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patolemus · 2 months

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Here’s a little thing that’s been bugging me for a few weeks.

Summary: Stiles is a demon. This is common knowledge. At least, he was under the impression that this is common knowledge. He should have known better than to trust Derek Hale to figure it out.

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Look, in his defense, Stiles was sure they knew. At least, he was sure Derek knew, and if Derek knew, then the rest of the pack knew. That’s just kind of how it works, when they aren’t hiding threats from each other.

(He’s not pointing fingers. It’s just that Stiles sometimes gets fucking tired when the pack does not tell him shit and then he ends up having to figure it all out by himself so they don’t get themselves killed. It wasn’t funny the first time Scott tried it back in sophomore year. It hasn’t gotten any funnier since.)

(Alright, so he is pointing fingers. Sue him.)

Stiles is a demon. And okay, before anyone gets mad and starts saying shit like ‘no he’s not, he’s just a bit chaotic’, he… well, Stiles will admit to being chaotic as a general rule, but that is more of a character choice. He’s being for real when he says he’s a demon.

His parents couldn’t have children. It’s just how it goes sometimes. But Claudia was a very powerful witch, and she knew a thing or two about making pacts with demons. So when the doctors told her she could not carry any children, she figured the next step was obviously to summon a creature from down below and make a deal with it in exchange for a child.

That’s where Stiles comes in.

Claudia probably wasn’t expecting a demon child to come to her when she did her summoning, but personally? Stiles thinks she lucked out. Stiles is a friendly demon, as far as those go, and his policy regarding humans is more ‘see what makes them tick’ rather than ‘make them burst into flames spontaneously’, so all in all, she could have done a lot worse.

So that’s kind of how he ends up as Stiles Stilinski, son of John and Claudia Stilinski. Claudia and John are the only ones that know Stiles’ true name, though only Claudia can say it right. John tries his best, but they all collectively decide that Mischief is a rather good alternative.

In exchange for being the best son anyone could have, Stiles gets to spend an unspecified amount time on the mortal realm. Claudia doesn’t put any restrictions on him, on the understanding that Stiles can’t go and kill people for kicks. Annoying them is fair game, though.

That’s fine. Stiles has never been particularly interested in needless violence. He’d much rather learn everything there is to know about humans. Such interesting creatures. Truly fascinating.

And that’s how he spends the next twelve years of his life. He makes one singular friend - humans tend to get this instinctual need to get away from demons, but Scott doesn’t have any survival instincts at all, so it works out fine - and spends most of his time enjoying the admittedly mundane life of a human child.

Stiles knows there’s a pack of werewolves living in town, but he never runs into them, and then they die in that terribly suspicious fire and the survivors leave. The town quiets down a lot after that, and Stiles tries not to mourn the loss too badly. The energy they gave off was very pleasant.

Then the werewolves come back to town.

Stiles doesn’t intent to get involved. He doesn’t. He’s a demon, he doesn’t care for mortal affairs no matter how amusing they are. So he doesn’t do anything when he feels the presence of an Alpha in Beacon Hills after seven years. A not his circus not his monkeys kinda situation. But then Scott gets turned into a werewolf, and Stiles doesn’t care for mortal affairs but he does care about Scott, so really, it was inevitable.

There’s also Derek Hale. Derek Hale with his lickable abs and his chiseled scowly face and that angryhurtsadmiserable aura of his. Stiles acuses him of murder, Derek shoves him into walls. How is Stiles supposed to not become completely obsessed?

Anyways.

Stiles isn’t sure how he ended up in a pack of werewolves of all things - demons are lonely creatures, they don’t get packs - but he can probably blame Scott for that. It’s pretty alright, even if he gets dragged into every possible supernatural matchup imaginable. At least no one is busting out the holy water. Not that it would work, that’s a myth. Stiles had that phase as a kid where he went to church every Sunday morning and received the sacrament of Eucharist just for kicks. His dad didn’t find it funny, but Stiles still thinks it’s fucking hilarious. Now he uses the name of Jesus Christ every time he can. It’s blasphemous and Stiles thinks it’s hilarious too.

Back to the point, Stiles never bothered to hide he’s a demon. He doesn’t advertise it, of course, but he doesn’t go out of his way to mask his scent or whatever. He’s powerful enough that he can take on mostly anything that comes find him. So he thought Derek knew, and was just being chill about it and not mentioning it.

Apparently not.

The bitten wolves, he could understand. They still mix up deer and rabbit after years of being bitten when they’re running in the preserve. But Derek’s a born wolf. He was trained since he was a kid, and it’s not like demons are hard to sniff out. Hell clings to Stiles like a second skin.

Well, it turns out Derek is the ultimate failwolf, because after four years, he still had no idea. It takes a run in with another demon - this one does like to set humans on fire, unfortunately, so Stiles has to banish it back to Hell - and even then Stiles has to practically spell it out for him. Stiles is only a bit disappointed in him. Mostly, he’s still a bit confused on how Derek even missed it in the first place.

“Dude, can’t you smell it?” he asks, and they’re alone in the loft because everyone else has gone out to buy celebratory donuts while they try to get the scorch marks off Derek’s wall. It’s not going as well as they hoped.

Instead of an answer, or a growl, which is his primary method of communication, Derek does something unexpected and fucking—blushes.

Huh. Okay.

Wait, no. Not okay. What?

“It’s not considered polite to act on the way people smell, Stiles,” and Derek’s voice is strangled, like it hurts him to get the words out. He’s always been bad at talking but Jesus Christ, this is excessive.

(Heh. Jesus Christ. It will never not be funny.)

“That’s bullshit and you know it. I’ve lost count of how many times you’ve sniffed out other supernatural creatures or people’s intentions. It’s what you do. Other than rip out throats and creep around my window, obviously,” Derek’s scowl makes an appearance - there it is, Stiles was getting worried for a second - looking back at the scorched wall like it’s going to magically clean itself with the power of his rage.

Stiles could probably do something like that. Maybe. His magic is chaotic on a good day, so he can’t really call it reliable. Destructive, definitely. Offensive, if he has to pick between that and defense. Stiles is terrible at that.

He’s really getting off track here.

“That’s different. You’re not a supernatural creature,” Derek says stubbornly and what?

“What?”

“What,” it’s impressive how he always manages to ask questions that don’t sound like questions.

“What do you mean, I’m not a supernatural creature? Are you—“ Stiles looks at his Alpha with narrowed eyes, mouth open mid sentence as it finally downs on him that they’re talking about very different things. “What did you think I meant when I asked you if you smelt it?”

Derek stubbornly refuses to say anything. That’s fine. Stiles is the king of stubborn, he can out-stubborn anyone at any given time.

“Tell me,” he presses. Derek doesn’t say anything. “Tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell—“

“Jesus fuck, Stiles, fine!” heh. Stiles knew he’d break. “I was smelling that you’re horny. All the time.”

That— that’s not what Stiles was expecting. Um. Okay. So things got awkward very fucking quickly.

“Oh,” he says, and now he sounds strangled because he thought he’d kept that little tidbit of information hidden quite nicely. It turns out Derek was just being polite about it.

God, does it mean the betas can smell it too? Oh, no, no no no no.

(Heh. God. Stiles is so funny.)

(He really has to stop unfocusing like this.)

Stiles is officially mortified. Turns out even demons get prudish after spending so much time in the mortal realm. Who knew? It’s okay, Stiles will just find the nearest bridge to throw himself off from. If he has any luck he’ll die instantly and won’t get back to Hell so he doesn’t have to live with this knowledge forever.

“It’s okay. I know it’s not personal or anything,” Derek’s still not looking at him. He’s grabbed back his rag and is valiantly rubbing away at the wall. Stiles doesn’t have the heart to tell him that if the mark hasn’t come out already, it probably never will. He’d know, he’s burned plenty of walls before.

By accident, if his dad ever asks.

“That’s fine and all, only it’s very personal,” and Stiles is just making a bigger hole to bury himself in, but his mouth is faster than his brain. It’s an ongoing issue. “You don’t think I’m horny all the fucking time, right? I mean, demons do have that hyper hormonal stage at my age but assuming it’s all the time is a bit excessive. I’m not a succubus. This is completely a you thing.”

Derek’s face does that thing where it pinches in between his eyebrows and his eyes narrow a bit, lips pressed together tightly. It’s his Stiles Just Said Something Deeply Upsetting face. He uses it a lot.

Alright, time to backtrack.

“It’s really okay that you don’t feel the same. Really, I get it. I wouldn’t feel the same about me either. So let’s just ignore I ever said anything, and we can go back to trying to clean this up even if we both know it’s not going to come out,” he offers Derek his most winning smile. Derek’s face just gets even more pinched.

Stiles’ senses are pretty dulled here on the mortal realm, but he doesn’t need them to know his Alpha is probably very pissed. At him, specifically.

So it’s Tuesday, then.

Stiles takes a step back, just as a precaution. He doesn’t think Derek will throw him against a wall - he stopped doing that a couple of years ago. Stiles refuses to acknowledge he kinda misses it - but you can never be too cautious. And Stiles did kind of just confess his undying horniness for him.

Imagine if he’d also told the guy he’s utterly and helplessly in love with him. That would have gone fantastically. Not.

“You’re a demon?” Derek’s voice comes out more high pitch than Stiles has ever heard it. He’s surprised. Why is he surprised? This is what they were talking about, before Stiles stuck a foot in his mouth. “Since when?”

“Since always? Seriously dude, can’t you smell it?”

It’s like they’re back in square one.

So. Turns out Derek truly had no idea Stiles is a demon. No wonder he’d looked like Stiles had grown a second head when he banished that fiend back to Hell.

On the good side, Derek apparently also returns his feelings, after they go in circles a few more times and Stiles gets across that he’s not just horny, he’s in love. A happy ending, in Stiles’ opinion.

(“How did you end up as the son of the Sheriff anyway? Is he a demon, too?”

“Hmn? Oh, no. My mom just did this summoning ritual for a Prince of Hell to get them a child, and I showed up. It was kind of a two for one deal,” he waves his hand dismissively.

“You’re a what?”

Oh, boy. Stiles knew he was forgetting something.)

#patolemus writes #yes this is inspired on the fact that no one can say stiles’ real name and he refuses to tell anyone what it is #emotionally constipated derek is very funny when he’s not obstructing true love #sterek #stiles stilinksi #derek hale #derek x stiles #stiles x derek #teen wolf #teen wolf fanfiction #writing #fanfic #eternal sterek #sterek fanfic

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angelselene · 1 year

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Ask & Answered

Tagged by @patolemus

TAG NINE PEOPLE YOU’D LIKE TO KNOW BETTER

- favorite color(s): right now, yellow

- favorite flavor(s): caramel

- favorite genre: fantasy, romance

- favorite music: pop, country

- favorite movie(s): Jim Henson’s Labyrinth

- favorite series: Leverage--not even going to pretend otherwise, Leverage is just chef’s kiss, if you haven’t seen it, you should. I pretty much don’t write for it because 1) it’s already basically perfect and 2) the writing is so damn tight that it intimidates the fuck out of me. Gundam Wing, FMA, BNHA (none of those should be surprised except maybe Leverage)

- last song: Valhalla Calling (Trio Version) Miracle Of Sound ft. Eric Hollaway & Peyton Parrish

- last series: Spy x Family

- last movie: The Black Panther, Wakanda Forever

- currently reading: (amongst a lot of other things) The City of Brass by S. A. Chakraborty, The Sandman Part III full-cast audio by Neil Gaiman

- currently watching: Blue Lock (I am CRUSHED, ya’ll, CRUSHED at how little fanfic there is for this seriously unhinged series), BNHA, Buddy Daddies

- currently working on: I feel like this is a trick question. Finishing up a gift fic, have another to write, an exchange and zine fic, and then... the mountain of WIPs I’m hiding behind (if i had any sense at all I’d work on Iron & Ichor today, but this is me, and I usually don’t do things that would be smart). HawksShou, ShoutoMight, a few new GW fics...there area lot, okay? Feel free to ask.

All right--nine people, huh?

hopes I do this right @danceswithronin @deathwraith1221 @thaiteaaddict @bettertasting @not-so-dead-fandoms @ghost-proof @ms-miserable-misery @judaru @dhampir17

#meme #ask meme #def didn't do it right on the first try #we'll see how this one goes

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blackicephantom · 2 years

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The black dragon and the coward CH. 16

I can't write action. Like, at all.

Still hope that you enjoy.

Tagged: @runestarchild ; @patolemus

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He prayed one last time before they closed in on the forest’s border. They heard a song, a cry. And what they saw…..

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Smoke and flames greeted them. The smell of burnt wood and burnt flesh.

They could still hear the clinking of metal, frightened shouts and enraged screams but none of them knew which came from who. `Please be alright. For the love of god, please be alright!´

Tsuna’s heart was racing, his mind and thoughts all over the place as Reborn and Fon raced towards their home. He couldn’t concentrate, couldn’t compute the awful picture their beautiful forest had become. That’s when his brain started to kick back in again, because there was blood on the ground. So much in fact that he clearly saw it from so far up in the air. And he could tell by the way his companions froze for just a moment that they saw it too. A menacing sound, not unlike that of rolling thunder, escaped the dragon on whose back he was. It was the sound of unending fury and a promise of so much pain that death would be mercy. Then there was another scream, this time from a soft and melodious voice. `Colonello!´

Without any command both dragons descended, rushing through the air and crushing through the trees as well as the humans in their way. Fon was the first to see and the first to go nearly ballistic with rage. The storm that carried them all the way hit its peak, the winds blowing almost everyone off their feet and nearly tearing out all the plants and the foliage around them.

The humans tried to run, but the newly arrived Stormdragon was out for blood now. So as swift as the wind he controls, he rushed forward and devoured the first moving object in his path, which turned out to be one of the mages. Reborn doesn’t hear any of it, just like his small passenger. They still couldn’t look away from this horrid image. Right there on the ground, right before their fucking eyes, laid Colonello. But there was just so much blood. He has uncountable wounds, one which is a huge gaping hole right through his soft stomach. A human Viper knelt right by his side and tried with all his might to stop the bleeding, to keep the Waterdragon’s intensities right where they belong all the while fighting against his own tears. But the read liquid just wouldn’t stop! In front of them stood Verde, his lightning flames crackling in the air and zapping and electrocuting everything and everyone that came too close, serving as their shield. And right behind them was Skull, blasting away enemies left and right, just plain eating those that dared to come too close to attack him. His attack pattern was unpredictable. If he doesn’t charge his breath, he crushes the soldiers with his tails or smashes into them with his whole body. But in exchange for his recklessness his body was littered with wounds of all kinds.

*thud* *thud* *thud*

Another screech, another bleeding wound.

Breath that started to slow, Vipers desperate plea to stay awake.

The slow drizzle of rain around them.

*thudthud* *thudthud* *thudthud*

Terrified screams and ripped limps.

Spells that fly everywhere, collateral without measure and so DAMN MUCH blood.

*thu-thud* *thu-thud* *thu-thud*

For the fraction of a moment, the whole world stood still. Just for a single moment. In the next there was frantic movement, and an earth shattering roar. The Blackdragon set his sight on the insolent human that tried to bypass Verde’s shield and use Skull’s distraction to get to the already downed dragon in their middle. Before he could tell Tsuna what he wanted to do, the boy leaned closer, pressing his body as close as possible in preparation for what would follow and whispered almost desperately `It’s not too late yet!´ And that’s all it took. Black wings folded and they were free falling. The ground came closer at neck breaking speed, yet the duo just saw the approaching death of their friend. Just a few meters away from crashing, Reborn opened his wings, suddenly breaking and stopping their fall. Tsunayoshi took this moment of stillness, and the humans surprise at the sudden gust of wind, to jump down from the dragon's back and summoned his own flames into his fist. For the first time ever the young heir was able to use his flame, his very own magic, for combat. For the first time, Tsuna could protect his precious family himself.

The poor soldier didn’t know what hit him, quite literally. Because, before he could even register that something was aiming for him, his face was already crushed between the unforgiving, shaking ground and the burning fist of the boy they wanted to get back. The impact of the hit left a deep crater and a shockwave that swept over the whole battlefield. Everyone froze and looked at the grotesque image of the still kneeling brunette, orange flame bright on his forehead and knuckles dripping blood when he stood up.

Viper cried in relief and panic. He couldn't stop the bleeding and his brother’s heart was starting to slow down, right along his breathing. If nothing was done Colonello would die, right here in the dirt. Just like Luce on that fateful day. Shaking his head the Mistdragon tried to lose this thought, now wasn’t the time. In the next moment Reborn stood beside him and started to catalog the injuries of the fallen reptile.

It was… bad. Really bad.

But he was NOT going to let another one die. Not today and not on any other day either. His eyes turned to slits and a deep rumble tore out of his throat, only the sniffles and sobs of Viper keeping him away from the edge of a killing spree.

Thinking quick he looked at the sky, but the clouds were too thick for any sunshine to spill through. So he shouted the Stormdragons name and indicated upwards when he had his attention. Without another word Skull charged at his enemy, buying him the time he needed to call for the winds and clear the sky of the dark clouds. Once the sun was on clear display, the Sundragon concentrated and gathered every bit of power available to him. He was not going to let history repeat itself. Slit pupils started to glow, first rather dull, then brighter and brighter the longer the sun shone above.

All the while the battle around them continued, humans trying to get close to the beasts, only to be beaten by the remaining two or Tsuna himself. Verde was starting to tire, his magic slowly losing power right before vanishing completely. Once the lightning had stopped a few mages tried to cease their chance and started to throw spell after spell at them. But everytime they thought an attack would hit it was blocked. Either by Verde’s thick hide or by Skulls ruthless blasts. Said dragon also was a panting bleeding mess, but he still stood strong, still attacked everything that posed a threat. The only one that could even hope to rival an angry Cloddragon, was their sunny counterpart. But said counterpart was currently occupied with saving the live of their brother. So it was his mission to keep them safe, even if he had to split his whole body apart!

Tsunayoshi watched the people slowly surround them.

Soldiers with shields and swords at the front, mages at middle range and archers and more mages at the far back. The Decimo knew that the stronger mages were the ones with the archers, because a longer distance meant a longer incarnation, thous more power was needed. A simple strategy but still effective.

It was also his fathers favorite maneuver.

Blazing orange locked onto hard brown.

The son regarded his father with so much distrust and…. and hate that it was sickening.

The father wished for his son's safe return and for him to finally come to his senses.

Tsuna narrowed his eyes. He knew Iemitsu and all his tricks. In the past years, he had to learn the art of war and combat, was forced to to see every pro and con behind every strategy. Something was still missing in this puzzle. It was in this exact moment that his body moved on its own, fueled by instinct and intuition alike and kicked the flame imbued explosive savely to the far side, away from Reborn and Colonello.

Right in the next moment the black dragon started to emit a gentle yellow flame from his maw, slowly enveloping his fellow dragon. He put every ounce of his magic's healing capabilities into the flame, concentrating not to overwhelm the injured body in front of him. Too much at once at it wouldn’t keep up. Too little and he would still bleed out. Slowly, oh so slowly, some of the wounds started to close, scaps disappearing and bruises fading. But the fetal wound was still open and still bleeding.

`More. I need more.´ He raised the intensity of his flames, just slightly, and then kept at it until the bleeding stopped. Then he had to keep it steady or else it would just start up again. He has heard the explosion, felt his skies presence behind him and could hear the faint sounds of different spells. But he needed to keep going. That's when he heard Iemitsu for the first time that day and he wanted to torture him. “All mages! Concentrate on the Sundragon! He can’t move during the healing process, which makes both of them an easy target. And if you can’t get him, aim for the other one! One dragon less means one more villager saved!”

In an instant different flames came raining down on them: storm in the form of small bombs, lighning in the forms of spears, cloud ones as pojectles that multiplied mid air. The worst ones were the raging sky flames from the big man himself, aimed straight for him. He tried his damn best to shield the slowly healing water dragon and he saw how Viper changed his form and started to conjure an illusion in the hopes to confuse the humans but to no avail. Some flames still hit, while most were intercepted by the others. Right after the first wave was over, the next started up.

From the corner of his eyes he saw how Skull threw himself in front of them, screaming in pain and going down hard. He saw how the Lightningdragon gathered his remaining strength, slapped his heavy tail down to call forth one last bout of lightning bolts and cancel out or stop most of the incoming flames. What didn’t fall prey to the sizzling electricity was stopped by his own body. He heard Vipers hissing, could smell his poison in the air, could only watch as he mixed illusions of it with the real thing. Could do nothing but obey Tsunayoshi's command of `Keep going!´

Colonello lifted his head, gave a silent whine and started to swish his tail. The moisture around them rose up, small droplets raising and then shooting away like needles. It seems he has had enough of being a target. Smirking Reborn looked at the wound again. Almost there! That's when something sliced deep into his back, pain coursing through his body, but he kept going. There weren’t many things that could pierce his scales, so this was either one hell of a mage, or another sky.

Different shouts reached his ears.

“Judaime!” “Tsuna!” “Tsuna-kun!”

Different voices calling for one single person, different elements calling for one sky. The Beginning of a harmony.

Rage filled his body and his mind even when he still tried to fight it. Another set of storm born bombs hit his skin, the explosion burning his wings that were still spread as wide as possible. Soft blue shielded him from the sharp edge of a blade and spiked tails cleaved the earth from where the attacks had come.

The last part of the shredded skin knit together and with one last burst of concentrated sun flames Colonello stood tall once again, crying for the cleansing rain to soothe their horrible burns, protecting them with a ring of boiling water that Fon used in sync with his still raging winds. Reborn needed a moment to get his breath back under control. Someone dared to try to harmonize with THEIR sky.

A soft hand on his scales grounded him back in the present, all dragons gathering around the small human. Verde, Fon and Skull bared their teeth, Skull, Viper and now Reborn flaring their wings and Colonello swiping and slapping his fins. Alone their body language said everything. The closest ones to Tsuna were Reborn and Skull, the sun and the clouds always the closest to the vast sky above. And when a small group of kids broke through the treelines Tsuna froze, only to glare at his father in the back of his small army. It was Viper that asked. “Tsuna?” His flame flared and his fists clenched. “I know them. They were the only ones that would talk or interact with me during school. The only ones that didn’t talk down to me and treated me like an equal. Or in Gokudera-kuns case as the next village chief.” He closed his eyes and sighed just to start glaring again. “They were by my side most of the time, even during my training. And now I know why.”

A fin gently nudged him while a big purple head was laid over his shoulder, the deadly spikes never touching his skin. Even a green tail was around one of his ankles and one body coiling completely around him, while a pair of whiskers tickled his other cheek. And of course there were these big and warm wings. He looked straight at Iemitsu when he said his next words.

“You actually tried to force a harmony between me and the others. But there were still elements missing, which hindered the process. And of course the fact that I already had such bonds.”

Iemitsu was taken aback at getting caught. He really thought he hid it well, but it didn’t matter now. He watched as these cursed creatures still drew closer to his son, some part of every dragon touching some part of the boy. And it disgusted him to no end. How could these monsters be so shameless? What irked him even more thou, was the fact that Tsuna doesn’t seem to mind… No, he even encouraged it, with the way he absentmindedly pet the different scales around him. Then pale lips were pulled into a smirk, not unlike the Midnightblack Sundragon likes to show.

“Would you like to see a real harmony, oh father mine?”

The words were so dangerously sweet with a phantom feeling of gentleness. The blonde gripped his sword tighter. “You wouldn’t dare, boy.”

What followed was a soft melody, a gentle tune. The beginning of a song. Orange eyes were lidded when one after another, the dragons slowly joined in.

As the sky called, the elements answered.

Just like a few days prior, clouds started to gather, the bright sun hiding behind their curtain. Strong winds gathered, flying with high speed around them, sharper than any blade could ever hope to be. Rolling thunder joined them, swiftly followed by devastating lightning bolts that crashed and hit almost randomly in the far back. Next was the rain that washed the blood from their bodies and pierced the tender flesh of the mages and the metal armor of the soldiers. Misty roots crawled up their legs when the first ones tried to run, keeping them in place.

The rain drenched them, the brewing storm and crashing lightning hurting them and the thick mist hindering them from escaping. Almost perfect. Almost. Before Iemitsu could run his mouth though, something yellow caught his eye. Right beside Tsuna, the only part that was still clearly visible, was Reborn charging up. Intense sun flames gathered in his open maw, bright and definitely not intended for healing. The dragon's eyes were trained at him and him alone. The bundled flames split into three when they were fired, right before they were encased in a deep purple and split even further.

Screams echoed in the woods as a beautiful melody was carried by the wind. A song so old that it should be forgotten.

_TBC_

#khr #r27 #dragon and coward #reborn-x-tsuna #fanfic

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patolemus · 2 months

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i don’t know why i am the way i am (there’s something in the static, i think i’ve been having revelations)

Rin has always been a believer. Both he and Yukio attended mass every Sunday at the monastery all their lives, grew up listening to Shiro and the other priests recite from the Bible—and this is the only book Rin knows almost by heart. The twins were baptized when they were younger, and despite his rebellious attitude, Rin has never wavered over that belief - whether that is because he was always surrounded by it or not - and it’s Yukio who’s gotten more skeptic about it as the years pass.

After Shiro dies, and Rin finds out he’s the son of Satan, Rin stops going to church. He doesn’t believe he’s welcomed at God’s house anymore, son of the original sinner that he is. He mourns the loss quietly, spending Sunday mornings in the quiet of his and Yukio’s abandoned dorm hoping he could be somewhere else.

(Alternatively, he could go to the chapel obsessively, turning his believes into a quest for absolution. Maybe if he behaves like a good Christian boy ought to do, if he follows the rules and proves Rin has not abandoned him, God will forgive him the sin of being born.)

Rin would want to have his confirmation—maybe he was in the middle of that process before Satan possessed Shiro. But now that holy instruments harm him, it’s like another sign that a demon isn’t welcomed, and that God has forsaken him. For that same reason, some of his favorite Bible verses harm him, and it’s through gritted teeth and clenched fists that he recites them in class and to himself, refusing to give them up because he’s turned tainted by his demon blood.

(When he first awakens, the night before the funeral, Rin takes a bottle full of holy water from the monastery’s reserves and tries dousing himself on them, thinking he might be able to cleanse himself of this curse with it. It burns, making his skin splotchy red and his eyes water from the pain. He’d always been able to touch it without issues before, but now it repels him. Rin falls to his knees in front of the altar, head bowed to the sculpture of Jesus crucified on the cross, and wonders for the first time if God has left him.)

(The burn fades within the hour, and Rin hates that most of all.)

Rin avoids mirrors the first few weeks after Shiro’s death, not wanting to see how he’s irrevocably changed. He hates the feeling of his longer canines when he runs his tongue over them, grimaces at the new, sharper shape of his ears, can’t barely take a look at his tail to stuff it under his shirt. He looks like he’s only just rolled out of bed, appearance shabby and unkept, but Rin prefers that to watching himself now that he’s no longer one of God’s creations.

He prays by his bedside every night - even more so now that he can’t go to mass, Rin has started praying obsessively since Shiro died - has his rosary around his neck even though it makes his skin itch and takes it everywhere he goes. He always blesses the table before eating, thanking God for the food he’s provided for them.

Every time he uses his flames, Rin feels like a sinner. This are the flames of Satan, the flames of the original sinner, God’s antithesis. Using them feels like forsaking God just like God has forsaken him, but Rin finds no joy in it. As the flames die out and Rin’s freaky demonic features recede, he bows his head and prays. “Forgive me Father, for I have sinned,” he says, trying and failing to feel better about himself.

His friends notice, after all secrets are out in the open and Rin doesn’t have to hide them anymore, and they look at him strangely for it, like his apology to God is out of the norm. Maybe they don’t think Rin would be religious, as the son of Satan. Maybe they just think it’s strange that he’s looking for absolution. They don’t comment on it until much later, when Bon tells him that he’s not a sinner just because he uses Satan’s flames. Bon is much smarter than Rin, so infinitely smarter, so Rin tries to believe him. He never stops praying though.

When he first realizes his feelings for Bon are less than platonic, his first instinct is to go to the confessionary and confess his sin. But the only priest he’s confessed to is Shiro, and Shiro is dead (Shiro is dead), and what priest would give absolution to a demon? So Rin doesn’t go, stewing on his guilt and thinking about it obsessively (“Forgive me father, for I have sinned. This is my first-tenth-hundredth-thousandth confession.” “Forgive me Father, for I want, and I do not know how to stop wanting.”). Is it because he’s the Son of Satan? Was he born a sinner, always meant to stray from God’s path like Satan did? How can he follow God’s will when he’s fallen in love with a boy?

Later, he realizes Shiro would have probably been fine with it, and if Shiro approves… maybe it’s not so wrong. Maybe Rin isn’t sinning when he looks at Bon feeling butterflies in his stomach, isn’t straying from God’s intended path when Bon’s laugh makes him happy. And if this is not a sin then maybe being a halfling isn’t either. Maybe it’s not God that has forsaken him, but the Catholic Church.

(The Vatican will never love him. They have casted him as the villain before he could even prove himself one of God’s believers, and they’ll never let him forget who his father is, and what he’s done. He’ll never be able to visit freely, to marvel at the beautiful structures and the holiness of it all. It hurts. But it hurts less than thinking he’s beyond saving, that God has given up on saving him.

The Vatican can suck it.)

Rin tries going to church again. It’s a daunting task, after days and weeks and months without stepping foot inside a chapel, but Rin finds himself sitting on the third row at the Sunday mass held near True Cross Academy, and feels the knot in his stomach loosen as he listens to the priest. It’s familiar. It’s liberating. Rin feels a little more like himself. Bon is waiting for him at the school gates when he’s done, looking immensely proud and Rin takes his hand in his and lets the feeling of contentment wash over him.

He still prays. He still blesses the table. He still recites verses of the Bible even if they hurt him, and he still refuses to go to a confessionary.

But he can stand to look at himself in the mirror now. He resumes his confirmation process, even knowing he may never be allowed the actual sacrament. He lets himself see a world where he can be the son of Satan and a good Christian, where he can love a boy who’s beautiful and good to him without disappointing God. It’s a different world than the one he lived in before, but Rin thinks it’s a world Shiro would be proud of.

It’s a start.

——————————

(This is my interpretation as I was raised Catholic and went to a Catholic school all my life. I’m nowhere near as devoted as I’m making Rin here lol, but I grew up around Catholic religion and know people who are very hardcore Catholics, so this, as well as my own religious education, is where I draw my knowledge from.)

(Also, I want to clarify that a lot of Rin’s thoughts are in no way healthy, and he will grow to let go of them in time. This is the result of a very traumatic situation that left him stranded with no sense of direction, and some of his actions stem from a need to overcompensate for being half demon. He’ll get better as he learns to deal with that reality.)

Update: my brain won’t stop eating at me so this has turned into a thing (tm). Let’s call it revelations au because I think I’m funny. You can find all my posts about it through that tag in my profile.

#patolemus thinks #that never ends well #the religious guilt!au I didn’t know I needed #this might turn into an actual fic who knows #definitely not me #rin okumura #my baby is going through it #bonrin #rin x bon #ao no exorcist #blue exorcist #religion #religious guilt #fanfic #fanfiction #writing prompt #revelations au

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