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serenity-bitty · 2 years

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THIS IS A MOMENTOUS OCCASION HOLY SHIT.

Okay. As an autistic person, I have had texture issues my ENTIRE LIFE. And I have mourned for so many foods that TASTE and SMELL absolutely fantastic, but my body refused to swallow. Mourned. Grieved these foods. I can't eat mashed potatoes, I can't eat applesauce, I can't even have a French fry too thick because the texture of mashed potato happens inside the fries.

And I certainly can't eat ground meat.

That's right. Be it beef, chicken, turkey or any other meat, I cannot eat ground meat. No sloppy joes, no hamburger, cheeseburger, big Mac, whopper. NONE OF IT.

Barbeques and cookouts are a special kind of hell for me, to say the least.

And don't get me wrong, sometimes there are moments that give me a small sliver of hope.

On rare occasion, I will outgrow my issues with one type of texture.

I couldn't stand avocados until I was 25 years old. But now? I LOVE them.

After so many years, though, I had given up hoping.

But tonight.

Tonight I was blessed.

My roommate, Maddie, has a good amount of money. Not like rich, but enough to be considered stable and she has the help of her family as well. She can afford nice things.

And one of those nice things was a package of on-sale wagyu ground beef.

And if you don't know what that is, come back to this post after you've gone down a YouTube/Googling rabbit hole about it, and you will understand.

Even if it is discounted, frozen grocery store brand beef, you do NOT disrespect the fucking wagyu. Don't even risk it.

So my roommate is lying on the couch and she isn't feeling well, there's a shortage of her blood pressure medication, so she's having a bit of trouble doing things.

So she asks me to do her a favor and check if the meat she was gonna cook was defrosted yet.

I checked, it was upside down in the bowl, and it was defrosted, but when I turned the package around to see what it was (plastic was too foggy to see) I nearly screamed.

"YOU GOT FUCKING WAGYU BEEF!?!?! HOW MUCH DID THIS COST YOU?!?!"

She seemed a little sheepish for a second, and I kinda felt bad for blurting that out, so I quickly moved on to offering to help her cook it. Because I can't eat ground beef, however, I never really cooked a burger before, so she has to teach me a bit.

I helped her off the couch and we decided it would be less labor-intensive on Maddie if we broiled it in the air fryer.

So she seasoned it and got it started, splitting it up into two halves. I cut up the ingredients and put away the other half of the meat while the patty cooked and she rested in the office. She didn't even ask me to do all of those things, I just did it to help. I flipped it and double checked with her to make sure it was properly cooked.

It came out medium.

I was honestly excited to see her try it, like it is NOT every day you get to see this kind of delicacy.

I'm so broke even seeing someone eat fancy food is an event for me 🙃

(but in my defense, I was pretty fucken high when this happened.)

Anyway, so she eats it and I'm asking her how it is, give us the juicy (pun intended) DEETS.

And she is thorough in her description. And even MY mouth starts to wonder at the thought of tasting it.

And then. I had a thought.

If she lets me try a bite, I can do a bit of an experiment.

If even the texture of a WAGYU. FUCKING. BURGER. Makes me gag.

I would give up on ever enjoying the texture of a burger.

But if not, ohohoho.... I would never stop searching, never stop struggling, never stop trying to find a burger with a texture and budget I could stand.

So I start to work up the courage to ask if I could try a bite.

But she actually offered it to me before I could even get the chance!

I explained what I was thinking to her, and she was a bit interested in my little experiment.

So she hands me the burger.

It's on a bakery bun, with Mediterranean Cheddar (FANCY AS FUCK BOII), Whataburger ketchup, mustard, and some good ole Texas Pickles.

I let the smell hit my nose, and almost audibly gulped.

I took the bite.

Oh. My. God.

It was the best damn thing I'd ever eaten, let alone the first burger I could ever truly enjoy. Holy hell.

I felt like Squidward after his first Krabby Patty.

I had to break into a vault. I needed more. I felt tears prick the corners of my eyes out of both pure joy and deep despair.

I wasn't about to eat more than the one bite I was given. That would be incredibly rude and also just plain mean.

I handed it back to her, desperately hiding my urge to eat it.

I don't know if she noticed, or if she's literally just that fucking nice (and believe me she has shown me nothing but kindness) but she literally offered me the other half of the meat to make my own burger.

I could have cried.

"A-are you sure?"

"Yes, my mom gets me this kind of stuff all the time! Go ahead!"

Bruh.

Avocado, bakery bun, onions, ketchup, and that Mediterranean Cheddar.

Hooo boy. The only thing that would have made this better would be if I had toasted the bun.

Even the grease tasted good. THE. GREASE. Autistic people and grease don't exactly tend to mix!!!! And usually, I don't like too much grease. But this was amazing, an explosion of grease mingling in with the juice of the meat. And the way it interacted with the toppings and the bun.... Oh fuck.

I now understand what Gabriel Iglesias meant when he talked about food. I sounded like I was making love to that burger, and I didn't care.

I may as well have been a judge in shokugeki no soma.

It was glorious. I still can't get the taste out of my mouth. I could die happy.

Also it makes me more like Sans Undertale and that makes me happy.

#actually autistic #sans undertale #shokugeki no soma #food wars #undertale #holy shit #food #food tw #blood mention

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