#nobody had enough time to do anything

[shkika]

Honestly I think it's awesome, reinforces the fact they're cyborg computers and can just dump infected body parts out of the can !

Imo Pebbles may have dropped his labs first, realized he still got rot cysts crawling on parts he cannot just throw away, then started to resume giant water intakes to flush whatever clung on away. Moon collapses afterwards.

If anyone would like to give me an iterator anatomy lesson I'd actually love you so much I'm neither good enough at biology or technology stuff to know anything.

ANYWAY I don't know if there's any other part of Pebbles he has actually thrown out that we can see but hm...

I wonder if this little guy had selfish little thoughts. Not born out of malice, but fear and frustration. I mean his project has failed, everything is going WRONG.

Now.

Moon is already in a horrible state. She's not stable, she's also part of why this is happening. The water he could stop taking wouldn't do much for her, she's a lost cause.

But he's still functional. He can still try and finish his work. I mean it makes sense why he shouldn't stop. Moon will collapse anyway. While Pebbles has the chance to solve the problem still.

He was this close after all.

#ask #hohhoho im not fact checking all im saying but yes #i also need to say that the events of what happened #happened INCREDIBLY FAST #in a game where we see these robots in like such different parts of their lives #where we assume many years have passed #moons collapse happens in the span of DAYS from implications #maybe weeks #she already begins to worry about her life after pebbles has been taking water for only TWO CYCLES/roughly TWO DAYS #THESE PUTERS #CANNOT #last AT ALL without water #nobody had enough time to do anything #it was a very very scary situation #pebbles is a scared little guy trying desperately to survive #even during artificer times #he believes he can fix himself or at least find something DO SOMETHING before the rot takes over #and he must do it now and all alone #to make up for what happened #as if it would #HOHOHHOHOHO SORRY I LOVE GOING ON TANGENTS SO SORRY #kiki rambles #geeai #rain world

[shakingparadigm]

this is random but one of my favorite ALNST joke OCs is a girl who had a massive crush on Ivan and was able to date him for a little while because he felt bored enough to accept her. what follows is the most excruciating insanity inducing half-relationship in existence (they lasted 3 weeks before she gave up trying to understand him)

#her name is saya!! saya ng #she had the biggest crush on ivan and when she asked him out he said yes in the most casual way ever that she thought he was joking #the whole time they're “together” she's nervously looking away and blushing while ivan's eyes are trained on that gray haired boyfail there #whenever she'd ask to do couple things with him like hold hands or eat together he'd comply for a little while #but then he'd say something important came up and that he had to leave #she understood because of course! he's a top student surely hes busy no worries #he always seemed to have a wall up. smile never faltering but never fully genuine either #he always looked at her like he was seeing past her and not like he was looking at her person #he was a good and charming conversationalist but even though she got to spend more time with him #it never really felt like a “relationship”. more like two people roleplaying the actions of a relationship #because ivan was so closed off #she started noticing till more all because ivan kept noticing him #and she noticed how he seemed to change when he noticed till. like tills presence was enough to rewire his brain #she quickly realized she was nobody next to him and broke it off #anyways she got sent home because she wasn't good enough to graduate (she wasn't particularly good at anything) #she watched all her friends (dotori/acorn #round 3 and 4 kids) #die on screen #and when she's sent to a different singing competition she loses and dies #her name saya ng combines to make the word sayang #which in my language means: a waste #okay. this was supposed to be funny but now that im saying it #it low-key sounds kind of diabolical #by the way this idea is inspired by the Patreon info about ivan #(he CANONICALLY would accept anyones confession if he was bored enough. V and Q said that theyd tire of ivan being so closed and mysterious) #imagine being in the “recovering from dating ivan” club #alnst #random

[keeps-ache]

went skating and ending up in a ditch eating grass 👍👍

#just me hi #i always flop the second time i try a hill i fvsh #i'm still getting used to skating again cuz it's been like. forever so #/so i was turning after i'd gone down the hill #and i knew there was gravel at the end of the drive bc i had almost eaten asphalt earlier too (lmao) #so i was too spooked to turn too tightly and then before i knew it i saw the muddy ditch in front of me and the thought process went thus: #not turning fast enough- nudge- nudge- not turning fast enough- okay funk me- and then i just accepted my fate 6 whole seconds before i eve #hit the grass hfvhs #though i Did time it well enough so only my skates ended up in the mud and my face ended up in the dry dry grass #and then i roll up to our car wondering why i wasn't getting scolded for not turning fast enough (very helpful..) and it turns out #Nobody Saw Anything #my glorious face-plant. all for naught #sure it was a little embarrassing but nobody even saw it. smh #i Do bounce back fast though so maybe they thought i was playing in the grass or something hvfhsf #i got grass on. everything again hfsbhd #//well. with all this i am now sneepy #i'm going to. play a game now #'why don't you draw' i am. sneepy #also the Game is in my brain now so hfhs :3 #wwehheeow bYe

[crispyjenkins]

welcome to cj/crispy's bi-yearly ptsd rant about fireworks, you are all safe and valid here and i am mentally giving out juice boxes and animal crackers

#last year wasnt too bad i barely remember nye tbh but OH BOY are the neighbors making up for it this year #they arent like super big or anything but they are LOUD and we're just rural enough that nobody gives a shit #like i cannot tell you how much i love the idea of fireworks and their history #but id also like to not have 12 consecutive minor panic attacks because the neighbors have some money to burn #it's worse around the 4th of july ’cause that also has the caveat of ''what tf are you even celebrating fuck you'' #and im much more chill when it's like families celebrating with their kids because i remember how much fun mine had #but there are no kids around us #they're all adults and i want so badly to just be like ''yeah you do you man im glad youre having a good time'' but also like #they have to sell specialised jackets and blankets and medication for pets for nye and 4th of july #we dont have too many veterans in our part of town but i will never forget that pic of the vet hiding in the subway with his hands over #his ears #i dunno man i know not every activity can be accommodating to absolutely everyone #but i also think avoiding loud triggering (for a bunch of different reasons) noises is like #doable #there are quiet fireworks #thankfully my cat couldn't give two shits about loud noises but /I/ give two shits about loud noises #shut up cj #to delete

[samtoairmissile]

I'm so tired of feeling so alone

#its not even that i dont have friends #i have a good amount that im happy with #and hell i literally have two partners that i love more than anything #but theres nobody that lives near me #and idk how to find people #it hurts so god damn bad #i hate feeling such an intense and burning envy when i see my friends hanging out or having good times with people irl #its not fair to myself or to them and im not insane enough to resent them for it #but god damn i wish i had that #every fucking day i wish i could wake up next to my partners and hug my best friends #its not fair #i also wish the friends i did have would start things between us more #it feels like im always the one trying to schedule things or starting convos or inviting them to do something #and then they let things fall thru or dont try to start plans or convos with me and i often feel very #passed over? ignored? uncared for? #i dont know. its such a strange feeling and it makes me feel selfish

[ladystoneboobs]

i call this collection, contradictory quotes from two boys very, very confused about their families, homes, and loyalties.

#valyrianscrolls #asoiaf meta #asoiaf #jon snow #theon greyjoy #jonathan snowflake starkgaryen #long post #this was such a pain bc tumblr kept giving me errors processing the post #so i ended up having to copypaste into a word doc and take screengrabs of that to post as photos #finally posting out of sheer stubborn frustration as much as anything #(c)lsb #i am no stark #its not like i think jon was wishing for cat's death every time she went into childbirth #but the possibility must have occured to him that w/o her nobody would question his place at winterfell where hed lived his whole life #the same could not be said for hostage theon with no stark blood #and hes blinded by jealousy to think jon had more honor at wf. more love maybe but he wasnt the one sitting with robb for fancy feasts #jon's thoughts of the gods are quoted bc hes implicitly counting himself a stark with that phrasing instead of his gods or the old gods #just like theon betraying himself every time he said plural gods even if he never cared enough abt any gods to pray until ramsay #i'll always think his capture of wf had as much to do w desire to become a stark as revenge #else he would have sacked the castle and took hostages back to pyke like asha said #its like the saying if you cant beat em join em for theon it was the opposite #he couldnt understand why people who knew him as a hostage wouldnt help him hunt down his own child hostages #it was only fair! theyd be his wards and still live at winterfell together #it occurs to me that stannis for jon was like ned for theon stern scary guy he had to remind himself not to care about #jon may as well be shouting im the lord of winterfell when announcing his desertion hes so bold yet he thinks if this is oathbreaking #if! what theon turncloak mental gymnastics could make it not oathbreaking to kill a northern lord?!

[foxxsong]

Fuckin love it (sarcasm, if that's not obvious) when Jewish people come onto a post and respectfully ask people to stop comparing every atrocity to Nazi Germany for shock value while giving examples of other comparisons to use and some random gentile prick decides that no, actually THIS TIME it's accurate and it would in fact be WORSE to find something else to compare it to because other things don't have enough shock value to make their point before proceeding to have the gall to imply that it's not overused and that Jews are selfish for not wanting it constantly brought up.

Like, congrats for contributing to the issue of desensitizing people to the Holocaust and telling Jews that you don't care if their murders are being used for your own purposes. Good job further proving that the left only cares about Jewish pain when they can use it to sensationalize issues they care about or that could effect them personally.

But sure, let's further propagate the whole "canary in the coal mine" trope. As if the suffering of Jews doesn't matter unless real victims could be next.

#that pissed me the absolute fuck off #who are you as a gentile to say that Jews are selfish for not wanting the murder of their RECENT ancestors #many of whom are still being grieved by people that knew them or would have known them had they survived #to be brought up as an example every time something awful happens? #to not want to be reminded of that because someone wanted to make a point sound shocking enough for their liking? #for not wanting people to water the Holocaust down so much that nobody thinks of them anymore #and only thinks of it as a handy example of fascism? #and oh it's such a crime when Jews say anything about it because don't they know there were OTHER victims too?? #(spoilers: yes they fuckin do but the left only wants to bring that up when the other victims are part of their group or as a gotcha) #antisemitism #leftist antisemitism #that's a whole ass tag and maybe that should say something to leftist about their behaviour towards Jews

[slippery-minghus]

hmm. had an actual conversation with nightmare coworker today that seemed mutually productive. she apologized for saying some bullshit that hurt my feelings and i clarified that my intentions are to help not to undermine her, and we both agreed that there's no competition against each other and that it's the lack of growth in our role that's the problem. it was...productive.

and further cementing for me that it is time to begin making my Exit. i will be sending out my resume to a few places this weekend.

i'm still processing the conversation, and am struggling to place myself in where i am responsible to better my behavior. because i genuinely don't want to be an ass, even though i really don't like this lady and will jump for joy the day i never have to see her again. she stated that she knows my intentions aren't to hurt her, and that she thinks i'm very kind. i apologized for if my behavior came off as undermining her, and said that my intentions are only to better my own growth—and that i know she's trying to succeed too. i validated her feelings, and complemented the effort she is putting in.

where i'm struggling with is: am i in the wrong/causing harm and needing to change if the issue is that her feelings are incongruent with what she knows of my intentions? her feelings are her responsibility (WOW i almost typed "her feelings are my responsibility". i feel like that's a freudian slip) and she states that she knows i don't mean to hurt her. i'm going to try to be more clear in wording my intentions with her (she feels like me trying to take work off her plate is to undermine her. when really, i'm caught up and see her getting overwhelmed, and i want to help and also have something to do since i'm bored).

but i'm really struggling to look at my role in this and pass judgement on myself. i can and want to do better, and i don't think i did anything wrong, but i'm always so hesitant to say it's not my fault or i didn't do something bad. like i can't trust my judgement on that. my intentions were good, her bad feelings are ones caused by her insecurities, which she more or less has expressed to be aware that they are not true—the hurtful thing she said to me, she acknowledged was said out of hurt and not what she actually thinks. so, is it fair to say i'm not the bad guy? i'm not in the wrong? i know good intentions that still result in harm don't absolve anyone, but when the things that are clashing are insufficient communication and reactive insecurities... i'm not a monster, am i?

#well. i AM probably a monster for how much i dislike this lady #but i don't ACT on it #and i genuinely couldn't care less about her. i participate in decent human pleasantries because i am a decent human. #and at work we're stuck together #the thing that's irked me so much about this conversation is just.. her self centeredness #that she thinks everyone is out to get her. to undermine her. whatever. #bitch nobody cares about you enough one way or the other to put in that kind of effort. i sure don't #i empathize but i do not sympathize. to feel that pit that makes you feel like the worst kind of center of attention #i get it. but genuinely you are not the main character and no one is going to spend their limited time and energy to slowly attack you #you are not the cat with all the knives pointed at it #it's a terrible feeling to feel like you are! but when it influences your behavior to the point that you are making snide comments #to people who have no option not to interact with you then uh. then you're in the wrong buddy #and the people around you (who cannot easily leave! bc work!) should not have to bend over backwards to assure you #that they're not pointing knives at you. to protect themselves from your feelings making you say mean shit #like yes. i can be more clear with my intentions. i'm generally not the greatest at that. but my baseline that i want to #modify my behavior from is NOT one that a regular well adjusted person would take as anything but kind #and if a regular well adjusted person got a little offput by me volunteering to take work off their hands we would've had a very chill #3 sentence conversation about it MONTHS AGO. #i understand and respect (even if i find it annoying and overbearing) the need for me to announce my intentions like im working in a kitchen #and saying 'hot water' or 'knife' as i move around other people but we shouldn't have reached this conclusion this way #and frankly who's to fucking say me being more clear with my intentions will only feed the flames of her thinking i'm out to get her! #'i caught up on my stuff and your plate looks full. i'm bored. anything i can do to help?' could be a pointed knife for all i know!! #and if it is- and my actions still hurt her in that scenario- am i still responsible for the hurt caused?? #like WHERE DOES IT FUCKING E N D ? #personal #*exhales* okay i feel better now #i just hate talking about my interactions with her bc i just want NOTHING to do with it. i want her out of my head!! #but until i process it i can't let go #and i'm still going to have to go over all of this with my shrink tomorrow #it just makes me mad how much of my time this bitch takes up. i'm not getting paid to think about work right now!!!!

[arowrath]

my friend says atp the school is being negligent and i should report them which is probably true but also i mean. at least they clearly explained the process even if every part ogf it has gone wrong or gone on for far too long. and nobody has shown open contempt towards me during the process. unlike last time 😒. so are they being negligent possibly. butit could be worse & i . ohh my god thahnk you youtube autoplay for turning on alltoo well 10 minute version right now. i'm gonna go ruminate now.

#text #sorry i'm still bitter. hard to report when youre given literally no information about what doing so entails huh #like until this semester i thought it involved the police. nobody told me it didnt. nobody told me anything #this time it was 'bad enough' (flawed framework to view sa from i know i only act like this towards myself dont worry) that i knew i #had to do something & was willing to work with the police if it came to it/if the situation escalated #(<- not that i wanted to but my physical safety couldve been at risk) #but the fact that NOBDOY TOLD ME LAST TIME. that the cops aren't involved at all. THAT'S INSANE #like i'm pretty sure part of title ix (the law not the process) is that legally schools are REQUIRED to give you that information #that's so fucking infuriating. god. #ive posted about this before but- EVEN THOUGH THIS PROCESS SUCKS- it's helping me see how fucking bad last time was #bc i've learned my rights through it 😭 & experienced actual academic & social support and such #idk. #neg #🗒️

[elytrafemme]

top 10 funniest mental illness bits in my life is getting into arguments with my therapist repeatedly over not getting a diagnosis for something debilitating me and then going to college and taking an online test (with her encouragement, and on a zoom call WITH HER talking over every question and its accuracy to the condition etc) that says You kind of have this condition. and she was like yeah you might have tendencies. and despite literally insulting her over this very topic before i just go Oh okay that makes sense ^_^ and then i no longer believe i have these tendencies at all. girl WHAT ?

#nightmare.personal #Carriers of mare lore may recognize this is about the BPD thing #we took a test and it was like yeah you deffo have parts of this but NOT diagnostic enough #and i guess college just completely flipped my perspective because i just did naurt care #but at the same time Im now like lowkey convinced i dont have any symptoms but we did prove that i had that #like we did take a test together and she told me her direct input. So um. Win! #this is what im telling y'all my mental illness symptoms do NOTTTT fucking last #did we not talk abt this when i had a system and i was like These bitches r going to leave me THEN THEY DID ? #like my ass cannot keep a mental illness & ik im healing rn but i cant tell if im also like. Severely in denial. #also just found out my family might have bipolar tendencies DOES NOBODY TELL ME ANYTHING HERE #my brother........ like hey this kind of explains prom 2022 No worries if not though. im going to chew on that man

[horrifiant]

jesus Christ the day I’ve had and it’s literally 6 am

#it’s my birthday . for starters. #it took an hour into my bday for my boyfriend to burst into tears bc I was REALLY unhappy with the presents he got me #that sounds ungrateful BUT we’ve been together 8 months we live together and he got me socks . one pair of socks. #i told him I was unhappy and quite hurt and he broke down and admitted he fucked up he thought he had more time and panicked #then he started spiralling over not doing enough for me so I had to spend 3 hrs at midnight consoling him #by the time I was finally able to eat and shower and go to bed it’s now 6 am #I have work to do today . he hasn’t planned anything . I’m still very hurt LOL nobody consoled me when I was upset 👍

[privateolives]

GRHJGUMERGJMERGAM YOU HAVE SMT OCs??? I wanna know more

I sure do. Long long ago when SMT//Imagine was still novelty me and my roleplaying crew at the time decided to make a roleplay guild called Clan Volatile. Because these fuckers were all ticking time bombs in their own right.

My ticking timebomb of choice was a young man called Dastolle Kobayashi, the resident clan tank and horribly abused workhorse.

So for those of you not in the know, SMT Imagine was an MMO set in the interrim between SMT1 and SMT2. My roleplay group at the time decided to set up an rp guild in the game, exploring the first generations of humans who wouldn't remember the days before the nuclear fallout of SMT1. None of them would survive to make it to SMT2, which was also part of the concept. Having a good ol' look at those people who perished when things started to get ugly again.

He's a sweet guy, if not the smartest... though he's still smarter than people give him credit for. Unfourtunately he's also incredibly traumatised and suffer from intense amounts of anger (secret) that's being kept in check only by his intense fear of abandonment (Apparent to anyone with eyes).

He's unquestionably loyal to his clan. Why? Because he doesn't trust his own judgement on who he can trust or not - and his departed mentor promised him that these people would be his friends.

It... didn't go so well. He's the "best friend" of an incredibly abusive clan leader who's sanity is probably compromised by his demon fusion wings (remember the freaky lore with the demon accessories?) and something of a (rather objectifying) interest to said leader's twin sister.

They're all C-rank demon busters, so only in the about level 20s or so. Real nobodies doing grunt work that noone has time to keep much of an eye on. They can survive, and that's good enough.

He doesn't like books (they're religious items that steal people away) and may or may not be trying to burn a clanmate's bible without him finding out. He's staunchely neutral due to both his parents leaving him for each their faction when he was younger, and mostly uses beast demons. They're nice and simple. His primary demon is a fire-breathing unicorn who likes to mess with people and has a narcisism problem.

He took up smithing as a secondary clan-job. He mostly makes swords for their leader, he likes his hammer.

I also had a cool thing going where I had reaction images drawn both with and without the visor that let ME know when he was being mildly deranged under the cover of the visor, but other people wouldn't tell because they couldn't see his eyes. There was a lot of interesting psychology going on with him.

Dastolle is a docile guy who works hard to try and ensure his "friends" won't abandon him out of an extreme fear of being alone again. It's the only thing keeping an increasingly boiling anger down.... for now. But he's got a dark and bloody future ahead of him.

I can talk more about his story if there's any interest.

#smt imagine #shin megami tensei #imagine #Zeph's oc's #Abuse mention #The abusive leader was actually a really cool character made by a friend and had a lot of themes of fear leading to corruption by power #but not being strong enough to survive the insane conditions of the Shin Megami Tensei universe #I think even in their final confrontation - the strongest the clanmates would ever be - they were only level 50 or so #The main trio (Dastolle - leader - leader's sister) got demon imagery associations reflecting their eventual downfall into madness. #All low level demons. These guys are nobodies noone will remember. #Dastolle was Ippon-Datara #Fated to go mad at being abandoned a second time and turning into a murderous craftsman living alone in a cave #crafting neutral-alignment only weapons until the day his former ''best friend'' kills him #He takes out the guy's prized wings in the process though. #I've also roleplayed as the SMT1 protag since the early 2000s and the regular demon team are sort of oc's in their own right now. #Dastolle's favourite things are related to nature and he likes to take refuge in Nakano when there's nothing to do. #He also accidentally ate a demon apple once and got possessed once #It was kind of a running theme with him that nothing about his situation was ok #But everyone were too busy with basic survival to do anything about it. #So nothing was done before he finally went nuclear. #The whole Clan's story was a psychological tragedy of preventable dooms noone cared to prevent #Doomed by the narrative etc etc #High defence zero brains #Ironically the two people closest to him were the only ones with high enough attack to make anything hurt #The visor belonged tot he demon buster who saved him and also introduced him to his 'friends' #The anger being hidden behind the damaged visor was deeply symbolic about the fear and the promise being the only things hiding it #keeping it locked away

[icewindandboringhorror]

everyday I miss miitomo .. aaa

#these screenshots are not even good or the most interesting/funny/cool ones from back then #they just so happen to be ones I found in a folder so am thinking about them solely for the memory of it all #WORST thing is I never even had friends (still don't have friends really that have many similar interests to me lol..epic hermit moment) who #played or were willing to do I didn't really use the social aspects much. if there were any?? maybe I'm just making up a better game in my #head lol.. I thought maybe you could visit your friends apartments at some point or something? I know you could have multiple mii characters #and put them in their own apartments too. #I could also be mixing it in my mind with tomodachi life. which is a superior game. but also I think mostly I just loved the dress up and #photo creation aspects of this. That you could spend like 30 minutes putting your little avatar person in different lttle poses with differe #nt backgrounds and import your own custom background and etc. etc. And the community questions & answers section was always ridiculous #WHY is it that all actually good and cool things end up shutting down and nobody cares about them but then some tv shows/games/etc. can keep #going for like 808989598590 years when they are actually very bad and stinky and pointless #I know probably something somehting profit motive. if something sucks but is hyped blindly and sells then that's all that matters. #things that are cool and innocative but have a small audience get poo poo pee pee Not Good Enough For Shareholders whatever #>:( #This is why I don't play apps or online games /anything live service or that is dependent on external things to function #Like every once in a while I do but for the most part if something is not it's own self contained experience then I dont care to even get #invested in the first place because it could just randomly be taken away from you at any time without warning or etc. #Also just charmed by anything that incorporates personality tests into part of the structure of an app even in a minor.comepletely trivial w #ay due to my preexisting obsession with anything in the realm of that topic (enneagram. mbti. etc. even astrology. just any way humans categ #orzie and analyze themselves. NOT because I think they're all scientifically valid methods and swear by them in practuce but like. the theor #y of it. I love personaliy testing from like.. a cultural perspective? like the fact that humans make this stuff up at all. and how they use #it and conceptualize it and apply it to their lives. the different frameworks within which the same traits can be categorized in different w #ays. one person looks at X trait and says its bc theyre a virgo. another explains the same exact trait by saying it's bc theyre an infj. etc #I mean some of them I do find actually personally fun to get into themselves (enneagram mostly) but mostly I just like the.. analysis #tfw you're such an analytical person you like to spend time analyzing analysis. Thinking abt the ways people think about thinking abt things #Actually Ive talked before about how I don't relate to/care about/get emotionally attached to media/dont exhibit Fan Behviors or join fandom #s or etc. BUT that is actually the one vaguely media related thing I WILL do. after watching something I like going to places like that #'personality database' site which is the public voting on character's personality types. and I do enjoy going to read the comments. not bec #ause I care about the character themselves. but I love seeing the paragraph long debates about like.. why Whoever is actually an intp NOT an #intj . or like 'OBVIOUSLY theyre 3w4 so/sp ILI are you FUCKING BLIND??!'. essays breaking down every cognitive function they ehibit and why

[afieldinengland]

there’s a lot of things i miss that i’ve never actually had

#small example so we don’t get too maudlin: sometimes i miss being romantically compared to dorian #or— well. being thin and young and beautiful enough to come anywhere near fitting that moniker too #(don’t). but did that really ever happen? in reality have i ever had the chance to do anything like that? #can’t miss what you never had. there’s a hedonist in me and he’s been starving for twenty years #i’m glad that there’s no real risk of me ever getting kissed again i’m far more trouble than it’s worth #the minute i’m taken out of myself through this wire-mother cage i’ve fashioned i’m fucked #but i never have been. not really. i have real trouble identifying the last time i genuinely had fun #i miss being kissed. i miss the bronze age. i miss the grapes i’ve never really crushed against my palate #twenty now and i know it’s absurd to feel old. i haven’t wasted my chance you could argue #but where’s lord henry coming dancing from? <- you see this is absurd. i’m a deep cynic in a coat i pose a foxier threat than dorian ever #did. he likes to think. if nobody minds the sheer inconvenience of leading me on do they mind kissing me. or hitting me hard in the head ti #i bleed. just for the record #and key point— dorian was beautiful. well dorian was a muse #what’s happening here? well i’d like to be loved. sorry. still #maybe i’ve never been a dorian. something wronger #all romance i’ve had in my real life has been terrible and i’ve been hurt. can you forgive me for that #<- this is him at his least maudlin

[coldflasher]

i went into the office and it was everything i thought it would be and less. it was awful. i have discovered that there’s something worse than having people try to talk to me, and it’s nobody trying to talk to me at all. not even to like. tell me where the kitchen is. i spent the first 4 hours trying to decide if it would be frowned upon to eat lunch at my desk and the last 4 hours mourning bc even if i was able to eat it at my desk, by that point it had been in my bag for hours bc i didn’t know where the fridge was, so it probably would have been disgusting and ridden with bacteria. and i didn’t have a key card yet so i needed ppl to let me in and out and fun fact: i have a deep-seated loathing of knocking on doors. it’s embarrassing. so i couldn’t leave or go to the loo or anything. just. 8 hours at my desk in silence with occasional whispering like we were sitting an exam

i thought the whole point of office culture was so the extraverts could get their daily dose of conversation. if i wanted to sit in silence for 8 hours i could do that at home with my cat and actually have a nice time

#the other problem is NOBODY WAS SLACKING OFF #THEY WERE ALL ACTUALLY WORKING #every time i snuck a glance at someone's screen they were actually doing work. hence the silence #nobody was on their phones or anything so like. i had no choice but to laser focus for 8 hours #meaning that i'm pretty sure i went way above target #this wouldn't be a bad thing except we've been warned that if our at-home productivity isn't good enough then we'll lose wfh privileges #and i REFUSE to come into the office every day. i'd rather quit honestly #so now i either have to slow down at the office and be bored for hours bc i've finished everything early #or work my arse off at home so that im overachieving in both locations #i already hate this so much #i thought that office workers always slack off. there are so many memes about it

[pepprs]

also the way a student (🤮 @ me calling someone “a student” btw. Omg) said straight to my face “ppl are gonna keep thinking ur a student” today and i had to sit there like 😀

#purrs #it was this speed d*ting event (very inappropriately named) for staff members and student government ppl except they called all the staff as #administrators except i think out of all the staff who were there i was the only one who wasn’t an administrator 😍. and i kept introducing m #myself as having just graduated a couple months ago and i also very stupidly dressed for casual Friday and wasn’t wearing businessy clothes #like everyone else AND some of the check in questions were like for students what was the most impactful experience w admin you’ve ever had #and for admin what’s the most impactful experience you’ve ever had w a student. and im like literally you guys are the first students im #working wi th like ever in this role helppp 😭😭😭😭 and im not even an admin. so basically i had the hugest impostor syndrome the whole time on #top of not being able to even hear anything really and then that guy came in for the kill at the end and i just didn’t know what to do w mys #myself 😭 like not a single student (again 🤮 at me referring to studnets a) at all b) as if i am not ONE OF THEM bc i can’t fucking #believe om not) but not a single student is goi ng to actually believe that im a staff member for like. 5 years i think. once there are no m #more students here who knew me as one and once it’s been enough time that ive grown into my role then i’ll be fine but this yr is literally #gonna just be me trailing after * going aheem heem whimper and nobody even looking at me bc they assume im 12. fucking awesome #i hate this like 😭 i know this is where i need to be and want to be but the impostor syndrome is so real and i don’t think any of the #The Students™️ (🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮) don’t believe it either. LMAO!