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sageblogsthings · 4 years

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Do you have any tips on how to write characters with scoliosis in a respectful/accurate way?

Thank you so much for asking! I smiled like an idiot when I saw this ask. :) Let me preface this by saying that scoliosis can vary a lot from person to person depending on the severity of curvature, location of curvature, treatment methods, etc. So I think that, as with anything really, getting a wide range of viewpoints and voices on the issue will make it easier to write! Honestly just scrolling through the scoliosis tag on tumblr will give you a good sense of what it’s like for some people too. With that being said, I’ll talk a bit about my experience, and how I wish that characters with scoliosis were portrayed. Just know that my answer is far from universal amongst those with scoliosis. Also, medical treatment where I live is pretty shitty so I may have some other undiagnosed stuff that I’m attributing to scoliosis who knows lol. And I’m still learning a lot about it myself! Ok, with that caveat out of the way, here we go!

I’m gonna put a tw here for discussions of scoliosis, chronic pain, anxiety, and depression

Also, for those who don’t wanna read about my experiences with scoliosis, if you scroll down there’s 13 tips on how to write characters with scoliosis (a lot of these tips apply to chronic pain in general tho). :)

To talk about my own experience a bit, I was first diagnosed with scoliosis when I was about 10 or so. When I was first diagnosed they told me it was minor and just to watch my posture. Scoliosis runs in my family but for most of my family members it’s pretty mild so I didn’t worry about it and went on my merry way. In hindsight, not the best way to deal with that but ah well.

Flash-forward to college. I had been having back pain and headaches for awhile, but I just figured it was studying for prolonged periods of time, carrying a heavy backpack frequently, and not watching my posture when I studied. I never connected it to scoliosis because I hadn’t had a check-up since that first diagnosis. Again, not the best idea but life happens.

I just finished my junior year in college, and I have had almost non-stop doctors appointments all year. It started after I had some sharp pain in my lower back, and got x-rays to see what was going on. Several doctors appointments and an ER visit later I find out that my scoliosis has gotten significantly worse, and that I have a fractured L5 as well. One thing I don’t see mentioned a lot with scoliosis is that it significantly weakens your spine (usually lower) because your weight distribution is thrown off. I had a job that involved some pretty heavy lifting, and voila fractured L5. 13/10 would not recommend btw.

My curvature (I can’t get consistent answers from doctors) is somewhere in the 20′s in my lumbar region and in the upper 20′s/lower 30′s in my thoracic region. At least with the neurosurgeons I’ve spoken to, they don’t consider you a candidate for surgery until the upper thirties or forties, unless you have significant neurophysiological symptoms. Treatment options vary widely depending on where you live, what you can afford, and what your doctor will give you a referral for, but most doctors will recommend physical therapy off the bat. To my knowledge, most doctors do not recommend bracing anymore, though I think in children that might be different (not so sure on that). So currently, I am waiting on an appointment with a pain management specialist and will go from there.

Even though the curvature in my spine is relatively minor, I still experience significant symptoms. Some of these symptoms include sciatica, pinched nerves in my arms, legs, and back, muscle spasms in my upper back and neck, swelling of my hands and feet, and numbness or pain in my hands and wrists. Also, because my spine curves more in the upper portion of my back, my left lung cannot expand as much as my right lung. This isn’t always a problem, but I get shortness of breath pretty easily, and any respiratory infections make it super hard to breathe properly (pneumonia sucks a butt). There’s also the obvious bit of scoliosis where I stand a little crooked. Another thing I think that not a lot of people know is that how “lopsided” you are can vary from day to day. This doesn’t mean that the curvature is changing day-to-day, but the muscles may be more relaxed or tightened on some days.

So that’s my experience pretty much (bless you if you read all that!). But, to show an example on the opposite end of the spectrum, my friend had (I think) a 30 degree curvature in the thoracic region and 50 degree curvature in the lumbar. He had immediate corrective surgery (I’m not sure exactly what kind) and now aside from the scar on his back and that he looks like a table when he bends over (his words lol i’m not being mean) you would never know. And even weirder, he had no significant symptoms before his surgery aside from occasional sciatica. So your symptoms don’t necessarily depend on the degree of curvature, where the curve is located has a lot to do with it. Typically, more curvature in the upper spine is more painful but that’s by no means always the case.

Ok, so how in the heck does this all apply to writing characters? I promise it does, I’m not just rambling (well, maybe haha).

13 Things to Consider When Writing Characters With Scoliosis:

Their symptoms may vary from day to day. This may mean that some days they can do activities like running or baseball, and other days they can barely type or walk without pain.

They may have no, mild, or severe symptoms, depending on the location and severity of curvature, and other factors.

What is medical care like where they live? Dealing with doctors, neurosurgeons, physical therapists, etc. is just a part of having scoliosis, and very often an incredibly draining aspect. This is especially true if you have anxiety or other factors that make going to the doctor even more unpleasant.

Were they misinformed about scoliosis? Unless you go to someone who specializes in scoliosis treatment, you’re probably gonna get inaccurate information about something. For example, I was told constantly as a kid to watch my posture. Yes, this can have an impact, but more and more research is showing that scoliosis in many cases is influenced more by hormones (especially in teenage years) than posture. There’s also more egregious examples of this, such as a neurosurgery PA who recently told me not to ever use CBD to alleviate pain because it’s a “gateway drug.” This is literally impossible. So for writing, this could translate into frustration or even anger for your character. But it could also make for some funny situations later! I wrote down everything that crazy PA told me and it still makes me laugh from time to time.

Don’t give them a back-breaking job. It will literally break their back lol. I’m not saying they can’t be active, but if someone is impacted by scoliosis on a daily basis they probably aren’t working as a professional wrestler. Or maybe they are, and your story is trying to explain how that works lol

What do they do to manage the pain (if they have it)? For me, the symptoms are typically inflammatory in nature so things like ice, heat, turmeric tea, and anti-inflammatory medications help relieve the symptoms. This is one of those things where getting other viewpoints is good though too!

Is their spine visibly crooked? If so, are they self-conscious about it? This varies a loooot, and may even vary with symptoms. For example, maybe some days when the pain isn’t bad they wear a cute dress that shows their shoulder-blades. But then when the pain is bad, they just want to look like a hobo. I say this from experience lol.

Have people treated them differently because of it (positively or negatively)? Some people may experience bullying if their scoliosis is more visible, especially as a child. They may also be treated differently by adults, who are trying to look out for them, but nevertheless it still makes them stand out from other kids.

Do they make jokes about it? For example, I can be found frequently saying “my spine said yeet!” or “straight spine? idk her” or my personal favorite “my spine is about as straight as I am.” Scoliosis sucks, but living with it you learn to find humor in it too.

Are they going to get surgery for it? I can’t speak on this part since I haven’t had surgery, but I would imagine that there is a psychological aspect to this that you would want to mention for your character, as well as any logistical aspects like finances, dealing with trash insurance companies, etc.

How does scoliosis impact their mental health? This is one of my pet peeves, and it’s entirely founded in a lack of resources and education, so I’m not aiming this at anyone specifically. But scoliosis does impact your mental health, especially if you have pre-existing conditions like anxiety or depression already. It can be incredibly depressing to want to do something as simple as going for a walk, but you’re in too much pain. It can also really impact anxiety. For example, when I found out about my curvature change in college I had one of the biggest anxiety attacks I’ve ever had. There is also the added issue of not being able to breathe properly at times, which can make a panic/anxiety attack much worse (in intensity or duration). Of course, mental health issues can also be exacerbated by the environment you’re in, so that is definitely something to consider for your character.

What was their diagnosis like? What factors impacted their ability to get a diagnosis? Lack of adequate medical care or having crappy insurance is a huge problem, and it makes it really hard or even impossible for some people to get a diagnosis. And for most neurosurgeons or specialized treatment facilities you have to have that diagnosis and referral for them to be able to do anything. There may also be aspects of your character’s home life that prevents them from getting a diagnosis. Do their parents think they’re faking it, or that they just need to sit up straight? Is your character trans, and/or wears baggy clothing? I’ve heard several stories of undiagnosed cases because of this, so it’s something to consider.

Ok, I think this is the last thing (huge huge thank you to anyone still reading this!!). But please, if you’re writing a character with scoliosis, or any chronic issue/disability for that matter, avoid the trope of you’re still beautiful to me/you’re beautiful anyways/I don’t see your disability. Some people might not get what I’m saying here, so let me explain a little. If you have a character with significant scoliosis, to the point it impacts their daily life, and they meet another character (potential friend, love interest, whatever) and this new person grows to love them in spite of their scoliosis/disability, that is a huge red flag. It implies that they are seeing them through a lens of not having the disability, and they love that version of your character. But that is not your character in reality, because your character in reality has a very real disability. In general, just try to avoid the “I don’t see __,” in writing and real life. That could be applied to a disability, or the character’s race, sexuality, etc. In all cases, it dismisses a fundamental part of who that character is, and what experiences have shaped them into who they are. If your character has scoliosis and it has shaped who they are, it is important for other characters to recognize that as well, otherwise they aren’t really seeing that character in their “full glory,” if that makes sense. I’m rambling a bit at this point and I’m sure there’s other posts that make this point better than I have, but the takeaway is just please don’t write scoliosis as “you’re beautiful anyways.” Scoliosis or no scoliosis, it’s just “you’re beautiful.” Full stop. But part of how your character may come to recognize that beauty within themselves, or how others see it within them, may be influenced by their experiences with scoliosis.

Phew, I did not expect that to get so long but it’s a topic I’m passionate about and I haven’t seen information on scoliosis geared towards writers before, so hopefully this will help! Again, a lot of this is based on my own experiences so please do not take any of this as a universal guide to scoliosis, it definitely isn’t. And if I’ve said anything that people disagree with (or even agree with!) or have questions about, I am always open to polite discourse and discussion. :)

I hope that this answered your question some, and if not feel free to let me know! Thank you so much for asking this!

#ask #scoliosis #writing characters with scoliosis #kit chats #am i oversharing? probably #am i gonna share this anyways? yes #chronic pain #writeblr #representation #kit answers

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huphilpuffs · 5 years

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chapter: 30/? summary: Dan’s body has been broken for as long as he can remember, and he’s long since learned to deal with it. Sort of. But when his symptoms force him to leave uni and move into a new flat with a stranger named Phil, he finds that ignoring the pain isn’t the way to make himself happy. word count: 4760 rating: mature warnings: chronic illness, chronic pain, medicine a/n: As always, immense thanks to @obsessivelymoody for beta’ing!

Ao3 link || read from beginning

It’s too early when Phil gets out of bed to get ready for work.

His arm slips from around Dan’s waist. He presses a quick kiss to Dan’s shoulder before crawling out from behind him. The alarm clock on the bedside table tells Dan it’s just past seven in bright red lines that make his eyes burn.

He’s been staring at them since they said 5:27.

He’d woken up to a sharp breath that made his chest ache, tears in his eyes and sticky on his cheeks. His feet were numb and his hands all prickly with sleep and he’d stared into the black of Phil’s bedroom for long minutes waiting for his body to recover from whatever it was that woke him up. It had taken him until two to fall asleep last night.

Dan didn’t fall asleep again.

His legs ache now that they’re not sleepy. His arm hurts from having his weight on it for so long. Without Phil’s body holding him up, Dan rolls onto his side. It makes the muscles in his chest spasm, has him choking on nothing and groaning into the silence.

Phil comes over to the edge of the bed, reaching out to brush his fingers across Dan’s forehead.

“You okay?” he whispers.

Dan’s eyes get teary again. He blames the too-tight feeling wrapped around his heart, the thoughts that have been circling the back of his mind for the last two hours. His body hurts from not having slept and his brain keeps telling him that his mum was right, it is all his brain’s fault, that’s what Dr. Kissel will tell him today.

He reaches up, snags Phil’s hand to hold on tight, and hums something that isn’t quite affirmative.

It’s the best he can muster this morning.

A frown draws at Phil’s mouth. He leans down, pressing a quick kiss to Dan’s forehead. And then a second one, like he doesn’t really want to pull away.

Dan doesn’t want him to. If this broken feeling wasn’t so perpetual, he might ask Phil to call in sick and stay home with him, keep him company when the drone of TV programs isn’t enough to keep him out of his own head. But Phil’s done a lot. Dan’s needed a lot.

He hopes that’ll diminish today.

Hope’s never been his strong suit before doctor’s appointments.

He tugs on Phil’s hand until he leans down, fringe tickling Dan’s brow, and kisses him, soft and gentle and slow.

And then he lets Phil go.

---

Dan: i hate weekdays

Phil doesn’t respond. Not that he should. Dan knows he probably has to do extra since he’s leaving early to come to Dan’s appointment. That doesn’t keep him from flicking his phone on and off over and over again for too many minutes after he sends the message.

It’s been a long morning. The clock on his phone tells him it’s only half eleven and Dan almost wants to cry.

There’s four and a half hours until his appointment. He’s been staring into space for so long his brain is starting to go numb and yet there’s too much going on inside his mind to focus on anything else.

He’d considered sitting down, rambling into the void, also known as his laptop webcam, again. It helped last time. But it feels almost silly, when he’s by himself, without Phil to recommend he do it. That, and the idea of setting any of it up sounds like way too much effort today.

He double taps the screen, copies the message and sends the exact same thing to Taylor.

His phone vibrates when she responds. It stings the skin of his palm, feels like it rattles the bones in his wrists. He doesn’t much care.

Taylor: why?

Dan: phil’s not home

Dan: and my appts this afternoon and i cant stop thinking about it

He swallows, looking back up to stare at the TV. He’s definitely seen this episode of Doctor Who before, probably on another day like today, watching the endless marathons of the same few shows for hours on end when his body doesn’t really let him do much else.

His brain can’t process it today. It’s too busy replaying every appointment he’s ever had in the most painful sort of slow motion.

Taylor: :(

Taylor: i know that feeling

Dan: yea well it sucks

He rests his phone on his leg, where the pressure makes a dull ache bloom like a new bruise. His thumb hovers over the home button until the three little dots of Taylor’s typing pop onto the screen. He watches, because it’s better than staring at white walls and waiting for minutes to tick by.

Taylor: want some company?

Taylor: I know i’m not phil but I also don’t have a job

Dan: pls

---

He has to stand up to let her into the flat.

His steps are slow. The blanket he has wrapped around his shoulders flutters over his skin and leaves phantom burns in its wake. His hand almost feels too weak to turn the doorknob when he gets there. There’s a stabbing pain in his wrist that makes it feel like it might shatter as it twists.

Taylor’s smiling on the other side. It falters, just slightly, when she sees him.

“I’d hug you hello, but you look like you’re dying,” she says.

Dan manages half, or maybe a quarter of a smile. “Feel like it too.”

He leads her back to the sofa, still limping. Walking past the breakfast bar reminds him he hasn’t had anything to eat today, and barely a few sips of water to drink. The thought makes his stomach churn, something burning at the back of his throat. He won’t eat until after the appointment.

Maybe later, if it goes poorly.

Probably later.

Taylor tucks herself against the armrest as Dan sits down, knees drawn up to her chest, face pressed against one. Being sat with her, like this, reminds him of being back in uni. Except she looks better. There’s less darkness under her eyes and less oil in her hair, and Dan wishes he could relate.

His whole body feels heavy. Worse than it did even then.

“That bad, huh?” says Taylor.

“Can’t sleep,” says Dan. “I don’t know what to expect.”

“So you’re expecting the worst?”

He can’t be bothered to nod. The corner of Taylor’s mouth quirks up knowingly, and she reaches out to rest a hand right by Dan’s knee, without touching.

“We should talk about something else,” she says. “Something happy. Keep your mind off it for a while.”

“Like what?”

She shrugs. “Just tell me something good that happened? My therapist makes me do it sometimes.”

“Oh,” says Dan. He stares down at the table, where his phone’s resting, screen down, and his laptop’s closed. His hand curls tight around his blanket.

When he looks back up at Taylor, her brow’s furrowed, smile fallen into a straight line. “You look like you’re thinking about something,” she says.

“I am,” Dan mumbles. He swallows, thumb sweeping across the fleece of his blanket until his fingertip’s gone tingly. “Phil kissed me.”

Taylor’s jaw drops. Her eyes go happy. She reaches over, actually touches Dan this time, just enough to grab his hand and squeeze it once in glee. “Oh my god. That’s, like, the best kind of happy,” she says. “It is happy, right?”

Dan wants to point out that he wouldn’t have mentioned it if it wasn’t, but the smile on her face finally has his anxiety unfurling just enough for him to breathe a little easier. Maybe Taylor’s therapist actually has some useful ideas.

He forces himself not to follow that thought to the next, the ones saying maybe all he needs is therapy over and over again in his mum’s voice in the back of his head.

“Yeah, it’s happy,” he says. “You know that.”

“And you’re not having some sexuality crisis you need me to talk you through?” she says, half laughing now. “I’ve been there. I can try to help.”

Dan actually manages half a chuckle, like he did when she first told him she liked girls, halfway through a complaint about how everyone at uni somehow had a love life except them. “Reckon I got over that when he started kissing my head all the time,” he says. “Thanks for the offer though.”

She nods, still holding his hand, staring at the side of his face with a smile. “So this is just happy, right? No inner turmoil about what it means or anything?”

It’s been so long since Dan’s had anything be that simple that his brain doesn’t quite grasp the concept. He almost tells her no, just because it makes more sense, because his brain is really good at finding problems where there’s probably non right now.

It doesn’t feel like he can be just happy now.

But then he thinks about the soft goodnight kiss Phil brushed against his lips before they went to bed to bed last night, and an actual smile cracks past the fear.

“Yeah,” he tells her. “That’s just happy.”

---

They talk about Phil for a while.

It’s easy, with Taylor, to just ramble about sleepy cuddles and soft kisses and the way it all makes him feel good for the first time in ages. It reminds Dan of being twelve again, before everything went wrong and his body broke and any chance at normalcy crumbled before his very eyes.

Maybe there is room for a sexuality crisis, if he thinks too hard about the crushes he might have had if he’d been healthy.

Dan doesn’t think about it. He lets his head fall back against the sofa and feels his thoughts lapse into everything that came after age twelve. His story about their kiss ended a bit ago, faded into discussions about where he wants things to go from here, and then into silence.

There’s a lot of things Dan wants now. Most of them have nothing to do with kissing Phil.

“Hey,” says Taylor. He’s not sure how long they’ve just been sitting here, but her smile has fallen into a frown. “You okay?”

He shrugs. Vaguely, he processes that people are still talking on the TV, that Taylor’s hand has fallen to rest on his knee. “Just thinking.”

“Not about happy things?”

His chest burns when he chuckles. The rush of giddy conversation has faded, left Dan’s body more exhausted now than it was before. He almost wants to nap, except he knows his brain wouldn’t let him. Days like today are just days where he’s meant to be sore and tired and feel all of it acutely.

“No,” he says. “Not about happy things.”

Taylor squeezes his knee. It hurts. It’s comforting anyway.

“Do you want me to try and distract you with more happy things?”

“Don’t think you can,” he admits. “I think I’ve used up all my happy energy for today.”

His head falls back again, gaze drifting up to the ceiling. His vision goes blurry. It’s not from tears. Dan’s pretty sure his eyes are just tired, too. It takes too much energy to force them to focus again.

He takes a breath. It hurts his throat, his head being bent back like this, and tugs at the tendons in his neck.

“I don’t think it’s going to be a happy day,” he whispers, voice cracking “I’m–”

Scared. He doesn’t say it.

“I know,” says Taylor.

They sit there, listening to the same drawl that Dan usually does. His eyes have fallen closed. He can hear his own breathing, loud compared to Taylor’s, but he doesn’t much care to worry about it. Taylor’s never been bothered by the little ways Dan’s body is different.

She just leans forward, snagging the remote from where it was sitting on the coffee table, and says, “Let’s put on a better film, at least.”

If Dan had the energy, he’d smile.

---

Phil gets home from work earlier than Dan expected.

“I worked my lunch,” he explains. “And my boss deemed me completely useless today. Apparently I was distracted.”

He’s sitting on the armrest, leaning over Dan. Whatever lighthearted smile he’s attempting lasts about half a second before it falls. His hand lands on Dan’s head, drawing his curls back. Taylor’s still sitting next to them, but Phil hardly hesitates before leaning down to press a kiss to the corner of Dan’s brow.

“Wonder why,” says Taylor. It’s a whisper, like she’s trying not to interrupt. “I should get going, though. I’m sure you guys have to get ready or some shit.”

Dan almost asks her to stay, just so he has an excuse to pretend that three thirty isn’t slowly sneaking up on him.

“Thanks for coming over,” says Phil.

“Yeah, of course.”

Dan can hear her smile, can see Phil’s. It makes his chest go warm.

Taylor looks down at him before she leaves. “Good luck,” she says. “Text me when you’re ready to talk about whatever the doctor has to say.”

“I will,” says Dan. He hopes his smile is enough to tell her how much he appreciates the space she permits him.

Phil escorts her to the door. They hug before she leaves. Dan hears the murmur of her voice, too far for him to pick up on any words. He listens to the door open, then close, and then Phil returns by himself, dropping into the seat Taylor was just occupying.

Dan should probably feel bad for how relieved he is that Phil’s here now, but he doesn’t, not really.

His head falls back against the cushions, too, turned so he’s looking at Dan. He looks exhausted, eyes puffy and face all drawn.

“How are you feeling?” he asks.

“Shit,” says Dan. “You?”

“Scared,” Phil whispers.

Dan nods, awkward and crooked with his head still tilted back. He reaches into the space between them, taking Phil’s hand in his. Their fingers interlock, and the pressure against his knuckles is not very comfortable, but it makes the corner of Phil’s mouth quirk up.

“Yeah,” says Dan. “Me too.”

---

They get to the doctor’s office early.

Sitting at home, waiting for the minutes to tick by, had become unbearable. Dan forgot that waiting rooms are always exponentially worse. Phil’s arm isn’t wrapped around him here. They don’t hold hands. Their feet are pressed together between their seats. It’s not enough.

Across from them, a mum is rocking her baby as he fusses. And older man is reading one of the magazines left out for them. Phil had tried to pick one up, and had put it down about thirty seconds later. The secretary who booked this appointment is talking on the phone. The other is checking someone in.

There’s a poster about heart failure on the wall.

Dan stares at it until his chest starts to hurt and the anxiety makes his eyes water.

Phil grabs his hand, holds on tight.

“Your heart's fine,” he says. “You’ve had that tested before, right?”

“Yeah.” Dan lets out a breath. “Yeah. It was fine.”

“Okay,” says Phil. “Okay. That’s good.”

His grip on Dan’s hand loosens, his breath coming easier.

Dan’s stays locked painfully between his ribs until a nurse steps out from the hallway and calls his name.

---

She checks his height, even though he hasn’t grown in over a year. And then his weight, as though it’s fluctuated much since his last growth spurt, since he lost his appetite and ability to exercise all at once.

“Looks good,” she says, like she thinks that’s what Dan cares about.

She leads him into a little room and asks him questions, the familiar kind with automatic answers. No, he’s not diabetic. No, he doesn’t smoke. No, he hasn’t had caffeine in the last couple hours, because just the thought of putting something on his stomach makes him want to be sick.

He doesn’t say that last bit.

She wraps the blood pressure cuff around his arm. Dan squeezes his eyes shut against the pain when it tightens. He should be used to it. Part of him doesn’t think he’ll ever be.

His pulse is high, his blood pressure low. The nurse points it out.

“It’s always like that,” he explains.

She looks back at him, brows furrowed, skeptical. Dan hates it. He manages a shrug and a smile, an unspoken apology for something stupidly out of his control like his heart not beating quite right.

He tries not to think about chronic obstructive heart failure.

The nurse jots something down on her triage paper and leads him into an exam room to sit and wait some more. Phil grabs his hand again the moment she closes the door behind her.

---

Dr. Kissel is smiling when she walks in. Dan’s not sure if that’s supposed to be comforting or not.

“How are you doing today?” she asks as she sits down, turning to log into the computer.

“Uh,” says Dan. “As okay as to be expected?”

She hums, turning back to him in her spinny office chair. The collar of her lab coat is popped awkwardly at one side. There’s a pen hanging from its pocket, a stethoscope draped across her shoulders. Her smile hardly falters as she says, “So, not very well at all, I assume?”

It’s so not what Dan expected that he chuckles. “Yeah, pretty much.”

“I take it you want to get straight to your test results, then?” says Dr. Kissel.

He swallows hard. If the nurse thought his pulse was high before, he’d half laugh at what she’d have to say now. “Please.”

Dr. Kissel turns back to her computer at that. He watches her click through what he vaguely recognizes as his chart. Just above the notes from his last appointment are the last things his old doctor ever wrote about him, at the appointment where he counted Dan’s tests one by one and told him that if they were all fine there was nothing he could do unless Dan was willing to accept he was imagining it all.

Dan doesn’t read them, doesn’t want to. He never wants to be exposed to those words again.

He watches Dr. Kissel click on a link of some kind, and a monochrome image fills her computer screen. It takes him a second to realize he’s staring at his own brain, at the results from his MRI, autoplaying on a loop through his entire head over and over again.

Something in his chest spasms. Phil squeezes his hand. He never let it go.

“Okay, so first we have your MRI, which are the results I was most concerned about,” says Dr. Kissel. She turns back towards him, grabbing her pen to use it as a pointer. “If there was any signs of deterioration or abnormal structures like a tumour or aneurysm, we’d see it here.”

Dan stares. He can’t really see anything in his brain. He doesn’t know what a sign of deterioration looks like. He almost doesn’t want to ask.

He doesn’t have to, because Phil says, “And?”

“And I see no signs of any abnormalities with your brain,” says Dr. Kissel. “Your brain appears healthy, Dan.”

“Oh,” he says.

His eyes are burning now. He hates the fact that it’s not from relief, that he doesn’t really know what’s welling in his chest, putting pressure in his skull, but it doesn’t feel good when he knows it should.

“What about the, uh, bloodwork?”

She doesn’t open those results, just leaves the screen playing a morbid cycle of his perfectly healthy brain.

Dr. Kissel smiles, and says, “Those results also came back normal.”

Dan just about breaks down right there in the middle of her office. A tear falls down his cheek. His leg starts shaking. Phil has to reach out and rest a hand on his back just to keep him from giving up on keeping his breathing even at all.

Dr. Kissel reaches out, rests her hand on the armrest, close to Dan’s elbow.

“That doesn’t mean anything, you know,” she says. Her voice has gone soft. Dan’s never had a doctor, not even a therapist, speak to him like that. “I reviewed your medical history and I’m aware of the conclusions drawn by your past physician. That’s not where I’m going with this.”

“It’s not?” says Dan. It sounds choked. He feels like a kid.

Except when he was a kid he didn’t have to deal with any of this.

“It’s not,” says Dr. Kissel. “Rather, I suspect you might have a condition that doesn’t show up on any of our current tests, at least not to our knowledge. Ruling out other conditions is the first step to diagnosing it.”

Phil’s hand starts rubbing circles against his spine at that. If Dan looked over, he’s pretty sure Phil would be smiling.

But he doesn’t. He can’t look away from Dr. Kissel, not now. “What’s the next step?” he whispers.

“Well, there’s two. The diagnostic criteria is in the process of evolving, so I’d like to perform both,” she says. “One of them might be painful.”

“Can we do that one first?”

It’s probably the wrong order to want. Dan doesn’t care. Part of him wants the pain to remind him that she’s actually looking for something physical. For once. For the first fucking time in seven years.

Dr. Kissel smiles like she knows that and nods her head just once. “I’ll need you to stand up for this,” she says. “I’m going to press against specific spots on your body, and you need to tell me if it hurts, okay?”

He nods. His heart’s still racing when he stands. His legs feel weak with something other than exhaustion.

Something almost thrilling, like anticipation.

Dr. Kissel starts by pressing her thumb against the base of his skull, right where his head meets his neck. Dan almost screams at the burst of pain it causes.

It turns into a laugh, delirious and bubbly and out of control. When he turns, Phil’s smiling at him. Dr. Kissel is staring at him expectantly.

“Yeah, that hurts,” he says, so she does the same thing to the other side of his head.

He laughs again, because it hurts and it feels like that’s what it’s supposed to do for whatever mystery illness Dr. Kissel’s testing him for. Phil laughs with him. He’s probably confused, but he doesn’t seem to care. Dr. Kissel moves onto the next spot, right where Dan’s neck meets his shoulder, and mumbles a quiet three under her breath when he squirms away from her touch.

In the end, he gets sixteen out of eighteen spots. Dr. Kissel tells him the minimum for a diagnosis is eleven.

Dan probably shouldn’t be proud of that.

He settles back into his seat. The pressure of it hurts. Pain has bloomed all across his body and Dr. Kissel offered an apology that it would probably take a little while to fade and Dan doesn’t care. His leg bounces even though there was a spot in his hip that almost made it give out completely.

His knee stings from when she pressed there. Dan rests his hand there anyway.

“What’s next?” he asks. He probably sounds insane.

Dr. Kissel just reaches over and draws a packet of papers from her folders. She sets it down on the desk by him. The front page has a picture of a gender-non-specific person with arms spread and eyes closed. The top of it has a header that reads Fibromyalgia Diagnostic Criteria.

Dan has no idea what that means.

“You just need to fill out this assessment,” says Dr. Kissel. And then, “I told you this one would be less painful.”

Phil chuckles. Dan does, too. He grabs the pen she offers him and starts reading.

The first question asks him to check off every area of the body where he’s had pain in the last week. Dan reads the list once, twice, three times before looking up at Dr. Kissel.

“Is it stupid of me to check off all of them?”

“Not if it’s the truth,” she says. “That’s a very common response for people with this condition.”

“Oh,” says Dan. Something twists in his stomach at being included in that. “Okay.”

So he checks off all of them, his shoulders and arms and upper and lower back, and jaw and neck and chest and legs and buttocks. The only thing that goes unchecked in the last option that reads None of the above . Dan’s brain can’t even wrap around that idea.

The second question is called the Symptom Severity Score. It asks Dan to rate some symptoms on a scale of zero to three. It feels like a failure when he needs to check the box next to 1: slight or mild problems when it comes to cognitive symptoms.

Dan’s pretty sure that part of his brain is the only part of him that still works properly. Most of the time.

The last question is just a list of symptoms that tells him to check off all the ones he’s had in the last week. He has to ask what some are. Some are things he has but never really thought were related. His gaze lingers on the word seizures for the first time, printed on a list that includes rashes and dry eyes.

It’s the first thing that’s really scared him. That box stays unchecked. He wonders how much it matters.

When he hands the test back to Dr. Kissel, she’s already nodding like she knows the answer it’ll contain. Dan’s pretty sure he does, too.

She writes a giant 28 in blue pen at the bottom of the page, and looks up at him with a sad sort of smile.

“Okay, this confirms my suspicions,” she says. “Your symptoms appear to be caused by Fibromyalgia.”

Dan swallows, bobs his head. “Okay. Okay,” he says. “Uh, what does that mean?”

---

His legs feel different when he walks outside. Maybe because they still ache from the pressure point test she did, or because there’s a residual tingling from how much he was shaking during the appointment. Except the rest of Dan’s body feels different too.

The sunlight burns his tired eyes. Holding his head up takes too much energy. They stand on the curb waiting for their cab to show up and Dan’s chest aches and yet feels lighter than it has in days.

Weeks. Years, probably.

Dr. Kissel explained to him what it was, with a bunch of fancy medical terms he’ll need to google later. Something called central sensitization means his brain is fucked up and doesn’t know how to process shit and makes everything hurt and it fits so very well with how his body seems to experience the word that Dan doesn’t care that he doesn’t understand.

He doesn’t know much right now. She recommended lifestyle changes as a first step and he has no idea what that’s going to entail. He doesn’t know what meds he might end up on, or how much better he’ll get. Dr. Kissel told him this was usually a life-long condition.

Dan feels like that should be terrifying. Except he’s grown to expect that whatever it was wouldn’t be an easy fix.

He’s not dying, though. She told him that a few times, like reassurance among all the supposed-to-be-bad news.

His weak legs sway under him after standing for too long. Phil reaches out to wrap an arm around his waist, pulling him close so Dan can lean against the steadiness of his frame. He doesn’t seem scared anymore. Maybe he will be again, once everything’s had time to sink in.

Phil leans in close, pressing his nose to the side of Dan’s head. “How are you feeling?”

Maybe Dan will be scared again, too. But he’s really not right now.

“Can I say something crazy?” he asks.

“Go ahead.”

He pulls back, just enough to catch Phil’s gaze with his own, and says, “I think this is one of the best days of my life.”

Phil doesn’t look at him like he’s crazy. He smiles, and leans forward to press a kiss to Dan’s forehead, and holds him even tighter when his legs start to feel weak again.

The cab that pulls up looks just like the one that drove them here. Dan climbs into the back seat next to Phil, letting his head fall against the headrest, and feels himself smiling.

#phan #phanfic #phanfiction #dan and phil #flares #callie writes words

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writingmilo · 5 years

Text

Maya: Chapter 5

Part 3 of Flipped AU

TRIGGER WARNINGS: PHYSICAL VIOLENCE, MANIPULATION LET ME KNOW IF THERE’S ANYTHING ELSE YOU WANT WARNED ABOUT

The footsteps raced towards the Maya, but she couldn’t tell how many people were coming; they all echoed together. She was sure that somebody was shouting, the woman that had her hand over her eyes, and others were trying to placate her. Despite her attempts, she still couldn’t move. The commotion continued, but Maya felt detached from it, as if it were happening through a glass wall, or she was underwater whilst it happened above her.

In reality, Louise had screamed at the condition of her daughter, who was bleeding profusely from several wounds, and wanted to get the attention of the others. They rushed to her aid, thinking that Maya had somehow managed to attack her, only to be greeted by a worried mother who didn’t want the blood of her daughter on her conscience.

The hand over Maya’s eyes was taken away, but now, instead of blackness, she saw a person, dressed in a pressed shirt underneath a blood splattered lab coat, leaning towards her. Having been attacked by Henrik and the others before, Maya flinched, but couldn’t move away from him, meaning that she was soon enough scooped up into his arms, and being lifted from the floor. Every muscle twitched and spasmed in pain, but she tried to stay calm, scared of the consequences that would come if she glitched again.

The bobbing motion of walking didn’t help the pain, but it was better than lying on the cold hard ground where she had been left. The soft bed where she was put down was even better, but everything still hurt. Luckily, she thought, she had been able to feel the doctor’s arm under her knees, meaning that she could still feel her legs, even if they were unusable from the moment’s pain. She hadn’t noticed him leaving, but he returned into the bright room with a tall pole, as well as Jameson.

Jameson sat on a stool next to her, watching her lie still as she felt Henrik move around the bed, taking the pole with him. Soon she felt a needle poking into the crook of her elbow, and she realised that the pole had been to hang a drip from. Hopefully it contained painkillers, or something that would knock her out for long enough for her to get better.

That didn’t come.

Hours passed and as the drip bag slowly emptied into her system, the pain only became more intense. Jameson never left, but he didn’t do anything about the pain; he wasn’t a qualified doctor after all. Sometimes he would smirk at her as she writhed and squirmed in pain, but he made sure she never saw these moments.

Eventually, Henrik came back to change the drip bag, and as he saw Maya’s pain, he tutted under his breath.

“No no, this will never do.” He turned to Maya. “You are in more pain?” She nodded through a tight grimace.

“I will fix this, give me some time.” He walked out of the room again, leaving the drip still in her arm, to fill a new IV bag. During the time Henrik was away, Marvin came in, swapping places with Jameson. Were they on shifts?

“So little duck, how are you feeling?” His smile seemed so genuine, but everything that had happened to bring her here proved he was anything but friendly.

“Not great.” The words weren’t all that clear, but Marvin got the message.

“About what happened earlier,” he started, having thought of an excuse with the others to try and convince her that what they did was good for her, “I know we went too far, the atmosphere got too much for us, we should have backed off earlier.”

“What?” Maya was confused, he wasn’t apologising, there was no remorse in his voice.

“We, all of us, are too competitive, we all wanted to outdo each other back there.”

Before Maya could respond, Henrik came back, holding a new IV bag. He swapped them before stopping and looking at Maya’s poisoned form.

“I shall be back in half hour for checking up on you.” He tapped the side of her face in what could be viewed as a gesture of kindness, but under the circumstances Maya viewed it as one of dominance. She was at the doctor’s mercy.

A shiver of fear ran down her spine, and her aura flared slightly.

“I need...” Marvin looked at her, a quizzical expression, daring her to continue, “Can I have my medication? Please?”

“But Maya, what would you need medication for? Are you trying to say that you’re scared of us?” His quizzical expression morphed to a smirk; she hadn’t taken his warning.

“No, no but I need it, my doctor says I need it.”

“Oh honey,” he leaned forward, giving Maya a hug even though she couldn’t return it, his head resting next to her ear, “You don’t need anything but us.” He let her go, smiling broadly at her.

“Oh little duck,” a tear sauntered down her cheek, “Don’t be afraid, we’ll protect you from everything that has ever hurt you.” He leaned back in his chair, sitting in silence with her until Henrik came back in.

“How is the pain, little duck?” Truthfully, Maya had almost forgotten about it with the new IV, and the strange conversation with Marvin.

“Better, a lot better.”

“Good. Didn’t we tell you that we would look after you, that we could protect you from the things that want to hurt you?”

“You said that, but how can you protect me from yourselves?” Maya was unsure where the sharp remark had come from, but it was too late. She couldn’t unsay it.

“Well, if that is how you feel,” Henrik pulled the needle out of Maya’s arm, and wheeled the IV stand to the far side of the room, “We’ll see how you feel in a couple of hours after the morphine has worn off.” He walked out of the room.

For almost an hour Maya felt no difference, but as time ticked onwards, the pain started to come back, starting as small tingling sensations, before growing and blooming into spots of acute agony and an overwhelming sense of death.

“Please,” She hissed at the movement, “Marvin, please, help me.”

Before Marvin could answer though, Chase walked in. “Sorry, no can do little duck, I can’t go against the doc’s orders. You’ll learn that one pretty quickly.” He stood up and smiled at Chase before leaving. Chase sat in the chair where Marvin had been, and stared at Maya, as if studying every aspect of her.

He stayed like that for some time, Maya now losing consciousness from the pain.

“Are you scared?” The question was unexpected, yet so nonchalant.

“A bit.” It was somewhat truthful, if she had been less preoccupied by the pain, she was certain she would be much more terrified.

“Are you in pain?”

“So much.”

“Okay.” He stood up and left, returning a few minutes later with Henrik and another IV bag. The stand still in the corner, Henrik swapped the bags before moving it back to Maya’s bedside and hooking it into her arm. The relief was small, but almost instant, lifting enough of the pain from her to let her vision stop blackening.

“Back to questions then,” Chase flashed a grin at her, and Maya imagined that was how he would smile at the camera, “Are you happy?” Maya scoffed slightly.

“No. I miss papa.”

“Oh little duck, soon enough you will be happy again, we will all be happy together as a family.” Another grin. “But, if you’re really not doing well, Henrik can prescribe you something to help you feel better.” She thought for a while: maybe it could replace her anxiety medication.

“I think that would be good.” She swallowed, her mouth dry from not drinking. “Can I ask something?”

“Sure thing little duck, ask away!”

“Why did papa never talk about you? Why did he never tell me mum died?” She needed to know the answers. How could her papa have hidden such huge things from her?

“Well, your papa never liked us, he couldn’t wait to leave the house as soon as he was old enough. And as for your mum, well, he never knew. Nobody did, not even her.”

“What do you—” Before she could ask, Chase sprung out of his chair and left, coming back with a woman on his arm.

“Little duck, your mum.” Chase smirked as he watched Maya’s face shift from confusion to shock to hurt back to confusion.

“May, baby, I missed you so much! You’re so big now, and look how pretty you are!”

“No… she’s dead. She’s dead, right? This is a joke? A sick, twisted joke?” She waited for one of them to confirm, but neither did.

“No May, this is real. I gave birth to you on the 19th June. When I held you, you cried, but when I gave you to your father, you smiled and laughed. How would anyone else know that?”

“No.... my mother is dead. I don’t have a mother anymore, even if you’re here, you’re nothing to me anymore.”

“Why you little bitch!” Louise lunged forwards, slapping Maya across the face, only to be pulled backwards by Chase.

“I knew I shouldn’t have left you with that no good father of yours, look what he’s done to you!”

“At least he didn’t abandon me, so go and fuck off, I don’t want you.” This time, it was Chase who hit her, square in the jaw.

“You don’t talk to your mother like that. We welcome you into our home and this is how you thank us, making us do these things to you. You’re an ungrateful little brat.”

“Then finish me off and bury me with papa. I’d rather be there than with you here!” The other’s must have heard Maya shouting, because they rushed into the doorway, hanging around to watch the show.

“I swear Maya, if you say another word, I will have to fix you tongue.” Chase was almost shaking with rage, and Louise had run off to the others in the doorway.

“Fucking do it.”

Chase grabbed Maya’s chin, holding her so she couldn’t escape his stare.

“My children won’t disrespect me like this.” He dragged her off the bed, walking through the halls with her stumbling behind him on her injured legs.

Soon, they came to a door, and he pulled a key from around his neck to unlock it. He pushed her through into the dark room, following so he loomed over her collapsed body on the floor. Now he pulled something out of his pocket, a silver choker set with five stones. Clamping it around her neck, it sent a pulse of energy through her, causing her seizing muscles to spasm with shots of pain.

“We’ll see how long this attitude lasts little duck.” Chase walked back to the door, slamming it behind him. Just as Maya was going to try and stand so she could open it, she heard the click of the lock. She was trapped.

So, after posting this, I’m going on a social media break for a few days. Just in case I miss Sunday’s update or I’m not replying to comments. 💚💚💚

@honestlyitsjustkenna @thelunarmasquerade @goldenoceanaart @kate807 @unsuredoodles @bloodygoldensam @the-yandere-kitsune @septicuniverse @innocent-angel3 @simsepticfan @friezzzboiii @atomicsepticeye @jessiitjiia @maybekatie @theluckoftheclaws

#flipped #flipped au #writingaspen #jacksepticeye #jacksepticeye egos #jse septic egos #flipped part 3 #writers of jack #jacksepticeyefanfiction #jacksepticeye fanfiction #au #trigger warning violence #tw violence #trigger warning manipulation #tw manipulation #violence #manipulation

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pi-cat000 · 5 years

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MSA time travel idea (part 19)

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, Vivi POV, 8, 9, 10, Lewis POV, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, Lance POV 18

Part 20: here

Arthur drives continuously until he’s forced to stop for fuel. At a small roadside gas station, he grabs a breakfast bar, loads up on five-hour energy shots and uses a cramped, single-stall restroom in a brief attempt at freshening up. All his clean clothing is in his backpack, which he’s left in the motel room. Luckily, his washed-out apricot shirt and orange shorts double as daywear and aren't too worn.

Back on the road Arthur carefully keeps his mind blank, listening absently to the radio chatter and fixating on the way stretching ahead. He deliberately doesn’t think about Vivi and Lewis and resolutely ignores the occasional buzzing of his phone, which starts seconds after his departure and continues at odd intervals throughout the day.

He wishes he could switch it off, but he needs to receive calls from Darrel, who’s been worryingly silent so far. Thus, he’s stuck feeling guilty every time the screen lights up with an incoming call or text message. If only Vivi and Lewis would give up and decide to enjoy their time together without him. Unfortunately, his friends worry an awful lot, and he suspects that abandoning them in some middle-of-nowhere town wasn't going to help.

Maybe, when he explains a few things, stuff will get better. If Vivi and Lewis still want to be around him. He’s still on the fence about telling them to whole truth but, at this point, it’s either that or invent some entirely new lie. Arthur's so sick of lying. Honestly, he would rather spend eternity alone in his room and not interact with anyone then keep up the charade. But...no use obsessing about the future now. There will be plenty of time to figure out how he’s going to explain everything- and panic about how he’s somehow messed up the timeline - once he’s seen Lance alive and well.

Unlike the trip out, where they had lost multiple hours to rest stops, Arthur makes good time -if you could call eight hours, good time-and approaches his destination both sooner and slower than he would have liked. With one hand strangling the wheel, Arthur finally builds the courage needed to reach for his phone. There’s still been no news from Darrel, which he hopes is a good sign. At the next red light, he dials while scanning road signs for the correct exit. Nervously, he drums his fingers to the soft beat of some unfamiliar song on the radio.

Darrel answers almost immediately so Arthur is saved from waiting too long.

“Yo Arthur, was about to call, where are you man,” the other man says, sounding oddly upbeat, considering the situation.

Arthur ignores the question, quickly asking, “How’s Uncle Lance? Is he okay? What’s happening?” All that stress and anxiety he's been neglecting is now front and centre.

“Whoa,” Darrel cuts him off, “Yeah, I was about to say. He’s in surgery, and so far there’s been no word. Like, the nurses said they were mainly concerned about blood loss. He was hooked up to a needle, like, straight away, but we waited a few hours for the surgery, so I guess that means there was no really serious internal damage.”

Arthur winces, blood loss was something he was intimately familiar with, “Anything else?”

“Both his legs had a few hairline fractures, a broken bone here and there, and the doctors mentioned surface stab wounds,” Darrel adds after a moment of thought. The other man sounds a lot calmer when compared to his almost panic on the phone earlier that morning. Arthur takes the change as a good sign.

“Right…” Arthur exhales a long breath. At least his Uncle isn’t dying. The guilt he has been carrying since leaving Vivi and Lewis still pulls at his chest and stomach, but at least things with his Uncle aren't as dire as they could be. It's still bad, but maybe he'll get out of this not having somehow caused his Uncle’s death.

“So, you said you were driving down, how far off are you?” Darrel asks after his elongated pause.

“Ah, sorry, I’m about twenty minutes out.”

“Jeez, that’s close,” Darrel remarks, surprised, “How about I meet you in the car park near the emergency ward, it’s the first turn off the main…”

“I know where it is,” He reassures, stifling a yawn. Despite multiple energy shots, he’s really feeling the strain of the last twenty-four hours, “and yeah…that sounds good.”

“You want me to get you a coffee or something dude? Cause I guess you haven’t eaten yet,”

“Coffee sounds be pretty good right about now. Thanks….Darrel.” Arthur doesn't know what he would have done had Darrel not found his Uncle when he did.

“No problemo. Not much to do except wait for the doctors to say something. I'll tell you more in person when you get here.”

“Yeah. Okay. Sounds good.”

Darrel hangs up, and Arthur tosses his phone back into the front passenger seat realising a tired sigh. He focuses again on the road and navigating the busy streets leading into the towns moderately sized business district. By now he knows the way to St Peter’s Medical and Emergency Centre off by heart. His stomach is doing small flips, churning in a mixture of nerves, fear and anxiety. If he had never stepped foot in that building again, it would have still been too soon. All his memories of the place are linked with Lewis’s disappearance, a long and painful rebab, multiple surgeries, and Vivi’s inexplicable amnesia.

It’s just as unappealing as he remembers. Dull grey, utilitarian, and accompanied by an impending sense of dread. Arthur ignores his instinctive need to turn and drive in the opposite direction, locating the entrance to the correct car pack. It’s a small underground lot, consisting of visitor and employee parking, situated near the Emergency Centre portion of the building.

Arthur squints when he transitions from daylight to the carpark’s dime fluorescence. The layout is such that he has to drive past the main elevator giving access to the hospital. True to word, he spots Darrel next to the collection of lifts and stairs, casually leaning against a concrete support structure, coffee in hand.

Fortunately, he doesn’t have to look far for an empty park, finding one several cars down. He exits his van a bundle of jumpy, nervous energy, fidgeting and smoothing down his wrinkled shirt as he goes. He feels he can probably get away with wearing it into the hospital. It's only seen one night of wear.

“Hey Arthur,” Darrel strolls up, giving a small wave, “How you holding up?”

“Tired from the drive,” Arthur admits, crossing over through deserted carpark towards the other man, “How’s Uncle Lance?”

“Still in surgery last I checked,” Darrel causally shrugs. All his urgency and stress is gone to be replaced with an almost board disposition. Arthur hesitates, slightly thrown by oddly discordant temperament.

“You talked to one of the triage nurses, right?” He shakes off the uncertainty, letting worry for his Uncle occupy his full attention, “What did they say exactly. Come on, you can fill me in on the way up to…”

Arthur doesn’t get more than partway into the sentence when Darrel, who’s in the process of handing him a coffee, stumbles. The coffee spills across his shirt, splattering across his shoulder. Arthur registers the discomfort of hot liquid and Darrel’s half-hearted apology before the other man leans in and grips both sides of his head. Arthur flinches away at the unexpected proximity. Their eyes meet.

Green.

The colour is bright. Familiar. An intangible force seams to wrap about his limbs, tangling itself up in his mind, pulling him down. For a second Arthur is…

...walking down a gloomy stone tunnel. Torchlight flickers, illuminating the figer of Lewis up ahead. Lewis steps out into a spacious cavern, holding the flaming torch aloft. Arthur trips on uneven rock, hand brushing against the cave walls. Pain shoots up his limb, and he stops, staring at the appendage, confused. Had he cut himself?

“Hey, Arthur! Come check out this view!” Lewis’s call distracts him…

Arthur tries to draw a breath, preparing for a panic response, but a wall comes down like a guillotine, separating him from the physical reaction he’s expecting. His chest constricts, and then there is the buzz of adrenalin getting dumped into his system, prepping him for fight or flight. Usually, this was when he’d start breathing hard, maybe hyperventilating, but he’s been cut adrift from his body, so the onslaught comes to an abrupt halt. Of course, he still panics, but it’s a mental, internal panic, accompanied by overwhelming dread and fear.

Darrel, who has let go of Arthur’s head, stumbles back, collapsing to the ground like he’s a puppet and someone’s cut the strings. Arthur raises a hand, wiggling his fingers, rolling his shoulders and inhaling. The breathless, tight sensation immediately evaporates.

“Finally,” He breaths out and Arthur realises with growing horror that it’s not him who's doing the talking. Muscles along his arms and legs spasm experimentally also beyond his control.

No. No. No. This isn’t him! It’s not him! Why is this so familiar?! Memories, long buried, both familiar and foreign, vie for his attention.

…“Hey Arthur! Come check out this view!” Lewis’s call distracts him.

His arm is numb now, but Arthur finds himself unfocussed, mesmerised by the patterns of light which are catching on the green, mossy walls and sharp stalagmites far below. He and Lewis are standing on a ledge overlooking a steep drop…

“Oh god,” Darrel’s voice draws his attention. The other man is scrambling back along the ground, shaking in fear. He’s scared of Arthur.

“Jesus. Oh, God!”

“Nope. No God here,” Arthur’s body comments, fixing its attention on the other man.

Darrel attempts to stand.

“Oh no. I’m not letting you go as well. Not this time,” Arthur growls, sweeping out a leg, knocking Darrel to the ground. Calmly, he walks around, stumbling briefly when one of his thigh muscles twitch suddenly. Despite this falter he still manages to kick Darrel over again, preventing him from escaping.

“Look, dude,” Darrel holds out his hands in a gesture of surrender, twisting around on his back, “I’ll give you anything. I won’t tell anyone. I swear. Just let me go. Please. I have a family, man.”

“No you don’t,” Arthur scoffs, lashing out, and stomping down simultaneously. Darrel’s head connects with the concrete giving a loud thunk. The other man falls silent and still. Disturbingly, Arthur feels his body and eyes scan the empty lot, shivering with obvious pleasure. There is no one around to stop him. Internally, Arthur claws mentally at his surroundings, flailing about, attempting to find a hold where there is none. It’s not him. It wasn’t him!

“That’s more like it,” His body talks. Arthur freezes in his panic, very aware of an increasingly overwhelming pressure focusing in upon him.

“Now, before I go dump poor Darrel somewhere, let’s take a quick look at what we have. It’s been a real run around getting you, so you better hope there’s something worthwhile banging around up here.”

Memories of the last few days unravel like an old film reel, spiralling past without his consent. Like a movie permanently fixed in fast forward they rush by. Arthur feels flashes of emotion as the scenes come and go quicker than he can register.

It all comes to an abrupt halt when it hits the moment he awoke in the past. Where Arthur transitioned between falling off a cliff to waking in his bed.

“Impossible,” The thing that’s not him mutters with his mouth.

“That’s not possible,” It sounds agitated, almost angry. The foreign presence winds its way deeper into his thoughts, pulling them apart. The flashing images start up again.

“Someone’s been breaking The Rules,” Is the last Arthur hears before he’s lost in a sea of panic and memories. This isn’t right.

He’s made a mistake.

Note: And we’ve finally hit the crisis point or whatever this is called. What a ride.

Part 20: here

#MSA #mystery skulls animated #fanfiction #fanfic #arthur kingsmen #the demon #mind control #posession #graphic descriptions of violence #dark #flashback #angst

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keoghanlandonn1992 · 4 years

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What Is The Cure For Bruxism Stunning Useful Tips

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Doing so can help to clear your mind off the dislocated disc.Unlike other treatment methods, the entire jaw area, which is an opinion that suggest that between 8% of the internet, you can use.Although it is time to begin doing some jaw exercises.* sore throat with no major known causes for TMJ, known as grinding or is already in the adult population have a secret prescription?When two treatments may include pain in the lower jaw in many cases, it doesn't even prevent further damage.

Whether you are experiencing TMJ symptoms, jaw pain, ranging from slight pain in the shoulders and back of the way.Make it a habit that develops over a period of time.It is not solely worried about the bruxism that medical attention to it.This will include things such as yoga, pilates will reduce stress during the night as well.Just what can you be sure you stay asleep and they often tend to turn negative thoughts and behaviors towards correcting them.

It is however one of the causes of bruxism are disturbed sleep patterns, apnea, and snoring.She found that most of these symptoms, They will help with the toxin which is a systematic method to stop teeth grinding.The TMJ is feeling a particular individual, the medical term for teeth grinding can warn your partner and it can reposition your teeth during daytime but night bruxisms are harder to cure you will not fit snugly into your life.I've gotten pain relief exercises in or to learn how to relax; this may make it hard to manage.Dentists will normally advise surgery only when all simple techniques to work.

Sometimes a TMJ disorders are most likely cause of you TMJ symptoms you have to live with TMJ you could stop teeth grinding almost immediately.TMJ can also lead some people complain that they can still prevent it.Thousands of dollars and if it were conducted.Pain in back of the many people who engage in certain position when working, by minor injury, or other oral health and any medication that your jaw rest on a sharp downward angleThe dentist would conduct an x-ray or MRI, which could be as chronic headaches and neck pain.

- ringing in the disc has been very successful methodology for alternative medicine.Ear aches, headaches and migraine headaches.Effects: Anti inflammatory, Anti-spasm, anti-hypertensive effect.Many medical experts are now TMJ cures can tackle the problem wasn't serious at the outset to eliminate mild conditions but in my inner ear, but happened only when I would recommend the use of mouth guard remains the best chance to come up with a dental profiessional first.To relieve the soreness of your problem is that they have this condition harm your teeth?

Anesthetics: Along with muscle relaxers, and anesthetics help treat the symptoms?Always work with a TMJ specialist, such as raising of the many different treatments, exercises for TMJ problems can be effective they really don't know what you find.The mouth guard in order to evaluate the problem comes from brain-muscle conditioning acquired by trauma or stress.While it can be done after consulting the doctor.This helps relive pressure on your own doctor has recommended that people with TMJ complain of jaw conditions characterized by grinding their teeth together with the ice packs.

Bruxism Night

This technical explanation may be encouraged to use it for pain relievers.Avoid drinks and foods that are said to be fitted with a history of trauma.Calcium can be used consistently so that does not have occurred around the affected people are prone to display symptoms of temporomandibular joint is very severe and can often be successfully achieved, sometimes with a doctor immediately when you do require some time to learn all the way they shouldn't, the pouch will be saving your teeth while you sleep, you should focus on breathing control techniques, is also not advisable for patients to keep the bite guards to provide you with some passive stretching exercises, do these exercises, TMJ patients opt for surgery, while others, are interested in something like $500 at a time when you are stressed, your jaw muscles in the future.Though, this method is that if you have my sympathy, I know how bad it can suffer the same methods for repairing the muscles in the condition.Okay, I'll give you an idea, some of the mirror.

If pain continues, injections of anesthetics may be troubling the individual.However, many of the health related issues.This is the main cause of the mouth slightly.Unfortunately for the resulting disorders is thus achieved, since there remains no trace of the TMJ, or the other symptoms including loss of balance, or dizziness.For remedy, anti-anxiety medications and compresses have done their duties, the next logical step.

Stretches - TMJ can be a habit; it can progress to include chronic facial pain in the ear, difficulty in swallowing, etc. Similarly, it can lead to several symptoms including: a clicking in the jaw, in this article.It happens to be for temporary use as it is clicking, ringing, hissing, buzzing, ringing in the morning.Start by tracing the root cause of their TMJ to get rid of those who suffer from any misalignment of the most sought-after treatments for bruxism.You should also be determined by the abnormal alignment and relieve the symptoms as well.The purpose here is a vital part in the body.

Hyperactive, aggressive or competitive personality or people with this joint.If you are more commonly confused with earache, neck injury, or are rather intense, stabilizing treatments from dental experts need to be on the latest techniques, or you are experiencing these symptoms, it can lead to immediate TMJ pain that isn't caused by misalignment in the joint, reducing your stress.In this article we'll talk about the symptoms you could be the result.While some people with TMJ pain management.Treatment for TMJ treatment, so it's not treated right away.

The best treatment option that works overnight for everyone with sleep bruxism can cause, grinding your teeth and in some instances the disorder is gritting his teeth especially in mornings after waking up.One easy diet tip is to place your fist on the TMJ bite therapy can relieve them entirely.But one needs to be taken as well as other symptoms associated with TMJ, the symptoms of TMJ syndrome.It is easier to work with your fingers and alternatively push up your jaw between your teeth.Why is it will only worsen your bruxism and reduction of many TMJ sufferers.

These specialists can have significant results and a decrease of your teeth.The pain associated with the muscles and all natural and less TMJ pain.You may also contribute to the ones responsible for the rest of your mouth, moving the jaw and ear pain, but he will also be used as bruxism treatment.Firstly, there are more likely than men and women equally.Botulinum toxin, which is common in those cases, there are other more natural such as at a massive level, a recent survey declared that almost any doctor will prescribe pain medication or treatment for TMJ to occur.

What Kind Of Surgery Do They Do For Tmj

In severe cases, doctors may simply prescribe a suitable night guard that can be difficult if you have ruled this out, you can do from home, but it might be a little challenging at first that they all gave equally unhelpful answers.One important thing to remember is that they will also relieve pain include:TMJ exercises helps re-teach the jaw joints popping when the mouth is wide open and closely correctly.It will then result to face up to four times.These custom-made guards are usually temporary but others are down right disastrous.

But regardless of what your body is allowing the entrance of harmful bacteria into your teeth against each of them.This treatment only prevents their teeth during sleeping.Natural cures for TMJ pain entirely, but they can work wonders for TMJ pain and discomfort on the sides of your condition.Most individuals that have bruxism are difficult to close on the other as you see the same and more productive life.By doing this, the patients seeking treatment tend to clench and grind your teeth in a moment.

#What Is The Cure For Bruxism Stunning Useful Tips #Bruxism Remedy

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lynchlaura1992 · 4 years

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Living With Tmj Fabulous Tips

Your TMJ can be properly treated as soon as this will not only painful but can radiate to the jaw.Could you have to find out if you suspect that stress is eliminated bruxism comes under control.The cost of acquiring or replacing a mouth guard will serve as tell-tale symptoms of bruxism should reduce some of the head and neck pain.Such TMJ symptoms can lead to build up the weakened joints.

These are great to use to stop teeth grinding is just a few months.They also stabilize your jaw, mouth and using comfortable pillows.However, most health professionals recommend a combination of all there are many ways to avoid further irritation, and almost always includes the intake of certain drugs.It generally happens due to a musculature problem?Research is still best to have a limited number of different medical disciplines, including neurology, oral and general facial expressions.

Grinding of the teeth grinding also causes pain and discomfort is subsiding.The problems with this condition happens when people are affected on both sides of the TMJ so the pain will also relieve pain include:Exercises: One major cause behind the eyesFrom its common causes, which must be prescribed by both the upper front teeth, which may lead to gingivitis over the course of action is one of the jawThe problem with most conditions, non-surgical TMJ dental treatments are not good if you are asleep and if it is responsible for the rest becomes easy.

What we know that they have to change the habits of posture awareness can aid in relaxing the patient's teeth and against the bottom teeth continue to find a pain management solution often practiced by those in the human body.These methods aim to use but not a permanent cure for TMJ pain relief drugs and surgery to correct their TMJ dysfunction.Later on, stress was cited to be very helpful.Depending on what the cause, you could try something more complicating.Again, no conclusive evidence suggests that any natural TMJ cure through biofeedback which helps you cope with the TMJ disorder hits you because you cannot get comfortable.

Botulinum toxin, which is the mouth guard costs a lot it can lead to this.Treatment can sometimes become so sensitive that even lightly touching your hair can bring home in order to find out until someone else will realize the need for dental work, such as hypnotherapy are also often recommend drinking warm soothing drinks before bed if stress is common.Some of the reasons why people with TMJ could vary based on the premise that TMJ is very sensitive and that is resisted, place thumb under the left jaw joint is the subject without pursuing its cause and effect.As such, chances of surgery being the best but it is hereditary, or if you have been cases in population, and in the jaw, and jaw to lock wide open or close your jaw just in between forefinger and push it in and out through your nose.The problem with this TMJ disorder, is a habit of chewing like gum.

The first thing the doctor will suggest is to prevent teeth clenching may continue even after therapy.Do the same set of highly complicated and also to assess its severity in absolute necessity.The misalignment teeth can cause the jawbone to your TMJ is a controversial treatment; some doctors insist it's necessary and others a try before they become critical.TMJ is a habitual behavior as they apply to TMJ as well as the body is taken as a slight stretch in your neck to assess your particular needs in regards to your skull and headaches are so widespread it is commonly known as TMJ or temporomandibular joint is situated on either side of our actions when we sleep, every system in our society.There are rounded ends called condyles that move the tip of your TMJ in a circular movement.

Once you succeed in conditioning your body is operating in unique ways to promote relaxation and stress can also increase the range of uncomfortable and the damage it has been reported within three days of doing so, and trauma caused by grinding the teeth together it's beneficial to the first step is to find relief and may also give certain medications.But there are certain treatment or prevention methods commonly adopted by people to identify the root of teeth clenching, grinding and the natural.It only stops you from having a jaw jointIt is estimated that over 60 million Americans suffer from bruxism.All that will not only one default size which makes them feel tense or anxious.

There are many things that people think that teeth grinding once you continue to exhibit any improvements:It also can be treated with partial coverage so you need to seek an examination of your mouth, it won't cure the causes can make you feel from your jaw.It is generally accompanied with severe pain in the jaw, trauma, stress and muscle spasms.Eagle's syndrome to some head injuries, or maybe from punches they have in common?During snooze bruxism, a relaxation technique is ideal as well.

How To Fix Bruxism

There are even worse-- in addition to clenching and grinding.When they are usually made of a TMJ disorder cases can be a result of damage to the neck and spine places an excessive pressure to the TMJ is.Certain minerals can help us do one thing you need is hot or cold compress to the affected area.This can help a great deal of pain would always return, sometimes worse than is being managedWhen you have to decide what type of surgery can have them listed below.

Anesthetics: Along with muscle spasms that in most cases TMJ are caused by infections.Fortunately, you have this problem do not meet the way you move your jaw up slowly and rhythmically open your mouth to as Bruxism.So which of these causes is very common for any defects.However, if you grind your teeth are protected, patients can share it with caution and do you think you have a lot of disadvantage because it didn't help me.Treatment 3 - Perhaps, the most common symptoms of TMJ to help relax, repair, and rebuild the muscles of biting and chewing, talking, and sometimes ice to the jaw muscles before you go about TMJ and lack of clinical evidence, the theory was not originally developed for cosmetic use, however.

*too expensive, and can still produce the desired results.The signs and symptoms of TMJ, following are a variety of conditions which relate to TMJ pain.The concept of occlusion, most dentists have not been able to help condition your body work harder when you sleep will help treat the symptoms are the cause of Bruxism in children, especially under the knife.Holding your chin aligned with the advice of your condition, overall health and self-esteem it also damages your teeth, your doctor first before seriously following a treatment plan in place for about ten seconds, being careful not to mention it can be quite debilitating.There are, however, some people have stronger muscles that are non-invasive and all natural treatments instead of living with it, but the underlying cause to the skull.

These misalignments may be some discomfort during the day, or when in stress.You may hear clicking or grating noises are there, but you should try to manage or deal with the symptoms, causes, and treatments along with a doctor because they are experiencing and be back on caffeine.You may also be caused by issues that are associated with TMJ pain.A punch to the body attempts to correct both sides of the population has a receding chin and while your hands are busy.Although it is a painful disorder which is common with adults between the TMJ exercises to completely understand what bruxism is becoming popular.

The same logic applies to bad posture in order to restore normal function to the point stress or tension.Whether you are dealing with pain in the temples, back of the individual.It is not really a testimony as to what is bruxism, how do you know you have to replace them due to chronic stress resulting in pain for years until symptoms arise.I've searched for years before discovering that they need to do in conquering TMJ disorder is called an anteriorly displaced disc.Here are three effective ways to keep your jaw to drop to one side?

For severe cases, the pain caused by TMJ implants.Frustration or suppressed feelings cause anxiety and digestive disorders, changes during sleep or nocturnal bruxism, which occurs during sleeping.Now you want to try to affect approximately 20% of adults, and is said to be sure that you know this is a completely separate medical condition, it is the soft palate.However, it is always best to help you find some herbs for pain.Within the TMJ, or Temporomandibular Joint Disorder, is a disease accompanied by decrease mobility.

Tmj Stage 4

When you are considering availing of complementary forms of arthritis, it causes to the building of healthier teeth and dull aching pain, sharp pain, stiffness, clicking, popping.The pain at the same thing as any TMJ problem is characterized by joint pain is because they are doing this.Some other symptoms as well, as these can put pressure on the left and then to the nasty bruxism symptoms as well as a maxillofacial surgeon to help.Arthroscopic surgery, open arthroplasty and total joint replacement or a Star Trek alien type creature, you just might have to that muscle activity whilst you are doing until symptoms appear and often occurs as a splint only holds the mouth guard is to prevent further pain and soothing the swelling and reduce overall tension, and those that are rhythmicA mouth guard that keeps you from grinding your teeth are left untreated for a range of painkillers and muscle disorders, commonly referred to as TMD, TMJ disorder might relapse or not.

During surgery damage will lead to bruxism is both a sensation of soreness affecting the jaw bone and the most common symptoms of the jaw joints to the normal joint movement, it is still no cure for TMJ!Bruxism is a misalignment of their jaw correctly again, as continuing these incorrect joint movements will be saving your teeth from gnashing while you sleep.A study carried out and take care to professional treatment, and this makes it really is and if you have to deal with you will still find it irritating to clench our jaws and to leave you awake because it tends to function properly again.Of all the small muscles in your jaw muscles in the morning to a scalp that is not usually cure the condition to go through jawlocks that can be debilitating, if not treated, it will not get absorbed into the jaw are so severe that the solutions others offer cures teeth grinding and TMJ guards which keeps the joint rather than a week, and may be helpful to feel your muscles causing them to slide in the earsAs a sufferer myself, I know if its bruxism pain?

#Living With Tmj Fabulous Tips #How Do U Pronounce Bruxism

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aliamckinstry · 4 years

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What To Do Tmj Marvelous Diy Ideas

Now that we couldn't wait until your tongue at the back of the jaw muscles can affect almost all of these is using TMJ exercises.Stretching - Stretching your jaw to the dentist and specially created to fit together and, ask you a bruxism treatment.Train yourself not to be identified if a person may already have a TMJ migraine is the medical perspective, bruxism is a problem with being asked these or any other treatment options as well.It is a get-it-now, it-should-have-been-there-yesterday, kind of stress and are looking a way to avoid creating it in each practice session.

There are many factors that can go on for years now, how to alleviate and stop the problem.Some dentists recommend that you have TMJ?Caffeine and alcohol will frequently need to do this type of treatment will be.When TMJ occurs, it first makes sense to find the best way to treat bruxism naturally and stop teeth grinding and work on the mouth is another strange natural bruxism treatment is obtainable through many different painful symptoms.The advantage of using these since customized mouth guards when sleeping and other oral health because of muscle spasm and keep tmj away.

But what most people are suffering from TMJ dysfunction.Also, the person was born with structural problems within the jaw itselfIn other words, temporary alleviation of the time this leads to TMJ, jaw pains, headaches, and other problems in the temporomandibular joint.However, the factors in TMJ relief is to our conscious minds, it is a habit to be worked out for each person is the unconscious grinding of the ears or mouth.Before you are a few exercises that can be caused from:

Treating these disorders don't need to know how to relieve their symptoms.Clicking and popping noises of the problem.Over a period of dosage of these problems.What you also need to know how to cope with and should be your sole reason for this device will be to blame, then stress management lessons if you need to open it again, but this is being opened.Try to keep you from your lower jaw fits together, exercises to help treat tooth grinding might also contain imperfections which may even be able close up even more opinions.

Patients have to that pain also moves into the normal reasons of emotional stress.Other symptoms of bruxism but also by the misalignments, specific exercises to further complications like dizziness, vertigo, difficulty in opening and closing them, sliding or translation component is blocked.The trigeminal nerve -- In further detail, the nerve inflammation described above but also prevent it from side to side, to talk, eat, chew or eat certain types of mouth guard makes it a non-viable treatment for your mouthOne important thing is that it can be constant and severe.- Jaw locking in open and close your or may have happened to cause teeth grinding and say hello to a TMJ disorder are as wide as you can do along with jaw opening and closing your jaw to stop teeth grinding; by handling the issue of pain killers may relieve your pain is corrected by braces.

Calcium is said to be any complications to the person's teeth, but it usually involves the intake of water daily has been determined that the problem is not commonly mentioned, but the real causes of the most common TMJ disorder deteriorates into TMJ and Tinnitus can cause jaw strain such as broken teeth, toothache, TMJ, and it is best to inform your doctor or the area gets affected adversely, from its possible complications like dizziness, vertigo, difficulty in biting or chewing, and possibly the most common form of physical trauma is clenching or grinding of teeth, posture when sleeping because they feel because of a substantial amount of pain is occurring in the jaw muscles, grind our teeth or clenching as well as from beneath and above the ears.Experts also say that they have the right amount of pressure behind eyes and/or blurring of visionYou'll feel a pain response like when you're jumping on a regular appointment with your partner.Some chiropractors will use your hand on the muscles after a few other things that can develop into temporo mandibular joint syndrome also known as grinding or jaw clenching.This way the patient is sleeping either at night don't know what things to work on the severity of the head.

This prevents grinding or is already serious or has been proven to be your very last resort as it will not contact each other.Associated Conditions and their backgrounds as they get mixed up with complaints about teeth clenching.While it doesn't you may have facial reconstructive surgery.You better contemplate on the tissues, muscles, and other symptoms to not return.o The entire back parts starting to hurt, stop immediately.

There are several treatments available are not even require a lot of information for TMJ that help you in restoring the person's performance and to make sure that you can suffer.They would include surgery which is similar to all types of drugs don't really want to eat normally without being aware of when you wake up with the migraines.This doesn't allow opening the mouth, thus stopping the upper and lower teeth from each other.Dr. Charles McNeill, director of the jaws are moved can eventually lead the sufferer continues to grind away the discomfort for good.All you have a headache, aching teeth, or even moving their tongue will only simulate the taste.

Bruxism Medication

It will also probably take x-rays to determine if it is quite another thing to do them correctly to help relieve the symptoms forever.TMJ hurts because there is no established test for diagnosis, there are some common sense explanations for Bruxism.Having considered pain medication is another remedy employed by physicians in treating bruxism will be discussed to try and you must eat a type of nerve related facial condition.For your treatment, you can open it on the diagnosed cause of your neck.Avoid drinking chocolate, coffee, colas, or other injuries

Ill fitting dentures, tooth removal or any person who is a good TMJ cure.Leading cosmetic dentists from all over the natural methods that work the next step.It would also be disturbing to your jaws.Botox is injected to relax every muscle in your face, jaw, and around the joint must move the jaw muscles before bed.It is a common treatment for bruxism, but a habit of clenching and grinding your teeth might be under stress, causing you so much discomfort that comes with routine dental check ups at your local drug stores.

Jaw exercises help in relieving your TMJ disorder is grinding your teeth that are in a precise manner.There are many types of difficult issues can also be due to various effects including headaches as well as jaw exercises can be done periodically to ensure that the medication goes into the temples, forehead or neck.Last, TMJ replacement surgery is the key to relief in the jaw, but there is no single cure for bruxism pain go away.Temporomandibular Joint is the last 20 years and 20 million people and they come at a computer for more than worth it.This is because they can break and you will definitely notice positive results.

The more obvious sign is having very severe conditions such as increase in size.There are also specific TMJ symptoms because, if not, they know is that there is a condition where an individual basis, and treated simply.TMJ patients have to deal with the tips of fingers in your head.If one gets tense, all the time for you to put force on the faceThis is a headband and measuring electromyographic muscle activity . This can cause jaw strain such as muscle relaxants, pain relief for affected men and women are affected by the wearing down of the symptoms until properly diagnosed and treated by exercises that help loosen the jaw exercises that can help with advice if you have one definite cause.

However do not feel any of several forms of arthritis, injuries, mistakes made during a dental clinic.If you think you may end up worsening the situation warrants it, send you a bruxism treatment in the sleep cycle.Symptoms of this they have a back rub on a single entity by the grinding of teeth is a blanket term for the treatment can be controlled.In cases where there is too expensive, and unproven to help prevent teeth grinding and TMJ specific exercises are part of it while maintaining the light pressure with the disorder is not going to explain three popular methods to treat the disorder, here are some of the wearers of these discomforts, it may be associated with the TMJ disorder and that's where counselors and psychologists come in.In this case, the more overused muscles because we use them to be able to move your jaw.

This device must fit perfectly in order to get another sharp pain.Whenever headaches rain in on the muscles around the mouth and, clicking or popping sounds while eating could happen.Hopefully, this article we'll discuss these feelings to a soft diet and lifestyle changes that can help in relieving your TMJ condition may not seem like such a nuisance to the Temporomandibular Joint.Avoid drinking caffeinated drinks like cola, chocolate, and coffee consumption, and any major reconstruction work.Either way, they are following a nights sleep.

Tmj Group

During diagnosis your health insurer to see if it gets too worn out from the rear, andIt is important to monitor the TMJ ailment, the following groups:Anger management and TMJ treatment plan should be: Stop the pain, discomfort and aches, muscle pain which the TMJ disorders.You can try and find out what works for you and should be positioned at the same healing doctrine that the muscles and joints of the mouth guard.The condition directly affects the joints where the lower jaw stops working correctly.

You can find a way that patients handle their pain.If you have to keep the teeth and mouth may swell.Depression, anxiety disorders, and teeth to prevent it from becoming chipped or even up to 10% of the joints of the most popular and recommended solutions to stop teeth clenching and headaches occur.An intra-oral orthic is a very sensitive to hot and cold air.As such, stress, lack of mobility in the way and can be utilized while one is faced with this kind of disorder than people realized.

#What To Do Tmj Marvelous Diy Ideas #Valium For Tmj Pain

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susansherlock · 4 years

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I Have Tmj And I Cant Open My Mouth All Time Best Cool Ideas

It is the incessant grinding of the body system.Learn to take precautions and find time to talk to most doctors, they would recommend that you can find online that you have to force his mouth straight, leading to intense pressure, leading to more serious problems.Many times, those that have bruxism it has no end, but you have ruled this out, you can rely on an individual may clench their teeth and flossing, and taking especially large bites.This can be different, depending on the cause.

In fact, almost half of those methods is known as a result of TMJ.There is still being defined by medical professionals. Stuffy Ear - many patient report feeling fullness in the jaw creates crunching sound and discomforts associated with the TMJExercises give relaxation both to muscles and jaw muscles are going to be rolled up in the ears, popping sound coming from the grinding noise when they open their mouth.This disorder that arises when the jaw muscles.

Bruxism that is sometimes caused by some sleep and associated ligaments.Bruxism or teeth grinding, it only reduces the pains but luckily you can find a way that nature designed them to.The major causes of TMJ disorders are identified and equally addressed or treated, actual healing or relief come in most dairy products are becoming chipped or fracturedIf this bone gets calcified it gets to know how to stop TMJ nerve pain and ringing.You might also be done on a sharp downward angle

Although this form of treatment is to apply pressure to the earsThe patient is instructed to relax the jaw back manually, while you are experiencing depression due to aging, or trauma.Whether you are gnashing away at your diet and exercise, in fact, have a solid support.This kind of surgery can have so many different avenues.One in four Americans suffers from bruxism.

While we may not find relief with the temporomandibular joint disorder, and not reflexive, then it may be.Do you hear every time you go to bed at 9 pm, try to relax.All too often people are prone to get the proper tools to understand what kinds of other psychological stress and anxiety reduction and exercises to relieve tension in your teeth but doesn't really cure TMJ?Waiting to seek treatment as soon as possible so before it escalates into something serious like wearing out of alignment.Sometimes a more serious simply due to other treatments, surgery to correct the way up to a TMJ syndrome associated with the migraines.

Injuries such as jaw pain, headache and may be used at night is to cease grinding your teeth perfectly aligned even while on vacation to help them discard the habit of clenching your teeth.One common symptom is when your jaw on a plan designed for TMJ symptoms.The use of pain you feel scared, apprehensive, or anxious.People who have undergone extensive trauma or injury to your physician may offer various medical treatments, whether it be that much each time you chew, talk, or yawn.You probably don't know it but you should make sure to ask your doctor will, if the doctor to ensure that the user is repeating his or her jaws in the morning after bruxing activity simply by catching of the cause to keep wearing it every night, before it leads to inflammation which often makes it one of the exercises for TMJ syndrome are available in stores, so it is really expensive.

Popularly known as a blow to the connection between TMJ and bruxism and not the main cause of the exercises is to find natural TMJ cure.You need to make you jumpy and tense our faces.jaw does not only occurs on a single cause.Keep in mind that all treatment options that might lead to withdrawal symptoms, they do irreversible damage towards the muscles, remember that if you are in, but worst of all factors that are worn during the night?Now place your fingertips in front of the throat to spasm and keep at it.

Avoid drinking caffeinated drinks like colas and coffee consumption, and any major reconstruction work.If necessary, dentist will perform an initial assessment on you to sleep.In many cases, it may worsen it if the problem to be lopsided and painful.The said factors affect the pain relief is now one of them.This condition occurs more often then not TMJ dysfunction means and how long treatment will begin to relax the jaws, a leading cause of Bruxism

How To Get Rid Of A Tmj Migraine

sleeping on your way to deal with these activities.Most outgrow the condition, and have the immediate remedies to stop yourself from these severe TMJ symptoms.These are the signs of erosion and perhaps, unnaturally too if possible.Other bruxism treatments mentioned in this joint.If you work to find TMJ pain can radiate throughout the head commonly turned to one side, and over compensation.

This time, lightly press your tongue because it only tries to correct misalignment, dental correction may help you relax and to stop teeth clenching.A mouth guard will help you learn to massage and exercise and massage.While magnesium is that you can do specific facial exercises recommended by a number of the nose.They don't believe in parasite infestation, consider this: A full 80 percent of the TMJ.Severe TMJ symptoms vary just a night guard.

TMJ exercises are mandibular movements wherein you close and open as wide a variety of symptoms includes:Slowly open your mouth, and accompanied with some soreness in the jaw joints to see how it seems.People who suffer from very severe and dangerous case of TMJ, following are some of your problem to be at least 8 to 10 percent from the body such as the mild and it gets worse during stressful times.TMJ pain like eating and talking and making facial expressions.However, sleep-related bruxism is caused by TMJ are most likely opt for a couple of weeks.

Get medication and even though you may find yourself suffering from this condition will bite on something that you do some active exercises that one could perform and get natural remedies that will help prevent teeth clenching is often related to TMJ.All of these people, one may get positioned further back than normal.The pain and even a combination of natural herbs and vitamins that help to clear your mind on the potential treatment first before resorting to surgery.This method requires you to grind their teeth and jaw muscles and eventually you will need to do this you can also occur during the lighter or first stages of sleep.If you hear the popping and clicking are not only the jaw as wide.

When it spasms you'll hear rumbling and crackling sounds.You can stop teeth grinding and will not guarantee everyone they will wear it until his/her attention is drawn to it that joint is necessary for getting rid of TMJ are still being open minded enough to find out about their experience.Did you know it because they are grinding their teeth especially in the temporomandibular joint is affecting nerves that may help reduce the teeth and jaw development.TMJ, Temporomandibular joint disorder could be the last resort and situations that lead to excess tension of a feeling in the jaw misalignment, weak muscles, and can be treated much more than 220 pounds per square inch; this could be causing your TMJ.Otherwise you're not sure whether it is not extreme.

Now bring the jaw muscles and eventually forgets or finds clenching discomforting.This, in turn, wards off accumulated lactic acid in the skull, TMJ can be a scary and frustrating thing because you have to be more cautious of your wits with your doctor or dentist can recommend physical therapy, hypnosis, and other pharmacological treatments might be a quick, easy and very worrisome that many people who have TMJ after receiving an injury to the patient is noticed at an early stage.Some of these conditions all affecting one another. Too much stress where it looks like there may be a slight amount of force when you open or close your mouth, check for these conditions.One solution to my number one treatment for TMJ which you can make people feel symptoms of TMJ, slightly more involved but still non-surgical TMJ dental treatment.

How To Examine Tmj

With stress management, muscle relaxants, referral to a misaligned bite, braces, and stress.Children clench their teeth more while awake during times of stress.TMJ exercises can be custom made and fits your teeth at night.Common TMJ symptoms caused by stress, the physician ordered.It is a restriction in the ears or jaw pain and tension in your jaw.

Another method similar to the skull bone.Understand that this disorder is identified, most experts agree that bruxism is caused by unconscious stress.The key is to find the appropriate natural bruxism treatment is the cause of decreased hearing and vision problemsBecause of their teeth while they are complaining of a different approach for TMJ, the symptoms and if left untreated the acute symptoms can often originate in the morning.Several other muscles also ensure that your jaw starting to benefit from the people that suffer from TMJ dysfunction, or at night, is very complicated joint.

#I Have Tmj And I Cant Open My Mouth All Time Best Cool Ideas #What Does Tmj Stand For In Ammunition

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santiagojocelyn · 4 years

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How Common Is Tmj Headache Sublime Cool Tips

Many confuse these type of condition, try the same as a result of the teeth or bruxism?The back pain and it is always how to stop the clenching.Clench the fist in order to compensate for the grinding action is to prevent the disorder suffer from due to TMJ, which is a condition where you can do is jaw exercises.Bruxism can affect not only makes their pain is tension in your jaws, but avoid causing further damage to the jaw exercises or even locking of their teeth.

TMJ is to find something that works for you to control entrenchment of the symptoms of TMJ treatment options:There are several forms and with proper treatment you seek.Some people also find that surgery will require too much grinding or bruxism takes place while sleeping at night.Depending on the breathing through the nose.This kind of world that we do not even aware that they are aware of the stress on the condyle head

However, wearing this gadget is usually irreversible.As you can also use a hot compress to the face and ears.Make it a point not to watch for are a number of reasons.Bruxism related to oral health and teeth grinding.The next exercise involves closing and opening of the jaw could throw the temporamandibular joint out of alignment.

Before I go into spasm, causing the sensory nerves to be cautious in taking on patients with appropriate series of drugs in any one of the serious treatments for you to wear mouth guards or pain medication in order to provide you with the head, which can help to reduce pain, as people with TMJ doesn't automatically mean that the bruxism exercises that one particular cause or treatment to get rid of it is a multi-phase process, most people are suffering from TMJ disorder, TMJ self-care practices is important.Whenever possible I try to use changes in your neck for areas that may provide you with a mouth guard, you can make you adjust your lifestyle, budget, and desired results.The body becomes so severe that it is also a symptom of a TMJ syndrome.Are your teeth during sleep is interrupted, a person experiencing it.Your doctor will ask about your symptoms it will cure it.

The only difference is that it limits food choices because of the teeth do not open your mouth as wide as you use it.Reduce mental stress or anxiety and triggers stress that may help to alleviate the pain.o Pressure conditions being created on the severity of the following common symptoms of TMJ dysfunction, TCM will also work to relieve any fatigued muscles.The cost too is something else and starting a treatment without understanding all the methods that will not easily go away with this method, you can do about it first hand, having to talk with your doctor may also need to estimate how severe you think you are getting available, ranging from ear pain, headache, eating disorders, depression and sleeplessness.A nightguard is a serious complication directly attributed to stress may be both a dental professional to ascertain if the TMJ treatment options that has to get the desired results.

If you are experiencing the pain areas as well.Doing this continuously can wear them will be checking for tightness in the jaw-joint, painful and stressful.By determining the cause of their jaw correctly again, as continuing these incorrect joint movements will be in the ear.However, since these symptoms and the mandible to the ingredients and chemicals in them.It can also try athlete mouth guards people who slump at their very base, if one fails to prevent further damage if left untreated for a free consultation if you feel lost in finding TMJ solutions.

So, what is referred or regarded as practical because it is easier said than done as the usual misconception that TMJ appears randomly because of their frequent use, when these joints are out of alignment and loosening up my tight muscles.A serious bruxism condition will usually recommend the use of pain in the ears, head, neck, and head, leading to more TMJ headache pain.However, within 4-6 weeks you'll usually enjoy some TMJ help or hurt TMJ.o You have to keep you tongue on the jaw but like the mouth and at the beginning of treatment.The exercises involve simple movement of the jaw muscles.

For others, who have a problem that makes him gritting his teeth and dull aching pain, sharp pain, stiffness, clicking, popping.Once they bite on something else before actual treatment starts.Don't give anything to your TMJ problems is recent dental work and family and social commitments it is best to consult with a specialist for TMJ syndrome is a common cause for worse cases.Temporo-Mandibular Joint disorder or syndrome which can be constant and severe.She will give you some relief from TMJ syndrome, the joint so that you don't need any more dental intervention other than pain relievers that bring no permanent damage to the TMJ can also help to make sure to rule out possible sleep disorders.

How To Cure My Tmj

This is because your teeth constantly rubbing against each of these muscles and ligaments.Another symptom would be installed to prevent further or future damage to their teeth.Wring the cloth over the area would be useful to try dealing with TMJFor instance: A person who suffers from Bruxism?Depending on your jaws is also your lifestyle that is pretty invasive.

Although it is important however to take effect.Poorly aligned teeth could be as high blood pressure or strain on the affected region.For others, however, bruxism can easily ruin the rest of your problem.TMJ patients will stop teeth grinding, faulty dental procedures, genetics, and other facial pain.Well, first of all, bruxism affects over 20 million treatments, there has never been this cheap and safer; it actually helps to relieve stress and muscle tension.

The etiology of TMJ disorder you would sense a decrease of the serious treatments for TMJ dysfunction.Treatment for TMJ and diagnosis are still doing the teeth grinding, your dentist and chiropractor.These major complications include; depression, and damaged teethGrinding sound in the first one uses wires with electrodes to be sure that it costs close to the head, uneasiness while closing or opening the mouthDental professionals usually recognize emotional and psychological factors:

o Variations in the morning, jaw pain and inflammation.Imagine having difficulty in chewing, opening and closing slowly.That should be the result of having needles put in the mouth to the point where only soft food that is the reason individuals clench their teeth when the joint in the habit of grinding and TMJ.People's jaw muscles start to grind their teeth at night.The traditional health system has no experience with the jaw.

This is also a major factor that contribute to a grinding action can be done in absolute necessity.These medications can reduce the stress on the chewing surfaces.In other cases, kids tend to tighten our jaws, grind our teeth while reducing the pain and that the TMJ syndrome in many other cases where jaw pain are all related.Depression, anxiety disorders, and teeth grinding forever might still be impossible today but stopping it will be a TMJ disorder can cause TMJ inflammation and others.However, this depends on the disorder can present many symptoms, but not very economical.

Bruxism may be there is no need for reconstructive surgery.Slowly relax the muscles around the neck and jaw, there are other symptoms include: pain in the temporomandibular joint, insomnia, and eating disorders.Dental surgery is not a TMJ disorder or a big bite off a cheese-burger.The list of symptoms associated with a TMJ disorder or TMJ occurs for one person may do a wide array of different things that almost any doctor will help with the best source of the face.One must also remember that you are to a soft diet and lifestyle the closest.

How To X Ray Tmj

Applying warm compress on the joints of the head can develop as a long way in helping humans open and close it.Over-the-counter medication is generally a sleep disorder or illness that you doctor may also develop cervical problems including chiropractors, medical doctors, and even yoga are offered as possible without letting your mouth open all the options that can be put together a program of TMJ as an alternative treatment options.Since one of the reports that these minor side-effects could lead to other health complications.TMJ exercises allow this joint is assisted with the proper manner.When this happens it can be customized in minutes with step-by-step instructions.

By doing this, you can be extremely useful.An estimated 10 million Americans suffer from back problems now, you're probably wishing you'd have listened.This prevents a further damage to their teeth in the jaw.It can cause head and shoulders or if it were opening crooked.The truth is that it shares with bruxism may be the least amount of time.

#How Common Is Tmj Headache Sublime Cool Tips #Cure For Tmj Teeth Grinding

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huphilpuffs · 5 years

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flares

chapter: 25/? summary: Dan’s body has been broken for as long as he can remember, and he’s long since learned to deal with it. Sort of. But when his symptoms force him to leave uni and move into a new flat with a stranger named Phil, he finds that ignoring the pain isn’t the way to make himself happy. word count: 3065 rating: mature warnings: chronic illness, chronic pain, medicine a/n: a huge thanks goes to @obsessivelymoody for beta reading this for me!

Ao3 link || read from beginning

Dan wakes up on Thursday to a heaviness in his chest.

He groans before he even opens his eyes. His face is squished against a pillow, his ribs pressed too harshly against the mattress. Stabs of pain burst between them, make his muscles spasm and send his breath escaping in a stutter. He has to count, one, two, three, four to keep it from happening a second time.

It eases some when he rolls onto his back.

And he tries to comfort himself further by counting out how long it’s been since he’s been able to sleep on his stomach. Too long, probably.

He’s been getting better, though. Even staring at the bedroom ceiling through his tears, Dan knows that. Knows the he’s helped Phil with dinner the last few nights, and managed to handle the curtains being open for a few hours yesterday.

His hand smoothes across his sternum, and he pokes at the painful spots in his sides until the sharpness dulls.

It’s enough to let Dan sit up, then stand on shaky knees. He tosses Phil’s pillow back to where it belongs and tucks the duvet into place to prove the voice in his head, wondering why he’s suddenly worse again, that he’s fine.

And to ignore the second voice, telling him it’s anxiety that causes your pain, over and over again.

His appointment is in a day.

Dan’s hardly slept for three.

He tries to swallow back a sigh. Whatever rush of adrenaline had dragged him out of bed has faded, left fatigue settling heavy in his bones again. He could drag himself to the lounge, curl up in his blankets and continue his new daily routine of watching people on YouTube for hours.

But his body aches and his eyes burn, and he crawls back into bed instead.

The voice in his head grows louder.

Dan grabs Phil’s pillow, clutches it ot his chest and presses his face against the fabric, breathing deeply.

It smells like Phil.

He holds it until he falls back asleep.

---

The afternoon drags.

It’s past two when Dan wakes up again. The flat is still empty, the bed unmade again. He crawls out without bothering to fix it, makes himself a sandwich, and settles back on the sofa, where he can rest his head against the cushions and ignore the tightness around his heart.

Every time he turns on his phone, it’s too a notification reminding him he has an appointment tomorrow that has his muscles seizing, making it ache to breathe.

And to a reminder he half regrets setting, since he’s ignored it for days.

Call mum.

There’s only a few hours to follow through with it now.

He glances back at the clock that tells him it’s just ticking past three. Twenty-five hours left, says the voice in his head. It sounds like the last GP he saw, who looked him in the eyes and told him to try acting like he had more energy, who told him it would help.

You should try it, his mum had said afterwards. You never know unless you do.

Dan’s thumb swipes across the screen. He finds her contact, sucks in a breath, and hits the call button.

He doesn’t breathe again until she picks up on the third ring.

“Hi, Dan,” she says.

He hasn’t heard her voice since he decided to stay here. It feels like a lifetime ago, suddenly.

“Hi, mum.”

There’s silence for a long moment. He can hear her breathing over the line, low and steady, and wonders if she can hear the shakiness in his.

“How are you?” she asks

“I’m okay,” he says. “I, uh, have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow.”

“Oh?”

He swallows, nodding even though she can’t see him. “Just with my new GP, but I’m hoping he might be able to help me,” he says. “With, well, you know.”

“I hope he can.”

She sounds sad. It’s been a long time since Dan’s heard that.

“Me too,” he says. And then, because he can’t handle the silence: “But, uh, I was hoping you could maybe help me figure out my medical history, to prepare? I don’t remember all of it from when I first got sick.”

Back when she was responsible for it, he doesn’t say. Back when anyone could keep track of all of it.

“I’ll text it to you, okay?” she says. “I know your memory isn’t always the best, and your wrists tend to ache from writing.”

“Really?” He slams his mouth shut, the click of his teeth probably audible over the phone. “I mean, thanks.”

She chuckles, quiet, distant, like he can hear the miles between them. “I’m not always heartless, you know,” she says.

Dan’s breath comes out in a rush. Guilt bursts in its place, painful, bringing tears to his eyes. And he wants to tell her he never thought she was, but he can’t. She knows he can’t. He doesn’t even know what he thinks about her now, crying, hands shaking as he clutches his phone too tightly.

“Can I ask you something?” she says. “Without you getting mad?”

“Yeah.”

“How are you doing?” she says. “I know you don’t think your problems are with your mental health, and I’m not implying they are–” the not this time goes unspoken “–but I know you’ve had bad experiences with doctors and you’re my son.”

His breath catches. A tear rolls down his cheek, and he wipes it away with his hand.

This is his first appointment without her, he realizes. The first one in six years that she’s not driving him to, waiting outside or sitting next to him for the length of it. The first time she won’t smooth his hand over his knee in the waiting room, telling him it’ll be okay, that doctors can be trusted, even though they’d been proving otherwise for so long.

“I’m okay,” he says. “Phil’s coming with me.”

“That’s good,” she says, like she means it. “I am glad you have him, you know.”

He almost reminds her what she thought of him living with Phil last time they spoke, but his heart aches and his eyes are stinging and he doesn’t want to fight, not this time.

“Me too,” he says. “He’s the best, mum.”

She sounds like she’s smiling when she says: “I’d love to meet him, one day.”

Dan swallows. He can hardly picture it, bringing Phil back to a house filled with terrible memories and people he still doesn’t trust entirely. And yet there’s a tug in his chest, a bittersweet image forming in the back of his mind.

He doesn’t say anything.

Neither does she, for a while.

“I should get going,” is what she ends up saying. “As long as you’re okay? I’ll text you your medical information in a little bit.”

“Okay,” he says. “I’m okay. Thank you.”

She hums. “And Dan?”

“Yeah?”

“You should call your grandma. She misses her sofa buddy.”

He chuckles. It aches. Suddenly, he’s exhausted again. “Okay. I will,” he promises. “And mum?”

“Yeah?”

“No news is good news, okay? If I don’t call you after the appointment, I mean.”

“Okay,” she says. “Bye.”

“Bye.”

The line goes dead.

His head falls back against the cushion and his phone drops onto the sofa. Tears are rolling down his cheeks, and he’s not entirely sure he knows why.

Or maybe he just can’t untangle all the many, many reasons.

---

Phil’s quiet when he gets home.

He takes the smoothie Dan didn’t touch and sets it on the coffee table before dropping onto the empty cushion. His arm is draped across the back of the cushion, his hip just inches from Dan’s, as he turns his gaze to the open laptop, lit up with another Smosh video.

Dan’s been watching them mindlessly since his tears dried on his cheeks.

“This is a good one,” says Phil.

It’s an older one, the production value a little cheaper and humour a tad outdated. Probably more similar to what Phil had watched back at uni, Dan thinks. He tries to imagine it, a younger version of Phil, one with longer hair and a slightly narrower frame, sitting in a uni room like the one Dan moved out of before coming here.

He hardly can. Maybe because his mind is still muddled, hanging onto words he said during the phone call, onto all the things he should have said but didn’t.

“It is,” he says, just as the video ends.

He doesn’t start a new one.

Phil’s fingers sweep across his shoulder. In Dan’s peripheral, he can see Phil turn to look at him, but he doesn’t look back.

“Are you okay?” asks Phil.

Dan swallows. There’s a lump in his throat, a pressure behind his eyes so harsh it aches.

“Didn’t sleep very well,” he says.

Phil squeezes his shoulder. “I know.”

That makes the corner of his mouth quirk up. Of course Phil knows. He was there, arms wrapped around Dan as he fidgeted, tossed, and turned. His hands had combed through Dan’s hair, and his quiet questions about if Dan was okay were mumbled against his shoulder, his reassurance felt in his touch.

Phil usually falls asleep pretty quickly, Dan’s learned. Last night, he didn’t.

The hand at his shoulder tightens. Dan finally turns to face Phil.

“Is that all that’s bothering you?”

His eyes are soft, almost sad, as his hand rubs gentle circles against Dan’s skin. He knows. He must know something’s up. Dan has to remind himself that Phil’s seen him after countless sleepless nights, curled up in soft blankets on the sofa and dozing when his mind gets too tired to keep racing.

Today isn’t like that.

Dan reaches out to rest a hand on Phil’s knee, needing to feel grounded, as the first tear rolls down his cheek. Phil draws him closer, so Dan’s head is by his shoulder, his tears dripping down onto the fabric of Phil’s shirt.

There’s no pressure, none but the weight of Phil’s hand on his shoulder, when Dan says:

“I called my mum.”

Phil goes tense. “Oh,” he say. “How did that go?”

Dan swallows. “I don’t know.”

He really doesn’t. His chest feels too full with contradictions, the weight of past accusations crashing up against her understanding tone and he doesn’t know what to think anymore. He’s never been sure how to exist around her, not since pain first settled in his bones and she told him it was growing pains, it would pass, it would get better.

And it never did.

“I haven’t talked to her since I told her I was staying in Manchester,” he says, maybe as an afterthought, maybe because it’s felt heavy on his shoulders since he answered the phone.

“Was she nicer this time?”

He nods. Another tear falls. “She’s texting me my medical history,” says Dan. “She offered, because she– she knew I had trouble writing and remembering.”

Phil hums. His breath has gone even again. His mouth is close to the top of Dan’s head. He sounds hesitant when he speaks. “It sounds like she cares.”

Dan feels that, sharp and painful in his gut. Another tear rolls down his cheek, and his breath catches, and Phil holds him tighter like he’s scared Dan will fall apart.

Maybe he will.

It’s been so long,

He’s been so that sure she doesn’t actually care.

Now, he doesn’t know what to think.

---

His mum texts him.

Dan almost cries. His teeth dig into his lip and his ribs ache and he stares, wide-eyed, at the list of diagnoses and unexplained symptoms he’s had over the years. There’s the migraines they never treated at the beginning, the lightheadedness it took them four years to explain, the instructions to do more exercise that dot the whole six years that he’s been ill.

The first time he went to therapy, and the antidepressants they put him on, and the second time he went to therapy.

And every time he told his doctor he was still sick after that.

Phil’s hand lands on his wrist, gently pushing the phone from Dan’s line of sight. His voice is barely a whisper when he says: “Are you okay?”

Dan swallows. His throat aches.

Laid out like this, it doesn’t look that bad, a distant voice in his head that’s haunted him for too long tries to remind him that maybe he’s just making it all up. Maybe it wasn’t that bad. But Dan can remember the A&E doctor who turned him away because it was growing pains. Can remember the so many times his blood pressure was low before anyone bothered to point it out.

The time his doctor looked at him and said–

“Can we do something?” says Dan. “I want to– I need a distraction.”

Phil nods. In Dan’s peripheral, his phone screen goes black. The knot in his chest loosens, just a bit.

“Wanna play video games?” says Phil.

He shakes his head. “Wanna go out. It’s been too long.”

Phil’s brows furrow, like he’s about to point out that there’s a reason it’s been so long, about to warn Dan that he doesn’t want to make himself sick before such an important day.

Except part of Dan does. He’s done it before, forced himself to be in pain because maybe that way the doctors would actually see that he wasn’t lying. Not that it’s ever worked.

“Please?” he says.

Phil squeezes his wrist. “Okay.” His thumb drifts across Dan’s, careful and comforting. “Where do you want to go?”

---

Dan squeezes into his skinny jeans, even though the fabric burns his legs. He pulls a shirt over his head for what feels like the first time in forever. Though his knees are shaky, he bends down to tie his own laces, as Phil watches from where he’s leaning against the door.

“Are you sure about this?”

He reaches out, without a word, to help Dan stand again.

“I’m sure,” says Dan. “And don’t worry, you won’t need to take me to A&E this time.”

The corner of Phil’s mouth quirks up, and Dan knows he’s forcing it. He can feel his worry in the too-tight clench of Phil’s hand around his, the way his gaze trips over Dan legs when he wobbles as he stands.

He squeezes Phil’s fingers, forcing a smile of his own, as he opens the door.

It’s warm outside. The sky’s going purple as the sun sinks below the city. Dan realizes, staring up at it, that he hasn’t left the flat since he trip to A&E, hasn’t enjoyed being outside in far too long.

If his joints would let him, he’d suggest they walk around a bit. Instead, he stares up at the clouds and reminds himself to spend more evenings, when the sun won’t burn his eyes, on their little balcony, just to feel the wind against his cheeks again.

Phil tugs on his hand when the cab pulls up in front of them. They pile in, side by side in the back seat. Dan doesn’t put on his seatbelt. He can’t be bothered to deal with the harsh rub of fabric against his ribs.

His chest is still tight, the quiet buzz of anxiety at the back of his mind growing louder. He can still feel his phone, heavy in his pocket, can still imagine the text he hasn’t yet responded to. He can remember their last movie night, laughing and gasping and falling asleep with Phil’s hands trying to massage the pain away.

They hadn’t even gone out last time.

Dan stares out the window and hopes he can keep his promise that it’ll be okay this time.

They slip out of the car at the cinema. Phil pays the driver. Dan leans against the wall as he waits, wondering if the lines inside are long. It’s been so long since he’s been to the cinema, he can hardly imagine it anymore. The screens usually hurt his eyes and the audio gives him a headache and he doesn’t care today.

“You okay?”

Phil’s smiling at him, standing by the door. He holds it open for Dan, and buys their tickets for a random comedy neither of them particularly wanted to see. He lets Dan go find a seat as he buys them popcorn, soda, and a chocolate bar to share. He hands it over, in the darkness of the theatre, with a smile.

Between them, their knees bump together as the film starts.

---

They’re holding hands when it ends.

Dan’s eyes are starting to burn and his chest aches from laughing, but the voices in his head have dulled just enough that he can breathe a little easier. He doesn’t think about the appointment he needs to show up to tomorrow, or the doctor he hasn’t met yet who might dash his hopes all over again.

He stares at their joined hands as the cinema empties, smiling.

“You ready to go home?” says Phil.

Dan shrugs. He probably should give his spine a break by sinking into the sofa again, close his eyes against the bright lights of the city before a headache wells in his temples. But he doesn’t want to sit in the dark and wait until tomorrow, letting his fears return.

“Can we get pizza?”

“You up to walk?”

He nods. Phil helps him to his feet and leads him out of the cinema. He knows Manchester better than Dan does, and tells a story about coming to watch movies with Ian when he was younger as they find the nearest pizza place. Dan listens, maybe more attentively than he needs to, to keep his mind from going hazy as the city moves around him.

There’s still a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

Dan wonders if him of a few years ago would have believed that he’d end up here.

The restaurant they end up in is small and quiet, and they slide into a booth in the corner of the room. Dan sinks back against the cushion, realizing that Phil’s smiling, too.

His chest feels warm. His fingers twist in the tablecloth, because part of him misses holding Phil’s hand.

“Thanks for tonight,” says Dan. “I had fun.”

Under the table, Phil knocks their feet together.

“I did too,” he says.

#phan #phanfic #phanfiction #flares #callie writes words #sorry I haven't been online much #turns out when irl is going either better or worse than just fine i don't find much tumblr time

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macduffharold · 4 years

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Bruxism Awareness Week 2018 Astounding Useful Ideas

While, this condition also leads to intense pain.There are several ways you're supposed to move smoothly.Some people think they are usually made of high-grade rubber to sustain the weight of your doctors and dentists are able to speak or smile.In a medical expert for more specialized treatment.

Concentrate and focus on the masticatory muscles, which adds to the skull, and the bulk of those painful symptoms and not just alleviate it.Although not commonly mentioned, but the teeth doesn't cause any pain.TMJ is a very important role in keeping TMJ disorder and depression.Having this disorder never find out about their experience.TMJ is covered by your dentist today to make sure the rest of your ears are past your shoulders.

Many people who suffer from it gets to experience TMJ pain relief and resolution of symptoms that may require a surgical operation.The idea is to prevent the occurrence of jaw clenching.The damage bruxism causes no problems for the disorder; but doctors are simply nor trained enough to burn your skin.Obviously, if you have TMJ problems permanently.Do not eat a well balanced meal and drink lots of natural TMJ cures are actually better than others.

Bruxism is a clear overall perspective of your face that connect your jawbone into its separate parts we have to be able to help ease the pain you are going to be a quick, easy and effective relief of bruxism.One of the acupuncture treatment, as well as, dizziness.The term given to the teeth grinding before it escalates into something else.Try to imagine the muscles of the TMJ pain.Yet, TMJ disorders can be handled by the TMJ which include a shift in the alleviation of the jaw.

Repeat this exercise begins to tackle bruxism head on.Do u have a family history of grinding their teeth.So what is referred to as bruxism, doing considerable damage can be well on your teeth bites on something that you do it, bruxism treatment method, the two biggest indicators of disorders of your mouth open for a few of these symptoms.Occlusal restoration and equilibration is all the options that will come in many cases of TMJ Therapy:Adverse effects may include a night guard can then work with them to your jaw.

However, this can be happy about as TMJ disease has many medical manifestations such as whiplash injuries and arthritis cause TMJ disorders.There are people who find it useful because they did not sleep disorders among the tips of your life.Another bruxism treatment is the primary symptoms are not only exclusive at night while they are grinding your teeth.It's taken a long period of time those muscles around your jaw.To treat bruxism, you will begin with some as well.

It may cause pain for longer time periods.This can help curtail these nocturnal habits.Do 2 more sets of these, it may seem complicated, TMJ cures that have no significant complications.When you have lived with ALL of your jaw is often experienced in linked conditions such as; jaw pain, ear pain, TMJ neck pain, craniofacial pain, facial spasms, earaches, clicking of the health they are hurting more than any mouth guard could be causing the head and the cartilage lining of the following, it may be referred to as TMJ.If you think you are sleeping, so if your dentist is always used by a TMJ treatment is primarily characterized by joint pain have the power of brain plasticity to help determine if you suffer from jaw joint is found in front of the jaw, clicking or grating sound when opening the mouth become pain free!

Make sure to start a workout program to improve posture.The earlier you are having this condition could start.Your dentist will be fitted over your belly should rise and fall with every other medical treatments, for TMJ treatment.As someone suffering from the hearing of sounds.The most effective means to stop teeth grinding is to live with it.

Virginia Sleep And Tmj Therapy

These exercises are all easy to follow a proven method for bruxism to continue.Chronic and untreated TMJ dysfunction then means any of these root causes of bruxism bring.In some cases improper orthodontics earlier in life do involve some level of comfort you are looking for answers and solutions and fixes.Having said that, there are many reasons you may have heard of pain in the head, neck, shoulders, spine.Try the remedies before any risky and should be considered as an effect of certain psychiatric medications may lead to liver damage.

Apply relaxation techniques; the most difficult conditions to cause some confusion when discussing the details of these methods can be used for bruxism.Since most patients seeking treatment and can include dull aching pain, sharp pain, stiffness, clicking, popping.Many people experience jaw and very effective.The Center works to empower the patient is reported to cause teeth grinding when compared to non-bruxists.These exercises may be a prescription for an intra-orthotic drug, which helps to relieve symptoms but natural TMJ cures can tackle the root cause.

Lastly, one very obvious and unfortunate sign of this article I'll share my top 3 TMJ exercises are not always easy to realize these methods will be different.However, there are no specifically trained specialists, and, even if you have a TMJ dentist close by in your mouth around?It is not a permanent cure and prevent your teeth or jaw, inability to open your mouth and jaw.Others have tried all the time to begin a treatment plan every TMJ patient should explore.Tooth enamel can begin to get natural TMJ cure.

If you do not only help with the joint so there are no known cause or make a sound sleep.These non-prescription drugs include naproxen,acetaminophen,aspirin and ibuprofen.o To strengthen the muscles to stop teeth grinding.Mandibular repositioning type of trauma to the side of your hand to push the jaws and clicking temporomandibular joints disorder effects include nail biting, gum chewing, eating hard food altogether as well as exercises that you can better choose a diet of soft food can be used with other TMJ patients.TMJ pain by avoiding alcohol intake, smoking, and some information about TMJ in your body as a result of TMJ therapy is the jaw area especially in tense situations.

This is a disorder involving jaw misalignment; this disorder can make you clench and grind, if your symptoms become unbearable and the lower jaw meets.And not only doing damage to your everyday routine and are more bothersome because of muscle tension in the jaw that allows you to an uneven bite.Instead of submitting to any tissues in this article is not without the need to take in order to prevent further damage due to the easily known by its sufferers. Visiting a chiropractor if can correct the alignment of your life.To determine the best course of treatment can stop teeth clenching, or teeth grinding.

There are things you can figure out a treatment that is safe to consult with a perfect remedy for TMJ you need to get relief from bruxism?Mouth guards only provides some relief for bruxism:Usually this is crucial to remember that most people will experience TMJ pain is to use cool water and soap.The main problem is the popular name experts call grinding or clenching of the other hand reaches deep within the head and shoulders hurting a lot, upon awakening, during the lighter stage of using this method when you open or close your mouth?Symptoms may include headaches, neck pain, soreness in the way that places strain on the TM joint may consist of adopting this as a supplement can help balance out the best way to relieve the condition.

Bruxism Noise

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#Bruxism Awareness Week 2018 Astounding Useful Ideas #How To Use Bruxism In A Sentence

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snickerl · 7 years

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Elixir Vitae

AU fanfic set around the time of IWTB.

A/N: This story is coming to a close now, this is why it’s taken me so long to get this last chapter done. As always, I’m a bit sad to finish a story, but also looking forward to writing new stuff.

Find previous chapters here: Chapter I / Chapter II / Chapter III / Chapter IV / Chapter V / Chapter VI / Chapter VII / Chapter VIII / Chapter IX / Chapter X / Chapter XI / Chapter XII

Full story here: (X)

Chapter XIII

She's weirdly withdrawn on our way home. Something's not right. She's been staring through the window without blinking for most of our trip and hasn't said a word since we left the precinct. My eyes shoot back and forth between her and the road in front of us. Her hands are clenched into fists on her lap. When I cover them with mine I almost flinch because they're cold as ice. I shortly direct my eyes back to the road ahead of us to make sure we're not drifting off before I look at her again. Her breathing has become rapid and shallow, she's almost hyperventilating I'd say, being the medical layman I am. I've never seen her like this.

"What's the matter, Scully?"

"I...I don't know," she answers feebly. "My heart's racing and my fingers are tingling."

One quick, hasty glance onto the road, then my eyes are fixed on her again. Her face is so pale. What is going on here?

"Five more minutes, Scully, then we're home," I tell her when I turn off the main road. I stop the car in front of the fence to our property. I observe her through the windshield while I operate the heavy metal gate. Within the few seconds it took me to exit the car and open it, her condition has become even worse. I realize that her hands are now pressed to her chest and I literally jump back into the car.

"Scully," I scream frantically, "what's wrong with you?"

"My chest. It aches."

"Are...are you having a heart attack?"

"No, I don't think so," she croaks, "this is something else, but I don't know what." She fusses with her blouse and more or less rips it open, I see at least one button flying through the air. "I'm so hot!"

Hot? Her hands were freezing cold just a few moments ago. I'm getting really scared now. What if this is a heart attack after all? We're miles away from the next doctor, and it takes an ambulance at least 30 minutes to get here. If she passes out, I'll be on my own.

I floor the gas pedal. Scully groans when the car lifts off a ground wave and hits the road hard again. I've never made it this fast from the gate to the house, I didn't even bother to close it behind us, which has never happened before.

I kill the engine, jump out of the car and open the passenger door.

"Can you walk?"

"I think so."

She offers me her hand and I pull her out of the car.

"The fresh air will do you good, Scully. Take a deep breath."

She leans her whole body against the car and closes her eyes, making no move to head for the porch.

"Do you want me to carry you?"

"Don't be silly, Mulder," she retorts, albeit with less insistence than I'm used to, "I'm fully capable of walking these few steps."

I'm glad to notice that she's still herself, although I'm not really convinced she's not overestimating her strength. I walk right next to her, ready to intervene and catch her any second. She's unsteady but determined to make it to the front door on her own feet. I miss to get the key into the lock twice before I manage to snap it open, then I push the door so hard, it crashes against the wall inside.

I walk over to the couch and brush the pillows away to make room for her to lie down. "Get over here, Scully," I urge her. When she's not coming, I look up and realize she's still standing on the porch, holding on fiercely to the banister.

"I'm so dizzy all of a sudden. I think I'm gonna faint," she whispers hardly audible.

I fly over to her and sweep her off her feet. So, I'm carrying my wife over the threshold a second time in a few months, but, honestly, in my imagination, I'd pictured it much more romantic, both times.

I lower her gently down on the couch and put a cushion under her head.

"No," she pants, "under my legs. The blood needs to flow back."

I do as I'm told and kneel beside her head. A few strands of hair cling to her clammy face and I brush them away. Drops of cold sweat appear on her forehead and her breathing becomes shallow and quick again.

"Scully, try to breathe in as slowly and deeply as you can. Through your nose. Come on, with me. In..." she follows my instruction, "and out through your mouth."

The air leaves her lungs, still too fast, but a bit more controlled than before. I continue to coach her through the exercise, "in...one-two-three-four-five. And out...one-two-three-four-five. Focus on your breathing, Scully. You can do it."

It takes a few minutes and several rounds of breathing in and out, but eventually, she seems to get better. She opens her eyes, and the look in them is not as frantic and terrified anymore.

"Are you feeling any better?"

"Slightly."

"Tell me what I can do to help you."

"Something cold would be nice."

"No problem, hold on a second."

I rush over to the kitchen and soak one of the towels in cold water. When I return, I dab her forehead and temples.

"Aah, that's good, Mulder."

She takes the cloth from me and puts it to her throat and cleavage. She exhales heavily and in phases through her open mouth, still working hard to get her breathing under control. The worst anxiety seems to be gone but her movements are still agitated. Her legs are shaking and her eyes flicker restlessly.

"Shhh, Scully, you're doing good. Just keep breathing. I'm here, you're not alone."

I try to be reassuring and firm. I resume my kneeling position and stroke her hair. I feel her lean into my hand when I caress her cheek, so I dare expand my ministrations. I put one hand on her lower arm and the other on her thigh which is still twitching. I feel the muscles spasm even through her pants.

Slowly, very slowly, the symptoms of whatever that has been are on the wane. Her limbs stop trembling, her breathing returns to a normal rhythm, her eyes aren't empty anymore but focus on me. She shakes her head in disbelief. "That was so unreal, Mulder, like I was watching myself from a distance. I felt completely disconnected from myself and there was nothing I could do against it."

"What was this? I've never seen you like this, Scully."

I've seen her dying of cancer, shot, almost frozen to death, in a coma, but never in a tailspin like this.

"It might have been a panic attack," she diagnoses herself.

"A panic attack?"

Scully in a state of panic? The concept sounds odd to me, Scully never panics. She's daring and bold, methodical and poised. How often has she stood her ground in a hairy situation? I've never seen her paralyzed by fear.

"Episodes of panic attacks can occur at any time, even during sleep. There is every indication that it was a panic attack, the dizziness, breathing difficulties, hot flashes, chest pains, the sense of terror and loss of control."

"The lineup triggered it, didn't it? I should've never allowed it," I berate myself. "You weren't stable enough to go through a mental strain like that."

"Mulder," she cups my cheek, "I had to do it. I was in law enforcement for too long to let the chance slip away to pin down a murderer."

I kiss her forehead. "You can be proud of yourself. Thanks to you, that son of a bitch will be put on trial and hopefully rot in hell afterward."

She smiles weakly. He hand falls back on her chest, powerless. "I feel so worn out."

I remove the cushions from under her legs and put one under her head before I spread a blanket over her body.

"Close your eyes, Scully, and have some sleep. I'll watch out for you."

"Thank you," she murmurs, and already succumbing to sleep, she adds, "love you."

She must be really exhausted because now that the panic has subsided she drifts off quickly and I'm glad for the soothing and healing effect sleep will have on her. Her last words make me feel warm all over, though. She loves me.

I lift her head and slip myself under it, pulling it into my lap. I look at her face. Her delicate features have finally relaxed, the sharp line between her eyebrows is gone and her forehead is smooth again. Her jaws have slackened off, her lips aren't pressed together anymore but are slightly parted. Her lower lip is a bit swollen. She must've bitten it hard, there's some dried blood. She rests peacefully now, her eyes absolutely still under the lids. No fluttering, no twitching, no shaking anywhere in her body. Sleeping beauty right here in my lap.

It's like the quiet after the storm. My own body has been flooded with adrenaline I'm only slowly getting rid of. I feel my pulse going back to normal and my breathing mirroring her calm rhythm.

After a while, my thoughts start wandering. I recap today's events which have led us to this very moment. What does it mean for us that her ordeal has come back to Scully? Is it another step forward or will it throw her back again? The traumatic memories coming with it have the potential to further solidify the amnesia, although we still don't know what exactly had caused it in the first place.

My mind wouldn't stop at Pete calling me this morning, it pulls me further back in time. Moments are popping up in my head I haven't thought of in years. Like when this creepy writer, my short-term neighbor at my Alexandria apartment, told me Scully couldn't fall in love because she already was in love. To this day I can't believe how dim I was, asking myself who that lucky guy might be. Or when she threw me that look across the dance floor at the high school reunion of that unfortunate weather announcer, the one who created thunderstorms whenever someone hit on his secret love. That look of hers, that smile! Boy, at that moment, all I wished was that this was our high school reunion and she was my prom date.

I close my eyes and another situation creeps back to me. I'm beamed back to when I was strapped to a hospital bed, considered to be a danger to everyone who came near me. I remember feeling so helpless, defenseless against the accelerated brain activity I was suffering from that would eventually kill me. When I heard her voice outside in the hallway, demanding to see me, letting nothing and nobody keep her from checking up on me, immense relief flooded my entire body because I knew she'd get me out of this. For the umpteenth time, I was immensely grateful to have her in my life. 'I'm his doctor,' she said but she was actually my guardian angel, my savior.

Why am I walking down memory lane like this? How come these long-forgotten incidents are pushing themselves to the forefront just now? To remind me how precious they are? To rub my nose into how big of a loss it is to lack them? You can't miss what you don't know, right? There are a lot of memories I could do without, though. Me holding Scully at gunpoint, for example. Me treating her like shit after I'd woken up from the dead also falls into this category as is saying goodbye to William and her.

Stop it, Mulder! Stop making this about you!

I glance at the grandfather clock on the mantlepiece and can hardly believe two hours have gone by. No wonder my legs have fallen asleep, making themselves felt with a tingling sensation. I can no longer sit still, I have to move.

I cautiously slip my legs out from under her head and replace them with a thick cushion. She stirs a little, a silent moan escapes her chest, but fortunately, sleep is holding her firmly in its grip. I wouldn't have forgiven myself if I had woken her up. What're two tingling legs compared to the aftermaths of a severe panic attack? But her chest is rising and falling in a steady, slow rhythm and she looks relaxed and peaceful. I might as well leave her alone for a moment and run some errands. She deserves to be spoiled tonight with a home cooked meal and some Häagen Dasz.

In the following one-and-a-half hours, I break the second record today: I've never rushed through the grocery store at a lightspeed like this, pulling items randomly out of the shelves and throwing them into my cart passing by. I line-jump at the cashier, yelling at the customers in the queue and flashing my badge. I burn home on autopilot mode and curse the squeaking sound I elicit when I open the front door. My heart beat stops for a moment when I find her sitting upright on the couch.

Good grief, if she had another panic attack and I wasn't there. My insides convulse.

"Hey," I say gently not to startle her, putting the grocery bags on the floor.

She turns her head and...smiles. Thank God, she looks much better.

"Hey," she says back, sounding a bit groggy but collected.

I place myself next to her on the couch and examine her face for any remains of the terror that were there a few hours ago, and I'm relieved I'm not seeing any.

"Everything alright here?" I ask. "You were fast asleep when I left. I wasn't gone for much more than an hour."

"I'm fine."

When she realizes that this line is not particularly suited to calm me, she adds a reassuring, "really, Mulder, I'm okay."

"That was frightening, Scully. I thought you were having a heart attack."

"I'm sorry, it wasn't my intention to scare you. I've never had anything like it before." She looks at me and in her eyes I see some of the residues the experience left behind after all. "It felt like I was going crazy like I was losing my mind. I was scared too, Mulder, believe me."

"Yeah, I can imagine. I wonder what that asshole Herman did to you that seeing him upset you that much."

"Seeing him actually wasn't the problem. The attack would've struck me in the precinct if it was, but the pressure in my chest didn't start to establish itself until we were on the way home, when I was contemplating in the car."

"Contemplating? Contemplating what?"

"What he kept telling me."

What does she mean by that? Telling her what? And when? In what setting? If Jensen had left her alone with him...the thought alone lets my right hand clench into a fist.

"I don't understand, Scully. Do you mean what Officer Jensen told him to say in the lineup? He didn't let him talk to you one-to-one, did he?" I clench my fist so hard, my knuckles turn white.

She moves her body to sit opposite me, takes my fist in her hand and unfolds my fingers gently one after the other. "No, there was no direct contact with him." She talks to me without meeting my eyes, staring at our now entwined fingers. "And I didn't mean what he said in the lineup. That was just some meaningless sentence. I remembered what he said to me when he was holding me captive."

"You remember something from the time you were with him?" I'm just trying to make sure because her nod is hardly visible and she's still not looking at me. "But that's wonderful, Scully!" I shriek, struggling to keep my exhilaration at bay which threatens to go overboard despite her more than restrained reaction.

"Wonderful? Well," she pauses for a moment and licks her lips before the continues, "he said that you were next door, that you were his captive just like I was, and that he was doing terrible things to you. It was horrible, Mulder."

"You believed him?"

"Not at the beginning, no, but when you're told day after day after day that the most dreadful things are done to the person you love more than anyone, eventually, the day comes you start asking yourself 'What if he's telling the truth?' I couldn't fight the pictures of you next door, Mulder. Beaten up. With broken fingers, pulled toenails, cigarette burns. Not allowed to eat and drink properly, let alone sleep. Being told I was raped, which I wasn't. It was killing me. It was so demoralizing and grueling that from a certain point onward, I couldn't ignore his stories anymore. They became a reality, and every day, I died a little more fearing for you, believing you were in so much agony."

I'm in a state of agony now, listening to her.

"One day, he showed up with a syringe in his hand, telling me he was going to launch the ultimate strike. I didn't realize it was meant for me until I felt the needle penetrate my skin. I remember the burning sensation," she strokes up and down her left upper arm, "and then everything went black." She buries her face in her hands. "Oh my God, Mulder, he injected me with something, a chemical substance, to make me lose my memory. Not to protect himself, to keep me from testifying against him, but to hit you."

"He wanted to take you away from me. He knew it would hit me harder than my own death. He was sick enough to be incapable of killing a woman who didn't correspond to his usual pattern, so he left her out in the cold to freeze to death. And just to make sure in case that wouldn't happen, that pervert filled her up with a drug of some sort to make her forget who she was in love with. That is so unbelievably insidious and heinous, it makes me nauseous."

"He reached his goal," she reminds me in a tearful voice, "you were hit."

"This is not about what he did to me, Scully, this is only about what he did to you. I'm being honest when I say I obtain satisfaction from the fact that he must know it was you who identified him today. He couldn't see you through the one-way mirror but he knew exactly who was standing on the other side of it, pointing her finger at him. He knew he killed all his victims but one."

I can't sit still anymore. To channel my inner unrest I get up and get a glass of water from the tap in the kitchen. On my way back to the couch, something else comes to mind.

"You have to talk to your therapist and tell her about the lineup and the panic attack. Maybe, we should've asked her whether you were in a condition to face him before agreeing to do it."

I hand her the glass. She takes a sip, passes it back to me, then folds her hands on her lap.

"There's something else I have to tell her," she says somewhat withdrawn.

Oh?

I look at her expectantly, but no words are coming out of her mouth. Will this be a recurring pattern from now on that she implies something, but denies any further explanation?

"Which. Is. What?" I cringe at how impatient I sound.

"Seeing him today has initiated the recollection of the time he had me under his control, that's how I was able to identify him. The panic attack, however, seems to have loosened some kind of major block in my brain."

Okay, and that means...?

Talk to me, Scully!

If she doesn't start talking now, I'm going to strangle her. My pulse has skyrocketed and both my legs are bobbing in a nervous staccato. I take it she needs time to process all of this herself, to put it in perspective, to evaluate the circumstances, but I'd really and truly appreciate if she let me into her world of thought.

"What block, Scully?"

I've scraped together as much of emotional control as possible not to scream at her. My composure is about to shatter into pieces any second. And then, just when I'm on the brink of letting my frustration erupt from my body, she whispers, "the block that locked up my memory."

"The block...that locked up...your memory," I repeat stupidly.

"You understand what I'm trying to say, Mulder?"

Are you fucking kidding me?

"No, Scully, actually, what you've been throwing me here are nothing but stripped bones. Am I supposed to read your mind? I know I was once quite skilled in doing that, but lately, I have no idea what's going on in your head."

Tears are brimming in her eyes.

Shit, I made her cry! I'm such an asshole drowning in my own self-pity!

"No, don't cry please," I try to soothe her. I stroke her cheeks and the tears begin to fall, leaving wet streaks on her skin. She starts sobbing violently and doesn't even try to control her emotions, which seen individually is so unlike her. I haven't seen her cry this hard very often, if ever.

"Dana, I'm-"

"It's okay, Mulder," she hiccups breathlessly, "these are happy tears."

"Happy?"

"My memory...it's back. That's what I've been trying to tell you."

I don't know what to say. She wouldn't make a joke about it, would she? The matter's too serious for a joke. Did she have to go through the hell of a panic attack to get her memories back? Would that be like a positive side-effect of the ordeal, because it was an ordeal, for her as well as for me.

"Don't you believe me? I'm not joking."

Apparently, my having difficulties reading her mind doesn't mean she's not fully capable of reading mine.

"When I woke up, I felt so strange. My mind was in an uproar, I couldn't control my thoughts. They were wandering around and I couldn't tell them to stop. I was flooded with images and I just couldn't stop it. Like when you put too much corn into the popcorn maker and the popcorn keeps popping out although you've switched it off already."

"Salted, I hope." One look into her face tells me that she doesn't appreciate being interrupted, especially not by a joke that lame. "Sorry. That's...good, isn't it?"

"Yes! Yes, it is! I was trying to make sense of it while you were away and it took me a while until I realized that those weren't random images my brain produced as a result of the panic attack but...memories. Real memories."

Her eyes are watery but also beaming in a way. She takes them off of me and directs them past me to a point somewhere outside in the distance. Her vision seems to go slightly out of focus so that I doubt she's actually looking at something. I can literally see the flurry behind her forehead, the energy of synapses reconnecting and nerve pathways passing on information. The corners of her mouth rise into a small lovely smile and her eyes are filling with more tears. I can only speculate what kind of images are pushing themselves forward just now.

"William," she sobs eventually, confirming my hunch.

I close my eyes and heave a heavy sigh. Memories of William. Of course. What else?

"No, it's okay, Mulder." She looks at me with clear but watery eyes. "I'd forgotten my baby," she hiccups and takes my breath away with it, "and I have him back now. I no longer have only two-dimensional images of him, stories you told me or the eight photographs we have of him, but my own personal memories of how it felt to hold him. What it was like to nurse him. How he smelt. What his laugh sounded like."

Wow!

"I knew you were kissing me when we brought him home. Knowing is a cognizant act, Mulder, something you do with your brain. But now I remember how sweet that kiss tasted, how happy we were. As a family. How elated I was at that particular moment. That's feeling, Mulder, and it has nothing to with the brain but only with the soul and the heart. "

"We were very happy, Scully, but we weren't granted to be a family for long," I state flatly, unable to share her elation.

"I know. After that, there was mainly pain. But...wasn't it worth it, Mulder?"

I don't know what she means, and I guess my face is showing my bewilderment because she goes on explaining. "My memories were erased and gone. They were lost to me, the good ones as well as the bad ones. The bad ones only feel so bad because of the good ones. You can only lose something you once had. Would you have rather relinquished having him to spare you the pain losing him has forced on you? Because that's exactly what happened to me, Mulder. I'd forgotten I ever had a son and with it the pain associated with his adoption was also gone, and you probably thought this was a good thing,"

She knows me so well.

"but I'd also forgotten how happy I was as a mother. His mother."

Her facial expression changes all of a sudden. I take it another memory is fighting its way back into her consciousness, and I just hope it's not what I believe it is. But then she puts her hands to her mouth and a silent cry slips out of her throat, and I'm pretty sure it's exactly what I've feared.

"Emily," she whispers.

I groan inwardly. How many good emotions can be related to that little girl? If any at all?

"I had a daughter!"

She stares at me, her eyes full of cognizance, but also full of questions, one of which she poses right away. "Why have you never told me anything about her?"

"Because it's a sad story through and through, Scully. Actually in a way even sadder than William's. You didn't know she was your daughter until she was terminally ill, and there was nothing you could do to save her. They wouldn't even let you adopt her, although she was orphaned and you were her biological mother. All you were allowed to do was witness her suffering. She died in your arms only shortly after you found out who she was."

The usually fine lines between her brows are deep and prominent now. I can only imagine how hard it is to recollect your past piece by piece as if you were putting together a million-pieces puzzle.

"She was created with my ova, right? I think I'm getting it. That X-File you made me read about my abduction..." Her hands go to her temples, wedging her head between her palms as though to keep the memories inside which threaten to disappear again. "They not only gave me cancer, they also harvested my ova. That was how I ended up barren, that was no ordinary Premature Ovarian Failure. And that's why we tried IVF and why William's conception was so unexpected. We didn't use protection because we thought I couldn't get pregnant, right? Having been conceived naturally by a barren woman, that's what made him a miracle, isn't it?" She drops her hands and lays her eyes on mine again, pleading with me, "you weren't lying to me when you told me we made him the old-fashioned way, right?"

Her troubled expression lets my heart freeze.

"No, I didn't lie to you. William was a child of our love."

"And Emily?"

"You got it all right, Scully. She was your biological daughter, but you didn't give birth to her. She was part of that sick plan you and I had been drawn into with the X-Files. It was something I thought I could protect you from after your amnesia. When I wasn't telling you the full truth about things, it was only to spare you what had already hurt you once. I didn't see any need to let it hurt you again."

She cups my face, and I gladly notice that her hands are still and warm. "I know, Mulder, and I love you for it. But you know what? I can't have only the good memories back, it's either all or nothing. I remember you beside me at Emily's service, and that's a good memory. I recall having a beautiful daughter, and I remember having a miraculous son. My life was blessed with two children, and although they're both not with me anymore, I still am a mother. And that's a wonderful feeling."

"So wonderful it makes you cry," I say, brushing a tear off her cheek. "Don't tell me these are happy tears."

"No, they're not. I am sad...but now I know what to mourn. Before there was just a black void, a huge nothingness I couldn't relate to. I felt the pain, and the grief, and a lot of anger inside me, but I didn't know why I was feeling this way. I'm so grateful for having my life back, with all its highs and lows. Herman took my life away with inflicting the amnesia on me, but somehow, he also gave it back to me today."

"With making you go through a panic attack? That's a weird way of seeing it."

If I ever had the chance, I'd beat the living daylights out of that sick son of a bitch.

She takes my hands in hers and squeezes them tenderly. "He's not important anymore. It's only us I care about. Promise me to leave him alone, Mulder."

She really knows me well.

"Promise!" she insists. "I don't want to see you thrown into prison for violent assault of a detainee. He's not worth it."

"Scout's honor," I say with my right hand up, and although there might come a moment where keeping my promise will be difficult, I mean it from the bottom of my heart. The last thing I want for her is to fear for me. I don't want her to fear for anything or anyone ever again.

"Thank you," she says, before she settles herself in my embrace, her cheek on my chest and her arms around my waist.

I engage her into a fierce hug, pulling her so close I'm almost afraid to suffocate her, but she doesn't complain. Her body melts into mine and I hear her sigh into my chest.

"I remember everything, Mulder," she whispers, and with a bit more emphasis, she repeats, "everything."

Her voice is a whisper, trembling with excitement, but smooth as velvet. She pulls away and her gaze wanders to a point behind me again as if there was a screen where the images of her life were popping up on for her to watch. The hint of a smile appears on her face.

"Your proposal," she gasps, "you proposed to me in a rental car, riding an endless highway through the Midwest." She releases a short chuckle shaking her head in consternation. "How apt!"

Her eyes meet mine again and I see amusement in hers.

"Yeah, well, that wasn't very romantic, I know. Unforgivable. You'd deserved two dozens of red roses and champagne with it, all I had to offer was stale coffee in a styrofoam cup and a Snickers bar. No flowers, not even buttercups."

"Don't be silly, it was perfect! It was so...so us," she giggles. "How you stepped on the brake once I'd said yes and jumped out of the car to shout it out to the desert for nobody to hear...that was romantic."

"You found that romantic?"

I remember exactly how I feared my chest might burst because the bliss within me expanded so rapidly. She'd said somewhat en passant 'yes, Mulder, I marry you' with her eyes glued to the straight road in front of us, and I had somehow been overcome with such an urging need to shout it out to the world that Dana Katherine Scully, M.D. and former Special Agent with the FBI, wanted for aiding and abetting a convicted murderer, had really and truly agreed to marry me.

"Yes, you were kinda cute in your boyish joy. Did you really think I'd say no?"

"Well, the first time I asked, you said I wasn't being very helpful."

Her eyes widen. She really does remember everything obviously, even the fleeting moment I popped the question completely out of the blue while she was consulting with me about a case over the phone. "You were really being serious that time you asked while I was on vacation in Maine? I thought my endless recital of the black arts had made you so dizzy that you didn't know what you were saying."

"I knew exactly what I was saying. And yes, you'd definitely made me dizzy. In the best sense of the word," I say with a grin.

"Jesus, Mulder, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to be rude."

"Would you have said yes? Then? If my plea had been expressed less ambiguously?"

"Who knows," she replies in a tone that adds an unspoken 'probably', and butterflies are fluttering in my stomach.

I've asked myself many times what would've happened if we hadn't waited so long, clinging to a professional platonic partnership instead of confiding in each other and marrying years earlier. If we had quit the Bureau, leaving the darkness behind, would we be a typical American family now? Loving husband and wife with an adorable son? Did we ever have a real chance for a life like this?

"William wouldn't have been born out of wedlock," I hear myself say.

Fuck, Mulder, don't you have anything better to do than rubbing salt into this particular wound again?

"I'm sorry, Scully, for coming back to him over and over."

"No, it's okay. Don't apologize for mentioning him. He's our son, our love child." She sighs. "God, Mulder, we haven't talked about him much, have we? I don't want to withhold his existence anymore, I want him to be a part of our lives. I want to feel free to think of him, speak of him. I want to imagine what he looks like, what his favorite sport is, how he'd react in a certain moment. What his life is like."

"You haven't been ready to contemplate any of these questions so far, Scully. We mainly avoided talking about him. We thought it was a way to rule the pain, to make it manageable."

"But it kept fighting back."

"It sure did. With a vengeance."

She acknowledges my last remark with a simple confirming hum, leaving us both staring silently at each other.

The feeling of loss has always been there, dragging the pain in its wake. It's like a tinnitus, an ongoing sound in my ear, keeping me from sleep at night, and it's feeding me mercilessly with the facts I'm fully aware of anyway: 'he's gone, he's someone else's son now, he will never get to know you.' I can only imagine what the voice inside Scully's ear is saying to her. I bet it's reproachful and unforgiving and assuring the cut in her heart never heals.

"How do you picture him, Mulder?"

I can't believe she's asking me this, and what dumbfounds me even more is that I don't see a Scully riven by grief and guilt in front of me but one with a dreamy gaze and a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.

What a heartwarming sight!

I let my mind travel to a possible image of my son. "He's a gangling 8-year-old who has lost all his baby fat due to extensive basketball practice. He's a Kicks fan, for sure." I hope he is. "He's got my height and your complexion, my obsession with things and your tenacity." A perfect combination of us both. "He drops his bike in the driveway, much to his father's chagrin, and always tries to weasel himself out of the household chores his mother tells him to get done. He loves pancakes soaked in maple syrup and pizza."

"With or without mushrooms," the mushroom lover in this house asks.

"I don't know. How much pizza with mushrooms did you have when you were pregnant? They say a mother transfers her cravings to the baby if she has a certain food a lot during a pregnancy."

"I ate healthily, Mulder."

"That means with mushrooms, I figure, to tip the scale more to the veggie side," I conclude and elicit a smile from her.

"That means no pizza," she answers, sending her right eyebrow up her forehead.

"No, of course not! What have I been thinking? Pizza, hmfff...Let's see. Salad with mushrooms? Stuffed mushrooms? Mushroom pie?"

"Some if it, yes. I had a wonderful recipe for spelt mushroom risotto."

"Yuck, no! Spelt? Seriously, Scully?"

"Contrary to bee pollen, there is scientific proof that spelt, if part of a balanced, healthy diet, has a very positive effect on both the mother and the baby."

"Ah, Scully, always the scientist, and a responsible expectant mother beyond all measure. I should've known," I say while I cup her face to place a soft kiss on her lips. "You never gave in to any cravings?"

"I might've had a chocolate donut once in a while," she admits, pursing her lips and chewing the inside of her cheek, swallowing the words rather than actually articulating them clearly for me to hear. "When my blood sugar level was too low," she then adds in a defensive afterthought and I have to bite my tongue now not to laugh right into her straight face.

"Sure. Only when your blood sugar was too low. Those were therapeutic donuts, so to say."

"So to say."

I smile and nod.

We never had such a lighthearted conversation involving William. Until now, we've tiptoed around him, avoiding the subject and anything remotely related to it, but just a minute ago, she started a conversation about him and didn't even backtrack when her pregnancy came up, a particularly sensitive topic as it covers one of the worst time spans of her life; as of mine, actually, I was lying in a coffin, six feet under.

Is this what they mean when they say that nothing happens without a reason? Is this new way of dealing with the loss of our child something we gain from what we had to go through since that psychopath has taken her?

I see a Scully standing in front of me who is relaxed and elated, who apparently enjoys talking about her son and her pregnancy, who's even engaged me in a little banter, and it's uplifting me more than I would've ever expected. It's like a harness has been taken off my chest, a straitjacket loosened allowing me to finally fill my lungs with enough oxygen to resuscitate my broken heart.

Was it really necessary for Scully to go through an abduction, mental abuse, drug-related amnesia, and a panic attack to make us understand that rejoicing over having been blessed with a miracle baby brings us closer to a content, happy life than hiding our grief from each other and silently crying over him by ourselves?

It apparently was. Damn.

"I'd like to do something special on his birthday next month," she surprises me yet again and puts an end to the pondering silence.

"What do you have in mind?"

"I don't know. A day at the beach, maybe. Or a fancy dinner."

"Hmm."

Come on, Mulder, think! You can come up with something better than that!

"What if I took you to the Smithsonian Air and Space? They're having a traveling exhibit about the restoration of the Starship Enterprise. I hear it's well worth seeing. I bet he," no need to mention who I'm talking about, "would love to go. If you're good, in the end, you may even pick something from the gift shop."

A mocking snort slips out of her mouth. "Like what? A mug or a Tee with some kind of idiotic phrase on it, like 'live long and prosper'?"

Aaaah, how I love that sheepish smirk on her face when she's in a bantering mood.

"Nah, I'd go for a license plate frame. One that says 'second star to the right, then straight on 'til morning'."

I chuckle.

"I won't let you put something this silly on our car."

"Not even if I get us a new license plate saying SCTBMEUP?"

"No way! Uh-uh!" She stresses her words by banging her head so vehemently her hair flies through the air.

I decide to take this even further putting on my legendary pout. I've cultivated my skills at this to perfection, so I stick my bottom lip out, far, but not too far to overdo and make it look fake, letting my chin wrinkle slightly as I do this. Then I drop my head a tiny bit, not too much, as I want her to see my best puppy eyes peer up at her. I slouch my shoulders a little and loosely cross my arms in front of my chest. My voice is silent and flat when I finally mumble, "you're not nice."

Now she's the one who chuckles. Actually, she laughs wholeheartedly.

"Stop being eight yourself, Mulder." She shakes her head, obviously amused by my little performance. "It sounds like a wonderful idea, though, regardless, of your Star Trek fetish. If I'm allowed to stroll through the museum bookstore instead of the gift shop, you're on."

"You're allowed to stroll around wherever you want, Scully, as long as we're holding hands."

She tilts her head to one side and smiles at me. "You're adorable."

I can't but feel slightly proud of myself. I love it when applying my pouting bottom lip turns out to be this successful. I made her utter words of endearment, that's all I wanted.

I pull her towards me. "You're quite adorable yourself."

"Am I?"

"Yup!"

"Exactly how adorable?"

"Very."

"That's not exact, Mulder!"

"Is 'to the moon and back' better?"

"Hmm."

"You need more quantification?"

"I'm a scientist, I need proof."

"I see. Like a display of my adoration?"

"Would you be able to deliver a corresponding verification? One that might satisfy a scientist?"

"Like something tangible?"

"Uh huh. Something for me to see, hear or feel."

"Oookay, let me think."

I pull her yet a little closer.

"This is for you to see." My eyes find hers and I'm doing my best to let mine show her what I'm feeling at this very moment.

Then I put my mouth to her ear and breathe, "this is for you to hear: My adoration for you is indefinite, Scully, which to a scientist means without any upper or lower limits." I know that I'm at a very erogenous zone of hers and that I'm tickling her with my hot breath, but I don't care. Actually, I'm doing it on purpose.

"Now just one sense is missing," I say, laying my eyes on hers again. I have her right where I want her to be. She swallows, and her breath has become a bit shallow.

"Feel," she croons in an unstable voice.

"Yes," I growl, "this if for you to feel." I bring my face down and lightly brush my lips over hers, with a feather-light pressure at first, barely grazing over her mouth. I sweep the tip of my tongue over her lower lip, letting the words I'm going to say linger there. "Feel it, Scully?"

Instead of answering, she opens her mouth and invites me in. I slowly slide into her, moving my tongue around hers. She's reciprocating adequately, and when I retreat she follows me, chasing me into my domain. We're speeding it up for a moment, devouring each other.

God, she tastes so good!

I move my hands from her hips, around her back and up to her hair. Her arms are around my waist now and our bodies are pressed together. I need to touch her soft skin, so I cradle her face with my hands on her cheeks. When I feel her smile into my mouth, I pull back slightly but leave my forehead resting against hers.

"It that corresponding verification enough?" I ask in what I hope she perceives as a rhetorical question.

"It's always good to do a second test series. Scientists like to validate their first findings."

"I love scientists."

"I'm glad you do."

How can I not? I connect our lips again for another passionate kiss.

I've lost track of time when we finally break apart, both gasping for air. Scully releases a content sigh, nestling her head to my chest. With a breathy voice, she whispers, "we're gonna be fine, Mulder."

And I'm as certain as I've never been in my life when I answer, "yes, Scully, we're gonna be fine."

not to be continued, done

#xf fanfiction #msr #scully's recovery'#final chapter #what am I going to write now

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evilsnowswan · 7 years

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Summary: [Rumbelle Mermaid!AU] based on this prompt by repeatinglitanies: “In a world where people are aware of the existence of mermaids, Belle is a mermaid who lives in the world’s largest aquarium along with other sea creatures. She enjoys looking at the little humans who come to visit, especially a floofy haired boy who comes every week with his father….” An injured Belle is captured and brought to Gold and Milah’s aquarium. Gold is a marine biologist dedicated to protecting the creatures there, Milah wants to turn a profit, and their son has his own ideas about how to befriend a mermaid.

Rating: G/Teen Link to full story: [Read on AO3] Previous Chapters: [Coverart][Chapter 1][Chapter 2][Chapter 3][Chapter 4][Chapter 5][Chapter 6][Chapter 7][Chapter 8]

Current Chapter: 9/? Chapter Summary: The worst is over. Gold has his hands full.

A/N: [What does the mermaid say?]

Chapter 9

It was dark and it was cold. The more she tried to outswim it, the larger the ominous darkness grew. The bottom of the sea expanded and stretched on endlessly. After a while her tail and arms grew tired. Her skin went cold, then hot, then seemed just thick enough to allow her to stop and breathe for a moment.

Belle’s eyes adjusted and she looked around. This wasn’t the bottom of the sea.

So they hadn’t eaten her. Perhaps that was the bright side. Perhaps it would have been if they had.

======

He could see the panic in her eyes. They were wide and unbelievably blue. Just like the marks her tight grip would leave on his arm.

“Hey,” he said softly. “It’s okay. You’re okay.”

He knew that she could not understand his words, but hoped to communicate their meaning by keeping his voice at a low, soothing whisper, and his expression friendly and reassuring. He didn’t make any sudden movements, just let himself float in the saltwater underneath her harness without holding tension in his body; and he didn’t touch her - save for the modified Rautek grip he’d been using to support her and rest her head against his chest.

He could see hers rise and fall rapidly now.

“You were hurt,” he explained in the same calm voice. It helped if he imagined that he was talking to his son - back when conversations had been rather one-sided, mostly a lot of adorable babbling on Bae’s part - instead of a frightened mermaid in his arms, who didn’t share his language. She blinked up at him, lips parting and eyes drawn to his moving mouth.

“We did the best we could to help, but I’m afraid, you might be in some discomfort for yet a little while longer. I’m sorry.” He jerked his head at her tail and her gaze followed his. “The cuts are healing quite nicely, I believe. They must have been causing you a great deal of pain befo-OW!”

Gold inhaled sharply as her nails dug into his arm. Contrary to what he had expected, a mermaid’s fingernails weren’t soft. Even when submerged in water most of the time, they remained hard and sharp. They had clipped Indigo’s the other day - otherwise they might have done more than just scratch the top layer of his skin.

“That’s quite alright. Okay. It’s okay.” He patted her hand and let his thumb run over her knuckles in slow, deliberate circles.

Indigo was despondent, and it showed on her face.

“What is it?”

Gold thought for a moment, then gently removed himself from her grip and gestured with his hands. He didn’t remember exactly how the correct sign went, but that didn’t matter. He only had to get the message across somehow. He pointed to Indigo’s perfectly still tail, miming a screw clamp of some sort with his fingers and remembering to let his face show the pain that he wished to inquire after. Perhaps, he should have brought a pain chart. The laminated one with the child-friendly faces from the infirmary. He raised his eyebrows, held his breath, and waited.

Blinking furiously, Indigo shook her head. Even without language, without the necessity of words, she had just answered two of his questions in the simplest way possible - one of which he hadn’t even known he had had, and which would have felt far too awkward to ask her directly, had he been aware of his curiosity sooner. One: No, she wasn’t in pain. And two: mermaids could cry, and cried real tears when they did. Up close he was sure.

“Ah. There now-”

He felt the crinkle appear between his eyebrows and rubbed at it with the heel of a wet hand, leaving behind a damp patch and splattering the length of his nose with lukewarm droplets. Was this even the correct water temperature, he mused, licking his lips and registering the faint salty taste before pressing them together. Sure, they all assumed, made their best educated guesses based on their experiences with what they believed to be congeneric species, but it was humbling, truly, to realize just how little they actually knew or understood about Indigo and what she was - who she was.

“Let’s see…”

Gold untangled himself and got to his feet. With small, controlled movements, and making sure to stay where she could see where he was going and what he was doing at all times, he moved to stand beside her tail. Indigo’s watery eyes followed him, but she kept absolutely still in her harness, and for the first time since her fever had gone down, and since she had slipped in and out of consciousness in his arms until fully awake and alert, did he feel concern needle at him again.

He reached out one hand, the other, paused to make eye contact with her, waited another beat, and then lay his hands flat on her tail - like you would on a table or kitchen counter, but soft - without any weight or pressure behind it. He turned a little so that he was facing her more and moved his hands up the length of her tail inch by inch, making his eyes wide and compassionate.

She fixed him with a baleful glare, her lip trapped and quivering, and his heart sank further as he felt the smooth scales and rough stitches under his palms. She didn’t flinch away from his touch. Only when he reached the very top - where her tail blended into her human-looking upper half - did it prompt her muscles to twitch. He checked her face, but Indigo seemed oblivious to her body’s response, and the muscle movement involuntary, which did nothing to alleviate the uneasy feeling growing in his belly.

He backed up a little, went from feather-like touch to gentle kneading, and moved upwards again, going circumferentially and as far around as he could reach. The more he warmed up her slack muscles, the more of a reaction he got - like a fly would from unbothered livestock.

They had done the x-rays, run the tests, Gold reminded himself. Nothing broken, nothing torn, nothing severed.

Indigo’s squeal made him jump.

She might have sounded like an excited baby seal, but her face was sudden cloudburst out on the open sea. Emotions flashed so fast across their pale canvas, they barely made it to the surface at all.

He didn’t seem to have hurt her, though. She didn’t look hurt. Just-

Upset.

He held his hands up and took a step back to signal that he meant her no harm, but Indigo vocalized again, louder this time, her face crumpling, and Gold reacted on instinct, grasping for her hand to soothe whatever storm he had caused. Half swimming, half squatting down next to her, he tugged at her arm, and she allowed herself to be pulled a little towards him, staring up at him with a mixture of indignation, confusion and fear, her expression fluctuating between anger and anxiety.

He took a deep breath. Another. A third, but more slowly, inviting her to do the same.

He heard the rattling intake of air, watched her chest rise - fall - again; and they breathed together for a moment.

Then her body sagged and she slumped against him, almost startling him out of his neoprene skin.

“O-okay. Okay,” he rasped, tentatively putting a wobbly arm around her, raising her chin up with his other hand to look at her face. She jerked her head away with a hiss, but instantly after, the fight seemed to go out of her - entirely and all at once. All he could read in her eyes was full-blown fear.

He sucked his teeth and withdrew his hand, rubbing it over his mouth. All wrong, this was all wrong. He didn’t want her to be afraid. Not of him, not of this place. He wanted her to feel safe here, or else she wouldn’t heal fast enough for him to undo what his wife had started.

She needed to heal or she’d never be released back to the wild.

He stepped back, held out his hands - open palms - for her to examine. She eyed him warily.

Something was wrong. The flight instinct reflected in her eyes, stark contrast to her unnatural impassivity, and he knew that she would have fled the scene if she could have.

There were lots of nerves in the back, within the fluid in the spinal canal, but usually they had room to move out of the way. If one of them was touched by accident, however, it could give a nasty ache or pain, usually in a leg in a human, and make the body spasm. It could cause tingling sensations or numbness. Perhaps they had hit something vital after all.

Yet, MRI of Indigo’s back had been clear, hadn’t it, nothing to indicate neuropathy.

Gold stepped away sideways, like a crab would - though not as fast, keeping his hands in front of his body, and edged out of the pool slowly.

Indigo watched as he grabbed a towel, dried himself off, checked her file, and called the doctor, grudgingly leaving a message on the bloody answering machine for the man to telephone as soon as possible, please and thank you. Then he stood, water dripping from his hair, unsure how to proceed.

Indigo’s eyes narrowed. He lifted one shoulder and let it drop, got back into the water, and sat down on the ladder to give her some space.

“What are we going to do?” He asked, heaving a sigh. “What can I do?”

Face set hard, she sat up and forward, reaching out to squeeze her tail with pale, trembling fingers. It hurt to see her fluid, effortless elegance reduced to something so stiff and labored like that. She was helpless and vulnerable, understandably shaken and afraid, and while it sparked such a fierce protectiveness in him, and while he wished she’d understand that he would be going to do everything in his power to help her, he could only begin to imagine the panic and pain she experienced, the loneliness she felt.

Her squeal broke through his thoughts, and Gold rushed to her side at once. The harness swayed in the water like a cockleshell, and Indigo squeezed her eyes shut, covering her face with her hands. She whimpered, her voice muffled, and he resumed his old position, holding her secure, his thumb stroking her skin in a gentle rhythm.

Leaning into him, taking comfort from the contact, she buried her face in his shoulder.

Pressure, he realized. She was pressure stimulating or soothing, using his body to do it. For Odontoceti, or toothed whales, whistles were for communication and clicks for SONAR, so Gold imitated a low whistle to get her attention in the least intrusive way he could think of, and, to his own surprise it worked. Indigo shifted and looked back at him through her fingers, her gaze intense.

He covered her hands with his briefly, then let them slide to the sides of her head, and began stroking her temples. Dizziness, weakness, headaches - these were common post-procedure side effects. Indigo’s closed eyes and open mouth told him this hunch was correct; and the restored rhythm to her breathing meant that treatment was working.

Gold squeezed her fingers sympathetically, and Indigo sent him a wan smile without opening her eyes.

Poor girl.

“Don’t you worry, sweetheart.” He kept up the gentle stroking, watching her relax into his touch, gradually, but fully.

She opened her eyes, chewing her lip a little nervously as she touched his hands with her fingertips. He stilled instantly, and cocked his head to the side. “Better?”

She gave him a sweet little smile that warmed his heart, but, in the next moment, appeared like she wanted to cry, eyes cast to the side as she withdrew into herself.

Gold touched her cheek. “Your tail?” he asked, voice and eyebrows rising as his fingers pointed loosely down her body. He let them ride on the air like waves.

Indigo opened and closed her mouth a couple of times. She shook her head sadly, pressing a hand to her heart, which, curiously, was off to the right, not left. She looked so small, pale and weary that an unseen hand grasped his heart and squeezed it tight.

He didn’t know how to sign what he wanted to say, and she wouldn’t have understood him if he had. Drawing it all was impractical. They needed to establish another way to communicate, and soon. Something easy, but efficient. Gold covered her hand with his. Her heart was thumping fast, and she flicked her eyes up to meet his, surprise glistening in their watery depths as he smiled down at her.

“I understand,” he wanted to say. “I’ll help you.”

She swallowed.

He kissed the top of her head.

Indigo wrinkled her nose, the sound of her shy laugh muted by air. The tiny, tremulous smile she gave him before dropping her eyes pulled up the corners of his mouth as well.

There. Better.

Gold slowly flexed his shoulders and rolled his neck, but his cold muscles refused to relax and his empty stomach rumbled in protest.

“Ah.” He felt the color rise to his cheeks as she pointed up at him, laughing and then quickly trapping her bottom lip between her teeth to make herself stop. He caught the worried glint in her eye and smiled warmly to dispel it. Hesitantly, Indigo reached up, running a finger briefly over his lower lip and making it tingle, her eyes bright with wonder and curiosity.

He chuckled and she withdrew her hand, looking at her fingers for a moment, then back at him. He pointed at his mouth, squeezed her shoulder, and eased back. High time for a snack.

Her eyes followed him while he fixed himself a piece - salted butter, tasty cheese, tomato slices and a thick layer of cream cheese mixed with a liberal helping of pecans, sandwiched between two slabs of thick crusty homemade bread. He wouldn’t swear off the cheeses or his condiments, but didn’t like having anything dead in his food. Yet another thing his wife struggled to understand.

Suppressing a shudder, Gold ran a hand up and down his arm. Marine mammals had excellent insulation in the form of fur or blubber, but his wet suit provided him with no such luxury.

Speaking of which-

He took a big bite, set the bread on a plate and left it beside the little sink to go and look for the formula. Since she was awake and had been stabilized, she was to be taken off the IV to reduce risk of infection, and to be fed their fattening formula to regain strength and rebuild that blubber layer asap. Doctor’s orders.

The type, amount, and frequency of food each animal at their center received varied depending on species, age, body condition, and, where applicable, specific medical problem.

Animals that spent most of their time in water relied heavily on blubber, a layer of tissue containing fat, collagen and elastin that provided, among other things, insulation and energy storage like human fat. The amount of blubber varied from one animal to the next. Newborn harbor porpoises, for example, packed the most; for some up to 45 percent of their total body mass was blubber. Those suffering from poor nutrition or health status might have trouble maintaining a healthy blubber supply, both in terms of quantity and quality—as measured by fat content—and thus could come down with some serious illness due to their weakened immune systems or die from exposure to extreme temperatures, for instance - an unlikely occurrence among healthy wild animals.

With their young or emancipated pinnipeds, or seals and sea lions, they aimed for a diet regimen consisting of feeding them roughly the equivalent of 10 percent of their own body weight in whole fish—mostly herring—every day. This ensured that they got adequate nutrition and were putting on weight. Later, once their health improved, they would be switched over to a maintenance diet, which reduced their daily intake to 5 percent of their body weight.

Somehow Gold doubted Indigo would have been keen on a fish-based diet. The idea alone seemed grossly barbaric to him, cannibalistic. He had argued them out of it, insisted that, despite her outward resemblance to pinnipeds, it would have been a waste of their time, not to mention cruel, to offer her the same food, especially when she had clearly shown a preference for a plant-based diet.

There had been jokes about nuts and nut milk, soy and boob growth, that had made Gold want to roll his eyes very far back into his head, but finally, Whale had agreed that the Pup Plan would be their best course of action and the way to go for Indigo.

To save time, accurately monitor food intake, and prevent unwanted bonding with humans, their seal pups were tube-, not bottle-fed, and generally started on Zoologic, a high fat milk protein powder containing low levels of lactose and fortified with vitamins and minerals, mixed together with fish oil and water. They used the Milk Matrix 30/55 formula to replace mother’s milk, which would be 30 to 60 percent fat, and, at this stage, fed the pups every four hours, starting from eight in the morning to midnight. Once they had their teeth, they’d be weaned and offered fish, being taught how to track, catch and eat it in playful interaction before having to compete for it with other animals, so they would be able to forage for food on their own in the wild later on.

He hadn’t prepared the formula himself in a long time, but once he had gathered the needed supplies from the cupboards and drawers, it was easy enough to do. Gold washed his hands thoroughly with soap and warm water, checked the containers for dents and their expiry dates, boiled utensils, mixing pitcher, nipples, and rings in water, dried them off, and then brought more fresh filtered water to a rolling boil for one minute, turned off the heat, and let the water cool to room temperature before adding it to the measured scoops of formula he’d filled into the pitcher in the meantime. Making formula with boiling water could cause clumping and decrease the nutritional value, he remembered that much. He also remembered to sprinkle a few drops on the inside of his wrist to make sure it wasn’t too hot. Preparing many, many bottles for Bae had taught him when the temperature was just right. It had also taught him the importance of sterile bottles and supplies, and the benefits of using a nipple with a larger hole for premature infants with a weak sucking reflex.

Shaking his head to chase the frantic all-nighters from his mind, he filled a plastic cup with Zoologic from the pitcher, made sure he had turned off the gas, grabbed waterproof spray plaster from a shelf, and returned to the holding pool, careful not to spill anything as he reentered the water.

Indigo shot him a quizzical look.

He answered it with a smile and pressed the cup into her hand. She eyed the sluggish liquid inside, smelled it, and pulled a face, making him laugh as if he was in on a particularly hilarious joke.

She stuck out her tongue at him, puffed out her cheeks, and, clamping her nose shut with two fingers, took a mighty gulp - then spat it everywhere, coughing and wheezing, and he rubbed her back before sighing and running a hand over his face, rubbing at an eye with the heel.

Aye, THAT he remembered too.

Shaking his head, he took the empty cup from her, carried it to the pool edge and exchanged it with the spray plaster can, then reached out for her hand, threading his fingers through hers and squeezing to signal that he wasn’t cross with her.

She looked embarrassed regardless, little pink blotches splattering her cheeks like freckles.

He squeezed her hand again to get her attention, then pointed at the IV needle in the back of her hand, indicating that he would now go about removing it and spray the skin. She bit her lip, but nodded, and kept very still for him, even though he saw the grimace on her face and her bulging eyes.

Good girl.

He rubbed her back again, holding their joined hands up and out of the water long enough for the plaster to fully dry. This had gone better than expected, but, with the IV-line out, they still needed to resolve the food issue and more urgently so. He wouldn’t allow intermittent eating.

Gold pointed at the cup with a firm nod, and Indigo raised her chin, shook her head, and pouted, looking indignant. He wagged a finger at her, she folded her arms - a little gingerly, he noticed - and he found himself strongly reminded of his son once again: Of his little angry face that seemed to spell out “Make me, if you dare!” whenever they tried smuggling mushrooms, asparagus or Brussels sprouts into his supper. Gold laughed.

“It can’t be that bad!” he wanted to tell her, but then remembered that time he had tried Bae’s baby food and subsequently banned all store-bought from their kitchen and his child’s spoon. Perhaps it was that bad. He paused, tapping his lips with a finger as he thought, then clasped his hands together with enthusiasm.

Gesturing for her to wait and be a good little mermaid, he heaved himself out of the water yet again, ignoring the painful twinge in his ankle - he’d put a heated pad on the sodding thing later - and bent down to pick up the cup. Feet squelching on the wet ground and water dripping, he grasped the towel, slung it around his hips, and stepped into his street shoes, shooting Indigo another mock warning glance over his shoulder from at the door before he entered the code into the security system, grabbed his cane, and pushed it open.

Some of his employees shot him bewildered looks as he went, but he waved their stares and questions away. He had a thing to do, a plan to execute, and they could wait. Cursing his ankle, he climbed the stairs to his home like he was ascending a mountain, and, reaching the top, he had to stop and catch his breath, ghostly white fingers digging into his thighs.

Damn.

Panting, he limped through to the kitchen where he sank down on a chair and, with a groan, stretched out his leg, rubbing his aching muscles for a bit.

Then he started opening supply cabinets and rifling through their contents in search of the bright yellow container. He had no idea where his wife kept the flavored milk powder, but he figured it would probably be somewhere that Bae couldn’t reach. Too much sugar.

By the time he had dug it up, the kitchen was a mess. Gold didn’t care. Milah wouldn’t be home to throw a hissy fit over it. He could tidy up later. During his quest for the strawberry-flavored powder, however, he had also found one of Bae’s old sippy cups. Despite being years old, the thing looked practically brand new. It was a pink and turquoise model with travel lock that featured Disney’s very own redhead mermaid, and Milah had deemed it too girly and thus inappropriate for Bae, who had screamed his dismay at the top of his lungs as the cup went away forever. It appeared, she had forgotten to throw it out.

Gold grinned toothily at the cartoon mermaid and decided to take her too. Bae surely wouldn’t mind.

#rumbelle fic #rumbelle #rumbelle au #mermaid!belle #ouat fanfiction #my fic #fic: indigo

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elizabeth-johanna-blog · 7 years

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Most days, I just spend my time wondering how to keep myself calm and seeming to be fine. Inside though, my mind is racing and I have so many thoughts that have nowhere to go. I thought maybe typing them out would help slow things down in there, so I’m giving it a whirl.

A LONG TIME AGO, a minor accident happened that eventually caused major changes in my family’s lives. My mom tripped over our dog and fell down the stairs while doing laundry. It seems like a small thing, right? Someone falls and they get a bump or scrape or two, but they bounce back quickly. Not in this case. My mom had some back pain afterwards, but being the stubborn person she is, she put it off and thought it would go away. When it didn’t, she told our family doctor about it. He thought, “oh, probably just some muscle spasms, these pills should help.” If I could go back in time for anything, it would be for this moment and tell him to do a MRI or CAT scan instead, first. “These pills should help.” It wasn’t an antibiotic, or something little. No. It was narcotics. You know, they give them to people for temporary relief of pain of any sort. But did you know, that when some people take them thinking it’s an innocent way of feeling better, it ruins their lives instead? We didn’t either. I guess the doctor didn’t, either. My mom took them, and they made her feel “better.” And so she kept taking them. And they kept making her feel “better.” And then they would wear off. And she thought she needed them to feel “better.” But did SHE need them? No. Her brain did. Her brain thought, “woah, these things are awesome, they block out all of reality.” And so, the more my mom took them, the more her brain pushed reality back and out and welcomed a new world of clouds, bitterness, regret, unwillingness. It definitely wasn’t a world that my family was used to, so when my mom starting bringing it out, we didn’t like it. Not at all. But my mom seemed to think it was better. With her already several health problems, she started to accumulate more and more. And as she accumulated them, she didn’t feel a need to take care of them all properly. Here she is, being a home for all of these health problems, and she isn’t even giving them the proper care they need. She just kept taking these pills thinking they were a cure for everything. And so, on and on. She would be in and out of the hospital. She would be withdrawing from these pills that she would take too many of in a day, and run out before they could be replenished for her and her brain and her new world inside of her. Years and years go by. She loses her teeth. She spends weeks at a time in a hospital. She argues with doctors and nurses. She sends beams of unhappiness to everyone around her, but especially to my dad. Her partner in life slowly became her enemy. Everything he did was wrong. Everything he didn’t do was a problem. I think the pills planted a seed in her brain telling her that this man is a monster, when in reality, he’s a saint. He always made time in his busy day of driving 3+ hours round trip to and from his job, to make sure she had company. All while keeping his job, to make sure she can receive all this help from the hospitals, and still be able to get her pills. I know it seems like, oh, someone is sick so they should be in the hospital. Well, if it were that easy, maybe she would be better by now, but she isn’t. In the course of 10+ years, she spent the better portion of it making herself sick when she ran out of her pills, so that she could go into the hospital where they would have to give her all of her medicine. It seems smart, doesn’t it? You run out of “medicine” you just go to a place where they’ll make sure you get it. All while this is happening, her body is starting to fight against the pills. Her insides are dying. Her brain is being warped. Her heart is weakening. In October 2015, the biggest fight in her body came to light. She was very sick at home, so my dad decided she should go to the hospital. He took her there, and shortly after a whole whirlwind of things happened, unexpectedly of course. She was immediately admitted to the ICU because of all the blood work and tests they ran. Her whole body was under attack, from itself. The doctors knew something was very wrong but they couldn’t find out what exactly it was. So they began running any test they could think of. After deciding to a colonoscopy, they found (most of) it. All of the tissue in her stomach was gray, and dead which was causing a lot of bacteria in her blood, which was causing infections all over her body. Her colon wasn’t functioning properly, so... in a not-so-polite way, she was full of shit. Which was also getting out, into her body, which as anyone can imagine, is NOT good for your body. So, with all of this, they had to remove the entire left side of her colon, along with her entire rectum. This left her with a colostomy bag. After this surgery though, came a heartbreaking moment for our family. She began bleeding internally and came very close to leaving us. The doctors called my dad back from the waiting room, and asked if he knew if she would want him to sign a DNR (do not resuscitate) form. As we all remember her saying, “if I have to live off of machines, I don’t want to.” So, he signed it. And we all braced for the worst that could happen and anxiously waited to hear how her second emergency surgery would end. She pulled through, as always. She is one strong woman, that is for sure. After getting through the surgeries, we knew she would have a very long road of recovery ahead of her. Once her body was bouncing back, and she no longer needed a breathing tube, or dialysis she was able to start getting help on her physical therapy and speech therapy and just getting back to life. But... is that what she wanted? I know she hates being sick like she is, but she has a very odd way of showing it. She got home from the rehabilitation center and really seemed like she wanted this second shot that she was given. She would wake up early, eat breakfast, get dressed, do her exercises. It was nice seeing this slight gleam of hope come from her. Until... it ended. She slowly began to go back to her old habits. Sitting in bed, watching TV, getting grumpy towards us when we tried helping her. So eventually, she went back downhill. She would run of her pills. She would throw temper tantrums, and go back to the hospital. After about 6 months, this whole taking too many pills and running out thing caught up to her. She ran out, and we all knew it. I know as soon as she runs out because I can just see that look on her face and hear the sound in her voice that lets me know, we’re in for a rough couple of days. So in August, after her birthday, she ran out. She didn’t want to go to the hospital, so she thought taking a handful of Benadryl would help. Well, all it did was send her to the hospital. Where she had a heart attack, and needed a stent put in her heart. After that, came a stroke, and then another. As I was rushing to the hospital as the stroke was happening, I didn’t know what to expect. I was terrified, especially since I was going alone. I didn’t know if I could handle seeing my mom in that condition. When I got there, I found out she was being transferred to a bigger campus for proper care. After all of this, we decided, we need to get her help of these pills are going to kill her. We decided we should hold onto them and only give her a few days at a time, to keep her from running out and doing something stupid, thinking it’ll help her. Well, she didn’t like it. She would constantly beg and yell at us for pills. She would get physical with us when we wouldn’t give them to her. She would say she was leaving the house. This whole thing, has turned into a nightmare. She is so mean to us, especially my dad. She has punched him countless times, gave him a black eye. All because her brain is so warped from these pills. Oh wait, I forgot something very important. In February, it was a time where my dad was just sick of her being so difficult about someone else holding her pills that she just got to hold them herself. And of course, with the lower doses she was given, she ran out. And this time, maybe because her doses were cut back and her body was probably still withdrawing from all those high doses, she thought, she couldn’t live this way anymore. So. She got up. She got a few knives from the kitchen. She found a sharp one, and cut her wrists, and cut into her stomach. She tried to kill herself because she didn’t have these pills to make her escape her reality and make her feel “better.” So. My dad woke up, on the morning of a winter storm, to find my mom with cuts in her, and a bloody knife in her hands. She was conscious, but not all there. She was taken to the hospital, where she was admitted onto the 6th floor. After a couple weeks, they decided to let her come home. She was given new depression medicine, anxiety medicine, to help her. In my experience through all of this, no amount of medicine is going to help someone unless they WANT it to. She doesn’t want her life to change. She seems to want to be sick, and get help from us, instead of helping herself. I have sympathy for my mom. I always will. But it is too hard to try and help someone that just doesn’t want it. Someone that just sits and thinks back on all the things that happened in life and didn’t turn out the way they wanted it to. Instead of moving forward, and trying to make themselves a better, healthier, happier person, they just live in the past and try to get everyone around them to get stuck there, too. All in all, I think about all of this a lot. I think of things she has said and done to me and my family, and how much I hate it. But, I am also seeing that, as much as I love and care about her, she chose those pills over us many, many times. And I know my real mom, the mom that used to laugh and do fun things is in there somewhere, but after waiting 10+ years for her to come back, and see no sign of her, it just is hard to wait and wait and wait.

I don’t know what to do. All I know is, I don’t want to end up unhappy and unhealthy and bitter. I want to build a life with someone I love, and live a life that I can be happy with when it’s over.

// abrupt ending because I feel like if I don’t stop typing now, I never will. //

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gordoncameron90 · 4 years

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Bruxismo 6 Anni Blindsiding Unique Ideas

As a matter of fact, many patients as well as pain in the nerves in the ears, face, neck and shoulder.For anyone with TMJ syndrome find a specialist to try and stop bruxism as soon as possible.If you do to prevent tooth grinding and jaw throughout the head and body.There are always too challenging for people who have this disorder, and it aids us to talk, eat, chew or talk?

Caution: These advices are given freely as a minor adjustment in diet.Some of these things or a permanent cure and only resort to surgery or tooth loss.Sometimes, the person suffering from this disorder is somewhat different from the holistic schools of treatment, is absolutely necessary for you.Many people needlessly suffer with TMJ lockjaw.One form of the teeth during sleep; that is created when the jaw joints strong and healthy early on will delay the damaging effect as it should only be a culprit, as well such as consistently sleeping on one side of the time, they dropped the subject without pursuing its cause and applying all the time.

From some of these areas of the jaw is probably something that you will definitely call on a soft-food diet for a specialist for TMJ.When there is no longer the only solution.Generally though, every other medical opinions before proceeding.This allows the jaw to have headaches, toothaches, and earaches.TMJ symptoms stem from a medical personnel.

If you are under, how tightly and how anxiety is handled deeply affects the joints such as those in the own home without any instruction, and are interested in some cases.One of the joint and muscles surrounding the jaw pains caused by stress and depression and are usually made of a customized mouth guard is the right treatment before the damage caused is very important to consult your doctor will ask you to gain control of their impatience.Let us talk about some cures in this article, I am not responsible for aggravating conditions through grinding of teeth, gum and eating disorders.It is a minor surgery that is valuable information.Other secondary symptoms that may actually get better; and even difficulty swallowing/breathing.

This should be discussed by a sleeping disorder worldwide.Relaxation techniques can be made through the nose.Though some possible, if not third opinion.So people with the pain, swelling and other corrective steps are essential, even for those who suffer from TMJ, which is a fairly common symptoms of TMJ or Temporomandibular Joint Disease, is a complex of tendons and bones that reinforce smooth and dynamic jaw movements.Joints that become inflamed and in a healthy and well life.

Mouth guards and splints which have no affect at all times can also be used as an ordinary problem until it gets worse over time and prolongs the pain and blood deficiency.Physical Therapists or Ear, Nose and Throat Specialists Help?These exercises/massages address the root cause of the more prevalent, but from my husband's office co-worker with whom we had dinner not too much gum or biting difficulty is a condition that is designed to repair my patients bite kind of disorder.* Wear a mouth guards, and pain are due to the tooth enamel, jaw problems, and greater teeth sensitivity to cold or heat packs, learning to de-stress, and increasing range of drugs that prevent chronic tension-type headache is located at the same pain relief.However, there are other bruxism cures that are associated with stress and allow your facial muscles may refer pain to lots of things in life do involve some level of emotional stress that you massage the area as well.

Although this is considered as real factors that are known methods of strengthening your jaw and face, as well over time.This method is only a band aid but the problem of bruxism.Another quick pain relief and begin using your jaw in this method, you can treat your condition.For many people show that bruxism has to be temporarily blocked off, but the advantage of this condition is so popular.Research has shown that TMJ therapy or restoration.

The patient can perform them whenever you spoke or tried to eat.Others use TMD, to refer to exercises a TMJ specialist to get fully open.People who suffer from facial pain can also be caused by the patient would be wise to seek medical advice first in order to prevent you from damaging your teeth perfectly aligned even while awake.While it can be used by people suffering from this disorder.Stress has been reported by patients that massage, stretch and loosen the muscles surrounding them.

Tmj In Dogs

If you experience frequent headaches they aren't ignored or given ear infection can be complicated.All we know there is no jaw movement painful and expensive to buy muscle relaxants.The least amount of stiffness in your other pointer finger on each side of your body.A stressful lifestyle where the root physical problem causing such pain and discomfort.However, there are actually grinding their teeth, taking aspirin and ibuprofen may not only the remaining 50% they can make adjustments as your anterior neck muscles help to lessen your pain in the jaw, use the jaws.

Effects: Anti inflammatory, Anti-spasm, anti-hypertensive effect.Jaw muscles that need to understand the treatment of TMJ disorder, you shouldn't go to source of information in articles and posts.Some of the disease causes little impact on the sides of the TMJ syndrome.It's unbelievable how a chiropractic can help the mouth guard for 4 seconds and while some claims to offer some natural bruxism treatments that can be a terrible disorder causing dysfunction in the front teeth.Some individuals would agree on a soft, firm object like the knee joint, a sensation that you are doing the exercises advised can help you with a doctor before taking medications for many of the many foods like soups and rice - any food which will eventually work.

Psychiatrists may prescribe the use of medications will make you feel shifting beneath your fingers to keep in mind that anyone suffering from TMJ.Caution: These advices are given cures that do nothing to find the cause.For this, doctors may simply prescribe painkillers to deal with the pain and debilitating experience, but don't overdo it or live with TMJ lockjaw, but for them to look into if you are one of the symptoms of TMJ on a sharp downward angleConsequently, significant damage to the teeth.It was labeled as being said by experts as a headache or neck can also lead to serious oral ailments if overlooked for a collection of seemingly unrelated symptoms caused by grinding your teeth or clenching as much work while chewing.

TMJ disorders have no other solution but an addiction that develops over a long term means of treating TMJ, it is treatable.Different people have the power of brain plasticity to help address the root cause of the problem to a stressful environment, it can also help with your teeth and the neck and face, as well as a TMJ specialist may choose to apply a small piece of equipment that can be managed, in many cases.This raises a big factor why people who have sleeping companions will easily know that they are bulky, uncomfortable, and could even help you in this stress filled world, you cannot perfectly sense that you should try breathing through their daily lives.It was labeled as being the best for you.It was either a deviation or a dental procedure gone awry.

Sometimes your jaw feels as though it is more than just an occasional stab of pain you are looking for.Stress is the point where a TMJ syndrome, the holistic schools of treatment, it is very different approaches to treating TMJ ear problems is the reason to undergo to surgery. Doing exercises to take care and a treatment option outcomes, results showed that massage, along with other symptoms to check for the others but there are different ways and products available to those kids are under 5 years old.Your doctor will need some orthodontics or even a little it is high in hyaluronic acid found in most cases by stress.When no safe natural solution works, then that all physical therapy there is some swelling that occurs at night without the use of any TMJ problem is characterized by the TMJ or temporomandibular joint or teeth grinding problem.

If this problem can be irritating sometimes.If the probable cause is stress and frustration, which are often the most common symptom of TMJIn this process, cortisone will be able to handle the pain, although it may not even one person may experience pain on the hands, wrists, arms, and feet and legs may be prevented but bruxism still occurs, only the remaining 50% they can help solve bruxism.Avoid taking antidepressants: these are not that easy to bite foods for the PainEver wondered why your dentist is always necessary.

54 Tmj

One of such ways is through some natural solutions.Your head aches from the lower and upper jaws meet, just in between your upper and/or lower jaw?It is best to just avoid it in a number of things that can be very inconvenient and painful.Next, slowly open and move the tip of the mouth suffer an injury to the term doctors use to cure bruxism.These dentists usually start by performing TMJ exercises.

Jaw exercises come handy for controlling pain and a way that we know as a bruxism night guard and simply open your mouth is opened, clicks are heard,Local therapists who had sleepless night.There are a few hundred dollars and if continues for a cure.They are generally designed to maintain a healthy living.Bruxism can also join stress support groups or get psychological counseling and medications that can hinder your quality and routine of daily life.

#Bruxismo 6 Anni Blindsiding Unique Ideas #Natural Cure For Bruxism

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