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professorspork · 3 years

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it’s the Kentucky Derby this weekend! I know exactly one thing (and one thing only) about horse racing: those animals get the most ridiculous names in the world.

there was obviously only one place my brain could go with this, so I now present to you:

The Potential of 2021 Kentucky Derby Horses as Names of RWBY Weapons, Ranked

Known Agenda

A strong contender! Kind of in the vein of Due Process; definitely evokes that distinctive RWBY feeling of being vague but menacing word salad. Perhaps some kind of pen that turns into a billy club? or a gun-gun 9/10

Like the King

ugh -5/10 no courage of your convictions. Don’t be like the king, be the king! This is your morningstar-cum-trebuchet-cum-beretta! be proud of it!

Brooklyn Strong

Perfectly good punchline to a stucky joke; meh name for a weapon in a world where Brooklyn is not a place 0/10

Keepmeinmind

edgy Huntsman Academy students who buy their weapons from Hot Topic name them things like this and then use them to asymmetrically cut and style their bangs 3/10

Sainthood

was going to say “sturdy but boring” and give a relatively high score because this is a very Mr. Teeth sort of title but then I thought what if it’s a butterfly knife disguised as a crucifix? Grimm don’t flee from holy symbols but I do want to give credit to the vibe so that goosed it over the top, 11/10

O Besos

Kisses! and Pyrrha’s weapons are Greek, so why not a Spanish title? a weapon named after a kiss feels very gay, and the O makes me think circle shape so yeah these are nesting chakrams for sure 8/10

(oh god there’s so many more of these, did you know there’s TWENTY HORSES in the Kentucky Derby? that feels like too many horses!!!)

Mandaloun

Now this is exactly the kind of shit we’re looking for. Much like Myrtenaster, I had to google this to know what the hell it is. A kind of window, apparently! love the inherent threat of defenestrating your enemies 15/10 especially if it’s a mandolin that’s also a mandolin

Medina Spirit

can truly only be the name of a horse (or maybe a fancy cigar brand, or a yacht); resists all attempts to apply it to a weapon. -10/10 but it doesn’t care because it’s free like the wind.

Hot Rod Charlie

Excellent name for a member in Junior’s dumb gang back in Vale (remember Junior?) but not a very good name for a weapon. Bonus point for evoking the idea of a transformer-esque weapon that’s also a vehicle, though! (*cough cough* Yang Rebuild Bumblebee And Do This Challenge) anyway 1/10

Midnight Bourbon

can’t believe Willow Schnee was actually a Huntress and never told her daughters! 4/10 bc it’s still a bad name for a rapier, try harder Willow

Dynamic One

gonna give this 6/10 for the psychological warfare of your enemy always waiting for the moment when you suddenly pull out Dynamic Two

Helium

...does the periodic table of elements exist on Remnant? this would be a hilarious name for a flamethrower seeing as helium is not flammable 2/10

Hidden Stash

ngl I love this name so much. so many options! sounds like a compact makeup case that turns into a cache of nukes or something. or what Sun and Neptune called their cop mustaches when solving crimes. 20/10

Essential Quality

you know how when you get a pet from a shelter they have a sad shelter name and you have to give them a new one with more personality? this is the kind of name that comes with store-bought Atlesian weapons 0/10

Rock Your World

almost certainly one of many names Yang considered for Ember Celica along the way, but not even she could pull it off -100/10

King Fury

Finally, a king that calls itself a king! the ONLY thing this could be is brass knuckles that spell K I N G F U R Y over the fingers and turn into spring-loaded katar blades and also revolvers. not sure why this isn’t on the show yet 50/10

Highly Motivated

this is the comment Weiss got next to every grade she ever received at Beacon, though the prized “pleasure to have in class” always eluded her. it gets the same score she always got in her late-for-a-test stress dreams: why-can’t-you-be-more-like-Winter/10

Super Stock

-3/10, sounds like a discount grocery store despite the fact that “stock” could evoke either the part of the gun or the restraining device. Better name options for a RWBY weapon that’s half gun stock and half stock-stock include Tacitus (2019 Third Place @ Kentucky Derby), Empire Maker (2003 Second Place), or Shackleford (2011 Fourth Place)

Soup and Sandwich

Perfect name, no notes, 10000000/10, dual-wield machetes and no explanation given if I had my druthers

Bourbonic

Sadly “Midnight Bourbon” already cornered the bourbon-themed market here, so we must come up with a new angle. I like the rhyme-y nod to the bubonic plague, but I’m not sure how one would weaponize that? Unless we go full Cordelia and have a box with PLAGUE written on it and chase people with that. Actually no that’s sensational 10/10

#rwby #i spent two hours on this no one look at me

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aimmyarrowshigh · 2 years

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2021 Fic Roundup Meme

Total Fics Posted: 1,036, but that will be out of date by the actual end of 2021 because I need to do daily drabbles and finish the Steve Bingo drabbles by the end of the 31st! Total Words Posted: 147,576, which ironically is the lowest annual total, I think, since I started doing these roundups back on LiveJournal. Although I don’t think I even bothered to do a 2019 or 2020 roundup because I’d posted virtually nothing. Total Words (of Anything Excluding Blogs) Written: Somewhere between 250,000-300,000, I think. The first quarter of 2021 was dismal for writing -- not just for me, I think, but for most of the, like, writing world. So I can’t be too down on myself about it. Most of what I’ve written this year, I’ve posted right away because it’s been drabbles, but I do have probably 50k of unposted Old Guard WIP stuff and 70k so far of unposted Stucky. And 7k of unposted Wanda Maximoff smut that may never get finished, haha. My favorite fic story this year: I mean, the only one that “counts” that I posted this year is Wish You Were Here, which is on an extended hiatus at the moment. I do like WYWH and I think it’s not bad, but I definitely struggle with writing it -- vignettes are essentially a bunch of short stories and I forgot that I massively struggle with short stories (ironically, given drabbles). And I still haven’t figured out what happens character-growth-wise during one part of it and it’s killing me. My best story this year: It’s hard, because I’ve posted so fucking many drabbles and most of them are like, “well, this exists” but every once in a while I get a turn of phrase exactly right. I can’t remember any in particular that I’m particularly proud of, but there aren’t any that I’m NOT proud of, either. Story most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion: It sticks in my craw a little bit when someone requests a drabble and then doesn’t give it a kudo, especially if it’s for a more rarepair or niche fandom where, you know, no one else is going to, either. But that’s just me being crabby. I do feel like maybe I would feel more urgency with regard to WYWH if I felt like there were an audience for the story, but I also knew going in that it was a minor, non-canon pairing in a fandom with a MASSIVE canon ship that dominates EVERYTHING in the fic sphere, so I can’t actually be rightfully disappointed by that, either. I would love anything I write to grab people’s attention in a way that made them want to reach out and comment or message or kudo, but I also know that we’re moving into a post-feedback internet era, so again, I can’t rightfully want more than I get. I was spoiled by 1D fandom and, more than that, hugely spoiled by web 1.0 fandom and LJ fandom when it comes to feedback and attention. These days I’m just flattered anyone reads at all. (Although I will be Literally Devastated if no one reads my stucky when it comes out, I’m ngl.) Sexiest Story: I don’t tend to write sexy drabbles very often because it’s hard to build sexual tension in fewer than 100 words, so the payoff to a sexy drabble is always a little... premature. (Ba dum bum!) But here are the E rated drabbles if you want them! Most fun story: Oooh... honestly, pretty much every day, there’s at least one drabble that is particularly fun for me to write, so I’m not sure. The Continuing Adventures of Cap & Molly tickle me (thanks @therebeccaw) and I love writing Yelena/Kate. I love dunking on Booker in Booker/Nile fic. I love writing Darcy. I love writing the Peter Parkers and MJ. I love writing Gomez/Morticia. I think probably some of the Addams Family drabbles were the most fun, maybe. Maybe. Story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters: To coopt myself from the 2012 meme, “if I write a fic and it doesn’t change my feelings on the characters or fandom in some way, then I don’t think I wrote it correctly.” Hardest story to write: WYWH. Biggest surprise: Actually sticking to the drabbling! In the past when I tried Three-Line Fic Thursday and Five-Sentence Friday, I failed miserably, and I’ve failed myself at drabble challenges, too. But for some reason this time it’s stuck and is genuinely working to remind me that I can get words out, I can have ideas, and I can get those ideas out in words. Yay! A story I want remembered: I mean, if I wrote anything this year that anyone remembers fondly, that makes me happy. Resolutions for 2022: FINISH LENT FROM TOMORROW (TODAY WAS TOO SMALL FOR US). BE A FINISHER. FINISH THE THING. Also, do Femslash February and a drabble March Madness, probably.

#fandom #fanfiction #fic roundup meme #wish you were here #lent from tomorrow (today was too small for us)

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