#simh-series

[belovedholland]

Still In My Heart || th. smau

-–— eleven

⇾ summary – Just four months ago you broke up with your three years long term boyfriend, Tom Holland. After your break up you wrote a new album; 'Still In My Heart', which took the world by storm. But the thing that took you by storm, was when Tom suddenly started texting you again.

navigation | series masterlist | simh taglist

⇾ a/n – I'm very sorry that I haven't been updating the series, I've been very busy with school as I have exams rn, as well as my personal life (not bad, just hectic). But after 2 weeks the next part is finally here, again, sorry for the wait!

—

– reblogs & comments means more than you think

#simh-series #tom holland #tom holland series #tom holland smau #tom holland fanfic #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland angst #tom holland fluff #tom holland x singer!reader #ex!tom holland x reader #tom holland x reader

[alwek]

Spiders In My Head: The Square Hole

I think a lot about what life is. What things mean, how things function, where personality comes from. I think about why is life a lot too.

As fall enters its center, and winter approaches the horizon, I find ourself in that wonderful nostalgic bliss. My body tingles, I feel calm, pleasured, loved by chilly autumn air. Seasonal Affective Disorder, a lovely thing half the time.

I think a lot about why I'm here. As a singular, and as my place in a system. What it means that I'm here as I am, what I can do to make things good. I think my of doing that is thinking. Perhaps that's why I gravitate to philosophical thinking, at risk of sounding pretentious.

Thinking is some of the only things I can do, existing like this.

Three years ago, I made a commitment to something. A whole month where every day, out of spirit for a new found love, to blaze it every day. You can probably guess what month that was.

I've always had a, we've always had a very roundabout way of doing things. I've been wanting to make this SIMH "series" for a while now, but I was never able to get it started until something was that multiple ofnus wanted to start. The weekly update of our transition. Slowly, it turned into granting me power to do something that helps us all. Thinking. But something easy had to be started before something with the perception of difficulty could be.

I've committed to getting a corn snake recently. Something we've wanted to do for a long time now, and with our drug spending finally under some control, we can. I want to take care of another life. To help something thrive and watch it be content with my care, my decisions, my actions.

I always thought that line was stupid. "You have to love yourself before you love yourself." How can I love what I do not yet know? How do I grow if not through love?

#simh #ramblings #commitment #philosophy

[yeppeojiwrites]

biggest fan epilogue//kang yeosang

warnings: mental health mention, kidnapping/abduction mention, swearing

word count: 1,929

so here’s the real, final end to my first ever fic,,,i hope you’ve enjoyed this series and that you aren’t too disappointed in my writing abilities but yee this was interesting to write and dare i say...fun?? idk

yeah he looks pretty here and what about it???

--

Yeosang stared out of the barred window from his place in his bed. Dark circles surrounded his dark eyes and bruises and scars littered his exposed arms from times that he took his anger out on himself. His lips were cracked from a lack of water; Yeosang refused to drink the water from the mental institution because of its taste. 

Outside of his room, Yeosang could hear the laughs, screams, and cries of his fellow patients at the Seoul Institution for Mental Health. Yeosang has been here for the past five months and would continue to be here until he was no longer deemed a threat to society.  Today is Tuesday which means that it is visiting day, a day that comes twice a week at SIMH (Tuesdays and Saturdays) but never seems to fulfill its patients’ constant need to see their loved ones.

Yeosang’s mom and brother always come to visit him on Saturdays. His mom always sits next to him and holds his hand and strokes his hair while his brother talks to him about his niece and nephew and things that are going on in South Korea. His brother always manages to dodge news about you but Yeosang understands. It’s probably for his own good. 

Yeosang continued to face the window, even when he heard someone walking down the hallway; even though everyone else was in the main room, Yeosang figured that the person who was walking around wasn’t coming for him. Suddenly, a soft knock against his open door broke Yeosang out of his trance. 

“Yeosang, you have a visitor,” Miss Sori, Yeosang’s favorite staff member said, a sweet smile on her face. Yeosang turned from the window to look at her, a confused expression on his face. 

“I do?” he asked, his voice weak from disuse. Miss Sori nodded and gave a sweet-sounding mhm. Yeosang moved from his bed and put on his hospital socks, meeting Miss Sori at his doorway. She bent her arm so that there was an open space for an arm to go through, offering the arm to Yeosang. “Shall we?” she asked, looking at him expectantly. Yeosang slipped his arm through the loop and gave a small smile. “We shall.” he said. 

Sori and Yeosang walked through the hallway and into the common room where there were many small groups of people visiting with their loved ones. Miss Sori pointed to an empty table that sat near the edge of the room. “Sit there and do not face the door, alright?” she said. Yeosang turned to look at her in confusion but Miss Sori looked at Yeosang with a certain look that told him not to object. Yeosang shuffled across the room and made it to the chair that faced away from the door and sat down in it. 

“Where is Yeosang?” Yeosang heard a familiar voice say. 

“He’s over there, he just sat down.” Miss Sori said. Suddenly, the sound of rubber-soled sneakers moving against the hardware floor filled Yeosang’s ears and became louder and louder. Yeosang kept his eyes low and looked at his hands which were laying in his lap. 

You sat down in front of him and leaned back in the weighted chair. “Hey,” you said. Yeosang’s head snapped up at the sound of your voice. You took one look at him and said, “You really look like shit, Kang Yeosang.” which caused him to laugh. 

“You look different too,” he said. In truth, you did. You had a new ear piercing, your hair was cut into a bob and was a newly-dyed dark red, you had a small heart tattooed on the outside of your left hand, and your style had changed. 

You nodded. “That’s what going home does to you.” 

“Why are you visiting me?” Yeosang asked. “I thought you were still in (your home country) and that you wanted nothing to do with me.” he finished, a surprised tone in his voice. 

“I was in a place like this for a few weeks after I got home. Everyone I’ve met in this country wanted me to go to an institution in South Korea but I didn’t want anyone to recognize me or try to talk to me or get information about me regarding what happened so I waited until I got home to get help. Here in South Korea, I’m a foreign K-pop idol who was abducted by a crazed fan. In (home country) I’m just a person who was abducted in another country by a stalker. No one knows who I am at home, and it’s nice.” you say.

“You didn’t answer my question-”

“I’m getting there. I feel like you should know not to cut me off by now but it’s fine. We haven’t talked in a year. As I was saying though, I suffered from a lot of PTSD and anxiety and after a really bad break, I was sent to an institution. I was put on some medicine and I saw a therapist and things started to suck less. This experience led me to a question which led to me wanting to seek closure regarding this entire situation.” you said before pausing to lean forward in your chair. 

“I remember in the trial that the defendant said that you stopped refilling your medicine and seeing your therapist and psychologist about a month after Paradigm debuted. You said that you stopped taking it because you felt like you didn’t need it anymore because you found a new source of happiness, me.” you said. “Yeosang...you weren’t just taking medicine for depression. You’re delusional and you were taking medicine to decrease the amount of delusions. Why did you stop taking your medicine? This whole thing could have been avoided if you had just taken your medicine.”

“I have a very unhealthy obsession with things,” he started. 

“Clearly.” you said, causing him to sigh. 

“I see you still haven’t lost your sass,” he said as he rubbed his forehead. You shrugged. 

“Sass keeps me alive.” you respond. 

“Like I was saying, I have a very unhealthy relationship with things. I depended on my friends to keep me happy after my medicine stopped helping my impulses but when they failed, Paradigm had just debuted and I saw you as a way to divert my attention away from my mental issues but because I wasn’t focusing on them, they got worse.”

“But I don’t understand why you didn’t just visit a psychiatrist to try new medicine or change something about the way you were living,” 

“Like you said, I’m delusional,” he sighed. 

“Like the prosecutor said during the trial, ‘Your mental health doesn’t excuse what you did to me. It might have helped create the idea but it was your true self who abducted me.’” you said as you rested your arms on the table in front of you. 

“I’m sorry that I did what I did to you,” Yeosang said, reaching across the table to touch your hands. You moved your hands to your lap under the table. 

“We aren’t friends, Kang Yeosang. We haven’t been friends and we never will be friends.” you tell him firmly. He nods sadly. 

“Yeosang...I just came here to receive an answer to my question. I...I don’t think I’ll be back here again. Maybe we can meet under better circumstances in a different life or maybe we have a better relationship in a different dimension. But in this life and in this dimension, I don’t want to build a relationship with you and I refuse to.” You stand up and pull your cardigan around yourself.

“Have a good life, Yeosang.” 

--

“Digmies! Look who’s back in South Korea!” Minami yelled into her phone. She turned the phone to face you and you waved. 

“Hello!” you said with a wide smile on your face. 

Comments began to speed across the VLive screen. 

“is that who i think it is?”

“(y/n)???????”

“we missed you!!” 

“are you guys gonna have an ot10 comeback soon??” 

“is a paradigm form debut coming???” 

“she’s back!!” 

“It’s been a while Digmies!” you laughed. 

“We missed her a lot!” Minami yelled and kissed your cheek, your eyes widening. 

“Hey! Minami!” you exclaimed as you chased her around the dance practice room. 

--

(four months later)

“Set the form! Hello, we’re Paradigm!” you and groupmates greeted your audience before sitting in your seats. 

“Paradigm is back with all of their members in their new title track ‘Got This’ and full studio album Re:Zume. Ladies, can one of you tell us about your new comeback as well as your concept for this album?” the host asked.

“I can do it!” you say you raise your hand eagerly. The host nods and gestures for you to speak. You turn towards the audience and smile brightly.

“‘Got This’ is an upbeat song about doing something that you’re afraid to do or that you feel that you can’t do. One of the central song lyrics is, if my members can help me,

‘You got this (”Got this!” your groupmates sang enthusiastically.)

Go do what you want to do!

Live your own life

And do the things that are good for you.’” you rapped lightly while smiling. Your groupmates laughed and clapped and the audience cheered along with them. 

“During the time that I was...apart from my group, I would say ‘You got this’ to myself very often. The second part of the song came from an interaction with someone while I was apart from my group. He wasn’t living his own life and doing things that would help him,” you stated. “If he had...we probably would have had a comeback earlier.” you laughed slightly.

“But overall, I feel like it’s important to know that everyone has the power to make a positive change in their lives. You can pass that test; you can lose that weight if you want to lose it; you can get that date; you can get that job; and you can love yourself, even if it seems like you can’t right now. Everyone is capable of great things. You got this!” you state. 

“I think that’s a beautiful statement, (Y/N),” the host smiles. “I think after that explanation, we should see the performance! What does the audience think?” the host asks. The audience cheers in response. 

--

Breaking: Paradigm Member (Y/N) Has a Boyfriend

Paradigm’s fifth youngest member and member of the sub-unit Paradigm Form (Y/N) was in the press not too long ago after a heart-wrenching abduction court case. However, the young woman is in the press for a new reason, a relationship. Her boyfriend, Choi San, an up-and-coming choreographer who received his start from his YouTube channel, is very smiley when talking about her as seen in the videos below and (Y/N) seems to be just as happy when he is brought up. 

Her company as well her groupmates, fellow idols, and television personalities are very supportive of the relationship. However, there has been some negativity surrounding the relationship. How do you feel about the relationship?

Comment below!

Comments: 

1. [+ - 10392] I’m so happy she’s at peace now! After everything she’’s been through, she deserves to feel happy! 

2. [+ - 9942] Look at their smiles!! Young love still exists, what a miracle kkkkk! I’m happy for the couple!

4. [+ - 9523] wah, theyre so cute!! i’m happy to see her smiling again!!

1100. [+ - -5837] isn’t she tired of being around men? he’s probably going to take advantage of her like her abductor is kkkkkkk foreign bitches never learn

--

this is the end of a biggest fan!! i hope you enjoyed it! 

ellie <3

#ateez scenarios #yeppeojiwrites #ateez #yeosang #kang yeosang #yeosang scenarios #kpop scenarios

[fauxsciencedork]

40?😊

Ooh. 

40. which one of your stories would you most like to see as a movie/series

You know............

Maybe the one I’m working on now? The AU Wallisco one, I mean. There’s a shit-ton of world-building and it could work as its own universe. I could totally CC it up, turn it into original fic and let TV make it into a better thing than I could ever write. 

If the CW wanted to use SIMH or Like a Summer as a basis for a season arc on the show, though, I’d sign that contract. Just sayin. 

#<3 #cc without the rampant bullying and awfulness of course #Anonymous

[giveitallmixtapes]

F.A.Q

How much is samples in MPPJ/WWA?

Very little. Apart from the obvious ones - Soul Stabs from Wind Sections, James Brown Shouts - there are other parts which is turntablism, I’m using a Vestax PDX 2000  - is all played my me, using Midi and a keyboard, or programmed. People think that album is all Samples, it's all played by me, apart from about 4 sounds, and the obvious ones.

Is that you playing guitar in the outros of the last two songs? (Anaheim and Ladies in the bathtub)

It's me playing - and in most of LITB - my Jazzmaster and a SG Epiphone, which I had to sell.

What's with the Mastering?

GIAM was the place where I was going to release (youtube, bandcamp, etc) b-sides, rough mixes, songs from way back, and final home mixes showing part of the immensity of stuff I work on, but I couldn’t find a Mastering Engineer in Venezuela (Venezuelans can't expend money outside it's border) - I’ve had this idea (GIAM) for quite a while now.

In 2008 when I released my first Home Produced album, which I mixed it in a very noisy environment, up to the point where I was not gonna go thru with it because I couldn't mix it, the mids were being juiced too much compensating for the noisy environment, I dealt with it the best way I could at the time, and then almost shelved it indefinitely because I couldn't find a Mastering Engineer.

I met a couple of people who said they did Mastering, or that they were “Mastering Engineers”, "Professionals", but I quickly grew weary. In one occasion I visited one to talk about my Mastering, what I needed, but after a unsolicited tour of a one room studio, tracking and mixing room, which took about 2 hours, it was confessed to me, that he wasn't a "Real" Mastering Engineer, but a Mixing Engineer who bought a "Mastering Plug-In". So that did not encourage me, as he was a very known "Professional" in Venezuela. I had just arrived from Madrid a couple of months before where I knew Professional Musicians, Professional Sound Engineers and Professional Producers.

I had about 3 or 4 similar experiences after that before I simply got tired of all of that. I looked for a drummer to no avail for about 4 years, and I knew a lot of musicians in the Caracas, Venezuelan music scene.

I had contacts outside Venezuela, but with absolutely no way of sending any amount of money outside Venezuelan borders, that option couldn't be realized. So having songs with peak differences of 6 Dbs, a super noisy environment, and not having Mastering Tools, I practically butchered the Mixes I had done trying to Master them in a very noisy environment, and they were good mixes, besides the mid situation that I dealt with it and the super noisy environment. Even tho I studied it in SAE Madrid (Mastering, Mixing and Tracking, and other stuff), in a G-Series SSL Console and a couple others, Tape and Digital, and done it a couple of times in a Professional Environment, I can't Mix and Master. And usually I'm mixing all day and all night when I'm active making music 15 hours a day or at least 8 or 10.

So instead of not releasing anything in 10 years, I came thru and released how I could what I could and very little amounts of material.

Any release had plans of going physical?

MPPJ/WWA was going to be released in Vinyl, pressed in the UK, with a different Mastering from a Digital release, done for the grooves, the digital release was also getting a different Mastering done, worked from my good sounding Mixes (Not what we hear today which is my Mastering) but again, funds could not be sent outside Venezuela. I had the funds (all my savings I had at the time), but no way of sending them to an UK account, or an overseas account.

FTP was unmastered and the songs were Rough Mixes done in 3 days for an online publication in 12 dollar speakers, and in SIMH I tried to bring all tracks to the same volume using a compressor, in the same noisy environments, using 20 dollar Speakers (the same ones I used for Mixing), I couldn’t discern a thing, so I was doing all types of guessing where the frequencies where and using analyzer freebies, but the sound is there. Tho it needed Mastering. It was mixed in about a week and a half from the rough mixes. Then I took 5 or 6 days bringing em all to a similar volume. Then I was so tired I slept for 2 weeks and then no way I could finish that release if I had postponed it, bc I had been doing music, all types, for about 2 years non-stop.

I have an insane amounts of tracks, which I’m shelving for future use (mostly almost finished in the music side, and rough mixes, partly bc a painfully slow and not resourceful computer). Which some of them were intended for release in GIAM, but the Intelligent Mastering Plugin I got a hold on, which basically Masters tracks for you, sounds too zeitgeisty, and I was thinking that was not gonna be the case, I was not gonna release my songs with that sound, so instead of releasing stuff I really like musically and how the Mixing is done, but don’t like the Mastering, being loud, kicking-in competing in the loudness war, brittle, shrill, thin, distorted, I decided to hold it for now.

I lost about 3 years of work, guitar, midi, songs with lyrics, demos, rough mixes when the only backup disk I had went blank, Venezuela and Caracas City wasn’t providing good remunerated work, or anything really. So what I made Djing I spent it in Taxis from and to my Gigs, hailing Cabs in the streets after long walks, unofficial pirate Taxis in one the most dangerous city of the world, at 3 am, 5 am, with all my gear, until I couldn’t afford even that, then I couldn’t afford guitar strings.

Then I started digging hard in the Home Studio, after studying thoroughly my situation, learnt to really play MPC’s, using every aspect and option of them (500 and 1000) and handle Midi Messages, Midi Standard and Sysex, and all of that as much as I could, up to the point where I’m comfortable creating and recalling a full personal custom session with midi sound modules and midi capable gear (reverbs, delays, etc), and changing settings in the song I input in Hardware Midi Sequencers or in a DAW (Change reverb length, delay feedback, change sound waves in midi sound modules, every setting imaginable), dug again Music Theory hard and deep for about 10 months (I did about 8 months of Jazz Studies in Madrid some years back, mostly Piano and beginner music reading - sight reading and writing - ) , and now is 2018 and we keep on going...

[belovedholland]

Still In My Heart || th. smau

-–— nine

⇾ summary – Just four months ago you broke up with your three years long term boyfriend, Tom Holland. After your break up you wrote a new album; 'Still In My Heart', which took the world by storm. But the thing that took you by storm, was when Tom suddenly started texting you again.

navigation | series masterlist | simh taglist

⇾ a/n – Posting super late, and I will be going to bed now, but I really hope you like this part, drama is starting! Sorry in advantage.

—

– reblogs & comments means more than you think

#simh-series #tom holland smau #tom holland series #tom holland x singer!reader #ex!tom holland x reader #tom holland #tom holland x reader #tom holland angst #tom holland fluff #tom holland imagines #tom holland fanfic #tom holland fanfiction

[belovedholland]

Still In My Heart || th. smau

-–— fourteen

⇾ summary – Just four months ago you broke up with your three years long term boyfriend, Tom Holland. After your break up you wrote a new album; 'Still In My Heart', which took the world by storm. But the thing that took you by storm, was when Tom suddenly started texting you again.

navigation | series masterlist | simh taglist

⇾ a/n – This was the last part of the series, of course there will be a final epilouge, but then it's done. I hope you have enjoyed the series as much as I did. Even though I quit writing, I couldn't let this series be here unfinished.

—

– reblogs & comments means more than you think

#simh-series #tom holland #tom holland fanfic #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland smau #tom holland series #tom holland imagines #tom holland imagine #tom holland fluff #tom holland x reader #tom holland x singer!reader #ex!tom holland x reader

[belovedholland]

Still In My Heart || th. smau

-–— thirteen

⇾ summary – Just four months ago you broke up with your three years long term boyfriend, Tom Holland. After your break up you wrote a new album; 'Still In My Heart', which took the world by storm. But the thing that took you by storm, was when Tom suddenly started texting you again.

navigation | series masterlist | simh taglist

⇾ a/n – Once again, I'm sorey this didn't come out sooner, I kinda promised I would post 10 days ago, I really don't have an excuse, but I’m sorry, hope you can forgive me! I'm also gonna start writing part 14 right now!

—

– reblogs & comments means more than you think

#simh-series #tom holland #tom holland imagines #tom holland series #tom holland fanfic #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland angst #tom holland smau #tom holland fluff #tom holland x reader #tom holland x y/n #tom holland x singer!reader #ex!tom holland x reader

[belovedholland]

Still In My Heart || th. smau

-–— twelve

⇾ summary – Just four months ago you broke up with your three years long term boyfriend, Tom Holland. After your break up you wrote a new album; 'Still In My Heart', which took the world by storm. But the thing that took you by storm, was when Tom suddenly started texting you again.

navigation | series masterlist | simh taglist

⇾ a/n – I really wish I could have gotten this part out earlier on the week, but after my toe broke, my mind has just been elsewhere, and I forgot. But it's here now, and I hope you like it, happiness is definitely on it's way!

—

– reblogs & comments means more than you think

#simh-series #tom holland #tom holland fanfic #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland angst #tom holland fluff #tom holland smau #tom holland series #tom holland imagines #tom holland x reader #tom holland x singer!reader #ex!tom holland x reader

[belovedholland]

Still In My Heart || th. smau

-–— ten

⇾ summary – Just four months ago you broke up with your three years long term boyfriend, Tom Holland. After your break up you wrote a new album; 'Still In My Heart', which took the world by storm. But the thing that took you by storm, was when Tom suddenly started texting you again.

navigation | series masterlist | simh taglist

⇾ a/n – Part 10 is finally here, and a lot is happening! I just want to say thank you to everyone who has interracted with this series, I love hearing your feedback and thoughts, it means a lot! I hope you like this part!

—

– reblogs & comments means more than you think

#simh-series #tom holland #tom holland fanfic #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland x reader #tom holland x singer!reader #ex!tom holland x reader #tom holland series #tom holland fluff #tom holland angst #tom holland smau

[belovedholland]

Still In My Heart || th. smau

-–— eight

⇾ summary – Just four months ago you broke up with your three years long term boyfriend, Tom Holland. After your break up you wrote a new album; 'Still In My Heart', which took the world by storm. But the thing that took you by storm, was when Tom suddenly started texting you again.

navigation | series masterlist | simh taglist

⇾ a/n – I haven't posted in a whole week, and I'm sorry. I love this series, and really enjoy making it, and I'm not gonna stop. I've just been super busy lately, with exams and training, and I haven't really had any free time. I struggled a bit with this part, but I think it turned out okay, it's a little shorter, but I hope you still like it!

—

– reblogs & comments means more than you think

#simh-series #tom holland #tom holland series #tom holland smau #tom holland x singer!reader #ex!tom holland x reader #tom holland x reader #tom holland imagines #tom holland fanfic #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland angst #tom holland fluff

[belovedholland]

I was actually working on SIMH, but then I ended up watching the news for the last 3 hours. So I haven't been able to work on it. Though maybe I will now, I was going to go to bed, but I don't need sleep, at least it can wait.

#simh-series

[belovedholland]

When's the part 12 of simh coming? :)

I'm not quite sure, I haven't been very active lately, because of my exams, but my last exam will be this wednesday, and I will obviously be focusing on that. After that, I will be active on here.

But to answer your question, I think I will say latest on friday, maybe before, but no promises

#anon #cec answers #simh-series

[belovedholland]

helloooo!! when do you think chapter 14 of your smau series will be out? i really enjoy your work and i miss reading ittt :))

thank youuu

Im really flattered, and I wish I had an answer, but I don't know, and I also don't have much time. I will be with my friend till mid Tuesday. I will be using all of Wednesday to pack, cause I'm going to Spain on Thursday for a week. And school starts just a few days after I get home.

So i really have no idea, I wish I had gotten it done earlier

#simh-series #anon #cec answers

[belovedholland]

heyy! i lovee the Still In My Heart series!! it is soo good! do you know when the next chapter is coming out? <3

Hi!!! First, thank you so much, I'm glad you are enjoying the series.

I have plans tomorrow, so I would guess the weekend, since I don't have many plans there. I won't promise it though, because that didn't rrally work out before, but I will try to get it out there!

#anon #cec answers #simh-series

[belovedholland]

New chapter of SIMH will be out this weekend!

#simh-series