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diaryofabeautyfiend · 3 years

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🚨Warnings: Light p in v smut. Some angst. Lots of fluff. My grandfather’s name really is in the Smithsonian.🚨

Plain Gold Ring V:

Exactly Like You

“I know why I waited

Know why I've been blue

I've been waiting each day

For someone exactly like you” - Nina Simone

——————————————————————

Your last day in D.C. felt like the last day of your life. This life. Every article of clothing was packed. Every knickknack and tchotchke sent with the movers. You were ready for your next life. Did your next life include Andy?

The weather was beautiful. Sunny. Not too hot. You and Andy had planned on spending it outside seeing the sites. He had never toured any of the museums. You invited Jacob along. The second you said it you wished you hadn’t. You felt like a home wrecker even though Andy promised Jacob wouldn’t see you that way.

Andy was bristling with excitement. “He’s going to love you, baby.” You were not great with kids. You actively chose not to have them. You loved your nieces from a distance when they were little. Now that they are teenagers you feel a little more at ease with them. You are their cool rich aunt who spends an absolutely outrageous amount of money on them when you visit. You nearly fainted when Andy asked if you’d like to have children.

“Aren’t I too old for that?”

“You’re only three years younger than me. I know a lot of women who had their career before they had a family.” Your face snapped from terrified to anger real quick, “Not that you can’t have a career and be a mother. People do it everyday. Shut up, Andy.”

“You’re cute when you’re nervous. Have you thought of having children with me?”

He rubbed the back of his neck, “Well, yeah. I’d like to have a couple more.”

“Oh. A couple he says.” You could feel the hives forming. “This seems like a good conversation to have right before I leave.”

He ran his hands up and down your arms. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to pressure you. You haven’t thought about it? Not even a little?” The door buzzed in the nick of time.

“Jacob’s here! Hallelujah!” You wiggled out of his arms to grab your shoes.

He laughed shaking his head. “We’ll finish this conversation later, young lady.” he pressed the intercom button, “Hey come on up, buddy. This is going to be great, honey.” He loved your nervous laugh and the way you fidgeted with your fingers. Just the fact that you were nervous told him you would love his son.

You heard voices coming from the living area. Fucking hell. Was that Lori? You contemplated going out of the window. You went into the bathroom to grab some lip balm. You knew full well that it was in your bag on the kitchen island. You were just staying out of their way. When you heard the front door close you reemerged.

“Ready to go?” Your eyes were wide and you were way too smiley. If Andy didn’t know better he would think you were on drugs.

“Yeah. I think no more coffee for you ok?”

“It’s nice to see you again, Miss Y/N.” Jacob extended his hand.

“Nice to see you too. So! The Smithsonian. What part are you most interested in seeing?”

“Air and space I think.”

“Then that’s where we’ll start. My grandfather’s name is actually on a plaque. I’ll show you. He was in the navy and built planes that were used in Korea I think. And my dad’s picture is there. He works for a division of NASA back in Louisiana where I’m from. He developed this little part of the rocket booster. He’s literally a rocket scientist.”

“That’s really cool. I’d love to meet him sometime…..”

Andy was loving every second of this. You and Jacob really got along. You were making plans to visit your father and stepmother over the summer and maybe hit the beach in Florida. Jacob’s face lit up at the prospect of meeting your family. Both Andy and Lori were only children. Jacob didn’t grow up with cousins or really any kids his own age outside of school. He seemed pretty comfortable with the idea of you and Andy together.

Andy tested the waters a little by holding your hand. Jacob didn’t seem to notice. By the time you got to the next part of the museum he had his arms around your waist. He even kissed you a couple of times. Nothing but a tender peck here and there. Jacob didn’t seem to mind when he showed you affection.

After lunch Andy dropped you off and then ran Jacob back home.

“So, what are you thinking?” Andy asked with nervous trepidation.

“The museum was cool. I really liked the rockets. It’s cool that Y/N’s dad made those.”

“Did you like Y/N?”

“Yeah. Sucks she’s moving. Do you think you’ll move to Chicago too?”

“Kind of depends on you, bud. I know you’re getting older and you don’t need Dad around very much anymore. I don’t want to miss anything. You’re my only baby.”

“I could spend summers with you. You look really happy. I haven’t seen you this happy in a long time. Even before the trial. I’d miss you but you should be happy.”

The whole way inside Jacob talked about you. He clammed up when Lori walked in.

“Hey, guys. Did you have a good time?” She kissed Jacob on the forehead.

“We had a great time. Ok, Jake. You have the number where I’ll be. I’ll be back on Wednesday. If you’re not busy next weekend you can spend the night. I have your room all set up. Love you.”

“Ok. Love you. Have a safe flight. Tell Y/N I said bye.” He escaped to his room before the arguing started.

“If it’s ok I’ll pick him up from school Thursday. Did you sign the papers?”

“She went with you?” Her voice was deadly quiet.

“She did.”

“Didn’t want to tell me that before hand I guess.”

He sighed and wiped his face with his hands, “I’ll have him back Sunday night. See you later.”

“Fuck you, Andy. You can’t even give me the courtesy of telling me my son would be meeting his father’s whore!”

He slammed his fist on the counter, “Did you sign the papers or not?” She threw the manilla envelope at him.

“They’re signed.” He took the papers and walked out slamming the door. He contemplated moving again. He has a month to month lease on his place. It wouldn’t be hard for him to find a job. He knew Jacob would be fine. Chicago was looking better and better. After all the baby talk this morning he wouldn’t burden you with anything else domestic for today.

——————————————————————

You were zipping your last suitcase when you heard Andy come in. You packed all of your sleep clothes so you were wearing Andy’s t-shirt and panties. Dinner was ordered and he had a drink waiting on the counter. He called out for you. When you rounded the corner into the living room he caught you in his arms.

“Hey, handsome.” you cooed in his ear. He nuzzled your neck and stroked your back. “You ok? Was Jacob….he hates me. I knew it.”

He tightened his hold on you, “Honey, he loved you. He talked about you the whole way back.”

“Then why is your face all worried?”

“Because I’m keenly aware that this is our last night together in my place. That when I come home Wednesday you won’t be here. I’ll go to work on Thursday and Jeremy will be in your office. I have really good memories in that office and now they’re ruined. I don’t want to wake up without you.”

His hands traveled up your bare back then back down to cup your ass. “The delivery app says they’re going to be here in twenty minutes. Think you can finish in time?”

He lowered his head between your breasts and nodded yes. Before you knew it your panties were off, his pants were down and he was fucking you against the wall. His pace was relentless. You hooked your ankles at the small of his back and leaned back so you could rub your clit. Your fingertips brushed against his dick every time he pumped in and out of your cunt. You both came in fifteen minutes.

You ate dinner on the veranda loving the cool breeze on your bare skin. As much as he wanted his t-shirt to smell like you, he like naked picnics way more. Admittedly, a big chicken Caesar salad wasn’t the sexiest food in the world. Still didn’t stop him from licking dressing off of your chest when it dropped off your fork. He was determined to fuck you in almost every room in this place.

You slept tangled and sticking together all night. You had finally gotten over your need for bed space. You’d miss it when he wasn’t there. All night the two of you wanted to bring up moving in together. Neither of you had the guts to say it. You didn’t want to beat a dead horse. He didn’t want to freak you out. Good thing you’d be long distance for a while to work on your communication skills.

——————————————————————

Your new place was beautiful. You rented a big new condo close to Millennial Park. Your office was on Michigan Ave so you weren’t far from there thought walking was highly discouraged. It wouldn’t be possible in heels anyway.

You and Andy worked diligently unpacking and cleaning. When the last box was unpacked and broken down you both collapsed on the couch. “I feel disgusting.”

“You have that nice big bathtub. Bet we can both fit.” He raised an eyebrow at you and nudged your side.

“You are insatiable, Mr. Barber. Whatever will I do without you?”

“You’ll bust from horniness. Come on.” He hoisted you up from your comfy spot and pulled you into the bathroom. While he undressed you filled the water with soft musky oils and some bubble bath. You lit candles and eased in to relax. He washed your hair massaging your scalp with his fingertips. He held you in the warmth until your fingers and toes were pruned.

For the rest of the week, if you were sitting it was on Andy’s lap. If you were sleeping it was in his arms. By Tuesday morning, you had both finished up conference calls and responding to emails. You had cleared the rest of your day to spend together.

As the sunlight dwindled it had become harder and harder to part. You couldn’t take it anymore. You had to have the conversation you had been dreading since you stepped off the plane.

“Andy, I don’t want to sound like a nagging girlfriend but, I really want you to move in with me. I know it would be so hard leaving Jacob but I have plenty of room. He can spend every summer here if he wants. I’d love to have him. I feel really strongly that this is leading somewhere. I’ll even talk about babies if you want.”

His heart was bursting. You kept rambling on trying to convince him. Little did you know he was already convinced. “Stan is going to kill you.” He laughed and pulled you onto his lap. “Give me a few weeks to wrap up everything.”

When you dropped him at the airport there were tears but you knew you’d see him soon. “I love you, baby. I’ll call you as soon as I land.” He kissed you like he would never get to do it again.

“I love you too. See you soon.” He smiled through his tears.

“See you soon.”

——————————————————————

That weekend he spent all of his time with Jacob. He planned on spending every moment he could with his son. Jacob even had his first few weeks planned starting with meeting your family in Louisiana.

When he brought Jacob home on Sunday he worked up the courage to tell Lori the news. “Do you have all of your stuff for your English assignment? If not I can bring it by before school tomorrow.”

“I got it, dad. I had fun this weekend.” They hugged. He smelled Jacob’s hair and kissed him.

“Love you. Be good for mom.”

“Love you too!”

Lori stood in the doorway with her arms folded protectively over her chest. “So she’s gone?”

“Yep.”

“So what now? What does this mean for you?”

He pulled out the kitchen chair and rested his head in this hands. “This wasn’t a fling, Lori. I’m moving to Chicago. Jacob is real excited about spending summers with us.”

“Do you love her?” Tears shimmered in her eyes and her voice wavered. It would be cruel to lie to her.

“Very much.” It stung to hear. With nothing left to say Andy stood to leave.

“Andy!” she called after him. When he turned she wrapped him in a hug. The two of them embraced for several minutes.

When he stepped onto the sidewalk outside of the building his phone buzzed in his pocket. He saw your face smiling back at him.

“Hey, baby. How was your day?” He looked up at your old window and thought of how the two of you started, the past he left behind and smiled at the sound of his future on the other end of the line.

#andy barber angst #andy barber smut #andy barber x y/n #andy barber fluff #andy barber #defending jacob

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pandemicperipatetics · 3 years

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Two Weeks in Missoula, MT

View from a bridge over the Clark Fork River

The Verdict

What a fun place to spend two weeks! Missoula prides itself on being weird, and we can see the charm. This tiny university town of 70-80K residents is surrounded by mountains and has the cute little Clark Fork River running through it. There are hardly any tall buildings and the downtown area is full of places to eat, drink, and buy random Montana-themed tchotchkes. We encountered very few chains or national brands (basically just some hotels downtown and the nearby Albertsons grocery).

From the quad at The University of Montana, Missoula

We also got a different kind of weird vibe, though. Missoula is gentrifying, and there’s an odd juxtaposition of it feeling a bit run-down -- the downtown area on the river isn’t terribly well-maintained; the local housing stock is pretty old; the university has lost a lot of funding and applicants in recent years -- and also designed for deep-pocketed tourists (food is more expensive than comparable options in NYC; the new downtown Mercantile building that houses the ~2 year old Marriott Residence Inn feels like an upscale shopping mall; it’s hard to believe how so many breweries could be supported by the size of the local population). As visitors unfamiliar with the area, we didn’t always feel totally welcome -- and we can only imagine what it must feel like for people from the area to experience it being transformed by yuppies and Silicon Valley money. Even the local shops already evoke AirSpace, and it’s a bit sad to think of Missoula losing its quirkiness more in the future.

Walking around downtown Missoula

What to Eat: Vegetarian Edition

For a town of its size, Missoula has a surprising number of places to eat out. It was exciting to discover lots of ethnic food and plenty of vegetarian-friendly options, but ultimately we found a lot of the food to be extremely overpriced for what it was. We also noticed that many of the places we visited were advertising for staff, some were closed due to lack of staff / inventory / ingredients, and a surprisingly high number of places experienced outages of menu items during our time there.

Note: All recommendations are in downtown or within walking distance. We’ve listed them in order of how much we liked them.

Five on Black [5/5]: Brazilian food that is surprisingly vegetarian-friendly and pretty reasonably priced ($12 for a large bowl). The tofu bowl with sweet potatoes and mango BBQ sauce was out of this world. Outdoor seating was available.

Masala [5/5]: Indian make-your-own bowl, Chipotle-style ($8). The coconut curry korma was delicious, and the paneer was pretty good too. This was the best value meal we had downtown. They had outdoor seating.

Basal [4.5/5]: Smoothies and salads. The Caesar salad with vegan dressing was pretty amazing, and the creamy smoothie (blue version) was obsession-inducingly good. Knocked off half a point because it is ridiculously expensive...yet we still went back a second time because it was delicious and healthy. Can’t remember if they had outdoor seating...

Market on Front [4.5/5]: Right by our hotel, and known for breakfast burritos. We tried picking up lunch there one day but it was a 25 minute wait. We tried again for an early dinner and voila...the Rawsome Vegan Wrap ($10.50) was very good The service was friendly, too.

Bernice’s Bakery [4.5/5]: This is a cute little bakery with great bread and vegetarian-friendly lunch options; we really liked their house-made Parker rolls ($0.60 each, or great as part of their sliders). They post their changing menu on Instagram daily. We didn’t try any of their sweets but they looked very enticing. This was also one of the few normally priced places we ate at. The shaded picnic table outside was very nice to eat at.

Zoo Thai [4/5]: This is an overpriced but pretty good Thai restaurant downtown. We really enjoyed the massaman curry ($17) and the coconut milk Thai iced tea ($3.5). There is one other vegetarian curry on the menu that was also decent. The service was exceptionally friendly although they are clearly understaffed (like lots of local places, it seems) and it took an unusually long time to get our food. Their outdoor patio was nice, and about a 30 minute wait on a Wednesday around 6p.m.

Conflux [4/5]: In a similar boat to Zoo Thai: the food was pretty good but it was one of the most expensive places we visited. We liked the vegetarian burger and the mushroom sandwich, and the beers were good too. The outdoor patio is extra cute and there was no wait when we went on a Thursday evening (when the wait was over an hour at The Camino).

The Union Club [4/5]: Our friend took us here, it’s a no-frills spot with a dive bar vibe, including pool tables and a few arcade games. As far as vegetarian options, they have a veggie burger (something like $6-$8) that was pretty decent and various fried items (breaded zucchini, jalapenos, etc). It was the most reasonably priced place we ate and we liked the relaxed atmosphere. There wasn’t any outdoor seating, but luckily it was nearly empty when we went.

Break Espresso [4/5]: Cafe. The lemon jam scone was decent, very sugary. We would totally go back here, but it didn’t seem like they had outdoor seating.

The Catalyst Cafe [3.5/5]: Good brunch options; the huevos rancheros were amazing, 5/5. However, the breakfast burrito with tofu and black beans was disappointing (maybe try the vegan brunch burrito with vegetables instead), and the service was particularly grumpy compared to anywhere else we went. They charge a gratuity on take-out orders, which they were upfront about but is still a bit odd. They have outdoor tables but due to the wait we took our food to go and ate on the lovely patio at our hotel.

Madeline’s Mediterranean (food truck) [3/5]: The falafel plate ($10) was tasty but unconscionably overpriced - 3 falafel balls, some lettuce, and a good heap of french fries.

Bahn Missoula (food truck) [3/5]: We tried the tofu bahn mi sandwich ($8). It wasn’t bad, but the bread wasn’t great, overall it had a bit of a sterile taste like airport food.

Le Petit [not rated]: This is a very popular local bakery that was recommended by a friend. We visited on a Sunday a little over an hour before closing and they literally had ZERO pastries left. We actually haven’t seen that anywhere before. Maybe it’s a small town thing? We didn’t see outdoor seating.

An area across the river from downtown, near the University. Close to Bernice’s and Le Petit. The reminder to “Believe women” brought us back to Jon Krakauer’s book Missoula.

Notable places we didn’t try:

The Camino (Mexican): We heard good things from friends but the vegetarian options looked sparse. Their happy hour could be a good option if you’re in the mood for margaritas -- we put our names down on a Wednesday around 5:45PM and an outdoor table wasn’t available for us until 7:10PM, after we had already sat down at Conflux. Notably, there was an open patio table for 40 minutes that they were saving for someone who was supposedly coming “soon.”

Tagliare Delicatessen: Our friend highly recommended, but the sandwiches were mostly meat- or cheese-oriented. Could be great for a tomato/basil/mozzarella lunch option.

What to Drink

There are so many great breweries! We only tried the most popular ones, but imagine there is much more to enjoy.

Draughtworks: Gorgeous and spacious outdoor patio; we easily got a table on a Saturday at 5p (though it filled up a bit later). They seem to be known for sour and fruity beers and have many unique flavors; the flight ($10 for 4) is a great way to try them out. The watermelon rhubarb kombucha was also amazing.

Dram Works: Has a good outdoor patio and exceptionally friendly service. They let you sample anything before ordering. We really loved their peanut butter beer. They also have multiple kombucha options on tap!

Big Sky Brewing: We didn’t actually go to this brewery, but tried their beers at a fun street festival (Roots Festival) that happened during our visit. We had to mention this because their beers were so delicious!

The Roots Festival was fun -- in addition to enjoying beer and food trucks, the 4-mile race through south Missoula was great!

Plonk: Cocktails place with an extremely cute outdoor patio upstairs. The cocktails were excellent -- especially loved the Pink Panther (it had watermelon in it, what’s not to love?)

Lake Missoula Tea Company: Not beer, but their array of loose leaf teas was incredibly interesting and expansive! They can brew a cup of any tea for purchase in store if you’d like. We heard the lychee black tea was exceptional, though didn’t try it. We did try the vegan ginger chai, which was good. Definitely a fun place to visit if you enjoy tea.

What to Do

As this was our stop between Yellowstone and Glacier National Parks, we didn’t do a ton apart from eating and drinking.

We did hear there is some decent hiking nearby. We walked the M Trail -- a short, straight uphill hike (1.2 miles each way) with a good view of Missoula -- it was perfect at around 8:30a.m. while still shady. Pattee Canyon was a longer hike recommended to us.

View from the M Trail

We heard hanging out on the river can also be fun. We did a chill ~2 hour tubing excursion on the Clark Fork River with Clark Fork Yacht Club. It was a lot of fun, we definitely recommend!

Where to Stay

We would have loved to stay in an Airbnb to get a feel for what it’s like to live in an actual neighborhood. Availability was sparse -- a local friend told us housing has been very difficult to find across the board as gentrification has accelerated, and we were also visiting for the 2 weeks before the fall semester started at the University.

We ended up staying at the Marriott Residence Inn Downtown (it was actually cheaper than the few Airbnb options we saw -- you can get a decent discount for staying 12+ nights). It felt more like a hip Manhattan high rise apartment than a Residence Inn -- it was swanky with a great gym and outdoor patio. The service wasn’t great and the staff were fairly unhelpful, but it otherwise worked out fine. The location was great: we were within walking distance of basically everything we wanted to do.

View from the Marriott Residence Inn Downtown Missoula patio

#missoula

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joedaytoday · 4 years

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Life Amidst Pandemic - Thursday, October 22, 2020

Startin’ to set out some Halloween shit. Clyde (shown at bottom) is one of my favorite tchotchkes.

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thebuckblogimo · 4 years

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I don’t think I’d have done well working from home.

August 21, 2021

One of my daughters drove from Detroit to Grand Haven last week in advance of a “girls weekend” with her sister and a couple childhood friends at our home. She took Friday off, but worked remotely on Thursday in a room we sometimes use as an office.

She got up that day at 7:00 a.m., went for a run, then grabbed a bite to eat. She then walked to my desk, closed the door, and sat down to her computer around 8:00 a.m. I didn’t see her again until noon when she slipped into her swimsuit and stepped outside--a bag of baby carrots in hand--to catch a few rays at lunch time. Then it was back to her laptop to work. Other than when she got up for a glass of water or to go to the bathroom, I didn’t see her again until cocktail hour.

A few weeks ago, there was an extended family vacation over several days at our house. (We were all tested in advance for Covid.) Two of our four kids, a nephew and a son-in-law--all millennials-- arrived at midweek and worked from our home for a couple of days--one in our makeshift office, one in the basement, one in a bedroom and one in the “bunk room” over the garage.

As I did my daily thing, I could detect the chatter of virtual meetings via Zoom or Teams or Webex or other web-based tools going on behind closed doors throughout the house.

I was impressed by the kids’ self-discipline, apparent productivity and approach to working remotely during these unsettling times. I couldn’t help wondering what it might have been like had the pandemic occurred during the peak years of my career.

I don’t think that working remotely would have gone well for me. Fact is, I really, really enjoyed the many social connections associated with my job in advertising.

There were daily meetings in offices and conference rooms to get assignments, to break down communications strategies. There were frequent trips to the client to “present the creative” at Chrysler. There were regular visits from vendors and subsequent business lunches--with art reps, typesetters, color separators, printers, mail list providers, and those who pedaled the “tchotchkes” that we employed in customer and salesperson promotions.

No question about it, I thoroughly enjoyed the interpersonal relationships that came with the territory associated with writing copy for the ads, direct mail packages, magazine stories, newsletters, film scripts, etc. that I worked on.

Another thing I always enjoyed was walking the halls or riding up the elevators and bumping into people I knew at the headquarters of the two places I worked longest, the Michigan AAA and Ross Roy. Both buildings housed upwards of 700 employees, and it felt good to be recognized by so many of them--from the dudes in the mail room to the executives in the board room.

I couldn’t count the times I walked through the lobby or the cafeteria or the coffee rooms and heard somebody say: “Hey, Len, what’s goin’ on?...Hi, Len Buck, nice presentation yesterday...Hey, Len, how ‘bout those Pistons?”

The working world is always changing, of course, always evolving. When I was a young copywriter at AAA, I started out writing on an old Underwood typewriter. Then it was an IBM Selectric. Then a desktop computer. And, finally, a laptop. Similarly, in the early days of my career, my boss, a colleague or two and I would walk to lunch almost every day in downtown Detroit. I’d have a beer. Sometimes two. My boss would have a Bloody Mary or martini. As the years passed, drinking at lunchtime became a no-no. By the time we entered into the 2000s, office workers started eating lunch at their desks in the name of increased productivity. Now they munch carrots while working at home.

One of my kids is a writer for an ad agency (Latcha+Associates). He works primarily on a car account (Subaru), as I did. Currently, he’s working from home and seems to enjoy it. He goes into the office perhaps once a week for an important meeting or to get some face time. Same for most of his colleagues. It’s working out so well for his company that it appears as though he and many of his co-workers may never again put in 40 or 50 hours a week at the main office. Covid virus or no Covid virus.

Great for him. Great for them.

As for me, I think working within the confines of the same four walls at home each day would have been less than ideal for my mental health. I’ve always been one who thrives on the energy and personal contact of having people around me, whether on the street, at parties, at sporting events or on the job. And I don’t even want to think about what it might have been like to work on a manuscript with four toddlers going crazy in the house, and with Debbie trying to get some sleep upstairs after working the midnight shift at the hospital. Finally, there is this: If I had worked remotely every day there would have been no elevators for me to ride.

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cyanidemind · 4 years

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keeper

[Thursday, May 21st, 2020. 4:47 p.m.]

your clutter is ugly. knickknacks packed on dressers, drawers stacked with polaroids of your sisters playing chubby bunny, every holiday letter from extended family. i gave you little trinkets when i returned from trips, and you said with a kiss how lovely it was of me. i just wanted you to touch me. threading your ringlets, you pushed my hand away. i just wanted someone to sing with.

with you gone, i've started to tidy. the ivory keys gleam brighter, even when i'm idly purring. no longer do i drink til i'm slurring, but privately until i feel lighter and can rest. i've thrown away so many tchotchkes, turned on happy days to listen to chachi, shredded documents while watching rocky. i can toss these knock-kneed figurines, the painting of the kids picking from a tangerine tree, your designer tambourine from the flea market vendor who stared at you all the way down the street. you teased me for not needing a thing, for adoring a hoarder.

i'm not a keeper. and either way, what a relief.

#keeper #writing #poem #poetry #rob stone #cyanidemind #livebeyond #spilled ink #poets on tumblr

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kyleisme14 · 5 years

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My trip to Area 51 - unedited

On Facebook, a kid from Bakersfield created an event. He uses his page, perfectly named, shitposting because my life is in shambles and makes 'storm area 51, they can't stop us all' and seemingly overnight a million people said that they would be attending. I did attend. Shitposting because my life is in shambles is inadvertent the most zeitgeist worthy name for this page. Shitposting is when you share terrible content that you know is bad just to get a reaction. You are sharing a low effort joke for the sense of connection from others. Because my life is in shambles, this anonymous statement of personal vulnerability, I shall try and make a low effort attempt at connection. This is what our age is all about. We are doomed to be as connected and as isolated as possible. This had a chance of being a real life meme where we'd be isolated no longer.

The page became an immediate stronghold for memes. It adopted other internet jokes like Karens asking to see managers, Kyle's drinking monster energy drink for invincibility, and Naruto runners being faster than bullets, as ways of infiltrating the base. And also generated new ones about what people would find inside Area 51 like the 10th doctor to recommend a toothpaste or where my girlfriend wants to go for dinner or how we'd sneak in with a minivan but escape with a space ship. The killer meme was how once we 'free them aliens' we'd keep them as lovers and bang them so hard that we 'clapped them cheeks'. This was the low effort comedy that this meme page generated.

Was it a joke or would people actually go? At first I did not know why I needed to go to area 51, and everybody seemed to ask me. I failed to recruit any friends to join me on the quest, 7 hours driving to the infamous base. Most thought I was crazy for going. My brother told me to be safe. My sister thought I was joking, and called to counter my bluff. Whenever somebody said they couldn't go, I pittied them because I was sure they were going to miss something incredible and life affirming. I was excited because I had no idea what was going to go down, and nobody in the whole world did. I stopped at the army surplus. I thought we'd either see a humanitarian crisis like fyre fest or a government crackdown. Don't forget, 2 million people clicked GOING online, so even if 1% came that'd be 10,000 people to a town with a population of 1000. The airforce released a warning about 'raiding' active military bases being a bad idea and the use of deadly force being a possibility. Lincoln County, one of nevadas sleepiest, had to call in enough police to potentially break up a neo-woodstock.

I always wanted to go to area 51 since I first learned about aliens as a kid. When I asked the big question of are we alone in the universe? If there was an answer, if somebody had the evidence, if it was anywhere, it was stored at area 51. UFO's and little green men were hiding somewhere in Nevada... at least according to pop mythology. In grade school I would check out the same book over and over from the library, about aliens and the search for exterterestrial life and the scientists who were looking at the stars. There was a spooky section about times aliens might have visited early humans based on cave paintings and statues. And then the next page was all about area 51, where the government did secret expirements on alien artifacts and maybe had a specimen. So I've been captivated since at least then. Area 51 represents a big secret. A mystery! And somebody powerful, a general or established congress person, knows and is keeping the answers from us. So as an anti-establishment, meme and alien lover, I was fascinated with this 'movement,' that would of 'raid the base'. I wanted to go and find out how many people like me were out there! Turns out I wasn't completely alone! But... for the ignorant... What is Area 51? I could never believe people weren't following the biggest BREAKING news of our lives. But for those out of the loop, Area 51 is an infamous hotspot for UFO lovers. It has a rich history in alien folklore. But here is the factual history: Nevada is almost all federal land. and it was used back in the day for nuclear testing. an original tourist attraction to Las Vegas was watching nuclear testing in the distance...

Some airforce commanders were flying around dropping bombs when they spied a dried lakebed next to a mountain, Groom Lake. They landed on it and found it to be a perfectly flat natural runway. Excellent for testing expiremental aircraft. The facility became known as Area 51. And was where the airforce and Lockheed Corp developed the U-2 stealth bomber. They brought the best and brightest scientists and engineers to develop new aeronautics and weaponry for the US military. At the height of the Cold War, any foreign technology that was aquired would be brought to Area 51 to be tested and backwards-engineered. You can imagine Chinese reactors and Russian jets being taken apart and used by the best tinkerer's and best test pilots. People at the highest levels of classified access. Because if you are one of the folks who are handling stolen foreign items, you are so classified that your spouse isn't supposed to know what you do all day. Yes honey, I was testing out the Ruskies new fighter plane! They don't even know we have it! These were experts in aeronautics and weapons science who could decipher technology even if the instructions were in another language... so perhaps if the US government were to encounter any other 'foreign technology' of an unknown origin, maybe they'd send it to Area 51 to be backwards engineered? That's the set up, those are the facts, the rest is conjecture and tinfoil hats stuff. Like unexplained phenomena, military released sightings that definitely aren't weather baloons and general mysticism. Do you believe in aliens or not?

If you believe that it's more likely that our government would keep aliens a secret than releasing that information to the public... welcome to the club! If not, do some reading. As I drove across the desert, down lonesome roads and through one horse towns, I realized what I was doing. I was driving into the middle of nowhere, likely to stand around doing nothing... and boy was I excited. My plan was to go and maybe film something and if that didn't work out I'd put on an alien costume and hold a sign. I figured that there'd be a bunch of cameras and I could use it to collectively protest all sorts of wrongs in the world. One of the initial reacitons to the playful event was, 'hey there are more imporant places to raid! why not raid the border detention centers, why not congress, why not the oil companies?' To which I say, hell yes... but that's not shitposting. That's being earnest and noble. This was about being ironic and part of a joke. This was about chasing an internet meme into the ground and disecting it until all that was left was the human connection. I had a sign and costume and figured that even if nobody showed up at least news organizations would be covering it. The sign I held said, Peace on earth ain't coming from outer space, and I really believe that. We shouldn't expect peace to come from somewhere else in the universe, it has to start right here at home, inside each of us. I wanted to get that message out. The day of the event, due to classic internet decentralization, people debated whether the raid meet up (located at the Area 51 gate) should be at 3am on friday morning or 3am on saturday morning. Most people kind of agreed to just gather sporadically between those two times. I monitored a live stream late on thursday to confirm that millions of people weren't gathering to make American History. Instead, about 30 people gathered for that 3am moment. I only missed a photo-op. I awoke on friday morning and drove towards my destiny. There were two events scheduled. One hosted by the facebook Shitposting kid who decided to use his 15 minutes of fame to organize a rave in the desert at the local Little Ale'inn, a motel close to the gate. The other was set up by a filmmaker who made a movie about Area 51 at the Alien Research Center. Both locales are alien themed tchotchke paradises designed to sell the eager UFO tourist any manner of t-shirt, shot glass or Alien doll. These spots have a fun feel and would be desert trinket spots selling only desert sage and gems if not for the boon of being next to an infamous mystery base.

The dueling events were both hoping to capitalize on the rush of people to the desert for the raid. Alienstock, as shitpost called it, was going to be a kumbaya style gathering. But everybody thought it was an alibi for shitpost incase anybody got in actual trouble at the gate and roped him in. Shitpost from bakersfield ended up not even going to his own event out of fear. Also the county sued him for the cost of preparing for a potential fiasco. The Alien Research Center event was going to have famous Alien Community folks speak and some high end music performances. But as I drove down the dusty route 375, known as Exterterestrial Highway, I saw very few people on the roads. Lots and lots of cops. It became obvious that the whole county and the organizers of these events had been preparingor at least 30,000 people. They had nearly 200 port-a-potties. Which makes sense, if 1% of the people who claimed they were coming online came! The reality was that maybe only 1% of 1% showed up to these sleepy nevada towns on the edge of a fabled military base. The imediate reality of the events was that they were extremely underattended, but that was also a blessing. it made everything a little bit more intimate and accessible. I pulled into the dusty parking lot of the Little Ale'inn to find a rag tag DIY music festival set up. People were essentially tailgating on the side of the road. It was a scene and it was dusty. All sorts of folks were jovially milling about, some in alien themed costume, many with cameras. Many folks with booze, despite the morning. I pulled out a camera and tried interviewing people, but found that everybody I talked to had the exact same talking points. Do you believe in aliens? Duh. Why are you here? Free them Aliens. Do you really think they are in the base? Yes, but maybe now they've been moved. What did you think would happen if we charged? We'd all get killed or arrested. Nobody seemed to have really believed in the facebook post's idea of 'they can't stop us all.' Most people were sure that, especially with the meager turn out, the military and police could stop us all. Everybody just wanted to see what would happen, expecting anywhere from fyre festival 2.0 to a bloodbath to nothing. Everybody had listened to the same Joe Rogan podcast, where he'd interviewed Bob Lazar who claims to have worked at the base. That podcast was the bible of this gathering and was what had inspired Shitpost to shitpost.

It was special that everybody was a believer. That's rare that strangers are all on the same wavelength. Nobody seemed to have any doubts that the government knew about aliens and weren't telling the public. And it was agreed that UFO's had been tested and stored at the base. Everybody I ended up meeting seemed pretty prepared. They had plenty of water and booze and camping supplies, so the idea that a humanitarian crisis was going to occur dissapated completely and reminded me of a group outting to the desert. Most important was that everybody at the event seemed to be in on the joke. They might believe in aliens but had no plans of raiding the base in actuality. Aliens might exist but the might of the US government is way more certain. The police presence alone was insane, but they merely hinted at the military might behind the base's perimeter. The police actually became quite friendly once they realized it wasn't going to be a boodbath. But the silent and hooded guards behind the gate remained terrifying with big guns and big dogs. There was definitely the threat of violence if you crossed. But we all joked that maybe if a million more people showed up we'd actually start Naruto running passed the guards.

After a while of milling around quasi-interviewing people I decided there were enough people with cameras that I should just put on my alien costume and go to the gate and get in front of the camera. I was taken to the gate by some friends I'd made while trying to get interviews. Evan and Kevin were two dudes I became super weirdly close on the day of the Raid. Each of us had come by ourselves from far away, San Francisco, Boston and Los Angeles, with a vague intention of documenting it in some way. I had a vision of either a mini doc or article, Evan was a photographer and who took some insanely beautiful photos (featured here).

Kevin was a video creation guru who just wanted to make as much instagram content as possible. Kevin was by far the most successful, he's got that showman's knack to always get on camera with insanely high energy. There were a lot of cameras and each one he'd run up to and start lecturing about how the governemnt needed to release the secret documents! It was a great bit especially with his Boston Townie accent turned all the way up.

Evan explained how he was drawn to the site by a mysterious desire to see what would happen. He expressed it best as, 'this is like a reddit safe post.' People will find safes while remodeling or cleaning a house and say, 'hey reddit, look i found a safe, i'm going to open it and see what's inside!' Then people get excited trying to guess what marvelous jackpot could be in that old dusty safe. They wait desperately for the original poster to share an update. More often than not the poster never returns and people are left waiting for nothing.

Once and a while there will be an updated post to show what was found inside and sometime's it's a haul of trinkets and dubloons and rare items that were saved throughout time to be found by some noble internet user. but then most of the time it's like, wow a roll of coins from 1953! "so yeah i felt obligated to go and find out what was in the safe and share it with reddit even if there actually was nothing inside. reddit deserves to know.' evan said. Because sometimes those posts are just as important, the safe find coming back to say, 'hey we cracked the safe, but turns out there was nothing in it! here's a picture of an empty safe."

So I was beginning to realize that I was standing inside an empty safe. But wow, all of these people had also come to be here and that was something special. It's not often that we get to organically be around likeminded strangers that all have such clear and imediate shared experience. Here we all were, because of a a meme, just to see what would happen. The gathering had a magical quality because we were an internet joke that had left the cyber space and entered the meat space. It was a silly idea that was reaching a physical end point.

I stood around the gate for a good while, we chatted with everybody, shook hands with the police guarding the gate, exchanged instagram handles and shared jokes we'd heard on the internet. You could tell people were really cutting loose. Most people spent most of their time on their computers it seemed. Hey, me too. We shouted 'clap them cheeks' and 'let them out.' We were all in on the joke. There were still mainly cameras and I got interviewed and photographed by dozens including history channels ancient aliens and the nytimes and countless youtubers and instagramers. It all kind of culminated when Kevin and Evan were getting cold and saying we should leave, I heard a distant 'clap them cheeks' chant and booty shuffling down the lonesome road to the infamous Area 51 gate was Riley Reid! Pornhub's number 1 star. She's somebody I have searched for all my life, on google. She did a strip tease and pretended to rush the gate. She was an internet hero in the flesh, and she was in on the joke too! A perfect metaphor, eh?

The next morning, hungover from the excitement and extrovertism of the day before I was sitting in a diner scouring news websites for mentions of the raid and looking for photos of myself. Behind me I heard some locals discussing, a gravelly voice said, "usually this town has 1 car every 10 minutes. this weekend we've got like 1 car every minute!" The townsfolk seemed to have had the wildest weekend of their lives. Me too. I managed to get into a few articles in my green alien suit. A USA Today affiliate newspaper even printed a whole write up about me and my sign. On the way back, realizing I expected nothing, and found little more than nothing, I was completely satisfied. I had held my sign for peace and found a version of it, internet strangers, weirdos from all over had gathered peacefully to celebrate an idea. A silly and anti authoritarian conspiracy idea, but an idea none the less. I decided the reason I was drove all this way through beautiful american desert land, was because it's something I would have thought was cool as an 11 year old. A mission to see aliens and the people who wanted to meet them. Radical.

#area 51 #journey #journalism #adventure #aliens #clap them cheeks

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writingpromptswithkate · 5 years

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Two Moons Are Better Than One

Part IV.

“Your neighborhood is so quiet,” Hannah remarked in a hushed voice as Nate pulled his truck into the driveway.

“It’s a little too quiet right now,” came Nate’s gruff reply.

Maybe he was just being paranoid. He was never home in the middle of the afternoon on a Thursday, maybe the level of quiet was normal. Maybe the terrier that barked all night was only able to do so because it slept through the day. That had to be it.

The power was out, he noticed immediately when he entered. Everything electrical has a hum: the fridge, the TV, the small orange nightlight plugged into the hall. It’s the kind of white noise thing nobody notices until one day it’s not there. Nate was acutely aware of the lack of it. No wonder the neighborhood felt too quiet.

He set Hannah in charge of the hall closet, where big Costco sized packs of paper towels and toilet paper rolls waited wrapped in plastic. It took her two fully loaded trips to get it all hauled into the bed of Nate’s truck.

Nate was making a rather more thorough tour of his house, hunting down blankets, camping gear, water bottles. He met Hannah in the kitchen. She had pulled in two coolers from the deck.

“I thought between your house and mine we could get these filled” she explained.

“Good idea. The cabinet to your left has nonperishables—grab that box of Ramen.”

“You need boiling water to make Ramen,” Hannah protested, but even as she said it Nate was pulling an electric kettle down from another cabinet.

“It’s for camping: electrical or battery. I know there’s bowls in the break room so no worries there...”

After the easy nonperishables they moved on to the produce. The vegetables would spoil quickly without power but fruit would hang on a few days either way.

“Do we have any idea what’s really going on?” Hannah muttered to herself over a small pile of apples.

“We really don’t.”

“All those people... Oh, Goddess.” Hannah sniffed and put her sleeve to her eye. She was not fully crying yet but she was close. “Do you think it has anything to do with that second moon?”

Nate shrugged. “I don’t see how it could. Yeah the extra light keeps me awake at night, but it’s not driving me that crazy. Not like... Robbie.”

At the mention of the name Hannah gave a loud dry sob. “Oh Robbie. That was awful.”

“He yelled at you and threatened to fire you,” Nate reminded her.

“Yeah but he didn’t deserve to die... You know? Back in the day? People used to think the moon caused madness. That’s why they called it lunacy, like lunar.”

“So twice the moons means twice the madness?”

Hannah flinched at his sharp tone, and he immediately felt ashamed of himself. He had to keep reminding himself that she was having an even worse day than he was. Speculating about the situation might not be helping, but snapping at someone who was already scared and upset was even less helpful.

“Sorry. It’s just, this Bird Box shit has me on edge.”

“Yeah. No, no worries,” Hannah mumbled. “Bird Box? You think it’s something like that? Monsters you can��t see until you can, or that manifest as your worst fear or whatever?”

Nate shrugged. “Honestly I have no idea. I don’t know if it’s the moon, or monsters, or a zombie apocalypse virus. I just know that people are dying and we have no idea what’s triggering it.”

“It seems like most of the people who’ve gone crazy so far did it while they were driving. But Robbie didn’t go anywhere today...?”

“We don’t know that. The people driving are just the ones who have caused damage, the ones people are tweeting about. Who knows how many more people are going crazy right now in their own homes?”

Hannah’s face turned grim. “We should hurry up and get to my folks.”

Nate could only agree. They threw the coolers into the back of his truck.

They tried to get the radio to work while Hannah directed the way to her house, but less than half of the usual stations were transmitting. Most of the ones that came through were in Spanish. The traffic advisory channel on AM came through, but there was nothing it could tell them that they could not observe with their own eyes.

Nate understood what Hannah meant by his neighborhood being quiet when he arrived at her house. Hannah and her family lived on the edge of a trailer park right off the highway; they would be subject to traffic and truck noise at any and all hours of the day.

Right now though, with the streets already clogged, with all the remaining traffic slowed down, and without the familiar hums of electricity, her neighborhood was also unnaturally quiet.

Or it was.

A gunshot sounded nearby. Right in front of them, actually. It came from Hannah’s house.

Stricken, Hannah fumbled for the door handle and practically fell out of the truck. She ran in a blind panic to her front door.

Nate was only a few steps behind her; he grabbed her by the shoulders and pulled her back before she could touch the screen.

“Whoever. Is. In. There. Has. A. Gun.” He said each word deliberately. Hannah sobbed again.

“Mom. Dad,” she croaked pitifully. And Nate was not without pity. But he also could not let her run into danger blindly. It was a single-wide for God’s sake; where could she run? Where could she possibly hide?

An answering sob came from inside the house. It was, at first, inarticulate wailing. Like the cry of an inconsolable baby filtered through adult lungs. Gradually some words began to filter through the cries.

“Irene...” the voice cried out between blubbers.

Hannah began thrashing against Nate’s grip on her. “That’s my dad!” she screamed at him, just before breaking free and running into her house.

Nate hesitated for a second, torn between going after Hannah and protecting himself against being shot.

Hannah’s scream was the tie-breaker, and Nate tore after her without thinking.

Entering Hannah’s parents’ living room was like entering a labyrinth of dusty tchotchkes and brass picture frames that together covered so much of the walls you almost couldn’t tell what an unpleasantly dark, dated shade of fake wood paneling was under them. A kitchen to the right sported dark cabinets with brass hardware, and the trend continued down the hall to the left with paneled walls and brass doorknobs.

It was from that direction that Hannah’s scream had apparently come, and Nate threaded his way around small laundry piles and stacks of magazines until he reached the end of the hall.

The door to the master bedroom stood ajar, and just inside it: Hannah, standing with her back pressed against a picture frame on the wall, staring in mute terror at the floor.

Hannah’s mother, who must have been Irene, lay on the floor, dead or nearly so. She was surrounded by a pool and a spray of her own blood, her discarded oxygen tank a few feet away beside the bed.

And sitting on the bed, with hollow eyes and a decrepit hand wrapped around a 9mm pistol, was an old man. He was staring down at Irene in shock.

“Dad?” Hannah finally squeaked out. The old man flinched but he did not look up.

“Mr. Jennings?” Nate prompted. Hannah’s dad flinched again.

“Mr. Earl Jennings?” Nate said again, after a brief whispered appeal to Hannah for her dad’s first name. At the sound of his first name, he finally looked up.

“I had to do it,” he wheezed in despair. “I had to do it. She was going crazy. She was... oh, Irene.”

Nate turned toward Hannah, but her face was white and her lips were sealed, and she would not or could not speak.

“What do you mean, Mr. Jennings? What do you mean, she was going crazy?”

Mr. Jennings wailed. “She was talking all this crazy talk, about how the whole world had to be cleaned. She said she was going to the moon while the world was cleaned, and when it was done bein’ cleaned she was gonna come back and be queen here. On a new clean Earth. She was...crazy. She took off her oxygen mask and hit me when I tried to put it back on her.” And truly, ugly bruises were forming on Earl’s face and arms. “She started screamin’. And then. Then she just stopped. She went all silent and cold-like. Then she said. She said.” He paused.

“What did she say, Mr. Jennings?” Nate prompted after a few moments of nothing but Earl sobbing.

Earl took a shuddering breath. “She seemed calm. But she took a knife from the kitchen. And she said the world had to be cleaned, and she’d do the cleanin’ if she had to...Oh God. She was gonna kill me, I could see it in her eyes. Irene...” he broke off again into inarticulate wailing.

After a few minutes he subsided, and he finally looked up at Hannah. “I’m so sorry baby. I’m so sorry.”

He held the pistol up to his own temple and pulled.

Hannah screamed. Nate screamed. Earl did not scream. The force of the shot flung his body down against the mattress. The blood sprayed out and flicked all over Nate and Hannah’s clothes.

Nate turned as quickly as he could, threw his arms around Hannah and pushed her head against his shoulder, forcing darkness over her eyes. He was not quick enough to spare her the sight of her father’s death, but at least she would not be able to keep looking at it. It also prevented Nate from having to look at the body any longer than necessary. He was actually feeling like he might be sick if he did not get them out of this room quickly.

Hannah sobbed and screamed into Nate’s shoulder and alternated between struggling against his grip on her and clutching his shirt. She let him herd her out of the master bedroom, but her legs gave out in the living room and she collapsed onto the threadbare sofa.

She stayed there, curled up and sobbing, for at least another ten minutes. Nate was powerless to do anything but sit there next to her, trying as hard as he could to get the image of Earl’s last moments out of his mind. The image would not go away.

First Robbie, now Hannah’s parents. Was the whole world going crazy?

—the story continues—

<<Part III | Part V>>

#two moons are better than one #part four #writing #fiction writer #short story #science fiction writing #fantasy writing #horror writing #genre: horror #genre: survival horror #genre: fantasy #tw: dead body #tw: suicide #tw: murder #apocalypse

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