#thats so weird.. its weird... i at the start of this year i was like aw i wish i could join the hawks community but its kinda scary :(

[luck-of-the-drawings]

HAVNT ANIMATED IN A HHHOOOOTT MINUTE AND I WANNA GET BACK INTO IT. this here is super scuffed n cheap but it EXISTS NONETHELESS and i like it and wanna share. i love making these silly lil guys move.. jrwi is such a cartoon in my beautiful brain and mind

#jrwi fanart #jrwi show #jrwi riptide #jrwi riptide spoilers #HEHEHWEEEEE I LOVE THE GILLION NIGHTMARE ARC...im also doodlin up a lil animation where he stabs himself #THIS IS ALL PRACTICE THOUGH. IM STILL WORKIN ON THAT FUUUUCKING LORD OF LIGHTNING ANIMATION I STARTED LITERLY YEARS AGO #SLOWLY BUT SURELY THAT BITCH IS GONNA BE DONE #AND IM GONNA PUT IT TO MUSIC!!! IVE NEVER PUT A WHOLE ANIMATION TO SOUND BEFORE #NEVER FIGURED OUT THAT AUDIO HOO HAA #in the meantime though im PLAYING im having FUN HERE!!! i love animating.... i love animatin so much.... #OH AULSO AAUUUUGHGH FUCKINNNG #the one n only condi condifiction liked it on twitter... THATS SOOOO COOOL IT BLOWS MY LIL MIND WHEN ARTISTS I LOOK UP TO GAZE UPON ME #i dont like to make a big deal out of it where everyone can see bc. yknow. we're all artists here. we're all justa buncha guys here #it feels weird to point out someone like that like HAIII HAIII I SAW U LIKED MY THINGGGG #its not weird when other ppl do it though like thats fine. but ME doing it. well. inconceivable. #but this is MY TAGS my secret little scrolls i bury beneath my art #and booyyy im KICKIN MY LITTLE LEEGGS SQUEALING AND GIGGLING AND SUCH HEHEHE WEEEEEEE!!!

[spider-man-2o99]

The prevailing belief of many ASTV viewers seems to be that Miguel O'Hara is an actual, literal vampire. Do you think this funny.

Nope! <3 it shows such a lack of willingness to do even Basic Research that would take maybe two seconds to look up that it makes me want to Kill. like. cmon. he has Fangs because he's half-spider...,,.,

They're hollow, and whenever he Bites People, it is specifically with the intent to POISON them with the VENOM from his FANGS-- he also Says That every time he does it, like he's an anime character, lol, and it means a lot to me. we don't know the exact makeup or potency of his venom, but we Do know that it's fast-acting, paralytic, and (apparently, thankfully) non-toxic, at least.

#talking tag #asks #spider-man 2099 #spiderman 2099 #atsv #across the spiderverse #spider-man: across the spider-verse #but like. honestly ive Never liked ppl calling him a vampire LOL ppl alREADY didnt know anything abt 2099 as it was Before ATSV came out y/ #and then ATSV comes out nd its portrayal of My Blorbo for whom my foolish fool self would & Will go 2 bat for Debunking Disinformation abt- #--is Canon Accurate in its characterization of him even if in general i think it's pretty Thematically Weird 2 have chosen Mig Specifically #--for the role that they put him in just specifically because. like. the themes of SM2099 kind of actively go against All Of That Stuff? #but. whatever. dbsdkvbdvjbsk it's not a Dealbreaker 4 me i Understand quite intimately that literally nobody cares abt analyzing 2099 LOL. #and i am just a nitpicky esoteric autistic Bitch with Very Strong Opinions or w/e #anyways they made lots of Funney Jokes. tho i dont dig how often mig was Called Unfunny because he Is Funny hes just autistic nd quiet #mig Is Funny he just doesnt make quips as a nervous reaction or to distract villains when he is wearing the costume. #like the Whole Point of his spider-man is that hes Supposed to b Weird And Different from other Spiders thats literally what he was made 4 #zigging where lee & ditko zagged. He Was Designed That Way On Purpose That Is Why He Is So Interesting He Is ACTUALLY DIFFERENT #Christ almighty one more person acts like he wasnt nothin before this film as if he aint existed for 30 years with an established history. #feel like i m just gonna start freakign Killing

[fleshdyke]

#csa warning for tags #ughhh ik i was just talking abt this but man. Man. constantly bullied as a child + raped as a child is a brutal combo huh #completely irreversibly fucked up sense of intimacy. i dont want to have sex with anyone i dont care what ppl think of me looks wise but i #also care more than anything and want people to want me so bad #like when ur only experience with anyone at all finding you desirable is being raped at 6ish. fucks u up man #was constantly told by everyone i knew that i was undesirable from day fucking one. i was always the one ppl would dare their friends to #'ask out' bc everyone thought i was that bad. i never had those rumours of 'some boy likes you' without people laughing in the background #all of my friends. even the ones that were also weird kids and bullied etc etc always have stories of other kids having crushes on them or #whatever. and i just never had that. it feels like i missed out on something important #i want to be pursued by a guy i hate i want them to not leave me alone. i want to feel like im in danger. and i know how fucking disgusting #that is but i cant help it. like i feel like thats the only way im going to feel normal and wanted like theres not something inherently #wrong with me. and i know how dangerous that is but its not like it matters anyways bc still no one likes me at all. #and i know how stupid of a thing it is to obsess over like what am i 9 years old? but i just cant get it out of my head #like idk i feel like the only way im going to actually feel desirable at all is if someone tries to rape me again. or if i feel like i have #to worry about someone raping me again. i know i wouldnt feel that way if someone was like. nice about it. #bc if someone genuinely liked me and was a decent human being about it i wouldnt be able to see it as anything other than faking it for pit #i wouldnt be able to believe it. even if i wasnt waiting for them to drop the joke and start laughing at me i would always think it was jus #an act bc they feel bad for me. the only way i could ever think it's genuine and that i'm desirable at all is if someone sexually #harassed me. like idk how to explain it but thats the only way i could feel desirable at all #bc it's the only way i've ever been desirable. when i was a kid. #and it terrifies me so bad bc i know how fucking disgusting that is and how self destructive it is #but i still feel like i dont even have to really worry about being assaulted. bc i still believe im completely undesirable at my core. #i dont believe i could be desired so i dont believe i have to worry about being raped. bc no one would want to anyways #rambles #vent

[toxooz]

omg i literally love wheelbitten as a comic and ur art is amazing

random question but how long have u been drawing as an artist and do u have advice.............

thank uuuu and I've been drawin my ass off since I could hold a pencil and I'm 24 (25 next month) now so this shit wasn't overnight by any means lmfao idk the way i did it was have A Thing that you like drawing and just draw the fuck outa it and eventually you'll get better for sure whether it be the desire to get better at drawing said thing makes you do research and study something to become better at it or just literal muscle memory from drawing said thing so much. I had lil spouts of taking time to get better at specific things like anatomy, shading, ect. by studying it but overall i just subconsciously got better by mentally picking up new things everytime i draw and analyzing the world around me. Even recently i got to see that with drawing tactical gear (that ive never really drawn before and never wanted to draw in my life) soley bc i just REALLY fukkin love Ghost and Konig

i went from being terrified and intimidated of drawing tactical gear (even trying to put a gun in front of it as if that was any better lmfao) it used to be vague as hell and my brain would shut down just trying to look at the references(i remember having a ''shit man am i even gunna be able to draw these characters???'' moment of dread the first time i was drawing Konig pffft) to absolutely loving drawing tactical gear and seeing how much more detailed i can make it with every new drawing, so a complete 180 but that's bc im just totally obsessed with the characters and drawing is how i express that sO thats mainly what i mean by just have a thing that you love and want to draw and the rest should follow with time, patience, and practice. I think it's about training your brain and motivation to pick up on details or a certain way something looks in lighting (or lack thereof) bc my brain is probably wired a certain way after art being like a centerpiece of my development to the point to where drawing is just What I Do and at this point if i dont draw for even a few days i start getting vaguely antsy and fidgety it's crazy lmfao SO idk if this is worded like i need it to but yeah art and the act of drawing can be frustrating as hell but it should be enjoyable and rewarding above all else at the end of the day!

#i drew bc the piece of shit im unfortunately biologically related to drew a lot when we were kids so id just copy her #then i drew winged wolves and dragons and the occasional horse for like 7 years then The Axel obsession started #where i drew axel from kindom hearts literally all the time and had 870000 aus for him where i would draw for all of them #when i tell you the obsession for him was catastrophic u best believe but it kept me drawing like a motherfucker until i made my monster oc #which was around the age of 15 is when i started consistently drawing humanoids #OH YEAH i had a whole lion king phase too in 2011 where i would strictly draw lions all the time and my first record of drawing online was #on the lion king fanart archive (which i still visit to look back its like visiting an old janky friend:') ) #but yeah then my heart was stolen by my ocs and all the potential designs i could make them #and thats where i am now aside from the festering COD masked men obsession boiling over in the corner AHA #so basically latch onto an obsession and pick up that damn pencil #even as a kid if i liked anything the immediate connection was trying to draw it #didnt matter how weird to draw or undrawable it was my ass would be in that notebook bc its the only way i know how to express myself lmfao #this is long as fuck but NOW im out peace skskksk

[feline-evil]

Dick or no dick confirmation Pickles was always going to be trans to me anyways; if he's swingin' somethin that's phallo babes, if he's not then his t-dick fat. What's not to get.

#metalocalypse #jay talkin #I'm sorry they wrote that awful gross little man far too likeable and relatable to on a trans level #for me not to hoot and holler and cheer for the trans pickles agenda #changes nothing about his character arc or any of the show anyone is capable of being the kind of person he is #don't make the mistake of thinking thats exclusive to cis men #his transness wouldnt change that #only adds on an extra layer to him that i think works fantastically. #Listen that dude was rejected by his family driven to drink and drugs young to escape that ran away to be in a band #is called fucking Pickles of all things and refuses to tell anyone his real last name; #over the span of four seasons and two movies he slowly starts to learn to be for others what he never had #he becomes more caring more supportive #it's not a stretch to say he undoes some of the toxic masculinity he's been keeping himself shielded behind #and learns how to be a kinder man. #all of which have no contradictions with him being trans! #In fact it doesn't take much extra thought to find ways a lot of this can line up with some trans masculine experiences #i mean. Did no one else have a younger phase where they swung as far as they could into crass rude and uncaring ways #to try and assert their masculinity only to grow and realise that you can be a man and be more caring. #Did no one else have father issues. 1 800 come on now i know those are both shared experiences a lot of us have had LOL. #at the end of the day this show aired nearly 20 years ago and is finished. we're not getting more of it #so nothing is altered nor changed if pickles is canonically trans or not ok. its fine #i mean hell i dont even need canon confirmation hes trans to me and thats all i care abt #but i think if yr getting suuuuuper weird abt needing him not to be canonically trans you have some issues #and bio essentialist ideals of gender if you think only a cis man can act like he does #again. anyone can be like that. its not exclusive. him being trans would not change him in any way shape or form lol #AND ALSO GODDDUUUGH for once i love getting to see a guy pushing 50 whos depicted as trans #do you have any idea how dire and barren it is out here. we never get to see a trans guy older than 30 and whos not a pristine model #I WANT MORE OLD SHLUBBY SHITHEAD TRANS GUYS IN MEDIA

[beansprean]

sometimes you get diagnosed with ADHD as an adult which finally makes your mom actually listen to what ADHD actually is and that she didn't cure it by making me do 100 jumping jacks as a kid when I got too hyper and then she realizes that she may have it too

And then you both realize that like 70% of the family probably also has adhd and that's why we are all Like That

#adhd #not art #like???? my moms side of the family were always weird to everyone but us #so informal and go with the flow and peppy but cycle through hobbies like toilet paper #never any drama bc we forget that we got mad and just get over it and were generally nice to people #we never learned to set boundaries with other people bc we all had invisible understood nd boundaries #and just didnt ask each other weird questions #like turns out we r just a super nd family???? but it makes sense??? #my 2 cousins were diagnosed as kids but they were the only ones that was when adhd was starting to be understood as a childhood disability #but you only got diagnosed if u were getting bad grades etc so me and my sister got overlooked and everyone else was too old #but DEF my granny has combined like me and my mom has hyperactive type and probably my uncle as well #and my great aunt bipolar i wouldnt be surprised if she had comorbidities her daughter idk tho #great grandparents hard to say but i wouldn't be surprised and time will tell with cousins kids #would not be surprised to see some autism in there im sure my sis on the spectrum and i may be too but with adhd its hard to differentiate #anyway this is a v personal post but its kinda crazy to look back and be like huh #thats why the fam dynamic is so different from everyone elses #we dont talk to each other for years but relationships dont deteriorate in our heads so nbd #now my dads side....my dad does have a lot of adhd symptoms as well as his dad #plus Alzheimers runs thru there which has a slight predilection for adhd anyway #why would a bunch of intelligent chatty anxious and kind people choose to live in the middle of nowhere and have silly hobbies #why neurodivergency my friend #ANYWAY the culture shock of moving away from that as a child and my parents remarrying neurotypicals who didnt understand the dynamics #dunno if it was the southern thing or the nt thing but turns out the normal way i always interacted with my parents #was seen by others as deeply disrepectful mean teenager nonsense that should be culled #shout out to the nd kids with nd parents who just spoke to each other like adults and played with each other like kids #this is TOO MANY TAGS thats how u know the vyvanse kicked in #personal

[moeblob]

Lander: Did you just call my romantic options I give to Gavvin "a multiple choice test"...... Basil: Yes. Lander: It's not a test - Basil: If there is a wrong answer in your mind to the options provided, it's a test.

Lander runs a convenience store (he got it after his parents died) and he has a huge crush on very broke Gavvin who showed up one day out of the blue. And so Lander hires him and lets him live with him in the back of the store and honestly it's love at first sight for Lander. But Gavvin is much more "mmmmm kinda wary of you for hiring a guy off the street you've never seen before but I accept the job thank you".

Basil unfortunately is a teacher who has to not only put up with his teenage students but also Lander (and their very weird friendship) and Gavvin (very socially awkward new guy in town who asks a lot of questions to him specifically). Basil is chronically done with everyone while everyone is like "ah yes, he can help me with my problems".

#my characters #they are from a very old plot where i just .... wanted to explore relationships #i dont talk about it much because there wasnt actually a plot but its just me fascinated by ages and interactions #like basil as a respected teacher getting constantly slammed with weird gavvin questions and student drama #while lander vs his crush on gavvin also has two other employees to interact with #and then the students had interactions with each other and siblings #and then one student was the younger sibling of the butcher while there was also a bakery owning family #so then there was like... businesses kinda interacting #it was all over the place for what was going on but i just like interactions #lander and gavvin actually fit the requited young love spot #while there was also a married couple who were absolutely in love with each other and it was great #they were so sweet to each other and i love them a lot lol #anyway i just remember there was a student who had the nickname panda and thats about it #he was good friends with the butchers younger brother ?? but bc they were in the same class #and panda had a girl that was his bff and had been for years and im trying to remember her name #it started with an r i think ??? #there are too many tags already im gonna shut up now

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#hello to anyone who happens to b interested in the saga of my life... also maybe the irl person i gave my url to... hopefully my blog #didnt freak her out too much lol. anyway so its been a busy week? 2 weeks? month? year? life? its been a lot. my parents helped me move #across the country from the desert to somewhere that's beautiful and green. my dad is so jealous of me lol its so so so pretty and theres s #so much to do. will i do any of it? that remains to be seen but im gonna try to be better about that sort of thing. try to get some help #with the thoughts in my head that keep me from doing and enjoying most things. its weird like im decorating my new room which i love. the #location and living situation seem ideal and i really hope i can stay here all 5 years of my program but i was picking a lot of bright #colors and now it feel uncomfortable. like if i wear things that r too bright or my room is too bright without dark contrast it feel weird #like if im wearing it it kinda makes me feel sick. idk what thats abt. anyway. ill try to heal my brain and im just so happy to b out of the #southwest. i was so so so excited when we were leaving thr city and even more so when we left the state. i cant believe im here. in December #it felt like a million years away and i really truely could not fathom how i was gonna survive that long. my thoughts were so distorted. but #i did and here i am. and in like a month i should b starting my phd program and my parents were telling me how excited ppl r for me and #jealous of where im living and im glad. im glad they're excited. i think i am too but its under a layer of: if i get excited it wont happen #im not allowed to b excited or it wont happen. which is irrational but ya kno. anyway so that's yeah. im so happy to have a fresh start and #the town seems super cool. a liberal blip in a sea of... not that so theyre very visibly pride forward haha and i think itll b way easier #for me to get around without driving. and im gonna try to make friends. i need someone to tell me where to get tattoos haha. so yea im happy #but exhausted and i dont wanna go back to work and so so greatful to my parents for being wonderful ppl idk how bc both of them had fucked #up childhoods. like my mum will say the saddest shit and im like bro this is y i don't wanna talk to my grandma fuck her and my dads parents #r so fucked. like my nana is the reason im so fucking control freaked out but i kno i have issues and she has no insight and thinks shes #better than everyone. anyway hopefully i can get back to drawing a posting more now. ive been drawing it its been in a sketch book #like an actual sketch book for sketching big ideas thst r gonna take fucking forever to draw 😭 #so that's all. just uprooted my whole life. thats all. but in a good way :-] #unrelated

[ardate]

I just learned Skyblog, massive french blogging platform from Back In The Day, is closing down today at midnight.

It sure is the end of an era, a very important one for me as it was one of my first experiences online, for fandom and personal stuff...

A chapter is ending and it's definitely more bitter than sweet, though it comes to nobody’s surprise. Can't just keep all this up for old time's sake.

#skyblog #skyrock #blogging #mine #I'm archiving all my ancient blogs I made back in 2008 on the Wayback Machine as we speak #still its so weird #i knew this time would come though. but man #i had started archiving my blogs earlier this year and looks like i was wise to do so #so much old internet history falling into oblivion again #yes the vast majority of it was 13yo girls making self insert fanfics in their fav mangas #but thats still valuable just as any historian is enchanted to see doodles from a child from centuries ago #and looking at all this. it was the definition of i am cringe but i am free #or rather- we were so EARNEST in everything that we did #and the very concept of cringe hadnt even touched us yet #im so fond of my old blogs. and how genuine my friends and i were in our creations #it was a simpler time #im going to miss it

[panspy]

hmmmmmm.................vent post under tags...... feel free to give advice or dont¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#i think this is an autism related thing #but i genuinely feel like i wasnt made right for the world we live in #like something is just missing from me that ive never seen ppl talk about #and i know this is going to sound entitled and privileged and i KNOW i know i promise and im so lucky i can even be thinking about this but #it feels weird to have the privilege to be scared #this is specifically in regards to working #like having a job. like going to work #i feel like im missing an extremely important part of my brain or my BEING that is capable ot going through the motions of participating #in society. i never felt that switch of wanting to get a job in high school to make money for myself and get that experience #i feel like there's something i MISSED where everyone took a class on how to apply and go to interviews and write resumes and not be scared #like i NEED to be walked through every SINGLE step because i dont know HOW #and i see my peers and the literal entire world around me participating in this atmosphere and i dont know where to start #im fucking twenty three years old and ive only ever been an intern and an assistant #not even a full year of working #i cant drive and i probably wont ever because thats a whole other can of worms #and that means i have to rely on other people to even get to wherever it was i needed to go #i feel like a fucking child because im missing this knowledge that everyone else seems to have #ive tried i really have but none of it seems simple and its all so much and there arent steps to follow #i mean there ARE but its like 1) look up job 2) apply 3) interview 4) yay you're employed #and im talking about each micro step inbetween #what am i missing #and then theres the fucking demand avoidance that slaps me across the face whenever my mom brings it up to me like i KNOW youre being #supportive and encouraging and its not your fault my brain turns off and decides im full of shame bc i cant CONFRONT ANYTHING #jesus christ #manf i know u can see this maybe dont bring it up to mom i can do that on my own maybe #i WANT to help i just want to help at my own pace but unfortunately the world isnt built around individual paces and nothing revolves #around me. i know this #i want to help my mom i want her to never be stressed about money and to retire and never work or help me pay my student loans but i #genuinely feel like theres a switch that never turned on in my head and im being left behind and i genuinely dont know how to. like be alive

[ra-vio]

I thought doing this meme would help me draw and that visually seeing how my style changed would make me feel good.

#my oc #rune #utau #out of these my favorite is 2013. i dont know the other years #i missed this monday because I haven’t been feeling well at all lately #and i dont know when im gonna feel better #i spent way too much time on this. i redrew 2018 3 times and i hate all 3 of them i hated 2018 #2023 is weird because my art style is always changing #i started using procreate this year. it fucks up all the colors because of color conversion #so everything is often more dull #thats not why 2023 is weird tho i just have a hard time staying consistent #its consistent enough that i know i drew it but inconsistent in that if i drew it again it would look different #i made. collages for all four of these to get a feel for what characteristics to draw #2013 is a complete mess theres like 3 different styles happening and thats not even all of the #2016 is the most consistent. 2018 is. ehhhh. #if you wanted to see 2023 you can just scroll through the last few posts here

[aroaceofthesea]

I thought i had friends but turns out they have a group chat without me and when i found out i asked one of them if they could add me but its been over a week and i havent heard about it again

#i mean i understand why they have it #i guess it evolved from the group they made when they started going out which i consciously avoided #but idk it feels weird that now that they use it for other things too they didnt add me #and that when i saw it i was like oh i dont think im there! and the one i was talking about was like oh thats true do you want to be added? #and idk its not the first time it happened either #when they made a group chat with the guys they also didnt include me and i thought it was also bc it was for going out #(which it was) #but turns out a couple guys who also never or almost never go out were actually there so idk #not feeling great about my uni friends these days #at least im on pretty good terms with most of the class so i dont think it will be very hard to change groups? #like permanently i dont think ill be able to until next year starts (yay anxiety) #but i still spend like most breaks etc with other ppl bc at this point idk i dont trust my friends a lot.... #also doesnt help that my 2 closest friends barely come anymore😔 #mine #uni #rant

[bmpmp3]

the epic highs and lows of trying to read an ongoing shounen manga

#for me it uh. tends to have more epic lows than epic highs. im very unlucky with shounen #occasionally a few years after something i start reading it'll turn out to be good #but any time i follow something from the beginning it starts getting. worse #is it me? am i doing this? dont tell me to read your favourite shounen i'll turn it bad #did i ever mention that one manga. the moon is beautiful but first die #a mouthful of a title. it started kinda goofy but i really adored the main character for some reason #im still a bit attached to him. he cleans so well that he got the magic power to see real good. and now he can matrix bullet time #hes just like me for reeeeeeeaaaal hflkanjvdkfljfds but yeah that manga was. weird but fun BUT THEN #it got so wack you guys you dont understand. the first like one or two volumes? fun #everything else? god knows JHKFDJFDK i still read it all tho. i was invested in my guy with seeing real good powers #and im sorry to say. unfortunately it seems. a certain manga with a big tv adaptation that is pronounced oh she no co #my curse. its started. although that ones very much a epic high and epic low situation like itll be so so wack one minute #and suddenly get good again and then plummet back down HFKJDSBHJds we will see how it goes on #i started getting annoyed with the writing after the stageplay arc because they kept like. time skipping over so much #which i thought was a bit of a waste because there was a lot of interesting potential in a lot of the showbiz storylines. but we shall see #thats not shounen tho thats seinen but my curse applies to some seinen too LOL but most seinen i read is already finished #and shoujosei is spared from my curse. i think just because most i have the opportunity to read in english just tends to not #be drawn out or have weird scheduling things messing with the pacing. are there any weekly shoujosei magazines out there #i dont think weekly manga is good. for a lot of reasons mostly the mangakas health but also i find more weekly stuff i read #that isnt like. 4koma stuff suffers in its pacing a LOT. but again that might be my curse. the second i lay my eyes on it. the curse #(sorry ive been catching up on a lot of manga recently LOL ur getting my manga thoughts now)

[astranauticus]

a handful of chinese songs that give me big robit energy

translating cpop songs is like my second favourite hobby so it's frankly surprising I haven't made this post sooner

Him - Floruitshow (马 - 福禄寿)

I've talked about this song on here before but this is the 3.7 song for me

the second chorus is definitely MR-SN but i like to think of the first chorus (Let me take a good look at your visage as we count down the time till the curtains’ close. Forgive me for holding back my voice so soon, do you know, in your graceful escape, all I see around me is disaster?) as VR-LA during the flashback sequence

specifically 'all I see around me is disaster' because yeah not wrong

'This time I’m not here to bring you home' just kills me like the please please take care of yourself because I can't be there with you anymore of it all

'Oh spring, oh warm sun, please come sooner, grant him a smooth and safe journey' same point, just the desperate plea for the universe to protect VR-LA because he can't do it himself anymore

How can I make you stay - Floruitshow (我用什么把你留住 - 福禄寿)

(conveniently I have actually done a full translation of this song!)

definitely one of the Maxim songs of all time

"You’ve believed that you can let your life pass in numbness, but [...] why do your tears fall in the moment of letting go?' YEAH because we've seen so many times how Maxim keeps trying to convince himself that he can stop just caring but it never works

'You say don’t fall in love, yet you’re unwilling to let go' same point, this man is in such denial about how he just can't stop caring

specifically the second verse feels a lot like Maxim waiting for VR-LA to return from Tu'narath

'You stay silent, holding onto starlight as you wait through your darkest hour. Your mind is struck, when familiar murmurs pierce your ears once more' aaaAAAAHH

the bridge (?) as a conversation between VR-LA and Maxim, VR-LA inviting Maxim to see the beauty and wonders of the world ('Do you want to see the sea of flowers blooming?', very 4.5 wedding invite honestly) but Maxim's trauma just would not allow him to take that risk ('If none of them come back, then who should I live for?')

fun fact the second version of the bridge in my translation ('You must stay to see the flowers bloom' onwards) is exclusive to that live performance of the song so it's not in the spotify version i linked here. as for which version you think fits Maxim more.. well.

Borrow - Mao Buyi (借 - 毛不易)

finally banging out a translation for this song was kinda the inspiration for me to make this post actually

the tldr of this song is that it's an unnamed/unidentified speaker asking to borrow various small things for the sake of somebody else (like 'an inch of frozen sunlight' to provide warmth in a cold world) so you can probably see where i'm going with this

'A simple ‘we have plenty of time’ etched into the soul to prepare for the chance of forced separation' ouch ow okay

'Those blown apart by these winds will say that they never loved deeply' / 'There is a sincerity that cannot be blown apart by this wind' DX-TR betraying the old crew vs VR-LA fighting through so much just to get them back

'There are tears that cannot be washed away by this rain' this line just haunts me. like in general

'An acre of land for him to call home, an ordinary life for him to live' as MR-SN watching over the old crew like I can't be there for you but I hope you will find peace and a home...

#rolling with difficulty #rwd starship #rwd professionals #my feel good hobby! as opposed to art: my feel bad hobby /j #im actually learning to play how can i make you stay on the guitar right now its a lot of fun but ow my fingers #ive also found a score for him but its super outside my skill level so we'll see how that goes #bmadd11 my beloathed #/also/ working on a little something based on that song but that wont... come into play for at least the next few weeks so #its an absolute monster of a project and school has started so i dont have high hopes for getting it done soon #i dont think i got to mention this on the actual post for borrow but ive literally been spinning that song in my brain since like 2020 #genuinely. i've been thinking about how to translate that song for upwards of 3 years #grammar is just weird sometimes #i was gonna include let's go wandering by bibi zhou but i couldve SWORN i wrote a translation for that song before i just cant FIND it #spent 30 minutes hunting for the doc in my drive thats 30 minutes of my life wasted #but 'lets go wandering with a smile because we carry our home in our hearts' just fucks severely #also considered including forget your sorrows when the flowers bloom by zhou shen #bc im not gonna make a cpop post and *not* try and subject more poeple to zhou shen #but like that songs vibe is too... cottagecore to really make a good point there im just obsessed with one specific line #'If my memories are stolen and I forget all my love; I'll say to you “Hello!” #post amnesia vrla to the old crew??? the 'i dont know you. id love to get to know you again' of it all???? #did this instead of my programming homework :|

[toastsnaffler]

demand avoidance is so stupid. what do you mean I'm not going to do the thing I wanted to anymore just bc someone else wants me to......

#this is about true detective ive wanted to watch it for ages but my flatmate started it recently + recommended it + even shared the files #and i DO want to watch it. and i was going to but now ive found out our other friend really likes it (presumably why she got into it) #and another mutual friend said hes a fan so the 'expectation' that my mind has now invented means im not going to anymore 👍 #ugh i mean i will. eventually. but its going to involve some pointless mental acrobatics to trick myself into getting around pda #this doesnt ALWAYS happen with recommendations but probably 80% of the time it does. usually if i leave it long enough it wears off.. #sorry if youve ever recced smth to me i promise its on a list somewhere and i trust ur taste. im just weird and neurotic #give me a few months or years...... #also a bit annoyed now bc the other day my roommate apologised for rarely ever accepting my recommendations. and thats ok i dont mind #like i can be weird abt it too sometimes + i never expect anyone to start smth i rec. i just think they might like it innit #but the fact she brought it up and apologised made me realise that actually she does take recs from other friends a lot.. #one of them in particular and thats cool but damn okay. i see how it is.... im half joking i mean she can do what she wants forever #and i get theyre closer friends so it makes sense. but i guess it just feels like a kind of judgement of me in a way. hmm anyway #whats new there innit. ahh well im gonna play elden ring so i dont ruminate the rest of this afternoon #.diaries

[jorvikzelda]

me to one of my friends: yeah i told my two main professors atm about my migraines because it felt important that they knew, and they were both really understanding and apparently both had migraines in the past!

her: wow yea thats so nice!

me: yea :)

her: so nice to know it can get better!

me, before processing: yea it really is nice that theyre so understanding and willing to accommodate me!

me, now having processed: wait what

#i am So in the moment that i dont even really consider things like. long term #which i think is a fair outlook right now. but my friend does also have a really good point #however. it is also So painfully obviously the perspective of someone whos never faced chronic illness #very kind and I like her very much. But also #Person who goes 😟😟😟😟😟😟 when youre casually like yeah ive been tired for five years and have a headache 24/7 #She was like. I have a headache when I’m doing REALLY BADLY and even then it’s just like a little bit #And I was like. ??????? That’s the normal?? #And then ofc i remember my life before i got migraines and its like. Yeah #I’m a weird one I got those late onset migraines #didnt have them before high school really #Which checks out because theyre REALLY energy related and thats when i started sleeping too little and doing too much #and then theyve only gotten progressively worse! #anyway. i shoud Eep #z talks