#old writing i never published

[bunny-beloved]

some old writing from THAT fundy stream

"i dont forgive you"

And just like that everything came crashing down at once as the harsh words fell from fundys mouth and wrapped themselves around wilburs heart, squeezing in a vice like grip until wilbur swears it might burst and shatter to the floor along with the thousands of things he wants to say but can't due to the closing of his throat. 

Fundy turns so he doesn’t have to see the pain etched onto his fathers face for a second more, partly because it hurts and partly because there is a bittersweet feeling of solace that he might have caused even a miniscule piece of pain that he felt. 

But he doesn’t think so.

Nothing can amount to what his father caused, a home he felt made just for him ripped cruelly away by the one who built it! Leaving him alone, with no true family nor friends. Just a bitter bitter feeling of abandonment and lost hope

//////////

He walks closer to the edge and despite himself, he smiles

The wind feels oddly comforting as it swaddles him at the top of that ledge, almost like a mothers hug that feels like a long forgotten memory. He lets himself smile sadly as tears start to blur his vision and cascade slowly down his face, wishing that his feelings and troubles would fall with the liquid and bury itself into the ground of his old home.

Fundy wishes wilbur would leave but he doesn’t care enough to make him, he doesn’t really want his father to watch, then again perhaps its reprisal for what wilbur did to him as he didn’t grant him the same mercy

For just a second he closes his eyes and imagines the love he once felt, someone holding his hand as cheers and singing dance through the air after a first victory. His smile wobbles slightly as he ever so calmly walks further

Fundy smiled, fundy jumped then fundy dies in the same place he was born and it almost feels poetic 

#c!fundy #c!fundy come home #c!fundy deserves BETTER #fundy #c!wilbur #dsmp writing #my writing #dsmp fanfic #old writing i never published #i never claimed to be a writer just a loser with a dream #dsmp #HOW DOES TUMBLR FORMATTING WORK

[youareinacomawakeup]

Sora and Riku are SO...

Soriku is an emotion all its own for me. I can't describe it. Like shipping something is a feeling, yeah? Like it's dopamine, it's serotonin, it's "I like this. Looking at them together makes me feel the Good Feeling."

But I can't describe the way Sora and Riku are...unique to that for me. It's this unique concoction of brain chemicals I can't put a name to. Nothing else feels like them. When they're in my brain, when they curl up and make a home there, it's just...completely indescribable. It just... I don't know, guys, I don't KNOW.

It's like-- Okay, as a writer, inspiration is also a unique emotion. It's not just "oh i had an idea" it's just this sudden flooding of "Oh, I can do anything." A passion, but different.

Soriku is also a unique emotion, something I struggle to articulate. It's like trying to describe the flavor of something in a way that other people can taste it in their mouths just by hearing it.

It's secondhand love, it's home, it's adoration, it's safety, and I know how fucking insane this is coming across, like true obsession, but even saying "I'm addicted, it's a drug," seems too goddamn shallow for what this feeling is. It's not enough.

It's just...them.

#soriku #complete insane rambling #i just have feelings okay #god i wanna write a soriku fanfic now #but i have this huge list of unfinished works i've been trying so hard for the last year to file down #i'm almost finished with two of them #and i want to go back to working on noah after they're done #but i love these boys so much and i think maybe i should change the fact that i've never published any of my fics for them #and the last time i wrote one was like seven years ago minimum #so like no you're not getting any of my old stuff #that's staying in the trunk where it belongs #if i'm gonna write a soriku fic it's gonna be the one i came up with an idea for like a month ago

[captain-lovelace]

#my poetry #Horuspoetry #This one’s never gonna get professionally published so here it is #I usually hate writing lowercase poetry but I thought the unfinished look it gives #poems worked with the subject matter #I also wanted to work in a space detailing the experience of growing up neurodivergent #where you are functionally gendered as a failure #A lot of the details (the burying or the hands-to-eyes) are based on my own life. As is like. The general feeling. Which was basically my #standard from ages 3-9. the description of things outside is based on the memories I have of my old backyard when I was really little #And of the park I used to go to #I have a lot of memories of thinking of myself as basically already dead but also not really *understanding* the difference between being #dead and alive? #Idk. I think the perspective I am writing from is that of the child #but also in some ways I’ve noticed the way I behave towards my memories of my past self resembles the ableist way adults treated me when I #was a kid #As if somehow #There was something just… wrong with me and me only and so I deserved it #So this was also an attempt to show compassion to that child and break from that belief. To say ‘this was fucked up’ #And that I don’t believe that there was something wrong with me after all and even if there HAD been I wouldn’t have deserved that treatmen #No one does

[cliveguy]

i was going to just not post this and repeat my getting mad online is the mind killer mantra but this was the first post i saw today. do you genuinely from the bottom of your heart think that not caring about ethel cain's wincest post means you support real life forms of abuse. or are you just saying things for the sake of tumblr discourse.

#incest mention #wincest mention #in all honesty and as someone who participated in this; the way early spnblr handled incest callouts was embarrassing and #damaging to abuse survivors. who did it help to go around shouting about incest whenever you found it and harassing them until they #brought up their entire personal history for you to judge whether it 'absolved' them #i don't like wincest as a ship OR as a horror reading of kripke era tbh. for multiple reasons. but god idgaf if richard siken #wrote a poem or fanfic that he never even published one time. #hopefully the dregs of that one part of spnblr won't see this and start writing vagues about me #oh wait lol i looked at op of that post and their old url was one of the blogs i was thinking about. of course.

[throttlegainwell]

I know it can be frustrating to find fics that occupy the center of the "what I'm interested in" and "what I'm willing to read" Venn diagram, and I enjoy a good relatable fanfic meme as much as the next guy, but I do wish there was less emphasis on having to wade through "bad" fics to get to what you want. People who are insecure about their writing but just want to have fun in fandom see those posts, too. And the people writing fics that you may consider too amateurish, poorly written, or weirdly formatted to read are real people, and they're a part of fandom. Many of them want to learn how to write; many will improve over time, with concerted effort or just through regular practice. For some, that's just how they write. And that's fine.

Like, I get it. I do. I'm not saying you have to engage with writers whose work you don't enjoy/want to read or that it's wrong to be frustrated or picky. And the nature of tumblr is such that you can say something on your private blog without meaning for it to blow up and spread outside your circle of friends. Just... I dunno, I feel like it doesn't hurt to be reminded sometimes that writing is a skill, people are at different experience levels (and different technical levels within that! you can be great at one aspect of writing and not great at another), and there's no fandom bar to entry.

#fandom #i don't even mean the 13-year-olds #(though yes i do mean them too) #i think a 50-year-old who's never written a day in their life but just can't stop thinking about the movie they watched last weekend #and bangs out a draft that looks like an inexperienced writer wrote it #has just as much place in fandom as someone who's a published author in their RL #and so does someone who's been writing for a while but their style is on the simpler side or whose work hasn't changed much #and i may not necessarily want to read what they write but i do want them to continue writing if they want to #and i want them to share their excitement and their work and their love for the story if that's something they'd like to do #i think there's something to be said here for the commodification of fandom #in the sense that works are treated as 'content' and creators not seen as people #but i also came up in the age of the spork #and when fic archives were separate they were typically curated for quality (though that's fair because it was someone's personal project) #so no it's not a recent thing fandom has always kind of been this way #anyway my point is just be kind

[phantomoftheorpheum]

y'all know that awkward part of writing a fic, where you've mentally committed to the project, but there are probably several weeks of work ahead of you before you can actually get it out and you don't want to tell anyone because there's still like a 40% chance you'll abandon it anyway, but you're excited and want to talk about it? lol. yeah.

#fanfic authors #writing #fanfic writing #idk know how many fics i've published because i had old accounts that don't exist anymore #but i think it's somewhere around 30-40 and i average something like 20k a fic #so it's a lot #and yet this stage never gets easier for me #i only have one fic that i have fully abandoned (that's a published wip) #but i'm always afraid i won't finish things so now I pretty don't publish unless i have completed the fic

[scimitar-and-longsword]

One month out from NaNoWriMo!!

I'm very excited, but nervous. I've been working on outlining a book with the expressed goal of traditionally publishing for the first time. And NaNo seems like a good a time as any to start writing lol

#ive been writing in one way or another my whole adult life... #but ive never let myself want to publish cause ive felt like i wasnt good enough... #but fuck it. my kids are finally old enough that i can put actual work and energy into pursuing this goal #so im gonna?? #anyway. #lolo rants #nanowrimo #i also know its often a long and difficult road to trad pub #but im ready to take that slow path #its kind of freeing

[hella1975]

i hate my town i hate the people in it i hate the shame that consumes us all i hate that every failure might as well be posted in the square because everyone knows everyone i hate that my grandparents are here and i hate that my mother came back for them i hate that the kids are dying and no one cares i hate that every good memory has a bad memory right next door like sam's house around the corner from my childhood home i hate the body they pulled from the river i hate the memory of hearing yellow by coldplay at my cousin's funeral because all i could think was that it was too modern for the situation but then he was only seventeen so it makes sense i hate that i was seventeen too and all the boys i knew were there his friends that were supposed to be the tough guys the scary guys i hate that i pretended not to see them sobbing i hate that everything smells of cigarettes here i hate the politics i hate the people i used to love that dont even smile at me on the street i hate that the girl who called me a slut works at my favourite bar i hate every alley and hidden shortcut and i hate that i know them like the back of my hand i hate the same fucking coffee shops i sat in when i was fourteen and scared and now im nineteen and scared and i hate that it's exactly what this town wants i hate that it wants anger i hate that it wants fear i hate that it wants shame i hate that i can give it everything

#thinking about how the two biggest things in my life rn - writing and my degree - are so punctuated by this fucking town #like my biggest fear with my degree isnt what id think of myself if i dropped out or failed #or even what my family would think bc they're nicer to me than i am #it's genuinely the thought of what my hometown lot would say that keeps me up at night #like the thought of my neighbour who told me id never accomplish anything bc my school was shitter than his fancy one #the thought of having to look him in the eye #or the thought of knowing my friends will tell their mums who are still on the PTA with old teachers who thought i was special #like small towns wrap you in this bubble of smallness and it suffocates you and you're so terrified and ashamed of every little mistake #and then my writing GOD i keep thinking about how tbos is probably the best thing ive ever written #and id publish it id genuinely try and get it published #but im just again so scared and ashamed and embarrassed like how do i explain to these assholes that im writing fantasy #and that's not even counting the gay angle bc that's the biggest part #i just am not brave enough for that yet and yeah maybe it's bc im still young but i shouldnt have to be brave to enjoy things to begin with #failure shouldnt require bravery when it's just a fact of life #and i think about if we'd lived in london like my dad wanted us to or if we'd gone to dublin bc my mum loves dublin #or even if we just hadn't come to this fucking town and we'd lived in ANY FUCKING CITY #my dad jokes about how in london he didn't even know his neighbours names and god i just crave that anonymity so fucking much #it's so frustrating and my mum takes it so personally whenever i say i hate the town and my sister says i'll grow out of it just because #she did but i genuinely dont think i will #and maybe that's the creative in me or the queer in me that she just cant relate to but i have always always hated this place #like a guy i have a VERY complicated history with messaged me the other day and we havent talked in TIME #and it was kinda sweet if not awkward just bc of our aforementioned rocky past but one thing he mentioned when i said i was at uni #was that he said really genuinely 'im so happy to hear that; i know you always wanted to get out of [town name]' #like he still remembers that about me even though weve been friends since we were 12 and i havent spoken to him since i was?? 17?? #UGH i just hate it here and it's the fact that i'll never escape it either bc i cant totally abandon ship without also #abandoning my family and i refuse to do that and they refuse to leave so now im just stuck with all these CONNECTIONS #sorry to vent lol #ig this could be a poetry thing? we'll say it is instead of me just having another meltdown LMAO #hella goes home

[martyrbat]

evyn likes my (slightly super)ghostbat fic so far..... >:3c

#writing this for me and them and like.... 2 mutuals who i think will support this old man getting pissed on #also because writing from khoa's perspective a bit is so funny. hes rapidly unreliable and is just bullying Bruce for 2k words straight. #its great foreplay for this wip that will never be published 👍👍 #ransom writes #ransom note

[magentagalaxies]

someone just followed my fanfiction.net account (which i have not used since i was thirteen) and subscribed to the one fanfic i have on there (which, again, has not been updated since i was thirteen) and i completely forgot it existed so now i'm like oh i'm so sorry fanfiction.net user in 2023 that fic is never getting an update but i appreciate that someone still enjoys this random fic i put out into the universe

#i fully forgot that i'd even published anything on fanfiction.net. like i knew i wrote something for it but i have no idea how far it got #truly the only people winning who became fans of my old unfinished fanfics are the people who followed me on wattpad #bc i had a series i was writing on there from like 2015-2017 which was never finished but then in summer 2019 i revisited it #and i didn't write the 3 books i originally planned to close out all the plot lines but i did write an 8 chapter final adventure #that was this cool meta-commentary about the characters picking up the pieces after their story ended without warning #and yeah most of my original readers were just as inactive as i'd been but i had like 4 of my original fans celebrate the finale #and it was so much fun getting to close out the era even if we all kind of went our separate ways after that #ngl that wattpad thing is still one of the projects i'm most proud of specifically because of that ending #i'm not sure how much the original shit i wrote holds up bc i was literally in middle school #but i still am really proud of how i gave it a cool ending after abandoning the project for years

[mako-island-moon-pool]

You want to know how bad my memory is?

I was writing last night and I just straight up forgot that Sanji exists. I have been watching this show since 2012, he was my fave Strawhat outside of Luffy pre-TS, and I FORGOT HE EXISTED.

I was like 'hm yes well the ones who would understand are Nami and Robin... W- wasn't there one more I was thinking of a moment ago? Wasn't there another one who'd Get It?????'

'it's not Chopper. Definitely not Usopp. And it's not Zoro. That's all the remaining Strawhats at this point in the story. So... Why am I convinced I'm forgetting someone? Let's go through the arcs in my head agai- OH MY GOD, I FORGOT SANJI'

#When I tell you my memory is shit... 😭 I used to own a Sanji shirt. What the fuck?? #When that post about the memory issues finally leaves my queue #Like I joke about it but this shit can be genuinely terrifying. Like knowing my brain is getting worse. Knowing I'm probably forgetting #Seriously important things and just 'oops I can't remember haha' #It's scary. #I'll never get better because I'll just relive the pain over and over because my brain refuses to remember the help and progress I make #Every day I wake up back at step 1 it's so depressing and scary and horrifying and I hate it #I can never process anything bc I just forget and if I do remember it's like a punch to the chest for the first time every time #And people get SO sick of you after a while. Constantly asking for help. Never remembering anything. They get so annoyed with you. #Anyway. On a lighter note (not actually) I'm trying out a new one-shot :) #Not to speak ill of the 'soon-to-be' dead but Garp was a shit grandfather #So I was like What If Me And Luffy Had The Same Reaction #Because self love starts in recognizing your self through the other god damn it #Even if I finish this idk if I'll post it bc of how personal it is but it has been very cathartic to write #Then again I could just publish it anonymously so my irl friends won't see it. No harm no foul. #I (kid) once pushed my mom (grown adult) out of my room when she caused me to have a meltdown so I could 100% see Luffy doing the same thin #In my defense she had a habit of taunting me and destroying my stuff to punish me after inciting meltdowns and I just wanted to be alone #I was like 7 years old at the time (hell year hell year) so I doubt I actually hurt her. She just looked surprised. I remember that. #Sometimes I wonder why I identify so much with werewolves and then I remember ah yes. The childhood of being treated like a monster. #Like a freak because when people kept pushing your boundaries you'd rather bite than let them do whatever they want to you #Oh boo hoo such a terrible thing for a child to be... Protective of themselves... #ANYWAY. like I said this wasn't going to be much lighter. #I want Luffy to punch the lights out of Garp to protect his friends. Not even in-canon just in this fic #Ik in-canon Garp is a complex guy and loads of fans love him but... Smash eggs make sandwiches know what I'm saying? #Yeah GROOVY

[adwox]

the prophecy...

#>mine_>text #okay genuinely this just means drawing more zerox which luckily i have an old wip i can breathe life into again #i am going to be very busy these next few days sadly but i hope i can find time because i also actually want to start writing again #id love to do drabble requests at any point possibly as warm ups #the last time i published fic was sept 2021 (dead eyes) however i have written between then is just primarily been personal #or oneshot fic for fandoms ive never interacted with LOL #i digress.

[waugh-bao]

*

#oh my god oh my god oh my god #my old Econ professor from my ma #who emailed me a few weeks ago with a call for chapters he thought I should submit for #just sent me another message #apparently he’s an editor on the New Palgrave Dictionary of Economics #and he convinced the head editor #that I should be invited to write two articles #on an economist and an economic historian that I’ve done work on in the past #I’ve never ever been published before #and now I’m going to be published in one of the most important and prestigious publications in the field #!!! #I can’t even believe it #and I can’t imagine what he had to do to get them to agree to this #because it’s rare to see an entry by a PhD student in one of these #never mind a first year who’s on the way young side to be in this type of program #this might be the best day ever #Dr. D is my hero #cannot wait to call my parents and surprise them with the news #or tell my advisors and all of my friends #not the stones #me stuff

[queenerdloser]

reading posts where people are giving permission for everyone to read old fics is so wild 2 me bc i have never once stopped to consider when a fic is written. half the time i dont even look at the posted date for fics. never in my mind has consideration about when a fic was written stopped me from commenting or dropping kudos on a fic. yall really over here inventing things to be worried about online, huh. i have enough anxiety in real life, i don’t need to make up more reasons to be anxious online. 

#liveblogging life #ive seen this post make the rounds about it being okay to comment on old fics and im just like ??? yeah why wouldnt it be? #SO wild 2 me like i couldnt tell you when half the fics ive read in the past month were published lmao #things i pay attention to: is the summary good is the writing good does it have tropes i like #things i have never paid attention to: rating published date length #i mean half the time i also dont notice that im reading multiple fics by the same author lmao when i say i have fic tunnel vision.... #anyway social media really fucked yall up huh #why are we even thinking about whether some stranger on the internet cares about reading an old fic who has the time

[quinnfabrayapologist]

i hate it here

#so a guy who i have always considered a good friend and a fair person just accused me of lying about being a$$aulted #i'm a writing student. as part of my dissertation i wrote about something that happened to me when i was a teenager #i asked him to read it and give me feedback on the quality of the writing and instead he asked me for proof #proof of what? i asked #proof it happened #i say i don't have proof bc i was a kid but what does it matter it's a writing assignment that will never get published #and i gave the guy who did it a fake name #guy says you can't just accuse people baselessly you need proof. i say i'm not accusing i'm writing smth he will never see. #guy says 'okay amber' #dude compared me to amber heard #who was also a victim of a similar thing but the diff is she had mountains of proof and still wasn't believed #and like #i knew the verdict would set back abvse victims and i knew it would be quick #but i never expected a friend to just turn on me like that yk #this verdict is just letting d-bags get a little too comfy for my liking #so yeah in case it wasn't clear f u johnny depp and ur old abvsive a$$

[cagesings]

 not  to  talk  s.usan  k.ay  on  the  dash  again,  but  is  she  really  trying  to  convince  me  that  christine  truly  belonged  with  erik  (  projected  his  mommy  issues  onto  her,  manipulated  her,  took  advantage  of  her  compassion,  and  really  just  lowkey  took  advantage  of  her  youth  and  naivety  )??  because  nope.  i’m  not  doing  that.  

#especially pitting him against raoul?? #who is absolutely wonderful to her and tries to understand her despite not being able to fully grasp it all?? #yeah no #also the whole thing with charles being erik's son #that's a big no from me #you cannot convince me that christine would cheat on raoul. cannot convince me they didn't have eight kids and grow old together. #she doesn't die young she and raoul live together and are happy #where is my published p.oto fic about raoul and christine just having domestic bliss together #that's what i want. i don't want to think about the gutter rat anymore. used to sympathize with him. never again. he's the worst. #my apologies to erik fans he is an interesting character i think everyone else has ruined him for me #*❈ ‣ 𝑖'𝑚 𝑎 𝑠𝑖𝑙𝑙𝑦 𝑙𝑖𝑡𝑡𝑙𝑒 𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑛𝑦𝑛𝑜𝑜𝑑𝑙𝑒 — ( ooc. ) #tbd. #anyway i'm home now i want to write stuff tonight