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marvinswriting · 4 years

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Northshore's couples, written by anonymous, about anonymous.

a crack idea bear and I had that I took seriously

g/t mean girls

November, 12th

Ifykyk.

Hey, Northshore! Welcome to a new section of the school newspaper. I've been fighting for a gossip blog for a hot minute now, and since the paper is dying down, Northshore is finally allowing it.

But this isn't just any gossip blog.

This is the place where I'm gonna -try- to answer your most burning questions about Northshore couples in question.

All through anonymity and observation.

To start, let's meet the students. All names have been changed so identities can stay hidden. In the tinies we've got: J, A, and R. Then in the giants there is: D, C, G, K, and S.

Who's with who? Who hates who? Who's got some secrets under the surface? Come back next week.

"Full offense to Northshore, this sounds stupid as fuck." Janis huffed, tossing down the newspaper, letting it fall to the table.

Karen looked at the small girl of Damian's shoulder.

"Why do you think?"

"Gossip blogs are unoriginal and boring. The school newspaper is grasping at straws."

"They can be fun when done right." Regina points out. "I say we check in next week and find out more about the students it's about."

"Whats-" Cady frowned. "What's a gossip blog?"

"Aww, baby's first gossip blog! We have to keep up with this one. Just for Cady." Damian said.

Karen watched with amusement as her friends discussed gossip blogs and if they were any good.

This will be fun.

November 19th

Love the feedback from last week guys! You're all as hyped as I am. And no. I won't confirm who your suspicions are. Stop slipping notes under the computer lab door.

This week J and D were seen together. (It's not uncommon.)

A was seen kissing C when they thought nobody was looking. But don't be fooled, somebody is always looking.

Not to be creepy or anything.

Just- we saw that, A.

You won't spot R without K or G anywhere near them, don't know if any of them are dating though.

Development into J and D's relationship as D is seen defending J from S. Sources couldn't hear what they were saying but it sounded pretty hostile. Is it just caring friends or something a little more?

This blog is focused around uncovering Northshore's couples once and for all. Have any tips? There's been a box placed by the computer lab door. Got any other people you want to see covered? Let me know!

Until next week, the anon who writes about anons. Xx!

"So," Cady looked down at her newspaper. "A gossip blog, is just talking about people?"

"Hence, the gossip part." Janis folder her own tiny newspaper, tossing it onto the cafeteria table from Damian's pocket. "And it's stupid."

"I wonder who it's about?" Gretchen said. "I know everything about everybody. But all this info? This is news to me."

"It's obviously about-" Karen paused. Was she the only one to figure it out?

Wasn't she the dumb one?

"Never mind. I dunno who it's about either."

"I don't understand why you care so much." Janis huffed.

"Because its fun to be nosey about lives that aren't ours. Duh." Regina said.

November, 26th

Happy Friday, Northshore!

Wow, lots of you sent in info about J and D. Whether you've cracked the code on who they are or maybe you're just observant of two fellow students- there is no denying they're pretty affectionate.

Since we're on the topic, let's start with J and D.

Kisses. Lots of them.

Romantic, or just friends? The duo themselves give pretty mixed answers so we must take matters into our own hands and draw our own conclusions. J was seen skipping class on multiple occasions and hiding with D. I hope J has a good tutor. I could never miss that much info.

R and G are seen together. K seems like they're third-wheeling. Somebody get them out of there. K, if you need a sos, slip a note in the box bby. We've got you.

If you want to talk about PDA, look no further than A and C. Wow! A hello kiss, a kiss kiss, a GOODBYE KISS? They may not say it themselves but those two are definitely a fairytale couple.

No updates to S. #singleforlife.

Sorry, S. If you're reading this.

"Well, A and C just sound gross." Janis frowns.

"Don't be negative, Jan." Damian shakes his head at the girl on the table. "They sound cute."

"Overly cute." Cady says.

"I'm glad somebody agrees." Janis huffed.

"Poor K. Thridwheeling a couple is awful." Gretchen sympathizes.

"We don't know if R and G are dating." Aaron points out. "We don't know if any of these people are dating. I'm kinda hooked."

"Well, third-wheeling best friends is even worse." Cady sighs, glancing at Damian and Janis.

Karen looked at the newspaper in her hands with a soft smile. She had a note to drop off.

December 3rd

Happppppy Friday! I have a big announcement right off the bat!

It is I, the writer, formally known as Anon. But now there's two of us! Me, the writer, and another student- the spy. Between the two of us (and your help from the box!) we're gonna crack these relationships open in no time!

This week's rundown!

R was with G the whole week. There was not one time they were separated.

A, J, and R were seen in the tiny halls together where A was overheard talking fondly about C.

Is there a fight for J?

D and S seem to never want to leave J alone.

Although, if you asked the writer, I'm totally team JD. Message for S? This isn't middle school anymore. Being mean to somebody isn't a good way to show your emotions. Message for D? You're doing fabulous, I'm rooting for you. Message for J? Pick fucking wisely.

I'm a bit biased but my info is not.

Don't you worry.

Until next week, you know where the box is! Xx.

"Aw, J and D sound like a cute couple." Regina cooes.

"A and C don't." Janis shook her head. "To sappy."

"Is Jan warming up to the gossip blog? And forming opinions?" Damian teased.

Karen shook her head in disbelief. The fact that her friends were yet to catch on-

-they were dense. Not idiots, just dense.

"S sounds like an asshole." Gretchen shook her head. "Bet its a boy. Yknow when a boy would pull your hair in elementary school and you'd get told, oh boys will be boys. He just likes you! Yeah. S is a dude for sure."

"Not every boy was like that. I wasn't." Damian said.

"You're gay." Janis rolled her eyes.

December 10th

Heyo Northshore! It's the writer. Might I say, you look wonderful today?

I don't see you but I'm sure you're just stunning.

A must be p r e t t y stupid because they were seen all this week studying with C. A kiss for every problem right? Hey, it's not a bad deal.

R was seen primarily with K this week, throwing off all previous theories.

Must have been a rough week for J. I'd imagine you've got to be stressed as hell to just break down randomly but guess what- they did. Lack of sleep? Hunger? S? Who knows what the culprit was.

But don't you worry, D was quick to whisk them off to someplace quiet.

Love to see it, I want a significant other like that.

The day they confirm their relationship is the day I expect a wedding invite.

See you next week! Xx.

"Wow! Looks like Jan isn't the only one in Northshore who needs to learn when to take a break before the break takes them." Damian deadpanned, lowing his newspaper.

Karen blinked. Are you kidding me?

"I was just tired." Janis huffed. "I needed a nap."

"I dunno man. A and C sound cheesy as fuck." Gretchen shook her head.

"They do. Now J and D though? That couple goals." Janis said.

Karen's hand shot to her mouth as she covered a laugh with a forced cough. "Couple? You think they're together?"

"For sure. They sound made to be!"

Oh dear.

December 17th

Winter break next week! Who's excited? We get full two weeks off this year and I'm so ready for a break.

I'll miss our resident couples in question though.

Not to throw everyone off but-

J spent the week with G. R spent the week with C. And A was with D?

Now granted by the time you're reading this print, this is two-week-old information- but why?

Did you get bored and just s w a p?

Anyway, I guess S wanted into the mix too? Because they took advantage of no D to try and get to J. It didn't work. G was there to protect our favorite JD ship. I'm not saying they're a cockblocker bc I don't wanna imply anything, but S is d e f i n it l y trying to get something out of J. Motive unclear but hey, we can assume :/

Gross.

Anyway, there were multiple fights that broke out that day so idk what yall were on but jesus christ calm down. Not relationship-related but be fucking nice to tineis.

Ugh.

K had no part in this swap of s/o but hey, they weren't third-wheeling anymore.

Xx!

"Be fucking nice to tinies!" Regina cheers.

"J and G?" Janis frowned at the tiny newspaper in her hands. "Sorry, only know about J and D."

"Janis went from, ew gossip, to I'd die to have JD confirmed, real fast." Aaron pointed out.

"As she should." Gretchen pointed out. "They sound cute as fuck.

"Hands down they're lesbians." Regina said.

Karen shook her head, totally dumbfounded.

January, 7th

Did you miss me! I missed you. Mwah.

Right off the bat-

Uh. The box has been filled with messages from S saying, they do not like J.

So I guess they're just an asshole.

Hey, just means team JD is gonna win.

Speaking of-

When J was asked directly they said that, I quote "D is the love of my life." But when asking D, I was told: "[J is] just a good friend". Sort your story idiots. The school wants to know!

While S may be out of the running, many sources say JC is a rising ship? Between A and C and J and C, I can't help but wonder, is there a behind the scenes JCA?

Fellow tiny students report A and J not being very close in the tiny hallways though. Now J and R tho-

J is just one lucky mate.

Who's your favorite? Let me know in the box! Xx.

"J and D." Janis says from her perch on Damian's shoulder.

Karen just looked at her phone.

"You think there's a threesome going on in school?" Gretchen asked.

"Unlikely. I don't even this A and C sound cute. Why add another." Aaron rolled his eyes.

You don't think-

Karen sighed.

She really should tell them but- it was so much funnier this was.

Janis stood up on Damian's shoulder, pressing a quick kiss to his jaw without motive.

Karen turned back to her phone, unsurprised if that would pop up in next week's article.

January 14th

I love you- signed the writer.

Glad we got that out of the way.

NOW.

This was quite the week for our "couples".

First off, D and J? PDA through the roof.

Idk, maybe it's a special week, or maybe we're paying more attention and they've always been like that.

Those tiny kisses aren't lost on me, J. I see all.

Ugh, so cute.

A and C are-

"Skip this passage," Janis whined. "Nobody cares about them."

Everyone around the lunch table nodded as Karen began to read out loud again.

G kissed R?! R might have given a scowl but bystanders didn't miss the blush. Platonic or something more? That's the big question of this article but hey- this is a big step for all you GR shippers. Sorry to whoever wrote that long letter in the box passionately explaining how JR was peak friends to enemies to lovers.

Shame.

#JD, anyway, you know where the box is! Xx.

"Fuck A and C. All my homies hate A and C." Janis grinned.

Cady nodded. "They're too cliche. It's annoying and I don't even know who they are."

Karen placed her head on the table with a groan.

She may not be smart, but these people were flat out idiots.

She felt a tug on her hair and looked up, resting her chin on the table.

"You okay, Karen?" Janis stood in front of her, Newspaper held at her side.

"Yeah, just dying on the inside a bit. Yknow, leaf emoji."

Janis made a face. "I don't but uh-" She leaned in, pressing a quick kiss to Karen's nose. "Don't leaf emoji. We like you here, alive on the inside."

Karen smiles. "Thanks, Janis."

January 21st

Just when you think it's all figured out- J kisses K.

In front of D.

At this point- they're all together. One big happy family.

I'm still clinging onto my JD dream.

Speaking off-

S is back. Did you miss them? Me neither.

They just grabbed J like nothing? Anyway, D was there to save the day obviously.

Our great big hero got a pretty precious nose kiss from J.

I could make their own newspaper section about how cute they are. There is no way you can be that cute and n o t already engaged.

On another J note, if JD doesn't happen, I'd be pretty content with some CJ. C was seen giving J "a nice-sized smooch" (somebody from the box).

No development in the R and G category, just their usual cuteness.

Leave any tips in the box! You know where it is. Xx.

"Uh uh. JD over CJ." Janis shook her head.

Karen just placed the newspaper in her bag. Janis and Damian were quick to become J and D's biggest shippers. They were so good at confusing the school about their relationship status that they had themselves fooled.

Cady and Aaron, who were dating and just won't confirm it, hated C and A's relationship. Calling it cheesy and artificially sweet.

And Regina though R sounded like a bitch and G deserved somebody better.

The whole thing was just crazy.

"I gotta go talk to a teacher this period. It was fun reading the paper together though." Karen said getting up.

There was a chorus of 'bye Karen's as she walked away.

The newspaper holder in the hallways was empty. Northshore's 'couples' was quick to catch on and save the newspaper program.

Karen pushed the door open to the computer lab, making her way over to the tiny end.

"Hey, Glen."

Glen Coco looked up at her with a grin. "Got anything for me, spy?"

@realmisspolarbear @smallsoysauce @musicallygt

#this was fun to write #g/t #g/t mean girls #Giant/tiny #g/t writing #tiny janis #tiny regina #tiny aaron #giant damian #giant gretchen #giant cady #giant karen #tiny glen

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dreamsafterhours · 4 years

Text

college boyfriend!markhyuk au series: II (mark’s pathway)

a universe in which roommates!markhyuk meet each other's s/o in class

markhyuk are roommates, my/n and dy/n are roommates, mark and dy/n take classes together and so do donghyuk and my/n — how will their fates intertwine?

genre: fluff, some angst pairing: platonic!donghyuk+my/n, surprise visit from mark format: dotpoint AU universe: non idol, college best friend warning: a lil swearing (best get used to it)

masterlist

or click here to continue your friendship with eng lit!mark!

I ⇤ | II | ⇥ III

II: relationship consolidation.. it’s platonic i swear

the fellowship continues (donghyuk + my/n)

hello again

are we ready

ever-ready i’m going whether u r or not lol idc you’re COMING

aight so ;;, donghyuk,

this boi,,

to meet someone new who he sees as almost a personal challenge,, to befriend and get to That Point™ in the friendship where you can talk about anything and everything without judging each other

he doesn’t have many friends that he can do that with tbh,, , he does have a lot of friends and people he knows and has conversed with but not a lot of friends he can crack jokes with and know they don’t take it personally

lots of dark humour and sometimes suggestive ones and political jokes and all that shit ,, intellectual puns and suicidal jokes,,, the lot

the basics for gen z humour right

he just wants someone to talk to and explore different concepts and abstract meanings and philosophical questions and get new perspectives on things he’d never thought about before

but also be able to say “ah fuck me upside down” without it actually affecting the relationship bc you’re just that close

sometimes it’s hard to have that relationship with the predominantly straight boys he surrounds himself with a lot of the time

and he’s always wondered what it’d be like to have a female friend like that and unfortunately he hasn’t befriended anyone and gotten to that point yet that he can ask genuine questions for the female point of view on certain topics

so meeting you,, and finding out you’re going for the same faculty after your undergrad course ,,,. then you being genuinely comfortable with him and his jokes and openly willing to accept his humour

he’s like /exclamation point appears above his head/

will this be The One™

so he lowkey ,, unintentionally,, in the process of getting to know you

develops a smol crush on you

it’s unintentional but he can’t help the fact that he falls in love really quickly but is also capable of getting over people fairly quickly if they don’t reciprocate his feelings and seems to be okay with that

but who can blame him for liking you??

you’re really damn cute

and genuinely good company

when he hinted that you could get married and have children in the future,,

his thought process was that ahaha i’m kidding.. unless?

so yes he was flirting but like ,, experimental flirting

and over the next couple of weeks he continues flirting with you

random lines like

“hey you look familiar, have i taken a class with you before?” he literally said this on the second day of classes with you

you honestly thought he was being genuine and actually didn’t remember you so you were like wait what ??? you literally walked me to my next class yesterday../? how? do you forget that??

and then he pulls a

“really? i swear we had chemistry” hand stroking his invisible beard

and then laughing at your reaction when you deadpan

“it was biology, donghyuk”

and sometimes u keep having that thought that u had in the middle of ur first lecture together, how he’s probably like this with everyone and he can easily befriend anyone else he’s probably gonna end up being those people that you know vaguely

but then you realise he’s been waiting in the same spot outside the lecture theatre every morning and afternoon, leaning on the wall, and looking up occasionally

smiling when he finds you in the crowd, picking up his bag from the floor and making his way over to you to walk into the lecture together

and you decide hm? he sticks around, i’ll stick around

on a separate occasion in some study session he’s like

“are you my appendix because i have no idea how you work, but the feeling in my stomach makes me want to take you out”

and you’re like “wow looks like you went ahead in the course donghyuk we don’t have human anatomy until next year. but how’s tmr at 7”

“perfect i’ll pick you up wear something nice”

hold

and then he bURSTS OUT LAUGHING and HOLLERING and yelling about how that was a good one tho right

you’re both in this sort of grey area where neither of you know where this is going

the reason he’s been saying all these things is to see what you were comfortable with in conversation and trying to analyse from your reaction whether or not you were actually flirting back or not

he’s ranted to mark in his dorms about it a couple times ,,

and so have you with your roommate

you return to your dorm after a day of doing a lot of back and forth semi flirting with donghyuk and you collapse onto your bed

your roommate looks over from her desk like “u good bro”

"i’m confused”

“fair enough”

“seriously idk if this kid is actually flirting with me or whether he’s practising on me or what”

“is this the donghek boi”

“yeah donghyuk” aka your future s/o yEET

you sit up and look at her

“uk what he said to me today”

she turns in her chair to face you fully,, ready for the tea

so you tell her the pickup line he came up with that day & your response to it and then his reaction to that bc he always seems to go for it but then tap out afterwards when you actually respond

and now you’re thinking,, do you really like him as more than a friend ??

and its???

so ?confusing to you

if you can’t tell if you like him for sure then you probably don’t, romantically

but then what effect are your responses having on him

what he actually does like you and all those flirty comments are genuine??? and you’re /internal gASP moment/

what if you’re leading him on?? what if it’s always gonna be him initiating the flirting but you’re accepting it with insincerity?

you decide this goes entirely against your morals

and you tell this to your roommate and she goes hmm,,

if you don’t feel committed to the idea of that,, then you don’t have to feel obligated to keep it going,, be honest with him ,, draw lines if you have to .. yes leading people on is a bad thing and it’s gonna affect the friendship

but also maybe it really is just part of the humour and that’s the friendship dynamic he wants to build with you?

so you decide to sleep on it bc it’s 1am and significant choices should not be made when drowsy and you’ve lost a lot of sleep these past couple days anyway

not that you get good sleep that night anyways

meanwhile donghyuk is shrugging @ mark like

“idk bro do i like her?? or do i like the idea of having someone to say that to”

“and yes she returns the gestures but then also i don’t think she means it? do we just keep it at that and keep being friends like WHAT IF I CATCH FEELINGS”

and mark is just staring at him like dude idk don’t ask me

“you’re so bad at giving advice mark”

but you wake up the next morning and decide to have a serious conversation with him after class bc that day you have a free hour after your lecture

it’s all you can think about during the class so you’re kinda distracted plus the partial sleep deprivation is getting to you

and he notices so he’s like

“bro u alright?”

so you just think fuck it and go

“hey real talk tho”

“ya”

“maybe i’ve been overanalysing this so,, tell me if i am but”

“sure”

“do you ,,, actually mean all those pickup lines ,, like are they based off, , real feelings or is this just part of the friendship dynamic”

and you’re almost surprised when he gets serious with you

he’s always been so lighthearted and sarcastic about things

but when he listens to your side of things and how you’re worried about whether or not you’ve been leading him on or something

he lets you finish and just tells you his feelings as well

“i’ve always wondered what it’d be like to have that dynamic and i guess i tried it on you without being honest ,, half to see if you would flirt back and half to just joke around ,;; i’m sorry that you got confused but i guess this means you don’t have? romantic feelings?”

so you have to reply honestly

“not necessarily ,, it’s been fun to have these conversations and laugh at pickup lines but”

“nothing behind it right”

“..yeah”

and instead of putting a damper on the atmosphere

it’s actually

refreshing

it clears the air in a way you didn’t expect

“right? nah it’s fun what we have going”

and you agree

aside from the confusion behind the flirting it’s been really fun talking to him and getting to know him

half of him was a lil disappointed that it didn’t go the romantic path but then again he wasn’t sure he had romantic feelings anyway

so he settles for

The Best Friend™

and so the friendship turns into sibling-like teasing and petty arguing from that day onwards

legit you’ll catch him staring

“what” “wHat” “what u lookin at” “whAt U loOkIn At” “stop copying me” “sToP CoPYinG mE” /you slap his arm/ “oW”

whimpers a lil clutching his arm uwu babie

“you hit harder than the bass drop”

sending each other bio memes and yelling at each other to go commit lysis

“lysosomes can take you out because you’re TRASH”

“i would send a macrophage after you you PATHOGEN”

calling him a parasite when he asks u for notes that he missed in class but it happens vice versa anyways lmfao

then one morning lab class he forgets his pencil case in his dorm like he forgot his laptop on the first day

except this time you call him a forgetful dumbass

all while offering a pencil from your own pencil case

which he takes

so he calls his roommate who “has a noon class and is probs still sleeping lol” to ask him if he can bring it down for him bc he’s got more lab classes that day

so after the class you wait outside the building for his roommate to arrive

and when he does he gives you a rlly nice smile and says “ʰᶦ”

“oh hello”

“yes this is my adoptive younger sister and my/n this is my roommate the Elder”

“ah you’re overreacting” the roommate turns to you and u ,, gotta admit ,

he’s really cute ,,, “don’t listen to anything donghyuk says, all he does is lie”

“hEY i am a SINCERE MEMBER OF CIVILISATION”

the roommate points to donghyuk again and goes “see he’s even lying about being civil”

so you laugh and gang up on donghyuk like “oh i saw through him a long time ago”

“wow he even lied about how” /puts up air quotes/ “ugly you AREN’T”

“wHAT”

“HE SAID IT NOT ME”

donghyuk is flabbergasted at this point

“wHEN DID I SAY THAT MY/N WAS UGLY”

“WANNA TELL ME THAT YOURSELF MR LEE DONGHYUK HUH”

which results in a sulky hyuk and you two laughing at his reaction of being Wronged™

he regrets letting u two meet in that moment

oh but we don’t

“ok u did ur mission. u can go now”

“so mean :((”

but donghyuk’s roomie waves at you while turning to leave and you wave back ,,

trying to calm yourself bc you’re highkey feeling kinda hot ur cheeks r burning up

he said ?? donghyuk was lying when he said u were ugly?

damn

donghyuk’s pickup lines had never been direct compliments about you

but this one from his roommate wasn’t a pickup line it was just

a statement

and it made u feel a typa way

dw baby it’s gonna be a happy ending uwu

and u tell ur roomie that night abt it too

“bRO his rOOMMATE”

“what’s his NAME i gotta FANGIRL WITH YOU”

“.. idk”

“.. oh”

/short pause, lip smack/

“.. lib tomorrow?”

“.. ya sure”

the next day after classes you check your phone and see that she’s texted you asking if her friend and his friend from eng lit can come and join you guys in the lib

and, naturally, u don’t see why not

so u reply

“the more the merrier”

the more the merrier for us too sweetie hmm hmm

eeeeeeéeeeeeèeeeeee

mhm mhm mhm it’s finally getting somewhere

click here to continue your friendship with eng lit!mark!

I ⇤ | II | ⇥ III

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lavendersuh · 4 years

Text

got7 as classic fanfic tropes

word count: 2.4k

a/n: uhhhh i started thinking of classic fanfic tropes and this happened oops! they are short and sweet, but if you want more of one of them hmu and i might write it? enjoy xx

mark - neighbor!au

the shy quiet next door neighbor. your parents are good friends which means occasionally you see each other at dinners. despite his friends being extremely crazy, he always offers you kind smiles in the hallways at school. you always wonder what’s on his mind, until one day his friends loudly tease him about a crush he won’t ask out. you look across the hallway to see your neighbor blushing.

“just ask her out already! come on, man, what’s it gonna hurt?” one of his friends, jackson, asks.

as you watch the situation unfold, you see mark glance over at you. his eyes turn wide when he sees you already looking at him, causing him to look down and blush even harder. you didn’t realize that was possible.

you turn around to continue putting your books in your locker, as you continued to hear his friends hype him up. you rolled your eyes at their childish behavior.

the warning bell was ringing, prompting you to shut your locker, only to find mark walking up to you.

your eyes widen as his flustered expression. he speaks up, “y/n, could i talk to you for a sec?”

jaebum - gang leader!au

super mysterious. you always saw him come into the coffee shop, order a double shot expresso drink, before leaving asap. you always wondered what he was up to considering it was well into your afternoon study sessions when he would show up. who needs that much coffee in the evening?

one day you decided to pack up early, realizing you really needed to head home to cook instead of picking up fast food again. as you’re leaving, the man that always picks up the coffee labeled “JB” heads out the door too. he holds the door for you, sending you a small smile to your surprise.

you mutter a thanks before he gets into the suspicious black vehicle, not realizing a shady figure across the street was watching the entire interaction.

you don’t notice the figure following you home until you get to your building, about to unlock the door, when you hear a gunshot behind you. you whip around to see JB standing with a gun in his hand as the shady figure flees, clutching his arm.

“are you okay?” he asks, coming up to you.

you stand frozen, eyes wide with terror at what just happened.

“look, he was following you, he probably thought you were my girlfriend or something since we left at the same time.” he huffs in frustration, “huh, i never ask the pretty girl for her number in order to protect her and yet she still ends up getting shot at.”

a million things are running through your head. pretty girl? number? shot at?

“i’m sorry i put you in danger. i’m also sorry i haven’t talked to you before this,” he says, “i’m caught up with the local mafia and even though i noticed you looking at me in the cafe, i never made a move because i didn’t want you to get caught up in all this.”

he smiles down at you, “but considering this happened anyways, i might as well ask you to dinner. are you free tonight?”

jackson - college athlete!au

definitely super popular. not because of his sport tho, he fences. he’s just really sociable, at parties all the time, etc. he honestly keeps the fact that he’s a fencer on the down low, not cause its embarrassing or anything but just because he doesn’t like explaining it. he takes it super seriously, and doesn’t like people questioning it.

too bad for him, your sibling happened to love fencing. you were dragged along as they followed the championships and everything. safe to say, you know who jackson wang is.

you recently transferred to a new university, and your roommates were dragging you out to a party to celebrate the first week of school. you were expecting the classic characteristics of a frat party, but what you weren’t expecting was to see the Junior Asia Fencing Champion offering you your third beer of the night.

“you’re jackson wang,” you tell him, as he continues tossing beer cans to newcomers.

“hell yeah i am,” he grins at you, “but you don’t look familiar. i’m good at remembering faces, where do i know you from?”

“oh, we haven’t met,” you tell him, “i just recognized you because you fence,”

he pauses what he’s doing, whipping around to stare you down, trying to get a read on you.

“you… follow fencing?” he questions.

you shake your head, a warm buzz finally beginning to take over your senses from the alcohol. “no, but my sibling follows it religiously. i just happen to accompany them occasionally, you know, just go along for the ride.”

he throws you a smile, and you start to see why he seems to be so popular.

“hmm,” he says, leading you through some of the crowd to a less densely packed area of the frat house, “then would you be interested in accompanying me somewhere sometime?”

“like on a date?”

“why not? we could get coffee after my practice tomorrow evening?”

you nod, suddenly feeling shy as you realize what you are getting yourself into.

he throws you another grin as he clinks your beers together, “it’s a date.”

jinyoung - royal!au

honestly a pretty chill royal, he’s a kind prince; he’s just a big spoiled, but who wouldn’t be?

it’s no surprise that he would get irritated with the airline staff when his flight gets cancelled in the middle of the night. he just wants to go home.

it’s no surprise when you see him talking to the airline worker with an exasperated expression, and it’s no surprise when you hear him in a raised voice say, “but i’m a prince!”

ah, yes. the royalty card. you were familiar.

it doesn’t take but a heartbeat for you to walk over, and politely tell the man that he needs to “chill.”

“chill? chill? i don’t have time for chill, i’m a prince!” he stares at you for a moment, “i’m sorry but i can’t possibly see how a simple stranger like you would understand.”

“oh, i understand perfectly fine.” you say with a level head, “i am the most understanding when coming across other royals who like to use it to their advantage. but just because i understand them does not mean i will allow myself to do such things.”

he gives you a confused look. “are you… royal?” he asks incredulously.

you nod, rolling your eyes, “come on, you can hitch a ride with me, i’m headed past your country anyways.”

he sputters for a minute, as you start walking away. you turn to see he’s still frozen, not following you.

“you want a ride or not? plane leaves soon, your highness,” you throw the name at him, smiling as he races to catch up.

youngjae - office!au

doesn’t mind working in an office because he knows work isn’t his whole life. isn’t super friendly with everyone in the office but he does have a few good friends. they occasionally go out to lunch, coming back to the office a bit later than they should on a lunch break.

he seems like SUCH a jim halpert to me. joking around but is also one of the only relatively sane ones in the office. that means you are pam, sorry i don’t make the rules.

so he goes out for these too-long lunches right? well from your spot at the secretary’s desk you clearly started to notice this. seeing as the boss was trying so hard to be youngjae’s friend, the issue was getting swept under the rug. you took it upon yourself one day to call out the lunch delinquent.

on his way back in with the boys, youngjae was laughing at a joke one of the others had made, when you asked to see him at the front desk. he looked at you with a grin still set upon his face.

“what’s up?” he asks casually, leaning a forearm on the top of the desk.

“what’s up is that you are your buddies are out on lunch for over an hour, multiple times a week.” you accuse.

“aw, are you feeling left out?” he teases.

“no! i’m just annoyed that while you are out enjoying yourselves on company while i’m stuck here waiting until you idiots get back so i can take my own lunch.” you say.

“how about if i took you out for lunch one day next week? would that make up for my misbehavior? i promise we will be out for only an hour.” he grins, “i can’t let you get in trouble.”

he has such a shit-eating grin on his face, but its pretty on par with his generally aloof personality. you find yourself rolling your eyes at him before accepting.

“only if you’re paying.”

his smile doesn’t leave his face as he walks back to his desk.

bambam - frat boy!au

alcohol is water to this boy. yes, he’s a good student during the weekdays, but if it’s the weekend, bam is either drunk, hungover or thinking about getting drunk again. it’s just the college life, and you understand that very well.

which is why it doesn’t really surprise you when it’s the third weekend in a row having bam’s tongue down your throat. you only really party on fridays, so that you can recover saturday and then do homework on sunday. it’s not your fault you keep appearing at bam’s frat house. it’s got the best booze on campus.

you can’t really remember why you started making out with bambam that first time, but by the third time you definitely see the pattern. you both are pretty drunk, you wonder if he even knows he’s making out with his chem lab partner every weekend.

this time is different though. he’s not being super rough, more just slow and sensual. you aren’t as drunk as last time, and you take notice when he pauses to let out a sad sigh.

you step a bit away, giving him space, squeezing his hands, “are you okay?”

he looks at you with dazed eyes, letting out another sigh, “no, i’m making out with you when i’d much rather be making out with my lab partner who doesn’t seem to know i exist.”

confusion settles over you for a minute, before you start giggling, “bam, how drunk are you?”

“enough to forget my pain,” he replies.

you let out a laugh before grasping his forearm, “come on, loser, you need to sober up and sleep.” you tell him, leading him up the stairs of the frat house, “you need to learn to handle your alcohol better.”

when you ask him which room is his, he gets all pouty and defensive, arguing that he doesn’t want to sleep with you. his arguments are slurred and lazy, as he leans into you for support.

“bam, i don’t want to sleep with you, i want you to sober up, come on!”

you find his room based on the polaroid pictures of his cats you see near his door frame, and push him onto the bed. he lets out a yawn while you grab a glass of water from the bathroom.

“drink this before you fall--” you start, before noticing he’s fast asleep already. you roll your eyes, setting the glass of water on his bedside table.

finding a notebook on his desk, you tear out a piece of paper to write a note:

hey dumbass, you confessed you had the hots for your lab partner while you were making out with me, so like the good person i am, i tried to sober you up but you fell asleep. good job. see you in class, your lab partner

beneath the note, you scribbled down your number before placing it under the glass of water. he’d find it eventually.

yugyeom - dancer!au

an amazing dancer. like so good. he likes to brag about it loudly before school dances, in hopes that he will get a date.

he does not.

not because his classmates don’t want him, but because they are all scared to dance next to him. he’s too good, that would be so embarrassing.

it was a miracle you even went to the dance tbh. winter formal wasn’t exactly on your list of things you must do before senior year is over, but alas, your friend wanted to come, and they had dragged you along for the ride.

so there you stand alone since your friend ditched you for some other people. you don’t mind really; you’re a clumsy person and dancing isn’t really your thing. you are content to just watch as everyone around you has the time of their lives.

you catch sight of yugyeom, a fellow senior, tearing up the dance floor. no one really compares to his insane talent. it’s quite interesting to watch him, and before you know it the song has ended and he’s caught you staring. oops.

he makes his way over to you. you aren’t necessarily friends with yugyeom. but you know of each other due to classes.

“why did you come to the dance if you are just going to stand there all night?” he questions.

“i came for my friend,” you tell him, glancing over at her dancing with some underclassmen boys.

he nods in understanding, “well, you should at least dance for one song!”

he goes to grab your hand but you quickly pull away, “i can’t.”

“you can’t?”

you shake your head, “i’m really clumsy.”

just as you say that, a slower song comes on, and yugyeom grabs for your hand again, leading you out to the dance floor, “come on, it’s just one song. and this one is slow, you just have to stand there and sway.”

he moves your arms to wrap around his neck, before he places his own hands gently on your waist. you both move around a little, swaying and turning, following yugyeom’s lead.

“this isn’t so bad, is it?” he asks, his voice low.

“it’s not terrible,” you reply.

it’s actually quite nice, except for your heartbeat that’s about to burst out of your chest.

the song comes to a close and you step away from him.

“well, maybe we can do this again sometime. you know, like at prom.” he mentions, trying to read your face,

“it’s not even christmas yet, and you’re already thinking of prom?”

he smiles, squeezing your hand before letting go, “never hurts to be on top of things, princess.”

you smile as he drifts back into the crowd.

123 notes · View notes

jennycalendar · 5 years

Text

very really married (9/15)

read it on ao3!

WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT. WE HAVE AN ACTUAL NUMBER OF CHAPTERS. EXCITING !!!!!!

for real, tho, this started off as a very self-indulgent half-conceived plot bunny that came from me wanting to write a s1 where giles and jenny were fake married, and then it turned into....something...with a plot. incredible. i am so so happy to say that it’s finished, and it’s coherent, and it is something i am so proud of--and i am super looking forward to posting the remaining chapters !!!!

Giles supposed that the mystery of Jenny might trouble him more if he hadn’t gotten to know her so well over the last few months. She had proven so many times over that her primary goal was to protect the people she cared for. It was perhaps foolish of him to trust her so implicitly, but the feeling in his chest when he looked at her felt too strong to be incorrect. It also felt too strong to be simply attraction, but…that was a problem to be addressed later, he hoped. There were other problems they were facing at the moment.

“Principal Snyder’s trying to leverage that one time he saw us holding hands in a faculty meeting to get me to pass all the athletes taking his class,” Jenny was telling Giles, carding her fingers absently through his hair. Her wedding ring caught briefly, but the light tug just made Giles smile. He liked being reminded that it was his wife sitting atop his desk while he took his tea. “And I was like, I mean, we’ve done so much worse on the premises. Didn’t you feel me up in a broom closet on Monday?”

“You make it sound so crass,” said Giles, his smile widening. Leaning back in his office chair, he tilted his head back to rest it in Jenny’s lap.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” said Jenny, and leaned down to kiss him. “Didn’t you rest your hand upon my heaving bosom on Monday?”

“That’s worse,” said Giles seriously, delighting in Jenny’s laugh. “That’s—that’s terrible romance novel language, Jenny.”

“A poet I am not,” said Jenny unapologetically. She grinned, thoughtful. “Can you come up with something better?”

Giles considered this, resting his cheek on her leg as he did so. “I felt you up in a broom closet on Monday,” he conceded. “Though if I recall, you did a fair amount of feeling up in return.”

“And who could blame me?” Jenny kissed him again, then sighed. “I should probably go set up the lab.”

“Should you?”

“You’re the worst,” said Jenny, not very seriously. “Really, I should—”

Outside Giles’s office, the sound of loud, cheerful voices could be heard as the library doors burst open. “GILES!” Buffy called, heedless of any rules regarding the library being a quiet place. “We need to talk!”

“Duty calls, huh?” Jenny brushed her fingers gently against Giles’s cheek. He shivered. “At least they aren’t gonna flip if they see me coming out of your office.”

“I wouldn’t bet on it,” said Giles ruefully, sitting up. “I rather think we scarred Buffy for life with our little morgue drawer display.” He stood, turning to offer Jenny a hand. She took it, and he tugged her gently off the desk, taking a deliberate extra moment to steady her. “Be out in a second, Buffy!” he called, then kissed Jenny’s nose. She laughed.

“Giles, can you please stop making out with your wife and just come out here?” Buffy called.

Giles rolled his eyes a little, opening the office door and leaning against the doorframe. Jenny stepped up next to him. “What brings you three to the library this early?” he asked, a little concerned by the answer. “Generally our—ah—study group doesn’t meet before lunch.”

“Yeah, well, that was before Angel and I had to fend off three really nasty—” Buffy stopped, glancing furtively at Jenny. “Um, they—”

“Vampires?” said Jenny.

Buffy, Willow, Xander, and Giles all stared incredulously at her.

“Look, I, uh, know you’re shocked,” continued Jenny, completely misinterpreting their stares, “but you all seem absolutely hell-bent on placing yourselves in progressively weirder and more dangerous situation. After that stuff with the hyenas last week, I think it’s important that you all know about the whole vampire situation in Sunnydale.”

“I’m sorry?” said Giles.

“Vampires are real,” said Jenny patiently.

Buffy gaped at Jenny. After a very pointed look from Giles, she seemed to remember how to speak again. “Yep!” she managed. “Vampires! Wow, that is some shocking information right there, Ms. Calendar, and it brings up a lot of questions!”

“Like, say, how does Ms. Calendar know about vampires without Giles knowing Ms. Calendar knew about vampires?” Willow asked.

“That is a very good question, Willow,” said Buffy, giving Giles a death glare. “Why would Giles not know that his wife knew about vampires? Especially considering—”

“—that I myself am working on a paranormal book,” Giles finished very loudly, glaring right back at Buffy. “Jenny, why on earth didn’t you tell me?”

Jenny exhaled, looking up at Giles. “I didn’t want to put you in danger,” she said softly. “You find it easily enough even without knowing about vampires.”

This made sense, and didn’t surprise Giles in the slightest. Most of this information wasn’t new to him, after all. What was new was the fact that Jenny had just made her knowledge of the supernatural very clear to the children, and the children now knew that Jenny knew about vampires, which raised a lot of obvious questions as to why Giles hadn’t yet told her he was a Watcher. “I understand,” he said, smiling weakly. He did his best not to look at Buffy, Willow, and Xander, who all looked varying degrees of disapproving. “That, um, must have caused you quite a lot of worry.”

Jenny waved a dismissive hand. “We’ve been through that part before,” she said. “You know I worry about you. That’s not in question. What I want to know is why there were vampires chasing Buffy and—” She stopped, a strange expression on her face, and then said, “Angel.”

Buffy didn’t miss this. “Do you know Angel?” she asked curiously.

“You said he helped you fend off some vampires last night?” Jenny asked, so confident and casual that only Giles noticed she hadn’t answered Buffy’s question.

“Yeah,” said Buffy. A soft, slow smile spread across her face. “He had to spend the night with me.”

Jenny blanched. Willow beamed. Xander said, loud and furious, “He spent the night? In your room? In your bed?”

“Not in my bed,” Buffy corrected, still smiling. “By my bed.”

“That is so romantic!” Willow sighed. “Did you, uh…I mean, did he, uh…”

“Perfect gentleman,” said Buffy dreamily.

“Did you invite him in?” said Jenny suddenly.

Buffy looked surprised by the question. “What do you mean?”

“Did you say the words come in?” Jenny had a strange look in her eyes.

“I don’t know,” said Buffy slowly, looking a little amused. “It was kind of a life-or-death situation. You know how it is with vampires.”

“Unfortunately,” said Jenny grimly. “Buffy, Angel isn’t the kind of guy you want in your bedroom.”

“Thank you,” said Xander loudly, looking extremely pleased. “See? Even Ms. Calendar thinks Angel’s bad news.”

“You said yourself he’s not dangerous, didn’t you?” Buffy said plaintively, directing large puppy eyes at Jenny. “And nothing happened. He’s a good guy.”

Jenny bit her lip, considering. Then she said, “If anything happens, you let me know, Buffy. Do you understand that? Any single, solitary thing that seems out of the ordinary—”

“And I come to you, I got it.” Buffy beamed angelically.

Giles was beginning to frown. It was one thing for Jenny to have her secrets, but quite another for her secrets to intersect with his authority as a Watcher. Anything out of the ordinary that Buffy experienced had to be first and foremost reported to Giles, not Jenny. “May I speak with you in private?” he asked quietly, tugging at Jenny’s sleeve.

Jenny looked a little surprised. “Sure,” she said, and let him lead her back into the office. As he shut the door, she sat down on the top of his desk, surveying him with a hopeful interest. “Stealing a kiss?” she said lightly.

“Not quite,” said Giles. “Jenny, what is going on between you and Angel? It’s clear you know something about him that you aren’t divulging.”

Jenny considered this. Then she said, “Rupert, you took that new information about vampires a lot better than I expected you to. What’s up with that?”

Giles exhaled, impatient. “I research the supernatural quite extensively,” he said. “The concept of vampires being real is a possibility that has crossed my mind more than once. What don’t Buffy and I know about Angel?”

“Something that isn’t any of your business,” said Jenny. “Something that shouldn’t be any of your business, not if I have anything to say about it. He shouldn’t be staying in a teenage girl’s bedroom.”

“He seems a decent enough fellow,” said Giles quietly. “Certainly not the type to take any liberties.”

“You don’t know him,” said Jenny, looking directly up at Giles.

“And that’d be helped if you told me why I should be worried!” Giles snapped, frustrated.

Jenny flushed, looking genuinely hurt. As she crossed her arms against her chest, Giles felt a sudden, painful twinge of guilt. “If you trust me like you say you do, you’ll know I wouldn’t ever keep something from you without good reason,” she said quietly, “Believe me, Rupert, this is something I want to tell you, but there are so many other factors in play. The moment I can tell you, I swear I will. Right now isn’t that moment.” She drew in a shaking breath. “I wish it was.”

Giles felt terrible. Here he was guarding his secrets with every intention of keeping them from Jenny for as long as possible, and here she was telling him she wanted, badly, to share her own with him. “I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “It’s difficult to know that there are parts of you I don’t understand.”

“Well, hey, that’s marriage,” said Jenny with a wobbly laugh. “Not exactly a picnic, but…worth the work.” She reached out, squeezing Giles’s hands.

“I do trust you,” said Giles softly. “More than most.”

“I’d hope so,” said Jenny. There was that beautiful smile, tentative and sincere, the one that only he ever brought out.

Giles was tempted, badly, to kiss her again, but the children were outside and waiting. Reluctantly, he dropped her hands. “I’d best get back to the children,” he murmured. “And I—”

Jenny gripped his shirt, pressing her mouth firmly to his. Giles laughed a bit breathlessly, kissing her back.

Things had changed between them. Giles, half-awake in bed that night, was quite comfortable admitting that. Jenny touched him because she wanted to touch him, and kissed him because she liked him, and did the washing up because he did the cooking and she felt like it was only fair. He liked talking to her at night, both of them drowsy and safe in bed, about art and literature and that frankly ridiculous thing that some student in her class had done. Saying that he was smitten with her didn’t quite cover his growing feelings for her—not when everything he found out about her seemed to solidify how very much he cared for her.

It was these feelings that posed a problem. Giles was deeply afraid of losing her if ever she found out how much he had been keeping from her. It was true that she understood secrets, especially with some of her own, but he didn’t at all know how she would feel about the entire extra facet of his personality. To her, he was Rupert, a gentle librarian, but to Buffy and Willow and Xander, he was Giles, a Watcher and a researcher. He couldn’t at all imagine her loving both.

Caring for both.

Giles let out a frightened breath. When had he started wanting Jenny to love him?

Jenny, as always, had fallen asleep first, her head pillowed on his shoulder. It was giving Giles a frustrating amount of time to think—about her, about him, about the impossibilities that he wanted for the both of them. He imagined meeting Jenny the way they were supposed to have met, not roundabout, not married to her in Vegas before they had even learned to like each other. He thought about how they might have met in a staff meeting before school started, and he might have found out she knew more than he had expected, and she might have gotten to know him as a Watcher and a friend all in one. Him asking her out to dinner, their stumbling through a sweet, awkward courtship, them falling in love without secrets between them.

“Jenny,” he said softly.

Jenny stirred against his chest. “Mm?”

“Do you think—would we have been better, had we met the right way round?” Giles asked, his own voice weary. He wished he could fall asleep as easily as her.

Jenny hummed, cuddling into him. “I think I’m happy I’m here,” she whispered.

Something about that made Giles feel better and worse at the same time. He kissed the top of her head, closing his eyes.

The next day brought alarming news.

“Angel’s a vampire?” said Willow disbelievingly.

“I can't believe this is happening,” said Buffy, small and tired. “One minute we were kissing, and the next minute…” She looked plaintively to Giles. “Can a vampire ever be a good person? Couldn't it happen?”

Giles kept on thinking of Jenny’s words. He shouldn’t be staying in a teenage girl’s bedroom. And yet if Angel was truly a threat…how could Jenny possibly put Buffy’s life at risk? “I don’t know,” he said quietly. “By all accounts, a vampire isn't a person at all.”

“But Ms. Calendar let him stay with Buffy!” Willow objected, distressed. “Why would she do that if Angel’s a bad guy?”

If you trust me like you say you do, you’ll know I wouldn’t ever keep something from you without good reason.

“Giles?” Willow turned to him.

There had to be some other explanation. But Jenny knowing about Angel, Jenny knowing about the supernatural, Jenny showing up in Giles’s life and being so distracting, so lovely, so absolutely wonderful—god, he should have known. There was always a catch. “I need to speak to my wife,” said Giles acidly, and hurried past the children, up the stairs, through the hallway, not bothering to look back.

Jenny was setting up her classroom, humming the song that had been on the radio when they’d driven to school that morning. She turned as he stepped into the room; her smile faded at his expression. “What’s wrong?” she asked.

“Angel is a vampire,” said Giles.

Jenny paled. “Did he hurt Buffy?”

“I think the time for games is very much over, Jenny,” said Giles coldly. “Tell me what you know.”

“There aren’t any—any games, Rupert, and I can’t believe you would think—tell me if he hurt Buffy,” Jenny demanded. “God, please, I—I would have told you if I’d known—” She let out a choked sob, pressing her fingers to her mouth. “She’s so small,” she whispered. “She’s sixteen. I couldn’t tell you, I should have told you—”

“Buffy is fine,” said Giles. Then, “You knew he was a vampire.”

“It’s family stuff,” whispered Jenny. “It’s complicated.”

“I’m an intelligent man.”

Jenny swallowed. She stepped around Giles, shutting the door. “I don’t want to tell you this now,” she said. “I don’t. I want to tell you because I want to tell you, not out of guilt. You know me. You know I wouldn’t do anything if I thought it would hurt you or those kids. He’s a vampire, but it’s—complicated. He isn’t like most of them.”

“If there’s any chance he’ll hurt Buffy, it would help if we had some extra information,” said Giles sharply.

“He—” Jenny stared at him, wide-eyed. “You don’t trust me,” she said quietly.

“Jenny.”

“How is my word not enough on this one?”

“He’s a vampire, Jenny!” Giles shouted. “You can’t just—just speak in vague terms and tell me to follow you blindly! Buffy’s life may very well be at stake, and you’re concerned as to whether or not I trust you enough? You need to get your bloody priorities in order before you start chiding me for not trusting the stranger I drunkenly married!”

The second after he had said it, he realized his mistake like a punch to the gut. He was treating this situation like he didn’t know Jenny, like she hadn’t bandaged his hands and kissed him in a morgue drawer and looped a cross around his neck just to keep him safe. She had given him every reason to trust her, had gone so far as to beg him to understand that she didn’t want to keep secrets from him—she had even been honest enough to admit that she had secrets in the first place. And here he was yelling at her as though he didn’t have a thousand and one secrets of his own.

But Jenny was looking at him, her expression now utterly, purposefully unreadable. “You know what?” she said. “You’re right. I’m some stranger you barely know. You have every fucking reason to think I might want to hurt the kids under my care.” She nodded, a jerky motion. “I get the message loud and clear, Rupert.”

“Jenny,” said Giles weakly. He felt sick to his stomach.

“I think we’re done here,” said Jenny, and turned on her heel, walking out of the classroom without looking back.

Giles sat down, head spinning, on the edge of Jenny’s desk.

“Giles?”

Giles looked up. Willow was standing in the doorway, looking shaken and sad. “How much of that did you hear?” he asked tiredly.

“Um, you guys weren’t exactly quiet,” said Willow uncertainly. “It’s pretty lucky that everybody else is in class. This is my TA period for Ms. Calendar, though, so—”

“Willow,” said Giles.

“I heard drunkenly married,” mumbled Willow. “I covered my ears after that, though, I promise.”

Giles removed his glasses, shakily cleaning them with his handkerchief. He couldn’t quite look at Willow as she sat down next to him. But he couldn’t leave things so ambiguous, especially not if she might tell Buffy or Xander about what she had heard. Someone, at least, deserved the truth. “We met in Las Vegas two weeks before term started,” he said quietly. “We were both laid over there. She swept me off my feet in a bar, we got ridiculously drunk, and we woke up the next day legally bound.”

Willow was silent for a very long time. It took Giles a good two minutes to look up at her, and when he did, she gave him a weak smile. “Just trying to process,” she said.

“I quite understand,” said Giles wryly.

“It’s just…” Willow sighed. “You guys click,” she said. “It’s hard for me to imagine the both of you being complete strangers to each other.”

Giles swallowed. “There are many mistakes I have made in my life,” he said. “I don’t think marrying Jenny was one of them.” This felt too much of an admission. He hastened to change the subject. “But she knew Angel was a vampire, and that—I—I was afraid she was using me. To get to Buffy. Hurt her, somehow.”

“You know she wouldn’t do that!” said Willow, all but affronted.

“I had it in my head that I didn’t know her well enough to make that judgment,” said Giles heavily.

Willow huffed. “That’s crazy talk,” she said.

Giles exhaled. “I’m well aware,” he said, rather unable to look at Willow. The thought that he had caused Jenny needless pain was so much worse than Jenny being some sort of manipulative spy. “I should talk to her,” he said finally.

“Yeah, you should,” said Willow, giving him a momentary smile. “Just give her some space. I think she’s gonna need it.”

Giving Jenny space wasn’t as hard as Giles had imagined it to be. Jenny missed absolutely all of her classes, and when Giles headed to the parking lot at the end of the day, she had already left in her car. Seeing as she’d driven him to the high school, he ended up having to walk home, which gave him an unpleasant amount of time alone with his own thoughts. By the time he finally made it up the porch steps, it was dangerously close to sunset.

Jenny opened the door for him. “I’m sorry,” she said stiffly. “As mad as I am at you, I shouldn’t have left you at school.”

“Don’t you dare apologize to me,” said Giles quietly, shutting the door behind him. He made sure to give Jenny a wide berth; physical space was just as important as emotional space. “I was utterly horrible to you today, Jenny. I don’t know how I can begin to make it up to you.”

“I don’t know either,” said Jenny, staring him down.

Giles shoved his hands into his pockets, mostly to stop his physical compulsion to reach out to Jenny. Though her expression was one of resolute anger, he knew he had hurt her in a way that went beyond fury. “I was afraid,” he said finally. “Of you being too good to be true.”

“Skip the Hallmark-card bullshit, Rupert,” said Jenny flatly. “Tell me something real and I’ll consider—”

“Angry, then, how’s that?” said Giles, humiliation sharpening his words. “I was angry, Jenny, that you didn’t tell me any of this. I hated that you gave me a reason to doubt you—”

“That’s your own damn fault for not listening, then!” Jenny’s eyes flashed. “I told you I wanted to tell you everything, I just needed time!”

“How much time, hmm?” Giles took a step closer, unthinking, then stopped himself. Give her some space. “What happened if we ran out of time and Buffy ended up dead in her bed? If she knew he was a vampire, she’d have never let him in and you know it—”

“This isn’t about Buffy and it never was!” Jenny shouted. “You’re angry that your wife is a complete stranger to you and you don’t know every single fucking thought in her head! Well, guess what, Rupert, that’s what you sign up for when you’re a drunken moron who marries the first pretty girl that gives you the time of day!”

Giles reeled, drawing in a sharp, shaking breath. “I suppose I deserved that,” he said finally.

Jenny froze, mouth half-open. It was clear she’d been expecting him to throw another insult at her, and the absence of it had taken her off guard. No, not off guard—oh, no, oh, Jenny—

Without even thinking about it, Giles took two running steps across the living room and tugged a sobbing Jenny into his arms. Not once had she cried like this in all the time he’d seen her, and the thought that he had caused this was unbearable. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered into her hair, close to tears himself. “Jenny, please, I never—never meant to hurt you like this.”

Jenny sobbed something incoherent into his shoulder that sounded very much like an insult, but she was still holding onto him very tightly.

Giles drew in a soft breath, steadied by her presence. “You’re right,” he said quietly, stroking her hair. “This was never about Buffy. I was—afraid, and don’t tell me that that’s Hallmark-card rubbish—”

“I think what I said was Hallmark-card bullshit,” said Jenny. She was still crying, but her words were now at least relatively understandable. “Making our argument a little more G-rated?”

“Bloodbath would be more apropos for what went down in that classroom,” said Giles ruefully. “Though I think we both know that we have the propensity for rather explosive fights.”

Jenny made a noise between a sob and a laugh. “You could say that, yeah,” she mumbled.

“I was afraid,” said Giles again. “That your arrival in my life was somehow not a coincidence, that…that your designs on me were meant to hurt Buffy and myself.”

“Dumbest conspiracy theory ever,” said Jenny flatly, turning her head to rest her cheek on Giles’s chest.

“It’d explain rather well why—” Giles stopped, rather afraid that she could feel his heart pounding. “The more I get to know you, the more I find myself—smitten,” he said. The words didn’t come easily. “And you’re,” he laughed a little tiredly, “quite right that these admissions shouldn’t come tinged with guilt, Jenny. I’d much rather have told you this under happier circumstances. But the fact remains that my feelings for you are rapidly becoming large enough to eclipse any nefarious intent you could have had, and that’s frightening. I am, I am a man of logic, of reason, one who shouldn’t be swayed by—”

Jenny reached up, pressing her finger to his lips. Giles shut his mouth. Lowering her hand, she looked at him steadily, then said, “I believe you, and I get it. But none of that erases what you said to me.”

“I don’t want to erase it,” said Giles quietly. “I want to learn from it. I want you to be angry at me, rightfully so, and I want to prove that I can make things up to you.”

Something in Jenny’s expression softened. “Well, that’s a damn good start,” she murmured, and placed her hands on his shoulders, steadying Giles before she kissed him.

Giles kissed her back for a moment, then pulled away. “You’re not a stranger, you know,” he said earnestly.

“No?” There was clear vulnerability in Jenny’s eyes.

“No,” said Giles softly. “It was cruel of me to say as such, not to mention entirely dishonest. I was afraid, and panicking, but that doesn’t absolve me.”

Jenny swallowed, hard. “I can understand that,” she said. “I’d probably react pretty badly too if I found out you knew stuff about vampires and had been keeping it from me.”

The guilt was like a physical pain in Giles’s stomach, but he couldn’t possibly tell her now. Things were too fragile; it would have to wait just a bit longer. Unable to respond in a way that wasn’t a lie, he kissed her instead, purposefully losing himself in the blissful wonder that was kissing Jenny Calendar—

The phone rang.

“Damn,” Giles muttered, pulling away from Jenny.

“So we’ll save the makeup sex for later, huh?” said Jenny, and gave him a small, wobbly smile.

“Don’t tease,” said Giles, smiling back as he picked up the phone. “Yes?”

“Giles, we have a problem,” came Xander’s voice. “It’s Angel.”

All of Jenny’s slowly-returning happiness had dissipated as soon as Giles had told her what had happened to Joyce. She hadn’t said a word during the drive to the hospital, and seemed either unwilling or unable to let go of Giles’s hand. Both, perhaps.

“Do you remember anything, Mom?” Giles heard Buffy saying from a nearby hospital room. Jenny swayed on her feet; he slipped an arm around her waist, steadying her, and she hid her face in his jacket.

“It’s not your fault,” he whispered.

“You don’t know that,” said Jenny flatly.

“No matter what idiocy I said today, you have more than earned my trust,” said Giles quietly. “A thousand times over, Jenny, you have been here for me.”

But Jenny shook her head, pulling back to look at him. “I knew,” she said. “I knew what he was capable of and I just let him—”

“You didn’t let him do a damn thing,” said Giles firmly. “He’s a monster.”

“He’s not,” Jenny burst out. “That’s—that’s the problem, Rupert.”

“What?”

Jenny exhaled. “I’m Romani.”

This was quite literally the last thing Giles had been expecting her to say. “What does that have to do with—” Jenny gave him a look, and he coughed. “Right. Sorry. Do go on.”

“My family, generations ago, lost a daughter to Angelus,” said Jenny, never looking away from Giles. “A favorite daughter. He killed her, and so they cursed him, and I’m here to make sure that he’s still suffering from that curse.”

“All right,” said Giles slowly. This made quite a lot of sense. “But—does this curse mean that he isn’t a danger to others?”

“The curse means that he has a soul,” said Jenny. “His soul. His moral compass, which should tell him right from wrong. The idea was to, to make him feel the guilt of all the terrible things he’d done—keep him suffering for eternity.” She exhaled, unsmiling. “I don’t like that idea,” she said. “It’s endless, pointless vengeance. I wanted to do as little of my job as possible, because he seemed guilty enough as it was.”

“If he had a soul,” said Giles, “then why on earth did he go after Joyce?”

Jenny’s hands tightened around his forearms and her head fell forward. “I don’t know!” she sobbed out. “I was the only one who knew what he was and I should have told you, you’re my husband, we could have stopped this somehow—”

“Jenny,” Giles whispered, gathering her into his arms. “This is in no way your fault. You had no idea this could have happened…” He trailed off, a lump in his throat. “And there I was blaming you for all of it. I’m so—”

“I’m gonna punch you out if you say sorry, Rupert,” said Jenny into his chest.

Startled, Giles laughed. Jenny raised her head, giving him a small, uncertain smile. “Then I’ll withhold my apologies for the time being, Jenny,” he said.

A strange expression crossed Jenny’s face.

“What is it?”

“It’s just—” Jenny bit her lip. “Janna,” she said.

“I’m sorry?”

“My given name is Janna,” said Jenny. “But it—I—Jenny Calendar’s the lady who married you, you know? I like being her.” She smiled exhaustedly. “You’re the simplest fucking thing in my life, Rupert,” she said. “The rest of it’s a mess, but…” She trailed off.

Giles could think of nothing less simple than being a Watcher’s wife. But the concept of telling Jenny the truth, of possibly hurting her more after she had just been so vulnerable with him, was worse by far than keeping this secret just a little while longer. “I am happy to be whatever you need,” he said instead, and kissed the top of her head.

Jenny snuggled into his arms. “We should tell Buffy,” she murmured.

“I quite agree,” said Giles, and let go of her, just enough for her to take his arm instead. Together, they entered the room, finding Buffy, Willow, and Xander all gathered around Joyce Summers’s bed.

“Ms. Calendar!” Willow perked up. “You’re looking—”

“—kinda awful, actually,” said Xander matter-of-factly. “Finally realize you’re married to the dorkiest man on the planet?”

“I also grade your assignments, Xander,” said Jenny, fixing him with a look that immediately shut him up.

“Are you another doctor?” Joyce asked Giles blearily.

“Oh, um, no, my, my wife and I are faculty at Sunnydale High School,” Giles explained. “We came to, ah, wish you a speedy recovery.”

“Boy, the teachers really do care in this town,” said Joyce, grinning a little.

Buffy’s face was tight. “Get some rest now,” she said, pressing a kiss to her mother’s cheek and leading Willow and Xander out of the room. Giles and Jenny followed. “She’s going to be okay,” she informed Giles. “They gave her some iron—”

“Buffy, Jenny has some important information about Angel,” said Giles, squeezing Jenny’s hand.

Buffy looked a little surprised. “So you do know him,” she said.

“I do know him,” Jenny confirmed. “And…I think you all deserve to know why.”

Jenny’s explanation led to Buffy deciding that there was a factor she was missing regarding Angel’s attack on her mother, which led to Giles asking a few more questions about the friend who Joyce had let into the house. This in turn revealed that it was Darla who had attacked Buffy’s mother, and so Buffy went after Darla, and Angel ended up helping Buffy finally take Darla down.

Giles found out about Darla’s death much, much later. He had instructed Buffy to take the night off, as Darla clearly wanted Buffy to go after Angel. He would later discover that Buffy had completely disregarded his words, as always, but currently, he was carefully shepherding Jenny into their house, then shutting the door behind him, hanging his coat on the coat tree by the door. “I’m sorry about the direction tonight took,” he said.

Jenny didn’t answer. Without a word, she grasped at his sleeve, fingers brushing his wrist.

“Jenny?”

“You didn’t have to be as kind as you were,” she said, and gave him a small, wobbly smile.

“You’re giving me much too much credit,” said Giles wryly. “If you’ll recall, I was completely horrible to you when first I found out—”

Jenny shook her head. “You didn’t have all the facts,” she said. “And now here you are with all of them, and you’re taking them in stride. I…” She trailed off. “You’re almost too good to be true,” she said. “I feel like there’s got to be some catch here, but there isn’t. There’s just you.”

Her fingers were drawing quiet, deliberate circles against the skin of his wrist, and the way she was looking at him brought back a sudden flash of memory—

“—have you heard that thing about annulments?” his new wife was saying, eyes half-lidded.

“Can’t recall,” said Giles, and took a sip of the horribly fruity drink from the hotel room mini-bar. It was the last alcoholic beverage left, or he most likely wouldn’t be drinking it at all.

“That thing where if you don’t consummate the marriage, it can be annulled like—” she snapped her fingers, “—that?”

“Don’t think that’s how it works,” Giles corrected, attempting to sound as dignified as possible even through his inebriation. “It’s more…more like, if a marriage is carried out while one ‘r both of the participants are…are unsound of body or mind—”

Jenny straddled his lap and kissed him. In his enthusiasm to return the kiss, Giles spilled the fruity drink all over the bedsheets—

“—come here,” Giles whispered, and kissed her. Jenny made a soft, shaky noise against his mouth and kissed him back—

—the sheets would have to be changed, he was certain, though he felt ridiculous for fixating on such a thing when he was married, for the first time ever, and wasn’t it romantic, meeting his wife and knowing right off that she was the one he wanted to be with? Marrying her because he didn’t want to waste a day? Jenny pushed at his shoulders until he’d fallen back into the pillows, and then he heard a sound like tearing fabric.

“Shit,” she laughed, pulling back, and Giles saw that the purple dress had ripped. “Okay, okay, hold on, I need to—”

“Take it off,” Giles suggested.

“Mmm, sounds good,” Jenny agreed—

“—only I wouldn’t want to pressure you into anything you aren’t ready for,” Giles murmured, breaking the kiss to rest his forehead against hers.

Jenny laughed softly. “Are you kidding?” she whispered. “Even after you found out I’m in Sunnydale watching a vampire with a soul, you’re still worrying about me? I can handle the decisions I make, Rupert. Kiss me.”

“No decision has been overtly made, Jenny,” Giles reminded her gently. “I did mean what I say about consent being important in this situation.”

Jenny smiled a little. “I want to sleep with you,” she said softly. “I want to be close to you.”

Giles studied Jenny, a lump in his throat. He was more than aware that Jenny’s vulnerability was something he hadn’t truly earned. Taking advantage of it under false pretenses didn’t feel right, no matter how very deeply he returned her feelings. The truth had to come out now, before they became even closer. “Jenny,” he began. “I have to tell you—”

Jenny exhaled, almost a laugh. “Whatever it is,” she said, “can it please wait? I’ve wanted—I want this. And I’m not stupid, Rupert, I know there’s still gonna be stuff I don’t know about you. That’s okay. I just wanna be with you right now.”

Giles wavered—

—his hands fluttered nervously to rest at her waist, gentle and careful. Out of the dress, she looked so much smaller, less polished and perfect. He felt as though he might hurt her if he wasn’t paying enough attention.

“I’m not a china doll, husband,” she said, trying out the word with a giggle. “Husband. God. Not gonna get used to that any time soon.”

“Do you regret it?” he asked.

She didn’t hesitate. “No.”

His hands gripped her waist as he kissed her—

—and kissed her, and kissed her, and carried her into the bedroom, overbalancing in the doorway so that they half-fell onto the bed. There was a sudden sense of urgency to Jenny’s kisses, one that Giles could understand. Their connection still felt so tenuous, especially after how easily he had been able to believe that there might be some—

“Catch,” he realized, and laughed a little.

“Huh?” Jenny blinked at him, moving up to lean back against the headboard. Her disheveled hair and half-unbuttoned blouse were bringing back much more explicit memories of their wedding night.

“I find it so hard to believe that you can just be you,” said Giles softly. “Much as you feel like there has to be a catch for me just being me. The likelihood of me marrying someone so, so kind, so brave, not just a belligerent stranger who microwaves plastic—”

“Now that’s the way I want people to describe me all the time,” said Jenny, and while her words were playful, her smile was something more akin to loving. “Come here, Rupert.”

“Yes, dear,” said Giles, a low purr, and her answering shiver was delicious as he moved up the bed to press her into the pillows.

#fic #very really married #calendiles #:D !!!!!!!!!!!!

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panticwritten · 5 years

Note

Writing request! Carl and Sawyer (some version of you, I’m not sure where Carl usually fits in) have stumbled into the same dungeons and dragons forum and become closer through battling together (not 100% sure of Carl’s personality, be him not the type for this or totally the type). This can be a silly throw away or warmup up one since it is me.

Okay, so Cherry sent me this like forever ago. I wrote it, they read it because they live with me, but I forgot to actually post it! The name change to Kane is going smoothly, and I’m ready to never think about that asshole as Karl again lmaooooo

So, yeah, Kane and I play some DnD and he’s not subtle about anything ever at all.

I’ll have to wait until after I post this to change the colors of the different people in the text chats because lord knows I look at those strings of chat-text and have a time sifting through it. Homestuck has spoiled me.

Word count: 2270

@asinwolves @avi-burton-writing @infinitelyblankpage @no-url-ideas-tho @jade-island-lives @ravenpuffwriter @spirit-wizard-nerd @steakfryday @alextriestowritestuff @cataclystr0phe @perringwrites @davidvalencia323 @fluffpiggy @dont-trust-the-clogs @authorkimberlygrey @aclassilighthouse @cherrytying

I don’t think Kane knows I know.

If the smattering of ‘kid’ in our correspondences hadn’t tipped me off, it would definitely have been the way he made his character. I doubt anyone else would get the joke or see what he’s doing, but seriously? His character isn’t anything like him, of course.

If he were to be himself, he’d be a tiefling fighter. Either scout (ha) or cavalier archetype. He’d be a faction agent. Making a call between the chaotic alignments might be a shaky one sometimes. His attributes terribly skewed toward charisma and dexterity.

But he’s chosen a true neutral urchin. A mastermind rogue. An eladrin. The attributes are fairly balanced, save for dexterity always hovering above the others and strength a little lacking. Nothing like Kane. Not at all.

No, that’s the point.

He made a character that is exactly what I end up presenting myself as in the damn Cube. How I always play in console RPGs. Behavior just not erratic enough to be chaotic. Snarky and angry, never overtly because of the need to cover every goddamn emotion up. Inconsistent.

I’m not sure when I realized it was him. I thought it might be a member of the Collective when I first got the invitation from an unknown player. With Haz, j355, Hal, and Jax as mods of the server and tag-teaming as DMs, I slowly caught on to Kane’s game.

He’s making fun of me. He must have been playing with this character for some time, with their high level, and I wonder how long he’s been planning this.

It took me a little bit to even realize most of the similarities between myself and the character. My own character, a homebrew ice genesai, a brawler, bonded fairly quickly with them because they’re both urchins and saved each others’ asses when their time in the city overlapped.

He uses my lines, though. The whole ‘I’ll be fine’ shtick and his character has mentioned being a poet several times. After that, it took a few more days of play to start realizing it was him. That it was Kane playing such a long game.

The first time it occured to me, it was a bad call on what the endolin would do. We were looking for the deed to a seemingly abandoned manor. We hadn’t run into anything but low-level scavenging animals. In short, any good player would be a little on-edge and I was waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Halexander (MOD): Alright. The second you both clear the door, it slams shut behind you.Match (SeeSaw): Crap.Videre (ANON): whats in the room?Halexander (MOD): It’s a pretty nondescript room. Pretty small, almost looks like a study with three desks lining one wall and a bookshelf on another. There’s a couch shoved into a corner, looks like it was slept in recently.Match (SeeSaw): Can we roll investigation real quick?Halexander (MOD): Go for it, dude.Match (SeeSaw): 5Halexander (MOD): You notice that, unlike the rest of the place, there’s no dust. The whole room is swept clean of it. That’s it. The epitome of observation.Match (SeeSaw): Okay. Videre?Videre (ANON): nah im goodHalexander (MOD): You sure? Just gonna barge in there?Videre (ANON): the doors locked right what else can we do?Match (SeeSaw): Whatever. I’ll get a closer look at the couch.Videre (ANON): imma look at the closest desk while the kid does thatMatch (SeeSaw): Fuck youHalexander (MOD): I’ll put some form of that exchange as being in character.Match (SeeSaw): GoodMatch (SeeSaw): Now, the couchHalexander (MOD): To clarify, you’re both investigating different areas of the room?Match (SeeSaw): YesVidere (ANON): yeahHalexander (MOD): Excellent.

I was so used to the DMs at least pretending to need time to formulate responses that Hal’s immediate block of text took me by surprise.

Halexander (MOD): The two of you cross the room in different directions, as if by silent agreement. Match is slower, being more hesitant, so Videre gets to the desks first. Before you can do more than peer at the desk, however, there is a cry behind you. The bedding on the couch lashed out and has taken Match captive. Match, a blanket has one wrist and a facemask has bound itself over your eyes due to your proximity when the animation first occurred. Roll Initiative.Match (SeeSaw): Whaaaaat. Not cool. Okay, 16.Halexander (MOD): Enchanted Bedding got 12.Halexander (MOD): Videre?Videre (ANON): am i far enough away that i can stay out of order and keep looking through the drawers?

Uh.

Match (SeeSaw): What the fuck. I’m being attacked here, your rapier would take care of this in like two seconds.Videre (ANON): you dont know that. i have a feeling the deeds in here just give me a minuteHalexander (MOD): You can stay out of the fight if you want, but you still need to roll so we can keep this orderly.Videre (ANON): fineVidere (ANON): 8Halexander (MOD): Thanks for cooperating.Match (SeeSaw): Okay, first off, Match is never going to trust you again.Videre (ANON): he doesnt even know im helping yet. he cant see rememberMatch (SeeSaw): WHATEVERMatch (SeeSaw): Is the blanket pulling on me or just holding me there?Halexander (MOD): It’s tugging something fierce. The rest of the pile of blankets and pillows are writhing as if alive.Match (SeeSaw): I guess I’ll attack the blanket with that dinky little knife.Match (SeeSaw): “you should empty your bag in case you find good loot” THANKS VIDERE NOW I DONT HAVE MY GOOD WEAPONSVidere (ANON): hey you should know better than to listen to me by now kidMatch (SeeSaw): When we finish this, I will find you and kill you.Halexander (MOD): Also canon, in-character dialogue.Match (SeeSaw): YEET, crit. 5 damageMatch (SeeSaw): Don’t think you’re off the hook here, HalHalexander (MOD): I resent that.Halexander (MOD): And that’s including your proficiency?Match (SeeSaw): 6 damage.Halexander (MOD): That’s what I thought.Halexander (MOD): You slash blindly at the blanket. You manage to cut the corner holding you clean off. You’re still blinded, but you’re free to move.Match (SeeSaw): OKAY YEAH I BACK THE FUCK UP AND ASK VIDERE WHAT THE FUCK THEYRE DOINGHalexander (MOD): You stumble back into the door.Match (SeeSaw): Hold up just a fucking second

I scrolled up to reread the chat.

Match (SeeSaw): Can I try opening the door?Halexander (MOD): Unfortunately, you’ve exhausted your turn. The mass of blankets shoots out another piece but cannot quite reach you in its haste. Obviously, you don’t actually see this because: The blindfold begins to tighten around your eyes. That’s it for that, what’s next on the agenda?Videre (ANON): how many of these drawers could i search in one turn?Halexander (MOD): Two.Videre (ANON): how many drawers in each desk?Halexander (MOD):Three.Videre (ANON): ill search two drawers in the first deskHalexander (MOD): Alrighty then. The first drawer is full of vials and tubes. Most of them stand empty, but there is a vial each of blue, red, and orange liquid. The second contains a weathered journal.Videre (ANON): ill snag those three vials and pocket the journalHalexander (MOD):Of course you will.Match (SeeSaw): Can I open the door now.Halexander (MOD): Since Sherlock Holmes over here can’t do much else, I’ll bite. The door, amazingly, shockingly, opens once you manage to find it with the blindfold currently limiting your sight and putting increasing pressure on your skull.Match (SeeSaw): Okay, we’re dumb.Match (SeeSaw): Videre, the door’s open, let’s get the hell out of here!Videre (ANON): im not doneMatch (SeeSaw): Are you serious right now.Halexander (MOD): Better make the rest of your turn good.Match (SeeSaw): K. I cut the string on the blindfold and join that IDIOT at the desksHalexander (MOD): I’m honestly just gonna take that as a free action.Match (SeeSaw): Sweet. Can I search a drawer?Halexander (MOD): You definitely can.Match (SeeSaw): I’ll start on the middle desk, I guess.Match (SeeSaw): I’ll deal with YOU later, VidereVidere (ANON): looking forward to itHalexander (MOD): The drawer holds a dusty lab coat. That’s it.Match (SeeSaw):Why the fuck not, I’ll take it.Halexander (MOD): You done?Halexander (MOD): Just kidding, I know you are. The blanket wraps around your ankle to pull your feet out from under you. Roll for acrobatics to see if you eat shit.Match (SeeSaw): Jesus fuck.Match (SeeSaw): 10Halexander (MOD): You slam your face into the desk on the way down. Take 1d4 damage for that, and your nose is bleeding.Match (SeeSaw): Why are you doing this to me.Halexander (MOD): You chose to let me design this campaign. What did you think would happen?Match (SeeSaw):2Halexander (MOD): While you’re down, another blanket catches you by the wrist. Again. Go, Videre.Videre (ANON): two more drawersHalexander (MOD): The first is full of pieces of metal. Mostly junk, nuts and bolts. The second is empty, so I’ll knock the action down and let you open another one.Match (SeeSaw): IF YOU WANT TO KEEP YOUR HANDS AFTER THIS YOU WILL HELP ME RIGHT NOWVidere (ANON): yeah ill open another drawer. that leaves three left right

They searched every single drawer before helping me, by which time I was almost dead and being smothered by a pillow. They found the deed and I chewed them out on the way back to town. They said they knew I would be fine, they needed to find the deed, and there was no harm done.

Having already seen the parallels this anonymous player was making between their character and myself, I bristled at my computer.

Match (SeeSaw): Don’t think I don’t know what you’re doing. You won’t stay anonymous forever.Videre (ANON): oh im so scaredVidere (ANON): are you gonna come kick the shit out of me over a dumb game? give it up and find something else to obsess over if youre gonna be like that kidVidere (ANON): im just staying in character

And I had a good idea who was on the other side of the computer after that. Especially after I found out he’d done a covert investigation check with Hal instead of sharing with me. He knew there was an enemy in the room before we even entered. Was likely planning on using me as a distraction from the beginning.

The next time he surprised me, we were working for the owner of an orphanage to find ways to exploit parents interested in adoption. Match goes along with it because why not. Also because fuck adults.

But Videre surprised both me and Jax.

Jaxabandit (MOD): u want to what?Videre (ANON): buy the orphanageMatch (SeeSaw): We won’t get paid if you do that.Videre (ANON): im gonna assume that was in character and not in this whole ‘ooc’ space or whateverMatch (SeeSaw): Duh. The guy’s slimy and gross. But just because you have money doesn’t mean Match does. He needs the paycheck.Videre (ANON): think of it this wayVidere (ANON): if dicks like this werent in power match wouldnt have grown up on the streetsMatch (SeeSaw): That’s not how he thinks about shit and you know it.Videre (ANON): and hes not the one holding a huge sack of gold right now

I didn’t know what to think. By this point, I knew it was Kane. The fact that I asked Haz helps, but I know the way he talks to me. He’s the only one that would do this and keep up with it for so long.

So now, I’m not exactly sure what to do.

Match just died, like D-E-D, dead, and Videre is flipping the fuck out. The two of them had become fairly close friends. They were snarky and prickly toward each other, but they were partners in crime and would likely kill for each other.

Videre gets really scary in the final stretch of that fight.

I didn’t realize Kane thought so highly of my intimidation skills. I didn’t think he thought highly of me at all, not outside of work. I was just a tool and a weapon and something to either give orders to or take orders from.

But Videre is a force of nature toward the end. Being a mastermind rogue, they confuse the ice devil as well as fighting it. They show a lot of skill they didn’t before, turning a few unlucky rolls into happy mistakes. Even they seem surprised when they win.

Videre (ANON): wellVidere (ANON): i guess i know what its like to be you nowThe Old Hazzle Dazzle (MOD): Are you done now, Kane?Videre (ANON): wow cats out of the bagMatch (SeeSaw): You’re awful at hiding who you are, though.Match (SeeSaw): Also, you’re an assholeThe Old Hazzle Dazzle (MOD): Did you want to make a new character and keep going? Or call it quits for now?Match (SeeSaw): I think I’m done. I gotta go challenge Kane to a fist fight.Videre (ANON):gotta find me first

- Videre (ANON): has left the chat -

He’ll have to try a hell of a lot harder than that to get out of actually hanging out with me like a person.

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vino-and-doggos · 5 years

Text

In Defense of Valentine’s Day

Read on AO3

Length: 4628 words

Rated: Explicit

Status: Complete

Summary: “It’s a ridiculous Hallmark Holiday that the corporations made up to trick the masses into believing they need to buy cards and chocolate and jewelry to let their significant other know they enjoy their company.”

“While I can see and understand your point, what is wrong with a holiday that celebrates love and relationships? Valentine’s Day doesn’t feel like an obligation or work when you’re with the right person.”

“Are you saying I’m the right person, Roy Mustang?”

Roy’s cheeks flushed, but for the first time in this conversation, he had a good comeback. “I’m not sure. Are you willing to give my favorite holiday a shot?”

Written for @hyuroiweek! I don’t know how else to say this, but @flourchildwrites is amazing and everyone should go give her some love. Especially on Valentine’s Day.

Warnings: There be smut here!!!

“I never really cared much for Valentine’s Day.”

Only eight words. And yet, that was all it took to rock Roy Mustang’s world. Who on earth didn’t like Valentine’s Day?

Maes Hughes was apparently the answer.

He pecked away at the laptop as if the matter-of-fact statement was the only argument that held any water, stopping only momentarily to adjust the slouched beanie covering his dark, spiky hair. Roy absentmindedly picked at the sleeve of his flannel shirt as a blush burned through his body.

As always, Roy was unwilling to to meet his boyfriend’s gaze before he had the best argument in his suave arsenal at the ready. Alas, nothing quippy came to mind, and Roy settled for his honest appraisal of the situation. Roy was an idealist at heart, a hopeless romantic, and Maes, the jaded hipster, was not.

“How can you not like Valentine’s Day?” Roy all but whined, defeated by his lack of cold, hard facts in defense of the holiday.

The hustle and bustle of the student union around them continued on as if Roy’s entire worldview hadn’t just been shattered - simply shattered. He finally had a boyfriend - in fact, they had been together since last May. Their relationship had started just as their junior year was ending. After making eyes at each other across the coffee shop they both took a break in on Tuesdays and Thursdays, Maes finally plucked up the courage to ask Roy out. Dates, kisses, and awkward fumblings that eventually led to good sex followed months later.

But was the relationship worth anything if said boyfriend didn’t like Roy’s absolute favorite holiday?

“Quite easily in fact,” Maes said. Peering over his glasses, his fingers stalled across the keyboard in front of him. Roy’s stricken face hovered over the cup of Starbucks he held in his hands, his notes and highlighters abandoned in the wake of the news he just received.

Maes continued, simply raising an eyebrow, almost looking completely unperturbed. “It’s a ridiculous Hallmark Holiday that the corporations made up to trick the masses into believing they need to buy cards and chocolate and jewelry to let their significant other know they enjoy their company.”

Roy gaped like a koi that hopped up on land for an afternoon stroll.

“That’s not even remotely the point!” he retorted.

“Ah, but it is, my beloved Roy,” he countered as he resumed typing, the clack of the keys lost in the drone of other students milling around them. “What is more meaningful? Flowers delivered on Valentine’s Day because your beloved felt they were required by a social contract? Or rather flowers delivered on a random Thursday because your beloved was thinking of you?”

Roy’s jaw clicked shut as he considered what his boyfriend said to him and quickly parried. “While I can see and understand your point, what is wrong with a holiday that celebrates love and relationships? Valentine’s Day doesn’t feel like an obligation or work when you’re with the right person.”

“Are you saying I’m the right person, Roy Mustang?”

Roy’s cheeks flushed, but for the first time in this conversation, he had a good comeback. “I’m not sure. Are you willing to give my favorite holiday a shot?”

Maes’s glasses flashed as he looked up from the words on his screen, light filtering in from the pretentious (in Roy’s opinion) skylights in the ceiling. He chuckled and raised his hands, surrendering. “Okay, okay, you win. What do you want to do for Valentine’s Day, lover boy?”

A gentle smile broke across Roy’s face. “Really, Maes, you break too easily. Criminal justice majors such as yourself need to have a little more backbone.”

“Oh, because chemistry majors know all about that, don’t they?” Maes laughed. “Seriously, Roy,” he continued, “what do you want to do? I’m yours on February the 14th.”

Roy gasped and dramatically put a hand to his chest. “But what about the other 364 days of the year?”

Maes shoved Roy’s hand down playfully, and behind his stylish glasses, Roy spotted the man he’d grown to love beneath all the cynicism and bravado. “All right, drama queen, you’ve made your point. But honestly, we can do whatever you please for Valentine’s Day.” A winning smirk crossed his face. “You might just change my mind about this corporate money grab.”

Roy walked across the snowy campus later that evening. The tree-lined campus seemed to come alive in the wind. Beautiful buildings, a delightful combination of red brick and grey shingles. The conical turrets of the administrative building on campus were Roy’s favorite part of campus. It made him think of Hogwarts, especially covered in crystals of ice and snow.

Some might have see a senior living on campus as a major drag. Roy saw it as an advantage, though. He still had a meal plan, meaning he never had to go grocery shopping, (just suffer through dining hall meals) and he was still close to the lab for experiments that needed babysitting into the late hours of the night.

The on-campus building that he lived in was furthest from the center of campus and was the nicest living space on campus. The dark brick that adorned the outside was a stark contrast to the light, almost sterile interior of the building. Hallways were painted a boring beige, accented with a slightly darker, low-pile carpet that was typical of the dorm buildings on campus.

Most importantly, though, in that building, he managed to have his own bedroom and only shared a bathroom with two other people. It was a strange combination of a suite-style dorm building and an apartment building. But that unusual set-up made the place one of the most desireable, and Roy was ecstatic to live there. It was worth the walk.

Roy’s mind rewound as he spied a group of prospective students and their parents touring the snowcapped halls of their quaint little university. Though it hadn’t been that long ago, he chuckled, breath visible in a wispy puff of white, as he took a turn down memory lane and turned his collar up against the wind. Why would they tour the campus during Winter, he thought. Was I that small as a freshman? But then, the setting sun caught his eye, and Roy remembered that there truly was beauty all around him. Winter sunsets were a favorite part of his walk; the bright pinks and reds tinged with purples and blues that reflected off of the snow filled him with a warmth that the chill in the air sought to seep from his body.

The color of the sky forced the upcoming holiday to the forefront of his mind. What on earth was he going to do to make this Valentine’s Day great? And ensure that Maes would celebrate it with him from then on out?

Grand plans with champagne and rose petals accompanied by classy dinner party music floated through Roy’s head. He walked dazedly past his favorite copse of sycamore trees whose leaves had abandoned their branches months prior - bare very much like his bank account. His work study job only did so much to help out with expenses. He hated relying on his foster mother for money and refused to text her for help on principle.

How could he give Maes the best Valentine’s Day of his life on the budget of a college senior?

Suddenly, the hazy clouds blocking the vestiges of the day’s sunlight parted in a gust of wind. Roy had an idea. It couldn’t fail, right?

February 14th arrived with as little pomp and circumstance of any other day. Roy awoke to birds chirping and smiled as the winter sun filtered around the school-issued, plastic, pathetic excuse for a window treatment.

Roy’s grin widened, and a sly glint filled his dark eyes. Today was the day.

Leisurely, he rolled over and grabbed his phone from the pillow beside him, pressing the button to unlock the screen. The clock read 7:28 a.m. - two whole minutes before his alarm was set to go off.

Bliss.

A minute later, he sent a simple message.

Roy Mustang, 07:29: Good morning. I love you <3

Wearing a content expression, equal parts eager and optimistic, he let his hand fall to his chest as he stared at the off-white ceiling. Roy’s musings were interrupted by the alarm on his phone signaling the end of his two minutes. He pushed himself up and out of bed, grabbing his shower caddy and keys and moving towards the shared bathroom.

Emerging from the shower, drops of water still clinging to his toned body, he carefully put away his bathroom accessories (less to put away later, he thought) he realized a text message had come through.

Maes Hughes, 07:42: Good morning, yourself, lover boy. Happy Hallmark Holiday! ;) Love you too, tho <3

Roy tapped away at the screen, shooting off a reply. As he was pulling on a shirt, he heard his phone buzz again.

Maes Hughes, 07:53: It is *too* a Hallmark Holiday, but for your sake I’ll drop it. And sure, I can meet you at 6 at your place. Where are we going?

Roy Mustang, 07:55: That’s for me to know and for you to be surprised with. Don’t you have class?

Maes Hughes, 07:55: It doesn’t start for another 5 mins. Hmm… Let me guess. We’re headed to The Devil’s Nest, right?

Roy Mustang, 07:57: Yup. You caught me. Only the finest $2 drink specials and loaded fries for my beloved.

Maes Hughes, 07:58: ...you know that actually sounds amazing, right? Like you recognize that I wouldn’t hate that? Roy Mustang, 07:58:

Roy Mustang, 07:59: Go to class, Maes

Maes Hughes, 08:00: LOVE YOU!

Roy felt like he was smiling quite a bit more than usual, especially for an early morning, and found himself doing it yet again as he pulled his coat on. He wound his knitted scarf (a wonderful Christmas gift from Riza) around his neck, checked his bag for his notes and keys, and then braved the deceptive sunshine to head to the lab.

The day passed with relative speed, which shocked Roy. Usually, when he begged the universe to let time move faster, it laughed in his face, and what felt like 2 hours was maybe 15 minutes. Today, it seemed the world was on his side.

Until that evening, however.

Roy’s classes wrapped up at 3:30 p.m, and he swung by the dining hall along the way back to his apartment. The dining services director, Sig, was a burly man with a soft spot for grand, romantic gestures. He had set aside two choice cuts of steak for Roy, and all he asked in return was that Roy spent a few night deep cleaning a few pieces of kitchen equipment over the next month. All in all, Roy considered it more than a fair trade. Oh, the things he would do for love!

He carried the package with a spring in his step. The paper-wrapped package swung jauntily from the twine holding it together, and Roy hummed a sappy love song that he had heard over the speaker system in the student union. However, walking on cloud nine was not without its perils, and the next thing he knew, the package was flying through the air, landing in a spot miraculously bare of snow. That didn’t mean it was free of mud, though.

Roy rushed over to the butcher paper and kneeled. “Please don’t be gross; please don’t be gross; please don’t be gross,” he muttered, gingerly picking up the paper. “Oh thank god,” he said as he realized that Sig wrapped the meat in plastic wrap before packing it in the butcher paper. Saying a silent thank you to who or what ever was listening, Roy gathered the plastic-wrapped steaks and began again toward his apartment.

Nodding curtly at a gaggle of girls exiting the apartment building who were eying him with disgust, he unthinkingly clasped the parcel to his chest as he reached for the door. His coat was mercifully open, so at least it wouldn’t need dry cleaned, but the liquid seeping from the plastic wrap and the mud on the scraps of paper mixed together. And whether it was the fault of mud or blood or some vengeful Valentine’s Day deity, one thing was absolutely certain: Roy’s shirt was ruined.

Cursing under his breath, he took the meat to the small, shared kitchen on the ground level. He forced himself to take a deep, cleansing breath. This was only a small hitch, after all. Some running water would help to get the remainder of the mud off. Breathe in; breathe out. And, truly, he was probably going to cook the meat to a temperature that would kill any bacteria that still decided to hitch a ride on their dinner. Breathe in; breathe out. This was a minor inconvenience. It would all be worth it.

Roy took the time to drizzle the steak in some olive oil and added some seasonings. He seared the two pieces and put them on a baking dish. Then, Roy haphazardly shoved his piece de resistance into the oven without a second glance at the recipe on his hopelessly cracked iPhone. How different is cooking than chemistry? he thought to himself triumphantly. Checking his phone, he wondered how it already got to be 5:15 and rushed upstairs set the scene.

He borrowed a small table from the common area and brought it into his room. Roy covered it with a spare sheet and produced a small shopping bag from his closet. Gingerly, he put the glass that was cut to look like expensive crystal taper holders in the center of the table. After some attempts at balancing, he managed to get the ivory candles into the holders, which contrasted nicely with the red sheet serving as a tablecloth, if he did say so himself. The only thing left to do was to light the candles.

He smiled at his handy work, knowing that it wasn’t the most romantic setting in the world, but also recognizing that he was doing exceptionally well with what he had. He stripped off his shirt and flicked through his closet, looking for a specific sweater… The royal blue top was Maes’s favorite of Roy’s clothing. According to Maes, the color was a really nice contrast between his dark hair and eyes, but it also was extremely soft, meaning it was comfortable for Roy to wear, but also exceptionally soft for Maes to cuddle with.

He could have sworn it was there, hanging towards the back with the rest of his sweaters. Pushing the hangers back, he pulled each one toward him individually to ensure he didn’t miss it.

Nothing.

Frustratedly, Roy growled, pulling a dark grey infantry sweater from the hanger and tugged it on instead. Now, he was going to have enough time to go back downstairs, check on the steak, start the sides, and -

A knock sounded at the door.

Roy ran his fingers through his hair, hoping to tame his locks somewhat after pulling the high-necked sweater over his head. He paced over and flung the door open, expecting it to be a neighbor, but instead he was met with familiar green eyes.

“Maes,” he breathed. “What are you doing here already?”

“What do you mean already?” the man at the door chuckled. “We said 6:00, didn’t we?”

“Sorry, I just didn’t realize the time,” Roy sheepishly apologized. “Come in, come in,” he rushed, stepping to the side and sweeping his arm into the room. It was hardly the first time that Maes had been in his dorm, but this felt significant somehow. Their first Valentine’s Day seemed to have some weight to it; was it because this was the time of the year that many proposals occured? Roy shook his head slightly to clear the clearly premature thoughts from his mind and took his boyfriend’s coat.

Maes, standing in the middle of the room, dressed smartly in a deep crimson sweater, looked at the items on the table and smirked at Roy. “I thought we were going out?”

“Ah,” Roy smiled back, as he made his way over to his open laptop on the desk, “You said that, not me. I just chose not to correct you. I’ll be your host, chef, and entertainment for the evening. I hope you don’t mind.” A few clicks later, a gentle jazz melody floated from the speakers, ensnaring both in its sensuous strains.

“Why on earth would I mind that, Roy?” His green eyes crinkled playfully as he crossed the room and closed the gap between them. Maes pressed his lips gently to his boyfriend’s forehead, and Roy tilted his chin up to capture his lips in a searing kiss.

Maes’s mouth parted, and Roy eagerly deepened the kiss, reaching up to tug on his cropped hair. The justice major chuckled and tenderly, yet insistently, pushed Roy against the door frame. A groan sounded from deep in someone’s throat - neither was quite sure whose - and suddenly hands were beneath shirts. It wasn’t the order that Mustang had planned for the night, but he was sure Maes wasn’t about to start complaining.

Just as Maes abandoned Roy’s lips and started seeking out purchase on his jawline and neck, the chemistry major managed to undo his boyfriend’s belt buckle. Roy felt the intake of breath against the skin where Maes had dampened with his mouth.

Roy chuckled darkly, letting his fingers linger over his lover’s length, and Maes shivered in kind. Let it not be said that Mustang didn’t know exactly what his boyfriend liked.

Roy sank down to his knees in front of Maes, wrestling with the button and fly of the designer jeans that fit his boyfriend oh-so-well. Happy to see that his ministrations were taking effect already, Roy began to salivate.

Freeing Maes’s member from the final layer of clothing and taking it in his mouth was transcendent every single time. There were so many things that Roy enjoyed when it came to sex with Maes, but the feeling of his mouth full and the little groan that met his ears sent jolts straight to his own groin.

As he worked the length of his lover, head bobbing somewhat in time with the music, Roy suddenly became aware of a faint buzzing noise. Normally his head didn’t start to buzz with pleasure until significantly later in their time together, but he chalked it up to a fat baby with a bow and arrow somewhere and continued his ministrations.

Maes murmured, “Roy,” and he hummed in return around the phallus in his mouth. Maes made a noise in the back of his throat and said it again.

“Roy.”

He wasn’t usually so talkative, but Roy was not about to start complaining.

“Roy.” This time with more urgency. Was he getting close already?

“I think your phone is ringing,” Maes said, his voice cracked and husky.

Oh. That would explain the buzzing.

He released Maes with a pop and smiled bashfully as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. Roy kissed his boyfriend as he rose and awkwardly shuffled around the room to find where he tossed his cell phone upon entering.

“Do you see my phone?” he asked, moving pillows and the comforter around on the bed.

“Uh, no… But to be honest, I wasn’t looking too closely,” Hughes smiled in a placating manner. “Want me to call it?” Roy could tell that his boyfriend was tense after the abrupt halt but appreciated that Maes made himself look nonchalant.

“Yeah, I suppose,” Roy replied. “I don’t hear it buzzing anymore.”

After a few seconds, Maes found his pocket in his jeans and located his phone. Roy watched as the green-eyed man unlocked his pristine-screened iPhone, punched in his passcode, navigated to his favorites, and finally selected Roy’s name. Maes held the phone up to show he had dialed, and Roy saw a disgustingly cute picture of the two of them on New Year’s Eve. As Roy smiled at the memory, buzzing was heard throughout the small studio apartment once more.

It took Roy a few moments, but he finally found the offending phone. In the bottom of the closet. Under his favorite blue sweater that he could have sworn was not there earlier.

Shooting Maes a thank you glance, he woke the screen to see two missed calls and five text messages.

Jean Havoc, 18:08: Dude, is it you cooking something in the ground floor kitchen?

Missed Call: Jean Havoc, 18:09

Roy was almost positive his stomach dropped completely from his body, and he slid down the closet door frame to meet it on the floor. Scrolling down his notification center, he continued, sensing it was already too late.

Jean Havoc, 18:10: Seriously, Mustang, there’s something in the oven and I see smoke

Jean Havoc, 18:10: You know the temperature you set this oven at is like 25 degrees higher than normal ovens, right??

No, Jean, why the hell would I know that? You know as well as I do that no one uses that oven for anything, thought Roy frantically.

Missed Call: Jean Havoc, 18:11

Jean Havoc, 18:14: Yeah, I just pulled it out of the oven for you. You’re welcome.

Jean Havoc, 18:15: Dude, it looks like a charcoal brick. Bone app the teeth

“Fuck.” Roy whispered.

“So, is uh… is everything alright?” Maes asked, still in a state of undress, from across the room.

Roy felt his head drop backward and meet the door frame as his throat betrayed him. It suddenly became difficult to swallow around the lump he could feel in it.

“It’s fine,” he said in the cheeriest tone possible, hoping that Maes bought his story.

“Yeah, nothing about any of that said ‘I’m fine,’ Roy. What’s wrong?” He unceremoniously shoved himself back into his jeans and crossed the room to kneel down directly in front of Roy.

Mustang took a shuddering breath. “Really, I’m okay. I just… burnt dinner beyond anything recognizable.”

“Come on, Roy, I’m sure it’s not that bad,” Maes scoffed. Roy leveled his eyes at him and turned the phone around. “Oh. That looks…well done?” he offered placatingly, only to receive another glare from Roy.

“I just wanted everything to be perfect for you. I got these really nice cuts of meat, and I set up nicely, but then I dropped the steak in the mud on the way here, and then I got stuff on my shirt, and then I lost track of time -” he cut off as Maes smiled at him.

“Roy. Look at me.” Dark eyes met bright green. “You didn’t have to do all this. I know I make a fuss about Valentine’s Day not being a special holiday or whatever, but any holiday that I spend with you is a special one. Steak and candlelight wasn’t going to be what made this special. It was you.”

A watery smile broke Roy’s face as he pulled Maes in for the tightest hug either had ever received.

“Now, what do you say we order in some ridiculously cheap take out to eat by candlelight?” Maes proposed.

Roy nodded as relief rushed over him. Not that he really thought Maes would be mad at all - Maes is a cynic, but he was never one that was quick to anger. The blue glow of Maes’s screen illuminated his glasses as he opened Grubhub to order something. Roy didn’t even know or care what he was ordering. Guilt wormed its way into his consciousness; this was supposed to be his night.

“Sorry,” he said softly.

“There’s no need to apologize, love,” came the gentle reply. “I’m sure you put a lot of time and effort into all this planning. But hey, the best laid plans of mice and men, right?”

Roy rolled his eyes at the old adage but chuckled nonetheless. “I did,” he replied honestly. “But now I’m starting to think I had the wrong idea all along.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. There is something way more appetizing in front of me right now that I fear I let get too cold.” A hungry fire lit in the depths of Roy’s dark eyes, and Maes smiled seductively.

“How long will it take for food to be delivered?” Hughes asked innocently.

Confused, Roy answered, “Typically a half an hour, but being Valentine’s Day probably closer to an hour… why?”

“Go ahead and order it now, then,” Maes instructed. “We can work up an appetite while we wait for it to get here.”

Blush blossomed on Roy’s face as he realized the implication of Maes’s words. He allowed his boyfriend to place a series of gentle kisses all along his face and neck while attempting to order their food, only to immediately capture his lips after hanging up.

Almost immediately, the two were shirtless as they moved together towards the bed.

This really is the best Valentine’s Day ever, thought Roy as the sound of a zipper followed by the feeling of a searing heat enveloped his length. Maes hummed appreciatively. White flooded his vision as Maes’s throat vibrated around Roy’s cock. And soon the buzzing seeped through Roy’s body in the form of twitching muscles and quickened breath. Roy’s mind reeled from the pleasure. With an obscene pop, Maes released him from his mouth and the cool air pricked against his heated skin.

Both men groaned as Maes crawled up Roy’s body, peppering it with open-mouthed kisses before finally meeting his mouth again in a passionate kiss. Maes reached confidently into the night stand for the lube that he knew Roy kept there and triumphantly pulled his spoils from the drawer.

He warmed the slick on his hands and proceeded to slip one finger inside of Roy, followed quickly by a second. Roy sighed appreciatively, relishing in the sensation. Using his two fingers, he confidently opened up his lover, reaching his head down and caressing his lips with his tongue. Roy panted as Maes just barely touched that magical spot within him. Maes chuckled.

He also knew exactly what his boyfriend liked.

A third finger. A sigh. A moan. A plea.

The snick of the lube cap opening again was lost to Roy in his pleasure, until he felt the head of Maes pushing against his entrance. Eager, yet willing himself to relax, he reveled in the moment.

There was none other like it.

He felt his body adjust and nodded, feeling Maes’s pulse from a place deep within him. He keened as Maes thrusted for the first time, impaling Roy to both of their delight.

The give and take from Maes felt wondrous. And Roy, full to the brim, saw stars as Maes thrust a fourth or fifth time. It was pointless to keep count. Maes’s large, soft palms wrapped around his cock, stroking faster as both lovers fell to pieces in the other’s arms. Roy was seeing stars. Reduced to an inarticulate mess, he wasted no time at all in allowing Maes to see just exactly how thoroughly he was being fucked.

White splattered their stomachs, Roy gasping and Maes whispering “I love you” as his member was gripped and released in the vice that was his boyfriend. Maes toppled over the edge three short thrusts later.

Lying together in a tangled mess of limbs, panting and sated, Maes smiled.

Roy’s head was comfortably nestled underneath Maes’s chin, basking in the afterglow. He felt Maes give him a gentle squeeze, his biceps cradling Roy’s body.

“I think I like Valentine’s Day.”

#hyuroi week 2019 #valentine prompt #maes hughes x roy mustang #hyuroi fanfiction #vino writes fanfiction #beta by flourchildwrites

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misc-oneshots · 7 years

Text

About time

Request: Can I have a primeval Imagine of Danny you can take it wherever you want can it have at least a little bit of fluff tho? Also I absolutely love your blog keep doing what you’re doing it’s amazing

Thank you so much for that! <3 For Anon Words: 1,951 Danny Quinn x Reader

“Stop glaring at him.” Becker instructed you from his where he was sat cleaning his guns. You turned to glare at him, “Seriously, how did you know that I was glaring at him, you weren’t even looking my way. Have you got access to Lester’s spy cams?” You asked and looked suspiciously over your shoulder looking for cameras.

Becker gave you a chuckle but he didn’t look up from his gun, “I don’t need cameras; I think I know you well enough now. Just remember, you didn’t like me when I first arrived.” “I still don’t like you.” You teased and he smirked down at his gun.

You went back to glaring at Danny Quinn through the window of the lab you and Becker were in. it wasn’t that you didn’t like him, Becker had gotten that wrong, your current problem was that you did like him. A lot. If his insistent flirting with you was anything to go by then he was interested in you too. But it was so hard to be sure, so you settled for frustrated glares sent his way. You’d fallen into an easy friendship of dirty jokes and flirting after getting over your initial dislike of him from when he had arrested both you and Connor.

Since then he’d made several jokes about getting you back into handcuffs that had made your cheeks burn.

As if sensing that he was being watched Danny turned and caught your eye, he gave you a cheeky wink which made you blush and turn away from him to talk to Becker. You didn’t see him glance between you and Becker before furrowing his brow and turning to Connor.

You were all granted a few hours peace before the anomaly alarm sounded and you all rushed out in the vans. Abby shoved Becker into a van with Connor and Danny before she jumped in the other van beside you. You raised a brow at her, “Can I help you?” “I have something to tell you.” She smirked and you sorted your seat belts. “Well come on, spit it out.” You were intrigued. She gave you a coy look and you were wondering if you would regret asking her but you and Abby had been incredibly close since you’d both been pulled into the world of anomaly chasing.

“You know how you have that massive, secret crush on Danny?” She asked with a lot more innocence than you knew that she had. You glanced at the two security guys in the front of the van, “Not so secret now, thanks Abs.” “They won’t tell anyone or I’ll set Becker on them.” Abby smirked before she continued, “Anyway, my news it that your beloved Mr Quinn was asking Connor if there was something going on between you and Becker.” Your eyebrows shot up, “Me and Becker? No, that doesn’t even sound right. How do you even know this?” Abby shrugged, “Connor tells me everything.” Connor may have been another good friend of yours but he did tend to follow Abby around like a love struck child. You bit your lip, “So why was Danny asking?”

“Do you mean: Is Danny insanely jealous?” Abby asked and you felt yourself blush. She continued, “Because from what Connor was saying, it certainly sounds like Danny’s jealous. Though Connor being Connor, he didn’t quite understand it.”

You mused on the information until you got the anomaly in the middle of an abandoned building estate. The other van was already there when you and Abby arrived, you hoped over to where Becker had set up a laptop and was giving people designated zones to check. “How’re we doing?” You asked him. “Alright, I’ve got you with me, so behave yourself.” Becker snapped as he passed you a small tranq gun. You narrowed your eyes at his tone, “What’s a matter with you?” Becker sighed, “Sorry, Quinn’s just being an ass. I thought he’d gotten over his problem with me.”

You were about to answer when Danny stepped up behind you. He gave you both a once over before saying, “C’mon solider boy we don’t have all day.” Becker scowled but you intervened, “You’re exactly right Danny, we so why don’t you get moving.” Danny scowled for a moment before nodded and stalking off to join Abby and Connor.

You followed Becker through the building that you’d been given to check, from what Connor had been able to tell you that, hopefully, you were looking for a herbivore, it would be nice to not get eaten. “So,” Becker started as he advanced with his gun raised, “Abby told me about your thing for Quinn.” You blushed and Becker continued, “Then Connor blabbed that Danny’s practically obsessed with you. So when are you two going to do something about it?” “He said what?!” You practically yelped in answer but you didn’t get to continue your conversation as a velociraptor came around the corner at the end of the hallway, its claws clinking on the floor. You both froze as it turned its head towards you.

It hissed and Becker reacted instantly, he shot at it knocking it backwards. But another appeared behind it and more hissing followed, this time you shot both rounds of tranq ammunition in your gun but missed. “Run!” Becker hissed at you and you were both sprinting down the hall away from the dinosaurs on your heels. Becker was barking orders into his ear piece, calling for backup. You turned right as you came to a junction, you were sprinting still and internally thanking Becker for dragging you to the gym with him all the time. You heard Becker in your earpiece, ~ Y/N where are you? Has anyone seen Y/N?! ~

You dared to look behind you, it was true, somehow you’d been separated from Becker but fortunately you’d been separated from the dinosaur as well. You lost her?! Where?! Danny shouted in your earpiece. You slowed to a stop and let yourself breath and look around at your surroundings before replying, “I’m fine, I just got turned around. I’m not sure where I am exactly; it looks like a factory floor.”

The room and the old machinery where run down and covered in a thick layer of dust that made you want to cough. Claws clicking drew your attention again and you swallowed hard at the velociraptor studying you across the room. The other door into the room flew open as Danny barged in, the movement was enough to distract the dinosaur just long enough for you to rush forwards and push an old machine bench into the velociraptor, ramming it out of the room.

You snatched Danny’s hand and dragged him up the metal stair case at the side of the factory that lead up into the old office. Between you, working in sync without needing to speak, you swept everything off of the old office desk and pushed it up against the door. You both waited for a moment, chests heaving, listening out for the dinosaur. It had left you alone for now.

Danny breathed out a sigh of relief but you glared at him. “Were you trying to get yourself killed?” You asked. “I was actually on my way to come and save you.” He argued back with a grin. “This isn’t funny Danny!” You told him but you felt your lips pulling into a smile. “Then why are you smiling?” He teased. “Shut up.” You told him and gently pushed his chest which made him smirk.

Danny did you find her? Connor asked through your earpiece. Danny answered, Yeah don’t worry, she’s with me. We’re barricaded in an office, neither of us have any ammo left. To punctuate his point he threw down his gun on the empty sofa in the corner of the office.

In that case stay where you are and we’ll let you know when it’s safe. Becker ordered.

You sighed and dropped yourself down next to Danny’s gun on the sofa. Great, if you didn’t know better you would say that the rest of the team had conspired against you to trap you both together. But you knew that weapon less; you and Danny would be no match for a velociraptor. Danny leant back on the desk and pouted playfully, “What’s a matter, Y/N? Don’t you wanna spend time with me?” “It’s precisely the last thing that I want to do.” You told him. He held his hand to his chest in mock hurt, “Ouch, is this still because I arrested you?” “That does play a factor in it.” You teased.

He shook his head and came to sit next to you on the sofa, Danny rested his arm on the back of the sofa and sat sideways so that he could face you. You moved so that you could sit sideways and face him as well, you narrowed your eyes at his mischievous expression. “When are you going to let me take you out?” He asked and your eyebrows shot up in surprise. You hadn’t expected him to say that.

“Well since you take me to such lovely places,” you gestured with your hand around the decrepit room, “Probably never.” His smirk didn’t falter, “What if I take you somewhere nicer than this?” “Like where?” You asked. Danny dug in his pockets and pulled out a folded leaflet and held it out to you, you gave him a suspicious look before taking it from him. It was a leaflet for the natural history museum. “They’re doing a special exhibit this weekend on the nurturing habits of dinosaurs; they’ve got guest speakers, fossils on loan, the whole shebang.” He explained as you looked over the leaflet, “I cleared some free time with Lester so we could go. I thought of you as soon as I saw it advertised.”

Your stomach flipped at the gesture and then once again when you finally glanced up and saw Danny’s nervous, waiting expression. You’d never seen him unsure and that must have been what urged you to throw yourself forwards, practically in his lap and kiss him.

His usual confidence was back instantly, his hands finding your sides to pull you closer to him as you kissed. Remembering yourself, you pulled away from him, “Sorry, maybe we should save this for another time.” He gave you another quick, soft kiss, before winking, “Like this weekend?” “Like this weekend.” You agreed.

Once you got the all clear from Becker the pair of you headed down back to the vans where Connor was finishing up closing the anomaly. Abby turned when she heard you both approaching and on seeing the closeness of you both she elbowed Becker in the arm so that he would turn to watch you both as well. “About time.” Becker said. “Hey, you told us to hide out.” You countered. “That’s not what he’s talking about.” Abby told you and gave you a playful wink and blew you both a kiss. Your face flushed instantly and Danny wrapped his arms around your shoulders and pulled you to him so that he could kiss the side of your head while you playfully tried to push him away. Connor stepped up between Abby and Becker and watch Danny trying to kiss you, “Okay, what did I miss?” He asked. You all laughed at him.

#danny quinn #danny quinn imagine #primeval imagine #primeval #primeval oneshot #primeval x reader #danny primeval #danny quinn oneshot

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suhnnyskiess · 3 years

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so we had a power outage yesterday night and today's morning so i spent and absurd amount of time writting for this tiktok prompt that was saying how we’re all worried whether or not we could pull our anime crushes when we should be thinking whether or not our anime crushes could pull us

And like hhhhh *head in hands* here goes nothing. Bc i spent my whole morning writting. for my top 4 HQ boys, kenma was the fifth but i didn’t finish the idea.

Iwaizumi

Okay but Iwaizumi could probably mmm okay if I were a second year and i had a crush on him i would probably ignore him? Like not ignore per se but probably would not even think he could like me, not bc im unlovable or anything (i think im pretty awesome) but bc i mean, I'm not even in his radar. Like in HS i was that student who despised sports except volleyball bc it was fun!! So maybe we befriend by me coming to the volleyball team to ask the coach if i can borrow a ball to play with my friends and the coach at firs was like 😐 so i go ☺️ and give him my student ID so he can be sure i will comeback and not steal his ball and if something happens he knows my info and he agrees!! So i go play with my friends and when i comeback the coach is not there anymore it's just Oikawa and Iwaizumi so i greet them and ask them where should i put the ball and they are like _oh, its you_ so i go ☺️☺️ yes its me! Thank them and i ask them for ny ID and Iwa gives it back so "Thanks iwaizumi san!" And go back my merry way and it becomes a ritual everyother day i come ask for the ball and return it to Iwa and one Friday we are having an event of sorts so all third years we have the day off classes and instead we have activities to do as a group and I go back to ask the couch for the ball but it's only Iwa so i ask him if he wants to play! He agrees and its funny bc hes still taller than me and some friends but we have fun! We get closer after that and we start greeting each other in the hall and maybe i even start going to see the team practice more often and its weird bc I'm next to Oikawas fangirls and i don't understand the hype? But its better than be alone and i always leave before they notice me until one day i lose track of time and i stay till the end of practice and Iwa sees me with bunch of oikawa's fangirls and I oblivious greet him and I'm flustered bc oh no what if he thinks im creepy but when i go down and tell him how he was doing great he goes ?? I thought you were watching oikawa? Why would I watch him when there's you? And we both realize what i just said so i yeet myself out bc thats embarrassing ❣️ and the next time he sees me he askes me why i did that and i just laugh and change the subject, its fun being friends with him. So if he told me he liked me i would be too shocked?? So I wouldn't be too sure to accept his confession but i would probably agree to hang out just the two of us, bc i would be interested but knowing myself i would eithrr be too conscious to accept or to eager so idk

BUT if we are talking about time skip! iwa the thoughts are the same like, if i do end up working in journalism or anything similar and idk let's say i end up working in sport news or something i probs would say _hi!_ to him or something and be friendly bc you always have to be nice even more so to the people you interview lmao so idk we end up as friends but he never asks me out bc i don't even process he might like me, sorry iwa chan. Like i am very oblivious lol.

Atsumu

Oh boy do I have been thinking hhhhh like you see the thing is with atsumu im pretty sure we would be like strangers to enemies to lovers I'm so sure of it. Like if he were my upperclassmen i would silently hate him and if we were in the same year i would straight out dispise him and roll eyes and be like 😐😐 why are you so cocky??? Like yeah hes actually very handsome and talented but ??? Hes soooo cocky around his fans like who does he think he is??? Idk I've always hated men lol So its most likely I would have banter around him in class like idk its my turn to speak in class he audibly yawns or coughs to interrumpt me so i accidentally forget to tell him to bring his USB for next day presentation bc schedule changed or when labs suddenly changed and we aree having chem lab and i remind everyone but it slips my mind to remind him stuff like that and one day we get paired up for math bc i suck and he doesn't suck as much so we have to work together and im trying to keep this stern vibe but he's joking around with Suna in the other table and I'm just losing my mind bc i need to pass and i ask him to kindly help me before i lose my mind so he kinda shifts like _sorry i know grades are important to you_ andf i go 👁️👁️ bc _...thanks_ and he ends up actually working so maybe he isn't as bad after all and maybe just maybe we can be friends.

Omg i got carried away 😭😭😭😐

So yeah i think after befriending him and seeing how he's not that bad i kinda do fall for him, but i would try to keep my "friends vibe" and be like everything is okay until one day its sports day or whatever and the volleyball team is playing against another good school and this is our last match as third years in a school event and everyone knows the Miya twins are Amazing and they are excited but i talk to atsumu in the changing rooms and just wish him good luck and i run back to the stairs bc that went awkward so the game begins and everyone is cheering bc we are winning but the other school wins the second set and now the third keeps us on our toes but of course everyone is giving their all and when finally atsumu sets osamu the final pass we win and everyone is screaming in excitement and us third years who where on the public go running towards them and we are all celebrating and I immediately go hug atsumu bc !!! We won and he hugs me back bc !!! We won!!! But then i realize we are too close and i get nervous again so try to move but he doesn't let me and 👉🏽👈🏽 i look at him and he looks at me and maybr something happens i don't know

Short answer is yes, he could pull me.

nOw if we talk about time skip atsumu i don't think he's as cocky as when he was a teen, cuz like he's an adult of sorts. I sill don't know how could we meet tho, I have friends who play volleyball so maybe one day i ask if I can see them play and they are having a friendly match with some other people in the gym and I agree bc we are having food after the game so- Maybe we meet there, add him on socials and i realize he's a famous player 😐😐😐 and i talked to him casually but then i see a message request and its from him so we kinda statt talking. As I said, i don't know if I could realize if its mutual or not bc i never notice if someone i like likes me and if i notice its bc i know they don't like me, bc i only have noticed when strangers??? Not strangers perse but ppl who i don't like back like me lol. So if he ever asked me out on a date i wouldn't even know it was a date 😭😭 and when people start asking us if we are dating i would be like mmm🧐 no we just went to eat😋😋 so he would have to freaking spell it out for me if he likes me 😩

Kuroo

Kuroo would be too cocky to even pull me like with how i was in Highschool i would have most likely think he was playing around or too himbo for my liking bc yeah hes nice and all but? I remember having classmates that could fit the Kuroo criteria and some girls did crush on them but like? Maybe i would too but probably i would quickly be over it LMAO Like yeah i would probably get flustered if he flirted but i would recover easily bc lmao he's just being friendly. Like hes too nice for me to nice something, lets say we both are studying in the library with other classmates and hes helping us with chem I would simply think hes being nice or a good freind even bc ??? hes nice yknow or if he helps me carry my bag or lunch when im walking the stairs I don’t know i think he would probably get desperate that i never see his actings towards me or wthv so one day he simply goes “I have to tell you something” and i think everyone but me knows so i just nod and walk with him outside the classroom and he well says what he feels and i honest to kid you not i would simply go :o really? BC HDOSFJDSIFJSS HES A NICE FRIEND so maybe idk, really depends but if i did like him i would propably get flustarted bc i would probably realize at that moment i do like him but if im not like thinking I would the awkward thing you do when someone likes you and you are just like Oh thanks idk what to say back lol c-ya So yeah idk i do think hes very handsome and smart and likeabale but i can’t see myself straight out accepting bc i tend to bee very dumb with feelings <3

Timeskip Kuroo however would maybe do pick my attention, he has a stable job, has friends, is athletic like he could easily pull me bUT would depend really on my mood bc that could also be too normal?? Idk man haven't dated anyone seriously to know what timeskip could be like. BUT LIKEEE YESSS IMAGINE another friend with a normal 9 to 5 job that hates capitalism as much as me and we both complain about having to live in this fucked up system and trying to subvert as much as we can HHHH AND HES AN EYE CANDY TOO??? yes i am objectivfying him.

Bokuto

Bokuto in HS would have me swooning over him in silence and not me ever telling him i liked him. Or i would jokingly say i like him but never to serious bc he's way too popular and i know the point of this is too see if they could pull me sbdkdld

So okay, hmmmm as i said i would probably be too shy to approach him if he was an upperclassmen, if we were the same year i would talk to him and even help with homework bc thats what i did with some jocks but i just think i wouldn't notice if he liked me 😭😭😭 Like if he ever asked me out i would think its a secret camera or something??? Like why would he??? But if he is serious about it I think I would say yes???

Timeskip bokuto is in a similar story as iwa, if i do end up working in journalism and i meet him by chance it would be cute?? To see him show interest in me but i don't know if I would accept or notice? Bc I'm working and i should be professional but if he asks me out after they won s game i would probably say yes bc how can i not say yes to him LOOK AT HIM HHHHH *screams*

#i had quite a morning if may say so #rox rambles #hq boys living rent free on my mind i tell you #does this count as a haikyuu scenario

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laughing-one · 5 years

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So we also have the books Nei Kung or Nei Gong by Kosta Danaos which is a bit of a dissapointment as revealed in the review i will paste for your own perusal.. of course the seeking of power is an interesting thing that brings up the question of ETHICS.. which steiner apparently talked alot about with the "free spiritual" i can't say mpre bc i barely have my own time/energy to peruse him bc i have to meditate and restore zeee cheeeee.. but THEN we have clearer books on the cultivation of the twin votices/forms of chi/the unified whole ((that Walter Russell and others from physics backgrounds sciences, mystical traditions seem to grasp in different ways.. so how do we bring it together!!)) which is in 'Taoist Yoga: Alchemy and Immortality" which goes into the techniques waaaay more but unfortunately this metjod is only for penis people. Probably bc of the crap patriarchy that has mostly kept this knowledge to themselves but it REGARDLESS focuses on the purity of heart necessary for such endeavors..

I learned of the secons book fr om a guy Drew Hempel who has a blog and has been all over the internet talking about studying with chi gong masters in minnesota ect.. and answers questions freely about all this..

Anyway i started learning about this since my insight as a child that all this was real and seeing the star wars movies ((George Lucas based the films off of studing chi gong masters.. one character named "qui gong jinn" taken from chinese yoga and the 'Jinn' of middle eastern mysticism.. plus Georgie is a freemason or whatever))

So then i started thinking oh my god this is real shit!! But inhad NO ONE to talk to and BOY OH BOY did i fuck up when these questions were burning inside me as a late adolescent then even more as an early adult and DID NOT SPEAK TO T ABOUT IT and then he tested me and tried to focus me on my INTENT in an email wherin i couldn't even respond tl his questions which was strange to him.. yes i should've tried harder and stopped smoking thaaaaa haha bc this shit isnt for an unethical population!! Hence also the problem with the current MIT Media Lab that was found connected to Epstein and Gates etc..and their MAIN FOCUS is on technologically "enhancing" society.. they do not talk enough about ethics or the necessary intensification of consciousness to obtain a population that can WORK TOGETHER AND YET RETAIN THEIR OWN INDIVIDUALITY SO WE CAN SUPRACONSCIOUSLY DO SOME COOL STUFF TOGETHER MAYBE??!

So yes i'm going to buy the book!! And i've emailed Hempel a couple times but this stuff is really coming to a head especially now seeing as i DENIED THESE BURNING QUESTIONS AND DEEP NEEDS TO KNOW i dont know WHY i need to know but i just know it was extremely important.. and so because i convinced myself "well im a bad person for wanting to unsderstand and keep this ancient and new knowledge alive and blend it with physics.. but im bad bc im not ethical bc i hate society and myself and T retained his memory and remembered being and i got jealous of alll that and felt "unworthy" and i should really just ignore all this shit" and so became more and more unhappy haha..

I dunno..

Then you have Mark Gershon who has a completely different language and a trinitary view based on Love Truth AND Power.. he says the reason we are failing is we don't even look at power or something i dunno.. i'm putting words in his mouth cuz im tired!! Anyway the question of power seems PRETTY IMPORTANT. I do NOT want to go along with MIT Media Labs and these billionaire people investing in machine intelligence BUT NOT QI GONG MASTERY catch my drift?? Both need responsible power??

And i still can't figure out T's motives in all this. I don't understand ANYTJ IN G ok!!

Drew Hempel is right though.. in adolescence we start to lose our connection with the one and psyhcic powers/connection.. but i'm not sure that is just evolutionarily natural but also influenced by our phase in consciousness which Gebser and Steiner tried to bring awareness to etc.. i dunnl too many books and my face xestroyed. But i know and knew (would never have admitted it tho bc i wasn't able to be more conscious of it) that i will never be happy unless we figure this out and my face is destroyed already hahaahah

This is what Alicia's warning (can't share her name i promised someone) That if we don't pursue our soul we atrophy and the soul leaves the body. Great!! This has already happened in my case many years ago and I WISH YOU COULD HAVE SEEN ME LAST YEAR bc i made a geat attempt at becomeing 'the new ager" and i was having crazy synchroniicity everyday again and absolutely explainable experienves which was leading me and now GONE bc i had to be put on probation 3 years after the incident bc the psychological evaluations had to be postponed twice and the legal bullshit etc.. then i got very depressed!! I was happy everyday i tried and my face was fucked then and now its worse..!!

Well im not going to send the first review bc this email is too long!! But here is Drew Hempel's review of the second book i mentioned.

"I discovered this book around 1999 and practiced it seriously while also getting energy healing from an amazing qigong master in Minnesota. I progressed rapidly. When the electromagnetic energy gets strong then the centers of the hands and feet and top of the head pulsate with electromagnetic force, "breathing" - requiring little physical breathing. Also water is created inside the skull - the ambrosia - so drinking water is next to not needed and then less sleep is needed. After 8 days on only half a glass of water my energy was very strong - electromagnetic fields out of the center of the brain enabling telepathy. This is described in the book as a minor serenity and enlightenment experience that will cause confusion the first time it happens. Yes when the spacetime vortex kicks in - the dizziness - you have to focus your spirit in the lower tan tien - below and behind the navel.

The lower tan tien, btw, has not been discovered yet by Western science, but any lust thoughts cause the mind to trigger chi energy down the spine which instantly deconverts the chi in the lower tan tien into fluid. So then purification has to burn or ionize that fluid back into chi energy - this is why purity of heart is the focus of the chapter one. The "sea of chi" is below the lower tan tien - it is the separation from the heart spirit energy at puberty - so that the previous third eye abilities get lost and become subconscious. Contrary to what people think - just creating light in the center of the skull - this is done first by purification of the heart which must continue and build up - the virtue or "Te" of the Tao Te Ching. That's why real qigong masters are so rare.

Finally watch out for "The False Fire of the Heart" problem which means the more your build up your chi, the more others will be attracted to you which then, again, deconverts your chi, to activate your jing energy. If you go along with this attraction - giving them energy then they suck up your chi energy but you think your jing energy is activated. Again jing energy is ONLY activated through purity of mind. If you have life force activation from lust this is just the deconversion of chi. Tantra is limited to just lower level chi energy - called "yin chi" in this book - the sublimation of yin jing into yang jing (yin chi). So in actuality these so-called antiquated terms, jing, chi, and shen, are more precise.

I studied this book for 10 years before I figured out this specific problem. So first the "yin chi" has to fill up the lower tan tien before the real chi is activated - the "yang chi" from the "yuan chi" or yin spirit. Or from replacing lost "yuan chi" with food chi and purity of mind - over again. So again purity of heart-mind is the foundation and the deepening practice. So then when the lower tan tien finally does fill up, the burning heat kicks in, the tummo energy - and yes you can practice the "small universe" or microcosmic orbit before that - but when the fire kicks in - ideally you convert the yin chi into yang chi (yin spirit) and you let the light guide the movement of the cycle.

This is the immortal breathing stage - the shen or spirit light energy goes in and up while the electromagnetic chi is the breathing (since it can convert into oxygen through the pulsating chi). This is like Nirvikalpa samadhi in Indian yoga - aka "Breathless ecstasy" as Sri Yuketswar called it. So this is an advanced stage and the energy must continued to be built up and stored in the lower tan tien - if you use it then you lose it and it has to be rebuilt. At this stage you can do advanced healing but you will lose the enrgy. O.K. so that should hold people for awhile - then eventually the third eye opens up enough to see spirits - but it is still easy to "fall back into worldliness."

So to fully open up the third eye requires building up the intensity of the spirit light energy. This book explains how to do it, only you are up against the world around you always lowering your frequency. So ideally there will be a pure place to practice with little outside interference. The internet is too much dirty energy, pretty much the modern world in general - television, movies, etc. I saw one meditation book requiring two miles of distance in seclusion from the nearest village. haha. Nevertheless this stuff is real and people should at least study the book and practice it to the best possibility. This is a tantra book, meaning it's based on visualization energy focus instead of emptiness (spacetime) focus. The foundation of reality is emptiness (consciousness) and Emptiness therefore is a safer route to practice while tantra practice is much faster but also more risk involved"

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lapras-defense-squad · 5 years

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im so exhausted i have so much to do i dont want to do anything its literally so much but really its nothing at all. im only taking 4 classes and they’re not that hard im just a procrastinator and its a lot of longer-term projects that require better time management

also i keep messing up at my lab position and i think im disappointing my mentor or at least making her reconsider her choice to “talk me up” to her boss (cause she thinks I should get paid but tbh i keep messing up and my results are usually contaminated and i just suck in the lab i guess) also not to mention my actual job and how thats going... im falling behind on this project that doesnt have a set due date, but like my boss is too chill/trustworthy i guess to check in with me about it. or maybe hes just a little passive aggressive/pushy (in a nice way) but im seriously not motivated this quarter. but i cant quit or really complain tho because hes paying me with grant money we got for the project im SPECIFICALLY hired for and have been working on (with other ppl) for the past 2 and half years. but really this web research aspect of it is just killing me

and going off failing in the lab, i feel like my goals to enter research are gonna be shit now. and like I have a field research methods course next quarter that I literally got a minor for (its an impacted class and only minors and majors have access) and im worried im not going to like it. and in general i figured out potentially what i want to do (climate change and disease work) but i feel like i found out too late and the remainder of my college career isnt enough. or maybe it is enough but it requires a lot of planning that im not mentally ready to do

the quarter system is kind of a pain, but tbh its probably just winter thats fucking me up

to top off all of this shit my apartment plans are kinda up in the air because of my friend who i met freshman year. she was really sweet and we roomed together our second year in the same apartment we’re in now, but this year she moved up to take a single. and like...the way we divided rent last year probably wasnt the fairest for the people in the singles (it was pretty expensive). so there are two singles and she took the bigger one because we couldnt find someone who was willing to pay the price. but to compensate she increased the rent of the smaller single and decreased her own rent. i mean i see why she did it but it also leaves a bad taste in my mouth. and so this year we’re splitting the rent differently to bring down the cost of the singles. and they are cheaper and this is the fairest way we could split it, but she STILL wants to decrease her own rent which I think is really fucking selfish. cause her rent for her giant ass room is not unreasonable. smaller single rooms are other complexes go for more than hers. she keeps saying how shes looking for cheaper ones and might not live with us year, but she wont fucking go over the rent split up with the other girls in our current apartment. like its a fairly drastic change for me and my roommate in a double and we need to talk about it!!

and she was saying how the price for her room is pretty steep, but like bitch.....not really? you have a GIANT room with two little closet spaces AND you only share the bathroom with one other person. also our complex is right behind a popular plaza with restaurants, grocery store, and rit aid. like babe......good fucking luck finding a similar setup somewhere else honestly. AND ITS NOT LIKE SHES PAYING HER OWN RENT her parents pay for it! idk if they’re financially strapped rn but from what shes told me of her fam they’re fairly well-off? like girl.....pls..... shes just really getting on my nerves right now...

and honestly...i think its cause im finally seeing her for who she is? she is really only sweet to me when she wants something....like for me to look over her essay or drive her somewhere. and idk i just havent felt the same around her. but thats probably because we adopted a cat together and our ‘parenting’ styles are pretty different. i think shes too rough with our cat? but tbh our cat can be a brat and needs some training.....but idk i get weird parental vibes from her. and no offense but i dont think she’d be the best mother? she is Asian-American and she told me that her dad was pretty harsh (like he would lock her in the garage and hit her and her siblings). i honestly cannot relate, but her dad has DEEPLY affected her and i see parts of him come out when she’s stressed or training our cat. and we’ve talked about parenting, and she said she would probably hit her children (she’s also a psych major and one study found that hitting children calmly doesnt have adverse effects on their development, but I dont know how I feel about that). regardless tho the way she talks about children is unsettling. cause she works as a daycare supervisor/tutor, and she rants about how annoying children can be (she works at a private school tho and many of the families are well-off with spoiled children). but also? they’re just children? josibndvibsdhb she just really doesnt sit well with me right now

#godd im in such a bad mood this is just a rant

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pjihoon · 6 years

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Good luck with your 2 credit lab! It sounds like a lot of work but i believe in you~

ANON UR SO SWEET I DONT KNOW WHAT TO SAYYYYY THIS IS SUCH A CUTE MESSAGE THO i really appreciate it anon u have no idea im really thankful

#i was just honestly complaining to the void when i typed those tags #bc sometimes u just! feel the pressure and stress and its super heightened so i wanted to vent a tiny bit #so i was really pleasantly surprised to see this message anon ty <33 #replies #anon

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200dumplings-blog · 7 years

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Commentator

Commentator Bong

August 11th 11.42PM

I watched about 3 movies on the plane. I don’t know if you like musicals, I once watched Mama Mia when I was in China and it was pretty good.

I've watched it in Korea once, it was good! I don’t know if your high school ever made you watch plays like The Importance of Being Earnest, mine did and I always loved watching plays and musicals. Mine didn't haha

I was thinking about asking to see Jersey Boys, it’s broadway, and Lauren from the lab told me it was really good. There is also this cool movie about Van Gogh that is coming in November. Essentially it took many artists a long time to paint all the frames of the movies using the exact same style and most of the paintings are based on the masterpieces of Van Gogh’s. The storyline is Van Gogh’s life in France. I watched the trailer and it was so breathtaking I could fucking cry. I don’t think they will play the movies in the mainstream theatres, it’s more of an exhibition I guess. But it will be played in Toronto in November, and also in LA.

Unfortunately, I will just miss the movie by a week according to my travel plan, you said you’re going to LA right, when was it? but I might change my flight and hotel bookings. I don’t know if it is worth me to pay more money if I’m going with Boxin. Honestly, I don’t even know what I’m gonna do with her lol. Well maybe you guys can still have a good time. Or you can just go and do separate things, travelling alone is a pretty good experience! If you end up liking me back, maybe I will ditch her and we can go watch the movie together haha. Then I kept on thinking what else I wanna do with you(no sexual pun intended), and I was stunned that I actually wanna do so many things with you hahaha. Maybe I’m more passionate about the idea that I like you than the event itself, so I don’t care too much about the entire hurting and getting hurt thing. I think… maybe you should watch out for your feelings more.. I know you said you don’t care and I understand that I’ve been there trust me lol I really feel bad I can’t give back the care and attention..

I always ponder the words you’ve said and the way you said them. I know that people, in most cases, will eventually lose sparks and the chemistry will die out as the catalyst runs out and molecules stop moving fast enough to collide. You’re so nerdy its cute hahah. Contradictorily, I also have some hope in love for a long long time. It could be the example my grandparents set for me, or that I read The Little Prince too many times. I just watched the movie a few hours ago, and I think I cried in my heart a little haha. It is one of my favourite books. What I like the most about the book is the deep talk about “taming” the fox and the little prince had. It is certainly true that we will meet so many great people in our lives, and we will fall for them, maybe full heartedly or maybe less. They are all people to us, just like all the roses in the garden on earth are the same species as the rose on asteroid B-162. HOWEVER, if you chose to tame or be tamed by your little prince or your fox, then everything is different. We might part at some point, but the memories we had were eternal. To me that is beautiful. That’s a beautiful thought :)

So my neighbours on the plane are a very old couple, and it’s their first few times flying. I tried to take really good care of them and escorted the lady to the bathroom. It was kinda hard because they speak this strange northern dialect, and I’m from the south. I used to dislike people who can’t help themselves lol…. but now I have more empathy. You’re so nice ;D

I’ve done a very good job keeping your watch at my body temperature haha, I fell asleep holding it. I’m so scared to lose it already because I can only hold it in my palm. Maybe I will tell you that I lost it and keep it with me. By the way you haven’t given me your lighter yet. Strange enough I stopped smoking after last Friday. I’m not addicted but I do smoke one cigarette once a week. I guess now I’m more addicted to you and you’re much more powerful and pleasing than nicotine.

Yeah its not good for you… don’t smoke if you can help it haha, also my lighter is nothing special at all lol i don’t even use is much. I’ve also been wearing ur watch haha even tho its hella big lol

I’m right above NK right now lol….. I used to be sort of a nationalist when I was in middle school. I low key disliked Japan and Korea a bit maybe, I don’t remember exactly, or I choose not to. Now I think the extreme thoughts people have on whatever topic are caused by ignorance. If we listen better and actually try to work on resolving conflicts, this world will be a better place. Ignorance is a fucking sin, don’t ever think it’s ok to be ignorant. Critical thinking is key and that’s what UBC science has taught me so far. Yeah I had the same feelings with China and Japan haha its just our upbringing. I don’t like stereotyping people but sometimes theres a lot of truth to those stereotypes because of culture and stuff so its hard to ignore.

Coincidentally I did the overnight letter writing thing again hahaha, it’s becoming a habit. If I do this for long enough maybe I can shoot a movie of this or publish a collection of letters. You will get to name the movie/book.

I’m landing in about three hours, and you will be asleep by then. I don’t think you can hear me but I wished you goodnight. I assume that you] have seen Truman’s World. Sorry I haven’t haha. I remember vaguely that he said something like “if I don’t get to see you again, I wish you good morning and goodnight for the rest of your life.” It was definitely much better worded than that haha, but that’s what I wanna tell you for the following three weeks.

I had so many questions to ask you lol and I rehearsed over and over again since Tuesday, but my brain went blank when I saw you. This always happens haha, that’s why I always rehearse before I meet someone I care about. I might talk to myself a bit too much. Sometimes I picture the the next time seeing you, picture how you smile, how you touch your hair, how you play with your rings on your left thumb, right index finger and right ring finger, and how you tilt your head when you get a bit shy. My god, you’re so observant haha. I feel terrible that i can’t reciprocate these attentions and feelings to you. I think you’re so caring and wonderful but like you know, I can’t control how I feel about things. Its amazing to be loved and cared for and be told im beautiful, it rly makes me happy but also i feel bad. Its very selfish of me but I prefer liking someone over being liked… I guess i’m also kinda like you and not afraid to get hurt at times. But it amazes me how you can express your feelings like that, I would never be able to do it even if im feeling it or thinking it. Cuz of my ego or sth lol. I think you’re rly brave.

Words fail me when I try to describe how charming you are. I’m no Sean, but I do want you. I want to hold you for a very very long time, or simply pause time. I want to kiss every inch of your beautiful skin with the most passionate tenderness, and submerge myself in your smell. And other things that I’m not gonna write down haha. Seriously, you should do arts hahaha you’re writing is beautiful.

1.05 AM

Aug 12th 5.19AM

It’s so hot in Guangzhou. I couldn’t breathe for a few seconds when I walked out of the airplane. I get the same feeling when I go to Korea in the summer haha. I forgot this feeling and kinda missed it actually. I kinda miss it too sometimes actually. The other day, it was rly hot and i felt like i was in korea kinda haha it smelled like korea if thats even possible. I got “pulled over” with my little cart that has 2 suitcases on it. Thank god they didn’t ask me to open them and there wasn’t any beeping from the scan machine. I was like phewwwwww. 🙏🏼

I told my mom about you, briefly. Idk why I said that, but somehow I felt like it was important. Haha what did she say?

She said that I should make more friends like you hahahhaha.

Summer is an odd season, half of people are falling in love, the other half are breaking up. Or maybe everyone is breaking up and then falling in love. People are always doing the same shit, looking for love and then fail, aren’t we fucking pathetic. I guess that’s why lone wolves are cool because they dare to break this cliche. I used to be cool, and then I met you. Oh well I will settle with being a little less cool. you’re still rly rly cool you know haha. I don’t think its a failure. Love is love and if it ends it ends. love doesn’t always have to be forever lasting.

Alrighttttt. Jet lag is a bitch! I’m gonna try to get some sleep because next time I wake up I will be with my siblings. I will send you a picture of the triple Yangs hahaha. I hope you miss me a little.

Btw we can always be friends hahahha no pressure

i can feel you’re innocence when i talk to you and i honsetly sometimes feel a little too jaded for you. I’m pretty honest most of the time but thats cuz the honesty usually says something bad about me or hurt me not another person. Its rly hard to say no to you because I don’t wanna hurt you but i know i should be honest now so it saves u from hurting later. Idk maybe you don’t actually care that much and wont get hurt that much. I kinda hope that. You’re such an awesome person and i’d like to keep hanging out with you if you’re ok with that.

relationship wise… I think that I need some time to figure stuff out with myself and the thing with Sean. I mean i know logically i should stop being intimate with him and move on but maybe im just not done. Its like a habit and i dont wanna sound sleezy but we usually end up banging when we hang out. I think theres still too much chemistry.

I feel guilty… Im just a selfish jerk caring more about my feelings than urs im sorry.

Don't apologize because there's nothing bad here Hahahaha. As you said we'll see and for sure we will hang out!!!!!

Ok study hard and write your paper hahahah and you're not a jerk lol

Thanks.. ;)

Idk about all this jaded thing. It can be part of my personality, I used to read a lot of fairytales when I was little maybe that helped hahhaha

Seriously tho.... it's not that I am always innocent or I haven't seen nasty shit that happens everyday. I just choose not to be overwhelmed by that. I choose to be innocent when I can, and it's not always that case.

Darcy wrote me a card in middle school, and it had a quote on it. It was in Chinese but I'll try my best to translate it. It went like "knowing the worldly of society and choose not to is the kindest way to be mature"

I'm working on that.

That’s awesome and i admire you’re ability to do that. I didn’t mean that you don’t know how the world works when i said you’re innocent. This is me not you, its my insecurities. I feel like a more jaded person when I can’t live a positive life when im around someone like you. But I also think a little bit of darkness makes life more interesting, im just kinda twisted inside haha. but i mean whatever makes your life worth living and enjoyable is what you should do. Its different for everyone.

I think you’re doing an awesome job at life.

Aug 13th 2.30AM

I’m always using Vancouver time. I have you watch and never bothered to adjust it. I don’t use it for checking time. I might have told you that I have been having trouble falling asleep. But holding your watch somehow miraculously cured my insomnia.

When you said you loved seeing my face, I was like hmmm… It’s really humid here and hot, my mom left the windows open and I couldnt figure out how to close them for a while so my face was all greasy… and the lighting was horrible hahah so idk why you loved looking at my face. but thats always a good thing to know. Nah you still looked rly cute i couldnt even see any difference

Whenever you told me that you didn’t wanna hurt me, I chose not to think about it. Human brain is truly magical, because if you choose to ignore something then theres a higher probability for you to not remembering it. Until I read what you wrote up there about 3 times, then I started to question myself if what Ive been doing is ok. I don’t wanna confuse you more, and I want you to be happy. So I thought if you really liked Sean that much, I should probably just lay back and let you guys do your thing. I even thought about talking to Sean about this, but it’s not my business after all. I only wish you happy. I definitely overthought this but for about two hours I managed to convinced myself that if I’m not what you want I should fuck off. So I had this post on this Chinese website, it’s kinda like the equivalent of Tumblr. I post stuff I write and photos there and also posted some thing on a group discussion. Some people liked my writing and potentially my face lol so they messaged me and asked me out.

I said maybe to all of them, which you know is essentially a No unless I really felt like it. But I'll always say yes to you.

Something I found funny was that they all commented on my smile. “You have a really warm smile.” Everyone commented on one of my photos. Then they said “you must be sweet.”

Well I mean I might be sweet and also have lovely smiles but really I wanna save them for you. At the same time I don’t think I am what you want so maybe I should just wast them on random strangers. Well I hope smiling means you are happy not just making other people happy so you should always smile when you wanna. Its limitless. Thats how I came up with the idea that I should party tonight and forget about you. For a bit I thought I was actually determined.

Then you said you wanted to see me, and the moment I saw your face, I knew I dont wanna go partying tonight anymore haha. I will write you something, read some papers and sleep early to deal with my jet lag. You got me again. I can’t think straight when I see you and I love that feeling. The rush is worth the pain. You stimulate the secretion of dopamine in my brain. (You will probably say that I should do arts lol, but I already do arts girls so I will be fine in science) haha you “do” arts girl ;) ok

About your watch. I never told you that I dreamed about you a few times. I have too. I’m still not gonna tell you what happened in the dreams haha. They belong to me. But for the past week, I always thought about holding your hand before I fell asleep. Holding your watch in my palm had the same effect, even though it has the opposite texture of your hand, but it did the job.

I really hope that you are gonna be chill with your parents, because I remembered how much I hated dealing with them.

Yeah I’m hoping to keep low and try to just please them if i can while they are here.

I’m probably gonna go explore a bit tomorrow, and get some post cards and small things. I also wanna bring you a souvenir, so I better get started now. I just found out that they have this super cool bookstore called United bookstore here!!!!! theres this cool exhibition going on I’m gonna check it out tmr and hopefully get you cool stuff!!!! I’m really pumped cuz I love bookstores!!! Sounds like a lot of fun!!! I hope you have a blast.

Again, I will be here for you if you wanna see me. You probably won’t be able to do that in the future 10 days cuz your parents will be around. But hey Rebecca Bong, I will be here.

I was listening to Nell. I think it’s cool. My favourite so far is Dream Catcher. I like the beat and the lyrics(I read the translation lol). I will keep listening to their songs and let you know how I feel about them.

That’s funny because the friend who introduced me to Nell likes Dream Catcher the best as well in that album. When we went to their concert after the album release, they played that song and the background light was rainbow ;) my friend loved it. I’ll try to find a picture haha.

My fav from that album is Home.

So this is the tower I snapped you that's super famous in Guangzhou. It's called the Canto tower but it has a nickname as "girl's tight waist" and somehow it's always rainbow at night lol....

there I drew this masterpiece of you and I visiting there :) goals

Awesome drawing skillz hhahah

Random stuff I thought about when I woke up as I was thinking about you at Browns. I wanted to kiss you. I wanted to take your shirt off and kiss you bit by bit until I'm drown in your body and get wasted. You're so beautiful baby.

Well, I don’t know about the other stuff but we can definitely get wasted. Whatever happens after…. is out of my control.

I'll take this as the green light hahahahaha

August 15th 5.55 AM

I didn’t actually start until like 6.20 hahaha. I was trying to figure out my timetable and got kinda annoyed about getting waitlisted for BIOL 200, cuz it’s one of the pre-reqs.

Anywayssss. Something funny that happened today. I was mixing baby formula for my sister and kinda applied my bubble tea shaking skill haha. I wanted to take a snap and caption it “bartender skills on point” I thought it was funny lol

I liked when you pointed out the irony of me wearing a “mask”. I low key hate how this world works but I chose to play by THE RULE and be the type of person the society likes. I’m actually a pretty amoral person. That doesn’t mean that I am morally corrupted but that I have no moral standards. There’s a movie called Mary and Max. I feel like I’m Max to some extent. Max is a sociopath, he doesn’t have any feelings, but he tries to match people’s facial expression and their reactions to different events.

Most of the time I feel indifferent towards most of people and things that happened in my life. Really I don’t think it’s worth my time to feel anything towards them. That’s why I smile(politely) a lot, because I don’t want people to talk to me most of the time. I mean I don’t mind if they do, but I’d rather not. In that sense I might be an introvert. But if it’s someone I care I would definitely pour my heart to make sure they are happy and try to be there for them. Idk if that made any sense lol.

The reason why I always wear this mask is mainly that I’ve been an outsider my entire life. I told you that I went to a boarding school in another province since grade 2. The first day at school there, I kinda got bullied by this girl I later became really close friends with because of my accent. I didn’t cry at all though lol. Then two weeks late nobody could tell that I was from another province. It’s the good old Darwinian’s rule right, you either adapt or you die. Then I studied really hard and became one of the top students. People started liking me I guess. After that I signed up to get involved in all kinds of activities and got a whole lot of rewards. The girl who bullied me kissed me one night and told me that I looked beautiful hahahahaha. I guess that’s how I became popular? Since grade 2 I never got to stay home for more than 4 months every year. I traveled a lot with my parents, but never really stayed home. That only got worse after I came to Canada. And I just adapted again.

But I know that I’m always an outsider. I don’t know how to explain that feeling. I never feel home anywhere. It’s kinda like a voluntary exile. It means losing the connection with your own land to pursue something else. I actually belong to this minor ethnicity in China. Minor ethnicities are kinda like the indigenous groups in Canada. In our culture, we have this strange connection with our land and our water. I gave that up. Then I realized very quickly that I have to be a person people accept, otherwise it’s game over. I won’t belong anywhere.

It took me a very long time to start being ok with not belonging anywhere. It all started when I met Charles. He was sort of a mentor to me. I met him at this tutoring place in Beijing. My mom wanted to me learn English better before I go to Canada, so she sent me there. Charles was at his 40s, quiet, always looked a bit tired, and very wise. He studied literature and philosophy at Bard, and almost did his phD at Columbia University. We read about 90 books together that summer, from ancient greek epic poem and plays to late 20th century philosophical essay collections. We read books about Utopia, feminism, and existentialism. I loved Medea, Freud, Kafka, Virgina Woolf, Huxley, Herman Hesse, Sartre, Camus, and etc. That summer I understood what I felt when I woke up by myself in a strange bed in a strange building and a strange city that you cannot see more than 500 meters away from you. It was exactly loneliness. That might sound very dramatic, but it was exactly how I felt. I could go on and on about this, but let’s stop there hahah. Oh I’m taking PHIL 385! It’s existentialism! I can’t wait!!!! In fact I already purchased all the 4 texts we will be reading haha.

WARNING!!!

I think whatever I wrote below here can be a bit too dark, at least I don’t normally tell anyone about this not even my very close friends….. so idk if u wanna read this…..

I had a hard time dealing with the fact that we’re all fucking individuals are practically lonely. Maybe because of this I had eating disorder for a while. I used to take these Japanese antacid pills everyday so I didn’t have reflux all the time. That was my way of dealing with sorrow and other negative feelings I had. I guess it wasn’t as bad as being clinically depressed? This is the “fucked up” side of me. I don’t think mentally ill people are are fucked up at all, because I’ve been there, or I’m still there, but I’m coping and I know it’s not easy.

I couldn’t really talk to anyone about it. I didn’t feel like talking to my parents about my shitty feelings for obvious reasons. I didn’t have siblings. I was an outsider and really people would probably accept me more if I’m always confident, cool and have my shit together. I thought if I found a person who would understand me, and care about me then I’ve found the cure. I thought my ex(Boxin) was kind of like my family for the longest time. I was kinda dependent on her I guess, I thought she was the cure to my loneliness and me being an outsider. Truth is you never ever depend your identity or happiness on anybody hahaha…. thats shitty. She was mental and a bit violent, and I was kinda lunatic too lol lets not get into too much detail.

Ok, so that was a very toned down way to describe my negative side lol. if you wanted a picture of that, you would probably see me shivering in my bathroom at 3AM with red eyes tearing toilet paper into pieces (it was very comforting to me)and biting on my own index fingers. That’s why I like Breaking Bad so much, because I can be Walt hahaha, and 80% of the time I think like him.

WARNING ENDED … :) life is beautiful again :)

I will show you an email I wrote Charles last summer. I promised that I will tell him about all the girls I liked hahaha so I might have to write him an email about you.

“Charles,

Sorry, I think I mis-sent you an empty email.

I wrote something on my journal again, and mentioned your email. What I realized then was that I did not read your writing carefully enough until I copied some pieces down. The last piece talking about changes reminded me so much of our class together in Beijing, and also enabled me to generate some new thoughts about Romeo and Juliet. Chance, we have always talked about chance. Everything that happens is accidental and unintentional. I wrote that "our encounter(meaning me and Christina) is just an accident then. Nothing more special than you missing the morning bus, me spilling hot water on my tray, and that scientist who discovered urea in his lab."

What we have talked about in Beijing revived, and is now growing again in my body.

I described you as following:

"He is slightly heavier(emotionally), maybe due to all the experiences he had. Every time, when this lonely, miserable man talks about love, he tries to pretend to be an indifferent narrator, like the one in Camus' book, of his own stories, but if I look closer, I can always find the sparks and frustration behind his glasses, in his weary eyes."

I hope that you will keep sending me your writing. I will definitely get a copy once it gets published.

Love,

Amanda”

August 16th 8.45 AM

I felt super tired today. I guess I can be an introvert, cuz I can really use some me time to recover. I hung out with Amanda, it felt the same as we were still in middle school. Or maybe it was different in some ways. He asked me when I got my ears pierced, and laughed when we recalled that I had horrible bushy brows. I guess we all changed but we still kept something that we had in middle school.

It was strange. He is from my past, the part I don't like facing. But I choose to see him once a year for some strange reason that I don't know how to explain. It was chill and made me very tired and lost.

I ate so much lol, too much really. I haven't ate so much since university or even grade 12. I felt like I was 15 again, my eating disorder and shitty feelings all came to me and I got exhausted.

Now I'm playing Nell's albums, and they really are kinda healing. I knew this band from you and I appreciate it. I mean I don't understand a word but hahahha I think it's really good!

Anyways I'm gonna sleep now, god my ex was being real tiring... I just wish I could go back to my lab life and hang out with my teammates and you so my life will be much more cheerful lol

Tons of loveeee❤️❤️❤️

August 18th 926AM

Bong bong bongggggg

Ok so I cleaned my brother's piss and shit like 3 times today. Great time :)

Every time you told me you "talked" to you parents, I got a little worried. I don't know my words mean anything to you, but you are a good human being and you don't need plastic surgery physically or mentally. Everyone is fucked up in their own way and your way is kinda beautiful.

I've been watching Skam season 3, and you have to watch it lol.... I mean I highly recommend it. My ex girlfriend(Alex so the one before crazy Boxin) said I would love it and turns out she's right again lol. I guess it can be super relatable to any millennial who's trying to find who they are and what all the big words (aka. Love religion sexuality etc) mean. One person commented on this show and said something like "Love, especially young love, isn't really about getting wasted, smoking, or getting corrupted together in any way, but is about secretly listening to all his/her playlists" and beautifully sensitive things like that.

It's a super relatable show to me. Sarah (Addy's gf) and I got a bit drunk and went out to pick up sushi together on that Friday night we met. We talked about how for the longest time none of us knew how to explain homosexuality with Darwinian's views on evolution. We both had this panic phase for a very very long time, fighting it every time we open our biology textbook and even thinking about ATGC bases in genetics class. They talked about the exact same thing in Skam! Also so many other cute things I can't spoil... for example the main characters are super hot like I would date one of them lol

I miss you a lot and I hope every day gets a bit easier for you with your parents :)

Love,

Yang

August 23rd 3.20 AM

It was nice to talk to you again. I sometimes wonder if you forgot about me already hahahha clearly you haven't.

I don't wanna be overly positive. To be honest, I don't like overly positive people. All my friends are fairly positive, and we believe in good things. That doesn't mean we are TOO positive though?

It really hurts me when I can't help people I care with their confusion. I really can't practically help you and I think talking too much about it is utterly annoying and meaningless. I do believe in you though. It's different from the way your father believes in you, because he probably also finds it hard to accept "failure"(meaning anything other paths other than his expectation). I was talking to one of my ex girlfriends Alex, and she said something really smart like "people always feel obliged to pursue happiness, thinking that that's the only way to live. In fact, you have to make so many choices every day, and it's not easy at all. Most of the time you don't necessarily make those decisions for your happiness, but you're just doing it for living, living at this moment."

She's real deep lol, but it makes sense right? I trust you because I don't think you're hopeless. My cousin Wei is confused and hopeless. You're just confused. I'm confused too. Well fuck who isn't confused? Baby steps baby steps....

I'll be your support, I'll always be your support when needed.

Moving on. I never thought taking care of babies would be so hard and tedious..... my siblings both weigh 5kg now... it's arm day every day. Most importantly, it's my last year of being a teenager, I should be clubbingggggggg instead of being a part time nanny.... I guess you're being a part time nanny+chauffeur too😂😂😂 why do bad things happen to good people!!!! We used to say that a lot when there's a rush at PF. Good old timessss.

I got a bit confused a few days ago about my ex girlfriend. It's crystal clear that I don't wanna get back with her or have any emotional connection with her. But what about sleeping with her? We dated for three years and one thing I enjoyed was sleeping with her. I guess I'm still super young, so sleeping with someone consistently for three years really trained my brain to think of her as the default when it comes to intimacy. I have mixed feelings about offering my room to her. I told myself that I won't bring any girls other than my future girlfriend home to sleep over lol unless they are my friends. I don't wanna be friends with Boxin, I don't wanna be anything with her. Maybe friends with benefits minus the friend part. I don't even know if I want that, but people get horny it's human nature and people like convenience.

I tried to explain, not because I think you expect anything from me, but I expect myself to be focused. There's nothing wrong with fucking around, I simply like giving one person the special attention. Sartre and Simone fucked around their entire life, but there's only one Sartre to Simone and vice versa.

About school, we can always study together if you want, I'm a good study buddy I think. I could probably study Econ with you if I haven't forgotten all about Micro.

Turns out that I'll have to cab back to UBC on the 3rd, but somehow I liked it this way. I don't wanna owe her anything lol or I'll just bus back cuz I don't have much to carry anyways

I'm going for a walk. The typhoon could hit the city at anytime but I miss getting soaked. It's kinda EMO so you probably get it hahahah.

Love,

Yang

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