#song is: st patrick by pvris | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thefallennightmare · 4 months

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Just Pretend-eighteen

*gif created by me. feel free to use, simply give credit*

Parings: Noah Sebastian x Musician! Reader

Warnings/Tropes: language, angst, fluff, smut, star-crossed lovers, right person/wrong time, cheating, talks of mental abuse.

Summary: “I can wait for years, heaven knows I’m not getting over you.” A story about two star-crossed lovers, that always find their way back because their souls are entwined. The universe desperately attempts to bring them together, no matter what the cost.

Authors Note: The song choice for this chapter is St. Patrick by Pvris!

Collaborating With: @thescarlettvvitch(better give her all the love as well)

Tags: @thescarlettvvitch @ozwriterchick @waake-meee-up @notingridslurkaccount @niicoleleigh @sammyjoeee @xxrainstorm @dominuslunae @notmaddihealy @malice-ov-mercy @crimson-calligraphyx @iknownothingpeople @writethrough @thebadchic @blackveilomens Claudia on Tumblr @tobe-written @blacksoul-27 @loeytuan98 @loverofagoodbeard @comfortcharactercraze @lma1986 @plutonikchaos1 @spicywhenspeaking @lyschko666 @somewhere-diamond @hi-fancy-seeing-you-here @koskeepsake @bngurngheart @shilohrosechicken @emzandthevoid @casangel1986 @qualityvoidcollectorsblog @myownthoughts12 @jilliemiw86 @bellaboo967

NOAH

My car idled in my driveway as I trained my gaze hard on my steering wheel, deep uneven breathing overpowering the sound of the radio. I arrived home almost twenty minutes ago but couldn’t gain the strength to go inside. The light in Jolly’s room was on and I didn’t feel like getting the third degree about where I went after I left the pier.

They knew I was taking Y/N home but didn’t know what happened after.

“Noah,” Y/N moaned while rubbing her pussy over my thigh.

My lips attacked her neck in vicious bites as my hand grasped at the skin of her back, anything I could do to pull her closer.

“Let me fucking cum, Noah.”

I rested my head against the headrest and let out a strangled breath as different memories clouded my mind.

I sat on the edge of Bailey’s bed, a beer bottle hanging loosely between my fingers. It was my third one in the last hour; body tipsy from the alcohol. From the second I stepped inside her apartment, Bailey offered me a drink, wanting to know what I did today. But instead of talking, I drank while we watched a movie in her bedroom.

Both of us were feeling the effects of the alcohol and Bailey was standing in front of me, hands running through my hair.

“I’m fucking depressed,” I hiccuped after taking another long drink of my beer. “I drink like a fish and have needs that aren’t being met.”

“I can help you with that,” she kneeled in front of me, hands reaching for my shirt as her lips grazed over my neck.

I felt stiff in her embrace. “I can’t”

“You can,” Bailey’s hands snaked up my shirt, dragging her nails over my abdomen.

I squeezed my eyes shut at the memory, letting out a broken breath. “I can’t fucking do this. I shouldn’t have done that.”

Bailey sat in front of me on the bed, naked, but my eyes were straight on hers, not daring myself to look farther down.

“On your knees, face the wall,” I demanded while rolling the condom over my cock.

Angry eyes stared down at it, feeling betrayed by how hard I was. It wasn’t anything like how I was with Y/N and I knew it was only because of the thought of having an orgasm.

Anger still radiated through me as I gripped the steering wheel, my knuckles turning white. How could I have done that to Y/N? How would she ever forgive me?

“Noah,” Bailey moaned.

I grunted while pausing my thrusts to shift us so her face was buried into the pillow so I couldn’t hear her.

Bailey felt nice but nothing like Y/N. With my angel, it felt as if she was my missing piece when we connected, it was as if our souls were becoming one. The way Bailey moaned wasn’t the same either; pretty but not what I needed to properly get off.

I stared down at her back to see a small butterfly tattoo on her shoulder. Pretty but nothing compared to the tattoos Y/N had. Her body and image filled my vision and I gripped the hips in front of me tighter.

“Oh,” she writhed underneath me. “Shit.”

“Fuck, angel. You feel so good.” I panted.

Y/N’s bright smile radiated my thoughts when my eyes closed and I thought of her laugh as I came inside of the condom.

“You’re a pig” I spat out into the confines of my car. “I thought of Y/N the entire time.”

The selfishness began to eat away at me, this cowardly facade. All I needed to do was tell Y/N my feelings and have her sit down and listen.

Shit.

First I needed to tell Bailey, whatever this was, was finished.

Nice, you’re going to break up with her hours after having sex?

Why was I holding onto something I didn’t want? I kept trying to fill the loneliness of Y/N. She was everywhere. Why couldn’t I just tell her how I feel?

Rejection?

Is it because sometimes I have a lisp?

No, idiot. She doesn’t care about that.

Suddenly with a choked sob, it hit me that the fear of being abandoned again was holding onto me like a vice.

Stay here, you’re comfortable. Stay here- you’re comfortable in your weakness and your temptations; your temporary fixes.

These moments were easy to hide behind. Bailey was easy to hide behind. The alcohol was always easy. Something new I hid behind was the sex and I just wanted to drink until it was fatal.

What a fucking mess.

The light turned off in Jolly’s room but I still wasn't ready to head inside. I felt safer in my car where I could chastise myself for my actions. I ran a shaking hand over my face as my knee continued to bounce in anger.

Y/N stormed into my life like a fucking tidal wave. Every day I couldn’t believe this was how I’d ended up. I told myself after everything I’ve been through there was no time for love, no time for the commitment, no time for anything.

Survival; that’s it. That’s what you know.

The second I stepped off the bus that first day of the tour, my eyes landed directly on Y/N, I knew that everything I thought and decided about my life was going to be different.

I repeatedly replayed this evening and continued to feel disgusted with myself and my actions. Bailey was lovely, too sweet, but I knew she didn’t truly see me as a person. She saw me as the man with the voice- I couldn’t blame her, none of this was her fault. I need to end it.

But then it hit me again, what I’d done.

Oh no. I have to tell Y/N.

I couldn’t handle losing her again.

I smacked the steering wheel. “Fucking idiot! Idiot! Stupid!”

My breath became erratic and stuck in my throat as my chest constricted with pain. I felt my pulse quicken, my heart pounding loudly in my ears, and I shook my head.

“Shit, no. Not now.” My vision became hazy, unable to see in front of me as a sob crawled out of my throat.

Breathe, dumbass. Breathe. Countdown like Dr. Poulos says.

I took in a deep breath, holding it in.

I blew out my breath for two seconds.

Another deep breath, holding it, as the fuzzy vision began to clear.

Letting out my breath, I felt all of my oxygen fill my lungs again and the pain in my best subsided.

Once I felt centered, I ran my hands over my thighs and when the light in the living room turned on, noticing someone peek through the curtain I knew that I couldn’t hide out here forever. I needed to face what I’d done.

“I need a fucking miracle. I need some fucking help,” I muttered while climbing out of the car, slowly stalking towards my house.

Just as I predicted, Jolly was sitting on the couch, watching something on the television and when he saw me walk in, his attention immediately went to the sour expression on my face.

“Hey,” Jolly said softly.

I nodded in return as I made my way towards the stairs, just wanting to wash away Bailey’s scent.

“Everything alright?” He asked as I made it about halfway up the stairs.

I gripped the railing as my jaw ticked. “Nothing, man. Don’t worry about it.”

“No, don’t avoid this. We all came back home hours ago, it doesn’t take you that long to drop off Y/N. Where the hell were you?”

“I-uh-something happened tonight.”

Jolly turned off the television, giving me his undivided attention, so I turned towards him now.

“With Y/N?”

“And Bailey,” I admitted.

His eyebrows shot up to his hairline. “What the hell happened?”

“I didn’t mean for it to get this far with Y/N. We were listening to Death of Peace Of Mind and it just happened,” I sighed.

“You fucked her in the car?” He gasped.

“No. No!,” I waved a hand in the air. “But we were pretty close. I was seconds away from taking off her pants when Bailey called.”

“Noah, come on. You need to break off this situation you're in with Bailey. Both you and Y/N need to cut this crap already. It’s not healthy for either of you.”

I rested my arms on the railing. “I know, I know. I want too but its another day of us going in fucking circles.”

Jolly raised a brow. “Is it the rejection or something else that has you stalling now?”

“No!” I rushed out too fast.

“It sure seems like it. You’re insecure and worried Y/N’s going to leave again which is why you’re playing both sides. But you can’t have your cake then back up when things get to real, Noah. Its fucked up especially because we already know how she feels about you. You already know.”

I swallowed the large lump in my throat as I prepared myself to say these dreaded four words. Regret filled my veins as the words fell from my lips into the air, telling Jolly what happened after I dropped Y/N off.

I slept with Bailey.

“She didn’t want you to stay?” Jolly wondered.

Another flashback to a few hours ago.

I snapped out of my drunk and sex-hazed nap when a hand grazed down my chest, and stomach, before stopping right at my cock. Bailey was seconds away from wrapping her fingers around it and I jolted from the bed, searing for my clothes.

“Where are you going?” She asked, letting the sheet fall from her naked form.

I spun on my heels so I didn’t have to see her. “I’ve got an early day in the studio.”

“Oh, you don’t want to stay?”

“I can’t,” I muttered, fully dressed,

I slipped away from her with a light kiss on her cheek.

“I couldn’t stay, man. It wasn’t right. This entire night wasn’t supposed to be like this,” I stammered over my words, thanks to the alcohol still flooding through my system.

“Noah-.”

“Y/N walked away from me tonight, Jolly! After the moment we shared, it felt right; real. But she still just fucking left,” I snapped, raising my voice.

“What is she supposed to think? You’ve been twisting Y/N’s mind around too,” he said with a stern voice.

“I didn’t see it that way,” my shoulders fell with defeat. “This thing with Bailey was never supposed to go this far. It was only supposed to distract me from Y/N. I’ve overthought every fucking thing.”

Jolly raised to his feet before meeting me halfway up the stairs. “That’s why we keep telling you to either discuss this shit with Y/N or your therapist at least because what you’re doing isn’t working.”

Flashes of Bailey in her bed tried to come to the forefront but I shook my head, forcing it away. I needed help; I needed something to block out these images.

“I’ll be in the studio,” I muttered while ascending the stairs once again.

“It’s 2 in the morning, Noah,” Jolly called after me.

“Don’t care.”

NOAH

A knock sounded on the door, stirring me awake from my slumber in the computer chair. The bottle slipped from my fingers onto the floor at my feet, spilling only a little bit of the dark ember liquid on the carpet.

Shit, Jesse’s going to kill me for staining it.

“Noah,” Jolly said while walking into the room.

I threw a hand over my shoulder, letting him know I was still here, but kept my gaze trained on the screen in front of me.

“Do you know what time it is?”

I grunted in response, suddenly wishing I hadn’t dropped my bottle to the ground.

Jolly sighed before pulling the chair away from the computer, eyes staring straight down at me. “Are you drunk again?”

“No, just a little tipsy,” I sighed, not wanting to fight him.

After the hell of the last twelve hours, I was exhausted; mentally and physically. Jolly didn’t deserve the anger I felt for myself directed towards him.

“I have this melody in my head, I have to get it out. It’s eating away at me,” I said.

He nodded solemnly. “You’ve been in here for the last few hours, though. Why don’t you take a break? Shower, eat something, get some sleep, and then we can both work something out. Alright?”

“I just can’t-,” I shook my head, long disheveled hair falling into my face.

“You’re not gonna drink what you did away, Noah,” Jolly lifted me from the chair, tight grip on my arms so he could force me to look into his eyes.

“You’re going to sleep the rest of this bullshit off, then when you wake up, you’re going to have some food, a shower, then we’re going to fucking work. Wipe your face and get right. We’ll figure this out.”

“You can’t tell me what to do,” I shot back, the stubbornness radiating off of me in waves.

Jolly snorted while brushing away the invisible dirt from my shoulders and straightening my shirt. “Watch me.”

I reached for the bottle, holding it in front of my face. The dark ember liquid sloshed around in the glass as Chase’s voice rang loudly in my head.

Y/N doesn’t need another Trey.

“I’m not fucking Trey!” I set the bottle down on the desk with a loud thunk. “She doesn’t deserve that side of me. She deserves the best of me.”

Even though I didn’t say her name, Jolly knew who I was talking about. “No. You’re not, so let’s get right. Cut the shit. You made a mistake, don’t let that sit inside you. Get it out.”

“I didn’t mean it, all I saw was Y/N,” I admitted with a sob, a lone tear rolling down my cheek. “I want her back so bad, man. I love her.”

This wasn’t the first time I’d admit my love for Y/N out loud but every time I did, it made my heart stutter wildly in my chest.

“I know,” Jolly sighed while giving me a small smile. “First things first, take a shower and get some sleep, alright?”

I sniffled, standing straighter. “Okay.”

READER

This was such a bad idea. I should not be doing this. I should have immediately declined but Malcolm agreed for all of us before he knew what happened. I couldn’t back out now, much to my dismay.

With a sigh, I threw on my swimsuit cover before sliding on my sandals. Matt wanted to throw an end-of-summer pool party at his place. As much as I didn’t want to face Noah, the idea of hanging out around the pool with my friends and beer sounded relaxing.

“Hey, are you almost ready? Malcolm’s waiting in the car for us.”

Looking towards my open door, I smiled at Chase, who was leaning against the wall.

“Yeah, I just need to grab my bag.”

Salem was asleep curled up on my bed and I gave him a soft kiss on the top of his head after grabbing my bag.

“Something is up with you,” Chase squinted his eyes at me, almost assessing me.

I shook my head, deflecting his assumptions. “I don’t know what you mean?”

He pointed to my face. “The look on your face, your entire aura.”

When I walked past him, ready to end this discussion, his arm shot out to block me in place right in front of the door. “Wait, is that?”

Chase’s finger grazed over a spot on my neck and I smacked it away before covering it with my hand.

“Is that a hickey?”

“Chase, don’t-,” I began.

“Fucking finally!” He exclaimed while throwing his head back.

I raised my brows while crossing my arms over my chest. “Excuse me?”

“You two must have finally talked. Got rid of the elephant-.”

“No!,” I cut him off while waving my hands. “We didn’t talk about fucking anything. It was a weak moment, which I’m extremely guilty of.”

“Wait, you didn’t,” Chase shook his head, now confused. “Noah didn’t-?”

“Chase, there is nothing to say. He doesn’t feel the same about me, not the way I do. He’s with this other woman.”

“Then what the fuck happened last night? Why do you have a hickey on your neck?”

I shifted on my feet, avoiding Chase’s gaze. “Their new song was hot and it just happened- it won’t happen again.”

“Fuck, Y/N,” Chase pinched his eyes shut. “You can’t be this dense. What is going on with you? Noah doesn’t feel the same? He looks at you like you’re some fucking angel that just got shot down from the sky. How can you not see that?”

“Let it go, please. I waited too long. He wants to move on, and I had no right to do what we did last night,” my breath wavered as I pushed past him into the hallway, ready to end the conversation.

“Did you fuck Noah?” Chase’s voice carried down the hall just as Malcolm walked back into the house, eyebrows raised.

“You fucked Noah?” Malcolm gasped, dropping his bag of towels to the ground.

My feet skidded to a halt, head whipping back and forth between them. “No! But, it was getting there. We would have if Bailey didn’t call.”

Chase now appeared in front of me as I stood in the hallway, Malcolm on the other side of him. “Sweets, you’ve got to stop being so hard on yourself. You made a mistake by leaving that night; we all know that. Noah forgave you, he’s written songs about you, and I know our songs are about him. Just cut the shit and talk to him okay? He loves you, Y/N. I know he does.”

Tears burned in my eyes as I let out a shaky breath. “If he loves me then why is he with her?”

Malcolm and Chase shared a look, unsure what the right answer to my question would be.

“I don’t know,” Malcolm sighed. “But maybe if you two talked to each other. Writing songs instead of letters can only help so much.”

“Can we table this discussion for now?” I asked with a sigh. “I just want to have a relaxing day today by the pool.”

My roommates and brothers shared another look before reluctantly agreeing.

The car ride over to Matt’s was filled with the soft tune of the radio while Malcolm drove, hand linked with Chase’s, and I sat in the back marveling at how far their relationship had come.

In the beginning of Hollow Souls, I knew that there was chemistry between them but they were nervous about what I or Trey would think. Trey never knew because he was too busy being buried in alcohol, but I always knew that they were meant to be together. Soulmates if you will. No matter how hard they tried to deny their feelings, it was Malcolm who made the first move.

The corner of my lip turned up in a smile when I remembered the memory; it was after our first successful tour came to an end. At the time, Chase lived with me in Las Vegas, before I moved in with Trey, and Malcolm was living in Los Angeles because of better opportunities. Chase didn’t want Malcolm to leave quite yet, something Malcolm picked up on because he invited Chase to visit him soon.

Only Chase.

After some late-night talks with me, Chase eventually agreed and spent two weeks in Los Angeles with Malcolm; He returned happier than ever.

If there was any relationship to study and look up to, it was theirs.

“I’m going to take your advice,” I said suddenly as the car pulled to a stop in front of Matt’s house.

Chase turned to face me. “You are?”

I nodded. “It can’t hurt, right? Telling him how I feel,”

Malcolm looked at me through the rearview mirror.

“Finally!” He exclaimed. “ Just tell him! Let it out and then you guys can run away and fuck again. Because this late-night moaning of his name is not doing it for me. Our walls are thin.”

I slapped his arm. “Fucking tell me about it. I don’t need to know some things about your relationship, especially when you guys are in bed together.”

MICHAEL

The expression you can cut the tension with a knife had never been more right than at this exact moment.

I sat on the pool's edge, legs dangling in the water, with Bryan next to me. We saw the exact moment Noah walked in with Bailey clung to his arm, the only way this day would end would be in a disaster. I turned towards Jesse, who was already in the pool and mouthed three words.

“What the fuck?”

Jesse’s only answer was a shake of his head.

Bailey never left Noah’s side, her hand wrapped around his, as they made small talk with Nick. I could see it in the way Noah’s jaw clenched that something was wrong. She kept trying to pull him close but he did his best to keep his distance.

“Did he forget that Y/N’s coming?” Matt scoffed while sitting on the other side of me.

“Did Noah mention anything about bringing Bailey?” Brayn asked.

Matt scoffed again, something about this whole situation was truly appalling. “I guess she kind of invited herself. Folio brought it up in front of Noah, not realizing he was on the phone with her. So he felt obligated.”

“Fuck,” I shook my head while taking a sip of my beer. “Talk about awkward.”

“I wouldn’t say awkward,” Matt muttered while adjusting his hat.

“Matt, be nice,” Jolly said sternly as he walked past, knocking off the hat so it could splash into the pool.

Suddenly, the air and tension tilted on its axis when Y/N walked into the backyard with Chase and Malcolm. My eyes immediately snapped over to Noah, who was already watching Y/N with an intense gaze. She turned towards him, ready to say something until Bailey snuck up behind Noah, wrapping an arm around him.

Noah’s body immediately tensed and when I peered back at Y/N there was a look of hurt or betrayal on her face; I couldn’t tell which exactly and could study it more because she was already slinking away from him, behind the forefield that was Chase and Malcolm. Bailey then dragged Noah towards the grill where Orie was cooking food.

“Is it just me or is there something there? More than usual?” I asked.

Jolly, who pulled up a chair behind me, sighed. “All I can say is that Noah was in the studio till about five this morning. I’m even shocked he’s standing upright. He drank half a bottle of Hennesy before spilling the rest on the carpet.”

“He did what?” Jesse spoke up, gaining the attention of others.

We ignored Jesse’s outburst and did our best to enjoy the rest of the afternoon, no matter how awkward things were right now. Surely, it couldn’t get worse.

I saw the expression of bewilderment had come back onto Noah’s face as he stole glances at Y/N while she chatted with her bandmates. It was as though a faint doubt occurred to him as to the quality of his present happiness. There must have been moments when Y/N tumbled any short of Noah’s dreams – not through her fault, but because of the colossal vitality of his illusion.

It had gone beyond her; beyond everything. He had thrown himself into it with a creative passion, adding to it all the time, decking it out with every bright feather that drifted his way. No amount of fire or freshness can challenge what a man will store up in his extreme ghost-like heart.

We’ve all attempted to keep the peace as long as possible, but fuck, is this enough. Especially after the way he brought Bailey here today. The first time Bailey met all of us at Y/N’s welcome home party, that was awkward enough.

Neither of them could seem to spit out what they wanted. I wanted to tell Bailey to go home. She’s too sweet for this but yet so fucking naive. Her head was in the clouds; a mere rockstar in her clouded brain. Noah’s a human being, and so were the two women caught in the middle of this.

But something changed, drastically, between Noah, Bailey, and even Y/N. It’s been almost an hour and not once did they say a word to each other. They sat on other ends of the backyard; Noah and Bailey sitting just the two of them on one of the lawn chairs while Y/N sat with Chase and Malcolm, joking around with Orie.

I sensed something while noticing the small things others wouldn’t. I tilted my head to the side, watching Noah and Bailey. The grazing and touching were almost too intimate, especially in front of all of us; Y/N included. Bailey tried to run her hands through Noah’s hair but he flinched away and quickly tied it up on top of his head. Noah had yet to shed himself of his t-shirt but Bailey was donning a green two-piece, hoping to catch his attention.

Noah didn’t dare glance at her that way, keeping it civil and friendly.

Bailey laid a kiss on his cheek before she whispered something in his ear, him shivering at whatever she said. It was then that I grasped what happened between them.

I shook my head while motioning for Jolly, who was now in the pool. Once he swam over to me, I pointed to Noah.

“Did they?”

Jolly simply nodded, not wanting to utter the words out loud in case other ears were listening.

I sighed, disappointed. “You got to be fucking kidding me.”

The way I observed this pool, you’d think I was a swimmer with sharks.

But I knew Noah. I’ve watched him; he smells bullshit like a shark smells blood, even his own. He watched Y/N from the side the entire time.

To make her angry? Jealous? Who knows. But he was tired of the arm candy; that I could see. Once again, void of emotions. Just another fucking animal for the ark, that was Noah’s.

Movement out of the corner of my eye caught my attention and I watched as Y/N hesitantly took off her swim cover. It was a hot day, most of us cooling off in the pool, and it took a lot of coaxing from Malcolm and Chase but eventually, Y/N must have felt comfortable enough to show more skin. I knew parts of her past with Trey, thanks to what Noah had told me, so I was aware of the body issues she was dealing with.

I didn’t understand why; Y/N was gorgeous, and we all agreed to that. But sometimes when you spend years dealing with all kinds of mental abuse, it takes time to get over those old habits.

Once Y/N stood in the bright rays of the sun, soaking her almost in a neon glow with her bright red two-piece. The variety of tattoos was fully on display. The small one on her inner ankle made me chuckle, remembering the story Jolly told me about why she got that one. I glanced over to Noah, who sat with his elbows on his knees, chin resting on his palm, as he watched Y/N with careful eyes as she dipped herself into the pool. Bailey kept rambling on about something to him, not even realizing his attention was somewhere else.

On someone else.

NOAH

My eyes burned as I watched Y/N dip herself into the pool; unholy skin cooling immediately. Bailey kept rambling on about some random bullshit about the record shop, something I didn’t care about because the only thing I care about was gliding through the water, laughing along with Chase.

The way Y/N was sitting on the side of the pool, thighs almost wide open. She was soaking wet right now, but not by me and that wasn’t fair. I could remember exactly where her magic was. I know exactly where I’d have to touch, lick or bite. I’d like nothing more than to slide those vibrant red bikini bottoms off her and taste her, begin to have the best fucking meal- happily. Seeing her spread wide open, I could feel myself getting hard, straining against my shorts. I discreetly adjust myself hoping no one will notice and set my attention elsewhere quickly.

I took pride in seeing her blossom. Y/N was hesitant to take that cover-up off- I knew that. But she found her confidence and as soon as that thing fell off her shoulders it was like staring directly into the sun. I was hot, sweating profusely, and I wanted so badly to reach out to touch her. Feel her skin, lock us both together, almost drowning in this pool.

“Noah, are you even listening?” Bailey chuckled while running a finger down my arm.

I shifted in my seat so her hand could fall away from me. “Sorry, it’s been a long day.”

“You should have stayed last night. We could have slept in, ordered something for breakfast, maybe fucked again,” she said.

I snapped my head towards her with my jaw clenched. Bailey wasn’t exactly quiet but thankfully, Y/N was on the far end of the pool where she couldn’t hear us.

“I told you, I had to be at the studio early. I couldn’t stay.”

Bailey brushed a finger over my cheek. “Do you want to stay tonight?”

Before I could give her an answer, Matt’s voice rang out. “Are you two going to isolate yourselves all day or come swim? It is a pool party, remember?”

I glanced over toward the group of them, especially at Y/N who was purposely avoiding my gaze which made my stomach drop.

Did she find out about Bailey and I?

No, the only person I told was Jolly and he wouldn’t say anything.

“Come on,” Bailey pulled me up from the chair and tried to reach for my shirt.

Gently I pushed her hands away, muttering something about how I didn’t want to swim, and sat on the edge of the pool next to Michael. If Bailey said something, it fell on deaf ears, as I quickly picked up on the conversation between Michael and Jesse.

“Oh, Y/N, your tattoos are gorgeous!”

My eyes danced over to Y/N, standing back on solid ground, running a towel through her water-drenched hair. I followed a drop of water as it grazed down the side of her neck, over the bright red but small mark, and I nearly choked on my spit.

“Uh, thank you,” Y/N gave Bailey a small smile as she sat on a chair, accepting a beer from Folio.

“Any meaning behind them?” Bailey wondered as she swam in front of my legs that were dangling in the water, forcing herself between them.

Michael saw the scowl on my lips and lightly smacked my arm.

“Be nice,” he grumbled.

Ignoring him, I watched with careful eyes as the two women talked.

“Depends on which one,” Y/N answered.

“All of them?”

“Bailey-,” I started.

“No,” Y/N interrupted. “It’s fine. I don’t mind her asking about them.”

We locked eyes for a long beat before she was the first one to break it.

“The floral design on my arm doesn't mean anything, I just wanted a sleeve. Uh-,” Y/N then pointed to the small Spirited Away character on her other arm. “This is from my favorite movie.”

Bailey shook her head. “I don’t know what that is.”

“Kaonashi,” I answered. “From Spirited Away.”

“I thought I saw one on your back?” Bailey questioned.

Y/N turned in her chair, showcasing the large snake and floral tattoo that covered the entirety of her back. Memories of our night together in the hotel room flashed in my mind; my lips kissing over every inch of ink as my finger traced the design.

“Oh, that’s amazing. What’s the story behind that one?”

Y/N’s lips in a pulled line; a fake smile. “A snake shed their skin, a way to represent growth. I always found that fascinating so that’s why I got a tattoo of a snake.”

Bailey’s finger grazed up and down my leg under the water. “What about the tattoo on your thigh and leg? It’s fucking huge.”

“Uh,” Y/N traced over the ink on her leg while staring down at it. “It’s some of my favorite Greek Gods on top of Mount Olympus. My grandma told me stories growing up and they mean a lot to me.”

Folio snorted while hiding his smirk behind his beer bottle and I shot him a look, knowing exactly why he was smirking.

“Let’s just say I was on top of Mount Olympus.”

“Oh, I thought Greek mythology was all fake? Those Gods didn’t exist.”

I let out a low noise. “Bailey, I think this game of twenty questions is over.”

Y/N’s eyes narrowed. “Everyone has their own things they believe in, Bailey. Especially my grandma, she grew up in Greece believing those same stories.”

“I knew you were Italian because of your dad but didn’t know you were Greek,” I said with a hint of shock.

She shrugged. “Half. On my mom’s side.

“Wait,” Nick spoke up. “I thought you were adopted.”

Y/N nodded. “Yeah at six months old. But believe it or not, both of my birth parents were Greek and Italian which is why I think they chose my adoptive parents. I don’t talk about it much because-.”

When her words died on her lips, she gazed away towards Chase who sighed, rubbing her back.

“Because her mom was a bitch, and told Y/N she was adopted on her eighteenth birthday” Malcolm finished.

“Mal!” Y/N seethed while smacking his chest. “You can’t just call my mother a bitch!”

“Why the fuck not?” He rubbed his chest. “You’ve called her worse; to her face.”

Y/N sighed. “Yes, but that’s because she’s my mother. You don’t get that right.”

Malcolm snorted. “I’ll remember that the next time you wake me up at two a.m. because she drunk called you to tell you how worthless and how pathetic your career is.”

I remember back to that night on tour when Y/N divulged a little bit about her past growing up and while she didn’t speak much about her mom, I could tell from then and even now, their relationship was rocky.

“I know,” she sighed while playing with the chain of her ankle bracelet.

My eyes immediately locked in on the bracelet on her wrist and the necklace that hung between her breasts which were pressed together due to her swimsuit. My dick twitched and I had to adjust myself on the edge of the pool in a way to hide my growing erection.

“Oh, how funny is that!” Bailey said, completely not understanding that the conversation about tattoos was over. “You have a cute little tattoo on your ankle. Noah has one in the same spot.”

I stiffened, not knowing if she would be able to put two and two together. Y/N gave a curt smile before rising from her chair, muttering something about going to the bathroom.

Chase could feel the sudden tension so he spoke up. “We have this tradition of getting tattoos done on the last day of tour. So that’s the story behind that one.”

Bailey, realizing there was no need to pester Y/N any longer turned towards me and rested her arms on my thighs as she looked up at me.

“Come in. Swim with me.”

She tried to reach for my hands and I gently pushed her away. “Stop it, Bailey.”

Her face twitched with pain? Sadness? Whatever it was made my stomach drop with guilt.

“I’m going to grab another beer,” I mumbled before rising to my feet and trekking inside.

Except I wasn’t looking for a beer. I was looking for someone specific. The bathroom was in a secluded hallway and just as I turned the corner, Y/N retreated from the bathroom with a look of shock on her face when she saw me.

“H-hi Mochi,” she studdered while shifting on her feet.

I stopped a few inches in front of her, breathing in her perfume, and my heart began to beat widely in my chest. My eyes drank in the sight of her as I stared down at her.

“Hi, angel. How’s the pain today?” I wondered.

It felt like so much happened between us that I almost forgot yesterday she was bedridden in pain before I came over.

A small smile curved her lips. “I’m alright. The meds seem to be working which helps alleviate the pain.”

“I can run out and get you a piece of baklava or a cannoli if you want. There’s a great bakery about a block from here,” I suggested while leaning against the wall.

She hummed while drumming her fingers on her arm as she crossed them over her chest; pushing those perfect breasts up higher and my lips twitched with the want to taste them.

“I’m fine right now but I definitely will take you up on that offer some other time.”

We stayed like this, staring into each other eyes, for a very long moment.

The only sound was our deep, synchronized breathing. In this split second in the seclusion of the hallway- fuck was I reminded; that this feeling has and will probably only happen once, and that’s why every minute we spent together has been seared in my memory.

The invisible heartstrings that kept us connected made me cup Y/N’s cheek gently, her turning into my embrace as her eyes fluttered shut.

“Angel,” my voice was low. “I’m really sorry about all that; Bailey. I was on the phone with her when Folio brought this whole thing up and before I knew it she was outside my door.”

Y/N gazed up at me through lashes, shaking her head. “You don’t have to explain yourself to me, Noah.”

“No, I do because you don’t deserve to be grilled about your life like it’s an interview.”

“Mochi,” she said softly, grabbing my arm that still held her face.

“Listen,” I took a deep breath, ready to tell her the truth about what happened last night. “I need to tell you-.”

“There’s something I have to say-,” Y/N spoke at the same time.

“NOAH!” Bailey’s voice echoed throughout the lower level of Matt’s house. “Can you bring me a glass of wine, please”

Y/N seemed to have snapped back to reality because she sucked in a breath, taking a large step away from me. I wanted to reach for her, pull her back into me, and never let her go.

“I-uh-should get back,” she pointed over my shoulder before slipping away from me; again.

READER

My eyes burned as I walked back into the main area of Matt’s house but almost came to a sudden halt seeing Bailey leaning against the kitchen counter, a huge smile on her face.

“Hey, is Noah in here? I can’t find him,” she asked.

“Nope,” I forced a smile on my face.

Bailey nodded. “Oh also, this might come off awkward but, I have this friend, he’s really nice and I’m thinking it might be nice if you two meet.

“Oh no, no, that’s not necessary,” I vigorously shook my head.

I didn’t need her help to set me up with anyone; not when the one I wanted was the one she was looking for.

“Just throwing it out there! He really likes your music and is really attractive. Don’t tell Noah,” she giggled.

I swallowed thickly, keeping the fake smile on my face.

“I’m not looking for anything serious,” I began while playing with my necklace between my fingers.

Bailey waved me off. “Oh, come on. Give him a chance! Maybe just meet him?”

“I mean,” I sighed, “I guess it wouldn’t hurt to meet him.“

“Cool!” she beamed before pointing behind me. “I need to use the bathroom.”

With yet another forced smile, I allowed her to walk past me and dared not to look back knowing that Noah was most likely still in the hallway as I walked back outside.

All it took was one soft touch from Noah to have my heart stuttering, yearning for more than a simple cup of my cheek from him. Last night, it kept playing on a loop in my brain, even when I saw Bailey hanging all over Noah. At first, part of me was furious he’d brought her after what happened between us last night. But then I remembered, what happened between us wasn’t supposed to happen. Whatever this was that he had with Bailey was real.

But you love him. You should tell him.

I shook my head at the thoughts just as Chase came up to me, my phone in his hand.

“Your mother keeps texting you.”

I groaned while taking my phone from him. “I don’t want to deal with her right now.”

“Everything alright?” He frowned slightly.

“Noah stopped me inside. I was ready to tell him the truth, about how I feel but Bailey was looking for him,” I sighed while wrapping my arms around myself.

The sudden LA overcast brought a chill to my bones.

“Sweets,” Chase rubbed my arms. “Don’t let this stop you.”

“It’s over, Chase. Noah has her,” I wiped a stray tear away.

“Y/N, no.”

He reached for me as I walked past him, over to the chair I previously claimed, and threw on the red sweater I bought, not realizing it was the one Noah gave me last night at the fireworks show.

His suave scent filled my senses and I snuggled deeper into the warmth, noticing the look Jolly was giving me. He was sitting at the table next to me.

“What?” I raised a brow while glancing over to him.

He shook his head, a small smile on his lips. “I swear that sweater looks familiar. Like I’ve seen someone else wear it before.”

Playfully I flipped him my middle finger, which in turn made him chuckle, and when my phone buzzed in my hand I was reminded of the three unread texts from my mother. With a deep breath, I prepared myself for whatever cruel words she sent.

Mom: Hey it’s me, just checking in. Haven’t heard from you in a while. I know our last talk wasn’t good- I didn’t mean to say those things, but you must see how you pushed me into it.

Mom: I understand you’re out there living whatever fantasy your dad filled in your head, hope that’s going well. But, please understand where I’m coming from. It’s not a career. You’re not gonna be stable forever.

My heart burned with anger and hurt as her words cut deep.

Mom: I want you to be responsible, not live in the clouds. I am pushing you to take life seriously. No man is going to want to marry you- this lifestyle is unconventional and I just wish you would see it. I’m sorry you don’t agree but, one day I think you will.

Mom: Love you kouklamou.

I scoffed as I read the last text repeatedly. After all those cruel words, she dared to call me her doll?

Bullshit.

After decades of wishing upon a star for my mother to love me the way I thought I needed. I looked at my innocent childhood and had to face reality. My mother would never be someone I could count on for emotional support. My father was who I counted on, he was the one I could trust would understand me and my mind. She never understood my love for music and my freedom. When they divorced I saw how it tormented him, he was in agony. He tried to pick up the pieces and move on with his life, as hard as it was he was able to. I vowed I would never hurt or feel the hurt he did, the hurt she caused me. But a part of me felt guilty; the little girl who yearned for her mother's love made me stay with her after the divorce.

Until my eighteenth birthday when my mom told me I was adopted and that there was a part of her that held that against me growing up. My adoptive parents couldn’t have kids so they chose adoption. While my dad loved me like his own flesh and blood, my mother couldn’t look past the part that I wasn't truly hers.

I never once sought out my birth parents because, to me, I already knew who my parents were. I was distraught at the news that I packed up all of my things and moved in with Chase, who had his own place. This was before Hollow Souls and I’m thankful every fucking day I made that choice because I had no idea where I’d be if I didn’t.

Growing up, I was taught to love my family and to just accept the love they give. With the passage of time and the dawning of maturity, I began to doubt this kind of unquestioning love. I realized with therapy that what I was doing with Trey wasn’t normal. It was toxic and soul-destroying.

But now I’m trying, and I won’t stop trying to break that cycle. I have to. Noah seems so different, every tie in my heart feels as if it needs to find him. I seek him unknowingly- I would only hope that with time, I could break that cycle with him at my side.

CHASE

Y/N was talking quietly to Nick, who brought her a blanket from inside since the sun was slowly starting to set, and I knew this was a perfect time.

I bent low to lay a kiss on Malcolm’s lips. “Did you want anything to drink?”

“I’ll take another coconut water. Thanks,” he smiled up at me.

Matt snorted. “Oh, come on you too? Noah loves that shit and I don’t understand why. There’s no flavor to it.”

Leaving the two of them to get back to their card game, I ran a hand over my buzzed head and slipped inside the house where Jolly was rummaging through the fridge, setting up what he needed for dinner.

“Any particular reason why she’s here?” I motioned back to the sliding door where Bailey had her arm wrapped around Noah’s as they were talking with Davis and Orie.

Jolly sighed while setting down the box of pasta. “I don’t know, man. Bailey overheard and next thing he knew, she kind of invited herself.”

“This game that Noah is playing is fucking sick, Jolly. Not only to Y/N but to Bailey as well. Neither of these girls deserves this. If he plans to make Y/N jealous it's fucking working but also going to push her away.”

“Listen, I fucking get it,” Jolly somewhat snapped while setting down the pot full of water. “Trust me, we’ve all tried to talk to him about this. Noah’s half scorpion, half mule! What do you want us to do? And as for Bailey, I can’t do anything about that. It’s not my place to say anything. She invited herself and Noah felt bad.”

With a deep breath, I gripped the counter to keep my own anger in check. It wasn’t fair to Jolly to be on the receiving end of how I felt about this whole situation.

“You’re right, I’m sorry. Y/N’s my sister so when we see her hurting, it hurts us.”

Jolly nodded. “I know, I feel the same about Noah.”

Gazing out through the sliding glass doors, I watched as Y/N nodded along with whatever Nick was saying, every so often stealing glances over to Noah, who was standing almost motionless next to Bailey. She held a glass of wine in her hand, taking long sips every so often, as she listened intently to Bryan as he talked with Orie. No one paid her much attention but that didn’t stop her from being social.

Poor girl has no idea what she’s caught in the middle of.

Noah shifted his gaze towards Y/N, almost as if he felt her staring, and when their eyes locked it was only for a brief second before she gave him the cold shoulder, turning away from him.

Bailey then noticed Noah wasn’t paying attention so she wrapped an arm around his back and left a kiss on his cheek.

I titled my head, analyzing the interaction between the two of them. Something was different. I wasn't quite sure what, though.

NOAH

The only sound that filled the night air was the clanking of silverware against plates as we all silently ate our dinner. Bailey finished her third glass of wine before reaching for the bottle to refill her cup, something that didn’t go unnoticed by Matt who sat at the head of the table. He raised a brow at me, motioning towards Bailey, and I shrugged in return.

Y/N sat directly across from me and I noticed that she barely touched her food, simply pushed around her spaghetti with her fork, only taking a few bites here and there.

Chase, who sat on her left, muttered low in her ear. “You okay?”

My eyes snapped up from my untouched garlic bread as his words. I knew there was something different with her, I could feel it low inside of me. The pull that connected us vibrated with anger and sadness.

I tapped Malcolm’s arm, who sat next to me on my left. “Everything alright?”

“Her mom texted her a while ago. The shit she said, Noah, is fucked up. There’s a reason why I called her a bitch. She deserves it.”

“Should I-?” I pointed between us.

Our voices were hushed so I knew no one could hear our conversation.

Malcolm shook his head, voice sounding stern. “Just leave it, alright? Give her some time to deal with everything.

I didn’t miss the look he shot over my shoulder towards Bailey.

For the next few minutes, silence continued to pass through the entire group, until Chase began drumming an unfamiliar tune on the table with his fingers.

“Shit,” Jesse said while looking at his phone. “Hollow Souls released a new single?”

Chase smirked. “Came out earlier today, we haven’t had a chance to bring it up. We could listen to it now if you guys are fine with it?”

Y/N’s head snapped up away from her plate. “No, they probably don’t want to hear it.”

Orie snorted. “Are you kidding me? We’d love to hear it!”

“I didn’t know you were releasing a single,” I spoke to Y/N.

Our burning gazes locked once again. “You never asked.”

Ouch.

Matt hooked up his phone to the outside speaker as the opening notes of their new song began to play, Y/N’s voice dancing against my ears.

I know it's chemicals that make me cling to you. And I need a miracle to get away from you. I know it's chemicals and I need a miracle. And I'm not spiritual but please stay cause I think you're a saint and I think you're an angel.

I nearly choked on my beer as I set down the bottle with a loud thud.

You give me something to think about that's not the shit in my head. You're a miracle.

Miracle.

Transparent hands were at my neck but I love the way you let me breathe instead. Take in your chemicals. You’re a miracle.

Everyone else besides Y/N faded away to white noise as I drank in the sight of her as she stared back at me. Her lips were parted, short and shallow walls escaping from her chest. Her fingers tapped against the table along with the beat.

Before dinner, Matt started a fire that burned towards the left of the table, the flames keeping us warm, and I slowly moved my head along to the lyrics.

But please stay cause you're a glimpse of bliss, a little taste of heaven.

“Angel,” I murmured under my breath.

Now she was avoiding my gaze, keeping it directly to her fingers on the edge of the table. Her lips were moving in sync with the lyrics.

I need a miracle to bring me back to you. I know you're gone now but I still wait for you.

No, I’m not gone. I’m right here!

My eyes widened as I shook my head slowly, silently begging Y/N to look at me; she needed to know that I wasn’t going anywhere. I was here in front of her. Finally, as the song faded out, Y/N peered up at my through lashes and I choked on a breath, realizing that tears brimmed at the corners of her eyes.

As everyone gave their praise for the next song, I sat stiff in my seat, not knowing exactly what to say.

“I loved it. It sounded amazing,” I finally said with a shy smile.

Y/N nodded with her lips pulled in a straight line.

Bailey twirls her pasta and then stuffed the fork in her mouth. “That song was awesome! I just love the direction your music is going lately.”

She swallowed her mouth full down with a large gulp of wine. “It’s a shame Trey didn’t work out with you guys. I really enjoyed the flair he added.”

My shoulders stiffened at the mention of his name and I noticed Y/N grip her fork a bit tighter.

Why the fuck would Bailey bring up Trey- and why the hell did she think she could discuss shit she knew nothing about?

Bailey continued to ramble on. “With everything that happened I mean, it has to be hard to find time to write about things, but you do such a great job.”

Everyone at this large table is silent, not even daring to let out a breath, wondering where the direction this conversation was headed.

Y/N brought her glass of wine, the same one she’d been nursing all dinner, to her lips to take a small sip as I stared at Bailey, perplexed.

“Excuse me?” Y/N said. “I apologize, I must have misheard you. Did you say it’s a shame Trey didn’t work out?”

“Well yeah, I can’t imagine being challenged like that, trying to be a female in a male-dominated scene,” Bailey shrugged as if her words had no deeper meaning than they did.

A fork dropped loudly against someone's plate while Matt scoffed loudly before almost slamming his beer bottle on the table.

“Please don’t misunderstand me!” Bailey shook her head while waving us off. “I just meant it also has to be challenging especially after Trey broke up with you and left like that. The things I found out about the break up is madness.”

Y/N tilted her head, a low hum falling from her lips. “I don’t feel comfortable talking about this, but I must ask- how do you know all this?”

Bailey slurped on her noodles. “Oh, well I- I read something here and there on some blogs.”

“There it fucking is.” Matt groaned while sliding his plate away from him.

I snapped my gaze over towards him, almost recoiling in the darkness in his eyes.

“Bailey, I think you’ve had enough wine,” I went to reach for the bottle as she began pouring another glass.

She simply brushed me off, finishing the bottle in her glass. “It’s fine, Noah. We’re simply having a conversation.

“I would have had our assistant here if I had known we were doing an interview tonight,” Malcolm joked, hoping to lighten the mood.

“I’m not trying to interview her. I just think it has to be complicated, especially if Y/N wants a relationship with someone.”

Everyone went still as Y/N and I shared a look when she stopped mid-drink, the low scowl on her lips making me slink farther into my chair, fingers scratching at my thighs in rage.

A relationship? Why was this even a question? I wanted to get up and drag her out of here- but I was frozen solid in my spot. Almost in shock. I felt everybody’s eyes shift from Bailey to Y/N, then right on me. I caused this- I did this, and I have no one else to blame. She was pushing the limits, no pun intended.

Why Bailey was being so intrusive with Y/N was beyond me. I could feel myself ticking like a grenade.

Breathe, Noah. Breathe.

5. 4. 3. 2. 1.

Bailey continued to talk. “Imagine breaking up with someone you were in a band with, then changing things up, and so what if you want to? You guys have every right to but it must be lonely. I saw someone discuss it on Tumblr the other day.”

I took her glass away from her grip and set it on the side of me, near Malcolm. “I think that’s enough now.”

“What?” Bailey scoffed. “You can’t take my drink away, Noah.”

My eyes sliced into her. “You’re out of line, Bailey. It's enough.”

“Do you believe everything you read online?” Y/N spoke with a tensed jaw.

Bailey shifted in her seat. “No, I didn’t mean it like that!”

I knew Matt was gonna reach his peak soon, I could feel it. I knew it, I sensed it. He was fiddling with his beer, then his hat back to his beer again with his tongue clicking and jaw clenching. I felt like a coward, But I was a master at hiding my anger- however, it was getting there.

Just before I went to say something, Matt snickered loudly.

Here we go. Bracing for impact.

“Why don’t you try and say what you do mean,” Matt suggested while leaning his elbows on the table.

“Noah.” Bailey turned to look up at me, her brown doe eyes begging for help.

I ran a hand over my face and simply shook my head.

I could see her face in the flames of the fire and one thought came to my mind; play with fire and you'll get burned.

MATT

I narrowed my eyes at Bailey, heart beating wildly in my chest at the audacity of this girl. She didn’t know anything about any of us, besides what she read online. She had no right to hammer Y/N with the rapid-fire questions.

“Do you work for metal hammer or something? Why the 20 inquisitive questions based on something you read off a blog? It seems a bit out of place here, don’t you think?”

“Matt-.”

Jesse spoke but I held up my hand to stop him. I was on a roll before even starting and no one was going to stop me.

“I don’t mean to be hostile but why are we all sitting here just letting this shit go on like a run-on sentence? How are you all okay with this shit? Because I know you’re not, Noah.”

He didn’t say a word, simply kept his gaze trained hard on his beer bottle in front of him as he tore away the paper around it.

“Not trying to be rude, Bailey, but, why would you be reading gossip blogs and Reddit threads about anyone at this table? This isn’t some circus act for you to blab about.” I said.

I didn’t want to interject, I really didn’t at first- however, it needed to be said. One of the biggest mistakes was this situation right here. The line that was drawn a long time ago and Noah needed to end it.

When Bailey didn’t say a word, I turned my head towards Noah. “Do you have anything to add, Noah?”

“No.” He grunted under his breath.

“Discussing anyone’s personal business while referencing blogs seems a bit immature don’t you think?” I questioned.

“Matt it’s fine, it’s okay.” Y/N’s soft voice spoke while reaching a gentle hand on my arm.

I patted her hand with my own. “I’m just saying, it’s off-putting.”

Bailey’s lips mimicked a fish for a few seconds, stealing glances over to Noah as she silently begged him for help; he didn’t give her an ounce of attention.

“I’m sorry, truly,” she finally apologized. “I just meant it must be hard as a female to be surrounded by men and having to handle a breakup, especially someone like Trey, and not having support.”

“I have support,” Y/N snapped, eyes slicing into Bailey. ““I have support, a lot of it and I’m offended you seem to believe I don’t. You don’t know anything about me or anything, period.”

“No, I-I know! I just mean to make it easier on you, this li-lifestyle can seem unstable,” Bailey stumbled over her words, thanks to the alcohol.

“Damn it that’s enough!” I slammed my hand on the table, my anger finally erupting like a fucking volcano.

“Matt, come on man,” Jolly says, trying his best to break the sudden tension.

“No, fuck that. What she just said was disrespectful as hell, not just for Y/N but for all of us. It’s enough now.”

This wasn’t my battle and these weren’t my feelings. But, at least if I could do anything it would be to nip that shit in the ass. She wouldn’t disrespect my friend. She just didn’t belong here, point blank. Maybe this would awaken both of my friends' cobwebs. Go duke it out, and move forward already.

Seeing the hurt look on Y/N’s face, I let out a shaky but calm breath and pushed myself away from the table. I knew that if I stayed here a second longer, I’d say something I’d regret.

“I apologize,” Bailey spoke quietly.

“Yeah I know,” I took off my hat to shake out my hair, tossing it on the chair I previously sat it. “But I’m saying my peace as one who has my friends back.”

I made it all of three steps before spinning on my heels, not quite finished with this conversation. “Also this lifestyle is our livelihood, it’s hard work and my friends out there, the dude you’re casually hanging with’ bust our asses every fucking day because it’s not a game, so when you wake up to your 9-5 tomorrow think about that.”

Dinner officially ruined, I decided to cool off on the other end of my backyard, noticing that everyone had started to either finish their cold food or disperse into other parts of the house.

Y/N was sitting at the table with Malcolm and Chase as they rubbed her back, her shoulders shaking. While Noah and Bailey were inside the kitchen, she rambled on about fuck know’s what as he stood in front of her with his hands buried deep into his pockets. They talked for another few seconds before she walked away from him, deep into my house.

I didn’t like the idea of her stalking around the private areas of my house.

Quicking whipping out my phone, I texted Noah.

Me: Dude, what the fuck are you doing? Get Bailey out of here.

I watched with astonished eyes as Noah read the text and then pocketed his phone again.

“Stubborn mule,” I muttered while typing out another text.

Me: I hope you don’t think that bullshit at dinner was okay. Y/N didn’t deserve any of that. This shit isn’t right.

I smirked when I saw Noah typing away furiously on his phone. I knew mentioning Y/N would light a fire under his ass.

Noah: I never said it was right. It’s not fucking okay with me. I have to take care of this shit.

Me: Then do it.

Glancing back up through my house, I noticed that Noah was gone and Bailey was inside the kitchen, reaching for yet another bottle of wine. I shook my head, appalled and downright aggravated, and stomped my way past the group of my friends, hearing soft cries come from Y/N, which only angered me even more.

I shut the door behind me just as Bailey poured herself another glass. “Another? Don’t you think you’ve had enough?”

“I just-I needed a little something to take the edge off,” Bailey replied bluntly, knocking back half the glass in one go.

I nodded while stopping in front of her so she couldn’t avoid my gaze. “Well after a conversation of prying and making the night awkward, I suppose you’d need something.”

She clicked her teeth while setting the glass on the counter. “You don’t like me, do you?”

“It’s not about liking you,” I shrugged. “I don’t care either way. And I mean no disrespect. But you disrespected my friends and their personal boundaries tonight. That’s something I can’t forgive.”

“I apologized-” she began.

Fuck, I was so sick and tired of hearing an apology from her. To me, it meant nothing. I wasn’t the one that needed an apology.

“Yeah yeah I know,” I waved her off. “But I’m just saying my peace as one who has my friends back.”

With one final hard stare, I dumped the rest of the wine bottle down the sink and left Bailey alone in the kitchen.

BAILEY

I stood there, frozen and aloof, as I replayed the last twenty minutes in my mind. I never meant for things to go sour the way they had, I only meant to have a simple conversation. I wasn’t used to hanging out with this large amount of people, typically keeping to my small circle of friends, and I tend to usually put my foot in my mouth more often than not; especially today.

It had been a long time since I’d been with someone in the way I was with Noah. It wasn’t hard for me to let people in, and of course with the first big pair of brown eyes I gazed into, I was hooked; it helped that I was already a fan of who Noah was.

I knew our relationship wasn’t necessarily a relationship, he made that pretty clear from his actions, and words. We never called each other girlfriend or boyfriend, we’ve only kissed a few times, and before last night, we never were intimate. It’s been a few weeks together now and we only had sex once. I enjoyed his company, his friends seemed nice enough besides Matt.

Y/N, though, was interesting. She was beautiful, talented as hell, and often I admired her, especially from what I’ve read of her. Perhaps, the wine got to me tonight. I spoke a lot when I drank.

After Matt’s lovely conversation, I repeatedly kept going back to last night; the night I spent with Noah. I tried with him, I had been trying to understand what the hell this was; if it was anything.

It sometimes felt like Noah needed me for comfort or something. I can't explain it, but I did everything I could to fill his needs. Last night, before we slept together, I tried to get him to agree to some plans with me.

“We should go hiking tomorrow.” I suggested.

Noah sat at my island, aimlessly scrolling through his phone, not bothering to gaze up at me, “I already have plans.”

I frowned while setting the beer bottles on the kitchen counter. “Well, we could go to the river if you want to.”

“Next week sometime,” he mumbled.

I sighed but wasn’t ready to give up. “Maybe we can take a drive somewhere.”

“No.”

“Well, I’m just asking.” I snapped while handing him his beer.

Noah grunted as he drank half of his beer in one go.

I didn’t fight him when he slipped out of bed later that night. I didn’t argue. A kiss on the cheek and he was gone like the wind.

Movement in front of me brought me back to the present and I saw Noah; those big brown eyes that dragged me into him. His hands were stuffed in the pocket of his yellow hoodie as those eyes were straight in one direction.; Y/N.

Interesting.

My heart dropped slightly as I watched a faint smile on his face, those brown eyes sparkled in a way that was never directed towards me.

Noah’s demeanor around me changed often when Y/N was close by. I never could figure out why; I still didn’t know. I couldn’t help but feel jealous as I noticed the way he continued to watch her every movement as she playfully messed around with Malcolm. She was the center of Noah’s attention and I fucking hated it.

I wanted to feel important. I wanted Noah to look at me the way he did Y/N even if it was just for 5 minutes.

“Fuck this,” I said through gritted teeth before storming through the patio doors.

NOAH

“Oi, fuck you! Maláka!”

Y/N ran from Malcolm as he chased her around the edge of the pool, trying to toss her in.

“I told you, I hate when you talk to me in Greek! I never know what you’re saying!” Malcolm froze momentarily behind a chair; one that was in the way between him and Y/N.

She stuck out her tongue at him. “Did you not listen to any of the lessons I gave you and Chase?”

Malcolm shrugged. “It’s a lot to understand. Can you blame me?”

“She called you a wanker,” Chase stopped his conversation with Bryan and Michael briefly.

Y/N’s giggles echoed into the night air and I watched with a small smile on my lips as Malcolm continued to chase her around the pool. To see her so free and happy after that awkward dinner made my heart warm, it sent heat throughout my entire body.

Suddenly my face was grabbed and I was pulled down to someone's lips that tasted of red wine. Bailey’s hands wrapped around my neck, deepening the kiss as she forced her tongue into my mouth, and my hands limply grasped her hips so I could push her away.

Immediately my eyes snapped over to Y/N, who was watching the entire scene with watery eyes. Her and Malcolm stopped their playful banter and Y/N shook her head, giving me her back.

I then snapped my attention towards Bailey, taking a step away from her. “Why would you do that?”

“Just felt the need,” she shrugged.

“Well, I’d appreciate it if you didn’t do that again.” I cleared my throat while adjusting my sweater.

Matt waved me over and I took that as an opportunity to leave Bailey. As I walked up to him, he showed me his phone; a picture. It was from earlier today, the sun blasting its strong rays across Y/N as she laid out on her elbows next to the pool. Her bright red bikini, almost blinding with the sunlight. Her boobs were perfect in that top, her entire physique was incredible. However, that damned smile was what got me. It had its hooks dug deep into me. That’s what pulled me in every time.

Also in the picture was me, sitting on the other end of the pool, and it was clear that I was enjoying the view of Y/N; a large grin plastered to my face.

“If this is to prove something I already know, you’re wasting your time,” I said while crossing my arms.

Matt snorted before showing me something else. It was an array of other pictures, all from today, all posted to an Instagram profile; Bailey’s.

“What the fuck,” I snapped. “She posted pictures?”

“Yeah, loads of them. I know how you’ve been lately about your privacy so I wanted to show you.”

A fire burned in my chest as I swiftly turned on my heels, teeth grinding together, as I stormed back over to Bailey.

“You posted pictures?”

She was taken aback by my sudden outburst, eyes dancing around us to see if others were listening.

“I-uh. Yes. I didn’t think you would mind?”

I narrowed my eyes. “You never fucking asked me.”

“For fucks sake, Noah. It’s just a picture, it’s not that deep,” she rolled her eyes.

“It is to me, I don’t want it out there. It’s an invasion of privacy and all I ask is that you fucking respect it.”

Bailey stiffened slightly. “Shit, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you. I never thought of it like that but I guess stuff like this is really sensitive in your industry. You don’t want the record label to see things you might be doing that you shouldn’t.”

I gave her a dumbfounded look, appalled that she completely missed the meaning behind my words. How did me saying I want privacy in my personal life correlate to my life in the music industry?

“It has nothing to do with that,” I said with slight annoyance. “I just don’t want my shit out there without my permission.”

“Why are you acting so weird today? I thought after last night you would be less tense?” Bailey ran a finger down my chest. “I could help ease that tension again. Do you want to come by tonight for round two? Maybe this time we could try a different position where my face isn’t buried in a pillow. I wasn’t a huge fan that way.”

As those dreaded words fell from her lips, Chase happened to be walking past us but froze. My regretful eyes locked with his fiery ones for the briefest of moments.

“No,” I pushed her hand away from my chest.

Chase’s jaw dropped, the metal can in his grasp crunching with his anger.

With my fingers wrapped around Bailey’s, I began to lightly drag her away from Chase.

“I’m taking Bailey home,” I called out. “She has an early shift tomorrow.”

Unsure if it was all the alcohol or embarrassment from tonight's events but Bailey didn’t argue, simply waved goodbye to everyone as I led her through the gate, towards the front of the house where I was parked.

“Oh fuck, my purse!” she skidded to a stop.

With a groan, I ran a hand over my mouth. “I’ll wait for you in the car.”

As soon as her form disappeared into the house, Chase came storming out from the gate of the backyard, steam blowing out of his ears.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” He snapped while shoving me slightly.

I stumbled back into my car then pushed his hands off of me. “Excuse me? Don’t touch me.”

“No! I’ve had it with this bullshit,” Chase’s voice echoed throughout the normally quiet street. “I’m done with you treating Y/N like she’s everything you want and all you need. But yet, you’re pulling some college guy crap. That’s my sister out there!”

He pointed behind him towards Matt’s house. “Do you think she deserves that? For you to make out with her in this car then twenty minutes later you go fuck Bailey?”

“Stop, stop! Please. Just shut up! Let me explain this!” I held up my hands, trying to get my own thoughts straight.

The last thing I expected was to have Bailey blab about what we did last night especially in front of someone who was close to Y/N. Regret already weighed down my heavy heart because of my actions last night. Guilt ate away at me for not only using Bailey as an outlet for sex but for Y/N and the way I completely shattered her trust.

“You better start talking, Noah or I’m going to tell Y/N myself. This is fucking ridiculous,” Chase placed his hands on his hips.

I nodded. “I will.”

NICK R.

We waved goodbye to Malcolm and Y/N as they met up with Chase inside, ready to head home after this disaster of an evening. While it had its high points, ever since the awkward dinner, the tension never faltered from how thick it was. So slowly, people were starting to leave. But I hung back with Folio, Jolly, and Matt.

“Are we going to talk about how fucking weird dinner was? What was up with the twenty questions bullshit?” Matt asked, anger still radiating off of him.

He was always the one to stick up for us whether it be against fans online who thought they had the right to judge our actions or people that did us wrong in our private lives.

“It was a disaster from the moment Noah walked inside with her,” Jolly sighed. “I tried telling him how bad of an idea it was but you know how he is.”

Folio spoke up next after typing away on his phone. “If we didn’t know Y/N and the kind of person she was, I’d say Noah’s type in women is shit.”

“He’s growing, it’s just hard for him,” I reminded them with a shrug.

Matt ran a hand over his face. “We know. It’s just aggravating watching him sometimes.”

“Y/N and Noah are both so stubborn,” I said. “They’re both flawed people but they’re trying, even a blind person can see that. But despite their differences, they have one important thing in common; they love each other.”

NOAH

My car eased to a stop in front of Bailey’s apartment, letting it idle for a few moments as I let the continued silence fill the air. The entire drive to her place was quiet. I didn’t even turn the radio on. I needed complete silence to ease my racing thoughts.

Tired eyes fluttered shut with Y/N’s broken face staring back at me. We had deliberately shifted our relationship from what happened last night. When I woke up this morning, slightly hungover but ready for the prospect of the future, I thought for a moment of coming to Matt’s today and telling Y/N I loved her. But plans changed and my interior rules shifted, almost like brakes on my own desires.

I knew, however, in order to tell Y/N about how I feel, I needed to get out of this tangled mess I found myself with the person next to me.

Nevertheless, there was a vague understanding that had to be tactfully broken off before I could be free. If I knew how to do it without Bailey getting hurt, I would have.

Y/N left the car in such a hurry last night, leaving me with yet another hole in my gut. I was fucking tired of watching her walk away from me; from us. I wanted her to stay with me. Why was that so hard for her?

Ultimately, my heart was hers by design. The need to control everything pauses temporarily in her presence.

I knew everything was trash, especially after what happened tonight. I knew that what I was doing with both Bailey and Y/N wasn’t right. It stood firm that the fear of Y/N leaving me in every situation kept me from lifting my foot from the breaks. Everyone suspects themselves of at least one of the cardinal virtues, and this was mine.

As of last night, I’m one of the few honest people I’d ever know. But it was clear; I not only needed help, I needed a fucking miracle.

You’re a miracle.

Y/N’s soft angelic voice came flooding back in my mind making my heart race.

With a sigh, Bailey’s voice broke the quiet air. “You seemed on edge all day today, everything alright?”

“Me?” I broke my trance away from the empty road in front of me to her. “I’m fine.”

Her brows pulled together. “You sure?”

“I mean, besides you giving Y/N a Rock Sound interview tonight, everything went just fine.”

Bailey’s grip on her bag tightened. “I wasn’t trying to have an interview with her. I was just asking questions.”

I snorted. “Well, it sounded like an interview to us. Asking her personal questions isn’t cool, Bailey.”

Her eyes narrowed. “Okay, Noah. Whatever, I get it.”

“No,” I shook my head while turning my body towards her in the car. “I don’t think you do. But it’s fine.”

“Why are you being so hard headed about this? We were just having girl talk.”

“Girl talk?” I scoffed while running a hand over my chin. “I don’t think it was appropriate of you to bring up Trey or her love life. It’s still a sore spot for her. She went through a lot of bullshit with him, some things she’s still dealing with. Something you cant find out on a fucking tumblr blog.”

Bailey hesitated and I could tell she wanted to say more before nodding slowly. “Alright, I’m sorry.”

I waved her off. “It’s whatever.”

Silence fell between us again only this time, it didn’t last as long as the time before.

“Sometimes when you talk to me, I feel like you don’t even see me,” Bailey admitted while picking at a piece of lint or dirt on her sundress.

I didn’t answer, only because I didn’t have one for her. Instead, I kept my gaze down at my lap.

My silence made her chuckle. “Look, a woman knows when a man looks into her eyes and sees someone else”.

“Now you know I can't give you anything you want. Right?” I lifted my gaze to her, voice dark. “I can’t. Because they’re gone. They’re broken.”

“Who hurt you, Noah?” Bailey reached for me but I shifted myself away from her.

“I’m not discussing this with you,” I replied flatley.

“Something is breaking your heart; I can sense that.”

“Already broken” I mumbled, not caring if she caught it or not.

“Well,” she cleared her throat. “Are you sure you don’t want to come inside?”

Bailey’s persistence made me think back to my conversation with Chase.

“Please Noah, I know feelings and expressing them are hard for you, but understand how selfish this is. It’s hard for Y/N to but if you can’t handle this then, please let her go.” Chase ran a hand over his buzzed head.

“No! I’m not fucking letting her go,” I firmly shook my head, standing my ground against him.

Chase sighed. “You tell all of us your feelings except the one who needs to hear it.”

“It’s not that easy, Chase.”

“End the mess you created tonight. It’s not doing anyone any favors,” he scoffed.

Completely ignoring her offer, I cleared my throat. “Listen, before you leave I need to talk to you about something.”

Something changed on her face; excitement? Hope?

“Oh? What about?”

“Here’s the thing, this-.”

I pointed between us just as my phone began to ring.

“Incoming call from Fish Boy. Answer?”

“Who’s fish boy?” Bailey wondered.

“Folio,” I sighed while declining the call. “Look, I have to go. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

To execute my point even further that I was not coming inside with her tonight, I unlocked the door, not bothering to look her way as she slowly left the car. The door was barely shut before I sped away from the curb.

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