Happy holidays! It's your Secret Santa recipient! Can I get Astarion/Tav gentle vampire paladin who broke her vows, a good dose of angst and comfort please. Thank you! ^^
So, I finally got to your request! It's not a Secret Santa, coz we've discussed everything with you in DM. Buuut - I like what we've made up!
And it's my first fic about someone else's Tav who is neither generic nor Tiriel.
When The Light is Gone
Synopsis: You used to be many things. You used to be a Paladin of Lathander. You used to be Astarion's only love. You used to be mortal. You used to be free. Now, you are just a vampire spawn in the hands of an evil and cruel vampire lady - and no one hears your prayers anymore.
TW: Tav is put through the same things Astarion was put by Cazador (including tortures and SA). They aren't written in details, but those things are mentioned.
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Headcanons
You pray, but no one listens.
Your bones are broken, and your flesh is flayed. As far as you can see through the piercing pain, there is no skin left on your body. It's all ripped from you like rags.
The vampire regeneration brings it back in a second. No wounds, no bruises. The skin looks like day you died.
Frozen in time.
"I see you are back!" your master laughs, and her voice echoes through the dungeon.
No, please, not again.
The vampire lady approaches you with a terrible elegance. She moves through the place of torture as if it were a ballroom.
"My dear little spawn, why do you upset me so much? Am I not kind to you? Am I not forgiving?"
She chuckles studying your face. Your tears have long dried. The red eyes glow in anticipation.
"And you still dare to disobey me- you've run! Is this the gratitude for giving you immortality?"
You are silent. You are so exhausted you can't speak. The hunger is so overwhelming, you can't think about anything. You would eat a flea if it meant getting at least a drop of blood.
"Answer me, girl."
Your mouth moves against your will. A spawn is a mere puppet in the arms of its master.
"I am sorry, Meerah."
The vampire licks her lips. She is beautiful, your master. Black hair, pale skin. Once she was a human. But it was centuries ago. Was she tortured like that by her master? Or was she a vampire bride, a privileged slave? It doesn’t matter what she was. It matters what she is now.
Cruel.
Sadistic.
Perversive.
"What to do with you, my dear sweet paladin?" she touches your breasts and then goes lower with her cold fingers. "Regeneration is so sweet - I like seeing skin growing back and bones mending."
Meerah takes out a dagger, brushing its tip on your stomach.
"Pity, you didn't experience the pleasure of getting out of that grave. A vampire must find its own way to the surface once it wakes in a coffin. And that stupid vampire... What was his name? Astarion?"
You sniff. You have nightmares. Сonstantly. But sometimes you see worse things - you dream that Astarion saves you. That it's him making love to you, not Lum or someone else Meerah decided to reward. You hear his voice, sense his touch. Only to wake up in chains.
Or in someone else's bed.
"He dug you from your grave. With his hands. So desperate he was as if he hoped you would still be mortal when he found you. How you clung to him with your eyes glowing red! But he left. He ran!"
No, it wasn’t like that!
Your body didn't listen to you anymore. You stood up and approached your new master, your slave owner. Astarion was standing there near your grave surrounded by Meerah’s spawns.
She gave him a choice - he goes and never returns. Or you would be left to meet the sun.
Meerah can always make news spawns, but Astarion wouldn't find another Tav.
I will find the way! I will kill her the same way we killed Cazador!
And he disappeared. The spawns chased him like hounds chasIng prey.
He will save you. He will find you.
"Dear, dear. How long have you been here? Let me think. Twenty years! And he has never shown up!"
The dagger plunges into your stomach and even though your senses are dulled you cry in pain.
"You know the harsh truth. Vampires never get along. We love mortals to warm our beds because our bodies are so cold. We love drinking the blood of people we like. But two vampires... You can't give anything to each other. I know you still cry for him. Lum told me - you wake up in tears calling out for Astarion because you thought he'd finally come for you. But he left. He will never return"
She stabs you with the dagger.
And again.
And again.
It's a perfect torture because you can't die. You are already dead, she killed you twenty years ago condemning you to the existence of her personal toy.
"O Lord of Light, illuminating the path" you whisper, coughing blood. " Saving us from the darkness beckoning wrath"
But the Morninglord doesn't hear you.
He is the enemy of the undead.
And you are among them.
**
Meerah finally gets tired of torturing you. She unchains you and you fall to the dirty floor. The wounds immediately heal.
I want blood. I need to eat.
Meerah doesn't feed you often. She gives you enough to keep you sane and "good-looking". But it never satiates you.
"Stand up"
Your body obeys.
Lum stands from the shadows and you shiver - it was him who caught you and brought you back. He, the lover of the powerful vampire, wasn't afraid of the mere spawn.
"She is yours for the night. Do whatever you want."
Lum licks his lips studying your body. No, not him. Not again. His touches burn like acid and he is even more violent than Meerah. It's his release after submitting to his lady.
"I know you have a thing for women of gods. Spawn! Follow him to the bedroom and please him. Beg him for more, until he gets tired of you"
***
Dissociation is a gift.
It's not you.
It’s someone else performing in bed for this vile man. Someone else is getting fucked, someone else is used for pleasure. Your mind wanders away as your mouth moans and begs.
You try to think about Astarion. To remember him. How good it was with him. How gentle he always was.
But it's been twenty years and you realize you've forgotten his face.
***
You lie on the floor. Lum ordered you not to move. He doesn't possess the master's voice, he is a mere human, who was promised to be given eternal life. But the master's voice ordered you to obey him so you do.
Your body is numb because of the cold and humiliation. Maybe, you should find a way to step into the sun. To let the god of dawn take you. You tried once but were caught and were impaled for a year.
Astarion made it somehow for two centuries. Through tortures, through pain, through rapes, through hunger. You can do it, too.
But you aren't so sure anymore.
Intrusive thoughts invade your mind. "He left you, knowing perfectly well what would happen to you. He left you to be ripped, torn, used, ruined, destroyed. He isn't coming back. He's forgotten."
No, no! This isn't true!
"Your god has forsaken you. Remember how many things you did for Lathander? Deeds, prayers... Nothing matters. He forsook you the moment you were turned into a vampire."
You cry in silence. You've learned this skill too - to weep and grieve without a sound.
WAKE UP
The master's voice forces you to jump on your feet.
TO THE DUNGEON
You go. Your feet are bare and the only piece of clothes you wear is a pair of trousers and an old shirt. Too big for you but at least you aren't naked.
QUICK YOU STUPID BITCH!
You rush. Something is wrong. Someone has come to challenge your master and now all the spawns will have to fight for her.
When you arrive at the dungeon there is a fight. You see at least three spawns are dead and their bodies slowly turn to ashes.
Meerah is scared.
And so are you.
There are three intruders. And two of them are dhampirs.
Two young men, identical and tall, kill vampire spawns as if they are just rabid dogs. The worst vampire nightmare - someone who is immune to vampirism and feels the presence of vampires.
There is a third person among them, another hooded figure.
"I told you not to come!" Meerah yells. "I told you I would force her to see the sun!"
The hooded figure steps forward.
Astarion.
These twenty years didn't change him. He looks the same.
He recognizes you and there is grief in his perfect face.
KILL HIM
You try to disobey but you are less than a puppet.
You rush to him with your fangs and claws but in a moment you are paralyzed.
One of the dhampirs used "Hold Undead".
You are motionless. Weak. But you can't break the chains - and this is a blessing.
"You think you can kill me?! You, a masterless spawn and two half-deads?!"
Meerah is scared. For the first time in her undead life.
When the vampire dies, you feel the pain, and the invisible strings burn and fall into the darkness.
***
You wake up in a dark room. It was all a dream. You dream of your master's death. Of Astarion. Of freedom.
Of course, it's not true. It couldn't happen.
The hunger tortures you, forcing your guts to wrench.
You catch the scent of a living person. Blood, fresh blood. Living blood.
So desirable. So unreachable.
You sit up, staring into the dark, and see Lum, your rapist.
He is tied up. His bones are broken and his mouth is gagged. He muffles something but you can't understand anything.
And you feel emptiness in the part of your mind that has always been occupied by your master.
You hear steps. A familiar scent.
"Woke up, darling?"
You stare at Astarion in disbelief. Twenty years. Twenty years! And yet...
He is here.
You rush to him crying and cursing and he hugs you with his strong arms.
"Shh, it's ok. It's over. You are free. No one will ever hurt you. I will never leave you. We will always be together."
"Why? Why twenty years? Where have you been?" you sniff.
"Was looking for a way to kill that bitch and not lose you in the process. But I was always looking, I have never stopped. I give you my word"
The hunger becomes unbearable and you look at Lum. He is scared to death. He has never thought it was possible to outlive his master.
"Has she ever let you drink human blood?"
Rats. Stray dogs. Birds. Your only food. But she usually starved you, sometimes not feeding for years, locking you inside a cell.
"Drink his blood. Don't stop yourself. Drink till the last drop"
"But I-"
"She is dead. Eat."
And you rush to the body as a feral animal. Sinking your fangs into the warm flesh.
Blood.
Real human flood.
You rip Lum's throat trying to cause as much pain as possible. And you drink and drink
Till nothing is left.
Your mind becomes clear. You've never felt so good since you were turned. You even have something in your chest as if your undead heart could beat.
Astarion picks you up and carries you away from the dead body.
***
The surface feels nice. It's early night and it smells like freedom.
Dhampir brothers approach you and you sense the fear. The dhampirs. The death of the vampires.
"Well, I suppose here we part ways, Uncle"
"Call me uncle once again and I will test my ability to fight a dhampir!"
The twins laugh. "Our mother considers you her brother. It makes
you our uncle. Who knows when you will need our help again."
"But beware" the other one adds. "You are responsible for Tav. If she can't control her hunger, she will become our prey. And so will you"
The twins bow simultaneously and disappear in the night. Astarion grabs your hand.
"Why do they call you uncle?"
"They are Dalyria's sons. Apparently, she still considers me her brother. I haven't decided if I like it or not. Come on, let's get out of here. There is a town nearby and the innkeepers accidentally invited me to the tavern some time ago."
You walk in silence. There is so much you want to tell him. There is so much you want to cry about. But you are quiet.
By the sunrise, you finally reach the inn. Astarion orders a bath and locks the wooden door.
"Do you want me to stay or to go?" he carefully asks.
You don't know what to do. You feel cold. You feel dirty. You feel dead even though you are satiated with blood.
Astarion sighs. "I will be in our room in case you need anything."
"No!" You finally manage to say. "Stay"
He nods. You try to undress but it feels like the fabric sticks to your skin. Astarion doesn't dare touch you.
Of course.
He remembers himself. How he snapped at you for touching him. How it took him years before he started feeling comfortable in his own skin.
But you are not like that. Similar experience. Different results.
"Touch me. Please. Makes me forget. I feel hollow. There was a place in my heart for Lathander but he forgot me. Then, it was my master's voice. Now there is nothing. Just nothing. Please, make me forget."
Astarion undresses you and gently places you in the hot water.
He washes you, rubbing your pale skin. He murmurs the words of love and care but you see pain in his eyes. He avoids touching your bite mark but you grab his hand and force him to touch it.
"What are we going to do now?" you ask.
"I don't know. I've spent some time in the Underdark with my... siblings. You are one of us now, you will be safe. Maybe we could search for a cure. Besides, you were a paladin. Maybe your god will pay for your service."
You let out a bitter laugh.
"He forgot me. He abandoned me. When he needed me I was always there. When I needed him, he was nowhere. And where was he when you were trying to rescue me?"
"So, no paladin anymore?"
"No, I will still be one. Think how many Keleths and Cazadors there are. How many... Tavs and Astarions are in their hands. I don't belong to the realm of light anymore. But it doesn't mean I can't live up to my... beliefs."
Astarion gently kisses your forehead and you feel like crying.
"You know, it took me so long before I finally found the strength in me to think about anything else but myself. And you are barely free and are already up to wearing your shining armor."
"It was twenty years, not two hundred."
"It doesn't matter. Enslavement, tortures. It's all the same. You suffered no less than me. But I am here," he kisses your cold lips. "I will be with you throughout your nightmares, fears, and disgust. The same way you were there for me. And then - we will kill other vampire lords!”
--
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Good Morning Sunlight
Still not quite used to life in the Glade of Dreams, Lex wakes up and has some trouble taking everything in.
Raylex sweetness that I forgot to post. <3 1.026 words. Also on AO3!
The early hours of the morning were starting to creep up on the Glade of Dreams, as its two suns rose to provide warmth and light to all of its inhabitants. Many creatures had already awoken from their slumber, pacing through the greenery of the jungles and forests to start their daily errands.
This, of course, was far from the case for two limbless lovers, who were tangled up together in a sleepy cuddle, covered in soft, fluffy blankets amidst the tall grass surrounding them.
The blankets in question–all of which had various warm, muted colors and were decorated with nature-inspired patterns–had been handknitted by Betilla the Fairy, given to them as a present on their wedding day. Perfect for a couple of sleepyheads.
The shorter of the two–that being Lex, of course, the alien Stargazer–faintly mumbled some incomprehensible gibberish, lost in whatever he was currently dreaming about. His grip on his lover–Rayman, who else?–tightened in his sleep, as he clung onto him like a koala bear.
As the morning began to set in, Lums illuminated the air, flapping their little wings and humming softly. While most of the Glade’s inhabitants were used to these tiny creatures and their general presence, Lex was still growing accustomed to them after having lived most of his life in deep space. Sure, he didn’t remember much–if anything–of what that was like, but his body sure did, and it acted accordingly.
Space was quiet. The Glade, though it didn’t seem like anything out of the ordinary to most folks, was not.
Lex stirred in his sleep, feeling his eyes begin to open ever so slightly. He groaned–he was barely awake, and yet all of his senses were already being overwhelmed at full blast. Too many bright lights. Too many loud noises. God, it was… a lot.
He buried his face deeper into the fabric of Rayman’s hoodie, nuzzling his chest in an attempt to let it calm him down enough to go back to sleep. Of course, though, said attempt was unsuccessful, and he wasn’t going back to dreamland anytime soon.
Not long after, he felt the familiar touch of gloved fingers delicately stroking his back, and he couldn’t help but feel a smile make its way onto his face.
“G’morning,” Lex whispered, bringing one of his hands up to caress Rayman’s cheek, getting a silent chuckle out of the hero.
“Morning, snugglebug,” Rayman replied–his voice deep and hoarse as he adjusted to the feeling of being awake after his slumber. Lex’s smile brightened and a heat rapidly rose to his face. No matter how many times he’d heard it before, he never got tired of that adorable, sleepy voice. It was like music to his ears… if he had any ears. It was like music to his, uh, antennae. Which were, speaking of, twitching at every little sound vibration in the air.
Rayman let out a long, drawn-out yawn, smacking his lips for a while afterwards. Though he looked like he was more than ready to go back to sleep, he pulled his beloved closer, fighting his body’s urge to close his eyes once more. “Something caught your attention?”
Lex shook his head against Rayman’s body, merely letting out an unsure hum. “Not… not really, no. Just… I dunno. It’s way too early in the morning for the world around us to be, uh, this active. This loud… and bright.”
“You overstimulated, sweetheart?”, Rayman muttered, continuing his embrace with delicate strokes on Lex’s back. “‘Cause I think it’s real quiet and peaceful. But I know you’re a bit more sensitive to all of this stuff than I am.”
“Mmmm… maybe,” Lex sighed, pulling their shared blanket higher up in a feeble attempt to block out the rays of the suns.
“We’ll crash somewhere closer to the shade next time, bud. Sorry about that.”
“You… you don’t have to apologize, silly. It’s not–it’s not your fault.”
“Aw, but it is. I’ve gotta protect you, y’know?”
An amused snicker escaped Lex. What had he done to deserve this man?
“You can’t… you can’t protect me from everything. But I love you anyway.”
“Still gonna try… only the best for the love of my life,” Rayman softly mumbled, lightly nuzzling his nose against the top of Lex’s head. And at a sentence and gesture like that, Lex couldn’t stop his entire face from heating up.
“...You’re too nice to me,” Lex muttered meekly, letting out a quiet yelp as he felt his lover begin to sit up, dragging Lex up with him in the process as the two were still tangled up in each other’s–hypothetical–arms.
“Y’wanna grab some grub?”, Rayman yawned, rubbing his eyes. “All this sleeping is making me hungry… and we could go somewhere more quiet. Could make you some blueberry pancakes.”
Lex grinned, looking up at Rayman as he sighed contently. “Blueberry pancakes do sound pretty nice right about now. You–you spoil me, y’know that?”
Rayman, finally starting to fully awaken, ruffled Lex’s hair–being careful not to be too rough, considering how fragile his antennae were–and let out a hearty chuckle. “Yeah, but I like spoiling you. Seeing the way your face scrunches up when you get happy is the highlight of my day.”
A shy, squeaky giggle was all that Lex could come up with in response, and Rayman could’ve sworn he practically felt his pupils turn into hearts at the display. He pulled him closer, rocking him back and forth for a bit as he traced his finger across the smile on Lex’s face.
“That’s exactly what I mean…”, he cooed, kissing the top of his head one last time before he finally stood up, letting the pile of blankets fall to the side and stretching his body as best as you can without any limbs. Lex wasted no time in getting up along with him, grabbing the soft blankets and nuzzling his face against them one last time before the two lovebirds headed deeper into the forest, hand in hand. Next on the agenda; blueberry pancakes… and maybe another nap.
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