#romantic expectations are not an aro only problem

[redysetdare]

I keep seeing posts where people are saying "Valentines doesn't effect asexuals!" "romantic relationships have nothing to do with asexuality!" And while i understand the point they are making is to stop conflating Aromanticism with Asexuality, it is still extremely annoying to find people don't understand the nuance that comes with asexualities connection to romance - because it DOES have a connection to it. It DOES have problems in relation to romance. To say it doesn't is ignoring a huge set is experiences that ace people face.

One of the most common experiences for asexuals is the struggle to be in romantic relationships because they are asexual. a lot of romantic relationships expect you to have sex. if you're someone who doesn't have sex then unfortunately that causes a lot of people to lose interest in you romantically as well.

There's also non-sam aces, and let me tell you it's so very strange to hear someone bring up non-sam aros but then ignore the existence of non-sam aces in order to prove some point of it somehow being ace peoples fault that aro and ace are viewed as the same. Some non-sam aces do not date either. they are still ace and they can still face similar problems to aromantic people because of that. they are still effected my amatonormativity.

Aces DO have connection to romance. Asexual DID have a reason to trend on valentines day along with Aro and Aroace. Asexuality is effected my romance and amatonormativity. Sop acting like it isn't. stop acting like aros and aces have absolutely nothing in common. We can work together and have similar experiences and still be seen as separate identities. there is overlap. stop treating this as black and white where one identity can only be effected by one kind of problem. It's naive at best and down right hateful at worse.

#text #aro #ace #aromantic #asexual #aroace #aspec #i might get hate for this one but as an aroace who for a while was a non-sam ace (before i found out about aro) #romance DOES effect aces #not in the same way that it effects aros but #treating aces as if they can never know or understand amatonormativity and have never faced similar issues? idk it's ignorant to me #some of the way ppl in the aro community talk about asexuality and aroace identities is just...idk frustrating #i understand the frustration on their end but also i need you all to not fall down the rabbit hole of becoming acephobic #and blaming ace people for all the problems that allos caused #and understand there is nuance to identities and just because someone is asexual alloromantic #doesn't mean they aren't effected by amatonormativity or that they have no issues related to romance at all #asexual and Aromantic are not the same thing but also stop acting like they have no overlap at all period #we used to help each other man. stop throwing some of us under the bus to try and make a point #romantic expectations are not an aro only problem

[antimony-medusa]

This is verging on discourse, but I have to say, as someone aroace with the emphasis on the aro, it's a trifle disheartening to ever try to look for queerplatonic relationships that look like mine within this fandom. QPRs can cover a broad spectrum of experiences, and it always seems that within MCYT what a QPR looks like has calcified into this one depiction that is very close (but not actually crossing the line) to shipping, just without kissing or sex! With emotional connections that are very similar (but not quite) to romance, hitting many of the same beats. And that just doesn't reflect my experience at all. Personally, I have more fun reading about straight ahead romance than a qpr that hits almost all the same notes, but just doesn't quite go there, that never digs into an aro or ace experience that I recognize, and that is always what I seem to find when I go cruising the tags.

For one thing, QPRs are not just an ace thing, and they definitely don't have to be a sexless thing! You can be aroallo and in a QPR and have sex, or you can be ace and in a QPR and have sex for the sake of your partner, or just for fun! Sex is fun for a lot of ace people, including those in QPRs, and using QPR eternally to mean "sexless" cuts off a large swath of the population that DOES have sex, for whatever reason. And there are tons of ace people who are extremely fine with kissing, including people who are sex adverse, so using a QPR are a shorthand to mean "sexless and also kissless" is only depicting a very narrow slice of the experience.

And QPRs in practice often look very different from romance, including with people who are romance-adverse, and who don't want any of the trappings that normally come with romance (marriage, specific terms like "love" or "darling", metaphors or positioning like "half of my heart" or "soulmate"), and I just never get to see that. A QPR can be two people who sleep in seperate rooms co-parenting a kid! (Or more than two people!) A QPR can be people married together and sharing a bed and holding hands at the movies and calling each other "darling", or it can be people who signed legal paperwork together who call each other "bro", and those are BOTH valid QPRs. But I only ever get to see the one that looks so close to romance that it's alienating to me, while people tell me that I should be happy to be depicted. (I'm not depicted.)

And I'm also frustrated because I have read QPRs that are sharing all the same hallmarks-of-romance-but-no-sex that I would theoretically have a problem with, but they also ring as true to me because people actually talk about what the relationship is and isn't to them, and I go Yes! Not me but I am on a similar wavelength! But so many people just go "QPR" but never unpack the actual ace/aro/aroace experience, so again I'm left with something that is using all the romance and affection tropes that I've come to expect over decades of living in an amonormative society, just slapping a "but it's platonic" on it at the very end. Where's people making assumptions about your relationship that you have to consider whether to correct or not? Where's the inside jokes? Where's the intimacy negotiations and teasing each other about what you want in terms of touch+? Where's the doing life together in a non-romantic way? Where's the epic friendship? Where's the aro experience? (If we're mutuals, you probably write all of these things, and I'm not complaining about you, you're good.)

And it's hard to escape the feeling that at least some of these people are writing QPR because they're afraid of shipping, as I see the tags scroll endlessly by, not because they actually want to depict the a-spec experience.

Some of it is just people not used to writing affection outside of the romance tropes in our society, and some of it is that so many guestures of affection in our society get romance-coded when like, holding hands is not inherently romantic, I know. But sometimes, man, I want to tell people that it's okay to romantically ship, they don't have to keep it platonic, if they're going to write something that is so similar to shipping but has a giant "don't worry, these guys don't fuck" stamped on it.

I don't know, maybe there are even less people like me than I thought. Or maybe the people like me aren't writing fanfiction (lol).

I don't know. QPRs are more varied than they get depicted, and the a-spec experience is special to me and I wish it got written in its diversity. It's frustrating to see only ever one type of QPR, one that is exclusionary to me. I wish I could see the tag and not know exactly what that relationship looked like, or saw something that I felt was strongly influenced by what the characters are, instead of the same sort of sexless romance-lite every time.

#discourse #fandom meta

[yandere-kokeshi]

Yandere Hobie and Miguel with a gn darling whose Aromantic

Warnings: yandere behavior, ALL PLATONIC!

A/N: day two of posting! hope you enjoy <3!

Hobie Brown: 

Has no problem with it and already knows about your boundaries. The minute you sit him down, tell him you’re Aro — he finishes your sentence with a smirk, and laughs at your sheer expression when he doesn’t react in a way you’d think. 

Extremely respectful, even as a yandere; already going out of his way to be respecting your boundaries and never brings up anything romantic, only plain Platonic uses. He makes sure your comfort and health comes first, and always seems to know what to say next whenever you two talk. 

Might as well have a label pin as Most Protective Best Friend™. Always knowing where you are, ensuring you’re taking good care of yourself, no idiotic or trash love interests will come near you when he’s around, and clings to you one way or another. Hobie loves to sneak in little touches when acceptable, especially if it’s around your shoulders or waist.  

Treats you like a younger sibling. Laughs when you make mistakes or piss off Miguel, teaches you guitar, sometimes spoiling you and giving you advice when needed. But his actions could be somewhat of what boyfriends do. He ‘pays’ for your food, surprising you with things that you’d least expect, and gives you tight hugs. Let’s not forget about the knuckle rubs on the heads too, and light kisses on your forehead.  

A man who you can rely on for support, help, and secrets. No matter what, he’s here for you, with open arms, and ready to give you the entire world if you asked. Hobie is more on the affectionate side, and with your permission, he likes to kiss your cheek and forehead platonically; nuzzling his nose as the two of you laugh. 

Sleepovers galore. Every other night, the two of you are in each other’s bedrooms, doing parallel play if you’re okay with it, and often showing you things he seems interesting. 

Miguel O’Hara: 

Confused by the term, but when you take time to explain to him, Miguel is quickly on board and nods along; being awkwardly quiet as he takes in the information. He’s older, but is respectful. It may take him some time to understand, but nevertheless, Miguel will follow your boundaries. 

Not the best at showing his appreciation, especially if you prefer physical touch, or words of affirmation. Naturally, he gives you gifts, listening to you when you require things, and going out of his way to make sure you’re taking good care of yourself: making dinner, letting you use his money to buy whatever, and get enough vitamin D.  

More possessive than ever. Doesn’t like sharing, and likes keeping you to himself so that you can bother him. Even though he might give you the side eye, he frankly enjoys you talking about anything — especially if he’s working.

Everything you can expect from a romantic relationship is the same with Platonic, just considerably toned way up with him defending or protecting you. Miguel is haunted by the thoughts of you being hurt, which means you are by his side 24/7, which also comes with another talk: no dating. 

Not a huge fan with you going on dates, especially if it’s away from him. But, he’ll come to term with it sooner or later — but expressing strict rules he expects you to follow. Things like he has to meet your s/o immediately, know their background, and questions them on things about you. 

Will gently say ‘I love you’ at the most randomest times. Really tries his best to show his affection, and with his past, it’s hard. Whenever he says it, it’s almost like he didn’t mean to say it – the words seemingly passing through his lips as he looks at you lovingly. 

—

Masterlist || Please consider reblogging and commenting instead of liking, it helps me as a creator!! Stay well!!

© yandere-kokeshi 2023 — Do not copy, modify, edit, repost, or use my works for ASMR readings, tiktoks, or other content.

#kokeshi!! #yandere blog #yandere x reader #male yandere #yandere male #yandere #yandere headcanons #yandere platonic #platonic yandere #platonic atsv #yandere atsv #yandere across the spiderverse #yandere miguel o'hara #yandere miguel x reader #yandere spiderverse #yandere spiderman 2099 #yandere spiderpunk #yandere hobie brown #yandere hobie x reader #yandere atsv x reader #atsv hobie #atsv miguel #atsv spiderpunk #atsv spiderman 2099 #yandere x gn reader #yandere x gender neutral reader #aromantic #x aro reader #the icons are not mine #they belong to their rightful owners

[chaotic-gender-fluid]

characters in the riordanverse that I think should be somewhere in the aro/ace spectrum and why

Rachel- she did have romantic feelings for Percy but I think after becoming the oracle she would be aro/ace and I'm pretty sure that's like semi canon

Jason- the only romantic feelings he is shown to have were semi-forced upon him by Hera and he also just woke up to a girl that thought they were dating and had been for a while, so he didn't have a chance to figure out how he actually felt

Reyna - I just think she's asexual I don't really have a good reason for it except that she's a badass girlboss who deserves it

Leo - the whole time he was a seventh wheel who was just expected to fall in love with someone at some point. I know calypso exists but I feel like he did that because it was an engineering problem to solve and they're actually just good friends because he chose to go back for her

everyone is entitled to their opinion obviously these are just a few that could make sense/do make sense in my brain

#percy jackson series #aroace #arospec #aromantic #asexual #acespec #rick riordan #riordanverse #jason grace #rachel elizabeth dare #reyna avila ramirez arellano #reyna ramirez arellano #leo valdez #heroes of olympus #hoo #percy pjo #pjo

[themushroomgoesyeet]

For the first installment of this series, let's start with something easy!

Arcana characters as Disney princesses/princes

Julian - Flynn Rider/Eugene

These two are so similar istg

Dashing, dramatic, swashbuckling rogues with dry humor and a secret, insecure soft side?

The only difference between them is one is ginger with an eye patch and the other isn't

Honestly Eugene would probably be a good pick for a voice hc tbh

Oh hey they're both orphans with big brother vibes too look at that

Asra - Elsa

White hair? Check. Water-related magic? Check. orphans? Check. Unconditional fashion style that doesn't really match everyone else but still looks drop-dead gorgeous regardless? Check

Both of them also have familial abandonment issues and feel the need to isolate themselves from the people they love instead of confronting the problem smh

I will admit their romantic interests are a bit different, with Asra being bisexual and Elsa either being a lesbian or aro/ace at best

Both of them have also been described to have seductive singing voices 👀

Nadia - Princess Jasmine

We👏stan👏 headstrong 👏 independent 👏 middle eastern- inspired👏queens👏here👏

Ngl Jasmine is one of my favorite Disney princesses & she & Nadia would definitely hit it off

Both feel stuck in their respective lives while also wanting to rule, and try to take action for themselves whenever they can

Also both of them would look absolutely stunning in an outfit swap

Muriel - Hercules

Honey you mean HUNK-ules

I know Hercules isn't technically a Disney prince but he fits Muriel too well

Big and strong but shy and genuine at heart? Hell yeah

Their reactions to fame are a little bit different but they are the same when it comes to falling in love; both are so gentle and genuinely caring, and can't stop gushing about their partner

Also amazing idols for how men are supposed to treat women - a.k.a with respect

Both have a heathy amount of respect for their partners modesty (even when said partner is trying to seduce them on purpose), as well as their partners autonomy to make their own decisions

Not to mention they both have estranged families that they didn't know about, and a supportive animal companion

Portia - Rapunzel

I know some of you might be thinking "why not Merida? They look so alike with their frizzy mop of ginger hair!" Well, dear chat, let me explain

While they may look similar, Portia and Merida do not act similar. Merida is rebellious, headstrong, and airheaded, fighting her loved ones on everything and doing what she wants regardless of the consequences until said consequences come back to bite her in the butt. Portia on the other hand, while also headstrong, is spunky, kind, and takes others feelings and opinions into account instead of doing the first daring thing that comes into her head

Which brings me to Rapunzel. Admittedly, Rapunzel is a lot more sheltered and inexperienced about the world than Portia was but they are still kindred spirits. Curious, spunky, headstrong, kind, compassionate, and unafraid to fight for themselves.

They're ready to take on the world even if they don't know enough about it

Both also have evil and manipulative family members (ik Mother Gothel isn't Rapunzel's family; she was still the one who raised Rapunzel & Rapunzel considered her family long enough for it to count in this situation)

Both also meet love interests who guide them through the part of the world that's unknown to them, be it magic for Portia or the world as a whole for Rapunzel

Lucio - Merida

remember all those traits I listed for Merida? Yeah Lucio fits those

Merida and Lucio may be hella good warriors, but boy are they stupid sometimes

Both also have mommy issues™

Both are also wildly inexperienced with magic and should really be more cautious about it

Both just go "oopsies" and expect everything to be fine because of their status when it's never fine

Can you tell yet that these two bother me lol

Both were brought up in a Scottish-sounding culture and you can't change my mind

#the arcana #the arcana game #arcana #count lucio #muriel of the kokhuri #nadia satrinava #portia devorak #julian devorak #asra alnazar #the arcana as _

[crabdrabbles]

AleRudy Getting Together Headcanons

Warnings: None Ships: Alejandro/Rudy A/N: Aro-spec Rudy? Aro-spec Rudy. Words: 1875

They've known each other for 20 years, and have been together for 15 of them, married for 10. The reason they didn’t get together sooner was because Alejandro was dating Valeria at the time but their relationship soured. 

Rudy fell first, and he fell hard enough to bruise, but Alejandro fell harder. 

Out of the both of them, Alejandro is the most emotional and Rodolfo… less so. He’s a little more emotionally detached. 

It goes to say that Rudy absolutely positively adores Alejandro and loves him with his entire heart, but he’s just… not the best at vocalising it. Verbal and physical affection was never really a big thing when he was growing up, so he got used to doing other things to show he cared like acts of service or gift giving. 

Rudy also grew up in a large family. Being the eldest sibling/cousin, there were a lot of times that he had to step in to stop arguments. He learnt how to keep a level head to try and avoid any worsening conflict. This ends up becoming a problem a little more into their relationship.

‘I love you’ is also something that Rudy struggles to say. Yes, he loves Alejandro, but to him they’re just words. Saying them himself holds no power or meaning. Not as much as the little things to show your love that you care about them– subtle things, like restocking Alejandro’s hair gel when he notices it running out. Making him his morning coffee just before his alarm goes off so he’s able to drink it while it’s still hot and before he even has to roll out of bed.  

Expanding on Rudy being a little emotionally detached, as one can imagine, this caused a lot of arguments when they first started dating. It wasn’t an issue for when they were just friends because Rudy was already such a loyal friend to Alejandro there was no question with his feelings towards his then best friend.

Being in a relationship was a new territory for the both of them. Alejandro because Rudy was the first person he actually felt a deep connection to whilst any previous relationships were closer to flings than anything more. For Rudy, Alejandro was one of the first few romantic relationships he had ever had– if not the first.

So as time went on, Alejandro began to notice what he believed was Rudy’s… lack of attachment.

Again, Alejandro is a passionate and emotional man. He loves his friends, his soldiers and his family fiercely, but he sometimes expects others to show the same intensity.

So when Rudy didn’t seem all that enthusiastic in the first few months of their relationship, Alejandro began to believe the worst. 

They had arguments here and there, as most couples do, but Alejandro reached breaking point around 3 months into dating. And thus their first proper argument as a couple happened. And it was bad. 

Alejandro was furious beyond words, using his anger to hide the hurt he felt at what he incorrectly assumed was Rudy rejecting him for months. He would constantly say those special three words and only receive a smile in response or an awkward grimace and a swift change in subject.

He accused Rudy of not caring about him, given how little emotion he would show when they were together. He even brought up that Rudy only seemed the most romantic/emotional during sex. How he cradled Alejandro and whispered sweet nothings in the man’s ear as he took him apart and built him back up, made him whimper and keen in the dead of night. 

This, of course, crushed Rudy.

The argument would then get worse when Rudy, without meaning it, would seem to undermine Alejandro and tone down any concerns he had when in reality he was just trying to calm him down the only way he knew how. Sometimes, Rudy would curse himself for having such a level head and occasional aloof demeanour as it never failed to make him seem all the more distant and closed off to those closest to him.

It’s during that argument that something finally gives in. As always, Alejandro is yelling, gesturing angrily and so violently that it almost makes Rodolfo flinch. Almost. 

“If you don’t love me, just say it! I am sick of playing these games–”

Rudy’s attempts at calming his lover down only just seemed to add fuel to the fire. In the end, he sat resolutely in silence as he waited for Alejandro’s rage to simmer down. That was until something he didn’t expect slipped from his Colonel’s mouth.

“This is like Valeria all fucking over again!”

Rodolfo could handle being yelled at. He could handle hiding every flinch that wanted to escape whenever Alejandro got violent and began to throw the nearest objects to him into the wall (but never at Rodolfo– Lord knows Alejandro would never forgive himself if he laid a hand on the man he loved). He could handle the harsh glares and the cold shoulders that followed a few days after every argument. He could deal with those. He would persevere because he loved Alejandro. He just never said it. 

But to be compared to that bitch was what hurt the most. Valeria– who had buried her perfectly manicured talons into Alejandro’s heart all those years ago and then ripped it to pieces when she yanked her claws out just to watch him bleed. Rodolfo knew that Alejandro didn’t mean what he was saying. He was too lost in his own rage to really think about what he was saying. Alejandro continued raving– mostly to himself now that Rudy had bowed his head to stare at the floor, shame and guilt eating away at his insides. 

The argument came to a barrelling stop at the first sniffle that cut through the room. It was quiet but deafening to Alejandro’s ears and enough to make him stop his rambling and look at his boyfriend with panic in his eyes. He had wanted Rudy to hurt, yes, selfishly wanted him to feel the hurt he had made Alejandro feel these past few months— but he didn’t want this. Didn’t want to be the cause of the fat blobs of tears dripping onto the floor as the other man stared at it. His anger was still present, but it took a backseat as he rushed to try and comfort Rudy, his heart breaking when the other man held out a hand to stop him, shaking his head and denying Alejandro the right to soothe the hurt that he had caused.

“Rudy, mi amor, I am so sorry–” 

“No.” Rudy whispered through his tears, stubbornly keeping his gaze on the floor just so Alewjandro could not see how deep his words had cut him. “You are right, I am just like–”

The speed and strength that suddenly seized him in the form of Alejandro’s hands clutching his upper arms startled him. He looked up with wide and wet eyes to see Alejandro almost exactly the same. His love looked so heartbroken. 

“No, Rodolfo– Rudy, it was callous of me to compare you to that woman. Perdóname mi corazón, I may have been angry but that is no excuse to say that to you.”

“But–” Rudy’s mouth snaps shut when Alejandro shakes him, his earlier fury returning for only a split second before melting away into the most hurt he had ever seen on his Colonel.

“Escúchame– listen. Listen to me, Rudy. No matter what happens between us, you will never, ever be like she was. You are the most thoughtful, selfless, brave, beautiful man I have ever known..” Rudy opened his mouth to argue, but stopped when Ale shook him again. “I mean it, Rudy. I mean it.”

Alejandro, for all his training and status, panicked when his reassurances only seem to make the other cry harder. His fingers only tightened around Rudy’s shoulders, pulling him close and pressing his lips against the other man’s hairline. 

“I love you.” Rudy whispered through his tears. Alejandro hated the way his heart skipped a beat  “I love you. So much. So much that breathing is unimportant when I am around you because you always take my breath away. The sun rising is nothing in comparison to your smile. You are the man I would live and die for– the man I would start wars for if you only asked.”

Alejandro had been taken aback by his lover’s words. To hear him speak about him with such awe, such reverence that it would make God himself jealous. Rudy was a lowly disciple, willing to worship the very ground that Alejandro stood on like a man pleading for salvation. How… How had Alejandro missed the adoration Rudy had for him? And now he had gone and made the man cry like he had been rejected from the gates of Heaven. 

“I'm sorry.” Rodolfo continued, “I am sorry that I have not said it enough. I am sorry that I do not love you the way you want me to– the way that you deserve to be loved.”

“Oh, mi amor…” Alejandro had whispered back, all remaining semblance of anger draining from his body once understanding clicked into place. “Perdóname…”

The Colonel reached out, taking Rudy’s hand into his own, and placing kisses so soft onto the other man’s knuckles that it felt like he was merely brushing his lips over flesh. 

“My love, my life, my heart… If I have your love, no matter what kind, then that is more than enough for me.”

To say the argument made their relationship stronger would be an understatement. They communicated more, voiced any worries or their needs, cleared the air before anything could fester.  They flourished together and only grew more madly in love with each other as time passed.

Not to mention that Alejandro became more acutely aware of the tiny things that Rudy did for him to show his love– and began to do the same. Topping up the spice rack that Rudy heartily used at mealtimes before they could fully run out, cleaning his favourite pistol before he had to do it because Ale knows just how much his lover hated doing it at the end of a long mission. 

Months later, Alejandro can’t rightfully remember who had told him about the idea in the first place, but he was quick to bring it up to Rodolfo the second he had the chance. He explained how a couple shows that they love each other by tapping three times anywhere on their partner’s body. Rodolfo, touched, says that it sounds like a wonderful thing to do. 

It’s when Alejandro and Rodolfo are lying in bed together, limbs tangled together as they exchange sleepy kisses that Alejandro feels it. Three taps. Three taps. Three Taps. Three taps with a break between each sequence. I love you. I love you. I love you. It’s beautiful and almost overwhelming enough to bring tears to his eyes. 

From there, Alejandro never again doubted Rudy’s love for him, especially when he felt three taps on his wrist as Rodolfo slid a gold band over his ring finger half a decade later. I love you, the taps whispered.

“I love you.” Alejandro said, beaming with adoration.

have a request? send one in!

#//i've been trying to churn this out for 3 MONTHS please take it #//may tweak this later #alerudy #rodolfo rudy parra #modern warfare 2 #mw2 #alejandro vargas #cod headcanons #cod mw 2022

[alliepretends]

Since I posted one of my Dimension 20 hot takes, and didn't literally explode. I think I'll post the other one that really matters to me.

The discourse around aroace Riz is really hard for me. And I find it really hard to be empathic toward people who think about it differently than I do. And I think it's important to put that lack of empathy in context. Fandom (and by this I mean the broader fandom culture, not D20 fandom specifically) has generally been an extremely hostile space for aromantic people. Shipping is the central pillar of fandom engagement and dialogue. And a romantic lens is typically the very first lens applied to the source material when it is brought into fandom spaces. By that I don't just mean it's what people think about first, I mean analysis tends to pass first through the lens of romance, and then only things the romantic lens can't lay claim to are left for other kinds of analysis. Even for aromantic people like me, who very much enjoy romance when it exists in the realm of fiction, it's hard not to feel like there's a message in that. "Characters, and the fiction they exist in, are only valuable when seen through the lens of romance. Regardless of the genre of the source material. That's because romance is unquestionably the most important and defining feature of life. Unless it's sex." This can get pretty extreme if you become a fan of something with an especially strong central ship (like a Supernatural), where it can feel like literally all analysis of any aspect of the work has to tie back to the ship. In my experience, the sub-culture of fandom, for all its trappings of queer acceptance, is far more arophobic and aro-hostile than any other culture or sub-culture I participate in. Not because fans are actively making anti-aro posts or hate aro people, but because romance is elevated as the primary element of human experience. The only one really worth talking about and exploring. The only one worth writing fics about or dedicating massive posts to. It is worth noting that the Dimension 20 fandom (and, based on my experience, actual play in general) seems to be less romance-focused than other fandoms. There's lots of gen fic. There's lots of discussion that doesn't focus on romance. But that doesn't mean the Dimension 20 fandom somehow exists separately from overall fandom culture. The baggage of that larger culture still informs this fandom.

And that's why the way Riz gets talked about feels like such a slap in the face. He is the first example I (and I expect many others) have encountered of a heavily-coded aromantic character popular with fandom. And yet, that hasn't freed him from the fandom scramble to read him through the lens of romance. I'll admit to being a bit of an extremist on this. I know that for many aromantic people having a single qpr that fills many of the needs of romance is really an important part of their experience. Many of my aromantic/aspec friends feel this way. But I don't even like qpr Fabriz. Because even though that is an authentic and important part of aromanticism to represent. With a character like Riz, whose fears are explicitly based around the lack of access he has to coupledom, qpr Riz still feels like an attempt by romance-oriented fandom to jam the first aromantic character the sub-culture gets its hands on into something that looks enough like traditional coupledom that no one has to change their romance-oriented outlook. The myth of the OTP can live on if you just change some of the verbiage. I know there are arospec people that would also feel excluded if fandom fell in line with my perspective and kept Riz as far away as possible from anything resembling romance. I don't actually know what the right solution to these problems is. We got thrown one bone and there's a bit of a desire to fight over it (Wikipedia's list of aromantic characters has 18 characters, and while that's not all of them, it's a decent percentage). But I did want to put this out in the world. Because I feel like there's a lot of context and baggage missing from this discourse. And all I really want is to have fandom still be able to treat an aromantic character as valuable even when they can't neatly pair him off

#Riz Gukgak #Dimension 20 #negativity #discourse #i will say #the other piece of this is that while I trust Murph and Brennan have the best of intentions #I don't actually trust them to really understand how much this matters to me and many people like me #not because of anything they've done wrong #just that when you have so little representation #it's hard to trust that people who don't share your identity will do it right

[thespineoftherighteous]

about the choking scene, it really is the damn kevin of it all that I hate about it😭but not because I like kevin as a character (I do, but that's not the point) but more because I personally hate the idea where its like you can only have the one person youre in a romantic relationship with important to you and evrything else comes second and fandoms push that a lot, though I expected something different from a fandom that probably has more ace/aro ppl than others, other types of relationships can be just as important and I think it would be nice for characters who have been lonely for so long to have a few people who are important to them 😭I think it's like you said where I don't like when other relationships get butchered for the romantic one, I don't think it was ooc, and even if it was, people do things in desperate situations that are ooc so that wouldn't be a problem, it's that a lot of readers make it this romantic thing or a thing where Andrews prioritised neil over kevin, or has picked neil over kevin and they do the same thing with aaron too, it's like can't andrew love and care about his brother and boyfriend and kevin at the same time😭does it have to be a competition? Love can't even be quantified so a competition would be stupid anyway

I just think I hate the way a lot of people talk about it and I wanted to discuss it with a person whose posts are more objective and that I like, like it's such a tricky scene to think about, it's like the wires get crossed in my head its a hard scene to contend with in general

omg yeah basically everything you've said here is how I feel about it. a lot of people say that Andrew's relationship with Neil is more significant and just means more than any of Andrew's other relationships because of how Neil you know. gets him I guess. but honestly even though I fully understand that his relationship with Neil is on a different level, I still hate the ditching of Kevin (AND AARON UGH I HATE HOW THE TWINS LITERALLY CHOSE THEIR S/O'S OVER EACH OTHER. it's completely understandable in context and it is way more in character than the opposite would've been but still. I hate it) and I think people also tend to like. baby Andrew when it comes to his relationship with Kevin like "well if Kevin treated him better and understood him better then mAYBE—"

but yeah the thing that makes me most uncomfortable about the choking bit is like you said how people try to make it romantic. which, to be honest, is I think how it's supposed to be taken like it's supposed to be showing Andrew's desperation and how far he's willing to go for Neil. I just. well. I despise that Kevin was the one that had to be used to demonstrate that. but the whole thing is that, because that's Kevin, it's the only way to show the magnitude of Andrew's frustration, like it wouldn't have been the same if he'd just trashed the hotel room in rage or something but I still hate that he overstepped their boundaries for it because me personally I'm thinking about Kevin when I read that scene, not Andrew and Neil.

that whole thing just uses how important Kevin is to Andrew to show how much more important Neil now is. so if you're mostly about the romance in these books, which I think a lot of fans are, then ofc you'll eat that up but personally the non romantic pairings always are more interesting and dearer to me so I think that's why it bothers me

#just to reiterate. it's not bad to appreciate this scene as a representation of how serious Andrew and Neil have become #in fact I think that's how it's written to be interpreted #it's just not how I feel about it #aftg #kandrew #andrew minyard #kevin day #🦊✉️

[indulgentcosmos]

Since valentine’s day is coming up I can’t help but reflect on my experiences as an aroace person, specifically the aro part.

During valentine’s, there has always been this want to be confessed to, to have someone gift you that small card with those magic three words written inside. Even enough it was never about a specific person, god forbid it to be an actual desire for it to happen. I never wanted to be put into that situation, still don’t, what with the awkwardness and problems a confession would cause in the moment and further down the line as well. Looking back, I can identify where my aro qualities really shine through, but thanks to those fantasies, I wouldn’t allow myself to be fully aromantic. It brought forth the classic case of impostor syndrome, in fact, made me think I was appropriating aro culture. Nowadays, I’m quite comfortable and happy being single, reppelled by the thought of any actual romantic gestures… Yet I can’t help but feel a little pang of disappointment in my soul every time the day comes to an end. I can only assume that this is caused by the inherent need for attention coupled with societal expectations. (Which is probably not helped by the deeply rooted insecurities about one’s appearance and ‘desireability’ that is so prevelant in the modern day). Even though I still experience these moments of doubt, I recognise them and accept them as they are. Rather than than letting it get to me, I indulge in what makes me happy instead.

So as a reminder to my fellow aros, be kind to yourself and recognise you are human, complete with complex human emotions that aren’t easily explained at times. Don’t let your fears invalidate you or ruin your sense of self. <2

#I’m curious to know if anyone else under the aromantic umbrella has experienced this #please do share your own experiences #aroace #aroallo #aromantic #aro #sorry for any spelling mistakes lmao - i usually write based on vibes

[idrellegames]

You've probably gotten a few of these before but my turn for praise. Even as a person who's probably a hopeless romantic I dearly appreciate that Wayfarer doesn't make itself a romance first game. So many IF do that and it makes the game lose any sense of plot and in the worse cases, outright repetitive because the options fail to add any flavor to the rest of the game. Even worse are all the games that sort of 'forget' the other characters are there once you're in a romance.

But what makes Wayfarer even better is the fact you have ace/aro-spec representation that actually matters because people fall into the pitfall of making them a "hard to get/aloof/unaware of anything ever" romance option. Having the ability to make platonic bonds that influence the game just as much as romantic ones and don't diminish aro/ace characters is so nice and I appreciate it so much.

I think this is maybe a good opportunity to riff a little on genre conventions and expectations.

Romance games have their own conventions. They're fun, they're often self-indulgent--the point is to indulge in the fantasy that the MC (and therefor you, the player) is the centre of the universe. Everyone you come across is at least a little bit in love with you. You are special. You are loved. And this is really fun!

Of course, there are romance games that colour outside these lines, but the general expectation is that you will have your selection of ROs, their individual routes, and that the ROs are always going to put the MC first. Having individual routes for each RO usually means that the RO is the star of their route, and all other characters take a backseat because they are the star of their own route. The MC and the romance is the focus, everything else is secondary.

I do really want to stress that there is nothing wrong with this format. It's successful for a reason! The problem comes when you try to apply these conventions to all games, especially ones that do not fall within this genre.

When romance isn't the focal component of the game, the narrative can ring a little hollow if you try try to employ conventions like this. I think there needs to be room for IF games where the MC isn't special, where they are literally Just Some Guy, where the characters they interact with have a range of things going on with them that don't have anything to do with the MC at all. Characters having a life outside the MC is really important for creating deep bonds and meaningful relationships; it's part of having rounded, fleshed-out characters. There needs to be room for conflict and complications, because that's where character development lies.

There's a reason why Aeran doesn't spill all his secrets in Episode 2. If this were a romance game, he might--but it's not and he won't. He is in a significant amount of emotional distress in Velantis and it is not in character for him to break down and reveal everything at the MC's request. Relationships aren't easy, especially when both parties have a lot of growth and healing to do.

And I think, too, when it comes to early IF development it's very easy to want to rush right to the romances. Romances draw in an audience, they give folks something to look forward to. They're the thing you get asks about, which generates interest in your game, and helps you inspiration and drive afloat. But when the focus remains only on that, it's very easy to overlook other necessary narrative aspects. There needs to be balance.

With regards to aro/ace characters - it's easy to fall into tropes for them, even if you don't intend to. There are expectations about what a "good" and "satisfying" relationship looks like in fiction, and aro/ace characters often fall outside of that. To grasp being aro/ace, you have to question what sexual and romantic attraction actually is, which you don't necessarily have to grasp with other characters because the assumption is that it is there naturally.

And even then, aromanticism and asexuality is hard to communicate effectively in fiction without making it feel "lesser". Take for example, Aeran's intimacy scene in Episode 2. There's a difference between the allosexual option (where the MC sleeps with him and they are emotionally and physically intimate) and the asexual option (where they don't have sex, but the emotional intimacy is still there). Even though I was being as careful not to weigh one option over the other, in comparing the two the allosexual version is the more traditionally "satisfying" ending to that arc than the asexual one because it follows conventions. I am personally really happy with the asexual option, but it still feels like it lacks a certain… "oomf", for lack of a better term.

I think this is why it's really important to have substantial relationships outside of romance. When romance and sex aren't weighted as a signifier of the deepest bond you can have with a person, there's room to explore more diverse relationships and how they can take form.

#wayfarer #wayfarer if #romances #answered

[spacelazarwolf]

The aro manifesto has such an interesting point of view. When I as an aro person say romance is fake, i mean that human connection and existence doesn't always fit into neat little boxes. It's completely possible that the only outward difference between a romantic and platonic relationship is the label that the people involved use. But for a lot of people, the attraction and relationships that they engage in do fit into certain labels, and they like to use those labels. And to that I say "that doesn't affect me, do whatever the fuck you want."

The problem comes with the expectation that all people must fit into those boxes and use those labels. I challenge people to look past the labels and refrain from reducing the infinite bounds of human connection to neat little boxes, but the feelings that fit into those labels and boxes are perfectly real and normal, as are the feelings that don't fit into those boxes.

that's kind of my outlook too. i don't consider myself to be aro or ace, but my entire belief system is like "you can do whatever you want forever" when it comes to identity and what kind of relationships you want, so it was weird to see ppl respond to the constrictions of amatonormativity with......more constrictions.

#ask avishai

[entropy-sea-system]

OK OK impromptu rant but I need to get this out there as I still feel somewhat connected to the aro community-

I have been watching the tags, I've been talking the people in my local a-spec community and I think it amazes me just how incredible the relationships put forth by aro and aces are, while the communities just don't reflect any of it.

I've stopped identifying with the aroallo label because there was no sense of community associated with it. The a-spec spaces are made for aces only and the ace stuff in them is abhorrent. I am tired of people passing it off as repulsion, while still seeing people saying "hookers" are disgusting in a-spec tags. I'm tired of people saying PDA is bad. I'm tired of people acting like aros and aces can only be clueless cinnamon rolls. I'm tired of people being so so so stuck in their own perspective of the world they act like people in romantic relationships can't be happy. So on and so forth.

The concepts we have are passionating. They're the coolest ones I've been exposed to in queer communities. However, nobody thinks about them. Nobody speak about them. All we have is endless messages about how the world is so so confusing or hatred directed at sex and romance. I get that but I wish we went even a tiny bit past that really. It's a community filled with adults that feels so immature and I honestly think there is some sort of self infantilization going on. I don't like that I don't have symbols that aren't associated with uwu smol bean dragon lover stuff. It makes me sick and is why I don't identify with it anymore but it's genuinely sad to see because technically that's still the people who will relate to me the most.

It feels like people are always desperate to understand how the norm works and how they can best align with it instead of fully experiencing their identity. And that's an understandable thing to do but the community is just that with sex and romance negativity sprinkled on top of it.

I wish they were angrier. I wish they were more introspective. I wish they thought about breaking the norms more instead of headcannoning every female character without a love interest as aroace and talking about how gross sex is. I wish I felt like I can connect with the people who are supposed to be at least partly like me.

Anyway you're cool and I hope you're doing well! Sorry to drop all of this onto you but yeah I trust you with my ranty feels about the community.

We didn't really expect this ask but thank you for sending it!!

There are a lot of issues with the aspec community, especially online, (we have no experience with irl ones yet). And what you described here explains the issues with it quite well.

I feel like most of the aspec community ends up catering to mainly aces, and to a lesser extent aros, and slightly to apls, while other atertiary is hardly discussed (and agender ppl often just lump w gender stuff instead even though its aspec). I think the community is also rather divided, personally.

We're in some discord servers w mostly other apls and aros/run by other apl aros (often also romo aro) and they tend to overall be normal about aspec identities without being negative about attractions or actions or gatekeeping aspec labels. Currently we logged off discord a bit but we have in the past been in aro spaces that had many of the issues you mention , and still come across people being that way on tumblr.

I think there is a problem where some aros think that calling romance inherently toxic is somehow "activism" and deny that romance negativity exists, then claim that they "don't have to consider every culture ever" when people state that some cultures are romance negative and do harm people for engaging in romance.

They seem to think its "punching up" and some alloaros in particular try to justify it by acting like the united states is the only country that matters and citing sex negativity as a reason for romance negativity "not existing". When aces do this about sex its harmful, but thats not supposed to be a reason to deny that being romance negative is toxic and harmful to others even if their country doesn't persecute people for engaging in romance.

I also personally see a some aros hesitant to id with ace or acespec terms that technically fit them because of how bad the ace community has been about sex and anyone who isn't ace, as well as aces and aros generally forgetting about atertiary ppl. Some of them prefer terms like lightspec or such or allospec partly because of that.

It's understandable that some people feel a disconnect from labels like aro and ace as a result of how the communities tend to be tbh. I've had moments when I didn't want to id as aro because of this, and I consider myself both aro and alloro due to my arospec orientation.

Also being tertiary repulsed and being repulsed by sex repulsion (it just happens to repulse me a lot to read about even if not stated in a sex negative way), makes it a bit hard to be around other aspecs. I feel really disgusted and triggered when other aros talk about squishes and qprs and friendships, even if I think they should be able to talk about that. Which makes it hard to be around some other aros.

I also get what you mean about people trying to align with the existing norm. I'm seeing a rise in people maligning labels they don't understand and this attitude of "the only kind of weird thats fine is the kind of weird I am", which the aspec community has certainly not been immune to either.

I feel like for some reason most aspecs I see online, especially aros, are minors? Maybe because the aromantic label only really caught on after 2005 iirc so older people less likely to have heard of it? Im not a huge fan of how aspec tends to be infantilised either. I find issues with how some of the aro symbols are very derivative of ace symbols because we are not some extension of ace we're our own community. I can also see how ppl may find it too infantilising to have symbols like frogs and griffons etc.

Also yeah what is with people doing that about characters who are women or girls and express that they don't want to get married??? Or even just don't have a love interest. I understand if aroaces want more headcanoned rep or non-aspecs I guess idk want to fill some headcanon diversity quota without actually supporting aspecs but.

Not wanting marriage or not having a love interest is not inherently equal to not wanting romance and/or sex. I feel especially that people like to assume not wanting to have children means not wanting sex (which I find pretty reductive in that its acting like thats the only reason ppl have sex, especially as a sex favorable person who doesn't want kids). And all aspecs deserve more canon rep to begin with. I think I have a gripe with ppls aspec headcanons almost always being alloace or aroace. It's like they forget other aspecs like apls, alloaros, neu aros, non sam aros, atertiary, etc. even exist!

Additionally I think its partly because romance is emphasized more for female characters that even fans decide to make their interpretations about romance/a lack there of as if its the character's only personality trait. In my opinion its just as obsessive about romance if someone thinks all there is to a character is not engaging in it. I also see people act like they're solely worried a woman/girl character is going to fall for a man/boy character they hc as aro but not often the opposite like. Just say you see romance as gendered/feminine in some way and go I guess lol.

I also feel like mainly allistic non-aspecs do this but when ppl hc an autistic character as ace or aroace it feels infantilising if theres literally no other rationale behind their headcanon. I feel desexualised at times as an autistic and thats mostly bc ppl pick up on some kind of nd thing and they assumed I'm too "innocent" to like romance or sex, or because they view us as "unable to consent"(which can be true of some people if their neurodivergence affects their ability to consent to things even as an adult, but isn't universally true.) . I think some of this perception is also rooted in eugenics (due to people equating sex with having kids and viewing disability and/or neurodivergence as a tragedy and thinking its 'bad' for disabled and/or nd ppl to have kids).

So I don't really appreciate implications that someone is ace just by virtue of being autistic. I think its also unfair to autistic aros and aces because our neurodivergence can influence our orientation, but being autistic does not mean that makes someone inherently ace and/or aro.

My physical disability is relatively mild and less talked about (chronic pain and fatigue), and I don't reveal it to most ppl(ppl who dont live with me won't know I get exhausted from non-taxing to abled ppl activities, and chronic pain is not visible at all and we can't get mobility aids due to not being independent yet) so Im not fully aware how people view my apl and aro identities in that regard.

And there is definitely an issue with aspecs trying to enforce NEW norms. They cry about how people are forced into performing romance and sex to fit in but then turn around and tell people they need to love or have friends or family or pets in order to be a good person. It's also very harmful to aspecs bc some of us are loveless or atertiary etc. in ways that aros and aces apparently hate lol. A lot of aros in particular are very platonormative.

The aro community is also rather hostile to romo aros. There are still people who exclude romo aros from the aro label or act like we have to bend over backwards and acknowledge that we are "amatonormative oppressors" for liking romance or feeling some connection to it.

I think also the meme about putting a box away on a tall shelf away from a child is relevant here. The word amatonormative is constantly misused by a lot of aros. I've seen aros call alloromantic apls "amatonormative" and act like "amatonormative" means 'person who engages in romance'.

Its not a term abt engaging in romance or liking it. It's also not an excuse to pressure people to have or like friends either. I think aros should have actual discussions about amatonormativity that aren't just US-centric and about romance(wow do aros love to ignore that monogamy, non-queer, cis, etc. are social categories deemed more valuable under amatonormative societal norms), instead of using it to describe anyone they deem as interested in romance .

On that note, a lot of them use some examples of toxic relationships as reasons to call romance toxic and almost advocate for romance to never exist(which is especially disgusting to see for me, as in my country a lot romance negative conservative rhetoric is literally worded the same way). These people almost never acknowledge that other relationships like friendship can be toxic too.

I think some of these people believe in 'morality of repugnance' in that they think if its something they personally find repulsive in some way, that means its inherently immoral, which is not conducive to having unbiased views of the world, or critical thinking. I think a lot of ppl my age and younger are especially trying to do this because Ive lost count of how many I've seen be like "ewww thats gross/weird and so its wrong/immoral", and literally spouting conservative rhetoric while thinking they're politically liberal/leftists, perhaps with different wording but yeah. (I think that one tumblr post abt ppl in that age range being 'conservative on accident', especially in the united states- though that is concerning given the way ppl from other countries tend to absorb american opinions and such too much, describes this phenomenon)

I think some aros are also still so caught up in how much of a tragedy they think their aromanticism is, and I feel bad for them but thats not all there is to being aro and its a bit weird when ppl act like it is.

I think one of the best things about being aspec for me is feeling more like I can engage in and not engage in relationships (Im only favorable to sexual partnerships w no label other than 'sexual partner', and romance only w two partners as of now, and completely averse to all tertiary/nonrose. before I fully realised my aspec identities i pressured myself to have friends and felt like I'd be obligated to be favorable to nonsexual romance if someone wanted that with me, to 'be an ally to aces', even though it repulsed me. I also felt obligated to want qprs especially after realising Im aro. Realising Im atertiary helped me stop forcing myself to want nonrose relationships.)

Anyways that was a lot of rambling but probably most of my opinions on the aro and some extent aspec community.

#aspec #aro #also lol if any aspecs see this and disagree w me just block me I dont need the drama #aromantic #actually aromantic #platonormativity #aplatonic #actually aplatonic #alloaro #aroallo #asexual #ace #arospec #queer #aspec community #aro community #atertiary #actually atertiary #nonfriending apl #asks #entropy answers #sonia-wah-wah #apl

[charliedawn]

Hello 🤗 do you remember when you made a slasher x asexual reader??, how about this time is aromantic

This is my first request on Tumblr and I hope you have a great day 💕

I mean Jason wouldn't care. A friend is a friend.

He would be happy to have someone sticking around long enough not to run away as soon as he appears.

He would try to respect your wishes and not to frighten you.

He would feel like the confession might be important to you, so he will keep it in mind and not do anything that would feel too personal.

However, if he did have a crush on you.

He would find it difficult to communicate and basically run out of the room when you arrive.

"Not into all the lovey-dovey stuff, heh ? Good for you. And good for me too.."

Pennywise hates physical contact and doesn't like making any effort.

Having an aromantic reader by his side would be to have someone willing to stay with him without making things weird.

Besides, him and Penny cannot technically fall in love. So, you wouldn't have to worry about that.

"Nice."

Penny is a being whose love language is TOUCH.

He can't help it and will try to touch you every chance he gets.

See the problem ? He may eventually try to show you his love with words and make things awkward very quickly..

Penny *giggles and wraps his arms around you* : "I LIKE YOU, HUMAN !"

Yeah..Will try his best to keep his distance though. Better stick around his brother at the beginning though..

"Good for you, kiddo. Believe me when I say love is bullsh*t. You're better without it."

Jack has been married and was basically trapped in the marriage.

He knows all about the downsides of love and would be happy to live without the complications.

At this point, his only love is his bottle of whiskey he keeps around.

Jack *offers you a glass* : "Come on. Let's have a toast on being sick of love. Good riddance."

Five : "Believe me, you won't have to worry about me."

The boy is 100% dedicated to Dolores and reserves all his love for his mannequin.

Besides, Five is usually awkward around people he likes. The fact that you are aromantic would make things far easier for him.

He would be able to talk to you without actually holding back, scared of what you may think of him.

Five : "...and this is how Klaus managed to stuck his hand in the cookie jar and it was only hours later that he admitted it to me and asked me to jump back in time to dissuade him. Can you believe it ? Me ? Telling Klaus not to do something ?" *bursts out laughing*

"Aro...Aromantic...Arrow...What a funny name. You know what it makes me think of ? Tarot without the t's. So, congrats kid, you're a whole card game."

J is open-minded.

As long as you don't say that you're a sympathiser of Batman, he's cool with you being whatever.

Besides, J is not very romantic. He would be if he feels it necessary, but would be as happy without it.

He would also offer you a job and wouldn't have to worry about the "matters of the heart" holding you back or stopping you from doing your job. (like Harley)

Now, Michael is going to be thrown off because he believes in romance. He was a happy family man before his sudden shift to a slasher.

It's because he cares about his family and loves that he can't help seeking them out, even though Myers will probably kill them at the end.

If you're in a relationship, he will feel betrayed by the sudden confession.

However, Myers wouldn't.

Myers *waits a few seconds before writing down* : "Alright. Good."

Michael is the heart and Myers is the knife.

But, the knife can be more understanding than the heart on rare occasions.

Besides, it would be another person he wouldn't worry about killing.

Brahms : "..."

Poor boy wouldn't know what to say.

It means no hugging, no hand holding, no sweet kisses ?

You would very sadly not be his type in a more-than-friends relationship, but he would support you nonetheless and be your friend.

But, you would have to expect some exceptions. He would sometimes hug you out of the blue and tell you things that may make you uncomfortable.

But, don't hold it against him.

It would be difficult for him to accept that you cannot have romantic feelings for anyone, but he would eventually get used to it and accept you nonetheless.

Norman : "Hello Aro, I'm Norm."

Norman would make sure to tell you that it doesn't change a thing.

He likes you. He likes you.

That you're aro or not doesn't matter to him, as long as you are a good friend and a hard worker.

He would support you.

Even though, he could sometimes forget.

Norman comes from an era where romance and good manners were almost worshipped.

His mother forced him to become the perfect gentleman, so he may sometimes act lost or confused around you.

But, give him time. He'll eventually figure it out.

Now that I think about it, Freddy might very well be aromantic.

He does have sexual wants, but he doesn't believe in love.

He believes in casual buddy-buddy sex.

Freddy *smirks* : "I mean..I ain't gonna kick you out because of it. Love is complicated. I understand."

Freddy would 100% go on a date with you and wouldn't make it weird. Congrats. You would hit it off pretty quickly.

#fandoms #imagine #fanfic #pennywise 1990 #pennywise 2017 #pennywise x reader #slashers #michael myers x reader #pennywise 1990 x y/n x pennywise 2017 #freddy krueger x reader #brahms heelshire #brahms heelshire x reader #j x reader #the joker x reader #jason voorhees x reader #norman bates x reader #jack torrance x reader

[do-angels-dream-of-starry-seas]

@certainunknownlove making my own post for this, because this is not only a response to your question about good omens fandom and its casual aphobia, but I want to try once more to get my thoughts down.

To simply put - when you see aphobia in a fandom setting, what do you expect to see? Most allo people think of the classics, "asexual and aromantic are not real!" or "you're being homophobic!"

But the problem is these are all too cut and dry (not to say aphobes like this still pop up every now and then). Social media is now far more aware of aphobia, and are all proudly saying how they love and respect aromantics and asexuals, they're apart of the lgbtq community, hoorah!

This leads to a situation like the good omens fandom: two mostly male-presenting beings are not human, and their relationship in the book and in s1 is in a weird murky ground of queerplatonic. Humans point out how romantic they look, the author repeatedly states how their relationship isn't in human terms yet doesn't shoot down anyone's interpretations and tries to do little innuendos like an ox-rib eating scene. And by the time s2 comes around, they showcase their relationship in a more traditionally human sense, ala a kiss.

Talking about whether making them asexual or aromantic is aphobic itself is a whole other topic that would be far longer to do, but the fact of the matter is some people see them as asexual, some people see them as queerplatonic, some people see them as completely alloallo.

For aspec people, the kind of comments you would usually find, off the top of my head, would be things like:

"They have to kiss again in s3"

"Wouldn't it be sooo poetic if they were made for each other, soulmates, and if other angels and demons were too?"

"Wouldn't it be great though if these non-human beings were soooo connected to humanity that they did these universally human things?

Innocuous, but then it builds up:

"It was queerbaiting"

"They finally confirmed they're romantic in s2 with the kiss"

And making assumptions based on their own allo perspectives:

"If they aren't sexual, what's with all the things like the ox-rib?"

"I understand people read them as asexual, but here is a 5k word meta confirming they're sexual"

"Ace people can still have sex!"

Which can then lead to certain people claiming things like:

"I'm going to quote tweet this person expressing their fear of them making ineffable husbands sexual by saying I hope they do"

"The author said they weren't sexual, but we saw them kiss"

"The author is too cowardly to commit to them being gay because of this"

"What are they gonna do, make them Ken dolls in their relationship?" (This is paraphrasing an actual post)

... what allo people dont get is they can make alllll sorts of excuses for these kinds of phrases: its my interpretation! I'm not really serious! Ace and aro people are valid!! But when those posts get hundreds of notes, and these posts are made by the Big Fandom People, other people climb on the bandwagon and it leads to those last few examples I gave. It's a fucking echo chamber, at that point.

When aspec people talk about these things, they only get ten to twenty notes at best. And you might still get people in their notes saying things like "it's not everyone in fandom, stop taking it so seriously!"

I don't know, man. I tried to talk casually, i tried to give detailed examples on why it's aphobic, I tried calling out the Big Aphobes and still politely censoring their usernames, I tried making a discord for aspec people but its always dead silent in there. All I know is, it's thankfully not just me.

#good omens #let.me.dream.with.goodomens #aphobia tw #aphobia #ineffable husbands #lgbtq

[textk4kira]

Cisgender, straight aces have cisheteronormative identities. And can get affirmations for their ace identities from the ace community.

They can get support for conversion therapy (what is ace conversion therapy? Anti-gay conversion therapy is targeted at making gay people associate gay attraction with trauma and pain? what do you think anti-ace conversion therapy is?) from aces. What resources do //LGBT// groups have for htis?

What LGBT resources do they need for religious trauma they cannot get from the ace community? From other religious trauma groups? Do religious trauma groups exclude cisgender, straight ace?

What specific LGBT resources for csigender, straight men who do not want to date need? Be SPECIFIC. What resources do they need from groupsmade to give rights to Lesbians, Gay Men, Bisxuals, and Trans People? You haven't listed a single LGBT specific resource uet

Being raped for not experiencing sexual attraction is a feminist issue, not an LGBT one. What LGBT specific resource do they need that they cannot get from feminist groups?

Every point you listed actually happens to cisgender, straight women. Should all LGBT groups acomodate all cishet women?

Hello again anon!

I will address each of the points you have made, with some additional information at the end of this post.

I would also like to point out that ace/arophobia tends to go hand in hand with anti-trans/TERF discourse, so I would like anyone reading to please keep that in mind.

Now to address the points you made:

Asexual/Aromantic people do not have cisheteronormative identities as they do not conform to society's expectations on how people are 'supposed' to behave regarding sexual or romantic relationships. These expectations include but are not limited to: Being in a monogamous, heterosexual/heteroromantic relationship with a fellow cisgender person. This argument is also used against bisexual people who are 'straight-passing' individuals.

Asexual people receive medical interventions including conversion therapy to make them heterosexual. Please look up 'hyposexual sexual desire disorder' as an example of anti-asexual medical maltreatment. Coercing an asexual person into having sex to 'cure' their asexuality is a form of corrective rape AND conversion therapy. The asexual community is a part of the LGBTQIA+ community and this has been the case forever. If an asexual person is seeking comfort or resources from other queers, such as myself, I will do what I can to help them.

I do not know if religious trauma groups explicitly exclude asexual individuals, so I cannot answer this. Pushing asexuals to only interact with other asexuals in regards to their problems, is actually a form of marginalization, which is in fact a form of oppression.

The love and support of the LGBTQIA+ community, as well as community-wide solidarity, is, in fact, a 'resource'. The time that I am spending to respond to your ask, as opposed to uplifting aromantic men is in fact, the 'use of a resource'. Yes, emotional labor is a finite resource that I am currently using to address you.

I will not address this point, for obvious reasons.

To conclude, here is a list of resources specifically for asexual/aromantic individuals (note, this is just a short list, I will try to find more in the future):

AUREA - Resources (aromanticism.org)

Aro 101 and Resources – Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week (arospecweek.org)

Understanding Asexuality | The Trevor Project

About AVEN | The Asexual Visibility and Education Network | asexuality.org

Understanding the Asexual Community - Human Rights Campaign (hrc.org)

Navigating LGBTQ Identities and Religion | The Trevor Project

Culturally Competent Psychotherapy for the Asexual Community | Society for the Advancement of Psychotherapy (societyforpsychotherapy.org)

I would also like to mention that I do not interact with radfems, TERFs, or Gender Critical Feminists as stated in my pinned post, if this describes you anon, or any other readers, please move along. I will not address you.

I hope this was helpful!

#anon ask #ask #asexual #asexuality #aromantic #aromanticism #aromantic men #asexual women #acephobia #aphobia #arophobia #ace #aro #terfs dni #transmeds dni #ace discourse

[whumpacabra]

Butchering

Referenced nightmares, referenced therapy, referenced animal death [meat production], implied past trauma, an aro(?)ace’s poor understanding of romantic/sexual attraction

[Follows Session #1]

Deitelbaum’s was a good place for East to start. It was usually quiet and slow paced, and Joshua - the manager - knew the Holloway Home well. Alister had been working there for months, and was more than happy to help train East. (It was only a matter of time before he moved on to a more permanent job - or at least, one he could pay his own rent with - and Joshua could use the extra hands.)

“Any questions about the slicer?”

“How often is it fully disinfected?” East had surprisingly good questions, as focused and serious as he was doing chores around the house. Alister was relieved Nate agreed it was time the guy got a job - he needed something to throw himself into other than dusting the common room or sorting the laundry.

“He always like this or just first day nerves?” Joshua happened to be there that morning, both to meet East and drop off meat fresh from the butcher. East was currently prepping the cutting boards, brow furrowed and eyes intense as he worked. Alister doubted he even heard them talking about him here at the front of the deli.

“You can see why Nate needed him out of the house - he’s just the same doing chores and stuff at home.” Tierney leaned against the counter, yawning. The sun wasn’t quite over the horizon yet - the deli would open soon, but they probably wouldn’t see customers for another hour or two.

“He’s a good worker.” Alister affirmed, taking a parcel of beef from Joshua. The older gentlemen looked…skeptical wasn’t the right word, perhaps politely concerned?

“Don’t let him over work himself - last thing we want is someone getting hurt.”

“We’ll keep an eye on him, don’t worry J.”

Joshua gave a long suffering look to Alister; Tierney wasn’t the pinnacle of professionalism, but he worked well with the customers. Alister sighed, glancing back at East - hair tied back and stuffed under a hairnet, gloves and apron spotless.

“I’ll let you know if there are any problems.”

—

East was a quick learner, which Alister was thankful for. He didn’t expect so many customers today - was there a holiday coming up he had forgotten? His second guess was that there was a wave of tourists passing through; he didn’t recognize many of the people in the deli.

Things were starting to calm down at the registers, enough that Alister considered stepping back to help East prepare the orders, when a new customer stepped up to the counter. Alister glanced at her and smiled, but his heart had already started to sink.

He had seen a few new immigrants come to the kosher deli, but Joshua usually handled their orders. So when the veiled older woman started to speak, Alister felt embarrassed guilt creep onto his face. He didn’t understand her - but he could tell she was pointing to the lamb behind the counter, and her tone was questioning. Both their frustrations were starting to rise when, to Alister’s surprise, he heard East’s soft rumble behind him.

“She’s asking how it was slaughtered.”

Alister nearly jumped, muttering a curse to himself. East was so quiet for such a large man, a silent shadow hovering over his shoulder.

“Oh. Uh - can - can you tell her it’s kosher, Joshua picks it up from the butcher.” Alister wouldn’t admit he was impressed by the sudden ease in East’s tone as he replied to the woman, the two having a brief back and forth. East’s face was uncharacteristically relaxed, tone almost confident - though, Alister couldn’t be sure, seeing as he didn’t understand the language.

“It’s halal too, right? No blood, killed clean?”

“Yes? Yes - I’ve seen them butcher sheep there.” Alister glanced back at he woman, embarrassment bleeding to curiosity. There were more and more Muslim immigrants with each passing year, but he should have guessed by her headwear she wasn’t Joshua’s usual foreign clientele.

Eventually it seemed East and the woman reached an agreement, and he translated her order to Alister before going to the back and preparing the meat. It was a bit later, during a lull when the shop was quiet, that Tierney dare broach the subject. It was their lunch break - the closed sign temporarily flipped while the three enjoyed a moment’s peace and some prepacked food in the store room.

“Why the hell didn’t you mention you were bilingual? Trying to get out of register work?” Tierney had wolfed down his lunch in minutes, idly waiting for the others to finish.

“Didn’t think it was relevant to cutting up meat.” East mumbled, eating his own sandwich in small bites as though savoring the blandness of ham and cheese.

“Where the hell’d you pick that up? You’re German, ain’t ya?”

“Work.” East stiffened, almost imperceptibly, but Alister could see his grip on the soft bread tighten.

“Right, soldier and stuff - damn. Figured you might know a few phrases and shit, not, like, be fluent.” Tierney rambled, but Alister quirked a brow at the revelation. Military certainly seemed to fit the way East carried himself. (And it could explain the nights Al lay awake praying that the poor bastard would sleep soundly for both their sake’s.)

“Nate never mentioned - ”

East cut him off, words clipped and cold.

“No. He didn’t.”

Alister winced at his tone, eyes flickering between East’s eyes and the floor. He didn’t seem angry, but he did seem agitated. On edge.

“Oh, sorry mate I didn’t mean to - “

“It’s fine. Just don’t like talking about it.”

The quiet that followed wasn’t the most uncomfortable silence Alister had sat through, but it was getting close.

“Thanks, by the way. For jumping in when you did. Worst thing when working the front is telling a customer no.” Alister sighed, cracking open a bottle of coke. Some tension seemed to bleed from East’s shoulders.

“No problem.”

—

A few days later, the woman was back, and East wasn’t there. (Alister almost regretted suggesting Nate find him a therapist - nightmares be damned he did not want to turn this sweet old lady away just because he couldn’t understand her.) But this time, she wasn’t alone.

There was a younger woman with her, and for a brief moment, Alister forgot his anxieties. He had known his fair share of beautiful women - he had childhood crushes, unreciprocated flirting, and a few short lived trysts. But he had to admit, this attraction was new. He couldn’t see the shape of her legs, hidden in the folds of a long black skirt, or the curve of her chest, hidden behind the thick plush of a winter coat. Ever her hair, wrapped and covered in a simple purple headscarf, was hidden from him.

And while he could see her soft lips, her dark eyes - that was not what enraptured him. It was her poise, the grace and confidence with which she carried herself. Like royalty, or a soldier leading the charge. He almost didn’t realize she was already standing at the register, speaking to him.

“Excuse me? Sorry, I’m not sure if you recognize her - my mother - “

“Yeah. The - the lamb the other day. I remember her.” Alister gave a shy smile to the older woman, who was muttering in her own language to her daughter. She glanced back at her mother, an embarrassed smile of her own creeping onto her face.

“Well, we just wanted to thank you - the lamb was amazing and she wanted to let you know she’ll be buying whatever meat she gets from here from now on.”

“Oh - oh it’s, it’s my job, ma’am - “

“Jasmine; my mother is Hanan.”

“Ah, well, nice to meet you both. Um, I’m Al.”

“So your name tag says.”

“Oh - right. Right, ah, well East - he was the one that helped, uh, translate between us - he’s not here today but I’ll be sure to pass it in to him. That you’re grateful.”

“We’d appreciate that.” Jasmine’s eyes were laughing at him, and Alister knew a blush was flushing his face pink. Why was he such a dunce all of a sudden?

Hanan whispered something to her daughter, and - he probably imagined it - but he swore Jasmine’s cheeks seemed to warm as her eyebrows shot up in surprise before she muttered a reply he didn’t understand.

“Well, um, we’ll take the same order as last time - please.”

“No problem, Tierney over there will ring you up and I’ll - I’ll get right to it.”

—

“You have no game. When was the last time you talked to a bird?”

“Can it, O’Hare.”

[Before Unlocked Cage]

(Part of my Freelancers: Changing Tides series)

Taglist: @stargeode @sacredwrath

#whump #recovery #nightmares #therapy #past trauma #animal death #food production #freelancers #no proofreading we die like Elias. strangled by the hand of our brother to escape hell the only way we know how. #listen. listen this subplot is important even if idk how to cleanly introduce it. #coming to terms w the fact that I’m more aro than I thought. wtf is a crush supposed to be like??? #whatever. East works in a deli. Alister has a crush on a hijabi customer. tierney is a little shit. let me project on all my ocs pls.