#some of the way ppl in the aro community talk about asexuality and aroace identities is just...idk frustrating

[redysetdare]

I keep seeing posts where people are saying "Valentines doesn't effect asexuals!" "romantic relationships have nothing to do with asexuality!" And while i understand the point they are making is to stop conflating Aromanticism with Asexuality, it is still extremely annoying to find people don't understand the nuance that comes with asexualities connection to romance - because it DOES have a connection to it. It DOES have problems in relation to romance. To say it doesn't is ignoring a huge set is experiences that ace people face.

One of the most common experiences for asexuals is the struggle to be in romantic relationships because they are asexual. a lot of romantic relationships expect you to have sex. if you're someone who doesn't have sex then unfortunately that causes a lot of people to lose interest in you romantically as well.

There's also non-sam aces, and let me tell you it's so very strange to hear someone bring up non-sam aros but then ignore the existence of non-sam aces in order to prove some point of it somehow being ace peoples fault that aro and ace are viewed as the same. Some non-sam aces do not date either. they are still ace and they can still face similar problems to aromantic people because of that. they are still effected my amatonormativity.

Aces DO have connection to romance. Asexual DID have a reason to trend on valentines day along with Aro and Aroace. Asexuality is effected my romance and amatonormativity. Sop acting like it isn't. stop acting like aros and aces have absolutely nothing in common. We can work together and have similar experiences and still be seen as separate identities. there is overlap. stop treating this as black and white where one identity can only be effected by one kind of problem. It's naive at best and down right hateful at worse.

#text #aro #ace #aromantic #asexual #aroace #aspec #i might get hate for this one but as an aroace who for a while was a non-sam ace (before i found out about aro) #romance DOES effect aces #not in the same way that it effects aros but #treating aces as if they can never know or understand amatonormativity and have never faced similar issues? idk it's ignorant to me #some of the way ppl in the aro community talk about asexuality and aroace identities is just...idk frustrating #i understand the frustration on their end but also i need you all to not fall down the rabbit hole of becoming acephobic #and blaming ace people for all the problems that allos caused #and understand there is nuance to identities and just because someone is asexual alloromantic #doesn't mean they aren't effected by amatonormativity or that they have no issues related to romance at all #asexual and Aromantic are not the same thing but also stop acting like they have no overlap at all period #we used to help each other man. stop throwing some of us under the bus to try and make a point #romantic expectations are not an aro only problem

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

I'm kind of confused rn, and I thought this might be the right place to ask? Just ignore this otherwise, that's totally fine!

To me, both romance and sex has always been something fictional. Not that it's not real, but I only enjoy the idea of it if it's between to fictional characters. Like in a fanfic, for example.

Thinking about it in a real-world sense has always made me super uncomfortable, talking or hearing someone talk about it is even worse.

Does this make me asexual or aromantic? I'm just so unsure bc I have been interested in people before, but never in the obsessive way most people describe crushes, and those interests have been less and less over time.

Again, I'm sorry if I've made you uncomfortable with this personal ask but I saw this blog and thought some ppl with more aroace experience might be able to help me out?

Thanks for your time!

So especially for people who are questioning, I really like the definition for asexual and aromantic as someone who doesn't experience that full range of sexual or romantic orientation. So basically someone who is not experiencing everything an allosexual person and alloromantic person is expected to experience. And then if they find the label useful or find they relate at all to other aces/aros or the community.

A lot of people tend to look at asexuality and aromanticism as not sexual/not romantic. And that's not necessarily true. Some aren't at all, but some can be very sexual or romantic or anything in between.

So don't feel like just because you're romantic or sexual in some ways it means you can't be ace/aro or can't use those labels. Instead it's a lot more helpful to ask if those labels are useful for you, if you feel like you have a lot in common with the ace/aro people or the community. Another really useful question can be do you feel like alloromantic and allosexual don't fit, or do you feel like you don't have relate to alloromantic and allosexual experiences. And that can give some clarity too.

Are you allowed to ID as ace/aro? Absolutely, I know people who do ID that way on a similar basis. But also you never need anyone's permission to ID as ace or aro. So the question becomes do you think those labels would be useful for you, do you think it would help you? etc, etc.

Another label you may find useful is aegosexual/aegoromantic (also sometimes known as autochorisromantic autochorissexual). Which means someone who experiences a disconnect between themselves and what they find romantic/sexual. Basically having things they find romantic/sexual but not wanting to be a participant themselves. And it's common for aego people to prefer to indulge their sexual/romantic side through fiction, fantasy, etc. Even if this describes you, you don't have to use those labels, but if you do like them or connect to them you can. And they're both considered ace/aro spectrum labels.

Another thing that may be useful for you is just reading up on ace/aro experiences. And you can do this anywhere aces and aros are talking about their experiences, it can even be here on tumblr, especially following ace and aro themed blogs. If you're not sure where to look, Arocalypse is a great resources for questioning aros too, and it's just a giant forum with useful faqs too. Carnival of Aces and Carnival or Aros are also really nice resources, and that's just a monthly event where aces and aros are invited to blog about a specific topic and you can wander through their archives and see if anything's interesting. But most social media sites have ace/aro spaces, I'd definitely recommend sites with community spaces rather than open tags though, just to avoid trolls. Following

But yeah definitely the big question is do you find these labels useful for you. And this isn't a question you need to have an answer for right away. While some people have a moment where things just click together, for a lot of people figuring out identity is a slow process and takes some time to adjust to.

And don't worry, questions like these are exactly what this blog is for. Feel free to ask if you have any more questions.

All the best, Anon!

[bunnyblooms]

OKAY FUCKER ALL THE QUESTIONS FROM THAT ASK MEME THE LGBT ONE

1. Identity and pronouns.

I'm agenderfluid and they/them pronouns. My sexuality is aroflux and asexual.

2. How did you discover your sexuality?

Pretty much at 14 was like "idk i don't relate to everyone else i don't find celebrities hot or sex remotely something i want. If i could reproduce without sex i would. Oh. I'll just call myself asexual, like a sponge!" (Which asexual is incidentally what the creators of Spongebob were going for, fun facts. Spongebob is ace rights.)

3. Have you experienced being misgendered? How do you overcome it?

Mmmm I am constantly misgendered bc I'm nonbinary and live in a binary society and the way I compartmentalize it is basically just dressing how I want and not making an attempt to pass as anything tbh. The only time I feel misgendered is when someone knows my pronouns and doesn't use them anymore tbh. So basically. Letting go of how I want to be perceived helped. I will say tho, I refuse to come out to my dad bc he won't respect it and it'll be more painful hearing him misgender me knowing how I identify, but. That's certainly a privilege I have since I'm not transitioning. (ATM at least.)

4. Who was the first person you told? How did they react?

I technically didn't come out as ace. My ex-best friend knew bc I talked about it, but neither of us knew it was an identity. So the transition upon finding the label was virtually nonexistent and all of my friends were LGBTQ as well so it wasn't stressful or shocking. It helps that around the time I discovered the label I'd met two friends who were ace and felt the same way I did. My experience with my asexuality is definitely the model that should be the norm with the community and what we as a society should aim for.

As for my gender I'd made comments in the past that I wished I could just be genderless and it really kind of sat with me when my ex-best friend came out as trans bc I was like "Oh? You don't have to be the gender you are at birth?" Belial from Angel Sanctuary was a character that resonated with me at the time, and this was right around the time I made my ace friends. It wasn't until a year later that I discovered the nb community and one friend who was genderfluid that I decided to start trying different pronouns. And basically I came out as questioning and transitioned to nb without a formal declaration, which I also feel should be the goal for society.

I was at a con with my best friend at the time who was trans and he'd come out with my now ex-best friend while they were dating. And I was really anxious bc I felt like ppl would assume I was a transtrender and shit, and my friend said something about gender and I kind of awkwadly implied I might not identify as female and he was really great about it! He was like "If you wanna talk about it or try different pronouns you can." :D

5. Describe what it was like coming out.

I pretty much did this im question 4 hehehe.

6. If you're out, how did ppl react?

I'm not out to family, that I know of. They found my facebook which has my identity listed in my about, so I'm in limbo with them where none of us talk about it so idk if they register it as an LGBTQ thing or not.

My friends were all supportive! It helps that I have like no cishet friends lmao.

I also came out to my class on TDOV two years ago for a project where we step outside our comfort zone. I'm luckily in the social work program which has social justive built into the tenants of the profession so it was pretty positive! People still misgendered me after and were more concerned with "but i'm scared of ppl getting angry at me what should i do to talk about this with them" which. 9__9 Not surprising. But there was a mom whose kid and her kid's partner are both genderfluid and bigender so it was a good experience and I had an ally which made me comfortable in sharing it in the first place.

7. What is one question you hate ppl asking about your sexuality?

Inevitably when I say I'm ace, non-aces assume I have no interest in dating which. Way to conflate being aroace with ace and ignore that there are aros and aces who want relationships. That's my biggest pet peeve.

8. Describe the style of clothing you often wear.

I wear flannels and ripped jeans or shorts mainly. I basically dress like a butch lesbian. I'll wear dresses and stuff but I do not like dressing femme and prefer to offset softer things with hard things. Like. When I wear dresses I have to wear clunky combat boots with them or have short hair or something.

9. Who are your favorite LGBTQ+ ships?

Hmmm. Depends if you mean canon or not. Canon, it's probably FigAyda from D20 and Catradora from She-ra. Shion/Nezumi from No.6 is also one of my faves. There's also Chie and Ai from Virgin's Empire. Blupjeans from The Adventure Zone and JonMartin from The Magnus Archives.

As for Not Confirmed ships, I like Flick/CJ from Animal Crossing, Tsuna/Enma from Katekyo Hitman Reborn, uhhh. Reigisa from Free!, Kanji/Naoto from Persona and Chihiro/whatever the fuck his name is Mondo? Or the other guy I forget, from Danganronpa. Also RenLaw, RenStrade, and VinceLaw+VinceFarz from BTD.

(I am including straight relationships involving trans ppl obv.)

10. What does makeup mean to you? Do you wear any?

I hate how I look with make up it makes me dysphoric. But to me makeup is a good expressive outlet and bomb as hell, so when I do wanna wear makeup, I prefer wearing eyeliner and lipstick (esp in black or blue or green or purple) and glitter.

11. Do you experience dysphoria? How does it affect you?

I experience what I refer to as Silhouette Dysphoria a lot. I experience chest dysphoria but a lot of times it's less about me having them at all and me not liking how I look with them. The same goes for my hips and overall shape. Hence silhouette. I also experience genital dysphoria to a lesser degree, and when I do it's less hating my genitals bc they should be different but more just having any at all. Luckily I was born with internal genitalia so I don't have to think about it as much. Social dysphoria I also experience, but I've talked about that already.

How I deal with it is binding and stuff.

12. What is the stupidest thing you've heard said about the LGBTQ+ community?

Hmm. The ppl who genuinely argue that accepting the community means you'll be forced to accept pedophilia or beastiality. Like. Lmao no?

13. Favorite thing about the community?

I just love how great it feels to be in it tbh. It can be so positive and loving and just genuinely make you feel good about yourself.

14. Least favorite thing about the community?

Exclusionists.

15. Have you ever been to your city's pride event?

No, but I went to Pride in Des Moines!!! IT WAS GREAT!

16. Favorite LGBTQ+ celebrity?

I don't really follow celebrities, but probably Ian McEllen and Tim Gunn.

17. Have you been in a relationship and how did you meet?

I was in a relationship for a while with a friend of mine and it was wonderful tbh. We met in a server and started talkng more, and started out as qpps then became partners and like we broke up, but I still enjoyed the experience and wouldn't go back in time and stop it from happening. My other qpp tho. That's something I would do lmao.

I also have a bf but that's a secret~

18. Favorite LGBTQ+ book.

I haven't read a lot of books, so I guess I have to say The Raven Cycle bc that's the only one I remember reading.

19. Have you ever faced discrimination?

Mmmm the only time I have experienced direct discrimination I was giving a friend valentines chocolate in high school and some kid called me a d*ke when i walked past him.

The other stuff is like. My therapist telling me to check for a hormone imbalance when I said I was asexual.

20. Favorite LGBTQ+ movie/show?

She-ra, "To Wong Foo, Thanks For Everything", The Runaways (the movie not the show), No. 6.

21. Favorite LGBTQ+ bloggers?

I don't have any lmao.

22. Which slur do you want to reclaim?

Queer, bc it's already been reclaimed and it fits me.

23. Have you ever gone to a gay bar or drag show? How was it?

Nope. Never, but it'd be fun!!

24. How do you idrntify your gender?

Already answered this lol.

25. Interested in having kids?

Nope. I'd be too scared of screwing them up.

26. What identity service would you give your younger self?

I wish I'd known there was an ace community before I was older tbh. So that, probably.

27. What do you think of gender roles in relationships?

I personally like playing a feminine role, but I also think gender roles are unecessary, so like. As long as I'm an equal I don't care what role I play lmao. If you wanna treat me like the handmaiden, as long as you're not doing it bc you see me as a woman I don't care.

28. Anything else you wanna share about your gender?

Nah. Just. I don't bother trying to pin it down anymore bc the more I analyze it the less I understand it.

29. Something you wish ppl knew about being LGBTQ+?

Hmmmm not really. It's fun outside of the systemic oppression?

30. Why are you proud to be LGBTQ+?

For me it's less about pride in being LGBTQ+ and more being proud to express myself authentically. 🤷

#lemonadelyric #lgbtq ask meme #long post

[arodabi]

Sorry if this take is a little hot but like i feel like the default of asexuality being alloace is not the best. Asexuality is a sexuality just like any other, it just seems that it’s more common to use the SAM in the ace community. Acting like the default is it being split with another orientation is just weird to me. When i used to say I was ace (not aroace) i felt like most ppl assumed I was alloace even if i never mentioned a romantic orientation. The ace community has just become more and more focused on the SAM as the default to the point where so many aroaces feel left out and betrayed. The classic “aces can still love!!1!!11” line and the anger shown when some art or smthn uses asexuality without the SAM is the stuff I’m talking about amung other things. This was a big reason why i started identifying way more w my aro identity bc i felt like so many ace ppl just wanted to pretend that aros weren’t connected to aces bc of how much other romantic identities were emphasized.

Like i got nothing against ppl using the SAM for their ace identity but acting like that’s THE MAIN WAY TO BE ACE just makes me as an aromantic ace uncomfortable.

I hope all that made sense

#void screams #aromantic #aro #ace #asexual #split attraction model #im not trying to Start anything but i guess i just wanna get that off my chest #i have nothing against ppl using the sam!!

[arofrantics]

I’m sending this to you as you’re an active aro blog and I’ve seen your posts in discussion of non-SAM : is there a decent non-SAM option for aromantic asexuals? I see a lot of ppl who don’t use the SAM are prioritizing one label/community over the other (or simply don’t use other labels) and as someone who is very much BOTH aro and ace I feel like it’s not appropriate to identify as one or the other, but I really hate the SAM. Thanks in advance ~

Okay so, first of all, the main label I’ve seen people use is “unit aroace”. This was coined for people who “don’t view their ace and aro identities as being split”. It was coined by @aroacepagans, inspired by @aro-neir-o​‘s term “unit aro”. If you feel like your aro and ace identities are the same thing, then this is a term you can use to express this.

I know one of the reasons I id as non-SAM, as opposed to a “unit aro” or “neu aro” or other terms that people have come up with for people who only id as aro, is because I don’t personally find the split attraction model useful, and I want to actively identify against it. The split attraction model is useful for many, but not for me, and I want the aspec community to understand that it’s not the default. When I talk about the split attraction model, I mean both a) having two orientations; sexual and romantic, and b) experiencing different types of attraction, and being able to label all of them with attraction subtype labels. If you feel opposition to the SAM is part of your identity, then you may want to id as a “non-SAM aroace”, using “non-SAM” to express your discomfort with the idea.

Before I identified as a non-SAM aro, one of the ways I considered identifying to express my thoughts towards the split attraction model was as “either aro or ace, but not ever both”. This expressed my discomfort with having multiple orientation labels for my one identity. I don’t have multiple different sexual/romantic/etc orientations, but only one orientation, and that would be either aro or ace depending on the situation. I still feel this way to an extent, but inside the aspec community I feel uncomfortable using the ace label or identifying with the asexual community. But outside of this community, the ace label can be useful to explain my orientation. Even so, I do not want more than one orientation label. I do not have more than one singular orientation. And this is why I use non-SAM as a label. 

I hope some of these suggestions are helpful to you, but in the end, it’s down to you what labels you use to express your identity. 

#nonsam #non sam aro #aroace #unit aroace #split attraction model #sometimes these things are the same #anon #ask #i put capitals in this ask it shows i wrote to much :P #i've definitely rambled and idk if anything was useful after i talked about the unit aroace label #but here are some thoughts and feelings #feel free to dm/ask/reply/reblog with any thought/feelings that you have

[aroacemonster]

I have a q abt the ace discourse, would you consider straight ace/aro ppl part of the lgbtq+ community? I genuinely want to know what you think since all i see rn, is a lot of exclusionst shit from the community talking about not allowing straights within their spaces which includes straight aro/ace ppl

I do consider all aspecs to be part of the lgbtq+ community, including straight aces and aros. I’ll try to give summary of my reasoning.

what even is the lgbtq+ community?

Exclusionists claim that the community is only for combating homophobia and transphobia but anyone who has any knowledge of the community’s history will know that the only group who has never faced exclusion from the wider community is the gay community. Trans exclusion was still wide spread during the late 90s/early 2000s. History doesn’t support the idea that the community was built around homophobia and transphobia.

The truth is that the lgbtq+ community is formed out of solidarity between the different smaller communities included within it. The lgbtq+ community is what you get when the lesbian, gay, trans, queer, etc. communities decide to pool their resources together and support each other because even if our individual experiences are different, the source of our ostracization is the same: cisheteronormativity.

By these standards anyone who isn’t cis or straight should be included, which brings us to the next question

what even is a straight person?

Obviously someone who’s attracted to the opposite gender. However, exclusionists seem to think that aspecs who use SAM and feel some kind of attraction are also straight I think we should discuss this a little bit further.

From what I’ve gathered there are two different ways exclusionists confuse aspec identities with straightness and those are 1) misunderstanding asexuality as a preferance and hence not a sexual orientation on its own and 2) devaluing aspec identities and experiences.

The first one doesn’t interest me and isn’t relevant to this discussion. Anyone who still thinks asexuality is “just not having/wanting sex” can be ignored since they aren’t talking about asexuality.

The second one is the one I’d like to focus on. Exclusionists who think this way don’t see aspec identities as having any inherent value in our sexual orientation identities. For them our “true“ orientation is whatever other kind of attraction we feel.  For asexual people their “true“ orientation is their romantic attraction and aro people it’s the other way around.

Since in their minds aspec identities don’t hold any value, it’s logical that they’d think that straight aces/aros would be the same as being a straight person. Needless to say, this line of thinking is rooted in heteronormativity. Exclusionists who use this line of arguments usually seem to think that aspecs are straight until proven otherwise (either by showing attraction towards the same gender or by not being cis). Aroaces are naturally ignored until someone else brings them up. To these exclusionists aroaces might not be straight, but they still aren’t included.

What this line of thinking ignores is the very real and important part of all aspec identities: lack of attraction. What unites all aspec people is that we don’t feel some form of attraction towards any gender and while exclusionists think this is not inherently valuable when considering someone’s orientation, the fact is that our lack of attraction defines our orientation just as much as the attraction we might feel.

Now that that’s out of the way, lets finally talk about straight people again. Straight people are attracted to the opposite gender. However, unlike aspec people, straight people do not experience the lack of sexual/romantic attraction to any gender. I’d also argue that straightness is a position of power, which necessarily excludes anyone who doesn’t fill the narrow definition of being only attracted to the opposite gender, including all aspecs.

So to conclude this mess, anyone who isn’t cis and straight should be included in the community and aspec people aren’t straight people. Therefore all aspec people should be included.

#ace discourse

[homestucky]

ok time to do a sort of a vent post  which i may regret and delete but i got lotso thoughts

i been doin a lot of my classic Lindsaylohac Self Indulgent Navel Gazing(TM) because obviously, 

and anyways in this time i been trying to figure myself out a bit. ive probably already ranted about this but anyways. im kind of feeling like maybe im aromantic and asexual altho im still not 100% but its just rlly made me have some interesting revelations

and i know theres a lot of discourse atm about ace stuff and honestly im not commenting on any of that (for one thing its not like theres one big idea being debated there, from what i can see theres loads of different questions and issues so i dont know how people can take such confident stances... seems like theres no clear cut like “sides” so to speak, just like........... a big mess)

ANYWAYS

im kind of freaked out by it all, just because i feel like ive just sort of realised how much about attraction that i never knew because no one ever explains it because youre meant to just feel it at some point and thats how you know BUT I DONT KNOW and i need someone to tell me because i dont understand it and i only recently realised how badly i dont understand it like ive been on forums with a bunch of aroace people and we were all being like ‘woa guys i just found out that romantic feelings are meant to feel DIFFERENT to friendship, guess i might be aro too lol’ and a bunch of other people responding like wait WHAT is that how its meant to feel????? nobody ever told me that!!! 

and i just

hhh

at the moment theres a bit of tumblr content making fun of ace people a little like people saying that being on the ace spectrum doesnt exist because thats just called ‘not sleeping with everyone you see lol’ and other stuff but like this is legit.. this is different to ‘having standards’ or ‘waiting for the right person’ or any decision like that.. this feels at least at the moment like im built to have zero comprehension for anything involving relationships or attraction. it feels like a rlly important distinction to me. like its not a choice im making.. i feel colour blind

dont get me wrong i know i am a privileged person in a lot of ways. and while i dont think i feel like i can call myself het, im not about to try and muscle in on the lgbt community, or attempt use that as a get out of jail free card so i can.. like, hide ignorance or prejudice behind ‘im not het, so i cant be problematic!’. and im certainly not about to start saying im being oppressed by gay ppl or something stupid like that, im not. first and foremost when it comes to sexuality n identity politics i want to listen and to be a good ally because my sexuality doesnt have prejudice against it directly as much as it just isnt really discussed. which has its own problems sure, but ykno. 

i wuld kind of dig it if asexuality and aromanticism were more widely talked abt or represented at least so people know what it is in case thats what they are because obviously a) its just nice to see but mainly b) i and many other people like me im sure have gotten myself into situations or almost gotten myself into situations because i didnt understand them or didnt understand that what i was feeling wasnt ‘feelings’. because otherwise u can just sort of.. end up doing what you think a ‘normal’ person would do. and it sort of sucks and is confusing

nd by representation i do NOT mean white men who are depicted as highly intellectual, cold, alien, or robotic, who’ve like, ‘deleted’ sexuality for efficiency, but then always ALWAYS still end up somehow having an implied relationship with ONE SPECIAL WOMAN because shes just SO SPECIAL he has to make an exception because thats nothing. thats useless. stop.

so basically in conclusion heternormativity sucks for everyone and i want it to be destroyed

#sorry abt this.................... idk #these are just some thoughts and experienced sorry if any of them are dumb or wrong idk dm or something if so #personal %$& /

[arra-tech]

just got a message, wonder who it is... oh... it’s a bigot

pekonyama sent a photo posthey just a thought @ fellow i...ok, let me school you on this, as a person from the lgbt community who is also jewish.

pekonyama this did not happen... at all. i have relatives who have fucking survived the holocaust.this point of view is way, way foolish. the asexual flag was made in 2015 (aside: it was actually made in 2010 so now i don’t trust even your recent history)

arra-tech I'm also lgbt and Jewish

pekonyama i believe the term was coined by the same guy who said to add the a in lgbt. this was a few years ago.so there is no way that in nazi germany, which was fuckin years ago, this was a thing

arra-tech The ace flag has been around longer than 2 years 

pekonyama the thing is; they did persecute anyone not cis and straight, but the thing is:think about it in a long and hard kind of way. is an ace gay person still gay? (aside: yes they’re still gay, and you’re sounding like a piece of shit)

arra-tech aces and aros aint straight so bye bitch

pekonyama correct. so an ace straight person is still straight.when nazi soldierscame into our homesand tried to pinpoint gay/trans peoplethey didn't ask you if you fucked anyone.that'd be so awkward. can you imagine just asking someone how much they've fucked in their life?that's ridiculous.they tracked down men who loved men, and women who loved women. they tracked down transgender people. (aside: completely ignored what i just said. They actually did ask that, as well as strip people randomly, plus the people they “tracked” had been reported by neighbors)

arra-tech they took anyone who wasnt straight, or was so much as suspected of not being straight, so bitch, bye

pekonyamathey tracked these people in specific.

pekonyamathe thing isace does not count there.because back then, the spli attraction model never existed. (they still didn’t think aces or aros are straight, so stop repeating yourself)

arra-tech the thing is you don't know what you're talking about

pekonyama because in reality no one cares if you fuck or not no one wants to know if you have sex or not it's your business.

arra-tech did i say anything about having sex?no

pekonyama literally no one wants to hear about your lack of sexual attraction you didn't, but isn't that what asexual is about? (Aside: what? first you’re claiming that it’s all about sex, now you’re admitting it’s about sexual attraction, 2 completely different things? make up your mind)

arra-tech i said nazis rounded up everyone who wasn't straight

pekonyama maybe you categorize it differently, as meaning not to date anyone.listen to me

arra-tech no, listen to me

pekonyama if you don't date anyone, ever, in your life, you aren't gonna be opressed.ever.you're not gonna get killed because of it. (aside: still not what asexual is. they did round up people who didn’t date on suspicion of being gay)

arra-tech i'm lgbt+, i'm jewish, i know the stories

pekonyama and especially not in nazi germany

arra-tech you need to learn to listen to others, stop

pekonyama honey you say this while not listening at all.

arra-tech honey, stop. you're the one not listening

pekonyama if you are only ace or aroace and not trans, you're not lgbt.by your tone, i guess you're not jewish either.listen up. (aside: trying to police my identity now? You seriously thought it was acceptable to say i’m not trans or jewish? bitch fuck off!)

arra-tech shalom bitch (bye bitch)

pekonyama asexuals/aromantic ppl were not persecuted during the holocaust.

arra-tech not straight = in the camps so shalom bitch

pekonyama ace people are straight also is shalom the only word you know, goyim?i mean. straight ace people are straight gay ace people are gay (aside: claiming i’m not jewish again! *taking a look at their blog, nothing to show they’re jewish either*)

arra-tech nah, just the one that's appropriate. ace people aint straight, end of story.

pekonyama  then tell me more. gefilte fish?is that what you're gonna tell me nextto prove you're jewish?google good morning in hebrew?tell me a prayerwhen does hanukkah start this year?what's the difference between chanukkah and hanukkah and all?what headdress do some onthordox jewish women wear ?pekonyamaif all you tell me is hello, i don't trust it.bonjour.guess i'm now frenchhola. i speak spanish

So yeah, they’re just another bigot trying to rewrite history again while calling everyone who disagrees with them white, then getting racist with it.

Edit: if you’re wondering why i don’t have that many lines in this, the person literally didn’t even give me time to try to talk. Literally tried to steamroll over me, not have a conversation.

#omg #i just noticed they're 15 #i've got 9 years on you #and a better grasp of what happened in nazi germany #get your head out your ass

[redysetdare]

As another non-split aroace, you're so correct for saying that we're treated as the punching bags of both aro and ace communities. Like if y'all can accept and support straight aros and aces but are hostile towards aroaces, you're just aphobic. Yes even if you're aro/ace yourself. Aro spaces nowadays literally have the same attitude towards aroaces that exclusionists used to have towards asexuals, that we're weird freaks bringing purity culture into their "safe" communities just by existing and therefore need to be pushed out. And ace spaces still act like we're the bad guys and need to be pushed out of their "safe" communities because we can't romantically love other people, which makes us heartless monsters apparently. It's just exhausting. I've never seen aroaces being so hostile towards non-ace aros and non-aro aces, we're always trying to uplift their voices and bring awareness to their issues. But the moment we try to talk about our own issues in aromantic or asexual spaces we're told to shut up and let them speak over us because we somehow have it better than them. Not to mention the pressure to split your experiences into aro vs ace and prioritise one part of your identity over the other if you want to be taken seriously in those spaces. Like sorry but for some of us our aroaceness is interwined not split. But we're still aros and aces, still a part of your community. Stop trying to push us out of our own communities on the basis of aphobic stereotypes.

Honestly I've been kinda biting my tongue on it for a while because I understand why Aro and Ace ppl have been trying to separate the communities. it can be frustrating to constantly be paired with an identity that you don't relate to - but i feel like so many ppl have taken it way to far. They've taken the relatively understandable stance of "Aromantic and Asexual are not the same identity" and pushed it to the extreme of "Aro and Ace are so completely different they have nothing in common and NO overlap" and the worst part is i don't think anyone has particularly noticed.

Idk I was most active in the aro and ace communities when we still kinda shared communities. the idea that aro and ace were separate was still a thing (hell, aroaces were the ones helping to push that distinction. we wanted people to recognize our aro identities too, yknow.) but we recognized the overlap and similarities and supported each other... now it just feels like im seeing post after post reminding people not every aro or ace person is aroace and that people shouldt tag aro posts as ace and vice versa and "no ace people cant relate to aro experiences" "no aro people cant relate to ace experiences" because "They are so different they are completely not the same and don't have any overlapping problems at all" and as an aroace it sucks!

it sucks feeling forgotten in my own communities.

It's almost feeling like they are blaming us for there being this idea that people are are Ace must also be aro and people who are aro must also be ace. Like they know they cant get mad at the allos so they get mad at aroaces and act like we are the reason allos think this way. It's like aroaceness is only brought up to talk about how "Not everyone is aroace" or "aroace characters are so much more prevalent in media (Proceeds to only talk about ace characters)" or how aroace ppl must have an identity that means more to them - how their aro or ace identity must be more important or effect them more because they can't possibly intertwined and overlap and "hey you tagged your post with aro and ace tags but obviously its only about aromanticism/only about asexuality so remove some of those tags because it's annoying me" or worse I see aromantics being acephobic or asexuals being arophobic and it's like.... where do i fit in?

people think aroace ppl ran both communities as 1 community and they say it was bad and that we need to separate - but from my perspective it was two communities who worked together. the only difference now is that aroace ppl are getting pushed to the side. thrown under the bus. "you dont need rep you have tons of rep. society loves giving aroace rep!" and "not everyone is aroace. you're experience isn't universal and so you shouldn't talk about it" Aroace voices just got smaller. we got quieter. because our own communities decided we were privileged. we were more accepted than they were. or worse that we were actually the real freaks for not feeling both sexual and romantic attraction. we weren't palatable enough - there was nothing that could be used to normalize us. and besides, it was easier to just only fight for one set of rights, right?

and part of me understands it. it sucks. it sucks to always be a footnote. but guess what - aro and aces and aroaces are footnotes of the queer community. we're stuck here together and instead we're fighting over who's the more important footnote. we are all in the same boat and we're acting like we're not and trying to sink the ship forgetting we're all on it together.

#asks #and to be clear this isn't saying that other aspecs asking for rep or asking for recognition is a bad thing that was never the issue #it's not about how aroallo people or alloace ppl are bad or evil or oppressors #this isn't about how arospec or acespec people are all actually out to get aroace people #this is about an experience aroace people sometimes have within aro and ace spaces because certain aros and aces decide we aren't worthy #because certain aros and aces decide we dont belong #anyways sorry this took so long to answer I was trying to word it in a way that was understandable #and hopefully in a way ppl wouldnt misinterpret #but then i realized ppl who have bad faith will purposefully do that #so i shouldn't worry too much #ppl who look at it in good faith will have a conversation with me. ppl who look at it in bad faith are just the people im talking about.