some old writing from THAT fundy stream
"i dont forgive you"
And just like that everything came crashing down at once as the harsh words fell from fundys mouth and wrapped themselves around wilburs heart, squeezing in a vice like grip until wilbur swears it might burst and shatter to the floor along with the thousands of things he wants to say but can't due to the closing of his throat.
Fundy turns so he doesn’t have to see the pain etched onto his fathers face for a second more, partly because it hurts and partly because there is a bittersweet feeling of solace that he might have caused even a miniscule piece of pain that he felt.
But he doesn’t think so.
Nothing can amount to what his father caused, a home he felt made just for him ripped cruelly away by the one who built it! Leaving him alone, with no true family nor friends. Just a bitter bitter feeling of abandonment and lost hope
//////////
He walks closer to the edge and despite himself, he smiles
The wind feels oddly comforting as it swaddles him at the top of that ledge, almost like a mothers hug that feels like a long forgotten memory. He lets himself smile sadly as tears start to blur his vision and cascade slowly down his face, wishing that his feelings and troubles would fall with the liquid and bury itself into the ground of his old home.
Fundy wishes wilbur would leave but he doesn’t care enough to make him, he doesn’t really want his father to watch, then again perhaps its reprisal for what wilbur did to him as he didn’t grant him the same mercy
For just a second he closes his eyes and imagines the love he once felt, someone holding his hand as cheers and singing dance through the air after a first victory. His smile wobbles slightly as he ever so calmly walks further
Fundy smiled, fundy jumped then fundy dies in the same place he was born and it almost feels poetic
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Sora and Riku are SO...
Soriku is an emotion all its own for me. I can't describe it. Like shipping something is a feeling, yeah? Like it's dopamine, it's serotonin, it's "I like this. Looking at them together makes me feel the Good Feeling."
But I can't describe the way Sora and Riku are...unique to that for me. It's this unique concoction of brain chemicals I can't put a name to. Nothing else feels like them. When they're in my brain, when they curl up and make a home there, it's just...completely indescribable. It just... I don't know, guys, I don't KNOW.
It's like-- Okay, as a writer, inspiration is also a unique emotion. It's not just "oh i had an idea" it's just this sudden flooding of "Oh, I can do anything." A passion, but different.
Soriku is also a unique emotion, something I struggle to articulate. It's like trying to describe the flavor of something in a way that other people can taste it in their mouths just by hearing it.
It's secondhand love, it's home, it's adoration, it's safety, and I know how fucking insane this is coming across, like true obsession, but even saying "I'm addicted, it's a drug," seems too goddamn shallow for what this feeling is. It's not enough.
It's just...them.
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I know it can be frustrating to find fics that occupy the center of the "what I'm interested in" and "what I'm willing to read" Venn diagram, and I enjoy a good relatable fanfic meme as much as the next guy, but I do wish there was less emphasis on having to wade through "bad" fics to get to what you want. People who are insecure about their writing but just want to have fun in fandom see those posts, too. And the people writing fics that you may consider too amateurish, poorly written, or weirdly formatted to read are real people, and they're a part of fandom. Many of them want to learn how to write; many will improve over time, with concerted effort or just through regular practice. For some, that's just how they write. And that's fine.
Like, I get it. I do. I'm not saying you have to engage with writers whose work you don't enjoy/want to read or that it's wrong to be frustrated or picky. And the nature of tumblr is such that you can say something on your private blog without meaning for it to blow up and spread outside your circle of friends. Just... I dunno, I feel like it doesn't hurt to be reminded sometimes that writing is a skill, people are at different experience levels (and different technical levels within that! you can be great at one aspect of writing and not great at another), and there's no fandom bar to entry.
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y'all know that awkward part of writing a fic, where you've mentally committed to the project, but there are probably several weeks of work ahead of you before you can actually get it out and you don't want to tell anyone because there's still like a 40% chance you'll abandon it anyway, but you're excited and want to talk about it? lol. yeah.
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One month out from NaNoWriMo!!
I'm very excited, but nervous. I've been working on outlining a book with the expressed goal of traditionally publishing for the first time. And NaNo seems like a good a time as any to start writing lol
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reading posts where people are giving permission for everyone to read old fics is so wild 2 me bc i have never once stopped to consider when a fic is written. half the time i dont even look at the posted date for fics. never in my mind has consideration about when a fic was written stopped me from commenting or dropping kudos on a fic. yall really over here inventing things to be worried about online, huh. i have enough anxiety in real life, i don’t need to make up more reasons to be anxious online.
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