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textsfrombluelock · 25 minutes ago
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Rin: I can't even express how angry I am. The English language is not equipped for what I'm plotting.
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incorrectda · 41 minutes ago
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“You drink too much. Swear too much. Have questionable morals. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted in a friend.”
- Varric, to Hawke
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textsfrombandom · 2 hours ago
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Gabe: she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
Gabe: GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
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textsfrombandom · 4 hours ago
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Pete: Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
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textsfrombandom · 7 hours ago
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Brendon: It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
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textsfrombandom · 10 hours ago
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William: I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
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textsfrombandom · 12 hours ago
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Frank: I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
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textsfrombandom · 15 hours ago
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Joe: I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
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textsfrombandom · 18 hours ago
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Gabe: I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
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textsfrombandom · 20 hours ago
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Patrick: The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Pete: Worth it.
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textsfrombandom · 23 hours ago
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Brendon: I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
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textsfrombandom · a day ago
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Frank: I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
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textsfrombandom · a day ago
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Mike: Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
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textsfrombandom · a day ago
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Frank: For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
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textsfrombandom · a day ago
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William: He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
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textsfrombandom · a day ago
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Pete: A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
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textsfrombandom · a day ago
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Gerard: Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
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