#normal people dont feel this much pain | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

redysetdare · 9 months

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for how welcoming like to pretend it is the disability community on here has been the most hostile and unwelcoming community I've experienced.

maybe it's just the posts I'm getting... tumblr seems to think I'm interested in discourse posts for disability. But i just know each one i see has made me feel worse and worse for calling myself disabled.

first i see posts that are other disabled ppl shitting on my mental illnesses or neurodivergencies - acting as if that's not disabling or disabled enough. then there's so many people who don't explain what "Physically disabled" means other than "You are physically disabled". which from my experience ppl usually only ever talk about disabilities that effect your movement or legs. leaving me to wonder if needed glasses count? if having stomach issues count? if back chronic migraines count? my back pain and knee pain? what about hyperhydrosis? not to mention the fact my mental illnesses can make these symptoms worse - does that mean they don't count because they connect to my mental disabilities? i take 5 different medications a day to try to negate my side effects for everything im suffering with. I don't know whats enough and the one place i look to for even the slightest bit of relief and validation is met with hostility and "you don't belong here" and it sucks!!!!

im sure some ppl have fantastic time in disability spaces but as someone who's still trying to be able to call themselves disabled after everyone around me told me I wasn't in enough pain or was too young to be in the pain i claimed to be.... it really sucks to not have support and only be met with discourse post after discourse post.

maybe I'm on the wrong side but idk how to find the right side. I'm tired. I just need someone to say that my suffering is enough. maybe then i won't have to suffer alone.

#text #disability #personal #part of me knows i am disabled that normal people arent suffering this much #normal people dont feel this much pain #but it's hard to accept when everyone around you says your over-exaggerating and it's not a big deal #things have just been progressively getting worse and idk man im really needing ppl who understand right now becuz i dont have anyone

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brutal-nemesis · 8 months

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YWDaC: Maybe It’s Not So Fun After All

Hiii here is part 2 of pirate shenanigans I’ll probably do one more to finish this out but it probably won’t be for a while cuz I have some other stuff I wanna work on so enjoy for now ✨

←Previous - Castys Masterlist - Next→

Ingredients: pirate battle, wood splinters in a guy, stitches

The next few weeks were truly a learning experience, and also just an experience. Castys learned far more than he ever thought there was to know about ropes and knots and wind and how to clean things, all while his back slowly hurt less and less. He hadn’t even been whipped that much, but it was still super unfun as an experience, enough to motivate him to be a good little pirate. Well, more like a sailor, they hadn’t done any pirate activities since he was so kindly given a spot on the crew.

And of course when battle did come, he wished he could go right back to the peaceful days of hard labor and yelling.

Kamon had been teaching him to use a sword during their free time, since Castys’s spear wasn’t well suited for combat aboard a crowded ship, but before he even got a chance to use it, the ships had to fire their cannons at each other a bunch. It was loud, somehow way louder than he’d been expecting, and his arms burned from carrying ammunition up from the hold. By the time the fun part started, he was already gonna be exhausted, just great.

His new orders were to take supplies up to the main deck, and he was somehow surprised that there was even more chaos and yelling up here than down below. They were getting pretty close to the other ship now, and it was probably almost time to board them and steal all their shit, which he was actually excited for. Mainly the stealing part.

Just as he set the crate down, there was a loud crack next to him, and his body lit up with all these sharp little pains, like…he looked down, and he was indeed covered in splinters. They were a wonderful variety of sizes, from tiny little ones that weren’t even making him bleed to ones that were as long as his hand, but the worst one had poked completely through his fucking cheek, filling his mouth with the taste of wood and blood, which was a weird combination. Ears ringing, he stumbled away from the destroyed railing, and was just about to start pulling the splinters out before he remembered the medic’s stern warning to not pull splinters out yourself. So he had a cheek piercing for now, hooray.

Before he’d made it back belowdecks, Captain Izogie called for everyone to get ready to board, so nevermind to hauling stuff. Castys pulled out the sword he’d been given, the weight still feeling a little unnatural, but it was all he was gonna get. He saw some dudes climbing up the rigging and swinging over on ropes, but he’d rather just wait and walk over on the plank like a normal person. Was boarding another ship a normal person thing? Okay, really, swinging looked fun, but he didn’t feel like climbing when he was full of holes that were full of wood. Also he didn’t trust himself to land without breaking something.

And then it was his turn to cross the plank, running so he didn’t have time to look down and think about falling into the cold ocean, jumping down into the chaos of the fight, trying his best to weave through the clashing metal and warm spurts of blood, and suddenly he was face-to-face with someone, someone he didn’t recognize, and he raised his sword, but just as he was about to swing he remembered that he’d never fought another human, not for real, and he couldn’t help but hesitate, and they didn’t, they swung, he only jumped back at the last second, it was them or him, he had to fight, remember what he’d learned, remember what it felt like to slice through flesh and hear screams, and it was more familiar once he did it, coming back to him now, his grip steady as he jumped over the body and moved on, belowdecks, rummaging around for valuables, helping his crewmates pry crates open and carry them back to the ship, the wood almost slipping out of his hands, when did they get slick with blood, he wasn’t sure, it was all a haze of back and forth, up and down, fight and slash and stab and dodge and search and carry and he almost walked back across the plank onto the now-sinking ship, all of its contents plundered, all of its crew dead.

The fight was over, and everything hurt.

With shaky hands, he tried to put his sword back in its scabbard, but someone stopped him. “Clean your blade, newbie. And then go see the doc. You look like shit.” Castys nodded, wiping the blood from his sword with his shirt before sheathing it and stumbling belowdecks. Maybe he’d get less of a share of the treasure this way, but at the moment he didn’t care. He just wanted the damn splinters out. And the gash in his arm probably needed stitches, which were always his favorite.

He found Alfyn’s quarters without much trouble, having been there before after he’d been flogged on his first day. The healer was busy tending to people with more pressing wounds, so Castys just sat on the floor and watched. Alfyn’s healing magic was so strange to watch, the way he could just hold his hands out and make flesh rejoin the other flesh super unfamiliar to Castys. Neither of them could use magic back on the islands, so the whole concept was sorta new to him, especially this weird healing stuff. His fingers teased with the splinter through his cheek, wiggling it against his tongue. It would be kinda funny to pull it out and then try to squirt water out of the hole in his cheek, but that would require pulling it out and then finding water and also someone who would think he was funny, which sounded like a lot, so he settled for fucking with it and waiting for Alfyn.

By the time he got to him, Alfyn’s nose was plugged with a rag that was either completely soaked in blood or just red, but maybe it was red because it had been soaked in blood before. He looked Castys up and down, and Castys showed off his arm gash since it was very painful. Alfyn nodded, beckoning Castys to stand. “Nothing you’ve got’s pressing enough to use my magic on, but I’ll still get you fixed up. You’re…Castys, right?”

“That’s my name.” Castys sat on the little table, the spots of blood on it soaking into his pants, which kind of sucked, but what wasn’t dirty on this ship, anyway? “So why can’t I take out the splinters myself?”

Alfyn laughed a little, coming back over with tweezers and a metal bucket that had a bunch of other splinters in it. “I don’t trust you lot to get them out completely. If you do it wrong, little bits can get left behind.” He then started pulling out Castys’s splinters the right way, which seemed to be to do it slow and to use tweezers, but Castys could be wrong since he was a little distracted by all of his little wounds hurting all over again. Alfyn did the one in his cheek last, and once it was out Castys poked at the hole left behind with his tongue despite the pain, which got a sigh out of Alfyn instead of a laugh.

“Please don’t make the wound worse, Castys.”

“Sorry.” He was then a very still and patient and well-behaved boy while Alfyn cleaned all of his wounds, arm gash included. Whatever liquid Alfyn was pouring on everything stung a lot, but he sat still so he didn’t make things more difficult for Alfyn, who looked really damn tired now that Castys was paying attention.

“Alright, your arm and cheek are going to need stitches, so please keep holding still like you’ve been doing.”

“They used to call me statue boy.” Kind of funny considering the time he almost did get turned into a statue, but that was a joke for just him. He clenched his fists and Alfyn approached with the needle and thread. He’d been through this more than once, he’d be fine, it was all things he’d felt before. The sensation of the needle poking into his skin, the tug of thread following behind, the hand on his chin…

“Hold still.”

“I’m trying, but it’s hard not to laugh at the faces you’re making.”

“I’m trying to focus here, Castys, come on. You don’t want this to be a super nasty scar, do you?”

“Uh…I don’t really care. As long as I can still eat food and stuff what does it matter? I don’t see anyone else besides you, and I don’t think you care either.”

“I-I don’t, but…maybe there will be other people, someday?”

“Even then, whatever. If they’re scared off by a scar on my face they’re probably losers, anyway.”

“So you’ll fit right in, then!”

“And yet you still hang out with me all of the time.”

“Yeah, ‘cause there’s literally no one else, dumbass. It’s not like I have options.”

“Sucks to suck. I’m…I’m okay with just you, though.”

“...Me too, Castys. But that might change if you don’t sit still.”

His scars hurting more than his actual wounds was stupid, but it was certainly happening. He left Alfyn’s quarters in sort of a daze, trying to bury everything the stitches had brought to the surface. Focus on anything and everything else, on the awful food, on talking with Kamon, on getting more respect from the other crewmates, on drinking stolen ale, on the share of the treasure he was promised once they reached land.

But that night, lying awake in his hammock as the crew snored around him, his scars still hurting, the pain cutting through the warm haze of the alcohol, he didn’t feel any less alone.

Castys Cult: @as-a-matter-of-whump @blackrosesandwhump @fanmanga1357-blog @thehopelessopus @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi @hearse-song @muddy-swamp-bitch @whumpasaurus101 @yet-another-heathen @galaxywhump @starnight-whump @his-unspoken-words @misspelledwitch @suspicious-whumping-egg @pumpkin-spice-whump @painsandconfusion @i-can-even-burn-salad @befuddled-calico-whump @whumpinggrounds @whump-queen @whumpedydump @theelvishcowgirl

#i wrote something #castys #pirate whump #stitches #splinters #HAHAHA USING LEGACY EDITOR SINCE I SAVED A FEW BLANK POSTS TO MY DRAFTS #i wish i saved more but oh well #bit shorter of a thing it's less than 2k words wow #i just didnt have anything else i wanted to do with this one idk once again i feel like there's not much but also i know all the lore #i dont think ill be able to keelhaul him tho 😔 he's being a very well-behaved boy since he's so young so he doesnt have any reason to be #he's not used to pain like normal so he's scared of getting whipped again and that's enough to keep him in like #most people make random ocs and get attached to them #i make random ocs and end up using less than i planned on #but it is what it is (￣_￣;)#now im gonna work on goretober bits and maybe the next E&T chapter cuz it would be cool if i could finish that by halloween #i can write i just have to force myself to do it really i just want to game and watch anime in my free time #but i dont want that to be the case i would like to Make Something #oh and sorry the fight was like a paragraph/sentence it just wasnt working any other way so sorry if it's underwhelming or something idk

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