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malachi-walker · 4 years

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Some Really Heavy Thoughts on the Relationship Between Scorpia and Catra

Fair warning, guys: I'm gonna get into some deeply personal stuff involving abuse recovery and past mistakes here. I will not be making excuses for Catra or her treatment of Scorpia, but well... Let's just say there's a reason why their relationship has always me wince. Because it touches on some stuff that is likely relevant to a lot of ex-abuse victims.

This entire meta stems from an epiphany I had while discussing with @johannas-motivational-insults how I have a really hard time writing Scorpia, and me trying to pinpoint what exactly makes me so uncomfortable working with her or looking at her relationship with Catra in detail.

Let me back up a bit. We all love Scorpia. She's a big cuddly sweetheart without a mean bone in her body. She's fantastic, a bright point in the overall suckage that is the Horde, and she gives GREAT hugs. So why does their relationship bother me so much?

Well... It's because I've been there once before in my own life. And it's one of my deepest regrets, so seeing that play out on screen and instinctively knowing where this is going fucking sucks.

Personal stuff under the cut.

We've already covered Scorpia being a good kid. That said, I feel like a lot of people just flanderize her into being this perfect wonderful friend who wholly accepts Catra (and conversely either woobify Catra or make her a horrible monster who doesn't appreciate a good thing) but... the truth is a lot more nuanced than that.

Scorpia doesn't wholly accept Catra because in order to truly accept someone you have to see them for who they really are, warts and all, and Scorpia doesn't. She idealizes Catra and either ignores or downplays her very real flaws and problems, and tries to excuse any actions she commits that don't live up to that constructed image, which is of course what she confronts in s4 (and I’m proud of her for that.) It's not done with any ill intent, but it's still not a good thing in any relationship; romantic, platonic, familial, any kind.

Here's where things get real personal. Also, I wanna specify that I am not forcing myself to talk about this, even though it still hurts in a lot of ways. Though I am probably gonna bring this up with my therapist when I next see her.

I've mentioned before in previous meta that I am an ex-child abuse victim who followed a very similar trajectory to Catra once I got out of that situation. I was angry, I was hurt, and I was ADAMANT that nobody get close to me again and fully prepared to lash out as much as I needed in order to make that happen. Occasionally people would slip through my guard anyway, but on the whole I was very successful at that goal and torpedoed a lot of bridges back in those days.

And as much as it kills me to admit it... I had my own Scorpia too.

Her name was Amy, and I met her in my freshman year of high school after I ended up in a private school for the “gifted and talented” (which ended up being its own mistake, but that's a story for another day.)

To put this entire situation into perspective: at the time I was struggling to process and cope with my abuse, I had just been misdiagnosed with major depression after an entire year of contemplating suicide, and I had been put on a ridiculously high dosage of the antidepressant Wellbutrin--literally the highest dosage they could legally give an adolescent without the risk of seizures--which cranked my rage up to a constant underlying simmer and also gave me horrific fucking nightmares, to the point that for about a year and a half I was consistently only getting two hours of sleep because I was waking up screaming nearly every night. This is not me making excuses for being such a dick, but I do try to keep in mind that younger me was dealing with an absolute shitshow when passing judgment on myself. I was trying to survive a situation that absolutely no one was equipped to handle at all of 14 years old.

And then here comes Amy.

Amy was one of those people who was relentlessly optimistic to an almost suspicious degree (more on that later.) The kind of person who will reply to any statement of "I'm having a bad [x]" with generic look-on-the-bright-side platitudes and a big smile without actually addressing anything you said. She was also one of those people who was aggressively Christian, not in a mean way, but in an "it was her answer for literally everything" way, which given that I was struggling with my own faith at the time was practically a recipe for disaster.

But for whatever reason, this girl latched onto me, no matter how much I tried to get her to do otherwise.

I wanna note that I wasn't wholly devoid of friends at the time; my best friend, Michael (who is still my best friend/bro to this day) had also gotten into the school along with me, but the rest of our friend group hadn't and those relationships drifted apart in the ensuing years, which only served to compound the underlying issues. And I will always be thankful that the guy was able to roll with the punches and stick by me even through my absolute worst, but it was also pretty irritating having to switch between my bro who understands me even if he didn’t always agree to my much tenser interactions with Amy. So back to her.

Basically, this girl just kinda inserts herself into my life, refuses to take a hint or back off, and any time I try to talk about my issues or get her to understand a little and make an actual connection, I'm met with the overwhelming feeling of "You're not really seeing me. You're not listening." So I responded by being a fucking bitch. I would ignore her, make fun of her, treat her like a third wheel, etc. In hindsight, it was a dick move, but at the time it made sense to me. I genuinely felt like it was her fault for never listening to me in the first place, so I justified it by telling myself I was just paying her back in kind.

I lost touch with Amy after I was kicked out of school at the tail end of freshman year due to a Wellbutrin-induced rage episode (nobody got hurt, but my attitude at the time was so consistently extreme that the school administration literally had an inch thick dossier on my behavior and what the other kids thought of me, so that incident was just what they needed to justify kicking me out.) Afterwards, my parents made the decision to relocate to another town since my expulsion meant I would be banned from going back into school for a full year unless we changed systems--and even then I was required to go into a continuation school to prove I had been rehabilitated, but I digress. Point is that I was uprooted from that environment and I didn't bother keeping in touch.

I actually found out years later from a friend who went to that same high school--though we didn't actually become friends until after my expulsion--that the reason why Amy was the way she was is that in the year prior to meeting me, her mother had committed suicide and she had been the one to discover her body. So in hindsight, her entire deal made sense: she was trying to survive in the only way she knew how and cope with a situation no one should ever have to, same as me.

But that didn't mean we were able to connect. The great tragedy of that situation, and the thing I regret the most about it, is that we were just two horribly damaged kids that were utterly incapable of actually seeing each other as we were at the time. And it ultimately wasn't anybody's fault, which ironically makes it even harder to accept.

I regret the way I treated her. I wish I could have made her life a little better, and I still hope and pray she got the help she needed elsewhere.

That's what makes Scorptra so incredibly tragic to me as well. Scorpia is a good-hearted person who does genuinely care for Catra, but she also willfully blinds herself to the things Catra is dealing with and her relentless optimism often just ends up rubbing salt in the wounds. Catra is wrong to treat Scorpia so badly, but I also fully understand those feelings of resentment and anger you develop towards someone when they consistently refuse to see you as you are, because I've been there. And that's also why I've always had a hard time with Scorptra romantically (though if you ship it, good for you! I honestly wish I could), because those issues have always been present in their relationship and made it unsustainable from the very beginning.

Something was always destined to break between them. And that's what makes it so damn hard for me to write Scorpia as a character, because in many ways she reminds me of one of the things I regret the most in my life: how I treated someone else who had the best intentions horribly when I was at my absolute worst. These days I try to be kind to my past self as part of the healing process, but when I think of my actions in that year it is really fucking hard. I don't like to think about it, even though I know I feel like I need to (which is also why this meta exists.)

Neither Scorpia or Catra were at fault for the fact that they couldn't see each other properly: it was just a really bad case of wrong place, wrong time. And that's what makes it hurt.

Also, if you made it this far, I'm sorry this was so depressing. Please have a happy cat and scorpion to hopefully feel a little better. Also huge shoutout to @yesbpdcatra for encouraging me to get this out there. You're the best, fam.

#hoo boy #tw: child abuse #mention of suicide #the sometimes ugly messiness of the recovery process #hard personal truths #scorptra #spop meta #my meta

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leigh-kelly · 5 years

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When the Ones You Love Are There, You Can Feel the Magic in the Air

Some 80s AU.

November passes quickly and Brittany finds herself getting incredibly excited about Christmas. She’s already finished making Santana’s gift and absolutely cannot wait to give it to her. With all of the end of the year stuff at the bank, Santana ends up working late most nights and Carl lets Brittany teach another class on Tuesday and Thursday evenings, which fills a lot of her time. Even though she and Santana are making gifts for each other this year, Brittany wants to be able to chip in for the fancy dinner Santana ordered, so the extra money at work helps immensely.

When Christmas Eve comes, Brittany spends the morning attempting to bake cookies while Santana is at work. She follows Millie’s recipes so carefully and she’s surprised with herself that she actually doesn’t do a bad job. The house smells good—even after one tray of peanut butter cookies was burnt—and Brittany puts them all on a pretty tray she bought at the Duane Reade, hoping to surprise Santana with them when she gets home. The rain has been pounding down outside the window and Brittany gets hot chocolate ready, knowing that Santana will be in a grumpy mood because of it and wanting to make her happy.

“This day.” Santana opens the front door, soaked from head to toe and shivering.

“Babe, what happened?” Brittany comes to the door, taking in the sight of her very wet girlfriend.

“I waited twenty minutes for a cab and while I was, a truck drove by me and completely soaked me. Now I’m in the worst mood and I just want to enjoy this holiday with you.”

“How about this? You go strip out of those wet clothes and I’ll run us a bath? I bet you’ll be in a way better mood when you’re warm and naked.”

“I was going to stop and get dinner on the way home before everything closed.”

“Chinese takeout is open, I just want you to relax, that’s what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown.”

“You’re cute.” Santana laughs a little as she strips out of her wet coat. “And exactly what I need right now.”

While Santana goes in the bedroom to get her clothes off, Brittany runs the hottest, most bubbly bath she can possibly make. She doesn’t even wait for Santana to come into the bathroom, she just slips out of her clothes and slides into the tub, knowing that Santana likes to sit between her legs. By the time Santana gets into the bathroom—after presumably bagging up her clothes because they’re wet and muddy and need to go to the dry cleaner without contaminating anything else—the tub is almost full and Brittany takes in her naked form in the split second before she climbs in with her.

“You don’t even know how much better this is than being at my parents’ house right now.” Santana sighs, leaning back into Brittany. “She didn’t even call to invite me.”

“Has she...at all?”

“No. The first rule of the Lopez house is that you don’t question authority. I broke that rule and until I apologize, I imagine she won’t speak to me.”

“Are you going to?”

“I know it’s Christmas and I should wish them a merry one, but honestly, no. She disrespected you in our home and I’m not going to apologize for being upset with that. This has been a long time coming, Britt. I can’t put up with how she behaves anymore. I’m trying to be more comfortable with myself, I really am, but I can’t do that with her around.”

“So you’re really writing her off?”

“I...I don’t know.”

“It’s okay if you don’t, I don’t want you to feel like you have to do that for me.”

“I just really have so much guilt instilled in me from my whole childhood, it’s hard.”

“Listen, babe, I really support you, whatever you do. I’m not gonna keep you away from your family, I hope you know that.”

“I do. And thank you. I’ll figure it out, but as of right now, I’m not going to go running back to my mother.”

They spend a long time in the bathtub and after they get out, Brittany calls for takeout. Maybe it’s not a traditional Christmas Eve dinner but they’ve ordered a roast from Zabar’s for Christmas Day that is sitting in the refrigerator and Brittany thinks that lounging at the kitchen table in their pajamas while they eat is kind of perfect. She loves that she actually gets to be with Santana on Christmas Eve, unlike last year, and she smiles at her over her plate of noodles and Kung pao chicken.

“Can I give you your gift tonight?” Santana asks. “It’s a little time sensitive.”

“Time sensitive? You did make your gift, right?”

“So full disclosure, I made half of it. But the half I made is connected to the other half and I didn’t spend any money on it, so that’s fair, right?”

“I think so.” Brittany laughs. “I mostly just didn’t want you buying me something really fancy, so if you didn’t spend any money...”

“I promise, I didn’t.”

After dinner is finished, they wash the dishes and Santana goes up to the office for a little while to get her gift ready while Brittany takes hers out from the bottom drawer of her dresser. She really hopes that Santana appreciates the scrapbook she made, especially because it took her so long to find enough pictures of the two of them—and was insistent on taking a lot of them from the time they decided to do homemade gifts in October until when she got her last roll of film back two days ago. All she really wants is for Santana to see how perfect they look together and that no matter what the world sees, they fit together.

Santana finally comes back downstairs with two perfectly wrapped boxes and Brittany sits cross-legged under the Christmas tree. With the biggest smile, Santana sits down across from her and puts the boxes down and Brittany is pretty sure that she can hear a faint scratching sound coming from one of them. Santana just shrugs her shoulders and pushes the smaller box toward her and Brittany unwraps the paper, revealing a quilted pillow.

“I learned how to quilt.” Santana smiles sheepishly. “But if you ask Hummel, he’ll tell you I’m a terrible student.”

“It’s beautiful, Santana.” Brittany beams.

“It makes more sense if you open the other box. It’s not...exactly for you.”

“My Christmas gift isn’t for me?”

“I mean...it is, but also it’s not.”

Intrigued, Brittany begins to undo the ribbon on the other box. The scratching is not mistakable and when she gets the lid off, she sees a very tiny, but very fat kitten. She can’t even hold in her squeal when she sees him and she’s torn between hugging the kitten immediately to her chest and kissing Santana all over. Opting instead for a quick kiss to Santana and then lifting the little guy out of the box and into her arms, she feels like she’s going to explode with joy.

“I didn’t know what to make you and then Hummel suggested I make a bed for your cat. I hope it’s...okay.”

“Santana, oh my God, this is a billion times more than okay. You got me the perfect fat kitten and I don’t think I could love you any more than I do right now.”

“I was just thinking about how you said your parents never let you have a pet because they didn’t want the responsibility and how I can’t give you a traditional family, but I can give you this.”

“I’ve wanted a cat since the first time I could even say the word. He’s perfect. He’s...a he, right?”

“He’s a he.”

“Does he have a name?”

“They were calling him Aragon at the shelter, but I figured you could name him whatever you wanted.”

“You don’t want to help name him?”

“He’s your gift, whatever you decide, I’ll love.”

“Then I’m going to call him Lord Tubbington. Look how chubby he is, he’s like a huge ball of fluff.”

“Lord Tubbington.” Santana laughs. “That sounds so perfect.”

“I got you a gift too, but I seriously can’t top this.”

“Brittany, you know I wouldn’t care if you got me nothing. Seeing you so happy is my Christmas gift.”

“Well I made you this.” Brittany thrusts the wrapped scrapbook toward Santana, still cradling Lord Tubbington. “I didn’t even get help.”

Santana carefully unwraps the gift and Brittany watches as her eyes go soft, seeing the first picture of them, one she’d put the camera on the mantle to take. Carefully, Santana flips through the pages and Brittany can see a range of emotions pass over her features. Before she knows it, Santana is crying and leaving Lord Tubbington in her lap, she reaches over to grab one of her hands.

“This all just makes it feel so real.” Santana murmurs through tears. “I never even thought about the pictures...”

“I hope is okay...”

“I’m not ashamed of you, Britt. Of course it’s okay. I thought your anniversary gift was the best thing anyone has ever given to me...but this...”

“I know we don’t have framed pictures of us in the house or anything, but I just...”

“I never thought to frame the pictures. I don’t even have them. If you want to get doubles of these...”

“This is just for you, we’ll take more pictures if you want to frame them, but I want you to have this.”

“Babe. This means more than I even know how to say.”

“I love you, Santana, like, so much, and I just want you to always know that what we have is real.”

“I do know it, but thank you for reminding me.”

Because Santana is tired from her long day at work, they don’t stay up much longer. They bring the litter box and the food that Santana had stashed in her office down to the first floor and then they end up taking a bath, with Lord Tubbington peering into the tub, and they take the kitten to bed with them. He curls up right on Brittany’s pillow as she holds Santana from behind and she feels like nothing could be more perfect. Santana gave her this little guy and Brittany just feels like he completes their family. Maybe they don’t have something traditional, like Santana has said, but Brittany thinks this is better, two women who love each other and a fat little cat.

The next morning, Brittany wakes up with an excitement that it’s Christmas Day. Even though they’d done gifts last night, she loves that they have a whole day to spend together, just lounging around in their pajamas until they get dressed to have dinner and then Mercedes comes by for dessert. Even though Santana is still sleeping, Brittany gets out of bed and puts the coffee on and feeds Lord Tubbington. She looks at the instructions on the pancake box, furrows her brow and sets to work making her amazing girlfriend a Christmas breakfast. She just has the first pancakes in the pan when Santana comes out and wraps her arms around Brittany’s waist.

“Merry Christmas.” She husks, kissing behind Brittany’s ear.

“Merry Christmas to you too.” Brittany turns around and grins. “I’m making breakfast.”

“I see that. What can I do to help?”

“You can sit down and drink your coffee. I’ve got this under control.”

“I’m impressed.”

“We’ll see how they turn out, you might not be.”

“You made me breakfast.” Santana smiles. “Even if you burn it, I’ll still be impressed.”

“Let me pay attention so that doesn’t happen.”

Brittany only burns one pancake. The rest of her efforts are a success and she brings the big stack over to the table so she and Santana can eat together. It’s still too early to call Arizona so she feels like she has all the time in the world to sit with Santana both at the breakfast table and on the living room floor where they eventually settle to play with Lord Tubbington under the Christmas tree. She thinks that it’s probably the most perfect Christmas morning she’s ever had and she’s really hoping that Santana is truly okay with not spending it with her family.

Eventually, they have to get up and get dressed in order to heat up dinner and then get ready to have Mercedes over afterward. They go into the bedroom and Brittany sits on the bed, watching as Santana takes off her pajama top. She’s wholly impressed that her girlfriend actually stayed in pajamas this long, since she’s usually quick to get dressed in the morning. Santana stands in front of the mirror exposed as she gets ready to get in the shower and Brittany gets off the bed and comes up behind her, snaking her arms around her waist and eventually bringing her hands up to cup Santana’s breasts.

“Think we have a little more time?” Brittany breathes into her ear, making Santana shiver.

“I...yeah.”

“Come to bed with me.”

Santana complies immediately, letting Brittany lay her back on the bed. Brittany presses her knee between Santana’s clothed legs and she tilts her head down to take a nipple into her mouth. Santana’s hands weave through her long blonde locks and Brittany spends a long time on Santana’s breasts, knowing that it gets her really turned on. She wants to have her writhing, she wants to be able to push her legs apart and crawl down her body to find her at her wettest when she gets there. Brittany thinks that if she had to choose one activity to do for the rest of her life, it would be going down on Santana, because bringing her to ecstasy makes Brittany happier than anything else.

“My nipples are so sensitive.” Santana murmurs, though she doesn’t push Brittany away.

“Think I can make you come just from doing this tonight?”

“It’s so embarrassing when that happens.”

“I think it’s sexy as hell.”

Brittany looks up at Santana’s face, flushed from both her ministrations and the knowledge that she absolutely will come from Brittany playing with her nipples. With a satisfied grunt, Brittany continues what she’s doing, only occasionally tensing her thigh between Santana’s legs to give her a little something extra. Santana’s first orgasm is small, a squeak and the tightening of her fingers in Brittany’s hair, but Brittany knows that she can do better than that and kisses down her body, pressing Santana’s knees flat on the bed.

Just as she’d wanted, Santana is so wet and Brittany laps it up, not even kissing her thighs, just wanting to get to the destination. Santana’s hands are still woven tightly through Brittany’s hair and she moans as Brittany’s tongue proves her entrance. It doesn’t take long before Santana comes again, this time, her legs shaking and profanities escaping her lips. Brittany keeps going though, until Santana finally pushes her away, breathing heavily as she lays sprawled out on the bed. She moves to touch Brittany, but Brittany stills her hand, having gotten enough just out of pleasuring Santana and knowing that her wonderful girlfriend needs time to recover after such an intense series of orgasms. Because it’s a little cold in the bedroom, even with the heat on, Brittany moves to cover Santana with the blanket on the end of the bed and she curls up beside her.

“I have no strength to get in the shower.” Santana laughs, cradling Brittany’s face.

“We have time.”

“I’m really happy right now.”

“Are you?”

“Yeah. Being with you makes me happier than anything else. I wish we could run away to Greece or Hawaii or something and just be in bed together all the time.”

“You’d get bored. You love to work.”

“Not as much as I love you.”

Santana gets quiet and contemplative and Brittany just leaves her be, stroking her hair, the scar on her abdomen, her face, just being with her. Finally, they both know that it’s time to get out of bed and they get in the shower together. Santana’s hair doesn’t need to be washed, but she washes Brittany’s and Brittany relaxes under her intimate touch. Once they’re done and dressed—and Santana looks so sexy in jeans and a sweater, Brittany thinks—they go into the kitchen and heat up the ham and side dishes that they’d ordered.

“You don’t mind that Mercedes is coming over, do you?” Santana asks as Brittany sneaks Lord Tubbington a tiny piece of ham under the table.

“It’s your Christmas tradition with her.”

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

“No.” Brittany shakes her head. “I don’t mind. I wasn’t sure we’d ever stop being so wary of each other, but now I think we’re in a good place. We both love you and would kill someone if they hurt you.”

“She means a lot to me.”

“I know. You don’t open up to many people and you’re open with her. I’m glad that I think we’re becoming friends.”

“I am too.” Santana nods and leans across the table to kiss Brittany. “Now stop feeding the cat all of your dinner and enjoy it.”

They finish up their dinner and then clean the kitchen together. Santana starts a fire in the fireplace while Brittany takes the Yule log cake they ordered out of the refrigerator for when Mercedes gets there. She also fills up both of their wine glasses while she’s in the kitchen, then goes into the living room where Santana has her legs pulled up beneath her on the couch. She curls up at Santana’s side and Lord Tubbington hops up onto her lap. She just can’t help but cuddle the kitten, still finding it hard to believe that Santana not only got this little guy for her, but also made him his own bed. Her heart is just swollen with love and she looks down at Santana’s face.

“What?”

“I just think this is my best Christmas.” Brittany beams.

“Even away from your family?”

“Santana, you are my family. And I know we’re going to go out and party with my friends for New Year’s Eve, but right now, this is the only place I want to be.”

“I’m glad, I was worried it would be a disappointment.”

“Why would you think that?”

“I don’t know, it’s just not much. Christmas is supposed to be big and exciting or whatever but we’re just...home.”

“Do you really think I’d have a better time eating one of my parents’ friends quinoa loaf instead of being with you? Just because there’s not a lot of people around doesn’t mean it’s not special. I like Christmas like this, I want to spend every year like this. Are you...crying?”

“It’s just that I’m really happy. I’m thinking about how lonely I was all of those years with my parents and how everyone kept asking when I was going to find a husband and I knew I could never live up to what they expected of me. With you, I don’t feel like there are any expectations.”

“I wish I could have been in your life all the years you felt like that. It must have been really hard.”

“I just felt like a freak, you know? I was little when I realized I looked a little too long at my female teachers and I didn’t have crushes on the boys like the other girls did. It was lonely and being around my family made me feel even lonelier because they kept telling me how I should feel. I remember my grandmother used to talk about my wedding and ask what guy I was going to marry. I would just pick the name of whatever boy in my class that the other girls had a crush on and pretend I did too. It got harder when I was in college...sorry, I’m talking too much.”

“Keep talking, I want to hear.”

“My mom just always was calling Barnard ‘that dyke school’ and my aunts picked it up too. They would laugh about it right in front of me and ask me why I didn’t have a boyfriend yet. I would always make up the name of some guy I was seeing from NYU or Columbia or Fordham to keep them from suspecting anything. I would leave every holiday feeling exhausted and cry myself to sleep. All I wanted was to be normal, now all I want is you.”

“You have me, you know. You’re always going to have me. Look. We have a family now. Lord Tubbington, go cuddle with Mama.”

“Mama?”

“Yeah, tough luck, I already called dibs on Mommy.”

“I—“ The doorbell interrupts Santana before she can say anything else and since Lord Tubbington has nestled himself into her lap, Brittany gets up to get it, opening the door to Mercedes and snow.

“Girl, it’s freezing out here.” She laughs, bustling past Brittany and into the warm house. “Merry Christmas! Santana, do you have a cat on your lap?”

“Meet Lord Tubbington.” Santana waves his little paw and Brittany thinks she fits right in as his mama.

“Sweet Jesus, I never thought I’d see the day.”

“She got me him for Christmas.” Brittany chirps. “Isn’t he like, totally the cutest?”

“I’ve gotta admit, he is pretty cute.”

“I’ll go get the cake and the wine.” Brittany offers. “This is a great end to a great Christmas.”

#brittana #80s au

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all-the-love-harold · 6 years

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The Daily Anna - Chapter 1

So the link broke and I don’t know how to fix it so I’m just posting this again. I hope you enjoy it, please let me know what you thought, feedback really helps xxx

Master Post

The Daily Anna.

11th April 2018.

Hiya!

In the last few days a lot of new faces have joined us on here and I thought I’d take the time to introduce myself to them, so if you’ve been here for a while, come back tomorrow for some new content (or stay and read this anyway, up to you) and if you’re new here, welcome!

Incase you haven’t already guessed, my name is Anna and I post on this blog daily, I don’t know what it is that’s drawn you to this little corner of the internet, but I hope you find it a warm, welcoming place for you to escape the harsh realities of the outside world. There isn’t really any theme to this blog, It’s just a record of my life, which I assure you is nothing special.

I’m a 24 year old, originally from Manchester, but loving every minute of living in London. This blog is my not-so-secret diary, where I share all of my thoughts and feelings about whatever is going on in my life, and some days the posts can be incredibly deep and self reflexive, others they’re about stupid things like that cat I saw on the the walk from my flat to my best friends, one day I might even post my super secret brownie recipe (although I doubt I’ll ever do that because brownies are the only way I know how to make friends and if I share that recipe on the internet then I’ll be friendless again, so if that ever happens call 999 because there is definitely and emergency). You’ll also get a lot of content that relates to music, I have always been a music fan, so expect song recs and playlists as well as concert reviews and minor (Major) fangirl moments.

I’m not going to pretend that I have a lot of advice to offer you, but I hope that by sharing my experiences and the little hacks that I’ve learnt along the way that we can all learn a little from each other.

Before I sign off, I’d just like to add that this blog is a Safe Space, for me and for everyone that reads it, so if you have any nasty comments, please keep them to yourselves, that kind of negativity is not welcome here.

That’s about all I have to say for now, you’ll learn more about me along the way and I hope to get to know you a little bit about you too. I always read the comments on my posts, so please feel free to introduce yourself under this one, and I’ll get around to replying to as many as possible as soon as I can.

Yours sincerely, Anna. xx

***

Anna’s life was a mess. An absolute mess. Sure, her blog made it like look like she had everything together, but in reality, she felt like everything was falling apart.

It had all started a couple of weeks ago when her friend, Charlotte, who truly was one of her best friends, asked her how she felt about giving up her job and her degree to start blogging full time. It was a big decision that she couldn’t take lightly, she hated her job, but the money was good and what kind of loser didn’t have a degree these days? She was 24, she should have graduated years ago, but she’d taken time off and changed university’s and what should have taken her 3 years had so far taken her 6 and she still had one one to go. But what charli was offering was a light at the end of the tunnel, with a job that would be on her own terms, and money that she could live on comfortably. The only thing that was stopping her was what her family and friends would think of her if she dropped out but right now as she sat at her desk, fingertips pressed to her temples trying to write this goddamn essay about infant attachment she couldn’t think of a reason not to drop out. Why waste another year of her life? Why spend time on things she doesn’t care about?

The buzzing of her phone brought her out of her trance and Anna glanced over at her screen to see a message from Ronnie.

Gig at the O2, you’re coming. You’ll thank me later x

Ronnie was Anna’s best friend, he had been since they were 2, and he was also a well known photographer on the music scene in London and always managed to get tickets to sold out gigs.

Are you working? Who are we seeing?

Anna put her pen down and closed her laptop. She was done. For tonight at least, she would think about her future tomorrow, for now she needed to find something to wear.

Now that would ruin the surprise wouldn’t it? Working for the O2 not the artist.

You’re so Cryptic. What should I wear?

You’re best clothes ;)

You’re the worst

I know. I’ll pick you up at 5, we’re going backstage xx

It wasn’t often that Ronnie got to take someone backstage with him, most of the time he was too busy to have a tag-along, but he did always manage to at least get Anna tickets to most shows he worked.

***

It was five to five and Anna was putting the final touches on her make up, making sure her eyeliner wings were even and her brows were looking as good as they could when they hadn’t been waxed in a few weeks. As she stepped back from the mirror she heard a knock on her door, followed by the sound of Ronnie’s footsteps walking toward her bathroom.

“Hurry it up” he called “I can’t be late today An, this is a big show”

“Who are we seeing Ron?” she asked quizzically, putting her earrings in and having one last check of herself in the mirror. Ronnie rounded the corner and handed her an O2 pass and an old camera of his.

“This doesn’t answer my question” she looked at the camera that now in her hand

“Tonight” he smirked “You are my intern”

You put the camera strap around your neck and and smiled at him “Do I look like a photographer?”

“Prettiest photographer I’ve ever seen” he winked and smiled at her placing a playful kiss on her hand “but we do need to go, get your things I’ll tell you everything in the car”

Anna rolled her eyes and pushed passed Ronnie so that she cold grab her bag from her room.

Ronnie remained silent the whole way to the car, and Anna was growing more and more anxious to know who they were going to see. The evening air hit their faces as they walked out of the building and towards his car, still without a word escaping his lips.

Anna slammed the car door closed and she couldn't hold it in any longer. “Alright knob head, who are we seeing and why are you being so secretive?”

He turned on the ignition, clipped his seat belt in and turned to look at Anna “You remember that time last year when you called me crying hysterically because you couldn’t get concert tickets?”

Anna’s eyes widened as she realised who Ronnie was taking her to see “No, Ron” she sighed “you didn’t?

He reached down into the side pocket in the drivers door and pulled out an envelope and he handed it to Anna. “You know I did”

She grabbed the envelope from him and frantically opened it, revealing two tickets and two shimmering backstage passes, each with the words “Treat People with Kindness” overlaying an image of Harry Styles.

“Holy fuck Ronnie” Anna yelled “how did you manage this?”

“I know a guy” he winked and looked at the road ahead of him as he turned the stereo on to Harry’s album.

“Oh you know a guy” Anna laughed and started singing along to the music.

“But you have to pretend you’re my intern because I could only get us tickets if we were both working”

“Are you going to pay me?”

“Absolutely not” he laughed “You can’t take photos to save your life”

“I could if you taught me how” she pouted

“I’m going to have to pretend to for tonight, so you might just learn something”

***

It was just past 5pm and the traffic around the O2 was getting busier by the second. Ronnie was getting stressed that he’d be late, but he pulled the car up in the staff car park just as it passed 5:10. Anna was still struggling to believe that this was happening but she put the pass around her neck and stepped out of the car, still holding onto ronnie’s old camera.

“What do you expect me to do with an old camera that doesn’t work Ron?”

“Pretend to take photos” he shrugged as he pulled his kit out of the boot and handed Anna a tripod that kept falling from the bag. “Just don’t freak when you see Harry”

She cleared her throat and tossed her hair her back “I am a professional photographer, I would never freak out in the presence of a client”

He laughed and started walking towards the back entrance to the building “Keep repeating that in your head and you might start to believe it”

Anna followed closely behind Ronnie as they made their way into the building. They walked into chaos. There were crew members everywhere, running about trying to get things organised for the show. Ronnie was used to this, he’d worked for the O2 on and off for about 3 years now and he’d seen his fair share of high profile shows, but this was the first time Anna had been to this venue with him and she was a little shocked to see how frantic everything was.

“This way An” Ronnie said directing her down a hallway towards a door that said ‘STAFF ONLY’

The room was tiny. Not nearly big enough to fit more than five people, and it was crammed with bags and jackets.

“Does everyone out there count as staff?” Anna asked

“No, they’re crew, they have their own room” he dumped his kit in the free space on the table “This is the backstage staffroom for O2 staff, there’s another one for front stage staff that’s much bigger”

“But you’re not cool enough for that are you?” she giggled as another girl walked into the room.

“Hey Bridge” Ronnie smiled “This is Anna, my new intern”

Anna held her hand out and shook the girls hand “It’s lovely to meet you”

“You too love” she smiled “It’s Bridgett by the way, I’m the creative director for The O2, I tell Ronnie what to do”

“Someone’s got to” she laughed, suddenly feeling nervous about this whole thing. Bridgett smiled back and then turned to Ronnie

“Harry will be arriving soon, and when he gets here I need you to introduce yourselves and tell him what you’ll be doing tonight.”

“And what exactly are we doing tonight?” Ronnie said, so he knew exactly what shots he needed

“Right” Bridgett pulled out her notes from her back pocket “We need the standard Hall of Fame shot once he’s all dressed, he has his own photographer who I will introduce you to in a minute, that will take care of most of the backstage shots, but get a few if you can. Your main focus tonight though is the fans, get outside once doors have opened at get some photos of them all coming in.”

Ronnie was writing everything down frantically so that he didn’t miss anything “and when he’s on stage, focus on him or the crowd?”

“Both, get some shots of him that will look nice on the website, and get some of the crowd that can be used for marketing the venue to potential artists”

“Great “ Ronnie putting his pen away “and when do you need the final product by?”

“You’ve got until monday to get me the photos from tonight and tomorrow” Bridgett was called out of the room by another member of staff and she turned and walked away.

Anna looked at Ronnie quizzically, “Tomorrow night?”

“Oh yeah” Ronnie laughed “did I forget to tell you that we get to do this all again tomorrow?”

“You did.” Anna said bluntly

“Surprise!” Ronnie held up his hands and waved them “But seriously, we need to go outside and get photos of the queue.” He walked out of the room, holding the door open for Anna. The backstage area was still in chaos and Anna began to feel nervous again. She felt strange pretending to be Ronnie’s intern, as greatful as she was to be there, she felt a bit like a fraud. She shook it off and followed Ronnie, weaving in and out of crew members watching as he got a few shots of them getting things ready for the show.

After getting a few images of fans waiting to get into the venue, Anna and Ronnie returned backstage, where she helped him to find a free wall space for the hall of fame image to be set up and then left him to it for a few minutes while she went and got some more equiptment for him. She walked out of the staff room again and the room that had five minutes ago been filled with chaos was suddenly calm and she saw Harry standing off to the side, talking to who she assumed was his manager. Nerves filled her body again as she made her way towards Ronnie who was standing almost right next to Harry. She handed ronnie the tripod that he has asked her to get but she couldn’t take her eyes off the tall smiley boy in front of her and dropped it before Ronnie had a hold of it. His head turned towards them in that moment when he heard the tripod drop and his smile grew wider as he tried to hold back a laugh

“Careful love” he said his voice deeper than Anna had expected

She blushed and smiled at him.

“I don’t believe we’ve met before” held his hand out to shake Anna’s “I’m Harry” he said as if he thought she didn’t know who he was

“Anna” she said shaking his hand “Ronnie’s intern”

“Well he’s a lucky man to get to work with you every day”

She blushed “I think I’m the lucky one if I’m honest”

Harry shrugged “I’ll be the judge of that” he winked

Ronnie stepped in between the two of them “I don’t mean to interrupt, but Harry I need to get a few shots”

“Lead the way” Harry said ushering Ronnie in front of him and hanging back so that he was walking beside Anna

“You know” he said quietly “I’m pretty sure Ronnie Dalton doesn’t have an intern”

“He doesn’t” Anna’s whispered “this camera’s fake, he’s my best friend has been since we were little”

“And he got you backstage” Harry nodded a smile spread across his face.

“Sorry”

“Don’t be” he held his hands up in surrender “I’m glad you’re here”

They came to the space that Ronnie and Anna had set up earlier and Ronnie asked Harry to pose for the camera. The shots only took a few minutes but by the time they were done Harry’s manager was calling for him to do the soundcheck. He thanked ronnie and Anna before he ran off but just before he reached the stage doors, he turned on his heels and Looked at Anna.

“Do you want to watch?” he started jogging back towards her

“Uhhh” Anna looked nervously at Ronnie and back to Harry “The soundcheck?”

“Yeah” He ran his fingers through his hair “I hate doing them, it’s weird looking out to an empty room”

“I don’t think one person is going to make a difference” Ronnie said rolling his eyes

Harry turned his head to look at Ronnie “You can come too, I’m sure Helene wouldn’t mind if you got a few photos”

“My focus is the fans”

“Okayyy” Harry turned back to Anna “coming or not?”

She looked to Ronnie who shrugged and nodded “You’re not really my intern, do what you want”

His sudden change in attitude worried Anna, but she knew it was probably nothing, he often got stressed in high pressure situations where he had a set number of specific images that he needed.

Anna nodded at Harry “I guess I am”

Harry held out his hand and she took hold of it, “We better be quick, Jeffery will kill me if I take much longer.” He started running back down the narrow hallway and Anna was forced to follow suit, breaking into a light jog so that she wouldn’t have to let go of his hand. They came to the stage and Harry burst through the door and was met by a very stern looking Jeffery.

He quickly dropped Anna’s hand “Hello Jeffery” he said excitedly, a tone of sarcasm evident in his voice “what’s the plan here?”

“Same as always H, nice of you to keep everyone waiting”

Harry laughed and pet jeffery on the back “It’s only a few minutes Jeffy, I think we’ll be fine”

Jeffery peered around Harry so that he could see Anna and drew his lips into a sharp line, looking back at Harry with an expression that said a thousand words.

“Go stand at the mic, we’ll start by checking the screens”

Harry nodded and turned around looking at Anna “Where do you want to watch from love? Front and centre?” he pointed towards the gap between the two mosh pits.

“Where else?” she laughed and walked down the steps leaning on the barrier as she watched the screens lower around the stage. Harry waved to her as he disappeared behind them and Anna giggled at his attempts to be in sight as long as possible, ducking his head and pulling faces until the screens covered the stage. The opening notes of Only Angel echoed through the empty arena and Anna smiled back at Harry as he reappeared in front of her.

The soundcheck was quicker than Anna had expected, Harry and the band ran through a few songs on the main stage to check that everything was working as it should be. Then, once they knew everything on the B-Stage was working as it should be, Harry ran off stage back to Anna.

“Good show?” he asked raising his eyebrows at her

“My own private screening, might as well go home now”

“Oh no” Harry said “You’ll miss all the best bits”

***

The arena was full of screaming fans now and the show was halfway over. Standing by the B-Stage as Harry sang the final notes of ‘If I could Fly’, Anna was helping Ronnie find some fans that he could get a photo of and all she could think about was not the beautiful boy standing just a few metres away from her, who only an hour ago had been flirting with her, or her best friend who was truly the most important person in her life, but her blog. This was the moment of clarity that she’d been waiting for for years, the moment where she realised that her own happiness is more important than any degree in the world and her blog was her happy place, so why not make it her job too. She watched as Harry carefully rested his guitar on the stand and waved to the fans at the back of the arena before he made his way back to the main stage at a steady jog.

He brushed past Anna and grabbed onto her hand “You’re going to want to be at the front for this next song love” he dropped her hand continued on his way.

Ronnie rolled his eyes at the interaction “you’re not falling for this are you An?” he put his camera down and looked at her sternly.

“Mind your business Ronald” she wrapped her fake camera around her neck and followed Harry down the aisle, stopping just to the side of the pit.

“This is another new one” Harry said into the mic as the drum beat of an unfamiliar song echoed in Anna’s ears “It’s called Anna” he winked at Anna, a wide smirk emerging on his face.

“Don’t know where you’re laying Just know it’s not with me Don’t know what I’d tell you if I passed you on the street

I don’t want your sympathy, but you don’t know what you do to me,

Oh Anna!”

Anna Blushed. She knew the song wasn't about her, how could it be? She’d only met Harry four hours ago. It was simply coincidental, but she couldn’t help but feel like he was singing directly to her. Maybe it was because he couldn’t take his eyes off her, maybe it was because everytime he said her name he winked or maybe it was just because the song was about a girl called Anna.

“Well I guess it would be nice if I could touch your body

If I could touch your body

If I could touch your body”

Harry couldn’t take his eyes off Anna and he couldn’t wipe the grin off his face as he watched her blush at the lyrics. It had been a long time since he’d met someone he connected with so instantly, he actually wasn't sure he ever had.

***

Happiness.

In the perfect world, with the perfect life, there’s a formula for happiness, it’s a simple one, good grades in school, a university degree, a good, high paying job, a partner that loves you and some kids that are happy and healthy. But real life doesn’t have a formula and happiness is different for everyone.

I’m finding myself stuck on the second point of the so- called formula. University. A degree is supposed to qualify you for a job, right? But with just a few subjects to complete before I graduate, I don’t feel like there’s a job out there that I’m qualified to do. So why finish? That sounds crazy I know, but I’m, at a crossroads here, I have a choice.

I could spend the next year and a bit finishing my degree, getting myself into more debt only to end up in the same place I would if I take option two now.

I could turn this blog into my career. This requires a big leap of faith, a lot of patience and hard work, but that’s not what I’m afraid of. It’s the judgement that scares me. From family and friends to some of you guys, I know a lot of people would disapprove of me leaving university.

Now, before I tell you about my final decision, I’d like to tell you about last night because it was the happiest I’ve ever felt and it’s that experience that has led me to this cross roads.

Mr Harry Styles, has always been one of my favourite celebrities, he’s kind and he radiates joy and last night I got to experience that live and up close. Most of you know that a very close friend of mine is Ronnie Dalton, a well known photographer around London and he was lucky enough to be asked by the O2 to help out with photography last night, which meant that I got to tag along (as Ronnie’s “Intern”)

My interactions with Harry were only brief, a quick introduction, a hug, a few photos taken by Ronnie of Harry posing against a wall and then he was dragged away for sound check, but spending those few minutes with him, and watching him perform live, made me realise that there is no formula for happiness, something that makes one person happy won’t have the same effect on the next.

I was standing at the edge of Harry’s B-Stage, helping Ronnie set up a shot, when it dawned on me that my life doesn’t need to fit into a formula, I can be who I want without the world’s approval. So I write this blog post as I delete the essay I began writing yesterday and withdraw from my current subjects. I don’t need that degree to be happy, this blog has always been one of my great passions, I’ve been posting on it daily for years without fail and now is the perfect time to turn this passion I have for writing into something I can be proud of. This may seem like a rash decision, but I’ve been stewing on it for a while now and I guess I have Harry Styles to thank for giving me that final push, to take the leap of faith.

So, expect to see a few changes around here over the next few months, and a whole lot of new content.

Yours Sincerely, Anna. xx

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lasersheith · 6 years

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Lasersheith’s Fic Masterlist

Thanks so much to everyone who reads/likes/comments on/shares my stuff, it means the world to me!

Finished works

AU:

Take It If You Want It | Complete | Ch.13/13 | 57k | M

Tags: Modern AU, Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn, fluff, light angst with a happy ending, pining, irresponsible use of alcohol, side pairing: Mattor, side pairing: Allurance, side pairing: Hidge

Written for Sheith Big Bang 2018!

Keith and Hunk make New Year’s Resolutions to finally tell their respective crushes how they’ve felt for years. Hunk takes all of 3 minutes, but Keith needs… a little longer.

Birthday mishaps, misunderstandings, self discovery, exciting new job opportunities, minor blackmail… a lot can happen in a year. Surely the perfect moment for a years-overdue love confession fits in there somewhere?

Serendipity’s Wings | Complete | Ch.7/7 | 24k | E

Tags: Modern AU, Childhood Friends to Lovers, Fake/Pretend Relationship, bedsharing, fluff, hurt/comfort, pining Shiro, sidepairing: Allura/Kuro, Shirogane twins

When Shiro receives bad news about his grandfather, he immediately books a flight for Japan. Luckily for him, he finds a familiar face in the pilot. It's been a long time since he saw his childhood friend Keith, but they pick up where they left off almost immediately.

Unluckily, his twin brother has decided to jump to conclusions, and now his family thinks he and Keith have rekindled a flame that was never there. Rather than disappoint them in a tense moment, Keith gamely agrees to play along. What are friends for, after all?

Oh Brother | Complete | Ch. 6/6 | 17k | T

Tags: Modern AU, fluff, humor, salt, sidepairing Matt/Allura, one-sided kl

What do you do when your boyfriend is in the hospital and they only let in immediate family? Lie and say you’re married? Not if you’re Keith, you don’t. Thanks to Keith’s inner turmoil, he and Shiro are stuck pretending to be brothers while he recovers. But Keith has to admit, “Mr. Shirogane” has a nice ring to it.

The Gravitas of a Mattress | Complete | Ch. 7/7 | 16k | M

Tags: College AU, fluff, humor, oh my god they’re banging each other’s roommates, sidepairing Latte

From the prompt: My roommate got it on with yours yesterday and I don’t think I can face them for a while after hearing the sounds they made last night. Mind if I stayed with you for a while?

Keith gets sexiled from his dorm room because Matt and Lance won't stop hate-fucking. He decides that it's only fair that he gets to crash in Matt's room if Matt gets to keep him out of his own. Shiro is confused but accommodating. Very accommodating.

Matt and Lance have their own fun side adventure in learning to like each other and play nice. Pidge doesn't like it. Allura might.

Flowers don’t always mean “I love you” | Complete | Ch. 8/8 | 14k | T

Tags: Flowershop AU, Slow Burn, pining Shiro, PTSD, fluff, humor

Takashi Shirogane had fulfilled his dream of becoming a test pilot, but after a terrible accident that left him without an arm and in sudden need of a new career, he moves back home and starts working at a family friend’s flower shop while he focuses on recovering and finding a new direction for his life.

Things are going as well as can be expected until an attractive stranger shows up out of the blue, and keeps coming back. Who's this guy buying all these flowers for?

DDY 1138 | Complete | Ch. 3/3 | 7.2k | T | My favorite thing I’ve ever written

Tags: Modern AU, fluff, humor, meet ugly, disaster gay Shiro, smooth Keith

alternate title: Have you ever seen a man so beautiful you crashed your car?

Shiro learns that it's possible for the best day of your life to coincide with the worst day of your life in the dumbest way possible. He gets into a fender bender due to some distracted driving, and his cute mechanic doesn't make things any easier... until he does.

Hat Trick | Complete | Ch. 2/2 | 6.5k | E

Tags: Modern AU, Frat AU, Frat boy Shiro, Frat boy Keith, light angst with a happy ending, humor, crack played straight

No one has ever seen Takashi Shirogane without a hat on his head, or so the legends say.

...

“I tell you what,” Matt said after Keith told him he'd figure out Shiro's secret, the real secret. “If you find out the true story behind Shiro's hat before your initiation ceremony, I will personally pay your dues until you graduate.”

Keith's eyes glinted as he took another long swing from his beer. The steep price of brotherhood had been one of the few reasons he'd been wary about pledging. “What if I don't?” He asked suspiciously. It hadn't taken long to work out that Matt was an agent of chaos. No matter how confident he was in himself, he had to make sure it was worth the risk.

Matt smirked. “You have to wear a Santa hat to the Christmas party.”

Keith furrowed his brows. The punishment didn't add up with Matt’s smug look. His face paled as the realization dawned on him. “Just the hat?”

Matt's smirk shifted into an impish grin. “I knew you were a smart one.” He said with a wink, sticking out his hand. “Do we have a bet, then?”

Never one to back down from a challenge, Keith took Matt's hand and pumped it twice with determination. “You're on.”

Hey Sugar | Complete | Ch. 4/4 | 5k | G | I’m gonna rewrite this one soon rip

Tags: College AU, fluff, humor, pining Shiro, disaster gay Shiro

Autocorrect can be a beautiful thing. It can also be a Very Bad Thing. Keith accidentally sends a text with an embarrassing autocorrect to the hot guy he's been crushing on all semester.

Check Yes Juliet | Complete | Ch. 2/2 | 2.8k | T

Tags: College AU, fluff, humor, mistaken identity, Shirogane twins

Who knew a little Shakespeare knowledge could get you a midnight kiss from the hottest guy at the New Years party? However, young men’s love then lies not truly in their hearts, but in their eyes... Just ask Keith.

Melt | Complete | Ch. 1/1 | 1.4k | G

Tags: AU modern setting or Post-canon, domestic fluff, established relationship

It's way too hot outside, and the AC is busted. Short and sweet domestic fluff featuring Spot the fluffy wonder and a trip to the store for some much needed ice cream.

Canon-Verse:

The way you looked at me | Complete | 17k | M

Tags: Amnesia, crack played straight, one sided fake dating, shiro is a mess, humor, fluff

Keith wakes up in the hospital and he's not sure of much, except that he and Shiro are definitely together. Shiro doesn't have the heart to correct him- much to their friends' amusement.

It’s not you, it’s me (also it’s you) | Complete | Ch. 3/3 | 7.5k | T

Tags: Canon-verse, pre-kerberos mission, humor, miscommunication, disaster gay Shiro, Matt is a Bad Friend

Keith catches Shiro doodling hearts in his notebook. When asked who the hearts are for, he blurts out Matt's name so he won't have to confess his feelings for Keith. Now Keith has made it his mission to help Shiro woo Matt at all costs. Matt is very unhelpful.

The Sweetest Apology | Complete | Ch. 1/1 | 2.3k | Gen

Tags: College AU, fluff, humor

Everyone hates those tiny little desks every college feels the need to cram into huge lecture halls- they're way too small and there's never enough of the left handed ones. Keith thinks he scored big time getting the only left handed desk in his new class, but didn't realize he'd be stealing it from a classmate who's missing his right arm... How do you even apologize for that?

Not the right time | Complete | Ch. 1/1 | 2.3k | T

Tags: Canon-verse, angst

fic request: Sheith and "It is always not the right time for us, isn't it?"

They've had so many chances to tell each other how they feel, but for Shiro and Keith it just never seems to be the right time.

Ringing in my ears and one on my finger | Complete | Ch. 1/1 | 1.5k | T

Tags: soulmates, shiro is trying, fluff, humor

Canonverse soulmate AU: Colleen notices a soulmark on Shiro's finger...

Head over heels | Complete | Ch. 1/1| 1.5k | G

Tags: Canon-verse, established relationship, fluff, humor

Keith's lost an entire Saturday to detention because Iverson is jerk. What better way to get revenge than a practical joke?

from the prompt "Shiro getting caught up in Keith pranking Iverson"

With a little help from my friends | Complete | Ch.1/1 | 1.4k | G

Tags: Canon-verse, pre-relationship, everyone loves Shiro, thirsty Keith

A malfunction in the engine room has left the castle a sweltering nightmare. Hunk has deemed it time for a team underwear party, but Shiro's nervous about his scars. His friends help him feel a little better.

p=mv | Complete | Ch. 1/1 | 1.4k | T

Tags: Canon-verse, humor, meet ugly

The story of how Keith and Shiro met at the Garrison.

Or, the first time Keith saved Shiro.

Or, how a concussion led Shiro to the love of his life.

Or maybe it was all 3.

Love, Shiro | Complete | Ch. 1/1 | 1.3k | G

Tags: Canon-verse, fluff, established relationship, humor, kerberos mission

Shiro and Keith decide to write each other letters while Shiro is away on his mission. This is a collection of some of Shiro's.

Getting there | Complete | Ch. 1/1 | 1.3k | T

Tags: Canon-verse, hurt/comfort, Shiro whump, fluff

A lot of things changed in the year they were separated, but Keith's feelings aren't one of them. Shiro needs a little convincing after everything that's happened, especially with how much of an obvious physical toll it's taken. Keith is happy to oblige.

Just In Case | Complete | Ch. 1/1 | 1k | G

Tags: Canon-verse, humor, fluff, established relationship, pre-kerberos mission

Shiro is accidentally late for a morning inspection because he spent too long snuggled up with Keith. His commander isn't super thrilled about it.

Series: It’s killing me when you’re away | Complete | Works 4/4 | 4.8k | T

Tags: Canon-verse, Keith’s time in the desert, angst, pre-kerberos mission

Keith’s devastated over losing Shiro

Tumblr Drabbles

Sheith Month 2018 | Canonverse Pre-Kerberos | 20k | G-T

My collection of prompt fills for Sheith Month 2018. All of them are pre-kerb fluff and/or humor!

As Many Drabbles As It Takes | Mix of settings | 10k | Ch. 14/? | M

Collection of sheith drabbles and prompt fills originally posted on Tumblr!

Posted WIPS:

Series: Easier with you | Ongoing | Works 6/? | 15k | M

Tags: Modern AU, Veteran Shiro, Veteran Keith, hurt/comfort, PTSD, Mutual Pining, Shiro Whump, Shiro & Matt, Allura/Matt,

Shiro's just returned back from the military, having been medically discharged from service after losing his arm. Matt is his best friend and is trying his best to help him deal with the loss. He convinces Shiro to go to a VA support group that will end up changing his life.

Best laid plans | Ongoing | Ch. 1/? | 2.3k | T

Tags: Canon-verse, crack, humor, fluff

Was Keith proud of the fact that petty revenge was his first thought upon being given an amazing stealth suit? Not particularly. But was he going to let that stop him from enacting said petty revenge? Absolutely not. Turns out, Karma isn't so much a bitch as a… well, you'll see.

Or, how to attempt to counter-prank your buddy and end up stuck as a cat, a memoir by Keith Kogane.

We’ll fix it in post | Ongoing | Ch.1/? | 2k | T

Tags: Modern AU, Barista Keith, humor, mistaken identity, Shirogane Twins

Shiro is a producer on the hit animated show "Voltron: Warden of the Cosmos" and a huge fan of it himself. Keith is a new barista at the coffee shop across from his studio and a lover of his show. A fortuitous meeting leads them on the path to romance, but there's just one problem: Keith thinks Shiro is his brother, Ryou, voice actor for Keith's favorite character on the show.

#samwrites #long post #way too long #why am i like this #fic masterlist #if anyone has organizational ideas for this beast please please dm me i'm drowning #updated september 2nd #sheith

64 notes · View notes

fictionerd · 6 years

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Good to see you, friends! So this week’s episode opens exactly where the last one ended, and we get an extension on the conversation. Tsutsui makes the same arguments for his case I did last week. Namely that he’s socially inept and it’s hard for him to understand a problem if people don’t give him something other than inference to go on. Iroha, of course, is having none of it and tells him to just “think about it normally”. Let me take an aside here.

Iroha, you’re off base. This is the man who, when you told him you found men baking attractive, picked up a cookbook and learned to make sweets for you. WHEN YOU WERE ALREADY DATING! Dude went out and learned a skillset (Admittedly one that’s not hard to pick up if you learn how to follow recipes) for no other reason than he thought it’d make you happy. Give him something to run with and he will make your wildest dreams come true.

Tsutsui, While I AM defending you. I must say that you have seen far and away enough cheesy romance in anime that you should be able to pick up the cues here. I get that anime isn’t meant to be reflective of actual social interactions, and that usually you don’t want to pattern your behavior in these situations based on scenes from anime.In this ONE instance, however we have a textbook fucking scenario. You’re failing to reciprocate,dude! She keeps telling you she loves you. You feel too inferior to reply in kind. FIX THAT! (Yeah, I realized in the week+ since I watched the last episode that’s what she meant so my bad there).

So moving into the episode proper: Tsutsui meets back up with Ayado in the garden. (Does she actually attend classes or is she just always there?) They exchange awkward small talk based upon their final encounter from last episode, and before Tsutsui can take off to bury his head up his own ass she hands him a massive sack of potatoes. He takes the tubers then returns to tormenting his tortured psyche.

He’s really hung up on this whole “Iroha is mad at me and I can’t figure out why” thing. Then he has an epiphany. If there’s no way I can figure this out on my own then maybe I can get some help from a friend and so turns to Ito. However, Ito informs him that he has other things to do and says that Tsutsui and Iroha should just have lunch together on their own being apparently oblivious to how their relationship is going. When Tsutsui discovers that Ito’s been spending time with a cat instead of him he jumps to the conclusion that Ito has somehow snapped due to loneliness and makes an ass of himself.

When Ito calls him out for his insensitive, self-centered behavior it shatters him and he has to spend some time later that night having a flashback to come to a realization about what to do.

He remembers the halcyon days of his Chuunibyo when he was a back-corner loner who constantly had earphones in listening to, no doubt, the choicest of epic soundtracks in preparation for the day he was finally crowned the King of all Demon hosts.

Turns out that back then he was even MORE of an antisocial jerkbucket, by which I mean he was a jerkbucket intentionally rather than the unintentional jerkbucketry we’ve been treated to this episode. At first he slapped away any attempt at friendship because “Anyone who’s interested in you is doing it out of some desire to fix you and not out of genuine kindness. I’m just waiting for the day you assholes all sprout angelic wings and halos and attempt to Save my soul by beating me senseless with divine armaments so I can finally unleash the hellfire within me to burn away all the haters!”

Later on we see that in spite of his stand-offish attitude he has this thing about repaying debts and so in return for Ito finding his headphones he actually shows up to a task he was assigned to do anyway. (Granted it was sort of forced on him). It’s here that he gets a real look at what the other guys in class think of Ito which naturally is something along the lines of “Ito’s a good dog. Show him a little kindness and he’ll be blindly loyal to you forever!” Naturally Tsutsui’s response is to say, “Well, how about it? Wanna ditch the heavenly host and come reign in hell with me!?”

Okay… I may be taking the Chuunibyo jokes too far particularly since it’s only based on a single comment by Ito at the end of the flashback. What really happens is that they walk home together because it’s raining and Ito offers to share his umbrella. They have a talk about how the rest of the class is using Ito as an excuse not to do homework and he’s just going along with it because he doesn’t want to be hated by everyone. Tsutsui tells him, “I don’t think you’ll die or anything if people hate you.”

This sage wisdom effects Ito in some profound manner so the next time the class bully is bugging Tsutsui and takes it into his head to destroy private property Ito actually stands up for him and gets beat up for his trouble. He then tells Tsutsui that it was because an issue of Animeid is worth 800 yen and when Tsutsui is shocked and asks how he knows Ito replies with. “You’re not the only Chuunibyo here.” Thus the source of my humor for this section was established.

Ito tells Tsutsui that he decided to give up on a lot of things and that wasn’t honest. He says he’ll make it up to him by hanging out with him from now on. Huh? Am I missing something here? The only person Ito has to make anything up to is himself. Oh whatever just roll with it.

Having remembered all of this in the time it took him to peel and apparently mash the potatoes Tsutsui decides that he doesn’t believe his Chuuni self. If Ito hates him he really will die.

Wow… Way to out-edge yourself there, Tsutsui.

I partially kid. I know what that feeling is like. When you feel like your only friends must hate your guts it can make you feel like you’ve got no reason to keep on going. So really while I mock that attitude I also understand it.

Tsutsui takes potato dumplings to school the next day by way of apology to Ito for failing to see beyond his own emotional needs and the two reconcile. You’d think this would trigger an epiphany in Tsutsui as to why Iroha’s been so angry, but NOPE! He rides a wave of momentum to her classroom and chickens out at the last second only to later look up her address and just show up on her doorstep like a stalker. Which he thankfully lampshades. Iroha noticed him standing forbodingly outside her house and asks what he wants and he offers her peace-offering dumplings as well.

[sighs] Do I have to cover this? It feels like it’s a farce and resolves absolutely nothing. Okay, FINE! You’re right it’s in the charter and this is already super late.

Okay, he says he wants to apologize, but he can’t really do that if he doesn’t know what’s wrong then tries to peace out. She responds with…

Anyway she invites him up to her room. He takes the opportunity to… Lay his head on her bed and smell it? Is that a thing? I just… Don’t get it. Does he not clean his sheets very often? Is that what that’s about? Whatever… Let’s get to the meat of this bit.

He’s apparently super scandalized when he realizes she wears low-necklines and short skirts at home. Dude, just how distrusting of humanity are you? [remembers his chuunibyo jokes from earlier] Right, fair enough. Dude’s sheltered as all hell moving on.

Iroha tells him the reason she was mad is because she felt he didn’t trust her. Like no matter how many times she told him she loved him, he never seemed to believe she meant it. He responds that he can’t help but believe her it’s just the circumstances he can’t believe. They kiss he mentally stammers in disbelief about his situation. They engage in possibly the least intimate looking hug I’ve ever seen…

Then he snaps at the mere thought of being sexually attracted to someone. I’m not kidding. He thinks ‘ I can’t’ seemingly topples to a compromising position and then flips out and runs the hell away apologizing profusely and berates himself for being “dangerous” because he was sexually attracted to this girl who he is romantically attracted to and whom he is FUCKING DATING!

The next day when they meet at the shoe lockers in the morning he runs away AGAIN saying “Don’t come near me for the time being”

After said massive freakouts, Tsutsui somehow thinks it’s a good idea to bring dumplings to Ayado. All I have to say is: “Don’t do this! Please for the love of all that is holy, don’t do this! I see what you’re trying to do. She’s going to have followed him or otherwise be looking on and get the wrong idea. Don’t you DO IT!”

GOD DAMMIT!

Okay… First some positive. I was wrong about my assumptions as to where this would go last week and for that I apologize. It seems they weren’t planning to sacrifice Iroha’s character to the great god known only as “plot”. On to the bad parts though.

Iroha is projecting like hell onto Tsutsui. She talks a big deal about how she doesn’t feel like he trusts her, and then the next day when he makes an admittedly bone-headed move she automatically assumes the worst. Or at least that’s how they seem to be painting it and if there’s one thing I hate it’s over-reactionary romantic syndrome. Fortunately we have the terrible judge of character Ishino to act as our litmus test and go forth on a tirade FOR Iroha. Hopefully when she goes on the warpath Iroha will twig to the line of logic established about Ishino being a terrible judge of character and realize that maybe she ought to ASK what the situation was between Tsutsui and Ayado.

Of course I can’t just let that be all I say on the matter because Iroha isn’t the only one being an idiot here. Tsutsui… Why are you being this way? Why are you terrified of the thought that you could be sexual attracted to this lady whom you are also romantically attracted to? I mean maybe the argument could be made that he’s asexual, but that doesn’t seem to be the case and this is Japan we’re talking about here. (Though admittedly if that does turn out to be the case and they manage to sort through that I’d be super impressed.)

I mean Ito does appear to be a feline other-kin and potentially a cat-whisperer so maybe that’s the direction they’ll go, I’m just not in the habit of hearing hooves in Central Park and assuming Zebra. Unless it’s for comedic effect of course.

[Sighs] Maybe I’m just not empathetic enough. I need to take a break. What do I have to do next for catchup duty.

[whispering off “screen”]

Butlers x Battlers!? I need a drink >: { Until next post, keep talking fiction, friends! I’ll see you soon.

#Anime #3D Kanojo Real Girl #3D Kanojo #Episode 6 #Fictionerd #Let's Talk Anime

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