on her mission. But a look into the holocamera recording from behind her is too slow to see the aerial guns slowly turning to take aim for the small shuttle. There isn't enough time for her to speed up or even use any defensive manuevers, because the first shot hits one of the main thrusters, thrusting her in the opposite direction, and the next takes out the other. Spiraling into a free fall and losing control over the shuttle entirely, alarms are blaring, red lights are filling her vision and Khaak is panicking. The safeties weren't exactly explained before they took off, and if there is anything to protect her from dying at the hands of a blasted transport shuttle, she doesn't know. Wide-eyed and nearly ready to jump from the ship anyways, she holds onto the straps tightly. It isn't the first time she's ever crashed a ship, hell the Clarity wouldn't fly properly the first few times and she gathered quite a few infractions the first few flights it had. But, this might end up being the last if she can't get out of this. The shuttle hits something hard, probably a building, throwing her off course and smacking her head against the nav dash.
Seeing stars, all she can do now is pray that the steering still works. Flicking her hands back to it, she finds that it does, but she isn't able to pull up properly to avoid a nosedive into the ground, that much is obvious. Lights flash by the viewport in a dizzying array, screaming is growing louder and louder and louder outside the shuttle as the ground grows closer. So this was how it ended, not in a blaze of glory with her wife at her side, but instead alone, in a shuttle she couldn't even figure out how to pilot in the end, trying to find the one person she hoped to never see in person.
A throw of the controls to the left just as she's about to hit the ground allows her two seconds more of consciousness, watching through wide eyes as she and the shuttle roll and the duracrete beneath her spinning before her. Her lekku are yanked painfully different directions as the safety straps snap entirely, throwing her forwar and another hit to the ground breaks the transparisteel, shattering it into pieces and sending her through the viewport onto the ground. Something snaps in her arm as she falls and skids to a stop on the snow covered ground.
She cries out in pain as it registers that her arm has broken in quite a few places after she tries to move. Her ankle is twisted at a despicable angle, and her head is buzzing like the static in a holcom. A string of obscenities escape her as she tries to push herself up into a sitting position, and she falls back to the ground, laying in one of the most painful positions she's ever been in. A quick stock check leaves her knowing she hasn't lost any of the offending limbs just yet. The shuttle is in horrible shape, looming over her and pieces of it scattered about nearby. With her uninjured arm, she fishes her holocom out of one of her pockets (not before biting back an animalistic scream of pain). Flicking one of the switches on the bottom, it begins to beep quietly as she slides it back to sit next to her head. Not even fifteen minutes after leaving Lana, she would need to call upon her for assistance. Chuckling, she wheezes out a laugh, oh the irony.
Glancing about, she can see why Ziost was in such desperate need of Imperial assistance. Alarms sounded everywhere, though she couldn't see anyone in her immediate vincinity. Khaak didn't know what exactly the Emperor was doing, or why, other than that he was controlling average citizens. A bout of panic fills her as her breathing quickens, wondering if he would try to control her. She hadn't seen much evidence of it just yet, but she's worried he's already in her head, trying to take her over. Trying to get her killed. Trying to kill her.
Where does she go from here, until Lana can send assistance or someone to help her? She can't move, she's essentially paralyzed. The ship is clearly non-functional, electricity dangerously close to swinging at her should she grow any closer to the now death trap. Even if she were able to get up on her own, there'd be quite a while before anyone would come for her.
Apparently, she doesn't have to wait long for her saving grace.
"Oi! This ain't a time to die." A voice shouts from somewhere nearby, clearly feminine in tone. Scrambling up from her prone position, her ankle snaps and she slides right back down to the ground, this time smacking the back of her head against the duracrete. Pain shoots up in every direction, and if she wasn't unmovable before, she is now.
Great going, Khaak.
At least she can clearly see who it is now, a woman bundled up in clothing that she would easily mistake for a pirate. A black market electrostaff is on her back, and is quickly sliding down from a line hooked many levels above them. Landing delicately on one boot and then the other, through her fuzzy vision Khaak can see that she's rather short, but blonde curls tumbling down her head. Her jaw and mouth are covered by a tan scarf that is the same color as the rest of her light armor, and she slowly walks up to Khaak. Using her uninjured arm to point one of her blasters at the woman as she tries to pick up the holocom that she had just dropped, the woman stops for a moment, holding her hands up in the universal 'don't shoot' position, "Hey, I don't mean any harm."
An Imperial citizen then, the accent isn't pristine Kaasian, but instead very much one of the Imperial conquered worlds, as Khaak had learned, "Step away...from the holocom."
"Gotcha there." The woman answers, whistling at the ship, "You definitely had one hell of ride into Adasta, huh?"
"You could say that." Khaak coughs, shaking her entire body as she tries to wheeze in another gasp of air. Great, she might've punctured a lung, or broken a rib. With how today was going, she wouldn't put it past fate to be doing so.
"Ships have been crashing for the last couple of days. Don't know what jurisdiction is up to, maybe trying to keep us all contained down here." The woman pulls out a kolto patch, but quirks an eyebrow up, maybe considering even what to do with it, "Jedi and Sith alike milling about everywhere. Wouldn't recommend the scenic tour if you're new here."
"Wonderful, just wonderful." Khaak rolls her eyes, as the woman grows closer.
"I could try to get you back to my apartment. I've been locked up tight since this whole mess started, it'd be nice to have someone else around 'till I die or everything else goes to shit. Or it blows over, who knows?" The woman bend down a knee to be at eye level with Khaak, showing her a grappling gun and then snapping it back to her belt, "How's that sound?"
Khaak considers for a moment, her vision flickering back to the beeping holocom, her only connection to Lana right now, before considering the woman before her. She's an older woman, crinkles around her silver eyes and scars galore marring what she can see. Sighing, she nods solemnly, "You got a name?"
"Do you?" The woman asks back, making a move to help her up. Khaak bites her bottom lip as her ankle drags on the ground and the woman presses down a bit too hard on the injured arm. But she's up, and that's better than she had been a few moments ago. The world spins for a few minutes as she tries to get her bearings back, and nausea is beginning to creep into her senses. A concussion, probably.
"Asked you first." Khaak responds, as they experimentally try a few steps in one direction, and then the other. The woman is much smaller than she is, so it takes a bit to get used to the weight difference, but they are able to walk a few feet to where the woman had just landed only a few minutes ago.
"Asked you second." The woman says teasingly, sliding the grappling gun back out from her belt and taking aim for much higher than they are now. Odd, but Khaak doesn't immediately question their destination. Taking a bit more of her armor in, she can see that the woman isn't underprepared for this excursions, because other than the electrostaff she also has two Czerka blasters on her hips, plus a blaster rifle alongside the staff. She was packing some insane firepower.
"Fine then. Captain Beniko." She answers, knowing this kind of woman, and that chances are she wouldn't be getting the free ride up and promise of rest if she didn't disclose her title at the very least. The woman readjusts her grip on her waist at the answer, the line shooting upwards and clanging to the side of a building. The woman gently tugs on the gun, testing the strength of the line. When it doesn't snap under their weight immediately, Khaak realizes that her apartment must've been higher up in the tiers of New Adasta. Clever, very cleve, "You, mysterious stranger?"
The woman laughs loud and long as they begin their slow ascent upwards, "Mysterious Stranger? Might add that to my list of titles, put that on my gravestone when I die." Her eyes are smiling, the silver turning a sterling grey in the changing lighting. She looks back down at her, "Call me Cadera."
"Alright then, Cadera." Khaak answers, playing with the syllables for a moment before looking out over the horizon. The view from up here would be beautiful if she didn't have to keep blinking her vision back as it swam before her. Ziost was being destroyed, and Adasta was going with it. So many people would lose their homes in this senseless destruction. Cadera is quiet the rest of the way up, maybe considering what to do next. This must've been her home, considering how well-adjusted she seemed to the chaos and her accent. Poor woman.
Once they reach the top, Khaak is pushed up first onto a balcony of sorts, slipping through a doorway and crashing to the ground. Thankfully, nothing of value is broken, and Cadera climbs over the balcony railing and closes the door behind her. Deadbolts are put back into place, and she closes the meager curtains. The low lights of the room come on, and they're in some sort of lounge.
"Nice place you've got here." Khaak comments, taking in the slightly junky room. Cadera chuckles darkly, removing the scarf from around her face. Scars mar her lips in every which of way, and she smirks.
"Welcome to the end of a world, kid."
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darksushimoon-moved · 5 years
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Hurricane (The World (Stops))
Here’s my piece for @bnhaflashbang! You can also read it on AO3, under my name, tr_ash_tin :)
SUMMARY:  Izuku gets hurt, his self-esteem is in the gutter, and Shouto is there to help. What’s new? Maybe it’s that the whole world is watching. Maybe it’s because it’s worse than they ever thought. RATING: Teen and Up Audiences SHIP: Tododeku WARNINGS: Major Character injury, mental breakdowns.
My artist for this is @viraseii! Thank you for all your hard work!!! <3
Hero News Live! @RealHeroNews Pro Hero Deku (@ProDekuPHA) Maimed?!?! Read more on our website!
icythot, uravit.y, and ing.official liked this tweet.
Broccoli @breakyourarmsbroccoliman @RealHeroNews Woah WHAT??? Is he okay? you know ;) @icythot @RealHeroNews @breakyourarmsbroccoliman He’s fine, or he will be when I get my hands on him Broccoli @breakyourarmsbroccoliman @RealHeroNews @icythot ??? Cryptic but go off i guess
icythot liked this tweet.
Uravity @uravit.y I hope you feel better soon, Deku! <3
Ingenium II @ing.official I heard @ProDekuPHA was injured in the Kakegawa Incident. We await your return!
Ground Zero @kingofexplodokillsYA Get better, @ProDekuPHA, before I have to beat your ass in.
you know ;) @icythot @kingofexplodokillsYA @ProDekuPHA That isn’t really Plus Ultra of you :(
Ground Zero @kingofexplodokillsYA @icythot @ProDekuPHA Shut up, I’ll kill you.
Red Riot! @riottingredYA @kingofexplodokillsYA @icythot @ProDekuPHA Be nice, now!
Izuku winced as the light entered his retinas, aching as his consciousness returned to him. His head pounded and his body was sore, especially around his arms. Although, to be fair, his arms tended to hurt, near all the time, so whatever.
“Welcome back to the land of the living, Izuku.” He heard from beside him and turned his head despite its soreness. In the chair beside the bed sat his fianceé, Todoroki Shouto. Hidden worry was etched into his features, and his left hand was in Izuku’s right. Izuku smiled awkwardly.
“What’s up?”
“My blood pressure, because of you,” Shouto sighed, with a small, relieved grin on his face.
Suddenly, Shouto was swept away by a flurry of doctors and nurses checking his vitals. Izuku finally was able to more closely examine the shape he was in. Frankly, it wasn’t the worst state he had ever been in, but his left arm was in a cast, and the staff shined lights into his eyes, so he could only assume he had some sort of concussion, which aligned with the searing headache. Finally, the nurses fled and only one doctor was left.
The doctor sighed disapprovingly. “All you hero types are the same,” he sighed as he began to read off a chart to further prove his point. “You managed to give yourself a concussion and fracture your left arm in three different places.” Izuku winced but attempted to immediately hide his pain. Izuku, however, was not the one in the relationship with that talent.
“Your concussion should go away, but the prognosis of your arm...” Izuku waited with bated breath for the doctor to continue. “On its own, it wouldn’t have been bad, however, with your past breaks,” Izuku looked down to his left arm.
“Midoriya-kun, can you move your arm?”
dekiru-deku
*blows kiss to hospital* for deku
tagged: #okay but seriously #that fight looked sort of bad? #hope he’s alright #pro hero deku #midoriya izuku
whatisthistomfoolery
pure bean… too good for this world……
allrightall-might
okay but WHY did this fool decide to punch a whole ass statue ??? like what was he expecting?
whatisthistomfoolery
HE’S TRYING HIS BEST SWEETIE…. i mean fr i guess that he was trying to stop that guy from hurting anyone else? i mean there was no back up
garbageboystinkman reblogged:
He’s been in this business for what now? 10 years? He’s gonna be fine.
icythot liked and reblogged this post.
Izuku was released later that day, with the promise he’d return next week for a checkup. The doctor and he found that the damage was not as extensive as they thought, though Izuku couldn’t move his last three digits in that hand and there was little locomotion to his index finger and thumb. He sat in silence beside Shouto as they rode the train back to their apartment.
Izuku continued to stare at his hand, moving it ever so slightly. It burned with pain since Recovery Lady had long since retired, and the healing quirk users in the hospital would have further damaged his tendons. So, it was unhealed, and Izuku wondered if he had ever been this hurt since before high school.
Great, Izuku thought as he stepped off the train, Just one more way to be useless . Even now, he still had to rely on others to help him just to be good enough. He doubted Toshinori would be happy when he heard about this. By now, he surely thought he was mistaken in his choice to pass down his power to Izuku, with how he broke himself so often. And neglected to rescue others. And, oh god, what was Mom going to think? How was he-
“Izuku,” He snapped out of his reverie to the calming darkness of their apartment, and the uneven temperature of the hands on his face. They had apparently made it home without Izuku even noticing. Shouto had reached up slightly to reach Izuku’s face, being a few centimeters shorter at this point. Shouto continued on, not letting go of his face. “What’s going on in that brain of yours?” He asked gently, allowing Izuku to back away if he wanted.
Izuku did just that. Shouto didn’t chase him. “I… I just,” Izuku tried to swallow any tears away. Shouto looked on patiently, his face stoned in a caring, yet nonchalant expression, waiting for him to continue. Izuku just raised his left hand. “I really fucked up this time,” he mumbled.
Shouto simply grabbed onto his hand. “I already knew that,” he said, urging him to continue. Izuku swallowed again.
“I just,” And here comes the waterworks, just great, Izuku. “Mom’s going to be so mad, and, and when Toshinori-san finds out, he’s going to be disappointed, he’s going to regret that he gave his power to s-such, su-such a us-useless child, an-”
“Izu,” Shouto put their heads together for a brief moment before hugging him. Shouto wasn’t the greatest at hugs, but to Izuku, it was perfect. At least for now. Izuku sobbed into his arms, letting out his pent up emotions, his fear, his worry. Eventually, the wracking sobs left him, and they stood in silence. Izuku heard mumbling in his ear, and he cleared his throat.
“What w-was that?” Izuku’s voice cracked. Shouto decided to lead them to the couch and sat them down before speaking again.
“Yagi-san,” The dual colored man paused to search for his words, “He and I, we may not get… along sometimes,” And Izuku couldn’t blame him, Shouto was raised to oppose him, “But I know he could never be disappointed in you, not for this,” Shouto rubbed his hand. He slowly got quieter as he continued. “I know he doesn’t regret giving you One for All.”. Izuku bit his lip, and the tears came anew. Shouto looked panicked for a second, unsure what to do. “S-Should I not have said that?”
Izuku let out a tearful laugh, which only panicked Shouto more. Izuku never expected to be able to tell Shouto about One for All, much less Shouto actually believe him, but he remembered their third year of UA when Todoroki became Shouto, a friend became a boyfriend. When Izuku told Shouto, he had merely shrugged, and said something like, “Well, I guess that makes more sense than thinking he was your father or something.” Instead of ending the night in fear that Shouto would hate him, they ended it with ice cream. It was nice.
Izuku held onto Shouto for a moment, hugging him. Shouto looked frozen in his tracks. Izuku wiped his tears away after letting go. Izuku gave him a light peck. “How do you know just what to say, huh?”
Shouto gave a small smile. “I guess I just do.”
Pro Hero Deku Takes a Temporary Leave of Absence.
Deku(CN: Midoriya Izuku, no. 2 Hero) has publicly announced he plans to take a year of leave from active duty to prepare for his and Polarize(CN: Todoroki Shouto, no. 5 hero)’s wedding. He has stated he plans to continue civil work in Polarize Hero Agency, where he works alongside his fianceé...
“Is it really good to lie like that?” Izuku mumbled, signing off of Twitter to avoid rampant backlash. They walked down the road, keeping their heads down as they walked away from the outpatient wing of the hospital back to their conjoined agency. Shouto shrugged, continuing to hold his hand.
“I mean, it isn’t a lie, just omitting information,” Shouto grinned wolfishly at him, “It’s not like we haven’t been trying to get married for three years now, ” Izuku spluttered, before hitting him gently.
“It’s not like I plan to get busy!” Izuku smiled. “And if you don’t stop stalking my social media, you’re going to get found out, icythot. ” Shouto looked on faux-innocently, with a slight smirk.
“I haven’t a clue what you’re talking about.”
Izuku already knew it was going to be a long year.
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shysoftbabybear · 5 years
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if ur still up: cyclamen, false goats beard, hoary stock, lantanas, lavender, prairie gentian, sunflower, zinnia
hi ari!! i went to bed before you sent this but i am alive now, also these are such cute questions dsjkfhkjfjk
Cyclamen:
Did you have a favorite stuffed animal as a child? What was it? 
roary!!! roary was a little beanie baby lion i had when i was super young. i think “roary” was the name that was on his tag lmao. also because i was super young i chewed on his face a lot so he got reeeeeally beat up. my mom got me a replacement roary when i was like 8 or 9 but he wasn’t quite the same so i didn’t play with him much. i still have both of them!
False Goat’s Beard:
What is something you are good at?
ari you know this already but my other followers probably don’t. i sing in an a cappella group at college which has been really fun but also really rewarding bc i didn’t realize i was actually kinda good at singing until i tried out for it and got in
Hoary Stock: What are you proudest of?
not to be morbid as hell but i honestly think i’m most proud of the fact that i got through high school without killing myself because i was really depressed and suicidal and there were times where i came really close to trying. my mom eventually found out so i was put on medication and did therapy for a while and even though my therapy experience was not great, the medication helped a lot, as did leaving my hometown and going to college somewhere that was NOT really homophobic lmao
Lantanas: What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received?
i don’t remember the exact words but it was two years ago at an end of the year dinner with my a cappella group and one of the seniors (who was also the RA person who lived on my floor my first year) said a bunch of really heartwarming stuff about how he looks up to me and how glad he was to be my friend and it was just really sweet and touching and by the end we were both like sobbing.
Lavender: What’s your favorite thing about yourself? 
um this is kind of a hard one because my self esteem is still kind of in the gutter (probably because i had a bad therapy experience and haven’t tried again since lmao) but weirdly enough i think i’m most proud of the fact that i really came out of my shell during/after high school. i used to be an incredibly shy and quiet person (and i’m definitely still shy and introverted) but now all of my friends tend to think of me as a “loud” person (not in a bad way i don’t think? lol). in some ways i think it’s something i do sometimes need to work on but the fact that i’m now at the opposite end of that spectrum is still so wild to me and being so open and transparent about myself to other people feels good.
Prairie Gentian: Who is someone you look up to? Describe them. 
while there are definitely other people i could mention, my immediate answer to this question is always my mom. she’s been through a lot – illness, a terrible and abusive marriage, losing her job late in her career, etc. – and i didn’t really realize how tough and resilient she’s had to be until i got older. and despite what she’s been through, she still has such a bright outlook on life and loves to laugh and make others laugh. i just hope i’m able to roll with life’s punches half as well as she’s been able to and to come out stronger on the other side.
Sunflower: What is something you don’t want to imagine life without?
not to go full millennial mode here but i would definitely say the internet. there are so many wonderful and important people in my life who i mainly communicate with over the internet (or texting), not to mention it was my first real exposure to LGBT/queer communities. it’s also an incredible platform for creating and disseminating all kinds of media – music, art, writing, video, etc. the internet has been a lifeline for me for many different reasons over the years and despite its many flaws, that’s not something i’m ashamed of admitting.
Zinnia: Give a random fact about yourself.
i could not stand to wear a watch until i got to college and now if i forget to wear one i feel naked. it’s wild lol
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