#that i've slept like shit

[mattodore]

morning kisses <3

#river dipping #theodore doe #matthias evanoff #a burning house to live in #echthroi #ts4 #video #🦇 #i was listening to their playlist and taking screenshots of them before i was like. hang on. this is an animation... let me hit record #matthias's balls popping out for no damn reason in that last half a second and ruining the shot... time and place ! #no but i fr don't know why this animation did that... #but sure why not #191cm you know it's big etc. etc. #...it's 11am and i haven't slept at all yet clearly <3 #loving that for me <333 #this is one of matthias's rooms if you can't tell... black everything can't make out SHIT on high contrast screens sawrrrrrryyyy #i can see it just fine on my end and that's what matters <3 #i've given up on trying to figure out how to make my preset work on other screens atp 🤷 #anyway i did take screenshots of this too bc that's what i was originally doing in the first place... #so i might edit them a bit and post them later but idk... shrugs. it depends. rn i'm sleep deprived so i'm just like post whateverrrr #but later on when i've slept some the avpd might knock on my door scythe in hand again womp womp #also don't look at theo's mouth too closely... this animation is a liiiiiiiittle janky why lie #i was in game for like… six hours at least…… so as you can imagine i now have well over three hundred screenshots of mattodore lmaooo #i’m making up for the fact that all of my old screenshots are ruined by theo’s old hairline 😔

[angel-of-sweet-revenge]

When your friend needs you to be there to comfort them, but you have no energy for serious conversations and so you're stuck wondering if youre being a selfish asshole or if youre justified in not wanting to be the one to sort their problems out

#vent #its not like they didnt offer to hear my problems. but i just dont want to talk about. or anything #i dont want serious conversations. i dont want to have to worry about other people. i just cant. #im just so fucking exhausted and i dont know if its talking to them and feeling drained by the fact that theyre going through something- #-and that i need to be the therapist or if im just sick. again. #plus yesterday i slept late. my mum made me cry (i think she was just tired out by that point in the day so i doubt it was personal) #and just #im fucking tired ok #and I'm sorry im a bad friend #i just dont have energy. i want to have good energy around me to try give me some. #but when theyre upset it gets into me and drains me and I've been there as much as i can but i just cant right now. im too tired #i know im a shitty person but literally everyone got to be a shitty person at my expense so isnt it my fucking turn? #and then assuming i was acting like that to hurt them. I DO NOT WANT TO HURT ANYONE. IF WE HAVE A FIGHT I WANT TO MOVE ON. #I'm not gonna be caught up in it if we resolved it #but yeah. long story short they're going through shit and i feel like shit #and i think them going through shit is what makes me feel like shit. because i worry about them #and they can lash out on me #i just dont know anymore. i dont know if im an awful person or not #last year i broke up with a friend and my mum said I'll do the same with the next friend #it wasnt my fault #that friend ghosted me #im trying not to be her rn too and im scared that ive been in the wrong im scared im a shitty person too #but at the same time im too done to even really care #i just wanna stop fucking feeling all this and just get on with my day

[totally-not-deacon]

Not me, taking out my frustrations over chronic insomnia by making the blorbo have to deal with it, too.

His eyes sat unfocused, trained on the arcing wooden beams above, draped in shadow. The candle by the bed had long flickered out. He blinked, not that it made a difference. Shuffling through the wall on his left, an especially loud snore from the room to his right, the central hearth crackling below. A floorboard in the hallway creaked once. Blink. A draft around the window brushed the ragged curtain that hung over it. Someone coughed downstairs. Blink. Blink. Another floorboard groaned, a distant door clicking shut. He shifted to his side, the bedframe squeaked, biting into his shoulder. A thin slice of light cut the room in half, from window to the opposite wall, a barrier between him and the void beyond. Coarse furs beneath him made his skin itch. Blink. A muffled voiced laughed outside on the boardwalk. He rolled to his back once more. The rafters overhead shuddered in the wind. He sighed and sat up. Padding to the door, he paused. Just where did he plan to go, exactly? Out to the docks to slum it with the skooma addicts? He wasn’t even wearing shoes. Nebarra turned back to the bed, stopping halfway into the room. The streak of light hit him dead center. A drink, he could always swipe a bottle with the innkeeper asleep. His hand hovered over the door handle. Shivering, his stomach rolled. As much as he wished it weren’t so, it was unlikely it would even stay down long enough for him to get any benefit from it. He let his arm drop. But did he care? Not as much as he should. He raised it. Then again, blacking out in this town was a surefire way to wake up with empty pockets. He should just go back to bed, at least pretend to sleep. Who knew, maybe he’d even trick himself into thinking he really had. He turned the handle.

#i'd blame The Yoinking but i've slept like shit for ages now #tbf it's mostly been getting better - but the anesthesia/pain med thing threw it out of wack again #not six sentence sunday but close enough #my writing #tes #skyrim #skyrim custom followers #arenthia red #fyi this ends fluffy af #nebarra #skyrim nebarra #nebarra skyrim

[yuri-is-online]

Yuriiiiii!!!! I saw your tags on your francesca request! I'm so happy you liked it, I woke up one night with a switch flipped and was like "I got the perfect idea for this" when listening to songs from magica madoka!

You clocked it, Ace's story was basically an aceyuu madoka au and I had do Francesca (song) for it!!! It's basically telling the story of two famous lovers that were included in Dante's Inferno, and the gist of it is that the two lovers were cast into hell for their sin of lust, but are telling each other that they would do it all over again. They'd turn back time just to sin and love each other again, to be cast down into hell, if just to be able to hold each other again. I felt that it would be SUCH a perfect inspiration for Ace, since I feel like he'd slowly realize how important Yuu is to him over the loops, and get more and more intense and desperate as he slowly realizes that their death might be inevitable, whether it's by Riddle's hand, Leona, Azul etc etc up to Grim.

But he's gotta take care of the (his) Prefect in anyway, so he'll keep trying again and again, if just to see them over and over. Anyways I ought to go to bed but again I'm glad you liked it!!!! xoxo I'm very proud of that request, might turn it into a fic in the future its very yummy

-Mochi

MOCHI!!!! I am so so glad you are proud of that fic! It was very very good. I totally get that switch flip thing I am so grateful you let it out of your head and shared it with me and everyone else ♡ ～('▽^人) and ty so much for explaining the song, idk why but I just can't listen to Hozier. His music does this weird thing to my brain where it gives me unpleasant squiggles in the back of my mind that tingle through the rest of my body and I just do not like it (⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄) That theming though. What a lovely twist on how Francesca's story is portrayed in Inferno!

Aceyuu madoka au is something I have been thinkin on ever since I saw this comic @/tartppola drew. The image of Ace fucking Trappola claiming "it's only natural for me to upset the laws of a god" has me howling. The idea of Ace slowly realizing his love for the Prefect at the same time as just how hopeless their situation is... ooooh that has such beautiful potential. The sacrifice everything to save one person vs sacrifice yourself to save everything dynamic is something I really like so I should probably actually sit down to watch Madoka If you do write that au make sure to tag me I would love to see it!

#<3 asks #talkin with mochi #i hope you slept well and your pillow was cool on both sides #i think a lot about amnesia uyoko saying “i've lost count of the number of times I've met you and lost you” when thinking about time reset #au stuff because holy shit #feel like ace would really risk loosing himself if he kept resetting time like that and if that even ends up remotely happening in game #i will be most unwell

[falling-hand-in-unlovable-hand]

took a fat nap yesterday i have no clue how long it was but it was dark when i woke up and then that night i passed tf out for literally twelve hours and only woke up because my dad was hammering furniture together. rested asf today

#and NEEDED! for the past two weeks i've slept eh #even on the weekends :p #kiwifae says shit #oh my god i was so disoriented after that nap tho. literally felt like i was functioning underwater it took 45 minutes to wear off

[talentforlying]

i have been sooooo tired lately smh i am catching up on drafts and asks and queueing them up for the week so i can get some proper sleep. in the meantime tho, like this for a lanky british asshole in your inbox.

#( ooc. ) OUT OF CIGS. #it's been busy busy the last few days and i have slept like a log #will definitely be taking a semi-hiatus in about a week or so bc my paper due date is coming down the line #so i've been lowkey hoarding drafts to fill in until i get it done #rocking academia's shit with a vengeance

[n0heart]

.

#no i'm sorry i still can't believe i slept with my crush #i'd had a crush on him for months #and i truly NEVER thought we would end up sleeping together #like of course i wanted him #(i wanted NEEDED him biblically) #but the fact he actually wanted me??????? #what IS MY LIFE #i've never been lucky with my crushes #like all my crushes have always been unattainable #i'm aware i lacked the self-confidence to believe i could get them if i tried #and this time idk. i tried?? and he wanted me?? #and ???? i had such a great time ???? #i can't be certain if it'll happen again or not honestly #but I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT IT #holy shit 🥴 #and he's so insanely busy and i'm a massive overthinker and 🥴 #anyway i'm sorry!!!!! i'll stop!!!! #OR NOT 🤪 #tg #adding more tags to this to say: #if it doesn't happen again well. a real bummer. i'll be sad and i'll cry obviously #but no one can take the memories away from me BECAUSE IT ACTUALLY HAPPENED #why am i so intense lol

[krshush]

I have all of my mother's neuroticism and losing any positive traits she had taught me.

#I'm excited for events soon. but also. I have never made a good decision. #[DRIP by Cry w olf playing] 🎶 I'm excited and not in a good way I'm steadily spinning I'm spinning I'm spinning-- #but also I've just slept like shit off and on this week so I'm being. dramatic. it's fine. #K.R. shush

[cloud-somersault]

car repairs wait what happened to your car 😭

nothing happened! i just went in to get an oil change and just wanted a comprehensive check up. And they found the rear breaks needed repairing (i had a feeling some of my brakes were going bad) and so i paid for that. and the oil change. and uhhh everything else is looking really good!!!

#ask #anon #which honestly in the moment i was annoyed with how long it took #but now that i've slept that's like. a peace on my mind #that my car is okay and the battery has been tested and the brakes and shit #they checked other shit but i was like “yeah i don't know what that means” #i'm gonna have to get a tire soon though

[danceintheskies]

I am eating fried rice with peas and potatoes and carrots with a big hunk of chicken on the side and I can literally feel my soul being healed with every bite.i have not felt such subtle euphoria in a very long time. I literally think this is the most delicious thing I've ever had

#balanced meals r crazy #ive slept like shit the last two nights but managed to accomplish something i wanted to do for a while today I've been busy but #in good spirits #my posts

[mattodore]

anon be honest... are you wearing a wire

#river dipping #sdfhlkdjhkn no but uhhhhhh #am i reading this wrong or are you asking if he's ever beat the shit out of someone kjfnkhjnkjn #because he's someone who frequently flouts the law lmao... like he does not care #and i could talk about all of that easily but when you mention it being specific behavior that hurts people........... #the only thing that comes to mind is has he ever physically harmed someone... #which. like. yeah. multiple people... some way worse than others... #but to go into the ''why'' of some of that would mean i'd have to explain some information about theo i've not mentioned before... #and idk if i want to do that just yet... #because yeah he's been in a lot of fights but the worst thing he's ever done was almost killing someone... and it's bc of theo in a way... #so like... hm. #this isn't me answering you just yet................... i will get back to you on this when my brain is functioning better #just give me some time on this one...... i have to decide what all i want to share and how far back i'm willing to go... #i might walk this back tho... depends. #maybe i'll just be vague abt the why of it all.......... idk. #idk idk will circle back to this i promise #i just gotta think abt it for a while #so give me a bit <3 #also hi again friends and lovers..... i only slept for two hours and feel so ill but let's move on <3 #putting on my i'm so normal cosplay and ignoring that

[chipthekeeper]

last week i went to the symphony. today i have been listening to star wars music all day.

i now have a MIGHTY NEED to see star wars music performed live

#god damn #just don't think i can rest peacefully until this happens #which would explain why i've slept like shit all week #definitely no other reason for that...

[nexus-nebulae]

I'm gonna fucking cry i finally got a doctor who will listen to me and actually understands my problems and explained things to me better than any other specialist I've seen and she gave me a list of ways to make laying down more comfortable and i can finally lay on my side again

#not for too long just to be safe #but you have no fucking idea how upsetting being forced to lay on my back constantly is 😭 #like it's a minor thing but it drives me insane bc i like. never ever slept on my back until this started #also she actually listened to THE ENTIRETY of my problems instead of just one part #so much so that the appointment actually lasted past the offices close time #and like she gave me a list of stuff I CAN MANAGE instead of a shitty physical therapy routine that exhausts me more than it helps #and just. things that will help until i can possibly get a wheelchair (which. still doesn't look to be soon unfortunately :/) #but even if i can't get the chair immediately i have SOMETHING #like FUCK the ONLY THING I've gotten from ANY other doctor for this is a prescription FOR SHIT I WAS ALREADY BUYING AT WALMART #so i mean. SOMETHING. i am genuinely going to cry tears of relief. i have something to work with FINALLY #i still don't trust most doctors but FINALLY SOME FUCKING GOOD NEWS 😭😭😭😭😭😭

[thethingything]

our brain really just went "okay it's Taylor's turn to deal with source shit now" and I have to pretend everything's normal while I deal with the most ridiculous bullshit in the innerworld while everything that can go wrong today does go wrong because we can't even get a break from everything else while we deal with the absolutely batshit stuff our brain decides to do for whatever godforsaken fucking reason

#personal #thoughts #🦋 post #vent post #we have barely slept and it's been shitty interrupted sleep for 3 fucking days in a row #and I've had to deal with a bunch of source trauma and weird innerworld shit that I do not know how to deal with #we keep trying to sleep and waking up all the time and then when we finally fall asleep properly it's around when we'd normally wake up #and then we end up waking up properly way later than we wanted to and we feel like shit because of it and our routine is fucked up again #we've been awake for an hour and a half (the alien abduction day post earlier was scheduled at some point this morning just to clarify) #and in that time I've already nearly ended up screaming out of frustration several times because things won't stop going wrong #we got a couple of days of feeling relatively good and then immediately just went back to whatever the fuck is normally going on

[spook-e-snail]

Tfw there's a tornado alert while I'm in the middle of a crazy allergic reaction so I gotta focus real hard on not passing out so I can hear if the sirens start going off

#im like 90% fine #my eyes are really swollen and im itchy as shit but i can breathe so that's cool #my allergy meds make me sleepy as shit and I've already slept through a tornado before #gotta make sure I stay awake in case the house gets leveled #that and i actually enjoy watching storms n shit

[risingsunresistance]

my art burnout was already pretty bad but now i just dont wanna post anything :/

#i've got like 3 drawings i'm very very slowly working on #why the hell would i post them in this environment #sorry yesterday i was at ark's when everything was happening and now i've slept and collected more thoughts #SHIT SUCKS!! #everything is bad. and there's uhhhh All That going on too #which is just a lot to try and take in at once #ugh. im very tired. there is so much happening in the world on tiny and bigger and global scales #i wanted to go to the park and get fresh air today and now it's storming ;-; #skyblock save me... #chat