#sorry for the vent Im just incredibly frustrated

[earl-grey-love]

I hate being on the internet and being constantly exposed to people's hot takes on important shit. Like people will come out with the most unhinged nonsense and die on their hill as if it makes a lick of sense.

#Im not talking about fandom stuff Im talking about politics and ethics #Ive seen people come out with stuff that falls apart under a millisecond of critical thought or scrutiny #and when thats pointed out they come back with something entirely unrelated as if it debunks #and its like talking to an alien who lives on their own planet #especially when they pull a statistic out of their arse as if putting a number in makes them look smart #which I mean all of this is fine if you're defending a take like ''this artist has the best music evarr!!'' #but not if your hot take is well i think x people dont deserve rights #or anything that promotes harm against someone #the worst take of all is 'this is why we need another [mass world death]' #if you're at the point where you think a strawman group should die for the sake of humanity you really need help #yes that includes when its directed at people in power like men #sorry for the vent Im just incredibly frustrated #levi speaks #tw vent #cw vent #cw politics

[dandyshucks]

waking up to see someone left a semi-self-demeaning reply on a post of mine and i go to their blog just to make sure they're not someone nasty before i reply encouragingly to them, only to see theyre very into the racist white man youtuber profiting off of Algonquian culture that obviously doesnt belong to him 😵‍💫😵‍💫

#this guy is also performing white saviourism to an incredible degree #''well if /i/ dont keep the stories alive then who will?'' THE FUCKING INDIGENOUS PPL IT BELONGS TO MAYBE ??? #i had a whole argument w my brothers about this where they insisted he wasnt racist for this and this was totally fine actually #so this is a very sore spot for me and seeing this person touting how great this guy is has been a slap in the face this morning #theres. a lot to this guy. and it's very frustrating that everyone adores him and has no idea how fucking racist he's being #bc he's being racist towards indigenous ppl. and ppl often dismiss anti-native racism :/ #not that (white esp) ppl rly take ANY racism seriously. but. its a gross trend I've noticed w anti-native racism #like everyone brushes off the caricature present in p*zza tower. bc oh its just silly :) its just a joke :) #bro they are straight up painting us as savages lmfao. thats like. classic racism against indigenous ppl. how are u just okay w that. #anyways! sorry to rant here im just. feeling a little nauseous fhfkdl that was not smth i wanted to see this morning or ever rly #its a very very sore spot for me still after that whole thing w my brothers :'''))))) #vent // #dandy.cmd #racism tw

[piplupod]

genuinely very :( because i looked at the doesthedogdie page for the sandman and here we are yet again w the excessive gore !!!! i am so fsjdfjkl tired of it!!! i cannot watch it now bc wowzas there is. a lot of shit in there. RIP me and my sensitive little snowflake soul i guess :/

#rly frustrated w myself that i can't watch any mainstream shit these days bc everything has just disgusting amounts of gore #i can do violence and blood and even the occasional internal organ #but GOD. so much of this stuff is incredibly realistic (which is cool i guess! but why!!) and its just. Overkill honestly #im just fhsdhghsgjkl why cant i be normal and desensitized to all of it #why do i have to be such a fucking wimp about it #also i can't even do much for blood these days bc my brain will see it and start fixating on relapsing in SH lmao #genuinely feel like such a fucking wuss and like i just should not be allowed to live bc i'm such a fucking idiot abt things jdsfjkl #anyways. lowkey upset bc it looks like such a cool concept and plotline but of COURSE i cannot handle shit in it #because EVERY cool show these days has to have excessive gore and suicide/SH implications/references #fucking tired of it. make better shows honestly fjsfjkl #but then also maybe im being a prude so idk #i feel like a wuss and i also feel like maybe im right but also maybe im just being a prude and killing art by criticizing this #so. who the fuck knows. im tired and i cannot have a single thought anymore without picking it apart into little pieces #self harm mention #suicide mention #ALSO HI LOL DID YOU MISS ME VENTING ON HERE :))))) IM SO SORRY THAT IM BACK i'll try to stay quiet more though lol

[amberwings]

I… feel… like… a… little… zombie!!!

#get ready for a vent… oh boy this will be fun to look back on #i am so tired of being the one who cares more or at all #it is a particular hell to get attached to someone who is incredibly emotionally unavailable #especially when said person made it seem like they were romantic and emotionally available in the beginning #and then u felt crazy for questioning them when all long they never planned on actually wanting anything with you #I have wasted so much time but can’t stop somehow #I just don’t care about other people the way I do for this person whyyyyyyyyy did this have to be how it was #he cares so much about his friends and work and family and just does not feel the way I do #I keep hoping he does deep down but I’m afraid to say it just doesn’t seem like it anymore #who invites someone over then tells them right before bed they have to leave at 9 or 9:30 for breakfast with their friends #after I took the freezing ass metro for him!! and he only invited me last minute cause he decided not to go out with friends cause the cold #like what on earth how did I end up in this????? this is not how it’s supposed to be #and I feel a little sorry for him that he can’t let himself experience something intimate and great he is emotionally shallow #i never would’ve imagined this is how it would be… #I never ever vent ever but I just can’t stop talking about it or this sadness will eat me from inside #I even told my mom!!! #im sick of this… #maybe one day he will regret it but maybe not he is so apathetic it’s so frustrating #it just hurts so much to see that someone you thought you were close to does not value you the same way or appreciate you very much #he meant/means so much to me and now I see I just don’t mean much to him #he doesn’t want to commit to anything and said I’m his friend after leading me on for a LONG time #i turned down other people for him cause he just kept making it sound like once __ happened he’d be ready for a relationship #i was so hopeful :(

[lonestarbabe]

i’m genuinely so upset.

i think the only reason that tim didn’t have carlos tell tk before is because he couldn’t fucking think if this plot until a month ago. he just pulled it out of his ass.

knowing that, and knowing that uncertainty of having no one to go to and no one to call when you’re sinking and thinking that you’re in the wrong and no one wants you or to have anything to do with you makes it incredibly understandable, and knowing that they were legally married because they were two people who needed each other made sense

but it also is so frustrating that tim can’t think three episodes ahead of him, let alone three seasons, and it’s ruining people’s view of our boy because he couldn’t write it in sooner

i hate to feel like this and it’s so dumb but i feel like im personally being attacked and my heart is ripping out of my chest every time i see a creator that i have followed since season one was airing saying they can’t look at carlos the same because of something tim fucking did when we know carlos would have told him if the writers had two fucking braincells.

sorry for the long vent like ask. i just want my boys to be happy.

No need to be sorry for the vent like ask!! It’s hard when you love characters and an overall story and want it to be good and at its best! A lot of people share your feelings. I’m kind of in between I guess on it (don’t like it that much but am rolling with the punches). Anyways, I think you make a lot of good points.

The idea that Carlos would be in that relationship... totally makes sense with his psychology and the feeling that his sexuality was unspeakable and something that he shouldn’t even talk about. it was something that was known but never really addressed, which is so hurtful, and even though his family probably didn’t mean to be hurtful, he was hurt, and he internalized a lot of messages, which is so hard. I do that they have addressed that self-talk he had and how it was part of finding who he is, but there are lots of ways they could have done that, even through the wedding planning, for example.

And I don’t think there are reasons Tim waited, but still, an offhanded comment Carlos makes about having a girlfriend in the past when he was processing his sexuality at least could have planted the seed for the storyline, and it wouldn’t have felt so jarring I guess. There’s a lot to be said with being patient with storytelling and building up to things rather than just throwing them in. (i often want to just cut to the good scenes, but that’s not a good thing to do lol).

And hey, there’s nothing to be sorry for for feeling like this. Our feelings represent so much more than the surface level. Characters are a way to connect meaningfully to the world, so it’s okay to feel hurt and personally attacked by something that has happened to them. And being able to feel empathy and passion for characters just shows that your an empathetic and passionate person, and that’s such a good thing to be. Intense feelings are what make the good things that happen in shows so exciting, and the Tarlos wedding will come, so we’ll be lifted up from this!! Characters can be so personal, and it’s so hard sometimes to watch hard things happen to them.

I want them to be happy too :) and I totally think they will get there. Hang in there!! We’ll get through this.

#asks #911 lone star #911 lone star: season 4 #season 4 #carlos talk #showrunners #negative #we will be okay pals #but it's okay to not feel okay right now

[mar64ds]

hi sorry same annon asking the aro question with more awkward clarification because you feel like a safe person to vent to about these topics. i often feel that my expectations are poisoned with how specifically fan content but media as a whole will label "just being nice" as a romantic gesture, making it feel like im not allowed to be nice to people or else it means more to them. and my social awkwardness and flubing words can come off as flirting i think??? its been really frustrating thinking about these things and its been nice to go into kids shows about wholesome friendships, im currently watching fraggle rock for the first time and i just think about how nice it would be to live that close to that many people without needing to marry one to share a house and finances haahha. your blog has really felt cozy with its quarks and details so thanks in advance if you arnt put off by my odd pair of asks and even bother to respond at all hahah ive really been trying to work on my social skills more hah

I know what you mean! I'm very socially awkward and many times that I have struggled to keep a conversation, avoiding eye contact and blushing I've been told 'oh you like this guy!! you were so nervous!!' and no. that's not what was happening I'm just incredibly anxious and shy

Fraggle rock is so nice 🥺 they are all friends and hug and kiss and cuddle it's so cute :) It's just a really nice show to watch and yeah a lot of kids show do provide with really wholesome friendship scenarios like that, not that there aren't any shows for adults that don't have good friendships, there are! but kid shows do have a lot of nice scenarios like these

Also thank you so much, I'm glad my blog could help you!! It's good to want to talk about your experiences with others! Good luck with everything!

[notcolleen]

im gonna take a second to be proud of myself for actually being assertive bc it paid off (literally!!!) and also vent abt family stuff and this is just a giant mess of words lol

[[MORE]]

so i leave for a work trip to oregon tomorrow and as excited as i am, it’s actually the worst timing ever bc 1) my family is having a memorial for my aunt tomorrow and i feel incredibly selfish for not being there and 2) my direct family (brother, middle sister, mom, dad) all have covid or assumed covid and it’s just a chaotic mess at that house rn

and this trip all happened really last minute (i got the email asking if i was interested on the 9th, everything was finalized on the 10th, found out my brother tested positive on the 11th) (i have tested negative every day since then and will test again before i leave) and bc of that/the covid situation i felt bad asking anyone in my family to help out with any logistical barriers (ie pet care while im gone, travel to/from airport, etc)

i finally did ask my oldest sister if she’d be able to watch phoebe and she’s totally fine with that, which is great bc i was literally 2 seconds away from paying someone random online just to avoiding inconveniencing her lol

and i was planning on taking a lyft there and i knew that would be ✨pricey✨ bc it’s 1.5 hrs away so i was just trying to mentally accept the cost of it (bc ultimately it’s worth it for the whole experience of traveling) but my anxiety kinda took off when i looked it up and it was $130 each away 💀

so i sent a text to my dad on wednesday asking if he would be able to drive me back from the airport on the 20th if he did not have covid and was feeling well

and he left me on read 🧚

so after a very frustrating conversation with my mom today (where she called me selfish for not considering the cost of tolls and gas rn) (which i was 100% going to pay if he drove, which i would have told him had he replied back) i ended the phone call in very dramatic tears and was like okay either im paying ~$260 and i can let that anxiety sit with me the whole trip (bc major ~scarcity mindset even with money) (it’s the worst!!!) or i can send an awkward email to the company asking if i could be reimbursed for that expense and hope the best

so i emailed a man named david whom i’ve never met (well first i edited my email until it no longer resembled a “sorry for existing !!! also no worries if not :)))) thank you so much even if not!! :))” monologue) and he responded right back with $400 worth of uber gift cards, no questions asked

and im still just sitting here amazed at how being an assertive adult / asking for things with the mindset of “the worst u can hear is no” can benefit you (also i still have to get used to working for a big company bc before this i worked for a childcare company based out of our towns little church and we were expected to pay for so much out of pocket and this company is just like gift cards all around and it’s so different)

(so now i have moved on to being anxious abt the 1.5 hr uber ride and hoping the driver is okay with literally 0 small talk) (i have more rambling thoughts re: birthdays and family resentment and expectations but this is long enough so goodbye thank u if you read this 😌)

[watercolormogai]

hi sorry for the mini vent but i'm so tired of having to say i'm pro para because like... imagine it had to be that way with any other disability. "yeah i'm pro autism." "i'm pro bpd" it sounds so fucking stupid. i don't know if i make sense but what i'm trying to say is that it sucks we have to treat paraphilias differently than any other disability or disorder or mental illness. i hope this doesn't come across as like anti-para or anything im bad with words lmfao

honestly ? v feel the same way

it sucks to have vy disorders painted as so horrible and disgusting , no one would actually ever support them except fake troll accounts . it sucks that theres basically no community (besides the radqueer community , but v'm clearly not in that) where there are a lot of people who understand and accept it . even people who "accept" it go on to talk about how "harmful paraphilias" are gross and immoral and only the "non-harmful kinks people pretend are paraphilias" are good and okay .

it absolutely sucks that v have to repeatedly say that v'm pro-para and still have people have no idea what paraphilias actually are and be against them because of that . like you said , nobody has to do that with any other disability , and even when people put "people who believe in narc abuse" on their DNIs there is really no one in the mogai community who is actually like that . meanwhile paraphiles are constantly painted as so incredibly horrible and wrong that people literally side with TERFs and call bigots "better" for not supporting paraphiles .

a lot of the anti-para shit in the community comes from people not actually understanding what paraphilias are or how they work . if v try to say "well someone with BPD isn't inherently violent and abusive because of their violent thoughts , and paraphiles aren't either" , v'm told that v'm ableist and a horrible person for daring to compare two disorders . if v try to say "people think you can cure being attracted to the same gender , but you obviously can't , so it's not very hard to understand that you can't cure being attracted to a child or an animal" , v get called homophobic and harassed for daring to say that pure innocent gay people are even slightly similar to the gross awful pedos . people who hate something are never just going to see one post and then suddenly change . they aren't going to see a hundred posts and even think about changing . a lot of ableists have said that even if it was their best friend who came out as a paraphile , theyd tell them to kill themself . so the lack of knowledge and understanding is going to take a long , long time to change , as absolutely frustrating as that is .

(plus , the fact that people think that any attraction to minors is pedophilia . that is not true and one of the main reasons why v feel the urge to punch anyone who says "i call maps pedophiles because thats what they really are!!!" because no you idiot map means any attraction to minors and pedophilia is only towards prepubescent children . the terms hebephilia , nepiophilia , ephebophilia , etc exist for a reason .)

it absolutely sucks to have to repeatedly say "yes , v support all disabled and neurodivergent people , yes including paraphiles they are still neurodivergent / disordered" . it should be basic common sense that all disabled and neurodivergent people are wonderful and amazing and your disorder doesnt make you a bad person , but for some reason it isnt . it constantly makes ve frustrated and angry because people choose to believe the media and hate paraphiles instead of just listening and understanding . having to say that v'm pro-para over and over is incredibly frustrating and makes ve just wanna hit things because oh vy gods why cant people just stop being so fucking ableist , but as frustrating as it is v know it's not going to change and until then we will just have to keep saying it over and over until people start understanding .

paraphiles being treated as "worse than" or "different" than other disorders is stupid and just ableism . no disorder is "worse than" any other . every disorder is morally neutral no matter what . if a paraphile hurts someone else , it is not "someone abused me because theyre a paraphile" it is "someone abused me becuse theyre a bad person" . "pedophilic abuse" is no more real than "narc abuse" . if an adult grooms a child , they are a predator , and actually that vast majority of predators are not pedophiles at all and the vast majority of pedophiles never groom / abuse anyone , so they probably arent even a pedophile . "dont armchair diagnose anyone" includes calling someone a pedophile because they hurt a child . dont call your abuser a narcissist because they probably werent and even if they were they didnt hurt you because of their npd they hurt you because they were an abuser . it is the same with paraphiles . treating paraphiles as "different" or "inherently wrong" only pushes them further and further away from any sort of help they may want to find and leads them to hurt themselves and others .

sorry that v kinda went off on a rant , but v have A Lot of opinions about this , as you can probably tell lol

#long post #watercolor asks #not coining #ableism cw

[mangospams]

venting about my roommate again so sorry. I’m f-ing tired and we made rules that you can’t have more than 2 people in the room after 9 on wednesdays bc I have class at 9 the next day. so naturally she has 7 people over at 10 pm watching some tv show. im so done rn. this sucks so much

No, no, don’t feel sorry! It’s understandable that you want to vent, that sounds awful :(  Your roommate clearly doesn’t respect your boundaries, that sounds incredibly frustrating. I hope your roommate one day realizes that they’re just being rude. I’m sorry you have to deal with that :( 

#mango speaks #mango answers #🥭🥭🥭

[trashcantobias]

This is a long one forgive me people

I have autism the most severe out of everybody I know. I am friends with other autistic people and they have described how neurotypical people can immediately identify them as being autistic however other autistic people see me as someone who is either too low or the spectrum or someone who is on the more severe side of the spectrum my interactions with neurotypical are the most batshit crazy thing you will ever hear I do not come off as a player I don't make sexual jokes but when I get to know people they always seem to get the assumption I am a creep or something of that nature majority of my female "friends"also had the same assumption everyone also carries the assumption I am stupid which I have grown to believe they also follow up with the fact I am a supposed bottom which I dont fucking understand why you would say this to someone you have just met.

Im sorry for the lack of punctuation I am incredibly frustrated

I cannot fucking do basic equations for the life of me. I Cant do basic things in school my only ability is reading above average and I have no else going for me I rarely consume american content / media but constantly told I have a strong american accent which I have only recently found out is linked to aspergers or autism I have no real friends and I believe I am just the buffer friend that people vent to but cant hear or fathom actually exists.

I cannot sit still I cant even control the level of speech I present to people no matter the weather I get chills and then my neck starts moving randomly like im about to have a seizure. My parents control my watching and video access due to my hallucinations no matter what form of content I consume I am then suddenly able to visualise the character as if they are actually real I was an insomniac for 2 years because I would see things that would terrify me if I tried to sleep or dream.

My memory is the most horrendous thing ever and I cant even feel emotions like a normal human is "supposed too" my closest friend had died and I physically couldn't feel sadness I was mildly upset at most before forgetting him despite the years we had spent together

Why wasnt I born normal

I see other people with their families and regular interests but I am such a fucking loser bro.

I cant control my speech and will blurt out stupid references to things nobody cares about I dont see myself making it to adulthood I can barely do anything aside from read at a high level and nothing else. Nothing fills me with such dread by seeing a child prodigy who can do anything they want perfectly while I cant even fucking act like a normal human

I hope everything is going well for you guys

#autism

[letter-to-a-friend]

backlog cont.

10/15 I woke up Incredibly depressed today, but I can't tell you that, I said I would stop making it your problem. We've talked so little these last few days I'm afraid I'll lose my person. I know I'm just being needy, I'm sorry. It's okay if you want to leave me behind to be happy, I'm probably just baggage to you right now. I didn't mention it before but I haven't been eating the laste few days. I'm down to 187lbs. I've had nothing to eat but eggs and and a can of soup each day, if that. I want to eat, but just can't. I think I need help, but I can never tell you.

You told me not long ago that you were sabotaging dates because you were leaving a window open for [ex], how else am I supposed to look back on our time together as anything but that? You sabotaged our relationship, and got back together with [ex] because that's what you wanted in the first place, you never really tried to love me because you were always in love with [ex]

10/16 I forgot to write you yesterday, but not really. I had written out what I wanted to say for our talk but I didn't end up using it. I'll paste it after this but first- you fucking cheated on me man? Are you serious? You left me for another guy weeks Into it, that's not enough time to know Jack shit, much less that you can never come to love someone. The feeling I thought was love is all gone now, but that still hurts man. That's fucked up, and now I don't think I can ever fully trust you again. I don't love you, but once upon a time I did and you stomped on that love for a man who broke your heart again, and honestly? You deserved it for that. And the me of right now hopes he breaks your heart this time too because of it.

The letter: Honestly I'm a little upset with you right now. I took a look back at the timeline of events and it Honestly makes me feel really used. We broke up on 6/6, and started talking again on 6/20, and from then until you broke up with connor on 8/4 you never told me you were in a relationship which leads me to believe you got back together within that 14 day period of us not talking. You said recently that you felt you were sabotaging tinder dates bc you were still holding out for [ex], and I feel like you did that with me too. It really feels like, back then, you were always waiting for [ex], and you were just wanting someone to vent your sexual frustration from being with him. It only took you from 8/4(when you broke up, and also when we began talking like before) to 8/8 to tell me that you were still sexually attracted to me to the point you couldn't look me in the eyes and until 8/31 for you to tell me you were wanting sex from me. And just a little while ago, we hooked up on 9/30, and you got back together with connor on 10/9. With you so quickly going from being intimate with me, breaking up, getting with [ex], back to sex with me, to being back together, it makes me feel a little used. I know I consented to just fwb and that I was the ultimate initiator, and I know we've done things outside of sex, but almost every time we met up and you weren't on your period, we hooked up. As you've said, you're a very horny person, and that's fine I am too, but part of the reason I want this thing with you and [ex] to either last forever or never happen again is because 3 is a pattern man; if you guys break up, and we end up going back to fwb, and you get back together with him, I'll feel even more like just an outlet for your sexual frustration, who just so happens to play games with you sometimes. I consented to fwb until we found partners, but looking back i feel more like I was just filling the void [ex] left and thats very different. And im not saying fwb is bad, or that i was wanting something more, it was just sex- its the speed at which you changed gears that makes me feel this way. You said you could live without sex for him[context: hes sexually attracted to men, but want a relationship with her to the point hes asked to be poly], but I'm not so sure with how quickly you asked for it after you left the relationship. I know how much you've said you cherish our friendship, but I can't shake the feeling that I'm only here because you don't want to be alone. This is made even worse that you got upset at me when i said i was a little concerned that you would drop me when you got another bf, but when you got back with [ex] you told me that you had done that in the past once already. Sure, there was other things going on with [ex bff], but you got upset at me over a fear you later told me was kinda warrented. I'm not saying that this IS the case, just that this is how the everything is making me feel. I feel like I'm only "precious" because I've given you what you want in emotional support and sex when [ex] wasn't there for you. I feel like you only really want one person in your life, and when they aren't there you settle for me until they come back. How could I not when you move so fast?...1/2

#mental health #spilled thoughts #mental illness

[doctor-candy-bonez]

I know this is going to get no traction because it's not one of my art posts but im just venting my frustrations into the void and pretending like someone is listening

So i got this friend group and these people are like my absolute besties I'll list off codenames I came up with as I'm writing this. So we got Imp, a tall horribly awkward dingus who means well but has a lot of misunderstandings, Cat, this man is an aspiring internet funnyman and music creator who is almost always joking around and having a good time even if he seems a bit abrasive with his memery, Elf, elf is the one I know the least but we're cool even though I jabent gotten enough time to get a read on her personality, Vamp, bro is an absolute hyperactive goofball him and Cat are a duo and together they can get a laugh out of just about anybody, Chef, my persinal bestie and the final part of the friend group and she is the sweetest person you could ever meet despite being the main one involved in this massive heap of drama I'm about to talk about (also small note that might play into what happens here. I try to pick up everyone in the friend group when I hug them and Chef is the easiest to hold cause she's very short).

So recently I had went to a party at Imp's house along with everyone else aside from Elf who couldn't make it. The party was a blast though unfortunately I learned I couldn't pick up Chef at all because her parents saw it as "inappropriate" because apparently picking a person up as a joke when the person being picked up is completely in on the joke is wrong somehow, and Chef herself had to go talk to them and even that didn't convince the people so yeah the main funny thing I do with everyone in the friend group is considered "inappropriate". So more party stuff happens it goes great then it's over and I'm the last person to leave because my own parents were watching hamlet and I also just like talking with Imp alone since we have the most interesting conversations about our nerd interests, I eventually leave because I needed to be home today to set up for a party and after I get home the group talks a bit in our group chat about the fnaf movie (we were planing to watch it on November 1st) and everyone is available to go and all of our plans are set and we're going to have a great time in the next few weeks. I go to sleep for the night and then wake up to go to church I check the group chat and see Cat making last checks to see everyone is good and yes we are all set for November to watch funny animatronic movie, a few hours pass i check my phone and see that Chef, and Elf are no longer in the group chat leading me to find out that apparently chefs sister, that's right her sister who has nothing to do with our group in the slightest told Imps mom that Imp was making her "feel unsafe". Yup you heard that correctly the person who HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH OUR FRIEND GROUP felt unsafe around the AOCIALLY AKWARD NERD WHO ONLY TRIES TO BE NICE TO PEOPLE and apparently that means Imp and Chef can't be friends anymore and can't be in our group chat and since Chef and Elf are more of a packaged deal she also can't be in so yeah that bullcrsp happened, and I think "oh ok I can still text Chef because I have her number" so I try to talk to her only to learn that "her parents are made at her" for some reason so she cant talk me for a while and now I'm just very mad at these people for not letting an essential part of our group just can't hang out anymore and also according to Chefs brood of vipers for a sister we were saying "inappropriate things" despite our group being as PG as possible due to small children being present so I have no idea what the frup that's about either.

Well that's about it sorry for making you sit through my angy spat of words I'm just incredibly ticked that these people instead of minding their buisness just start making decisions for one of my best friends (who also happens to be older than anyone else in the group) and the person they don't like is one of the nicest people I've ever met who's just trying his best

#vent post #rant #brood of vipers #these people are scared of my kind and caring friend somehow #i feel so bad for him #he's trying his best #but these meanies dont like him

[toomanyfandoms-help]

some of the thoughts, feelings, and emotions ive been experiencing lately. merely needed a place to write this down and get it off my chest, so please feel free to scroll on

not fully sure exactly how to describe. depressive spiral? self-fulfilling prophecy? simply an unhinged, unhealthy person chattering away and scaring those close to them? something along those lines.

cant pinpoint where exactly it started either. i can give guesses, but its definitely something thats been building, rather than something that snapped.

im thinking somewhere in june. too good to be true, too much going right that i got suspicious. or maybe i was picking up on stuff i shouldve picked up on, did pick on earlier, and ignored.

it certainly started to crumble, starting with the trip. havent spoken to one of them since. its been 2 months. never really liked him though, and im quite assured in assuming the feeling's mutual.

then everyone got busy. and work got worse. and more busy. and even worse. hyperbolic, maybe a little. even still.

i dont push. i hate pushing. whenever i do even a little bit i hate myself for it. i take up other's offers gladly, but it gets further between. it feels less like friendship and more like im merely the person these people vent to every few weeks.

the one time (several times, i just stopped asking) i did ask, it got cancelled severely last minute with a half-assed apology. well, no. it was understandable. but still incredibly frustrating.

been spending more time with my family as a result. its familiar, in a tangy, bittersweet way that nostalgia is. we're closer than most, i know that, given the unique circumstances my and my sister grew up in. she knows me well.

everything took a turn when i quit though. on a whim (stressing all week and all day the day-of) setting my key down and leaving with head held high (shaking like a leaf and turning my music up too high on the drive home). combined with the stress of the previous day (shit going wrong with the house and my sister telling me she was probably minutes away from killing herself several years ago (something i already knew but somehow it hit harder (i can guess why))) it all just hurt

i also was with a friend. the day before i quit. kinda.

he helped me, sure. as in he helped with the house issue. but he didnt really talk to me. he tried to show me tiktoks on his phone (i spotted a groupchat with my friends without me in it (the old one with me hasnt been touched since june)) but they were all so. mindless.

we havent hung out since. he tried, twice. the first time i asked how many people he asked before me (its been a reoccurring problem, actually, where i am the last thought of) and he said i was the first. i didnt believe him. he tried again the next day, but i was actually looking forward to hanging out with my family so i declined.

he hasnt reached out since.

i sometimes think about how it makes me upset i cant be angry. im not really allowed to be. which is a weird thing to think about. what do i mean i cant be angry. but i think i mean it in a way like. my anger burns so deep and hot and fast, and its never good. its never for a good reason. being angry feels good, sometimes, but i cant revel in the feeling because i should not have been angry. i did things i regret.

i dunno. anger is a good emotion to have. i know that. it feels good, to feel your blood boiling just a bit and steam clouding your vision. its the one way i can really lose myself.

but its aimless. im usually angry at things i cant counteract or control or do literally anything against. it builds up. i cant release it. and when i do get angry at something i can do something about, well. it usually gets much more than deserved.

but how do you apologize for that. im not sorry for my anger, i was rightful to be angry. but my actions were maybe over the top. maybe i let out too much. maybe im not communicating at all. i dont know

how does one just. stop. not in a suicide way, but also not not in a suicide way.

i cant just go. not right now. my birthdays in 2 fucking days and i cant do that to my family. so maybe after. but we've got a vacation in 2 weeks and i dont want that to be canceled because its supposed to be the last family vacation we have.

but i cant last that long. im in limbo right now, and every single second is tearing at me and i just cant fucking feel anything anymore.

theres things i want to experience and be around for but the price of being a human being is just so fucking high that i cant fucking do it anymore. why do i exist on this miserable mortal coil and drag people down with me. why am i here

can it just stop, please

#personal #vent #suicide mention

[legobatjoker]

okay its 4am iv been up for. almost 24 hours andi feel myslef spiarloing aggh. why am i like this lucy why di i do this to myself i also just went to csweekly and instead of queing a post were i fake how i excited i am just went fuck it its on pause no one seems to care abt this show anymore so why am i doing it bc im already so sick of running tihs blog nad then had a realization abt how dead the carulia and other cs tags are of lik.e why tf am i doing tihs if im theo nly one who still cares abt this show kinda and csweekly is doing notihng to fix that lmao which hurts bc i dont want this fandom to be dead but also its not like im adding to it when all my energy is going into running the stupid csweekly blog anyway agh sorry for kinda venting like i said ot doing the best lol so im going to go to bed like RN but boefire i do okay this is gonna se so shirt bc im so tired i just wnat ot acutally sleep but i do rly wanna say thait had sosos much fun listeing to speak now tv together nad calling today it really was soso wonderful just like it always is to spend time with you love nadi hope you know that you really are just the most ownderful incredible firend in the world and bring me soso much joy nad light and happinesss and im soso lucky and grateful to know you my love and you just makem feelsoso lveod and cared for and safe and warm with you and you really do just meaneverytihng to me and i hope you know i lrealyl do just lvoe you osso very much my dearest, gnight <3 !!!!

aghhhh nauurrrr not thee 24 hours awake miseries :(((!! i hope u can get smmmm rest and sleep in smmmm u deserve it especially with having had to deal with cs weekly taking soo much of your energy for so long and the reception for it trailing off like-___-!! that is rlllyyy very frustrating to see happen with something your putting that much effort and time into especially for such an amazing show that u love so much and like not being able to just enjoy it like you should get to like:((( thats rlly rlly tough but im really proud of u for making the decision to put the blog on break since that really sounds like it is the best decision possible for u rn and whether or not u decide to take it off break ill either be happily waiting for it or happy to just watch cs whenever which ykw is easy enough for me since i rlly love watching cs and i esp loeve watching it with you:33!!! but yeah anyway omgg calling today was sososoo much funnn im so glad we got to and yah ur just suchhh an amazing friend to me all around and bring smm joy and light to my world and u really do mean thee absolute world to me and!! i jsut love you sososo muchhh gnightt💕💕🫶🏻💕💕💕🫶🏻🫶🏻

#iluuu💜💜 #mewtuals #castle.answers

[salty-cs]

688222508377391104: i am genuinely sorry that that happened to you. however, there is a big difference between venting about that and venting about having one's rights being taken away. if you think that it's basically the same, you shouldn't be arguing with random anons on a salt blog and should instead take it up with staff. otherwise, maybe you shouldn't vent on a public forum where you can see what other people are venting about. write a journal, consult a friend/family member, make a private blog, whatever works for you.

just a general PSA, it's up to you to keep yourself safe on the internet. people will talk about stuff on the internet that triggers you and you will probably see it. this whole conversation is very similar to that GH cat situation; there's always gonna be something that freaks you out, and it's up to you to avoid it. it's not up to others to censor themselves for you - you can't expect people to do that, because they won't. and not necessarily out of malicious intent! they just don't know you're seeing it!

tl;dr, it's incredibly entitled to expect other people, who don't even know you're reading, to keep their venting to themselves so that you can vent about whatever it is that you're going to vent about.

dont get me wrong, im not saying it's your fault that it made you upset, but you're not the only person in the world who needs to vent. if it's that big of a deal, talk to staff about it and/or stop posting on that thread. there's plenty of other ways to get your frustration out.

.

#mod python #cs forums

[themarinianpress]

Any other artists just not know how the fuck to use tags on Any social media and just kind of give up on ever using them?? 

I don’t know how to read algorithms either and I cannot always remember or predict how website “traffic times” work... this is bullshit lol.

#vent - #pers - #text post #sorry i was originally just gonna be like haha relatable joke then i realized i legit struggle and im frustrated by this #like incredibly so #argh anyways what the fuck ever ill get over it lol