#sorry connor but i think youre gone im not confused anymore

[codyssfern]

college!shawn where his roommates let y/n stay with them because she used to live with her bf but not anymore cuz they broke up and shawn dosent want to let her stay, he’s annoyed with her cuz she’s always happy and giddy and he’s like isn’t she supposed to be sad??she sleeps in the living room and one day when shawn goes to grab a water or something he hears her crying. and he hates it so much. and slowly he starts softening up to her. omg this is so specific im crying 🥺🥺🥺🥺

a/n | warnings: this may be a bit long + lots of swearing

-

“wait what?!”

brian raises his eyebrows at the boy, not really understanding his confusion or anger. he’d just told shawn that y/n would be staying with them at their dorm. see y/n was previously dating their best friend, adam, and when they broke up shawn was rather relieved, assuming she was gonna stop coming over, finally. let’s just say her perky attitude almost made his blood boil in annoyance.

“dude, she and adam are over! why the fuck does she have to keep living here?” shawn growled as he walked to the kitchen.

brian couldn’t believe his shitty attitude, “because she’s our friend, shawn! she’s mine and connor’s too. by now i thought you two would’ve been friends too.” 

shawn chuckles under his breath.

“y/n is nothing but nice to you. to all of us! and adam was an asshole for leaving her like he did and i’m not about to send her out in the streets okay?!”

“the streets? brian you’re talking about the girl who’s dad owns like half of toronto!” shawn defends, “i am sure one phone call is all it takes for her daddy to buy her a brand new condo.” 

shawn couldn’t put it to words exactly what was his problem with y/n. all he knew was that every time he saw her or heard her he’d find himself rolling his eyes so far back they could come out the back of his head. 

“bro you’re such an asshole! you know how difficult her relationship with her dad is,” shawn shrugs his shoulders while taking a sip of his beer, “just keep your mouth shut if you’re not going to be nice okay? she isn’t really the person you wanna be shitty too right now.” 

-

y/n’s hands trembled as she walked up to the dorm. she wasn’t exactly thrilled to greet her ex boyfriend’s roommates, well just one especifically. shawn. she had no idea why he despised her so much. she had tried so hard to get to know him and give him a chance- of course only on brian’s behalf because if it had been for her, she would’ve given up the second she met him. 

“did you ever plan on knocking?” 

y/n snaps out of her thoughts and realized she’d been standing on the doorstep for god knows how long. 

“oh god how long have i been standing here?” y/n asks in embarrassment. 

“dunno’ actually,” brian says letting her in, “shawn’s the one who saw you standing there from outside his window.” 

y/n gave him a wry smile, “oh goody, he knows i’m here. do i hide now or later?” 

her sarcasm was almost sad to brian. brian hated the way shawn made y/n feel.

“Y/N?!”

brian and y/n turn around and there was connor at the top of the stairs

“well come down here, blue eyes!” y/n said making him giggle and rush down the stairs. 

once connor comes down the stairs, he wraps his arms around y/n almost lifting her feet up the ground in the hug, “we’ve missed you much.” 

“we?” 

the sound of his voice almost made y/n feel tightness in her throat. brian kept looking at y/n waiting to see if she was gonna say something but y/n just stood there.

“sorry. was told to be nice but guess i couldn’t resist,” shawn said walking past her. 

y/n scoffs, “yeah, you never miss a chance to be an asshole do you?” 

this was going to be one hell of a year. y/n thought to herself. first adam. he’d gotten a job offer at one of the most pristine law firms in london and when he asked y/n to go with him, she said couldn’t. that resulted in a big fight and ended in a breakup. now with him gone and she not wanting to ask her dad for money to rent a place to live, she had to stay with a guy who despised her for a whole year. y/n didn’t know how she was going to do it.

-

“wait so your dad married a girl half our age?!” 

y/n lets out a breathy chuckle, “wouldn’t be the first time.” 

“so what you’re saying is,” y/n raises her eyebrow at connor while taking a sip of her beer, “vicky from biology can easily be your next step-mom?” 

y/n gasps, nudging connor’s leg with her’s, “oh fuck you, conn!” 

the laughs coming from the back patio almost made shawn’s blood boil. he couldn’t understand how she could be so happy and perky after what adam had done. he didn’t understand why she was always so nice even in the most shittiest situations with people. he didn’t understand how she was so positive about things even when they were negative. he envied her. that was it. he wanted to be like her in that sense. not hate the world every time something bad happened to him, he wanted to be understanding like her. sweet like her. but he would never admit it.

“if he starts being a dick you know what to do.” brian motions to shawn who was sitting on the couch watching tv. 

y/n nods her head, letting out a weak sigh, “if i had known you two weren’t gonna be here tonight i would’ve come tomorrow.” she admits

“i know, we’re sorry. you know how study groups are,” by then connor started honking, letting brian know they had to go. “you’ll be fine. if you have to lock yourself in mine or connor’s room, just do it.” 

 brian gives y/n a quick kiss on the cheek before making his way down to the car. and just like that, there were just two. y/n took a deep breath before closing the door and turning around to face shawn. the tension in the air was thick and almost dry in a way. if it hadn’t been for the loud screams coming from the tv, y/n could’ve sworn you could drop a clothing pin and it would echo between the walls.

“i’m gonna go make myself something to eat,” y/n starts, “would you like something?” 

shawn sighs, pausing the tv, “yeah maybe a sandwich with a little bit of that perky attitude of yours on the side.” he snaps sarcastically. 

“sometimes i can’t believe you’re almost a whole 21 year old, in uni,” shawn’s eyes meet her’s, not letting her out of his gaze, “you know because i don’t think i’ve ever met someone so immature at this day and age in uni.” 

shawn chuckled. even when she’s trying to sound mean, she somehow sounds like she’s complimenting him. it filled him with rage. soon enough, y/n gave up and just made her way into the kitchen. her goal? to avoid the boy for the rest of the night.

-

“you’re the one who left!” 

shawn’s eyes flutter. he groans as he hears loud whispers coming from downstairs, shaking his head, running his fingers through his tired eyes. he stretches his legs before pulling the sheets off his exposed skin and rolling out of bed. he’d left his door half opened, that’s why he could hear the noise coming from downstairs. 

“you don’t get to call me when you’re drunk and make me feel even shittier for not going with you,” the soft sobs echoing the the whole house almost made shawn’s heart ache. “goodbye, adam. don’t call me again unless you’ve figured out your shit!” 

y/n throws her phone across the couch and lets her head fall in her hands. she was a mess but she’d never let anyone see it. her whole body trembling as she sobbed her pain away. 

“you okay?” 

y/n didn’t answer or even turn to look at him. shawn scratched the back of his head not knowing what to do. in all the years he’d known y/n, he had never seen her break down. she always kept herself in place, in check... something he’d let her believe annoyed him but in reality, he admired it. 

“look,” he walks over to her, kneeling down and placing his hands on her knees. they were shaking. “adam’s a dick okay? an absolute dick and you know that black eye he had before he left?” 

y/n finally looked up, her red teary eyes, meeting his. “what? now you’re gonna tell me that was you? that you gave him that black eye?” she scoffed in disbelief. 

“when brian told me what happened, i felt this sudden rage and in that moment i wanted nothing more but for him to pay for what he did,” shawn explains, “and so that night i went to his room and i punched him.” 

y/n looked at him. not quite sure if he believed him but she was way too tired and weak to question him. 

“well no more giving out free punches for me, mendes.” 

shawn grabbed y/n’s hands from her face and softly brushed his thumb over her warm skin, “i’d go on a punching spree for you.”

y/n chuckled pushing his hand away, “that’s weirdly romantic.” 

shawn smiles and gets back on his feet. extending his hand out, “cmon, i’ll make us some tea, we can watch a movie after and cuddle or whatever you need to feel better.”

“brian and connor walking in on us cuddling... that’s definitely gonna make them feel like the world’s coming to an end.” y/n says grabbing shawn’s hand. 

“no better way to spend the last day on earth than by cuddling you.” 

y/n rolls her eyes, “mendes,” he looks at her, “you’re about the cheesiest guy i’ve ever met.”

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes rec #shawn mendes blurb #shawn mendes angst #request #shawn mendes fic #shawn mendes fluff #fic rec #shawn mendes imagines #shawn mendes imagine

[justjessame]

If Only Someone Looked At Me Like They Look At Guns 8

The next hours were a blur. Connor and Murphy were arrested, as was Romeo. They were wounded, and apparently the MacManus patriarch had died. I was sitting in an interrogation room facing the most pompous asshole I’d ever met. Kuntsler. Honestly, these jokes write themselves.

“You’re telling me you knew NOTHING of the brothers’ plans.” He asked for the millionth time it seemed. “You were fucking the two of them and no pillow talk?”

I glared at him. Disgusting pervert. “Do you tell all to the sad sacks that are desperate enough to screw you?” I bit back, feeling like I wanted to throw up. “No, I knew nothing about their plans. I didn’t want to and they wanted me to be safe.”

He laughed at me. “How did that work out for you?” He returned, looking so smug that I wanted to hit him. “My men found you tied to a fucking bed, princess. Wonder why you’d be taken?” He tapped his lip in mock contemplation. “Maybe because you fucked the wrong bad boys. Aren’t you a little old for that stereotype?”

Great first you insult my choice of relationships. Now I’m an old spinster. “Am I being held for something? You didn’t read me my rights, so I imagine I’m not.” I stood up and so did he. “I’m leaving. IF you plan on charging me with being a victim of kidnapping, please let me know.” I opened the door with more force than he expected then slammed it behind me. Fucking asshole.

I called a cab when I got outside. The station was too far to walk, now that I felt like I was going to pass out from the stress. When I got inside the car, I told the nice man my address, then sat back and contemplated how to contact them. I knew they wouldn’t want me to visit them, wherever they’d been taken. I still had Special Agent Bloom’s card, but from what I could gather from the moron who interrogated me, she was gone. Sighing, I handed some cash to the cabbie when he pulled in front of my apartment building, then rode the elevator up. When I got inside my apartment, my eyes fell on the pad by the phone in my living room. They told me to call her.

Picking up the phone, I brought the pad closer and dialed. It was time to call their mother.

The phone rang several times before she picked up. “‘Ello.”

I cleared my throat and closed my eyes. “Hello? Is this Annabelle MacManus?” I knew I sounded shaky, because I was.

“Ah, dey tol me ye’d be callin’.” I heard a deep throaty chuckle come over the line. “Tessa, is it?”

I smiled, feeling a tear run down my cheek that they’d warned her ahead of time. Told her about me, even. “Yes, ma’am, it is.” I sighed, and brushed the tear away. “They told me to call you if anything happened.”

She sighed, a mother’s worst nightmare, this kind of call. “Dey make it out?”

I nodded, and felt foolish for it. “Yes, they did. But they were arrested.” I gasped, my heart clenching at the thought of them being locked up with criminals. “And their father-”

“Aye, didn’t tink he’d make it dis time.” She replied. “Dey want ye ter come ter me, Tessa.” It wasn’t a question.

“I know, but I have a business, and family.” I said, thinking it was such a lame and worthless answer. I didn’t want to try to return to the old normal. Without them coming in daily for coffee, and kissing me senseless.

“Do yer wan ter stay der?” She asked, clearly reading my mind through the phone. “Will ya be safe wit out dem?”

Would I? If one vendetta bound asshole had found me, why couldn’t others? “I’ll have to make arrangements. I should go see them. And I’ll have to sell everything.” Easily fixed, I thought. Too easy.

“Call me tomorrow.” Annabelle ordered. “Call me anytime.”

“Thank you.” I whispered, feeling like my heart was breaking.

She chuckled, not a happy sound anymore. “Yer family, Tess. Me boys love yer, and so will I.”

We said our goodbyes, after I gave her my cell phone number and my landline at the store. They had given her the apartment number. Making promises to call each day, I hung up and made a new list. A list of how to leave my life behind and begin a new one.

TWO WEEKS LATER~ HOAG MAXIMUM SECURITY PRISON VISITOR’S ROOM

I walked in, worried about how they’d receive me. Every phone call we managed, between calls to Annabelle, had been tense. They were worried that me coming would put more in more danger, and I think they feared me leaving. When they walked into a room that I’d had to make God knew how many calls to get, the fear left me.

Connor and Murphy looked the same, well with a few extra scars, taking me in just like the first day we met. We stood just drinking one another in, until a guard reminded us that we didn’t have a lot of time. Sitting across from them, when all I wanted to do was fall into their arms was the most difficult thing I ever had to do.

“Tessa.” They breathed, in unison, just like I felt their conversations in their own heads must sound.

I tried to smile, but I was sure I was failing. “Murphy, Connor.” I answered. They reached across the table with their dominant hands, and I took each one in one of mine. “I’m sorry.” I said, feeling the ever present tears gather in the corner of my eyes.

“Whatcha sorry fer?” Murphy asked, his thumb trying to sooth my tenseness away.

“Twasn’t yer fault.” Connor agreed. “Woulda gone after ‘im even if yer weren’t der.”

Murphy nodded his agreement. “‘E wouldna quit, Tess. Not til Da was dead.”

That broke me, their dad was dead. “Did you know your father put me in charge of his remains?” I asked, gasping for breath. “I’ve never met him. Why would he?”

“Musta done it before we went.” Murphy muttered, glaring at his brother.

Connor agreed. “Sorry, Tessa, we didna know.” His thumb was rubbing my other hand.

“I didn’t think you did.” I replied, my voice thick with tears. “What should I do with him?” I was so confused, did I ship him back to Ireland? Did I have him buried here?

I felt them looking at one another and didn’t have the fight in me to argue with their internal conversations.

“‘E’d wanna be buried back ‘ome.” Connor whispered.

“We’ve da money.” Murphy agreed.

I held up a hand I took from Connor. “It’s fine. I can take care of it.” I nodded and took my other hand from Murphy. “I’m going there soon anyway.” I looked up at them and saw them smiling. “Annabelle wants me to come.”

“Our mudder wans to meet ya.” Murphy said, his smile growing.

“Musta impressed ‘er.” Connor agreed, matching Murphy’s smile.

I grinned through the pain of leaving them. “Yeah, I guess so. I’ve put the store up for sale. I have a few offers, and the rest is going in storage.” I shrugged. “I should be ready to leave by the end of the week.”

“So soon?” Connor whispered, taking my hand back.

Murphy took the other. “Dis is our firs visit.”

I nodded. “I know. I have to go now though.” I couldn’t tell them, not here, why time was of the essence. “If I don’t, I may talk myself out of it.” They nodded their understanding, even if they didn’t really know the truth. “When you get out of here,” I knew there was a plan, I didn’t know the details, but Annabelle had given me enough to guess, “come home.” I stood up and the guard stepped forward. “Could I,” I looked up at the guard and pleaded with my voice and eyes, “could I say goodbye to them properly, please?”

The guard looked conflicted for a second, but then he relented. He knew my boys weren’t the type to harm me, or him. Stepping back to the wall, Connor and Murphy stood and walked to me. Wrapping me in their arms, I kissed them both goodbye. When I turned from them and walked away, I felt a part of me stay behind with them.

#Connor MacManus X OFC X Murphy MacManus #Boondock Saints 2 #character death #alternative universe #possible pregnancy #angst

[fourthwingingit]

Two

Edit: tumblr didnt post my edits from my original post (like you know when you save something as a draft and go oh wait there are some errors like no header and awkward phrasing lemme fix them) so im gonna repost this eventually but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Edit 2: tumblr sucks and never lets me put the thing so... This is for the anon who requested a fic of touch starved clark and conner with the prompts 'nobodys ever done that to me before' and 'i just want to be held' sorry it got angstier then i ment it to.... hope you like hurt comfort

Clark hovered awkwardly outside the door to conners room. He was nervous about seeing the teen with everything between them and what he wanted to ask him.

He took a breath. Conner almost certainly knew he was there already. But that didnt matter.

Ma always said that manners matter

He knocked.

From inside came a muffled, annoyed, and clipped

"What is it clark?"

Taking that as the best invitation he was going to get he opened the door and went in.

He looked at conner. The kid was on his bed, facedown on top of the covers like an angsty teen in a movie.

Clark thought he looked too small for the position he was in. Like he was waiting for some blow that was going to take a part of him with it to land... or like it already had and he was cradling a hole

Clark shook off the disturbing thought and steeled himself. He swiftly walked to Conner's bedside, and said, eloquently,

"Well. I... you see...... uh... lois- i mean to say..... uhh"

Lord this was already going to hell in a handbasket.

Conner turned his head enough to raise one eyebrow

"What the hell was that?"

He sat down a respectful distance away (as far away as he could) and tried again

"Hmm... you see i uhh- hmm you know how uhh.... things umm. Sometimes.... uhh"

Conner slowly turned his head the rest of the way to clark, confusion now written in every line in his body. great.

Clarks back bowed fast. Like his head gained 20 pounds in a half a second, his arms planted themselves on his knees and he gave up trying... he'd try again some other day. Maybe tomorrow. Or maybe lois should do it.... Kal-el you coward.

"I... i dont know, ive got nothing."

But now he was scrambling, he needed a reason for being here. And what came out was;

"Ma told me shes uhh, seen you acting in a... less than..... ideal...... kind of.... way.?"

"Wow."

"No yeah i heard it"

"That was some next level awkward," and there was some distinct venom in that voice shoot. "if its that hard to be around me then you can find the door. I certainly dont need your pity handouts anyway."

Well.... shit

"No thats not.... im.... i wanted to ask- uh... whats been bothering you..... sport."

He now had what bruces kids called The Awkward White Man Smile... great.

Suprisingly, Conner chuckled.

Maybe a small part of Clark's brain said its not hopeless?

"Right now? Your social skills."

Banter! He hung around batman! He could do banter.

"Aww man and here i was thinking i was handing out winning lines."

"Oh no, youve gone senile a little early, well... maybe not early... good thing you've got Kara."

There was a small smirk playing at conners lips and an actual opportunity. God was real and he loved Clark Kent.

"At least I know I have two good boys to pick me up after im down." He looked away fast.

Silence stretched on

.......

Awkwardly

Oh lord he messed up the moment

He presumed too much and their only friendly interaction in over a month is ruined

"Two?"

The voice Conner used was so painfully soft and small. Like it didnt dare to hope anymore and had stopped trying a long time ago.

Clark never was good at leaving voices like that alone. And he was always more comfortable when something needed doing anyways.

Superman courage steadied him enough to take a risk.

He reached out his hand, and ruffled Conner's hair, trailing his fingers down after to rest on the shoulder closest to him and said.

"I have two kids dont i?"

More silence

Conner was frozen beneath his fingertips

He panicked

Oh god

He had fucked it up

He had fucked up enough times that conner didn't want anything to do with him

Okay damage control

"That is...." Conner stiffened further "if i haven't been so horrible to my eldist that he doesnt want anything to do with me"

The silence was now so deep he could hear the dust motes brushing against everything

He heard a tiny sniffle

And then he telltale sound of tears hitting bedsheets.

His head whipped around, his glasses flew off somewhere into the room. He barely noticed.

Shocked, he started to speak but Conner cut him off before he could finish the first syllable.

"You know when i was in Hawaii i used to watch families. Specifically parents and children. I'd be so jealous of-"

Conner cut himself off.

"Nobody's ever- i mean...... parents do that to their kids.... the hair touching thing.... Nobody's ever-" his voice broke, he cleared it. "Nobody's ever even tried to touch my hair if we werent kissing."

He gave a pitiful, watery laugh and, after a breif, stunned, pause, started rambling about how "of course i get it cut, like, the barber touches it and stuff..."

And it all hit clark.

Somehow it had never occured to Clark, that even though Conner looked like he was so much older than Jon, he wasnt.

He wondered who raised him

Who fed him

Who hugged him through nightmares

Clarks heart broke

Because he was certain the answer to most of those kinds of questions was 'Conner' and none of them were "Kal-el" or "Clark Kent"

Clark turned a bit and ran his hand over Conner's back softly, cutting off his rambling and said in a voice that was somehoe warm but still felt guilty and mourning;

"What do you want? What can I do?"

Conner was stunned. Kal had never given him anything like this. So he kept talking to give his brain time to catch up.

"I don.... i- i used to watch families... in- in Hawaii, and I'd get jealous of the kids, that they got to have families. Got to have parents. I dont..."

Clark turned a little to properly face his son and grabbed his hand.

"What can i do Conner?"

One day ago Conner would have asked for a lot. To never see Kal again, the superman title, his spot in the JL, even some time with Jon. But now?

Conner shifted, he sat up as best he could. And guided Kals hand to the side of his face, through tear tracks, held it there for a second, and then slid it into his hair. All thr while leaning into it like it was the only support he needed.

"I just want to be held.... without expectations..... without titles or rules or anything in return."

Connor wouldnt meet his eyes, or look up from the bedspread during his request.

For the second time that day Clark's heart broke. But now he had something he could do.

He reached out with his other hand, guiding his son into his arms, and gently layed them down

He kept one hand on the back of Conner's head, stroking the strands there. And one hand on Conner's back slowly moving back and forth.

From the first point of contact, Conner's world narrowed to the hand Kal had put on him. And now, there was more. Now he was allowed to reach out. He wanted to get closer. To bury his face in Kals chest and curl up small. To let the world fall away around them. Until nothing existed but them. Holding each other forever.

Kal seemed to read his mind, and guided his head to tuck itself under his chin and pressed them closer together.

No promises, no strings, no obligations after.

He could leave whenever he wanted.

He wanted to stay forever.

Conner wondered breifly what was like to be held by a father. If it felt as nice as this. Like everything crashed in on him, but it was okay.

Maybe, he thought.

They had a maybe.

And this maybe was a lot of ground to stand on.

#kal el #clark kent #kon el #conner kent #father son #familial bonds #hurt comfort #cuddling & snuggling #platonic cuddling #fic #dc #superman #superboy #my fic #for anon #my writing

[igottoomuchwriting]

For Forever Chapter 2

Series: First Part/Previous Chapter/Next Part

Connor Murphy: i stg if this mom doesnt chill tf out i will find where she lives and fight her

It has been a month since Connor and Evan started talking. At first, it was awkward, but slowly they broke the barrier through text messages and small conversations during English. Slowly they were learning more and more about each other.

Connor loved to read. Any book that they read as a class, Connor loved, even if it was an older one that everyone else thought was boring. One day in English, Connor had overheard a kid talking about how much they hated Pride and Prejudice and Connor started whispering to Evan about how the kid didn’t no good literature, how Lizzy was a feminist icon of the time, Darcy was the best boy and the romance was correctly written and “he was just pissy because he is a fucking white boy that doesn’t understand the hardships that women of those days have had to go through!”

He also loved TLC shows, especially Say Yes To The Dress. That was a shock to Evan, but Connor was talking about different dress one day and Evan was curious on how he knew. Connor was nervous to share, but he knew that he could trust Evan.

That’s what he was texting Evan about now. Hulu had put out new episodes and Connor was watching them while live texting Evan about everything that is going on.

Connor Murphy: SHES CRYING NOW AND THE MOM STILL WONT BUDGE

Connor Murphy: thats it

Connor Murphy: im flying to georiga. Ill see you later evan

Evan Hansen: I know you have that ability so please dont

Connor Murphy: like my parents would let me

Evan Hansen: Find something nice in Georgia that your mom would love to see. I’m sure that will get her going

Connor Murphy: well which is it hansen

Connor Murphy: should i go punch this lady in the face or no

Evan Hansen: Definite no

Evan never really was interested in those shows, but he did watch one episode to see what he loved so much about it. It was a good show, and he really did love Randy and most of the brides that came through the shop. His mom had walked in when he had it on the TV, which sparked a conversation of how they were and who Evan liked.

“You know this is a safe place, honey!” Heidi had cooed.

“I know,” Evan mumbled, looking down at the ground awkwardly.

Since then, he’s been trying to pointedly show that he likes girls, and only girls.

Connor Murphy: oh good the bride won

Evan Hansen: With Randy on her side, how could she not

Connor Murphy: true

Connor Murphy: shit

Connor Murphy: my mom is home

Connor Murphy: i have to go to my bed and pretend to get some sleep

Connor Murphy: night

Evan Hansen: Goodnight

Evan decided that he should probably go to bed too. He had a test tomorrow, and he needed to sleep so he wouldn’t freak out as much when the time came.

He quickly turned off the TV and headed back up to his room.

---

Evan did not get any sleep. Right as he was about to fall asleep, his mom came home. Since he was still delirious, he thought it was a burglar. Suddenly he was awake and on alert, ready to do what he needed to.

Without getting out of bed and drawing attention to himself, of course.

He stumbled off of the bus, shoulders slouched over and tired look in his eyes. His classmates shoved past him in a hurry to get to the cafeteria for breakfast, but Evan just slowly made his way to his locker.

“Acorn!” he heard Jared call. Evan turned around to see Jared walking towards him, same amount of confidence in his walk as he always had. His backpack was slung over his shoulder, so Evan assumed that his first period teacher is either late or has a sub who is late.

“Please don’t call me that,” Evan mumbled.

“Aw, come on! It’s a term of endearment. All fun and games, ya know?” He threw his arm over Evan’s shoulder and they continued the walk to their locker. “It’s a playful jab at a silly mistake you made.”

Evan’s hand shot to his cast, holding onto it gently.

Yeah. A silly mistake.

“I’m gonna come over today after school. My mom’s been wondering why we haven’t been hanging out lately.”

“Oh. Uh, okay.”

“You still got Mario Kart, right?” Evan nodded his head. It was the last gift his dad had gotten him before he left, and even though Evan is not fond of his dad, he still tries to hang on to when life was good.

“Cool! Then we can play that today!” Evan just nodded his head again and opened up his locker. Jared continued to talk about a girl--or the same girl that he met over the summer, he doesn’t know anymore--and Evan turned his head to the side to see Connor at his locker. He was slouched over and seemed to be angrily putting stuff into his backpack.

“Sorry, uh,” Evan spoke, interrupting Jared’s sentence, “I’m gonna go talk to Connor.”

“Really?” Jared turned to look at Connor as threw a book into his locker. He flinched. “I don’t think you wanna talk to that dude right now. He seems like he is in a bad mood.”

“That’s why I wanna, um, talk to him.” He started playing with the bottom of his t-shirt. “I want to see if he’s okay.”

“Your funeral, man,” he said with a shrug. He gave Evan one last violent pat on his shoulder before walking away.

Evan closed his locker and took a deep breath. Connor hasn’t been in a super bad mood since they started talking, so Evan was worried if Connor would even want to talk to him or not.

“Hey Connor,” he mumbled. Connor whipped his head around and shot a glare at Evan.

“What?” he snapped. Evan took a step back and looked down at the ground.

“Well you seem like you’re in a bad mood so I wanted to come over and see if you’re okay but you barely know me so I don’t know why you would even want to talk to me about it. I’m sorry I should’ve have even come over, I’ll leave, I’m sorry,” Evan stuttered out. All his words started blending together and he was stumbling over his words.

Connor sighed and hit his head against the top of the locker.

“No, I didn’t mean to snap at you. You did nothing wrong.” Evan glanced up at him before looking back down.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to tell me,” he mumbled. Connor was silent for a moment. Evan was just about to turn around and leave him alone when he started talking.

“My parents took my fucking phone last night because they didn’t believe that I was texting someone other than a fucking drug dealer. I told them that no goddamn drug dealer would be answering fucking calls at that hour because they were trying to act like normal fucking people but they took my phone anyway!” He slammed his locker closed and Evan jumped. “They don’t believe a fucking thing I say and it pisses me off because I was actually telling the truth this time!”

Evan looked around the hallway and saw people giving Connor both confused and dirty looks. He didn't know what to do. Jared never came to him for emotional things, and since Jared has been his only friend growing up, he never had anyone else come to him for anything. The closest that he has come to comforting someone was when he walked in on his mom having a breakdown, but even then she turned it around and made sure that he was okay.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled. “That’s--That, um, sucks.”

“Understatement of the fucking century,” Connor grumbled.

The first bell rang, signaling that students have five minutes to get to class. Connor turned towards the doors at the end of the hallway.

“Wait, where are you going?” Evan anxiously called.

“Anywhere but fucking here.” With that, he was gone.

Evan watched Connor’s dark figure disappear around the corner outside, wondering if he should tell someone. What was Connor going to do? Would he hurt someone?

Would he hurt himself?

“Get to class, Mr. Hansen!” Evan heard a teacher call. Evan looked behind him to see Ms. Asher--the English teacher that no one liked--raising an eyebrow at him. Saying nothing, Evan moved on to his first class.

---

Evan hasn’t seen Connor all day. It was lunch time now and the boy still wasn’t here. Since they started talking more, he and Connor started sitting together at lunch. Connor never ate anything, and Evan did try, but sometimes his anxiety became too much and he just couldn’t stomach what the school was giving him. During those days, Connor tried his best to calm Evan down enough to where he would get Evan to each at least some bland tater tots.

That wasn’t the case today. He sat alone in the corner of the cafeteria, untouched food in front of him.

It’s not like he wasn’t used to this. Jared would never sit by him, always opting to work on programming by himself and not be seen with Evan, and since he had no other friends, he was pushed to the corner of the room.

Evan was deep in thought when he heard a voice.

“Evan Hansen?” Evan snapped his head up, only to freeze when he saw Zoe Murphy standing there, kind smile on her face.

“Oh, uh, yeah. That’s me,” he stuttered out. How long has she been standing there? Was she just waiting for Evan to notice her?

“Sorry to bother you, but can I ask you a question?” Oh okay, straight to the point. Evan wiped his palms on his jeans.

“Yeah! Yeah, of course.”

“Are you and my brother friends?” That’s not what he was expecting.

Are they friends? He doesn’t know if Connor considers Evan a friend, but does Evan?

“Uh, yeah,” he drew out. “Yeah, I guess.”

Zoe raised an eyebrow, but said nothing. She looked around the lunch room before sitting down across from Evan.

Oh God.

“Do you guys text?”

“Yeah, why?” Did something happen? Why would she need to know if they texted?

“Were you guys texting last night?”

“Yes?” Evan was about to have an anxiety attack. Did Connor tell her? Did Connor spill everything that Evan told him? Is Zoe making sure that this is the Evan Hansen that he is talking to so that she can go around and tell everyone?

“Okay,” she mumbled. She sighed and looked up at the ceiling. “I’m sorry for asking these questions, but Connor got his phone taken away yesterday and my parents wanted to see if who he was texting went to our school.”

“Oh.” Great, so Connor’s parents read their text messages? There was private stuff in there. He hasn’t even met these people and they already know his fears? Did Connor delete the texts he sent when he was having a mental breakdown?

“I haven’t seen the messages!” she quickly added. “My parents only asked if I knew the name ‘Evan Hansen’ and so I wanted to make sure it was you.”

“Okay,” he mumbled. They sat in a silence for a moment, neither knowing what to say.

Zoe broke the silence.

“When did you two start talking?” The questions continue.

“About a month ago?”

“Why?” Well that’s not going to be shared. How would Evan even say that? Yeah, you’re brother stole something of mine and flipped out on me but I was able to calm him down and get it back and now we are basically becoming best buds!

No.

“He, uh, wanted to apologize for getting mad at me in the hallway on the first day of school.” That was kind of the truth.

“And you guys kept talking because…?”

“He was nice.” Zoe immediately rolled her eyes. Oh no. Did he say something wrong?

“He’s not nice, Evan.”

“Wh-What?”

“He’s a druggie who will turn on you when you make one little mistake.” Evan stared at Zoe in disbelief. Here is Connor’s sister, who is known for being happy and helping others, staring at Evan with an angry look in her eye. She’s spending her time, giving Evan a warning.

“He--I don’t think--would he really?”

“He’s done it to me countless times.” Before Evan could say anything else, she stood up. “I’m not telling you what you should do. I’m just warning you that my brother is a loose canon.” With that, she left.

Evan stared at the spot she had just occupied. Zoe has obviously been with Connor her whole life and she knows more than Evan. If she is giving him a warning, he should listen.

Shouldn’t he?

---

When it was sixth period, Evan didn’t know what to do. Surprisingly, he didn’t have any homework to do for that day. He didn’t want to write a letter to his therapist either, as the only thing that happened today was talking to Zoe.

He decided to walk home. It was the last period of the day, and no one was going to be waiting for him. He also wanted to make sure his house was clean before Jared came over.

Evan didn’t get far off of campus before a truck pulled up next to him. With his headphones in, he didn’t hear the driver call out to him. He did hear the car horn, however.

He whipped his head to see Connor sitting in the truck, looking at him threw the passenger window. He quickly pulled out his headphones.

“Connor?” he asked.

“Get in, Hansen.” Evan didn’t question, he just walked across the grass dividing the street and the sidewalk and into Connor’s car.

Connor pulled out into the road before Evan could buckle his seatbelt fully.

It was silent between the two. Evan wanted to know where Connor went in the beginning of the day, if he was doing better, if he was okay in general.

“I didn’t mean to flip out on you earlier,” Connor stated.

“I know,” Evan mumbled. It was silent again. You would think after talking for a month, they would be a little better at talking to each other.

Evan watched all the trees go by. The radio was playing in the background, and the sky was blue with only a few clouds. Always a little strange for October weather.

“Have you ever been to the orchard?” Connor asked. Evan shot him a confused look.

“What orchard?”

“So I’ll take that as a no.”

“Where is it?” Evan asked.

“Well, it’s closed now, but it was almost like a forest reserve for people to go to. You could have picnics, there was a creek, all that fun stuff.” Evan hummed.

The rest of the car ride was filled with small talk. At some point, they had gotten onto the topic of bands they liked, and it blew up from there.

“You’ve never heard of Hollywood Undead?” Connor laughed. “How the fuck have you not?”

“They’re not a very popular band, obviously,” Evan shot back. Connor turned to him with a look as if he had personally attacked Connor’s work himself.

“They are popular!”

“Sure, Connor.”

“You shut the fuck up, Mr. ‘Taylor Swift is a better country singer than pop’.”

“Well, she is--”

“You have no taste.”

It wasn’t long before they reached where Connor was taking them. Evan looked around as Connor turned off the car and saw trees everywhere, as well as a gate with a sign that said “NO TRESPASSING”.

“Uh, what are we, uh, doing here?” Evan asked.

“We’re gonna walk around.”

“W-Wait, what?”

“Come on, Hansen,” Connor called, ignoring the panic rising in the boy. He hopped out of the car and Evan quickly followed, leaving his backpack in the car.

“We can’t go in!” he called out. Connor rolled his eyes.

“Trust me, it’s fine.”

“What if someone finds us? What if they see your car and come searching and then we get in trouble? What if we get arrested? I can’t have my mom bail me out of jail, and your parents won’t--”

“Evan!” Connor yelled. Evan immediately stopped talking. “It’s fine. I come here all the time. I was just here earlier, and no one found me. No one even thinks about this place anymore.”

Evan nodded his head in understanding and looked down at the ground. He heard Connor take a deep breath.

“Just… Come on. You can trust me.”

Evan followed Connor to the fence. Right under the trespassing sign was a cut part of the fence that looked like it was able to be pushed back. Connor pushed the fence piece back and held it open, motioning for Evan to make his way through.

Evan made it on the other side, careful with his cast, and Connor followed suit. Evan looked around in amazement. How come this place was abandoned?

“This place got closed down after they opened up the park as a national park,” Connor answered his unasked question. “Apparently people feel like going to a national park would be more fun than an orchard, even though it’s the same fucking thing.”

Connor stared walking into the trees and Evan was quick to follow.

It was gorgeous. It was a surprise that he has never seen this place. His mom and dad would always love to take them out and show him the nature, the flowers, the birds. It was a big part of his life, and a big reason why he loved trees. Participating in the Junior Ranger program was a way for him to try and go back to those times.

Happier times.

“So homecoming’s coming up,” Connor stated. “You going?”

“Well, uh, probably not?” Those kind of things were never Evan’s thing.

“Even if a cute girl asked you out?” Connor laughed as Evan blushed. The only girl Evan would even want to ask him out is Zoe, but after their conversation, he has been questioning his relationship with her.

“If someone asked me out, that’d be a shock in itself.”

Connor laughed. “Fair enough.”

“What about you?” Evan asked. “You going?”

“No. No way.”

“Not even if a girl asks you?”

“There’s no girl that could make me go to any dance.” Evan hummed.

“What if your crush asked you? There is a girl you like, right?” Connor gave him a side look and coughed.

“Yeah. A girl…” He didn’t say anything after, and Evan didn’t want to push it, so they fell back into silence.

“We’re here.” Evan gave him a confused look.

“Wait, where?”

“Look.” Evan looked anxiously at the space past the trees Connor motioned to before walking forward.

Past the trees was a big open grass field, surrounded by trees. The wind was blowing the long grass gently and the sun was peeking out from behind the threes, just getting ready to set for the night.

Evan was in shock. This place was gorgeous.

“I assume you like it?” he heard Connor call.

Evan shook his head. “Connor, this--this is amazing! How did you find it?”

“I was just walking around one day and stumbled upon it.”

Evan stared at the whole place. Connor watched him with a smile.

“You said you like to climb trees, right?” Connor asked. Evan stiffened up.

“Um, yeah,” he stuttered out.

“Come on. There’s a tree with really low branches.” Connor started walking away towards a tree that Evan saw stuck out from the rest. It was slightly out of the circle of trees, and Evan understood why Connor chose that one. The branches are definitely lower than the others, and easier for the boys to reach.

“I--I don’t think I can climb right now,” Evan called towards him. Connor turned and gave him a confused look.

“Why not?” Evan just held up his cast. Connor looked at for a second before realization hit. “Fuck, that’s right. I’m a fucking moron.”

“Sorry,” Evan shrugged.

“Why are you sorry?”

“You wanted to climb the tree, and I can’t.” Connor sighed and shook his head.

“That’s not your fault, man.” Evan nodded his head and decided not to say anything else.

His phones started buzzing in his pocket. He quickly pulled it out to see who is was.

It was Jared.

“Shit,” he mumbled under his breath. Connor was next to him now, looking down at his phone.

“Kleinman? What does that fucker want?” Evan opted to not comment on Connor’s obvious hatred of Jared.

“I forgot I was supposed to hang out with him today.” He hit answer and turned away.

“Evan! Where are you?”

“I’m sorry, I was walking home but Connor wanted to hang out--”

“Connor? Connor Murphy? You’re with him right now?”

“Yes, I’m sorry, I am headed back right now--”

“Did he kidnap you or something, dude? You guys never hang out outside of school. I never even thought the guy was stable enough to do something.”

Evan anxiously shot a look at Connor, but he was picking at his nail polish, so Evan was sure he didn’t hear Jared.

“He can. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry I’m heading back now. Just go inside, I’ll be home soon, ignore the mess.”

“Whatever you say dude. Bye.”

With that, Jared hung up. Evan turned back to Connor, fiddling with his phone.

“I’m sorry Connor, can we--”

“Yeah, we can go back.” Connor clipped. Evan flinched. He looked down at the ground anxiously.

“Sorry, this was fun, but--”

“I know,” Connor forced a smile across his face. “You and Jared had plans. Nothing wrong with that.”

Connor started walking away, and Evan couldn’t help but get the feeling that Connor was truly upset.

He quickly followed Connor back to his car and tired to calm down his anxiety.

“Thank you for taking me here,” Evan said when they got back into Connor’s truck.

“Yeah. We can come back.” Evan looked down to hide a smile.

Connor actually wanted to hang out with him again. Hang out, in public, for no reason other than to hang out with Evan.

Is this was real friendship is like?

#dear evan hansen #evan hansen #connor murphy #zoe murphy #jared kleinman #evan hansen x connor murphy #tree bros #writing #sun writing

[theshapeshifter100]

Guess What? I’m Not a Robot Ch42

Summary: Jericho and Android Allies talk, and Paul actually gets annoyed.

Chapter warnings: mentions of being shot, some strong language

Word Count: 1,588

11PM Monday 15th November 2038

The small space didn’t actually have that many chairs. Allison didn’t give a damn and sat down in one, while the rest of the humans either felt too awkward or just decided not to bother.

“Okay, er,” for once Alex sounded a little unsure. “Megan has a lot of the numbers written down, and is usually our note taker. Megan, are you...” Alex trailed off as they realised that Megan had already made herself comfortable. She sat propped against the wall using her knees as a table. Her sling was tucked against her chest and she scribbled out a title with her right hand. “... Are you good to go?”

Megan clicked the pen a couple of times and nodded, sending a thumbs up to the group around the pen. All without looking up.

Alex looked at Paul for a second, who nodded and shrugged. This wasn’t exactly surprising.

“Ooookay,” Alex turned back to the main group. “What would you like to start with?”

“We’ve been out of the loop for a few days,” Markus admitted, “can you tell us about the outside world?”

“Yeah, President Warren’s been hiding behind Congress as they try and figure things out. Not much has happened yet, although there has been word of an anti android protest being planned in Washington next week.”

“We’re so crashing it,” Allison smirked.

“Do you have the numbers for that?” Markus asked, concerned. “Connor told me there was only a few of you.”

“Megan, numbers?” Alex prompted, and Megan complied, staring resolutely at her pad of paper.

“Several thousand people responded to the anti android post across the country, which isn’t that many really if we compare to the total US population. Currently Android Allies has three chapters. Detroit has ten, California has ninety and thirty in Alabama. We’ve gathered some in the Phoenix and general Arizona area, but no official count yet. There’s some international support from Europe, but they have so far been silent.”

“So, not enough to crash a protest,” Markus summarised.

“We can counter protest,” Ivy suggested. “We just need to get it online and spread the word.”

“And you think that’ll work?” North asked, part curious, part incredulous.

“Never know until we try,” Alex responded. “Plus, we usually get good turnouts from random people walking by.”

“This protest wouldn’t happen to be scheduled for when we’re supposed to send an emissary to the White House?” Markus asked.

“No idea, when are you going?”

“In a few days time.”

“Okay, the protest isn’t until next week. Guess that isn’t public knowledge.”

“Apparently not,” Markus shifted for a second. “I was hoping to ask about a potential partnership between our two groups. I hadn’t expected you to all be, so young.”

“If it helps, Julia isn’t in school anymore.”

“Noted,” Markus filed that away.

“I don’t know,” Julia carefully opposed. “My uncle’s a Detroit Police Captain, it might reflect badly on him.”

“Nothing is set in stone,” Markus assured. “That’s what this meeting is for.”

They all continued to talk, and Megan continued to take notes. After some debate, it was decided that Alex would be the more public face of Android Allies, as they could handle attention better. Everyone else was welcome at Jericho and to fill in if need be. Megan would continue her role as note taker, even if it wasn’t entirely necessary, it was good for both sides to have a copy of events.

“Paul,” Markus came to him. “How would you feel being a go between with our two groups?”

Paul froze in place and Megan glanced at him. He wasn’t happy, in fact, he looked close to panicking.

“Ride the shitstorm,” she mumbled, intending for only Paul to hear. With her pen she began to tap a steady rhythm and Paul began to calm down. None of this had gone unmissed by North and Connor, both of whom were looking at Paul and Megan. Connor had an expression of confusion initially before it cleared, and North looked suspicious.

“I, I suppose that makes sense,” Paul unfroze. “I am the only android in the Detroit chapter and would I be correct in assuming that everyone downstairs would be more comfortable with an android?”

“You would be,” Markus agreed.

“I see, then I should accept.”

“We’re not forcing you,” Josh added. “If you really don’t want to do it, then that’s fine.”

“No, it makes sense for me to do it.”

“Very well,” Markus logged that away faster than Megan could write it. “I think this concludes most of what I wanted to talk about with you today.”

“Cool!” Allison stood up. “Anything else you need from us?”

“I would like to speak with Paul alone,” Markus stated, and Paul instantly looked at Megan, who had frozen for a split second before continuing to pack up. Without a word he held out his hand to help her up, and she took it.

“Thanks,” she murmured, still not looking at the other assembled androids.

“You okay with that Paul?” Alex asked, not sure if Paul had been paying attention.

“Yes, I was just helping the injured to their feet.”

“My legs work just fine,” Megan muttered.

“Then why did you accept my help?”

Megan mock scowled at him, both understanding that other side was messing around. “I’ll see you outside you big goof.”

“Don’t wait up,” Paul said, pausing at a soft squeal emanating from Alex. “Do you have to ship right now?”

“I ship all the time,” Alex had their hands clasped together in glee. “Anyway, let’s wait outside guys,” Alex waved everyone out and closed the door behind them. They all took seats at various heights on the stairs, Megan being closest to the door.

Inside North turned to Paul.

“So, what is your deal with these humans?” she asked.

“Deal?” Paul was confused. “There’s no deal.”

“Then why do you stay with them?”

“What North means,” Markus interrupted. “Is that you’re clearly a deviant, and have no reason to tie yourself to humans, but you still do.”

“And you want to know why,” Paul finished, falling into thought. “It is difficult to explain,” it wasn’t really, but he wasn’t sure if he could properly put it into words.

“Please try,” Markus prompted.

“I’m only really here because of Megan. We, understand each other, support each other. She needs me, and I need her.”

North didn’t look convinced. “What’s she got on you?”

“That I’m scared of dogs,” Paul smirked to make it clear that was a joke.

“So, you stay together out of mutual respect and need?” Markus tried to sum up.

“More or less. I’ll admit it is a little one sided, but Megan is the reason I’m a deviant.”

“What did she do to you?” North asked.

“It’s more what she nearly did to herself. After a period of decent mental health she began to spiral rapidly and turned to self harm. I panicked and stopped her, afraid that she might take her own life.”

“You still don’t owe her anything,” North retorted. “If anything, she owes you!”

Paul was started to get annoyed by her. “Did you see that her left arm was in a sling?”

“Yes, what does that-?”

“That’s from a gunshot wound at point blank range. Originally meant for me,” Paul was glaring at North now. “She took a bullet for me, and you can be damn sure that I would do the same.”

North was out of retorts now, and stepped back.

“I think that sums everything I wanted to ask you,” Markus admitted. “Except for one thing. How would you feel about coming to live with Jericho? With us?”

The question threw Paul for a second, even though it was a fairly logical one. He was an android in Detroit, makes sense for him to be here, and he could communicate with Android Allies remotely. Despite the logic, he felt an emotional response. A strong, negative one; one that almost hurt.

“I, I don’t think so,” Paul shook his head. “Thank you for the offer, but I don’t that would work for me.”

“She’s not forcing you to stay, is she?” North asked, and Paul’s face darkened.

“Megan has never made me do anything,” he growled.

“That’s enough,” Markus stepped in before things got out of hand. “Thank you Paul. Would you mind sending in Megan? I’d like to talk to her too.”

“Fine,” Paul turned and left, simmering with anger.

He let the door fall shut behind him and joined Android Allies on the stairs. Megan was the first over to sit next to him.

“Do you want to talk about it?” she asked, and Paul shook his head. “How about talking through the emotion?”

“I know what I’m feeling,” Paul snapped, and instantly regretted it, Megan was trying to help. “Sorry. North just pisses me off.”

“That’s impressive,” Megan smirked.

“Markus wants to talk to you. Just you,” he added when Alex started to stand up.

“Me? Why?” Megan asked, more than a little apprehensive at the idea.

“I forgot to ask,” Paul sighed. “Head in. I’ll be fine.”

“You sure?” she asked, and when Paul nodded she stood up. She walked hesitantly towards the door, and took a step back as Josh, North and Connor exited. She didn’t pay them any thought, and thankfully they left the door ajar.

“Come in,” Markus prompted, and Megan nudged the door open wide enough for her to slip in, and shut it behind her.

So, basically, Paul has to convince the Jericho crew that he and Megan are cool and there's nothing dodgy going on. And Megan's being anti social. I saw a post on tumblr about introverted characters remaining that way because it's not a thing to 'overcome', and my mind immediately went to the bit where she was getting ready to make notes!

You might be able to tell, but I'm not a big fan of North. I appreciate that you need someone to advocate the violent option and her backstory puts her in the perfect position for it. I just hate the forced romance between her and Markus. At best it's forced, at worst (aka when you go completely pacifist) it's completely out of left field and makes no sense. I understand that having multiple romance options was too much for the development team to handle, but surely there could have been an option for Markus to not be romantically involved with North? Sorry, it drives me up the wall... Other Options Flowchart

(Paul) Decline Markus's offer

(Paul) Be serious to North's probing. Be annoyed.

(Paul) Remain calm. Start shouting

Tags! @nightmarejim @septicart-appreciation

#Detroit Become Human #Detroit Become Human fanfic #Detroit Become Human OC #Guess What? I'm Not a Robot #Guess What? I'm Not a Robot Ch42 #Jericho #Markus #Josh #North #pro android #pro android protest #TheShapeshifter100 writes

[roadkillfuneral]

if connor never found the letter

No Letter AU a.k.a. connor and Evan were set up to be a perfect gay love story

-The story is the same up until the moment after Connor signs Evan’s cast. He doesn’t find the letter and leaves the computer room, already forgetting the nervous boy he just encountered

-Evan goes home and his mom sees Connor’s name on his cast bigger than life itself and invites him over for dinner. Connor never has a chance to even think about his previous plans that night

-As soon as Heidi leaves them alone they begin bonding over overbearing mothers and, soon after, shared disdain towards their fathers, and they’re attached to each other before they even realize

-Sometimes due to Evan’s mother, but more on their own, the two start to hang out. They goof around, talk about books they like and Connor shows Evan loud music and Evan shows Connor… support.

-At some point Evan notices the marks on Connor’s arms and asks about them, completely innocently. Connor lashes out of course, defensive as all get out because it’s not Evan’s business, it’s not anyone’s business, he doesn’t have to talk about it with anyone, it doesn’t matter he’s fine

-And Evan drops it because he’s confused but also because he wants to respect Connor’s wishes

-Connor sees that and not too much time later, he finds himself confiding in Evan, telling him about them, what he’s done, how long he’d been clean, but it doesn’t really matter, he’s fine. And Evan, touched, tells how he’d broke his arm. The real story.

-And then there’s a moment where they both have never felt less alone.

it doesnt end there though

-the friendship progresses pretty much perfectly. Connor’s parents love polite little Evan, and Heidi, at first, is just glad that Evan has a friend, but then she sees some of her lost teenage self in Connor and finds that Connor is actually a funny kid???

-Heidi and Connor totally playfully gang up on Evan “sh hon the grownups are talking” they sip their tea in unison  omg give me heidi and connor cute friendship

-By now Evan is coming to Connor’s house whenever Connor isn’t at his and his crush on Zoe is ever persistent. And one day he makes a fool of himself, trips or chokes and eventually Connor is just like dude. what’s going on.

-so Evan comes clean, all blushy and dumb and gushing, but apologizing all the while because she’s your sister I’m sorry but gosh have you seen her smile? sorry but wow

-then Connor feels it. the tug in his chest and the burning of emotions he thinks are gone, thinks he couldn’t possibly feel anymore

-Connor has always known. He was lucky to grow up in this generation where he sees men holding hands on the sidewalks and it’s been a couple years since gay marriage was legalized. He knows this and he’s long since accepted it, though he’s never been with anyone cos everyone fucking sucks have you met people? they’re gross

-But Evan. He’s sweet and understands Connor and when he laughs- not that awkward laugh, but a real laugh that’s hard and deep- Connor’s heart stammers.

-he feels it even before that moment but he only begins to really comprehend his feelings when he’s jealous

-He manages to ignore it until one day when he asks Evan if he wants to smoke weed with him

-Evan trusts Connor fully and he’s curious and Connor always seems so laid back when he does it

-So he agrees, even if he’s a little skeptical 

-He’s an anxious mess at first and coughs his lungs up and Connor has to light the pipe for him because Evan’s hands are shaking so bad and Connor was just planning on giving him a few hits, making him chill, but Evan takes a few too many drags and he is stoned

-At first Evan is just giggling and rambling and fluttering his hands and he seems fine and Connor thinks its fine so he smokes a little more, feels a little lighter, a little more high

-To this day he doesn’t know who started it. All he remembers is touching Evan’s hands and Evan touching his hair and counting Evan’s eyelashes and then they were kissing 

-Connor has kissed a couple people before, usually pecks and things like that, and he assumed Evan has never kissed anyone before but it feels perfect, it feels like finally

-They’re pretty much making out by the time Evan pulls away, his eyes wide and scared and no longer high. Connor wants to kiss him again but he looks so scared. It’s a silent moment before Evan runs out silently  

-Evan knows he’s not gay. Connor knows he is. Connor knows what he wants. Evan does not. 

-he knows that he’s been admiring Connor, sure. He likes how tall he is and his black nail polish and how when he’s angry (even though he’s almost always angry) his eyebrows pucker but his bad moods make him look likes hes glowing when he smiles or laughs and…. that doesn’t make him gay, does it?

-So naturally he goes to his mother. 

-And he’s like so. asking for a friend. what should you do if your friend of the same sex kisses you (even though he thinks he might have initiated it) and you kinda like it and might wanna do it more

-Heidi freaks out she’s all oh you and connor would be so cute oh what a sweet boy your cousin lindy can flower girl at the wedding 

-Connor is all mom no for a friend

-Heidi smiles and agrees to play along, tells Evan, all wise and mom-like, that if he really likes Connor then he needs to tell him and see how Connor feels and talk out where they should go from there. 

-Evan is scared to death. He likes Connor so much (in what way he doesnt know) and he’s pretty much his only friend and he’s so scared of ruining this but he goes anyways 

-There’s a lot of stuttering and flushing on Evan’s part and mumbling and avoiding gazes on Connor’s part but they both admit to the feelings they have that are definitely not Straight and by the time theyre done they’re kissing again, simultaneously relishing in the fact that it feels much better sober and knowing where they stand 

bonus content

-connor’s long noodle ass limbs getting in the way of everything. when they cuddle its a jumble of connor’s ligaments and evan in a ball watching as his beanpole of a boyfriend tries to adjust 

-oh and cuddling? these two are a fucking mess

-it starts off the most awkward thing ever as i said connor can’t adjust himself and evan doesnt know where to put his hands but they are both very touch starved but they dont give up they keep trying and eventually connor knows just how to curl himself around evan so he can kiss his forehead and whisper in his ear and evan still can touch connor’s hair and snuggle his face into his tiddies chest 

-connor denies that he likes it even a little bit even though he’s the one that initiated it, the nerd

-possessive connor. bruh. 

-once he gets evan he refuses to let him go. if he sees alana even look at evan for too long he feels the need to take that moment to grab his hand (if he isn’t already holding it) or to kiss him or grab his ass whatever connor is possessive but pretty harmlessly. he knows evan likes him and only him but still. 

-evan can also get jealous at times, though his is much more lowkey. if someone flirts with connor he wont speak up, but he’ll feel the need to tell connor how much he likes him and cherishes him. connor understands. 

-weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed

-stop that ‘evan makes connor stop smoking’ bullshit. im here for evan becoming a borderline stoner because it helps with the anxiety. he might evan smoke more than connor. maybe he likes edibles more but im totally here for connor and evan shotgunning because homies share hits

-speaking of evan’s anxiety

-connor is annoyed with it at first tbh. evan’s nervousness and awkwardness grates on him but then he’s okay with it and then he finds it cute and then he loves him for it

-who says i love you first? ohoho boy

-i have way too many headcanons for this but my favorite is that they’re hanging out, probably smoking, def telling jokes and swapping little kisses and they’re laughing and evan just kinda says it

-connor’s mother doesn’t even tell him she loves him that much anymore. she kinda gave up when he started taking out his anger on everyone including her and when evan says it, connor stutters it back, but he says it, and dives down to kiss evan again but honestly no kiss could convey how happy he feels. evan says it many more times that night. 

-zoe doesn’t get it tbh

-first this anxious weirdo comes into her house and is looking at her weirdly and then he’s looking at her brother and her brother is looking back and she hears laughing coming from connor’s room it’s weird but hey at least he isn’t acting crazy anymore

-then one night she hears a car come up the driveway at like 11 at night and she goes to her window to see who in fresh hell it is, forgetting that connor has gone to evan’s for the afternoon

-she sees the two get out of the car and go to the door. they chat a little bit and connor is smiling and their faces are weirdly close and they stop and evan leans up on his toes and oh my god they’re making out on the porch

-she never mentions it but there’s at least a week or more where she can’t look at connor 

-if im being honest i see evan being ace but if he weren’t/still copulates with connor, im here for power bottom connor

-someone that wasn’t me mentioned evan still letting cynthia pay for his college but only if she gets connor therapy and i love it and i love evan getting connor to therapy and i love him getting therapy gwahh

i havent got anything else but um this au kills me daily hope u like it adios

#dear evan hansen #dear evan hansen au #connor murphy #evan hansen #zoe murphy #gay shit #connor x evan #evan x connor #gay au #everything queue want