#not me obviously

[deardarlingthings]

i'm just realizing that this stede here...

has to be the stede we're seeing HERE!!

and with that Red around his waist looking like the fuckin' divorce robe?? not okay, y'all

#god im not ready #stede in his romantic hero era #who would think gay pirates would hold me like this #not me obviously #stede bonnet #ofmd season 2 #ofmd s2 #ofmd 2 #our flag means death 2 #our flag means death season 2 #stede with a BEARD #Steard

[erineas]

Well I mean I think your simpees like your butt

I hope so, because then why else would they be here, big soft skeleton men?? Nah

#Who would want a big chunk of a skeleman #That's also a softie #That's also too shy to ask for affection #but definitely craves it #Not me obviously #I'm supposed to keep drawing that same skeleman what am i doing talking ab my butt #5am talks

[makkariava]

#makkariava #plus size #not me obviously

[johnwgrey]

Lady Chatterley's lover AU

Yielding to his father's wish, a young lord marries a woman to produce an heir.

The only problem is that he very much prefers men. His father knows but disregards it as a youthful indiscretion, assures his son it will pass.

So his son marries a very pretty, very proper, very rich young lady who lies in his bed every night but it doesn't pass.

Nevertheless, he lives companionably with his wife. They don't hate each other. They're just not meant for each other. And they're bored.

He's bored. Out of his damn mind.

So while his wife spends all her time with her friend/caregiver/whatever, he goes on walks. Long walks in the woods. He meets his gamekeeper often. A very curious man. The son of his father's gamekeeper.

He went to war, people say. He saw things. Things he can't forget. That's why he's so taciturn, people say.

But the young lord can see something more in his eyes. Kindness, maybe? He is intrigued by this man who doesn't live according to society's rules. Who's so different from every other men he met. From everything his father has taught him was right and proper.

And who's very, very attractive.

Bored and horny has never been a good combination and he starts spending more time with the gamekeeper. Around the gamekeeper.

Until one day, the young man makes it perfectly clear that he would love nothing more than for his gamekeeper to fuck the boredom out of him. And the gamekeeper happily obliges.

They find happiness together. And love. True love; the kind people write about in books.

One day, the lord disappears. So does the gamekeeper.

Folks start to talk. Some say they've gone away together. Some say the gamekeeper killed the lord, buried him in the woods and ran away. But no one truly knows what happened to them.

The theories become tales who in turn become legends.

Years later, a woman tells her a story. It was her favourite story growing up, she explains. Her grandmother used to tell it to her.

"it's quite a fantastic tale," she says, "about a lord who gave up title and wealth for the man he loved. Isn't it romantic?"

The man sitting in front of her smiles. "It is, indeed."

His skin is wrinkled, his hair is thinning but in his grey eyes, a spark is dancing still and when he turns to the man sitting next to him and rests a hand on his knee, the spark becomes flame and it burns.

It burns brighter than a thousand suns.

#lord basilton's lover #someone should write this #not me obviously

[elysiumxii]

❛ this right here is why your are my favorite person. ❜ Fujin (goes by Fujitaka for mortals) for Giselle, if you're interested!

no kai it is not mutant time you dumb slut

also i see evil, i see corrupt and i am ROLLING WITH IT!

"Mn.." with a small crinkle of her nose, Giselle turns her head away and instead decides to focus her heated glare at the wall of the interrogation room, it was safer that way. She can hear the teasing tone in the officer's voice and can just imagine the cocky smirk that sits on his features, if she was feeling brave enough to look. Which right now, she wasn't.

This wasn't her first time being caught for soliciting, it was however her first time in a while being innocent... more or less. She wasn't here because someone had called her pretty and tried to slip her $30, she was here because he wanted something. Information, a message sending? Whatever it was, it never ended well for Giselle.

"Oh yeah Daddy? Why's that?" She coos, not convincingly, as handcuffs rattle against the interrogation table as she finally draws her eyes to him and leans forward a little. She knew flirting wasn't going to get her out of this situation at all, that's why Fujitaka was so dangerous, he wasn't an idiot. Not in the slightest. He was scarily smart. "You keep having me dragged in here like this and I'm going to start thinking the opposite you know..." she hums, forcing herself to smile through the fear.

#replies;giselle #I went with trampy #a solid decision and i stand by it haha #i've also always wanted to call a man daddy and here we are #not ME obviously #let me know if you need anything changing i am free balling !! haha

[tinderbox210]

After reading this absolutely amazing Spock/La’an dancing tango fic I have decided I’m in desperate need of a Starfleet Academy Dance Contest story where La’an and Spock have to show off their sick moves to win the competition and defend Enterprise’s honor!

If DS9 can have baseball rivalry, SNW can have dance contest rivalry!!!

#someone needs to write this! #not me obviously #but someone should!!! #also that tango story is so so good!!! #la'an x spock #la'an noonien singh #spock #star trek: strange new worlds #spocklaan au #snw au #fic rec #my edit

[howlinchickhowl]

no i'm sorry i can't stop thinking about this now.

#a wallace and gromit AU? #what could possibly be more cursed? #something is wrong with me why do i love this idea so much?! #i don't know who would be wallace though #kev. maybe? #wallace does have himbo vibes #he's not crazy hot but he is dumb and respectful of women #it just works on this really fundamental level #someone send help i have officially lost my mind #do people even know wallace and gromit anymore?? #it was a moment #sure #but maybe the world at large is past it? #not me obviously #i'll never be over the wrong trousers

[arsenicpanda]

Someone needs to write the essay on Betty Cooper, the sins of the father, generational cycles, serial killer genes, and Calvinism

#Riverdale #Betty Cooper #not me obviously #because I don't know enough about Calvinism to go into depth on it #I just know enough to recognize that Betty's worries about whether or not she is evil #and how those worries are based on her father and her serial killer genes much more than on her actions #and how they are wrapped up in some idea of fundamental goodness and 'good' as something you either have always been or have never been #are very Calvinist concepts #scholars specializing in Calvinism and its influences on America and American society where are you #god I love Betty she is SO INTERESTING albeit sometimes in a frustrating way (it's all the Calvinism) #has she--like the rest of the core four--been flattened as a character? yes obviously #is the Calvinism getting old? again yes obviously #but is she still complex and interesting? yes OBVIOUSLY #I have Betty Cooper brainrot #she lives in my head rent-free because I do not quite understand her but I want to SO BAD #I thought I did before but apparently I was wrong and I especially don't post-time skip #and I just want to pick her apart and put her back together #in the end Riverdale's success as a show and as a commentary on Archir Comics and America and Americana #and the darkness under the societal ideal of normality #rests on where they go with Betty and how they handle her and what her arc ultimately is #and if they stick the landing on her relationship with societal pressures and norms and boxes #and the archetype of the perfect girl nextdoor #my thoughts on Riverdale let me show you them

[seenthisepisode]

no offence but the reason tumblr is “dying” is, well, yes, of course the cursed like/reblog ratio and the change in user behaviour (because of people being used to how instagram and tiktok work) BUT also the lack of weekly shows. i say it with my whole chest, they don't produce captivating and engaging stupid weekly tv shows anymore because streaming killed that so you have spikes of activity here when Something happens in general fandom or up to three days after a new season of whatever drops and then it's a wasteland. this is obviously an old woman yelling at a cloud missing supernatural and the vampire diaries and pretty little liars and all these other shows type of post but honestly give me back weekly tv shows where i have something to watch for 40 minutes almost every day of the week after work so then i can read and reblog it on tumblr give it back for the sake of my sanity

#we used to be a proper country #or something #this post is brought to you by me coming back from work and being like okay what now 🧍🏻‍♂️ #i mean obviously i have stuff to do but these are just chores and what i need what i have been programmed to need is a 40 minute long #episode of stupid cw show with a gay ship that's never gonna go canon... :((( #tumblr #fandom

[carry-on-my-wayward-butt]

having a child has taught me that every toddler is completely justified in their frustrations and tantrums because learning how to do something you have literally never encountered or heard of before is insane. and being expected to be completely calm in the face of this constant barrage of overwhelming information is doubly insane.

i got charlie a sticker activity book and it occurred to me i have to TEACH someone how to unpeel stickers. it's SKILL that requires DEXTERITY and FINE MOTOR ABILITY. i thought it was obvious that you have to curl the page a little bit to create a break in the cut so the sticker comes up.

obviously a fucking BABY wouldn't know that because they have no background experience to inform their thought process. OBVIOUSLY. and OBVIOUSLY the LITERAL BABY wouldn't get it right the first few times. it would OBVIOUSLY take practice. lots of it.

i hate this feeling. it's so obvious. why are children treated so badly when they're learning everything for the first fucking time. why do people treat children so horribly and expect so much. they're brand new. why didn't i get the same grace i give to my child? why did no one have patience for me? why, when it's this easy?

it's so easy. it's so fucking easy.

#ok2rb #op #babbyposting #apologizing to my child is second nature #i'm brand new at it too #obviously im gonna fuck up here and there #its only right to apologize #why did no one ever apologize to me #not until it was too late

[blinkpen]

(i Will go back to everlasting haitus if that GFM slows down too much btw, seeing it to its goal ASAP is my primary focus right now)

#i don't want to move the goalposts but i don't want donations to slow to a crawl just bc they are Halfway there #they obviously do still need to get ALL the way there to get the whole family out + get medical care they need #and they need it -quickly- and i -know- we -can- but it requires people besides me! #please help me help them

[vivsimoon]

Please God let this be a blunt

#I think it’s time we as a society let Simon petrikov smoke weed #please #🥺 #adventure time #fionna and cake #simon petrikov #Ik it’s obviously not weed but let me be delulu

[strawberrydykke]

yes all my favorite characters are desperate to be loved. no i don’t think that says anything about me

#personal #sorry i thought too hard about izzy hands and now i want to throw up #also obviously it does say something about me but i'm in denial <3

[mobius-m-mobius]

#the Nowhere Man who waits and the God of Stories who watches

#mobius #loki #lokius #mcuedit #lokiedit #marveledit #loki spoilers #owen wilson #tom hiddleston #owenwilsonedit #marvel #dianagifs #😩😭 #what... in the most tragic of romances did i just witness #gotta rewatch tomorrow but cannot BELIEVE how okay i am with everything atm??? #their story clearly isn't done their burden is obviously going on without each other and they exist fundamentally connected #they've lost everything but being able to see mobius every step of the way is enough for loki to make the sacrifice #and mobius left for his timeline with no other purpose than to make sure loki could do just that #now they're lost without each other?? the only thing mobius can do is exist for a moment in loki's creation i'm UNWELL #god this is the star crossed angst that's gonna keep me going for the rest of my LIFE they're my everything #loki s2 spoilers

[maddie-grove]

As someone who’s living with a middle school social studies teacher, all the posts along the lines of “why did we never learn about this historical event in school” just make me go “because your teacher was supposed to cover all of US history in one year, and they didn’t get to the Revolutionary War until Halloween because they were urged to slow down the progression of the lessons because a more senior teacher was running behind, and they didn’t get to the Civil War until Valentine’s Day because the school kept scheduling every special event during social studies because there’s no end-of-grade testing for that subject, and they didn’t get to WWI until May because they were sick for a few days and the substitute couldn’t do much more than babysit, and now they’re having to do the entire Cold War in two days, so that’s why you didn’t hear about the lesbian inventor of the circus peanut. They would have loved to tell you about the lesbian inventor of the circus peanut!”

#this is us-specific obviously #the thing about history is that no class can cover everything #and you can continue learning about it as an adult really easily #I had one shitty history teacher (bizarrely paranoid about communism and also very boring and he let jordyn l. bully me) #but the rest were good