#ok logging off again to eat my fucking burger

[anothertimdrakestan]

Totally F*ckabke

Tim Drake x Reader

(SFW don't worry haha)

Words: 1.8k

Requested? Yes! From a lovely anon!

“Hi! Can I request 20 with civilian fem reader and Tim?” (20. well fuck me. "gladly")

LINK TO PROMPTS  -> REQUESTS ARE STILL OPEN!

Ok so I don’t know who you want to say what and I believe with every ounce of my being that it could 1000% go either way and it’s totally cute so I decided why not write both! Thank you for the inspo!

Reader -> Tim

Public speaking was never your strong suit. You’d like to meet a person who doesn’t get sweaty, jittery, and just a complete nervous wreck during presentations. It didn’t help that this was one of those shitty presentations where the class got graded on paying attention so all eyes really were on you and you were the last presentation of the day. With note cards shaking in your sweaty hands you slowly walked to the front of the room, looking at your classmates who looked bored out of their mind.

Making your way to the front of the room you stopped when your teacher screeched “Timothy! No sleeping in class! What is this? The fourth time I’ve caught you this week?” Glancing up you watched as the school genius rolled his eyes, lazily sauntering to the front of the class slumping into a front row seat. With a yawn Tim propped his head up on his arm mumbling something about the irrelevance of this class for someone of his intellect. While you couldn’t help but agree, you needed to ace this presentation to secure your grade for the semester.

Finally done with the situation, the class’s attention turned to you. Taking a deep breath you began, hoping you wouldn’t run out of time before the bell; trying not to look at the notecards was easy for the first few slides, but nearing the end you needed to be reminded of a key fact to your presentation. Looking down at your notecards you realize you’d smudged almost all the words with your shaking, sweaty hands. So frustrated with yourself you just let slip “Well fuck me” with a groan. While this may have shocked any normal class it was what Tim said next that shook the world.

“Gladly” With that your high school classroom descended into chaos. Your teacher continuously switched between yelling at you for cursing and Tim for even worse while some people in the class whooped and patted Tim on the back and certain girls glared at you for drawing Tim’s attention. Standing in front of the class, a blushing mess, you wanted to melt into the floor and die in one of the cracks in the floor.

Suddenly the bell rang, the majority of the students in your class stood up as you froze, realizing you probably just flunked this class. Deciding you needed to stay back and beg for the teacher’s forgiveness you pressed yourself to the wall and watched students filter out, some winking at you, some glaring, and some making wildly inappropriate gestures.

After begging for another chance and explaining your outburst your teacher let you off, clearly more upset with Tim, who had already left the classroom. As a student who normally worked really hard she let you go, but you had to make a whole new presentation as punishment. More work, but not a flunk so it was a win. Thanking her profusely you practically skipped out of the class, all had not been lost!

Abruptly turning towards the exit you missed a certain classmate waiting outside the classroom for you. “Y/n- wait up!” recognizing the voice you rolled your eyes and kept walking, but you couldn’t help a little smirk at the idea of Tim - Mr. Future Wayne Enterprises CEO waiting for you. As you opened one of the double exit doors he sprung out the other jumping in front of you, looking a little regretful and surprisingly nervous. Stopping in your tracks you crossed your arms and waited for him to talk.

“So, um, I just wanted to say sorry cuz I, um, I just kinda blurted it out and I’m really sleep deprived - like all the time, I practically live off coffee you don’t even know - that’s not the point, basically totally my bad, but like: can you blame me you’re really pretty and very nice plus I think you’re smart even though you don’t show it off but what I mean is, uh, please accept my apology. Plus I heard you get to do the presentation again so that’s good!” Finally he paused to breathe, you took a moment letting it all sink in and somehow finding his exasperation cute. Tim looked up at you with expectant eyes. With a sigh you decided it was fine. Smiling up at him you nodded. “It’s okay, plus pretty boy you’re not so un-fuckable yourself” watching his face flush was payback enough.

“Well if you think so, maybe I can... make it up to you? I can help you with the second presentation?” you agreed, liking the idea of getting to know the sleep deprived, fast-talking, genius coffee monster. “It’s a date!” you smiled, exchanging numbers before you walked off, unable to wipe a grin off your face. What you didn’t notice was Tim behind you grinning punching a fist in the air mouthing “YES” as you walked away.  

Tim -> Reader

With a yawn you cursed yourself for covering the late shift for y/b/f at Big Belly Burger, especially after a long day of school. No one ever came in but the store was open 24/7 so for the night it was just a chef who was surfing the internet with earbuds in and you, trying not to sleep on the cash register. When the clock hit 3am you decided it was time for your shift drink, black coffee. 

While you were in the back grabbing a coffee mug you could’ve sworn you heard the entrance bell jingle, but it was probably just your imagination. Stretching your arms you made your way back towards the coffee pot and saw four boys sitting at the bar. Every single one looked different, the tallest looked bored, like he didn’t want to be there while the second tallest looked expectant, constantly messing with the shortest, ruffling his hair, pinching his cheeks, and just constantly mothering the young boy who looked about ready to fight anyone who messed with him again. In the back of the group was a lean looking boy, he yawned and looked intently at the coffee pot you had begun brewing, he pushed his slightly messy hair back and you couldn’t help but trail your eyes down to the skin showing when he raised his hand... 

“Hey princess a little help over here?” the tallest boy raised an eyebrow at you, snapping you out of your moment as you rushed up to the counter with a smile. “Yeah, sorry, long night. No one usually comes in this late but what can I get for ya?” putting on your best smile you couldn’t help but steal glances at the yawning boy, while the other two older looking guys were good looking, he was the only one who radiated kindness and a lack of the overconfidence the other three carried themselves with, he reminded you of yourself. 

Taking their order you had to shake the chef awake, but he began preparing the food. Walking out you noticed the boys had stayed at the bar, clearly waiting to order drinks from you. “Alright what do we want? Milkshake, coffee, soda pop, or water?” the tallest answered first, “Chocolate milkshake!” while the kid looked up at the once motherly figure as he replied, “I’ll do a vanilla and Damian, uh the kid, will take a water. What about you Tim?” mentally logging the two youngest’s names you and Tim made eye contact for the first time, looking directly at you he lost all form of language. Trying to cover for him you asked, “saw you looking at the coffee pot earlier, can I get you some?” he nodded, looking down as one of the boys started laughing. “Jay stop please” came from Tim. 

Trying to break some tension you said “So little fella here is Damian, tall and brooding is Jay, english major is Tim, and the one who paid is Dick” you waited for confirmation. Slightly impressed the boys nodded, adding that they were brothers. Chatting while you prepared and blended their shakes you realized they were the Wayne brothers, but you didn’t want to embarrass them. You were so tired, your brain holding no self control, wanting to learn more about the boys, especially Tim. Learning that Dick demanded they bond every other week and this was tonight’s chosen activity you understood the different boy’s emotions. 

While handing each boy their drink you held on to the handle in hopes you’d touch Tim’s hand. “Uh it’s hot here, grab the handle then I’ll let go” feeling his hand wrap around yours made the both of you blush and clearly distracted Tim as he dropped the mug of coffee. “Well fuck me” Tim groaned, he jumped up glaring at his brothers as the laughed, the two of you began wiping up the mess. Tim hopped over the bar to help you clean on your side where the majority of the coffee was spilled, you couldn’t help but be impressed with his agility. While both of you bent down below the bar you decided to be brave, whispering in his ear, “you said ‘fuck me’ and I just want you to know I would gladly” he completely flushed and you popped up, throwing out paper towels. 

Tim eventually rose from behind the bar, still blushing uncontrollably and smiling. “Shit lemme get behind that bar I want what Drake’s having princess” Jason began to get up with a smirk before he was pulled down by Dick. “Sorry buddy she’s clearly going for Timbers.” Dick smiled approvingly while the youngest Wayne rolled his eyes, tired with the flirting. “TT y/n I believe it is, I can see our food is ready but please take all the time you need trying to get with my brother but can I please eat while the two of you idiots make eyes at each other.” a wildly embarrassed Tim leaped over the bar again, this time going for Damian. 

Spinning on your heels you grabbed the food and placed it in front of each boy. As they ate you chatted with them. Damian and Jason were clearly bored with the small talk while Dick couldn’t stop grinning. Before leaving Tim tried to hype himself up to get your number. As the other boys walked out he stayed with hopeful eyes. Not having to say anything you knew what he wanted. “Would you like a receipt?” you asked with a wink, again unable to form coherent words he nodded. Handing him your number on a folded piece of paper, you kissed his cheek over the bar and waved goodbye. Watching him walk away unable to wipe a grin off his face as his brothers patted him on the back you felt like you could actually see a future with Tim.

#tim drake #tim drake x y/n #tim drake x reader #tim drake x you #tim drake fluff #dc fluff #tim drake x fem!reader #bat boys #dick grayson #jason todd #damian wayne #tim drake x civilian!reader #tim drake cute

[wexlerkimberly]

oh god, yearly round-up.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

side note: this is my TENTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! year of doing this!!!!!!!!!!!!! i have been on this website for OVER 10 years!!!!!!!!!!!!!! jesus christ.

ok. on a completely personal level, last year was so fucking dreadful that i remember falling asleep at my friends house on new years eve and thinking: “well, at least this year can’t be any worse”. HMMMM. in all seriousness though, despite everything, i have had a mostly decent year. i’m very lucky in lots and lots of ways. i’m lucky none of my closest family or loved ones have been effected too deeply by covid. just mild inconvenience, at most. i am lucky that i live in a house with such a large garden, so i could enjoy fresh air and family-free time if i needed to. i am lucky the weather has been mostly nice this year so i could go for plenty of walks. i’m lucky that i’m naturally a very quiet, anti-social person anyway so i haven’t felt the strain of isolation as severely as others. 

most of all, this year has been boring, if anything. but there’s still been things that have made it nice. january - birthday!!! i don’t usually go hard or anything for my birthday but it stands out to me as a really lovely day. i went for a walk to one of my favourite hills with my dad & dogs during the day. in the evening, i had badminton with my friends as i used to most thursdays (INDOOR SPORTS?!?!?!!? REMEMBER INDOORS SPORTS?!?!!?!?!) and then, as per our tradition, i went back to their flat for take-away chips and halloumi burgers. because they are so unbelievably generous and lovely, my friends bought me a new badminton racket for my birthday. i feel like i’ve barely got a chance to use this year, for obvious reasons, but i can’t wait to use it so much more as soon as possible. the following day, i went to work as normal but then went out to a really nice italian place with my family for a meal and we did birthday cake & candles when we got home. feeling stupidly grateful for so many thoughtful people in my life. february - again, this year has been so dry that a trip to the cinema could be considered a high point. but it was my only cinema trip of the year and just a really nice day. me & my friend saw jojo rabbit (which was great, if you haven’t seen it already) and afterwards we ambled around town looking at things in shops. it sounds so simple but i haven’t done any of that stuff since really, so it feels so exciting and exotic when i think back on it. 

february - stayed at my grandma’s house for the weekend. we do that as often as we can, usually, and it’s always nice. but - obviously - we haven’t been able to see my grandma much at all this year. it was nice to sit in front of the fire with her and watch tv and be given access to all sorts of baked goods and walk up the hills around by her. on the sunday, we managed to pop-in on my nana & grandad too and eat many baked goods there too.

march - meal out for my brother’s birthday. i feel like a lot of my “special days” this year revolved around someone’s birthday this year. but i think this was our last day of ‘normalcy’ before things went a bit crazy here. my family went to a caribbean pub with my brother and his gf and we had lovely tasty food and a nice night out. i think that was the last day i wore anything other than pyjamas or leggings for a long time.

april - no joke, i remember going to the vets during the peak of lockdown when the whole country was essentially shut down and it felt like THE most exciting day of my life. my cat was fine (she’d been bitten and needed painkillers for an infection but she was absolutely fine!) but i remember being near giddy in the car. my sister came with us too even though she didn’t need to because of how exciting it felt. 

may - my brother’s birthday. the other one. the first of our lockdown birthdays. we popped in to drop a card off at a friend’s who shares the same birthday as him. then we drove (DROVE! IN A CAR!) to a stretch of really lovely canal that my brother likes to walk on and had a great walk. in the evening, we ordered in an indian take-away and my sister had made a FAT four-tiered chocolate cake to celebrate.

may - ok this is very dumb but i finished breaking bad this year and i set aside a special date to watch el camino. i made a very sickly millionaire’s cheesecake and my whole family gathered round the tv to eat and re/watch el camino. it’s so dumb and silly but i was so excited, it felt like a special cinematic event. i cried. 

june - my dad’s birthday. my dad, my brother & me (plus dogs) drove out of the county (rogue fugitives!!!!!!) to meet my grandad for a socially distanced chat and picnic. it was a bit weird not being able to hug him and sitting on separate benches but it was still great to see him. we had a takeaway chinese for dinner and a chocolate cake for dessert.

july - my sister’s birthday. we technically celebrated it 4 days earlier because she had to move into her new flat but we had a nice indian take-away and another bloody chocolate birthday cake.

july - my mom’s birthday. i honestly cannot remember what we ate - i think we had homemade pizzas in the garden??? it’s weird when food dictates the differences between days. anyway, i definitely made another birthday cake.

july - went for a socially distanced walk with a friend i haven’t seen in ages. it was lovely and the weather was very kind to us and it was great to go walking across fields and to a reservoir i hadn’t been to in years and years. 

august - my brother got his GCSE results and we ate pizza in the garden to celebrate. after the monumental government fuck-up with results, we were a bit nervous about how badly they’d ruin his chances but he did very well.

september - went to visit my grandma. she had been living by herself for the entirity of the pandemic (she doesn’t mind, she’s loves to garden and she does online latin and pilates classes, she’s a very busy lady) but i think she enjoyed seeing us. we were plied full of food once again. we went for a lovely evening ramble on the hills right by her house. on the sunday, my dad went for a walk with a friend he hasn’t seen in ages while me, my brother and my grandma went for another hill walk elsewhere. i think my grandma really enjoyed that because she hasn’t been able to go walking much because she was so anxious about tripping and being completely alone, or being rescued by someone carrying The Virus. so it was nice to accompany her. after that, we had a nice socially distanced meeting with my grandparents in their garden. it felt very risky to me because i am insanely anxious but my grandma, my grandad and my nana are all very safe and healthy.

october - halloween!!! i never celebrate halloween BUT this year, i was so sick of being the house every single day i decided to organise something different. so in the evening, me, my dad & my brother went for a halloween walk in the countryside through a graveyard, then through a field where there used to be an old abonnonded saxon village, and then finally through hagley wood where bella of wych elm was found. my dad & my brother were completely uneffected but i was absolutely shitting myself at every tiny little thing. my dogs had their little flashing colours on and we all had torches but i was still so pathetically spooked by everything. after the walk, we met my mom in the car (i had to get changed in the car from my walking stuff to vaguely presentable clothes) then we went to a goddamn PUB!!!!!!!!! to eat a meal!!!!!!!!!!! i went a bit overboard making my family santise their hands every 5 minutes but we definitely had a lovely meal.

november - did a bonfire in the garden for bonfire night. ate homemade vegan chilli and then apple crumble. it was freezing cold and we tried to stay out there for as long as we could. i even managed to find some sparklers and me & my brother waltzed around the garden with them, likesay we’re not an adult and a child-grown. the others melted marshmallows on the fire and i just enjoyed watching the fireworks i could see and throwing balls for the dogs.

november - we’re brits lmao but when joe biden’s presidency was finally confirmed, we celebrated with an indonesian take-away because fuck it!!!!!!!! gotta celebrate where we could this year!!!!!!!!!! 

december - christmas!!!!!!!!!!!! we usually have christmas every year at my grandma’s house with my aunt and her boyfriend. it’s a fairly decent sized house out in the countryside and she has a wood-burning fire and it just Feels more christmassy there, especially as i’ve literally only ever spent one single christmas at home before. but we still managed to make it very special this year i think. my sister came on the 13th and we got quickly into a routine of watching christmas films in the evening. on christmas eve, i made vegan gingerbread biscuits and vegan mince pies and my sister made a chocolate yule log cake and then we watched a film. on christmas morning, we all opened our presents in our own living room which felt weird but was still lovely. afterwards, we went for a family walk. my mom pretty much single-handedly (me & my sister helped) cooked a whole christmas dinner for the 6 of us with all the trimmings. usually it’s my grandma, my aunt and my mom but the fact my mom managed to cook such a goddamn feast with our shitty oven where the grill doesn’t work and you have to slam the oven door at least 5 times before it shuts.......... i’m convinced she Might be superwoman?!?!!?!? and it was SO good. in the evening, we had cheese & crackers and my sister’s tasty yule log and we watched many a film. boxing day was much the same but still nice. this whole stretch between christmas and new years day is usually painfully boring but this year has been good, i think. i have consumed an entire army’s worth of cheese and chocolate and i have definitely enjoyed the snow we’ve had here recently.

so. yeah. this is very basic and boring. none of these things would usually end up in my write-up of the year. but i haven’t been to a single concert or theatre trip or even really left the midlands at all. in my round-up last year, i wrote some stupid sentimental bullshit about romanticising “the most basic and boring aspects of life” and never has that been so apt. on the face of it, this year has been SO boring. but i’ve managed to make it enjoyable in the tiniest ways.

for example, i enjoyed every single sunny day. i would jump on the trampoline and listen to podcasts. i would go running and listen to podcasts. i would go walking and listen to podcasts. i owe a lot to podcasts, i think. but i definitively owe a LOTTTTT to walking. i walk for a living (i’m a dog-walker lmao) but i would still go out for walks with my own dogs in the evening or go out for walks with my dad in the morning where i could. if we thought we made good use of the pizza oven last year, this year has been insane. i have made and cooked SO! MANY! pizzas this year and they were all excellent. i feel like food has been really important this year. like i said, it helps distinguish the days, especially “special” or “treat” foods. like everyone i have done a lottt of baking this year. especially when it’s been such a great year for fruit!!! there’s a field near me and there’s just simply shit loads of blackberries and raspberries that grow there. i remember one evening sat in the garden eating some mango sorbet my sister made with some raspberries i picked from the field and thinking that life simply does not get better than that. idk. it’s nice to take pleasure in the smallest things i think.

but, like i said, i have been so lucky this year. i was only off work temporarily and none of my immediate circle have been directly impacted by the effects of covid. as annoying as they are, i’m very lucky to have spent so much time with my family - as opposed to be being by myself - because it’s nice when we make food for each other and watch tv and films together or go for walks together. 

god. this is long and waffley. if you read all this: what the fuck is wrong with you? but also: thank you! i know 2021 is definitely going to start off rocky but i strongly believe - and i’m a massive pessimist - that things are going to get better.  love and strength to everyone. wishing you peace and comfort x 

(again: i cannot believe i have been writing up this silly little incoherent things for a decade!!! sometimes i like to go back and read the earlier ones and remind myself of old fun times and cringe at teenage me. here’s to... 10 more years??? hahahahaha. anyway:here’s the other 9 years of nonsense: 2019, 2018, 2017, 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013, 2012, and, finally, 2011.)

#2020 #personal #text #txt #hi it's me x

[italianfish]

Here’s some things that I’ve overheard recently

- That bridge was created by erosion

- Holy tolino that’s a nice tree!

- Ivy! There’s the guy we don’t like (Trump in a car)

- Why wouldn’t you want to be king? You could get corgis, they’re adorable

- That’s not an allergy, that’s a life choice

- Are you that one guy? Are you DongleMc DongleSon?

- Woooo! CHEMEX!

- THE FURIES ARE COMING

- I NEED A BOYFRIEND AND A SWEATSHIRT

- I wonder what animal that is? Oh wait, it’s a log

- Just a cone, no ice cream. I don’t like ice cream

- My chicken BLT came without the chicken!

- I should have kept the headband from the tampons

- You’ve been reduced to a codename

- Hug, Marry, Exile, the Brucified sleepover game

- It’s just the toes

- Parf Tarts

- It’s crispy?!?!

- When I’m like, 60, I’m going to do drugs

- What really is life without watching Bob Ross?

- 13 YEARS!!!

- Stacy’s mom is Parker’s grandma~

- EmBruce it

- It’s not a water break, it’s a hydration break

- That bird is using a crosswalk!

- I don’t know any colleges in Massachusetts!

- What even is frick without frack

- I’m emotionally offended by your haircut

- That’s like a cat fart

- Someone just shat

- I’M NOT A CHILD PREDATOR DEANNA!!!

- I’ll sue that movie, they stole my idea (Just finished watching Hotel Transylvania 3)

- See, Amanda. That’s your noise

- My mom told me that if you sleep with your phone under your pillow you get fat

- If he were gay he’d be adorable

- He’s racist to chairs

- Flarion is my boob

- Don’t throw the ball at the referee, it’ll hurt his feelings

- Fuck yeah, your name’s Keith

- Can you deep throat a firecracker?

- Your earlobe is soft

- I would sell my toes for my old hair

- It’s like eating a period, NO

- What a funny looking animal (Giraffe)

- Giraffes are the most ridiculous animals

- Ew, keep your ebola away from me

- Look at that glass shard, that must be uncomfortable

- Do sloths have ears?

- Lip jellies freak me out

- A: I have three boobs (Sloth in shirt) B: I have uh.... Arthritis

- Instagram knows I’m lonely

- Knock on any Nonna’s door and tell them you’re Jewish and they’ll pity you and throw you a feast

- But this time it’s just the nose

- I want Granny panties

- Why do we only have confidence when our shirts are off?

- Why is an 8 year old twerking on my leg

- She has curves, you have rectangles

- I’m depressed, give me your water

- Dude! I look like a freaking lion!

- My loofa unraveled...

- I’m eating ramen with a singular coffee straw

- These walls better be soundproof (Amanda loudly singing in the background)

- I’m ready for my 4am Taco Bell runs

- Wifi in Spanish is wee-fee

- I didn’t see the body

- We should crochet together

- Yeah! I was a baby model.

- I don’t know if he likes me or if he’s just the gay best friend

- Have you pooped this week? You need to poop

- You’ve got all your limbs and you’re ready to go

- I need affection

- Diego’s eating rocks again~

- Wait. You’re instagramming my dog?

- I love letting people know what I’m up to

- It’s so funny, it’s like the ying and the yang

- You’re in my world now Grandma

- Two nipples? I don’t need nipples

- You are one gassy fellow

- You’ve got a lot of nerve showing up on our side of the bus

- I can never tell if you’re just depressed or listening to music

- I’ve got a photo shoot coming up for a calendar, for hot teachers with 6-packs. I’m October

- 38 on rotten potatoes!

- I’m hungry, I’m delirious

- DON’T PINCH MY CHUB

- I love clapping thighs in the evening

- Dude, I’m so ready to mingle

- Do you have a magician book

- Let’s taste those minerals

- The sauce is forever

- Why is everything so straight

- The right nipples don’t deserve rights

- We used to have a zebra and he was vicious

- Very important, I forgot shoes

- You look like a lumber snack

- A: I’m the only one here who looks like a hobo B: Really? Say that again A: We can be hobos together

- Woah dude! Can we take a picture of you? *Truck next to the bus*

- What were you guys doing? Bathing yourselves in the toilet?

- I want to be those people in Wii sports (The background characters that make the noises)

- Then we can have a dance party in a prison cell!

- Most of the bible sounds like gay fanfics

- It’s Frozen all over again!

- I have my metal bus on the straw

- My mom told my Dad to not be a weenie

- I’m going to build my house doors really short so you can’t come in

- Do you want to be black with me?

- Are you the black man?

- How did chutes and ladders go sexual?

- What if there was a rotisserie chicken hanging from the ceiling

- No one said Californians are smart, they’re just hippies who smoke weed

- Stop losing me in airport bathrooms

- What’s with those muscular kneecaps

- Queers doesn’t shake hands

- I’m drowning! I’m not even in the water

- Is this baptism?

- Breakfast doesn’t deserve grace

- It’s not just airport bathrooms

- Ice Age, watch it, absorb it

- I call first waz

- If you’re saying waz you’re not fancy

- I have so many bodily fluids to get rid of

- Don’t eat the lotion samples

- Why are our shoes not curved

- I’m just a fat guy so everything is delicious

- My name is Gay Fieri

- *Monotone iCarly theme song*

- I love Chipoodle

- The others are just Bat-ships

- You ever tie a banana to a tree?

- Can we have a fashion show?

- I’m gonna waz myself

- That’s the Death Star again

- Why do you have glitter on you?

- I smoke the mara-ja-wanna

- I have a gelato emergency

- This is our entertainment for the day (Watching a (probably) crazy man dance)

- I have a lot of questions about pottery

- Ever since I was a small child I have found myself goo-goo-ga-ga

- There are too many cans

- We need to stop canning beans

- Forks are way better than spoons

- I hate spoons

- Do you not want two hours of smooth jazz

- A man just stole my nut

- That’s a really bad name for a gay bar

- Is your tongue comfortable in your mouth

- I’m a penguin enthusiast

- He kept force feeding me marshmallows

- Why would you judge a girl by her neck?

- Are there shampoo bars?

- Why would you want a shampoo bar?

- Don’t burn down the house

- Halloween is my day

- You want to be hydrated?

- Are you kidding me? Right in front of my salad?

- We can still cartwheel into a fiery ball

- It’s your last day of camp, why are you trying to land a plane

- There’s a scale from dude to bro to sir

- Gotta vacuum the bird

- I’m teaching my rabbit spanish

- Ok, who got the cheese on a bun???

- I feel like a wet lasagna

- You can get a star for Jazz???

- I have 3 bottles of hand sanitizer

- A- We make children cry! B- NO WE DON’T

- A- Can I have chicken on a plate? B- Chicken on a plate? A- Chicken on a plate

- I want to go to band to get sweaty

- Proactive, it helps your face

- The cult meeting is next week from 2-7

- This is so vegany

- I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THE SONG! NOT THE BEATLES!

- I have shrimp for later

- It burns my eyes, I love it

- It’s not that we hate you, it’s just that sometimes we can’t stand you

- Locked and loaded for a photoshoot first period

- This chalk keeps following me

- Kinda like a Starbucks atmosphere

- How dare she learn how to drive

- You have to sing our anthem with us

- It fits right into the squiggle

- I’m immune to hot sauce (Downs little cup of hot sauce)

- How was fake meatloaf?

- Can you train a fish?

- I haven’t worn pants in a year

- It smells like yogurt

- I have ties for every holiday

- There’s no laws on the moon, so like, you could kill someone???

- Optional means I don’t do it

- I’m gonna cook your dog!!!

- Is that where we almost went to park jail?

- We don’t condone sporting

- I want to turn orange

- Let’s make a buzfeed quiz that tells you what bridge you are

- (In Spanish) Where is the milk?

- If silence is gold, duct tape is silver

- A: So, what are you guys doing? B: Drugs.

- Young successful jewish boy

- A: I’m fun size! *Friend laughter* B: I’m just short...

- A: Where’s my medal??? B: Up your ass

- I’m a leech

- If anyone’s getting salmonella, it’s going to be me

- Does it involve backflips?

- I get to see all the little children getting confused as you disappear into a chair

- I think someone stole my balls by now

- A- A plastic knife can cut another plastic knife B- Why did you cut a plastic knife? A- Dedication!

- A- Oh my god! B- What does this have to do with god? C- *Whispering* Everything

- You’re probably going to die of liver

- I’m a five year old! You can’t have that profanity in here!

- Hey kids get in the van, we’ve got free wifi

- That’s worse than 10 babies hanging from a tree

- Are you from the piggers of creation???

- A- You’re like an old married couple B- (From the distance) He started it!

- I am a Jesus Christ in a person!

- YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MANY CHROMOSOMES THAT COST ME!!!

- I will implant a chip in your ankle! And you won’t know which one!

- I’M AN AVATAR! AIR! (Nothing happens) AIR! (Still nothing)

- When I was on a plane, we started dropping 200 feet at a time, the funny thing was that half of the plane had just gotten their drinks so half the plane was soaked

- Is Christianity a cult?

- A- Do you have experiences with holes B- (Very Unsure) Yes

- I’m her bitch, not your bitch

- He has the IQ of half a ferret

- A- Did you read the game manual? B- The gay manual??

- I want the pleasure of whipping you

- One time I poured a glass of apple cider vinegar and I drank it

- I changed my name to Johnyay West

- Too much damage done to the duner

- On a scale to 1 to Bill Cosby

- Ariana Grande is a criminal

- A- It’s sticky B- Can I take that out of context? A- No

- YOU ZIP TIED HIM TO A CHAIR?!

- It’s half past a freckle

- I need the crotch

- I don’t have imaginary friends. I don’t have friends.

- It’s like a mini fridge for pillows

- You hurt yourself with a stationary elbow

- My parents met at Burger King

- A- What’s the capital of Ohio B- Arkansas...?

- A- What do you do after school? B- Eat C- Sleep D- Cry

- Ask for cocaine, not Coca-Cola

- HOW HAVE YOU NOT TOLD US YOU MAKE STAINED GLASS?!

- You stole my meme bro

- A- Where you the one who drank chocolate sauce? B- (Seemingly proud) Yes.

- OW! MY CALVES!

- The Kardashians are necessary in our society!!!

- I feel like a homeless prostitute

- Ya wanna share a fork

- Now you have a pile of hot cheese

#random #funny conversations #conversation #i just overheard #overheard #haha #funny #long post

[unkn0wnl0v3]

✿

October 29 2020

Im as sick as a dick smh. I think i might have covid. Honestly hopefully I dont die! But if I do atleast I have this Blog to carry my legacy for all of eternity. Thats a bad-ish thing imo. It’s also ok-ish... but mostly BAD(09:58)

I really think im about to die. Im so sick. I just logged off of Class. Logged off Hard as fuck. Besides that im worried i wont be able to attend d’s class. He’s so hot. I and I’m so hot cause I have a fever and the rooms spinning. Personally I don’t think Imma live. But I will try, so I can attend d’s class. (11:04)

Oh my god I hate being fucking sick, sicker than a dick at this point. So sick I feel like I’ve been impaled by a stick. So sick I’ve started to rhyme as to romanticize my current situation. Ugh, I can’t even stand without having to hold the wall or a table. The room around me is spinning but the Focus and effort I’ve put into typing has enabled me to write this at all. I’d like to masturbate and then feel better again(which literally won’t happen realistically) but I can’t even roll over onto my back without having to throw up. I’m so sick of being sick. I just want to eat and go to D’s class in a bit but by the time it’s D’s class I’ll either be passed out or dead imo. Idk, it feels like a summer afternoon that’s how much my brain is boiling. My fever has me so fucked up I’m naked under the thinest blanket known to man in 60 degree weather. It feels like the room is boiling me alive. I’m gonna go throw up now(11:50)

I’ve avenged myself to go to this manz class. Rn Im so fucking cold and hungry and horny. This is what a nap do to u ig. I’m excited cause he’s always hot. Too hot for his own good, man is so hot that if I was dying and make a wish was like “wdyw bitch?” I’d be like “I want to suck D cock”. And they’d be like ‘0•0’. Ok that’s all also James dean is hot as fuck, James dean is the blue print time to go to class now V•3• (13:03)

Ok so the class resurrected me I’m of perfect health now! I literally dk what happened but I feel really fucking good now. That’s just how hot he is. He’s so hot he cured my COVID! Besides this in class he talked about his burger obsession and it was funny, manz likes burgers too much. He really is obsessed. He also talked about how he destroyed his arm and that was fun. It was kinda like hard to listen to cause he put so much detail into his story I shivered. I guess I’m just like empathetic, I mean I have that reaction when people tell their stories about pain(with or without a crush on my end) I really need to do my fucking work so type to y’all soon:)(16:40)

The amount I wanna fuck that man and James Dean while Morrissey watches is insatiable!!!!!! Oh to be in a bi curious relationship with someone who died in the 1950’s, an actual gay man and your English teacher:)(21:52)

[edourado]

Ordinary People - Deleted scenes

Hi, peeps! Here I am on a Saturday, with a few of the stuff that I deleted from Chapter 1 and Chapter 2 of the story. 

Now, these are stuff that I cut before I finished writing the scenes, so if it feels incomplete, it’s because they are. 

Before each scene, it says Before or After, as in before or after they got together. 

You can read all my other stuff here. The link to my Ao3 page is there, too.

Hope you guys enjoy. Let me know. 

[BEFORE]

[I swear I wrote this before Jon decided to adopt another pup (and name him after my own dog, for crying out loud), so this worked really well. Just picture a baby Max, and you’re set.]

She’s tired. She wants some cake and she wants a milkshake and she wants to watch Pride and Prejudice until she falls asleep. Maybe Magic Mike. XXL.

Karen climbs the stairs after work on a Friday thinking that, really, she ought to call that guy and accept dinner. But, after Frank mentioned it, he did have a little bit of a creepy vibe.

Not that she's gonna tell him that, of course.

Well. Maybe that's her, now. Staying home Friday nights. Maybe she used up all her fun Friday nights with her stupid ex boyfriend, who she fucking missed, even if he is a messy asshole. But shit, he was a charming asshole.

With a sigh, Karen turns the key on her lock, expecting Max to come greet her. Frank was probably out with some woman.

There’s no greeting. Karen sets her purse on the couch and walks towards the bathroom, where she hears Frank’s voice.

When she opens the door, she wants to scream and cry and go off on Frank.

He's bathing the dog. In her bathtub.

The floor is a mess, wet and littered with stuff, from Frank’s shirt to a box of dog shampoo to an empty packet of Oreos. The tub she hates and never bathed in anyway is half full and Frank is sitting on the edge, one leg in, one leg out, wrestling a foamed up Max. Both stop and look at her with guilty faces.

“Hi”, Frank says.

After a moment, Max tries to jump over the edge of the tub towards her, but Frank stops him.

Taking a breath, Karen looks for something that can't be fixed. She finds nothing, so she just eyes Frank.

“Don't worry, I’ll clean it up.”

Looking at Max, she has half a mind to ask why in the world he’s not at the petshop having his weekly bath, but she finds out she doesn't really care. As long as he cleans it up.

Careful not to step on the wet tile, Karen moves to close the door.

“There's Oreos on the counter for you!” Frank offers. “Double Stuff!”

She closes the door and moves towards the exit, stopping by her bedroom to pick up a pair of pajamas, getting the Oreos, walking out, unlocking Frank’s door and walking to his pristine bathroom.

After taking a quick shower, she gets into her PJ’s, orders them two burgers and shakes and settles on the couch, logging into Netflix and queueing up the movie.

When Frank and Max walk in, the dog is bathed and Frank is also clean and she's about to dig into her burger.

He places the puppy on her lap, gets his own burger and moves to sit by her, picking up her feet, wrapped in socks and blankets, and putting them on his lap.

“How's my bathroom?” She asks.

“Spotless. You could eat off that floor.”

She lifts her arms to stop Max from getting a bite and frowns while Lizzie Bennet walks all the way to Pemberley to see Jane.

“Did you use my shampoo on him?” she asks, moving to sniff the freshly bathed tiny pitbul on her lap. He licks her face.

“No”, he says all too casually, unwrapping his double cheese bacon and manspreading on the couch, and Karen forces him to close his legs by pushing his left with both her feet. Max slides from her knees to her lap when she does. “He knocked the bottle over and it spilled a bit.”

Deciding that if the bottle is halfway empty, she’s gonna send him to buy another one for her, Karen settles to watch and eat, slipping a tiny piece of bread to Max, to maybe make him settle down.

And then they eat and watch the movie quietly.

.:.

[FRANK’S BIRTHDAY]

He watched closely as Karen danced with Trish, both laughing and twirling around.

She waved at him to join them, but he shook his head, he was fine just sitting there, nursing his drink.

“Sir”, came Scott Bagley’s voice by his side. He, like every other man at the table, had been watching Karen and Trish dance together. “Would it be ok with you if I-”

“Shut the fuck up right now”, he said, not even looking at the young man.

“Ok. Right.” He hesitated. “What about Tri-”

“I mean it, Scott. Shut up.”

“Yes, of course, sorry sir.”

.:.

[ONE WEEK AFTER]

She was lying on her stomach, he was lying on his back. His breathing is under control again when she moves to support her head on her hand, elbow on the pillow.

“How did you know I liked that?” she asked.

“Liked what?”

“You know. With… the hand and everything.”

He turned to her and reached to pull the blanket off her, not yet fully used to the sight of her naked body.

“Maybe I’m just that good?”

“Well”, she leans in, kissing him slowly and sensually. “No matter how good you are, that was really specific. How did you know I like it?”

Frank sighed and caught her hand in his, both resting on top of his chest.

“Murdock told me.”

Her expression was, predictably, as if she had been shocked.

“Matt told you about that?!”

“Yeah.”

“Oh my God!” she sat up and pulled on the covers to her chest, hair falling around her shoulders and fuck, she looked good. “How did that even come up?”

“It’s a nice story, actually”, he said, moving to sit up against a few of the one million pillows she keeps on her bed. “We were at the gym one night, and he took his shirt off, right? Because he was bleeding and sweating. And, as it turns out, there was a bite mark on his shoulder.”

Karen’s eyes went unfocused for a second, while she looked at a spot on the wall behind him.

“Oh…”. Apparently, she remembered.

“Yeah”, he went on. “I asked him about it, and he stood there, all smug. ‘Karen bit me’”, he mimicked, making her chuckle. “Apparently he had tried this little thing with you the night before and you liked it so much you sank your teeth on him.”

She let out what he had learned, a long time ago, to recognize as nervous laughter, and hid her face in her hands.

“Honestly”, he went on. “I’m kinda offended you didn’t bite me.”

“Oh, Frank, come on.”

“No, I’m serious. What is it that Altar Boy did that made you go so crazy that you tried to rip a chunk of him off with your teeth?”

“Altar Boy?” she smiled while he moved forward to reach her.

“You know, all that catholic thing he got going on.” He got close and touched his nose to her cheek, running his lips against her face lightly. “Don’t change the subject. Was he that good?”

“If you must know, yes. He was very, very good at sex.”

Playfully, he tackled her to the bed and she goes down laughing, that blond hair of hers all over cream sheets.  

“That second ‘very’ was really not necessary”, he whispered in her ear, taking the covers away from between them.

“Did you guys talk about this a lot?” she asked when he settled on top of her again.

“Not really.”

“But he told you about the hand thing?”

“Yeah, he told me about the hand thing. And lemme tell you this.” He reached between them and she sucks in a startled breath, gripping his arms, nails piercing, eyes closed. “I’m gonna get a reaction like that, even if it kills me.”

She laughs, but it’s weak, because he’s working his hand and it gets her arching her back and he’s watching her, measuring and cataloguing.

He doesn’t get his bite mark (yet), but he does go to work the next day with a very red, kinda sore set of half-moon shaped nail marks on his side, that stung when he showered.

.:.

He did get his bite mark, but not before four more months.

Frank had just touched down in New York again, after six days in the deep of the country, leading the recovery of a massive Shield weapons warehouse, when his phone rang.

“You back, yet?” she asked, and he heard an echo of sorts.

“Just landed.”

“Did you bring me my coffee?”

“When have I ever forgotten?”

“That is true. So, guess what.”

“What?”

“I’m at the new place.”

He felt that sense of happiness and downright giddiness start inside his chest.

“You finally got the key?”

“I finally got the key. And, best of all.” Karen dropped her voice to a conspiratory whisper. “They delivered the new bed.”

The king size bed he took forever to buy, because he couldn’t decide among so many options. The king size bed he wanted to be perfect, because he wanted her to never regret sharing a bed with him, ever. The king size bed that was the first thing they had bought together, as a couple.

Their bed.

“How does it look?”

“They’re putting it together now, it looks good. But I’m starting to think that maybe this place is too big, Frank.”

“That’s because you’re used to living in that tuna can we called home for almost ten years.”

“Maybe. So, are you on your way over?”

“I’ll be right there.”

Almost half an hour later, he walked up the steps to the brownstone feeling good. Better than he felt in a long time, actually. Walking to his new door - their new door - and climbing the stairs with a spring on his step, he met her at the foyer.

The smile she had on was incredible. Excited and happy and open, simple. It did falter a little when she took a good look at him, and he raised his brows, only then remembering her confession, two weeks ago, that she really, really liked to see him in his black uniform.

“Ma’am”, he said, studying her expression. Her eyes were still running over his body and he couldn’t help the proud and smug feeling inside him, but then she looked back at his face.

“Welcome home, Agent Castle.”

He took that big step to her and she raised her face to his, closing the door behind them. Rubbing Max’s ear when he came to greet him, he let her pull him by the hand and they walked to their new bedroom. He looked at the bed, with no blankets or pillows or covers yet, the big plush white headboard against the dark grey wall, by the big window that waited for the curtains she wanted for it.

“What do you think?” she asked when he stood behind her and hugged her to him, arm around her waist.

After a moment, he turned her around and moved to walk them to the second bedroom that would become the office, where the window already sported a curtain (a horrible one that they would get rid of).

“I think you should take your dress off, Miss Page”, he said.

“What if someone walks in, Agent Castle?”

“Nobody will walk in. This is a secure perimeter.”

Because she liked it when he talked tactical.

“Is it?”

“Yes, ma’am. Dress off, please.”

She moved to lower the zipper on her side and he closed his fingers around the hair at the nape of her neck, pulling just the right amount.

She was pressed between the wall and his body when he felt it, right on the base of his neck, teeth sinking in, a desperate effort to not moan out loud (because he had told her to keep quiet, the empty apartment would carry her sounds easily), her whole body shuddering, her hands tight on his short hair and his arm.

“I think you’re part vampire”, he teased, minutes later, looking at the print of her teeth on his reflection in the guest bathroom mirror while they put themselves back together.

.:.

[BEFORE]

“How is everything, honey?” her mother asks on the phone.

“Oh, you know. Same old, same old”, she replies, lying on her couch, three candles lit on her coffee table to compensate for the lack of electricity that plunged the entire neighborhood to darkness.

“And what about work?” her mother asks on the line.

“Well. It’s actually not that bad. But I don’t think I’m gonna get that raise.”

“Why not?”

Frank walks in, dropping his wallet and keys on the kitchen counter, using the flashlight on his phone to look inside her fridge, looking for dinner, probably.

“Well, they’re actually making cuts, so I’m lucky I’m not getting fired at all.”

“Who is it?” Frank asks, walking to the couch, the container with last night’s take out in his hands.

“My mother”, she replies.

“Who is that?” her mom asks, suddenly excited, and she could kick herself. “Is that Frank?”

“Let me talk to her”, the asshole asks, because he likes the way her mom fawns over him as if he’s a prince.

“No”, she tells him, trying to move the phone out of his reach, but he’s too quick.

“Hey Mrs. Page”, he says, his voice dropping to a low tone and Karen rolls her eyes, taking the food from him.

They talk for maybe five minutes and then he gives the phone back to her, sitting on the floor in between the couch and the coffee table.

Her mother is laughing when she puts the phone back to her ear.

“Hey mom.”

“Oh, honey! He’s just delightful!”

“Yeah, he’s something.”

She is able to steer the conversation away from the topic of Frank and they spend a few more minutes talking about what’s new. Her nephews are two handfuls, and her brother is leaving them with her for a week, so he and his wife can take a vacation to the Caribbean.

She’s hearing gossip about the women on the prayer group when she spots a small piece of paper stuck to the back of Frank’s neck. She scrapes it off with her nail and distracts herself for a while, twirling the short but longer than usual strands of hair around her fingers.

“You need a haircut”, she whispers to him, taking the phone away from her mouth to do so.

After a minute or two, he lies down on the floor and picks her hand up again, placing it back on his head, asking her to keep playing with his hair.

.:.

[BEFORE]

Trish saw right through them.

They could try and fool themselves all they want, but she sees it.

It's not just because Frank payed exactly zero attention to her. Well, it's also that. Trish knows she's a beautiful woman, knows the effect she has on men. Frank Castle? Zilch.

Maybe he's not into blondes, she thought. Or maybe he's not into women. Maybe he's just not interested. Maybe he doesn't feel like seeing anyone right now. Men who used to be in the army, sometimes it happens. They close themselves off, a quiet life is enough for them.

He fit that profile. Had his dog, his beer, his medals, his new job. Maybe romance was just not something he considered anymore.

She entertained that idea for less than 10 minutes. Until she saw Karen enter his line of sight again.

Yeah, he's into women. Yeah, he's into romance and he's into sex.

He's into her.

“We’re friends”, Karen had told her. “For years, now, it’s not like that at all.”

And Trish had believed her. For a while.

Thing is, she's a smart woman. Trish was trying to poach her from the Bulletin to work with her at the station, she has potential. A good, clinical eye that could bring her far. Still, she could not see this, right in front of her.

Her bestie, next door neighbor and co-parent to the sweet pitbull, was in love with her. And she was in love with him.

It was a suspicion at first, but then all those little details, like Frank drilling holes with his eyes through every man that spoke to Karen for more than a minute straight, or Karen reminding him that he needed to change the bandage on his shoulders, taking his beer from him when she thought he had too much already.

And he didn't complain. Let her do it. Just like that. A man that size, single, no girlfriend, no kids, free as a bird, and Karen did whatever the hell she wanted, bossed him around and he just did as he was told.

Like a good husband would.

And him, the way he moved and acted, as if protecting her from whatever, that was not what friends do.

Frank was always vigilant, even when he was distracted, playing with the dog, she could tell he knew exactly what was going on around them. When he was around Karen, though, there was a sweetness, a lilt to his voice and a little something in his eyes.

She’ll be damned if it isn't love.

.:.

[BEFORE]

“You're home early!” He exclaimed, greeting her as soon as she opened the door. “Give me a hug.”

That, right there, gave her pause.

“Why? What did you do?”

It's not that Frank isn't a warm guy, but demanding a hug like this is not him, at all.

With a face she just knew meant she was about to be angry, he stared at her.

“Frank. Tell me.”

He sighed and stepped aside, revealing a very satisfied looking Max, with one of her shoes in his mouth, completely destroyed.

“He had already gotten it when I got here. Can't get him to drop it.”

Clicking her tongue, she took her purse from her shoulder and gave it to him, walking towards the dog.

It was not, thank God, one of the most expensive of favorite shoes. Still. Doesn't make it right.

“Max”, she said, firmly, supporting one closed fist on her hip, the other one pointing to the spot on the floor right in front of her. “Drop it.”

The pitbull looked at her and whined, as he always did when she gave him an order.

“Max”, she repeated, more firmly. “Right now. Drop it. I am not kidding.”

He must have believed her, because suddenly he bowed his head and advanced slowly towards her, dropping he ruined shoe at her feet.

“Bad boy, very bad boy.”

Usually, when Frank scolded him, he would seek refuge with her. Now, he walked slowly towards Frank, head bowed, and hid behind his legs.

“Do you have to call him that?” He asked, still holding her purse.

“Today I do.”

.:.

[AFTER]

Everybody thinks Frank is this big brooding guy who's always scowling and doesn't smile easily.

Which is true, she can't deny that. She has seen him scare cops with just his look, her own love life has suffered because men are, apparently, unable to no shit themselves when Frank stares at them.

But he also has this sweet, soft side of him. Karen has been privy to it for years now, her position as his front door neighbor, friend and, later, a co-parent to Max, has allowed her to see this part of him. Before Maria, she was the one he came to when he wanted a little affection, be it company for dinner or a hand playing with his hair while he watched TV.

After Maria and after their friendship turned out to be so much more, though, Karen learned just how soft he really was.

It could be the fact that they were new, the discovery that what they felt for each other ran much deeper than they both realized, but hugs were a rule. Lots of hugs, long and lingering.

He took his job as the big spoon quite seriously, but lying down on his stomach with his head on her belly, one arm hugging her like a body pillow was also a favorite.

“Ow, Frank, too tight”, was a sentence she said constantly, when he carried her off the floor in a bear hug every time he came back from one of his travels. Eventually, he learned not to squeeze so hard when greeting her, and she learned that he was not going to break her, just let him do his thing.

.:.

[AFTER]

He never, honestly, thought too much of it. Frank was never one to feel proud when women pranced around wearing his shirts, hoodies, stuff like that. Maria was the only one he actually liked seeing in his clothes, but she only started doing that after she got pregnant, because they were comfortable and “didn't squeeze” her.

Karen started doing it a year after they first met.

As independent and strong as she is, she grew up with a big brother, one who took to protect her from anything and everything. He was the one thing she missed from home.

So, sometimes, she would wear one of his shirts on her laundry day. Then, on rainy days that she neither wanted nor needed to leave the house, curling up with blankets and socks and a book.

It stopped when she started dating Murdock. For a year, she would prance around with Columbia shirts, boxing gym shirts, dress shirts and hoodies that didn’t belong to Frank.

After Matt and Maria and after Max and after she was Gosnell took her and they became them, she went back to wearing his shirts in cold days, in hot days, in days she was bored, when she went to walk Max and just threw on jeans and went out.

And Frank started liking it. Started appreciating watching her walk around the house in his shirts, started liking smelling her perfume on them when he put them on.

.:.

[AFTER, MOVING DAY]

Frank was sitting on the floor, unpacking stuff he would keep in the office/guest room of the new place, when Karen walked in.

“Ok, I'm gonna ask you this, and I want you to tell me the truth.”

Turning around to look at her, Frank held his breath when he saw the Smith & Wesson on her hand.

“How many guns do you keep in the house?”

Blinking once, Frank stared at her, trying to come up with a nice way to say it.

“Just tell me”, she said after five seconds.

“Seventeen.”

Her eyebrows shot up and she stared back at him, eyes wide.

“Sevente- Why do you need seventeen guns in the house?”

“Protection. Safe keeping. Just in case”, he listed, eyeing the way she was holding it, hand closed around the grip, finger away from the trigger.

“Do you want me to get rid of them?”

She looked at the weapon.

“No”, she said after pondering for a moment. “No, I don’t think that’s necessary. But can you tell me where they all are?”

“Sure.”

“Ok.”

He made a mental note of asking her about that strange expression later. Maybe it was shock, but he thought he saw something that looked like interest there.

#kastle #kastle fic #kastle ff #kastle fluff #Karen and Frank #Frank Castle #Karen Page #daredevil ff #kastlelibrary #kastlenetwork

[overwitch-open-rp-blog]

Winston and the mysterious girl

It was any other day for winston. He woke up, ate his breakfast of peanut butter, brushed his teeth and walked to school with his best friend Mercy after meeting her at the local park. She was a fairly normal japanese high school girl of average height with bright, long hair that excentuated her bubbly personality. The walk always made winston happier and today was no exception. In school, he found the girl of his dreams. She was a mexican exchange student. Slender, athletic and intelligent. Winston could not believe his eyes when he saw this girl casually walk into his science class. His heart beat with a pace he had never experienced before. His face radiated heat as he tried to avoid looking at this perfect example of a human being. He was opening his science book when he heard a soft and smooth voice say something. "Hey, are you ok? You look so nervous". Winston looked up to see the mexican girl looking at him with concerned eyes. He was surprised that someone of that beauty would ever even bother to look at him, let alone care enough to ask if he was ok. He said "probably" in response to her question. A response to which she giggled. Winston was afraid and screamed internally. He could not take this intensity. After all he was a gorilla and didn't want to blow his cover by revealing identity. She started to look intensely at the teac--hers computer. Winston was confused and watched in awe as the pornhub logo he was so used to seeing at this point showed up on their smart projector. Winston was in shock. He chuckled to the person next to him saying, "I've seen this one before! Dr winston showed this to me when I was just a boy". The mexican girl laughed as if she was the one causing this mayhem.

At lunch time, the girl didn't have anyone to sit next to. She was wondering who to sit with as it was her first day in that school when she saw winston, a face she recognised. She decided to strike up a conversation with winston. "Hey! I don't think I caught your name earlier. What's your name?". He replied in response "Winston's the name. Peanut butter's the game!". She looked confused and said "well ok then. My names Sombra if you care at all.". Winston, clearly embarrased went, completely red. Sombra sat next to him which just served to make the situation worse. She was eating a burger, one of winston's least favourite meals. He preffered more foreign foods and found the plain chunk of meat disgusting. Once they were done, winston got up and asked her if she had talked to any other people. She said she had but that he was the only person that had been genuinely friendly to her. They mad laps around the school, enjoying every moment of their conversation. When the bell finally went, signifying they had to seperate, they felt sad but excited at the prospect of a new friendship.

The day ended, however on the way out of school, Winston saw no sign of Sombra. He was disheartened but knew that he had many more opportunities to see her in the coming days. As he made his way out of school, he realised that he forgot to meet mercy and his stomach sunk. He used his jump pack to jump over the entire crowd and landed right in front of mercy. She looked at him in confusion but continued as if nothing had happened.

They decided to walk through the park on the way home. The autumn leaves crunched below his feet as he walked through the park. He and Mercy took their time walking through the park. The wind took the leaves from the trees. The state of change from summer to winter that is autumn. Winston knew that there would also be a change in his life. One that is beautiful like the snow on a winters day ,one that feels perfect, like coming home from a long time in the cold harsh conditions of winter into the warm comfort of a home that is heated up by a comforting log fire and one where even the change itself is beautiful. Mercy spoke for the first time since they left school: "Winston... You really do love this park don't you?". Winston replied by asking how she knew. Mercy smirked and mentioned how he always wanted to come through this park when they were walking home from school and that he seemed happier after they walked through it. He had no option but to confirm what she said.

Over night winston could not stop thinking about Sombra. The perfect girl he had run into by a wonderful combination of chance and social anxiety. He had a dream that night about the day's events. They were as amazing as when he experienced them in real life and made his undying lust for Sombra greater. Suddenly, they were sitting on the branch of a colossal tree. He did not know what they were saying but knew that they were in love. He went in for the kiss. Just as their lips were about to meet, he was abruptly woken by his screeching alarm. Winston let out a loud "fuck off!". Yet again he repeated his morning routine and left to meet mercy at the usual spot.

Once he reached the park, he saw mercy speaking to a slender girl. He didn't know who this girl was because she was facing the other direction but once she turned, he knew for sure and his stomach turned into a cave full of butterflies. She said "Hey winston! I've just been talking to your friend Mercy. All Of your friends seem so nice. I'm so happy I got to go to this school". They all walked to school together, Winston and his two friends. Winston became less nervous as he talked to them more and more over the coming days and eventually began to overcome his social anxiety... at least with Sombra.

One day in school, winston met up with Sombra and mercy as usual and they began whispering. "I think I may be in love with him" whispered Sombra. Mercy told her to be confident as she knew what winston thought of sombra. Later that day afterschool, mercy had to stay to finish some work leaving winston and sombra to walk home together. They walked home and once they reached the park, they sat down on a bench and watched the leaves fall around them. They looked deeply into each others eyes. Winston lost himself in her deep purple eyes and before they knew it they were getting closer, Her legs were touching winstons. It felt right to both of them and they leaned in. They began to kiss. They continued until it was dark. As the streetlights came on, the first snowstorm of the year began. but they were perfectly happy with the warmth they gave each other. As the clock turned 9, sombra invited winston back to her hotel room. How could winston refuse? This beautiful girl took an interest in him and now she's inviting him to her house. They walked there, hand in hand with the coldness not overcoming the warmth of their hearts.

Sombra opened the door to the hotel room she was staying in...

#overwatch #p:fantaken #hot

[ketocraft]

OF WANTINGS, CRAVINGS, WILL, AND DESIRE

Warning: If you are triggered by reading about non-ketogenic foods, please do not read this post as I do describe some non-keto foods.

On Wednesday, March 8, I made my way to my parents’ house where I would be staying for two nights and going home on Friday the 10th… Today March 11th. Unfortunately, that is not how things worked out. I don’t say unfortunately because I don’t like being here or anything, I only say unfortunately because it really has been an unfortunate experience. My first week being ketogenic went swimmingly. No cravings no wantings nothing. I didn’t really eat much, and didn’t have anything pulling me to “cheat” at all. I felt I was doing great! Along with this greatness apparently came the hubris that I could not be tempted and I would be just fine at my parents house. All I can say is that I should have known better and I should’ve planned better for this experience. When I set off, in my Keto arsenal I had the following: F bombs, protein powder, um… yeah that’s it. I didn’t think that I would need anything else but bulletproof coffee and protein shakes to get me through my day. I was going to bring some pork rinds but thought better of it because I didn’t want them to get smashed on the way there and I figured I wasn’t really hungry most days. I love my family, but I absolutely have hated this experience.

Day 1: I arrived on Wednesday and that was a pretty easy day. I had my protein shake, my dad made me chorizo spam, I explained to him a little bit about my ketogenic diet, and for dinner he made chicken with deliciously seasoned skin. So when I got to the house and I put my protein shake in the freezer to cool, I immediately saw the Baskin-Robbins ice cream cake that they had purchased for him for his birthday. “We saved you a slice from my birthday party.” Great. Just flipping great. These are my favorite types of cake. That’s OK, I had already prepared for this, I put my shake in the freezer and didn’t even give the damn thing a second look. I had already decided that I was not going to break my budding ketosis over ice cream cake. I politely thanked my dad and never thought of it again. So I scraped by day One with my ketogenic diet firmly intact. Even though I knew there were old temptations there (The fruit I always ate, Hawaiian sweet rolls, ice cream, chips, soda, etc.) I was doing fine and I felt like just maybe I had prepared myself mentally enough to go into this war zone. I was greatly mistaken.

Day2: Every other morning that I have been at my parents house at some point in the early morning my mom will tell me that there’s coffee. Usually 15 to 20 minutes later I’ll stumble into the kitchen get my favorite coffee mug… “My” (as in I bought it for their house) coffee mug… pour myself a cup and go about my day. This morning was not the case. This was the beginning of every goddamn thing that could go wrong, did. I got up fairly early when people were still getting ready for school and work and walked into the kitchen. My dad said there was coffee but then kind of shook the coffee pot like well, there’s not much coffee sorry. So there went my first meal. I was already kind of feeling beaten down by all the things I had turned away from, so having a bulletproof coffee really would have helped that morning. As the house begin to clear I begin the first bout of the hangrys. I was acting like a child inside. Whining about all the stuff I couldn’t have, angry that there was no coffee left for me, angry that my mother threw out my coffee mug for no reason! I just had had it, but I couldn’t be angry at my family because it’s not their fault or their problem. Usually making another pot of coffee is no big deal, but I could not for the life of me figure out how to use their coffee maker. So after even more kicking screaming and tantruming in my head, I finally asked my dad just to make me some coffee. After a bulletproof coffee I was back on my game again. I hid out in my parents room most of the day watching movies while my dad and his friends hung out in the livingroom. That night, I heard my dad say something to somebody about making lasagna and I flipped out. I thought fast and called my mom and told her that Dad was going to make lasagna but I can’t eat lasagna. I told her not to tell my dad, because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. I had explained keto to my dad already, but I don’t think he quite understood. My mom called my dad and told my dad that instead of making dinner we would go out to dinner. Music to my ears let me tell you! Went to a local place called Johnny’s Shrimpboat. It’s been a restaurant we have gone to for years, and I always get the same thing… A hamburger. This time however, I would keep it Quito and get it with out the bun wrapped in lettuce which I only ate some of. The burger was delicious and I had been wanting a burger for a while, so this was good. I thought I was going to go home at some point on Friday because either my mom would take the day off to take me to the station or home, or I would just Uber to the station and take the train home. I however found out that that was not to be the case because my train had been discontinued (this is a common Metrolink practice and I wish they would stop).

Day 3 Day three just seem like one folly after another. So let’s be perfectly honest here, so I have been dodging temptations left right and center and I live in California and occasionally, especially around my boys, get high. So I’ve been dodging all of this crap completely stoned sometimes and rather than eating I’ll just go to sleep because really there’s nothing else to do there. So most of the day I spent hanging out on my parents couch with my family (those who indulge in such activities) hanging out watching movies kicking back. Unfortunately, this was to be the day that I would be the most tested. Early in the morning I made my bulletproof coffee getting through my first meal. Well I was sitting on the couch, my dad came into the living room and asked me something about how to make cornbread. In the old days, I used to make it for him a lot for special occasions. It’s one of his favorite things to eat. This time, I think it was his first time making it. I didn’t make it, but I advised him where he needed advising, and went back to my happy little stoner land. Then, I found out that there would be lasagna for dinner. The expletives that ran through my head had to be made up because there weren’t enough to say all of the ones I thought. So here I am completely mellowed and sitting on the couch and my dad comes up to me with a napkin and what I knew was piping hot cornbread off of the oven pan. Without even hesitating I looked up at my dad and politely said “no thank you I’m good” kind of proud of myself, and kind a wondering how the hell I had just done that. We all set around and I worked on some of my sudoku for a while and then dinner time came around. For the past couple days I really haven’t had much to eat except for the occasional piece of turkey bologna which had no carbs. Mind you, I really hate bologna, but it was acceptable to my diet so I went with it. So even though I’m hungry most of the time, it wasn’t enough to throw me into a spiral… Until dinner. So there was a big pan of lasagna on top of the stove along with the cornbread and I think my dad had even made garlic bread to go with dinner. I thought it would be fine as long as I stay out of the kitchen so I relegated myself to the dining room because my parents were eating in the livingroom. By this point I was cranky, hungry, and really not handling things well. I was sick of being tested, sick of being tempted, sick of not being able to cook for myself and give myself a proper meal plan. I took full responsibility for my lack of preparedness and swore not to let it happen again (just for context, I started writing this at their house and I’m just finishing it now). I was hungry and I had to do something so I went into the kitchen, cut up a lemon, and decided I would eat that. Got three pieces into my lemon and then I decided to log it on MFP. I didn’t expect that a lemon would be any carbs, because the lemon juice that I use is zero carbs. Somehow however, a lemon is five carbs and that just really took a baseball bat to what was left of my resolve. I told myself if I went into the kitchen as long as I didn’t look at the stove I was fine just fine. At this point my hangry must’ve been showing like a battle flag because my mom pointed it out to me that I apparently had a problem. So as to not argue with my family and try to enjoy the last remaining hours there, I decided I would take a shower and go to bed. So I took a shower, and came out pretty relaxed, but still hungry. I had already had my protein shake for the day and couldn’t afford another. I went to throw my towels in the laundry room and I looked at the goddamn stove. I felt like I had turned to stone as I said fuck it and grabbed the piece of cornbread that have been offered to me earlier. It was a 2 inch piece of cornbread which I logged into MFP and it said 18 carbs, but I don’t know if that takes into account the fact that it was made with sucralose. I ate it, somehow felt vindicated, and went to sleep. I think I had had it and I was done. I woke up the next morning to my mom tapping me on the shoulder and telling me they were taking me home. I guess my hangry episode the night before gave them the hint that I needed to be out of there because when I open my eyes and looked around, they were both already showered and dressed and ready to go. I love my parents, I love going to their house. Being around my family gives me a sense of balance especially when I feel off kilter. I don’t think I’ve ever had such a horrible experience there, and I know that it was due to me being ill prepared. I don’t cook at my parents house because frankly I don’t feel comfortable. I didn’t really spend much time in that home and it doesn’t feel like home to me. I kind of feel like an out of town guest when I’m there and it’s not anything they’ve ever said to me, but more the fact that I’ve never felt that place was home. I take full responsibility for the hell that I had to go through there, and I know that next time I will be better prepared. I’m still a keto rookie, and I’m still going to make mistakes. I refuse to give myself hell for that piece of cornbread because it’s over and done with and it’s not like I make a lifetime habit out of cheating. I think the fact that I made it through as long as I did with as many old habits as there were laying at my feet is still something I am proud of. It has long been my motto that failing to prepare is preparing to fail and I should have heated that warning a little more closely. Since this incident, I have not had any extra cravings or anything, I just kept on with business as usual. Now, in the middle of my third week of keto, I still don’t have cravings for the things I used to eat, but I know now that when they are around me in droves I need to have something to combat them. I’m fortunate enough that I live in a home where I buy my groceries and so if I don’t wanted in my mouth it’s not in my house. I can’t control the food in other peoples homes, so I need to control myself in other people’s houses. It was a learning experience and I’m glad for it, I know more about myself now, and I know more about my will to stay on this diet. This experience was also full of distinctions: wantings versus cravings, between will versus desire, between mouth hungry and stomach hungry. There were so many lessons and distinctions rolled into this experience I really just needed some time to sort them all through. This is my first mistake, but it won’t be my last. I will write about another (totally keto friendly) mistake I made later. I hope this blog post can be a help to somebody somehow, because then maybe it’ll make this experience worthwhile. Thank you to everybody who has followed me thus far and thank you to everybody who is taking the time to read my blog posts. I really appreciate everyone of you!

#keto diet #ketogenic #keto #ketocraft #ketosis #ketofam #ketolife #ketonewbie #ketones #lowcarb #lchf #hflcfood #newtoketo #ketoonthego #Keto Craft

[the-warmest-hands]

vacation week

I am in NY now and as you can see I’ve been so busy that I haven’t even posted on tumblr in my usual annoying fashion.

Thursday: went on morning bike ride even though I thought it would be wishful thinking, returned home to shower and pack, then caught a lyft to SFO. Suffered through middle seat but it’s okay; spent most of that time reading old gchat logs with Misha from three years ago. I’ve grown a little. Got in, got samosas with my mom, hung out at grandma’s house for a hot second, coordinated with lil z and met up with him in front of the house.

Friday: woke up early; biked to LIC/Communitea so that lil z could focus; Greg invited me to lunch at Google, where I had PTSD and a weirdly shaped burrito (very squat) and complained about it; returned to LIC, and biked home until my pedal came off and got stuck in a non-aligned position; called Dad to bail us out (sad times yo. incompetent times yo. need a pedal wrench yo.), then hopped on subway to dine with Emily at Rubirosa. Stopped for lamb burger while waiting for a table. After pizza and wine, we walked around and got various other foods like pie (almond chess pie), italian butter cookes (fuck YEAH; also I remembered that you should not get pre-filled cannoli YEAH), and wonton soup at Wo Hop (surprisingly tasty). Then took an Uber home.

Saturday: Flushing to hang with Julia; ate noodles at Xi’an Famous Foods, then bubble tea at Kung Fu Tea, then over to Presso for a coffee, then subpar candy at a candy shop with way too many employees, then supermarkets to find candy, then finally took the 7 out of the hellhole that is Flushing on a Saturday afternoon to Jackson Heights, where we got samosas, sweets, and kulfi. Walked home while eating our foods and they were glorious. Also Zach was blown away by the vegetable samosa. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. Most validating part of my weekend. Returned home to drive lil z to get something he left stupidly. Made many faux pas while driving, all whilst I insulted other people for similar/similarly terrible mistakes. Driving is the worst. Returned home yet again and helped my mother install things; ate lots of sweets/chocolate and lotus root soup! We also learned about figs. *Also: got my glasses lenses fixed at Dabo; told them to replace the ones on my other glasses (the ones I bought at Urban Eyes) but they said they were the same prescription. I was like, so why do i hate these? And they were like, the center of the lens is in the middle, whereas the ones you like are good because we shifted it up a little (to adjust for your lack of a nose). They were like, we’re not letting you pay $160 to replace these. Just deal w them. I wanted to be like, TAKE MY MONEY but also I have no money, so whatevz. I don’t even like the other glasses, ugh. But anyway, I love Dabo. *This unnecessarily detailed story is for Misha, who complains that my tumblr is too boring.

Sunday: Woke up at 6 to wake up lil z; left house to get bagels/breakfast/sustenance for lil z’s flight; drove lil z to airport; then Dad and I went to Flushing to see if there was anything to buy (there wasn’t). Then I tried to get lightbox plans started but realized that we don’t have a table saw or a router which made me very disheartened. Also realized that my AutoCAD drawing is not sufficient. I need a real orthographic projection drawing. I don’t know how to make that yet. But we will do it. Headed out in the afternoon to make cheesecake with Misha. We made a gross cheesecake that I am ashamed of. It was 100% my fault. I am sorry. Then I got a donut from DD and went home. I am currently trying to get Windows on a bootable disk so that I can replace my 32-bit Windows with 64-bit.

Monday: Succeeded; playing with Solidworks now. Fuck. Yes. These tutorials are bomb. Spent the morning with that, then hung out with my mother for a while (set up her computer and ran through some Excel tutorials with her). Then back to Solidworks. MORE SOLIDWORKS!

Tuesday: Chillin w my mom and doing another Excel tutorial together, then mom, dad, and I went to brunch/dimsum at Red Top Mountain in Flushing (my mom complained about the food the entire time while eating it, then continued to eat the leftovers that we got boxed once we got home (@Greg learned habits)). (To be fair, it wasn’t that good. But I also ate some of the leftovers. Typical.) I drove us home (I’m not a bad driver) and then got down w/ this gear-modeling tutorial until I got stuck. Then I hassled Xo, who gave me a better tutorial to follow. Then spent the next one billion hours making stupid mistakes and slowly getting unstuck. And now I have successfully created this:

https://youtu.be/3k3TK_5qCTk

ok why is tumblr’s video embed not working for me right now. Nevertheless, I have made this super n00b thing. Now I will go to sleep.